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suxkami · 8 months

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YEARNING FOR COMFORT , ,

ft . freminet + gn reader

genre : mostly angst + a sprinkle of comfort

summary : you and freminet were supposed to have a friendly hang out session today , but something seems off about him . . .

administration note : hi there ! I know it's been a while since i've posted on here but I'm back ! this is just a silly freminet oneshot i decided to do for him bc he's one of my favorite characters so far in fontaine so enjoy ! :] (im praying this doesn't flop so please enjoy)

warnings : not proofread + emo freminet /j ?! + slight trauma dump from freminet (but comfort from reader in the end <3) + sibling crumbs for you lot + quite short

word count : 1.0K

written by pio on the 9th of september 2023 , !! DO NOT COPY OR STEAL !!

. . .

today, you felt like it would be a great day to go out with your friend freminet, you had felt like you two hadn't hung out for a while since last monday, so why not try talking to him?

although yes, it was common for him to be an introvert most of the time and you knew that pretty much from the beginning when you two first met. it wasn't like him to be distant from people for longer than 3 days, not a whole week.

you couldn't help but feel as if something was wrong. . .

you asked lyney when you saw him out in public,

"ah! , yes of course I have! but uh. . . lately he's been seeming a little off. . . like as if he's not himself "

well at least now you knew he wasn't dead.

you decided to ask lynette about freminet as well,

"yes, but freminet has been avoiding occasions such as eating, me and lyney's shows, and also sleeping." she said,

huh? he's been. . . skipping meals and sleep? did you hear that right?

now you really needed to see him and have a proper talk.

a few hours later, you arrived at the house of the three siblings. you knew that the two of the three were out hosting a show at the Debord hotel, so it just had to be freminet in the house. besides, you knew he wasn't a fan of being outside that much. so he had to be in here.

you knocked on the door, to which at first, the doorknob didn't twist. but when you called out, the door opened after a while of silence.

there stood freminet at the door, you could only see him a little because he was hiding his face behind the door. "Y/N. . .?" he whispered. "freminet. . ." you said his full name which meant you were serious with a hint of sadness in your eyes when you saw him, a frown found it's way on your face.

he looked so pale, the dark circles under his eyes, and his slow. . . very slow figure that was barely holding onto the door. "what- what happened. .?" you whispered, but soon freminet would cut you off. "uh, please. . . please don't tell my siblings about my state. . ." he said. "how long have you been like this fremi. . .?" you asked, "can i come in?" you asked, that last question took him a while to answer before opening the door enough to fit you inside. to which he quickly shut the door.

he gestured for you to follow him into his bedroom upstairs, but you quickly interrupted him. "aren't you hungry?" you asked him, that made freminet's stomach growl quite loudly. indicating that yes. . . he was in fact hungry, "i uh-" "no, you're eating. now." you protested, almost talking to him in a mother like tone.

. . .

it was quiet between you two while you made freminet something to eat, as he sat there waiting at the dining room table with his legs propped up straight and his arms off the table like you two were in the setting of a strict family household at dinner time. the sound of the kettle boiling, the stove being used, and the sink being used to wash some vegetables. you broke the silence when you noticed him at the table, and the sound of your voice nearly made him jumped from how silent it was before.

"you know, you don't have to be so formal just for a meal when around me." you said, it seemed to make freminet's tense figure relax a little. "I don't want you feeling like you're back in the house of hearth again. . ." you sighed, continuing to chop up the vegetables you were prepping after you washed them. but then. . . you heard the sound of. . . sniffling? or maybe it was sobbing?

you snapped your head to look back at freminet who was crying a little, it actually shocked you a bit. this was the first time you've seen him cry in years. but it pained your heart a little, you quickly walked over to him and pulled a chair from the table and sat next to him. rubbing his back soothingly and shushing him, "hey, hey. . . it's alright, im here." you said. comforting him throughout his sibs, "why're you crying?" you asked. freminet quickly wiped his tears and acted strong as he didn't even realize he was crying in front of you. "father says that people who cry are like broken toys. . ." he said, "Y/N. . . am i, broken to you?" he asked you. your heart only softened at this question, "you're not broken to me or anybody else, don't think that." you said, " i think. . . lyney and lynette are broken too. . . like me." he said.

thats when you turned his head to face you, "freminet, look at me." you said. "to me, you're strong, brave, and so amazing when it comes to being independent!" you said, "you will never be seen as a broken person to be, rather, somebody who can be fixed by somebody." you said. your hands were on freminets shoulders as you looked at him deep in the eyes, your words seemed to have some sort of affect on freminet as he stared at you in awe yet also in a daze. "I- well-" freminet stuttered a little from his crying as he sniffled a bit again, wiping his eyes with his nightshirt long sleeve as he looked at you again. "you think so?" he said, "yes of course!" you said. his face now relaxed a little as he was still forming tears from his eyes whilst looking at you.

"thank you, Y/N." freminet said, "for everything..." he said with a faint smile. "i really needed some comfort from somebody like you.."

"don't mention it, now. wait here while i make your food before your stomach grumbles even louder." you said before walking back into the kitchen, right in time when the twins came back from their performance. . .

#genshin #genshin impact #angst #genshin impact x reader #fluff #freminet #lyney and lynette #lyney #lynette #fontaine

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cauldron-of-oddities · 1 day

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A little bridge to the next part of High Up in the Branches, a bit of family bonding

Change

The conversation with Vander had been awkward but insightful.

She'd flopped down on her favourite seat and started biting her lip. Vander, familiar with his youngest agitation, had taken out her favourite star-covered cup and filled it with the most sugary drink he had. He waits her out, like he always does. Sometimes, she wishes he'd ask outright other times, she's grateful. Right now, she's not sure, with this churning mess of emotions in her.

Halfway through her drink, fidgeting with the straw, she asks “Are all boys this dense?"

“Are your brothers bothering you?”

“No, it's just, well, what if someone who you've known all your life is suddenly being weird?"

“A boy is being dense and weird?"

“Yes.”

“Is this about Ekko?”

“Um,..”

“Hmmm.” The sound's thoughtful as he dries off another glass. “I'm going to need a bit more than that.”

Maybe Vander hadn't been the right choice to talk to, and she should have asked Claggor or Vi, but here she was. She's committed now, and she really needs some insight. “He’s…” She searches for the right word. “Awkward. Like he's constantly surprised to see me, and so lost in his thoughts, I mean, he almost flew into a post yesterday! Ekko's too good a flyer for that, and he's been too busy to do things together, and when we are, he's all jittery. And! He hasn't hugged me in like two weeks! Ugh!” She dropped her forehead onto the bar in frustration.

“Is he being mean?”

“No.”

“It's.., he's so sure of himself usually and,” Damn, she's feeling shy now. “He makes me feel sure of myself too and comfortable and now it's like he's scared to touch me, and I miss it and I thought we'd…” Her cheeks are warm. “I thought last time we'd… be more, and now he's acting like he's scared of me!”

