#ITS GONNA PICK UP SO MUCH BETTER!!
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my new vacuum got delivered to my apartment and the rush of excitement that hit me upon unpacking it really lets me know that i'm old
#i'm 27 going on 77 but baby were living our best lives#ITS GONNA PICK UP SO MUCH BETTER!!#one of my faves fics updated too and i get to chill a bit bc my boss is out for the rest of the day so really today fucks#almost called it a sweeper but i didn't want to get hate
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@itsthefandommash aaaangel im so sorry this took me so long i was suckerpunched by the depression this past weekend and i was struggling with literally everything and all basic tasks and its been exhausting and disheartening but i enjoyed the small serotonins in drawing marcoace 🥺❤️ thank you for commissioning me and forcing me to draw two characters together it was rough i definitely need more practice but this is a start
#marcoace#marco x ace#xam doodies#xam commissions#i….may have totally skipped anatomy bc my brain is just wholly unwilling to focus and work#its something and i really want to do so much more#but yikes whatever this bout of depressonesspresso whatever bs fucked me so bad#a sketch is still a sketch and i should learn to love them#what a horrible time to get overwhelmed lol#marco the phoenix#portgas d ace#i like cried twice and then picked up my ipad and did my best#god knows i can do better but thats not rn and im disappointed i cant bring my A game to these comms rn#ajdnakdhdb im gonna shut up now im beinf cringee#ALSO THEY GOT YAOI HANDS
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I cant believe fine im fine lost by 1.4% crying
-Please listen to both instrumentals if you can! While there are the popular songs, there's a lotta good ones out there that aren't talked about enough!-
Instrumental Links:
Nerd
The Bidding
[Reblog for more of a sample size of you'd like]
#the randomizer rlly put Jash's most listened to spotify song against the least favorited tmph song damn#also gonna say that y'all better listen & appreciate Nerd cos it deserves more love aight#not saying to vote for it but this song is so damn good & the refs are so fun#for everyone that puts that song low on your tier list. know i am biting your ankles#number 1 Nerd appreciator right here#tho with this. idk what to pick cos like Nerd has so much goin on in it & it makes me so happy to listen to#but like. its The Bidding you know? its so damn good#og is already catchy as hell & i love the way CJ did his cover of it#idk im torn. i like both a lot#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cj tmph#i wish you the best luck Nerd. you deserve much more#also Nerd has the funni skeleton riff guys#feel like that's important knowledge when voting#also tho bidding has the FUNKIEST bass & electric bits that rot my brain#also also has the most passive aggressive xylophone ever#also that marimba part tho????? especially on hearts “piece of shit” line? like hell yea bro fuck it up on that long ass complicated piano
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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i quit my job today bc im going to an inpatient facility all the way in Florida which is funny bc I was just there visiting friends but im in Maryland rn and I go on 4/20 (I picked the date lmao) but now that I've officially quit my job I know what my next step is which is going to an inpatient facility where I can't get any visitors and I'll just be by myself and it's scary to think abt /: :(
#personal#sim1 is getting private healthcare treatment so slay thanks mom#i have so much anxiety i feel like im gonna throw up just thinking abt being sent away#but this is not a hospital its a mental health treatment center where theres only 20 ppl max in the place and itll give me a routine#intense therapy multiple times a day they specialize in my mental health disorders so thats rly cool#but im terrified i wanna bring a stuffie and my harry potter books but idk if i can :(#i have to fly myself one way to FL and then get picked up by a driver and then stay for at least 30 full days#i know my limits and ion wanna relapse or kms genuinely i wanna get better
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Guess whos potentially working a triple tomorrow?????????
Im going to transform into my final form if this shit keeps up i swear to god.
#summerly talks#im just. gonna have to tell my boss that. effective immediately. i cant work the weekend anymore#sad because its good money#but this is becoming a fucking pattern and if it does i may actually dive into a fission reactor while singing meltdown ;_;#like. i was okay with the double? my coworker called in because her baby was sick#and she promised me if i couldnt get anyone to cover for my am shift tomorrow she would take it#then at like 9pm i get a text saying. she cant. her baby wont let her leave#and i feel selfish because. she has a baby. but i have cats and luckily i was able to drop by today to pick up my sleepover kit#and also make sure minty had food. (fieldie has an auto feeder so hes okay)#and i just. want to go home#the reality is i cant. i cant go. not unless one of the people i texted gets back to me saying theyll come in#and no one has yet. its 11pm. no one will at this point.#im tired im tired im tired#i dont want to end up like i did at my ladt job. giving away entirely too much of me and destroying myself#ive already lost most if not all of my passion for this job#and when i was younger i dreamt of working with disabled people. i burnt too quick and now im a shell of what i was#but this is the only thing im trained for that would allow me to like. keep my home#maybe if or when i move to brisbane i can look into a different job. do an it course idk. something where there's less people skills needed#i better try to get some sleep orz tonights gonna be a bitch of a thing
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Yeah, the the incoming 2024 genshin players (because that's been a question on YouTube), I don't even play towards the meta and I think you're gonna have a shit time if that's your play style.
