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twoflipstwotwists · 3 years

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It’s a late afternoon in April, and Sunisa “Suni” Lee is where most people find themselves a year into the pandemic: Home, in a sweatshirt, talking into a webcam. The 18-year-old gymnast is poised to make history at the summer Olympics, but over Zoom, she’s just like any teenager, reflecting on everything she’s balancing behind the scenes.

While training for a wildly unpredictable Games, Lee has been caring for her recently paralyzed father, mourning the deaths of her aunt and uncle from COVID, and recovering from a broken foot that jeopardized her lifelong dream to win gold. Now Lee, whose parents emigrated from Laos, is also fighting to qualify as the first-ever Hmong American Olympic gymnast—all while her community contends with a national surge in anti-Asian violence. “People hate on us for no reason,” Lee says from her parents’ house in St. Paul, Minnesota. “It would be cool to show that we are more than what they say. I don’t know how to explain that...”

Lee’s father inches his wheelchair closer into the Zoom screen, and answers for her. “It would be the greatest accomplishment of any Hmong person in the U.S. ever,” he says. “It will go down in history.”

Before the Tokyo Olympics were postponed in March 2020, Lee’s family was preparing for the trip of a lifetime. Though she hadn’t actually made the team yet, her parents John Lee and Yeev Thoj had no doubts. They bought plane tickets to watch their daughter compete, and planned to celebrate afterward with a trip to Laos to show Lee and her siblings where they grew up. Both John and Yeev are Hmong, an ethnic group made of people primarily from Southeast Asia and areas in China who fought alongside the U.S. in the Vietnam War. After losing most of their land in the war, many Hmong fled to Thailand as refugees. By the late ‘70s and ‘80s, around 90 percent of the refugee population had resettled in the U.S., where there are now 18 Hmong clans, the largest residing in Minneapolis-St. Paul.

Lee describes her community there as “really close.” More than 300 people come to her family’s annual camping trip, and she can’t go to a local Asian store without someone asking after her dad. She has become something of a local celebrity herself. At Hmong events, Lee gets stopped for photos by people who tell her how proud they are. “It’s nice knowing I have them to fall back on,” she says. “The support is amazing.”

But last May, just two months before the Olympic opening ceremony was originally scheduled to take place, Lee’s family and the rest of the Twin Cities Hmong community found themselves thrust into the national conversation over race and policing. Kellie Chauvin, the now ex-wife of Derek Chauvin, the officer who murdered George Floyd, is Hmong American. So is Tou Thao, another officer on the scene who is set to stand trial in August on charges of aiding and abetting second-degree murder and aiding and abetting second-degree manslaughter in connection to Floyd’s murder. As part of the ensuing protests, several nearby Hmong American businesses were vandalized. John says it got “scary” when several homes on their block were broken into.

“I was trying to make the Hmong community more known,” Lee says. “When that happened, I felt like it was a setback.”

Lee’s journey to the Olympics started with a lumpy mattress and a piece of plywood. Her parents were eager to preoccupy their energetic, gymnastics-obsessed seven-year-old, and a balance beam seemed like the perfect distraction. John built a four-foot-long structure from a spare mattress that, to his credit, still stands in their yard today. He also taught Lee, who’s one of six kids, how to do flips on the bed.

By then, Lee had captured the attention of Jess Graba, a coach at Midwest Gymnastics. “It was super raw and she was just a little kid, but she had some talent,” Graba says, remembering when they met. “Her flips were kind of crazy—she had been practicing in her yard—and she clearly had some ability to go upside down without fear.”

In 2016 when she was 14, Lee was named to the U.S. junior national team, and it became clear Graba could be coaching one of the next great American gymnasts. They traveled around the world together for competitions, and by 2018, Lee had won a gold medal on uneven bars at the National Championships. Five-time Olympic medalist Nastia Liukin, Lee’s longtime hero, took notice of the high-flying athlete. “Her abilities as a gymnast, especially her bar routine, are incredible,” Liukin tells ELLE. “But it’s the unparalleled mental strength that she has shown during the most difficult time of her life that make her the person she is.”

Just two days before the 2019 National Championships, John fell from a ladder while trimming a tree. He was paralyzed from the chest down. At the time, Graba thought Lee shouldn’t compete out of concern for her safety: A distracted athlete is a danger to themselves because they are much more likely to lose focus and get injured. It would have been a devastating end to a decade of training, as nationals are like an unofficial pre-qualifier for the Olympic Games. But John remained confident in his daughter’s ability to compete under pressure. Before Lee stepped onto the mat, they FaceTimed and he advised her to clear her mind—and remember to have fun. “She can stay focused when she puts her mind to it,” he says.

As John watched the competition from his hospital bed, beaming with pride, Lee won the silver in all-around competition, nailing one of the hardest bar routines in the world. One month later, at the U.S. World Championships selection camp, she came within four-tenths of a point of beating Simone Biles in the all-around—the closest anyone has come to Biles in years—and landed one step closer to fulfilling her Olympic dream.

In March 2020, Lee was scrolling through Twitter after practice when she saw the news: The Olympics were postponed, for the first time in modern history, due to COVID. Lee wiped tears away with chalky hands as years of carefully laid plans were thrown into limbo. “To have that taken away from us without having any control is very hard,” she says. “I went through a depressed phase, and it was hard to get out of.”

For weeks Lee could do little more than sleep and cry. Her gym was closed for three months— practically an eternity in the unforgiving timeline of an elite gymnast. When it did reopen in June, Lee broke her foot, meaning three more months of downtime. “If you were 100 percent ready for the 2020 Olympics, then you’re spending the year going, ‘Let’s just not get injured. Let’s just not make any mistakes,’” Graba says.

Lee found an unexpected source of comfort in Biles, who went from being her biggest competition to one of her closest friends after they competed in 2019. “She was there for me,” Lee says. During lockdown, they Snapchatted and texted—two of the only people in the world who truly understood the gut-punch of waiting another year for the Games to begin.

Then, as the country continued to face rising COVID rates in summer 2020, Lee’s own family was devastated by the virus. Her aunt and uncle—close family members who babysat her as a kid—both died of COVID less than two weeks apart. Lee’s uncle, a Hmong shaman, had helped heal her hurt foot with hot ginger and other herbal medicines. Like so many others did during the pandemic, Lee said goodbye over Zoom.

As the nation slowly starts to heal, so has Lee. She can now spot small silver linings from the past year, like spending more time with her siblings and driving her dad to doctor’s appointments, which she calls “good for me mentally, because typically I’m never with them.” It has taken months and months to get back to the peak shape she was in pre-pandemic, but now it’s full steam ahead. The U.S. Championships are the first week of June, and the Olympic trials are later that month. Lee says the extra year has strengthened her performance on the uneven bars and made her more consistent overall. “I just didn’t want to see myself fall back,” she says. “I don’t want to disappoint my coaches or my parents.”

Still, a spot on the team isn’t guaranteed. For the first time in history, U.S. women’s gymnastics has only four open spots (down from five at the 2016 Games), one of which will almost definitely go to Biles. At this point, it might be harder for a U.S. gymnast to make the Olympic team than it is to actually win a medal once they’re there.

Unsurprisingly, none of this seems to phase Lee. She is no stranger to finding the best version of herself under intense circumstances—the version that wins medals, defies gravity, and advocates for her community. Before falling asleep at night, she visualizes herself sticking a perfect landing and coming home as the first Hmong American Olympic gymnastics champion. History made.

#sunisa lee #i want nothing but good things for her

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antidotenurse · 3 years

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Zexal III - Black Mist’s Return

Here’s a little fic that I wrote about Kanna and Black Mist’s first meeting and alliance! 3.3k words! Enjoy! ~ Sasstral

The first thing he became aware of was his sudden sense of freedom, like severing his arms from puppet strings. In an instant, he was falling to whatever ground there was below, and it must have been a long way away because he felt as if he was falling for eternity.

Wherever he was, it was far away from where he was going to end up.

He crawled, his form resembling that of liquid, across the cold ground, desperately searching for sanctuary in the unknown world he found himself in.

His powers already growing too weak for him to continue on, he found the asylum he had so yearned for in the form of a mansion. It held a certain energy within it, one that willed him forward with its strong presence.

The unbearable weakness he felt before began to melt away once he entered the very room all the chaos was flowing rampantly through.

He slid into the deck resting against a nightstand, curling up within it, he let himself lose consciousness, a form of stasis as he embraced the feeling of being safe.

A card appeared within the deck as the creature settled, it was Number 96: Black Mist.

…

Kanna Hino woke up before her alarm every morning. One of the first lessons her parents ever taught her was that tardiness was unacceptable and unprofessional, whether for school or ballet practice. She made it a goal of hers to avoid being tardy and to be as professional as one girl could possibly be.

She stretched every morning, starting from her arms and then down to her legs, keeping up good form was also important and very professional.

Every morning she’d sort through her deck, sometimes changing out cards with new ones so her moves never become too predictable, another very professional quirk of hers that she congratulates herself for.

She sat down in the chair by her vanity dresser and began sorting through them. Everything was just as she organized it the day before until she came across a card she didn’t recognize.

She held it up closer and muttered to herself quietly, “What is this?”

Suddenly, a cloud of black smoke emerged from the card and formed into a person, floating just above the floor in her room.

She sat there frozen until the being looked right at her, one eye gold and the other completely black.

Kanna let out a shrill scream, fell backward off her chair, stumbled upwards and began throwing whatever was on her dresser at the figure who stood there unfazed as the objects quite literally phased right through it.

“Are you done yet?” It asked her as it saw her running out of items to toss.

“What are you?” Kanna finally asked, gathering her calmness back and presenting herself as confident once more.

“I am not quite sure myself.” It admitted to her, it picked up the number card from the floor and mysteriously enough it was the only thing that it could touch, “I believe this is part of me.”

“Oh, so you’re a freaky card spirit.” Kanna concluded, it was the only logical explanation she could gather out of such a bizarre moment, and that was a stretch as it is. “What are you doing here anyway? I didn’t pick up your stupid card and I don’t want to be haunted.”

“I am not sure about that either.” The spirit answered, it’s eyes gazing around the room as if it had just noticed where it was.

“You have no idea how you got here?,” Kanna asked, “Into my room?”

“I remember sensations and emotions but that is all. I believe I may have unconsciously sought your room out due to its intense levels of negative energy.” The spirit said, not paying much attention to her angered expression, “It helped rebuilt my body, but unfortunately I am still incomplete.”

“Yeah, well, that sure is unfortunate but I can’t help you with that. You can take all the negative energy in this room with you when you leave.” Kanna scoffed angrily, picking her hairbrush up from off the floor and running it through her hair.

She didn’t expect to hear soft laughter following her response, still, she refused to look at the being.

“I see, so all the negative energy is coming from you.” The being pointed out.

Kanna stopped what she was doing and took a deep breath, “Why won’t you just leave already? I don’t have time to waste on you.”

“I cannot, you and I are bound together until I restore my memory and gain the ability to leave this world.” The being said.

“Hey, that isn’t fair! I didn’t even agree to help you, why should I?” Kanna questioned him.

“So long as you are the holder of my number, I am yours, if you do not like that arrangement perhaps I could make it the other way around. How about having you belong to me?” The being sneered at her, but Kanna quickly took charge.

“I’m in charge here, no freaky amnesiac card spirit is going to take control of me!” Kanna spoke with strength, the being looked as though he saw it admirable, “So once you get your memories back, you leave my life for good. I want to get back to normalcy as soon as possible.”

“Sounds like a wonderful deal to me.” The being agreed.

“So, do you remember your name?” Kanna asked after a moment of silence.

“I am Number 96: Black Mist.”

“That sounds like a mouthful…How about I just call you Mist.”

“If that is what you desire.”

“What I desire is for you to leave my room so I can get dressed.”

Black Mist stared blankly at her for a moment after she said that, “What difference does it make?”

Kanna stood and pointed towards the door, “Out.” She insisted.

Black Mist complied and left the room, only to poke his head through moments later. Kanna screamed at him and launched another item towards where his body had phased halfway through the door. He pulled back as the object hit the door with a loud thud.

Below the hallway banister, Black Mist witnessed an elderly woman look right through him.

“Kanna, darling, are you alright?” The woman asked.

Kanna opened her bedroom door, now fully clothed in her high school uniform with her hair braided, and shouted, “I’m fine, Grammy!”

The grandma walked back to whatever room she was previously in within the big mansion.

“You.” Kanna pointed at him accusingly, “Behave yourself while I’m at school. I’m a member of student council, they rely on me to be there. They wouldn’t be able to function if I weren’t at the top of my game.”

“If by games you mean dueling then perhaps my assistance would help you gain the respect of your peers.” Black Mist offered.

“It’s a figure of speech, I wasn’t talking about- Wait, you duel?” Kanna asked.

“Yes. In fact, I’m quite good. My dueling skills are the clearest memory I have.” Black Mist answered.

“Good to know. Well, see you later then.” Kanna said as she walked down the many flights of stairs she had within the big empty mansion she lived in.

That was the first thing Black Mist observed, how empty the whole place was.

What could one girl and one elderly lady possibly need such a large living space for? Neither of them seemed to interact much, having huge corners of the house to themselves and only ever meeting in the middle for mere seconds until Kanna escaped to solitary once more.

Kanna’s grandmother wished her a good day at whatever this ‘school’ was and then the woman and Kanna went their separate ways.

Once out the door, Black Mist got a good view of just how big her house really was, and how small the other houses were in the other neighborhoods they passed.

“Why are you following me?” Kanna asked, looking back at how Black Mist floated behind her.

“I told you, we are bound together. Wherever you go I have to follow. I am not doing this by choice.” Black Mist explained, “I do hope something interesting will happen at this school of yours.”

