#I really wanna know how that conversation went
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PRAGUE - JOOST KLEIN
SUMMARY: school trips are always a pleasure. a biggest pleasure is being at the school trip with your crush.
PAIRING: joost klein x fem!reader
GENRE: fluff mostly, IDIOTS IN LOVE! also a boy nextdoor kinda:p
WORD COUNT: 1,5k+
WARINGS: none!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: hi...! i know ive been offline for some time but im doing everything to be back now, okay?! so this fic is based in the time joost was going to the high school:) based on this and this request.
“He will never like me back, Stunjte,” Y/N said and wrote another question in the quiz for their presentation. “I'm healing over him, really,” she added. “I'm a better person than I was in September, I swear” she told him and let him look at the laptop to see what she had written.
“Joost really likes you” Stuntje said, looking at her face.
“He's dating Elena now, I'm not the homewrecker” Y/N answered, taking a deep breath. She really wanted this conversation to end. Voice messages she was sending to her friends from music school weren't enough at that point. “But I wish he could see me one day” she said only.
Stuntje knew about her crush on Joost since September, when everything started. He understood her, Joost was a cool and handsome guy. It hurt him deeply knowing that Joost didn't like her in the romantic way as she did.
“Wanna go to kebab?” Stuntje asked, when they finished the project. He loved working with her. Her ideas were always so brilliant and she was such a clever person.
She only smiled at his proposal and grabbed her keys with wallet. They went for Apson as well, who loved the idea. But they didn't invite Joost. And it's because he was on date with Elena.
As they were eating, Appie's phone rang. He only sighed when he saw Joost's name displayed. He passed his food to the girl and answered the call. Apson truly wanted this date to be a failure. He hated Elena and he couldn't stand her being in their group. His smile only grew bigger and bigger as he listened to Joost talking.
“I can't meet you right now, I'm out with Stuntje and Y/N” he said to the phone. He ended the call and said: “He will be there in fifteen minutes”. The girl's smile faded when he announced it. She really didn't wanna see Joost. Of course she liked him, but he was also a crazy guy and you never knew what he was going to do next.
Stuntje tried to assure her that everything will be okay and that there's no need to worry. But she lived in the same area as Joost did and they always went home together. She was scared she would say something stupid and that all chances she had to win his heart would fade.
Joost finally arrived. He didn't look happy as he usually did after his dates with Elena. No, this time he was pissed.
“Gonna tell us what happened?” Apson asked, making the blonde guy sigh.
“She said I'm in love with someone else” he answered only and stood up to get his food. Y/N looked at Stuntje, wondering who he was talking about. And Appie only smiled. Because he knew who his best friend was talking about. And that ‘who’ was sitting at the same table as he did.
Stuntje of course knew too, there was only one person wondering who Joost was talking about. And she really hoped it was about her.
“How are we sitting in the bus to Prague?” Apson asked to change the topic. All four of them could look forward to that one school trip. Three days in Czechia, but what three days.
“Definitely not in the back,” Joost said. He knew who was sitting there and he didn't want to step there.
“I was thinking about the seats by the toilet. It can be easily spread” Y/N smiled at them. Her ideas were again brilliant.
“Gonna take your Niall pillow?” Apson asked, making everyone laugh. Yeah, all of them knew about her weird parasocial relationship with the Irish singer. And that her mother gave her that pillow as a present for her birthday.
“Of course,” she answered. Her eyes were sparkling as she was laughing, dimples showing up. Joost was staring at her as he was chewing his kebab. Oh, it wasn't regular watching your friend having fun. No, he was STARING.
“I gotta go, I need to make some dinner for mum” Y/N said after a while and checked the time on her phone. Joost, who just finished eating, got up, saying that he would walk her home. The girl only smiled and looked at Stuntje terrified, making Apson chuckle. They quickly said goodbyes and left the boys, who only started to cheer and hope they would get together.
“How's your project? Stuntje was saying that your teacher is still a bitch” he laughed, his hands in pockets as they were walking on the sidewalk. She looked at him, not sure what to think about his question. She didn't think that Stuntje would tell him about what they were doing and so that he would ask about it.
“Yeah, she is. We had already finished it” Y/N answered and looked at his face for the first time since they left the boys. He was staring at her. Again. “I really can't look forward to our trip” she announced, making him smile.
“Me too” he said and they stood in front of her family house. “Tell your mum I said hi, okay?” he said and she only nodded. Joost was already on his way to turn around and walk away to his home but then he grabbed her by arms delicately to put a kiss on her cheek. He mumbled a quick “good night” and left, leaving her alone in the driveway.
The girl only touched her cheek where he had put his lips before and sighed. With shaking hands she opened the door and entered the house. There the realisation hit her harder. Joost Klein had kissed her. Joost Klein liked her.
Next few days were odd. Y/N was nervous about the trip, same as her girlfriends, with whom she was in the room. She never told Stuntje or Apson about the kiss, nor did Joost. But she couldn't stay quiet about that and told the girls. They told her that she shouldn't take it as any love confession. And with that she distanced from Joost and it was sure that she probably won't sit with him at the bus but something encouraged her to do it.
Finding a way to sleep on the bus is difficult. And because of that they ended up hugging each other and wrapped up in one pink blanket.
Because of that everyone started to set them up in every situation they could.
Prague might not be the city of love as Paris was, but it was definitely the city of Y/N and Joost.
