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ithinkthingsaboutstuff · 4 years

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Well I am bored and can’t get back to sleep. So it’s time for a supergirl s5 rant no one asked for.

Now every season has its issues and there were some outside “issues” this season (COVID-19 and Melissa being pregnant) so I will keep that in mind.

That being said.

This season had problems from the word jump. This was for a few reasons.

1- The plot was all over the place

And I don’t mean, ‘oh there was not enough of [blank character] so it was bad.’ No, I mean it was literally jumping between to many elements. Like what was this season about really?

Was it about a new tech environment taking over people’s lives? Was it about an ancient occult power coming out of the shadows to “take” the earth? Was it about adjusting to a post crisis world? Was it about the Luther siblings joining forces to achieve common goal and brainy is a secret inside man?

Now I understand that most tv shows have multiple plot points to follow that’s normal and expected. However, you need to have them meet up in away that is rewarding to the viewer and makes sense for the story that you are trying to tell. And there is an old writing trick called “one step at a time” Basically it boils down to, The audience will only believe one thing at a time.

Eg. You tell the audience this character can only do something in a certain way, (like the sups and the yellow sun,) but then you say that actually never mind this is another way to do it,(like Kara can keep her speed and only her speed under a red sun). This is bad writing as there is no set up or pay off and you cheated your audience by just changing the rules you made for no reason. (Think that kid on the playground that does that “unbeatable force field” thing in a game of tag.)

This can also apply to story concepts this is called a “conflicting narrative” in season 5 this apples to leviathan.

At the start of the season (ep 1 -8) we are told that they are ancient and magical based villains, all good.

and their big plan is to therefor, of course *checks notes* to use advice sci fi tech to achieve their goals and do something? with the people inside, yeah that makes sense what else would they use? Magic? that thing the super family is vulnerable to? Nah.....sarcastic’s aside, if you establish one thing you can’t turn in round with no explanation.

They actually have a good example of this concept working in this season, in ep 10 with Brainy and his changing physical appearance.

It was set up in the ep early on that our brainy was ‘off’ compared to the other Brainy’s, we get an explanation in the bar scene with the Rath siblings and then it is built upon with a Kara and Brainy scene, then after a build up and a reason (a character based one I might add) it is then and only then that it gets revealed and guess what.... that is hands down the best ep of the season.

I literally have re-watched that ep so many times cause it’s that good. It is great self contained episodes and builds on per established character moments and plot points (brainy’s character inconsistency and the crisis plot aftermath) it’s the gold standard of what I’m talking about.

it sets up and pays off what it is trying to do and give character base reason for the story.

But the season as a whole don’t do this effectively because

2- They focus on making the plot the compliment characters, and not the characters complimenting the plot.

the blanket term for this is, this is called “build up and release” this is used to drag out tension effectively. there are 2 ways to do this but basically

1- answer one thing, then that answer leads to another question

2- give partial answers through out a space of time, to keep attention but not make it the only focus of any given moment.

but anyway,

season 5 has this issue where they bring up a point then either don’t carry it through or don’t ‘step it out’ in a way that leads well to the story.

remember what i said about accepting one thing at a time? now let me ask.

If Leviathan is secret why did they reveal themselves now?

I don’t know and guess what, I don’t care, because the show didn’t care either. they never set up why they came out of the shadows or why that even mattered? so why would anyone care outside of “season’s bad guys”.

you know what this season did care about the Luther siblings. there is nothing wrong with that per say, I just don’t see why they needed Leviathan if they didn’t actually want to develop them in anyway. If the post crisis season was just about taking down the Luther’s then fine nothing wrong with that.

but here is why they NEEDED the Leviathan ‘plot’ (and i use that loosely) is that they needed it to justify Lena working with Lex and not have her come off as “too evil” that way she can say

“i’m only working with you because I want to get rid of Leviathan”

instead of

“i’m working with you because i have the same motives as you”

which would not play well in her “redemption” (and i use that term even looser) they kept an aspect to the story purely to complaint a character they wanted a particular outcome, so they kept a plot element around regardless of how well it actually worked with the story.

and then there’s the bitch himself LEX (John did a great job tho tbh)

he is the biggest example of ‘plot fitting character’, Lex didn’t fail ONCE the whole season, no problems or surprises and it was “oh so easy for him” like that is just frustrating for everyone, i’m not saying “the hero’s should win all the time” No, but the villains need to earn their wins to. here is why that is an issue if you make it to easy.

1- the audience wants to see every character have their problems with achieving their goals and how they go about solving the problems as it is and hear me out...entertaining

2- when a character always has things “go to plan” it feels super forced, the Human error, is built into us (the audience) as people, so to see it not come into play at all, at any point, feels fake as we all know life don’t work that way for anyone. especially if there are people actively trying to stop you.

overall you shouldn’t force a plot to fit a character, you should write a character to fit the plot their in (or in other words have them adapted to new situations they don’t even have to do it well)

Ironically a good example of this in s5 was William

they built up that he was a journalist and that he was hiding something, fast froward and it turned out that he was trying to uncover Leviathan (unknowingly to him) and not apart of them.

this is a good way for a character to compliment the plot.

they said here is a new journalist and he doesn’t even know the depths of what he is looking into and that’s a smart move.

i’m just going to leave this clip here...

youtube

this tied in character and plot really well it exampled character and now after this scene they can shift his behaviour and have a reason for it. not just ‘oh actually he was never a jerk and he is nice now’. no it was “he is trying to achieve a goal using this method and now he has been exposed”. This gives a plot based obstacle and character reaction (that failed to work) and it works actually quiet well for a network conspiracy plot.

character completing plot.

and finally

3- Rushed endings

now this one is actually treaty to talk about, cause of well the COVID- 19 problems so i can’t be to judgemental about it cause that is a dick move. And on top of that the lead actress (of an action show) was pageant so they had to use he a little less (in fight scenes anyway) so again I’m not going to be a dick about it, and you know i don’t want anyone being forced to work during a pandemic if its not at all necessary. So, i will keep this brief.

There are still things that fell flat due to being to rushed.

1- the tech/ VR take down.

It was built up for at least 10 eps and they took it down in 5 mins with a pep talk from Kara, like um ok that was easy i guess, don’t know why y’all were worried if you could fix it in an afternoon. this is not a bad plot line in theory, but it was given to much attention for the solution it was given.

2- Leviathan lady (don��t know and don’t care what her name is) being a robot alien thing.

this one is not too bad? but it was shown way to late in the game and again they didn’t focus enough on Leviathan for this to be of any real audience value outside of a surprise/ shock value. So why should i care now? they barely did anything interesting this season but then you give me something cool 2 mins after it doesn’t matter anymore (with the others bottled). why was this not done earlier in the season? but anyway.

3- Lena’s “redemption”

I could write a whole separate rant about this, but for time and my sanity i won’t. but basically, my main issue is that the whole season Lena was spiralling downward and doing worse and worse things to people, and that’s fine from a story pov, but after at least 15 to 17 eps of this and countless bad decisions and judgements she dose ONE good thing and, well that’s all your needed to do, all is forgiven.

now i am all for redemption arcs but one of the main words there is ARC!!!

there needs to be a reflection, apologies, rejections and making mistakes and then truly changing for the better, and still making mistakes!!

it was disgustingly quick and it honestly made me a little uncomfortable. I want to see people grow and learn but people have to earn their own way there. and another thing redemption is not something another person should be reasonable for giving you. (*cough* Kara *cough*) redemption is something you give yourself through hard choices, personal loses and hard work. and guess what you can do all that and still NEVER get back what you messed up, that was real change and growth is as,

redemption, real redemption

comes in the moments when you don’t benefit from it, Lena loses nothing in helping Kara in the end and gains everything she throw away in a minute flat. So, yeah i think it was rushed in a way that made my jaw drop in disbelief because of how badly rushed it was.

But getting out of that head space.

I like trying to end on a positive note the only part of the ending that was not rushed was Brainy’s bottling of Leviathan,

it was set up as a thing that be could do (ep 10),it was a hard choice to make (as it was going to kill him) and was given time to feel the full weight of the choice, the Rath sibling hand hold, then Lex taunting him and taking the bottle, and then Brainy being left there alone, Then a bit of hope with Nia’s vision. it was the best part of the ending this season and i want to see more. that is how you don’t rush an ending let the audience feel the consequences for the character choices with the character.

anyway season 5 rant over.

#brainiac 5 #supergirl #legion of super heroes #supergirl season 5 #long post #lena luther #lex luther #supergirl cw #nia nal #rant #brainy #querl dox #kara danvers #alex danvers #no editing we die like men

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momo-de-avis · 5 years

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Do you have any recommendations of female artists (sculptors and painters)? (I went to a museum and now im salty lmao)

Off the top of my mind, I might remember someone else some time soon:

Sonia Delaunay. My girl LIVED and BREATHED art. She was the type to literally, and I mean wholly, surround herself with art to the point of living inside art. She sewed, made costumes for the theater, she made puppets, dolls, quilts, even furniture. She was an incredible, outstanding painter. She is at the centre of Orphism more so than Robert, her husband, who was more of a cubism guy. Now, from what I gather, a lot of what people say about Sonia in other countries is coupled with her husband, as if you can't talk about her without mentioning him. To a degree, that's correct because the two had a really secure partnership. They were both creators, and they pushed each other. It was incredibly inspiring tbh. But Sonia has her own merit, and in Portugal she is actually way more relevant than Robert bc of the influence she had on our modernist circle.

Lee Krasner. If only people sort of forgot she was Pollock's wife. Her method of creating is fascinating to me cause this girl just destroyed her past work completely, but instead of throwing it in the trash, she reused it to create new works. Art historians in the post modernist era weren't too kind to her, but she's being avenged. She's methodical and clearly puts so much thought into her composition her creative process is fascinating.

Julia Margaret Cameron. This woman is one of my favourite artists in the world. Cameron began taking photographs at 42 years old after she moved to the isle of Wight in England. She was gifted a camera by her daughter who just wanted her mother to be a bit less bored, and Cameron went on to create over 3000 astonishing photographs that are at the core of the pictorialist movement. She was also INCREDIBLY well acquainted of her society. I mean, literally every famous victorian person you can think of, she met them. The majority of famous photographs you can think of? She took them. She was very honest about her work too. Its really endearing because Cameron was so concerned about her own honesty in capturing beauty she didn't give a fuck about the actual mechanics, which resulted in a lot of photographers at the time labelling her "an amateur". She also refused to photograph high society folk that weren't her friends, and mostly photographed her maids. It must be said that Alfred Lord Tennyson absolutely DESPISED every single illustration made for his Idylls of the King, so much artists knew they were in for hell if they were commissioned the book's illustrations. Cameron was the only person Tennyson personally asked to illustrated, and he absolutely adored her work.