“Hey Kanna!” A fellow classmate called out to her on the school grounds.

Kanna scrambled to cover up Black Mist, hoping that just by standing in front of him would shield him from their view.

“Uh, are you alright?” The classmate asked.

Kanna looked back at Black Mist.

“Are you looking for something?” The classmate’s expression showed concern.

“You don’t see anything behind me?” Kanna asked, the classmate tilted their head and then shook it to answer ‘no’

“I don’t see anything, should I?” They asked.

“No, you’re right, there isn’t anything there. I just thought I was being followed.” Kanna used this opportunity to glare at Black Mist, causing him to smirk.

The classmate bid her goodbye and ran ahead.

“Well, now that is something, you seem to be the only one able to see me.” Black Mist pointed out

“Yeah, lucky me.” Kanna spoke with sarcasm, “It’s probably for the best. I don’t know if I’d even be able to explain why you’re stuck with me to begin with.”

Upon arriving at the school, many more students greeted Kanna, so it appeared she was decently well respected from her peers. However, the true judge of her respect would be this ‘council’ she was a part of.

Black Mist was dragged into Kanna’s student council meeting. While Black Mist expected Kanna’s hierarchy to be high in the group of students, he was a bit disappointed to see another boy sitting at the desk he expected Kanna to be in.

A ragtag group of kids had entered the room in hopes of making some sort of deal, Black Mist was interested and listening closely from the corner he floated in.

“So, you want me to make your club official.” The boy in charge said, “And, can you repeat the name to me? I don’t think I got it the first time.”

“It’s called the numbers club, Mr. President.” One of the boys explained, “Tetsuo made us badges and-“

“Yes, but what does your club do?” The president asked.

“We, uh, we do community service and…Solve problems!” The kid explained.

The president raised his eyebrows, “Hm, alright. Well, Takashi, you are a council member and I suppose I can trust your judgement.”

“President,” Kanna sprung into action and leaned over him, “are you serious about this? You should really reconsider! Look who is in that group! That troublemaker Tokunosuke, that dunce Yuma, and that freaky cat girl.”

Kanna spoke in a hushed whisper, it made Black Mist wonder why she didn’t speak her mind out louder because her statements seemed to all be true.

“If they say they’re going to be solving problems and all then I’m sure they’ll be able to keep people like Tokunosuke out of trouble. It could be a good thing.” The President assured her.

“Mamoru!” She tried again, this time on first-name basis. The boy named Mamoru didn’t budge. He instead ignored her and turned back to the kids.

“Get yourself a willing supervisor and consider yourselves an official club.” Mamoru told them, cheers erupted within the group of kids.

“Mr. President, I can’t thank you enough!” The boy who did most of the talking cheered, his friend behind him then jumped in.

“Yeah! You rock!” Another boy added.

As the kids were leaving, one of the boys looked back, his eyes squinted in Black Mist’s direction.

Black Mist stayed perfectly still, waiting to see if that boy really could see him. In the boy’s red eyes, he swore, he could have seen some recognition until one of the girl’s tried pulling him away.

“Come on, Yuma, what are you waiting for?” She asked.

“Oh, sorry Kotori! I thought I saw something.” Yuma dismissed quickly and followed the girl out with the rest.

“How could you let a club that vague become official?” Kanna questioned Mamoru, who shrugged off her statement.

“There’s no need to be so strict about clubs, it sounded harmless enough. One of our own is part of it.” Mamoru explained.

“But-“

“I don’t want to hear any more of it, Kanna.”

She exited the meeting room, arms crossed, expression blank but her frustration was evident. That much was as clear as day to Black Mist.

“Well, it seems like they do not rely on you as much as you previously stated.” Black Mist sneered.

“Just be quiet.” She said in a low voice, not at all matching the reaction to Black Mist’s comments she had before.

“You cannot combat the ignorance of others by speaking quietly. I am surprised you did not take action.” Black Mist told her.

“What could I have even done? He’s the student council president, I’m just a member.” Kanna argued.

“If you want people to listen to you and respect you then you must express your authority through power.” Black Mist advised her, “You have a lot of power within you, strong enough that even I sensed it in a delirious and desperate state. Why keep it under lock and chain?”

“How are you so sure of this?” Kanna asked him, her hands clenched up into fists, “You don’t even know who you are or where you came from and you’re telling me I’ve got some weird negative powers? I’ve always been just a human, Mist!”

“Even humans are capable of such things.” Black Mist assured her, “I have some advice if you would like to hear it.”

Kanna thought about it for a moment, looking around her to see if anyone was there to watch her talk to him.

“Go ahead.” She agreed.

“Defeat the most powerful duelist here and win the respect of your peers.” Black Mist said.

“That won’t be so easy.” Kanna added in, “There are duelists here who have competed in tournaments, I’ve never made it to that level.”

“Then let me help you. Dueling is engraved within my mind. My skills can be very useful.” Black Mist offered, his arm outstretched, “You are already inclined to help me retrieve my memories, Why not accept some help from me?”

Kanna went to shake his hand but her own phased right through, she let her hand hover above his own to show that their alliance was now formed.

She made a deal with him, a deal with the devil.

…

Shark was initially on his way to eat lunch with Yuma and the others on the rooftop out of some sort of ‘celebration’ of their club becoming official. He had no idea why he of all people was invited, after all he didn’t know Yuma’s friends all too well, but his sister was off eating lunch with some other girls and Shark weighed both options. Yuma and his friends wouldn’t tease him over embarrassing stuff, so eating lunch with them seemed like the better option.

On the way to Yuma’s usual spot, he caught something out of the corner of his eye. A card lay untouched on the ground of the school roof top, and it seemed far too suspicious to be something some kid dropped by accident.

Shark picked it and let out a gasp at the title of the card.

-32

“A negative number?” Shark questioned out loud in shock, he got out his d-gazer and began to call Yuma. Something was definitely amiss.

Just then, someone else arrived in though the sliding doors. It was Kanna who stood before him and she wasn’t just simply passing by.

“Ryoga Kamishiro, You not only made it into the National Duel Circuit and the World Duel Carnival, but you are known as one of the most powerful duelists in this school.” Kanna announced to him, “I want you to duel me.”

Shark was about to tell her to just go away and that he wasn’t dueling anybody until he saw a figure appear from behind her, one that was eerily familiar.

“Shark, what is it? What’s wrong?” Yuma frantically asked him through his d-gazer that was now held loosely in his hand against his side.

“It’s you.” Shark spoke in shock, “Number 96, how are you back?”

“Number 96?” Yuma gasped over the video call, “Shark, hold on! I’m coming over!”

“Wait, Yuma-“ Shark tried to respond but Kanna interrupted him.

“Number 96?” She questioned, then she turned to Black Mist, “Mist, he knows you.”

“He also has one of my memories.” Black Mist pointed to the card in Shark’s hand, “That card, it contains a piece of my fragmented memory, I can sense it.”

“I see,” Kanna said understandingly, “guess we’re going to kill two birds with one stone today.”

“What are you doing with that girl, number 96?” Shark questioned Black Mist, looking past Kanna.

“You should be more concerned about the duel we’re about to have over who gets to keep that card!” Kanna attached her duel disk to her arm, taking out her d-gazer and watching as the augmented reality field began to set in, “You will play for it, won’t you?”

Shark seemed reluctant but he too got set for the duel. Yuma and the other members of the numbers club climbed down from where they were sitting and met them in the middle.

Black Mist observed their expressions. Seeing them looking around frantically and in fear, questioning if 96 was really there filled Black Mist’s mind with thoughts. Has he been here before? Do these people truly fear him?

“Is Number 96 really here?” Kotori asked Yuma, “How come I don’t see him anywhere.”

Yuma gasped as it seemed his vision finally cleared while meeting Black Mist’s gaze.

“He is back…But how? How did I not see him before!” Yuma said in distress, “Shark!”

“Just sit tight, Yuma. I’ll handle this.” Shark assured him, “I didn’t see him either, until I picked up this negative number.”

“Negative number.” Yuma questioned.

“It seems like it’s his.” Shark replied.

“He has his own numbers…That must mean…Has he lost his memories just like Astral?” Yuma came to a shocking conclusion, his friends beside him gasped and Shark nodded in agreement.

“Enough talking!” Kanna shouted, everyone was immediately silenced, “I’ll be starting this duel off by summoning my Sugarplum Ballerina Mint!”

She set her card down and her monster appeared to perform a pirouette on the field.

“Next I play the field spell Land of Sweets!” Kanna announced, the area of the school transformed into a land of snow, gumdrops and candy canes stood tall around them, “As long as there’s one Sugarplum Ballerina on the field I can summon another Sugarplum Ballerina so come on out Sugarplum Ballerina Ice!”

“Sugarplum Ballerina’s special ability enables me to draw one more card, so say hello to Sugarplum Ballerina Pepper!” Kanna placed down her last Ballerina, the three of them standing tall on the tips of their toes.

Her field full of 3 level 2 monsters filled everyone with dread and Black Mist with joy.

Black Mist’s card within her deck box began to glow and Black Mist willed her to wield it. The two exchanged a malicious smiled and Kanna held Black Mist’s number up proudly.

“With 3 level 2 monsters on the field I can built the overlay network!” She announced, “I XYZ summon Number 96: Black Mist!”

Black Mist laughed out loud as he saw his avatar appear on the field before him. Just the sight of it almost brought his missing memories back to him without the Negative Number, but the nostalgic feeling wouldn’t suffice.

“It really is him…” Yuma exclaimed.

Black Mist had returned, meaning the merging of Astral and Barian World was about to bring out even greater evil.

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aitaikimochi · 4 years

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Here is the full translation of Nomura, Kitase, and Toriyama, and Hamaguchi’s interview from the FF7R Famitsu feature! Nomura talks about Jessie's popularity, the decision to include the Masssage Parlour scene, comments about the next installment's release, and more! Kitase discusses how it’s like working with a new generation of game developers, explains a bit more about the scene with Sephiroth and Cloud at the Edge of Creation, and refers to the Remake as the “New FFVII Story.” Toriyama mentions that the staff who worked on the original game wanted to create a completely new game while younger staff wanted to stay true to the original. Hamaguchi explains more about the development process as well as how they came up with the battle system, what type of system they have planned for Part 2, and more!

DIRECTOR TETSUYA NOMURA INTERVIEW —Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Nomura: Well first off, I feel very relieved. Although there’s still a long way to go on the road to completing the entire story, we are now able to see exactly which direction we will be heading.

—From the game’s battle system to its story to the elaborate details of Midgar’s various environments, including songs that sometimes only play in one scene, the game is full of a richness that has been carefully crafted, which shows that a lot of time and effort was spent creating this game. The staff must have been very enthusiastic, right?

Nomura: I think it’s due to the staff’s love for FFVII. The enthusiasm from the fans also helped propel us forward.

—Are there any elements from either the Original game or part of the compilation that you wanted to make a reality or something that you wanted to have in the past game that then added into this game?

Nomura: Definitely the world itself as well as how richly the people are portrayed. With all the different compilations gathered, it was rather easy to create the world. I think we were able to convey the importance of the areas seamlessly.

—FF7R really digs deep into the Original Game’s story, but there is a surprising development towards the end of the game. With Remakes, there’s always a faction of people who don’t want anything changed, but there are also those who actually want things to be changed. Were there discussions among the creators on whether or not you should change things?

Nomura: Since the concept of FF7R was already decided from the beginning, there wasn’t that much discussion. However, since each individual had different ways of perceiving things, we did discuss exactly how far we will change the story. I believe that I was the one who actually put a stop on several ideas towards the latter half of development (laughs).

—The Remake contains the “Whispers of Fate” that are not present in the original story, but what was the intent of having this presence? In English, they’re called the Whispers, but in Japanese they’re called the “Feelers.” Is there a specific reason for this difference, for example if the word “Feeler” was the origin of the name?

Nomura: Nojima-san actually requested us to give the Whispers an eerie aura. Initially, the Whispers were designed to be made out of small particles of sand that crumbled while still maintaining its shape, but also unclear in form. We then created an image of them wearing a robe, but more so than that, when we had to make a lot of them appear together, that’s when their form took a clear shape. The word “feeler” means to sense and to touch, but at the moment I cannot say anymore than that.

—Those who come into contact with Aerith can see the Whispers, right? Also, was Aerith able to see them from the beginning?

Nomura: People can see the Whispers when they come into contact with Aerith. However, at the moment I am unable to tell you when Aerith started seeing them.

—Instead of always being on edge, Cloud seems to behave more cooly but instead comes off as uncool to those around him. Aerith also seems a bit more mature than the original’s portrayal of her, and Barret seems a more unhinged and tense. The characters all seem to have a new side of them now. What kind of concepts did you use to add to the characters in this game?

Nomura: I personally think that the characters still have the same image as they did before, but with much more expressions now, and adding voices also created a large impact. This was my interpretation of the characters at the start, but since the original game required the player to imagine the type of reactions the characters would have, I think that this caused there to be different images of the characters. As time passed, I’m sure that those images of the characters had changed as well. I think that the errors in each individual player’s interpretation is in itself an interesting part of the game.

—Jessie has a lot of scenes in the Remake and has become quite a popular character. Were her scenes planned from the beginning, or were they something that was added midway through development?

Nomura: It was planned from the beginning. However, I did not expect her to be this popular though!

—The three new characters in Wall Market, Andrea Rhodea, Madam M, and Chocobo Sam, left quite an impression. What was created first, the characters’ personalities or their designs? Also, how did the concept of the Massage Parlour come about?

Nomura: At first, the characters’ personalities weren’t that detailed. We didn’t plan for their designs to be that rich either. However, I think that the voices and acting played a great role for them. In regards to the hand massage, in a city like that, well, the maturity rating would probably go up, so we couldn’t go further with what we had.

