Just hold on a little bit more...
I know it's cliche, it's cheesy, OFC is a little bit patetic, but here you go, I was in the mood for writing something depressive and dark. Also, english isn't my first language so don't judge me 😅
Inspiration: Eleven minutes by Halsey and Yungblud ft. Travis Barker
Pairing: Johnny/OFC
Warning: some foul language, blood, gunshots, death (possible tears and/or heartbreak, it's pretty dark)
WC: 3.119
Single gunshot rang through the air. Johnny and the rest of SWAT team could hear it too, ringing in their ears like a bloody gong. He tried to ignore the ringing while feeling of dread consumed him, creating cold sweat on his back.
'Tory, can you hear me? Are you okay?' Johnny could hear panic in his voice. 'Please', he begged, 'let her be okay'
He heard a grunt and then fast footsteps, like someone was running away. Worry caused his stomach to drop, feeling suddenly nauseated. He started to lose patience:
'Victoria, god damn it, answer me!' he yelled in the microphone. Johnny was sure she would curse him for yelling that loud in her ear. Still no response, all it was heard was wind and then, out of nowhere, a cough.
'I think I'm bleeding'
Her voice sounded rough and Johnny got dreadful feeling her wound wasn't exactly harmless.
'Hey, easy, baby, tell me where' he tried to stay calm for her's sake. If she heard him panicking, she'd knew something was seriously wrong.
'I don't know, Johnny, I can't see the wound.'
'Fuck', he thought, 'that's why you always stay put, do the deal in the place where you meet.' But, there's was no need to lecture her now. It was done and over.
He didn't have a good feeling about this since she agreed to go and collect her cut with him. But, Victoria was ambious, always trying more: trying to close the case sooner, trying to catch as many bad people involved as she could etc. She reminded him of Mike in that aspect. And it's not that he didn't admire her ambious, daredevil, fearless attitude, he was just worried about her. Because, someday she would meet someone who won't be dumb as her previous targets, who'll suspect her behavior if she try to cut the deal or arrange a meeting too soon. Johnny knew she decided to go with her target because she wore tracker in her watch. And Johnny knew where she was. But the problem was…she wasn't just around the corner. She was aproximately 11 minutes away. In his head he was calculating what was the best thing he could do now. He covered his microphone to tell his team to call the ambulance on her location. He didn't want her to hear it, trying to avoid raising panic in her mind.
'Listen, Tory, I'm coming to get you, just hang on for me, okay?'
'John boy, don't worry, I'm fine.' He could hear she wasn't fine, but he didn't know if she was lying to keep him calm or adrenaline was still pumping and she still didn't feel the pain from the shot.
Johnny ran to his car, routing the line with Tory to his phone so he could talk to her while driving.
'Vic, I'm coming, how are you feeling?'
'I told you, I'm…I'm okay.' He could hear her shifting, hoping that sigh in between her words was due to that and not pain or wound.
The line was quiet for some time, Johnny's mind occupied by last night's memories. Victoria's anger and his stubborness, her telling him to stop bringing girls over, because 'living room is everyone's space', him accusing her of jealousy, her storming out because that wasn't the point she wanted to make.
'Johnny…' she pulled him out of his thoughts. 'You there?'
'Of course, mama, what's up?' he tried to sound casual.
'I'm sorry about last night. I was..I was jealous and I was angry at you…because you didn't seem to care about any of the girls you've slept with. And that made me feel like just another one of your conquests. I asked myself: did he feel the same way about me? Was I just another girl he used to pass time? I know we agreed we wouldn't talk about it, because we don't wanna ruin whole house dynamic, but I need to know…Just tell me the truth, no matter what it is.'
His heart broke when he heard all that. How could she even think something like that. She was the one who help him move on after whole Solano mess, after his broken heart.
'Oh baby, no, god no. Why would you even been thinking like that? How could you ever think you mean so little to me. God, mama, you're the one who motivated me to get out of bed every day after Lucia, you dragged my ass to go surfing again, you help me with my first case after all that…You helped me to stop dreaming Sid's dead body and Carlito's crazy eyes. All that, because you didn't stop bothering me, every day. You were even more annoying than Jakes.'
