everything feels like a slurry in my brain. simultaneously like i've been swept up into a hurling vortex that lurches around on unsteady legs and also like i'm the only stagnant thing and everything else is a loud cacophony of color that's almost startling. my eyes are hot and they feel wet. my head hurts. my chest feels empty. i blink and hours pass. everything feels like it's a stone's throw from reality or maybe i'm just on the opposite side of the glass entirely. i feel hollow and i feel brittle like the tiniest bit of pressure will make me shatter.
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One Piece #1069
"It's usually the case that Awakened Zoan powers absorb and control the user's personality..."
An interesting thing to say, especially considering something I can't stop thinking since the Kaido fights: Luffy was actually doing a lot better as himself then as Nika. He took a lot less hits, had a lot more finesse and used his haki a lot more (that we could see). His Nika form had the advantage of resilience and stamina (and cartoon power) going for it, but at the cost of Luffy's battle skills. Trade the Nika thing with an energy rush and the ability to grow even bigger and I think Luffy might have won more easily.
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So this is random, but I picked up Stardew Valley for the first time this summer and have been playing almost nonstop since.
I’ve also been watching a lot of SDV YouTube content and noticed that the general consensus there seems to be that Clint is a creepy incel who needs to keep his creep hands off Emily, which surprised me because that’s not really how I read him.
Idk what the consensus is on him here on tumblr but I’m assuming it’s similar? I tend not to dive deep into fandom spaces and just do my own thing so I genuinely have no idea, BUT I was kept awake by my brain going on a wild tangent about Clint with an entirely alternate take SO here it is:
[under the cut bc slightly long][also this is just for fun if you disagree that's totally fine]
Ok so first off I should say that I don’t LIKE Clint necessarily, but I also don’t think he’s as bad as people say. I’ve seen his heart events, although I haven't gone to look at what all the options are, I only know what happens with the option I picked (which was the "treat men and women the same" or whatever one).
But basically, when I look at Clint, I mostly see a guy who feels trapped in his profession/family tradition, is deeply bored and depressed, but doesn't really realize how much of a problem that is because he's 100% resigned to his fate. He's tired and doesn't have the emotional self-awareness to realize that he can do anything different or that he even should.
Which leads me to his feelings for Emily. YES he's obsessed with her and it's a bit weird, but also, it's never read as sexual or even that romantic to me.
I think it's more idealization--she's the opposite of him, vibrant and fun and seemingly in total control of her life, doing what SHE wants to do because she can and she enjoys it.
SO HERE'S MY HOT TAKE: Clint is closet trans and mistaking his gender envy of Emily for romantic attraction.
He feels trapped in his job which he clearly hates but feels resigned to because the town needs a blacksmith, what if he also feels trapped in his gender? What if trans as an option has simply never occurred to him or he thinks it's "for other people" or something like that??
I feel like if Emily ever did agree to date him I think he'd quickly find out it's not actually what he wanted from her. I think he really just wants the freedom that she has and also maybe the gender that she has idk is that really so unreasonable a take???
Maybe it is it was really late at night when I was thinking about this but I had to get it out lol
tl;dr: I don't think Clint wants Emily. I think Clint wants to be Emily, in a trans way.
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I am in my flop era right now and I just want to write what's going on with me lately _(:3」∠)_
I have been feeling meh lately. As everyone already knows, I am dealing with constant feeling of loneliness due to my lost of a long term friendship which has been quite devastating to me because I know a part of me kinda die and I don't feel like I am fully myself or been myself for months now. I dont care if people think it's ridiculous and I'm being dramatic but just like relationship, friends break up too and I am dealing with it. Some days I'll be fine and some days I just feel awful and everything I do just feels like I'm on autopilot. I'm sad but I can't be sad because I just don't have anyone to rely on now so I rather try not to be sad and do something else. I'm trying though.
I think what makes me sad is my acc getting banned out of the blue. I made a private twitter last month that I use to update what I do whenever I want to and it was such a relief and a safe space to me because I had a place to talk with a very small crowd of people I trusted and I was devastated when it was suspended because of bullshit reasons. I quit insta 2 months ago because I realize I am surrounded by self-centered people and I don't update anything personal regarding my life and feelings anymore elsewhere other than this site. I haven't have any long meaningful conversation with anyone irl other than my family for months and only talk to people when it's related to school work or anything non-personal related. I have been actively avoiding people and avoiding talking too long to people for months.
I tried to get back to interacting with others through my private twt acc and I actually feel safe. Now when it's gone Im sad because I can't be myself elsewhere anymore and I just kinda feel like the world is punishing me right now. It's like I don't deserve to have friends and be happy _(:3」∠)_ what if things wont get better for me? Idk I don't want to feed those thoughts but I wont lie, I'm scared if one day I am going to be extremely sad and do dumb things _(:3」∠)_
I still want to live and do good things but it just seems like good things doesn't happen to me lately and everything just looks so muted to me for now
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Despite keeping my apartment at 55 and trying to save power my bill is still stupid high this month.
My application for assistance last month also looks like it was never received.
So fractional income this month and high bills whoopee...
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--- Small IRL Update;; (Semi-Hiatus!) Sorry I've been a bit less active lately, (as if I was super active to begin with but I was trying!). Recently had to pick up a second job to make some ends meet and working two of them has been kicking my ass. 14 hour workdays are tough going an leave barely enough time for sleep let alone writing- that said, I'm trying to settle and acclimate my body to the schedule and once that happens I should be a bit more active and engaging. Sorry to anyone this might inconvenience.
--- The best way to reach me (and to plot or just talk about muses in general!) is on Discord at Vivisekt#8556 or vivisekt. Lmk who you are if you add me. I'll be lurking on the dash and like I said, I'll do my best to try and be present when my body doesn't want to collapse the second I get home. Rip. This will end soon enough, thanks for your patience!
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