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twig-tea · 8 months

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BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thank you for the game, @clara-maybe-ontheroad! And thanks for tagging me @clara-maybe-ontheroad and @lurkingshan! I started out by saying to myself that I'm going to do my best to ignore my urges and just answer the first thing that comes to me rather than treating this like a quiz. And then I went into a fugue and worked on this for >5 hours. WHOOPS.

Original version here for anyone else who wants to play!

Also quick warning, this is asking about the worsts, so TW for mentions of horrific plot points below.

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL

Ohhhhh man, ok so the first thought that came to mind was Never Let Me Go, which mostly had fantastic background music, and that's maybe why when it didn't hit it stood out so badly (sorry to my man Pond, not all BL actors should be singers! And having his OST play over their kiss in Part 7 4/4 was just mean). For the record I love this show (actually maybe it should go in one of the below categories because so many tumblr folks dislike it) but this was rough.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute)

These don't tend to stick with me...there are so many, and I am allergic to sincerity so everything earnest is various levels of cringe to me. So with that in mind, basically everything Gavreel ever said in Gameboys counts.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad)

Anytime someone said "Once I start I won't be able to stop" or some variation.

Most stupid decision made by a character

Jun Ho deciding to die rather than bite Min Hyun in Kissable Lips. Min Hyun was offering. it would have made Jun Ho human. He could have had his friends around to make sure he didn't go too far and kill him. Instead he decides to fade away in his arms like a dick. WHY.

Special mention to NuengDiao going back to his hotel where his murderous uncle is waiting with no plan other than to walk in wearing a suit and a cocky expression in Never Let Me Go.

[@bengiyo and @wen-kexing-apologist are correct about Teh giving up his spot to Oh Aew in I Told Sunset About You as the actual correct answer, btw]

Worst plot line

Every penultimate episode crises resulting in the leads splitting up so that they can reunite in the finale that are not earned and significantly detract from my enjoyment of a series [this list is not comprehensive]: 2Gether, Minato's Laundromat S2, Enchanté, Love Class, Plus & Minus.

The most problematic show you've watched

I've seen literally all of them so this feels like an unfair question lol there are layers of problematic; like, is it even worth considering all of the problems with A Round Trip to Love, or The Shortest Distance is Round, or What the Duck s2? I wrote out summaries for these and then decided no thanks. If anyone wants to know they can DM me.

In terms of series that are problematic but not often considered problematic, I'm calling out Love Area the series. It hits two of my pet peeves: shitty treatment of a poor character by an oblivious rich love interest that directly affects their sources of income, and an ableist subplot. I think it also has an unearned separation in the penultimate episode but honestly I remember thinking they should stay split up so maybe it was earned.

A show people love but you find bad

Vice Versa. Sorry to all who love that show. I wanted to like it; the colouring and cinematography are beautiful and the alternate universe was neat worldbuilding. But the plot makes me so, so angry.

Ditto Cutie Pie the series. I just can't enjoy it.

A show people find bad but you will defend

Honestly there are several, but the one that is most disliked that I will ride hardest for is probably Secret Crush On You (which I argued ended with one of the most healthy relationships in a BL here LMAO). I get why people find this show hard to watch, the cringe is real. But the gender expression! The found family! The "he's a weirdo and that's why I love him" dynamic! The mutual lusting! The body dysphoria! The fact that both start by playing into BL tropes and it's only by throwing those out that they can actually have a meaningful relationship! The way both characters have real growth! And like yes Toh is a fanboy stalker but that is problematized in the show! It gave us the growth from fanboy to faen that Be Mine Superstar didn't. I have a lot of emotions about this show.

ALSO because I cannot stop, I will forever to my dying breath defend Color Rush. I don't care what you say about dead fish kisses I can't hear you over the incredibly powerful metaphor about the queer experience!

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it

Bahahhaha. Um. So many, my friends. OH I'm going to take this chance to shout out the lesser-known webseries Discipline Z: Vampire (Korean, YouTube, 2020). It's ostensibly a sequel to Discipline, but the only thing they share is a single character so you don't need to watch it to understand what's happening in Discipline Z (they are entirely different shows in every way; Discipline is more youth slice of life with a queer story as part of the ensemble). Listen, I'm talking about this show in this category for a reason; it's about a vampire who falls for a street dancer, whose motley crew of hacker friends help rescue the vampire from an evil corporation that wants to experiment on him to understand his immortality. It is BAD.

But. BUT! I love it. Everyone is so pretty. There is a cute hacker girlie. There is scifi nonsense to explain immortality. There is a good kiss. There are characters willing to sacrifice to do the right thing. I am a simple woman. [Fair warning to my happy ending only pals: this ending is ambiguous at best; there was supposed to be a follow-up epilogue for the couple, but it never got filmed.]

Bonus, En of Love was absolutely trash and it has a very special place in my heart. It's not good (like, at all), but it's great.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated

Let's go with Physical Therapy the series. At some point I just kept watching like a car wreck to see how bad it could get. Also shout-out to Dinosaur Love, which was...similarly bewildering.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny

@lurkingshan already stole my first answer for this, but oh man I stay a Why R U apologist for the Fighter/Tutor chemistry. I actually think somewhere in there is a really interesting show, if the pandemic hadn't made it impossible for them to film the ending that they wanted to, but based on the Korean version and the parts that we were told had to be cut, maybe it would have actually made it worse. But just to get on my soapbox for half a sec, Tutor was in debt, working himself to exhaustion, and Fighter (after he got over himself) protected him at his one job, joined him to help him meet his sales targets at another, hired him for a third, paid off his debt collector to take the pressure off, and then took him on vacation to help him relax--twice. I have issues with depictions of poverty in BL but at least my man secured the bag while also pursuing love or whatever. Also he whispers "get inside me" while they're making out, sorry, Tutor will forever be a fave of mine.

Since that's taken, I'm going to use this as an excuse to shout out the hotness of My Day the Series. It was predominantly not great but the heat moments....

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character

I'm giving this to Noey Watplu from I Will Knock You. I was obsessed with him. I want his confidence so badly. I love how he's essentially a dork in cosplay but gets away with it because of his rizz. Truly iconic. This man decided he was being seduced and said "bet". I really enjoyed this show because of him and him alone.

A bad show that you would still recommend

I'm going to put Ghost Host Ghost House here. It's "bad" in the sense that it had low production values (like, really bad, so bad the time of day changes at random because they lost the light while filming). But the romance was cute, the story around the romance was interesting, the worldbuilding around the merit credits was fascinating, the side mystery was so heartbreaking, the various characters actually had a lot of difficult emotions to portray, and overall I think this show is underrated.

I also already have and will again recommend YYY as a fun and fascinating watch to anyone who asks about it, @waitmyturtles is correct on that call.

The character that ruined a show the most

There are several annoying sides in BL, but I'm giving this to the side hets in My Oxygen. A fujoshi who records people without their consent for online clout is bad. A doctor using his role as a doctor to get closer to his patient is really bad. Pretending to be interested in his friend because the girl he likes is a fujoshi is worse; then using her brother as his friend's stand-in when his friend won't put up with it anymore is the WORST.

Most awful character that you hated

I mean, Lhong in TharnType takes it for not only arranging the gang rape of Tar, but being forgiven for it in the series. Neung in Tonhon Chonlatee comes a close second for attempting to rape Chonlatee and then claiming the moral high ground against his homophobic "friend". Tony in History 5: Love in the Future doesn't get enough hate for trying to murder someone just because he was his love rival. Namning in La Cuisine had her love rival bullied, beaten and who knows what she was going to do with that gun. Also shoutout to @wen-kexing-apologist's answer of Korn, in KinnPorsche, he was so insidiously evil, it was so well done.

Most awful character that you loved

I'm going with "awful" as not necessarily (just) morally bad but that people didn't like: Jaime from Win Jaime's Heart. Objectively he's a fuckboi of the worst calibre. He agrees to go on a webshow in which he dates Heart so that he can seduce the creator of the show Winston. And Jaime is so charming that I don't care about his bi wrongs (partially, to be fair, because the premise is ridiculous so it's hard to take too seriously).

Special mention (because it's not a series) to Wine in Red Wine in the Dark Night. I love a murder twink (speaking of, things are looking really good for me to stay in love with Ai Di from Kiseki if it keeps on this track).

If we're interpreting "awful" as characters that other people don't like, it'll probably go to Toh from Secret Crush on You or Gus in Diary of Tootsies. They're flawed, they're femme, they're fantastic.

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like

Can in Love By Chance and the sequels. Tinn is an asshole and knows it; Can is an asshole but is also self-righteous, but in all honesty his biggest flaw for me is that he's not competent and I have little patience for that.

A hero that should have been a villain

Tempted to give this to Ko from Love Poison for essentially trying to love spell date rape his love interest--this is only not that bad because magic isn't real so of course it doesn't do anything.

Possibly Athit (Boun's character) from Even Sun? I put a question mark there because this was so convoluted and hard to follow I'm not even 100% sure I remember it right, but from what I remember, this was not a romantic story at all.

Taking a totally different approach to the question, Joke from Hidden Agenda should have been a secret villain (in the sense that he should have been scheming and sociopathic but hiding it, ineffectually, from Zo) in order to make the series make sense, but apparently I can't have nice things.

And finally, special mention to Phu in The Promise for being the villain for so many of us already.

A morally bad character you're into

Zhu Zi Shu, canon war criminal and child murderer from Word of Honor. He thought he was doing bad things for good reasons (protecting the people he loves), realized he was just doing bad things and the people he loves were all dead anyway, and crafted a convoluted plot to get out of the secret society rules that he created to prevent anyone from leaving. And then he wanders aimless until he meets Wen Ke Xing and becomes as loyal to this equally morally dubious man as he was to his secret society. I love him (and them) so much.

Same type of deal, different scale of crime: Akk from The Eclipse. I have a soft spot for this trope.

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into

Xue Yang from The Untamed. Also a mass murderer, but doing it just for the vibes/to avenge his finger, so he gets zero love from me. People woobify him just because he's sassy it's...rough.

The show that disappointed you the most

From hype to execution? So Much in Love / Ni Yam Ruk. I slogged through such awful subs TWICE (because they claimed they redid them, but they are still terrible) to try to give this show a chance, because the premise sounded right up my alley. I still think there's a show in there that I would have liked, but it is literally unwatchable.

Most disappointed from what the show seemed like it was doing at the start to what it delivered in full is a tie between The Shipper and Step By Step.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons

That's My Candy. I've only ever dropped/not finished I think 3 or so shows? And this was the most painful and the one I am least likely to ever finish. The pairing was overplayed, the comedy was heavy handed, and the plot was absolutely cringe inducing. It was literally torture trying to watch this.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading!

Tagging @visualtaehyun @nothingsbetterthancoffee @lurkingteapot @snidgetwrites @formayhem @slayerkitty @respectthepetty @ginnymoonbeam no pressure as always! And if you play and I didn't tag you but you're reading this, tag me anyway! I love reading everyone's answers.

