#I say let me have a childhood | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tophat-owl · 1 year

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Grow up? Grow up!?

Bitch I did that at the ripe age of 3-11 and now I have:

Anxiety

Depression

Insomnia

ADHD

And possibility undiagnosed Autism

I'm trying to go fucking back!

#I say let me have a childhood #because the universe said fuck that when I had the chance #next thing I know is I'm already a teenager #so ya #fuck growing up #I'm getting the shit I never got as a kid back bitches #let me enjoy my little cartoon's #because I was already dealing with depression at 3 #and had so bad anxiety I couldn't go a week without a bad panick attack till I was 12 #so ya I think I've earned not growing up #growing up #trauma dumping #trauma #getting my childhood back

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inkskinned · 10 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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cherrywhite · 13 days

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Silt Verses protagonists // Returning Home

#the silt verses #hi just realized carpenter and faulkner's returning home episodes are both chapter 9 of s2 and 3 respectively #idk what to do with this info #anyway something that makes me deeply emotional about this #just the way all of them return to it #paige expecting to come home to an empty abandoned place. surprised to find what's there. seeing the land as unpredictable.#carpenter knowing of the ruin of her previous childhood home. haunted more by the people she left behind. finding no comfort in being back.#faulkner being optimistic. saying perhaps his home could be a temple one day. this is the safest place i could be he says #(and I can't help but think about faulkner leaving marks before he left his home. so that no one else could find a home there.)#(both paige and faulkner returning home when they have no where else to go)#hayward looking up at his old home fondly. there's nothing left for him there. nothing he can find that he doesn't already have.#let her have the lie of me he says.

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bicholsdrarrysideblog · 10 months

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ACTUALLY I CHANGED MY MIND IN THIS HOUSE WE SUPPORT TALLER HARRY AND IF YOU SPECIFY IN YOUR FIC THAT DRACO IS TALLER REST ASSURED MY MIND IS EDITING!!!!!!

#draco malfoy #harry potter #hpdm #harry potter fanart #drarry #LOOK I TRIED I KNOW THERES LIKE GOOD REASONS WHY HARRY WOULD BE SHORTER #because of childhood malnourishment and such bUT ALSO #HARRY GETS TO EAT WHEN HE'S FREE OF THE DURSLEYS I SAY #HARRY SHOTS UP LIKE 30 CM IN A YEAR BECAUSE HE IS FINALLY FREE I SAY #MAGIC I SAY lmfao #im just such a fan of wet cat! draco i need him to be short and pathetic please let me have this #drawn by me

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merriclo · 2 years

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link’s house in hateno village never fails to make me overly emotional bc wtf do you mean there’s an apple tree and a stable, and just down the path there’s a little pond to fish in??

#i rlly love this house man #it’s just so quaint and nice #like yeah let him be calm. let him have a nice little home in a nice little town.#let him live just a few minutes away from purah #let him have his apple tree #the thought of link sitting down everyday and having a meal while the beloved weapons of his fallen friends surround him is too much for me #and don’t even get me started on how it’s implied/canon that that was his childhood home #and he saved it. he saved his home. he saved a part of his past.#screaming into the void #do you think zelda saw the house and was like ‘link. link omg’ bc maybe She knew it was his old home #maybe my emotional attachment to the house in hateno village says something abt me #botw #breath of the wild #botw link #link botw #loz #legend of zelda breath of the wild #legend of zelda

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sapphosboy · 6 months

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Rose Tyler enjoyer (me) grieves the physical lack of Rose Tyler in the doctor who specials (she’s in a parallel universe and it’s literally impossible for her to ever come back)

#JUST LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT OKAY SHE WAS THE ICON OF MY CHILDHOOD #IM ALLOWED TO BE BUMMED EVEN THOUGH IT WOULDVE NEVER HAPPENED #rose tyler #I just- I’ll never get to hear ten say the words “I love rose’’ even though he CANONICALLY is in love with her #its gonna haunt me till my dying days #like yes yes they get canonically got married and had a family and fly around in their own tardis #but I didn’t get to SEE that #so I have a little bit of a lack of closure #I need visuals #doctor who #doctor who spoilers #ig

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cookinguptales · 6 months

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Do me a favor, okay? Next time you have a chance, close your eyes for a minute and take a deep breath and imagine someone loving you.

