#I think I've had exactly two anxiety attacks in my life so I got lucky on that one
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hey! i am once again requesting because i genuinely love your writing. is it cool if you write skittles with an s/o who has severe anxiety and often gets anxiety attacks? i completely understand if not!
-💾
Hey there! Thank you, that's very kind of you! I hope I was able to do this request justice as well! I'm not really sure Skittles would know how to deal with someone like that in the best way possible, but he tries!
Skittles with an S/O with Severe Anxiety
He knows Nevada is a place where just about anything and everyone tries to kill you, but he never let that get to him. Still, he can see why you’d be anxious all the time about just about anything there is. Skittles is a rather relaxed kind of grunt, so he could usually be your voice of reason when your anxiety is telling you something bad again. Sure, things usually are bad in Nevada, but it helps to hear that not everything is going to be the worst case scenario. Sometimes you need a different outlook in life, and Skittles certainly has that. He’s well aware you always worry about him getting killed, or worse, but he can assure you that he’ll always come back to you. He has died a few times indeed, but he’s been brought back to life every time, so he sort of just assumes everything is going to be alright. If you’re too anxious about something, then he can do it either for you or with you, it really depends on what it is you need to do. If you ever pass out from fear, then he’ll stay by your side until you wake up again, draping a blanket over you so you don’t get cold. He doesn’t really know what to do with you, in all honesty, since grunts usually aren’t as severely anxious in Nevada, but he’ll stay by your side until you feel better. It’s the thought that counts. Even if you tell him to fuck off, chances are he’ll stay with you to make sure nothing even worse happens. You being irritated doesn’t bother him, he’s used to being insulted and around grunts who want him dead. However, as mentioned before, he will try to be your voice of reason. Sure, his views of the world aren’t as realistic either since he’s ever the optimist, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear someone’s voice. If you’re slowly starting to hyperventilate he’ll try to talk you out of it by telling you a story or two in order to distract you. It doesn’t eliminate the problem, he knows that, but if he can get your mind off of what’s bothering you for a second he can deal with the problem more easily.
Once he sees you freeze up entirely for a prolonged amount of time before storming off to somewhere where no one will see you, he knows something more severe than the usual is up. It’s during those few times, when he sees you act strangely, that his smile fades as well as he’s just that concerned. Skittles will give you a few moments by yourself before he ditches whoever he was with at the moment and seeks you out. Once he finds you, he’ll get you to a calm and quiet place where the both of you are alone. Skittles will ask you what’s wrong. He won’t judge you, even if you don’t know why you suddenly got an anxiety attack, all he knows is that you need help. He rarely ever sees anyone cry, so seeing you do such really does break his heart. Again, he’ll try to calm you down by calmly talking to you. Might put a hand on your back, but won’t repeat doing such if you flinch away from him. He’ll let you talk about whatever it is you need to get off your chest, or, if you can’t speak, then he’ll tell you about the butterflies he saw near a flower field and promises you to take you there someday. He’s well aware that you likely just need someone with you at that moment, even if he doesn’t know what to do. He hopes that him staying with you, distracting you, would be enough. However, he will shoo away any new grunts that might come along. This would be one of the few times where he might be rougher with them as well so they’ll go away. He won’t raise his voice, but he’ll make it known that you and him need to be alone right now. Will do anything to keep your mind off of what’s bothering you and get you away from any and all triggers you had in that moment. Since this seems to be a persistent problem for you, he’ll encourage you to seek out a medical professional. He knows someone, even if he might not be sure that person is actually a doctor, who might be able to help you. Since he can imagine living with anxiety all the time being very rough, he would not be opposed to having you be medicated for it. Will even go to all of your appointments with you if you need it.
#madness combat#madness combat x reader#madness combat skittles#skittles x reader#I think I've had exactly two anxiety attacks in my life so I got lucky on that one#it happened twice when I looked someone in the eyes#I just froze up and thought I was going to die from fear. the first time I cried as well. but it never happened again afterwards#I'm not sure I did this request justice since I'm not nearly as anxious in life anymore as I used to be#I used to be anxious about everything all the time but I've since calmed down ever since I got older#I've got other issues now. anxiety too from time to time but that's usually only when coupled with my delusions#I think I once almost passed out at school from anxiety though. but that was because of my delusions. not fun in the slightest#anyway I take some good meds now that really do help me a lot. I've been doing a lot better since and am a lot happier now too#it's genuinely an incredible little med: it lifts my mood makes me less anxious and treats some of my symptoms as well.#it helps me sleep too! so it's really good!
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Love your work!!, could you please do prompt 18 “I’ve got you.”
louis fluff - something happens to y/n and the 1D boys comfort her till lou gets there and then says that line and lovey stuff!! absolutely love for protective louis shots😭
request: could you do prompt 18 “I’ve got you.” with louis fluff please! like something happens to y/n and the other boys find her crying or scared and comfort her until louis shows up and he gets protective and just showers her in comfort words and gestures or something! i live for protective lou🥲 sorry if that’s all over the place i don’t word things great😭
A/N of course I can lovelys, this is probably gonna be one of my favourite requests to write so thank you
warnings: panic attack, mentions of death, mentions of cancer, hypochondria, mentions of shootings, parent death, PTSD attack, Mentions of claustrophobia, mentions of smoking (is that even one idk 😅😅)
words: 773
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I always have been panic attack prone my whole life, well since my mum had been in a freak accident of being shot at in a supermarket here in the U.K I was with her but the shooter only shot at my mum and not me. it was very rare to be shot at in the U.K. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and you were very lucky to escape it my dad always tells me Though I think it's only to keep me from having anxiety attacks when I think back to it I was 10 when it happened so I was old enough to understand what had happened, even when I didn't want to. My dad had since then bought my brothers and me up. I had met Louis when we both worked in Toys R us and we hit it off instantly and I had signed him up for x-factor after our first date in a karaoke bar in leeds we made a whole day trip to leeds for our first date.
I could feel one coming on as soon as Harry, niall and I got back to the tour bus. We had all gone out for food. Zayn, Liam and Louis had stayed behind to smoke cigarettes so Niall Harry and I had opted to go back to the tour bus. Sometimes I smoke but I was too full and had a headache all day. I think the headache caused it, I also have hypochondria so this hightens my PTSD because I think I have cancer or something and then I panic and it leads into a full anxiety attack. They are never pretty but Louis' there through all of them and knows exactly how to calm me down when I'm going through them.
My breathing quickens "y/n/n are you okay? You look really pale." Niall asks but I barely hear it before I'm dropping to the floor and crying "shit. y/n, can you focus on my voice for me?" Harry says. But in amongst the ringing its very hard to make out My breathing quickens again and I start to shake. "shit, Ni call Louis tell him to come back. It's one of the worse ones" the ringing loudens before I'm squinting my eyes shut and saying "STOP MAKE IT STOP DONT SHOOT!"
A few minutes of ringing and my sobs fill the air before Louis taps on my chest "Hey darling, You're okay. Focus on the tapping can you do that for me?" he asks me which I nod to. "good darling keep doing that for me"
-LOUIS POV-
"Harry can you take her jumper off for me I need to keep tapping her chest I can't do it myself" He nods and is quick to do so "what now?" "get her pyjamas from my bunk shes gonna want to change, she's all sweaty. Niall can you get a cold glass of water and a cold wet flannel aswell, she's burning up she's stressed. After that can you all leave the room. Just leave everything In a pile next to me I'll sort it out, she needs space this is making everything worse, the cramped tour bus doesnt help. just all wait outside please." They are all quick to nod and do as I have said.
As soon as everyone is off the tour bus I'm stripping her out of her top and pulling mine off too and pulling her close to me so we can do skin to skin
"right, now darling focus on my breathing can you do that for me breathe with me In. two three four. Out, two three four. Good girl thats it keep doing that for me. I've got you" and she follows enough so that she's calm and her breath is back to normal.
"What even happened babe?" I say "Headache, you know my hypochondria aggrivates the PTSD I think that I've got cancer then I'm going to die and then I think of death then my mum then the day it all went down"
"I see, I see. I knew I should've gone with you, knew something bad would happen the moment you left my side."
"No, don't be so silly. It would've happened either way. I would've calmed down eventually whether you were here or not"
"No you wouldn't have"
"Lou, Babe. don't blame yourself you nor I can control when they happen you know that. Dont be so silly. I know you'll always be there when they stop You've got me always."
" i know, I've got you, always darling"
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end.