She tried to laugh at that, but her laughter sounded restrained, raspy, painful – it sounded more like cough than laugh. He tried to hurry up – 8 minutes from her, GPS showed.
'Relax, I'm coming.'
'Yeah..' she sounded sad, hopeless.
'I'll be there in 5 minutes' he lied a little bit, but he could be there in five, it's just a few more miles.
'You know I love you, yea?'
'Why do you sound like you're saying goodbye?' as soon as words left his mouth he regretted it. He was still a coward, unable to confess his love. But, she always was braver one. Stronger, more confident with her feelings. Johnny used to hide behind his 'manwhore image' as Briggs pointed out. It was comfortable, familiar, it was his. That was his mask for so long he even forgot how to take it off. But, Victoria managed to cracked it, at least a little bit.
She didn't respond to him, instead she simply continued.
'I've known for some time now, Jakes was actually encouraging me to confess. Who would have thought right?' she managed a quick laugh.
'And I finally gathered courage to talk to you. It was the night Dale left. He told me to suck it up and confess. But he didn't tell me he was leaving…anyways…after that, after we got drunk without him, after everything that happened that night…I couldn't…'
He remembers that night very well, even though he was wasted. He remembers heartbreak when Jakes left, he remembers Tory's teary eyes when he told her Dale had left, he remembers her soft lips when they landed on his, he remembers the way her hair smelt: like bonfire, coconut and sea. He also remembers how she tasted, her lips leaving behind taste of bitter irish ale and strong whiskey mixed with cigarettes and lavander.
'I'm sorry' he finally said.
'No, it's fine…everything was fucked up, all of us. The moment just wasn't right.'
'You know what, you stay alive for me now and then well talk about the right moment, deal?'
'Can't wait.'
5 more minutes, 'god, this car is going so slow' he thought as he step on the gas pedal.
'You know, I really wish you were here…'
'Hey, I'm almost here, just keep those beautiful eyes open for me, okay?'
'what if I can't?'
'Nooo, you must. Come on, man, just a little longer, yeah?'
'I'll try…'
'That's my girl.'
'I love you eyes. People usually love blue eyes, but your eyes are the most beautiful I've ever seen.'
He smiled, he even blushed a little. But it was a sad smile. He could hear her voice trembling, getting weaker while her breathing started to sound heavy, like she was having trouble catching a breath. She also was doing this whole: 'I think I'm dying so I'll tell him everything while I still can' speech. He didn't know if it was that serious or if she just kept talking to distract him from this situation. By her breathing he knew it wasn't just a distraction but he couldn't know just how close to death she really was.
3 more minutes...
'what else do you love about me?'
'you could have complimented my eyes, you idiot, but instead,' she coughed, 'you're fishing for another compliment'
'that's me mami, that's why you love me'
'you're damn right, Johnny Tutturo. And don't you dare forget that...'
'how about you tell me one more time when I arrive, okay?'
'where are you?' she simply asked, ignoring his question.
'almost there, tell me when you see the car'
'there's no one here'
'just one more turn, sweetheart'
'you know that saying: 'you're born alone, you die alone'?', she coughed again,'I always thought that was bullshit, just some patetic, depressed saying bad people use to justify why they're dying alone.' she managed a quick laugh, 'and despite our jobs I always imagined I'd die at home, surrounded by my family, friends. It's stupid right? We live type of life where we're alone, how could I expect anything different than dying on some parking lot, cold and alone' her voice was breaking, words started to get stuck in her throat, getting quieter and less recognizable. Johnny was losing his mind but he tried to focus on her voice, not on her words. Because she was still speaking, she was alive, she was strong enough to think, to speak, to stay awake. And he was almost there, 1 more minute.
'hey, Vic, i'm exiting the car, I'm almost there.'
Her end of line was quiet and he got even more scared than before.
'shit, where are you, damn it'
'John...' was all he heard, just a pained whisper, but it wasn't through his phone. He looked around and saw her body, lying down in the pool of blood and it was worse than he thought, than he imagined. He took her in his arms, put his jacket on her gunshot, despately trying to stop the bleeding. He was panicking until she stop him with her cold hand.
'it's okay, leave it... just hold me, okay? i'm cold'
he gave her a sad smile and nodded, lying her head on his lap.
'watch stars with me?' she asked.
