I can't feel bad for people who tried to make tumblr profitable, or turn it into Twitter 2.0. I can't feel bad for staffers that, at the end of the day, were just shitty bigot enablers.

Sorry/not sorry. NSFW artists got an extremely raw deal, so all these appeals about 'but what about the staffers!!!' flying around are very lol to me. This site tried its damndest to fuck with me and the people I care about, and went out of its way to let me know I'm not welcome.

Well, we made your site what it is, dickheads. If you're expecting anything but hostility and funny-ha-ha to the news that this place is getting ratfucked into the ground, you really need to go somewhere else.

Anyway I'm on bitchsky at the moment:

And Cohost, I guess.

hiii! may i request headcanons with hawks and dabi with a s/o whose love language is gift giving? like, they love giving things randomly. "this cat plush reminded me of you, so i bought it for you." "i noticed that your headphone is broken. here, a new headphone!" "you mentioned you like this brand of candy, and i, well... i may have bought five bags of candy for you." and so on. it's like... giving gifts is the s/o's way to show their affection. they just want to make their loved one happy~

thank you so much!! ❤

|| WITH A S/O WHOSE LOVE LANGUAGE IS GIFT GIVING ||

yesyesyesyesyes I loved writing this!!! Also, I'll never stop saying this, but I'm amazed by all the nice people I've been able to interact with lately. Aren't ya a lovely bunch?

Pairings: dabi × reader • hawks × reader

Warnings: none

He's not... used to receiving that many gifts, he was kinda neglected as a child and at the League? He always felt like he had to preserve his status and he never let himself indulge in too much affection towards other members. He better get used to it though, as giving him little sweet presents is your way to show how strong your love is.

He knows how important it is to you, and it's not like he doesn't appreciate your gesture, but sometimes it leaves him so confused it's almost fun.

"I heard the other day, your headphones weren't working well," you say, "do you like blue? I bought you a new pair!" Dabi raises his eyes from his phone: "Huh? For me?"

"She's giving you a present, you goon," says Toga, smacking Dabi on the head, "look! they're even your favorite color! Stop being so dense and thank her, for once!" Toga turned to look at you: "Don't worry baby, he loves them. And he loves you too." Shigaraki chuckles, and Dabi's face reddens more and more ad he goes back to stare at his phone.

He'll apologize for being so dumb at first and thank you profusely for the gift ("they work so well, and you even got my favorite color, you are amazing!") once the rest of the League is out of the picture. To be honest, you'd buy him more gifts just to see his flustered face when he gets them.

"Hey love," you call him, while walking by his side down a dark alley. He turns his head to give you his full attention, slowing down his walk. "You know how we went shopping the other day, and you showed me those cinnamon blueberry rolls you used to eat as a kid right?"

"Right..." Dabi scratches the back of his head as he stops in front of an old, wooden black door in the darkest spot of the alley. The air smells of alcohol and cigarettes, and you can hear unintelligible words being spoken inside. "What does it have to do with this operation?"

"Huh? Nothing. I just thought it would have been so nice to get you some of them." You pull out a paper bag from your backpack. "So I did. I wanted to treat you!"

Nothing beats seeing his stunned face as he takes your gift in his hands "I...We're on a mission.. but thanks. I mean it. You're lovely." He smiled, softly.

You had managed to capture a couple of their men alive, but the enemy's hideout was now burnt to ashes. The paper bag you gave Dabi, however, didn't seem to have a single scratch on it.

At first it felt a bit awkward to gift him stuff because did I mention it? He's a top pro hero. Can't he buy whatever he wants?

But that's not the point of gifts. And oh, the way his face lightens whenever you give him a gift! He smiles like a toddler at Christmas, even for the smallest of presents means so much to him. They are physical demonstrations of your love!  (*remembers Hawks' past* yes please give him tons of gifts buy him everything please he deserves it pretty please)

He's never been too tied to his physical possessions anyway, but there's something so sweet about holding the key chain you bought for him in his hand, while you're far away. It's like a memo that, as soon as he's done with his job, he can come home to you and finally rest.

He still remembers the day you gave it to him: "I got you a thing, hope you don't mind it," you said.

"Huh? I didn't even notice it!" You laughed. Of course he had. You thought buying something from a stand far from where he was seated would have given you an advantage, but he was so good at spotting you even in the crowd. You handed him the small package, and restrained a laugh as he shred the paper around your gift like knowing what was inside was the reason of his life. No gift paper was safe from him.

