As a fellow aroace mumbo enjoyer I think you'd enjoy my insane rambles-
So I think Scar and Mumbo are both aroace. They're both a bit different tho- Mumbo never really thought about romance too much. He's never really found someone attractive and he's never had a crush.
He finds some people aesthetically pleasing and I think that he thinks that's what romantic and/or sexual attraction is supposed to be like. He's never thought about it too much, he just though "huh that person looks nice.", classified it as attraction in his mind and moved on.
He doesn't think about romance and he just simply doesn't care.
Scar on the other hand had quite a bit of difficulty figuring stuff out. He finds people attractive, he likes the idea of having a partner and he likes the idea of dating, but any time he thinks he likes someone romantically and tries to imagine dating them he gets uncomfortable. It just doesn't feel right.
I think Scar would randomly stumble across the the term aroace and it sends him into a bit of a rabbit hole. He finds the terms he thinks fit him and it puts him on ease knowing there's other people like him out there and that he's not just broken or something.
Now he knows that there's other people like him out there, he just never thought It'd be someone on the server!
I think Scar would randomly mention something about being aroace or complain about something allo people do and Mumbo would kinda stop in his tracks and ask scar to elaborate or explain.
I think that's how Mumbo figures out that no, not everyone feels like him.
Idk I just think it'd be nice if they then bonded over that and if Mumbo found out a bit about himself through Scar
oughhhh my heart
Thinking about how maybe Mumbo started to figure himself out during s8 specifically, because him and Scar were so close living wise and got closer as friends as well
Imagine Boatem having their usual sleepover, all the others are dead asleep while the two are awake, catching up and talking. Suddenly Scar mentions about being aroace, and Mumbo perks up at the word, questioning what it is and to elaborate further (he always wants to be supportive of course)!
The more Scar talks about it and how he feels, the more Mumbo just starts getting the realisation like "Oh shit." and suddenly blurts out that he might be the same
Cue them bonding about it more the entire night, and them becoming even closer
So, I’ve been thinking a lot about spideytorch lately (as I am one to do) and a question popped into my head:
What is the most important spideytorch comic panel?
There’s a ton of great options in my opinion, but I think there also is an answer (at least for me) so now I am going to subject all of you to my thought process. Get ready for a way to long post breaking this down.
The most obvious starting point has to be this classic
Johnny Storm is going full house husband for Peter Parker, I mean c’mon! add in the fact that he’s in his undies and the way that he’s leaning over peter… yeah this is a classic. This might be the most famous spideytorch panel out there, but I don’t think it’s the most important one.
Another classic (but more antagonistic?) one takes place, of course, at the usual place.
To me this is peak identity shenanigans and the stuff that fanfics are made of. The betrayal, the heartbreak, the complications that go into the conflicting way these two view identity, oh boy I could talk about that shit for hours, but as an individual moment, it doesn’t really crack most important for me, it needs a bit more affection (they’re very bad at affection sometimes).
Another panel that came to mind very quickly for me is this set.
Johnny literally only had to say his name and Peter knew exactly what he meant and what he needed. This is top tier levels of communication, both between them and from the creators to us. I think this is another one that I could talk about for hours. That being said, it doesn’t feel important enough to me.
A friend in the spideytorch discord server posed this panel as the most important spideytorch moment in the comics.
I’m just gonna put their quote in cause it’s great. “I think this is one of my favorite panels cause Johnny was just speaking generally and Peter was like ‘oh my god! Actual wise words form johnny’ but also, I love that this was a more important moment for Peter than Johnny.” I must say, this entry is extremely important to spideytorch and gave my choice a run for its money. I don’t have a huge reason for not making this one the most important, other than personal taste. For their relationship, this is a key moment and sets them on the path to actually being friends (at least on Peter’s end), but idk it just wasn’t doing it for me.
Another panel I was reminded of thanks to this submission was this moment.
It’s not quite as impactful as the past one by a long shot but I do think it’s important. After being rivals for so long, to see Johnny give a genuine heartfelt compliment to Peter is fantastic (haha). This feels like the other half of the previous set of panels. There we had Johnny encouraging a stranger and here he’s encouraging his friend.