“Hmmhmm” another noncommittal noise, she considers running off. "So it felt like something was going to change last time you went off together?"

Jup, her cheeks are officially on fire. “Yes…”

“Sounds like perhaps the idea of you and change spooked him a little.” Vander has a fond smile. “Maybe you could offer him some reassurance?”

She contemplates that answer before another question comes to her. “Wait, you're ok with this?”

“Why wouldn't I be? He's good to you, and it's been clear since he gave you your earrings.” He's laughing. Now, she feels pleased and bubbly along with the embarrassment. When his laughter quiets, he carries on in a wistful tone.

“The heart wants what it wants, and I am happy your choice is, a gentle one, a happy one."

Is it just her, or did Vander sound sad? Had his heart not been kind, did it have something to do with that magpie feather he kept? He shakes it off before she can ask. Instead, she goes with something else that's been bugging her.

“I have one more question: Why, whenever Ekko and I were alone, you and everyone constantly checks up on us?”

“Ah, well.” It's Vander's turn to look embarrassed “Let an old man worry for his daughter. These grey hairs weren't cheap, you know. I like to know all is good with my kids. As for your siblings, ask them.”

“Wait, you were just being nosy?” He laughs heartily at that. With that, she's out. Did parents always have to be so embarrassing?

She slides off the barstool with a roll of her eyes. Before she can go, Vander clears his throat. “Powder one thing, please be responsible. Talk to your sister, or I can ask Babette for a chat."

“I'll talk to Vi. Thank you very much.” Ok, she's not quite ready for that bit of the conversation today as she thinks diving into an ice bucket might be a good idea as she runs off.

She did talk to Vi later that week, who then promptly took her to Babette anyway. She learned two things that day. One; her sister was shameless. Two; she may well be utterly shameless too. Sat in Babetts plush office - who'd been all too happy to host her friends' girls for the evening - they'd been offered tea and cakes and some of the most safe, sane and scandalous information available.

#timebomb #ekko x jinx #the owl and the crow #Powder figuring stuff out #Vander being dad #protective but open #Vi's a menace too #but only touched upon #@oreo oro orero #for the inspiration #and the tiniest hint of a forshadow if I ever get round to it

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chelleztjs18 · 1 year

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Hello you mrs. cheerio but not the cereal lefty eyebag 🤣

I think I have another week to wait for the glasses to be ready. The contacts are fine but for some reason it dries my eyes out so bad that I keep scratching it too.

What did you do today?

Yes, sometimes I pay attention, then sometimes I don't 😅 I think I really have to be into the story for it to catch my eye. But yeah, that explanation made sense. I'm a bit mad though because he died fast lol he should've suffered. (and I know this isn't part of the story, but I wish they Dreykov character in the Black Widow movie also died a painful death and not just a blast)

I don't remember him cheating... I remember him wanting to sleep with the girl but it never happened. I wish the show was on DVD so I can just rewatch it whenever lol I hope though that the 4th season is going to be okay, because they added a lot of new people. I'm guessing already going to have a lot of twists and turns.

Ah I see. So you've always kept your promises even small ones? You've never broken a single one?

And hey now! I am not corny. I'm punny but not corny lol also I was thinking of giving you the nickname honey nut cheerio, cause you a honey, you nutty (crazy and weird) and you like saying cheerio.

- CuriousGeorge

Hello hello curious righty eyebag 😅

Ah yeah, it's always like that when i wear contacts too.. thats probably affecting ur eyes n cause the headache. That sucks, another week? I hope u will get it before christmas.

Im okay. Didnt do much. Oh i cooked herbs angel hair pasta with garlic butter chicken and rosemary, sage and thyme.

Will this pasta go straight to ur heart? 🤭😅 jk.

Im a little sad because i think my dark nat story flops. 😔

Haha yeah i got what u meant. Sometimes im like that too. Now im wondering is ur tumblr shows up in my notification a lot maybe from u liking or reblog my post? Just wondering.😆

Oh so it means u were really into my story that u catch the detail.haha.jk. 🤭

Haha u said the same thing like the R said after she killed Dreykov. R was disappointed that he died so fast.😅 n yeah the Dreykov in the movie is sooo annoying. N i want him to die worse.😅

Well, yeah he did. He was interested with the neighbour n didnt he hook up with the library girl in the library or her place? I forgot.

Yeah the 4th one with that many new people,it better has a crazy plot twist.😅 the series is still on netflix right? U can keep watching it.

I try to keep all my promise especially the serious one.. if i cant keep it then i will appologize or offer a solution or better option than that.

U r corny n punny.. lol. Maybe i should call u corn-punn righty eyebag 🤣🤣🤣

Hahahahaa u just made me laugh with the new nickname for me.. honey nut cheerio! 🤣🤣🤣 i love it. U can call me that 🤣🤣 but heeey i just realize,im not crazy.. yes im weird, but which part of me that make u say im crazy? 🤣🤣🤣

Next question if u want?

Honey-Nut Cheerio! 😅

#chellez answers #ask answered #anon answered #curious george anon

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readyforit · 4 years

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@sunsinksdown asked: false god or I think he knows♡

#my edit*#tswiftedit #false god > ithk by a long shot ♡#thank you for the ask jacinta!!!#false god #taylor swift #*20 #editrequest*#also that last panel doesn't look right and I don't think it ever will so :( *clown face*#userleanne #userliubs #usersar #userstarsthatshines #I'M POSTING IT AH IF THIS FLOPS I WILL BE SAD #*#**

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sunflowerim · 3 years

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I LOVE YOU 3000!

-PART 23

Weekend 1

Louis opened the door to an extremely handsome Harry Styles holding two boxes of pizza in his hand and a nervous smile playing on his lips. His sunglasses were set in his hair and his dimples popped up as soon as he saw Louis.

"Hi."

"Hey Harry, come in."

Louis opened the door wider to let Harry come in. Harry moved inside and put his shoes in the rack by the door and looked at Louis with a questioning gaze. Louis was confused for a second before he saw Harry holding up the pizza boxes.

"Oh, just leave them on the kitchen counter", Louis said pointing across the room.

He brought pizza.

"You have a nice apartment", Harry said looking around him.

"Ha thanks. I hope you didn't have trouble finding the apartment."

"No, not at all-- Hey I hope this isn't too awkward", Harry added after a pause.

"Well it was when you suggested the plan, but you're here now, so I suppose we should get on with it."

"I guess we should."

Harry smiled and hoped that it hid all the traces of nervousness he was feeling. Was this a date? Did Louis think it was a date? Definitely no. He wasn't even on board with the idea initially. But Harry is here. He's going to watch a movie with a man he's low-key attracted too. He was too confused and his feelings were all over the place and he could only hope he didn't end up making a fool of himself.