"A little chick?" He grinned, as he held the small, round, needle felt chick in his hand. You couldn't hold your laugh for any longer.

"It's a key chain! You like it, right?" Hawks smooched your cheek in the loudest way possible before answering: "I love it! It kinda looks like me, doesn't it?"

You blushed. "I mean, that's the kind of the first thing that came to my mind when I saw it so... It looked so soft and cute, I didn't have the heart to leave it there."

masterlist

I've heard there's legit no new audio tapes from old characters beyond a few tour videos from Joey. The only returning characters are from memos left around. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

That's true. I think by releasing the chapters all at once they kinda shot themselves in the foot in this department. The characters in BATIM weren't any deeper than the ones in BATDR, but we got only 3 or 4 per chapter, with long periods of time between them, so we had time to get attached to them and theorize about them. Now we look at a long, long, long list of memos with names we don't recognize and it's hard to bring ourselves to care for any of them.Too many new characters at once, basically.

I guess maybe they don’t intent for people to get attached to these characters, they’re only there to make the studio feel bigger, and more alive. But it makes BATDR a very different game from BATIM. Undeniably better in terms of gameplay and graphics, but less... how should I put it... personal, I guess? Which may have also been the intent, given that Audrey is an outsider, and not an returning oldtimer like Henry, but the familiarity and the close, cozy, personal feeling of the BATIM story and characters had a special kind of charm to it that I’m gonna miss dearly.

What Florian's/Juliana's mother wanted to say to Director Clavell...

I know it's a bit late, but I've had this thought ever since October 11th (aka Coming Out Day).

Warning: This post will contain serious issues relating to what the members of the LGBTQ+ community STILL have to deal with (which includes... "the school's bathroom incident")

Okay, so it started as a theory/headcanon about why Florian and Juliana look so similar (a bit too similar...). Then, it hit me: "What if Florian and Juliana are the same people, but their other name is their dead names?"

In the game (after you customize your character for the first time (and let's say you used their respectful canon names)), after the opening sequence, the player's mom tells you "[Player], I've got a thing or two to discuss with the director here."

While the player goes upstairs to get their hat and schoolbag, who's to say that the mom wanted to personally inform Director Clavell about their past before the enrollment at Naranja/Uva Academy?

I believe that it went something like this... [For context, I'll be using Juliana for reference.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Violet!Mom: Again, thank you so much for accepting my daughter! I know it sounds a bit silly, but it truly means a lot to her... Director Clavell: *notices the change in tone* Of course, ma'am. If it's not too much, may I ask why? Violet!Mom: Of course. You see, by now, I'm sure that you're aware of her... shyness. That's because of her "unfortunate incident" from her old school. It was a bit early, but I have noticed and accepted the signs. Due to how late the paperwork was, the principal didn't get the memo of her transition. Juliana told me at the head office that she thought that she would use the bathroom on the 2nd floor due to less traffic and nobody would notice. Director Clavell: *sips tea* But, someone did notice? Violet!Mom: *sadly sips tea* Yes... At first, it started with one student. Then, by the time the principal arrived at the scene, it was a quarter of the population. One would assume that someone was delivering a baby! *sadly laughs* Director Clavell: *nibbles on the biscuit* Violet!Mom: Instead of understanding her situation, the principal blamed her for causing a scene; saying that none of that would've happened if "he" would use the "boy's restroom". I almost lost my composure as I tried to explain to her that Juliana is a girl so it's appropriate for her to use the girl's restroom. *eyes slowly welling up* She didn't do anything wrong! She... Director Clavell: You're quite right, ma'am. She didn't do anything wrong. What is wrong is to blame someone for their existence. *sips tea* In fact, you have nothing to worry about. Our staff, as well as our students, are as diverse as they are accepting. Granted there were a few hiccups, but we make up for our mistakes. In fact, our top student from the STEM program uses She/Her and They/Them pronouns. *hands her a handkerchief* Thank you for informing me of this. I'll see to let the Chairwoman and the staff know of this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To those who've heard of the "bathroom incident" before, I've heard of it from the Dr. Phil Show and I found it hard to believe that the students would waste their time to figure out "which student is using the bathroom". Just let them go in peace!

Also, shame on the principal for victim-blaming instead of the other students wasting their time harassing someone all because "they had to go". (I also blame the parents for not educating their kids to "treat others the way you'd want to be treated").