#louis tommo#louis tomlinson fluff#louis tomlinson x reader#louis tomlinson#one direction fluff#one direction x reader#one direction#harry styles#niall horan#zayn malik#liam payne#angst x reader#fluff
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Hi, I was the anon who asked if you could write something because I felt crappy. I didn't mean to put any pressure on you. I was just looking for something short and sweet. I'm having existential anxieties a lot (pandemic hasn't helped) and struggle feeling as if I have a purpose in life. I'm crap at everything I do. I've tried to find comfort in believing that you don't have to have a purpose but it's hard to really believe. I lost my job recently bc of the pandemic and it's been hard finding another.
Any pedro character, although my favourites are Javier, Ezra and Frankie. Don't worry if you can't write anything tonight or don't have time etc. I will be fine and you aren't responsible for any anons that ask you to cheer them up so plz don't pressure yourself. Sorry for asking :/ and being a downer.
Oh my love, this has been in my inbox for a few days now. I’m sorry I’ve only just got round to doing it. Please don’t apologise for being a downer or asking! It’s what I’m here to do :) I hope this helps ease your anxiety and makes you feel better.
Comfort Blanket [Frankie Morales x Reader]
Warnings: mentions of anxiety/descriptions of a panic attack, Frankie is a soft dumb dorky himbo
Rating: PG-13
Your cheeks were painted with your tears, and they glistened under the dull bathroom light. You thanked your lucky stars that this had happened whilst you were home alone. You couldn't deal with having to face Frankie. You knew he'd confront you about this. You knew he wouldn't understand and he'd demand answers. You were always so happy and smiley. Even the guys (Will, Ben and Santiago) said you were such a positive influence on the group. But you were only human, and as you sat against the cold tiled wall, your elbow leaning on the toilet seat, you weren't feeling very positive. You weren't feeling... anything really.
Anxiety had consumed you to the point of sickness, and it was uncalled for. You'd spent hours sobbing, holding your head in your hands and furiously tugging on your hair. It felt like you were choking. The feeling of impending doom swarming your body, drowning you. You couldn't breathe. Your chest felt tight, your vision became hazy and your mouth dried up.
Frankie was just a phone call away. He'd want to know. If you were scared or hurting, he'd want to know. You knew what your boyfriend was like. He loved you so much. But you didn't want to worry him. He'd ask what was wrong and you wouldn't be able to answer him, because you didn't even know yourself. It was pointless burdening him with this. Just for once, you had to be independent. You had to face this alone.
You hadn't even heard the front door lock click open. He'd gotten home early and you were too busy whimpering in the bathroom to hear his usual greeting, "Honey I'm home!"
The words were cheesy, and they often earned a roll of your eyes. But it was yours and Frankie's special thing— and you loved it. Frankie dropped his keys in the bowl kept on the kitchen counter and padded through your small apartment. He was confused when you weren't there to greet him the way you usually were. Sure, he had gotten home from work earlier, but you'd always run into his arms and embrace him the second he walked through the door.
Frankie padded through the living room, down the corridor, thinking you might be in the bedroom. He paused midway when he passed the bathroom, freezing in his footsteps when he overheard your cries.
He stood outside the bathroom. You'd been together for six months and Frankie had never heard you cry before. He didn't know how to approach you. He felt an anger, wanting to know exactly who and what had hurt you. The sobbing stifled for a second and Frankie breathed a sigh of relief. Until you started again. Frankie opened the door.
You looked up at your boyfriend with glazed eyes, feeling your cheeks heat up with embarrassment. He wasn't supposed to see you like this. You hid your face in the crook of your elbows with shame, muffling your sobs.
"What's wrong?" He asked hesitantly.
You let out an even louder and infuriated cry when you couldn't answer his question. You shrugged your shoulders helplessly and let your tears soak your clothes as you held your knees to your chest. "I just... I just..." you gasped for air, unable to get any words out. Frankie understood. He knew how you were feeling.
"One sec." he said, holding up a finger before bolting out of the bathroom.
He dived into your shared bedroom, fell to his knees and stretched out his arms to pull out a box that he kept under his bed. It was your bed too, and yet you had no idea he kept it there. It was a relatively small sized cardboard box, messily stuck shut with strong masking tape. He carried the box back into the bathroom and slouched down next to you. He took a deep breath and passed you the box.
"What's this?" you sniffed, letting your fingers curiously trace the tape.
"It's my panic box. Inside this box is everything I need to help me calm down when I'm anxious or upset. Open it." Frankie urged, nudging you playfully. You giggled at his touch and wiped your eyes, trying to regulate your breathing. Frankie wrapped an arm around you and held you close as you peeled away the tape.
Inside the box was an array of things. The first thing you picked out was a soft fluffy blanket. It looked old, slightly rugged, torn in the corners and even sewn up with patchwork. It had a distinct smell too. It wasn't a bad smell. You couldn't describe it. It just smelled like Frankie. You shot him a questioning look.
"This," Frankie said, taking the blanket from you and opening it up. He draped it over you both. "Is my comfort blanket from when I was a kid. It's been with me through everything. Heartbreak, death, even the times when I was upset for no apparent reason... my comfort blanket always seemed to fix things. The least I can do is share it with you." Frankie smiled sheepishly and he noticed the way your eyes sparkled in delight.
"I had no idea you kept a comfort blanket." You confessed with a shaky exhale. You relished the feeling, grabbing a fistful of the material knowing that the blanket was probably not much younger than Frankie. That the blanket had been there for him throughout everything.
"Well, I do," Frankie shrugged. "But uh— don't tell the guys."
You giggled. "Thank you for sharing this with me." you sniffed, immediately beginning to feel so much better.
"Keep digging through the box." Frankie ordered, taking your hand and rubbing comforting circles into your skin.
You nodded, reaching back into the box with your free hand. Inside was a scented candle, miscellaneous packets of candy and chocolate, an old teddy bear, and what could only resemble something you kept locked away in your nightstand drawer.
"Frankie!" you gasped, taking the device out of the box and turning to him. Your jaw had dropped and you were trying to contain a smile. "What is this? It looks like a—"
"Don't say it!" Frankie said quickly, snatching the pink device from your hands. He flicked a switch and it started buzzing. You slapped a hand over your mouth in disbelief. "I know what it looks like, okay. But it's a back massager." He pressed two more buttons and demonstrated how it changed speeds and settings.
"Frankie... I don't think—"
"It's a back massager!" Frankie exclaimed defensively, cutting you off. Once again, your dorky himbo boyfriend had you lost for words.
You burst into a fit of giggles as Frankie pressed the vibrating device into the small off your back. "Frankie stop it!" you laughed as he crawled on top of you.
"Feels nice, doesn't it?" He quizzed with a smirk. You squealed as he poked his fingers into your side, tickling you, and only making your laughter grow. You had been smiling so hard, your cheeks began to hurt. You pulled the baseball cap off Frankie's head and tossed it to one side so you could tug on his dark curls. He finally lifted off you and switched the ‘back massager’ off. "I'm glad you're smiling." Frankie admitted, pressing a soft and chaste kiss into your cheek.
"Frankie, I love you so much." You admitted, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend. He picked you up, letting the comfort blanket fall to the floor and carried you to the living room. He dropped you on the sofa and tossed you the television control.
"I love you too," he cooed, smoothing out your hair and kissing your forehead. "Why don't we have a movie night, huh? I'll order take-out and bring us a few beers in."
"Okay." you sniffed happily. As you watched Frankie wander into the kitchen, you wondered how you'd ever gotten so lucky.
You knew now that even when you felt like you had to be independent, there was nothing wrong with letting Frankie comfort you. He could make you smile and laugh like nobody else could. He knew the exact way to cheer you up whilst still being considerate and sensitive of your feelings. He loved you so much, and for as long as he was with you, you knew you'd never be alone.
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#frankie morales#frankie morales x reader#catfish morales x reader#catfish morales#triple frontier
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25.21%
I've been sober for 3 months today. 92 days. 25.21% of 2021.
I could've posted more updates, more milestones (it took a LOT not to post on Day 69) but I wanted to kind of save it up for a Big Day. It was also a decent way to continue to incentivize my continued sobriety: a full pass to do a shameless, hardcore bragging sesh.
Anyway, this post comes in 2 parts: the TL;DR for those who only want the gist, then more in depth on my ability to stay sober, the lasting effects of rehab, etc.
I tried my damnedest to pare this absolute novel down, but it's long, so feel free to dip out if you just get bored. Onward!