Imagine someone who gets excited just thinking about you. Imagine someone who loves the things you say and do and who genuinely enjoys spending time with you. Imagine someone who feels lucky every moment they get to be around you.

It can be a real person or someone you just made up. You can imagine them praising you or laughing with you or touching you or whatever love means to you. It can be romantic or otherwise. Take your pick.

And if you had a hard time doing it?

Do it again. And again. And again.

I read once that it’s important for us to visualize being loved. That your brain needs to be trained like a muscle, and like a muscle, it can become weak from disuse. Your brain can only do the things that you practice doing, and if you never, ever visualize someone loving you, it becomes difficult to even imagine someone loving you. You get stuck in a rut. And once it’s impossible to imagine someone loving you, it becomes impossible to believe you will ever be loved.

I think… sometimes it can become easy to stop believing that we’re worthy of love. And I think sometimes we have this fantasy of someone making us believe that we’re worthy of it again. Or that somehow we’ll just — earn it, one day. Being worthy of love and desire, respect and affection.

But I think the truth is that we can only start believing that we’re worthy of love if we’re capable of imagining it. And it becomes much, much easier to imagine it if you practice doing so.

It may feel awkward at first. Embarrassing. Silly. Maybe even painful. But think about it like this, maybe: your first day in a dance class, you’ll fall. You’ll look ridiculous. It’ll feel like your body will never be able to do this fluidly. But by the end of the class, you’ll be able to move in a whole new way. Maybe not perfectly, but… better, y’know?

Learn to waltz with your own mind, and try not to cringe too hard at your first awkward movements. Start small and work your way up if you have to. Someone liking you, then someone liking your conversations, then someone liking your presence, then someone purposefully seeking you out. Someone putting time aside for you. Someone thinking about you when you’re not there. Someone being with you because there’s nowhere they’d rather be.

It may feel self-indulgent, but… I mean, we all deserve to be indulged sometimes. And we all deserve to feel worthy of love.

So… indulge yourself. Take a moment and have a silly little fantasy. Get into the habit of imagining love, and imagining it for the you that exists right now, not the you that you wish you were.

Learn to speak the language of love as it applies to you, even if you think that it doesn’t, and one day you’ll realize how to use those syllables to say your own name.

It’ll come one day. In the meantime, let’s learn to dance together, okay?

#personally...#I mean I am disabled and I am not conventionally attractive #I have PTSD now from the kind of childhood abuse that makes you feel... broken I guess #so I have spent an awful lot of my life finding it difficult to imagine truly being loved #when there are so many 'easier' choices in this world it is hard to imagine someone picking me #so believe me when I say I know it's hard #but I also know that I closed myself off to love once I stopped being able to imagine people doing it #I lost the vocabulary for people loving me so when people did it I could no longer describe it #I didn't notice or worse - it stressed me out #but... I have started doing this visualization exercise and it does help #sometimes I have a spark of... well yes this person in this fantasy does deserve to be loved #and I am that person #so there's a spark of hope to it #hope can be good and hope can be bad but... I guess it's necessary too isn't it?#so let's do our best to make our brains stfu when they're being mean and instead focus on self-love

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nb2000 · 2 months

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Look the showrunner called Rogue/Gambit the OTP in an interview (er...before he got fired) so they're clearly going somewhere with this and it's FINE and I can be patient and wait to see where that somewhere is and it's FINE.