To anyone who's from the LGBTQ+ community and hasn't come out yet... You are loved, no matter what, and your existence is valid.

You don't have to answer, but if you wouldn't mind. What are some things you've learned about ADHD from Tumblr that are applicable to you, or others you may now? I've been reading more on it and how it manifests in girls/women and was curious when I read your rb on that post about Grammarly

I don’t mind at all!  Fair warning:  this is gonna be LONG.

I’m going to start by repeating something I mentioned in that post:  I was diagnosed in third grade, which was over two decades ago.  I had my diagnosis halfway through elementary school, much less high school and two rounds of college.  So a lot of the old information about ADHD I learned as a young person, and those things are worth exploring, too.  

Example:  It’s not that I’m not listening, Mrs. Nock, it’s just that if I try to keep my hands still, then the only thing I will retain from the lesson will be keep your hands still and not the things you trying to teach, which are supposedly important! 

(Mrs. Nock was the one who said to me, “I believe you believe you’re paying attention.”  Yes, it’s been fifteen years.  Yes, I’m still mad.  If you can’t have basic respect for your students, don’t teach.)

I figured out half on my own, half because of the counselling that if I had a fidget tool that didn’t require words I would pay better attention than if I tried to sit still.  (I still remember being mocked by my dad for fidgeting well after making that discovery, though.  Apparently diagnoses should only inform compassion when they’re his.)  On the same lines, I also figured out that music in the background wouldn’t work for me if it had words, and television is too distracting for me to use at all.  (I have a friend, though, whose ADHD works the opposite way:  he has difficulty focusing if there isn’t a television in the background.  Yes, both are valid.)

So, the Classics:  

I always had trouble with organization and cleaning, had trouble with schedules and calendars and managing my time.  Those are the things they’ll warn you about, the things they’ll tell you in counselling are natural and normal things for people with ADHD to have trouble with.  Trouble paying attention, sure.  Trouble sitting still.  Procrastination.  Got it.

But if you turn those traits around and re-frame them, they become a new set of symptoms.  Adaptations for these new symptoms are more personal and universally applicable in my life, and therefore, to my mind, more useful.

Take Procrastination.  (No really: please take it.)  That just means “putting it off until tomorrow,” and there are lots of reasons to do it:  “don’t have the tool I need” is one of the biggies, “want to conserve steps” trips me up a lot, “I still have time to get to it” is HUGE for me...  But a lot of times, these are just superficial reasons.  The re-framed symptom is, Trouble making yourself do things you don’t want to do.  

ADHD is an executive function disorder.  That’s a phrase I first learned on Tumblr, by the way; it may have been mentioned by one of my earlier counsellors, but it definitely wasn’t taught.  

This is why soooo many of us have struggled with the perception (including self-perception) that we’re lazy!  But no one tells the kid in the wheelchair he’s just lazy for not playing basketball.  (Okay, they totally do.  People are terrible.  Ignore that, stick to the point.)  I reframe this the way I do because acknowledging this as a symptom, taking the blame out of it, makes it easier to find adaptation.

Now, this is a personal post.  YMMV.  But I have an easier time managing my conduct if, instead of calling myself lazy a procrastinator, I say, “I keep not doing that --> oh it’s because I Don’t Wanna --> how can I con myself into doing it?”  (Strategies include bargaining, making it easier, powering through but then allowing yourself to stop afterwards, just acknowledging that I Don’t Wanna and allowing that to be valid...)  Procrastination is an action, but “executive function disorder” is a disease and “I Don’t Wanna” is its trigger, just as much as an allergy and a clump of ragweed are.  “Procrastination” is a powerful sphynx against which I’m helpless, but “I Don’t Wanna Disease” lets me start cultivating my metaphorical catnip and researching the answers to common riddles.

And while we’re talking about procrastination--and trouble with deadlines, and schedules in general--let’s talk about Time Insensitivity.  Missed deadlines and perpetual lateness (perpetual) are external actions, just like procrastination, and they can have all sorts of explanations.  

(Shoutout to Mrs. Pollack, who looked around a classroom containing thirteen-year-old me, and, knowing full well that I was chronically tardy, declared that “anybody who’s always running late, deep down, they just doesn’t care about anybody else’s time.”  Great job with calling the thirteen-year-old a heartless bitch, Mrs. Pollack!  As you can tell, I definitely forgot it very quickly, and didn’t at all have a self-critical breakdown about it, periodically revisiting the question of my own inherent selfishness for years!!!)