'yeah, sure.'
silence washed over them as blood poured around their bodies, his hot from running, hers getting colder with each passing second. 'where's the god damn ambulance?'
Johnny could feel her drifting away, her eyes were barely open.
'I love you too, you know?' he said finally. He was saving it for the hospital, but right now he was losing hope about happy future for them.
she just smiled, weakly and nodded.
'kiss me?' she asked.
Johnny brought his head down, taking her cold head in his hands, feeling her wet cheeks full of tears under his fingertips. He wiped fresh tears away while his eyes settled on her eyes. They looked sad, like her lively green color was fading away, or Johnny was just imagining it. His eyes then finally fell on her lips. They were the only thing on her face that still had color, but by wiping his thumb across her bottom lip, Johnny realised it wasn't red lipstick she applied few hours before. It was blood, thick and warm, it coated his fingers. Finally his warm lips met her cold ones in the softest kiss he's ever given someone. In that moment he felt instant happiness and sadness wash over him. He tried to focus on her smell that felt like home, but the lingering metalic smell of blood was consuming his senses. He didn't want to let go, even when he felt her body going limp against his. Like he was savouring that moment untill he opened his eyes and faced reality. And he knew he wasn't ready for it. He knew that was the last time he would hold her, kiss her, smell her... He knew everything was over before it even started. Finally he opened his eyes and let go. And for a moment, he didn't feel anything except metalic taste of blood that was left on his lips.
...
Everytime he closed his eyes he could still see her lifeless body on the ground, sounds of ambulance arriving echoing in the distance. Even though a month has passed.
LA started putting up Christmas decorations and he thought of her. She loved Christmas. But Tory would always complain about lack of snow and the cold. First few days were the hardest. After Charlie drove him home that night he saw a voicemail notification, from her. He couldn't bear to hear it that night. Instead he listened to it a week after. The message was short, her saying she was sorry for the night before and asking if he was up for a drink after her job meeting that night. Soon after hearing it, he realised he missed her voice, so goddamn much. So he saved her message, played it over and over again until it lost its charm, until it started to sound robotic in his ears. That was the time he started calling her phone, to hear her voicemail, voicemail she planned to change because he interrupted her while recording it. And then she lost a bet to him and needed to leave it for a week. Luckly she didn't change it, because hearing it filled his heart with joy and happiness. It was good to hear her laugh, to hear her happy. The first time he called her phone he felt silly, fearing they maybe turned off her phone number. But they didn't. And all of his worry and pain went away when he heard her voice:
'hey, you've got Victoria Monroe, plea... hey, stop making me laugh..., please leave a message, i'll call you later. Johnny, you idiot. Biiiip.'
He didn't leave a message even if he was thinking about it. But he couldn't speak to her loud. It just felt weird even though he was having conversations with her in his mind all the time. Whatever he was doing he was imagining what she would've said if she was next to him. 'Johnny, how can you drink your coffee without milk?', 'Johnny, this game is boring, let's continue our Marvel maraton', 'man, you still haven't changed your bedsheets, gross' and so on and so on. It was comforting at first but it started to drive him insane. Others noticed it too. He was always in his own head, not hearing what others were saying or asking. Dale was the first one who confonted him about it. He was frustrated but also worried about Johnny's health. But, Johnny wasn't ready to talk yet. He still wanted to drown a little longer in his suffering and depression. So, they let him be. They checked on him every day, but they didn't pressure him to talk. Charlie would bring him food, Dale would slip him a bottle of tequila every few days, Mike would leave him little packages of chocolate even though he wouldn't admit it. Paige slipped him some yellow pages and crosswords few times, because she knew those stupid gossip would make him laugh and crossword would make him concentrate and forget about everything else. Briggs being Briggs made him some of his tea that was suposed to heal his spirit and clear his mind. Johnny wouldn't say it helped but the tea was tasty, so he didn't mind drinking it. After a week, he started to go out. He just needed to get away from her scent. Like the blood that covered her clothes, her smell was lingering all over his room, on his bedsheets, on his t-shirt she borrowed when she'd slept in his room.. He mostly went surfing because it helped him clear his mind and tire his body. It would make him fall asleep more easily. After a week and a half, one Sunday when he returned from the beach, he decided to finally change his sheets. He may have broken down while he was removing his pillowcases, but after an hour, his bed was made, old sheets in the washing machine... But, no matter what, he didn't manage to wash his favourite t-shit, the one she stole to sleep in. She knew it was his favourite and she stole it with that in mind. He may have acted angry, but he didn't really mind. It looked better on her anyway. 