TL;DR: I went to rehab the beginning of July for 3 weeks and haven't had a drop of alcohol since. I've lost weight, I'm more healthy, my daily anxiety level went from 8 to 2, I haven't had an anxiety attack in 3 months, and everything generally just seems... easier. My memory and concentration have improved. I've been productive and I've been meditating every day. I'm saving money, and while I sometimes fantasize about getting drunk, that's usually all it is.
Honestly, it's been much easier than I expected, but I think a lot of that is because for the first 3 weeks, the time in which I would usually break down and start drinking again when trying to get sober myself, was spent behind a locked door. So far I haven't had any days where I was close to giving in. I haven't had many days where I've been depressed about it, missing it or really tempted. Maybe 3-4. I've basically just gotten on with my life as if alcohol doesn't exist.
To wrap up the short version for those ready to peace out, I'll leave it with a bit of advice.
I don't feel qualified to give any specific advice, because my story feels very unique to me, and I honestly don't think what worked for me will work for MOST people. Sometimes people spend a year in rehab and still drive straight to the liquor store on their way home.
That said, there's one thing that I've found pretty universally true: you have to really want it. For a while, I floated about without much of a "reason" to stay sober. I don't have a spouse, kids or a job I've been fired from, so I didn't see the point.
It's taken me a while, but after not being "convinced" by a few superficial "reasons" like weight loss and saving money, I thought I needed something more... permanent? Consequential? I now realize that my "reason" for getting sober at a young age after only a few years of alcoholism is that I don't want it to get to a point where I'm hurting other people, drinking myself into multiple lasting health problems... I don't want it to become permanent or consequential.
Anyway, that's my two cents. If you do have something like kids or trouble keeping a job, definitely use that as your reason. But for anyone who's a pretty "functional" alcoholic like I was, "not letting it go on long enough to become disfunctional" is a good enough reason.
This is going to get stupid long, so feel free to walk away now, just glad you read this much and it really does mean the world when people listen to what I have to say.
Now some more things in depth. I'll go in chronological order: what made me get sober, what I took from rehab (and what I left), and how it's been the past few months.
I started drinking when I got kicked out, manic out of my mind and homeless unable to sleep. It took a while until I was able to sleep without alcohol, but by then the addict brain had taken over. I'd tried a few times to get sober myself, but I never made it more than a week without, and always got back to daily drinking after a few months maximum.
Some people need a "wake up call", a "last straw" or a "rock bottom". Something external to make them realize they can't go on as they are. For me, the catalyst was my health, which is more of an internal reason I suppose. I didn't have a heart attack or liver failure, but my anxiety was getting uncontrollable and I knew it was directly tied to my drinking.
My life had been starting to feel tolerable, and I was more financially secure than ever before. Things were looking up... except for the alcoholism. This is a weird analogy but the only one that makes sense to express why, if I was doing so well on paper, I decided to go to rehab: you have to sweep before you mop. If I hadn't been in the place I was, I don't think I would've been successful at rehab. I had to sweep up the cat turds from the floor of my life before I was able to mop up the shit stains with sobriety. I know, I'm a true wordsmith.
When I finally called the hotline that hooked me up with a bunch of different rehabs, I knew I was in for a wait. It was about 5 months from that call to checking in, which isn't too bad considering I've been on the waitlist for a neuropsychiatrist in ALL OF CANADA for 4 years.
That brings us to July 12th, Rehab Day One. I've gone in depth in multiple other posts but to touch on it briefly, if I had to describe my experience in a sentence I'd say "the place I went to got very lucky with me".
What this means is that, of the 5 people in my group, I think this exact program was only ever going to help me. At the same time, I didn't even know what I would need, but this exact program was 90% of it. I didn't think 3 weeks would be long enough, but for me it was. The hours-long, repetitive, basic-ass CBT groups held 5 times a day 7 days a week was absolute torture for everyone but myself. While it was a drag to spend an hour on defining what a cognitive distortion is, the routine and repetition, something I've never gotten out of any outpatient program, helped me to really absorb the information and let it rewire my brain.
I've always said that I'm someone who should be spending an hour a day with a therapist for the rest of my life, and while that's not even remotely feasible, this was as close as it's ever gotten, and it proved me right, because it worked. I've done biweekly therapy for a short time but even that didn't come close to the way my brain changed in those 3 short weeks.
This program required absolute commitment and open-mindedness. This isn't because it was hard work or difficult concepts, but quite the opposite. While I hate the entire concept of art therapy being used as a cure-all for mental illness, I willingly got out of my bed, went downstairs and tried doing a dot mandala for an hour because I'm willing to try anything to get better. A lot of people might think they are, but really aren't. To use the mandala as an example, one guy was really into it, I wasn't, but we both finished. The other 3 tried, messed up a few times, and then scrolled through their phones. When I say this program necessitates complete engagement, that's not a compliment. It shouldn't be a chore to engage with the program. It shouldn't take me actively saying "I know I've known this basic concept since 4th grade, but maybe hearing it again will help" to get something out of a rehab program. So again, in every way, I got lucky, and so did they.
Before I finish with the rehab section, having had a few months to reflect on the whole thing, I now have an endless list of things wrong with it. I arrived, greeted by the most jaded and disillusioned of staff, and quickly became disturbed and at points concerned with just how negligent the staff are.
Maybe it's because I've been on the psych ward where they won't even let you have shoelaces and shine a flashlight on your face every half hour through the night, but it could've been so incredibly easy to sneak in alcohol. I brought 2 full water bottles, fully expecting to have to dump them out upon arrival, but they said "nah it's fine". Is it though?
Then there were actual counsellors there who were... okay. I recall one, the one I thought was the smartest, reading a handout aloud and coming across the word "delve" as in "let's delve into..." and stumbled, then said she doesn't know that word. The room was silent. As she pulled up Google on the screen I said, "it means to dive into it". She Googled it anyway. Synonyms include "dive in". If that was the only example I wouldn't mention it, but this was the first of at least 10 words she had do Google, none past a 10th grade level, from HER OWN MATERIAL. From that point on it became clear that they had no fucking idea what they were doing.
We had one last one-on-one counselling session before we left and the counsellor just filled in boxes to questions on her computer, rephrasing everything I said to fit into the buzzwords and "lessons" we'd "learned". Example. Me: I do think I'm better able to catch myself thinking 'oh I can just have one drink' and say 'no I can't'." Her: "Okay, so would you say that you can recognize negative cognitive distortions like permission-giving thoughts and counter them with a more rational and less emotional mind?" Like girl, blink twice if your boss is holding your family hostage. She gave me some papers, detailing all the online courses they were signing me up for and options for more treatment they'd be sending me, a phone number to call and a phone appointment for the next Monday. I never got that call, the phone number is a hotline, I never got a single email from them, and given how shitty they really are at their jobs, I didn't feel the inclination to try and get those resources. If they even exist in the first place.
In summation, it was a place where it was physically impossible to get alcohol. That's really all I can say in its favor. Oh, and they let you have your cell phone.
Now on our timeline I'm back home. I want to kind of analyze why it's been easy for me.
I often said that my main goal of going to rehab was to lock me away from alcohol long enough for it to reset my brain. Most people thought that was naïve, but that's exactly what happened. But I'm well aware that my experience of "instantly became sober and literally hasn't had a single hard day in 3 months" is absurdly unusual.
I put this down to a few things. Firstly, I'm on seven different meds for my mental health. Almost all of them have their effects dulled or even eliminated when you drink. So when I noticed my mood, fatigue, memory, concentration etc all getting better at once - right about as I left rehab, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that all those meds started working properly.
Secondly, I've been keeping myself busy, but that's something I've always been good at. Now I specifically choose to undertake projects that will eat up a lot my time and put me in a state of flow. I recently made an entire card game from scratch, and let me tell you, I didn't think of alcohol for a week.
Thirdly, my other goals now get in the way of alcohol. I'm getting old and my body is deteriorating. But I've always wanted to do just one last season of gymnastics. Well, I need to lose weight for that to happen. I've already lost 35 pounds, and after another 20 I'll be ready to go. Also, I used to spend more on alcohol per month than rent. Even though I've done a few shopping sprees lately, I haven't come remotely close to how much I was spending before.
I want it more than anything. I want to be sober more than I want one night of "fun" that will more likely than not lead me back to where I was a year ago. I never want to need anything as much as I needed alcohol.
Lastly, just a few more random thoughts.
A lot of people, myself included, worried about the fact that I work at a bar as a cook, but honestly the entire time I'm there I'm thinking about food, not alcohol. If I'm hanging out with some regulars before/after, I can watch them drink and be perfectly fine with my coffee, because the coffee is $2, and I used to spend $20 after every work shift.