But ignoring the external actions, let’s take a compassionate look inside the head again.  Executive function includes regulation of, and awareness of the passing of, time.  Again: you can’t play the basketball with no legs.  We literally do not realize what time is doing.  Sometimes we do--if we devote enough of our attention to it, which may be a large amount for some, a small amount for others, or a variable amount for the same person.  But our brains literally don’t process it the same way.  

But hold on a minute--let’s go back to that analogy.  Because actually, people with no legs can play basketball!  It’s just that you have to use the adaptation of wheelchairs to do it--and that’s an adaptation for the game and for the players.  

I use alarms.  I’ve recently seen a post about audio memos as alarms.  There are people who just slap clocks everywhere.  When I was forced to work in a kitchen with no clocks, I used the multi-setting timer and set it for like four hours so I would know if I was keeping on schedule.  I also chose a job environment where much of my shift is the same as itself, and rigid punctuality isn’t enforced--that’s adapting my environment, instead of myself.  There’s all kinds of adaptations.  But you have to know you have the condition before you can compensate for it.

Here’s a fun little story:  when I was... oh, eleven?  Twelve?  My Quaker Meeting’s youth group (#7 whitest phrase I’ve ever written) went to the museum together.  One of the stops was in the children’s section, there was a... a pegboard, I think?  With some kind of problem on it.  A puzzle.  Me and a couple others sat down at it, and it took me a while, but eventually I solved it, and I looked up.  

I blinked.  “Where is everybody?” I said.

“They left,” said my mom.  “Half an hour ago.”  

I was stunned.  “Half an hour ago?!  But I couldn’t’ve spent more than ten minutes on this!”

“I promise you, it was half an hour.”

“Why didn’t you call me??  Why didn’t you say my name?”

“We did.  Several times.”

To this day, I will swear myself blind that I never heard a thing.

Hyperfocusing.  They’ll tell you about the problems focusing; oh yes.  They’ll tell you allll about that one.  But they won’t tell you about the flip side of it.  They won’t tell you about the times when the rest of the world falls away, and the only two things in the world are you and whatever problem you’re trying to solve.  

D’y’know what, I bet that’s the reason I test well.  I just realized this now, phrasing it like that, but--I’ve always tested well, even when my actual practical applications of things are mediocre I do well with the classroom testing on it.  I scored a 39 on the MCAT, back when it was out of 45 and not whatever it is now.  (To those with the plain good sense not to want to be doctors:  that’s pretty good.)  And I just bet it’s because, once I get focused on solving the problems, the other problems--nerves, intrusive thoughts, anxiety--just don’t have room to get in.  Hyperfocusing can be a superpower, if you can harness it.  

But it can also blind you to everything else.  And it works in smaller ways, too:  once I think I understand something, it is very difficult for me to perceive information that contradicts that understanding.  I still get the map of the Elflands backwards every time I read The Goblin Emperor, just because I pictured it one way, and every indication in the text that it was the other way just fell on deaf ears.  

And this one leads right into the next, which is Rejection Sensitivity Disorder.  RSD is hyperfocus, but it’s hyperfocus on how everyone must hate you.  It’s delightful!  I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, as well, and I do have both of those things, but for my money, I think that this one symptom of ADHD--which no doctor has ever even mentioned to me--has hurt me more than both of those conditions combined.  

The last one I’m going to bring up is Auditory Processing Disorder.  Now, I’ve gone and gotten re-diagnosed twice in my life, and the last time was just a few years ago, so they actually used this one in the test.  The psychologist told me about it, she just didn’t use the phrase Auditory Processing Disorder, and she didn’t tell me that it was its own symptom--she just used it for the test.  

What she did was, she gave me two hearing tests, one to test whether or not I could hear, and then the other a list of words that all sounded alike, and I had to mark which one I was hearing.  The second part of that was very long, and very boring, and despite scoring perfectly on the first test, I got several wrong on the second.  I was actually surprised by that; I at no point suspected I had heard any of them wrong.  When she gave me the test, told me this was proof by contradiction, that we were ruling out hearing loss as an alternative explanation for my difficulties.  It was only after the test was done that she explained that the pattern I showed was actually part of the diagnosis of ADHD; that we get bored, and stop really paying attention, and that we don’t even know we’re doing it.