"Well make yourself comfortable on the couch while I heat the pizzas". Louis' voice brought Harry out of his reverie and he nodded and made his way towards the couch.

Harry could hear Louis scuttle about in the kitchen as he flopped down on the couch and took in the sight around him. The apartment was decorated with fairy lights and it moved something in Harry. He smiled despite himself. A projector had been set up on the coffee table in front of him and the white screen lay a few feet away. He assumed that the television was behind it. He looked to his left to find a neatly stacked bookshelf, with fairy lights hanging off it. Beside was a small bed with blankets and curtains hung in front of the the setup with a circular table next to it. It must be Louis' reading nook. A bookworm too. Louis is full of little surprises. Overall the apartment looked so cozy that it made Harry comfortable at once. This looked like a home, a proper one, where someone could live happily, unlike his unnecessarily large one.

Soon enough Louis was standing in front of him setting the pizza boxes down on the coffee table. Before Harry could say something Louis was off again, returning this time with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Ah drinks.

Truth be told, Louis hadn't been able to resist the idea of movie, pizza and wine combo, drunken awkwardness be damned.

Louis sat across from Harry and was thinking about what to say when Harry said, "do you mind if I get some water?"

"Yeah sure it's in the fridge."

As Harry walked towards the kitchen, Louis took the moment to calm himself down. He should be regretting his decision to agree with Harry in the first place, but he was kinda glad Harry was here. I mean they could at least be friends. With that thought we stood up to put the dvd on the set everything up.

Back in the kitchen, Harry was trying to do the same thing. He'd never been this nervous around someone. He quickly opened the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. He was about to close the door when his eyes fell on a huge stash of chocolates. Harry could feel the nervousness melt in him. This was so cute. After having some water, and putting the bottle back in the fridge, he noticed a box of dog treats on the kitchen counter. Louis has a dog too! This man cannot get any cuter.

Harry walked back to the living room to see that Louis had set everything up and the movie intro started playing. The sight looked so endearing that Harry couldn't help click a picture.

Harry went back to where he was sitting, putting a careful distance between him and Louis. Harry started first.

"You have a dog?"

Louis paused the movie.

"Oh yeah. Cliff. He's asleep right now."

"Well I hope to meet him before I go."

"Sure, he'll be up soon anyway. I took him for a long run today so he's probably more tired than usual."

"How insensitive."

"Pardon me if I want to keep my dog fit and healthy."

"Ah, you're a good dad."

"I am."

Both of them smiled as a silence settled between them. Louis broke it.

"I don't know what kind of movies you usually watch but this is a bit different. You gotta focus initially so you completely get it."

"Okay, I can do that."

"Yeah, you're gonna love it. I'm actually excited."

Harry couldn't stop himself from getting endeared by how Louis was smiling so hard that the skin beside his eye was all crinkled.

The butterflies in his stomach were going crazy.

He kept looking as Louis pulled out his phone and clicked a picture of the pizza and wine on the table. Louis took a quick picture and looked at Harry.

"Do you mind if I mention your name in a tweet?"

"No. I don't mind."

"Cool."

He waited as Louis posted the picture on twitter and then checked his phone. A smile spread on his lips as he saw the tweet.

"Let's get back to the movie, shall we?", Louis asked putting his phone down and nodded with a smile.

The next 2 hours were pretty intense. Harry hadn't touched the pizza after one slice and was only occasionally sipping wine from his class which Louis quietly kept filling while happily gobbling down his pizza. Louis was thoroughly amused by Harry's reactions to various parts of the movie and kept thinking about how this is what he had felt too while watching 'Iron Man' for the first time as a 13 year old. And Louis would never admit that he kept glancing at Harry, every time something exciting happened.

The movie was about to end and Harry was staring wide eyed at the screen. Louis got back to the movie to catch the last scene, his favourite one,

"Truth is... I am Iron Man."

Louis turned his head sideways when he heard a sharp intake of breath. Harry's jaws had dropped, mouth forming an 'o' and he was staring wildly at the screen.

"Wtf just happened. He admitted!! He admitted HE was Iron Man. OH MY GOD."

"Yes Harold, he did. And that's how began one of the greatest movie franchise."

"No shit."

"Haha, are you okay."

"No, I'm shook. And hungry. God why didn't I eat the pizzas."

"Have at them. I'll go check on Cliff."

"Yweah", Harry managed to say with mouthful of pizza.

Louis smiled and walked towards the end of the hall where Cliff was sound asleep. He knelt down beside Clifford's rug and scratched behind his ear. Clifford stirred a little and then slowly opened his and soon enough jumped on Louis.

From the living room, Harry could hear happy "woofs" and a short yelp mixed with laughter which sounded like Louis'. Harry turned around just in time to see Louis walking in and a very excited Clifford at his feet. Clifford soon ran towards Harry and stopped at his feet. Harry extended one of his hands for Clifford to shake raised another one to pet him. Clifford sniffed at Harry's hands, gave a loud bark and walked away. Harry stared in dismay and Louis couldn't help laughing.

"Don't worry. It's probably the pizza."

"Huh?"

"Your hand. It smells like pizza. And I've noticed on multiple occasions that he doesn't like the smell of pizza sauce."

"Oh my bad, I'll quickly wash my hands."

Harry reached out to grab the empty boxes but Louis stopped him.

"Leave them to me."

Harry stood up and went to wash his hands in the kitchen sink, while Louis put the empty boxes in the trash.

As Harry was wiping his hands, Louis handed him a bowl of treats to offer to Clifford as a sign of peace.

Harry cautiously made his way across the room where Clifford had settled happily in front of the reading corner and was chewing a ball.

"Clifford hey, look what got for you."

The familiar smell of treats seemed to interest Clifford and he sniffed Harry's extended hand.

This time he let out a soft bark and started wagging his tail happily as Harry fed him the treats.

Louis watched as Harry played and talked with Clifford and petted him. It was an adorable sight. Well Clifford's always been a friendly dog and he certainly made Harry happy today.

Harry turned back to see Louis already looking at him and smiled softly as he got up from his crouched position.

"Well I suppose I should leave now" Harry said, still smiling softly.

"I guess." Louis hoped his voice didn't reveal the twinge of sadness he was feeling at Harry's departure.

"I had fun today."

"Me too."

"You're a good host."

"I've been told likewise."

"So, I'll see you next week?"

"Yeah definitely."

"Bye."

Harry proceeded towards the door, Louis following close behind. Harry stopped right in front of the door and turned around, "Louis can I text you on iMessage from now? Twitter feels too formal."

"Harry, you've been to my house. We just watched a movie together. Yes, you can text me on iMessage", Louis laughed.

"Cool." Harry turned towards the door again.

Louis held the door for Harry and just when he was about to close it,

"And Lou-"

"Yeah?"

"Blue suits you."

"Oh-", Louis' cheeks heated up, "thanks."

"Bye," Harry smiled.

