I just need to share that my friend and I about 10 minutes ago commiserated that this was, and I quote, "the most out of pocket dming we've ever seen on cr" which is SAYING something after Calamity, and anyway it's much MORE SO NOW

eating random ass sweets while watching sonic shit at night after a super stressful/busy week>>>>

I've been going through a lot of changes in my medications in the past week or so and it's really starting to take a toll on me mentally. I'm probably not going to post much art until things settle down a bit so if I'm more inactive than usual, that is why.

i miss my girl x

In case anyone was wondering why on earth lil’ old me had an interview with the New York Times the other day, this is why! It’s because I went scary viral on the Internet this week for calling out Lizzo on her use of an ableist slur. It wasn’t just me, there were other disability advocates expressing their views, but for whatever reason I’m the one whose Tweet went wild. Whose Tweet was probably seen by Lizzo as she released an incredibly graceful statement changing the lyric. I don’t think I’ve ever been called as many hurtful things in my life, as I have this week. It’s been intense and closer to any of our faves’s experiences than I thought I would get. Any way, just thought you should know/might be curious (:

at this rate what will be left for denver in july

the panel of hell will be the cause of my death, im going to perish

Time for Suisei no Majo :)

My dad is in hospital with pancreatitis that appeared out of the blue, it can't be treated with antibiotics, so they have to keep him there until it gets better on its own. And he's not allowed to eat or drink at all, so he's getting nutrients and fluids via IV. :( I hope he's going to get better soon, my mum is worrying so much.

I hope that you will come back in the ao3 GG fandom someday. Your stories were the best !

Ah! Thank you so, so much, anon, I'm definitely keen to. I miss writing about this toxic ship a lot, and still have stories I want to finish. I'm hoping sometime in the next few months I might have a bit more time on my hands again and get to work on a few things. But yes! Messages like this are very motivating, so thank you again <3

finding your blog years ago lead to a very convoluted chain of events to our system discovery years ago so it's funny to check in and see you're questioning your own level of brain alone-ness (or lack thereof) - your local collection of guys

FOR REAL? it's crazy how that kind of thing happens...

Got my dad’s eulogy done! And Mom and Sibling love it! And the videography figured out and the guestbook sorted and decorations catalogued and programs ordered and yes this is basically a wedding-level family event why do you ask. 

Except in the middle of this, I am waiting for my new laptop. Squid, why a new laptop? Because my current one is aging and eccentric, and decided that it would no longer recognize its keyboard or touchpad, and I have 300 photos of my smiling dead father to edit for the slideshow by next Tuesday and I do not have time or spoons for this shit. I’m limping along on my tablet, but its touchpad is dodgy when the power cable is plugged in due to an EM shielding issue known to this model. ARGH.

BUT things are proceeding and everything will be fine. It’s going to be fine. IT’S GOING TO BE FINE. 

Apprenticember - Day 28

“Are they afraid to die?”

No... and yes, and no.  Lua spent time in their younger years very afraid of death, which, as they grew, settled into a gentle acceptance of the concept, and into managing grief into their adulthood (even manifesting into well-meaning humor and lightheartedness on the topic.)  Aleis has always been pragmatically close to death, and as they have grown, their bonds have become tighter, smoother, and all the more thoughtful and clear.  However, Lua, in their coming terms of acceptance with loss outside of themselves, failed to reckon with their own death.  For much of their adult life they had a sort of hubris that comes with one’s own death being a blind spot in their thoughts.

This is what endangered their life, and left them traumatized in any continuity.  However, this close contact with death has given them perspective to work through their own fears and concerns.  They have pretty well come to terms with the inevitability of their own death, how it will end all that they are, but there is nothing they can do about it.  This still raises fears and worries for them of what they can do for their loved ones, but they try very much to remember that the grief of others is not their own responsibility.  Love is worth the cost of grief.

It is an idea they sometimes still chew on, but generally, they have come close to peaceful acceptance of death.

I think....maybe...now that things have calmed down a bit...I might start writing What Fades Away again.

btw y'all, I've gone back and tagged all of the posts I've reblogged on the Roe V Wade situation as "current events" and "rvw" if you need to blacklist these tags! I have to also pull myself away from doom scrolling and will do better to tag these appropriately. I understand everyone needing a break.

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again