#I'll be Fine it's just a cold
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hellooooooooooooo folks I. Am Ill
And the attempt to ignore it went very poorly
#thorn post#me: 'i am going to ignore my sore throat' *nearly chokes on own breath 10 hours later*#I'll be Fine it's just a cold
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Pea Brained Bounce House time. Was thinking about the earlier Mikey bit. Then I started thinking about Warm Coded. And then:
Raph’s got like. This thing, when you’re working out with him. He uses the cover of coaching you to stare.
It’s not until he’s got you doing chairs against the concrete wall, and you look up in pleading askance on how much longer you’ve gotta hold the position, that you finally catch the way his attention is trained on the swell of your stomach. The uncanny focus of his gaze on your thighs as the muscles start to tremble and seize up.
Raph likes to stare.
#……. hm. is this gonna be a blood orange fic?#are they gonna converge?#looks at the blurple fic I’m already planning. fuck. this might be a blood orange fic#but how would that even work?#Mikey is so much harder to set a boundary with than Leo and Donnie#and what about my head canon of Mikey sneaking into Raph’s bed during nightmares?#I could just see. raph wakes up and readers all against him all warm and cuddly#he goes for the sleepy morning action#but his hand knocks against Mikey’s shell and there’s like the awful dawning realization that his little bro is cock blocking him#cue Mikey waking up cuz you smell all warm and he wants action too#only for the same realization to have th both going >:[ at each other#raph gets up like fuck this I’ll be a good boyfriend I’ll go get breakfast. you want pastries doll? I'll get you fucking pastries#and Mikey’s like fuck that I’ll be a better boyfriend I’m gonna go make homemade juice#and then reader is like. wtf where are my cuddly buddies? Why is everyone so pissy this fine morning?#<- zero clue they are in the middle of a pissing contest#goes to take a morning shower and gets interrupted cuz Mikey doubles back#youngest sibling gotta take advantage of the older one being out and all that#I could just see him all annoyed halfway to the Kitchen before going *wtf am I doing* and backtracking to corner reader in the bathroom#raph drags reader back in his room and closes the door in mikey's face when he gets back with pastries#cuz personal space (nest) privileges and it was cold outside and damn it he's was a good boyfriend he deserves cuddle time#also he didn't get mikey any pastries#proceeds to show reader there's more than one way to enjoy a pastry#……… have to think about this one actually plot poly is hard#raccoon rambles
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everything feels like a slurry in my brain. simultaneously like i've been swept up into a hurling vortex that lurches around on unsteady legs and also like i'm the only stagnant thing and everything else is a loud cacophony of color that's almost startling. my eyes are hot and they feel wet. my head hurts. my chest feels empty. i blink and hours pass. everything feels like it's a stone's throw from reality or maybe i'm just on the opposite side of the glass entirely. i feel hollow and i feel brittle like the tiniest bit of pressure will make me shatter.
#my hands are cold but they're always cold but they feel nice against my face right now.........#i think. i haven't been dealing with things as well as i thought i have been especially the last week or so#might be mia for a bit guys. there's nothing to worry about regarding my safety at all but there is a.....#distinct...lack. of feeling or anything right now. just total numbing apathy and i dont like how i am both to myself and#to others when i get like this.#hopefully this passes soon xoxo. eventually i'll be fine because i'm always fine....
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have been feeling really weird and am trying to figure out what's wrong with me and i almost just texted my friend "i feel like i might be sick but i don't have any symptoms. except for the symptoms." so hm. that's not working lol.
#i feel like i need to sleep for approximately 127 years even though i'm not dramatically sleep deprived or anything#i just need to sleep eternally and then maybe i'll feel fine#i have been having so many dreams and waking up so tired but not at all sleepy and then being soooo out of it all day long#but i don't have any like. cold or flu symptoms which i feel like is usually the culprit in this scenario?
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One Piece #1069
"It's usually the case that Awakened Zoan powers absorb and control the user's personality..."