"Bye," Louis replied and closed the door behind him hoping that Harry hadn't seen the blush on his face.

But Harry had, and his butterflies were happy.

PREVIOUS / NEXT

INTRO

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taem-min-archived · 3 years

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oh yeh that's my girl! Go ace it! and talking about milk- oh booooyyyy kjhghj the huge mlm milk is! dRinK mIlK aNd gRoW tAlL! the lies sir! oh the lies! (i add coffee to milk nowadays.i just abandoned my beloved bournvita).But it's okay to do all the olympiads bubs. as you said, wholistic learning is important.Random question, but how did you get into shinee though? ⭐

IKR it's a lie my bro drinks less milk than me and he's 6'3 while I'm just 5'2 😭😭😭😭 I'm so short I'm the shortest in my class it's so sad

I love coffee and milk tea but my mom won't ever let me drink those cus apparently sleep- Like I sleep at 2 every night so what's the prob???

Ah I became a kpop stan right at the time jjong passed away so I knew them...But for this. I didn't care for it actually I was just a stupid 12 year old and bts was way too much in my heart for me to check out about 50 yr old men's.. also my mom heard about this and instantly hated shinee cus bad influence like what-

Anyways when I decided to listen to exo in beginning if 2018, I heard Taemin's move. Which confirmed my fact: taemin was a 40 yr old slut. (Ik I wanna hang myself)

So like I was a passive nctzen and a stay but in 2019, I heard so sm I ava max ft. Nct 127 and Mark's vocals??? I died. Confidently superm debutted right at that time. Now I was completely new to kpop cus I only stanned bts. So I just knew mark and taeyong and a few nct 127 members that's all and I just subscribed to sm on YouTube and I get jopping notif. I, being the mature girl said, wtf I ain't listening to super junior or whatever .That night, I met up with my long time multi fandom friend (all fandoms, starting from books to kpop we've begun together ajways) and she told me about superm and how they flopped and jopping sucks. I believed her until she let a slip mark was there. Then she explained to me about the members but I hated baekhyun ( remember the time I said I was checking out exo? I saw monster and my 13 yr old bad a heart attack at baeks lip rings I was scared-) and tae MIN. But I went back home and checked them out and it was complicated af. Some dude whom I knew called kai too was there along with nct members I was just getting to know. Anyways I heard I can't stand the rain ugh sucked bye and then 2 months later one of my best friend fell in love with jopping and forced me to listen to it a 100000 times until I liked it and W O w. One thing tho, even tho I hated superm I used to check out their vids cus like even tho I didn't know the guys the chemistry?????? Omg it felt like they all had trained together. Also, major heart attack when I saw how cute baek was and the fact Taemin called baekhyun hyung and was just 26 yr old. So theb at Jan 2020 I heard love shot and I fell for exo (I did like exo songs even before but I was still scared) and the next thing I know superm is my ult, I'm searching up shinee songs. I heard keys one of those nights and my god I was shocked. I loved it sooo much he became my bias, convincing be to listen to all their songs. Then I heard sexuality by Taemin and can I just say I was shocked by his boldness??? And I heard few other songs by the members and the band but honestly I used to give their songs funny like their old songs. And I didn't like good evening either. So I was like a solo Stan of each member, I loved their chemistry tho. Then one day I decided to watch shinee s back and they played good evening and I was shocked by it's awesomeness. Then I binged the whole tracklist and boom. I became a shawol last year November or smth.

Omg this became a story of how I stanned all my ults and I'm sorry but this was the only way sirry for the long post-

Wbu? How did you get into shinee? Who's your bias?

#╼╼ asks :: anons ╼╼#╼╼ asks :: ⭐ anon ╼╼

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changbeens · 4 years

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Honestly I feel you. I've had some sets where people just keep liking the post but never reblog it and I'm sitting here like wtf. If I didn't enjoy making gifs I'd have stopped a long time ago!

i dont even get likes anymore lmao. but same, i love making gifs, thats what makes me so sad seeing stuff just... flop... and tumblr being so broken really doesnt help matters. ah well, we carry on

#Anonymous

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sugarkanemontgomery · 5 years

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Snapshot 10 pt.6:The Separation of Spouses

Been awhile ha. I’m trying to devote myself to finishing this before the summer is over, and I start pharmacy school. I’ve only posted two updates on fanfiction.net, but I realize this story started here, so it should finish here as well. Happy reading!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Hey, I just wanted to call to say goodnight!

Penny bites the inside of her cheek, trying to tamp down on the forced cheerfulness. I know it's late, but I was hoping you were still up, she explains. Missed hearing your voice.

The last statement exits with a cringe as Penny taps the phone annoyedly at her cheek. Clingy much? She thinks.

Oh, hey! I'm sorry I forgot to call. The reply is breathy and ragged but devoid of Callie's patented sleepy rasp. I'm um…I lost track of time with Sofia and packing and everythin—

Penny interrupts forgivingly. Oh no, no Calliope, I-It's okay. You don't have to explain. I just wanted to say how much I can't wait for you both to be home. Penny pauses, tugging at the loose threads of the comforters and humming.

The apartment is so empty without you two. She settles on the statement with a laugh, hoping it doesn't sound as awkward as she feels. In response, Callie mutters an abrupt hold on. There are a few seconds of shuffling, muffled voices, and footsteps before Penny finally hears the tell-tale creak of a door closing shut.

We've missed you too. The words are clear, but Penny can't help but note the sound of cars in the background. Is Callie outside? At 12 in the morning?

I think New York is really starting to take its hold on us. Callie's laugh is too quick. Panicky. Sofia can't stop talking about seeing Maggie again either. And I never thought I'd actually miss Mcreary's annoying sex jokes, but I don't know, he's grown on me. Actually, now that I think about it, he's like an older, blonder version of Mark—

Are you outside? Penny can't help but ask, disrupting Callie's rambled reply.

Ah, yeah, I wanted some air. It gets stuffy in Arizona's apartment.

Penny furrowed her brow at the response but didn't know exactly what was wrong with it. Oh okay. So is Sofia asleep or are both of you still late night packing?

There was a delay before Callie answered. Sofia's having a playdate at Meredith's, so it's just me right now.

Really? Where's Arizona? Penny purses her lips trying to recall the muffled voices she'd heard earlier. She wasn't sure if it was a man or a woman, but it sounded like Callie was talking to someone. Maybe it was just the TV. Maybe it was Deluca.

Oh um, well yeah, Arizona's up, so I guess she counts. The laugh Callie releases is weird and strained. Penny's stomach clenches. But she's not helping me pack so I just, you know, excluded her.

What's she doing then?

Looking over some case files.

Hm…

Penny doesn't know what else to say, but she doesn't feel assuaged by the conversation. If anything, she feels slightly more on edge. Callie's being strange. Or maybe she's projecting because Penny herself is being strange. Maybe her jealousy is making her suspicious of things that aren't suspicious. So what Callie went outside to speak to her privately. There's nothing weird about that.

