#I'M JUST HAVING A SPIRAL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rosamndpike · 2 months

Text

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (2003) dir. Peter Jackson

2K notes · View notes

weepylucifer · 5 days

Text

it is tempting to assume btw that harry is "the most mentally ill man in the world!!!!" or whatever, but he's probably the average level of mentally ill for people in his situation. he isn't this uniquely monstrous wreck who abuses more substances than anyone else ever has. in martinaise alone you can meet like 5 people who are doing even worse than harry. kim says several times that he's seen much worse than day one harry and i BELIEVE him. i think harry wasn't immediately fired from the police after the unsolveable case bc this stuff is relatively normal for cops to do in precinct 41. disco elysium isn't pointing at harry and going "gawk at this uniquely awful man for no reason!! isn't he horrible in a clownish way!!" they're making a point abt the effects of capitalism and imperialism on the disenfranchised poor

#disco elysium #posts by me #you can't really have the game without the politics i'm so sorry #you just know idiot doom spiral or the crab man have exactly as rich an inner landscape as harry. harry is just the one we see

1K notes · View notes

poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 days

Text

I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #wen qing #jiang cheng #Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok #Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text #I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day

785 notes · View notes

yesmissnyx · 1 month

Text

An Unsexy Post About Censorship

Sooo...gumroad is shutting down NSFW content sales because of Stripe and Paypal. This is also why Wishtender has been down as well, if you weren't aware. And why Patreon is also cracking down on anything remotely kinky.

(If you're wondering why your favorite FICTIONAL sexual content isn't allowed on most platforms, it's payment processors.)

Please be extra kind to anyone who works with NSFW content right now, whether it be art, writing, audio, photos or video. Whether it be tasteful erotica, or the kinkiest BDSM porn you can think of, we're all in the crosshairs right now.

And, judging by trends from these past few years, this is only going to get worse.

Support NSFW creators where you can, whether by tipping or buying our content (where you still can) or just helping boost content on sites where algorithms want to drown us out.

Call representatives where you can and complain about payment processors acting as arbiters of what YOU are and aren't allowed to pay for and enjoy.

This may be about porn right now, but censorship of this caliber doesn't just stop with porn. Any transgressive (read: non-conservative) media is fair game.

Fight against it where you can. Support creators where you can.

Art is important. Reflections of our sexuality are important. We don't want a world where people aren't free to make or see the things they love and enjoy.

#nyxrambles #Warning: I'm going to get kind of grim in the tags so peace out of you have to.#This bums me out so fucking hard!#I have artist friends who are struggling because their content suddenly goes against these stupid fucking guidelines!#I'm going to have to take my stuff off of Gumroad even though it was previously allowed!#It's hard to not feel like everything is just spiraling toward fascism sometimes yanno?#I am usually opposed to slippery slope arguments but the goal of moral conservativism is to destroy everything that isn't in line with it.#They will not stop until the world reflects their narrow ideals. Like...that's the whole point of it!#Sorry guys I'm just having a rough one.#Between this and being sick for months I'm getting pretty fucking Done.#I'll be okay but I'm not going to pretend it isn't hard and scary.

502 notes · View notes

ghostlyarchaeologist · 10 months

Photo

Eliot receiving his Hanzo sword.

Leverage S03E14 The Ho Ho Ho Job.

Bonus:

#leverage #eliot spencer #nate ford #sophie devereaux #alec hardison #parker #i don't care if it's june I'm having feels about this scene #the way he stills when he sees the sword #the way he's struck speechless #everyone else #this is just before they take on moreau #tell me he wasn't guilt spiralling right about now for still not telling them #and then they go and do this #they show him that they know him #and that they love him #(i did not mean to write a thesis on this but here we are)#ghostly'sgifs

677 notes · View notes

pearlcaddy · 1 year

Text

LOCKWOOD & CO. 1.05

#lockwood & co #lockwood and co #lockwoodandcoedit #anthony lockwood #anthonylockwoodedit #lucy carlyle #lucycarlyleedit #locklyle #locklyleedit #tvedit #pearlcaddyedit #pearlcaddy l&co #this scene was a nightmare to color for no reason #the number of times i'm like 'oh i'll just gif a quick moment from l&co how hard could it be'#REALLY HARD. WHEN WILL I LEARN #i don't have a whole tag spiral this time #i just love the lil nods to each other #the nonverbal battle couple confirmation that they're on the same page #'you got me?' 'i got you.'