...Okay, but you couldn’t have mentioned the part where I also do that every day in real life, lady?!?!  It’s not just when we’re bored, it’s not just for long processes.  I do this all the time.  I actually tell people now that “I actually have a neurological condition that makes it hard for me to hear; I can tell that you’re speaking, but I can’t tell what you’re saying.”  

This is 100% true.  It is a neurological condition.  

We label this a condition, but as a society, we don’t treat it that way.  Society treats it as yet another excuse.  It’s not.  You’re not lazy, stupid or crazy.  Neither am I.  

I have a condition.  Acknowledging that is the first step of treatment.  Not five thousand sticky notes, not binders or filing systems or even taking all the doors off the cupboards (although I definitely plan to do that one as soon as I possibly can).  Not counselling sessions with so many different people I can’t even name them all, for the love of god please understand that you can’t just fix it with pills.  

(Although mad props to the people who thought Concerta would magically solve me at the age of nine!  Spoiler alert:  it did not do that!  But it did mean that my parents felt comfortable blaming me for all my failures again, so it did at least some of what it was designed for, I guess. :) )   

I have spent the last few years re-understanding my ADHD it as is:  a neurological condition, a disability, and a simple fact of life.  A starting place, instead of yet more proof of my own inherent insufficiency.  And you know what?  When you take the blame and self-hatred out of the diagnosis--when you stop cursing it as the cause of all your problems and start trying to work with it, instead--it gets a lot easier to manage. 

SPREAD CH.4 ARTIST SPOTLIGHT INTERVIEW - TINA MATHIEU

This month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight is a dear friend of mine, Tina Mathieu. Let's get a closer look at her life and her music!

Tina: Hey there.. My name is Tina Mathieu. I’m a singer/songwriter based in Los Angeles. I moved out here by way of NYC, where I spent roughly 15 years writing and playing acoustic soul music. Within the past few months, I released my first indie r&b single and ran my very first official trail run... uphill - So i’m kinda feelin’ myself. ; )

Dan: Haha hi Tina! Those are definitely things to be proud of. I'm so excited you're our SPREAD featured artist this month! Diving right into your life and career a little more, how long have you been a songwriter/artist?

Tina: I started writing my own music after I stepped away from musical theater back in 2003. I was 22 with a broken heart and a cheap classical guitar. Typical story. I’d been writing poetry since I was a child - and somehow the ability to turn my words into melodies just clicked.

Dan: And when it clicks it's the best feeling ever. Since you have been writing for a while I am sure you have some sort of routine. Describe the place that makes you feel the most inspired creatively.

Tina: The mountains and the shower… recently I began trail running through the Santa Monica mountains. Moving through the open air, surrounded by 360’ of a world reminding me how small I am gives me major perspective - I become elevated in every way. I usually record voice memos while I hike and continue playing with those ideas once I’m home... washing all the dirt the off. The shower makes me feel like I can sing anything.

Dan: More power to you on trail running. I don't think that's something I could ever have the endurance to do! But if we're talking singing in the shower, I definitely feel like Beyoncé the moment I step in, even though I definitely don't sound like her...

Quickly moving on to get that image out of everyone's head...I know you are a very motivated and driven person. Do you have a personal mantra that helps you get through each day? If so, what is it?

Tina: These days when I feel like so much is out of my control, I like to stick with “One day at a time” and the serenity prayer... Accept the things I cannot change - the courage to change the things I can - and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh wisdom…

Dan: I've never actually heard that prayer. That's something I may have to adopt. I definitely use the day-at-a-time mantra or I tend to get overwhelmed.

So, now that you have released a new single, I know you are trying to get out and perform in LA a little more. Coming from experience I know that's a blessing and a curse. What do you think is a misconception people have about performing?

Tina: That bigger notes mean better singer. This is especially true in musical theater or televised singing competitions. I’ve had lots of internal struggles with this misconception. After dealing with vocal nodes, I had to start letting the strengths within my tone, emotion and storytelling depict my artistry - rather than belting my life away.

Dan: To be honest I think reality singing tv shows have done some hurt to singers because everyone watches them and then expects everyone to have a huge, belting voice. But we have to make room for the soothing, sultry vocals too. ;)

If you can pick, what song of yours are u most proud of? Why?