Hey babe, I was actually going to bed soon…

Penny takes the hint reluctantly. Well…okay. Call me when you make it to the airport! I love you!

I love you too.

-/-/-/-/-/

When Callie walks back into the apartment, she finds Arizona sitting on the living room couch, an unlit cigarette between her fingers.

As soon as the door shuts, the blonde jars, shoulders tensing as her wide eyes meet Callie's.

Those things kill you, you know… Callie says it because there's nothing else she can think to say.

I-I-I know you're mad. Arizona slurs, stumbling up from the couch in an uncoordinated heave. And I know you want to yell at me, but I-I really— I can't handle it right now. I'll cry. She sways unsteady on her feet as she moves toward Callie. The orthosurgeon focuses her gaze, noticing for the first time the shininess of Arizona's eyes and the wetness of her cheeks.

I know we kissed. I mean, I kissed you? The blonde's face contorts in thought. Or… you kissed me? She bites her lip, fiddling with the Marlboro like she's trying hard to concentrate on the previous events but just can't. After a moment, she shakes her head as if doing away with the confusing train of thought completely. What am I saying!? Who cares who kissed who! Arizona flings her arms out in exasperation which immediately disrupts her balance and sends her toppling forward. Fortunately, she's able to right herself before she tips completely over. Callie watches with reluctant amusement as the petite woman folds her arms across her chest in a flaccid attempt at seeming composed.

The orthosurgeon exhales, examining the other woman before settling on a response.

Where'd you even get a cigarette from?

Arizona reddens. I-I keep a pack just in case, and I know what you're going to say, she raises her voice as if to override any impending chide from Callie, But this is the first one I've had in a longgg, long time…Scout's honor.

She flashes Callie a three-fingered salute and a nervous smile. Besides…can't even find the damn lighter.

At this, Callie guffaws, walking into the living room and plopping onto the couch. She keeps laughing until she feels a weight settle beside her. When she turns she finds Arizona staring at her. Pale hands reach up to wipe at her cheeks, and Callie can't restrain the flinch. Is she crying?

I'm sorry the blonde says, continuing to wipe the tears. Her countenance is sad yet contemplative. I don't know why I'm like this. I'm happy you're with Penny. She states like she's trying the words out, seeing how they fit. After a moment, she smacks her lips distastefully. No, that feels like a lie…

Callie's body tenses beside her, but Arizona can feel the words bubbling up. Severe and unstoppable.

I think maybe I am the complete opposite of happy that you're with Penny. I think I feel Arizona pauses grasping for the right word for a minute before finally finding it angry…at you. I think I'm angry at you. And I know that's not fair and you have every right to live your life. But I'm just so mad. I'm mad that you found someone new and fell in love and flew to New York an-and moved on because I haven't. And I'm not. Arizona is no longer wiping tears. She's just cupping Callie's face and staring, and the taller woman gets the distinct feeling that the blonde is admitting something to herself for the first time.

I thought I was. I thought I was getting over it and learning to be myself again…without you…but I'm not. The only reason I'm even functioning is because of our phone calls. Before then, I was a wreck, you know. I didn't even want to get out of bed.

Callie doesn't say anything; she doesn't know what to say. So Arizona just keeps going, her gaze zipping around the room nervously.

And it makes sense that I threw myself at you and ruined the one thing keeping me sane. This is what I do. I self-destruct. Of course, I kissed you. I can't even stop thinking about you. I can't ever leave well enough alone!

She covers her face with her hands and folds into herself, and Callie can see the first waves of a sob rippling through her shoulders. Callie begins to reach out but thinks better of it. Her hands fold in her lap. She turns away.

I don't…feel that way anymore. I love you, and I've missed you. But I don't want…

She doesn't finish. There's a long empty silence where Arizona is looking at Callie, and Callie is looking away.

I'm not asking you to.

Good, don't. Tomorrow I'm going home, an-and I'm going to be happy with the woman I love.

Arizona just breathes, feeling suddenly sober. Okay.

And we shouldn't talk as much anymore.

Okay.

But that doesn't mean I'm…We're still friends, so don't worry. I'm not kicking you out of my life. We just need time apart right now

Okay.

So you can move on from me.

Okay.

Callie glances over her shoulder at her ex and finds a watery pair of blue eyes dull and staring. Okay? That's all?

What do you want me to say? I wish you would have yelled at me, so at least…at least I could argue. At least I could talk about how…I can't remember exactly who kissed who first, but at some point, we were both kissing each other—

Arizon—

But maybe I just found an opening. I don't know. She laughs a wet, sad laugh. Maybe I'm just desperate and manipulative. And you're just horny and lonely, and I imagined that this was even a possibility.

Callie just runs her fingers through her hair and remains silent.

Okay, then. I'm going to bed. Arizona finally says, standing up and sparing one last glance at her ex. Goodnight, I guess.

Night.

-----

Day 104.

Arizona wakes up to an energetic Sofia flopped out on top of her like a child-sized starfish.

Mama! Mama! Wake up! A tiny finger “softly” jabs into her ear.

Fia… Callie’s warning come from just outside the doorway.

Arizona cracks open her eyes and groans at the sudden light and sounds. Off, Sofia she wiggles side to side, and the little girl tumbles over onto the bed beside her.

Mommy says we gotta go to the airport, and we can’t leave without you. I told her we should just stay, but she won’t listen.

Arizona doesn’t even have to look to know Sofia is pouting.

I—I thought about letting you sleep in, but I know you’d want to take us, so…

Arizona turns over to see her ex-wife standing just outside of the room like there’s a forcefield keeping her out. It’s a small thing, but it’s enough to remind her that last night really did happen. She groans again, but this time for a different reason.

You’re right. Thanks, Calliope. Can you give me a few minutes to get dressed?

Callie nods relievedly before mincing away to the living room. Sofia stays lying on the bed watching her mom hustle to get dressed.

Don’t you want us to stay, Mama? she asks after a moment.

Arizona pauses in her search for a clean tee-shirt before looking at her daughter. The girl is propped up on her elbows, a deep frown contorting her mouth. Arizona pushes all the emotions she’s feeling into the best words she can think of on such short notice.

Of course, I do, Baby. Always! I’d sew you both to my hip if I could.

-/-/-/

Callie, Sofia, and Arizona arrive at the airport at exactly 10:35 AM. Sofia has one small suitcase and a bookbag while her mother has one large suitcase and a carry-on. Her other mother has no luggage at all, so instead chooses to hold Sofia’s hand as they walk—well, jog actually—to their boarding gate. The flight boards at 10:45 AM, and the morning had gone faster than anticipated. Arizona does her best to keep up with Callie’s long strides despite the hangover headache pulling at her temples. She moves her shades up momentarily, so she can see her ex-wife in full color. Her dark hair pulled into a loose pony. Her slender neck sweaty from rushing across the moving walkway. Her tan skin glistening in the yellow light streaming from the tall airport windows.