451 notes · View notes

likegoldintheair · 3 months

Text

no but the way we've seen eddie reassure buck over and over again that he has a place in the diaz family and that he is important to both him and chris and somehow i think buck still doesn't quiet believe it i think he gets it in a way but i don't think he dares to actually fully believe that he is allowed to have that or that it won't be ripped from him so if he accidentally causes an accident where chris (or eddie) gets hurt he'll probably think that he's fucked up bad enough that the only thing he can do is distance himself before chris and eddie get the chance to do so (hence him telling maddie that he doesn't think that 'he' wants to hear from him right now) and then we get the madddie scene and eddie's hand on his shoulder reassuring him once again which leads to the conversation with chris and all of those three scenes/converations cements once and for all what buck is exactly to chris and eddie

#this is just me throwing spaghetti on the wall #i'm spiralling thinking about all the possibilites to be honest #and i have no one to talk to about this so you all get to suffer bless #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 abc #911 spoilers

70 notes · View notes

spotlightstudios · 10 months

Text

Wizard 101: Hey kid, you just got pulled into Wizard School, and it looks like you're ready to start. Go down that path and someone will teach you to fight. Oh shit, that's Malistare, uhhhh, *one minor battle later* Good job kid. Go and do some little quests and beat up some fairies, you're doing great! :)

Pirate 101: You're in jail. Pirates are breaking you out of jail! They're... asking about your trauma. You're a pirate, an orphan, the son of a whore and a scotsman, you were raised by another group of people, now you're pulling a jail break and helping other prisoners escape! A uhhh, a guy threatens to murder you. He's the one who locked you up. The pirate guy almost dies and you have to drive his ship??? *one stressful sail later* Hey kid, go beat up this guy who stole from me. I'm gonna cheat and scam you, btw, just so you know. :)

#light's spot #W101 #P101 #pirate101 #wizard101 #I'm biased because I'm a Wizard thru and thru #but I played Pirate yesterday and am losing my mind over the shift of tone #in w101 it's like sure I'm the hero of the spiral but it's a story of training and growth and friendship #in p101 it's like I'm a wanted criminal yet I don't have a ship or a name for myself nor a crew and this Armada guy really wants to murder #me specifically???#anyways #Silent Ryan Ironside is my mute pirate and Subodai will forever be my first mate because we're bound by mutual imprisonment and escape #<- She's a Swashbuckler and was raised in Grizzleheim btw. her parents were killed in a mutiny #pretty sure she became a mute after her parents were killed and the Grizzleheim bears gave her the name “Silent” and she took the lastname #of “Ironside” while she was in their care because she'd shoulder her way into battle #fun shift of pace from Natalie BlueFlower who was just like #huh I'm an ice wizard now- HOLY SHIT I'M GETTING MAGICKED AT-#and then never stopped being magicked at lmao

264 notes · View notes

red-flagging · 2 months

Note

💛 seb/lewis :-)

(kiss fic prompts!)

a little epilogue to rabbits are chasing :)

Lewis's flight lands at 8:02PM, which means that by 7:31PM, Seb is parked outside the airport arrivals door, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel and scanning the sky for approaching planes.

It's quite silly, getting here so early, but it's not as if there's much left to do at home. There's roast vegetables waiting in the oven, the cauliflower steaks that he started marinating earlier this morning chilling in the fridge. Mina and Ellie are safely ensconced in their duck coop with the heater turned on for the night. The sheets on the guest bed are freshly washed.

The car parked behind him starts up. Its headlights illuminate Seb's cabin. For a moment, he catches a glimpse of himself, harried and too-bright, in the rearview mirror. He scrubs his hands down his face. Christ. Get it together, Sebastian. He is a full 39 years old. Far too old to be getting the same jitters that he did the first time he invited a girl over at age 17, agonizing about what album to have playing when they came back to his room. Lewis is far too old for Seb to be doing all this. Lewis might not even be gay.

His phone buzzes. Seb nearly jumps out of his seat.

Lewis

just landed

getting my luggage now

hows it so freaking cold here

The inside of the car is already fogging up. When he'd asked Lewis to send dates he could come visit and Lewis had said just so you know the next few months are kind of crazy for me, Seb had expected late fall, maybe the holidays. Not the middle of slush season, when all the roads up the mountain have a 50/50 chance of being so muddy that they're undriveable.

Sebastian

I'm outside, in the blue Infiniti :)

He glances back up at himself in the mirror. The scab from where a wood chip caught the corner of his eyebrow while he was sanding the new planter box is almost healed over. His hair looks as good as it's ever going to. If Lewis asks whether he's been using conditioner, he's fucked.

