#I'm having an actual gender crisis
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I think I need to hang out with a bunch of butch women. I think that would fix me.
#I'm having an actual gender crisis#complicated gender feelings#idk what to do anymore#I can't figure them out
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Lucrezia... Zia for short...
Idk just thinking of female names for myself
#Lavinia is pretty but too popular in the fandom#Leonara is also pretty but it's not an actual Renaissance name :(#btw I'm still using Leonardo but it's also nice to have a name that well.... fits me when I don't feel masculine. You know?#leo talks#gender crisis
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having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not
#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th#idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self#like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me#but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in#but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them#and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half#if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it#(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting#which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he#and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that#but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels#scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself#which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender#bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine#and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it#but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college
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man I really would love to see an (explicitly) religious companion on Doctor Who. esp one who's written in such a way as makes their faith relevant to the storylines and challenges and tests it but ultimately remains respectful and keeps the theme of it relevant within the specific science fiction setting that Doctor Who occupies. I personally just think that would be great.
#:) can't wait to see what kind of reaction this one provokes :)#also btw I know that Yaz is Muslim. I was actually kind of excited when the show officially confirmed that bc I was hoping it would#dig into themes of faith surrounding her and how she as a person of faith is dealing with her experiences in the TARDIS#learning all this new knowledge that's supposedly outside the realm of her worldview and having to figure out how to incorporate#these new perspectives into her relationship with her faith#would've been absolutely thrilled to see that happen at all in literally any capacity. and then it absolutely completely Did Not.#her faith was mentioned like... what. once??? in a passing reference about racism/Islamophobia#which of course are relevant themes of course! but they were brought up exactly once. and then permanently left there.#and yes I do have to say that Thirteen's era actually revolved quite heavily around themes of faith and religion. and it treated religion#in general much better than any previous era of Who really has!! I'm appreciative for that.#but I would really enjoy not having to dig so much. I'd love to see the explorations of faith be as tied into a character as#the explorations of identity were tied to Bill's sexuality and the Master/Missy's gender change and moral crisis were in s10#anyway! :) have fun with this one. I will delete it if people start being weird and dumb in the notes.#gurt says stuff#doctor who#religon#faith#storytelling#science-fiction#(totally ok to reblog and add comments on btw. 'being weird and dumb' does not mean interacting with this in a genuinely#conversational and good-faith sort of way at all)
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in an alternate universe where they didn't split, what subunits do you think sm would've given tvxq? i wonder if homin / jyj units would've still happened or if they'd do something like suju kry with the main vocals. or maybe they just go "damn here" and give yunjae a duet
sm doesn't seem to like giving actual 'subunits' to their <five member groups, so i don't think jyj would have happened, but we'd probably still have gotten solo careers (eventually) from the four that have them, and probably i think a couple of duets, but they wouldn't have extensive promo periods/albums attached to them. probably yunjae and maybe changmin jaejoong? they might have also done a yunho junsu dance type one as well. but to be honest i do actually think the split was for the best, bc had they all had continued under sm we would not have gotten all that excellent angry music out of 2011-2014, AND we probably would not have gotten any of junsu's iconic songs either.
#junsu SHOULD have been sm's first dance soloist if no split#but i think they would have neutered his solo career if it had happened#personally i do not believe sm would have gone through with tarantellegra in 2012#yea yea taemin sherlock hair was in 2012 BUT he was in a group at the time and when they took him solo they went polar opposite#and they were likely not willing to take the risk on junsu's gender nonconforming nonsense (affectionate)#BUT in western pop born this way had dropped a year before and i would bet that a label would be more open to it#(just to be clear i'm not ascribing anything to junsu but his image from 2011-2015 was very specific#and seeing tarantellegra in 2012 hit like a fucking BOMB. at least to me it did)#(like i think i had just come out like less than a year before?? yea i think the mv dropped in my last semester of gr 11)#yes i've been out for a decade and lemme tell you shit was so different in 2012#n e ways. sm is just bad at managing subunits + soloists across the board so it was a better outcome all around imo#tvxq w#a friend and i were LITERALLY just joking that we have to get yunjae back together again#so they can have another torrid breakup and mitigate whatever midlife crisis jaejoong is having rn sdlkfjsdlkjflsdkjsd#like cmon buddy we didn't ask for whatever nobody like you was we want just another girl 2!!!!!!!!#(i actually think the song is fine but the video is like a horrible fever dream that i never thought i'd have)#y'all ever thought we'd see a butterfly hair clip on kim jaejoong in the big year of 2022? yea me fuckin neither!!!#dig your fucking eyeliner out of the closet jaejoong we don't need this wannabe 4th gen nonsense#text#answers
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Ecofeminism has a great fucking point, cause tell me the need to control nature is not inherently connected to the need to control the female body?