#worst bl shows the ask game #ask game #tag game #thanks for the tag!#this was a fun mental exercise #multi bl

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danganronpa-ship-tourney · 9 months

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If you want to make propaganda you can view the submissions here but please know the second tab which also contains the reasonings submitted has like every TW so be prepared!

Right now the rules of the next section of the tournament are as followed

You WILL be civil to the shippers of the ship you think is worse, no I do not CARE if it's abuse or incest or the most problematic thing in the world, we will be CIVILIZED. If I catch you spewing toxic shit about how all shippers of a ship are horrible terrible people who need to die you WILL be blocked. We are not here for a guilt trip! We are here to have fun being dramatic! Small PLAYFUL pokes are fine, but everyone should have fun even the shippers of the ship you think is worse.

I shouldn't have to specify but be like, actually decent about what you say, I had a person in the forms wishing rape on a character and like bro take that up with your ao3 search results not me or anyone else here. So like, yeah the characters are just characters, but theres a difference between edge and potentially being intensely triggering and uncomfortable for literally no reason.

If you want to make propaganda I advise either light hearted gags at a ships expense,

Example of a light hearted gag would be like a picture of Junko sitting on Mikan kneeling into a bench and a caption like "would you really not vote for this?" thats hilarious and doesn't target actual people.

Or you draw art for the ship that gives you less despair, branch out a bit. Never drawn I dunno Ryoma x Kirumi before but you think its less toxic then uhh Hajime x Mikan? Well here's your chance to try drawing some Ryoma x Kirumi! Make propaganda for the ship you want people to NOT vote for!

I can't enforce this but the tag you want to use for anything you create for this should be "#Despair Ship" this is so people can filter it out more easily. I'm here to cause fun, not make people frustrated because their tag got overrun.

Again I also can't enforce this but remember the point isn't to find the ship that's the most abusive, or the most toxic, its to find the ship that gets the most despair. For instance there are very few ships on the list I find personally more despairing then kokichi and shuichi, and that's because it's a lot harder to stumble on some of the more kneejerk offensive ships compared to how I cannot escape kokichi and shuichi making out no matter how hard i try. Like I said I can't enforce this but if you're wondering why a ship you think is more inherently toxic is losing, this is probably the reason why.

I am also a single person, while I have a friend who is here on the sidelines cheering me on, I hand made the bracket and everything else about this. If the brackets aren't perfectly balanced or a ship you don't like didn't make the cut, remember that I am just a single person.

Voter fraud is allowed and encouraged I'm not a coward this is the voting fraud website if you're determined to make a thousand sock puppet accounts just to make sure Celeste x Togami is the winner then that's the biggest possible powermove and I respect it. Also I guess I accept bribes now, because I think it's funny.

Thank you for all the support I've gotten! While rather small scale compared to other polls, the fact I've got people sending asks and following means a lot to me. Even if I barely get any interaction from here out, I still had fun and am happy to have done this. Voting will either open Saturday or Sunday but if I forget and it's a day or too late then feel free to shake me in the asks by short term memory is Not Good

#despair ship #ndrv3 #goodbye despair #trigger happy havoc #danganronpa v3 #ultra despair girls #danganronpa #danganronpa 2

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snootlestheangel · 8 months

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Cheers to the Unknown Pt.4

Monster/cryptid au ft. Just A Dude!Ghost; canon-divergent, alternate universe. More details here (parts are not a coherent story necessarily just scenarios as they come to me !subject to change!;all tagged under "cheers to the unknown") TW: language; being subjugated to the most precious Siren to ever Exist; self-deprecating statements; some sexual themes (Ghost is a monster fucker, okay y'all?); angst

Some Siren!Gaz to Soothe the Soul (And Official SoapGhost)

Random, yet necessary information dump on Gaz's siren form! In the initial post (link is 'more details here' above), I briefly mentioned that Gaz's siren form is more shark-like than just a typical "mermaid" type. So, here's a quick, more in-depth analysis of what this means! (if you can't tell I'm autistic and like sharks after this, you should get your eyes tested /jk)

Gaz has a lot of extra sensory organs to make him an elite predator! One of these organs are known as lateral line system. These appear in both his human and full Siren form as small ridges that run (vertically, so like top to bottom of his body) along his sides, including his neck and onto his legs, stopping just above his knees. There are very small ones that make it seem like his cheek bones are just sharper than the average person. This "line" system helps him detect pressure changes around him, making him very good at knowing when Ghost enters a room because he senses the change! He's just enough of a snarky little shit to not say anything to anyone else or to immediately rat the lieutenant out.

Also on his face, but only in his Siren form, are ampullae of Lorenzini, which are electroreceptors! These help with sensing the energies other creatures give off, as sometimes being a water based predator provides different challenges! Additionally, when in the water aka going Siren, he has an additional protective eyelid that still allows for great vision, but keeps his eyes safe! (I feel it's important to let everyone know I literally happy clapped after writing all this XD)

After all the time he's spent with the 141 and around a large variety of non-human species, one would think Ghost had seen it all. That Ghost wasn't phased by anything anyone did.

But after the one time Gaz used his Siren voice on Ghost in order to get out of recruit duty, he made sure to keep his guard up.

Granted, in Gaz's defence, voice is a poor term to describe the mystical power Sirens possess that allows them to influence their intended target however they please. Gaz, in this particular case, had merely just asked Ghost if he could take the next week instead of this one, and at first nothing had seemed wrong to Ghost. But then the sergeant walked away, flashing a wide grin with eerily perfect teeth and Ghost just knew. He knew that switching weeks had been banned by Price after an argument got physical. He knew that the answer to Gaz's question should have been no, but instead he had reluctantly agreed to swap weeks with him. Ghost knew the little shit had basically batted his pretty eyes and instantly persuaded his hardened lieutenant into bending a rule.

Ghost always admired Gaz, from the moment they met back when Gaz was only a corporal to now. He admired the man's confidence without seeming cocky or arrogant. He admired Gaz's intelligence, his cunning and snarky nature. While he and Soap had banter with each other, Ghost often found himself in what Soap lovingly dubbed "sass-offs" with the siren. The two would get caught up in being smart-asses with the captain, almost trying to outdo the other. Ghost never could tell if Gaz was doing this to mess with him or not.

But the more time he spent with Gaz, the more Ghost couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Ghost knew that deep down his jealousy was rooted in the natural way a siren's presence affects humans, but he never could stop himself from letting it bother him. Ghost wanted to blame the jealousy on himself. He wanted to be jealous not by natural causes, but because of his own insecurities. At least then, he would have no reason to hate Gaz.

It's not that Ghost hates Gaz, in fact it's the opposite. He admires and trusts Gaz, he would never want to hurt him, much less hold anything against him for simply existing.

He's jealous because Gaz is so effortlessly gorgeous. It's a silly thing for Ghost to be jealous over, especially considering the other is indeed a Siren, but it doesn't change a damn thing. Ghost is jealous of Gaz's inherent charm, the way he can win people over without ever using his Siren abilities against them. Sometimes, he wished so desperately to be like Gaz that he felt his heart slowly melt into a painful desire to love Gaz.

But above all, he was jealous of Gaz's relationship with Soap. They weren't together, at least not to Ghost's knowledge, but then again, neither were he and Soap. That didn't change the fact that Soap was always seen pressed against Gaz, each doing their own thing during downtime. Didn't change the way the two were constantly talking and laughing together, so effortlessly together on base whether it be training or filling out paperwork. Ghost was jealous because he wished it were him there next to Soap. He wished it were him being the nymph's grounding presence. And he would've rather burn than ever admit that sometimes, most of the time, he wanted nothing more than to be right there between both of them. Safe, content, and loved so effortlessly it was almost second nature.

What a fool he was for thinking he would never get that.

~~~~~

It was difficult for Ghost to ever sneak up and catch the sergeants by surprise, as both were very in tune with the world around them. But, there were times where corners and walls became his friends, and he would use them to hide when he didn't want to interrupt. One of these times he stopped to listen as he heard his name suddenly spoken by a familiar Scottish voice.

"As if Ghost feels the same." Soap snapped, assumingly at Gaz. Ghost frowned, leaning closer against the wall to hear. He didn't know what they were talking about, but clearly it was a rather heavy topic given the aggression in Soap's words.

"You don't ask him out, I will." Gaz spoke, golden confidence practically dripping with each word. Ghost couldn't breathe. He couldn't tell if Gaz was being serious, if Soap genuinely reciprocated the feelings Ghost had, if Gaz even felt that way.

"You'll ask him out for me or ask him out yerself?" Soap asked, suddenly a lot less angered than before. Ghost tried to still his beating heart for just a moment, afraid the racket it was making could be sensed by the sergeants.

"Well, I was going to ask for you, but honestly? Might just have to take him for myself." Gaz replied, and the gentle, yet taunting way he spoke the words twisted a warm knot into Ghost's stomach.

"Nope! Yer nae gettin' him first!" Soap shouted, and Gaz let out a loud laugh as he was tackled by Soap. Ghost stepped quickly away from the doorway, hoping to pretend as if he were never there. He walked to the end of the hall he came from, took a deep breath, and turned back around. He needed to get to his office, and in order to do so, he needed to pass the sergeants.

He can do this.

"Hey, Ghost!" Soap said, quite literally lighting up as he stepped around the corner and almost directly into Ghost. A soft blue glow emanated from the sergeant's chest, and it gave him such an appearance that Ghost would liken to an angel, an otherworldly creature made of light and beauty.

He cannot do this.

"Johnny." Ghost stiffly replied, and Soap's smile faltered slightly.

"Yeh nervous or somethin'?" Soap was taunting him. Did he know? Is this all some cruel joke to make him more miserable than he already was? Ghost should have known. He should have known better than to be close to anyone, to allow himself to be vulnerable with people he supposedly trusts.

"Dunno. Do you think I am?" Ghost calmly replied, doing his best to ignore the way his hands trembled ever so slightly. The familiar, yet almost comforting sensation of the hairs on his arms standing up swam over him as Soap took a step closer, grin morphing into something cocky as he tilted his head.

"Yer heart certainly says so." Fuck.

"Oh yeah? Think you know why?" Ghost asked, practically egging on the nymph. Soap chuckled, the sound deep in his chest and resonating in a way that felt like thunder.

"I think yer nervous cause o' me, Lt." Soap purred as he invaded Ghost's personal space. Ghost swallowed past the conflicting sensations running through his body; the knots and the warmth. It all blended together in a dizzying blur of emotion he didn't understand, wasn't familiar with.

"Got an idea on how to change it?" Ghost asked, and given the way Soap's eyes sparked, he knew the nymph had picked up on the slight quiver in his voice.

"Aye, dinner and a show. Tomorrow night?" Soap murmured as his fingers lightly brushed Ghost's chest, lightly shocking him without hurting. Ghost purposefully ignored the ever growing arousal that he was certain Soap had picked up on.

"What kind of show?" Ghost immediately regretted his question, if Soap's devious grin was anything to go by.

"Light show." God, he's so fucked.

"About damn time." Ghost whispered with a trembling breath. Soap chuckled again before placing a chaste kiss on Ghost's clothed cheek, barely brushing against the hard plate of his mask. He patted Ghost's chest before walking away, allowing the lieutenant carry on with his day.

What a fool indeed.