'Well', he thought, 'I guess, it will stay her t-shirt after all'... He didn't throw it in the washing machine, he decided to put it away in his closet, in the box where he kept his memories: pictures of his mother and brother, little things he exchanged with his buddies in Navy, like necklaces and bullets, pictures and smelly socks.. Yeah, they were gross but now they were all memories very dear to his heart. And now, she becomes just a memory too. Hidden away in some box in his closet, box he doesn't open very often, box he forgets about sometimes. No, he couldn't do that. Instead he put it on the hanger, next to his shirts and tuxedos. So now everytime he misses you, he can open his closet and let her smell in the room again. In first few days he opened his closet quite often, but after a while, her scent of pine and coconut didn't linger in his room anymore. Still, every morning when he opened his closet to get dressed, he would smell her. After a while, he found it comforting, in a way. Like he knew she was with him, telling him he could survive this day ahead. A month after, Christmas was around the corner and his walk brought him to her grave. He still couldn't talk to her out loud. He never understood how people could do it. 'Maybe that just happens in the movies' he thought.
Victoria watched him from the distance, her heart breaking at the sight of him, broken, unshaved, tired, with dark purple circles under his eyes... She never thought she would see him like this. All she wanted to do was yell at him: 'tell me how to fix this, how to help you!'. Her anger and sadness turned to bargaining: 'come lay flowers every Sunday on my gravestone and we'll talk' she thought. But they couldn't, she wasn't in the same world as him anymore.
He stayed there for a while. And he returned a week later, but instead of flowers, bottle of her favourite whiskey was in his hands. And he poured them a drink. She didn't know whether to be sad he was drinking or happy she's seen him again. The week after he showed up with his black bracelet which he left there. That day he went to the house and for the first time in almost two months knocked on Charlie's door.
'hey, Charlie, can we talk?'
- The end -
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I created and single-own the relationship tags Rio x Envelopes and Beth x Her Bourbon Glass on AO3 and I couldn't be more PROUD!!!!! 😂😇😍
(you did create this new ask game where ppl come and tell you what tags they invented, right?)
haha!!! wellllll i was actually contemplating a new tag game, but i applaud this initiative!!! <3 <3 <3
& those truly are fantastic tags, normally i think i hold my own with this game (i mean ive got rio/rio, dean boland & rio, beth boland/sleep, rio/dean's bathrobe AND amber dooley/ofc) but those are god-tier (as is dean boland & you which you inexplicably failed to mention?!)
in fact... P I V O T !
let me rec you some RARE rare ‘pair’ fics?!
(& also tut at basically everyone in this fandom including myself for not using the relationship tags on ao3 that fully, haha)
ao3 / tags
Hell Is Other People by @onemore-light technically isn’t the only fic tagged beth boland/rio/james fitzpatrick, butttt im pretty sure the other fic using said tag doesnt mean it (it’s also got beth boland/ruby hill/annie marks tagged and uh guyZ, i do not think that means what you think it means ha, but! i digress! my point: im counting this for being a single intentional use!). it’s SO creative and i love it!!!
the instigator by @inyoursheets likewise technically isnt the only fic tagged as beth boland/rio/rhea, but since the other one also uses the beth boland/ruby hill/annie marks tag im gonna apply the same logic. anyway: this fic!!!! yes.
Ain’t No Sunshine by @missmaxime is inexplicably the only beth boland/jim turner fic on ao3. also it’s so fricking good!!!
Come, let us march against the powers of heaven by @fairhairedkings (which is a fabulous ~brio ~reincarnation fic) is, im pretty sure, the only gg fic tagged as aphrodite/ares
You & Me Babe How About It is not in fact the only fic tagged as beth boland/debbie ocean, buttt since both fics are by @nakedmonkey im gonna ~cheat and count this ship singly anyway haha. an inspired pairing!!!!