She hasn’t more than glanced at Arizona this morning, probably thankful for the distraction of traveling. Probably thankful that they won’t see each other for awhile.

Even so, Arizona can’t stop looking at her.

When they arrive at the gate at 10:50 AM, Sofia cries. Sniffles at first and then full-blown sobs.

Mommy, we can’t leave Mama. We can’t leave. She drops her suitcase in a mild sort of tantrum, and Callie looks at Arizona, surprised. Lost.

Baby, you know we have to go back. Don’t y—don’t you want to see Maggie? Don’t you want to tell Penny about your trip?

Sofia glares at her mother, shocking both women, before running hard into Arizona’s arms.

No, she defies

Arizona strokes her little girl’s head, pushing back tears of her own. Please don’t cry, Sweetie. Please don’t.

Callie stays away, fiddling with the seams of her pockets and feeling incredibly useless. Arizona throws her a consoling look.

You know I will see you again as soon as I can, right? She leans down and whispers into her daughter’s hair.

When Sofia doesn’t answer, she asks again. Right?

All she gets is a slight nod.

And you know Mama and I love you, and we only try to do what’s best for you, right?

Another nod.

Then, you should know we’re just trying to do what’s best for you right now. You’ll be back here before you know it, and you’ll have so many more stories to tell me and Zola and all your friends.

Sofia doesn’t respond, but Arizona can tell by the way her grip loosens that her fight is waning. Arizona looks up to see Callie watching on, miserably. They meet eyes and hold what can only be described as a quiet conversation. After a moment, it must become too much because Callie turns away to face the boarding gate. Arizona sighs, swallowing a budding resentment.

Calliope. She calls out softly.

Callie looks over her shoulder to see Arizona’s arms stretched out wide. I think there’s room for one more.

Almost as if pulled by a magnet, Callie glides over into her ex’s embrace. It’s warm and strong and as familiar as always. There’s a simultaneous hiccup in both of their chests when Arizona turns her head and presses her mouth lightly against Callie’s ear.

I love you, and I want you to be happy. That hasn’t changed.

A sob muffles in Callie’s throat as she snuggles deeper into the solace of her wife—her ex-wife. The guilt is so heavy she feels like she’s sinking, and Arizona is the only raft willing to keep her afloat.

After a few lingering moments by the gate, a voice comes on the speakers, calling all remaining passengers to board. The calm is gone. Arizona detangles herself from her family, smiling wearily before waving them off.

Don’t forget to text me when you land.

-------

Day 105.

I hope your day back was good!

As soon as Arizona sends the text she locks her phone and shoves it into her back pocket.

Okay, done! Are you happy now? April gapes at her friend.

Wow, you really…wow.

W—What do you mean “wow”? Why are you “wow”ing? You told me to text her!

Well, I…didn’t think you would actually do it. April takes a swig from her wine cooler. Technically, they’re celebrating her move into a new apartment with Jackson. But at some point, it also became a pity party for Arizona’s “break-up” with Callie if you could even call it that.

Then why would you tell me—Oh my god. Now, I’m going to look desperate. Am I going to look desperate?

Well, aren’t you?

Jeez, April!

What did you even send her?

Arizona repeats her message to April. Shrugging even though her anxiety is building. The message is innocuous enough, right? …Right? The redhead’s grimace says otherwise.

That’s a…good text. Casual.

Then why are you looking like that? April schools her features into forced indifference.

Looking like what?

Arizona throws up her hands in exasperation before pouring herself a glass of wine. You know what? Forget it. Forget Callie. I’m hot. I’m...I’m sexy. People like me. Tons of people.

April raises her wine cooler in agreement. Damn straight. They’re lining up—

And anyway, I’m happy for Callie. I’m happy for her new job and her new friends and her new relationship with a freakin’ resident who can’t even give her an orga—

Her phone interrupts her with a buzz, and Arizona whips it out so quickly she almost spills her wine. April looks on in anticipation.

Thanks. I hope you’re doing well.

She reads the message outloud, squinting at it like maybe there’s some hidden meaning between the letters.

Thanks, I hope you’re doing well? April repeats slowly, trying out the words. That’s all?

Arizona reads it again. Yeah, that’s all.

-------

Day 109.

It takes Callie five days to realize she’s probably not going to tell Penny about the kiss. She thinks about it though…she really does.

Every night when Penny curls into her arms, she remembers Arizona’s hands palming the back of her neck.

Every day when they’re in the car scoping out better apartments, she remembers Arizona’s tongue stroking the top of her mouth.

Every time they kiss or make love or even look at each other, it’s on Callie’s mind. (And what’s worse is that the sex is better, better than it’s been in awhile not that Callie would ever allow herself to make the obvious correlation).

Today, it’s a rare weekend when they’re both off at the same time, and Callie thinks this may be the perfect window to tell her.

Penny, can we talk? She pulls the woman out of the living room (where she’s playing some card game with Sofia) and into the bedroom.

What’s up? Penny bites the skin at the tip of her thumb, a nervous habit.

Nothing…I mean… And in that moment, Callie considers saying so many things.

I kissed my ex-wife a few days ago.

I knew what was happening, and I didn’t stop it.

I’m so, so sorry.

But instead, the only thing that comes out is You look beautiful today and We should take Sof to the beach.

-/-/-/

They spend the day on Coney Island. The inevitable fallout hovering like a tidal wave.

--------

Day 114.

Penny is on cloud nine or maybe even somewhere above it. Callie’s been more present than she’s ever been, and the non-Sofia related phone calls have all but ceased. She doesn’t know what happened during Callie’s visit to Seattle, and the brunette never seems that eager to go into it.

They must have fought, she thinks, and is strangely delighted by that. Sure, there are times when Callie looks miserable. When Sofia mentions Arizona and Callie just sort of stalls like an old car, but they are few and far in between. And Penny is sure they will go away eventually.

She’s just really happy with the way things are, and she knows Callie is, too. Callie will be, too.

-------

Day 116.

Somewhere in a Seattle operating room, Arizona watches the light drain from a newborn’s eyes. She presses two fingers against his chest and pushes for what feels like thirty minutes. The dull hum of the heart monitor mocks her from the corner. And she isn’t looking, but she can almost feel the sad gazes of the surgical nurses bearing down. She pulls herself away finally, sweat sticking to her neck and her forehead. She doesn’t want to stop, but it’s helpless.

Time of death 9:24 PM.

-/-/-/

A few hours later, Arizona thinks about calling April or Alex or Richard. She even considers having a heart to heart with Deluca (though he was passed out on the couch when she got home, his left hand wedged into a bag of Doritos so maybe he isn’t the best choice). She scrolls through her contacts, searching, but after surveying her options, she realizes there is only one person she really wants talk to. Her thumb hovers precariously over the contact.