~~~~~

Gaz found Price along the shore of the lake close by the base. He had put on a different appearance, most likely so he could remain unbothered by the men under his command for a few hours, but Gaz still knew it was the captain. He's got a sensitive nose, after all.

"Soap finally asked Ghost out." Gaz called out as he came close enough. Price's head whipped around to face him, his natural appearance fading into existence.

"He said yes, right?"

"Yeah, of course." Gaz responded with a laugh as he took a seat next to Price.

"Fucking finally. I was about to get involved it was that bad." Price mumbled, and Gaz couldn't help but shake his head with laughter. They fell silent for a brief moment as Price sipped his drink.

"How are you feeling about it?" Price asked, and Gaz rolled his eyes. He confided in the captain with a lot, and his feelings for both being the most recent of topics. Of course Price would ask how this made him feel.

"I mean, I told him to do it. 'S'long as they're happy, I don't care." Gaz muttered, picking at the grass in order to avoid Price's calculating gaze. Gaz gently nudged Price's shoulder with his nose, the older man's worry starting to irritate him.

"I'm fine, Cap, I promise. They need a little time before I try to get involved." He mumbled, keeping his head resting against Price's shoulder.

"Unless that's not what they want." Price's deep rumble always grounded Gaz, but this time he couldn't help but think of how Ghost's voice would feel. How the deep, gruff rumble would feel against him as they laid there. Gaz shook his head as he sat up again.

"I don't know, Price. We'll just have to see." Gaz said, picking at more grass. Price hummed from next to him, knowing the sound alone was enough of a response for the siren. They stayed quiet for another few minutes as Price continued 'fishing' and Gaz picked at the grass. Fishing was not the best description of Price's restful activity, as he more or less kept a line casted while he read and drank. Eventually, Price must've grown tired of Gaz's pouting, as he suddenly sighed and shoved the siren's shoulder.

"Go for a swim, I'll keep watch." Gaz didn't need much more convincing. He typically hated swimming alone, as Sirens were targeted everywhere for their tears and their scales. Gaz even has a rather nasty scar on his stomach from a close encounter he had as a child. He also often avoided swimming around most people, as for his typical swims he would strip down and be his fully fledged siren form, and the act of getting in and out made him feel a different kind of vulnerable.

But when Price offered to keep watch? When Gaz knew he was under the careful guard of his captain? He never hesitated to abandon his clothing before diving gracefully into the water. A lake is not the ideal environment for a Siren, but it's the best Gaz has, lest he wanted to spend half his time in a bathtub just lying there.

Gaz stretched once under the water as his body shifted and morphed into something less human and more shark-like. He squirmed a bit as his tail developed, but the awkward sensation didn't last long. Clawed, webbed hands ran over his scales, all sparkling in the light. Dark, iridescent scales covered his body along his back, neck, and face, just barely stopping along his sides. Lighter scales adorned his stomach, and his fins were mostly solid with a bit of flashy blue fans trailing behind, making them appear weightless. His eyes had now completely blacked out, yet he still maintains impeccable vision, and his teeth had grown longer, sharper, and a bit jagged as a second row formed behind them. Large navy sails covered his ears, sticking up above the top of his head, now covered in dark purple scales.

As menacing as he was like this, Gaz was still the spitting image of beauty personified.

He stayed in the water for another couple of hours until his stomach growled. Price jumped slightly as Gaz suddenly launched out of the water and onto the shore next to him. Price shook his head as Gaz beamed at him, sharp teeth snapping together slightly with the motion. Gaz let out a sharp whistle as Price threw a towel at him, and Price winced in response.

"Watch your language!" Price snapped, as was common for him to say to the Siren while in this form. Gaz's ability to speak wasn't necessarily gone, but if he were to speak, it'd be nothing but his Siren voice, so he often stuck to the shrill whistles and clicks Sirens used to communicate with each other. The sounds, however, often felt painful for non-Siren ears.

"Thanks, Cap." Gaz said as he gently touched his nose to Price's. Price didn't bother looking up from his book as he patted Gaz's head.

"Yeah, yeah." He mumbled as he dropped his hand.

"Gaz." Confused, the Siren looked back over at the captain, only to see a few purple scales on the man's palm. He snorted and fell back into the grass with laughter.

"Fucking warn me next time." Price grumbled as he wiped the scales onto the grass. He packed up his possessions as Gaz finished drying off. Price let out an annoyed sigh as he stood and looked down at Gaz, whom was laid out on the grass, the towel still wrapped around him.

"Put your clothes on, son." Price said while kicking the sergeant's pile of clothes closer. Gaz groaned and rolled onto his stomach, sticking his face into the grass.

"Fucking hate clothes after swims." Gaz mumbled, the noise muffled.

"I'd hate clothes, too, if I were from the water. But we land dwellers have rules about such things. Quite frankly, I don't want one of my sergeants walking around in the nude." Price said, to which Gaz giggled a bit.

"Sometimes, I wonder what I can get away with before you actually send me off." Gaz commented as he finally sat up and grabbed his briefs from the pile of clothes.

"It wouldn't take as much as you'd think." Price responded, politely turning his back as Gaz dressed.

"Yeah, right. You asked for me." Gaz teased.

"Can always send you back, kid." Price quipped right back, and turned to smile at Gaz after being nudged on the shoulder by the Siren's nose.

"Let's get some food in you, yeah?" Price said as he wrapped an arm around Gaz's shoulders.

"Yeah. Thanks for watching my back." Gaz mumbled as he leaned into Price.

"Anytime, son. Anytime and always."

Taglist (want added?): @tacticaltaxonomist @cthulhusstepmom @cathnoneofyourbusiness @thorougly-melted-brains @sp4z-4tt4ck @49saltpeppershakers @bluebrryice

(Side note, at the time of posting this, I am in the process of withdrawing from college for, at least, the semester cause health comes first. So, I have a few more parts that will be scheduled to come out around the same times this weekend so I don't have to worry about that. I mean, this is only part 4 and I have another 3 parts written and one in the brain drafts, soooooo.... Yeah! And don't worry, I'm actually very happy about withdrawing from college for a bit, cause like I said, health first.

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nixie-writes · 2 years

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Hazbin Hotel With S/O Having A Panic Attack

I personally wrote this in the midst of a panic attack of my own, writing calms me down when I'm anxious or I feel one coming on. I know a lot of other people suffer panic attacks as well, so I thought maybe this could help someone else out too. Gender neutral terms used, under the cut for length and possible triggers, will be tagged. TW: Heavy discussion of panic attacks, brief mention of drugs (Angel), brief mention of cigarettes and alcohol (Husk), repeated mentions of anxiety medication. (Author's Note: Anxiety medication is very helpful for people who have anxiety and panic attacks, but you should only take medication under your name. You don't know how someone else's medication could affect you, be careful.)

Alastor - He's not accustomed to these things admittedly. He wasn't a very social person during life, nor is he very sociable in Hell. He's an Overlord, what would someone expect him to do about a panic attack? - He'd suggest basic things initially: breathing exercises, calming music, aromatherapy, maybe some self-care. He'd be willing to take a bath with his partner if it would help them calm down, even if he's not really up for it himself. - If they have prescription medication for anxiety that will be his first resort. If not, he has other options. - He'd ask Angel about panic attacks and immediately made the choice to not do that again. - Regardless of the severity or cause of the panic attack, he's always willing to sit it out with them until they feel safe again, and he'll stick around after they've calmed down just to be sure they don't relapse. He shows it in odd ways but he truly cares.

Angel Dust - This guy has many panic attacks of varying severity, he understands the feeling. Obviously he's one to turn to drugs when he feels the panic rising in his chest but he greatly discourages drug use. If his partner has prescription medication for panic he'll offer that to them but he'll be very strict on passing it to them. - In the event they don't have medication, he has other ideas. Plenty, actually. - They could watch a comfort movie (he always enjoyed Snow White), they could play a board game together, something basic and fun like Candy Land, they could have a cup of soothing jasmine tea (though he's not really into that stuff), hell he'd go as far as to have a spa day with them and get them all pampered and shit, he'll pay for it if it helps them feel just a little better. - He's best with breathing techniques. He would teach them how to even their breathing and clear their mind and let it go, tackle it later when they're level headed. He'll also do grounding techniques, like asking them to point out things of a specific color or to tell him the texture of the furniture they're sitting on. - He's the most understanding of this issue and can handle it well, and while his personal choices to ease his panic isn't preferable, he has plenty of safe ways to help his partner overcome an attack.

Husk - His immediate reaction is to leave, he doesn't know how to handle emotional situations, especially seeing his partner in a state of panic. His first offer would be a cigar or a hard drink. (Author here, nicotine and alcohol do not help with panic attacks I know first hand, always go with a safe and healthy alternative and, if available, prescription medication under your name specifically for panic.) - When his partner turns down his offers but asks him to stay with them, he'll offer to show them some magic tricks. He can do a lot of neat things with cards and even pull something comical out of his hat. If that doesn't do the trick he'll try other options. - It's an odd idea of his, but watching a clock tick. It calms him down to watch seconds tap by. Perhaps counting the seconds alongside it, counting numbers slows down parts of the brain that negotiate panic. He doesn't know the science behind it. (The author does though!) - Though he dislikes water, if it'll help his partner calm down he won't mind getting in a bath with them, or at least sitting with them in the washroom while they bathe. He has that cat instinct of, "they're in water and something might happen so I have to keep watch". - He can be a grounding theme himself. He's got a hat, a little bow tie his partner can toy with, he has wings, etc. He can ask them for specifics on his different details, like the patterns on his wings or the texture of his fur. - He'll offer them a lot of Gatorade or just plain water, whichever they prefer, to keep them hydrated if they start crying. Even stress can dehydrate someone and he knows that much, so he'll strongly suggest some fluid to keep their system going while they handle their attack.

Charlie - Seeing her partner in a panic would almost send her into a panic herself, but she has to stay level headed for her partner's sake. She's very responsible about this. - First, she'll teach them some breathing exercises. In for five seconds, out for seven seconds. Repeat that while tapping their thumbs against their other fingers, their slowed heart rate and mental focus on the finger tapping will calm them. - She'll also offer some herbal tea, if that's up their alley. Maybe some ginseng and honey, without the sugar. She can also try singing them a lullaby, or reading a comforting book to them. Regardless of their choice of comforting media, she'd be happy to join to help them feel better. - She would suggest a sleepover to keep them calm (and in her sight) for the rest of the day into the night, to keep them occupied so they don't have another attack. If they're up for it, she can give them simple tasks to distract them, like washing dishes or dusting. Nifty certainly doesn't mind the help. - She's a very calm person, but she understands how hard it can be to grapple with anxiety and panic, especially with a lot of built up pressure. She'll do anything necessary to ensure they feel better in their own time.