And I’d have told you I was lonely too by @fairhairedkings is a great rio-was-johnny graceland/good girls crossover fic, and the only paige arkin/johnny tuturro fic in the gg tag
Rush by Azdaema is SOMEhow the only fic tagged beth boland/adrenaline????!?!?!??!?!!?
vile and yet devout by @inyoursheets is the first part of a very sexy brio grocery manager au (!!!!) and features background jt/annie marks/nancy (and is sadly the only fic using this tag)
Drop your defenses (and come into my arms) by @pynkhues is a magnificent mar(r)y pat/mick series!!! (ship of ships!!!) AND the first part is also tagged as boomer/pain, which is truly one of the most important gg ships
your thighs, my throne by ElasticElla is SOMEhow the only diane/phoebe donnegan fic?!!!
Falling for her incognito by @misshazelevers20 is the only fic tagged diane x rhea & it’s a lotta fun! (althoooo listening through the airshaft by @mego42 (which is a fantastic multi-outsider pov fic about beth/rio) features rhea/diane!!!! and is that tagged thusly you ask? why no it is not)
Crush by @foxmagpie (which is a prequel piece for delinquents, and features silly sausage baby rio) is im pretty sure the only gg fic tagged original female character/original male character (which is uh...making me realise i def shouldve tagged one of my fics like that too, whoops ha)
gimme the dream by ElasticElla is the ONLY beth boland/amber dooley fic somehow!
Knock First by @bensonstablers is a v fun threesome fic, and the only one tagged as beth boland/rio/original male character(s)
ao3 & tags
Milkshakes by @bensonstablers (which is a LOVELY pre-canon beth/rio fic) is the only one tagged as emma boland & rio (although May The Moon’s Silvery Beams by @pynkhues is also deffo kinda an emma & rio fic i’d say?)
AITA for wanting to stop paying my wife’s “business partner” and yelling at her? by @lemoncupcake (which is!!! the most!!!! fun!!!!!!!!!!!) is the only fic tagged as dean boland & annie marks (one day im gonna add a fic to this tag though <3)
Like Icarus Who Flies to The Sun by kibasniper (which is great fitz pov) is the only fic tagged beth boland & james fitzpatrick
Earning her M.R.S. by oyhumbug (which i am obsessed with!!! it’s a high school au where beth & rio are the teachers!!! <3) is the only one tagged with: beth boland & judith boland, beth boland & original male character(s), beth boland & original female character(s) AND beth boland & ben marks!
Walk-Off by oyhumbug (which is a sweet baseball brio AU) is the only one tagged as: beth boland & sara hill (although ahem at the In Lumine chapter of Nest in the The Center and Circumference series by @pynkhues yknow), marcus & gretchen zorada, beth boland & gretchen zorada (side-eyeing more fics than i can be bothered to list haha)
Almost Checkmate by kibasniper is great creepy phoebe pov, and it’s the only phoebe donnegan & ruby hill fic
ao3 vs. tags
i don’t think there are any of these?! im not sure this is a relationship style you can tag on ao3?! what gives, beth vs. rio is the ship of ships!!!!
tumblr-only fic (for now, grr)
I don’t think there IS any beth/phoebe tag tagged fic on ao3, but! there is a great phoebe pov beth/phoebe tumblr ficlet from @nakedmonkey (put it up on ao3 too though you monster?!)
never say never by @foxmagpie does not YET include any beth/rio/diane BUT here’s a sneak peak!
the untagged
Show Me by @janejoens isn’t tagged as beth boland/rio/original female character(s), but also that kiiiinda is what’s going on? also, it’s excellent, as is the entire series!
Working On Things by odenkirk is not tagged as beth boland/dean boland/rio(/phone) but i think that’s a reassssonably accurate description of the dynamic?! also, it’s incredible!
Touch (without leaving a trace) by @sdktrs12 is a fantabulous ~brio gang bang fic (!!!!) which deffo features some beth/mr cisco amongst others. is it tagged for any relationships other than beth/rio? non
To Face Unafraid by @pynkhues (which is a delightful xmas fic & part of the C&C series) is at least in part about rio & judith boland’s relationship (!!!!) (and ok beth & judith’s too), but it’s not tagged as such
Everybody wants to know if we fucked on the bathroom sink by @misshazelevers20 (which is wonderfully entertaining outsider pov on brio) features mrs karpinski & hipster hitted barman (!!!!!!), yet is it tagged with that?! no it isn’t!
if no one is around you, say baby i love you, if you ain't running game by @medievalraven (which is a wonderful phoebe pov wire fic) is kind of.... phoebe & beth/rio? i dont think you can actually tag things like that on ao3, which now i think abt...is kinda unreasonable...? i don’t think there’s a single fic tagged beth boland & phoebe donnegan though, which is kinda wild??