An interesting thing to say, especially considering something I can't stop thinking since the Kaido fights: Luffy was actually doing a lot better as himself then as Nika. He took a lot less hits, had a lot more finesse and used his haki a lot more (that we could see). His Nika form had the advantage of resilience and stamina (and cartoon power) going for it, but at the cost of Luffy's battle skills. Trade the Nika thing with an energy rush and the ability to grow even bigger and I think Luffy might have won more easily.
#One Piece#one piece manga#Monkey D. Luffy#Sun God Nika#fine! I'll admit it!! I'm a Nika-anti!!#I mean not really. Just... idk... leaves me a bit cold. And I'm someone who loves Luffy as a trickster and savior and sun figure!!#Egghead arc
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I love saying "hmm i'm feeling a bit burnt out" when i've just got the case of late spring laziness
#it's cold again but i think i got overcome with fjaka already#well. i passed 3 midterms possibly 4 and i'll pass the 5th one too so if i fail the sixth i'll be fine#there's just sooo much i need to do and i don't feel like doing anything anymore#on friday i'll sleep all day
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I Should Stop Talking
#Kailey Does A Talk#''But Kailey it's just a cold you'll live'' YEAH SURE I ABSOLUTELY WILL BUT I DON'T NEED THIIIISSSSS#My beloved girlfriend (I love you hi Emily) had this cold#A gentle cold. a simple cold. stuffy nose and sneezes. sore throat. the usual. very traditional cold (she's almost better now thankfully)#She got this exact same cold last year and when she passed it on to me it DESTROYED me for a solid week#I was all ''heh my immune system is awesome I'll be fine'' hard cut to me completely dead#I am Mortified at what this cold could behold. Blease be gentle with me I do not wish to expire for a week again#I've already used up all my sick days at work for a vacation at the end of the month you can't DO this to me
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So this is random, but I picked up Stardew Valley for the first time this summer and have been playing almost nonstop since.
I’ve also been watching a lot of SDV YouTube content and noticed that the general consensus there seems to be that Clint is a creepy incel who needs to keep his creep hands off Emily, which surprised me because that’s not really how I read him.
Idk what the consensus is on him here on tumblr but I’m assuming it’s similar? I tend not to dive deep into fandom spaces and just do my own thing so I genuinely have no idea, BUT I was kept awake by my brain going on a wild tangent about Clint with an entirely alternate take SO here it is:
[under the cut bc slightly long][also this is just for fun if you disagree that's totally fine]
Ok so first off I should say that I don’t LIKE Clint necessarily, but I also don’t think he’s as bad as people say. I’ve seen his heart events, although I haven't gone to look at what all the options are, I only know what happens with the option I picked (which was the "treat men and women the same" or whatever one).
But basically, when I look at Clint, I mostly see a guy who feels trapped in his profession/family tradition, is deeply bored and depressed, but doesn't really realize how much of a problem that is because he's 100% resigned to his fate. He's tired and doesn't have the emotional self-awareness to realize that he can do anything different or that he even should.
Which leads me to his feelings for Emily. YES he's obsessed with her and it's a bit weird, but also, it's never read as sexual or even that romantic to me.
I think it's more idealization--she's the opposite of him, vibrant and fun and seemingly in total control of her life, doing what SHE wants to do because she can and she enjoys it.
SO HERE'S MY HOT TAKE: Clint is closet trans and mistaking his gender envy of Emily for romantic attraction.
He feels trapped in his job which he clearly hates but feels resigned to because the town needs a blacksmith, what if he also feels trapped in his gender? What if trans as an option has simply never occurred to him or he thinks it's "for other people" or something like that??
I feel like if Emily ever did agree to date him I think he'd quickly find out it's not actually what he wanted from her. I think he really just wants the freedom that she has and also maybe the gender that she has idk is that really so unreasonable a take???
Maybe it is it was really late at night when I was thinking about this but I had to get it out lol
tl;dr: I don't think Clint wants Emily. I think Clint wants to be Emily, in a trans way.