Vaggie - Vaggie is probably the best person to go to for a panic attack. She had and still has panic attacks herself, and knows the process of how to handle them. - If her partner has medication for panic, she'll immediately make them take that. If they don't have medication, she can offer some other soothing substances, like some tea or hot chocolate, her secret guilty pleasure. - She knows it can be easy to fall into absolute madness during a panic attack, and if she sees this happening she's very quick to resort to breathing techniques, grounding methods and talk therapy. She suggests they discuss how they feel, and she can help them rationalize their feelings and understand their feelings. - Her personal method of coping with panic is listening to relaxing sounds. ASMR isn't for everyone but she'll suggest it. Otherwise there's nature sounds, city sounds, any kind of ambient audio they need, she can easily offer. - She can also just resort to kitten videos. It's scientifically suggested that cat videos help soothe frayed nerves. (Look it up!) She'd point out specific cats she likes, or find videos of cats playing with toys, whatever would best help soothe them. - Because she grew up with technology at her fingertips, she's more localized to using technology to calm her partner, as that calms her. If they're not up for watching anything she can play music of her heritage and teach them the words or read them a book.

Nifty - Nifty is less of an easily panicked person, and more of someone who's easily anxious. There is a big difference. When she's anxious about anything her resort is manic cleaning and she'll suggest her partner helps her clean to get their mind off things. - She's also up for more intimate calming methods, like hand holding, drawing circles in their palms or dancing. She'd be the one to put on some music by Elvis, specifically his love songs, and slow dance to them. - If that's not too helpful or not an option, she has other ideas. They can help her organize some things, or at least watch her do it and talk while she does it. - She has a lot of books of varying genres so if her partner finds reading as a soothing mechanism, she's basically got a library to indulge in. If they want, she can read to them her favorite book series, Narnia. Or perhaps Romeo and Juliet. - She isn't too well versed in grounding methods but she'll try. She'll let them touch her feather duster and ask them how it feels. or show them a color-changing item and ask them to name each color as it changes. She also has a lot of fidget toys if they like those. Fidget spinners, fidget cubes, you name it she has it. - She can be manic and unpredictable, but if someone came to her for help during a panic attack, she would tone down her excitable persona and be calm with them until they recover, and check on them periodically to see how they're doing.

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devilish-kamishiro · 6 months

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heyyy it's @2-kakimiko-1 i run other blogs read their pinneds for the rulesss

edit: I DO NOT GET NOTIFS FOR ASKS OR MENTIONS!! if you send or answer an ask to/from this blog, please LIKE one of the posts so I get a notif and am prompted to check this blog because I have too many.

this isssss from the same universe as @angelic-akiyama rui is devil on earth because he wanted to see what would happen. blog title is from devil janai mon. icon is by me @utaicon .

I'm not getting into world building of demon aging vs human aging rn. treat him like he's 17-18 and don't be weird because that's how I'm gonna play him

rui hcs you know the drill pan aceflux transmasc demiboy. autism and bpd. uses he/it/they.

i think he should be able to float suspended a few feet into the air if he wants because that is fun.

um as for appearance dressup mode does not have what my mind desires. Use icon as reference if you want I'm thinking blues and blacks. i think his horns and tail should be bioluminescent because that's sick as hell.

textpost tag is #preach to me myself and I

arc tags and respective warnings under cut

#attempted purification arc - upon coming to terms with his romantic feelings for Mizuki, Rui attempts to purify himself so that they are no longer so incompatible. I'm not really sure if there's any common tw that fits the bill for this one, it's basically just rui putting himself through torture by ingesting things that have a higher chance of killing him than actually succeeding in purification, and everything that comes with that. lots of physical torment in this one.

#mizurui breakup arc - rui becomes convinced that he's hurting mizuki more than anything else and breaks up with her. there's a lot of things here that aren't tagged as it's largely through anon asks and for some reason the ability to edit responses to them on mobile no longer works...?? anyway. there's also not a lot to be generally twed for, but there's a pretty decent amount of self-hatred/deprecation, and at one point rui sort of attempts suicide. also breakups if you're sensitive to that I understand.

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bunnypup-boy · 6 months

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🔞 About 🔞

Hi! First and foremost: No one under 18! This is not the space for you

Transman (He/him pronouns only please). I go by Lychee

Pansexual

23 years old

I have a nonbinary partner (he/her/they pronouns). We are polyamorous. While they aren't on tumblr they are aware of this blog and fine with it

Heavily lean towards subbing

I don't kinkshame but please do not talk to me about kinks I list as a limit. Lets focus on the ones we have in common

Kinda shy at times and not the best at conversation but I'm happy to talk, make friends, etc. DMs and Asks heavily encouraged

Probably won't post pics. Especially because I'm pre-op and it makes me want to not perceive my body >.>

While I do not claim a label, if I had to I would be considered proship.

DNI: Homophobes, transphobes, terfs, bigots, etc

I won't block people for being cis but please keep in mind that cismen tend to make me nervous. I'm sorry, I've just had bad experiences ;-;

Kinks you'll probably see here, limits, etc: Work in progress. *These are NOT exhaustive lists

I'll do my best to tw tag all kinks in this format: nsft: petplay

Kinks:

Pet play

Noncon (or CNC? I'm unsure what the defining line is here since they're both fantasy. If anyone could help me figure this out I'd really appreciate it.)

Omorashi

Humiliation/Degradation

Knifeplay

Chastity

Size Kink

Cucking

Fear Play

Differences? I'm not sure if there's a name for this but differences in strength, intelligence, etc are fun to me. Generally, I'd like to be the one at a disadvantage.

Bullying (like wedgies and stuff >///>)

Praise

Bodyworship

DD/LB, MD/LB, etc. Basically Dom of any gender/LB. (Likely won't post but will Like stuff. If I do post/reblog it'll be tagged like anything else on this list)

Uncertain/Won't Post Even If I Interact Through Likes!:

* As mentioned above, I will not reblog these kinks but don't mind interacting and stuff. I'm listing them purely so those who want to entirely avoid people who like these things (or people who haven't decided if they like them or not) can more easily avoid me. No hard feelings 💞/genuine

Limits:

Misgendering/detrans

Trans sissies, primarily ftm (not cis sissies, sorry but you guys are usually mean or cause problems for trans women in my experience)

Some level of gore

Raceplay

Scat

Feederism

[My limits are NOT a DNI. Please just respect them.]

Other Information:

I do have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I tend to be the type that internalizes stuff more. I don't really lash out/rage physically or anything. I'm not sure if I need to clarify that or not but I am just in case.

I am probably putting myself at risk by saying this, should the wrong person see, but I'm hoping the assumed positive benefits of being open about it will outweigh the bad.

Positives being:

If you want to avoid me all together you can. That's much better than forming a friendship that would crumble once that information is out. I don't know, I never thought about warning people of my diagnosis until I saw a specific subreddit. If you know, you know

Ideally this will help ease concerns about whether I'm ignoring you if I were to temporarily drop a conversation to regulate myself, stop socializing for a period of time, etc. I'll probably add more to this later. Not sure yet.

Terms I'm Okay With:

For My Chest: Chest

Genitalia: boypussy, cunt, boycunt, breeding hole, fuckhole, will add more as I figure it out

Terms I Dislike:

Chest: Breasts, tits, boobs, boobies

Genitalia: vagina

#ftm nsft #ftm puppy #ftm sub #mdni #ykinmkato #BunnyPups Posts

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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years

Text

The Enforcers: Part 7.5 (Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader)

wc: 1.2k

tw: none (you'll get some smut next chapter)

masterlist

"Please, just bring our daughter back home."

The TV switches off, and you face your reflection, staring into the sunken cheeks you've come to accept as your own. Your mother and father's faces are burned into your mind's eye, their tear-streaked and ruddy appearance making a perfect picture of an attempt to gain sympathy.

But there's no sympathy for them in your heart. Not with what you know now.

"I would've expected you to try to escape," Suguru mutters, standing from the other side of the metal table and placing his palms on the freezing cold surface. "But you've been incredibly docile. What are you planning?"

"Nothing," you lie, adjusting your position in the metal chair as the handcuff clanks against the arm. "Nothing at all."

"Here's the deal," Suguru starts, holding up the thumb drive. "There are a ton of files on this little stick here. I want you to go through every single one and decrypt the ones that haven't been released. Once you do that, I'll set you free to do as you please."

"No," you answer, lacing your fingers together. "I no longer work for you."

"You don't work for the CSB either."

"Seems I'm an independent contractor now." You hold up the wrist attached to the cuff, metal scraping against metal. "And I have terms that need to be met before I work on anything of yours."

"Tell me," he replies, tilting his head to the side.

"First of all, I want full freedom while I'm here. No oversight, no guards, no nothing."

"I think you might be a little off the mark with your requests," Geto sighs, pursing his lips together. "You're asking me to fully trust you'll do what needs to be done."

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend," you retort, and Suguru lifts a brow. "So, for now, you're my friend. In addition to no oversight, I want to be able to have input on when and where these files can be released."

"So you want my job?" You shake your head and Suguru crosses his arms.

"I want to call the shots alongside you. You brought me into this, I got fucked up because you got sloppy, you're going to do as I ask so I'll help you with your mission. I doubt a single ex-Kitsune down here can do what I do in less than thirty days. That's why you brought me out of my room."

"That's not the only reason why," Geto breathes.

"Stop acting like you have feelings for me, Geto," you scoff, rolling your eyes. "You brought me out of that room - and down here - to help you because no one else is fast enough to do what I do. Otherwise, I would've been put under lock and key for the rest of my life." Suguru doesn't answer you, so you assume it's true. "Finally, I want a nice room to stay in."

"It would be next door to mine."

"That's fine," you shrug. "I won't bother you unless you're fucking... with my sleep."

"Done."

_____________________________________________________________

Your bed is soft and warm when you make it up to your room, and you're given two things - a key and the thumb drive.

An obviously refurbished computer sits in the corner of the room on a small desk, and you sit at it, powering it up. The machine isn't incredibly old, but it is old enough to potentially slow down your decryption of the files.

But that's okay. The main problem right now is just getting used to your new space.

As the computer boots up, you walk around the apartment-style surroundings, checking out the bathroom and modern-looking appliances that look foreign next to the yellow and orange anachronism of a carpet in the bedroom. A small kitchen and living room sit just past the bedroom and down a short hallway, but other than that, nothing.

A check in the closet reveals all sorts of clothes - some ultra-feminine, others gender neutral - and you look at the types of shoes offered to you. It's only then that you realize everything in the closet will not only fit you but are brand new with the tags still on them.

You're still investigating when there's a knock on the door, and you stop mid-search to answer it. Suguru stands in the hallway, sighing when he sees you open it.

"Is the place to your liking?"

"Yeah," you bite out, avoiding his gaze. "What's up?"

"Can I come in?" You consider saying "no" because technically he's still your enemy. But you let him in anyway, stepping back and allowing him to walk past you and into the bedroom.