It shouldn't feel like this. Seb beat Lewis to Senna's record, and Lewis still laughed at all his jokes the next season. Lewis watched Seb DNF twice in five races and still said in the media pen that he was waiting for the day Seb would be back up on the podium with him. When they inevitably auction off Lewis's Le Mans racesuit, it'll have to be with Seb's snot all over the front of it, because Lewis let Seb sob all over him and then laughed as he wiped sweat off of Seb's cheek with the sleeve. After all that – the fact that he's about to be in Seb's house for the next week shouldn't make Seb feel like he's standing in front of Lewis naked, without even the promise of a fast car or a good competition to distract Lewis from looking right at him.

His phone buzzes again.

Lewis

outside i think

Seb peers through the windscreen. Lewis – or rather, the blurry figure lugging a giant suitcase behind him that he assumes is Lewis – waves at him from the sidewalk. Seb flashes his lights at him twice.

The back door opens and Lewis's head, along with a burst of cold night air, pops in. "Hey," he says, a little breathlessly. "I don't think this is going to fit in the back."

It does, eventually, but not without a fight that involves Seb having to climb into the trunk alongside Lewis's suitcase and physically wrestle it into place while Lewis shoves from behind. They're both out of breath by the time they finally climb back in the front and slam the doors shut.

"You know, there are beds at the farm," Seb points out. "You didn't have to pack your own."

Lewis shakes his head, tugging off his gloves. His coat collar is turned up around his neck. He's wearing an an ear warmer headband, held in place by two butterfly pins. Every other bit of uncovered skin is pink, even with the heat in the car up at full blast. Lewis shoves his fingers in front of the vents and sighs with relief, closing his eyes. "Ugh, thank God," he says. He sounds exhausted. "Listen, you're lucky I fit everything into one." It sounds far less like a joke than Seb would hope. The fact that the fondness in Seb's chest still manages to outweigh the exasperation is probably a sign that Seb's beyond salvation.

"Next time I'll bring a trailer so you can fit your bathtub and toilet, too," he says, reaching for the keys. The engine purrs to life as he flicks the lights back on, then leans forward to scrub the worst of the fog off the windscreen. The thermometer on the dash says it's still 3 degrees outside. They might still be able to make it back before the slush freezes over. "Okay," he says, sitting back down and twisting around to reach for his seatbelt. "Ready to go?"

Lewis doesn't say anything. When Seb looks over, he's staring out the front window, playing with one of his rings.

"Lewis?" Seb asks.

Lewis's head jerks around. "Hm?" he says. "Oh. Yeah." He doesn't move to put on his seatbelt.

Seb frowns. Kills the engine so he can properly turn in his seat. "Lewis," he says. "Is everything –"

Lewis leans across the console and kisses him.

It's barely half a second. Seb still hasn't moved by the time Lewis sits back down on his side of the car.

"Uh," Lewis says, after a second. He clears his throat. "Sorry. I just – Shit. Sorry. The whole way over, all I could think about was – I had to get it over with before I chickened out."

He's fiddling with his rings again, but his eyes stay fixed on Seb's. His jaw is set. He still looks half-ready to bolt through the door behind him, out into the night.

"Well, you don't have to make it sound like taking your medicine, Christ," Seb says hoarsely, and drags Lewis back across the console to kiss him properly.

Lewis's lips are still cold. When Seb opens his mouth, Lewis sighs, pressing in closer with a soft sound that makes Seb want to go twenty years back in time and kick himself for not figuring out how to make Lewis make that noise sooner. His hands settle on Seb's wrists, holding him in place. Seb slides his own hands up, cradling the back of Lewis's head, to return the favor.

When he finally pulls away just far enough to catch his breath, Lewis follows him, close enough that their noses bump. His eyes are wide. This close up, Seb can see the dark circles under them more clearly.

He closes his eyes. Lewis is still there when he opens them.

"How long have you been awake?" he asks.

Lewis blinks. "What," he says. "Are you talking about."

"Sleep deprivation," Seb says. His heart is pounding hard enough that he feels it in his throat. "People start to get delirious when they're tired enough –"

"I was awake for 24 hours and I didn't kiss you at the end," Lewis interrupts, his eyes sharp and bright. "I'm not making the same mistake twice."

Seb opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He tries again. Still nothing.

"Fuck," he says, closing his eyes. "Okay. Okay." He drags himself back upright and reaches for the keys. "We can – tomorrow. But we should – you need to shower. And sleep." Lewis's hand settles on his leg. Seb rests his own on top of it; after a second, he squeezes Lewis's fingers gently. Lewis flips his hand over and laces their fingers together.

"Yeah," Lewis says. His thumb traces over Seb's knuckles. "That – tomorrow sounds good."