Tina: I’m super proud of two songs. ‘Downward Spiral’, my first single that I released, was a long time coming. I wrote it about 2 ½ years ago in NYC after dealing with some family turmoil. I’m proud of it because I actually followed through with it. I’ve written tons of songs and always found excuses to not finish them. When I released ‘Downward Spiral’ I felt ready. I had no excuses left.

I’m also very proud of the next song i’ll be releasing in October, ‘Ring Off’. Reliving the discovery of an affair is probably the most raw i’ve been in songwriting yet. It still hurts when i sing it and i think it makes people uncomfortable… which means I did my job.

Dan: I've heard both and I have to say they are both chilling. I don't even know if I could pick a favorite. And again, congrats on the new single!

I know that this journey is hard to follow through with sometimes, and its easy to get caught up. So throughout your years as a songwriter, who is one person in your life that has influenced and pushed you to be where you are now?

Tina: Influenced and pushed are two different things for me. I’ve had several artist and musician friends that have inspired me immensely. My family has always supported and believed in me. But as for pushing me to where I am now... I did that. Lots of people gave me advice and thought I was wasting my talent by not following through for so long, but I couldn’t do anything until I was ready - from the inside - an inner push that was long overdue.

Dan: I'm so happy to see that push now, because you're amazing! It's crazy how we can hear kind words and support from so many different people but we equally have to hear us say it to ourselves, too. With this unstoppable Tina, describe a typical day in your life. What are you doing? What do u enjoy the most about it?

Tina: I’m a mom - so everyday starts the same... I have to wake up way earlier than I prefer to blindly pour apple juice for a 4 year old dude. I also work in tv production so I’m often juggling a freelance lifestyle which allows me the opportunity to make music. I try to hike or trail run whenever I can squeeze it in. Also, Target. I’m mostly at Target.

Dan: Target always saves the day. Also, you are my hero. Now that we've seen a glimpse into your grind, and that you are not holding back in your music making any longer, what do u think is the biggest misconception people have about working in the music industry?

Tina: That you get discovered and industry people figure everything out for you and you just get to sing and make money. EASY. It couldn’t be more of the opposite. Being an artist is running a small business - the financial investment, the self promotion, understanding the convoluted money splits on the back end of a song... I mean you really have to love the ‘making music’ part of it.

Dan: You have to love it almost more than anything else. There's so much more behind the scenes that people do not think about. Being where you are today, and having just released an awesome single, if you could go back in time to the Tina Mathieu who just started out as a songwriter and artist, what is a piece of advice you would give her?

Tina: Be nice to yourself. It’s ok to tell people that you are a songwriter. You’re not a phony. And you don’t have to hide behind other people’s success… you deserve your own.

Dan: Preach, girl. Also discussing your day-to-day life, how do u manage a busy schedule and stress? How do you recharge when u need to?

Tina: I try to stay as organized as possible - Google docs run my life. Hiking and weed are my stress relievers. Often paired together. :)

Dan: We definitely need those stress relievers to get us through the business. Breaks away from the madness are so important.

A part of this business also includes of failed attempts or let-downs. I feel like they are so common you can easily lose track. Tell us about a time that you feel like you failed musically. How did u overcome this?

Tina: When I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I completely failed musically. I had yet to put out a single, yet to release an EP… and to be honest, I thought that being a mom meant that I had run out of time. I wrote a depressing song that day (that no one has ever heard) and decided to accept my failure as an artist. Luckily, being a songwriter is simply a part of me that won’t go away. It took a few years to start finding my way again - but I’m actually better than I was before and now I have someone very special to impress.

Dan: You are a natural songwriter. I don't think it could go away if you tried to make it! I am really touched by your answer, and I can't help but be grateful for all the badass moms we see in the industry that are killing it. Ya know, Pink, Beyoncé, Adele to name a few... It gives me hope that other moms will be inspired to keep going; that they're not done after having a kid. And I'll be the one to say I am SO glad you didn't give up. We desperately need your music in the world. Also...your kid is ridiculously cute I can't handle it. He'll always be your number one fan!

What is a defining moment of your career and how has it affected your life since?

Tina: Releasing ‘Downward Spiral’ is the most defining moment so far. When I teamed up with the Los Angeles Songwriters Collective for their 2nd EP, I committed to myself that it was time follow through. The past few months have been non-stop songwriting, studio time, gigs, co-write sessions, networking and supporting new artist friends. Making that one commitment changed everything for me.

Dan: I have such a big smile on my face. The gears are turning and there's no stopping now!