Hannah Hoch. I love Dada so it couldn't miss. Hannah Hoch was married to uhhhhh... Huesekbeck I think? I keep forgetting. Either way, she was part of the Berlin Dada group, and they gave her hell for being a woman. Yes, it's nothing short of that: they didn't want her to belong because she was a woman. Especially her husband, who she supported throughout his life and then he died and she was like "lmao maybe you should have made good art, my bitch". Hannah Hoch mostly makes collages, and it's incredible. Its a very poignant work about being a woman in post-Weimar Germany and the societal issues Germany faced after World War I.

Claude Cahun. There's a post I made about her going around so I wont prolong myself but essentially, though she used female pronouns throughout her life, she identified herself as androgynous and created an INCREDIBLE set of photographs. She was a surrealist who became the inspiration for Davie Bowie and Andre Breton lauded this woman breathless. She was also arrested for taking part in the resistance against the Nazis and lived her whole life with another woman who was her partner. Her work focuses tremendously on issues of gender and our perception of our own bodies.

Camille Claudel. Infamously, she is known as Rodin's lover. Camille's story is a very tragic one. She was a tremendously talented sculptor who accumulated patrons throughout her life, and though she had an a rough affair with Rodin (and he was a bit of a dick), he did praise her work and tried very hard to preserve her artwork. The issue was Camille's family, who scorned her and shamed her for being an artist and her life choices, and destroyed a lot of her art after sticking her in a mental institution where she died at like, 70. But Camille's work is... Well, it's beautiful. Its the kind of work you can see that conflict between being a woman in her society while desperate to liberate herself. Though she incorporates Rodin's language, she has her own mark, her own hand, and her own language.

Janet Sobel. She is actually the first person to coin, use and employ the technique of dripping. You know, the one Pollock gets all the praise for? Essentially, Janet Sobel was a grandmother by the time she picked up a paintbrush. She was also a ukranian emigrant with little to no english, and she engaged in art at her son's insistence. When her son Sol Sobel brought his mom's artwork to the major New York circles (she lived in New Jersey), she immediately caught the eye of Peggy Guggenheim, who put together a collective exhibition about female abstract expressionist painters. That exhibition was in 1946. Pollock was there, he msde a remark wbout Sobel's work, and in 1947 you have the first Pollock dripping painting. Do with that information what you will (and also, check for photos of how Sobel painted, it's so adorable and it just explains SO MUCH MORE THE CONCEPT OF ACTION PAINTING THAN POLLOCK). Eventualyl, Sobel stopped painting and disappeared, and there are several factors as to why we forgot her: Pollock was the CIA's bad boy, so yeah; she spoke little english (she befriended Marc Chagall and Mark Rothko bc they both spoke russian and they claimed that being with Sobel felt like being back home) and she developed an allergy to oil painting.

Maria Helena Vieira da Silva. We're moving to the french circle here, and yes she is portuguese but she belongs to the french post modernist circle. She's an abstract painter who draws a lot from cityscapes, and I think it's worth taking a look at her work.

Niki de Saint Phalle. Now Niki is incredible. She's mostly known for her Nanas, which are immense outdoors sculptures of women with thick bodies, defying the notion of slenderness imposed by fashion magazines that prevailed in the 50s. She also engages with her own trauma of sexual abuse and explores the notion of sexuality a lot, as well as women's bodies outside the realm of sexuality. At a given point, she collaborated with Jean Tingely a lot so she made a series of kinetic sculptures too.

Martha Rosler. I know you said painting and sculpture and I've already talked about collage lmao but Martha Rosler belongs to the first wave of feminist art and those mostly concern video art, though Rosler is very well known for her collages Bringing the War Home in which she literally brings the Vietnam war home. It's worth looking at her work.

Ana Mendieta. Another tragic story. Ana Mendieta was incredibly worried about the notion of the female body as perceived outside the realm of something sexual and nature. She works a lot with perishable material, works of art that are organic, that is, that will disappear with time. One of her most well known methods is leaving an imprint of her own body on natural surfaces, like a beach, or a field of grass, and then photographing it. Ironically, that was exactly how she died: she fell off I believe it was a 10th floor and onto the hood if a car. There is still speculation about it and everything points towards there having been a fight between her and her partner at the time, Carl Andre, who neighbours believe pushed her out the window. Carl Andre never saw justice and Ana Mendieta died at like 25 years old and at the prime of her career.

Kara Walker. She's a pretty young artist who's creating artworks as we speak and she confronts the notion of blackness with US history so blatantly it becomes monumental. She also makes large scale works to defy this message. If you ask me, she's one of the best artists living today.

Hilma af Klimt. She was a Swedish abstractionist and surrealist who was really focused on the occult, and made monumental paintings that engaged with things like the human psyche.

Lizzie Siddal. Now, Lizzie is better known as the Pre-Raphaelite muse, immortalised in Millais' famous Ophelia, but she was an artist of her own. And not just any artist. John Ruskin tutored her and praised her. In fact, he considered her biggest flaw being her love affair with Rossetti lmao she is very naive and honest about her work, and I would also recommend taking a look at her poetry.

Eleonor Fortescue-Brickdale. I know very little about her, but she was a post pre-raphaelite illustrator who, and this is just me, follows the trend of Julia Margaret Cameron. Her paintings are beautiful and seriously, look at both their work and try to see the similarities hah

Helen Frankenthaler and Joan Mitchell, two abstract expressionists who developed their own mode of painting and who border the Colour Field Painting (think Rothko).

Tamara de Lempicka. She's the glamour gal. She makes paintings about the glamorous life of high society and is very interesting because she depicts female nudes in a very intimate way. If I am not mistaken, Tamara de Lempicka had relationships with women, so that tells you a lot. She's very cubist in technique, more so than style.

Faith Ringgold. Oh my God, Faith Ringgold is fantastic. She is a black american woman who paints about the experience of being a black woman, but not just paint. She's best known for her Tar Beaches series, which as quilts she stitches while telling the story of a little girl who dreams about a world while spending time on her tar beach, which is the rooftops of the buildings in Harlem. Please do check her work, she is fantastic.

I'll leave well known names out because they are easy to search like Frida Kahlo, Artemisa Gentilleschi, Josefa d'Obidos, Sofonisba Anguissola (these three are located in the late renaissance period, so there's a lot of portraits, religious themes and still life), Mary Cassat, Berthe Morisot (both impressionists who focus on private female themes), Rosa Bonheur (naturalist who makes landscapes mostly), Evelyn de Morgan (post pre-raphaelite). Also check Zinaida Serebriakova, Georgia O'Keeffe, Lavinia Fontana, Louise Bourgeois, Angelika Kauffmann, Elisabetta Sirani, Romaine Brooks, Sophie Tauber-Arp, Varvara Stepanova, Paula Rego, Bridget Riley, Leonora Carrington, Vigée le Brun, Yayoi Kusama, Francesca Woodman. Etc. These are like .. top of my head with a quick google search to make sure I wrote the names right haha

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addictsitter · 5 years

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F, G, Q, and T

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? consistently? god, uh. i think probably kingdom hearts? but that was years back. maybe stranger things since i did get into it like, a month after s2 aired but it was a backburner fandom. wait no nm it’s descendants. cause i’ve been more or less YES DESCENDANTS GOOD a lot for the last three and a half years. so. also kind of tortall bc i get sporadically bitter about neal/kel every month or so and have since about 2007.

G: Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it? ooh okay so the first otp i remember is john sheppard/teyla emmagan from stargate atlantis and i just. never really got over them. (they’re my forever otp)

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why: oh okay this one is kinda tough but i guess the best example is probably jay/carlos and mal/evie from descendants? like, i have nothing against the ships themselves and there’s plenty of material there. BUT. the fandom, rachel. i hate. the descendants fandom. so goddamn much. because they’re really obnoxious (never 4get the j*ylos stans who called d3 the straightest of the movies despite jay/gil being as close to canon as we were gonna get for a descendants movie just bc carlos was still with jane. also all the j*ylos stans who complained about them ~no homo’ing~ j*ylos in d2 because carlos liked jane and jay and carlos’s friendship got less focus while completely ignoring the harry/gil kiss that was scripted, filmed and then cut!!!)

(”alec are you still bitter about d2″ I AM ALWAYS BITTER ABOUT D2)

T: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

ahem. excuse me. [retrieves stack of paper] we’re going to go alphabetically by fandom. and by alphabetically by fandom, i mean you’re getting some highlights.

under a cut for length

battlestar galactica: hello yes have i talked about kara thrace being a lesbian yet? no? so kara thrace is a lesbian and lee adama is a trans lesbian and they are happy and in love. thank you, have a nice day.

being human: s3 established that annie feels things that people feel when she touches them which leads me to the headcanon that mitchell, nina and george made all her old favorite foods for, like, an entire week and ate them so she could enjoy them again, along with other things. (we do not discuss the plot that involved that part i don’t acknowledge 98% of s3 for a reason.)

descendants: uma’s mother is ursula, this is canon, but i fully headcanon that her father is a deity of some flavor and she, like mal, is a full on demigoddess. aside from that, i also will live and die by the idea that ben can go beast without audrey’s magic being involved. also carlos is non-binary, evie’s a trans girl, harry is the definition of chaotic bi and non-binary and gil’s a trans boy.

elementary: i. i have so many. where do i start. um. easiest is this: during the time skip in the finale while joan underwent chemo, kitty came back to new york and archie and arthur spent, like, all their time together while sherlock and kitty traded off watching the kids. also: joanlockbell ot3 or bust.

the get down: shao got the fuck away from annie and got a happy ending and met zeke again at some point and they lived happily ever after. also DIZZEE IS TOTALLY FINE.

gilmore girls: finale what finale. revival what revival. logan and rory are happily married and working on their careers and EVERYONE IS GOOD AND NOBODY IS PREGNANT.

gossip girl: dan’s not gossip girl what the fuck show. trans girl jenny or bust. also trans girl blair.

harry potter: [insert requisite dean/seamus and sirius/remus comment here] also harry became a goddamn teacher fuck that auror shit that boy needs to get away from more fighting goddamn. also someone please get him into therapy. please.

high school musical: listen chad danforth is a trans girl and people can come fight me. also requisite chad/ryan comment here.

izombie: post-s3 did not happen, ravi is either immune or a zombie and he and liv are happily together and clive is regularly grossed out by them as a couple. major goes back to being a social worker, as he fucking should have.

