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callisttarayana · 2 years

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Opinions on every country last night (1st semi final):

1. Albania- liked the outfit and vocals, but couldn't make out any lyrics tbh, staging was okay, but not very impressed (5/10, would actually want to see it in finale tho, just to bring the hype up)

2. Latvia- why they didn't place is beyond me, boys got style and song was original and crazy, real eurovision style (10/10, deserve finale)

3. Lithuania- well I guess was okay, it gives me Edit Piaf vibe for some reason, make up was very pretty, but song felt like it was too long (7/10, not really for finale but fine)

4. Switzerland- overall outfit was good, he sounded something like Lewis Capaldi (reminded me of it), but again not really impressed, props to sending a message tho (6/10, not really for finale or a win)

5. Slovenia- i don't really have an opinion, i think drummer was the best, but i felt like song went foe way to long, but boys gave their best (5/10, not really for finale or a win)

6. Ukraine- liked the style of a song and stage, folk elements with modern sound just like last year, overall very good, brought good energy and vibes, props for participating due situation right now, eurovision style and vibe (8/10, deserved finale, probably winning song)

7. Bulgaria- such a shame they didn't place, the song was good, both sound and performace, i always like to see bands at eurovision, i think they stood out and are talented (7/10, should placed for finale)

8. The Netherlands- boring song, boring stage, the girl didn't move at all, not really impressed, i always like when is something happening on stage so yeah (1/10, why are they placed and how is beyond me)

9. Moldova- such a refresh after netherlands, such high energy and vibe, real eurovision style, deserved finale and i hope they get into first 5 at least, o r i g i n a l (10/10, deserved, would like them to win or at least be in top 5)

10. Portugal- i fall asleep, sorry, there is a message but really everybody is done with ballads by this point (1/10, i don't know what to think tbh, not really for finale)

11. Croatia- (as a croatian i support cuz have to, but no bs) croatia needs a reset button on eurivision, this is getting out of hand.... overall, nice dress i guess, i didn't know what was going on the stage and Taylor Swift (1/10, we should give up by this point)

12. Denmark- i was confused for three minutes straight, they give me all girls måneskin vibes (little too much) and just idk not impressed (1/10, no comment really)

13. Austria- at first i thought it would be billie eillish, but i was surprised, now i am sad they didn't places actually, loved the hair and makeup too, it was a vibe actually (6/10, at first sceptic but now sorry they didn't place, they should)

14. Iceland- after Hatari and Daði, i had high hopes but it was shattered, slept for three minutes, didn't like it at all, but at least they pretty (2/10, how and why they placed idk)

15. Greece- after Stefania last year, i also had high hopes but extended a nap from iceland (2/10, i can't ballads anymore)

16. Norway- and at the last i woke up to howeling, absolutly loved it and they lifted up the competition, that is eurovisin s p i r i t and vibe, and they were actually creative and original (9/10, deserved finale, hope for top 5)

17. Armenia- Taylor Swift (2/10, i don't know how and why they places)

NOTE: I LOVE EVERY COUNTRY AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH PERSONAL BS OR POLITICS OR PREFERNCES IN GENERAL

I write and form my opinion based on past years and Eurovision in general. I never spoil songs for myself so yesterday was first time hearing them.

I know all of contestants are talented musicians and deserved to represet their coutries in their own right. 💕

Overall this year too many ballads and all of them sounded the same. Some countries should have placed (in my opinion).

I can't wait for next semi-final.

I think Eurovision lacks originality, creativity and too much copying from past years and plagiarism. We all need something new and fresh. Last year was good exaple. Even tho fashion was inspired by past eras, it was somehow new and songs sounded less simliar to big hits or plagirased and honestly i still remember almost all participants. Can't say same for this year unfortunatly.

See yall on thursday and friday ✌🏻

#esc2022 #eurosong #eurovision #armenia #albania #croatia #bulgaria #latvia #lithuania #netherlands #switzerland #moldova #ukraine #greece #austria #portugal #iceland #norway #slovenia #denmark

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gallivantingheart · 3 years

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Me, a Princess? Shut Up!

masterlist | previous | next

⏮️ chapter 6: mulan ⏭️

who?: jihoon/woozi x (f)reader

word count: 1717

genre/s: fluff, humour, social media!au

warnings: mild coarse language

synopsis: Life’s pretty good for y/n. Easy, even. Until someone claiming to be her grandmother says she is the queen of a small island country - and y/n, a princess.

a/n: i have no reason as to the TWO WEEK wait, but i still hope it’s okay. Also, I know nothing of international politics or table etiquette, don’t @ me

**please ignore the timestamps - they are not accurate**

TAGLIST: @strykiss, @karrotkarrotkarrot, @3sriracha, @minkwans, @annakemi, @chaseyui,

don’t hesitate to send an ask or dm to be added!

Soonhee follows you with eagle eyes as you circle the dining room, elaborate table setting laid out along with decorative lemon themed table centrepieces.

“And who sits next to France?”

You rush to answer, not facing her. “Belgium. Like on the map, because France and Germany don’t get along politically.”

“And across from Germany?” She calls, idly adjusting forks and spoons.

“Thai - uh, Spain, sorry. Thailand is next to Spain, before myself. Then Soonyoung and yourself at the head of the table, north.”

You pause to turn and wait for Soonhee to assess your answer. She’s dressed in a silky champagne two piece blazer and skirt, her blouse designed with a high neckline and thin necktie. The click of her heels are a constant, reminding you of a metronome - just to torment you a little more. She nods, finally.

“I didn’t quite ask for all of that, but yes. You are correct. Have you had your final fitting? You must be presentable before the attendees. Reputation and first impressions are vital.”

You bite the bottom of your lip, nodding. “I had it the day before last. Everything is as ready as can be.”

“Hmmm. You are dismissed. I suggest you study on the conversation topics from last week and compose yourself before tomorrow. Please be here at 1pm, sharp. Antoni insists on natural light and I wish to be ready as early as possible.” Soonhee still doesn’t look at you when she speaks.

As much as it makes your blood boil from the aloof and disparaging manner in which she speaks to you - and only you, it seems - you push down any unpleasant urges against her. She’s a queen; a ruler of a country. No doubt not used to her opinion being challenged, much less by someone your age. There are better things to utilise your energy on rather than fighting the brick wall that is your grandmother.

“Yes, grandma.” You’ll still push the envelope and call ther that though, something a little less formal for the times. “See you tomorrow.”

You instantly turn out the room, pulling your phone out of your back pocket. Those dreadful heels click hastily after you.

“And no socialising tonight! We can’t afford any bad press or late nights for anyone.”

Her voice has never been loud but it carries remarkably well. You huff and jam your phone away, a chicken and drinks session with the boys off the cards. Mingyu is out of town on another holiday with family, so it would have been Minghao and Jun, your fellow foodies.