The slush crackles under the tires when Seb starts to move. Ahead of them, the headlights carve a path through the darkness. Lewis's hand is a solid, steady weight against his leg. "Okay," Seb says, to himself, to both of them, to no one. Lewis hums softly from his side of the car. He squeezes Seb's knee gently.

Seb closes his eyes for a second. "Okay," he says quietly. "Yeah. Let's go home."

#my fic #collarboen #rpf #sorry to possibly?? retcon the fade to black kiss at the end of rabbits are chasing and be like PSYCH it took 9 months after that...but in #my heart this has always* been the truth #*i came up with it ten minutes into brainstorming this prompt but now i'm attached to it and have accepted it into my heart and home #the post-retirement post-gay awakening post-journey of self acceptance slow burn slash anxiety spiral #that happened over the 9 month interlude on lewis's end is left as a thought experiment for the reader :)#thank u for giving me an excuse to write this autumn :)#i am slowly making my way through the rest of these lol ty to everyone who has sent them in they've been so fun!!#you are welcome to send in more but just be warned that the next batch will probably take. much longer lol. but i will keep doing my best 🫡

66 notes · View notes

ride-a-dromedary · 5 months

Text

The tempests and storms that lurk just beneath Halsin's skin; how ferociously he defends those who cannot defend themselves; how protection and defense is sometimes messy and blurry and blinded by fury even when coming on the heels of passion; how he chooses to be placid and calm and gentle - how he insists that violence is not always the answer - but poke the bear one too many times and he will maul you, no hesitation.

#BG3 Musing #Halsin #Halsin Posting #the man contains multitudes #i know that him not having a barbarian yell when you respec him is a glitch but honestly keeping it as the bear roar but amplified #is so much better #halsin is genuinely unashamed of things done in the name of self defense and the defense of others #the man doesn't want to fight - but he *will* win #by any means necessary - his body is a vessel to serve nature with and that includes the strength needed to protect it #i'm still stuck on the fact that halsin should theoretically be just as good in his unarmed and armed attacks #as he is in magical ones #cracking skulls in the name of the oakfather and the like #i know some people are making the 'he has hidden anger issues' arguement but i think that's gross oversimplification #he doesn't have anger issues - he is passionate to a fault that it sends him to spiral #it literally crackles beneath the surface #he doesn't have hidden anger - he displays it quite clearly or warns of it when triggers arise #woe betide any who stand against me

72 notes · View notes

wistfulwatcher · 1 year

Text

nat + the torn fishnets

284 notes · View notes

athousandbyeol · 1 year

Text

cher. you know what, boss? ever since i knew you, my life has been a big mess. it's freaking exhausting, you know? i shouldn't have known you. why did we have to meet? i'm freaking exhausted! cher. please don't say that. my life has been so messed up. can you just let me go? i shouldn't have known you! cher, don't say that. can you just walk out of my life?! please don't say that.

392 notes · View notes

suburbanlegnd · 6 months

Text

the sexual tension between me and relapse

#venting in the tags so be careful #being bipolar and bpd at the same time feels like the worst nightmare #the slightest inconvenience will send me into a fucking spiral #people have always been telling me either to “cheer up” or “go to a mental hospital because I'm fucked in the head”#i perfectly know I'm incapable and unworthy of love #I'm starting to doubt if I'm able to love the right way at all #but I'm so sick of toxic positivity #not everything's going to be alright #sometimes bad things happen #and not everyone is supposed to be cheerful and grateful all the fucking time #it's just so tiring and exhausting #they really dont realize how much toxic positivity is damaging and so naive #tw depressing thoughts #idk how to tag this lol #rambles #actually bpd #bpd vent

102 notes · View notes

tlumeti · 2 years

Photo

FOR ALL MANKIND 1.07 / 1.10 / 2.06 / 3.08

#for all mankind #forallmankindedit #ellen waverly #pam horton #jodi balfour #i am spiraling pam is the love of ellens life and i would like to die please #for tumblr user littlebamflamb i just caught up yesterday and have not been able to think about this since #sorry idk what words are i mean i haven't been able to think about anything other than this since #*myedit #I'm sorry I've never done this before but I realized that I missed 1x10 and I have not known peace since #so here have this extra gif so you too can feel the pain i did when i remembered ellen coming out to deke #ellen my love

933 notes · View notes

seventh-fantasy · 6 months

Text

okay... idk at all if this has been discussed or that I'm just stating the obvious. I'm posting any way to get more feedback.

so. can we be sure that the last boat scene even happened (in the way we saw it at least)

yeah the letter was delivered to the intended recipients. the letter also did say 李相夷绝笔 lit. the final writing by li xiangyi. there's a brief exchange between him and the assumed "boatman" asking him where he was going. and we see he spat blood while writing yeah but:

llh/lxy's eyesight had been failing for some time.