Some other friends in the discord server suggested the moment that Johnny invites Peter over to watch his sex tape (yes this is canon).
(Not pictured, Peter swinging away and saying he needs to take a cold shower). Now I’m not saying that the most important spideytorch moment needs to be serious, but I think this moment might be too unserious to claim that title. This moment was huge for the fanbase because holy shit did, he actually say that, but for their relationship, I just don’t think it was as important as it was to us.
Now I do want to knock out a few honorable mentions that I would hate to miss.
First, this look given to Spidey by Johnny, I mean yeah, he’s in love.
And to balance the lovesick flirty scales I must expose Peter as well.
Next, this heartbreaking moment that basically admits to the audience that Peter’s world becomes chaos when he loses Johnny. That shit hits.
Of course, the moment that gave us the ship name.
A panel that lives in my head rent-free because honestly marvel what were you attempting to convey here other than the fact that Peter really wants to have hate sex with Johnny Storm?
To take us outside of our duo, this quote from Ben Grimm (EDIT: it’s was Peter’s clone Ben Reilly, which honestly only adds more drama), because honestly same.
And of course, I have to include the panel which showed us the first time (on page) that Peter told Johnny he loved him AND gave us canon proof that these two have “date night,” many a fic writer was fed well.
And how could we forget! THE USUAL PLACE! Literally any panel mentioning this is top tier because its so good, like the core of the fandom honestly.
Lastly, before moving on to my own more serious contenders I have to share this parallel that @sciderman shared because I love it.
Now to my serious contenders for the title of most important spideytorch panel (please remember this is all my opinion and I mean no shade). This will be a top 5, but just know some of these rankings are pretty flexible (even flexible with some panels from the beginning), and this question should not be taken as seriously as I am taking it, I am fully aware of that.
Number 5!
So, I know that I discounted the sex tape scene earlier because I didn’t think it was serious enough and it didn’t do enough for their actual relationship, but I had to include this one I’m sorry. A lot of this is personal taste but the implications here are *chefs kiss* The first time I saw this panel was actually on Pinterest with the caption “wait a second, did spider-man and the human torch have sex?” which says it all for me.
Beyond that, this moment also shows how they reach out to each other when they have problems. Strange children show up in Peter’s life and the first person he calls about it is Johnny. Again, this is not the most serious, but I love it. This moment shows the banter of their relationship, how they care about and rely on each other, and also potentially reveals that they’ve had sex. There’s a lot to take in.
Number 4!
I will be honest with you all, this moment is here almost entirely because Ben’s quote lives in my head rent-free. Everyone around them sees how they feel about each other besides them. When they were rivals others could tell they actually liked each other and when they became friends others could tell that it was deeper than that. I think I especially love this panel because it conforms that we’re not crazy for thinking there’s something there but also because Ben specifically cites the way Johnny looks at peter. That is very specific and says a lot. I can’t imagine Ben would say this if the looks Johnny gave Peter were purely platonic, and just ahhhh, there’s so much said here just in one line from Ben. There was of course the Ben moment earlier, which I also love, but something about this one, the more specific phrasing of it I think just shoots it up my rankings a lot.
Number 3!
If you’ve been following me for a while I don’t think this is a surprise at all, I have already done a very in depth post about this panel so I’ll keep my thoughts brief. Red Skull knows that hurting Johnny will hurt Peter, Peter’s Spidey senses go off FOR JOHNNY, and we are given so much angst potential, I love it.
Number 2!
This one is probably a more popular choice than my number one, and I totally get it. The excitement and joy bursting out of Peter when he finally realizes that Johnny is here, he’s real, and he’s alive really gets me. Plus, the added context to the uniform comment being that Johnny literally left Peter his family and his spot on the team in his will. The amount of pure love in this moment and its larger context is abundant, platonic or romantic, it’s there. I feel like everything I could say about this panel has probably been said before, but it is definitely worthy of being the most important spideytorch moment, even if I have one that beats it for me.
Number 1!