—Characters such as Leslie and Kyrie appeared in the light novels, but what was the background on bringing them into the Remake? For example, was it for fan service or something else?

Nomura: Since the stories are part of the Compilation, Nojima-san and myself had plans for them to be included from the beginning. We thought that it would be natural for them to appear in that time and place within the story, so we decided to leave them there. In regards to what happens to them after the events in the Remake, I recommend that players read the light novel “Final Fantasy 7 TURKS: The Kids Are All Right.”

—In regards to the battle system, it contains a fusion of both command and action elements, and each character has a different fighting style. By choosing different character moves, players are able to form various effective strategies, making for a very refreshing experience. Also, the acting and conversations that the characters have during battle also gives a fresh spin on each battle. I’m sure that this was made possible by trial and error, but what was the most difficult part in doing all of this?

Nomura: A real time action battle requires a sense of nervousness and realism, but we couldn’t discard the form and battle of the original game’s command RPG style. As a result, we went through a lot of trial and error to find a perfect harmony for the two. We decided early on to allow for a slow motion sequence to take place to allow players the advantage of being able to select their actions, but there was a long period of time that we couldn’t do it properly. It was largely thanks to the staff for tying in the ATB system to perfect this as well.

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Nomura: We know that everyone wants the next installment to be released quickly. We would also like to deliver it as soon as possible. Since we were able to see the line of quality from the first installment, we hope to make the next installment even better in quality that will make for an even greater experience. We hope to release it as soon as possible, so please wait a bit more. I think we can clearly convey the direction when we officially announce the next installment, so we hope you can look forward to it!

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PRODUCER YOSHINORI KITASE INTERVIEW

—From the time that the game was announced at E3 during 2015, the world focused their attention on the game, and after releasing footage of the game’s progress through a promotional video at E3 during 2019, the expectations from the fans has only increased. I’m sure you felt quite a lot of pressure at that time, but now that the game is finally released, how do you feel?

Kitase: I feel relieved that we were able to successfully approach both veteran fans who have been there since the beginning as well as new fans. I feel like right now, the expectations are even higher than before the game was released, and that gives us a lot of motivation to develop the next installment.

—Before the game was released, you mentioned that the hurdle that you needed to overcome was that of the player’s imagination that they have constructed in their minds for the Remake. After seeing the reception from the players post-release, do you feel that you have overcome that hurdle?

Kitase: Well, not just for me, but the power of the entire development staff combined was great. Most of them were fans from the beginning who also played the original game when it first came out. Thanks to that, they knew what kind of image fans probably had for the Remake, and I think we were able to overcome the hurdles that way.

—The game was released worldwide during a time when COVID-19 was affecting the entire world, but did that have any impacts on the game’s development? Also, before the game was released, promotional events were cancelled and the distribution of the game was also shipped ahead of schedule. There seemed to have been a lot of hard decisions to make depending on the situation…

Kitase: In terms of development, we only had the debugging phase left, which meant that the game was pretty much already complete, so there was not much impact from the virus. However, it was a pity that many promotional events were cancelled, and people were not able to really celebrate the release of the game. Luckily, through the means of the downloadable version, we were able to deliver some fun during a very stressful time where it was hard for people to even leave their homes. I hope that we were able to give them at least a moment of reprieve through the game.

—In regards to the FFVII Remake production, was there anything you were particular about?

Kitase: In the latter half of the story, there’s a scene where Cloud and Sephiroth have a confrontation. I wanted the scenery of that segment to show a starry sky that represents the overall themes of FFVII, and the art design team was able to bring that image to life.

Kitase: That’s all thanks to the careful attention that the Co-Directors Hamaguchi and Toriyama as well as the development staff put in making this game. I started game development ever since the Super Famicom console, so I’m used to the type of “cut” and “reuse” way of production. However, the new generation of games require a sense of reality, so that former way of developing games has become obsolete. The current generation of game development staff have that new type of conscience when creating games, so it’s thanks to their enthusiasm that we were able to make this possible.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Kitase: Not really. But I guess when we wanted to give an example from a movie or something, we wouldn’t bring up a reference from an old movie that they probably wouldn’t know (laughs).

—Are there any elements from either the Original game or part of the Compilation that you wanted to make a reality or something that you wanted to have in the past game that was then added into this game?

Kitase: I suppose that would be making everything in 3D with a 360 degree scope of the world. Especially when you’re looking up into the sky of Midgar or looking down towards the slums, I’m really glad that we were able to give the city a sense of realism.

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Kitase: This is connected with my answer to the previous question, but yes, being able to look above towards the sky from the slums, thinking “wow, you can see the sky after all!” For 23 years, I imagined the slums to be under a lot of pressure and cloaked in darkness. In the Remake, you can see a different side of the city during the day that you could not see in the original game, and I thought that was really fun.

—You were involved with the initial level design of the Sector 5 Mako Reactor from when the characters infiltrate the reactor to their escape, but were there any other parts that you also were involved in?

Kitase: I was also in charge of the initial stage level design for the scene at the top of the Shinra Building. The scene where Cloud is about to fall off the rooftop but is saved by Tifa is a callback and answer to the Sector 5 Mako Reactor scene where Tifa couldn’t save Cloud from falling.

Kitase: Director Nomura as well as Co-Director Hamaguchi and Toriyama hoped to be able to keep all the parts of the original that fans have come to love. However, we also wanted to add several surprises that would balance out the story too. I’m sure there are people who wish to experience the exact same story and relive memories. However, if we were to do that, then all we would be doing is just adding to the original experience, which would cause the Remake to lose its significance. I think that we were able to successfully revive the story by adding new elements for the new generation of a “New FFVII.”

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Kitase: The new FFVII’s story has only just begun. Please look forward to the story from here on out! --------- CO-DIRECTOR TORIYAMA MOTOMU INTERVIEW

—Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Toriyama: I’m really glad that despite the abrupt change in lifestyle [due to COVID-19], this game is able to deliver entertainment to people around the world in the comfort of their own homes. There was some skeptism from fans when we announced before the release of the game that the FF7 Remake will only take place in Midgar, but because the game dug so deeply into the world of FF7, I was relieved to hear that a lot of people were extremely satisfied with the game.

Toriyama: We thought about how we can revive the entity of FFVII using the latest technology as well as capturing the richness of the original. The time it took to oversee one scene or area was great, and in order to do so, we needed much more staff than what we had back in the day. Each and every staff had their own things they were particular about, and we were able to find a balance and successfully craft this game.

—Since you were involved with the development of the game, was there anything you were concerned about?

Toriyama: Since we had to replace many things with a new portrayal, I was quite particular that the essence of FFVII still remained true throughout. I think that if you had played the original game too, you would know which parts were changed and which parts were left in. However, I wanted to make sure that the events of the Remake flowed in a natural way with both new and familiar elements that you can enjoy. I’m happy to know that the Remake is able to add an even more vivid experience to go along with your memories of FFVII.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Toriyama: There are actually a lot of staff who have played the original FFVII and got the opportunity to work in this industry. There are also staff who are more versed in the original game than even the members of staff who worked on the original game, and many of those staff wanted to make an adaptation that kept faithful to the original. In terms of keeping things as traditional as possible, the staff who worked on the original game, myself included, had the notion of “making a new game that no one has ever seen before.” With that conscience in mind, we were able to decide the type of direction we wanted to go in the Remake.

Toriyama: In terms of music, FFVII is a rather cinematic series, but in the original game due to disc space and time restraints, we weren’t able to include a movie-worthy soundtrack. However, we were able to challenge ourselves with the Remake. We wanted to have specific songs that played throughout the entire game that would also go along with the scenes, so the Remake gave us a chance to be able to try this out. With this type of composing, we didn’t really have a specific detailed list, so we didn’t count exactly how many songs we created until we realized that the soundtrack itself would span to seven discs, making it a huge volume of songs (laughs).

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Toriyama: After the game was released, I saw a gaming review website capture all the little details of various landscapes in the game, from the posters and billboards to the train time schedules, close inspections of the buildings, pretty much everything that showed the lifestyles of people living in Midgar. Although I’m glad that people were able to deeply observe the details we put in, I can’t help but see some flaws, so it kind of gives me pressure to make sure that the next installment will have even more perfected details (laughs).

—Compared to 23 years ago, from the addition of voices in conversations to a change of design, trends have changed. Was it difficult to achieve a balance of retaining the essence of the original game but still representing it for a new generation?

Toriyama: We wanted to have the game be fully voiced including the NPC within the city, so we were careful when putting in dialogue that would sound natural. We left in some funny lines spoken from the original game’s NPC too, but since there were way more NPCs in the Remake compared to the original, we made sure to find a good balance where those lines wouldn’t be buried among the other spoken dialogue.

Toriyama: For the Remake, the voice acting was added after we had finished creating the cutscenes, and I think that the character’s performance really shined through from the work that the actors and actresses have done that brought out each character’s charm. During recording, Barret had an unexpected continuity that we pushed further, and the results really brought out his character very well.

—In regards to seeing a brand new side of Cloud, the peak of it would probably be the dance sequence at the Honey Bee Inn. Was this scene planned from the beginning?

Toriyama: We strongly did not want to leave out Cloud’s crossdressing scene but instead wanted to create a concept that would make it stand out even more in the Remake. We decided to make Wall Market a huge entertainment district, and we were very enthusiastic in making the Honey Bee Inn even more of an entertainment hotspot in the Remake. I actually helped create the Honey Bee Inn for the original game, so it was easy for me to reimagine the place for the Remake. While still retaining some elements from the original, we were able to give it a huge makeover.

—The Shinra Mascot dog “Stamp” appears in various locations, even on a snack package blowing in the wind in towards the ending with Zack. Was the character of Stamp originally created in the beginning stages of development?

Toriyama: The dog Stamp is a very important symbol that was planned since the beginning. Stamp’s use was determined along with the game design. AVALANCHE also uses him as their symbol, so there is a good meaning to him that we included to have him stand out. However, the Stamp that appears in the scene with Zack is a different breed, so please pay attention to that.

—I was quite surprised that Chadley turned out to be what he was in the story, but who’s idea was it to create this character?

Toriyama: Chadley is a new character that was not in the original game, so it was the scenario team who decided on creating this character. There are a lot of contents regarding the game’s difficulty levels and clearing the battle reports, so we decided to have Cloud be able to encounter Chadley throughout the entire game. I haven’t finished clearing the HARD mode yet, but I hope that those who haven’t cleared everything yet can challenge themselves with this!

—The new character Roche left quite an impact, but he’s an eccentric one that only appears in Chapter 4 and nowhere else. What was the purpose of his character, and will he appear in the next installment?

Toriyama: We had initially drawn up a concept of having Roche appear at the last battle on the Midgar Highway, but we thought that he might ruin the serious mood of the ending sequence, so we scrapped that idea. We also thought to put him in as a boss battle in the Chapter 14 slums, but since you can’t really race around on a motorbike in the slums, we unfortunately could not make it work. Roche’s spontaneity is one of his character traits that stands out though, so there’s a high chance that he’ll appear in the next installment (laughs).

—In the Remake, the characters have a lot of banter when they’re walking around or fighting battles, and the dialogue is not always the same either. Did you oversee the types of conversations that were put in?

Toriyama: All scenarios were checked and supervised by me and Nojima-san. We actually had a lot more lines prepared in the script for dialogue spoken by characters in boss battles, but somewhere around the middle of production, we eventually cut out the frequency of giving out hints and instead left it to the players to think about what to do. This in turn caused us to cut a lot of dialogue out.

—Are there any specific episodes, scenes, or dialogue that you were interested in or wanted to include?

Toriyama: The AVALANCHE base at the bottom of Seventh Heaven in the original game was an interesting area that left an impression on me, but since Cloud is not very close with AVALANCHE in the Remake, we wanted to show that distance between them, which made us leave out that scene. Although I really wanted to have Barret punching that sandbag in the Remake, I had to restrain myself (laughs).

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Toriyama: Even though the first installment of the “FFVII Remake” has ended, the story has only just begun. While listening to the voices of the fans, we also hope to make the next installments something that would exceed your expectations. I personally also played the original game again after finishing the Remake. While waiting for the next installment, I hope you can enjoy the differences in the Remake’s portrayal of Midgar and also have fun imagining what kinds of things lie ahead in the next game too!

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CO-DIRECTOR HAMAGUCHI NAOKI INTERVIEW

—Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Hamaguchi: I felt very relieved after seeing the user feedback after the game was released. I fully joined the development team for FF7R in 2017 when the fans had been waiting for this game for quite some time already. So I made it my mission to ensure that fans do not wait longer than 3 years for the completion of the game. FF7 is a game that many people have come to love, so there was a real sense of responsibility to carry, but even so, the development team staff is composed of people who are extremely passionate about FF7, so we were able to enjoy making this game while progressing on its development.

—Since you were involved with the development of the game, was there anything you were concerned about?

Hamaguchi: What was constantly said to the team was that we must “respect the original game.” We were not creating a new game that is only inspired by the characters and world of FFVII, but we strove to create a game where the elements of the original are remade using the latest game design and graphics, making it feel “nostalgic yet new.” If we were to stray far away from the source material, then people might think “this is not the FFVII that I know,” so we tried to follow the original story but added details that we could not add 20 years ago using the latest technology. With that, we were able to focus on enriching the story to create an experience that is still “the FFVII that l know, but with a lot more new things waiting to be discovered.”