They were holding hands, smiling, laughing - doing literally everything that couples do. And yet they became one. It happened during the last day of the trip, when they were looking for the souvenirs (well only Y/N was doing it, because Joost was only walking with her and smiling at her as she was having fun). They didn't even notice that they were walking alone, without their friends, until they entered some bookstore.
It was small but had tons of books.
“Okay, so what if we take a book and open it at a random page and do what the first sentence on that page says?” the girl asked, looking at him. She recently saw something like this on the internet and thought that it would be a nice activity. He didn't say anything but grabbed a book from a bookshelf that was nearest to him.
He flipped through the pages and stopped at page 260 and read the first sentence. He didn't let her see it but kissed her and when he finished he showed her the book.
“And he kissed her,” it read.
The girl only mumbled quiet “oh” that made him laugh a little and wrap his arm around her waist.
“Gonna buy it” he chuckled and grabbed her to the cash till. “You know, we can do more things from books if you want to” he proposed and opened the book at another page, this time at 267th. “She was looking at him as she was confessing her feelings and he was smiling, staring at her” he read out loud. He looked at her and her cheeks were all red.
“I really like you, Joost. N-not in the friend way, more in the romantic way, you know” she chuckled at the end. There was no other confession from her. She captured her feelings in those two sentences.
“I really like you too, Y/N. I made a mistake by not asking you out earlier” he started. He could see the stars in her eyes that he loved. He couldn't be happier that he was the cause of them. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” he asked finally and the girl only nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck. He only let out a sigh of relief and hugged her back, then lifting her up a little bit. “I adore you, Y/N, I really do.”
“I adore you too, Joost” she answered and they kissed again.
She was in love and so he was in love. Prague was definitely the city of love for them.
masterlist
#discopaddock#joost klein x reader#joost klein fanfic#joost klein imagine#joost klein angst#joost klein fluff#joost klein x you
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So High School
Pairing: Logan Sargeant x Reader
Warnings: None
Authors Note: This is what the poll was for lol
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yourusername
📍Miami, Florida
liked by sabrinacarpenter gracieabrams and 2,998,771 others
yourusername Miami, you absolutely rocked tonight!!! Thank you so much, ILY 🤟 💜🖤
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user1 🤟
user2 I WANNA GET HIM BACK
user3 I WANNA MAKE MAKE HIM RLY JEALOUS
user4 WANNA MAKE HIM FEEL BAD
user5 queen
user6 💜🖤
user7 THE SHOW WAS SO GOOD
user8 it was so fun 😭
user9 my fav
user10 I was in that crowd 🤭
user11 my favourite girl
user12 💜💜💜
user13 she's so pretty 😍
user14 Miami vibes
user15 y'all see that a couple of those f1 drivers were there
user16 which ones???
user15 uhh idk their names but it was the American one and his little friend
user17 Logan and Oscar?! 😭
user18 ahhhh she's so good 🥴
user19 I didn't get to go 😢
sabrinacarpenter it was so good!! 💜
yourusername thank you sab! 🫶
user20 I had so much fun
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logansargeant added to their story
yourusername
It was so cool to meet you!
Sucked to miss you guys after the show
I'll have to keep up with y'alls races from now on
logansargeant
think we mightve left too soon 😅
we got out fast
Assumed you wouldn't want to talk after the show 😅
yourusername
I would've stayed for y'all haha
I love f1, I was really excited when I got told you guys had tickets
logansargeant
damn now I feel bad 😬
yourusername
Its fine, really!
logansargeant
Let me make it up to you
I'll get you paddock passes
For whatever weekend you're free
yourusername
you don't have to 😅
I'll be okay
logansargeant
I'd love to talk to you again
take the invite
For me 😁
yourusername
Fine 😙
I'll check my schedule and text you 😊
logansargeant
can't wait 🤙
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TWITTER
INSTAGRAM
yourusername added to their story
logansargeant
Where'd you gooooo
yourusername
They're giving me team merch lol
logansargeant
Oscar wants to re-meet you
yourusername
I'll be back in a sec
logansargeant
You better be 🙄
yourusername
You're so dramatic 😒
logansargeant
Rude 😔
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TWITTER
MESSAGES
INSTAGRAM
yourusername
📍London, United Kingdom
liked by oscarpiastri logansargeant and 6,001,887 others
yourusername I ❤️ London
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user21 how was the race, queen?
yourusername it was great, double Williams points 🫶💙
user22 she's so cute
user23 WHOS THAT MAN
user24 logie bear???
user25 I know Williams blue converse when I see them
user26 the fit ate
user27 queen 👑
user28 the Aristotle quote lmao???
user29 you know I love a London boy
user30 I don't think that's Logan
user31 delusion manifests itself in a lot of different ways
user32 💙🩵💙
user33 I <3 Logan sargeant
user34 wait who is that
user35 Logan sargeant
user34 and who tf is that
user36 an f1 driver, he went to her concert and she went to his race this weekend
user34 yeahhh I still dk what f1 is but thanks anyway 🫶
user35 I love them so much
user36 Logan crumbs
user37 how did the only two Americans find each other in the very un-american environment lmao
user38 didn't expect to see Aristotle when I swiped
user39 Logan and Oscar liked
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yourusername
🎵 so high school - Y/N L/N
liked by logansargeant landonorris and 12,008,777 others
yourusername I feel so high school every time I look at you
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user40 AHHHHHHHH
user41 I love them so much
user42 OH MY GOD HEY LOGAN
user43 lowk Logan jumpscare at the end there
user44 who tf is that blond man
user44 awwww I love him
user45 songs so cute 😭
landonorris WAIT I KNOW HIM
liked by yourusername
user46 no ones ever had me… not like you 🥹🫶
user47 my favourite couple
alexalbon thats my teammate ☝️
yourusername hi Alex. How's lily 🫶
lilymhe im great! 😊 hi y/n, I miss you!