For those of you who don’t know, this panel comes from Peter visiting Gwen’s grave and talking to her. That fact alone breaks me in half but then the things he says to her shatter me. Every spider-man fan knows how much Gwen’s death broke Peter, it destroyed him to lose her. Just the fact that Peter admits Johnny brings part of him back is amazing (haha) because that is a hug feat. But then he shatters me even more with his final sentences. After Gwen’s death, we often get a peter who spends too much time as Spidey in order to avoid having to cope with Gwen’s death as Peter, but also as a way to cope with the loss (he’s a complicate man). Spideypool also gets a lot from that arc because of Wade’s reaction to Spider-Man not holding back as much and becoming less of a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and that’s true. The fact that Peter feels like he’s becoming who Spidey is supposed to be again when he’s around johnny is huge! But then! He corrects himself. He’s not Spidey again, he’s Peter. The real person, the man behind the mask, comes back. And then you get the final correction. He’s not just peter again, he’s *Gwen’s* peter again. He is the him that existed with Gwen when he’s with Johnny. That speaks volumes and breaks whatever parts of me are left. How am I expected to read this and not think that Johnny and Peter are soulmates?
Now, I will acknowledge that this is much more of a peter moment than a joint spideytorch moment, much like the moment suggested by discord friend earlier. If that disqualifies it for you as the most important spideytorch panel, I get it. However, for me that doesn’t matter mainly for one key reason. So many classic spideytorch moments show a lot of Johnny having feelings for Peter or making a move on Peter. There have been a lot of times when I’m trying to get a friend into spideytorch, and I feel like I have to clarify that its not as one sided as it seems. Johnny is much more out there with who he is and doesn’t hide his feelings very well (except maybe from himself). So, when we get any spideytorch moment that hones in on peter’s feelings and love for Johnny, that feels so huge to me. This moment alone proves that it isn’t one sided, Peter has deep feelings for Johnny, even if he’s not sure what they are yet, he knows that what they have is special, he wouldn’t be telling Gwen about it otherwise. While it may not be as famous of a spideytorch moment, its an important one, and for me it’s probably the most important one.
Anyway, this has been a way too long post about this topic but if you made it to the end thank you so much! I would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this topic so feel free to share those. Also, just a reminder that these are my opinions, and I am not in charge at all so don’t take it too seriously (unless you want to).
If you’re interested in hearing me, go more in depth on any of these panels (or any other spideytorch panels) shoot me an ask because I could honestly talk in depth for a while about most of these panels and I would love to do so. Thank you again for reading this way to long post and good night spideytorch nation.
Ok I've been in the fandom for about three years now, but I still sometimes feel like I'm on the outside - how do you make close friendships? because I've spoken to many people in this fandom, including you, and I call you guys friends in my head, but I'm too anxious to just talk to people in their inbox just because I like them and I don't wanna be annoying or overstep if you get what I mean
HOLA!
You'd be surprised how often I get asked stuff like this.
Honest answer?
#3: Engaging on tumblr
Reblogs, comments, etc. Nothing better than screaming at each other in the comments of a post. I think I'm weird in that I prefer comments to reblogs because it doesn't clog up everyone else's dash.
#2: Engaging on Ao3.
If you're looking to snag a writer friend, read their fics and comment on them. Then have the same URL on tumblr and send them an ask about it. We are simple beings and easily tricked into friendship if you tell us you like the thing we spent 45 hours writing.
#1: Discord.
I've made so many wonderful friends through tumblr. It's one thing to reblog something or comment (I think comments are better than just a blank reblog, personally), but my friendships within this fandom only kicked off really once I started talking to them on discord.
Of course we've got the Writer's room which is just me, Emma, Bia, Elle and Tammy, and there's a private server for dedicated fanfic writers (although you have to be a writer and also have somewhat of a highly visible presence to be invited to that one. They've had HUGE issues with semi-anonymous people wanting to join and then being trolls or starting drama and wrecking the wonderful friendly vibe.)
But there is also an amazing fan server which I believe is still run by @caitkaminski @oliverslove and @rebelrayne. It's an absolutely wonderful place and there's almost always discussion going on in there, especially on episode release day. It's WILD. I highly recommend it. Check their blogs, I think the link is in their bios.
Also, I don't even know who you are (anon obviously) but you're my friend in my head too dw xxx
This moment is even cuter when you know that in Japanese culture, public displays of affection like this hug are considered strange or rude, something Yudias wouldn't know. So in Yuhi's eyes, this is Yudias being an alien. An adorable alien expressing his care for him is his strange yet endearing alien way.