I also decided in rehab to start taking better care of myself as best I could. This started with getting my second vax which I'd been putting off, then an eye appointment, then new glasses, then a dentist appointment where I was informed I need to do $3000 worth of work on my implant that's erroding my bone matter, so that sucks, but I caught it early. I've also been meditating every day. In just 3 months, I've made pretty big improvements to my self-care and my daily routine.
One of my fears about sobriety was "missing out" on "having fun". A few days ago, all my housemates got together to play Mario Party, and it was kind of my first night doing something social while sober. It was a breath of fresh air - I wasn't constantly running to piss, I didn't worry about running out of alcohol, I didn't get sloppy and obnoxious as I can sometimes do. I even came very very close to winning my first game of MP. When I reflected on the night, I realized that, if I'd been getting drunk the whole time, I would've sucked at the minigames, been a hindrance to anyone unfortunate enough to be teamed with me, and likely would've stopped caring about the game itself after the first few turns.
Yesterday I was making my 4th pot of coffee of the day when I realized there was a full glass of wine just sitting on the counter. I had absolutely no idea where the hell it came from - nobody in my house drinks wine. I shrugged and poured that sweet sweet bean juice. It was only when I sat down and took a sip of coffee did I find myself thinking automatically, "this tastes so much better than wine". I only realized then that it had been rose wine, the only kind I've ever been able to tolerate. It was the ultimate moment of possible temptation, and the thought of just chugging that glass - as I may've done in the past - didn't even cross my mind.
I'm so glad to be where I am. I'm about to undergo some serious financial changes - i.e. going absolutely broke - but drinking isn't gonna help that, so I'm cautiously optimistic.
Stay Greater, Flamingos.
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good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:
*deep inhale*
Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-
Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:
I don't ship Prinxiety.
Like, at all.
I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?
Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).
Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!
I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅
However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god
alsoooo
pURPLE EYESHADOW
PURPLE
EYESHADOW
HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY
FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?
alsoooo
hAPPY ROMAN
YESSSSS~
MAH BOI
MAH SON
MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE
MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL
ITS
BEEN
SO
LONG
AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-
IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA
THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY
Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.
👀
And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP.
I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨
we sTAN TRASHMAS
Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?
hmmm
👀 👀
Okay, okay.
With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~
He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle.
Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!
*evil snek laugh*
Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-
Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂
God, first Patton in a skirt and now this.
Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?
What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-
And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.
👀
Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man.
Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls
...and fries.
Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh
Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.
Just...
Crying Stall Guy
Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious
Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon.
There is no in between
sorry I don't make the rules
Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like-
EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂
Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico
Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo
😅
And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!
Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh
*clears throat*
Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house
Like
He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy
and YESS, he's a WRITER
And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??
my hEART
*cries*
The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter
*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-
*clears throat*
On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I
Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"
God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan
Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.
Wait.
Oh god.
Oh god.
This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?
Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.
That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-
Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK
I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-
Okay.
Okay.
New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video.
Like
Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader.
The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals
despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves
No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT
*inhales*
noww
guys, gals, and nonbinary pals
it’s time forr
the most wonderful time of the yearrr
WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE
Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN
Who will win? Who will lose?
here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-
Place your bets, folks! ✨
Haha im not readyyy~
tl;dr
this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.
psst hey @quarantinevibes2020 you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine
Until next time, my lovelies!
~ Ches 🖤
#sanders asides#ts spoilers#flirting with social anxiety#virgil sanders#roman sanders#c!thomas#janus sanders#remus sanders#patton sanders#logan sanders#nico flores#karrot kings#nicomas#prinxiety#moceit#virgil negativity#its not like a major thing#i just have mixed feelings on him is all#thomas x trash can#trashmas#i will make that a crackship guys#you can't stop me#in other news#i'm forfeiting all my worldly possessions to our local cryptic dapper snek#and buying carrots#because that's life sometimes#please work tumblr#i know you hate me#but please#shut up ches
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Everything Is Green {Krii7y}
DeviantArt: SugarHigh100 (Smii7y)
Twitter: Beaudicea (Kryoz)
~
Trigger Warning!: In this story, I will write about colour blindness. Sorry if I do not get it correct as I myself do not suffer from anything of the sort (I am mildly longsighted). If this may offend you, please don't read. And I would really love to hear from some colour blind people on how I can fix my perception of it up in case I write this type of thing again.
Remember that this is MY interpretation of colour blindness (Protanomaly and Tritanopia), this is how I understood what I read from my research. So please don't take it personally if I get it completely wrong.
In this story, there will also be:
Anxiety Attacks –Based off of the ones I get. Because everyone experiences these differently-
Bullying (mentioned)
Swearing
Self-Deprecating Tendencies
~
Life gets pretty boring when all you see if various shades of green, grey and if you're lucky, violet.
But not the pretty, dark violet everyone else sees. No, it's a dull, kind of light version.
That's just life when your parents are Red-Green and Blue-Yellow colour blind and you pull the short straw on both ends.
No, I couldn't just have one; like not perceiving reds or greens properly. Or maybe become a very rare case and not be able to see blues properly.
No.
I ended up Red-Green in one eye and Blue-Yellow in the other.
So my world is full of dull, warped greens, boring and monotonous blacks and whites, only light grey and maybe, if luck wants to grace me, with violet. I strive for the moments that slightly purply-blue colour pops, I try to capture every detail of the moment so that I can try recreate it.
My parents try to tell me that when I'm older, my eyes may get better.
But I know that they won't.
Magic doesn't exist. If you're born with these things, you live with them forever.
People get weirded out by me. I confuse them. So I learnt to keep to myself. I sit under the trees, on the grass, things that should be blindingly green and are but just a dull blue really.
I got told that my glasses would help me see colours properly, but the kids all picked on me, so I don't wear them anymore.
The glasses were pretty cool I guess, I mean they were blue and red, and the world looked amazing back in fifth grade for the month that I wore them.
It's been five years since I've worn them though, I figured that, if I was picked on in fifth grade, high school would be no saving grace. So they sit in draw at home, collecting dust.
I guess life isn't too bad, I mean, at least I'm not blind. But this is no better.
"Hey. Hey. Can you hear me?" I kept my head down, knowing exactly who it was.
"I asked you a question."
I looked up, not too much, just enough to see if it was who I thought it was, "Yeah. I guess. I'm not deaf." I said, tapping my fingers against the ground.
"I'm not here to pick on you kid. I'm not an arsehole. My friends and I saw you sitting by yourself and I wanted to know if you wanted some company."
This time he caught my full attention, "Like for real? This isn't some big joke that Evan and all that set up to give me hope?" I asked.
He laughed, "Nah dude, honestly, Evan and his friends are a little overrated." He said, "With the exception of like Ryan. Oh and Craig, he hangs out with us sometimes."
I smiled, "I mean, sure. I guess that I could come and sit with you guys." I said.
"Sick." He said, helping me up.
He led me over to a table, not far from where I was sitting, I noticed him stumbling a little.
"Hey fuckers. I'm back." He announced.
"No one gives a fuck John." One of the other males at the table replied, looking up from his phone.
"Fuck you to, bitch." John replied.
"So guys, this is...uh I never asked your name, did I?" John asked.
"Good goin' John. You see a lonely kid, invite him over, but don't even ask his name." another said, this one was for sure in grey.
I snickered a little, looking over the group, of course, looking at everyone wasn't going to help me tell them apart, but it was worth a shot.
"HEY! That sounded a lot better in my head." The grey one stated.
"So, what's your name stranger?" one of the guys closest to me asked.
Come on, just say Jaren. "Lukas." I answer. What the fuck did I say that for?
"Well Lukas. As you could figure out, I'm John. In order around the table from my left. Cameron, Ryan, Craig, Anthony and...where did Crystal go?" John asked for a person I guess was here before he came over to me.
Crazy hair, grey guy, glasses, panda case. I recited in my head, it was the only way I'd actually remember them.
"Brock's nut of a sister came over and requested that her friend join her for a conversation." Anthony, I think, answered.
I frowned, "Cassidy isn't too crazy." I stated, causing everyone to stare at me.
"What. She used to be my..." I trailed off, "Never mind. Why did you invite me over here. I'm just the weird kid."
"We're all weird here." Cameron said, completely ignoring my slip up or at least I hope he did.
"I mean. Probably not. At least compared to me. Nobody is as mutant as I am." I stated, looking down.
"What. Why? Because your eyes are different a little off centre or your hair is white? Every time I saw you, I always thought you just bleached it, like John does with his." Craig said with a shrug.