"What can I help you with?" you wonder, eyeing the computer still revving up in the corner.

"I wanted to apologize. For everything. Using you, lying to you, and holding you hostage - to an extent." You press your lips together and rock back on your heels while holding your breath. "You might not ever forgive me for the things I've done, and that's okay. I just wanted to let you know that every feeling I have for you - friends and otherwise - is real. I couldn't fake my love and care for you if I tried."

"How do I know you're not lying to me right now?" you ask, and Suguru shakes his head.

"You can't. I could swear on everything I hold dear, and still, you would have to make the choice to trust me or not. Which I completely understand if you don't. I'm not here to try to get you to trust me again; I would just hate for you to think that every single time I interacted with you it was for... this." He motions around him, then stands akimbo in the room as you wait for him to finish. "When Toji shot you, I thought I was going to lose you. It frightened me so bad... I--" His voice cracks, and you look away from his crestfallen face as he remembers that day. "I wasn't sure what to do. But just know I won't let a single soul on this planet harm you again to the best of my ability." Your heart stutters, and you look back up at him, feeling rage burn in your stomach.

"And if the person who hurt me was you?" Suguru flinches. "what would you do then?"

"What I'm doing now. I'm going to have to show you that I'm serious, though. That much I know." He steps toward you, but you step back, eyeing him carefully.

"You should go. I'll start decrypting the files when the machine begins to work."

"Sure," Suguru whispers, then starts toward the door. "Don't forget, I'm next door. So if you need me, let me know." As soon as he leaves, the computer goes to the start screen, the image of a tree blossoming on the computer. You stick the thumb drive in and sit down, inhaling before you begin to work on manually decrypting over a thousand files, all for a man you still felt something for, despite your outward appearance.

All for a man who almost got you killed.

All for a man who offered you the truth on a silver platter, and told you to "eat".

_____________________________________________________________

TAGLIST: @missbonekitty @wack0-genius @thankuary @jsqeeut @r-i-m-f-009 @sunfloweroranges @leanne-tamashi @girlruby23 @rein-icu @brownskinnedgirll @chanelmalandro @savantsoulfinder @jibe-gajima @chilledlucifer @amnxsia @kontentious @fuyuko26 @everybodylovescayrayray @flare-on

#geto suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen geto #getou suguru #getou x reader #jjk geto #geto suguru #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

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arllenn · 3 years

Note

Hey there, I rarely check on Tumblr nowadays due to work and stuff but I've played Dragon Raja for a while now so if it's not too troubling, I would like to request a fic of MC giving Osho and the others a well deserved verbal smack down during the final showdown (the MC didn't blame the Gen siblings for what happened to them and managed to save Erii from Osho). Bonus if MC cut ties from everyone after the mission... Sorry, I'm a huge fan of angst.

Tags for this chapter: angst, violence, all bitter no sweet, respawn system gets abused for angst Tw: cannon typical violence, graphic-ish descriptions of death, blood, suicidal thoughts and almost actions, wounds and the like

You’re clutching yourself as you shake knees getting weaker by the second, hiccuping and heaving the flood of tears that decorates both your face and the street under you with the weight of your emotions are the only constant for you. You’re drowning in your own emotions, phantom pains of all of your recent deaths and revivals clawing at you demanding your attention, demanding your time. You’re hugging yourself trying to mimic the comforting action that you remember from your childhood. “Why isn’t it working.” You choke out sobbing harder as you grip your arms. It’s too tight yet not tight enough, your limbs responding to your pleas is a sign that you’re still alive yes, but, but this is, this isn’t what you want.... this isn’t what you want at all. Your nails are far sharper than you remember them they tore through the flesh of your arms lightly. You could feel Herzog’s claws ripping through your flesh as well, everything hurt, you want to go home, you want to go home, you want to go home.....

But you can’t. Everyone was dead, at one point Caesar had said that Black Swan Bay had sunken, so the actual land was probably gone too, nothing left to remember that place but you Zero and Z. God you wanted to see them right now, the area on your head that he had patted earlier seemed warm giving you a small amount of comfort but also dealing even more damage to your psyche. You wanted to go back to those warm days in your childhood when none of this was known to you. When you weren't running around matchmaking and doing everyone else's work while also getting nothing in return, not a thanks, not even a small indirect amount of appreciation or encouragement. Your legs buckled under you your arms reching out as if to grab onto something to stop you from falling. Your knees met with the ground violently scraping at the skin there. You can't breathe, you can't breathe, youcantbreatheyoucantbreatheyoucantbreatheyoucantbreathe, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts, why is he doing this to you didn't he love you? That man, Herzog, had raised you. You had spent so much time at that orphanage, you were so happy. So why. whywhywhywhywhyhwhywhy. You recalled warm winter nights spent in front of the fireplace curled up with Zero on one side and Z on the other.

You remembered one day specifically. Back then you lot were young, so, so, so, young. You chuckled choking on your tears, that day Z and you had spent a solid hour arguing over who would run over to get Zero, that day it had started raining, then the rain had turned to hail mid hide and seek game. Z had found you moments before the storm started. You two ended up huddled under the ice bridge. The orphanage in sight but seeming miles away due to the storm. Zero had been caught first and had gone back to the courtyard as per the rules so she was probably fine. You needed one of you to go and get her so that she could bring back an umbrella for the other. Then you had heard it, the sound of thunder wolves nearby. Then Z, with no hesitation had, scooped you up put your head under one of the flaps or his jacket and ran back to the cottages. All while you could hear the heavy ‘thunk thunk thunk’ of wolf paws behind you. Looking back on it now those wolves were probably the result of Herzog’s experiments and not a naturally occurring species. The souring of your childhood memory made bile rise in your throat, the thought of looking at your early life through that lens rather than just christmas day made you want to scream. Z and Zero were so different from your seniors. If you had been with any of them back then you knew for a fact that they would’ve sent you to deal with the wolves, only coming in when you were a hairs breath away from dying.

But that hadn’t save you before, you can’t count how many times you’ve died sense meeting them. From your flesh being torn from your bones by death servitors to bleeding out in some nameless alleyway after being shot by hydra’s soldiers. You had also drowned at one point, that death had been the worst. You remembered clawing at the water begging for the chance to live once again, you remembered feeling your legs tear off after the submarine had exploded, you remembered reaching your mangled arms out, out, out towards the light that came from the surface of the water. You remember feeling the water force itself down your throat and into your lungs, it burns, it hurts, it burns, it hurts. You had been seeing flashes of reality as well as the last time you ended up in cold waters like those. It didn’t matter because in the end you had died. It never matters how hard you try, how many times you die, because you always end up failing.

You lay on the sidewalk screaming, there was no one nearby nor anything that you could hear other than the pounding of rain on the sidewalk and your own sobbing. Your hand burned with the new blood that flowed inside you. Your mind burned with the scars of the past that it never got to address, your heart burned with the open wounds this mission had left you with. You wanted to die right here, sink away into nothingness. Stay in the room with the grand piano and flowing waters. No one could bother you there, no one could make you do meaningless tasks without your say, there was no matchmaking, no pointless errands, no suicide missions, there was nobody but yourself there, just you, just you. Luminous wouldn’t be there to make you do his work, he wouldn’t be there swearing to be by your side to help you while simultaneously doing nothing at best and dragging you down at worst. There wouldn’t be a Caesar there to send you on every reconnaissance mission with no backup and no direction. Johann wouldn’t be there to demand information on your past like he had even earned the right to know it, like he didn’t need to earn that right because it should just be given to him. Just you in a place where no one could hurt you.

You looked up from the ground that you had been staring at, bringing your hands up to your neck you squeezed. It wouldn’t work in terms of killing you, you knew that, but it worked as an easy substitute, feeling the pressure of your own hands on your neck, the shortness if not complete lack of breath, the light headed feeling, it served as a less drastic solution for now.

“It’s great to see you all safe and sound!” Eva’s voice cut through the momentary peace that you had found, your hands reflexively letting go of your neck.

“Safe and sound?!” You repeated in disbelief, “What part of any of me seems to be safe and sound?” It felt like she was mocking you. The memories of Herzog’s claws slicing through your spine, through every part of you, flashed then the words ‘It’s great to see you all safe and sound!’ Played over them, those words were the last thing you wanted to hear right now. Why,why,why,why,why is your pain always ignored like this? Why is it always your job to make everything right? You can’t do this anymore! You won’t do this anymore.

Bringing your fist up you smashed at your communicator, “Cassell- will...turn th-this into- into no-nothing more th-th-th-then a dream for every- every- everyone” Eva’s voice though distorted still managed to snake its way out of the thing despite all the damage you had done to it.

"AGH, SHUT UP!" You yell slamming your fist down harder and harder, each time screaming, begging for her to "JUST SHUT UP" You're crying even harder now. The glass that made up the outer layer of the screen. The rest of her words came out broken and jumbled, and even if they hadn't been due to the damage your screaming and shouting would've drowned it out anyways. "STOP. TALKING. JUST. SHUT. UP."

"Caesar helping you to-to-to destroy- criminal underworld.... true story- believe." Your fist paused midair at those words. Caesar had helped to destroy the criminal underworld? That was the story that they were going with? Not even the whole team, just Caesar what kind of absolute bullshit was that. You had done 100 times more then the supposed hero of the story, hell Luminous had done more, fucking Erii had done more. So where did they get off on this- this- you didn't even have a word for it it was so stupid, so stupidly infuriating. Herzog had said that the people from Cassell had experimented on you, and while he wasn't one to be trusted you sure do feel so fucking dumb for defending them. At least Herzog had the common decency to put up an air of kindness. These people just treated you like a convenient tool, something to be used and dealt with as they pleased. Something that didn't need thanks or praise or a break because it was an object meant to be used and thrown away as they saw fit. "Re-re-re-return to takamagahara to say-say-say-say-saysay goodbye-bye-bye to-" Your fist swung down with overwhelming strength shattering the communicator completely. Broken pieces of metal and glass embedded themselves in your hand bringing a fiery pain that slowly destroyed all of you in its wake. You fell even further onto the concrete clutching your hands one in the other relishing a bit sickly in the pain that it brought. Your right palm glowed with the same light it first had when you had accepted Erii's blood. Then it started rejecting the pieces of metal and glass in both of your hands. Slowly pushing them out and healing the cuts instantly once they were out.

Chuckling you flipped over your hands looking at both perfectly healed sides. It was like you had never been hurt in the first place. You marvled at them, twisting them over and over again, bringing them to your neck once again you smiled and closed your eyes. You had no idea what you were. Had you always been like this? An undying freak with special powers? Had Herzog's experiments done this to you? It was obvious that your new healing ability came from Erii's and the light king's combined blood but what about everything else? Had you been born this way? Was it Herzog's half baked evolution pills? Had Cassell truly experimented on you? Z said you had the capability to become a dragon lord now, but what did that mean? What did that make you? Your chuckles turned into full of peels of laughter, your cheeks stinging at the feeling of both the semi dried tear tracks being pulled at as well as the force of your laughter. The peels of laughter soon mixed with pained sobs and you were once again back to crying. You weren't going to put up with this anymore. Dropping your hands you slowly stood up like a puppet on strings. Walking at a slow pace one second in between each step you started walking.