Despite the early bedtime, you can’t seem to sleep, tossing and turning, tangling yourself in your sheets. You hope Antoni is as good at hiding sleepless nights as he is at shaping eyebrows.

The dress is beautiful, of course. (You had the wine gang help you choose over text. Secretly, of course.)

And while you’re still sceptical of Antoni after the debacle he caused concerning your identity, he blathers on and on in apologies as he pins and fiddles with your hair so you don’t mind too much by the end of it all. Soonhee seems to think he’s redeemed himself - the queen’s word is law. Soonyoung looks super chic in his blazer and turtleneck. You pout at him in his fashionable attire no one else in their stuffy suits appears to bat an eye at.

“Soonie you look great.” You say from the bottom step of the main staircase - grand entrance and all.

He can’t help but preen. “Thanks, as do you, Boss.”

“Gross. But I look like a glitzed up puffball. If I had known that it could have been more casual I-”

The queen cuts off your whining as she glides over in a gauzy ivory gown, crown glittering with every light fixture. “Y/N. Very appropriate. Soonyoung, handsome as always. Are you sure you don’t have my genes?”

What? A - A joke? Where? You have to forcibly shut your mouth from the conversation in front of you. Soonyoung has a steady dancers’ posture - or maybe just a royal one. Straight spine, relaxed held back shoulders and a level gaze. You twist your fist in the many layers of your skirt, to both hide and release the frustrating tension radiating through you. The ambassador laughs, fluffing shyly at his bleach blonde fringe.

“Oh, ahaha. Your Majesty, no. No, I do not.” He mumbles.

You dip yourself in a short bow before dodging the pair in order to attempt to mingle. Droning conversation topics flick through your mind, like forcing the pages of a book. Finally, you set your sights on the Swedish ambassador, if only to talk about Eurovision - the one fun subject allowed to be discussed with you.

You find though, that most of the conversations you attend cycle through the same process. The notice of your presence and an introduction between you all - ministers, ambassadors and their companions. Then a resuming of the current conversation, you being too afraid of looking stupid to add any effective input. You have to bite back a sigh of relief when dinner is announced.

Soonyoung is right. You need a spoon for the cool soup served. He flicks the edge of the one you are supposed to use and you kick his ankle in thanks. The conversations from the foyer are carried into the dining space and you lose India to Thailand. Soonyoung is chatting avidly with Scotland across from him, his hands gesturing from their place on the table cloth. Despite this, main course goes swimmingly, a chicken lemon dish on rice with a hint of garlic and herbs. You hesitate on your chopsticks before picking up a knife and fork like most of the other dignitaries. You feel eyes on you and glance over to see Soonhee evaluating you from the head of the table. She still manages to look severe to you, even with the amicable situation - but maybe you’re just imagining things.

It’s when dessert is around the corner that it falls apart. Spain’s representative, a lovely man named Eduardo is discussing the lemon market of Amaide with you, something you are luckily very proficient with. As you speak, you demonstrate the incline of the market, you tip your water glass over. The elder man, easily in his fifties, smiles warmly and lets you fix it up with an apology to him and the waiter on hand to clean it up. Thailand’s eyes squint at you dubiously and you bow back to them. You describe the style of orchard the royal lemon ceremony is held in, gesturing over your shoulder at the Queen Mother, and the critical breeding of the trees that grow all over the country. A stray hand wave collides with the melting ice bucket with a clang, tipping it sideways… all over Eduardo. Now the pleasant man is drenched from head to toe, Portugal catching the spray and flying bottle of champagne. Thailand is awash as well, nowhere near as bad, but he seems to seize up in panic, dabbing and pressing at his shoulders and sleeves. The dining room is in a commotion now as you bite your lips and frown, grabbing your own napkin to dry down the man next to you. Your hair is damp, slowly going fluffy and frizzy from the water. People are standing up, including yourself and Soonhee.

“I-I-I’m so sorry. I’m not usually this clumsy! Are-are you okay, Eduardo?” You protest.

He shoots you a severe look, only tempered by the reputation of every single person in the room. Obviously not. You chew harshly at your lip as the waiters fuss and someone talks quietly about offering a change of clothes.

You look around the dying chaos - even Soonhee is amongst it, joining in on the many dabbing gingerly at the spanish ambassador’s suit with a napkin. Soonyoung catches your eye as you slink backwards towards the ajar french doors, leaning over to the waiter.

“If anyone asks, I’ve gone to the power room, okay? I-I, uh, shouldn't be too long.” You murmur out the corner of your mouth.

He glances at you, nodding. Soonyoung frowns, gesturing with a discreet finger back to his side. You shake your head, signalling a time-out. You hike up your skirts the moment you turn the corner, clacking down the dim hallway as fast as you can to pick up your purse from the cloak room. Making a detour, you go for the east bathroom, in favour of the north one closer to the dining room.

Slamming the door behind you and locking it, you turn the toilet lid down to sit on it for a moment. A time which gets longer and longer the more you worry your lips to oblivion, thinking on your next move. There is no salvaging what you just did. Humiliating yourself, your victims and the Queen Mother - and by extension, your entire country. No. Surely you couldn’t stay. But how to get out of the embassy without causing more of a fuss? You check the time. Only forty minutes left of the dinner anyway. They couldn’t miss you while still cleaning up. Your stomach turns and lurches heavily, so you turn to press your face into the cool tiled wall.

So, leave. But to where?

No one was in the city, having gone away for the break. Certainly not just home. You wanted just a moment away from everything. You peek your head out into the empty hallway. There is an employee exit next to the kitchens - only the cctv would see you then. But where to? Jihoon? Would he still be around? Would he be okay with seeing you?

You set up a ride for the university before making a break for it, gasping as you lose a bracelet, snagged on the curled handle of the door. Punching in the default entry code, you power walk over the concrete and gravel out to the side street as a little green bug of a car pulls up.

The window winds down to show a man in his early 30’s. “Ride for Y/n?”

“That’s me. Thanks.”

You glance back over your shoulder, through the wrought iron gates to the deadly still building. Jumping in, you tug your long, fluffy skirt in after you.

Bonus

#caratwritersclub #seventeen au #seventeen fic #seventeen social media au #seventeen scenario #seventeen imagine #jihoon fic #jihoon imagine #jihoon scenario #seventeen smau #woozi fic #woozi imagine #woozi scenario #woozi x reader #jihoon x reader #seventeen woozi #seventeen jihoon #mapsu fic #written

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nyaheum · 4 years

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Eurovision 2020 – The Least Useful List Ever

Disclaimer: I am absolutely biased towards certain styles of music and am probably the least impartial person ever. I also don‘t take anything seriously, so you shouldn‘t make that mistake with this list. I mean, Eurovision has been postponed anyway and we‘re all going mad in self-isolation.