#X Men '97 #spoilers #or I just go re-read Mrs and Mrs X a bunch of times to reassure myself. that works too.#help me Kelly Thompson. you're my only hope.#I got my original childhood OTP back but they're making us suffer for it #yeah yeah you got to have tension an earn a resolution but also: find a way to do that that ISN'T a love triangle #what is it with x-men writers and shoving Rogue at Magneto? let it go.#'it's canon from the comics!' okay doesn't mean I can't hate it #I did say I was going to be unbearable when this show finally dropped. don't say I didn't warn you.#Rogue #Gambit #Mr and Mrs X #random babble

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reallyhardy · 2 months

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Sorry what’s up w the Ethan slater stuff? I know him only from your posts / SpongeBob stuff

HI HELLO please buckle in

yep -- the same guy from the spongebob musical, and my posts abut the spongebob musical.

he blew up completely and now the general public knows him as 'ariana grande's new boyfriend' - their relationship seems to have started off the back of co-starring in the upcoming wicked musical film adaptation.

it's just been like. a monkey's paw curling sort of a way for him to get catapulted to fame, as i had always really enjoyed him as a performer (as spongebob, yes, but also in the other roles i'd seen him in,) and my biggest hope back around 2017 was that he would continue in and be really successful in theatre, get a lot of broadway roles, maybe take on some existing parts i thought he'd really suit, like seymour in little shop or ogie in waitress.......... but instead he booked the role of boq from wicked in a massive hollywood film production instead, where he met ariana grande. THE ariana grande.

and then yeah. at some point, he and grande broke up with their respective partners, (slater leaving both his wife AND newborn son) jumped into a new relationship, and now the whole wider internet knows who he is but certainly not for the right reasons.

there's been speculation regarding whether or not grande and slater had cheated on their previous partners before their relationship began with various sources coming out of the woodwork saying "yes they did" and others saying "no they didn't" -- humans are all perfectly capable of making stuff up, the media especially, so i simply don't know who to trust and i admit it had completely shattered my whole good impression of him - PLUS it gave the wider internet an absolutely awful first impression of him, resulting in, yeah, the (frankly, unflattering, sometimes downright cruel) memes of him popping up on twitter and, as i discovered yesterday, in non-theatre youtubers' videos who would literally never have heard of him if not for the slater-grande romance 🥲

FULL COVERAGE of the situation as it was happening can all be found on the lovely @notasimpleslater's blog under the tag 'ozgate' if you want to delve deeper!

#loren talks #ethan slater #months later let's call this my actual full response/reaction lol #i think at the time this was going down at the end of 2023 i was sort of just Freaking Out like my blood was boiling lol #i was parasocially furious with both of them #ofc now i do realise i'd put him on something of a pedestal #having seen his cute posts about his then wife an former childhood sweetheart plus posts welcoming his new son #AND having watched a youtube mini-series he'd made with his then-brother-in-law. i was SO invested and then.#i was like OH. he really DESTROYED his family huh.#but ofc! every situation is nuanced. we don't know what went on behind the scenes #wrg to his relationship. or what grande's was like with her ex-husband #since everything came to light there's been articles stating that slater wants to work with his ex-wife to share custody of their child #and that he's been spotted backstage WITH his son at spamalot on broadway (his current production)#so it sugggests he's not trying to be an Absent Father #which tracks with some of his own artwork as he and nick blaemire DID write a whole musical about the strained relationship between #a father and son and i just feel like. that suggests something about his personal character. and makes me HOPE he'd want to #be a present and loving parent regardless of circumstance.#anyways.#it's simply not my business BUT. seeing his face #popping up every now and again #it does just. feel extremely weird haha #there's a part of me that's like oh but that's musical spongebob my bestie what's he doing here #as for ariana i really have never had a strong opinion of her #but i have to say hearing her songs out and about these days...... :') i could do without it

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dennisboobs · 1 year

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Dennis says the L word

#i definitely didnt have this kicking around on my hard drive #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #dennis reynolds #the genuine ones being within his daydream where he has been forcibly desexualized by losing use of his dick & actually falling in love #in mac's fantasy where he fucking dies and dennis was too late to say it #forced out of necessity by dennis' fear of abandonment by dee #spoken when he believes theyre in a life or death situation and hoping to connect with dee at the very end #telling his wife that he does not love her while looking to mac and then reaffirming this saying he's NEVER loved her #and of course while absolutely shitfaced and upset at the loss of his childhood stuffed elephant (and dee's betrayal)#ill be real. the second i heard him say a bunch of shit about feelings & how he loved the monkey in 15x4 i had to check to see who wrote it #it had been SO long................ like of course glenn is the one to bring it back. ok.#more of den saying he loves things plz #ada speaks #ada's videos #if you guys can think of any other times he's said it pleasssseeee let me know lol i tried #update: i added in a few more #left out the ones in 7x01 w him talking about loving no restrictions bc i wanted this to be abt him expressing Love to sentient beings #loving crack and loving a person are two different L words jskhbshn