Hamaguchi: The Remake was made possible by the enthusiasm from the entire staff. During the production of this game, the task division between the development staff was even more than another Final Fantasy numbered game. For example, a person in charge of location would usually be a level designer that would spend 2-3 years on a single location’s design, execution, and then implementation, and we had specific staff designated to work on all the locations as well. For battle parts, we had a single person in charge of 2-3 bosses at a time, and a level designers also oversaw everything from design to implementation. With this scheme, we were able to have each game designer focus on only the parts that they are designated with, which allowed them to be enthusiastic and particular with the production of their areas. However, because of this, each game designer felt very strongly of their work that they poured their all into, so in order to not lose satisfaction, wemade it a priority to view the contents as a whole within the team. By doing this, we were able to combine everyone’s vision into the end product.

—Without having the battle system be solely either a Command RPG or Action style, it must have been challenging to fuse the two together. During development, there must have been some trial and error to get it right, but was there any part that was specifically concerning or challenging?

Hamaguchi: One of the most particular parts was how we were going to incorporate the ATB Battle System. We didn’t want to incorporate a completely new battle style that was different than the original, so we were inspired by the original FF7’s ATB battle system to create a new and improved one that also works in real time. Of course, I’m sure that the action elements we added gives off a very fresh impression, but the root of the system is from the ATB battle system, allowing us to incorporate a sense of nostalgia to the battle system. The part we worked extremely hard on was how to fuse together action and command style elements. Many of the development team staff including myself have a long history working with command RPGs, so we are very confident with that type of battle style in that field. However, when we tried adding action elements in, there was a sense of discord within the battle system we had.

The part we were stuck on was that implementing a command system will cause the the user to have too much information in regards to fighting strategy, and that would only cause issues if we were also going to add real time action options too. When we were doing trial and error to figure out how to draw the line between how many action and command elements we could add, Battle Director Endou Teruki was able to join our team. He is extremely versed with action battle systems and how to develop them, so as soon as he saw what we had created, he immediately pointed out that we were lacking features in regards to the action elements of the battle system. Since we were having trouble figuring out a balance between the action and command elements, we couldn’t really answer what we were lacking since we just simply added in action elements, so we were not able to create a very refreshing experience. Luckily, Endou was able to concentrate on the action parts and balanced out the battle system with fast paced command RPG strategy as well as action elements, which is what you see in the finished product.

—In terms of creating an action battle system, I’m sure there were concerns about the increasing difficulty of that fighting style. For those who are not fond of action battle systems, there’s also the option of “CLASSIC Mode,” but was there anything else you were particularly conscious about?

Hamaguchi: For those who only wanted to enjoy the game’s story, we implemented EASY Mode, for those who wanted to enjoy the command RPG style of fighting, we also created the CLASSIC mode, so there are different play styles you can choose from. Since the “CLASSIC mode” was something we tried for the first time, we were excited to hear the reactions of the players, and I think the reviews have been favorable. We heard comments from users who enjoyed the Normal mode’s difficulty level but in the CLASSIC mode style, so we will refer to their feedback in the future as well.

—Since the game’s release, I’m sure that most people have viewed the battle system in a very favorable light. What do you think about the reactions that you have seen thus far?

Hamaguchi: We feel that we have delivered the exact type of battle experience that users can accept. I think this is thanks to the way we were able to create a system that not only reimagines the ATB battle system in real time form, but we also pays homage to the Command RPG style, which leaves a sense of nostalgia while giving a fresh new experience to the battle style. I’m sure there are a lot of people who are interested in what kind of battle system we have in store for the next installment too. We would like the battle system to be even more customizable with more action and command strategies that users can curate into their own playing style, giving an even newer experience, so please look forward to that!

—It seems that the level cap at 50 has some limitations in regards to your status attributes and range, and since various weapons have their own strengths, it seems like you put thought into balancing out battles. In regular RPGs, characters grow and their weapons become stronger, but it feels like this was done in moderation. Was this balance something that the development team had planned from the beginning?

Hamaguchi: When we were stuck on how to create the battle system, we made changes to optimize the balance of the battle system. We wanted a balance that also incorporated the original FF7’s customizable options with materia, and Battle Director Endou also had the same thoughts. However, if we allowed players to get as many materia as they would like, then they could technically give the same set of materia to each character, which would defeat the purpose of giving each character their own unique abilities. Thus, we decided to put limits on the amount of attributes you can have. Moreso than putting a moderation on gaining strength, we wanted players to have fun with the strategies that they could incorporate by using different materia or weapons. If you were to redo a battle, you could try other ways of setting up your weapons and materia to create a stress free battle, and I thought that was an important function to have.

—Boss battles within the game have different stages where the attacks or field changes, such as the Sword Dance battle that splits between two parties during the fight. Was this concept of having battles be set up in different stages as the fight progressed something that was decided during the beginning of production?

Hamaguchi: That’s right. I told the team during the beginning that boss battles would be executed out in phases. Many of the bosses within each chapter contain some of the most exciting reveals, so we wanted players to be able to feel immersed within the story even through the boss battles. In order to do that, we constructed each boss battle to have several different phases where the battle strategy changes and also focuses on the story at the same time. We also paid attention to the party structure. In particular, we spent a lot of time and effort to solidify the party structure during the battle with Sephiroth. The battle with the Whisper Harbinger that leads to the climax fight with Sephiroth is one that changes automatically as does the structure of the party you are fighting with, so the protagonists need to work together in order to challenge their own fate.

However, we felt that if we were to do the same type of structure during Sephiroth’s battle, then it might become tedious to the player. For example, if we were to take away one of the protagonists out of the four, then the fans of that protagonist might feel let down. Because of that, we decided that the characters who join you during the Sephiroth battle will depend on how you fought during the Whisper Harbinger battle. However, in order to do this, we would have to create a ton of cutscenes depending on the order that the characters appear in, and even now I remember the look on the cutscene team member’s faces when I proposed the idea and the blank stares that I received (laughs). Because the Final Fantasy Series is one that is known for having a large amount of cutscenes, I am really grateful for the cutscene team member’s assistance in not just the Sephiroth battle scene, but for working so hard on all cutscenes within the series too.

—There are weapons, accessories, materia, and items that were added into the Remake that were not present in the original game, but was there any particular reason for doing this?

Hamaguchi: Right before the game went gold, I actually made an absurd request to the team to add the “Pedometer” materia. You get this materia at the start of Chapter 14, and since you’re there to help people out with odds and ends within the Sector 5 and Sector 6 slums, you would need to walk around the areas a lot. Since you had visited these areas within Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 already, there wouldn’t be many changes, so I thought to give players a reason for walking around these places again by adding in this materia. I actually originally called the materia the “Step” materia, but I noticed that Toriyama changed the name to the “Pedometer” materia instead (laughs). I was reminded of it again when I saw the strategy book refer to that name.

—Is there any specific monster enemy or battle (whether it be within the Colosseum or Battle Simulator) that piqued your interest?

Hamaguchi: The “Level 7 Top Secret Battle” has quite a shock factor. The person in charge of battle planning asked me, “Does it make sense for Bahamut to summon Ifrit?” Since they are fighting in a virtual reality, it wouldn’t be a problem, so I answered “Yeah, go for it!” without thinking too much about it. However, when I was doing a play check for the difficulty level of the battle, I remember being shocked (laughs). When that happens, you’d probably panic and think that you should defeat Ifrit first, but it’s actually more advantageous to focus on attacking Bahamut instead. This battle was the most difficult one for me and left quite an impression.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Hamaguchi: Since the original game was so widely loved by fans everywhere, there were a lot of younger staff members who were scared of making changes. On the other hand, Producer Kitase wanted big changes (laughs). Nomura and I saw the Remake as an homage to the original game, so if we were to change anything, we made sure that it would be something planned with a specific reason that fans could accept.

—Did you have any ideas or wishes that you were entertaining by yourself that was then made a reality in this game?

Hamaguchi: It’s not something I was entertaining for a while, but having an automatic weapon growth system was something that I focused on before working on FF7R since I was on the development team for the “Mobius Final Fantasy” game, which left a strong impression on me. Since a smartphone game operates in a way that you return to it on a daily basis, lots of things are automated as much as possible to create a smooth experience. There’s also a card synthesis system within the game that allows for an automated way to synthesize your cards, so that was a point that I thought would be nice to have in FF7R where weapons could automatically level up as well. I’m always thinking about the consumer side when developing games, and being able to see customer reactions in real time, such as when I was developing smartphone games, gave me an environment to try out a lot of ideas I had. I think that was a great experience for me.

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Hamaguchi: Although I myself was involved too, I’m still very impressed that we were able to successfully create a game from start to finish without making compromises to any of the large amount of data we had. This is all thanks to not only Nomura, Toriyama, and other directors such as me, but also to the game designers, graphics team, sound team, system staff, and more. All of us had various responsibilities as creators, and it’s because of the best efforts of everyone that we were able to make this game possible. I’m personally very excited to make the next game with the same team members again!

—FFVII Remake is highly praised as a game with amazing quality with the latest technology, but was there anything that was challenging or something that you did not personally oversee but was still impressed with the outcome?

Hamaguchi: Seeing the world of FFVII open up through its story is one of the highlights that makes the game so enjoyable, but the user experience and story immersion could be greatly impacted with too many loading screens and wait times. We therefore kept a technical eye on the loading system since the beginning. In order to do this, we aligned the data with each situation so that it could simultaneously load, which allowed us to not have the loading screen appear during the middle of the chapter. During the last cutscene of each chapter, the next chapter’s data would already be loading in the background, which allowed for the load screen between chapters to also be as short as possible. We also added tips to read on the load screen, but because the loading times are so short, it’s also difficult to read all of them. It made me cry out with joy!

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Hamaguchi: The first installment of the “FFVII Remake Project” was centered around Midgar, and we strived to recreate a Midgar that you could not experience in the original story, showcasing the hustle and bustle of the lives of the people there as well as the environment. The next installment will then shift to the other parts of the world since the characters have escaped from Midgar in the story. We hope to create a game that allows you to experience the charm and allure of the world of FFVII from the various lives of the people as well as the environments that will be present. Production for the next installment is already under way, and our team is putting their all into the advancement of the game. Although there is still a wait, we hope that you can look forward to what we have in store!

#final fantasy 7 #ff7r #final fantasy 7 remake #ff7 #final fantasy vii remake #ffvii #final fantasy #cloud #aerith #tifa #barret #red xiii #reno #rude #tseng #rufus #my translations

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yaneyanedaze · 4 years

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Our Goddess, Clueless

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------She wanted the King. But he showed now interest in her until recently. He praised her and made sure she was well, He was one of her favorites. So she knew that he wouldn't keep this new play thing long. She's seen people come and go, so soon she knew she was going to be his one and only soon.

“He’ll see that i’m a perfect match for queen and throw that stupid broad back to the rags she came from..”

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It was a bright sunny morning, it was my first official day in the castle.

When I turned over in my bed I let out a shriek of fear, Three maids stood in my room with sheepish smiles, they quickly bowed and apologized for scaring me.

"Sorry your highness, Lord Kars ordered for us to help you get dressed this morning!"

The first one says as she unveils a box, I opened a box and nearly fell back in shock. I pulled it out and revealed a beautiful blue dress that had a giant slit that showed off my legs, following were gorgeous silver colored heels that matched with it. After I slip it on, I do a little twirl and smile happily at myself in the mirror "This dress is so beautiful~" I chime as the maids nodded their heads in approvel.

The second maid walked over to fix my hair and place the crown on top of my head, while the third worked on my nails and makeup. They were all making small talk with me, asking me about my old life, what was my favorite color, what did I like to do? You know, some small things to make me feel comfortable around them. I was happy and excepted the small talk, we talked and talked until a rapid knock was heard at the door. The first maid went up and opened the door, only to quickly bow;

"O-oh I'm so sorry Master Esidisi! We didn't mean to keep you waiting!"

I turned and smiled softly as I gazed over to him, "Good Morning, Lord Esidisi" I greeted, The white haired male chuckled and gave me a big smile as he walked into the room. "No No, it's fine (y/n), Kars is rather impatient when it comes to his queen. He has a whole day planned out for the two of you, so Lets hurry it along now" He says, ushering me out the room.

I nodded and stood up, waving goodbye to the girls as I step out of the room, closing the door behind me. I quickly moved to follow Esidisi, the clicking of my heels must've alerted him to me struggling to keep up with him, he slowed down and offered his arm to me. I giggled, slightly embarrassed but took his arm anyways, he guided through the halls smiling at me as walked, taking smaller strides to keep up with me. Esidisi opened up a large door and led me through, to which I was met with Stella, Kars and another male I know but haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet.

He had long hair and a stare that said he did not want to be there but his eyes lit up a bit when he looked at me. Stella gave a slight wave before returning to her conversation with the King, and said male had yet to turn around and see me. "Oh Santana! Didn't expect you to be here, Is something wrong? Did you start something " At first he didn't say anything until he looked me up and down. A light in his eyes shown but it was gone as quickly as it came. "No, I'm just here because of the queen, I came to show respects.." He stated quietly. At the mention of my name, Kars turned around and his face was priceless. He held a blush on his face and his mouth was slightly agape, but that expression quickly turned to a smirk. Raising an eyebrow, he walked (more like strutted) over to me and placed his hands on my hips, pulling me close to his body.

"You Look stunning, my dear. Stella Picked well." He said, gesturing over to the woman who was currently on the arm of Wamuu, who entered soon after me. I smiled over at him, and the Wind lord smiled back at me. Kars ran his hand across the side of my face, caressing slowly until his hand stopped under my chin. "Are you ready for the day my love? It's just gonna be me and you with no interruptions today" He said, a sultry undertone lying within his words. I felt a blush coming on my cheeks as I shyly looked away which only made him chuckle as he waved his hand to the servants to clear the way as he pulled me through the door to the outside, but out the corner of my eye i swore i saw Stella with a scowl on her face. 'What could she be upset about?....' I asked myself as I walked away with Kars

Should I be worried?