yourusername I miss u 2 lils 💙
user48 I need more Williams x y/n content
user49 royal couple
danielricciardo 🦅🦅🦅
liked by yourusername
user50 IM BETTING ON ALL THREE FOR US TWOOOOO
logansargeant marry, kiss, kill?
yourusername all three
user51 YEAHHHHHH MARRIAGE
user52 I've been so used to the European-ness of formula 1 that this, v American, relationship is so jarring
user53 I want that hat
user54 the one post dedicated to her American boy, she wears a Canada hat 🤷♀️
oscarpiastri good 4 u
yourusername is this a reference 🤔
oscarpiastri lmao, yes
oscarpiastri genuinely congrats, though 🫶
yourusername thank you Oscar 🫶
user55 I love the drivers in the comments
logansargeant love you 💜😁
yourusername love you too lo 🩵😊
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@casperlikej @evie-119
#scheduled#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 smau#logan sargeant fanfic#logan sargeant x fem!reader#logan sargent fluff#logan sargeant x you#logan sargent x reader#logan sargeant x reader#logan sargeant smau
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ok your revo children ocs are a d o r b s 🥹🥹🥹 do you have any headcanons on them?? tell us moreee
Beloved revo bby anon………. i am so sorry it has taken me so long to return to you……… but i thought of you out on the battlefield……. Stored this ask in a locket that ended up saving me from a bullet….. i hope you will accept several chiyoko and senbi arts as my apology for leaving you at the window for so long.
anyways:
RAGGHHHHHH💝💝💕💖💖💕💕💖💖⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT MY GRANDCHILDREN ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ i would LOVE to give some hcs!!!!!!
A LOT of senbi and chiyoko fun facts and arts below the cut!!!
Chiyoko!!!!
- first meets atem when she’s 4, and oml within like 2 months she has him wrapped around her little finger just like her momma
- She would follow atem around like a shadow, cheerfully parroting atem’s greetings to palace guards the the royal court
-except set, she’ll hide behind atem under his cape if she sees him coming. set isnt trying to scare her or anything, he just has major rbf, is like 6’3, and doesnt know how to approach talking to children. Atem tries his best to get them to converse but set just shuffles awkwardly as his cousin tries to get chiroko to relinquish her death grip on his tunic.
- older than her brother by 5-6 years, and is so so so excited when senbi is born!!!!! little baby brother!!!!!! stays protective of him (and anzu) from when he was an infant into adult years (also atem to an extent)
- chiyo would get along with mana like 2 peas in a pod!! Mahad would love her to b i t s, but his calmer, more paternal/fraternal energy towards atem would multiply with chiyoko and he would treat her like small precious baby while mana is just like “hey kiddo wanna see me turn your dad into a frog real quick” just to see her laugh (and fuck with atem, two birds, one stone)
- she went through ages 5-8 fully believing that atem was her biological father and would constantly be asking when her multicolored hair would come in. Atem never had the heart to tell her and would just say “wont be long now!!” Anzu had to break the news and chiyoko went through the evening with her arms crossed pointedly turning her entire body away from Atem.
- When she turned 16, she ended up dip dying her hair red and anzu complimented how nice it looked while atem sobbed into her shoulder (i will forever hold art of this from @shinayashipper SO close to my heart)
- they may not be biologically related, but i stg, chiyoko inherited atem’s competitive love of games through osmosis
- That combined with anzu’s determination leads to a tyrannical warlord during family uno
- thinks jonouchi is the coolest EVER and jonouchi actively rubs his favorite uncle status diRECTLY into honda’s face
- secretly thinks mai is even cooler but is too spooked to talk to her
- Also gets really close to anzu’s dad, and gets SO excited to spend summer days in the countryside catching beetles and wading through creeks! She runs ahead while Hitoshi holds senbi’s hand and answers his gardening questions
- Definitely comes home every day after school with an absurd amount of dirt and grass stains
- grows up with confidence and assuredness to rival her parents
- fun fact!! Chiyoko is named after the mc from satoshi kon’s Millennium Actress since in convergence (longfic concept where she first came up) she’s yanked around with anzu in the time travel mumbo jumbo from japan to egypt
- as she grows up, chiyoko ends up looking v v similar to anzu’s mom, but just replace kiori’s scowl and gray eyes with a smile and hitoshi’s brown eyes (more oc stuff). Also v fashionable!!!
Senbi:
- born when anzu and atem are in their late twenties, post-marriage, and while he has some of atem’s hair coloration style and skin tone, his eyes and hair color are all anzu - much to anzu’s dismay and atem’s adoration (atem is now tied around two little fingers at once)
- Shy boy!!! When he was small, there was always one hand holding onto to atem or anzu’s pants leg or holding chiyo’s hand
- Doesn’t have a competitive bone in his body, just wants to have fun and tbh, doesnt love games all that much!
- older senbi would love watching chiyoko and atem go ham on each other during games and will be sharing popcorn with anzu as they both roll their eyes
- as a child, likes to sit with anzu quietly and read his picture books, or sit on atem’s lap as he works through a crossword
- Senbi always takes a while to go to sleep and when he was little, anzu would sit in his bed and read aloud whatever performance arts book she’s been reading. Eventually, he would fall asleep, but many times, Atem wakes up alone and walks in to senbi’s room to see anzu conked out.