France: Tom Leeb – Mon Alliée

MEEEH, it‘s a dude with a guitar singing a quiet love song. Super basic and also super boring. Would be better if there was no English in it, that makes it worse. 3 Points.

Czech Republic: Benny Cristo – Kemama

Czechia has a type. It‘s kinda fun, but it‘s not my style of music. This could be on the radio and I‘d be „Okay, I‘m driving anyway“. There‘s not enough happening for me here. 4 Points.

Armenia: Athena Manoukian – Chains On You

Someone saw Ukraine‘s entry from last year, huh. But I actually kinda like it. I actually like the aesthetic more than the song itself, but it‘s kinda good. Except for the super basic chorus. Wouldn‘t add to my playlist but I don‘t mind it. 5 Points.

Italy: Diodato - Fai Rumore

Hey, I‘m having a déjà vu. Another non-english love song. But this is better than the french one, simply because there‘s actually some emotion in this dudes voice. Also Italy just gets sympathy points from me at this point. 5 Points.

Russia: Little Big – Uno

I love this song so much. It‘s so much fun. It‘s so stupid and campy. In short: very Eurovision. It‘s also just very interesting instrumental-wise. At least I think it is. I really like it. (also their dancer in the blue jumpsuit doing splits and a death drop? Icon) 10/12 Points.

Denmark: Ben & Tan – YES

Why does this sound like Shallow to me? I think it‘s the guitar and the male and female voice. Anyway if it‘s Shallow it‘s bad Shallow. NO from me. I don‘t like the pacing. BUT if they had had a live performance at least it would‘ve been great for audience participation. 4 Points

Estonia: Uku Suviste – What Love Is

Oh. It‘s that kind of song, huh. Why does th music video like this. Why are there spider webs on the microphone. Why is there the word „LOVE“ in an empty industrial hall. Why does he do so many vocal runs. Just a big WHY from me. 2 Points.

Romania: ROXEN – Alcohol You

I know this was the fan favourite song, but I liked literally ALL OTHER songs she had more than this one. It does look really cool though. It‘s also very modern, but there‘s not enough build-up for me? Or rather, it sounds like it builds up to something and it doesn‘t really in the end? Like it builds up to something, but it doesn‘t go as hard as I would have liked it to? But that‘s just me. 6 Points.

Azerbaijan: Efendi – Cleopatra

Okay, this is my guilty pleasure song this year. The music video is super weird (the dancers all look like they do not want to be there, she‘s suddenly dancing around a car in an outfit from 2009 and she‘s raking around in a baththub full of gold dust?), the text is super basic BUT holy shit I just love the pre-chorus and the chorus. I mean. What‘s going on there?...Whatever it is, I like it. 7 Points.

Albania: Arilena Ara – Fall From The Sky

She reminds me of Poppy, of all people. But her voice is deeper. Her song is also more basic. I really have nothing to say about thsi, except that it sounds like a song from last years ESC but I don‘t know which one right now. 2 Points.

Greece: Stefania – SUPERG!RL

If we have learned anything from S!ISTERS last year, then it is that you shouldn‘t replace I‘s with exclamation marks. Also why is she singing about her being super strong and stuff and then she uses her powers to...make two bullies probably break their noses?...and why did the nerd draw her (so weirdly)? What is this music video… 2 Points

Portugal: Elisa – Medo De Sentir

Conan was robbed last year and therefore I cannot like whatever Portugal does this year. Conveniently, I also don‘t like this song. I swear, there‘s slow and quiet songs I like, it‘s just not...this kind. 3 Points

Moldova: Natalia Gordienko - Prison

This year‘s music videos are so obscure, but at least this isn‘t the slow-mo-romance from last year. That being said...I do not like her face being so close to the camera. The song is surprisingly decent though. In an Eurovision context, duh. 4 Points

Malta: Destiny – All Of My Love

Two things: Destiny‘s voice is absolutely stunning. I love listening to her sing. She really knows what she‘s doing. And: although I had to skip the narration at the beginning (it made me uncomfortable??) it‘s a great song. It‘s fun. They‘re also all covering their mouths and noses. Truly ahead of their time. 7 Points.

Serbia: Hurricane – Hasta La Vista

My immediate reaction to that opening shot was: „Oh, hatred will win again huh?“. That‘s pretty much all they had in common with Iceland though. Something is wrong about this Instrumental. I don‘t know what it is, but it sounds off-beat for some reason? It‘s super weird to listen to, I don‘t know. It‘s also, eh, basic? 3 Points

Poland: Alicja – Empires

I knew an Alicia in school and I hated her with all I had. I wouldn‘t say I dislike this song that much, but I also don‘t...really like it? I‘m always sceptical about songs that have very ambigious lyrics and then show some political stuff in the music video because I just KNOW that they do that so they can collect their Internet points while not risking to lose the points of older people who only watch the Contest on TV and will never see the music video. Apart from that, I just don‘t care for the song, honestly. 4 Points

San Marino: Senhit – Freaky! So, in the years where San Marino doesn‘t send Serhat, can we borrow him? I mean, he works in Germany anyway and speaks German, so it shouldn‘t be a problem, right? About the song: yeah, why not. Sounds a bit like they tried to do a little bit of Lizzo here, and I don‘t mind it. The people who did the music video also saw Ukraines entry from last year. The scene where they‘re all touching each other is basically the same. 5 Points

North Macedonia: Vasil – YOU

ME?! Why is he in the „She Got Me“-Bar by the way? And why is there a passed out guy in the background?! Is that girl wearing a Scrunchy? This whole video is She Got Me. Only worse. IT‘S EVEN THE SAME LOCATION?? 2 Points

Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið – Think About Things

I haven‘t seen one person on the Internet who dislikes this song and I...for once...am part of the hype. I love this song, I love these people, it‘s so stupid and that‘s why it‘s amazing. Iceland just gets Eurovision recently. It‘s also a total bop, all other things apart. I‘m humming it at least once a day, it‘s becoming a problem. Daði ALSO lives in Germany, so I think we can claim this song at least a bit? 12 Points

Finland: Aksel – Looking Back

In German, your „Axel“ is your arm pit. I just though you should know that. And I‘m only writing that because this song makes me feel nothing. It just faded right out as soon as I looked at my computer screen. It was gone immediately. 3 Points

Sweden: The Mamas – Move

Good voices. This sounds a lot like their song from last year for some reason. I mean. It even has the same lights or am I going mad?? It‘s totally fine though. 5 Points

Cyprus: Sandro – Running

This will sound weird, but...he looks like a german teenager. I can‘t explain it, he just DOES. Yes, the weird moustache totally included. With me talking about this, you can probably guess that I do not care about this song eiter. Bleh. 4 Points.