i had a kingdom hearts thing here but tbh i just. have so many emotions that i can’t even touch it

leverage: listen. listen. eliot absolutely worked for the stargate program and nobody can ever convince me otherwise. it was supposed to happen and they couldn’t manage it so i’m declaring it my canon. also hardison may or may not have learned his hacking skills from his nana.

i. had magicians headcanons and i still have magicians headcanons and one of them is genderfluid quentin and that is literally the only one i can think of without crying right now.

one piece: aro/ace lawlu or bust. genderfluid sanji or bust. lesbian nami or bust. also. my asshole babes aka cp9 aka now at least partially in cp0 are not, in fact, back working for the government inexplicably but are instead working undercover in cp0 for the revolutionary army. also mishanks was a thing bye

pacific rim: gender gets really fucking weird in the drift. nobody’s cis.

shadowhunters: hi yes do you have a moment to hear about jacemaia and how they are actually friends and spend time together and help each other with trauma and like each other

stranger things: BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE steve and robin are bi/lesbian solidarity and any job they have in a non-80s small town setting involves robin roasting the fuck out of steve for failing with people of every gender. also elmax.

tortall. TORTALL. okay so. alanna is non-binary of some flavor idk what. alanna is with george and they both might also be with jon who’s publicly married to thayet who’s really married to buri who’s publicly married to raoul for ~appearances~ who’s actually w/ gary and maybe jon if he’s not being a dick that day. also. kel is married to neal and yuki and they all live together at new hope and all absolutely suck at hiding that fact and everyone at new hope just, like, conveniently ignores it. also i have A Lot of neal/kel feelings and headcanons but those would take me twelve hours, three powerpoints, a fifth of whiskey and yelling directly at tamora pierce to get through.

uhhh i think that’s it? maybe? possibly? i can’t think of anything else that i want to talk about at this point? i’ll stop now, at least.

#memeage #lesbianmaxevans #and ye shall receive

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bliphany · 6 years

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5, 10, 11 (feel free to answer only one or all of them) for the fanfic meme thingy, with your JessiKara fic. :)

[from this ask]

!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS ARA

*****Long post alert*****

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Actually, I came up with the pairing before the story. It was February 2017, and @talking2thesky made a Person of Interest Femslash Rarepair post for Femslash February. It was the first time I heard about the event, and I thought it was awesome. The post caused me to brainstorm at, if I don’t remember it wrong, 2 or 3 a.m. HAHA. My brain went through those ladies, and suddenly it occurred to me that Jessica/Kara could work in a canon divergent AU. It started like this:

“Kara is pissed because Reese gets distracted by his ex gf - the connection between him and the world they shouldn’t go back to anymore. On her R&R, Kara pays Jessica a visit, trying to gain some information so she can use it to annoy/control Reese, but instead, she finds Jessica’s husband is an asshole and that Jessica is in an abusive relationship. She kills Peter because that’s what she joined the CIA to do; kill bad people so the world will be safer. She should leave after that, but she keeps coming back…”

Then Sky and I talked about it. It was a wild and fab brainstorming, and then I found that once I touched the possibility of Jessica being alive, I wanted it to happen, so I took Femslash February as motivation and finished my first fanfiction. :D

The final product is a lot different from the premise I first came up with, which I’ll save to answer in 11 because those I changed along the way while writing it are those I like best about it.

(But I just find out the original premise can produce a more angst one ahaha, so I’ll put it on my list. :p)

5: What part was hardest to write?

Jessica’s and Kara’s relationship itself is pretty hard to write tbh. Firstly, if she stays alive, Jessica is a victim of domestic violence/ abusive relationship, and we know Kara has that manipulative/abusive side from the show, which is enforced further in fanon, too. The last thing I want to do is to save Jessica from one abusive relationship just to put her into another, so I put a lot of effort into it. For example, my Kara has to care about Jessica a lot, but she probably shouldn’t be overprotective to the extent that it represses Jessica’s free will. The core reason they end up together can’t be “Kara saves Jessica’s life from Peter.” And it should be explainable that why the Kara Stanton who did manipulative things to Reese treats Jessica differently without making her a completely different character from who she was in the show. I gave myself a lot of restrictions XDXD I feel they turn out to be beneficial to the story though!

11: What do you like best about this fic?

It was my first time writing in English, so apparently, the prose isn’t super beautiful, and there are many grammar mistakes. But those I like best are the thoughts I put into the fic and what they grew up and became, which surprised me. For example, different from the original premise, instead of killing Peter directly, the part Kara played in saving Jessica was to help her to help herself without Kara knowing it. A pro in this approach was that Jessica had more agency and played a more active role in her life. She did act stronger than I initially expected. I had so many scene plans where Jessica played a more passive role, and all of them didn’t live through the second drafts because they just didn’t work. As a result, I think I can say my Jessica is what I like best.

I also like that, although it was only briefly mentioned in the passing, Jessica has friends other than Kara in her life after getting rid of Peter. (Also, if we count the Jessica Lives AU series as a whole fic, she and John reunite and stay good friends. She plays a part in the story line after Ordos and where Dead Reckoning happens, too because she’s Jessica XD) I like that the fic probably can pass the Bechdel test LOL. They talked about things with each other, and their topic wasn’t mostly about men. Which seemed a bit hard to me at first since the primary mission was to save Jessica from Peter, and they both knew John. (Kara wouldn’t reveal it of course, but he’s still Jessica’s ex bf who she certainly thought of now and then, so I had to come up with plot or motivations that at least reasonable to me.) As a fic for femslash, I think it does a not bad job probably.

And finally, the totally unexpected part. I never planed it, but Kara’s and John’s partnership became softer at the end of the first fic, too. (It becomes not that soft when in the second fic after Kara abducted John and wanted to hurt Harold tho! AHASJSDKD but it’s another story.) I was totally in shock when I wrote to that part. I made a note in my diary: “who can expect that Kara’s and John’s relationship resolved earlier than hers and Jess’? Not me.”

Oh my, I have to stop LOLOLOLOL being too emo and talkative because of those girls XDXD. Sorry for the long post ahaha you can see how excited I am :P

#long post #aragarna #jessikara #jessica arndt #kara stanton #person of interest #asked meme #my fic

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notoriousjae · 6 years

Text

Time Drift || Supercat (1/?)

Title: Time Drift

Chapter Title: Blue Jean Baby and the L.A Lady

Pairing: Kara Danvers/Cat Grant (And a bit of Alex Danvers/Lois Lane - yep)

Rating: T+ (For now)

Description:

Note: I’m really bad at posting these things on here but someone asked me to so...I’ll try to be better I promise.

**I’m not posting this one on ff.net because, tbh, I hate ff.net**

The song in this chapter: Tiny Dancer - Elton John

Chapter 1 (Current): AO3 | Below

Exhaustion sets down shoulders in a way Cat Grant absolutely refuses to show--thank God for shoulderpads, at least--sighing as she strides down the streets of Metropolis, ignoring the usual hustle and bustle of cars and music (who the fuck invented boomboxes, anyways?) as she makes her way down the street, an impatient hand pushing open a red door, eyes slitting as she pushes into the faint, smoky residue of a bar.

Clark’s. Cute. Maybe that’s why Lois has such a little crush on this place. Hopefully the inside is as charming but not nearly as folksy, because today feels like the day for a nice, neat entire bottle of hard liquor.

It’s a small, dingy little place on the corner of one of the more questionable streets of Metropolis (the sort of place she hasn’t frequented since she gave up the delusion of Perry ever giving her any of the important beats, at all, deciding to work on making her own news, instead; not that it’s all that hard with all those vigilantes as of late) and the inside is larger than the outside facade would ever hint towards. Like some kind of bar Narnia, opening up to red lights and natural wood highlighting a stage of red, a crowd of huddled, (likely regular) fans around the small little rickety stage. Cat’s fairly certain she’s seen strippers on larger stages--in more visible places, even, given the smoke curling up her lungs--and when she inhales it smells like gin and nicotine and regret.

Oh, yes. No wonder Lois likes this place--that girl has a lot of regrets and Cat is certain this is high up on her list next to whatever caked-on foundation she uses.

But there’s music--live music, even, that doesn’t sound half bad--and when Cat’s heels click along the dipping floors she can’t hear them. It tastes like anonymity and she’s not sure the last time she had that or the next time she will and suddenly, Cat doesn’t mind the small little dive bar, at all, because not a single person looks up at her when she enters, all eyes on that small little stage. But the rest of it seems horrible.

She’s not sure why Lois would suggest this place, at all, with those bright, obnoxiously knowing claims of good music--Jazz bars were so hard to find, let alone one with a decent singer--and Cat’s already determined that this is an awful fucking idea by the time she drops a briefcase down at the foot of a bar, kicking up in heels next to some smiling Jim who’s sizing her up like a piece of meat.

She’s had enough of men, today, given Perry’s ultimatum and Clark’s bumbling apology and she’s ready to just say fuck it all--

Until she hears it.

The music shifts and sways, one song hedging into another. There’s the faintest trill of a piano in the corner--a holler from the man next to her practically piercing an attentive eardrum and Cat has half a mind to risk the lawsuit and shove him out of his chair--and brows barely knit when she places the tune. It’s not much of a jazz bar if someone is singing Tiny Dancer , is it? But no one here seems to mind, at all, and it’s curious how the whole bar quiets. Cat’s apparently strode in during one of the last songs of this set, tonight, and curious eyes take in the sight of hunched shoulders over that piano across the way for the first time, smoke hanging in the room like a parting mist forming a halo around blue eyes like some kind of dream sequence from Grease --watching with a small hint of surprise as a young woman pulls down the tip of microphone by the piano, not stopping playing for a moment as she does.

The girl must be in her early twenties-- must be with that flawless skin and wide, wide smile that she could see from miles away--and Cat, who’s grabbed her briefcase, ready to just go take out her day’s frustration at getting nowhere into the bottom of a bottle at a regular bar, stops.

Just like everyone else in this bar. Just like all of Metropolis might, just for a moment, at the sound of her voice. It’s a little melodramatic, but it seems even more fitting when the girl laughs, something sweet and gentle, a voice like some sort of freakishly kind honey --calm and light and gentle--and Cat’s hand splays out over the bar, intent to listen, stopped in her tracks just like the rest of them.