----------------

Anjou is in one of the VIP rooms with a man dressed like a pastor. You don't care what they're talking about, stepping in front of the pastor you look over at him. He takes steps back on his own, unprompted, it's a first but then again you suppose that you probably look like the walking dead, and in a way you were, not to mention that you also felt like it. A lukewarm apathetic haze settled over your emotions as you looked down at Anjou. He's the second person you met after waking up, he's the whole reason you, a freshman at his wacky school that you hadn't even been asked if you wanted to join, were on this mission. How stupid is he? He had sent you, a person who had what he described as 'little control' over your extra skill and who had just woken up after a freeze bath in Siberia on this mission, an SS ranked one that he was hesitant to even send his best students on already. So why had he chosen you? Why did you have to die over and over for a cause you didn't understand and people you don't know. "Freshman." he nodded as though prompting you to speak. He never broke eye contact or even showed any emotions other than a laid back and relaxed expression. It pisses you off. Why is this old dingbat relaxing, kicking back and enjoying his time while your'e such a mess? He gestures for the priest to leave and he does. Leaning forward elbows on his knees he looks you up and down before going back to making eye contact. "What has you so worked up?"

You want to cry, its the closest you've gotten to an 'are you ok' sense waking up but at the same time you wanted no part of a wellness check led by the man in front of you. "Herzog said that Cassell College experimented on me. Is that true?" You can almost make out a hint of surprise in his eyes before he starts laughing. You bight your lips pulling them into your mouth in a desperate attempt to hold back your anger wanting to get your answer first before you rip him a new one.

"Goodness no, why would you ever believe anything that old snake had to say, and here I thought you were a once in a decade genius. I suppose that title still belongs to Johann then." You ball your hands into fists. Its more than obvious that he's making light of the situation. Didn't he know that you had been raised in Black Swan Bay? Didn't he know that Herzog, a man who you had trusted, had experimented on you? Is he incapable of connecting the dots between your trauma and your current situation combined with Herzog's words? No he did know, he knew and he still chose to make light of everything you had gone through. Insinuating if not blatantly saying that you were an idiot for believing that what happened to you once could happen again. Slamming your hand down on the table you levied on him the worst glare you could, the burning behind your eyes letting you know that you probably looked less menacing then you wanted to.

"Where the fuck do you get off saying something like that to me." It's phrased as a question but its really not. It's a challenge for Anjou to defend his words, one he unfortunately takes you up on.

"I understand that this whole mission and especially today has been taxing on your team but that doesn't mean you should and can snap at everyone like that freshman. Take sometime to cool off, go outside and talk to your seniors, hopefully they'll be able to reach you in ways I cannot." He's getting up to leave after his mini lecture, essentially passing you off to be someone else's problem but you wont let him leave that easily. Your hand grabs onto his forearm stopping him in his tracks. For a millisecond you consider punching him. Beating him over the head with one of the glasses on the table, but the part of your brain that still, despite everything, says that you ca't do that to him because he had pulled you out of Siberia's ice who knows how long ago says not to. And it wins.

"I'm not going to apologize for my language-" He cuts you off with a tut of his tongue, now you have no regrets for the words you planned on saying next. Letting go of his arm you continued. "I'm entitled to be angry when an asshole says asshole things. And I'm allowed to curse said asshole out however much I want." You step in front of the exit crossing your arms, you catch a momentary glimpse of your face in one of the metal outlinings of the wall as you do. You truly do look dead, eyes lifeless and lightless, face twisted into a painfully weak version of the you that you wanted to portray. You know that in this position you run the risk of your conversation leaking out of the room but honestly you don't care, like at all. At this point you want to just scream and cry your emotions out. But you can't because you don't want to, you don't want to be any weaker in front of anyone than you already are.

"Freshman-"

"I was raised by Dr. Herzog for so so many years and the whole time he was experimenting on me and everyone I knew. And-and-and you expect me to just trust you when you say that you didn't do anything. You expect me to rule that out as a possibility when you've given me no reason to, not in terms of character or proof. So why would you say that me believing that random strangers who I've known for less then a month and who I, if I'm being honest don't trust, experimenting on me is a dumb fear?" You clutch at your heart bunching up the cloth that protects it. "I just- do you see why thats dumb? Do you see why it makes no sense to me? One day I'm celebrating christmas as normal with my friends the next minute I'm smacked in the face with the fact that the man that I considered a father," you gag a bit on the word, "has been experimenting on me and everyone that I love, that he's been killing all of us as soon as we turn 18 because we wont survive to 22 because of his experiments? Finding out that he thought of us, children he had been raising for years as nothing more then science experiments who had outlived their uses. Do you have any idea how much that fucking hurt? I had to watch everyone die around me while I wasn't able to do anything! Zero even sacrificed her life to save me and I still ended up dying so many times anyways." You're clutching at yourself again, seeking comfort in the only arms that you can trust right now, your own. You're glaring down at the floor trying to blink the tears away. It doesn't work. You're basically two steps away from dry heaving and sobbing. Anjou reaches out his hand, most likely to guide you to sit down but you slap it away. "Don't fucking touch me. You sent me, a freshman who hadn't really even enrolled in your school or been given the choice to do so on a suicide mission with other students and no adult supervision from the college itself. I've died so many times sense waking up. It always hurts, it's never been painless, I've never been thanked and yet you expect me to just what- put my blind trust into you? I spent more time around Chime then I did you and he spent half of the time as Ruri Kazama."

'"Freshman you're hyperventilating you need to calm down."

"I WONT CALM DOWN" You're yelling now, its not the same kind of painful shouting that you had done earlier on the street, this is loud as well yes, but its from a frustrated sadness rather than a devastated anger. "Why did it have to be me? Weren't there other students you could've sent? Adults? Why did it have to be me? You had no reason to trust that I wouldn't kill the others. I had justwoken up and you decided that I was your best choice? You didn't tell me anything you just threw terms out and expected me to understand. You didn't even give me time alone to breathe let alone ask questions." Your chest is tight, you can feel each of your deaths, piercing pain of claws slicing through flesh, the burning heat of bullets, the singeing of fire, being torn to pieces. You can feel it all and it all hurts so much. You want it to stop, you need it to stop. You don't want to hear these people talk like they're your friends like they care anymore. It's all too much, you're almost sobbing now, curling in on yourself to try and mitigate any pain that may come.

"Newbie whats-"

You turn eyes catching onto Caesar, Johann, Luminous and Finger standing behind you. When did they get here, how much did they hear. It burns and it burns devouring everything in sight. All the memories that you have with them that you've been trying to view in a happy light, all of them crumble to the ground in front of you the moment you see them. "SHUT UP, USE MY NAME FOR ONCE WILL YOU?! NEWBIE DO THIS, FRESHMAN DO THAT, YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN ONCE USED MY NAME!" Full on sobbing you bulldoze through every thought that comes to mind yelling them out at the people surrounding you. "YOU'VE NEVER ONCE ASKED ME IF I WAS OK. YOU;VE NEVER ONCE SENT ANYONE WITH ME WHEN YOU SEND ME ON THOSE STUPID SUICIDE MISSIONS. I'M A FRESHMAN A NEWBIE YOU HAD NO REASON TO TRUST ME WITH ANY OF THIS. WHAT WOU;LD'VE HAPPENED IF I HAD DIED AND STAYED DEAD? WHAT WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF I HAD BEEN CAPTURED? WHAT THEN?" You clutch onto yourself harder, seeking even the smallest bit of comfort from the feeling. Your voice has lowered in volume, you no longer have the emotional or physical strength to do anything other than keep your voice above a whisper. "Do you lot remember when Ruri had specifically said that even two of us couldn't handle Herzog alone? And yet you still thought that it would be a good idea to send me up alone, acting like you were tough for taking care of the death servitors at the entrance." You sigh, there are so many other examples you could go through but you also don't want to be here any longer. "What about you Luminous? I get that you had to watch Erii, but making me do everything and anything you could think of by myself while knowing that Johann and Caesar were constantly sending me on missions as well? You even complained that I took too long to do things. Maybe if you did something for yourself for once instead of just saying that you will then running away and hiding like a coward these things wouldn't happen. Maybe then Erii, Chisei and Chime would still be alive and I wouldn't have to deal with- with this fucking guilt!"

"Look I'm sorry about the Erii thing but listen, we had no idea you were feeling like this. You should've come to us-" Finger is trying to mediate, trying to comfort you, but it only makes things worse.

"And how could I have," You croak out, "How could I have trusted that you would listen, that I would get a break? You never even presented the option for me to have any kind of choice in how I carried out my missions let alone not do them at all. I had nothing I still have nothing. I'm presumed dead at best and no longer exist at worst in terms of my original legal documents. And even if I had access to them I'm still 20 years younger then I'm supposed to be." With a watery chuckle you continue, "Even if I did tell you if I was thrown away I wouldn't have any papers to do anything, to get a job, to live a life, I'm completely reliant on the college for everything. Not to mention the fact that I know nothing about the world. If Cassell had deemed me" You shudder at the word "a failure, then I would've had nothing, not information on the world at current, not even an identity." You shake your head walking in between them and towards the exit. "I don't care I'm not doing this anymore. Find some other freshman to be you dog."

You walked out and onto the streets of Tokyo. You glanced back once lamenting the fact that you hadn't gotten to say goodbye to Zero. You turned away glancing in the direction of the convenience store that Luminous would always make you go to to buy Erii's milk. You trudged down the streets of Tokyo back to that place. Hopefully you can buy paper and a pen to leave her a note with what little money you have.

The bell on the store door jingled when you opened it. The man was standing behind the counter as he always was. You're experience with father figures have been lack luster this far but you've always thought that this man gave off the air of one. It made you relax, seeing someone that while familiar wasn't from the orphanage or Cassell. He looked up at you wearing that same smile that he always did. You knew it wasn't for you specifically but rather something that he probably gave all of his costumers but still it made you feel a bit warm inside.

"Hey kiddo you look a bit rough, everything ok?" You take a few steps forward and nod a bit

"I think it will be now. Or at least I hope so." He hums and nods his head at your answer deciding not to pry, a decision you appreciate.

"So then you here for the usual?" You look back at him and glance around the store, you don't see paper or pens of any sort. It's a bit of a let down but you suppose asking wouldn't hurt.

"Ah no actually," Your voice is still raw, and a bit choked up from all the crying and yelling that you did earlier, you hope you don't sound weird." "Do you sell like, um... paper and pens or something like that? I want to write a note to a friend before I leave."

He scratches at his chin mumbling under his breath as he thinks for a few seconds before getting up and going around the store coming back with a bottle of warm milk in hand. He then returns to his spot behind the counter pulling a note pad and pen out from under it. He places the milk next to the writing utensils and pushes them towards you. "Here, milks on the house, I don't sell paper or anything but feel free to use that and leave the note with me. I'll give it to your friend."