Slovenia: Ana Soklic – Voda

We wanna pRääääy – I know she (probably) isn‘t singing that but I can‘t hear anything else. The way she looks at the camera also weirdly bothers me, but that might just be because I can‘t really do eye contact. By the way, the chorus totally sounds like Paper from Iceland 2017. To me. I can‘t explain myself. 5 Points

Bulgaria: Victoria – Tears Getting Sober

Ouh...that title. She‘s going for a Billie Eilish-vibe, isn‘t she. She so is. And I wouldn‘t mind usually, but this is...very obvious. Like, VERY. I also don‘t care a lot for Billie Eilish‘s music, so, you know… 3 Points

Ireland: Lesley Roy – Story Of My Life

„Hey, Lesley, we‘re selling you to One Direction so we can go to the Eurovision Finale.“ What do you mean, it‘s not that Story Of My Life? Hmpfh. She also does not look like she should have that voice. She looks a bit like a middle-aged lesbian, if I dare say so. Why are there so many songs this year that I do not care about? AAAAH. 4 Points

Austria: Vincent Bueno – Alive

Damn, I want a Kinder Bueno now. His voice caught me a little bit off guard, I won‘t lie. And I know he‘s Austrian, but he looks like he‘s a classmate of the guy from Cyprus. Both weirdly german teenager-esque. The song is fine. Still not my genre. She can dance though, so I like him. 5 Points

Israel: Eden Alene – Feker Libi

What I conclude from this song: Israel is not yet ready to win again. I mean, the song is totally fine, but...it‘s not anything special? It just blends right in with the song from before. And I wanted to give bonus points for native language, but just the chorus doesn‘t count. Nuh-uh. 4 Points

The Netherlands: Jeangu Macrooy – Glow

Ah, the Dutch, known for weed and speaking funny German. One thing I genuinely don‘t get: if you are the hosting country, why send ballads or sad songs? I mean, the chances of you winning are so slim, you might as well send a song that‘s entertaining for the home crowd. Maybe in your native language, maybe with a catchy and fun chorus or a repeatable dance move...(may I mention Germany‘s opening act when they hosted the contest in 2011 and the way Stefan Raab completely transformed the song to have it be more fun and entertaining? Not the same thing, but I just think it needs attention). The song isn‘t bad, though. 4 Points

Switzerland: Gjon‘s Tears – Répondez-moi

Oh look, the Swiss remembered they know French. I swear, if they send a German song before us and all of Europe and Australia has to listen to Swiss-German I will throw something. Anyway. It‘s better than the Song sent by France. I like the „Ah-aaah“-parts a lot actually. Honestly, I quite like this song in general. The longer I listen to it, the more I like it. Oh no. 7 Points

Latvia: Samanta Tina – Still Breathing

Why do I feel like I heard this song already? Like, in this list. At least she has a very subtle hat. She won‘t stand out a lot. That reminds me, I don‘t understand art. I have also reached the chorus now and have to say that it still sounds a little bit like Azerbaijan but it‘s actually pretty cool. I don‘t know why, but there‘s just something about it. 7 Points

Georgia: Tornike Kipiani – Take Me As I Am

Okay, don‘t add me, but I really like this song. No jokes here. I just really love the way Georgia keeps sending super angry dudes to Eurovision and nobody cares about it. Although he sounds a lot less scary than Oto, which, in my book, gives him some minus points. Still. I like this. This Song also has more German in it than the German Song. Just pointing that out. 8 Points

Germany: Ben Dolic – Violent Thing

When I first heard this song, I absolutely despised it. I think it‘s just my natural reaction to Germany‘s songs nowaday. Anyway, everyone keeps saying that Germany finally has a good song again like it‘s been ages and ages. But, let‘s be real: 2019 was really bad, yeah, but 2018 was super good, I love 2015‘s Black Smoke to this day and we won in 2010, which, for a contests that only occurs every year and has more than 40 contestans, is not bad at all. What I want to say with that: yes, it‘s actually good, but it‘s not our first good song in decades. 7 Points / Not allowed to vote for it

Belarus: VAL – Da Vidna

This is the first video that YouTube gave me an ad for and I‘m not here for it. I know I‘m supposed to judge the song, but I also have to ask: what does she have on her head? That is a serious question. What is that. She also looks like my cousin a little bit, which is neither good nor bad for her. I‘d like to give her native language points, but two things bother me: a) what is she doing with those dudes and b) I don‘t like this song. 2 Points

Lithuania: The Roop – On Fire

(The Roop! The Roop! The Roop is on fire!) I love this. And what I mean by „this“ is the full package. The song is fine by itself (yes, I like weird songs) but his whole demeanor is just so obsucre...I love it. He manages to look like an extremely serious person while doing the silliest moves ever. He also just looks SO Eastern-European, it‘s ridiculous. 10 Points

Croatia: Damir Kedzo - Divlji Vjetre

He does not look like he should sing this kind of song. He looks like a German amateur rapper. Yes I know, it‘s not my fault that a lot of people look German. I don‘t like this song! I‘m sorry! 2 Points

United Kingdom: James Newman – My Last Breath

There‘s a fire-, no wait, wrong guitar intro. This dude looks like what my brother would looks like if he could grew a proper beard and was a few years older. I don‘t know what you are supposed to do with this information, but at least you have it now. For an UK song, this is absolutely decent. 4 Points

Ukraine: Go_A – Solovey

Yesss, ethnic stuff! I love this song, it‘s absolutely great. And her dress is absolutely stunning. I can‘t even think of anything funny to say about this song, it just totally takes me in. 10 Points

Spain: Blas Cantó – Universo

Can we have La Venda back please? And what is he doing with his hands? And why does he look like he does YouTube? So many questions, so little answers in this music video...(no, seriously, I KNOW this dude from somewhere.) 3 Points

Belgium: Hooverphonic – Release

Yah, Release me from this song please. I‘m getting sick of these songs!! Why is everyone whining, the world is bad enough already!! I‘m using two exclamation marks at once so it‘s serious!! And she says losing game, which is a direct nod to Arcade which led the Netherlands to the win. It‘s song science. Or for short: love love peace peace and all that. 2 Points

Norway: Ulrikke – Attention

Whenever I read the word „Attention“, all I can think about is Todrick Hall. Which is a problem, because this isn‘t…a party song. By the way, why is she squinting so hard? She looks like she‘s in physical pain. And not the „I‘m so sad“-way, but the „I really need to go to the toilet please“-way. I‘m running out of things to say so I have to resort to potty humour. Sorry. 2 Points.

