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#IS HAVING A DEGREE ENOUGH LIKE COME ON
roseofcards90 · 4 months
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Every time I go on Instagram I see my older friends who are already out of college and living their best lives with their own places and then I’m reminded of how much I’m fucking trapped here
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b4kuch1n · 1 year
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sunstroll
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why-the-heck-not · 3 months
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started a sourdough starter!!! It’s not even that much abt bread; I just like the idea of having a pet and this is about the max amount of responsibility I’m looking for rn
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tj-crochets · 25 days
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Next baby quilt top is done!
Not my usual color scheme or pattern or…anything, really, but it’s Georgia Bulldog colors for a charity fundraiser rally thing run by a relative of a relative and that’s what they wanted so it’s what I’m making
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corfisers · 6 months
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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theflyingfeeling · 15 days
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷‍♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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labyrynth · 6 months
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“shen jiu flung BOILING WATER over the FACE of a CHILD—“
so…luo binghe tried to serve him boiling hot tea, or…?
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kyouka-supremacy · 3 months
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Mmmhh...
#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11#(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now#I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share#On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out#Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog#Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them
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dirtytransmasc · 10 months
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Aemond killing Luke =/= what happened during the night of Blood & Cheese. that was not equal* revenge, the two events can never and will never be equal under any circumstance nor attempts at justification.
I said what I said, and I believe it with my whole chest.
*quick edit on wording, that was my bad, definitely made my point look real stupid... this is why you double-check your rants, especially when they're controversial
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the-casbah-way · 10 months
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i think every university student who has a job and studies at the same time deserves everything they want forever actually
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having some Thoughts N Feelings abt elrond & elros + the historical practice of rulers taking children from the families of their tributaries or even their (nominal) allies as hostages
primarily that (1) the Politics of the Fëanorions having the heirs of Fingolfin AND Thingol AND All Three of the Three Houses as their hostages is like… soooo overlooked and underutilized in the fanworks I’ve seen
and (2) i think it would be rlly funny and also fucked-up if most elves are Totally Scandalized And Horrified by this Weird Human Behavior of “hostage-taking” if/when they see it happening in the second & third ages as human settlements & societies in M-E grow & develop, while Elrond is just like, “this is Normal, what are you Talking about”
#mine#silm#like the story can’t Not be informed by that practice/history to some degree but it’s also a weird fucked-up edge case bc like#at the point when m&m have e&e it’s like. the Entirety of their close family is either dead or absent or absent and Presumably dead#so e&e are functioning less as incentive for their immediate family to act a certain way & more as an all-purpose deterrent#to aggression or retaliation against the fëanorians by any remaining sindarin or noldorin forces who take issue with all the Crimes.#anyways it’s Vital to me that elrond (and elros too) be a Little Bit Feral and have just the Slightest weirdness about him#in terms of his expectations for How Stuff Works—bc there’s no way he’s getting out of his Canonical Early Life w/out being a BIT fucked up#(elros is equally Weird ftr but the atani don’t care as much bc they’re more adaptable than elves and also elros is The Literal King#so there’s nobody of high enough rank to judge him overtly and also i think the numenoreans are like His Weirdness Is Our Weirdness#ALSO also i think early numenor should have a patronage/fosterage system within the nobility that isn’t Officially inspired by All That#but isn’t NOT inspired by it either. which is yet another thing that could come full circle and develop (back) into being#more traditional hostage-taking For Assurance Of Loyalty And Good Behavior as the years wear on and numenor gets corrupted. anyways)#for the record i fall in the middle on the hostage-taking reaction spectrum. i think it’s fucked up to a degree but i also Understand it#as a political tool and i think i’m more forgiving/accepting of it than ur average second- or third-age elf would be#so i think elrond’s blasé reaction (which i have made up) is like. indicative that he does still have some Issues in terms of like#conceptualizing personal relationships and family ones & recognizing that uh being removed from ur family and raised#by their political ‘enemies’ may in fact have Certain (Negative) Emotional Impacts on ppl. (possibly bc he doesn’t Want to think abt it)#(bc that would force him to do some certain Unplesant Introspection and life is hard enough for a half-elf without giving urself#further Emotional Damage by trying to unpack the Absolute Mess that was ur childhood and adolescence in the midst of an apocalypse)#but that’s neither here nor there and these tags are long enough already#oh wait i’m not done going back to (1) i know we all imagine maedhros being Fucked Up in the aftermath of the Nirnaeth + kinslayings BUT#do you genuinely want me to believe that maedhros—THEE political luminary of beleriand—was Not thinking abt The Politics#when maglor pulled these two fucking kids out of the wreckage of sirion and was like ‘i’ll be sad if we kill them :(‘#imo it would have been IMPOSSIBLE to forget that they are the heirs of Absolutely Everyone and depending on his thoughts on the future#maedhros Must have had at least a couple of Plans for these kids ranging from ‘assure my people’s safety Whoever i have to kill for it’ to#‘protect two of the Extremely Few uncontroversial political leaders the elves have left & make sure theyre Competent for when they do lead’#however Wrecked he was by It All i dont think that the politics part of his brain Ever turns off & it might have been kicking into overdriv#at that point in order to Not think about the Everything Else that was happening. ok NOW i’m done#sorry for tag rant it’s just that i have Thoughts and they are Correct but not organized enough to make it into the Actual Post
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dismalzelenka · 6 months
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#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—”#and i kinda snapped#and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life#this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run#she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience#and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way#and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me#and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree#and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide#if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here#i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department#i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress#i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms#two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues#she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field#no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past#its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect#and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for#how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn#i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is#she meant well#the pianist i mean#and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood#no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what#maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in#dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion#i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment#its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval#of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself#so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.