“Ladies and gentlemen we’ve arrived at that time of the night where I actually take a break--I know, I know,” The singer practically coos to the sound of many a distressed voice in the bar, winking towards one patron as she continues to play, “I hate going, too. Trust me. So I wouldshamelessly like to remind you before I go--you know I hate peddling, detest it, but there’s a tip jar right here, underneath me, and I would like to take the time to thank you all again, tonight, for providing me with the tips to support my dear sister’s drinking habit, which this bar has solely been responsible for funding. The rest of the money will be put towards my therapy bills dealing with that very, very sad fact.”

There’s a few spattered laughs as she continues, hands shifting along chords, a faint hum in the back of her throat.

“I’m kidding. Alex is great, everyone here loves her, right?” There’s a cheer and that girl’s smile turns genuine and quite, “Really, though, thank you everyone. A serious reminder that the majority of your contributions go to the Metropolis orphanage and I love you all, thank you so much for having me, tonight.”

Cat’s eyebrows raise, a little curious--that ever present journalist skeptical that any of a starving artist’s tips would go to any charity--elbow resting on the bar as she listens to the girl seamlessly transition into song, like she’s done this a thousand times before.

It’s likely that she has.

“Blue jean baby--” The girl’s hands are emphatic--untrained--and it reminds Cat of the way a tutor used to snap a ruler by her fingers when she was a child, what feels like a lifetime ago. “ L.A lady, seamstress for the band.” But the girl’s voice...it’s something else. It’s something unassuming and kind, grating at the edges, floating above the line of quick fingers. “ Pretty eyes--pirate smile--you’ll marry a music man.” There’s a little more of a trill, there, and the crowd cheers as the girl’s shoulders roll, leaning into the microphone with a spreading smile, but those eyes close underneath the lights and Cat leans closer, watching this small little blonde in a dress captivate the world like it was something she was made to be--a spectacle happy to reveal itself underneath dim smoke and in this small little dive bar that should be too small to keep a hold on that big voice. “ Ballerina, you must have seen her. Dancing in the sand. And now she’s in me--always with me--” And the breath catches in Cat’s throat, smoke blinked out of an unsure gaze, when the girl looks up and their eyes meet.

And this stranger--this small little, unknown singer in an unknown bar that Cat was five seconds of storming out of--blinks like there’s a hint of recognition there, before it floats away underneath the weight of a blinding smile. “ Tiny dancer in my head.”

It’s nice, is what Cat tells herself--the song is nice--and that’s the reason why she stays glued to her bar stool for far longer than she ever should have without even thinking to order a drink, listening to an encore and quietly pulling out the few dollars she’s kept on hand out of her purse with it. For charity.

Just for charity.

Her mood is quiet--calm--until the singer leaves and she’s left with the meatsack next to her, who immediately remembers he has balls and apparently wants to use them, tonight, seizing the chance to hit on her, not getting a single hint.

“Hey, sexy, are you a big toe?” He’s slurring and short and balding and Cat is suddenly very unsure why she doesn’t have a drink in her hand, if just for the joy of throwing it in his face, “Because I’d like to bang you on every piece of furniture I--”

“Listen, Napoleon --” She snaps but there’s suddenly a hand curling around the man’s shoulders, pushing him back and away from Cat like they’ve done this a thousand times.

And maybe that’s true, too.

“Nick,” It’s a smooth, light voice--higher than the singing voice was, but just as smooth--and Cat blinks, turning up to see no other than Piano Girl--Tiny Little Dancer--herself, who’s looking down at the short little smurf with this almost freakish mix of patience, sharpness, and kindness. It shouldn’t be possible, especially not in a city like this, but here the girl is, smiling without a care in the world down at a creep. “Buddy, what have we said about hitting on women when they’re out of your league? Not that anyone’s out of your league, but we worked on this.” She pats his chest and the man sags, shoulders hanging like the useless meathooks they are. “You’re going to get out there--you’re gonna get on the playing field and grab the...what did we say?”

“Bulls by the horns?” He (Nick, apparently) mopes, face sagging.

“Bulls by the horns.” She snaps, “Right, that. Horns--but with respect , and not grabbing women’s...you know.” A hand waves in front of his face, pulling the man around to face her as she pats his cheek, “Anything. Not grabbing women or hitting on women or being creepy. Remember?”

“Yeah,” The apparent Nick sighs and sulks and the singer just slides his drink away with a sharp look to the bartender, who raises his hands in something close to defense, “I remember . No means no.”

“Very good, Nick.” And she beams down at him like he’s in fucking second grade and Cat has to look around to remember where in the world she is before glaring at the girl, “Scotty, you want to call Nick a cab?”

“Already called. It’s outside.” The bartender calls from around the corner and Nick grumbles before the girl hands him his coat--even helps him put it on--and pats his shoulder like she really is sending him off to the elementary school slide he likely drunkenly crawled out of five minutes prior.

“Bye, Nick.”

“Yeah, yeah, bye-bye, birdy.” Nick grumbles before he stumbles out of the door and the apparent birdy steals his seat, elbows resting on a bar and offering a wide, nearly sheepish smile up to Cat.

“Sorry about that. This bar has a lot of regulars and I keep telling them not to scare away the women, but they just...really do not do the listening thing so well sometimes.” The girl offers, that same easy smile on her lips and Cat’s really not sure why she hasn’t left a good thirty minutes, ago, instead waving a wrist.

“Most men don’t, they try too hard to listen through their dicks.” It’s a certain truth and the girl laughs at it, bright and gentle, and Cat watches, just for a moment, how the hair falls in front of her eyes before nodding towards the now-empty stage. “You were good up there.” Piano fingers push hair behind an ear as the girl, who apparently was fine and confident onstage, blushes underneath the faint lights reflected through the dim smoke covering the bar, nose ducking as the smile transforms into something quieter.

How Metropolis hasn’t ate this girl alive, yet, is anyone’s guess, and is something Cat doesn’t feel qualified to answer.

“Thank you. Oh,” She waves a hand towards the bartender when Cat leans forward, again, rightfully assuming she’ll order a drink. “Let me guess, and don't worry this isn't that kind of...power play guy thing that people like to do in bars. I just really like guessing,” The girl smiles, wagging a finger down towards tapping nails and raising eyebrows and suddenly Cat has no idea why she's even entertaining having the singer here, at all, save for those eyes and...that smile isn't all that bad, either. That smile is something she could certainly get used to. It doesn’t hurt that when the girl crosses her legs, her dress skims just a little higher above a knee. Maybe Cat can stay for a drink or two, after all. “Dry martini, two olives.”

“That's a safe bet.” Dark eyes slit and there's a light laugh behind those painted, young lips, and Cat might be a little annoyed when the bartender immediately goes to make it. “And what if I say you're wrong?”

“Oh, pfft,” And she smiles, a hint of a head shaking as the girl leans forward, hand falling to rest right by Cat's on a clean bar in such a brazen show of almost familiarity--comfortability in the girl’s own skin, perhaps--that a manicure curls into the lines of a palm. A manicure that isn’t nearly as perfect as it should be; she really does need to get a touch up before the interview tomorrow--she simply hasn't had the time--but instead she finds herself sitting here. Waiting for something--someone-- she doesn't even have a name for. “Since I'm wrong like 90% of the time, I wouldn't be surprised.”

And oh, this girl is humble and a little charming and Cat rolls her eyes, determined to not be affected.

“So you just like wasting your money on the wrong drinks?”

“I’m a singer, any money I have is considerably finite and usually doesn’t have more than one zero attached to a number when you try to count it, so believe me when I say it’s not a waste if I get the opportunity to buy you a drink and...wow. Oh, wow,” The girl raises a hand to hide a faint laugh behind lips and long fingers, “I'm so sorry, that sounded like an awful come on. I mean...hit on.” Blonde brows knit a little like she’s trying to think of what the phrase might be, “That's not how I meant it, really. I just mean that I...have a feeling about you. That that's your drink, and I'd be honored to be right.”

Cat bites the edge of her cheek to hide a smile because this girl doesn't seem all that worried about it sounding like a flirt, at all. And it's open and free and careless in a way she hasn't felt since France--maybe a little intoxicating, even--and a reporter leans into it just as much as a woman does, a husk of a near-flirting laugh of her own on the edge of smiling lips.

“You look so excited I'd almost hate to tell you it isn't.” Cat offers, eyes bright and the girl just leans a little closer, almost knowingly.

“That's because I'm right, isn't it? Not because you're throwing me a bone.”

“You sound awfully sure of yourself for a girl who only gets 10% right.”

“I sound awfully sure of myself for someone who got yours right.” The girl challenges and Cat, most surprisingly to herself, laughs, and doesn't understand why this stranger looks so fond at the sight of it.

But hell if this girl doesn’t just look like...that type, too. The rare breed of person to just be happy that someone else is happy--how nauseating and naive and something Cat decidedly does not have time for--and she should really just roll eyes and turn away and order something else in an utter powerplay.

So no one is more further surprised than Cat, herself, that when the drink is set in front of her with a faint clink, she tucks it up with knowing fingers and sure eyes, not looking away from blue the moment her lips curl around the rim of a glass,.

“If you start to sound pompous I'm going to push you out of that stool and strut right on out of here.” Cat threatens but the girl just smiles that quiet, happy smile and drums her fingers along the edge of a bar with a laugh. “If there’s one thing I hate more than out-of-season clothes, it’s I-told-you-so’s .”

“I'm not that kind of girl, promise. I'm just glad I was right.”

“And what's yours?” Eyes slit a little in mirth, “Something fruity?”

“Oh, uh...I don’t really drink.” The girl laughs, nose barely scrunching as she leans up, hand sliding just a little closer to Cat’s wrist.

“The first person in Metropolis that wants to be sober onstage. You don’t sound very fun at a karaoke party.”

“My sister,” The girl leans forward like she’s telling her a great secret--an amazing talent--like she might be able to fly or go faster than a speeding bullet, “ Happens to tell me that I put the Kara in kara-oke. Which is my name. Kara. I think she said that anyways, once. That I was good with karaoke, not...my name. Though she’s said it several times and--I should...really shut up.”

“Probably.” Cat smiles, “You’re a little flighty, aren’t you.”

“Very. Sorry,” The girl--Kara’s, Cat cements the name deep in her chest--lips perk up a little bit, “Performance high. So, um...I see you’re going theWorking Girl route? That’s a nice briefcase.”

“Ah, yes. It’s horrible and unfashionable but, men’s world,” Cat hums, finger running along the rim of a glass as she plucks an olive, popping it in her mouth. There's no small amount of pleasure when she sees Kara follows every inch of its descent.

“Well, you make it look fashionable. But something tells me you’re the kind of woman that could do that with a paper bag. Hey, um--hey Scott?” The girl leans over the bar, adjusting glasses with a thousand watt smile that makes Cat’s hand still along the glass, a hint of a smile tucking the corners of her lips. “Can I get a club soda?”