#I'm reading Vandana Shiva for an essay#i dont have enough reading on ecofeminism to call myself an ecofeminist though#and i do have this stigma against it cause ive seen so called ecofeminists proclaim gendered brain stuff so like i dont want to associate#but going back to the post it makes me even madder bc it means we cant fully stop the climate crisis w/o dismantling the patriarchy#and uh thats gonna be damn near impossible to accomplish in time before we all fucking die#but tbh it could only truly be done by implanting socialism and destroying usa so i dont think we're off to a good start lol#see this is why reading and acquiring knowledge is depressing#i'm in despair and angry and what can i do to make actual change? nothing#i have all this knowledge all this spirit and yet its crushed by the insurmountable weight of capitalism
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📊 and 🖊️ for fanfic writing ask
📊 Current number of WIPs
Let's see. Gotta check my phone notes and my Google docs folder. I think 13 right now. At least not counting the full-on abandoned ones. There is a lot of them.
🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.
I know what the people want. Have a snippet from the genderqueer Jonathan fic:
“I mean,” Jonathan’s confusion was starting to morph over to uncertainty. His eyes darted down to where he had started to play with her fingers. “How do you know?”
Nancy blinked, “Know?”
“Whether you are a boy or a girl?” He quickly cuts off Nancy who was starting to voice her own confusion, “I know I never really thought about it before. I just accepted it. But since I’m thinking about it now. How do you know?”
Nancy hummed, taking a moment to think about it to herself. “I just am,” she finally decided. “I know that I am a woman, I’ve never not been. I think it is like me realizing I’ve also liked girls all along. Not just guys. Does that make sense?”
“Not really,” Jonathan admitted. “I was just me more than anything. Not really into anything but what I liked. And that was so limited. I just always liked just a few things and just a few people.”
“Like me?” Nancy couldn’t bite back the grin that was appearing.
“Always,” Jonathan grinned back. He took a moment, giving her another one of his sweet kisses before admitting, “You are the only one I’ve liked like this.”
#faith answers#thank you so much for the ask!#but also look at me actually participating in#wip wednesday#we moving up in the world#also i don't have a better way to do it so I'm just giving jonathan all my own mixed up confusion about gender#we'll just end at different places i think#this fic i think is gonna be set vaguely about 1989 or 1990#but I'm having so much fun navigating between jonathan's gender crisis and nancy sexuality crisis#like legitly though#faith writes
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Dude being genderfluid is wild cause for some period of time I'm like ah crisis adverted I'm cis :) and time passes and It's a whole new gender crisis all over again
#genderfluid#i actually don't know if I'm genderfluid or I just have gender crisis once in a while#it's been the same bulshit since puberty lmao#gender#lgbtq
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i am one gust of wind away from becoming a purely they/it haver (/hj /lh)
#phantomtalks#i i mean i wouldn't hate it if i only had to use two#pronouns are a very weird thing to wraggle it's very fitting i'm having these thoughts the moment pride month started pdjfj#but then again i just do not care if people call me he#i kind of like it actually that's why i'm having such a crisis here BRAIN WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN#the gender crisis™#phantom posts
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Ruh roh..