#again if you DO read Clint as creepy or whatever that's fine#it's not like i DON'T see it#i just never saw him that way personally i mostly just feel bad for him#also he should take an apprentice and leave them the business i bet abi would be down to learn how to smith#then clint can try something else like.#well idk but he'd be free to try stuff! i'll let him try stuff on the farm to see if he likes it#if not he can go look for other new hobbies and be free#stardew valley#clint stardew valley#also idk if this take is actually totally cold or something this game is old and i'm out of touch#by choice lol
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I am in my flop era right now and I just want to write what's going on with me lately _(:3」∠)_
I have been feeling meh lately. As everyone already knows, I am dealing with constant feeling of loneliness due to my lost of a long term friendship which has been quite devastating to me because I know a part of me kinda die and I don't feel like I am fully myself or been myself for months now. I dont care if people think it's ridiculous and I'm being dramatic but just like relationship, friends break up too and I am dealing with it. Some days I'll be fine and some days I just feel awful and everything I do just feels like I'm on autopilot. I'm sad but I can't be sad because I just don't have anyone to rely on now so I rather try not to be sad and do something else. I'm trying though.
I think what makes me sad is my acc getting banned out of the blue. I made a private twitter last month that I use to update what I do whenever I want to and it was such a relief and a safe space to me because I had a place to talk with a very small crowd of people I trusted and I was devastated when it was suspended because of bullshit reasons. I quit insta 2 months ago because I realize I am surrounded by self-centered people and I don't update anything personal regarding my life and feelings anymore elsewhere other than this site. I haven't have any long meaningful conversation with anyone irl other than my family for months and only talk to people when it's related to school work or anything non-personal related. I have been actively avoiding people and avoiding talking too long to people for months.
I tried to get back to interacting with others through my private twt acc and I actually feel safe. Now when it's gone Im sad because I can't be myself elsewhere anymore and I just kinda feel like the world is punishing me right now. It's like I don't deserve to have friends and be happy _(:3」∠)_ what if things wont get better for me? Idk I don't want to feed those thoughts but I wont lie, I'm scared if one day I am going to be extremely sad and do dumb things _(:3」∠)_
I still want to live and do good things but it just seems like good things doesn't happen to me lately and everything just looks so muted to me for now
#i will be fine i always do I just dont feel alright right now#maybe I should continue watching frasier now to cheer me up#I'll be honest: i haven't feel and think about selfshipping too because im just so sad these days#i missed it when i was enthusiastic about Utonium but now everything is just too sad for me rn#also i have a cold rn so i haven't stop sneezing lol#im writing here because this is like the only place i feel like ppl would understand me#cw vent#cw negative
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the utter lack of affection or care amongst my extended family is so bleak and miserable
#like I don't get on or chat with fucking any of my english cousins. the few I did#get on well with disappeared from my life out of nowhere because of family drama#the ones left are older than me and they never cared about me lol#and they're all boys which I don't think helped things when we were younger#but that shouldn't matter. I get on with my spanish male cousin fine ! he's lovely!#but the people I'm with every winter and birthday etc are just completely cold and detached#I have no real relationship with any of my uncles or aunts or cousins#it's not like there's even one I can go and talk to while everyone else is ignoring me lol#I've got my brother and that's it and of course he's just a little kid#he's either trying to get attention from the adults or trying to get me to play with him#which is fine. but. ugh.#it's just like I should've had this big network of people who cared about me statistically I should've had at least one family#member who I had some kind of unique or close bond with and I never did I never got it#I grew up with two sisters and I never got it. I think about what it could be like with sisters who gave a shit about me all the time#If I had someone to talk to besides my parents or about my parents it would be such a weight off my back#and all I've got it my brother and he's just too young for me to put any of my life on his shoulders#my biggest fear is that when he hits puberty he'll begin to think I'm embarrassing and stupid and not like me anymore#and then I'll really have nothing
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nooo early spring sunlight, don't get dark i'm still depressed haha
#7pm isnt bad but nooooo#its so cold out i didn't spend as much time outside as i wanted to now its too late#like ik i wasng getting warmer as it was getting later but still#anyway#alas#i will try to wake up early tomorrow tho perhaps#it will be raining but also warm so i can do stuff outside 😌#spring!!!#my depression is almost cured just give it like another week or two and i'll be fine <3#tho my scary doctor's appointment is coming up and i have no money :(#my parents will hopefully be able to cover the treatment for me but i have no idea yet what it will cost and i hate to be a burden on them#ugh#trying to enjoy the beauty of slring without thinking abt maybe never seeing it again 🥲
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Shit day. Left my best gloves on the fucking train. It'll be a miracle if anyone actually hands them in at the lost & found section
#anne speaks#rest of the day was fine i guess but that just set the tone and made it impossible for this day to be great#REAL LEATHER. LAMBSWOOL LINING. PERFECT SIZE#they were gorgeous they were comfy they were an old christmas present and i'll never find another pair like it#right on the first day the weather finally realises it's autumn too#so now i gotta cycle with cold ass fucking hands
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Despite keeping my apartment at 55 and trying to save power my bill is still stupid high this month.