“Oh, for you Danvers? How about I pull the moon down, huh? I’ll fly on up there and get it, myself.” She laughs a little too loud, swatting his arm.

“Hah, Scott. You kidder. Like people can fly. Anyways um,” Kara clears her throat, shifting to lean back on a stool, flashing her own thousand-watt towards Cat with a small shake of a head, thumb pointing back towards the bartender who immediately moves to fill the glass, “Kidder. So...work around here, or in town on business?”

“Both. I actually work for the Daily Planet but...I’ve been going out of town on meetings.” Cat would normally leave it at that and she must just be surprised that the girl hasn’t seen the press releases, already--because every other rag seems intent on turning into paparazzi about her, lately, teeth at the woman who’s biting the hand that fed her to try to start a company in the same field--but there’s something almost warm and familiar in that sunny smile when she leans forward, like Kara’s fully intent to hang on her every word. It’s a little intoxicating. Maybe she'll have a room of people looking at her that way, someday. For right now, she's happy for that room to be one small, unknowing girl. “I’m starting my own company.”

“Oh, wow. Your own company? That’s amazing. I was kidding about the Working Girl thing earlier, but it seems like a good look. What do you do?”

“I’m a journalist.”

“Oh. I um...I used to think I wanted to be a journalist.” A hand waves and there's a hint of sadness at the edges of her eyes, like there's a lifetime of stories she doesn't voice with one single word, “I’m a much better singer. I’ve always admired people that stick to it.”

“I would think singing would be harder than journalism.” Cat curiously notes.

“Well I haven’t actually made it, if you haven’t noticed. I just sing here at nights and...around at a few clubs. A few private events. With journalism, you…” There’s almost a wistful sigh, there, and Cat can't remember the last person who actually still believed in anything with such a calm little hopeful smile. “You make a difference. You help people--”

“When you’re actually allowed to write about something that makes a difference.” Cat cuts off and she misses having that sense of utter devotion and delusion in the girl’s eyes. Cat used to have it once. The business was quick to suck it out of her in a few short years. Now her wrists were all bones and no meat (a fact that unfortunately delights her mother) and her heart is usually a scratching little pitter patter that she isn't even sure is there, anymore. She used to marvel at how tall the buildings were, now she spends nights wondering how long it would take for all of them to set fire. But, really, she hasn't lost anything. She's just become a realist. “They’ve had me on gossip for the past two years. I cut my way up from myknuckles at that job.” A huff out of her nose, “I was an assistant, you know. Very undignified work--”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think assistants are important.” Kara hedges, hand raising up to shuffle glasses.

“Not when all you do is sling coffee.” Cat snipes, “And then I got my shot. I was so...excited. And even if it was just in fashion I figured I would work my way up, so I did...up to the gossip section. And gossip? It’s like the epitome of high school, only I’m the bitch behind everyone’s backs sharing their worst secrets. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spreading the truth, but it just feels...so pointless. It’s like I’m still working fashion, only wondering about where these celebrities drop their Loubiton heels when they hop into bed instead of just talking about the heels. I mean, yes, Demi’s heels looked fabulous last week and she's likely sleeping with that idiot but who the fuck cares when we’re sitting on a political precipice, teetering on the edge of war with--” And this Kara girl is looking at her with something close to fondness in her eyes, sipping on this club soda that’s magically appeared, chin resting on knuckles as she watches her. And Cat realizes she has no idea how long she's even been talking. “What?”

“Nothing I just--” Kara laughs a little and looks away and when she looks back, Cat gets the distinct impression that there might be something more, though she has no earthly clue what.

“Are you okay?” Cat's not sure why she even asks--what about this girl has compelled her--and when blue eyes give her their sole attention, again, her skin burns and a tongue darts out over dry lips to keep from catching fire, herself.

“You’re just so...passionate about your job. It’s a little fascinating. I don’t mean to stare, it’s just...it’s nice. To see a woman that passionate and I--I’m sorry what...what did you say your name was?” Kara sounds almost a little pressing--almost a little breathless --and Cat shakes it off.

“I didn’t.” Cat’s smile spreads and this girl laughs, something small and quiet and almost secret as her fingers curve around a glass, leaning down to shake her head before looking back up and her eyes are so blue Cat’s ashamed to admit, for a moment--just a moment--she might forget whatever the hell her parents called her when she popped out of the womb, ready to take on the world.

Probably because her mother has always called her Kitty.

“Oh, well that explains me not knowing it.” Kara’s teeth tuck up the corner of her lip, “So...Ms... Secret, if you’re so unhappy with journalism...something tells me you’re not the type of person to take that sitting down. Is that what your company is?”

“Almost. It’s...not much, right now.” Cat admits, hand wistfully swirling the drink, eyes flicking out to a familiar city for only a breath before turning back, “But it’s the idea of something more.”

“An idea is a powerful thing.” Kara smiles, “Hope is even more powerful. You should never lose it.”

“Well…” Cat shakes her head, opening her mouth to instantly protest and suddenly fingers are around her wrist and she stills, looking up into sincere, smiling eyes, that gaze intense and so serious that she suddenly doesn’t feel like they’re in the corner of a bar, at all.

“No, I mean it.” Kara runs a thumb along her pulse and Cat’s shoulders stiffen, breath quivering against her lips, but the singer is seemingly oblivious and Cat, for once, doesn’t even begin to know how to look away, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

“And who said that?” Cat’s eyebrows arch.

“Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.”

“Well the last thing I expected from a not- jazz singer at a rundown bar in the middle of nowhere was a Faust quote.”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that that sounded very much like a back-handed insult and go back to inspiring you, thank you very much.” The girl snipes and Cat smirks because there’s apparently a little bit of backbone hidden behind that dazzling, charming smile, after all.

“You don’t even know what my company is.” Cat points out.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re passionate, and you look like you’re someone who wants to change the world and you can. You can change the world. An idea--a single person--a driven, passionate person, can change the world. Someone told me, once, that hope is one of the most important things someone can cling to. And it doesn’t matter if you’re...you’re a fashion journalist or a gossip rag or a woman trying to change the world on her own, you can do it, if you believe in yourself--and believe in helping people--they’ll believe in you. So you look like someone worth believing in.”

It’s an impassioned speech and Cat watches her--enraptured, now, by the way hair hangs in front of blue eyes and memorizes the feeling of fingers curling around a wrist--and...smiles, fascinated.

“That person sounds very wise. Who--”

“She was, I think.” There’s a hint of a nervous laugh and when Kara removes her fingers, Cat’s not sure her wrist has ever felt quite so cold. “A...very powerful woman who I had the pleasure of knowing for a little while. But I, um...it’s the damndest thing,” Her eyes skim along the edge of the bar, brows knitting for a moment, “I can’t remember her name.”

“Maybe the club soda is going to your head.” Cat offers and Kara’s smile is almost hauntingly sad at the edges, like a story waiting to be told and her fingers itch to tug out the pen from her briefcase and tell it.

It'd be a nice change of pace from gossip.

“You could help me out and tell me your name, instead. So I can learn something new to replace forgetting something old. Or,” She sighs a little bit, leaning back on the bar stool, “Leave me in misery and come back for another drink tomorrow, since I’m getting a very not-subtle cue over your shoulder--” Kara points and Cat laughs when she turns around to see a waving, very disgruntled man staring daggers and pointing to his watch, “That break time is up.”

“Come back tomorrow?” Cat’s eyebrows raise, “Trying to turn me into an alcoholic, Ms…” She remembers the bartender, finger flicking down to a club soda, “Danvers?”

“No, alcoholics don’t tip.” But her smile is charming and bright and Cat wonders just how long she can stay and listen to her sing without it being too creepy. “But since this one’s on me,” Blue eyes shoot a pointed look to the bartender, who shrugs, and Cat blinks in surprise, “The tipping doesn’t matter. I never turn down nice company and I would love to hear all about that business of yours, Ms...Secret.”

And with a small wink that’s all of the time Kara Danvers has, disappearing behind a backway door behind the stage and Cat waits until she’s on the forefront of it, a piano trilling through the distance and a laugh bubbling on Kara's lips when someone hoots her name as heels inevitably click along the small, red-lit stage. A little crowd has gathered in the front, Cat realizes, all practically swooning at her smile, and before she can think better of it, still-weary shoulders roll as the least powerful woman in Metropolis leans up to that bartender--Scott--and listens to Kara Danvers very effectively charm the hell out of the small lot of them.

“Scott,” Cat begs him forward, finger curling and he materializes with a charming smile, “Give me two more.”

“Going to stay awhile, eh?” And he looks almost knowing in a way that Cat detests, eyes slitting in response, “Hey, it’s alright. Why do you think there’s a crowd here, at all? She’s got charm in spades. Still want the same thing? She usually gets it wrong.”

“Actually…” And she thinks of the way Kara’s finger had curled along a glass after she’d ordered it, sharing a small smirk that's lost amidst the smoke and music, “Let’s try that first round, again.”

She doesn’t have to be on-air for a few more hours, anyways. She hardly needs the liquid courage but...maybe a little pep-sing won’t hurt.

So Cat leans back against this ratty little barstool and watches this Kara Danvers sing into a small little dingy club, and waits until their eyes meet to smile.

It’s nearly three AM when keys rattle and feet drag all across the room and a pillow is adamantly--adamantly--smothered over eyes before that body gets any ideas about waking her. The AC unit rattles and quivers like a smoker who went cold turkey and Alex Danvers is burning up-- dying --and the fact that they only have one bed is killing her. Because Kara radiates heat like she’s a fucking supernova and the last thing she wants after working a twelve-hour shift is to feel hot and sweaty while Kara shivers pitifully because apparently the world is cooler twenty years ago where the sun isn't nearly as bright.

Is it twenty years?

Alex doesn’t even know, anymore.

“Hey, Alex?” Kara’s voice is small as she snuggles into the small bed, comforters tugged over both of their heads the moment she has a chance, a grumble in response as a chin falls to rest on a collarbone. Alex moves to push her off--to take the little bit of her own space that she can--but Kara is adamant, and eventually a body sags, sighing as exhausted arms wrap around a waist.

Hot. She’s so hot , God. Alex is going to filet from the inside out and she tries to shove the indomitable weight off of her with a pitiful little shove until the small curl at the edge of her sister's voice gets to her, like it always does.

“What?” It’s a gruff groan underneath the unbearable weight of a pillow. She hadn’t even had money to cover it with a case when they bought it and she hasn’t bothered, since.