So I spoke somewhat about my thoughts on Emanator Sampo here, but I never really thought of it from a design point of view or what kind of powers he would have until just recently. But I actually kind of love leaning into it from a "stage hand" perspective?
Because like. Aha's body in THEIR official art is completely black, giving attention to all the fun brightly colored things around THEM. And that's so fitting for Sampo! He usually prefers to be a side character. He likes to act from the shadows. His is a much more subtle hand.
So I wonder if as an Emanator, a lot of his clothes are actually very dark? Not necessarily plain, still extravagant and needlessly detailed in things like cut and quality with lots of different fabrics and textures and ornamentation, but dark. Or maybe even his skin itself becomes blackened further down his body; his hands in particular are dark, as a sort of sleight of hand reference.
The motif of a lot of straps wrapped around him like in his canon design is still present, but they're all loose and flowing off of him like paper streamers now instead of restraining him or holding him together. He is no longer contained! Or maybe they're still a bit more rigid/heavy, but just draped more like red stage curtains!
And this is like. Fully self-indulgent, but I love inhuman designs, and there's nothing in canon to say I can't do this, so screw it! Go for broke!! Maybe it's not visible to normal people, but Sampo having a second set of arms would be really cool, as further sleight of hand reference. One set is almost normal looking, but his hands are a bright, attention-drawing white, and the other is dark, set almost in the shadows of the first arms, to act less noticeably.
He also has something of a broken heart design to him in canon (the front of his black shirt with its jagged shape down the middle; his coat looks like a full heart shape in the back), and I actually like him keeping that element as an Emanator, because I think it suits him. Sampo says his taste in aesthetics and views on Elation involve human dignity,
and the story he helps create in Belobog involves the long and winding road of resistance and survival and eventual triumph in the face of some very adverse, oppressing odds. (I'm pretty sure I heard he once called Wildfire "artless" though, plus the man acts like he thinks Shame is some kind of dessert, so like ndkdjzjskkd) But the point being!!
I think Sampo is someone who can appreciate heartbreak and angst and tragedy in a story, because it makes the victory at the end all the sweeter. And this would be another thing he shares with Aha, because I think THEY did bless the Mourning Actors partly just to be a little shit, but also because Aha does recognize tragedy as part of THEIR Path, too, and you can see it in some of the game. So a broken heart motif can still suit him, and I like him having elements of both comedy and tragedy. Like his clothing having a happy sun/sad moon (like the moon in Aha's art) or him having both of the traditional comedy/tragedy masks in his design.
And as Emanator, Sampo can maybe play with the stage settings environment, too. Like lights sometimes behave strangely around him, appearing blindingly bright to someone or dramatically dark. Sampo wills it and suddenly there seems to be a metaphorical spotlight right where he wants everyone to look. And when he doesn't want to be noticed, his face seems to be cast in shadow, he seemingly just fades into the background, no one notices or recognizes him and he sneaks away easily. He can create smoke or fog literally out of thin air without his bombs now, too, the air will just suddenly thicken until his stage is obscured, and Sampo can set the scene as he pleases or disappear without a trace.
And in line with being a stage hand, Sampo can direct attention like no other. He was already extremely good at this as a normal mortal, and becoming an Emanator only took it up to 11, past human limits. Sampo points, and all present feel compelled to follow his fingertip. He looks away, and they all follow his gaze. He can even affect the mood of an audience; he can influence everyone to be calm and placid or he can whip them into a feverish frenzy. Sometimes a crowd will start to become unsettled, agitation stirring until it boils over, until it incites a full on violent mob.
And in the middle of all that chaos will stand one perfectly calm figure, face cast in shadow, until they quietly slip away out of sight.
AWH... I'm skipping through Roier's QSMP Day 1 VOD because I'm looking for a specific thing, and I just noticed that when Jaiden stands in front of the group to do her introduction and her mic isn't working, Mariana laughs (not in a mean way, I laughed too) and Roier immediately smacks him and tells him off for laughing.