Australia: Montaigne – Don‘t Break Me

I know we have all seen the outfit already, but why does she look like that. She also looks so lost on stage? I feel bad for her, but not because of the lyrics but because of the look on her face. Oh, and about the song: meh? 4 Points

FINAL TOP TEN:

One Point: Azerbaijan

Two Points: Malta

Three Points: Germany (I can‘t really vote for them but who cares there‘s no contest)

Four Points: Latvia

Five Points: Switzerland

Six Points: Georgia

Seven Points: Lithuania

Eight Points: Ukraine

Ten Points: Russia

Twelve Points: Iceland

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lavidademarimar · 6 years

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~ Catch up on Praia, the first part of the story of Jack x Elena ~

~ Masterlist ~

Elena opened the door to her flat and it seemed no one was there. She rolled her suitcase into her room, and fell with a thud on her bed. Her phone vibrated. She grunted and took it out of her pocket.

Jack: Did ye make it home all right?

“Does he have a GPS on me?” Elena wondered out loud.

A knock on the door brought Elena back to reality. “Jell-o? You back?” a man’s voice came from the other side.

“Yeah, come in! I’m here.”

Carlos, Elena’s roommate made his way into the room. He is also Venezuelan, and considerably taller than her. He hugged her and put his hands on her shoulders.

“You’re so fucking tanned. I’m so jealous.”

“The beach life is the best life. Shame we left home.”

“Yeah, but we escaped communism, so we kind of won.”

“True.”

He sat on the sofa in Elena’s room. “Did you just get in? How you feeling? Do you want to get fries and you can tell me all about your trip?”

“Give me an hour to shower. I should also unpack,” said Elena, pointing at her messy suitcase.

“I’ll go get the food and we’ll have it here,” Carlos said.

“Ugh, even better. You’re the best.”

Carlos and Elena were the best of friends. They had been since 2006. Elena was sure Jack would hate his guts.

“So, you’re dating a Scot that lives in London?” Carlos asked, sceptical. They were sat in their little dining room table.

“Pretty much,” said Elena, dipping a fry in Samourai sauce.

“And in a couple of days his best friend is staying with us because he has work here?” Carlos really had no idea what was going on. Every new information made his question the entire trip, even more than Elena had done on the flight back.

“Yup.”

“I’m sorry. Did you get married and didn’t invite me? Because I will fucking lose it right now,” Carlos was dumbfounded.

“Yeah, I guess when you say it like that it sounds weird,” Elena shrugged.

The door to their apartment opened and a shorter man walked in. This is Andres, their other best friend.

“Hey! You’re back!” He walked over to Elena, gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

“No, dude, and wait until you hear what she has to say. She got married in Portugal and didn’t invite us.”

Andres grabbed a chair and sat next to them. “What?”

“I’m seeing this guy,” said Elena.

“What?”

“I met a Scot in Portugal and we had two weeks of fantastic sex. We didn’t want to leave it, so we’re going to try and see if we can manage seeing each other.”

“Yes, that will most definitely work,” said Andres, deadpan, not believing a word Elena said, standing up and grabbing a beer from their refrigerator.

“What makes you believe he doesn’t have a girlfriend back in London?” asked Carlos.

“He’s the insanely jealous type, so I doubt he likes to share with anyone. This includes himself.” The words came out of her mouth before she could truly grasp what she was doing. Elena had been surrounded by boys her whole life, and they always got possessive about her. These boys, their group from high school, were the worst. By saying Jack was the jealous type, he immediately became a target.

“Oh god, Elena, seriously? Are you going out with a prick? Again? Can we let you go on holiday in peace?” Andres shook his head, annoyed.

“Let me guess, Olivia encouraged this,” said Carlos with a hint of disdain. Those two had dated in Venezuela before everyone went their separate ways, and it didn’t end very well.

“She would have actually married me if Lucy hadn’t intervened,” Elena laughed.

“His best friend is coming next week and staying here with us,” Carlos announced to Andres, who clearly did not approve of everything he had heard for the last hour.

“Guys, I have absolutely no faith in this, okay? I honestly don’t think this is going to work, but he’s great and the sex is amazing, so if I can get some regular dick without the commitment of having to see someone once a week, I’m going to take it.”

“I am absolutely unconvinced. When is he coming to introduce himself?” Carlos asked.

“I told him I’d tell him when he could come. I wanted to settle back into my real life before he’d show up.”

“A sensible choice,” said Andres.

After what felt hours of Judgement Day, Elena was finally on her bed, naked. Summer in Brussels was awful, and the heat unbearable. She was glad she’d bought a fan when they were still cheap and that made it less horrible. She was reading on her iPad when her phone vibrated again. She knew who it was.

Jack: Birdie, I haven’t heard from ye all day. Are ye okay?

She had another one that made her giggle.

Tom: Mate, could you please just tell him you’re fine. He’s been making us miserable with his shitty mood.

Elena: Joke’s on you for living with him.

Tom: Fuck off!

Elena: I dare you to tell him I replied to your messages but not his.

Tom: No thanks. I need to be alive next week. I hope you’re cleaning the sofa I’ll be sleeping on.

Elena: Yes, I hope you’re keeping the allowance they gave you because you’re taking me out to dinner.

Tom: of course, love. I’ve the money on me. I arrive Thursday morning.

Elena: fantastic, just in time to mingle with the young adults and get drunk at Plux.

Tom: Plux?

Elena: You’ll see what I mean. Let’s talk tomorrow. I’m going to reply to your friend now.

Tom: See you soon xx

Elena: Hey, made it home okay. I was catching up with Carlos and Andres. How was your day?

The phone vibrated almost immediately.

Jack: This is yer roommate and your neighbour, no?

Elena: Yes. Best friends from school.

Jack: My day was less than thrilling. Coming back to this fucked weather made me miss Portugal already.

Elena: How’s settling in with your new flatmates?

Jack: I have no idea why the bloody fuck I thought this would be a good idea for all of us.

Elena: LMAO that well?

Jack: I am going to murder Harry before the year is over. Remember this.

Elena: you’ll go to jail :(

Jack: would ye miss me?

Elena: who would I tell that I’m naked right now in my empty double bed?

Jack video-called Elena. She picked up.

“Very smooth. Very very smooth,” said Elena laughing loudly.

“Let me see ye, please.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want you to get used to this happening every night,” she said sternly.

“Birdie, please,” his voice begging made Elena close her thighs to create a bit of friction but was cut off by a muffled sound that came from Jack’s door and some banging.

“What’s that?” Elena asked.

Jack let out an exasperated sigh. “Let me show you.”

Jack switched the camera and the door opened to reveal Harry with a bottle of wine in his hand, wearing nothing but boxers.

“Mate, what are you doing? Come drink with us.”

“I’m on the phone.”

“Who are you talking to? Is it Elena?! BIIIIIIIRDIEEEEEEEEE!!!” Harry screamed, grabbed the mobile and left Jack’s room. “How are you? How was your flight back? Are you knackered? Boys, say hi to Elena!” Harry was bubblier than usual. How he always managed to have that amount of energy was beyond Elena’s belief.

Fionn waved and laughed at how angry Jack was behind Harry.

“I’ve spoken with her today, I don’t need to see her again,” said Tom.