“I met someone, tonight.” It’s a whisper against the scratchy fabric of their comforter and Alex owlishly blinks underneath a mop of brown hair, pushing the pillow off.

“You meet a lot of people. All the time. And then you drag your feet all the way here and crawl into bed with me and pout about how you’re never going to get to tell anyone--”

“I think I knew her.” It’s barely a husk--it’s sad --and Alex eases up onto elbows at that, a hint of concern overriding the sleep there, covers slipping down both of their shoulders. The sleep and concern mix into a dangerous form of cocktail--worse than the whiskey half-empty by their bedside--and Alex doesn’t even feel the cool air, for a moment. Doesn't even feel the relief of being unburdened by sheets and heat because there's already a chill in her stomach.

“You think you--” A shaky breath, then, like Alex is desperately trying to reach for a word she can’t remember, a sweaty hand sliding up to brush the hair from Kara’s eyes so that she can see her, glad no glasses still her fingers’ descent. “You think you knew her?”

At least some things never change because her sister’s mouth practically unhinges the moment her lips open, a mess of jumbled symbols and furrowed brows trying to screw together a hasty sentence or five.

“She went to get a drink and I...got it for her, and I was right. And she looked so surprised and I remember thinking--it’s so...weird.” Kara swallows, like it seems so important, “To see her with her hair pulled back. And then I stopped and when she looked at me and smiled I just--I saw her. This...this flash. Like a memory, you know--like when sometimes...sometimes you know how we talk about looking at that corner of National City with that huge, unmarked building, before we left? How it feels familiar . But that was it. There was nothing else and she asked me if I was alright and I just--I just sat there Alex, because I tried to think of where I knew her from. When I knew her. I tried to think of what I...who I was. And then I realized that I can’t...I can’t remember anything other than us...us finding this apartment. And I can’t remember why we were looking or who we were and--”

“You...you don’t--” Alex stutters, suddenly not caring about the heat, at all, pulling Kara closer, like a suffocating weight is pressing down both of their shoulders and she doesn’t want her sister to bear it alone, “What do you mean you don’t remember?”

“I can’t remember, anymore.” Kara swallows, tears thick, a little more pressing--a little more frantic, “I can’t...I can’t remember anymore. Do you?”

“Hey,” Alex’s arms are fully around her in a second, tugging a small body into her arms and shuffling upwards so that shoulders rest against a tattered old wooden headboard, something they’d nailed together with scrap from around the corner. Kara had stained it dark brown like something out of a magazine, but it always looked like it was out of a different time zone, here--like it was out of a magazine that hasn’t become fashionable, yet--but Alex didn’t care, because this was their home. This was their small little slice of life. Kara had beamed, eyes bright and blue like she loved painting--like she was used to painting; like stain had a habit of getting underneath her nails--and had tackled Alex onto the bed with a happy, carefree laugh like they were kids wrestling underneath a blanket fort in a house neither of them remembered.

It’s like home! Remember, we always talked about moving out and getting our own apartment and it’d be sort of bad like Rent without, you know, the...um...Aids. But we’d have a steady income and a place to live and each other and, well, two out of three isn’t bad, right? We can make this work.

Kara had been breathless and happy but her eyes looked so sad. They're getting sadder by the day.

We can make this work, Alex. We can’t give up, now. We can’t--

And Alex might not remember why Kara had said that anymore, either. It's not a good realization to wake up to.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Alex whispers against her brow and Kara buries her nose into a neck, blinking away tears as fingers curl into shoulders. “It’s okay .”

“I don’t remember. I don’t remember, Alex. I feel like I know her, like...like I really know her and I don’t--”

“Shh.” Alex’s lips brush over her temple again and again, eyes lingering outside the window. “We’ll...we’ll remember. Maybe we’ll…” Her breath quiets as Kara sobs and Alex holds her, head thunking inelegantly back into that same old ratty headboard, tears blinding her vision.

A siren sounds outside and her breath quivers as it leaves, swallowing down as she holds her...sister. Her sister. Her sister who stiffens like she wants to run out into the night and save the world with her bullheadedness and determination, alone, and Alex won’t leave her side.

That might be all she remembers, but...she feels like it’s not the first time her sister’s been all Alex has, and it won’t be the last, and she can do this. Probably.

Be the strong one. She’s got this on lock.

“...remember. Maybe we’ll remember. Maybe we’re just...stressed or...tired or...maybe we’ll remember. We have to remember.”

And fuck it, they’re in this battered down apartment with no heat or food and Kara is warm and sobbing and it’s fucking depressing, so Alex cries, too.

It doesn’t really matter that she doesn’t know why.

“Hey,” Alex asks the important question after they’re both cried out, Kara resting on her shoulder, head peaceful over a quiet heart in a way that lets her know a super ear is listening to the comfort and familiarity of it with every skip and beat. “...was she cute?”

Kara shoves her shoulder and they laugh and curl together on their small little bed, AC rattling to a stop like it’s committed some kind of appliance--is an HVAC unit even an appliance?--suicide. They both fall asleep, like that, Kara shivering and Alex tugging up the comforter over them both despite the sweat that clings to her neck.

In the bleary hours of the morning, all of their curtains drawn wide open (that being one solitary curtain above the dead-ass-AC) Kara drags over their small, shoe-sized television to the foot of the bed, sitting cross-legged on the floor. An impatient hand smacks it three times before it works and Kara turns a knob to flick through static channels until they find a half-clear image that neither one of them feel some freaky kind of deja vu towards.

It’s the news. That's all they've got left, the news and old reruns of gameshows.

“So--” Kara shoves a mouthful of cereal into her mouth, seeming to have no qualms about speaking through it as Alex shrugs on a shirt, frowning down at her bra because the wire’s snapped and she’s definitely going to have to buy another one, soon, whenever they get enough cash to spare. Which apparently is now, Kara beaming up at her as she tosses her a wad of dollar bills.

Under the table. Always under the table.

“Big money, there, lil’ sis. You’re not sleeping with anyone, right? Because that’s a lot of--”

Kara sputters, bowl lowering with a look of indignation and Alex raises her hands in surrender. “Alex! Hey, come on. Like anyone would even--who would even--no!” Her cheeks are flame-red and Alex might find a little bit too much joy in it, wagging her eyebrows until Kara throws a nearby book at her head.

“You’re right, no one would pay you for that bedside manner you bed hog--woah, hey! Hey! Stop throwing stuff, I’ll stop, I’ll stop--” Alex catches the second book with a stuck-out tongue and stops before Kara can threaten to flush all of the alcohol out of the apartment, again. They have a silent agreement, after all. Alex can still buy booze. Kara can still buy books. And as long as Alex drinks all of the booze before Kara can find it she can be a happy alcoholic.

(It's not much of an agreement.)

And occasionally, at night, they’ll spend all of their money at the radioshack across the street for a drawer full of techno-babble for something they don’t even understand, anymore. But old habits die hard.

Another siren and Kara looks down at her milk with sad eyes.

Some old habits die harder than others.

“Hey,” Alex crosses the distance and squats down in front of her, smile spreading and kind, ruffling blonde locks until blue skitters up like a strained, lagging piece of string tied to the end of a car. But Kara smiles, anyways. She always smiles. “What if...what if we go out and canvas, tonight? Like old times.”

“Really?” Kara perks up at that, eyes too full of hope for Alex to think of doing anything else, now, like she's unknowingly lit that string on fire. “I can totally still keep a low-profile and--”

“I know, I know. But no big events, Kara. Remember. We can’t--”

“Change history.” And there’s something in her eyes at that, a quiet question on her lips, “How long...how long until you think we don’t even remember that, Alex? What if we already did it?”

“I don’t know.” Alex admits, shrugging, standing back up to slide into pants. “We could always just...keep writing notes to ourselves. Like Momento without all of the shooting.”

“Great, I can’t remember names, but I remember Memento .” Kara flops backwards, cereal bowl rumbling a little as her shoulders hit the bed. “How long until work?”

“I’ve got about an hour to go down there. Hopefully no one cancelled on me, this time. I mean...do you remember phones? Do you remember how nice cell phones are? Not some huge brick that I want to bash my face in with that rich people walk all around the street with--”

“Not really sure we could afford it, anyways, Alex.”

“Yeah, well.” Her hands flick the button, strapping it through jeans that make her look like fucking Jesse Spano and Kara pats her hip in sympathy. “I’ll be back later. Volunteering?”

“You bet.” Kara beams and Alex leans down to kiss her forehead, tugging keys up and hiding a gun underneath her ankle. Some habits definitely die hard. “Gonna come see me, later?”

Teasing and smirking and gladly not having to duck another book:

“You bet.”

An hour later Alex finds out that her job did cancel and she really fucking hates not having a cell phone, feet dragging up every single flight of their shitty apartment complex’s stairs, kicking open the door with a huff. She’s mid-rant about this very fact when she catches sight of Kara sitting there, their small little tv tugged up into her lap like she’s found the goddamned holy grail, eyes wide and spoon hanging out of her mouth.

“Aaaand you’re dead. Is this poltergeist? Did you--”

Kara waves a hand like the maestra of trying to shut her sister the fuck up, Alex slowly coming across rickety floorboards to squat down next to wide eyes.

It’s still the news, but now there’s some fresh-faced reporter on the screen, brought on as a consultant, and Kara slaps her shoulder three times--that’ll bruise--with a mouthful of cheerios and milk, flailing hands towards the screen, nearly spitting it out before she must remember to swallow and breathe.

“Holy crap-balls!”

“Well...that’s a new one. What even is a crapball and--what? What? Jesus-fuck, Kara, stop hittin--” Alex snaps up to grab her sister’s erratic hands, brows knitting as she leans forward to see...blonde hair and sharp eyes and…

Huh. She does look a little familiar. She looks... really familiar.

Hell if Alex knows why.

“That’s her!” Kara coughs a little, shoving her bowl of cereal (probably like the fifth bowl since she left--they probably need more cereal, now, another thing they can't afford) into Alex’s lap, shuffling close to the small little television, hands cupping it as she practically presses her nose against it. Alex, for her part, just starts eating the cereal because that’s the only likelihood, now, that she’ll get any of the food from their apartment before Kara can get it first. “That’s her.” Kara says a little quieter.

“So you think you know her?”

“I know I do.”

“Cat…” Alex squints, trying to read the small little pixelated scroll at the bottom of the screen, popping up underneath an insistent face. It’s a little hard to read through her sister’s shoulder. “Grant?”

