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#I'M THE WATERBOTTLE.
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Record of Ragnarok x Reader but It's Tik Tok Audios (pt 3)
You: Father...Am I ugly?
Adam, as he hugs you: What nonsense. I'm looking at you right now, you're the most beautiful person in the heavens♡
Loki: Uncle, am I ugly?
Odin: Yes, very much.
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You, texting someone: I don't know what to say.
Brunhilde: Here let me do it.
You:...Don't be mean about it, though.
Brunhilde: *deletes paragraph*
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Au where (Y/n) is Poseidon's equally moody and emo child
You: WHEN DID YOU SUDDENLY BECOME UNCOOL!?
Poseidon: WHEN DID YOU START ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BABY WHO SCREAMS AT ME WHENEVER THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT!?
You: RIGHT AFTER YOU DON'T GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!!
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Raiden: You can't run around like a footless chicken.
You: HEADLESS chicken, big guy.
Raiden: Uh, NO! How's a chicken supposed to run without its head!?
You: How's it supposed to run with no feet?
Raiden: I'M NOT A CHICKEN, (Y/N), WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS!?
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Zeus: SOMEOME SHOULD PUT YOU IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL!
You: SOMEONE SHOULD PUT YOU IN A BOX FLOATING DOWN THE RIVER, G R A N D P A
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You, a new diety: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Loki: I dunno, I usually just throw shit at Shiva now.
You: Whose Shiva?
Loki, throwing a water bottle: YO SHIVA!
Shiva, whose STILL RECOVERING FROM R A I D E N: Yeah- *gets hit*
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raytorosaurus · 1 year
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So instead of “Trust me” Frank said “It did not kill me” tonight ☹️
https://twitter.com/genrethespanner/status/1636703866271023106?s=46&t=DFKnke4t-zgZJoWNdgM4aA
oh my FUCKING god...........
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drfrogphd · 3 months
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Lethal Company Stickers are now in my shop! ✨ etsy.com/shop/drfrogphd
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horrorlesbians · 6 months
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i wanna buy more stickers because i found this artist on etsy that I'm now obsessed with but my water bottle is basically fully covered (color scheme has to match and they can't overlap or ill want to rip my face off) and i can't put anything too horror-y on my laptop case bc i bring my laptop to work and guests can see it. so :(
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darkwood-sleddog · 8 months
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been trying to fully detox from using caffeine and i gotta say. i feel a lot better.
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lashysdomain · 2 months
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my dash is the same two old man fucking posts
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fbfh · 2 years
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chillax, I got you - JJ maybank x reader smut
word count: 2.3k
genre: SMUT, comfort, fluff at the end
pairing: JJ x afab reader (referred to as "my girl"/girlfriend as petnames)
warnings: reader has a bad fear of bugs (bug type is not specified), JJ is a good boyfriend, descriptions of something akin to anxiety over said bugs, JJ rails the shit out of you to distract you, fingering, praise, nicknames (pretty girl, my girl), "ask nicely to cum", JJ spits into your mouth so that's fun, creampie, begging, aftercare
summary: JJ is a really good boyfriend; he's so sweet, he kills bugs that you hate without you even having to ask, and he fucks you absolutley stupid to distract you when you see one in the middle of the night.
song rec: idk how well it fits but I listened to guy.exe by superfruit the entire time I was writing this and I'm a little sick of it now lol
a/n: this was bc I saw a certian type of bug I l o a t h e a foot away from me like three nights in a row!!! love that for me!!! /s
anyway trying to knock out my wips so I have enough room to write a shit ton of stranger things fics after s4 comes out so wish me luck with that lol
tags: @afidiofobia @justbookworm @yesv01
as with all nsfw works all characters are aged up to 18+!!!
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One thing that sucks about living in the Outer Banks is the way your least favorite bug always seems to be practically everywhere year round. Some people hate bugs, and honestly, you’re pretty jealous of those people. You always convince yourself you don’t mind bugs that much, that they won’t freak you out next time you see one, only to end up doing exactly that. From the way you shake and cry and try to fight an anxiety attack every time you so much as see one, you think it’s safe to say you’re well into phobia territory. 