#j talks#this is some personal / self image talk fyi so. proceed with caution i guess#anyways had the realization that i just.#don't actually take selfies anymore...#which idk. isn't that big of a deal but. then i was like. huh#maybe my self image issues are manifesting before my eyes oops#anyways. i need to cut my hair. i've needed to cut it for a long time but i told myself i couldn't until [redacted]#it'll get done in the next month...i hope.#i hate. being a person sometimes#also i have so much acne scarring....i've trying doing stuff for it and like. my acne in general is a LOT better but#it really does bother me and it sucks :/#anyways i have to go back to telling myself i'm hot and fix my self esteem i guess#also have been having a gender identity crisis again but i think its just. that me vs the world feeling y'know#wow sleepy brain j go off i guess
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my mum just asked me for my pronouns omg....
#since she became a therapist shes had to work w all kinds of ppl so its made her like. more receptive/sensitive to that sort of thing#she was just like gosh I was referring to u as she and realised I never actually checked what pronouns u use! like 🥺#am not out as a lesbian to her tho. she used to be kinda homophobic so I don't rly wanna have that talk yet#so I'm also not abt to explain my pending gender crisis to her but its nice to know that she'd probs be accepting of it either way :)#ALSO she was like isnt it great that the next generation won't even have to learn this stuff bc itll be part of their culture already 😭😭#just rly sweet#.diaries
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I love pronouns so much. I'm a pronoun glutton. Gotta catch 'em all. Y'know how it is
#i don't actually know what to tag this#yes i did just have a gender crisis and realize i'm bigender#this is my way of coping okay#bigender#pangender#gender stuff#lgbtqia+#pronouns#funny#funny post#frosted thoughts
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idk how to explain how I hate being called feminine terms except for when they vibe and/or are a joke. like I want to be someone's girlfriend but I hate being called girl unless very specific people say it then it vibes. there is no logic behind this as far as I can tell
#iris's rambles#like I think I'm cis but idk I have a weird relationship with gender#and I can't tell if it's like? because of sexism? or maybe just the lesbianism? or maybe I'm not actually cis after all?#and I'm like . . . okay with not having an answer#but also I wish I could at least put it into words#idek#I have a gender crisis like every few months bc of this#but at the same time I do feel like a girl so who the fuck even knows
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Simoun episode 2
having guragief being the one expositing on the whole 'yeah half of people must become men to gave a society' is actually a little painful
don't forget to communicate with your significant other since homosexual relationship are not allowed !!
#myposts#anyway paraiette 'do not say we fight we're praying'#and yet neviril is 18+ because the country's in crisis#and aaeru is here for the war that will start so soon it might have already started#and aaeru saying 'i'm here because i don't want to choose a gender ? and i want to fly a simoun ? isn't it why you're there ?'#and she's actually right. yeah sure it's invasive to ask if they've chosen yet their gender#but also from their reaction they. would rather not either
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bit of a personal rant in the tags but i have like 4 followers since i remade so it's whatever um
#cuir tag#i have been in crisis ever since last semester ended about whether i should pursue medical transition or not#it's so weird having to think about myself and ask about how I want to look and be percieved and my body and everything#it's so difficult to differentiate between my feelings of ''true self'' and my feelings of learned social behaviours. or like i guess#there's no divisive line obviously but it's frustatinggggggg#i've kind of decided that once i return home I'm either gonna ask for a doctor appointment to me remitted to a gender psych#orrr I'm just gonna walk into my nearest gender clinic (or rather.... the only trans/lgbt specialized clinic in my city as far as I know)#and whish for the best#I figure that the inevitable long process of ''diagnosis'' before actually being prescribed hormones is enough to do my own introspection#but I desperately need to talk to a gender or trans specific theraphist I need someone to bonk me in the head#i dont know how I want my body to change i dont know if Im happy or unhappy with my body rn#i dont know if my feelings about my body are gender stuff or just self esteem stuff#i dont know i dont know i dont know i hate being so hyper conscious about everything I think the amount of youtube video essays#that Ive been watching lately is messing with my head lmfao#i need uni to start again so I can Live Real Life and start from there#text
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