I sighed, shaking my head, "Okay. Don't like freak or anything okay John. But like, that jumper you're wearing is probably rad. But it's like literally all green, different shades. But to me. That whole thing is green, except the white bits near your wrists." I always found it was an easy way to explain my problem to people by talking about something that probably wasn't green and trying to tell them that's how I see it. "I can imagine and sort of figure out the colours, because I've done it for so long-"
"What shades of green?" John asked.
I shrugged, "The top is like a lime kind of colour. So it's probably like yellow or somet'in'. Uh, the middle is a dull green. So that's like red or orange, I don't remember because I don't see those colours a lot. The top of the sleeves is like, mint ice cream green. So they're some type of blue." I explained, hoping I got the colours close.
"That's so cool dude." John said.
"How do you live like that? Not being able to see colours. Only green?" Craig asked.
"Well. I mainly see the green spectrum, but I can see light grey, black, white and sometimes, violet. But it's like not the cool dark violet colour, it's more like what I think you would see as a cross between magenta maybe and periwinkle. I can see some shades of yellow, kind of. Most colours appear as greens though." I explained, tapping my fingers against my leg.
"Well, sit down you weird ass human." Cameron said.
I smiled, shaking my head, "Sorry. This was a nice..experience, but I'm just gonna leave." I said, turning around, I walked back towards where I was.
Suddenly I was on the ground, noticeably colder than before.
I looked up and saw my jumper in John's hands.
"Hey, fuck you. Give me my jumper back, it's cold." I demanded, getting off my arse, snatching my jumper out of his hands, slipping it over my head.
"It's a mild fifteen degrees, it's not that cold." Cameron stated.
"Shut up, you Kiwi fuck. We get it that it's fucking freezing in New Zealand." A feminine voice said from behind me.
Cameron pouted, "Piss off you Aussie bitch." He stated.
"Oh, and this is Crystal. Crystal, this is –"
"Hey Luke." Crystal said with a shrug.
"Vibe." I returned, watching as they walked over and sat between Cameron and Ryan.
"Wait- you two know each oth-"
"Whatever, reunions are boring. What did the nut want with you, aye?" Cameron asked, nudging Crystal's shoulder.
Crystal shrugged, "Never say that again. Worst Australian accent ever. Come on Fitzy, you're the closest one to where I'm from and you can't even fake a believable accent." They said.
The group started to banter, giving me the perfect chance to slip away.
I kept walking, not really knowing where I was going, I just knew I had to get away from that group before something bad happened to them because of me.
"Hey. Hey! Lukas, wait up." I heard a call from behind me, recognising John's voice, I picked up my pace, not watching where I was going.
Once more I was on the ground and I noticed that it was because I had bumped into someone. I stood up, "I'm so sorry. I-" my breath hitched.
In front of me stood well known school menace and Evan's right hand man Jonathan.
"I-I'm so so sorry. Uh, Delirious." I said, I could feel myself shaking.
Delirious turned to face me, and I could feel my lungs get heavy.
"Dude. Are you okay?" he asked me, sending me into surprise.
"What?" I managed to squeak out.
"I asked if you were okay? You hit me pretty hard and fell to the floor." Delirious said.
I shrugged, "I'm uh. Fine. Just yeah. Sorry." I stammered, my breathing starting to even out.
"Lukas, why are you-" I heard John stop dead, his boots squeaking as he skidded on the hallway floor. "Fuck."
"Well, if you're okay. Then I'm just gonna walk away." Delirious said, walking away.
I was still shaking, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.
"Dude, are you okay?" I heard John was near me now.
But I still didn't open my eyes, I shakily pointed at my bag, "Pap- Pap- Bag" I started coughing.
"Pap Bag. Pap. Paper Bag! Oh, get the paper out of your bag!" John figured out, quickly flipping the latch on my bag and handing me the almost empty bag.
"I don't understand how this will help you." John said.
I cupped my hand around the opening, placing it near my mouth, breathing in and out into the bag.
My breathing went back to normal after five minutes and the coughing stopped.
I moved it away and drew in a deep breath.
"What the fuck was that?" John asked, making me painfully aware that he was still there.
I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me, "That was an anxiety attack you fucking idiot. Holy shit. I could've-no-probably would've passed out if you hadn't have helped me. Jesus, I haven't had one that bad in a while." I stated, half talking to myself.
"Your welcome. I mean, I don't know how to respond." John said.
I smiled, "Thank you. But seriously. I thought that Jonathan was a bully. He didn't even threaten me. I think a lot of people just spread rumours and one rumour made it out and became popular saying that the BBS are bullies. They're probably just a bunch of misunderstood kids. I- I'm sorry for walking off." I said.
"Nah dude. My friends can be a little much sometimes, even for me." He said.
"Oh. Okay. Well, I'm still sorry. It was a good thing you did you know, asking me to join you guys. Your friends don't seem to bad. I'd probably fit in with you all. I feel like a big dou-"
I felt something warm against my lips for a split second and then it was gone.
"You talk too much." John stated.
My face started heating up, "What the fuck? We haven't even known each other for a day. John you're fucking weird," I stated, pulling my sleeve over my hand, wiping my mouth.
He laughed, "You enjoyed it. Don't deny it." He said.
Maybe I did. It doesn't matter, I don't even know the guy. "No I didn't." I retorted, but I knew my body language said otherwise.
"You're a bad lyre Lukas. You're red as a firetruck." He teased.
"Shut up you fucking prick." I muttered.
He rolled his eyes, "Come on. Come and hang out with me and my band of Misfits." He said.
I sighed, "Fine." I said and we walked back towards his friends, maybe a bit closer than previously.
But seriously, who the fuck kisses someone they just met? Like what even is that?
"Someone who has a set." John replied.
"Fuck. I said that out loud. Sorry." I said.
He stopped and turned to face me, "Stop fucking apologising. You've done nothing wrong." He said.
And that's when I noticed one small thing, well not really small thing, but it was something that would this was a moment I'd never forget.
~
Everything is green.
But his hair is my favourite colour.
Because it is violet.
~
Authors Note:
Hi guys!
Yes, I am a weirdo. I would've made it John's eyes, except that in this case it wouldn't work because John's eyes are blue and for them to be violet, they'd have to be yellow. Which just isn't realistic.
Anyway, that's it.
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Hey. Can I have some advice, or at least, a moment to vent? I've been living with chronic illness for a while now. Ten months ago it got worse and a few months after that, I found out that I was diagnosed with chronic bronchitis when I was younger. Only my mother never told me until I was complaining about the same damn cough for 5 months. I researched it and behold the symptoms match with the symptoms I've been having and (1/3)
lived with for years. Chronic bronchitis is a leading cause of death. And no one bothered to tell me hey you’ve had a chronic illness for years and yea you probably should get on some kind of regular treatment. Much like my ADHD that my mom didn’t believe I had until I was 18 and compiled enough research to write my own article and couldn’t sit still to watch a movie. Anyway, I moved out, got a job at one of the busiest theme parks in the world, proceeded to get sick several times,and then ended up with a chronic cough that wouldn’t go away. Present time. It’s been 10 months since the cough started and no I still have yet to receive treatment cause doctors are fucking expensive and I have no car. I walk to work and there isn’t a dr near where I live that the buses will take me to. Uber is fucking expensive and I’ve got bills to pay. Doctors also give me the worst anxiety. When I went to get my ADHD treated the dr gave me a panic attack and told me that I was wastingwas wasting her time cause I couldn’t afford to pay her up front and the secretary was fucking up the insurance. They don’t listen to me, often give the wrong medicine, and/or always, ALWAYS, have something to say about my fucking weight as though that is what is making me sick. Like yea, could I lose a few pounds? Sure. Is it what’s making me ill? No. And I don’t have the fucking money to spend to try to find a decent doctor that will give me the treatment I need before I end up dying.Today, my chest felt like someone was squeezing my lungs and then setting fire to them while I couldn’t breath. I honestly was afraid that I was gonna pass out. And I understand I do need to get treatment but if it comes down to a dr or having fun and making all the hours I work and the constant stress worth it then I’m gonna go have fun. Cause I work way too much (50 hr/6 day weeks)for someone in my current state of health. I just don’t know. I’m tired and stressed and I have like no Energy™and just sorry for the long ass rant but you seem like the only blog I follow that would probably at least know what I’m dealing with. If that’s the right way to put it? I just feel like its gonna come down between me dying but at least having some semblance of fun or surviving my illness and not much else. I can’t afford both.
As hard as it is for people born disabled, I’m very very lucky to have been put on the disability system when I was a baby.