Both Sides of the Law by @joeyjoeylee (THE law school au!!!!) deffo has plenty of rio & gretchen zorada but isnt tagged for that (again i dont think there’s any fic tagged thusly? w i l d ! )
Copper Kisses by @missmaxime definitely has some beth boland/rio/jim turner Vibes but isnt tagged with that (is my fic with similar vibes tagged any better? no but ok im not the one on trial am i)
.....so ughhh i might go add some relationship tags of my own to my bookmarks is i think what im saying haha (or more like think abt it & then not do it which is practically the same thing right?)
addendums
I shouldn’t need to rec your own fic to you (although you do seem to have forgotten it?! ha) but i also can’t let an opp to rec: But the tigers come at night with their voices soft as thunder (by @bourbon-ontherocks) pass! a fic where dean complains abt his sex dreams abt rio to you the reader inaugurating the dean boland & reader relationship tag which was better than i could possibly have imagined!!!!!! so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also! there are several gg fics tagged with no relationship/s (some of which confused me, I mean Sure am using you (by Aniara) isn’t tagged as rio/original female character? anyway it’s amazing, but that’s not a single-use tag so i digress).
no tag is i guess def not a single use (lack of) tag, but i feel like these probs don’t get recced much so here’s one:
Under no illusions by mallanghours (is this basically a dean & rio fic...you decide! haha)
anyway! back to the original point haha.... indeed, do all come tell me about the relationship tags you (will) inaugurate w/ your gg fic (existing or to-tag or to-write)!!! and/or which of these thus far ~single-use tags you plan to fill up??!!!!
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I was tagged by @astarkey! Thank you lovely person!
Name / Nickname: Miranda/Mandi
Pronouns: She/her
Star sign: Libra
Height: 5′2″
Time: 10:14 pm
Birthday: September 29
Favorite bands: Currently I am into Ice Nine Kills, Trivium, and Slipknot. My all time favorites are Motley Crue and Rob Zombie though.
Favorite solo artists: Rob Zombie and currently I am really into the Punk Rock stuff from MGK & Travis Barker.
Song stuck in my head: Thank God it’s Friday by Ice Nine Kills
Last show: Good Girls and I just caught up on The Handmaid’s Tale
Last Movie: We watched Creed II with the kids last night!
When did I create this blog: August 2013 but I didn’t really post until Jan 2014.
What do I post: It used to be just OUAT but now it is multi-fandom. Mostly Brio, Kastle, Sethkate, Johnny Tuturro, Black Sails, BtVS, all things Jon Bernthal, and other things sprinkled in!
Last thing I googled: Louder Than Life - a music festival I am considering going to.
Other blogs: none (for now)
Why I chose my URL: Back in my OUAT days, Captain Killian Jones or captain-k-jones
Do I get asks: it is very rare but sometimes - If you ever feel inclined I always love to chat!
Following: 1,233
Followers: ~1,900
Average hours of sleep: During the week I try to get 6 hours on the weekend I like to get 10+ cause I love sleep!
Lucky number: 11
Instruments: none. I love music, I just cannot play it.
What am I wearing: black leggings and a doctor who shirt - aka my jammies.
Dream trip: Ireland.
Favorite food: Salad because it is so yummy
Nationality: American
Languages: English. I can understand, but not speak Spanish because my husband’s mother is from Honduras.
Favorite song: Current favorite is anything off of Ice Nine Kills’ Silver Scream album
Last book read: Whew. I mostly read fanfic. I think it was the ‘A Discovery of Witches’ series which I highly recommend.
Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: Harry Potter, From Dusk till Dawn, and Supernatural
Tagging (with no pressure): @riosnecktattoo, @myletternevercame, @onebatch2batch, @thevampirecat, and @mrslackles
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