- Senbi and yugi rlly vibe and have the same wallflower energy so!! He always gets rlly excited when yugi comes to visit, bringing him to his room to show him all the cool picture books he got from the library this week
- To which yugi ofc sits there as happy as can be and engaging with everything “omg i LOVE robots, what’s that one about??? :DD”
- ((Many years later, senbi would start working on his own color tattoo sleeve bc he’s always thought yugi’s looked SO COOL, and if yugi learned this he would be sobbing on the floor))
- and unlike chiyo, out of atem’s pseudo-siblings, bibi would definitely get along best with Mahad, and would love to just sit in his study with him and watch Mahad write on scrolls and test spells
- would have one of those city apartments stuffed full of plants and books
-Chiyoko was always the protective older sister, he could yell for her and she would come barreling in from wherever she was, ready to throw down. This still stands true into adulthood, though chiyoko is more likely to verbally assault someone than punch them
- while chiyoko would love looking for all the bugs and frogs and snakes on the family summer trips to the countryside, senbi would not. One time, chiyoko was excitedly showing everyone the giant beetle she found and it flew right towards senbi’s face. Atem had to spend the rest of the day inside with senbi watching cartoons.
- Jono and Honda like pulling little scare pranks on chiyoko as she loves chasing them around for retribution, but if they accidentally spook senbi as collateral, anzu’s hitting them with a chair
- really into art and while he cant draw amazingly, he loves visiting artist exhibitions and alleys. will spend his entire paycheck.
- would be a tattoo artist!
THANK YOU AGAIN SM FOR THIS ASK IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG BUT I NEEDED TO GIVE IT THE ATTENTION IT DESERVED!!!!!
may the cat revo bbies bless you and PLEASE come into my askbox again, i SWEAR i will be faster……. Probably…
#revo bby anon my beloved#this ask kept me warm on cold winter nights#alliebirb art#ramblings#chiyoko & senbi#revolutionshipping#asks
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We as a society should talk more about the time when Bojan proudly ditched his band, left them do the interviews by themselves and went to look for a place to eat with a guy he met two weeks ago.
#I really wanna know how that conversation went#when bojan announced to the guys that yeah you do the interview#I really need to go to eat with käärijä#bojan cvjeticanin#käärijä#2.5.2023
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YOOOO 😂😂💀💀
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Tuvok’s Children
#[REDACTED] family shenanigans#yeah I switched the birth order around so Asil's the third born instead of the last#Also her marriage status is 'complicated' because she's currently contractually married to a ferengi woman and there's drama as to whether#it's real or not (she got contract-married to her over the course of a case)#All of Tuvok's children care deeply about each other and get along well for the most part v_v#they have a bunch of different idealogies and opinions etc but they all respect each other a great deal#Sek#Elieth#Asil#Varith#an inside joke between them is how humans typically only pronounce Sek's name right on the first try 'If their tongue doesn't slip'#Sek is really making up for all his siblings in the 'give me grandchildren' arena#Elieth met Ione Kitain while working and the two of them hit it off right away but they were both engaged#One day he caught word that she was going to get married and he immediately flew to Betazed and went to see her. One conversation later and#they were engaged instead v_v (his family found it DEEPLY embarrassing - everyone else who hears it finds it terribly romantic.#Except the spurned groom of course~) Elieth's betrothed dissolved their bond without fanfare since she kind of didn't want to marry him#uhh Varith has one of Mollie's puppies (grown now) which Mark gave him and she acts as sort of a service dog !#And Sek took care of their mother when she fell into a depression for a period of time after Voyager was lost#Also - I personally wanna know how they all reacted to that holonovel the doctor wrote about Voyager#hhehee like they meet him in person and Sek's like 'Ah. The Hologram who slandered our father.'#bea art tag#st voyager#st voyager art#star trek#Everyone should have their own little Tuvok family in their minds...!! Each one is precious and good~!!#OH ALSO#Sek is the oldest but shorter than all everyone but Varith (and T'Pel)
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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fucking hell fucking hell is she gonna reject me? i want to let sth out for a second and didnt want to tell my psychologist until i have answers so. tags it is
#so. i told my friend i like her. i really really do you cant imagine how much. this was while i was away on a trip last week and we were#messaging.honestly i wanted to be brave enough to tell her in person but i tried already and i was tired of waiting for 'the perfect moment#i was tired of not doing anything ever and watching my life go by. so i drann a bit and told her. not bc i was a bit drunk thats just an#excuse. i was plenty conscious and still scared as fuck (so much that after i sent the message i took a lap around the building lol)#she said i should be scared first. then that she wasnt sure what to say. in her words 'more yes than no. but i dont know what to say'#understandable. she prob wasnt expecting it and its not amazing to have a conversation like that through text (despite the fact that our#relationship has always relied heavily on texting cause weve always stayed up talking. like from day 1)#anyway. she said that before we met she had a crush on me (i already knew this) and that she sometimes felt this way too wbut was scared i#didnt feel that way as well and didnt wanna risk anything so didnt do anything (granted. but she DID say plenty of ambiguous things +#told me i could sleep w her then um. slept on top of me. hugging. you know)#my friend said this was a good sign i was nervous and told her that i thought it was weird and she said her response was p good#and later she uploaded on her cf story a video that said a ring she shares w me is her 'married ring' so i think thats good??#but also. we havent talked yet (hard to do in 15 min at school) and i have a bad fweling#i feel shes going to say sth like she likes me but doesnt want to risk what we have esp considering her other friends sometimes treat her#badly/exclude her and that shes worried if we fight we are going to lose our friendship + shes going to lose my friends as well#which is well. stupid of course. because i always want her in my life. i think she knows this. i want her to know this.#ever since we met i want her in my life and i cant stop thinking about her and how i miss her and her eyes and how she hugs me and GOD#THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE SAW EACH OTHER AFTER I WENT ON A WEEK LONG TRIP SHE FUCKIN. LIFTED ME OFF THE GROUND AND. CARRIED ME AROUND#HONESTLY IT WAS A BIT EMBARASSING THERE WERE LOTS OF PPL SRIUND AND IM A VERY PRIVATE PERSON BUT I WAS SO HAPPY !!!!#and idk i just dont want her to reject me. shes the first person i really like and i see myself together with. we have so much in common an#we understand each other and we are GOOD for each other. shes so good for my life and i want to believe i am as awell and god how i#want to kiss her and call her my girlfriend and just. agh#its exhausting liking someone huh#loveposting#spikeposting#if anyone has read this far omg hi thank you what do you think?