You give him a small smile. It's all that you can manage right now. Your eyes burn with tears again. "Thanks, my friends name is Zero she's blonde has blue eyes and is about," you place your hand were Zero's head is about as accurately as you can, "This tall. She has a flat affect and seems kinda emotionless but she really is a sweet girl. Um, her hairs long and she has a big black bow tying it back." The man nods his head repeating your description back to you. After gaining conformation he sticks his thumb up and takes the letter from you promising to hand it to her the moment she walks through the doors of his shop. You thank him one last time and promise to come back there if you're ever in trouble before leaving.

As you walk through Tokyo's streets aimlessly, you repeat the words in your letter, speaking them into the rain. "I hope that we can meet again in a more peaceful time, preferably away from the bay and Cassell as I don't have the best impression of them. With lots of love, your best friend..." You laugh a bit, your words were supposed to be a parody of what Z said to you. You think its fitting for a farewell letter.

You meld into the raindrops after looking back one last time.

#me when respawn #dragon raja #dragon raja mc #caesar gattuso #johann chu #luminous lu #finger von frings #fanfic #writing #major character death #but they dont stay dead #its just alluded to #angst #hurt no comfort

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neopronounsmybelovaed · 2 years

Text

I posted 9,300 times in 2021

2284 posts created (25%)

7016 posts reblogged (75%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.1 posts.

I added 2,243 tags in 2021

#caps tw - 585 posts

#cursing tw - 461 posts

#kotlc - 312 posts

#shai rambles - 183 posts

#long post - 159 posts

#religion tw - 138 posts

#school tw - 111 posts

#saturn rambles - 102 posts

#nonbinary - 99 posts

#save for later - 93 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#or for ask games if you're afraid of horribly misinterpreting your mutual and don't want them to know it's you who sent them the wrong colo

My Top Posts in 2021

It's amazing to be a lesbian. It's great to think girls are pretty and hot and too gorgeous to even describe. It's awesome to get flustered around girls you're trying to flirt with. It's incredible to hold hands with or kiss a girl. It's cool to have a crushes on girl. It's wonderful to date girls. It's brilliant to want to sleep with girls. It's fantastic to marry girls. It's so fucking amazing to be attracted to girls and to be a lesbian.

(This post is inclusive of ALL lesbians)

324 notes • Posted 2021-07-26 04:21:32 GMT

Okay so my sister invented a set of neopronouns-

Not for her, but for her stuffed animal.

She's eleven years old and has mostly only heard of nonbinary genders from me talking about Double Trouble. I've never explained neopronouns to her.

So, context. She got a new stuffed animal and I asked for its name. She told me. Then I asked the gender, because (a) I'm polite like that, and (b) she Does Not like it when her stuffed animals are misgendered.

She said her stuffed animal's species (I think it was a dragon? Can't remember for sure) didn't have gender like humans so the dragon was nonbinary. I was like OHHHH YAY I'M SO PROUD OF YOU and then I asked if I should use "they/them" for the stuffed animal.

She thought about it for a little while and said "No, they/them is kind of boring. Maybe doe or something?" (It's pronounced like doe a dear but idk how I'm spelling it lmao)

And I was like oh those pronouns are actually pretty neat, I've got to share these with Tumblr. So I asked for the other grammatical forms of the pronoun in a slightly less nerdy way, by asking how I would say "I'm friends with him" but for doe pronouns. She thought about it for a little while again before deciding on dose (like a dose of a vaccine).

So, my (to my knowledge) cis, binary-pronoun-using little sister has invented doe/dose pronouns. And damn, she can suck sometimes, but I'm very proud of her rn.

425 notes • Posted 2021-05-21 23:04:32 GMT

Smoking cigarettes on the roof... you look so pretty and I love this view...

451 notes • Posted 2021-10-01 19:55:52 GMT

So yeah, shoutout to all the lesbians out there!

Trans lesbians? Amazing. You're not just a 'straight man trying to invade our spaces,' I promise.

Nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, or lesbians of any other gender? Fantastic. Still lesbians, I don't give a fuck what anyone else says. Gender non conformity is such a huge part of our history anyway.

He/him lesbians? Neat! Pronouns =/= gender and your pronouns don't contradict your identity as a lesbian.

Lesbians who use multiple pronouns? Cool! Pronouns are awesome, I can see why you chose more than one, and I hope people remember to switch them around for you.

Neopronoun lesbians? Awesome! Your pronouns are so fucking valid, I love them.

Ace/ace-spec lesbians? Great. Not feeling sexual attraction doesn't invalidate your identity as a lesbian because being a lesbian is not all about sex. I will fucking murder anyone who says otherwise, don't fucking try me.

Aro/aro-spec lesbians? Incredible. You're not creepy or predatory, and you're not perpetuating the stereotype that lesbians as a whole are creepy or predatory.

Bi/m-spec lesbians? Lovely. I get it, sexuality is a complicated thing, and you can use labels that might seem contradictory. You aren't harmful to our community. That term has been in use since at least the 1990s and is used in the literal bisexual manifesto, so anyone who says it isn't valid can fuck themselves.

Lesbians of color? Stunning. You're so beautiful and you belong here just as much as any other lesbian.

Jewish lesbians? Wonderful. Find yourself a nice Jewish girl (or don't if you don't want to, I can't force you to do anything). Anyway, you belong here and you have my full permission to punch antisemites in our community.

Muslim lesbians? Fabulous. You also belong here and punch the shit out of any islamophobes in our community.

Christian lesbians? Nice. Your religion doesn't contradict your sexuality, continue punching the shit out of those who say otherwise.

Lesbians who previously identified as another sexuality? Excellent. You weren't faking it then and you aren't faking it now. You're just on your way to discovering something awesome about yourself. If you later realize you were wrong and you're not a lesbian, we're glad to have you here for the time being!

Lesbians? Brilliant. I love lesbians. All of you are so terrific and you're not weird or creepy or a freak or anything mean you tell yourself, I promise. Don't be a bitch to other lesbians in the community and you're golden. I love you.

510 notes • Posted 2021-05-23 01:29:52 GMT

Computer: 01001100 01100001 01100100 01101001 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100111 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101100 01100101 01101101 01100101 01101110

Me: I'm nonbinary sorry :/

929 notes • Posted 2021-06-03 21:17:21 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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tired-fandom-ndn · 3 years

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tw: racism

Hi there!! I hope you don’t mind my asking, but I had a question regarding the concept of “fantastic racism”, and I came to you because I really value your opinion and admire how unapologetic you are about calling fandom/white fans on their racist bullshit.

I’m a nonwhite fic writer, and one of the fandoms I write for has nonhuman characters that face discrimination based on their species. When including this discrimination in my fics, I use the tag “fantastic racism” rather than “racism” because to me, tagging it as “racism” feels like trivializing racism in the real world. My thought process is basically: while the discrimination these characters face may be intended as an analogy or what have you to racism in real life, it ultimately just… doesn’t compare. At the end of the day, what these fictional characters go through is nothing compared to what living, breathing, nonwhite people go through every day.

HOWEVER, your recent post about the whitewashing of nonhuman, fictional characters is absolutely a problem, and I’m not sure how (or if) my reasoning for using the “fantastic racism” tag over the “racism” tag can be reconciled with the fact that nonhuman characters can and are whitewashed, and “they aren’t human” isn’t a fucking excuse for white fans to be racist.

Basically, I just don’t want to make other nonwhite fans feel unwelcome/unsafe by tagging a concept generally intended to be a “reflection” of real-life racism that perhaps ought to be tagged as racism, plain and simple. I’m sorry this is so long, and I hope I’ve made myself clear. Please feel free to ask if you need any clarification; I’d be happy to try and elaborate further. And thank you for taking the time to read this, I truly do appreciate it.

Sorry if this is rambly or doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I'm running on coffee, 3 hours of sleep, and absolutely nothing else.

So I just want to start out by saying that I personally LOVE the fantastic racism tag on ao3 and frequently use it (though I wish that it was used more reliably). I'm not a huge fan of the term itself, just because of the cultural meaning behind the word "fantastic", but I think it's incredibly useful to separate the fictional discrimination of non-human entities from the lived experiences of real people.

(Slightly off-topic ramble here: I know that a lot of people HATE fantasy racism in media and I totally understand why. A lot of the time, it's poorly done and often perpetuates racism in itself, using real marginalized groups and dehumanizing them for a weak metaphor, especially when the non-human characters still look white. It's also often used as a stand-in for real diversity; ie, using elves instead of indigenous people or aliens instead of Black people, leaving even the racism in media very white.

I think, though, that when done correctly, it can be a really interesting concept to explore. I personally like to experiment with fantastic racism as a way to explore the things that affect me and my community while still being disconnected from it. Unfortunately, most media does not put in the effort to approach these sorts of topics thoughtfully and respectfully.)

In terms of the difference between racism and fantastic racism and when to use which tag, I think it would depend on the context? Like the racism in Dragon Age towards elves would be fantastic racism because even if the elves themselves are based on indigenous and Jewish groups, they're still being discriminated against based on something that does not exist in the real world. On the flipside, I would say that racism towards Ishvalan people in Fullmetal Alchemist works should be tagged as general racism because even if the Ishvalan people don't exist in the real world, they are human beings who are discriminated against in the FMA universe because of race, ethnicity, and religion, which are all direct reflections of real racism.

In regards to my post about the whitewashing of non-human characters, I was talking about the ways that fandoms deny the influence of non-white groups in character design. With Cookie Run specifically, even while the cookies themselves aren't human, it's very obvious that a lot of them are intended to be non-white, with visibly brown skin and curly hair and the like. Same with the Gems in Steven Universe and a ton of other non-human characters throughout media. But because they're "just cookies/aliens/whatever", people feel justified in lightening their skin tones, changing their hair textures, giving them European facial features, etc.

(There's also non-visible ways of coding non-human characters as specific races and ethnicities. A lot of gijinka of animal characters is still whitewashing, like making human-versions of The Lion King or Ōkami characters white. Even if they're animals in the source material, canon context would indicate that they're specific ethnicities/nationalities.)

I would say the same thing about people changing aspects of DA's Dalish elves to be more European or just generally more palatable to white fans. Even if the elves themselves aren't human and aren't even all characters of color (in the sense that they don't all have brown skin and non-European features), they're still directly based off real non-white groups and taking that away is in fact whitewashing. But on that same note, the canon experiences of Dalish elves are not comparable to the real suffering of indigenous and Jewish peoples. Even if the canon is based on our communities, they're still fictional characters and the discrimination is still based in fictional concepts and so it's still very distinct from our experiences as real people.

I can only speak for myself, but I say continue using the fantastic racism tag for those sorts of works. A lot of people search through both that tag and the general racism tag for specific things; I personally use the fantastic racism tag to stay disconnected, while using the racism tag to find shared experiences and solidarity through fiction.

Sorry again if this is difficult to understand and feel free to send me asks if you need clarification (this, as always, goes out to anyone reading this, not just anon). I hope it was able to help though!