(POV Switch, Stella)

I watched as the King walked away with that skank commoner he called a Queen.

I huffed and crossed my arms and tried to do my best to hold my anger in as I was around the other kings, when Esidisi looked at me with a raised eyebrow, I smiled innocently at him. Wamuu had already left to attend to matters, to be honest, I could care less. He was a gentleman, don't get me wrong, he would wait to court me and said he wouldn't ask for my hand until I was ready.

News Flash. I'll never be ready.

I deserved to be Queen, after all, King Kars held me in high regards, he said I was special, then he turns around and does this!? I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't here Santana, Hell I didn't even remember he was there. "You're a pitiful excuse of a woman." He said bluntly, which shocked me, but Esidisi smirks and had a devious chuckle.

"He's right" He started. "You're stringing my poor son along, thinking that this is o.k. that you can continue to lust after Kars." He continued as he walked closer to me. I wasn't your average height for a female. (around 6'2) so i wasn't intimidated by him walking up on me, and frankly, I don't care that they get to see me like this. They know that Kars will not believe them, nor would Wamuu. His smirk turned to a scowl as he leaned down to get in my face "I'm not gonna say a word, because I know you'll slip up and do something stupid. The King doesn't appreciate people who disrespects his family," He finished. Santana simply scoffed as he walked away, "I just think she's a whore who's desperate for Kars, But now since he found the queen he's been searching for, She'll be done away with" He said before turning the corner and heading out of sight. I growled at him and crossed my arms,

"You'll see! She probably doesn't even know one thing about being a damn Queen! She'll just get replaced like the last one-"

"DON'T YOU DARE GO THERE YOU HARLOT"

The room was silent as we just stood in there, the room obviously heating up from his anger, but remained not phased with a cocky grin on my face. "What's the matter, You don't want me to tell her about the previous girl would you?" I teased. He backed up, let out a low growl, and turned leaving. I gave myself a little fist pump before I put on my nice woman act again as I wander off the go and find the King and the "Queen"

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(POV switch, back to you reader-chan!)

I giggled as I walked with a bouquet of flowers in my hands, Kars had taken me out to the village to see different shops. He tried to buy me several expensive things but I just settle on a simple dress and the flowers. They were blue, purple and white, A beautiful mixture and in Kars words 'fit for a lovely Queen'. Kars had his arm wrapped closely around my waist, guards on either side to protect us. I waved to whatever villager who would wave to me, I even stopped for a bit to talk to some of the local kids. A bunch of them were the children I used to babysit when I lived in town and they immediately recognized me, which led to all of them swarming me. They were asking questions about how the castle was, was there fun games to play, were there kids there? All of the questions were thrown at me, I tried to answer them all but one caught me off guard.

"Miss- I mean Queen (n/n), Will you still come to play with us?.."

I stared at the sky for a bit and then over to Kars, who was looking at me with all the children, I nodded and picked up the little girl who asked. "Of course, i'll try to visit and play as often as I can, I just have to ask the King" I answered, as soon as I asked that the kids turned to Kars and all began pleading with him. All various forms of the same question, to which Kars, at first, glared at the children until he eventually sighed. "I guess she can come as much as she likes."

Cue a chorus of happy yells , which turned to angry parents fusing at them for interrupting our trip.

I waved them goodbye and gave each one a flower from the bunch, and I still had lots left. I quietly hummed as we headed back to the castle. "My dear, Tomorrow we have to begin preparations for your official taking of the crown." Kars mentioned, to which i simply nodded. We'd discussed this earlier, and I told him, even though I was cross with my mom, I still wanted her and my family to attend. He was heavily against it but sighed after I told him I wanted to make amends, and that they had to come.

Kars ushered me inside the castle as he said he had business to attend to with the others, he gave me a kiss on the forehead and cheek before walking away, leaving me with guards to escort me back to my room. I followed and held my cheek where he kissed me. I was only here for two days and this man already managed to have an affect on me, what the hell is wrong with me!? I sighed and plopped down onto my comfy bed and slipped out of the dress and heels, I didn't care about my hair, I'd just get up and wash in the morning. I snuggled into my pillow, at first I didn't want to do any of this, but now I can't help but feel some type of attraction to the male. I mean he's going to officially be my husband in a few days, but I still couldn't shake this feeling off that something was wrong..

....And something bad was gonna happen....

#jjba #yandere jjba #yandere jojo's bizarre adventure #yandere kars #Kars x reader #jjba pillarmen #jjba kars #jjba esidisi #jjba wamuu #jjba santana #Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

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pleasancies · 3 years

Text

Justifying The Aftermath

wordcount : 2.1k+

warning : mention of animal abuse, emeto

content : lashing out, electrocution, vomiting, whumper!caretaker, lady whump, lab whump, whumper pov, manhandling

This is it! The last day of Summer of Whump. It's been fun, writing and reading more whump from this event. Can't wait for next year! Tagging : @summer-of-whump

***

Previous Chapter

"Breathe deeply, Fenrir."

Her stare was full of contempt. There was still a sharp edge on her two fangs. Blue veins jutting out under her arms and legs. She was much older than John, late in her twenties. Prior affiliation indicated if she wasn't a murderer or an arsonist then she's an accomplice to one. He didn't dare to take a step further. Even when her left arm was tucked in a sling, the other connected to an IV, the general scrapes and bruises on her face, or the fact that she couldn't sit up so the infirmary nurse had to raise her bed to prevent her lungs collapsing in on itself.

Fenrir spat, and it hit him in the chest despite the distance.

John took out his napkin, "I mean it for your well-being. Your rib fracture wasn't severe, but your recovery will be greatly stalled if you manage to get yourself pneumonia."

"And then what? Brainwashing? I had to be Empire's hunting dog? I'd rather die."

"You're contributing to the public good. We're not lying."

"You think turning people into living weapons is for the greater good?" Fenrir grinned, covering the upper half of her face with her palm. "Rich kids are easy to brainwash."

"We were forced. If terrorist groups like those Heretics you love so much doesn't terrorize the managers then we wouldn't have to spend so much time on defense!"

John watched the rise of Fenrir's chest as she spoke. Her breath was fast and shallow.

"Heretics are a new thing. The humans living in the Orients and the Border Islands have existed long before the Ship fell into our grounds. The Empire wasn't reacting to them when they sent out the first Seed and they sure as hell does not need a living monster to weed out a bunch of poors with a handmade grenade. What the Empire doing is never defense, child. They're hungry for control."

Child. It filled him contempt. He might have been younger than her but look who had their life sorted out? An internship with the smartest minds of the earth, a girl waiting back home, and a few years worth of savings. John is more mature, educated in things other than the vulgarity of drink and merrymaking.

Forgetting his fear, John leaned on the side of Fenrir's bed. He loomed above her. "Your problem is that you're uneducated. You had a brilliant mind, but you didn't go to school or truly learn how to think the big picture. The facts you learned was baseless. The Radicals got to you first and I'm sorry for that."

The glare she gave sharpened, and for a second John believed she's going to lunge at him. Luckily she was only taking a deep breath.

"Uneducated? I've written essays, planned raids, and build gardens! I might not be an engineer, but I know more about the world than you."

"This is a waste of time. You're insulting instead of discussing."

"Explain how calling me uneducated isn't an insult."

John run his fingers through his hair, "I'm here only to look at your progress. Look, I think Heretics are too caught up in their pain. They experienced bad things and blame the Empire. But it's just the world. You need to struggle and work and-"

"Mind if I cut in?" Fenrir doesn't wait for John. "Since you want an argument, I want to acknowledge we both had a different view of reality. It's just our sources. But you need to think about what they taught you. I assume you're referring to the workhouses."

"Yes. That, and the jails. I know most of you are former convicts."

She ramped up in intensity. Fenrir raised her voice. "They might told you it's just a struggle, but have you even been there? Eat the rat-pissed grain and get yelled off for sitting? Have you ever questioned if the papers telling their story reflects reality? Managers owned the workhouses. They owned the papers. Of course they only said good things about it. They got away with untold evil because you trust them!"

The long histrionic rant left Fenrir with a coughing fit. John's answer were simple.

"Who's to say you didn't lie to me to sympathize with them?"

"Ask ten men working in the poor house. If anecdotes don't phase you then read some statistics my group works on."

"I'll do it." If John had the time, which was virtually nonexistent. If he had the guts because none of his friends including him know a guy like that, and approaching workhouse residents can get you robbed "Later. Wartimes are a bitch."

Fenrir chuckled, her mood has lightened up. "Aren't we all united under a single flag? Why is there still a war?"

A rhetorical question and a trap. Why is Fenrir likes to anger herself so much? Either way, he's not taking the bait. What a sad life, suspecting every thing you hear might be misinformation. The Empire could never lie about something so grave. They had principles. John had seen firsthand how his life have been easy because his family knows the rules and how go around the proceedings. It's imperfect, but it's definitely better than whatever the Heretics are going for.

For a week, John and Lisette have been adjusting. Visiting Fenrir separately, taking notes of trigger buttons and quirks. This Fenrir was different, and the way she was exposed to the substance made a different sort of Dog, besides the mutations. They need to re-do experiments, test new things, even change up their approach. Fenrir was always angry, and there's this restless energy around her. Avoiding certain topics and sneaking up sweets for her seem to calm her down a little, but that restless edge was still there.

Not a concern. Not since Fenrir's ribs and shoulder had mostly healed. Not after they've think up strategies to temper her prickly disposition and contain the emotional outburst after her first testing. Not when they drug her when she's already asleep before transporting her to the forest.

They were expecting a tantrum. The soldiers prepared stun guns, flash bangs, anything that could assault her heightened senses. Professor Clayton personally stitched the taser cuffs on her ankle. Something John had spent a great deal of time debating against. He was overruled. Lisette took their superior's side. In the end, the shock collar was necessary.

"I think she's getting through to you," Lisette teased.

"Oh shut up. I was trying to meet her halfway." The image in their cameras are somehow better. Some were blank, filled with static courtesy of Fenrir's rampage. But the few that left thrived, vivid contrasts and colours detailing her figure among the half-eaten animal. Alien techs are on another level. "She was taught to expect cruelty from us. We can't reform her if we proved her right."

"I think that's unfair. She'd done bad things, just because she was radicalized to do so doesn't mean she's exempt from punishment."

John leaned on his chair, "But we're not judges. We're scientists. We should refrain from any cruelty unless it's sanctioned by the State."

"Yeah, right." The speakers blared with a distorted buzz of a helicopter. They were silent as it lands at the edge of the forest. Lisette went on, "so you've already told the King you'll stitch Fenrir's wound without anesthetic?"

"You're missing the point."

"What is it then? Don't get me wrong, I think she deserves it. She was a terrorist. But I won't delude myself that they'll bring her to court. No, the way this goes is she'll work for us and be given an honorary medal when all of our testing eventually gives her brain damage."

Lisette leaned closer to the screen. Her expression unreadable. Professor and his soldiers had found Fenrir. She haven't moved from her position. Still kneeling, dirty blonde hair matted with blood. They practically jumped at her. Seizing the shoulders, heaving her up, and kicking her in the legs to disturb her balance. Two men at the side, another sticking a gun on the back of her head. Professor Clayton kept his distance, the switch for the taser cuffs firmly in his pocket.

She glanced at John. The silence of the room grows opressive. He leaned to his microphone, eyes still intently looking at the screen. Fenrir let her feet dragged against the ground. Her head hung low, eyes half-lidded. Not looking at anything at particular. Quiet.

That period of trepidation passes. Fenrir doesn't fight, doesn't even squirm as they put the earmuffs and blindfold on her. She arrives, her knees buckling and fall on the floor. The strength had gone out of her.

First test passed with flying colors. The trigger serum worked. They didn't have to kept her half-dead to maintain her beast form. But the devil is in the details, how much does she have to lose? It was John's assignment to figure it out.

On first glance, Fenrir seemed to have crossed that line. John could smell death from her. Her entire body is covered in dried blood, yet she didn't seem bothered. She stared at the desk, gripping the towel they gave and picking at the threads.

"Fenrir."

"My name is Avis."

John kneeled in front of her, taking the towel. She was shivering, and her fingers were shaking in a way that suggest it was more than the cold. He wrapped the bloodied cloth around her shoulders.

"You're supposed to cover yourself like this," John brings the ends of the towel to her two hands. He hold her clasped arms, gently pulling it so the fabric would cover more of her body.

"I know that," Fenrir absently murmured.

Looking closer, it was a grisly sight. Blood runs from her gums. Pieces of the camera were stuck under her long nails. Dust and dirt were sticking under the coat of dried blood. The shock bracelet was still there.

"I was going to give you a few test before we took you to the infirmary again but maybe you need medical help and a shower first. How's that?"

She looked at him. The hateful stare was still there. "Do you think this is justified?"

"We needed to test your power. Your blood could save millions, only if we know what to do with it."

Fenrir burst into a laugh, "Making me ate two dogs alive could save people?!"

"Fenrir—"

"Don't call me that!" She stood, still taller from the transformation. Her eyes were burning from tears she's desperately holding back. Her stomach hurts. The smell of her body made her sick. Even more disgusting when it reminds her of what she'd done. "I'm not fucking stupid. I'm going to be a warbeast and the only thing I'll save is the Empire's stolen property!"

"Sit down. Please. Let's get you a bath and we'll talk this out, alright?"

Fenrir took a step back. John wished they bother to bring in her handcuffs, if only for his piece of mind. "How could you see me out there and think this is okay?"

"You're right. It's not okay."

It's justified. But John was at lost for words. He nodded, "I know you're in distress. I hear you. Let me help."

"Then leave!" Fenrir yelled. "Acknowledge for once that this entire operation is senseless violence!"