[Timestamp ~36m 50s, volume warning for Quackity's awful mic]
It's such a little thing, but I think it's really sweet in retrospect, especially considering how Roier and Jaiden have become such good friends in recent weeks :')
being homeschooled means not being able to feel normal or at ease when interacting with peers.
it means never learning how to casually text or speak within groups of people.
it means being great with authority figures or people you deem above or more adult than you, but being completely unable to communicate with anyone your age you'd want to be friends with.
it means desperately wanting to befriend people you've met in life and follow online but failing to do so, and then having every time you see them cause you to grieve the possibility of a friendship with them because you desperately want it but know you're incapable of it.
it means being severely behind in pop culture and not really being mad at that, but still knowing that it causes an even further divide.
it means going from being extremely mature as a teenager to being extremely behind in a social life in your twenties.
doing the equivalent of gripping something intensely hard then forcing myself to let it go every time i see something about the stupid fandom drama i got pulled into earlier this year
Do you have any general hcs of the 1bit/1beat cast? Anythings fine
Kind of rough but
-I've played around with the idea with Eruno being from an orphanage/foster home(the "because you've got a proper family" bit) but I go back and forth on this one.
-Nio and Sakuma are friends! He does shifts at Bitwave they hang out there. The poor boy needs someone to fend off the fangirls.
-Eruno and Akitaka accompany Haruya on deliveries sometimes. Pals.
-When Aira's mimetic muscles get installed she doesn't really quite get how to use them immediately. Her expressions start out real stiff(which she expresses dissatisfaction with, and gets help from the others) to real exaggerated and overplayed(think unbridled rage or pained anguish at things that just kind of annoy her).
-Also she has Kiri make her taller so she can grow alongside her friends!
-Also Also by 1beat she has at LEAST one sibling who's just, a really muscled out doll in frilly clothes.
-Meru listens to death metal. She'd hoped it'd help her stay up better but now she just kind of likes it.
-Outside of tending to the shrine, Hakuhi has embroidery as a hobby.
-Izuchi took piano lessons when he was younger(parents made him do it to try and play up the prodigy genius image). He quit.
-That potion thing he made in 1beat was ripped from Kirai's anime but in part he'd made it after Eruno came to him Demanding a way to make her dog live longer.
-He went to Blue sun college(less because he thought he needed to and more for the benefits a degree there would give him) and got into an apprenticeship with Kiri. He keeps the lab when Kiri moves to Coco Alley(easier to skirt by the law). Familiar with the Blue Sun Trio to some extent.
-He has a sweet tooth but doesn't really admit it because he deems it unhealthy.
-While he did have a hand in the creation of the master program, he doesn't stay on the team after it's finished. Does continue to get occasional updates about it from Hiyu and Nanase though.
-His room is all clean and organized on the surface(maybe a few seashell displays, a poster covering a hole in the wall) but he keeps all the goofy weird shit stored away in drawers and under his bed.*
-I've played around with the idea of there being a 3rd Nasuga sibling who's just too young to be relevant in the game(<-no canon basis i just thought it'd be fun) but I'm not sure if I'd keep that.
-Enri has a pet hamster! He's like the band's son.
-The gang Kirara used to be a part of was like a sparkly gyaru girl gang. She never really enjoyed fighting but took a lot of lessons growing up so she was really good at it. The gang is still going strong though and at least a few of her Gyaru Friends are members(and there's at least one member who's just a plain normal ass girl that hangs around them but that's getting into oc territory).
-Rocca ends up growing up to be like Really Fucking Tall. Momori models clothes on her and remarks that she could be a model if she didn't trip over herself so much(not that she'd want to be one anyways).
-Mary has 3 siblings, they've done a way better job at staying out of the public eye(and have grown somewhat distant from her as a result).
-On account of being friends with a lot of the townspeople and having a lot of relatives, Hitohito is just one of those guys with a lot of connections. In a "guy who knows a guy" way.
-Chino is Coco Alley's mom jkasdsa.
--She brings Sora(was familiar with his family and doesn't want him to get too lonely) cookies and flowers sometimes and while he's dismissive about it he does secretly appreciate it.
-Tobari is the heiress to a big tea emporium who dipped because she got bored and/or got into a disagreement with someone over there, but continues playing up her Elegant Fancy Lady image despite living paycheck to paycheck(which I mean, good for her I guess.)