-/-/-/

I watched a baby die today which considering my job, I should be used to. But I’m not. I’m scared I never will be.

His parents are so young. They look like us when we were that young. So afraid and out of their depth.

They brought me the most precious little boy and begged me to save his life, trusted me to save his life. And I failed them.

I know we aren’t really talking anymore because of everything that happened, but…I miss you. Like crazy. All the time. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say that maybe you miss me too. And what we have is too precious to throw away over one night. Over one stupid, drunk mistake. I meant what I said at the airport. I know you said you wanted to it time, but it’s been long enough for me. l really just want my friend back.

-/-/-/

Somewhere in New York, Callie coming out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her hair and another wrapped around her chest. She sees Penny lying up in bed, highlighting certain passages in a medical journal. Callie’s cell is lying on the bed beside her.

Hey, did my phone ding? Thought I heard something.

No. Penny glances up from her notes. Are you coming to bed soon, Babe? I’m getting tired.

Yeah, Callie comes over to pick up her phone, only to see a few article alerts. Let me comb through my hair and change. Shouldn’t take long.

-/-/-/

Hey Arizona, I’m sorry that happened, but I think it’s for the best we don’t talk anymore unless Sofia is involved. Please don’t respond to this message; I don’t feel like arguing, and at this point, the back-and-forth is just getting sad. I want to move on with my life. Please let me.

Arizona reads the message again and again. She feels the air being vacuumed from her lungs. Her stomach floating up and plummeting down all at once. She covers her eyes with her arm and tries to suppress the feeling that’s threatening to overwhelm her.

#calzona #callie torres #arizona robbins #grey's anatomy #calzona fanfiction #separation of spouses #lesbian fanfiction #snapshot

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ukthxbye · 5 years

Text

I'm Put to Mind of All That I Wanna Be

prompt fill for @noregretsnotearsnoanxieties

from

http://holidaysat221b.tumblr.com/post/180107127959/prompt-of-the-day-111418

on ao3 rated T https://archiveofourown.org/works/16684414

Sleep is a luxury of clear and empty minds. Something Sherlock Holmes was never cursed to experience. But some curses nonetheless plagues him tonight. Wandering the streets, he keeps walking steadily in the cold, feeling his skin tingle with the icy air. It distracts from another itch.

But his mind had led him to a door, one he has crossed many times over the years, secretly finding refuge. The warmth of the lights from her window and the prospect of conversation enticing, subduing the desire for something more chemical.

He pauses at her door, listening for sounds of movement and confirming, he knocks gently. He prepares for all manner of reactions, he’s had them all, but her soft footsteps to her door ease the tension and she opens the door with a demeanor of neutral familiarity.

He smiles and she shakes her head but smiles back, ”Come on in.”

Toby wraps around his legs for a moment, but with a light push from his foot, the cat moves on.

“I saw you were awake…”

“Yeah, it's one of those nights I guess,” she answers walking through her sitting room toward her kitchen. She has a jumper on, jeans and some bright wool socks.

Her flat is much warmer than the chill outside and he finds his skin returning the blood to proper placement. He sits on the sofa.

“I guess neither one of us could sleep.”

He nods.

Silence between them as she shifts some plates to the sink.

“Haven't seen you in a few days,” she offers to break the ice.

“Yes, several cases, though nothing of note to discuss,” he says with irritation. He shivers at the thought that leaps in his brain of walking out of her flat and finding a high.

She turns leaning on the counter facing the sitting room, examining his behavior. He won’t admit it, he is bored and I was a last resort, she thinks.

She must know why I am here, that I need the distraction, he muses. He pulls out his phone, checking on messages.

She wipes her hands on her jeans as she comes around the bar.

A quiet sigh.

“You got a cigarette?”

His focus on his mobile, he answers absently, “Maybe” but caught himself, wait. His mouth dropping in a frown.

“You don’t smoke.”

“How do you know?”

“Molly…”

“I used to...just...do you have one?”

“You don’t need to smoke then” he looks up expectedly, holding her gaze.

Those brown eyes, steady and dark, do not relent and she holds up a hand as she steps toward him. Open palm waiting.

“I know you have one.” Fingers curl to palm a few times, insistent for the request. Just give me a damn cigarette.

He searches his coat pockets, finding the well-hidden pack. Luckily, still half a pack there. She watches him, not saying another word.

He takes his time, knowing that he has avoided this pack for a couple weeks. Slowly pulling out two cigarettes, he twirls one in his fingers as she watches, giving her one last chance to change her mind. But she never ever does, does she?

He places it in her waiting palm, letting his fingertip caress it lightly as he puts his hand back down.

She puts it between her lips, and he mirrors her.

“Light?”

Without a word, he keeps ahold of her stare and finds matches in another pocket. Striking one, he puts it to his own cigarette but freezes as she moves oh so close. She leans down, her face inches from his as she angles hers into the match’s flame. He studies her lips. A quick puff and she straightens and walks away taking a deeper drag. She leans back against the counter, throwing her head back, blowing out a slow stream of smoke to the ceiling. He nearly curses as the match burns down to his fingers.

“Drink?” she asks rounding the corner into the kitchen.

“Really, it's that kind of night?’ Sherlock pulls his Belstaff around him, folding his arms, cigarette hanging lazily at the corner of his mouth. Reflexive. Self-aware he stands and takes it off, tossing it on the arm of the sofa

“Are you my mother or friend?” Her lips pull into a lazy smirk, but she gazes at him again, leaning forward on her arms on the counter. Damn him and his tight shirts.

“The concerns of both not mutually exclusive,” he says with an eye-roll, taking his cigarette from his mouth as he flops back on the sofa.

“I drink, you knew this, and I smoke now, shattering your expectations I am sure,” she mocks. “ Do. you. want. a drink?”

“Sure.” He adds quickly, “No Beer.”

“Hmm, ok, I was thinking whiskey anyway. Beer, not something you can stomach?”

“It's been some time but my stomach clings to the memory of that hangover.”

“It does that sometimes, like just the word or the smell makes you nauseous. It's just a memory but still...” She pulls down a bottle of Famous Grouse from the cabinet with two glasses, clinking in the quiet as she cuts her eyes to him to watch him typing on his mobile. She feels a tinge of embarrassment she didn’t have anything nicer but shakes it away.

“Do you think you are ok to drink, I mean, since…”

“Alcohol has and will never be an issue I assure you.”

She nods and pours them each two fingers worth. “Ice?”

“Nope.”

“Same,” she snickers.

He makes note of it.

She hands him his glass, and he takes a quick swig,

She sips her slowly.

Noiselessly she takes a seat on the sofa only inches away from him. Well maybe that is a bit close but then...it’s my couch.

“Mines tequila. Used to love it on a night out with friends, never had an issue with it until…

He deduces she doesn’t want to say the name

“Him” he murmurs out quickly, saving her the effort.