“Talking about women’s rights, too. That seems like something she’d be all about and--wow, her hair is longer, isn’t it? I can tell now that it’s down and...and--oh. Oh, no .” Kara’s hand snaps up to her mouth, tv resting against knees. “Oh, no no no. ”

“What?” Alex’s eyes slit, bowl dropping as she takes in familiar blue, very, very guilty eyes. “ What .”

“I think…” Kara winces and lowers her hands and offers the smallest little half-shouldered, sheepish shrug. “I think I, um…” A cleared throat, “I might be a little into her?”

Alex just sighs. Because she feels like she doesn’t like that at all and from the look on her sister’s face Kara knows and it’s suddenly way, way too late for this, even if it’s morning.

“I’m going back to bed.”

She takes the cereal with her despite the very indignant squeal from the floor-- hey! --before Kara just turns back towards the tv, a frown settled on her face. It’s not like the bed is far away from the television, anyways. It’s not like their apartment is larger than a cat’s litterbox.

“Don’t do anything stupid!” Alex crawls back under the covers before she remembers that it’s way too hot for them, shoving them away and eating a few more spoonfuls. Kara plops onto her legs like a restless, overzealous dog, plucking up the bowl from where it was left off the moment Alex stops. “Stop thinking about doing something really fucking stupid. I hear it. I hear you thinking stupid things.”

“Pfft…” Kara murmurs and Alex just throws the cover over a blonde head, instead, ignoring the way it bobs with another spoonful (her sister has great priorities) before it's tugged away. “I totally won’t.” Alex even pretends to not hear the mumbled probably that follows that statement as her breath evens amongst the soft chatter of a spoon in a bowl and Cat Grant’s voice, certain and even (and young?) in their small apartment.

Cat...Grant?

She tries not to focus on the thought that they’re fucked when she doesn’t even know why. She might even be good at it, until she squints an eye open and sees Kara looking at that screen with so much lost, raw admiration that Alex’s stomach ties itself into knots.

Nope, nope, they’re definitely fucked. Low profile her ass.

“You’re going to do something stupid, aren’t you.” Alex groans into the pillow when she feels the bed dip and the bowl deposited in the sink, a happy kiss presses on the top of a comforter-jostled as keys jangle.

“Oh, yeah, definitely.” Kara chirps before the front door slams and Alex flops onto her back, sighing at their ceiling, the little AC finding this the perfect moment to rattle to life for all of two seconds before sputtering to a complete stop.

“Oh yeah,” She commiserates, reaching for that bottle of whiskey and glaring when she finds it’s suddenly empty, her sister probably draining the last of it down the sink, “We’re fucked.”

#supercat #kara danvers/cat grant #supergirl #ff #ff: sc #ff: time drift #ff: time drift ch 1 #I'm q-ing this too

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canaryatlaw · 5 years

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okay, well today was pretty good. My alarm went off at 11 but I was really tired lol so I turned it off and kept sleeping till like 1. Then I got up and had some breakfast, then put in a quick instacart order before getting started on my work for the day. Since I don’t have any actual projects yet it’s mostly just reading cases and briefs and social security rules and all that good stuff. I had to pause here and there to take care of things but for the most part it all went smoothly. Around 5 I started getting ready for dinner, I had to have the pasta and the chicken cooked before starting the actual recipe part, so I took care of those and kept working while they cooked. It was a recipe that was like “creamy spinach dip chicken pasta” and was actually a recipe I found after scrapping my original idea but I had already both ingredients for it so I was improvising a bit with what I had on hand. easy enough, I had fresh spinach instead of frozen so that changed things a bit and then I didn’t have the right sized pan they wanted (they wanted an 8x11, I only have 8x8′s, 9x9, and 9x13) so I ended up keeping it in the oven a bit longer to make sure it was all warmed through and the cheese was melted. I pulled it out of the oven right after Jess arrived. So we ate dinner and I made her some tea because her voice is still mostly gone, and we awaited the Legends finale. I have mixed feelings about it. Overall as an episode I did enjoy it and appreciated the story, but as a finale I felt it was a bit lacking. Although they had definitely tried to heighten the stakes to the point where it’d be on the level of other season finales, it didn’t actually feel like the stakes were very high to me, and like, I wasn’t really concerned about this, I mean you always know they’re going to work it out but they just didn’t feel all that bad to me. The whole part about bringing Tabitha in seemed kind of pointless to me, like I’m not really sure how she furthered the plot or why she was necessary, it seemed like NeRay could’ve easily handled it all himself. Nora hunting down John and Ray in hell was pretty great, I definitely enjoyed that and the foreshadowing of what we’re going to be getting next season. Of course the Ray and Nate stuff towards the end killed me, I was confident that they weren’t actually going to kill Nate because they basically released an interview earlier today that was like “we were going to kill someone, then we were like nah, we’ll find a way out of it” so I knew he’d be okay, but that didn’t stop me from shedding a few tears seeing his teammates react to their apparent losing him, and especially when he had the scene with his dad up in the rafters, oh boy did that make me cry. and not gonna lie, their bringing him back with literally the power of love was really great, I appreciate this crazy show so much. One thing I was kinda bummed about though was that we got literally zero AvaLance scenes, I did at least appreciate that Ava was integrated into the main storyline with the team, but it would’ve been nice to get some closing thoughts from them, especially since this season started with some questions for them that needed to be answered. So yeah, kinda underwhelmed as a season finale but I definitely still enjoyed it as an episode. Once that was done we watched last week’s episode of Supergirl since Jess hadn’t watched it yet, then watched yesterday’s finale. I’m a sucker for spoilers so I already knew everything that happened lol but I definitely still enjoyed the episode. I really cannot give Jon Cryer enough credit for making this season SO much better when he showed up, when it was hardly bearable before that. I’d always been rooting for him because he hosts the addendum episodes of one of my favorite episodes, and I was so happy to see he absolutely kicked ass at the role, and is probably now my second favorite portrayal of Lex (with Michael Rosenbaum of course being first, because nobody can top his Lex). So I give him a lot of credit for that. The whole red daughter storyline just felt a bit repetitive to me, mostly because it was so similar to the Bizarro episode they did in the first season, so I was kinda meh on that. I was happy to see Ben Lockwood getting the crap kicked out of him and then rightfully placed in prison where he had to sit and watch his son, George Lockwood, MY BOY, denounce all of his actions and advocate peace and acceptance for everyone. damn am I so proud of that child. And then of course, Lena. Sadly my prediction was true in that she would find out Kara was Supergirl from somebody else in the finale, and of course it was especially cruel that that someone was Lex, even trying to hurt her in his last dying moments. I have mixed feelings about where I want her storyline to go next season. They are definitely at least planting seeds for her to turn into villainy, which would definitely be a good storyline, but part of me wants her to be able to say no, I am more than my blood, and I will remain a good person even when I’ve been wronged because my last name doesn’t make me a monster. And, I mean, we all know I’m super attached to Smallville’s version of Lena (Tess) who started out very evil but had an amazing redemption arc and deserved so much better than what the writers gave her. So I think villain!Lena would be fun, but I kind of want her to stay good. Guess we’ll have to see what happens there. After I finished that episode I realized The Fix was on and had been recording, so I switched over to that. It was the season/series finale, since they hadn’t gotten picked up for a second season (and tbh I didn’t really think they would). Overall I think it was a pretty good wrap up of a lot of loose ends, and a fairly satisfying conclusion. He may be locked up for the wrong crime, but he did finally admit to killing Cassandra all those years ago and let’s face it, he definitely belongs in prison. I don’t know what to think about his son, it definitely wasn’t first degree murder at least, but having him walk free is definitely morally dubious at best, but oh well. When I finished that I switched over to the news and then Jimmy Kimmel before showering and starting to get ready for bed and now I’m here and boy am I tired. Tomorrow should be good, get some work done during the day then have the chiropractor at 5, then when Jess gets off we’re gonna go get our nails done and then probably come back to get food and watch the GoT finale (finally!). But yeah, I’m dead tired now so I’m gonna call it a night here. Goodnight friends. Hope your Monday didn’t suck.

#daily journal #May 2019 #Jess tag #Rachel watches Legends of Tomorrow #Rachel watches Supergirl

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justyouraveragecognitionhoe · 6 years

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this was so long ago it’s gonna be rough remembering. here goes nothing.

getting in the first night was super nice. my flight was easy, ubering was simple. when i got to the hotel they gave me a warm cookie!! that was so cool! basically i just set up camp, showered, ordered room service, i got this spinach risotto it was delicious dude, and then watched riverdale. i had a roommate, alanna, super sweet girl, she came later at night so it wasn't as freeing as when i was at gt and had the single and hooked up my phone to the tv and watched kimmy schmidt. but it was still good.

the next morning alanna and i went to get breakfast. we went to this place called yolk and it was super yummy. after eating we went exploring together and we went to millenium park, saw the fountain, saw the bean!!!!!! i can't believe i saw the bean in real life. it was amazing. i wish i admired it more. one thing is for sure, i will go back to chicago. it was an amazing city. one of my favorites i think. the streets were so fun looking and it was surprisingly very safe. i had a really great time just walking around and admiring the buildings and landscaping. after exploring, and snagging some starbucks, we went back to the hotel to get ready and headed up to the rooftop for lunch. immediately, like I'm not kidding as soon as we walked in, these two professionals come up to us and greeted us. i was so shook tbh. they were so hospitable, and it was such a kind ay to enter. we hadn't registered yet so one of them even went down with us to do that. we came back up with our name tags and got lunch and sat with these professionals, they were super nice and fun. it was really easy to feel welcome everyone was so nice. after eating we played this human bingo game and had to find people that did things or can do things and mark them off just as an ice breaker. it was really cool, and a quick way to meet more people. it was here i first met alexis, and who'd have known that by the end of the night, we’d be so close. i met this professional who i thought was a student at first, but we bonded over her going to an eric nam concert. what a time. next we headed down into the conference room and began.

the conference was alright. it wasn’t bad, but just the whole time i could not engage myself. and i kept thinking it’s okay if you think deloitte is where you’re going, you can still learn from this one. and i just could not get myself to engage. and the speakers were good, but i didn’t really find anything that i could take away from them. only one, kara, she talked about her young daughter going to sports camp and being the only girl and feeling weird and having to learn how to kick butt. it was a really real conversation and that’s the only speaker i learned from. the rest i just had a lot of trouble connecting to. we didn't have any group activities like we did at deloitte. and we didn't have a set group. we switched tables i think 4 times, i think the point was to meet more people but like that’s hard to do when no one really introduced you and you didn't interact with your tablemates. it was just another table to sit at and disengage from the speakers. the organization of the program was a little off, i know it’s hard to time these things but they would run out of time a lot, or run over time, or not have something last as long as it should’ve. idk man i don't know why but they were just bad on time. the professionals i talked to were really sweet though. they were kinda helpful in terms of explaining what they do if you got one alone at your table, but they were better to talk to about random things. i didn't feel like anyone really knew what they did. only this one girl who did national tap, so i signed up for that as my preference. we had this like networking thing were each table set up was a different sector we could go into, and you could go around and talk to professionals about that they do but literally no one could give me an answer. literally no idea what was going on i just keep talking to people and nodding my head but i cannot tell you the difference between rap and tap. so i just said tap because that girl was the only one who could tell me what her job was.