-Although Sagara knows Asuto through Hitohito, they actually interact fairly regularly in anime forums.
-Hitohito, Izuchi, and Sagara were on friendly terms when they were kids but grew distant for reasons. Hitohito and Sagara had gotten back in touch and still hang out. Heat reached out to Izuchi but was promptly brushed off, still looks out for him. Izuchi and Sagara have a weird frenemy/rival thing going on.
-Sagara has no siblings she just kind of lives alone with her mom who may or may not hate her.(although it's less "hate" so much as disappointment)
-Sagara's chicken avatar is modeled after one of her childhood pets.
-Sagara definitely Naruto runs.
-She holds DnD(\Dnd adjacent. Just some ttrpg I'm not an expert) sessions at every couple of weeks. I'm not saying Izuchi willingly participates(those commoners are hopeless without his guidance), just that she didn't exactly have very many other people to invite(Hitohito and sometimes Meu and eventually Nanashi).
-She has a knack for trying to help townspeople as part of some sort of Magical Girl Code but isn't as good at it as she thinks she is.
-She has a compartment in her arm warmers that's full of bird feed, she's made an alliance with the pigeons.
-While she does cool it with the Organization stuff, she never drops the chuuni behavior. Eventually opens a small cake shop with some edgy chuuni-esque title(debated on whether it should be in the same place Little Berry was, like after little berry closes its doors).
-Nomiya and Hiyu butt heads a lot but they both get along fine with Azusa. Somebody needs to be nice to her god damn it.
-The Kujohs have a pet dog but it's actually Azusa's. Following with the rest of the family, it's a big intimidating dog that's actually just really chill. Enri has tried to look past it but he's always very leery about visiting them.
-Nomiya's riding an adrenaline high throughout most of the game but his more calm demeanor in his events is just him going in the opposite extreme as a result of coming down from it. He's usually fairly loud and confrontational, just not THAT loud and confrontational.
-He keeps in closest touch with Tobari after the hackers are disbanded. Somewhat on account of her being able to hold her own in Break Passage the best out of the other three. She views him as a weird little brother.
-The hackers hold gatherings in memory(or what little of that memory they even retained. It's mostly secondhand from Nanashi) of Mikado where they commit minor crimes. The gathering was Kotora's idea the crime was Nomiya's.
-Sagara has a journal that she calls the Abyss Tome that's just full of fanfiction and anime drawings of herself and her friends(/enemies). Has a bunch of spell names listed down in it.
-Saaya and Meu are friends! Saaya comes to her for divinations about her love life a lot and just ends up venting. Meu's happy to listen though and tries to comfort her the best she can.
-Speaking of therapy though, Saaya does get therapy sometime post-canon and distances herself from Nanase(while a lot of Nanashi's friendships that start off on the wrong foot have room for growth, the memory thing makes things kind of... weird with her). She's in a much better state by 1beat.
-Saaya writes a lot of poetry.
-Yoh and Sagara are related. Somehow(I did consider nephew at one point but that didn't really pan out).
-So are Hiyu and Arumu. They've got that green hair and funky eyebrows.
-Akuta and Kaori date briefly(well, she's a fan of his work, and he is rich, and while he can't speak multiple languages he is well-spoken, what could go wrong?) which just ends in them breaking up over a disagreement over a book's ending. That was more the final straw though, actually getting to know him put into perspective just how far from her expectations he actually is and she's not super pleased about it. They do stay friends but something something important lesson about your idols being people.
-I feel like I've said somewhere that Kotora leaves the cafe to Rocca when he retires but I need to clarify that Kotora keeps being the cafe guy well into old age and that Rocca would be a whole adult by then.
-Kaori was the youngest of her siblings and only one to stay with her mother, she sees her dad as a good for nothing deadbeat(it wasn't an amicable divorce) and the ordeal heavily influenced how she views romantic relationships as a whole. Grew up somewhat distant from Kotora and their sister but reconnected in adulthood.
-Her "ideal guy" is just the best traits of her favorite book leads cobbled together like some kind of frankenguy. (And she might be internalizing something... who knows)
-The world did enter a more 'cyberpunk dystopia'-esque futuristic state a long time ago and the return to more traditional old timey ways is sort of in response to that, but Yasune is the only one who'd actually lived through it. Although then again the 2nd oldest character in the game is only 36 so...