People think it’s so easy to get on disability because everyone’s idea of a disabled person is an adult mutate that was physically injured (not that it’s easy for them either) but when you show up and say “I’m sick” but look healthy they disregard you because… Where have you been all these years? If you were really sick you would’ve come earlier.
No one believes you.
I wish I had advice but as of now this is the status quo. You are very lucky to have a documented diagnosis so you do have a little bit of a step up but the truth of the matter is that you have to give up your life as it is now if you want any help.
It’s going to take years, intentionally confusing and convoluted paperwork, neglect, humiliation, verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, and depending on the disability also physical abuse. And that’s just to get on disability in the first place.
Then a few times each year you have to convince them you still need it. I was born disabled and I have a physically visible disability and I still have to keep proving that God hasn’t cured me.
This is why we are disabled.
If you seek treatment you’re going to have to move outside of society. You can’t keep working, you can’t go do anything fun without considering how it may look if you get caught, you have to move in with family or friends that aren’t sick who will make you sicker with all the stress of being gas lighted not just outside but also inside your home. Or you get institutionalized.
What you’re going through is very common. What you’ve decided on is also very common.
I did it myself as much as possible and was just crossing my fingers hoping that I died before I got to the point where I couldn’t pretend anymore.
I did a lot of fun things and I had a lot of great times. Where I am in my life now, since I didn’t die in time, I’ve had to give up all of that and more. I have to beg someone(s) to let me live each week. I’ve come to terms with my life now becoming nothing but about being disabled and I’m starting to fight back but we are at square one. And I am much weaker and much more ill than I’ve ever been in my life because of all the fun I had.
But I don’t know if I would’ve given up having fun even knowing it’s making my life now nearly impossible. I’m one of the first millennials, the first disabled generation, to get to this stage in being a semi-legal citizen in adulthood so there is no one to look to for advice that knows what this is like. Or will believe that you’re telling the truth. Other disabled people my age are going through the same thing, none of us really know what’s going to happen or what any of the right answers are.
If I hadn’t stayed in the closet for so long I wonder what I would be like now. Would I be more stable and confident? What if it was still as bad but I didn’t even have fond memories? If I hadn’t been able to relax now and then I may not have even let myself live this long. I have no idea.
The best I can tell you is that you are not alone and as much as it feels like no one can understand your situation there are a lot of people who know exactly what it’s like. But even having that support is risky because you do have to go into disabled communities on the Internet which can risk you being uncloseted.
This is why you are using anonymous. This is why I never turn the option of being anonymous off.
I, for one, will not live in this suffering needlessly. I’ve would’ve committed suicide many years ago as I had planned on until I finally did involve myself, outside of the closet, in the disabled community online.
It’s not the camaraderie or the support that gave me a will to live. I still feel the same. The difference is I see you guys and I’m living your future. If the only way to live is to suffer then I’m willing to do so in order for you guys to have a little more traction than we have.
It’s not altruistic, it’s petty.
I care nothing for those people in society. I can feel sympathy or empathy but at my core I really don’t care. I care about what’s mine. My being disabled. My place in the disabled community. You guys; my friends.
There is one thing I’m good at and that is pissing socialites off. From a fuckboy on the Internet to a world renowned doctor. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to piss as many of them off as I can because I care about other disabled people.
One of two things can happen:
1. I’ll just be entertaining other disabled people while I go down in flames
2. I might actually help making a difference toward getting our civil rights by taking some the socialites down with me
I’m happy with either of these. It’s petty but it’ll be fun and this is the only fun currently available to my community.
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I've had my period for YEARS, but I'm still to scared to try a tampon. I just feel like it would hurt or what if I need to pee? Or what if I lose the string inside me and I have to fish it out? Does it hurt? Help PLEASE Ps I fucking love you and your blog.
HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED THIS LONG? Do you just use pads? Or one of those Diva cup things?
I remember being in the 7th/8th grade and having my period and FEELING blood drip into a pad and feeling it move around and the anxiety of not knowing whether or not THIS WILL BE THE TIME I WAITED TOO LONG TO CHANGE THE PAD AND THERE’S BLOOD ALL OVER MY PANTS!
I’m having an anxiety attack just thinking about it. It’s the absolute worst!
I remember EXACTLY the moment I figured out how to use a tampon. My mom was like, “Emerisa’s mom showed her how to use one.” And I was like, “Get out of the bathroom, mom. I think I can handle it.”
I popped that bad boy in a was IMMEDIATELY FURIOUS! I opened the bathroom door and was like, “These have existed all along and no body told me?!”
Look, I am the kind of person who hates being dirty. I don’t like to be greasy or unshowered or smelly, and I don’t do well in sticky/damp/uncleanly environments. I also like to be in control of basic things. Like if my pants are going to be covered in blood when I stand up in front of the classroom and ask to use the restroom. So having a period and using pads was the EVER FUCKING END OF THE WORLD for me, okay? I HATED it. I was ready to have the whole situation taken out. I didn’t want it. It personally made me feel gross and out of control.
And it made me feel heavily gendered. It was a reminder of my position in the world as a “woman” or “girl” or “female” and I hated that. I have never identified fully with the baggage of those words. They’ve always made me feel gross or weak or somehow like I have a specific “place” in the world. And I’ve always hated it. Ever since I can remember.
So when I discovered the beautiful device that is the tampon—it changed my whole world. It was like getting my life back! Suddenly the universe wasn’t so horribly unfair. [That moment was only to be overshadowed when I got on THE MIRACLE that is birth control and suddenly knew EXACTLY when my vagina would start spewing blood for the next few days.]
Needless to say, my relationship with tampons… is tight. Me and Tam go way back. She saved my fucking life. But not everyone is a fan. It’s a personal choice. And there is NOTHING wrong with pads.
And to get back to your question: No, usually using tampons does not hurt. Not at all. If you try to put it in at the wrong angle, it can feel weird, but it will correct itself. Start with the small ones. Move up from there.
Side note: If you have an imperforate, septate, cribriform, or annular hymen then using a tampon can hurt. See this post!
And FYI, a tampon is likely not going to break your hymen skin. So if you’re a virgin and worried about that (and the potential for that kind of pain) you’re good. You can certainly jam a tampon in a break hymen skin. But our brains are wired to stop us from hurting ourselves. So if you put a tampon in and it hurts/you can’t get it in—go to a gynecologist. They will help you figure out what to do with your hymen skin so that you can use tampons comfortably.
So basically, only in RARE. I mean RARE cases, will a tampon break the hymen, or is capable of widening the vagina to the point that the hymen starts to break. Hymen skin is really flexible. It’s also made to be stretched. So a tampon could feasibly help stretch it over time. But sometimes you have to actively stretch it yourself.
So a tampon could be painful or not fit at first. But unless you jam it in there (and actively hurt yourself) and break the hymen skin, you’re not gonna break your hymen. And let’s be honest—you’re not that lucky. The chances of that happening are so low. If it happened to you, then you should play the lottery.
The only other way ( I can think of) that a tampon could hurt you, is if you’re using a plastic one, and the cotton is not pressed flush with the inside of the applicator. If there is too much of a gap there, you can potentially pinch a bit of skin. But it’s not that bad, and you’ll survive.
Don’t use the cardboard ones! NO. They’re like…shitty and dry and harder to get in sometimes because the outside doesn’t lubricate very well. Plastic is the way to go. DO IT!
And on losing the string…
It’s funny you should mention this because the only time I’ve ever “lost a string” was like two or three weeks ago. No lie. I got a box of tampons from Target that looked like it’s been half smashed on the delivery truck. Didn’t think anything of it, only thought that some of the tampons might need to be reset/put back together. And I didn’t even think to check if the string of one was coming out the back. Well I put that bad boy in and didn’t think about it. The next day I was like, “Hannah, you put a tampon in before bed last night…right?” I went to the bathroom, no string or blood to be found. Just figured I’d lucked out.
But then after breakfast, I was like, “Hannah, are you sure?” So I before I showered I grabbed a tiny mirror and sure enough! There was a roll of string tucked up inside. After a quick moment of set up that entailed me propping the mirror on the toilet at just the right angle, I went in and got the string no problem.
Cuz that’s the thing with tampon strings—a tampon can only go into your vagina but so far. You will always be able to feel it and get to it. The key is just not to panic. It’s a vagina. It’s made to push things out, not in.
Gosh, I hope this helps. If you get a box of tampons to use, let me know how it goes! They seriously changed my life. But I get that they’re not for everyone.