once the end of the conference approached we were dismissed to go get ready really quickly and then get on buses for the dine around tour. it was waiting for the elevators that i saw alexis again and we began a conversation. i learned that she was a graduating senior this decemeber and that she already did her interview with ey and has the offer to start once she graduates! i congratulated her and told her that was killer and we talked about her current job at school in florida working as a consultant for a smaller firm, and we got a little into her concerns for her ey offer because it’s in florida but she wants to be in austin with her boyfriend and was worried that people would think she was stupid for following a boy and then did she really want to leave her job because she liked the she knew everyone and likes the smaller firm feel. we reached the elevators by now so we promised to meet back up on the bus and continue our conversation. once i got back down though, i realized that she must have been later than me because my bus filled up before i even saw if she was outside the hotel. i later found out that she got on the second bus and told me she freaked out and was looking for me! i felt so touched, she genuinely wanted to continue our conversation and was looking for me. i think i was so surprised by it because another girl i met earlier we connected over not being able to engage hahah, but she said that we should talk more and we said we’d sit near each other on the bus too and she completely ditched me. so to find out that alexis was looking for me was really sweet. while on the bus though, a girl named sara sat next to me and i‘m glad that she did. she talked to me about her opportunities with frito-lay who she was interning with but they weren't giving her exactly what she wanted to she wanted to see what ey could offer and potentially switch but she doesn’t know what she wants completely yet, she’s still in limbo. i told her about all my slp’s and she told me i was really on top of my shit. she’s a year older, so she’s in a position similar to alexis. sara told me i was doing really well and that i should get more confidence in myself. she shared her journey and she had to work up to realize how great she was and that at my age, i’m doing great, and that by the time i grow and get to her age, i’ll be unstoppable. i just have to recognize that i’m super freaking amazing. it was a very empowering bus ride to the appetizer restaurant.

i got into the restaurant before alexis as my bus got there first and i kept checking the door for her to come and and she was looking for me too as she walked in. we continued our conversation about her and her worries about austin vs. florida and what she’s going to do. a professional sat with us and she was able to give alexis the proper people to contact and gave her great advice, like she’s really lucky that that lady was the one who sat with us. after talking with the professional, alexis had explained her whole self and i had a really great grasp of who she was and what she cared for and she felt reassured about the rest of the process. we walked out of the restaurant with arms linked and made sure we both got onto the same bus. we sat together and she looked at me and said that it was my turn. that by now i knew so much about her and now it was her turn to stop talking and to start listening. this was a crazy concept for me. i’m always the listener, and i’m really bad at talking about my self and i confessed that to her. she didn't act like it was a big deal or made me feel awkward, just encouraged me to share and talk about myself. i talked about me, where i come from, what i do at school, all my programs, deloitte and how much i loved it and that they were giving me what i wanted from them. it was really nice to be able to just dump verbally though. we reached the stop for dinner, giodornos, this deep dish pizza place and alexis, a chicago native was super excited for me to have my first slice of deep dish. it was so freaking good you guys. all pizza should be like this. it was like a pie of deliciousness and cheese. i had to struggle to finish the second piece of pizza but it was so good. it was here that we talked about our brothers and our relationships with them, traveling, i shared about my excitement for china and she elaborated on her trip to europe and how she visited like 30 countries. we made a deal to travel and explore europe together and i know it’ll happen. this girl next to us was talking about how she thought the food looked “gross” and how she didn't like it and alexis and i just kept looking at each other and kept digging into our pizza cause it was so good and we were not abut her negativity. later that night we talked about how we thought it wasn't really a place to be in to not like the food. when you’re at these programs, or any event with professionals, and they get you food, you shut up and eat it all. you don't complain about it and act ungrateful. i’m glad that she recognized that too. as we left the restaurant we got back on the topic of the firms and she shared again that she did like what she was doing with her small firm a lot and we talked about the glamor of a big 4, but then if you go to one to move down to a smaller firm, if you know you want to end up small why not just start at a small firm. why go through the trouble of making the transition from big to small. we were able to connect very quickly and have very practical conversations being real about the realities we could end up in. it was the most engaged and real thing i had encountered yet at ey, aside from my conversation with sara.

by now we had reached the john hancock building and alexis and i just played tourist. we took pictures and marveled at everything and it felt like we were old friends adventuring in the others hometown. as we were taking pictures and having a mini photoshoot, we kept talking about how the lighting wasn’t great and kept trying to fix our pictures. after taking a few more, this boy stopped me to ask if i could take some pictures of him and i said of course and gave him the photoshoot treatment as well. it was really fun. i gave him back his phone and told him it took really great pictures, he offered it then to me and alexis and said he could airdrop them too us so we could have better quality pictures. it was honestly such a nice and kind act. we gladly accepted and redid each others photoshoot and he airdropped us our pictures. i asked him if he was a tourist as i noticed his accent when he spoke and he said yes he’s visiting his brother at ithaca and now they’re exploring chicago. he told me he’s from taiwan, not thailand! he clarified and i laughed and told him not to worry i know the difference between taiwan and thailand, and told him i was going to china this fall and would hopefully get to visit taiwan while i’m there. he told me to have fun and to enjoy taiwan if i get to go. i thanked him again for the photos and we went our ways. alexis and i found a spot to sit and rest as we were getting sleepy and we kept chatting. after a bit, the boy came back and extended his phone asking if i wanted to add him on facebook or something if i do end up going to taiwan and reach out. i thought it was so sweet and told him yeah and added myself. by now i should probably learn his name and he told me it was edward. i looked him dead in the face and said “okay but what’s your real name i know it’s not edward” he laughed and told me it was bi yue and i asked yue like the moon? he said it’s pronounced the same but a difference meaning. we wrapped up our conversation now and i told him i’d let him know if i make it to taiwan and thanked him again for the pictures and to enjoy his time in america and we parted ways again. alexis just nudged me and was like “ooooh” and i was confused for a bit until she explained that he was most likely flirting with me since he came back to get my facebook. tbh, i’m pretty shocked at that. i guess that’s pretty cool. go me. getting random taiwanese boys’ facebook in the middle of chicago. china get ready for me haha. we got back to just talking now. we walked around a little more, seeing the place from different angles and i told her that i would be back to chicago for sure. it was so beautiful and i fell in love with the city. we began to make our way back out to the bus to head back to the hotel. we saw a basketball team in the hotel we were parked in front of so that was cool. we just kept talking all the way back to hotel and said goodnight once we got there.

i had made plans with tara to meet up so i dashed off to see with her as soon as i said night to alexis. tara picked me up and took me all over chicago. i felt like a teenager. exploring the city and just walking around being teenagers and seeing it at night, it was beautiful. we walked along the water, tried to see the bean but the park was closed, rude™, she drove me through the batman tunnel while playing big shot, we listened to chance as we drove along the shoreline of the lake. it was just so beautiful. it reminded me of lebanon. driving through beirut standing out the sunroof and looking at all the lights. i stuck my hand out the window while going along the shore and let it just wave through the wind and feel the resistance. it was just such a peaceful night. so beautiful. i was so lucky that tara saw my snapchat and reached out to me and invited me to show me her city.

the next morning alanna and i talked about the program and both confessed how it wasn't what we were wanting it to be. that we were just gonna see it through but it just wasn't what we wanted. it was nice to be able to share that together. the second day of the conference, i was really just waiting for it to end. i was done. i made my friend for life, i saw chicago, i was over this conference. but i still tried to listen and stay engaged and see what else it could offer. they did a case study prep course and it was kinda helpful it really just confirmed what i already thought you’d do. then we had lunch and this small activity that really lasted way too long. it was getting so close to my flight time that i didn't care anymore. i was so scared i was gonna miss my flight. the program finally ended about 45 minutes late. i won a selfie stick in the last 10 minutes of it so that was fine, but the rest i literally was ready to just get up out of my seat and leave early. i ubered with some other girls to the airport and they were concerned they were gonna miss their flight and they were at the airport 2 hours before it. me, i got there 1 hour before mine and security was wrapped a million times and all the way to the back wall. i anticipated this and called while we were driving over and changed my flight to the later one, so once i did that the car ride was a lot less stressful. i was ready to just plug my laptop in, get myself some nice dinner, and wait for my flight that was now 4 hours away. once i get there i take my time, i change i call my mom, i get my ticket printed, and i go stand in line. and then suddenly while i’m waiting, i remember that mckenzie had emailed me earlier asking if i could call so i took that time to call her. she said she was glad i called before the end of the day because she wanted to tell me before the holiday weekend, that i had received the internship offer with deloitte in risk and financial advisory! i was beaming as i went through security. and she told me that shipla, my interviewer, wanted to call me but got busy. i was literally so ecstatic and you guys know the rest of that story. so now i’m buzzing as i go through security and once i make it to the other side, i realize, my plane still doesn't leave for another 20 minutes. they actually got us through security really fast. so i book it to my gate and ask the attendant if i'm still on the flight since they never cancelled my ticket just bought me a new one. and low and behold, they did, my seat just got moved to the very back. no problemo. so she printed me a new one and i was the 4th to last person on the plane. i made it on time and was on my way home, on time, and with gr9 news.

so it was a beautiful ending to a crazy weekend. i loved everything about it that didn't have to do with ey which was the saddest part. i loved the people i met through it, the city it was in, and the food they gave us, but i didn't care for anything associated directly with them. for fucks sake the best part of my weekend was getting that call from mckenzie telling me i got the internship with deloitte. but everyone i met was so incredibly nice, krisite the recruiter was so kind and attentive, and kara was so amazing. they were the first people i met, they were the ones who saw alanna and i walk in and i loved kara’s talk. i just wish the conference had more of them in it. but i already knew where my heart lied before i even got there. and that’s okay. i still am grateful for all that ey did for me, and i’m grateful that they chose me to partake in these opportunities, they just weren’t my fit. and that’s okay.

#july 18 2018 #ey #women in technology #conference #chicago #pizza #alexis #wit #emma's slp adventure 2k18

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