John throw his testing papers on to the desk. His voice grew cold, "You're a hypocrite. You burned houses, destroyed machines, terrorize my friend's families. How could you do all of that and think this is bad?"

"You didn't know, no, you refuse to see the destruction and terror they've caused. And when it became too big for you to ignore, you're going to pretend they've hid it from you all this time or you've got no choice but to follow their orders."

Fenrir reached for the papers, and for the next thing they both now was that her screamed reverbrate through the room. She was on the floor. Seizing. Her limbs jerked, hitting the nearby table. Blood runs from her ankles, and John looked at the door to find his mentor leaning against the frame with the remote.

"Get her a bath, John."

He nodded. She was too weak to fight him off. Little aftershocks plagued her body even as he helped her sit.

"Come on, we should go."

"No, wait." Fenrir hold the leg of the desk in a vice grip. She kept her mouth tightly shut, and there's a bit a green around the outlines of her face. She felt her cheeks burning. Saliva pooling in her mouth. John shook her shoulders. The movement was a straw that broke the camel's back.

She gagged, heaving out a gush of acid and pre-digested flesh. The chunks of meat triggered another bout of vomiting. Each wave of nausea more stronger than the last.

"It's alright," John said, rubbing her back, "Let it out. You'll feel better."

Soon enough, her stomach was empty. She was nodding off, her eyes glassy with tears. John the only thing keeping her from slumping down on her own sick.

"You're a monster," Fenrir muttered.

Next Chapter

#summerofwhump30 #summer of whump #lady whump #lashing out #lab whump #electrocution #emeto cw #animal abuse mention #whumper as caretaker #futuristic whump #manhandling

7 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1279

Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends? I don’t keep contact.

Has anyone ever pointed out that your laugh was unusual? Hmmmm, I don’t think so. I feel like that would be the type of comment that would get to me so I definitely would’ve remembered it.

Would you get a lip piercing? I don’t plan on getting any piercings.

Nose piercing? Nopes.

What are you currently waiting for? For this fucking day to end so I can be closer to Thursday and to the weekend.

Do you have feelings for anyone? Nah.

Have you ever run over an animal? Nope. I’ve had extremely close calls with animals who suddenly dart into the road, but fortunately these have all been situations wherein I got to hit the brakes with nobody behind me.

Have you chewed gum after someone else already has? That’s disgusting, no.

When people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’? Sure, out of habit and just to be polite.

When was the last time you were on a bouncy castle? I don’t think I’ve ever been on a bouncy castle, but I’ve been on a lot of bouncy other things haha, like inflatable slides, soccer balls, Anpanmans, etc. The last time would probably be a nearly a decade ago; I definitely haven’t been near one in a while.

Have you ever went on a bouncy castle whilst drunk? Well no, because the ones I’ve been on were situated in school fairs, which is the last place I would want to be drunk in.

Have you ever entered an art competition? No, I have no justification to join one haha.

What is one thing you will never do? Try hardcore drugs. < Same.

What is one food that you detest? Pineapples.

Did you have a rebellious phase growing up? Yeah I was a bit of a handful to raise, but I’m in firm in my stance that it had a lot to do with the way I was raised. I grew up mostly without a father figure because my dad worked abroad and I felt neglected by my mom who had her own shit to deal with. There was no stable support system to lean on, so I ended up lashing out a lot in my puberty years. Unfortunately everyone else just saw a rebellious child and not a plea for help.

These days when I show off my achievements on social media, I’ll see congratulatory comments from my mom’s friends and she’ll usually go on about some “late bloomers grow with time” narrative and it pisses me off because nobody knows how much I’ve had to grow and mature and learn how to be happier all by myself, all from scratch. If I had just received the proper care and attention early on, I wouldn’t have had to do any catching up to begin with.

What religion were you brought up with? Roman Catholic.

Are you still that religion? Jesus no. I darted out of there as soon as I gained the consciousness to think about these sorts of things.

Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Sometimes, but I do my best to not let it get to me.

How many friends do you have on Facebook? Over 670.

What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? I started with punk rock in the first half of high school, so I had my Rancids, H2Os, Against Me!s, Cro-Mags, etc on my iPod. It evolved a little bit towards more indie, folksy sounds towards the latter half - Banks, alt-J, Hozier, Twenty One Pilots - which I largely attribute to the crowd I was part of at the time.

What pet names do you use with your significant other? I’m pretty straightforward so baby works out for me. Other, more specific pet names just grow naturally with the relationship, I think.

What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? S&R.

Have you ever seen a theatre show? Yeah. Most of them have been required.

What’s your favourite vegetable? Broccoli or bell peppers.

Have you ever missed a flight? Never. I’ve experienced several delayed flights, though, which is always such a hassle especially if the delays happen in provincial airports since they never have any recreational offers to keep passengers from getting bored other than TVs that run the same damn five ads.

Do your neighbours have any pets? Have you ever met them? Yeah, a lot of have dogs. I’ve met some.

What color is your bedroom door? Brown.

If you were ever to become famous, would you grow annoyed at fans? Only towards obsessive ones who wouldn’t give me time to breathe or would go so far so as to stalk me or my loved ones. But I am a fan too, so I imagine I would actually be understanding of those who would ask for pictures or whatever as long as they were polite and not at all intrusive.

Have you ever met your favourite band/singer? Nah. I am terrified of meeting celebrities HAHA so I’ve always shut down the chance. I’m pretty sure I would actually turn down the chance to meet BTS if I hypothetically suddenly got the magic keys to that door.

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs/singers/bands you like? No. I feel like that sort of thing just happens in like high school, when your friends are still a bit judgmental. Nowadays I don’t see why I should be embarrassed of anything I like, especially if it’s not hurting anyone.

Have you ever written a story? I’ve made attempts but was always terrible.

Think of the last poem you wrote: What inspired you to write it? My homework that required me to write said poem hahaha.

Do you have a chance with the person you like right now?

What’s the weirdest thing you were scared of as a child? Watching commercials at night. It’s still a slight fear of mine but it’s mostly dissipated now.

Are there any embarrassing stories your family tells about you? About me? No. I don’t have a lot of those since I was a really shy kid who barely moved a finger anyway.

In your opinion, what is the funniest TV show? I have a *really* soft spot for Perfect Strangers, which I actually revisited yesterday :) The show was never super popular so it’s near impossible to find clips online, but when I checked YouTube I did see a slight increase in short snippets from the show so I had a really fun time binge-watching yesterday.

What is the maximum number of children you’d ever have? Three, but that’s pushing it. Ideally, I’d have two so my first would have company.

Have you ever been concerned you had a serious illness? Mental ones, yes.

Are you comfortable with who you are? For the most part, yes.

Would you date someone even if you knew you’d get made fun of for it? No. Why would it be any of their business?

Does popularity matter to you at all? I mean, yeah in the sense that I honestly aspire to be well-liked by as many people as possible. But I don’t necessarily want to rub shoulders with popular kids.

Would you ever consider homeschooling your children? Continued from sometime this week ider. No. I don’t think I’m capable of teaching, and generally I’d want them to be able to learn in a more open environment where they can have regular contact with different kinds of people.

Who told you about the band/singer you are currently listening to? Well Angela got into them first and since we’re best friends, there was a certain point where she just decided to loop me into conversations that involved them. I was impossible to sway for a long time, but then one day a video compilation of them showed up on my feed, and for some reason I actually watched it, and I watched all the way through, and I was immediately intrigued – particularly by J-Hope haha. I then asked Angela to tell me more about them and the rest was...financially irresponsible history HAHAHAHA

Do you ever read fanfiction? OMG yes. Funny you should mention that because my favorite author uploaded a brand new fic this morning, which I obviously couldn’t get to all day because I had to go to work. I’ll be reading it in all its 44,000-word glory tonight :D

Would you rather die in a plane crash, ship wreck or fire? Plane crash. Instant and mostly painless.

What are your top five favourite TV shows? Breaking Bad, BoJack Horseman, Friends, The Crown even though I was never able to continue it since...andddd that’s all I got.

What is your favorite superhero movie? Not a fan of superhero movies.

If you died next week, what would be the cause of death? Stress from overworking. I’ve FINALLY started to consider taking a leave for the first time this year because I’ve just realized just how fucking exhausted, burned out, and overwhelmed I actually already am from having no rest at all in the last 13 months.

Have you ever taken a break from Facebook or other social media? Why? Yes, I do mass deactivations when I’m severely depressed. These days I can’t really afford to that anymore, though, since my work is closely tied to social media.

Who is the most talented person you know? Probably Andi.

Are you currently platonic friends with anyone you’ve had sex with? No.

Where did you and your current interest go on your first date?

Have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? What happened? Nah. I’ve had two people like me at the same time, but there was never any tension to watch out for since they mostly didn’t know each other.

Have your parents ever thought you were gay? What happened? I think they know I dated Gabie and that we broke up because they’ve stopped asking about her. Everyone knew we were best friends, so the fact that they’ve avoided her as a topic for a whole year is able to tell me something.

Are your parents more liberal or conservative? Dad’s on the liberal side, mom dances around on the spectrum a little bit. I know she’s fine with things like tattoos and having LGBTQ+ co-workers, but she’s also conservative especially towards matters like religion.

What year are you going into at the beginning of the next academic year? No longer in school.

How far away does your closest family member live? A few footsteps away.

If you’ve seen both, did you prefer the Disney version or the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland? It’s not my type of movie/genre to begin with.

Would you have sex before marriage? Why or why not? Yes. I don’t see the big deal; I’ve already done it anyway.

Are you more liberal or conservative? Liberal.

Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? Ooh not sure. I haven’t gone back to the books in a while, so I don’t remember if there was anyone I had an attachment to.

What’s the worst that could come out of letting gays marry? Nothing.

What’s the most sexual thing you’ve done? Had sex...I guess? And a bunch of stuff that comes with it.

Name something that you are against. Racial discrimination.

Why are you against it? Because it is infuriating to see, and it shows me the very same treatment can happen to me or my family as well and that scares me, especially since some people turn particularly violent towards people of color.

Have you ever played the Tomb Raider games? No.

Do you like it or hate it when your partner is clingy? I imagine I wouldn’t enjoy it if I’m not as into whoever my next partner would be.

Beatles or Rolling Stones? I don’t listen to either.

When was the last time you changed your opinion on somebody? Not so sure about a whole change in opinion because that hasn’t happened in a while, but I grew more grateful for my manager today because I finally mustered the strength to tell her that I’m begin to struggle mentally with work and she not only encouraged (read: begged) me to file a damn leave for once, but she also got sushi delivered to my place.

What was the last thing that made you feel proud and why? Andi was telling me about their day today and how they handled being misgendered by a prof, who then proceeded to throw a fit when he got corrected, and how they, again, maturely handled said fit. I was proud of them because there are a million ways that incident could’ve turned out, but they dealt with it in an extremely mature and calm manner considering they were the one who was wronged.

Do you feel uncomfortable when people you hardly know confide in you? If it was about an extremely personal problem I would probably be taken aback at first, but I still would definitely make some time for them and help in however way I can, since they apparently trust me enough to confide.

What was the last thing to fascinate you? The music video for My Universe! Super cool to watch and I love that they made a short film out of it too.

Is there a certain noise/sound which scares you? Doors being slammed shut, because that’s what my mom does when she’s furious. She did that when I was a kid and she does it to this day, so I get extremely nervous when I hear the sound, even if it happens by accident.

Do you have a favourite microorganism? Nope.

Out of the people you know, whose birthday is next? My cousin Bree.

If you have pet fish do you bother to name them? I did when I had them as a kid.

Do you keep your eggs in the fridge? Yes?

Have you ever owned chickens? Nope.

When did you last listen to music? Like five minutes ago. I tried to have a jazz playlist on but I realized I wasn’t in the mood for music so I changed my background noise to have a random VLive on instead.

#surveys #survey

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agentwhiskeysdarlin · 4 years

Text

Full of You

Pairing: Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x Fem!Reader (no y/n)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: this is pure filth okay, cockwarming, Jack’s filthy mouth, spanking, Daddy kink, clothed Jack and not clothed reader, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), I believe that is all

Word Count: 1,659

Author’s Notes: So technically this was a request made by @sabinemorans awhile back and I am just getting to it because inspiration just kind of struck and it kind of happened. I owe some emotional support to @clint-aww-no-barton & @discogrrl cause honestly they are my cheerleaders. I hope you guys enjoy and feedback is always welcomed!! (As much as I write for this man I am sorry for the repeated use of gifs. I was eventually going to run out.)

ao3 link for story

You both had agreed to this and you needed to be good and do what you promised. My god it was so damn hard though. Laying in an empty bed night after night, not hearing from him and when you do it’s short lived and sweet words of missing and longing. You had so much pent up energy it was driving you insane. Why could he not just come home already? Maybe you could just once. I mean how was he going to know? You could just hump your pillow or just rub your clit, nothing too crazy and you would never have to tell him. Why in the world did you agree to this anyway?

Jack had made you make a promise before he went on the longest mission in history to not touch yourselves while away from each other. It was the first mission he had went on since the two of you had moved in together and were perfectly in the honeymoon phase of constant love making. The simple thought of the man drove you wild and now you couldn't stop thinking about his hands all over you. You laid in bed starring at the ceiling, your mind racing and finally you decided to fuck it all. How was he going to find out anyway? You slipped your hand into your shorts and brushed over the bundle of nerves. You let out a small moan. You closed your eyes, let your mouth fall agape and let your head fall back as you went to work rubbing you clit. You moaned Jack’s name like he was right there, laying behind you working you like he only could. You never heard him come in nor did you see him leaning against the doorframe as you lost yourself in the fantasy in your head.