The good news in all this is that JJ is not afraid of bugs, and actually loves kicking their asses when one shows up. He hates how upset they make you, and if there’s any way for him to stop that from happening, of course he’s going to.  He’s gotten very good at finding them before you do, and getting rid of them before you even knew it was there. The other pogues have even begun pointing out the bugs you hate to JJ so he can get rid of them before you even notice. Ever since he found out how much you hate these bugs, he’s made sure you basically never have to see them. 
“Thanks,” you croak, and he pulls you to his chest. He rubs your back reassuringly as you cling onto him tight, trying your hardest to fight back the terror that surrounds you. He kisses your forehead. A moment later, you inch back into your room, JJ at your side. You inspect the walls and windows and bedding under your bright phone flashlight for several minutes until you feel satisfied that there’s nothing of any concern hiding anywhere.
However, on the rare occasion you see one before he does, you really do try to take it in stride. Especially when you find a massive motherfucker six inches above your head at 2am, like today. Even though you’re standing in the other room, shaking and crying, biting your hand, you’re still trying your hardest to stay as calm as you possibly can. A moment later JJ’s in front of you.
“Gone.” he states, voice croaky and thick with sleep. God, he’s so hot. You nod silently. You both know if you say anything you’re going to cry, and you’d really like to avoid that right now. You have shit to do in the morning and you don’t want to lose an hour and a half of sleep just because of a stupid bug, just because your stupid brain won’t stop telling you there’s more of them when you know there’s not. JJ knows this. He knows how bad this is for you. How hard it is to get rid of the paranoid thoughts, how draining it gets. 
JJ stands behind you, wrapping his arms around you, nuzzling his face into your neck. 
“I know there’s nothing there, I’m just…” you breathe, throat still tight, “so worried…” You’re worried there might be more bugs, worried about having nightmares after this, worried this whole ordeal will consume the bulk of your thoughts for the rest of the day, worried you won’t even be able to get back to sleep. He sways with you in his arms a little, skin warm against yours, breath fanning across your neck and jawline, and he feels you start to relax in his arms. There’s only one thing that can distract you from these distressing fruitless worries, and that’s JJ. 
“I know,” he says, voice comforting as he spins you around to face him. There’s only one thing to do on nights like this, and relief and warmth spread across your skin as he begins to press kisses to your neck. He looks at you, with that signature loving, playful gaze of his that seems to melt distress away. He takes in a breath, then sighs.
“I guess I’ll just have to fuck the worries right out of you.” 
You feel your cheeks flush, temperature rising on the already warm night as he pulls you closer to his bare chest, hand keeping you securely close on the small of your back. He rubs his thumb across your lips, taking you in for a moment with that signature look of his. God, no one looks at you the way JJ does. Your hands caress his cheeks, gently pulling him in for a kiss, and in the moments before your lips connect, he can see the gratitude and adoration in your eyes. You’re already smiling against his lips, the tides of your mind beginning to turn from impossible ideas that would keep you awake for an hour at least, to your very hot, blonde surfer boy who is currently feeling you up and will keep you up all night, writhing in pleasure. 
JJ's lips are warm against yours, and he leans into you, curling your bodies together. His hand moves down, touching you slowly, sending heat through your body, then squeezing your thigh and wrapping it around his waist. Simultaneously, he dips you, causing you both to fall into bed. He kisses you and kisses you, mouth open as you giggle against him. His chest warms with each one of your bubbling laughs, knowing it means you're feeling better, knowing he's doing his job and making sure you're as happy and carefree as possible. 
One hand holds the back of your neck, guiding your head and deepening the kiss. The other glides up your torso, caressing the curve of your hips, your waist, easily making its way under your shirt. It soon finds its place on your chest, enthusiastically groping the soft flesh of your tits. He kneads and squeezes, thumb rubbing over your hardened nipple, sending jolts of electricity to your core. Your temperature is already steadily rising at his touch, and you're ready for more. 
JJ's ready for more too, rock hard on top of you and pressing into the soft flesh of your thigh. All those cute little moans you’re breathing into his mouth spur him further along, and soon he begins to grind into you slowly. He continues to kiss you, playfully nipping your lips and fucking his tongue into your mouth, murmuring dirty thoughts under his breath. You sigh and moan against him, sounding so pretty and growing increasingly flustered. You can feel yourself getting more turned on by the minute, body growing hot at every rock and bump of his throbbing bulge against your soft dripping heat. 