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#hi you’re getting a rant from me today bc i’m still so pissed off ajejfjke#might delete this later idk#so i went out to dinner with friends and then we were gonna go out to a club but it was kinda late and we didn’t know where to go#so this one friend suggested we just go to his house#now this friend and i have a little history and ngl i may have gone with him in his car bc 1) i don’t drive and 2) i’ve gone with him before#nvm that once we made out in his car right (but i fully use that to my slight advantage)#we hadn’t seen each other since like november and haven’t properly talked waaaay before that so we caught up in between car rides#and once we got to his place and a couple of other friends left we started bantering and lowkey flirting#which led to him sitting like right next to me pressed up against me and we were really close and then with consent he starts to like#pull me close and touch my legs and ngl it’s a little embarrassing bc there were three other friends there#and he goes on to compliment my outfit several times and saying i have great style blah blah blah#but bc there’s other ppl we don’t kiss and i’m BARKING SO FUCKING MAD BC I KNOW IT COULDVE LED THERE#he always brings up this weird conversation talking about really liking to get acquainted with someone else’s smell and how intimate it is#and we even fucking smelled each other and he said i smelled good/great i don’t remember his exact words#y’all i just wanna be KISSED like#he’s a fuck boy and i know that but i’m not looking for a relationship i just wanna be KISSED FUCKING AJEJFJSKEK#anyway i deserved kisses last night and fuck hanging out with other ppl bc i would’ve definitely gotten some last night if not for the crowd#WAIT I FORGOT THE BEST PART#he literally showed me shirtless pics of himself and dude’s fucking ripped which is not necessary but a definite plus#y’all if that wasn’t a fucking opening shoot me bc idk what is
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ok i’m gonna make a funny little weepy post in the tags avert your eyes
#every time i’m with e it gets better#like i’m able to let more of my walls and insecurities melt away#we’re a very odd couple. we don’t really make sense together and i have no idea why they let me keep hanging around#but i’m so *happy* with them#and like. i have had the urge to have the conversation with them about what our relationship is or could be for a while now#because the only conversation we’ve had was like a few days after we hooked up for the first time and i barely remember how that went#iirc it was like. we both like each other so let’s keep hooking up and get to know each other better#but that was 6 months ago#and i really don’t wanna upset the harmonious thing we’ve created by looking at it too hard yknow?#i would be happy to keep going as we are. i’d be happy to Date™️. i’d be happy to do something else entirely probably#ut you can’t exactly say ‘hey i like you so much i’ll be whatever you’d like to be’#and i don’t want to ask for more and be rejected i think that would hurt me quite a bit#and i don’t want to lose them#and we have such a highly specific relationship and ritualised way of seeing each other#i’m not sure if our relationship can survive outside of that?#i’d be willing to do a shit ton to make it work. but i find it so hard to read them#i wish i knew if they had the potentials of love stirring in their insides the way i do. i just want to feel safe in their affections#i don’t know how reciprocated my affections are#there’s too many factors and we’re both too neurodivergent#anyway. i’ll just treasure my little happiness for now#and figure out my next move later#conari
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I think it’s time for some good old fashioned journaling since I can post again
#so. as y’all know the reason I’ve been largely avoiding posting and interacting with me is bc one of my friends thought it was funny to#find my account right? however as a joke a few weeks ago she was like haha look at what I can see#naturally that made me incredibly unhappy and until I could have a serious conversation with her I all but stopped speaking to her#i had a conversation with her and pretty much put it down to there are things I do not want to share with you and you severely went against#my privacy and this is not something I will get over if forgive. hopefully eventually I will move past it#and she was pretty much like oh yeah my bad it was a bad taste joke didn’t know u cared so much#like. I’ve been saying for Years. do not come find me or it will end our friendship. to any close friend I’ve come across#i genuinely don’t think she understood why I was so upset just due to the fact that she fundamentally doesn’t care about things#like she does not have interests. that’s not something she does. when she has an occasional one she would rather die than admit she cares#and in general it’s whatever. u do u. but when that stops you from seeing how much other people care about things? we have problems#she literally said to my face oh sorry I didn’t know tumblr was your deepest darkest secret#like. you’ve got to be kidding me#she wasn’t defensive when I tried to talk to her. but I really don’t think she got why I’m so upset about this. like not a clue#she was just like. ok. my bad. i won’t be back and I haven’t been back#which. was a lie she has been and I called her out on that and she literally was like. well. except for that#and she asked me like oh do u have anything else u wanna say and I was like not now but maybe later#i knew I wasn’t going to just forgive her. i know my trust isn’t just rebuildable I have trust issues as it is. but I don’t think that#conversation fixed a single thing. i pretty much just let her know I was upset with her. that is all that accomplished.#i don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget this honestly. and quite frankly I have no wish to continue to speak to her as it is#unfortunately my future sits with her as she’s moving to college with me next year where I’ll have to rely on her for rides and then to#cali where we’re moving in with several friends#this isn’t something that can be fixed. and she just keeps FaceTiming me like we’re good and I keep declining#I’m just so torn bc honestly my go to for this situation is cut off contact no one is worth me losing my sense of privacy. no one#but I don’t think I can here. as it stands I will be relying on her. i guess I could do it myself but it will be a massive pain#as cold as it seems to weigh someone’s existence in my life in an unemotional pros and cons list unfortunately I haven’t the luxury of#looking at this from an emotional standpoint. though to be fair. I’ve learned to not rely on my emotions for decisions#soup talks#girl hit me right in the worst sort of trauma I have and I finally have the opportunity to do what I wish I could have done years ago. leave#start fresh. start with people who don’t know me yet who will respect my privacy. who make me feel safe