Looking to your inspiratioins, tell us about an artist/songwriter who inspires u. What would you like to emulate in your own artistry?

Tina: Erykah Badu is my all time favorite artist. Unique in every way. Her voice, words, melodic decisions, storytelling... honest & confident.

“She’s Clever.”

John Mayer is my favorite lyricist - I try to learn a lot from the honesty and details in his poetry. I may or may not have a lyric tattooed around my wrist. (Shhh.. I’m a fangirl!)

I’m not looking to emulate them but rather let what I love in these artists innately come through me - kinda like osmosis.

Dan: You said something SO important right there. I think up and coming artists struggle a lot when they're first releasing music. They listen to their favorite artists and then try to sound like them, but the key is letting what you love about them show in your own way! Ah, I could scream! Nail on the damn head.

So what artist/album/song have u had on repeat lately?

Tina: 90’s male R&B slow jam Playlist - Ginuwine, Dru Hill, 112, etc..

Julia Michaels - She is an effortless genius.

Kehlani - Obsessed with her.

Fiona Apple, Tidal - because her words never go out of style (and I still need a dictionary to get through some songs...)

Dan: What a good ass mix! If people reading this have not checked those artists out, GO! Some of them have been featured on SPREAD before... ;)

Laaaaaast but not least at all, how can we check out ur music and stay up to date with ur releases/posts? Anything we should especially be on the lookout for? ;)

Tina: I’m mostly active on Instagram - @tinamathieumusic. You can listen to ‘Downward Spiral’ on SPREAD CH. 4 - Feels and also stream or download it anywhere music exists. I have a few LA gigs lined up for Sept / Oct, which I’ll be announcing soon - and my newest single, ‘Ring Off’ will be available this fall.

Dan: Y'all heard it from Tina herself! If u haven't already, go check out her new single, 'Downward Spiral' on SPREAD CH.4 and go follow her! LA people, make sure u go see her live to because her music and her voice slays. Thanks again, Tina, for being SPREAD CH.4's featured artist. I'm super excited to see where this next year takes u! :)

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Thank you everyone for joining us for this month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight! I hope you have let out all the FEELS u can before Friday because a whole new playlist is coming! And it's gonna end with a bang 🎊

Opening Up

Clare: raised an eyebrow at the mention of dark manga. “Thank you. I’ll have to download it to my tablet and check it out. But I will be careful. Especially when I read late at night.” She probably wouldn’t be able to sleep at all if she stumbled across the wrong manga. Clare laughed at Kota’s story. “One group of boys ruined it for everyone, huh. I guess the sewing and child development units would be worse especially if they didn’t choose to be there. I do want to learn how to cook. I can’t complain about getting my wish.” She shrugged. “She locked herself in a locker? If Nakashimi is so shy she was hiding from people not that long ago, I’ll just have to remember to be patient with her. Sounds like she’s trying to change.” At the mention of girls not wearing pants, Clare thought she was already experiencing culture shock. “I can’t win.” She grumbled. She smiled at Kota and playfully smacked his arm soon as he laughingly mentioned picturing her in Visual Kei style. “I already got the memo that I can’t pull off the Goth look from Eli! Okay, does this mean I have to freeze every time we go outside until Spring? I really can’t bring any pants with me?” She said in dismay. The leggings would be fine for school, they had to wear uniforms in the first place. The rest of the time was what concerned Clare. “Glad I found this out now. What if I pack all the wrong things? This is going to be a disaster. Are there other social norms to keep in mind while shopping?” Clare bristled at being called a Yankee. She’d mostly heard it in reference to New Yorkers usually with the word ‘damn’ preceding it and she was Canadian. “I was hoping you would. Dakota, if they think you slept with other girls before we started dating I won’t tell them differently. Not even Alli because it’s none of her business if my boyfriend’s a virgin or not. Sleeping in my room might make everyone at our new temporary school think we’re having sex. I don’t care. I can stop wearing my purity ring if we need to make it more believable.” She nervously twisted said ring around on her finger. Clare would do almost anything to keep from losing Kota the way she’d lost K.C especially since she was a lot more attached to her current boyfriend. However, she drew the line at having sex because you ‘were supposed to’. Wanting to because they loved each other was another story. “Japanese girls are lucky they’re not held to different impossible standards. However, I can’t just start having sex. Are you still okay with waiting? Whenever we are both ready, we’d have to take things really slow. There’s a lot to consider besides how I’m going to feel if I go against my beliefs. Birth control is out of the question for one thing.” Clare ignored Kota when he turned away. She had never spoken to a real celebrity before and she didn’t get to rehearse what to say. Who knew what would come out of her mouth if she wasn’t being guarded right now? Of course, it would’ve been far worse if he’d took her to meet Melanie Martinez backstage at a concert where she thought it was appropriate to jump up and down screaming in his ear and to ask for pictures and autographs. She shook Melanie’s hand. “I am so I know you’re not on tour right now. Are you here to shoot a music video or record a new album?” Clare asked still suspecting there must be another reason Melanie was in town. She listened the story about Johnny Depp with wide eyes. “You really did all of that, Kota? How old were you?” It was unbelievable, he knew all of these famous people and MB was blowing up. She smiled when Melanie mentioned bowling. It was very cool she did normal things though Clare wondered how she could without being mobbed. A disguise? Renting out a private bowling alley? “Yes of course you can!” She told Melanie. “Did Kota tell you about the exchange program we’re going on to Japan? I have to figure out what I need for about six months, and I had no idea what Kota was up to.” Clare said apologetically. She laughed glancing at her boyfriend. “He told me he’d give me a tour.”