The post is starting to not process so I'm going to cut it off here.
over the past few days i haven't done any writing but i HAVE done some thinking about Essbie's Writing in general and it's interesting to notice some trends!
first off -- it seems like i go through periods of Writing A Bunch. these are influenced by many factors (for instance i publish a bunch during the summer, for school reasons) but seem to also... happen whenever i don't have a current very strong hyperfixation? (in other words, after an old hyperfixation is waning and a new one hasn't started yet)
in the summer of 2020, i was publishing A Fuckton, and that was right about when my agents of shield hyperfixation was finally giving up the ghost. now, the xmen hyperfixation is finally fading enough to let me write, and the same thing is happening.
it's interesting to categorize things in this way, because now i kinda... better know what to expect? when i'm Super Major Hyperfixated on something, i tend not to write a bunch about it! i put down a bunch of scraps for ideas i have -- and then only get around to polishing them off when the hyperfixation fades enough to let me enjoy the actual craft of writing.
this is also cool to conceptualize because i'm getting to a point where i don't have a lot of ideas to play with anymore -- i'm getting to the end of the ideas that i stockpiled during the last 2+ years of Massive Hyperfixation and/or burnout. and that means i could've stockpiled more! i can just write things out and chuck them into the Ideas Pile and then, later, when i have the energy and time, i might come back and hash them out! and that's a really cool kinda... reliance that i can have on myself, now.
I found ambition when looking for Jack and Eric fanfic on ao3. I genuinely thought it was it's own show with characters who just happened to have the same name as my two bmw favs (I didn't watch gmw and for my own sake I probably never will because they do my babies; jack, eric and angela, so dirty, and I knew of certain things namely Lucas Maya Riley I didn't know enough for it to make me click). I had no clue what I was getting myself into but then I started reading. I'm so beyond glad I did, I've loved every second, every laugh and every tear. Ambition is the show I wished I had as a teen (instead I had glee... and Riverdale... that says enough...) but I'm glad I found it when I needed it, as I face the same challenges the gang has been facing in season 4 as they move on from triple a and onto life in the real world. I like to believe the stories we need find their way to us, the characters we need to meet come to us, thank you for bringing all the characters but especially Jack, Charlie, Nigel, Asher and Jade to life, joining them on their journeys throughout the show and seeing parts of myself - good and bad - reflected back on me has helped me in ways I'll never be able to put to words so I'll simply say thank you. That's the power of good writing, it leaves the reader changed, the writing in ambition is incredible. I've been invested at every step, hooked by every twist. Ambition feels so real, so poignant, the characters feel like real people, it is so true to life in all it's complexities and in all it's ugliness and beauty. It's raw and it's human and it's about community and hope and it's about flawed people who make mistakes but are still worthy and deserving of love and who are trying to do not only do their best but do good and it's the story I desperately needed. I just wanted to write a wee note to send some appreciation to you all for your incredible work and everything you do to bring us this brilliant piece of work.
If the multiverse is real there's a universe where I follow Dylan Orlando on yt and TikTok and debate and jokingly bicker with Nigel about Shakespeare and am mostly likely a techie, I'm kinda sad that I'm not in it lmao but I'm glad and so grateful in one where I found your story. Looking forward to the rest of season 4 and in time season 5, it's going to break my heart to say goodbye but that's how you know that it mattered, if it hurts to let it go.
{backpedaling to bmw for a sec, BLESS YOU FOR WRITING THE WRONGS. I loved the Shawn Angela storyline in season 1 and honestly it healed a part of me that bmw/gmw broke. Without a doubt ambition did it better. I love when they pop in and they have some of my favorite lines. Shawn absolutely kills me, to paraphrase ; "oh yeah I could be jack, authority baby" destroys me every single time. I adore his dynamic with the techies too and Jack. Speaking of Jack, I am on my knees praising y'all for Jack and Eric, so rarely are older couples in teen/ya shows given such depth and it's even rarer to see a queer relationship between two men in their 30s/40s. Their relationship isn't perfect, it's flawed and complicated and there is so much love, their journey so far has been beautiful. It's rare for older characters especially teachers and parents to be treated as three dimensional and as complex individuals, they're typically just the joke or unreasonable antagonist, not in ambition. They are just as complicated and as real as our mains and I love that}.
omg hi! hello!! welcome welcome to the ambition family! full disclosure when i got the notification in my email that i had an anon on this blog i always lowkey dread it's going to be something harsh -- because internet -- but this message was the absolute opposite and the most lovely of surprises. i don't even know where to begin, but you wrote such a thoughtful and packed note here so i wanna address it all in turn -- please bear with me for the long response!