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temeyes · 3 months

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Tem I got assassin's creed Syndicate cus of you and

THEY ARE SO!!!! I LOVE THEM!!! also love the fact i can just go feral and climb buildings london is my jungle gym!!!

yes,,,,, yESSSS MY OCCASIONAL AC SYNDICATE PROPAGANDA HAS WORKED-

kidding aside, omg haley!!!!!! i'm happy to hear you got the game + aND THAT YOU LIKE THE TWINS!! they are my loves, my entire life!!!!!!!! + henry cuz henry is like, the cutest cutiepatootie even tho i will prolly slap him because his curio shop is a mESS

anyways HAVE FUNNN OMG, hope you'll play the JtR dlc too because that's legit one of the best game dlcs there is

#ac syndicate is the only video game i can and WILL fight for til my very last breath #i can quote syndicate's entire script like the back of my hand #sibling protags that actually feel and act like genuine siblings? yes #they have the best sillies moments too!! even the ones with henry!!#jacob frye? canonically bisexual (yes king slay)#evie says “tit” in the game (yES!!!!!!!!)#setting's in victorian era (my favorite fashion era!!!!!!)#IF UBISOFT WOULD LET ME?? I WOULD WRITE A PREQUEL GAME FOR THEM DURING THEIR CHILDHOOD (an entire idea i had in my brain since 2017)#ok sorry i rambled BUT I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT ARE THE GAME'S BEST FEATURES #answered asks #haleymythicalartadventures #assassin's creed #jacob frye #evie frye #henry green

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caluupin · 26 days

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Father!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

#caluuart #genshin impact #genshin #art #arlecchino #god she's just so. cool. pretty. ethereal. badass.#also I LOVE HER STORY QUEST SO MUCH!! I think it's definitely one of the best story quests in the game tbh.#wait uh arlecchino story quest spoilers below:#for one; the quest really gives even more depth to arlecchino's character. like yeah the whole thing is well. messed up.#it's an orphanage that raises orphans to be child soldiers after all. But it's also like. It's more.... humane? nicer? for the fatui anyway #which does bring me to the next thing. you know how arlecchino's like “if you're gonna leave the HotH you need to fight for it with ur life #I genuinely think that she's gonna just. straight up kill them. although it's not unlikely at all it turns out that (most of the time?) she #-just gives them a one trip to memory loss and set them free. which i do know it's kinda like death in genshin's lore but still.#I just find that pretty interesting.#also the cutscene where clervie says goodbye n stuff. It makes me cry EVERY TIME. ARGHHHH TRAGIC CHILDHOOD DOOMED YURI MY BELOVED :(((#clervie makes me so sad man. the fact that she just. accepts death. she really just let peruere kill her huh. crucabena when I fucking get #the hopelessness getting to her at that point. all attempts of freedom failed until that day..... GOD. and clervie finally getting closure-#-in the story quest as a spirit... I just..... man.........#on a lighter note :)#I got obsessed with a bloodborne OST LMAO. the uhh the lugwig boss theme. esp the sec phase one. it's SO GOOD. I first heard abt it in a-#-vid analyzing the ost musically. At the time i was like. woah. cool. what a cool sounding track. fast foward to like. a day before 4.6 #I'm watching a genshin theory video and I heard the music in the bg. I recognized it but I couldn't remember where I heard it from #UNTIL I REMEMBERED. and looked it up. And I have not known peace since. good music.#anw I've been rambling too much so yeah. gn my dear fellows!!