#fandom racism #whitewashing #anonymous

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peggyrose19 · 2 years

Note

(tw: eating disorders) feel free to ignore this if it will trigger you or if you just don't feel like responding! I think I might have an ed (probably something restrictive) but I'm not sure if what's going on would qualify and I'm terrified to tell anyone about it because tbh I'm not sure if a ready for others help yet. But also I know that it's not healthy and I should reach out before things get worse. Do you have any advice on how to reach out or how to help yourself in this? Thank you!

hey there! first off, i'm so glad you felt you could ask me about this, and i'm so super proud of you for reaching out and knowing you need some help. secondly, i could talk about this probably for hours, so i will try to keep this concise as i can, however i make no promises. if you have any more questions, i am always happy to answer as best i can!

cw eating disorder talk under the cut (not in the tags because fuck apple)

(my adhd brain doesn't do blocks of text so i'm gonna bold the important shit)

the first thing i would recommend is to do a little research. my eating disorder, arfid, is a bit of an umbrella term for any sort of restrictive eating that isn't anorexia or bulimia. the best place to find information on it is going to be the MGH program; so far, they're the only place i know of doing research and treatment specifically for arfid. they have a bunch of info online that you can find, as well as a really awesome book. it also has a workbook and may have some helpful information on how you can begin to treat it.

one thing to know: even if you do not meet all the requirements for an official diagnosis, you are still struggling. don't let that discourage you. technically, i don't have an anxiety diagnosis because i "don't struggle enough" because i'm on medication. the dsm-5, how they diagnosis this stuff, is kind of bullshit. so don't let that impact how you feel and don't let it discredit how you feel. you know you best, always remember that.

you should definitely reach out before it gets worse. it's going to be so much harder to fight if you let it get worse, and take this from someone who's had this eating disorder for 8 years now. it wasn't understood when i was first diagnosed, even by the professionals. if you're not quite ready yet to get help, that's okay. it's a hard thing to accept you're struggling. but even if it's just telling your friends, an adult you trust, your therapist if you have one, i encourage you to tell someone. it's so important to have people on your side. if they're aware of how you're struggling, they can help you fight it.

for actually telling people, it can be hard, believe me i know. find a time and place you're comfortable. be as honest as you feel you can be. be clear with what it is you're struggling with. i'm not gonna lie, it's probably going to be hard for them to hear. that is not your fault. and you are not responsible for their feelings. if you want, have some research ready for them to look at. if they truly care about you as a human being, they will want to know how they can help.

it can be hard to know what others can do that will help. it may take a lot of trial and error. even now, i'm still not always sure. and these things may change. sometimes i need people there to encourage me to eat; other times i will cry if there are people near me when i try to eat. it's hard. however you are feeling is okay. but please, let people help you. you're not a burden to them, certainly not if they're offering help. they love you, they want you to do well.

i think i may have gotten a little off-topic here, but i did warn you lol. if nothing else, know that you're not alone and know that help is available when you're ready. know that i am always here; even if it takes a little while for me to respond, i always will. i sincerely hope some of this helps. and i hope, when you're ready, you can get the help you need. cause you deserve it <3

#arfid talk

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timextoxhajima · 3 years

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im glad u r not uncomfortable about me telling you too much abt myself😂😂 i'm actually not sure what they call it in my country HAHAH and i'm afraid that u might misunderstood but im not from the UK!! im actually from indonesia i think we also call it uni here ? and we usually refer to our year by the semester i think? but im also not sure because im taking a medicine major and its pretty different to the rest, we just call it by the year since everyone will most likely graduate in their 3.5/4th years😂 (before taking the clinical year) but since i'm in the international class i have to take a degree in newcastle before my clinical year which is why i'll be going there this year! (again with the tmis im so sorry cant help it HAHAH)

ME TOO IM A WONPIL SIMP TOO HAHAH hes like the definition of honey bunch sugar plum with a very beautiful voice🥰 u should watch some of his cover and demos in their youtube channel!! and omg so excited to see more of your day6 works🥺🥺 are u planning to release them? NO PRESSURE THO i just hope it'll get more notes bc it deserves so!!!😡😡

+ just finished reading all of ur latest works and i gotta say hyunjae's gen z is my favorite out of all of them oh my god ur brain im actually not a big fan of fantasy story bc sometimes my brain is just bad at imagining things but when i read it it turns out to be so good and so easy to engage with🥺🥺 the ending tho omg🥺🥺 gotta say its one of my favorite tbz au of yours along w hostis (cant let this go ofc) and changmin's gen z (cant forget how i cried in the middle of the night bc of it! i may sound like im hyunjae-biased bc i mostly like ur hyunjae aus but i swear im a sunwoo-biased and well i think hyunjae's been getting inside my heads more bc of ur works 😂😂

OH my dumbass lmao omg youre a medicine major-- //war flashbacks to googling medical terms to use in hostis, 100% i made some mistake along the way or something while writing it//. going to the UK now is kinda dangerous tho x.x with that new strain of covid-19 floating about there ;( take care of yourself alright!

not @ my friends trying to bait me with youngk though AHHAHA because wonpil is an anomaly in my trend of biases (i usually stick to dancers //or the rude ones// and vocals are always a surprise) so i had friends who were surprised wonpil caught my eye first and not youngk because apparently he's the slut of the group (like... san/hwa/woo are of ateez and hj/ju/sunwoo of tbz?) also yeah I'm a tad bit sad that the day6 continuation chapter didn't get many notes so I'm just hoping to finish it properly as of now. maybe it’s because my blog’s more established as a tbz/ateez writing blog, and i don't show up that much on the day6 tags? ion know-- is that how tumblr works HAHAHHA

hyunjae’s gen z was a little difficult to write due to that little TW section + all the fantasy nonsense-- it’s been awhile since i touched genre of this sorts. hostis remains iconic; am i ever going to known for anything else besides hostis HAHAHAHHA //but dw you’re not alone, i personally don’t have hyunjae very high up my bias list but because of hostis, he’s been drilled into some crook/cranny now//

#tth.lemonanon

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cripplecharacters · 6 years

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(blue, 1/3) for background... this canon character i'm writing about has some serious past trauma (longterm imprisonment + physical torture, has scars all over him), and later on he loses an arm in a traumatic battle. (unfortunately the author completely showed him 'fine' later and never touched on his feelings with his trauma, which is why i'm writing this!) but i feel like i'm walking into a minefield here: it's probably too risky to have him experience suicidal urges

TRIGGER WARNING

(blue, 2/?) or anything.. slightly beyond that at THIS stage in his life because the feelings of his past trauma would resurface with this injury, since given his cocky personality prior to this he would have never addressed his old trauma, even if i take the precautions of a) making sure the feelings are about the EVENT and not the result aka his lost arm b) making sure that’s NOT what the whole story/his character is about

(blue, 3/?) c) making sure it’s not a case of ‘this neurotypical ablebodied person TOTALLY understands what i’m going through and love heals all, wow! :)’… i probably should avoid this anyway, right? and instead opt for it being something that’s happened before prior to this, and now he’s just afraid since he thought this wasn’t an issue? for clarification he’s doing all the growth/development on his own, at least i’m trying hard to go for that, instead of having someone else do that for him.

(putting this here and in the tags but massive TW: SUICIDE, TRAUMA, SELF-HARM)

hey there! I’m a little confused on what exactly you’re asking- you’re trying to ask if it would be appropriate to write him with suicidal urges while he’s trying to recover, correct? side note- trying to write someone’s recovery because you feel the author did a shit job is a really great idea; and you sound like you’ve been doing your research!

so as someone with trauma; urges are par for the course usually, and not at all unusual when it comes to trying to recover and heal. they can occur at any point in time; even if you think you’re past them. if you’re writing him as he finally confronting his trauma, it actually wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to experience more/new suicidal feelings. it wouldn’t be out of line or unrealistic to include them if you do the research. you are attempting to make sure that his suicidal urges aren’t about anything that could be harmful, right? with the abcs you listed. even if he feels he’s ‘past’ them, the brain doesn’t tend to agree, especially when you deal with things that have resurfaced. so I think it would be an ok thing to write; realistic, even. here’s what I can think of that might help. obvious trigger warning, and I’m going to be as frank as possible in order to explain as much as I can-

many suicidal urges in traumatized people can come without a direct ‘cause’ and more as just a response to all the emotions and pain, I.e. thinking it can be an escape from dealing with everything. especially if one spends years trying to ignore it; that usually doesn’t work long term and can just make it harder to finally confront something. heavy emotions are really draining and can make it feel like each day is tiring and worthless (the depression.) it’s exhausting to deal with heavy emotions and fear and pain and the recovery can feel too slow. it’s frustrating and can make people angry and then guilty at being angry and so on. it varies from person to person how trauma can effect their day to day life, but everyone can agree that recovery is terrifying and difficult at the start.

it IS bad to use ‘the power of love’ troupe to ‘heal’ someone, but using support from loved ones to help does work. they can’t magically make things better, but they can provide support that makes recovery less bumpy. in the end you’re making the recovery the character’s journey alone, but including others who may influence it isn’t offensive or inaccurate. people can also influence suicidal feelings- increase them by guilt, or bate them by providing a reason to go on. these characters may not even know this, since everything is usually going on within one person’s head. however, sometimes even if you love someone the suicidal thoughts come; having a loved one doesn’t mean they’ll disappear. it’s a personal, private journey.

tw: self harm

looping back to suicide; if you don’t want the character to experience suicidal urges, then he probably will still experience self destructive urges, or general loose hold on safety. I can explain it by someone jaywalking not necessarily to die but with the thought that ‘it’s whatever if I get hit’ or doing things that are reckless because they don’t care if they die. these aren’t directly suicidal but are considered on a same scale because they show a lack of regard for one’s own life. risky behavior might suit your character more than outright suicidal urges, especially risky coping behavior like alcoholism or self harm. you can do these without outright hoping to die but they’re still as bad and in the same general area because they’re negative coping strategies that people often -know- are a problem but don’t/can’t care because they can’t se value in their life. from what I can gather; risky behavior might be what you’ll want to look into for him. and passive lack of regard for self where someone often has thoughts of 'I don’t care if I die right now’ or 'maybe I’ll get hit by a car today’ without actively wishing to do so. those are still in the same area but I don’t tend to see them written as often because people assume suicidal behavior is outright and loud when it can be insidious and itching in the mind. both are deeply upsetting. this might be more likely how he experiences new suicidal thoughts as he confronts his trauma and starts recovery. personally I’m very happy you want to take the time to write something so difficult and personal to some people because I’ve always wanted to see characters I like go through difficulties I/others have gone through and come out strong.

that’s all I can think of that could help; I’m sorry if I didn’t understand your question 100%! feel free to ask for specifics so I or another mod can pick up on it better! and apologies if I’m very frank about this. it’s a difficult subject that needs to be shown more in realistic manners, and I’m happy to see how respectful you’re trying to be. -mod Amy

#blue anon #mod Amy #tw suicide #tw self harm #tw trauma #tw alcohol mention

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