#AN ODE TO THE TAMPON#sexpectations#sex ed with propshophannah#tampons are great#pads are meh#periods are the worst#birth control
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hey I've seen you reblog stuff about drugs and stuff and I just wanted to ask what narcatics were you into? random and blunt question but just curous. I'm having a hard time lately... drinking but I'm trying to quit with with it now and just started weed. I just feel like it's neve gonna be better, you know? shit I so okay for so long and then it all goes to fucking hell again. I'm sorry for unloading like this....
It’s okay, I hope you don’t mind if I ramble a long-ass answer. I was mainly addicted to drugs that were not traditionally considered addictive physically, just psychologically. My main drugs of choice were weed, acid, mushrooms and occasionally molly. I never had a huge problem with alcohol, as in I didn’t drink often but when I did I went way overboard and would often mix drugs that would make me very ill. Weed was okay for me at first before I went overboard and was spending hundreds a month, and I am not completely anti-weed like some people in NA, but I think there are people who can and can’t handle it mentally. I can’t. If you have mental health issues, especially anxiety (though I’ve seen some people it can help their anxiety), paranoia, dissociation, derealization or hallucinations/problems with reality to begin with, it is like playing with fire. I’m not saying you should panic, everyone has different reactions, but I could never smoke again after the bad acid trips and ego deaths I’ve had. Too many flashbacks. And I got serotonin syndrome a lot. I quit using 17 months ago and I’m still dealing with effects like visual fractals, a new worldview and mood problems.
For about a year I was suicidal and having panic attacks every day, and I had to work double shifts while crying and vomiting (quiting was not an option because we are too poor and I did not want to be homeless again, especially in that condition). It takes a while for your brain to recover and learn to produce it’s own serotonin after smoking weed every day for two years, so there is a major depression that occurs when you get clean. I lost my appetite for a couple months, and also couldn’t sleep on my own. Drugs were basically my go-to for every minor inconvenience, so learning to be a person again and deal with problems directly was difficult. I became extremely paranoid while detoxing. I also lost all interest in everything, I experienced no joy and only dread, terror and depression. My obsessions such as movies and music were no longer enough to enjoy, I needed to experience them on absurd amounts of psychedelics and meditate on them and see them from weird perspectives to appreciate them. I have started gaining back my appreciation for the little things in life again by now.
The hardest part for me was coming to terms with the fact that I will never be the same as I was before ever again, and now I just have to adjust. It sucks that I was a teenager while this was happening, and my brain was still developing, so now it became a part of my youth and shaped my personality a lot. But I try to think of it positively, because now I have a new chance to become a better person, I have a fresh start and not many people can have a second chance after fucking up and having no common sense. I am lucky to have not gotten into any legal trouble, though a lot of relationships were destroyed, I really deserved it. I am not trying to self-pity, but it is a fact that I have suffered beyond words and been to hell (I’m not religious but to me hell is a psychological state of torment and existential darkness and lack of reality), but I have also grown as a person and become exponentially more self-aware, empathetic, introspective and accepting of my defects.
I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel it will never get better. When you’re in darkness it effects your whole perception and sense of reality and colors every area of life. We lose our memory of anything good ever. Kind of like a Dementor from harry Potter has sucked out our soul, which Dementors incidentally were written by JK Rowling as an analogy of her depression (Sorry for random reference, I am a fan of Harry Potter). But we are both still young, well I am and I assume you are as well as I don’t know many elderly people on Tumblr, and time changes things. Time doesn’t heal, but it does give you the opportunity to heal and grow. Nothing will ever magically heal, we will always be addicts, but you will have good days, and some very good days and memories, and those are worth riding through the bad to get to. It is very difficult to keep perspective, but I spent a couple years of my life on drugs. I have 70 years left ahead of me, best case scenario. This is not the end at all.
I have seen people successfully drink and smoke and not become upset or addicted, but I have Asperger’s and BPD and I was foolish to ignore the sensitivities and chances I was taking and I put my trust into the wrong influences and people. I have developed my own coping mechanisms throughout my life, because addiction was obviously not the first and only trauma I’ve been through, I’ve been having issues since being a toddler basically including emotional violent abuse from the time I was born, sexual assault, personal deaths, bullying, self-harm and mental illness, having parents who are mentally ill and unstable and dealing with their suicide threats as a child, divorce, homelessness, murderers in the family, robbery, knife attacks, being a therapist to my mother, trying to stay objective as she described to me her post-partum depression involving demons telling her to throw me off a balcony and molest me, multiple suicide attempts of my own including a horrendous overdose, multiple hospitalizations, medications, dating a man in his 40’s as a young teen, being cheated on twice, coming to grips with my LGBT identity, and much more. I grew up in a fantasy world, always acting and playing pretend even to this day, I live my life through the eyes of my favorite characters, even while alone. AT this point it is very easy for me to detach from my emotions and reality and observe my own suffering as though I was a character in a movie or something. This is also why I have a decent tolerance to pain. I just view it as an experience, a memory. Time is really an illusion, so when I am hurt, I just remember that in a few hours it will be like nothing ever happened.
Also, the one most important message I took from NA is probably the simplest, and most people don’t give it a second thought because it’s just a cliche to them, but when you really meditate on it and practice it, you realize how incredibly true and helpful it is: “One day at a time.” And that motto is a principle, not have to take it literally. I know for a lot of people, myself included, it can be more like one minute at a time, but you really gotta try to keep priorities in sight and self-care when need be. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to help yourself but go to sleep all day. It is fine to do that. I have trained myself to fall asleep relatively quickly using deep, controlled stomach breathing and and stims and mental focus patterns such as waterfalls, space travel, etc, movement that stays constant and is relaxing. Music helps too, but only without lyrics. There are a lot of sound pieces on youtube and stuff made for relaxing, like the sound of rain, or nature like the ocean or amazon. Whatever suits you. It is handy to have an off button like a computer sometimes. You just shut down and reboot.
I’m not saying it is healthy to be avoidant, and I definitely have shut down and become very robotic as of late, but it is highly preferable to the alternative for me until when/if I learn better skills. You will hopefully feel better when you wake up, whether it was physical anxiety or mental or both. Plus, scientifically, sleep and dreaming is when our brains process information and memories, so we may come to familiarize ourselves with unknown fears or stresses while we sleep and wake up more able to deal with them rationally without the fight or flight. One day at a time ties in to a concept we call “the triangle of self-obsession”, and it relates to how living in the past causes resentments, focusing on negatives in the present causes anger, and fear stems from living in the future. One day at a time, take shit as it comes and don’t cross bridges before you get to them. of course, planning still is good but we must be flexible and not place our whole mental state on something that hasn’t happened yet. Anger roots back to fear, fear roots back to lack of control, and once we accept that we really cannot control everything and be omnipresent and all-knowing puppetmasters, we become more humble.
I myself have come to terms with the fact that I am very narcissistic. I never thought I was, due to low self-esteem, but it only recently occurred to me that being narcissism is usually just a symptom of low self-esteem anyways, and it is just expressed differently. Some people build massive egos and brag. For me, my narcissism forms through being self-centered and selfishly focused on my own problems. Some people focus daily on distinguishing whether they are living and acting on their own will or their higher power’s will, and adjusting their behavior accordingly, because living on our own will is what got us in this position in the first place. I don’t really have a higher power in the traditional sense at this point, but it is still good to be mindful that I am not the center of everything, and that even though I claim to be open-minded, I am still just as judgmental and hypocritical as anyone else, I just express and experience it in different ways. Anyways, long tangent, no one cares, I will shut up now. I am kind of a basketcase, but if you need to talk, you can message or dm me anytime.
#asks#anon#tw: drugs#tw: abuse#sorry for long personal post but i could not respond privately to an anon
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My MatchaBlossom playlist
Here's the link to the playlist on Spotify-
Song meanings and POVs elaborated on down under.
Call it what you want- Taylor Swift
(Let's start with a TS song cause why tf not. I am and always will be a total slut for her 💜)
Okay, just the general vibe of this song is that of a person who's been through a bit and has now found a love so beautiful it's helping them heal and I feel like that ties in so well with Cherry and Joe's entire arc. I hear this song in Cherry's POV when Joe's affection is starting to restore his faith in love and life after Adam's done fucked it all up. Or even when his anxiety gets really fucking bad or whatever. It's just got big comfort vibes and I am a total whore for Cherry acknowledging and appreciating everything that Joe does for him.
All my flowers grew back as thorns,
Windows boarded up after the storm,
He built a fire just to keep me warm.