“Hey, Thomas, I resent your tone,” said Elena, stifling laughter.

“Sorry, love. I don’t want to get sick of you. I’m spending a week with you next week.”

“True.”

Harry whined. “I’d forgot Tommy gets to see you next week! When am I going? Why are you ignoring me? Why is Tom your favourite?”

Elena laughed. She knew Harry loved to push Jack’s buttons and he was unbelievably successful doing so. “I am not ignoring you! I’m talking to you right now. Tom is my favourite because he’s not bloody drunk all the time screaming ‘More wine!’ every five minutes.”

Harry put his hand on his chest, acting as if he were hurt. “Mate, that fucking Portuguese wine is delicious.”

“Harry, mate, could I please have my phone back?” Jack was seething.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. See you soon, love. If you don’t tell me when I can go, I’ll just show up at your doorstep. I’m sure Jacky would love it.”

Elena shook her head. “Jacky can love whatever he wants. You’re his friend, not mine, babe. It’s his poor choice in friendships being judged here, not mine.”

The boys laughed loudly.

“You see why I love her? See you soon.” Harry handed the mobile back to Jack, who ripped it from his hands and locked himself up in his bedroom.

“Why did you move in with them? You can afford a place of your own,” Elena laughed. She didn’t understand why Jack insisted on torturing himself like that in the first place. He loved his uni mates but he was very much his own person at that point, being the oldest of the bunch.

“I know, but I spent a lot of my savings in Shanghai, so I want to get that money back and then get me a place of my own.”

“Ah, the expat bubble. A true gem,” said Elena, deadpan.

Jack laughed. “I miss yer smart mouth.”

“Where do you miss it?”

Jack coughed. “What?”

“Where do you miss my smart mouth?” Elena repeated. She turned on her pink nightlight, an IKEA cheap purchase that made her room look like a weird 80s porn movie. She flipped the camera so Jack could see her body. “I could show you where I miss your mouth,” Elena said as she caressed her thighs and moaned softly.

He stood up and locked his bedroom door before making his way onto the bed again.

“I don’t want to risk Harry coming in to me wanking to ye,” huffed Jack.

Elena laughed. “You don’t have to apologise for that, babe. Now… where were we?”

“Show me where ye miss me.”

“Well, my boobs don’t really miss you because they can move freely now, so I won’t show you those.”

Jack laughed. “Best pillows in the world. How do ye make Skype sex funny and arousing?”

“I am a girl of many talents, as you know.”

“Show me yer talents. Touch yerself.”

“Where?”

“Ye know where.”

“I think you’re going to have to… guide me…” her voice trailed off and Jack started grunting.

“Circle yer clit.”

“I want to see your cock now.”

“Yer wish is my command.” Jack flipped the camera and he was already naked from the waist down. His member hard just by the sound of Elena’s voice.

“Ughhhhh hi babyyyyy I miss you so much already. My mouth is not the same without you in it.”

Jack laughed and squirmed as precum leaked out of him. “How the fuck do ye manage to turn me on so much?”

“I want to see you wanking. I don’t want to see your cock by itself if I’m not there taking care of it.”

Jack started pumping himself and Elena teased him until both released in a calm but necessary orgasm. Skype sex would never be the same thing.

“I miss ye already.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Jack sighed. “Yer regretting it already, aren’t ye?”

“Why do you think you can read me like an open book?” Elena said defensively.

“Because ye are.”

“I just don’t see it working out.”

Jack sighed again. “Birdie, why don’t we try one day at a time? We’ll be fine. Just… don’t overthink it.”

Elena sighed. “Good night, Jack.”

She hung up.

Jack had forgot he had made a mess earlier and stood up to clean himself up. After changing and a cold shower, he unlocked the door to his room and faced his new flatmates, who were in a circle, laughing and drinking the wine Harry had brought back. As soon as they saw his face, Harry stood and got another glass of wine. Jack sat next to him and shook his head.

“It’s okay, mate. I’ll talk to her when I see her,” said Tom.

“Mate, you knew it wasn’t going to be easy, knowing how she is,” said Fionn.

“One day at a time, mate. She’s the most challenging bird you’ve been with to date, but don’t worry. We’ll help you get on and be victorious!” Harry put his arm around Jack’s shoulders and gave him a kiss on his temple.

For a minute, Jack had remembered why he had decided to move with his mates.

Day one back had proved challenging already, and he wasn’t going to Brussels for another two weeks.

NEXT: Casablanca Picnics

A/N: This would be the first instalment of the Praia sequel. I’m not really sure how many parts it will be, even though I have a general idea where I want to take the story. Let me know what you thiiiiiink :) <3

#jack lowden #jack lowden imagine #harry styles #harry styles imagine #tom glynn carney #tom flynn carney imagine #fionn whitehead #fionn whitehead imagine #jack lowden x ofc #jack lowden x oc #HERE WE GO AGAIN #my writing #dunkirk cast imagine #citadelle

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thirteenthspirit · 5 years

Text

Hold My Hand While I Climate Change

I just came back from my first-ever road trip via electric vehicle. I had ridden electric cars before, but never actually taken a long voyage by means of one. It wasn’t a very long trip, covering only about ~300km (about 186 miles for my non-existent American readers) and spanning a whopping 5 hours. We were going sightseeing in the city of Guimarães, the birthplace of Portugal, a place ridden with history and beautiful sights, with churches and sanctuaries hidden atop mountains, covered in lush forests draped in autumn’s colors.

Just to get it out of the way – my experience was positive. We didn’t waste any money on gas, which we would’ve whether we had taken my 2009 VW Polo, instead of the 2016 Nissan Leaf. But by no means do I think Portugal is fully prepared for the switch to electric-powered vehicles. Charging posts are still far and few (although growing at a much-needed rate) and still cost us a couple of hours amid waiting times and available fast-charging stations.

One of the funniest yet most awkward parts was having people gawk at us when we charged the car, mostly out of curiosity and wonder. The talk and build-up for electric cars has been increasing exponentially but many people – myself included, are still somewhat in the dark about it. We know it has been growing but had never really been confronted with the reality of it.

This got me thinking – and exchanging views with my companion, the owner of the car, for him it was almost unfathomable that I was such a sceptic about electric cars, or at least that I had never considered it as a viable option, because I was very isolated from it, just a matter of lack of exposure. When my mother called and asked why we had taken his car instead of mine, after “to save money on gas” I said (at my companion’s urge) “also to avoid polluting”. Which was followed by a heartening and ear-shattering (thanks for that mom) laugh. Not with the intent of making fun, but out of sheer surprise out of something that, for her, was so responsible and (dare I say) over-the-top environmentally sustainable, that had never crossed her mind before.