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anotherpapercut · 9 months

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just officially sent in my resignation for my fucking childhood dream workplace

#my boss always talks about her 'guilt complex' lmao. as soon as i have another job and dont need to worry about burning bridges #im sending this bitch a letter detailing exactly why she deserves to feel guilty for the rest of her fucking life #i hope she lies awake at night picturing my face. fully intend on letting her know how close i came to killing myself.#fully intend on intentionally continuously saying its bc SHE MADE ME anxious and SHE MADE ME depressed #since she doesnt believe she can make me anxious #i hope she has to attend therapy. i want to make her feel as guilty as she made me feel like fucking shit #fully just wish nothing but the worst for her for the rest of her lonely miserable life. i hope she realizes soon that everyone hates her #truly one of the people she considers to be a close family member also works in our department and hates her!#talks all the time about how awful she is and how horribly she treats all of us #i hope she feels that hatred every day of her fucking life and i hope she never sees true happiness as a result #until the day that my memories of my childhood refuge from abuse are no longer tainted by HER abuse‚ i pray she never knows peace

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oatbugs · 1 month

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i am presented with two ppl + one option. one appears to like me very much and we have great chemistry and they're witty and ambitious and studious and have similar goals in life and they write beautiful poetry about politics and people and they seem very kind and want to make a difference in the world. they text me to make sure i've had a good day. the other one is none of those things but they are so hot and evil and also they don't like me even a little bit and i've told them that i genuinely wanted to kill them, a lot. i'd give everything and anything for one of them and not the other

#lobotomy time??#meeting the first one today btw #were going to study tgth #omg theyre able to be so studious its insane like they just sit down and do their work for like 8 hrs #the first one is a few months younger than me the second one is a few years older. the first one is full of sunlight. older one says they #have a tainted heart. these words will speak themselves i can feel them in these blankets and theyre surrounding your figure #braced in the quilts. i've tasted both of their lips. one wears cherry chapstick and one wears strawberry. i forgot which is which.#one taught me a lot about riots and chicago and the mountains and it felt like i was with them in the big fields of their childhood.#we opened our eyes and there we were again staring at the conference of the birds in a london bookshop arm against arm.#the second one knows the relief of laying on a cold marble porch as a kid in the middle of a hot iranian summer.#all of us have shot big rifles when we were kids. both of them say theyre good at letting go.

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cerealandchoccymilk · 4 months

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another getakichi and some studies of the dads. when am i gonna be able to watch this movie.....

god mizuki is such a cutie patootie it's ridiculous. puffy eyes, babyface, smoker, salaryman, war trauma, scars, bloody, pathetic, he's got it all. toco is a genius for designing him

and for gegero lets jusr say . im straight up [i am forcibly removed from the area]

#showed this to gggnk friends and they said 'wow your iq is like. 2 <3' (points @ gegero)#dont ask whats going on with getakichi idfk!!!#we had this idea for a while of drawing geta/kitaro like. actually missing his eye instead of it just looking like its closed #but didnt know how to show it lmao. so magic hair magnet(?) it is #also let me just say that i fucking adore mizuki shigeru characters' lip/philtrum line thing. its so cute ive loved it since childhood #wait ajdhfa we forgot to erase the piercing we gave him for funsies lmaoooo #my art #gegege no kitaro #gegege no nazo #tanaka getakichi #getakichi tanaka #getakichi #mizuki #i. i guess..... idk how to tag him when he doesnt have any first name...#gegero #medama oyaji #ゲゲゲの鬼太郎 #ゲゲゲの謎 #ゲ謎 #田中ゲタ吉 #ゲタ吉 #水木 #ゲゲ郎 #目玉おやじ #- cosmo #- green

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fosermi · 2 years

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If you know me, you'll know I have a tendency to write fanfiction. Well I wrote one for ROTG/GOC and if you also know me you'll know I like to draw some scenes sometimes.

So, here are 3 scenes for my fic :D

here's the link for anyone who wants to read it:

Fair warning though, it does contain spoilers for book 1 of the Guardians of childhood series as it closely follows the plot of the books. At least somewhat.

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