#my opinion isnt the popular one but i keep seeing sugary sweet hope for yall#i actually do hope yall have a good time but its just not realistic if you give into fomo too much and you want every character#ive been playing since 2021 and only from june-ish 2023 have i gotten more than 5 5-stars bc i suddenly had more hours and money to play#i genuinely suggest getting the welkin moon blessing. sacrifice 1 coffee youd get out & about & get the Welkin IF youre in the trenches lol#tho honestly better advice is to stop getting coffee altogether out and about. do yall realize just how much money you save???? crazy lol#but on positivity: its super possible to start now..... but GI is a gambling game dressed up as an open world and youd be so behind on some#4-stars that unless you know how to play games like GI (bc i didnt/ dont myself lol) i just really feel like youre gonna have a hard time#my gi#im NOT tagging the actual tag bc yall are mean af#oh thats another thing - like 50% of the community are legit toxic. pick your poison on starting in regards to THAT half of the fans
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something really sweet happened today and i wanted to share!
so in my college (it's a 2 years course), the 1st year students of the club im in threw us a farewell party, and we were completely blown away! they all had prepared speeches for us and got us personalized gifts, it was all so sweet i almost cried! and since im also one of the heads of the club, i felt so proud and emotional!
last year, we had the worst toxic seniors to the point that i had mental breakdowns because of them, and had vowed to create a safe environment for the new students and im really happy we could do that 🥹
#vi.txt#personal#AAAAAAAA MY HEART IS SO FULLL#i had worked so hard for this club and it opened up so many new things for me and it made me come out of my shell im gonna miss it so much#since my college started in the online mode the friends i made were not who i thought they were they completely changed in the offline mode#but since everyone already had their own core groups i was stuck and its anyways difficult for me to make new friends#because when i bond its kinda all or nothing for me so i just kept holding on hope that things would get better with time but GAAAAAH#but the 2 of the girls i was closest to turned out to be quasi pick me girls#they went on to include bigoted homophobic boys in the group which made me so uncomfortable#and they did that despite the fact that they knew im queer and when i pointed it out they didn't really acknowledge me ugh#anyways the point is this club would be my safe place as i like all the people in it#it kinda put me on the spotlight as well and expanded my circle!!!!#and while i can't wait for my student life to be over i will miss this club a lot and im kinda sad to let it go!!!!#im so happy it meant even a little as much to the juniors as it meant to me 🥹#this is why i was awol all day and im v tipsy rn so ill reply and rb and everything tomorrow!!!!!#i hope y'all are having a good day 💌
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#grief is so weird i keep switching from crying my eyes out to getting distracted on purpose by stuff on my phone to being like ok.#i can be calm. i can talk about this. and then as soon as i open my mouth im crying again.#my family just got back from the funeral and i want to talk to them so bad but i dont wanna be crying while i do becuz they dont need that#but as soon as i pick up the phone i start crying again#i want to talk to my brothers so bad because he reminded me so much of them he was literally their age and they knew him#we’re family friends like. his mom helped me buy my car. like. i knew him when he was an infant.#but i just cant stop crying!!#and i know in a few minutes im gonna be scrolling through here again#and it feels weird to but its better than crying and i need to stop crying so i can call my brothers#because thats all i want right now#m
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GUESS WHOS GETTING A NEW JOB WOOOO \^o^/ can leave this awful place lol B)
#getting a barista job :)#itll be like almost half the hours i currently do but 1. the pay is better and 2. i was told i can pick up more shifts so it id still enough#for me to get by with rent and groceries and stuff#and i hopefully wont be constantly frustrated at existence and filled with as much internal dread lol#do think its funny tho cuz the last converstaion i had with my current job was them hassling me about my disability again and now the next#time i see them im gonna be handing in my notice lol. serves them right#does mean i have to have the stress of learning a new job (will cry myself to sleep the first week of a new job lol) but it shoulf be good#once ive got the hang of things and feel less overwhelmed!!#ive always liked the idea of being a barista as well :)#only worked at my current job 2 months and that still feels like too long lmao. people never last very long here from what ive heard tbh#which just goes to show how shit it is#anyway!! a bit nervous but also very relieved
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who one earth put CLOTHING on this dog.