Explosion- Zolita
PINING JOE PINING JOE PINING JOE
*ahem* let me be more articulate.
TEENAGED PINING JOE
Don't call me about him I don't wanna hear
Put him out of your mind just make him disappear
Stop pretending you got nothing left to hide
My memory is slipping and it's killing me alive
Reached the bitter end
Can't pretend I'm not in love with my best friend, my best friend
Hate that you know me- BLEACHERS
Okay I think this song fits Cherry very well, especially when he is still trying to understand his dynamic with Joe. My personal headcanon is that Cherry is prone to bouts of self-hatred because of his anxiety and consequently, doesn't always consider himself deserving of Joe's love, and so, he tends to dislike it at times when Joe seems to understand him better than others and anticipate his needs so well, and I feel like this song depicts that beautifully.
Sometimes I hate that you know me so well (so well)
Sometimes I, I hate that you know me so well (and I hate ya)
Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself (No)
No luck! (No)
And I hate that you know me so well
Heart attack- Demi Lovato
Okay, I can not be the only person who thinks of teenaged Cherry every time this song comes on. Imagine a Cherry who's flabbergasted by the strength of his feelings for Joe, and can never figure out what to do with himself.
Never break a sweat for the other guys
When you come around, I get paralyzed
And every time I try to be myself
It comes out wrong like a cry for help
It's just not fair; pain's more trouble than love is worth
I gasp for air; it feels so good, but you know it hurts
Lover- Taylor Swift
I have a very specific scene in mind when it comes to this song and that is MatchaBlossom slow-dancing in the first house they get together.
We could let our friends crash in the living room
This is our place, we make the call
And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you
I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all
Make you mine- PUBLIC
You knew this song was going to end up on here lol.
Strangely enough, aware as I am of the fact that most of the fandom believes Joe was the one chasing Cherry (and I agree) this song just hits me as all Cherry's. It has all of his characteristic dogged determination and refusal to admit defeat lol
Well, I have called you darlin' and I'll say it again, again
So kiss me 'til I'm sorry, babe, that you are gone and I'm a mess
And I'll hurt you and you'll hurt me and we'll say things we can't repeat
Mess is Mine- Vance Joy
Slightly older, mellowed out MatchaBlossom, starting to realise they're in this together for the long run, that they always have been.
Further I feel like verse 1 and 2 respectively follow Joe and Cherry's POVs
First we have Joe, who is just brimming with the realisation that Cherry is his for good.
Talking like we used to do
It was always me and you
Shaken up and shipping out
Check me in and check me out
...
Hold on my darling
This mess was yours, now your mess is mine
Secondly, we have Cherry, who considers himself unbelievably lucky to have been considered worthy of Joe's love and keeps wondering if he is half as good a partner to the other man as he is to him.
See you in the market place
Walking around at 8 AM
Got two hours before my flight
Luck be on my side tonight
You're the reason that I feel so strong
The reason that I'm hanging on
You know you gave me all that time
Did I give enough of mine
More than Friends- BEKA HONNE
Baby MatchaBlossom pining. Really sweet, soft vibes. I keep thinking of shy, unsure junior high school Kaoru and Kojiro suddenly becoming blushing, stuttering messes around each other for a period of time as they both hit the realisation that they'd very much like to be kissing each other and it's very much not a Friend™ thing.
It happens after Joe has freshly realised that he is bi after all and Kaoru is exactly what he needs. Again, verse one reminds me of Joe, verse two of Cherry. They are down under respectively.
Driving home and those cats eyes got me seeing you
I'm always seeing you
I don't know how to tell you that I was wrong before
I thought I needed more
I was wondering if we could talk
I think about you every day
And the mixtape you made
Is all I ever to play
And every song reminds me that
You and I
Should be more than friends
...
I never thought I would see your face at my door again
Not at 3 AM
And I don't know just why I wasn't enough before
I thought you needed more
I know you came here to talk
Can't listen to the tape I made
It brings me too much pain
Cause every song reminds me that
You and I
Should be more than friends
This song can also work if you reverse the POV orders and then see it post Adam, but the vibe is a lil too soft for that.
Night go slow- Catey Shaw
MatchaBlossom but in a chill, lo-fi aesthetic.
The cars all stop where they are
When you take my hand, there is no time
Every moment that passes by with you
I wish I could rewind
Let go of your ways
And forget today
Just follow me tonight
Do you understand why I put all my plans on hold?
Not Afraid Anymore- Halsey
Okay, this one goes a lil heavy but imagine a traumatised Cherry, ya know after Ad*m, finally learning to let himself go and feel things again, emotionally and sexually, with Kojiro.
I also feel like they are two kinky bastards so really if you only wanna interpret it like that be my guest.
I am not ashamed anymore
I want something so impure
You better impress now, watching my dress now fall to the floor
Crawling underneath my skin, sweet talk with a hint of sin
Begging you to take me
Devil underneath your grin, sweet thing
But she play to win, heaven gonna hate me
People Crying Every Night- A R I Z O N A
I hear this song as Joe trying to get through to a hesitant Cherry, trying to make him see that while they don't get a say in so many other things, things that have happened and things that will happen, they get to choose the life they have together. They get to pick out their happy ending, build one out of scratch with each other and even if they have nothing else, at least they have this.
Oh and as the day
Turns into night
The things that we can't say
The things we try to hide
Like everyone else
We can't choose the way we die
Oh but we can choose
The way we live tonight
Oh I wish I had the answers
I wish I had the time
To give you all the reasons
Why it's worth it down the line
Ready to go- NEFFEX
This song is an ✨ aesthetic ✨
Okay but imagine, young, punk! MatchaBlossom, maybe around the time when they're travelling the world together?
It's all hot and heady, and Joe is thrilled by the wild, wild force of nature Kaoru is. He can't do anything but give in.
She said stay for a minute
Play with my limits
Drink till we're sinnin'
Baby I'm ready to go
...
She said she's finally alive
When she starts losing control
I said I know what to do
Just let our bodies go
Shine a Light- BANNERS
Another Kojiro song. This one reflects his inner struggle as he feels torn between wanting to comfort and protect Cherry after Adam, and the fact that he is hopelessly in love with Cherry who inadvertently keeps hurting him with how he is lost in the huge web of feelings he can't parse through, not completely blind to how much Kojiro loves him but not fully realising it either. This song reminds me of a confused and helpless Kojiro. Loving Kaoru is such an integral part of him that it makes him, him and it is his constant in the rapidly changing world around him as he stands on the brink of adulthood. He is very nearly ready to beg for mercy and yet knows he, himself is saved by the love he has for Kaoru.
And when the night falls, oh, call on me
Just don't forget to show me some mercy
Ooh, say you're mine
Ooh, take me higher
Sleepover- Hayley Kiyoko
JOE PINING @ HOMOEROTIC SLEEPOVERS WITH YOUR B(est)F
You wanna be friends forever?
I can think of something better
I'm just feeling low, feeling low
Sleeping here right next to me
But will you ever mess with me?
No
Thank you, my twilight- the pillows
Listen, this has been my fav classic Japanese love anthem for so long and to think it is PERFECT for Matchablossom just makes my heart go 💞
The lyrics are heart-wrenchingly raw and real, which is great reflection of Joe and Cherry's relationship. I include a translation of a few verses below, the first one seems something snatched straight out of Joe's internal monologues and the second one depicts the breathless intensity and loyalty so typical of Kaoru:
If you think it looks like I'm waiting for someone
Then you're right
I've been waiting for you
...
Sometimes people will ask me
"How far will you go for her?"
BABY as far as it takes
Wings- HAERTS
Another song depicting Cherry healing from Adam and learning to accept Joe's love, but a fluffier and sweeter way to go about it.
In which, Cherry decides to separate all of the sweeter moments of his and Joe's days with Adam from all of the bitterness, and carry that in his heart after they part ways and he finally moves on.
I will never let you go
I know you want it, know you want it
Learning love means not to know
I'll learn to take it,
Would you mind- PRETTYMUCH
Ending this post with a fluffy, flirty rec that could be Joe's anthem. See for yourselves.
Say you don't catch feelings, you say you ain't the love type
I'ma have to work, then, uh the whole night
Nothing like your ex, no, this ain't what you used to
Just give me that chance, girl, uh, won't lose you
See it? ;) Also, I feel like Joe had typical frat boy taste in music at some point so
#Spotify#sk8 the infinity#matchablossom#matchablossom playlist#past loveblossom#kaoru sakurayashiki#kaoru x kojiro#nanjo kojiro#sk8 cherry blossom#sk8 infinity
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