Kota: looked at Clare. "You can choose what category you read. If you have drama selected and find a story it'll also show what other categories it's in such as fantasy, sci-fi, horror, and more that way you have a warning. Plus you need to judge the manga by the cover, if the picture looks scary the book will be scary." he explained not wanting her to read horror before bed. "If you want I can teach you the basics. I'm not sure if they'll require you to use a wok or not, but I can teach you how to use that too." he offered. "Well, the locker was unlocked so she mainly hid, but yes please be patient and know when she yells it's not out of anger." he smiled at her and listened to what she had to say. "No you don't have to freeze, you can wear pants when we're out together. I've heard by guys they're really warm and I may have to wear them. They are allowing us to have a Cultural Festival a little later so we'd be able to experience it first hand. Right now girls are asking my kendo club do a Host Cafe, but it probably won't be allowed. Our class will be doing a reverse maid cafe and you don't need to ask for pictures, you'll already get them. It's required that the entire class take a picture in their costumes which means I get to see you dressed as a guy since you'll be in charge of the register and the host. It'll be easy since you'll mainly take the customers to their seat and sit them down and that also means you get to wear pants." he assured and listened to her mention her purity ring and kids at school, he automatically put his hand on hers. "Clare, remember we're staying with Yohio. He's one of my best friends and probably already thinks we sleep in the same bed, but knows I'm a virgin and he hasn't told anyone. No one in school is going to know about us sharing a bed even if they sleep over. Emi and I can stay in my room and you can stay in yours with whomever sleeps over. You don't need to even take your ring off. A lot of girls will probably just look at it as a regular ring. I don't care if it takes me a while to lose my virginity. I'm not ready to lose it either. I have Emi and like you said birth control is out of the question and condoms break so even if I were ready, I wouldn't have sex. The only thing one hundred percent effective against pregnancy is abstinence and I don't want to risk having an Emi of my own running around. I wouldn't be able to deal with a crying baby and one that's hyperactive during the day. We can talk more when one of us is ready to take that step, but right now we're on the same page." he assured and kissed her head. When Clare asked Melanie her question, he looked at Melanie too. "Well, I came here to get away. This is my home away from home and Kota and I don't end up in another American scandal when we're here." Mel shrugged honestly. "I was 13 and yes. We really did run away to the UK." he confirmed. "Besides it's not like I can runaway to another country anymore." he sighed. "You could always run to America and we can hang out for about a day until videos of you get uploaded to youtube or something. 'This just in Kota Anderson just landed in LAX. Paparazzi are already on scene." Mel said mimicking a fake reporter as she and Kota laughed. "Not to mention the mobs." he stated. "Yes, like when we went out to eat. 'Can we get pictures and autographs?' 'Are you two dating?' and then the scandals began." Mel laughed. "But we squashed them in about a week." he reminded. "He did tell me about going to Japan, but not as an exchange program. I told him not to tell you he's meeting me. I'm glad to see he kept my promise." she smiled. "I want a tour too. We can go have some fun." she smiled and Kota lead them out of his office leaving Melanie's dresses in there. "What do you want to see first? I can't take you into the place where everything is made though, it's too dangerous. I can take you to other offices and to Yohio's lab." he explained.