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villainsidestep · 2 months
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me realizing fawniel is a more openly affectionate couple than fawnric: this is fucked up and evil behavior actually
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wizardnuke · 8 months
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there's a ffic in my head. oouuuag. its Cookin
#domestic little character study of The Bg3 Gang after the everything. in this specific playthrough#tav. grieving karlach and also devastated that astarion can't be out in the sun anymore#more than anything i love Aftermath fics. like who are you once the danger passes#the good and bad things that happen to people when they're no longer constantly in survival mode#it takes a lot longer to actually feel safe. and tavelle has been spearheading this group and still feels so responsible for them#takes her a long time to adjust to not being able to have tabs on anyone and she is SO fucked up about karlach#who tf is astarion when he's de-tadpoled and still spawn. he got to be out in th e sun but not anymore. that's sooo sad#tav can and will trawl thru every enchanter store on the planet until she finds someone who can make like a#sunlight protected item for him#very important for this fic that a) astarion doesn't know that that's what she's up to and#b) is worried about her bc she is clearly up to something and it's also like. visibly upsetting her and#c) when she does finally come up with something she crashes into the room to the degree that he thinks she's being chased or some shit#also this tav is 100% not going to stop adventuring for better or for worse. by adventuring i mean. mercenary work#she's throwing herself into fights still. bc she doesn't know what to do with herself And Specifically to rack up enough money to get#that sun shield thing for astarion#and he will have Words for her abt that#also have an extremely silly idea about the enchanter. very obvious silly idea abt who it is. im gonna name him.. tumas pol
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widevibratobitch · 4 days
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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
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hella1975 · 1 year
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yes im trying not to be so mean yes im working on my temper but under no section of my Healing Contract does it mention that these things must apply to my sister. in fact if you read the fine print it says im actively allowed to make her miserable. for my mental health
#she's so mean all the time like constantly telling me im stupid and shit#which probably didn't hit as hard before this econ degree but now every time she does it im just kinda like :/#and i laugh it off obvs bc am i fuck about to look put out by it#so she genuinely doesnt have any reason to stop bc ive not set any boundaries or communicated or yk. done anything correctly#i instead just let it frustrate the fuck out of me until one day im in a bad enough mood that i'll give as bad as she does#which i HATE bc as tough shit as she thinks she is i always think being mean - specifically the primary school way she does it -#is SO embarassing as a conflict method like girl 'you're stupid' is really the best you can come up with? bffr 😭#like when i say IM mean and SHE'S mean im talking about very different things#im mean less often than her but when i do it it's effective bc i literally catalogue people's insecurities and use them against them#like some fucking anime villian like it's actually uncomfortable to watch and i hate myself every time#whereas her way is effective bc it's all dumb comments ANYONE could make but she says them repeatedly until she wears you down#and of the two methods they're both shit but at least my way isn't cringe LMAO#so if i ever get so frustrated i revert to her method i just get v annoyed with myself like IM better than this she might not be but i am#and we've just been moving things in the garden with mum which is a flashpoint anyway#and me and my sister were just GOING at each other and it was all jokes until i said something she didn't like#and she was like 'what's your problem? it's fine when we're joking but you always take it too far' girl.#like i cannot accurately explain on here how ridiculous that statement is coming from HER#and if id said something actually horrible id get it but the convo was literally just#her: mum can i wear your watch for the chem ball coming up?#me: why do you need a watch for that?#her: ive got a dumb tan line on my wrist that i want to cover#me: i really dont think anyone is going to be looking at your wrists#THAT WAS IT LMFAO??? YOU HYPOCRITICAL LITTLE BITCH#ironically i had a field day with it like her saying that was the worst thing she could have done#latched onto it like a bloodhound fr my eyes must have lit up#i was like 'dont be such a baby' which is basically a fucking trigger word in our house#thought she was gonna hit me with a spade <3 peace and love on planet earth#godddddd i cant wait for her to go back to uni i HATE sharing a room i cannot escape her she's literally here as i type#i hope she knows im slagging her off to my niche online micro-community#hella goes home
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