#sirn#my art#digital art#art#uhhh this dudes got some really weird lore now.#he USED to be ohh main character picks up a graveyard grimm and hes a sweet companion! theyre gonna have fun adventures#and he was just innocent and chill. just a dog pretty much#NOW THOUGH??? oh dude NOW hes actually a re-incarnated priest that wanted to ensure his life after death so he tied his soul to the dog that#the dog that was to be the graveyard grimm. and dude this priest was kind of awful. couldve been worse but was definitely not a good persom#sirns story basically revolves around him getting tied to the mc and being a horrendous partner. he gets MUZZLED because of how annoying#he is#anyways he learns that his gods are LONG dead and hes spent the first half of the story getting the NEW gods to hate his guts#and he changes!! he grows and learns. he becomes a legitimately better person#theres a lot about guilt and shame in his story. and how being warped into a bad person doesnt mean its the end result#i want him to get better and work for it. some people wont forgive him. some people will.#anyways im still working on his character if anyone has any fun ideas LOL
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mm
#i miss my dog#long story short my first baby that was my own was a puppy that i adopted with my ex#her name is Sarah and she was a rottie/german sheperd mix and was absolutely beautiful#and since ex was recovering from surgery when we got her i raised her from a baby#and did all her training and took her out to parks and new places and just totally threw myself into taking care of her#she was so well trained and so sweet and so nervous all the time. i worked on confidence building with her and she trusted me so much#she listened to me over anyone else and ran to hide behind me when she was anxious and would let me do things she wouldnt let anyone elsedo#and then. of course. when we split up my ex took her with her.#i got the second puppy we'd been raising for a few months at that point.#her logic was that she picked Sarah out so she was hers and I picked Lucas out so he was mine#and it's not that I don't love him but I miss that dog so so much. she's reactive and hard to deal with and my ex just. never dealt with it#when we were together i was the one working on it and taking her out in public even though it was hard and walking her#so i know shes not getting the kind of care she needs. which makes it even fucking harder.#just. im trying to love the dog that I have and i do love him. i do! but she was my baby and i miss her so so much and i know shes not okay#ive been trying to give myself grace and know that i wont have as much of a bond with Lucas as i did with her right away and thats okay#but i know that i resent it a little bit every time im reminded that he's not her. and its going away#but slowly. and im trying to lean into doing the kind of things i did with her like training and confidence building and bonding#but ive been avoiding it because it makes me sad every time. but the lil fucker deserves better. and he needs some manners.#so im gonna work through it and just. do it with him. treat him with as much love as i did her when she was growing up.#itll either get better with time or it wont and ill deal with it when i get to it#but fuck do i miss her so much
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my uni has finally given those who want to pitch to be production designers a script to work with and its so boring 😭😭 so i have to be over the top in my presentation to get this role
#and prod design at my uni includes costume design so i have to go and draw those out too 😭🙄#im just gonna make the sets in blender or the sims 3 ik u can do it in unreal engine too but i need to get the hang#of that. maybe ill teach myself it idk but i know how to use blender and obvs the sims 4 is pretty good for#stuff like this too. all those days of watching ppls sims 4 builds has to come this! 😁#but like the locations are so.... ugh like i thought we were just gonna have to sell ourselves#like we come up with a film concept or scene and go from there. i was already planning on making sets#for this film idea ive had for over a year now!!! but whatever its better that i have a script so i know i what im doing#but im not surprised it was picked because its just a drama like the scripts that are fantasy never yet chosen 😭#like this really is a reflection of the actual industry but i digress this is gonna he easy for me because i dont have to be#that creative. i can take some liberties yes! but nothing that really stretches my mind in terms of creativity#its more about showing what you can do. there is only so much you can do with a bar. a bedroom. a guy in a suit and an apartment. 🤷🏾♀️#*i meant the sims 4 the first time!
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i guess its like. i can be angry about all the opportunities ADHD cost me OR i can be happy about just how much i accomplished even with my silly wacky gamer brain
#like idk i got to work for my dream company for like 3 years#and live off my art for a while too#and now that im medicated i can do so much more like its only gonna get better#i guess i just wish i wasnt so old when i got medicated but#i was talking to my irl friend and she said everyone moves at their own pace and it working out the way it did was ultimately for the best#i just need 2 pick up the pieces of my life..........#wahhh im all emo
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idk what it is abt the second kyoshi book but im slugging through it ngl
#i passed it off as me struggling to get back into reading but i tore through ella minnow pea and im glad my mom died really quickly#and while the first kyoshi book took me a second i still really liked it#book 2 in comparison feels really slow and drab and i dont really care abt her conflictin this one#i like the yun mystery but its not mentioned all that much and idk how its gonna come up#im at the bit where she just met the fire lords brother#or i think its his brother. the lookalike to the fire lord#i think its like the fantasy politics i tend to find that kinda boring as a conflict if its like the main thing#bc a lot of this book has been ppl telling kyoshi she needs to be a better leader#i feel like in comparison the conflict in book 1 was a LOT sharper and more unique of a conflict for this universe#and jianzhu was a cool ass antagonist and having him as a pov character was interesting and was fucked up and i liked it!!#but here its just kyoshi and how she needs to be like palpable to society and like since its a prequel ik she'll prevail somehow#and idk its fine ig but not nearly as interesting as ''the former avatars best friend had to take on avatar duties#and was broken by the responsibility and grief and blames himself for his death so he ends up forcing the title on a young boy#grooms him to take the role and abuses him to force his powers and then proceeds to murder him when he finds the real avatar#and thats just ONE thing that was really interesting abt the first book like kyoshi not being discovered and scorned bc shes the daughter#of a thief and an air nomad and how that formed her ideaology AND that combined w jianzhu's influence on her life#and her relationship w rangi and how ugly jianzhu's methods expand over the book AUGH#i like her and rangi in this book still but partly paranoid theyre also gonna break em up bc rangi isnt talked abt in the source#so theyll do that to ''explain'' that#idk maybe the book will pick up soon. yun come back#echoed voice
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