You try your hardest to suppress the breathy sighs and little moans he’s already drawing from you, but he doesn't miss a single one. Every noise you make gets him harder for you, throbbing and humping against you faster. You were never that vocal before you met JJ, but now… god, he has you moaning so fast it’s embarrassing.
"JJ…" you finally moan against his lips, and he can't help himself, finally moving his hand down to toy with your clothed cunt. His mouth moves to your neck, and he grabs your hips, lifting them up to pull down your little sleep shorts and panties. He takes a moment to grope you as he does, savoring the feeling of you humping against his hand. You know how much he loves it when you wear little shorts like that, what it does to him. He plunges his long fingers into your dripping heat, spongy walls seeming to suck him in. He groans into your mouth, anticipating when you’ll soon be wrapped around him, squeezing him tight. You flutter around him as he stretches you out. 
“JJ…” you moan again, an unmistakable whine in your voice. Your hands move from his back to tug at his boxers, soft skin brushing against his hips. The feeling of you tugging at his underwear, desperate for his cock while you clench and drip around his fingers is almost too much to bear. You both need him inside you, right now. He retracts his fingers, causing you to whine, fluttering against nothing. 
“Easy, pretty girl,” he comforts, shimmying out of his only remaining article of clothing, and you watch, eyes wide, as his cock springs free, red and dripping just for you. He works two fingers back into your burning cunt, scissoring his fingers and stretching you out one last time before lining himself up tantalizingly with your entrance. You're about to start whining, needing his touch more than anything, when he pops the head of his cock inside you. The whine that had been building up falls from your lips as a mewl instead. He joins you, moaning out a breathy chuckle, sighing against your skin. He grabs your thigh, groping you as he works his way deeper inside you. 
“Atta girl, just like that,” he coaxes, until he’s finally buried all the way inside you. You sigh, full and satisfied. Heat radiates off his chest, as he starts to roll his hips, fucking you with deep, deliberate strokes. 
“There’s my good girl,” he breathes, “takin’ my cock so well, such a good girl for me…” 
He continues to pound you into the mattress, hips speeding up when you tug at his hair and drag your nails down his back. One thing you can say for sure about JJ is that he sure knows how to move his hips. He hits every single spot inside you with each thrust, reducing you to a whimpering mess faster than anyone else you’ve ever been with, and he can tell from the fucked out look on your face that you’re enjoying every minute of it. 
Before long, he can feel your walls gradually tighten around him, and your eyes are already glazing over. He continues to press hot, open mouthed kisses against you, his tongue fucking into your mouth, muffling your moans and whines. When he pulls away, it’s to ask if you’re close, ask if his pretty girl is gonna cream around his cock. Before he can, you watch, eyes wide, as a strand of spit connects your mouths. You squeeze around him, fixated on the sight. He chuckles, knowing where this is going. 
“You gonna cum, pretty girl?” he asks, hot breath panting over your skin, “Huh? You want to be a good girl, cream around my cock?” You nod, eyes squeezed shut, whining with every thrust. Your eyes snap open when he turns your face towards his, a smoldering expression painted over his face. 
“Ask nicely.” 
The instructions send heat rocking through you. 
“Say please…” he tantalizes in a breathy chuckle. Before you can even think, you’re babbling out messy pleads and prayers for him to let you cum. 
“P-please, JJ-” you choke out, “cum ‘nside me, fill me up…” you slur in his ear, drunk on his touch. He does not need to be told twice. Your noises, your words, the way you cling to his muscular shoulders and clench around him have him even closer than before. After listening to you continue to beg a satisfactory amount, he chuckles, catching your lips in another hot, open mouthed kiss. But this time as he pulls away, he grabs your jaw, coaxing you to keep your mouth open. 
He puckers his lips, letting a glistening bead of spit fall from his mouth into yours. It hits your tongue, tasting like him, and you clench hard, eyes rolling back as you let out a beautiful moan. He grabs your thigh, hiking it over his hip, reaching even deeper inside you. His thrusts become messy as his hand reaches down for your clit. The added sensation has you climaxing in seconds, burying your face in his neck to muffle the torrent of moans and screams of pleasure falling from your beautiful lips. Within moments of your orgasm, JJ reaches his. You’re always pleasantly surprised by how full you feel when he cums inside you, stretching you out like this, and you revel in the feeling. 