She nods with a shrug as she peers up at his face and he feels his chest twinge her she lips turn down. He shouldn't hold her gaze like he is now. One day she’ll learn to read it and then you’ll be in trouble.

She swallows and takes another sip, letting the liquid swish against her lips as she thinks and then lowers it. But God there is that look in his eyes, sadness? Affection? Fear? she ponders. If she could deduce exactly as he does, she might pinpoint it. But she only knows what it does to her when he holds her gaze. Why does he? Does he know how it makes the hair stand up on my neck at times?

He takes a long drag and blows out the smoke away from her. She stares at his lips watching the smoke caress them and realizes she needs to look away or her thoughts will stray where she is avoiding tonight.

She peers down into her near-empty glass and stands, practically laying across the counter to grab the bottle. He did not avert his eyes as her jumper lifts. He studies the cream skin of her lower back and the curve of her spine. But he turns his head just in time for her to miss his reverie.

He clears his throat, “How is…”

“Dating again.”

“Ah.”

Awkward silence again.

“I guess that tells me where I stood. But it felt good while it lasted.” She bites her lip, looking down at her hands nervously running her thumb along the side of the glass.

He started this, might as well say what you feel.

"Just... when I got used to feeling wanted, he took that feeling back. Like it wasn’t mine to have. Like he gave it to me by accident,” she murmurs with squinted eyes, feeling the past sussing itself out with the aid of alcohol and nicotine. And him.

“Love, as I understand it now, is a much more deliberate process. If he gave it accidentally, as you surmise, then he never loved you at all.”

“God, you’re an arse.”

Her eyes giving the best rebuke she could manage. Holding his, she makes him drop the stare first. She wants to tell him it’s not that simple, the words sit there on her tongue but her mouth trembles as her eyes begin to ache. She focuses back forward and rubs her face with her hands, trying to massage out the tension threatening to turn to tears.

He realizes too late perhaps those weren’t the right words.

“Molly, I’m sorry, I wasn’t exact in my words.”

“Or sensitive.”

“Yes, that too.”

She let a couple tears find their way out, it seemed the threat of more was not imminent as she feared.

“I am not sure you loved him either,” he says matter factually.

The lump she swallowed comes back up.

“Oh, God, Sherlock. We were engaged to be married. I was going to say I do and I thought happily. Please try to remember that.”

“You stabbed his hand with a fork, Molly”

“Yes...but”

“Why did you do that?”

“Because he kept talking thinking he was clever. He wasn’t.”

“Why do something violent?”

She couldn’t put her finger on the issue as such. Partly because she had just enough distance from it to cloud the memory and another feeling she’d rather not discuss with present and relevant company.

She just shrugs instead.

“I’ve stated my opinion that he did not love you. It seems better wording to say enough to be exact. I’ll give him more credit than I did before,” Sherlock softens his tone, staring down but back up to test her reaction.

She half smiles, still feeling an ache in her chest, “I think I appreciate that. God, he wasn’t awful at all. He was kind, and normal and willing.”

“But not for you.”

“I know but I mean, would you, I ... would you think that would be enough?” she asks, her eyes falling in deeper thought.

“People like you and I do not seem to do well with traditional paths.”

She laughs again, this time in a sad way he hates that he is too familiar with.

“You called it once; that not all them could be sociopaths.”

He frowns, raising an eyebrow at her. “But Tom wasn’t. I am 100 percent positive of this.”

She swirls the liquor in her glass, watching the liquid work its way up the sides before turning the glass up to her lips and swallowing the whole amount. The burn hit her throat and the fire helps her stop to plan her words.

“Maybe they are just my type.” Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.

His eyes scan her face, soaking up the words. Like he had heard them in his head before, reading them on her lips many times. He shakes his head, checking if he was slipping into his own mind. Don’t let her stay with that thought, he pushes himself.

“Maybe you should consider stopping.”

“I should. I can do better,” she sighs, leaning back into the sofa.

“I meant the drinking...but yes, you can do much better.”

How many times can we do this? they think at the same time but keep it to their own minds.

The silence suddenly feels deafening, her heartbeat jumping in her ears, so she changes the subject.

“Sherlock, did you come here tonight to...to keep from using?” she asks with caution. She knows the answer but she wants him to admit it if he can.

His turn to shrug.

But as she lays her hand on his arm, he stares at it sitting lightly there, contrasting on the white fabric. He feels his skin warm under her touch and his mind goes blank for the moment.

But he regains his sense.

“Perhaps...can’t be sure. I saw your lights on and decided we both needed each others presence.”

With a squeeze, she releases his arm and he contemplates the absence.

“Well, then I am glad you came by...you know you always can.”

“I know...perhaps you should not be so giving of your personal space,” He furrows his brow, examining his own words after they are said.

“How many times do you need to be reminded that’s what friends do?” She searches his face for hints of understanding.

“Many more times I am afraid.”

They smile at each other knowingly.

She sets her empty glass down on the side table.

“Telly?”

“No soap operas or crime shows,” he insists.

She leans back over to the side table, grabbing the remote and settling back next to him, a little closer than either expected.

But neither one protests or shifts away as she sits with her legs folded and her knee touches his thigh.

“Oh look, Great British Bake Off...though I am sure--”

“No, leave it. It's perfect.”

She smirks at him, “I never took you to be a baking show fan.”

“The science alone of baking is fascinating. I was a graduate chemist remember.”

“Mmmhmm,” she murmurs skeptically.

“Would you believe studying personalities and deducing when they will fail or succeed?”

She snickers, “Ok I’ll accept that for now.”

He smirks in return as they both keep their eyes on the screen.

“You know I love baking. If you ever want to bake with me, let me know.”

His eyes cut to the side to study her face. It is peaceful, not hesitant or anxious. Serene and it soothes something in him, covering a nerve with warm comfort.

He settles back into the sofa, relaxing his shoulders.

“I might take you up on the offer and show you how a chemist bakes which is unfairly superior I imagine,” he grins smugly.

She smacks his arm, “The game is on, you smug bastard.”

He laughs at her using his own words on him.

“Now, shh. It's the last challenge. This is always the best part.”

And they sit, watching two more episodes, arguing over who is Top Baker and who is going home. Somewhere in the third episode, she drifts off to sleep. He counters one of her opinions and she didn’t argue back. He pulls a blanket from the top of the sofa, and covers her with it, taking care not to disturb her.

He feels the pull again, and a desire to leave to answer it. But he watches her slow breathing, eyes fluttering lightly as she dreams. He focuses on the curves of her face, pushing the irritation away with each rumination as his eyes closed and sleep finds him as well.

#sherlolly #sherlock holmes #Molly hooper #comfort #kind of fluffy #kind of angsty #kind of just nice them being friends #and avoiding the elephants in the room #which they are masters at doing let me tell ya #ukthxbye is ficcing

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