“Now princess what’s this?” His tone was series and you jumped quickly sitting up.

“Jack you scared the shit out of me!” You exclaimed as you looked at him.

A very vivid blush had rose to your cheeks and you were giving him the most innocent eyes you could muster up. He walked to you still in his suit and cowboy hat that he normally wore on missions. He let his hand gently rub down your cheek, a thumb across your bottom lip before he took his pointer finger and raised your chin up so your eyes met his.

“Would you like to explain yourself princess?” He set a stern face and shame immediately washed over you.

“I just really missed you Jack and I needed a release so bad,” your voice had dropped and your eyes looked away from his.

“Well darlin’ I’ve needed a release for days now but not once did I touch myself because we made a promise,” he stood up straighter.

“Jack I’m so sorry,” you looked up at him with a pleading look.

“Oh you will be once I’m finished with you princess,” a smirk grew across his features and you audibly gulped.

He started to remove his jacket before sitting down in a chair that sat in your shared bedroom. He pated his lap before crooking his finger to come to him. You very clumsily climbed out of the bed and went to him.

“Strip.”

“Yes Daddy.”

You started to remove the few clothes you did wear, a pleased look appearing on Jack’s face when he saw you wore nothing underneath his shirt and the short sleep shorts you wore. He had already worked his cock out of his jeans and was stroking the already hard member. You watched not helping when your tongue darted out to wet your lips.

“Come here princess,” Jack reached out a hand for you.

You gladly took his hand before he pulled you to straddle his lap. He never spoke a word as he simply pulled you up and lined himself up with your already dripping entrance. You slowly sank down on top of him and my god did he feel so good filling you up again. Your eyes had fluttered open and your mouth dropped with a moan as he sank completely into you. He held his hands on your hips surely bruising you with his grip.

“Jack please,” you whimpered as you wrapped you arms around his neck and played with the hair that stuck out from under his cowboy hat.

“Oh no no princess. This is how this is going to work. You wanted my cock so damn bad you are getting it but if you want to cum you are going to have to get creative because you are not allowed to move.”

“That’s not fair Jack,” you pouted yearning an amused chuckle from the man.

“Oh it’s perfectly fair princess and actually a lot nicer than what my original punishment was. You would have been begging for this,” he let his hands rub through your hair and down your arm.

His fingers brushed at your nipple and then grabbed ahold of it before pulling. You gasped out and bit at your bottom lip as you arched into him before his hands came back to grip at your hips to keep you still. Fine he wanted to play like this then you were going to make him break first. He will be fucking up into you with no mercy in no time. You let your hands that still played with his hair lean him forward towards you and you connected your lips to his. It was a hungry and deep kiss, you wasted no time. It felt like it had been ages since you had kissed him and for the smallest moment it made you forget about the cock that pulsed inside of you. You pulled away panting and keeping your face close enough to his to feel his breathing fan across your face. You smirked before squeezing the walls of your pussy around his cock. It yearned a groan from him that followed in a chuckle before one of his hands left your hip and came crashing down against your ass. You let put a yelp but arched your back at the stinking feeling.

“Keep pulling that crap and this punishment is going to get a lot worse princess.”

You didn’t even flitch at his words as you reached down and started to unbutton his shirt and slowly pull it apart. You rubbed your hands down his chest keeping your eyes on his before you reached down, letting out a moan at the new position before kissing up it from as far as you could reach up to his neck. You let your tongue flick out every once in awhile leaving a lick in its path instead of a kiss. Jack let out a growl before pulling your head by the back of your neck up to look into his eyes again.

“Princess…” his voice was full of warning and all you did was smirk.

“Oh come on Daddy. You know you want to fuck up in me. You want to feel my pussy cum around your big cock. What’s that saying again? Save a horse, ride a cowboy? Why take that away from a girl,” your voice was teasing and Jack’s breathing had picked up at your words.

He seemed to look all over your face. His features had almost grown angry and you wondered if you had went to far. Jack’s movements were quick and it took you several seconds to realize what was happening when he started to fuck up into you. He had reached one arm around your lower back to support you and his other one found your hair and pulled back as he began to pound into you. His hips snapped hard and fast never letting up even once. He pulled noises from you that you had no idea you could make. He let his hand in your hair come around and find your cheek softly placing over the burning skin and pulling your face close to his. He locked his brown eyes with yours.

“This what you wanted huh? Wanted me to pound into you like I’ve wanted to for fucking weeks now? Yeah Daddy is the only one who can make you feel this good ain’t that right princess?”

“Fuck yes Daddy! Yes!” You moaned out and your eyes fluttered closed.

“Oh no open your fucking eyes I want to see them when you cum around my cock. Fuck I’ve missed this pussy so much!” Jack moaned as he seemed to speed his efforts up which you had no idea was possible.

“Daddy I’m…”

“Cum for me princess,” Jack growled the words in your ear and they sent you off the edge.

You body shook and you let out a loud moan. Tears danced at your eyes as you squeezed around his cock, your orgasm completely taking you over. Jack followed right after moaning and groaning your name as he released inside you. The both of you sat there panting, sweaty messes after the highs washed over you both. You let your head fall to his shoulder and he slowly and gently pulled out of you before bringing you fully onto his lap. He held you and ran his fingers through your hair as you contained to catch your breathe.

“You okay?” His voice was horse but gentle and you finally opened your eyes to look at him.

“I’m perfect,” you smiled a sleepy smile and Jack bent down and planted a kiss to your forehead.

“I really am sorry Jack.”

“It’s okay darlin’. I may have to catch you trying to please yourself more often,” he chuckled and gave you a wink.

You couldn’t help but to let out a laugh of your own as you cuddled more into him.

“Let’s get cleaned up and get in bed. You are going to need all the rest you can get because I have weeks to make up for darlin’.”

Tagged: @jimmythegirl @arcadianempress @discogrrl @immundusspiritu @someplace-darker @beskars @talesfromtheguild @thisis-theway @ohpedromypedro @scribbledghost @on-the-razor-crest @fioccodineveautunnale @spookyold-saintjm @weasleywinchester

#jack daniels #jack daniels x reader #jack daniels fic #jack daniels smut #jack whiskey daniels #carey writes #honestly love of my life #I told y'all to buckle up and get ready for a lot of the cowboy #this is just the beginning #fem!reader

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #441

“all alone, he turns to stone while holding his breath after death / terrified of what’s inside, to save his life he crawls like a worm from a bird”

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Yep, a few. What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? If I'm having a really bad day, I can tolerate as early as 7:00. :x What is you favorite type of lunch meat? Honey ham, probably. What time of the year do you dislike the most? Summer is disgusting. It's too hot, too humid, too many bugs, and I just hate it. Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? No, that sounds gross. What is your favorite color to wear? b l a c k Are you an overachiever? Oh, hunny. What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Maybe uhhhh big eyes. What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'hara) would you marry? Darkiplier bc he is merely a misunderstood soft boi. How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? Legs: It's been nearly a year. Pits: not that long, considering I shave them every time I get in the shower. What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else? I'm sure it would be something in one of the letters I sent Jason. Or Dad. Idk. Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? The phase never ended lmao. What is your favorite thing about your life? My loved ones. Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire? Sorry, but I'm picking the animals. Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? Yes. How many real bfs/gfs have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Yes. Except for when I was with Tyler. Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Yeah. What’s the best Nirvana song? I'm not sure, really... Maybe "Drain You?" What was the last thing that impressed you? No clue. When was the last time you were in a pet store? Several months ago when I went in to get more rats for Venus. What nationality is your last name? Irish. What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Plain, rippled Lays in French onion dip. Who was the last boy that you saw cry? I don't know, actually. It may have been Sara's dad, which was years ago. Does your mom know you do surveys? I mean no, it's not like it's come up in conversation. Have you ever had a serious injury? When I was a kid, there was this one time I was running down the road with my friend, and I tripped; I was a fast runner, so I skinned the everliving FUCK out of my knees to the point there was even pus. I was SOBBING, and it took weeks to heal; I had the scars for years. What was the last thing you achieved? Losing weight at the gymmmm. Staying dedicated to going. Would you enjoy being famous? No. I couldn't take all the eyes on me and even ONE person's negative judgment. What’s under your bed? A big box of my art supplies. Do you enjoy travelling? Yeah. I wish I could do it more. Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? No. When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? Not since I first tried it at elementary school. It was absolutely disgusting. Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? I doubt it. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? No. If I'd listened to him while driving, I could've gotten myself killed while merging onto the highway. People are assholes and didn't want to move over. Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Probably "Freakshow." Does mind over matter work for you? Not usually, no. Are you paranoid? Oh yes. What is the best thing about winter? Everything!!! Literally the only BAD thing about winter is the dry skin/lips. I love the cold, Christmas and all that comes with it, the decor, hot chocolate, snow, getting all cuddly... Everything. :') Have you ever been truly in love? Absolutely. Are you currently planning a trip? No. A trip to Illinois is just a wish right now. How many plants are in your home? None, I think? What is your favorite possession? Excluding my pets (because I don't like calling them "possessions"), probably my laptop. Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? I have before, yes. What movies have tripped you out? Off the top of my head, the only entertainment media in general that has ever truly "tripped me out" was the first time I played the Silent Hill game. The movie didn't affect me to that level because I already understood the concept. When I watched Jason play it for the first time, I was SO confused and just blown away by the concept that I did loads of research and just thinking about it all. That franchise is just cool as shit, okay. Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? I LOVED rollerblading. I haven't done it in years, though. Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? NO. I will NOT settle. Being genuinely in love with my partner is too important to me for me to ever do so. I don't know if any of my friends are in that situation. Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? With my current body? FUCK no. If I was happy with my body, the answer is still probably no. I'm too self-conscious and awkward with that kind of stuff, and besides, I really don't think I want a picture like that to exist of myself to avoid potential trouble. Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? No. What summertime treats do you love? We have this local slushy place that is FUCKING BOMB. It may sound basic, but they have SUCH a vast variety of flavors and goodies you can top it with that it's truly just so amazing. How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. Save for how things were with Tyler... I just felt like I was supposed to. What do you hate most about moving? I. Hate. The process. Of moving. It is just so, so stressful to me. I have a very hard time confronting big tasks, and that's exactly what packing and unpacking entails. Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? Not necessarily. Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? No. Has anyone ever whistled at you? I don't think so. Do you like scarves? No. Is your father homophobic? Possibly. I don't actually know. I honestly don't think he took Sara's and my relationship seriously, so that may be a sign. Do you take gummy vitamins? The only vitamin I take now is vitamin D, which isn't a gummy. Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? Ha, yeah. I gave Jason a makeover once. Who would you like to meet before you die? MARK. I am so determined, alsdjfkaj;wek;rj. I just want to hug him and say thank you and ugly-cry. If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? No. Even if I had the body of a model. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The fuckin' flat earth theory, probably. If Heaven and Hell exists, where you going when you die? Well, considering I have an, uh, very negative opinion of the Christian god... Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? My mom. The day she passes is a day I am inexplicably horrified of. What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? My life. If there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? My mom really could use it. Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? I love "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, but idk if it was actually written for the movie. How old was the first person you kissed? He was 18 when we first kissed. Will you be a strict parent one day? I never want to be a parent. If I hypothetically became one, I don't think I'd be strict, necessarily, but very protective. Last person to stand up for you? Probably Mom, idk. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, a few. Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My dad. What’s your favorite high school memory? Just... a lot with Jason. Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? I prefer being in a (healthy) relationship, but I won't get into one just for the sake of having one. What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? Hmmm... scuba-dive, maybe? What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math. Italian food or Chinese food? Italian. I don't really like (most) Chinese food. Do you like to make flash cards when you study? I rarely did that. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Yes, somehow. Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? No. I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. Ashley. What do you think about Marilyn Manson? He's one of my favorite musical artists, but he's a disgusting dick personally. Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Nothing, really. I was a very well-behaved kid. Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? Yeah, I have a Canon. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? No. Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Not every year, but most. Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No. Jalapeños: yay or nay? I loooove them. Did you ever play Minecraft? Nah. My niece is getting into it. Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I did have one. I wasn't one of those premium members or anything like that; I just had a basic account. Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Bitch me. It's extremely embarrassing. I 100% got it from my dad. What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? The manner through which Jason broke up with me. It left me traumatized. What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? I'd lose a shitload of weight, for one. My teeth would be whiter, my eyes bigger and bluer, I'd want my hair colored/able to hold color far better, I'd lighten and lessen my body hair, make my skin clearer, thin my eyebrows... I'd change a lot. What are your feelings on feminism? MANDATORY. Absolutely necessary in a misogynistic society. However, I do believe some people take it way too far to a point it is anti-man and puts women on a holy pedestal. It is about equality. Describe your first relationship? Perfect, until it wasn't. Describe your last relationship? Wonderful and healthy, but distance and our health were issues at the time. Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? My history with sex is confusing and complicated and I really don't know. Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? Thinking about it... it's probably because of how Simba runs from his problems and bad memories, but returns to confront them and is victorious. That's how I want to be. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I'm nice and clearly sincerely cared about them and their feelings. Do you feel protective over someone? My sisters, nieces and nephews, Sara... What perfume/cologne do you wear? It's called "Blush." Where did your vehicle come from? I don't have my own, but Mom's came from a girl at the dance studio. She ran into a deer, and the front got fucked up, but the sweetheart paid to fix it up to being operable so Mom had her own car. The front bumper is kept intact with zip ties and duct tape, but hey... it works and has for many, many years now, lol. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? Ummmm... I actually don't remember. What is your favorite way to eat chicken? As tenders, probably. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: Red velvet. This year for my bday, our controlling-as-fuck family friend bought me my birthday cake without consulting ANYBODY, and I was so fucking annoyed. It was a very kind gesture, yes, but um, can I have a say, please? What do you wear to bed? Usually men's pj pants and a tank top. What were you doing at 8pm last night? Sleeping, actually. I was extremely tired and went to bed early.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''the bird and the worm'' by the used

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coldcolourchords · 3 years

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Turning 21 - an unwanted landmark

It happened an hour and 20 minutes ago, as the clock hit midnight CEST and the date changed so seamlessly to the 12th, without any hesitation, uneventfully and in complete silence, just as expected. The day I've been negatively anticipating for the better half of the past one year has come, and it caught me sitting at my computer alone in the living room, drinking hot tea on a summer night in a sweater and doing my silly little tasks that I call "work" (because despite my best efforts, middle of the night is still the only time of the day I can function as intended).