My application for assistance last month also looks like it was never received.
So fractional income this month and high bills whoopee...
#guess I'll just stay cold#legit its not that bad in the pnw its just frustrating when your 1 bd apartment power bill is somehow the same as my parents 5 bd house#and its not like I'm leaving shit on on the time either?? I unplug stuff I'm not using#I keep the heat at 55-65#I wear sweaters and use space heaters#the birds are fine in the bedroom#its smaller and holds heat in
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--- Small IRL Update;; (Semi-Hiatus!) Sorry I've been a bit less active lately, (as if I was super active to begin with but I was trying!). Recently had to pick up a second job to make some ends meet and working two of them has been kicking my ass. 14 hour workdays are tough going an leave barely enough time for sleep let alone writing- that said, I'm trying to settle and acclimate my body to the schedule and once that happens I should be a bit more active and engaging. Sorry to anyone this might inconvenience.
--- The best way to reach me (and to plot or just talk about muses in general!) is on Discord at Vivisekt#8556 or vivisekt. Lmk who you are if you add me. I'll be lurking on the dash and like I said, I'll do my best to try and be present when my body doesn't want to collapse the second I get home. Rip. This will end soon enough, thanks for your patience!
#out of shadows | ooc |--;#ugh the reason i haven't been on as much#or writing as much as i was trying to earlier this week#i am just so physically exhausted#and i just got over a cold (it's not fully done yet)#and once my body is used to the 14 hr days i'll go back to being fine#but until i get used to it i'm just#dragGING AND I'M SORRY#and i'm battling internal issues as well and trying not to succumb to my own hea#d#bleh#ANYWAYS#i'm lurking#add me on disco or s/t
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I'm trying to watch Alone Australia rn and girl. Girl i Cannot
Like idk, maybe i was expecting too much but for people to be freaked about the sound of the trees on day one. Day. One. GIRL. You are meant to be living on country alone for MONTHS, and you're acting like you've never even been camping in your own back yard. Girl i can't
#Sigh#Alone australia#Like i like alone and it can get a lil melodramatic#But this is ridiculous#Day ONE ffs#And like. It's tasmania. Along tidal zones in a wooded cold climate. It won't ve easy but if you have half an idea you will be fine#You are guaranteed to find water and shelter and food#Personally I'd rather see how they'd handle being stuck out in the desert instead#But i guess they'd have to quit when they can't find water on day two and the whole show would last two episodes#I could barely watch the first episode#Just you watch I'll sign up for next season and won't shit my pants over the freaking trees in the wind
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Applying for retail jobs with dread but also going Well! It's almost Christmas so I can infect the horrible Christmas playlists with skz 🥰
#i was in aged care before this tho and thats way more depressing than retail#so yeah sure this is fine#you guys will 100% know if/when i get one tho bc i'll post 80% more than now#bc i am a bad employee ����#also can i just say nothin funnier than hearing its gonna be a snowy christmas#or whatever yk all the christmas songs are northern hemisphere based#snow and cold and winter and meanwhile you just walked in from 42°c heat like its genuinely funny
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