(though if you've read all of ambition up to this point, you're probably used to my writing being way too long. ahaha.)
first off, i wanted to highlight, underline, emphasize in bold what you said here: "I like to believe the stories we need find their way to us, the characters we need to meet come to us..." because you quite literally put our mentality about creating the show into words (beautiful words at that). that is near word-for-word the approach esther and i have taken with this show basically since its inception when we started writing it for ourselves -- we never ever expected it would reach as many people as it has. and we think of it that exact same way, that those who are meant to discover ambition will find their way to it (and its never too late to dive in). so it's so special to me to see you say that, to reflect that sentiment back to us, as like... proof that it is true. this series has brought a specially strange and wonderful cohort of readers together and it is always amazing when another one pops in to make themselves known. so thank you, thank you, for taking the time out of your day to share that with us. and again, welcome!
secondly -- HELL YES TO FINDING YOUR WAY HERE BECAUSE OF JACK AND ERIC! as someone who admittedly has grown less than fond of bmw in the intervening years (does our version of ct show that a bit... oops lol), jack and eric as a duo are still who holds my heart because they were that iconic in the source material of yore. i typically just tag them because they are so central to ambition (though as you probably noticed, i don't tag bmw as a fandom -- at this point i wouldn't tag either show honestly since its so like it's own thing but i have to unfortunately lmao), but i had considered not doing so because i didn't want to clog up the jeric tag but now i'm so glad i do, because look what a lovely little happenstance of bringing you to ambition it fostered!!
(also, you're correct. don't watch gmw. i enjoyed my time with it back in the day, it's cute, but there are better shows and the fandom was absolutely horrible. basically everyone who was there will attest to that LOL. that's partially why we emphasize that at this point ambition really is its own thing, because it's so far removed -- and clearly you can vouch for that now 😊)
and thank you for your kind words about how we write jack and eric -- we 100% agree that adult characters on young adult dramas tend to be useless at best and downright vile at worst (hellooo mr schue, speaking of glee), and we wanted them to be fleshed out and flawed and featured just as much in their own right. plus not only do they have a great relationship with each other that we enjoy writing (enemies to friends to lovers done right, if we do say so ourselves), they have such incredibly important dynamics with others (lucas and isa being the obvious ones) that it's impossible to think of the show without them. so it is SO great to hear such specific praise for them from a reader! and i love that you shouted out a shawn line, he is an underrated gem in the ambition story world for sure (and allowing him and angela their due was very satisfying for us, yes, hahaha).
lastly, can i ask, are you a writer too? because the way you phrased this is absolutely gorgeous and i want to just. hang it up on my wall and hold it close to my heart forever: "joining them on their journeys throughout the show and seeing parts of myself - good and bad - reflected back on me has helped me in ways I'll never be able to put to words so I'll simply say thank you. That's the power of good writing, it leaves the reader changed, the writing in ambition is incredible. I've been invested at every step, hooked by every twist. Ambition feels so real, so poignant, the characters feel like real people, it is so true to life in all it's complexities and in all it's ugliness and beauty. It's raw and it's human and it's about community and hope and it's about flawed people who make mistakes but are still worthy and deserving of love and who are trying to do not only do their best but do good and it's the story I desperately needed."
like legit, that means so so much to us. it's so heartening to see readers engage with the material so deeply AND come away from it with exactly the themes we set out to explore -- community, love, complexity, humanity, faith, failure, rebirth. so thank you, genuinely, for taking the time to send us this wee little note. it is incredibly kind of you, and we're so glad you found this series and get to take the journey with us.
enjoy the rest of the season to come, and please feel free to pop in at any time ✨