So why does this divide persist? I consider myself an informed person and I think I have a responsibility with minimizing my environmental footprint, but I was met with the realization that there are people WAY ahead of me. There is a clear divide in the spectrum, with the “most sustainable” at the top and the “less informed” at the bottom. Note I do not say “less interested”, rather “less informed” – I believe it’s just a matter of coming to terms with what we need to do and the consequences of our actions, to spurn each and every one of us to action.

So it’s a matter of conveying just how important this matter is. It is why Greta Thunberg’s voice and many more like her are so necessary – because it’s about getting the message across. To only one person, if that’s the extent of our reach, but it’s already worth it to convince one individual about the seriousness of this topic. Not only how much our input and cooperation is needed, but also to contextualize as to how the world is evolving and there are sustainable options and solutions for your everyday needs.

Someone compared it to the technological revolution, a couple of days ago (in my little finance ‘bubble’), how the developed world is shifting to prioritize sustainable solutions and how everyone who doesn’t get the picture (like the people who shunned the internet’s power at first) are going to have a tough time, being left behind in the dust and struggling to maintain their old-fashioned ways.

My argument here is a double-edged one – on one hand, it is important to get the message across. It is vital, it is my generation’s fight and every single one of us, no matter how little, can play a big role in empowering the voice for the need to change. We do have to point out what is wrong, what can be changed and what needs to be improved. But on the other hand, we cannot forget to help each other. Our struggle is to get people to hear our voice, to empathize with our plight and in that way come to our side and join us.

When people were gawking at us in gas stations, stripping us and commenting while our Leafy was charging, my immediate reaction (stemming from a couple of unhealthy social anxiety issues) was the typical “What are you staring at?”. But my companion’s reply was “No, it’s ok, it means they’re interested and want to know more. It’s a bit awkward for me too, but it’s an important part we have to play. Sometimes they come and ask me about the car, and I am more than glad to answer their questions. This is how we get the message across.”

This is how we get the message across.

That simple gas station conversation will get someone more sensitized to the viability of an electric car – say, a middle-aged couple with a few children. From the children, naturally, the parents will receive constant reminder of the need for environmental awareness, starting “simple” with recycling issues (taught around 5th grade at my time) and then evolving to updates on new technological developments prioritizing sustainability. The bubble of awareness grows.

Now – aside from the cooldown from my weekend trip, another reason that spurned me to write about this topic was a news piece I just saw on LinkedIn, basically listing the top 20 firms behind a third of all carbon emissions, by The Guardian. The list is comprised almost entirely of drilling and oil-exploration companies, public and/or privately-owned ones. The piece highlights the amount of money and time these corporate giants spend on lobbying and cozying-up to local governments, to make sure their interests are prioritized, over others such as “that whole hippy plant-loving environmental thing”. And it does make me mad. It does enrage me. And there should be a channel for that rage. Why am I out here doing my part for some corporate lobbyist to keep fueling their innate greed and selfishness, effectively undoing all my efforts just like that?

So what to do with this rage? Do I email [email protected] with a well-funded and sustained rant? Do I try my best to go on the news and the ‘public eye’ so I can point a finger at these corporations? I don’t know… But what I propose is this – out of the, let’s say, 2000 employees in the company, the intern that is tasked with replying to the emails from the general corporate inbox, is probably aware of this issue. He just doesn’t have enough decisive power within the organization, to effect change. And neither do 99% of the rest of the employees.

The 1% do. The board members do. The CFO’s and CEO’s and CIO’s and CTO’s and how-many-more-Oh’s you want to come up with, have the power to make a change. So they’re the ones we should be pointing fingers at. They and the ones hiding in the shadows, pulling strings with corporations and governments to ensure their ‘organizations’ keep turning a different kind of ‘sustainable wheel’ – the kind of sustainable that ensure money keeps flowing, not the actual and true sustainability we’re trying to preach. They will always look after their own interests first and if our worst fears come to pass, say and energetic crisis or a global extinction-level event, the rich will always be the most protected. It will eat through each of us first, before it gets to them.

So these hidden powers and ‘influencers’ (not the kind we idolatrize) are the real people we need to reach. But as much finger-pointing and corporate bashing and public ostracizing that (maybe) can be done, something tells me that isn’t nearly as effective as these people having their own family members go like “Dad, can’t we do something about this?”. And hey, I know those guys take their own private cars and planes to go places, but their 3rd cousin Bill usually goes through the interstate.

Maybe he stops at the same gas station as I did. And maybe there he learns about how much better (for the environment and his pocket) an electric car is. So maybe he then comments about it to his 2nd cousin Mike.

Mike had already heard about it from his teenage daughter Anne and is quite versed on climatic issues, he follows Elon Musk on twitter after all, so he decides to get an electric car. He likes his experience and becomes quite advocate on it, actually gaining some pride on doing something good for the environment as well. So maybe he keeps telling his half-sister Lisa at family gatherings.

And Lisa hears it from him. And from her children. And from her friends. And from her neighbors. And from Greta on the TV. And so she becomes convinced and afraid – she comes into the bubble.

Here’s the catcher – Lisa sits on the board of a large energy producing company, even being featured on the “Forbes 50 people to watch in 2020”. So she conveys all her beliefs and ideas to the rest of her fellow stakeholders. The result? Setting the following 2025 goal: shifting 90% of the company’s energy production to renewables. And in that way, effect impact on a global scale. And all of that from a simple conversation at a gas station – at least where my part is concerned.

My point is a very simple and human one – help each other. Be patient with each other. Never patronizing. People say things or maybe they’re less attuned to environmental issues than we are, and they have their reasons, valid or not. But the way we can get them to realize the validity of our fight is through dialogue. We should adapt our speech to their struggles and skepticisms, before throwing hostile arguments in their face.

Aside from the global movement, the part we individuals can play is a very simple and easy one.

Maybe just answering a couple of questions about why you’re plugging in your car through the nose. Social anxiety or not, I think even I can do that one!

Here’s to using words as our biggest tool,

-João A. (Pachiren)

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legit-scam-review · 6 years

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How Adoption Could Help With UK–EU Relations

Blockchain has one new supporter: the UK finance minister Philip Hammond. Quizzed at the Conservative Party conference on how the UK government might solve Brexit’s UK-Irish border issue, he suggested that blockchain technology may be a solution.

“There is technology becoming available […] I don’t claim to be an expert on it but the most obvious technology is blockchain.”

He didn’t go into any further detail, but in raising distributed ledger technology (DLT) as one way of facilitating ‘frictionless’ movement between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland, he sparked hope that blockchain could help ensure seamless post-Brexit trade between the UK and the EU, and all without requiring Britain to be part of the European Economic Area or the Customs Union.

However, while there is some potential for DLT to be used in a post-Brexit world, there’s still a very long way to go before solutions involving blockchain tech could be rolled out at scale. And more fundamentally, even though the best blockchains ensure an immutable ledger of transactions, there would still remain the eternal issue of the initial reliability of any data entered into them.