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#its been great like not being as interested in social media#but unfortunately for me that means a lot of the anxieties that came with social media have like#infiltrated real life in very real ways and its scary and i dont like it#i dont like thinking like this#these ppl are too precious to me#i try not to act on it but man are the thoughts the exact same no matter what social thing im a part of#like ive never felt truly included in online spaces or just feeling unpopular or like whatever#kinda the odd one out#and even irl it feels that way#the thing is i have good people and good friends in my life#like i know theyre not the problem#its just me and my thoughts that havent literally changed forever and like now its annoying#bc i care about these people and maybe selfishly wanna keep them in my life (?)#although based on my interactions and conversations w them it feels the same for them too yaknow like reciprocated#but i feel like these days my thoughts have really just been making me not the most fun person to be around sometimes#im not acting on them fully but like maybe slightly (?)#the closer i personally feel to people the more hurt i unintentionally get#i have such unrealistic expectations sometimes it feels#and i feel like my few attempts at trying to get closer with certain ppl one on one hasnt always went down well and like#this has to be a two way thing so i cant really blame em but it also hurts idk :(#i just feel like im always doing something wrong bc ppl never seem to like me as much as i like them ?#idk i think its the superficial things too at the end of the day that bother me more than they should#i feel like i wouldnt be missed like i have to always do the reaching out whos reaching out to me :(#there are ppl that do though and im so thankful to them but things like idk#feel like ic ould shut my phone off for a week and not see anyone and just hear from no one#which is fine i guess but it makes me feel very invisible#its been strange i have feelings im trying to reconcile but not sure how to#socializing is so hard so so so hard ive just been almost confused to a frozen amount#and its been harder these days cuz the rose tinted glasses are off like my friends do re energize me yes but i feel a lot of anxiety too#rambles
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/negative posting/ remember when people were tweeting about how life seemed worth living again after spending time with their friends, well i somehow am feeling the opposite 🤠 do i just not have the right friends or am i broken beyond repair lolll
#actually this is gonna sound bad but#maybe.. i need friends who don't also have anxiety?#it's getting a little hard to be around people who are struggling like i am. it used to be comforting but now it's draining#no one is picking each other up.. we just empathize and move on to the next subject#and not only that but they are currently doing better than i am so all i'm getting is pity eyes and it makes me want to die#i need better balance. i need extroverted people in my circle#i have a mirroring personality so obviously being around people who are too self-conscious and don't open up will make me fold in on myself#and the fact i went for a guy similar to me knowing it wouldn't work makes me sick bc i really just wanted comfort out of him#cause i could see the friendship and also the romance and he got me and i fucking hate myself lately#the amount of time i spent crying because he ghosted me makes me wanna throw up. and smash my head against the wall#2 of my friends are in serious relationships. 1 is having her fun and casually dating. another is travelling & spending time w family#i am hung up on a guy in ottawa who was nothing more than a situationship at best#my family makes me feel less than and i have not travelled in so long. got nothing to look forward to either#can't believe i moved the sens up from 'you exist i suppose' to 'i root for you on occasion' in my tier list for him 🙄#but then again i spent the entirety of brunch this morning wishing i was with him instead and how i fucking miss him#and bracing myself for when my friends would ask about him and no one did. in fact no one even remembered#asked me if i was seeing anyone as if i hadn't already told them... just completely forgot everything i told them#another friend yesterday did ask abt him and i said he ghosted me and she said 'oh no' & that was the end of the conversation lol#bc kissing someone once & texting daily is nothing compared to them meeting their bfs' families. mine isn't important in comparison#they're too busy w their relationships and in fact it's probably true! it IS unimportant! bc we were nothing to begin with!#i never got to call him mine and he never expressed genuine interest in me and i can't tell anyone that#so basically this is why i'm ranting on tumblr again!#and why i made a new spam account lmao apparently it's easier to spill secrets to strangers than to get your friends to care a little more#(but again it might be the anxiety making them forget. so can i blame them. no. but this is why i need something different)#so yeah. i spent two weekend mornings with friends and i left feeling even more depressed. yay#**#brunch anecdotes w the girlies#< yea no anecdotes this time. just depression
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Realistically it's hard to be mad at people mad at kids given adults use them as an excuse to not be adults in conversation or in life or anywhere.
Well you can be mad but empathetic, at least.