Professional Letter Writers are a thing in the past in service to people who can't write their own letters (idk enough to verify the historical accuracy in this specific context though)

what has been bugging me since forever is the manner of speech of the letter. yeah it's different from their everyday speech, but that's actually perfectly fine since this is A Letter so I'm good with it being more formal. but... there's something I just can't quite pinpoint. especially with the use of the 君 jun pronoun by llh/lxy to refer to dfs when there could be other pronouns with less connotations of intimacy (and scholarly/imperial court system) implied and still conveyed cordiality, marking a shift in their relationship. (I'm not well versed with wuxia as a genre enough to know what are the conventions. someone else who does can say something though.)

whatever these put together means (eg. he may not have written the letter personally, or he wrote it in a different situation from what we saw, etc etc.) alongside:

this scene existed only as part of a visualisation as the letter content is revealed to the audience (or assumed to be fdb reading the letter to dfs & guests of the wedding spectators of the duel)

the boat lxy/llh jumped on is not the same as the one he was writing the letter on - the boatman is also not on it despite the conversation at the beginning, but lxy/llh's dressing and hairpin are the same as the ones before he jumped. (the boatman delivered the letter so he's real though.)

also as @wonderfulnonsense happened to have just pointed out in the tags left in my other post: it's in fact the same boat he took to go fight dfs at donghai 10 years ago. (edit: or maybe it isn't? as pointed out by anon.)

if we viewed whatever we perceived in this scene as imaginary (not what actually happened), then the reading of it being a metaphor for lxy/llh being on his way to enlightenment just makes sense. (the boat being a carrier on his spiritual transformations.) especially when you consider that 彼岸 the other shore is another concept in buddhism to represent enlightenment, alongside the motif of lotuses. (credits to @markiafc for the buddhism reading - edit: mark's meta here) and then, consider the beach ending... yeah.

#莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #my posts #lhl #lhlmeta #断剑又绝笔......#this was a question / discussion brought up internally but i wanted more feedback / ideas so. and also for the record #but ofc...if there are details missed out that completely prove this wrong then pretend i never wrote this #pls blame it on the brainrot #lhl discussion of the day is buddhism meta.#taoism and buddhism readings loving hand in loving hand.#honestly i did not think of the story specifically as a path of enlightenment until i was writing the meta #and then it was a downward spiral there on.#it makes a lot of sense given how it's a story about cultivation of the personage (and the struggles of it)#which is the goal of all chinese ideologies. not just taoism and buddhism. they just have different answers #mark is gonna come back with a massive buddhism meta. i'm excited and afraid #also the detail i am sitting on is what is the significance of him signing off as lxy. on top of his r/s with dfs being from lxy's pov.#considering the way he has been identifying with lxy ever since he took over llh as an identity.#PLUS when i first heard lxy thanking dfs for the wangchuan flower. the chinese didn't include the subject of flower #i thought he was talking about 忘川 METAPHORICALLY bc i forgot that was the name of the flower HJBJHHJBJHB #yeah so like this is the river of oblivion he's on or wtv (i'm just babbling now)#also i said INTENDED RECIPIENTS. but the envelope cover is also interestingly empty. though boatman knew who it was meant for

72 notes · View notes

gerrydelano · 2 months

Text

it's been like 10 hours and i am still thinking about gerry child experimentation canon. fuck my entire life

#r.txt #confirmed in tmagp which i do not listen to and will not listen to but i was Shown The Evidence #this also confirms that he's a candidate for DID in addition to his already extremely traumatic Rest Of Canon Story Don't Fight Me On It #because he would have been 7-11 years old #probably Closer to 11 though if he was one of the last ones experimented on before the institute burned down #so not DID forming but certainly contributing to the highly likely prior split! his mother is mary keay! he had baby trauma #almost never seen a character more likely to have DID than him and i have seen a good handful #now i'm just on my soapbox about how common DID actually is in our society given the huge prevalence of childhood trauma #anyway. this is the spiral i was sent on because of this new information #still won't be listening to the new thing but i can't resist objectively horrible facts about my poor fucking baby #they did the milgram experiment on him! and he scored low! because obviously!#empathy index 95%! baby!!!!#ugh. ugh!#the things this could have influenced in pbrrrrr. in TSP!!!! fuck!#if i really did just bring pbr back out of nowhere it'd fit right into the scene i was gonna do in the next chapter which is insane #uuuugh

40 notes · View notes