Blockchain borders

“In my assessment there is zero chance that blockchain technology will help deliver a ‘frictionless’ border between Northern and the Republic of Ireland,” Vili Lehdonvirta tells Cointelegraph. An associate professor and senior research fellow at the University of Oxford, Lehdonvirta’s recent research has focused on the application of blockchain to the wider global economy. And while he’s familiar with the promises that have been made on behalf of DLT, he’s sceptical as to whether most of these promises will be realized.

“Blockchain has become this magical buzzword that people like Philip Hammond who don’t know what they’re talking about are pinning all kinds of hopes and dreams on. I think the onus is on the proponents to explain how blockchain tech could possibly help here. For starters, we would need to know what exactly is meant by “blockchain” here. If it means a Bitcoin-style peer-to-peer proof-of-work system, then obviously throughput and latency will be big issues, against what expected benefit?”

Indeed, scaling is still currently the nemesis of Bitcoin and other proof-of-work (PoW) blockchains (e.g. Ethereum, Bitcoin Cash, Litecoin, Monero), and while improvements have been made in recent months, it’s still hard to imagine a Bitcoin-style blockchain coping with the immense daily traffic the Irish (and every other EU-UK) border experiences. For instance, an average of around 30,000 people cross the North-South border every day for work, while 35% of Northern Ireland’s exports go to the Republic (worth around £4 billion in 2016). This is a hefty amount of traffic, yet peer-to-peer PoW blockchains aren’t particularly scalable compared to existing systems: Bitcoin can handle a maximum number of seven transactions per second (compared to Visa‘s 50,000+), while Ethereum was notoriously backlogged last December in the wake of CryptoKitties‘ popularity.

As for private, or ‘permissioned’ blockchains (which are centralized), Lehdonvirta doesn’t think they hold out much promise either. “If it means IBM-style permissioned blockchain, then that’s essentially just a shared database, nothing particularly groundbreaking about that.”

Not only is this not especially groundbreaking, but there’s currently no indication that a private blockchain is noticeably more efficient or effective than a shared database. “If we’re talking about permissioned blockchains, they have yet to prove that they have any benefits over centralized databases, so I don’t see any benefit there,” says Angus C. de Crespigny, EY’s former leader of blockchain and cryptocurrency.

The only good border is no border

This pessimistic assessment of blockchain’s applicability to cross-border trade is shared by other experts. Gary Barnett, Chief Analyst for GlobalData’s Technology Thematic Research Program says:

“Blockchain technology is not well suited to the processing of cross border trade. It is expensive, complex, and slow.”

As Barnett explains to Cointelegraph, the problem isn’t simply one of technological capability, but of relevance:

“Blockchain only becomes useful or interesting in domains where no single participant in a network can take the role of transaction coordinator. In [cross-border trade], whether importers like it or not, the border authorities can take on that role and mandate that importers use whatever system they choose.”

And more fundamentally, there are deep political tensions which weaken the possibility of blockchain ‘solving’ the Irish border issue. Regardless of how efficient, inexpensive and reliable DLT could be become, Irish people on both sides of the divide are likely to be very unhappy with any kind of customs procedure, after having spent two decades (since the Good Friday Agreement in 1998) getting used to passing freely from one country to the other.

Nick Botton, an expert on trade affairs and digital economies at Landmark Public Affairs (and formerly at the European Center for International Political Economy), tells Cointelegraph:

“The Northern Ireland issue is sadly not one that will likely ever be solved via technology, it’s strictly a political issue at this stage. Even if a blockchain customs border were something that could be developed in the next 5 years, which would be able to handle all customs matters perfectly, a border in either Ireland or between Northern Ireland and the rest of the UK would still be impossible to sell to Ireland and Northern Ireland. A border, whether soft or hard, is still a border, which would require policing, so as to prevent fraud and smuggling. Such an arrangement, whether in Ireland or in the sea, would be rejected by both sides of the Irish Island.”

A border (hard or soft) would most likely revive the memory of living during the Troubles, which was defined by a period of violence and a military presence along the Irish border. “It’s dangerous on all sorts of terms,” Dr Katy Hayward said to Business Insider in April.. “Northern Ireland is a unique situation and its sensitivities need to be respected.”

Fundamental issues

When this issue is widened in scope to include the UK’s future trade and relations with the rest of the EU, the prognosis is slightly better, but there are still serious question marks hanging over just what blockchain can offer that existing solutions can’t.

Digital consultancy group Reply published a report in December called “Blockchain for Brexit,” in which it outlined the areas in which DLT could help with post-Brexit UK-EU trade. “The primary contribution of blockchain here is [to] establish a robust and watertight data trail for goods,” the report’s authors wrote, arguing that such a trail would “reduce the need for inspections at the border.”

However, in its report, Reply notes that several conditions and challenges must be met before such a role for blockchain could be realized:

“In other words, to use blockchain properly, it’s not enough to maintain a record of the origin of an item. You have to have a complete record of all transactions involving the item, including inspections. This means adding to the blockchain at every link in the supply chain.”

Maintaining a complete record like this could be labor-intensive, especially when it comes to processing goods. “For example, when a large animal or fish is cut up into pieces, to be sold to multiple consumers. Blockchain can be used to check that the total weight of the pieces is consistent with the original weight of the whole, but again this assumes that all the pieces are tracked.”

An even more serious issue revolves around the assumption that the data initially entered into a blockchain is reliable. For example, a blockchain could tell you that an orange has come from, say, Spain, and that it hasn’t been tampered with or swapped as it made its way across the supply chain, but it can’t guarantee on its own that the person who first registered it on that blockchain was being truthful about its Spanish provenance. It may have actually come from Portugal, which means that we still have to have additional systems in place for determining the trustworthiness of initial records and entries on a distributed ledger.

Angus C. de Crespigny concurs:

“If we’re looking at public blockchains, a blockchain is only as good as the data you put in it, and to come to an agreement on what data is put in, we need to coordinate people to begin with. Blockchains are regularly sold as ways to coordinate diverse groups of people, however this coordination is a people issue, not a technology issue. Once you can coordinate people, there is almost always a better technology to use than a blockchain.”

Irrespective of whether other technologies are better, they already appear to have a head start over blockchain, thereby reducing the likelihood that the UK government will seriously look into implementing DLT. “HMRC [Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs, the UK’s tax service] is already in the process of rolling out the first phases of a major digitization program (the Customs Declaration Service),” concludes Gary Barnett, underlining the possibility that Philip Hammond’s remarks may be out of step with the rest of his government.

“[This] represents a multi-year investment of several million pounds, but which effectively extends the functionality of the already existing digital customs system. This could be adapted to cope with the increased volume of customs declarations […] At this stage, adding blockchain technology to the mix would effectively add to the risk and delay the project.”

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