Can't say fuck. Can't watch anything too stimulating or compelling. Gotta hide shit from them.
Really tho the main problem is how sanitized the internet's becoming with the excuse of children. Sorry man but I turned out fine, we just live in a shitty world.
People say growing up online was bad for them, really I think most of them just live in a country with poor healthcare and poor economies. You'll survive seeing a cartel video. I assure you.
It's frustrating that the one place for adults is becoming so sanitized that while you're "allowed" to discuss "taboo topics" you can't use real words or phrases but instead "roblox oof'd himself to death"
Children are more mature than most adults honestly. Because they haven't yet wrapped themselves in this restrictive bubble that disables growing as a person until you're utterly unprepared at whatever age and then don't even bother. Unrestricted by unreasonability, instead enabled by it.
Like man, do you think kids in the 100s weren't seeing and dealing with far worse shit than you can find and only watch online? People aren't that fragile, some adults just chose to be.
I want to be an adult, not trapped by corporate restrictions or catholic level faux purity. The real world is fucked up in complex ways that being told "you can't say fuck but instead fudge" is befuddlingly coddled and sheltered, selfish and entitled.
Using kids as an excuse is just frustratingly convo stopping. No, let's not stop thinking because you're being a whiny bitch that refuses to use their brain for more than emotions.
Your kid plays xbox live, he knows more fuck words than you do. Time to grow up, and teach them anger control, something you failed so hard we can't even say suicide without the website being utterly fucking panicked and sending a worried message.
#adult conversations#mini rant#i wanna say shit and a kid hear it#that's what it boils down to#obviously not the kid would only think it was cool because he's not allowee#and what are we if not adam and eve#let the boi say fuck to the apple#or whatever the story went#realistically the story with the broken apple is a tale on how humanity can't be told no without knowing why not#and if why not is stupid then people will do it#like you learn this as a kid when you say fuck in the bathroom to yourself and don't explode#people out there really crying because they saw fuck#then claiming it's the children!#bro they say fuck more than you do#you made it cool to them#so of course they said fuck to the apple#fuck swear words#call em fuck words#all this to say#once again#it's not about protecting the children#some motherfuckers just want to control what we can say#mostly because they a biiiiiitch
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Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.
So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.
Lurkers really are great, tho
I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.
Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.
The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.
Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.
There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.
I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available.
I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.
I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.
So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.
But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.
I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.
Should we gatekeep fandom?
I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--
A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.
That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.
See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.
So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.
The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.
And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”
Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.
Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.
And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.
However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community.
I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.
And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company?
And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)
But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.
Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.
Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.
Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists.
While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:
[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom
OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]
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“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.
I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.
It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits.
So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.
And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.
So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.
Think of it like a garden gate
When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.
The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people.
Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it.
Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.
My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.
But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.
I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.
Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.
And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.
Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.
There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.
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earth 42 miles reaction to reader hanging up the phone on his face mid argument?
— facetime
pairing: e-42!miles (aged up) x fem!reader
contains: arguing, minimal cursing, slightly toxic behavior lol
summary: you love miles, but his overbearing nature is beginning to irritate you. the two of you get into an argument over it on facetime, and you snap at him and hang up the phone. wc: 1,537
a/n: ik the pic might not make sense regarding who hung up on who, but i like it so we finna pretend it does lol. miles/reader are only aged up for plot
“look mami, you not hearin’ me. i’m not tryna control you, i’m just saying maybe it would be best if-“
“that is literally you trying to control me.”
you cut miles off from another one of his mini tangents as you stared at him through the facetime call on your screen, so far beyond the point of caring to hear the same thing he’d told you a million times.
you loved your boyfriend with everything in you. honestly, you did. but in the last few months he’d grown to be so much more controlling than he was in the beginning, a result of his ridiculous need to protect you and it’s got your head spinning on your shoulders. you couldn’t do anything without him looming over you, and you’re fed up. it was suffocating, and you needed him to know that you could handle yourself.
you heard his voice come in again from your phone’s speakers.
“aight fine, if that’s what you wanna think, then that’s cool. but i don’t want you going out that late, chiquita, simple. ain’t no discussion.”
“alright, bro.” you sighed, and he tutted at you.
“i’m not your ‘bro’. don’t do that.”
while you knew your boyfriend only wanted the best for you, you didn’t really understand the extent to all these rules he’d given you. like no going to the corner store at night, having to keep your location on at all times, or having to send a picture of yourself when you’d gotten back into the house— so he could really make sure it was actually you texting him from your phone.
since then, you’d deemed it safe to assume that he most likely had immense trust issues, and that was why he acted so strangely, because any other reason for this kind of behavior seemed ludicrous to you.
miles had yet to tell you he was the prowler, that certain people had bounties on his head, which included anyone who may be involved with him, anyone he holds close to him. he saw everything that went on in this city— when night had fallen and the streets became far too dangerous of a place for a defenseless girl like you to be out in them. you had no idea the kind of people he dealt with, the things he’d seen, the things he had to do. he just didn’t want you to get hurt, but he wasn’t the best at expressing the sincerity of his words, and they often came out too rough, too harsh. it was the best he could do, he was trying to communicate effectively, he really was. but time and time again you’d failed to try and understand his pleas past the words spoken to you; to actually listen to them, and comprehend them, and not just listen to respond.
so, being you, you retorted like the stubborn girl you always were. the stubborn girl he’d fallen so helplessly in love with and was only trying to protect with his entire being.
you scoffed, rolling your eyes at him in disbelief. “look, you can’t tell me what to do, miles. i can do what i want.”
he didn’t hear anything that came from your mouth, because the expression on your face had completely distracted him from the conversation at hand.