“F-fuck,” he moans, face contorted with pleasure, “shit…” his hisses. He continues to pound into you until you’ve both thoroughly come down from your highs, and you sigh at the empty feeling when he eventually pulls out, peppering kisses all over your face.
After you catch your breath, you try to get up so you can clean yourself up in the bathroom, but wobble as soon as you stand. 
“Woah,” JJ’s right beside you, holding you steady. He glances down the hall, then scoops you up, setting you back down on the bed. 
“Stay here, gorgeous,” he punctuates by pressing a warm kiss to your lips. You’re so wrapped up in everything he just made you feel, his taste still on your tongue, that you don’t even hear the thwack from the hallway, where JJ has just gotten rid of yet another one of those buggy motherfuckers you hate. 
“Stay the hell away from my girlfriend.” he states to the smudge, before grabbing a couple warm washcloths. 
Soon you’re cleaned up, cuddled together with a fan on high. The windows are opened for a little cross breeze, and you can smell the ocean air from here. You should go surfing tomorrow, you want to tell JJ, you know he’d think it’s a great idea. But you can feel yourself slipping into the warm embrace of sleep, safe in his arms. 
‘Oh well,’ you think, ‘I’ll just tell him in the morning…’ It’s your last thought before you’re out like a light, and you look forward to it. Waking up next to JJ is your favorite part of the day, and you can’t wait to wake him up by pressing kisses to his sun kissed cheeks. 
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hephaestuscrew · 2 years
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My Greater Boston Indiegogo rewards arrived today! 🎢🚇🏙️🐐
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[ID: Collection of badges and stickers themed around the podcast Greater Boston, including logos for the show itself and for the Red Line Yard Goats, The Underground, Wonderland, and Pizza Ghost.]
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bau-drabbles · 9 months
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Hi it's me emotionally distressed nonie.
I am eagerly waiting for the Spencer angst. Its gonna hurt so bad but feel so good. I now have a water bottle next to my bed just in case. I hope you are having a wonderful day. You the best 🤍 I'm like "I GOTTA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!" but also "Am I really going to let myself get hurt like this? Yes. Yes, I am"
aww babe!!!! 🥹🥹🫶
this makes me so happy honestly, you're amazing <33 i've been lacking the motivation to finish them but this makes me wanna post all of them for you right now 🥲😙 i swear, i'll try to make them extra sad for you nonnie! :") <33 i'm so excited for you to read them, honestly. i promise i'm gonna post all the fanfics very soon!! 🤍🤍
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designingxdaffodils · 2 years
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Because you just gotta let the world know.  Time to show off that confidence with a “I’m just a Vibe” sticker, now available on my Etsy shop!
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1293994979/im-just-a-vibe-sticker-waterproof-viny
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melonpond · 1 year
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I FINALLY CLEANED MY ROOM I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED
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immortalarizona · 6 months
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laggyshadow532 · 7 months
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I've come to a realization
Friend of mine: everyone has a mom friend.
Me, about to have a realization: bitch I don't have a mom friend.
Me: oh shit I am the mom friend- oh mah god
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babymagi · 8 months
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Aight
10k words of absolute AliJu filth in a fic
Just finished it up, gonna go to bed now
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yeahdefnot · 9 months
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how in the fuck are there not any covid tests in the house in the year 2023?
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reissance · 10 months
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people need to better their reading comprehension skills a lil before calling others racists and 2. they also need to understand how bad it is to deal with the same people (muns) using fcs from bp, bts, twice, ateez (san especially oml) and the boyz. i don't agree to banning idol fcs but maybe there should be a cap for them??? bc it's ALWAYS the same people applying for the SAME fcs with a same variation of a muse they've had for years who start problematic shit within groups. sorry if this was too much and you're drunk KJSKSK please remember to hydrate <3
FR GO BACK TO SCHOOL IT'S NOT THAT BAD !!! (not trying to offend people who can't actually do it, I'm just saying, read before getting mad and calling other racists) and I don't believe in caps for fcs, but I do believe in caps for muns and keeping bullies away, honestly if admins just kicked people out of their groups, the rpc would be a better place, stop giving a million chances, they don't deserve it!!! also I'm personally offended bc I can't stand ateez bc of the rpc, not that I like their music but I can't even appreciate their faces bc of how traumatized I am (same with nct)
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