“hol’ on, did you just roll your eyes at me?” his brow raised, daring you to answer that question with anything but a ‘no’.
what you responded with wasn’t necessarily a ‘yes’ per sé, but it definitely wasn’t any better.
“oh, so you wanna control my face now, too? dictating what i do with my life or the shit i say isn’t enough for you?” you challenged.
his head dipped back as he laughed, a deep, provoked laugh— though the both of you knew nothing was funny, and that this was always how he reacted before he actually got angry. laughing it off was a means for him to screw his head back on right, as if a warning to you to not push him too far, because anybody who spoke to him with this kind of gall just had to be joking.
he exhaled heavily, a hand scrubbing down his face.
“can’t lie, you talkin’ mad crazy right now, ma. i think you need to cool it with that.” he warned, corners of his lips turned into a forewarning leer. “ima let that lil’ shit you just said slide, cause i love you, and ion wanna hurt your feelings, but we done talking about this.” he decided, leaning forward to prop his phone back up on his desk before scooping his playstation controller back up into his hands.
“and watch your mouth.”
chin retreating towards your chest, you were taken aback at how quickly he decided for the both of you that the conversation was over, as if you had to agree with him, as if things were decided simply because he’d said so. and somehow, you found it in all your unbridled nerve to make things worse.
“yeah, you’re right. we are.”
thumb pressing to the red X, you hung up the phone, leaving miles to gape at the black of his screen with shock etched into his features. he waited for you to call back and tell him it was an accident, and sat there for a minute, leg bouncing to maintain what little patience he’d managed to cling onto during this entire ordeal. he swallowed his pride and called you back, only for the screen to read ‘facetime unavailable’ after just two rings. you declined it. squaring his jaw, he calmly nodded to himself, phone snatched up, jacket thrown on and controller tossed onto his bed— game forgotten about.
“bet.”
____
you were fuming after you’d hung up the phone, steam probably would’ve been puffing from your ears if something like that were possible outside of the cartoons. there was a tiny part—no, a huge part of you that knew you shouldn’t have hung up on him like that; that regretted it. a part that knew miles’ was genuinely trying his best to speak to you calmly in the way he’d learned how, specifically for you, when calm was something he rarely ever felt. but you couldn’t help your anger either, and figured a break from the conversation, and a shower to calm you down would do the both of you some good.
you sauntered out your bathroom after about twenty minutes, a towel tightly wrapped round your damp torso and a heavy, depleted exhale departing from your lungs.
you felt relaxed. the heat of the water had washed away most, if not all of your anger towards the situation and you sighed to yourself, ready to come back to the discussion with a level head, and to apologize to your boyfriend for snapping at him and ending the call so abruptly. it was rude of you, and honestly you hadn’t thought it through until you had already—
“you know, ion usually fuck with cats like that, cause y’all kinda freak me out. but you cool.”
the inner dialogue of your thoughts were cut off by a familiar voice, muffled through the shut door of your bedroom.
“what the fuck—“ you hurriedly started towards the door, hand barely remaining on the doorknob for a second as you flung it open, to see none other than your boyfriend, miles, sat in your desk chair with your cat, bella, in his lap.
he was leaned back, his large green puffer jacket still on, legs spread in his grey sweats. he looked very comfortable for someone who had just broken into a home.
“how the hell did you get into my house, miles?”
you stared at him unbelievingly, quickly shutting the door behind you. he was in no rush to lift his head to address you directly as he scratched the underside of bella’s chin with his pointer finger.
“window. you should really lock that.”
“even if i had, you would’ve picked it.” you argued.
“true.”
his eyes eventually met yours, and they gave you a drawn out once over, gaze following the drops of water that rolled down your skin. there was a hint of a smirk on his lips, and he almost forgot what he came here for. almost.
you felt your face heat up, grip tightening over your bath towel as you shifted on your feet, suddenly feeling flustered from the boldness of his gaze. so he looked away.
“let’s hope that shower gave your mama some of her sense back, huh?” he dipped his head down to address your cat in a sweet voice, before gently lifting her off his lap and placing her back onto the floor, only for her to drag her head and body along his calf with a purr. traitor.
he leaned back once more, hands patiently clasped between his open legs and head cocked to the side, twin braids swishing behind him when he did so.
“so wassup? you wanna try that conversation again?” with a brow raised he studied your features, as if he were silently challenging you to talk that same shit you did over the phone to his face.
“do you know what boundaries are?”
“nah, not really.” he admitted.
you swallowed, gesturing towards the open room for a reason you didn’t know why.
“can i at least get dressed first?” you cringed at how your voice sounded when you spoke, but the way he was looking at you had your mind reeling and you could only focus on one thing at a time— the argument long forgotten. to be honest, you don’t even recall what you had a problem with.
he shrugged. “sure, if that’s what you’d like.” arms crossing over his chest he spun around in your swivel chair, now facing the same window he’d come in through. “lemme know when i can turn around.”
you sighed.
this boy was going to be the death of you.
- please do not plagiarize, copy, or repost my works to other platforms!
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#junie’s works ᥫ᭡#across the spiderverse#miles g morales#miles morales#earth 42 miles morales#miles morales fanfiction#earth 42 miles morales x reader#miles morales prowler#42 miles morales#miles morales x reader#miles morales x y/n#earth 42 miles x reader#miles 42#prowler miles fanfic#atsv prowler#prowler miles#prowler miles fluff
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