I remember ever since I was a child I always used to start mentally preparing myself for my birthday from New Year's Day. Even my mother used to say, "now that it's 2010, you're already 10 to me", even though August was still nowhere to be seen. But that felt good at the time. The beginning of a new year and my birthday approaching meant hope and progress, as the only thing I wanted as a child and as a teen was to grow up and not have to be a child anymore. I didn't like going to school, I didn't like being told to do things, I didn't like not being taken seriously, as I'm sure no one does. But by "didn't like", I mean it caused me severe emotional distress, the stuff that happened to me every single day without my control. It's hard to tell now in retrospect what caused what, but I have memories of developing my two most prominent and persistent mental disorders at around 6 years old (social anxiety and a BFRB) which have isolated me and often subjected me to cooler kids poking fun at me, shortly followed by starting school in the middle of my parent's divorce and moving houses. One of our last dinners in my father's comforting family home at the dinner table, I remember being visibly sad and my mum asking me what was wrong. My slightly belated answer ("everything") did not quite get the desired reception, as she and my little brother went on to have a little giggle over making assumptions about what that must include ("I'm sure she's sad over dinosaurs going extinct too..."). And, from then on, it's pretty much been downhill. I didn't like being home and I didn't like being at school (or at any of the million extracurricular activities my mum had picked out for me falsely thinking they could stop me from hurting myself and not just accelerate it). The ever-present social anxiety, bottled up frustration, high academic expectations and confusion about the nature of my very own self-destructive behaviours did not make for an enjoyable time in any of my 12 years at school. So, obviously, all I could do was anticipate the end. The end of being vulnerable to the very systems that were meant to nurture me and protect me.

I think that was my way of thinking all the way until I turned 19. Two years ago. At 19, I had graduated high school, I was about to start university studying something I was interested in, I had a semi-stable student job I liked and I was ready to move in with my boyfriend (a former classmate), separate from our parents. I had an artistic goal that I was ready to work for in my free time, and living away from home I was finally going to get the capacity to do so as well. And then when all of this happened and my thoughts became occupied with the new kind of responsibilities that came with "adulting", I started getting this overwhelming feeling of "what now?". A couple months have passed in the blink of an eye, it was November and I wasn't happy. I was making virtually no progress on my creative goals, my flat was a smelly mess, I didn't see my friends and I wasn't making new ones, and I found university to be draining and incompatible with my brain. I wasn't enjoying anything. I thought, "is this how I'm going to have to spend another 3 years?".

And then a miracle happened. I had to give a presentation at uni with a couple of other girls, and one of them suggested a book to do it based on. Reading my part of the book to prepare for the presentation has unlocked something in me - it was a book about the way people manage to feel like hostages due to their own decisions and thoughts. First it hurt to read because I had to face the truth: I wasn't really a hostage of expectations, university or responsibilities, I was a hostage of myself and my own attitude. I even wrote a song about this (my ultimate way of being honest with myself), and that's when I've felt ready to start working on myself in order to take back control over my life. And hell, I have done it. In a couple of weeks, I was feeling the best I've ever felt and I went into exam season thinking I was capable of the impossible at this point. Who knew I had it in me? I had gotten through a couple of exams and assignments and I was thinking soon I was going to start improving in other areas of my life as well. I was going to make art, see my friends again, go out, have fun, maybe learn to cook and be a better girlfriend too. Not a lot of that has happened. Came the end of exams and the second half of January and I was already exhausted. My job was at a halt and uni wasn't back on until mid February, so I spent a few shallow weeks at home just thinking "why am I doing this again?". It was difficult, suddenly having too much space for negative thoughts and rumination.

But it was only the start of the pandemic when my race with time has really begun. Which is ironic, because when the restrictions were first announced in my country, I really saw a lot of opportunity in them to grow for myself (and I mean this is in the least "this deadly virus is a blessing in disguise" way possible). University moving online and social gatherings being nothing short of illegal all of a sudden felt more than convenient for my social (but very luckily not health) anxiety ridden brain, and I had imagined this was going to be the most prosperous phase in my life, in terms of moving forward with my goals.

Ever since I was little, I had dreamed of becoming a musical artist. No one ever encouraged me - maybe for a good reason - and I tried to keep quiet about it as well. I was so ashamed of desiring something that was so "unlike me" according to everyone who knew me. I never had a good voice and everyone perceived me as shy, on top of being seen as more of a "STEM girl" (until I went to high school for maths and ended up not understanding any of it anymore). I'd been writing lyrics into my phone since 14 and attempting to turn them into actual songs on my laptop since 17. At 18, I even took a beginner's course in Ableton. Still, I just never felt like anything I wrote was of any worth or that I had a single ounce of talent in any part of the process. But I kept on dreaming and pushing because I thought "if I don't try, how will I know?". My work ethic was awful too, I was an inconsistent writer and an even more inconsistent producer. I never got anything finished because I got lost in the details and gave up due to my perfectionism. Plus, and this is what I perceived to be the biggest problem at the time, I could only record music at home, and my family were home all the time. Moving out, I thought I was going to prosper, then I didn't prosper for a bit, told myself it was okay because uni was making me depressed, then I continued to not prosper, told myself it was okay because I had to rest up after exams. And then it's like the universe said "Stop. You're just making excuses. Stay home and produce those songs now because there will NOT be another opportunity like this".

I put so much pressure on myself then to get stuff done. It felt like my time - all my adolescence I was looking at teenage popstars rising to fame and each year they were just getting younger and all I did was compare myself to them and worry. Worry that I was running late, that no one was going to ever care about me because I am late, but growing up I excused it every time. I was home with my family and stressed because of school all the time, duh, how could I have made good art? But right there, at the beginning of "quarantining", it was just me and my willpower. No school, no job, no impromptu social plans. And who knew how long it was going to last? Some people said only four weeks, some others said months, some the rest of the year. All I knew was I was 19, still young and practically a teenager, and I had to act. And I did. I made two of the worst songs you've heard in your life and I put them both out in the summer under my own name. Like proper released them on streaming services and all. Looking back now, holy hell, how desperate was I, posting it on my social media that people I actually knew followed? With my fear of being ridiculed? I was setting myself up for an emotional disaster. Shock horror: my songs didn't blow up (although I have had a few friends say lovely things about them, at least to me). By the time of scheduling the second one for release (mid July) I was already feeling burnt out. Yes, there was another exam season in the meantime, and the unexpectedness of the elongated pandemic has definitely been a factor as well, but generally I was just so let down by the overall underwhelming experience. I made such bad decisions - why my own full name? Why did I have to let people know and thereby handicap myself? Of course I wasn't going to promote my songs now or even speak of them positively because I feared coming off ridiculous. So I just let the whole thing pass without a sound and made myself sad. By last August, I was back to "what now?".

Needless to say, there were no festivals last summer. Festivals used to be my ultimate summer happy place and I always celebrated my birthday at a specific one (the biggest one in my city to be exact) starting with the 15th. Concerts and festivals were somehow simultaneously an adventurous escape from all my worries and the root of a lot of my confidence issues and anxiety. I dreamed of being on stage and presenting my art to the world, pouring my heart out to even just one person who will listen, the same way that I listen to my favourite artists and what they have to say. Some nights were emotional, some nights were energising, some nights were spent worrying about the people who surrounded me and some nights were just pure jealousy and feeling far away from my goals - you never knew what you were going to get at a gig. I think that overall most gigs were bittersweet experiences for me, but that's how I liked them to be. The whole point was just to feel something. But there were no festivals last year. There were concerts, though, put on by local bands, but lord do I wish there hadn't been any. I went to two of those last summer - one I went to alone and walked away feeling like shit, another I went to with my friends and felt extremely guilty and anxious about the virus after. This second one happened to be two days before my 20th birthday. I spent my birthday worried to death that I got the virus (even though numbers were extremely low at the time in my country and going to small gigs was perfectly legal and deemed not dangerous) and that I was going to infect my elderly relatives who I was going to meet with later. That didn't happen, but I haven't been to a single show since then, and it's been a year. So that's how my first non-festival birthday worked out.

Turning 20 didn't feel good and my birthday aligned with the onset of a bunch of new problems as well as old ones accelerated. I began to think deeply about everything. What was the point of anything I was doing? Was any of it going to get me anywhere? Was any of it causing me joy, even? I didn't know what to do about my musical efforts - should I keep trying to put out songs or admit defeat? I still had that creative drive in me and I worried so much about my role in the world - "I'm not a good friend, not a good girlfriend and not a good daughter, and I certainly will never become a good psychologist directly helping people with their problems. I need to give something to the world - I need to find a purpose". I didn't do stuff because I was anxious, and then I was anxious because I didn't do stuff. But I think at that point I also realised I didn't only want to succeed and produce. I also wanted to live. Having fun was missing from my life too. I rarely saw or talked to friends and my relationship wasn't going well either. Every day I tortured myself looking at other people live their lives on social media and thinking to myself I wanted what they had. I wanted to be someone. I wanted to create, to connect and to matter, but all of these things have only ever caused me anxiety in my life and I didn't know where to go from there.

With the virus getting worse again and the start of another online semester, there was one silver lining to locking myself in again though. During the pandemic, I have been playing a lot of video games, possibly even more than before. They weren't only a nice way to numb my brain and relax - no, the opposite, they were actively giving me a temporary sense of direction and progress with each gaming session. I have always loved The Sims for this reason, I had spent so many years building and perfecting my little worlds to my liking and practicing full control over my characters' lives, but this time I began to feel like it was something bigger. I discovered the Sims side of the internet, something I had not really done before, and the amount of content, help, info and Sims-related entertainment has blown me away. Whole new levels of playing have been unlocked for me and I began to dive deeper than ever. I wanted to be part of the community, so in the autumn I started streaming the game on Twitch and this time I knew better than to tell anyone I already knew about it. That didn't quite turn out as I expected, and my streamer phase was cut short in January by someone I knew from high school accidentally finding my stream. Before that, I would only get moderately anxious before streams, not worried much about what viewers were going to think of me (if they find me annoying they'll just leave and I'll never have to hear from them again), but then that unexpected turn of events ruined everything in my head. All my confidence I had built up was suddenly gone. I never streamed again after that. It wasn't really for me anyway, I told myself.

Instead, insistent on further pursuing the only thing that was giving me joy at the time, I started my YouTube channel initially uploading Sims tutorials, because I thought I had useful stuff to show people that has a greater chance of making someone happy than just watching me try to put together a sentence for 5 minutes straight while my Sims struggle to get in the shower by themselves. And much to my surprise, it was gaining decent traction, although I put a lot of it down to luck even today. But either way, it's been growing more or less consistently ever since, and beginning of the summer I stopped to think "could I not just be doing this for a living now?". "Could this be my new creative ambition?". As much as I would have liked to say yes based on my progress and how I managed to earn the same amount I would have earned in a month at my part-time retail job (we're talking Eastern European sums kids!), it wasn't that simple. Thoughts around this have of course been puzzling me for months now. I like to think of myself as a natural talker, just because I am anxious I am NOT quiet or shy. I can even make small talk very well, it's just that because I'm mortified by the possibility of an awkward silence I tend to avoid situations where it might be required. And I talk to myself all the time. So on paper, talking to a camera should not be an issue. And yet every time I record a video I feel my soul being sucked out of my body because I need to make sure I say every sentence correctly and that ends up in draining 4 hour recording sessions. Editing videos, on the other hand, is a rewarding process, a kind of flow-experience I have not really known before, though extremely long and usually detrimental to my sleep schedule (which is far from being rosy by default). Maybe I just put too much effort into everything, but it really makes you question - is it worth it? Can I really be doing this on the long run without destroying myself? And will I ever get used to the social interactions that come with it?

It's weird, suddenly getting recognition for something, people giving me positive feedback on the daily. This certainly happened more suddenly than I thought it would and I don't think I was prepared. Naturally, people taking the effort to leave me nice comments and messages makes me want to reply, appreciate their kindness and return the favour but the trinity of little demons inside me - social anxiety, impostor syndrome and a chronically low self-esteem - makes this a difficult task to complete. To combat the overwhelming weight of responsibility that comes with making sure I appreciate everyone who appreciates me enough, as well as to shut out the fear that what I have now can be taken away from me any second, I have built up a mental wall between me and my relative success. This wasn't a conscious choice, it's just the way my brain has started dealing with this new situation. I do not allow myself to internalise the rewards of what I work so hard for and that contributes to why, when I look back on 2021 so far, all I see is depression despite having "gotten what I wanted". My YouTube channel has been the only thing bringing hope and the only thing I've got going for me and yet I am incapable of embracing it.

The past one year has been enlightening. It has enlightened me that there must be something deeply wrong with me because I have not been able to enjoy life even at times I had all the reasons to. The times I am capable of letting go and feeling happy for short periods come exactly based on that - short periods. I'm drifting into states of bliss only when I know the situation is temporary and doesn't come with commitment and responsibility. Some of these moments of calmness come to me while walking to the store by myself after dark, getting invested in my video games, meeting up with my friends for an evening every once in a while and writing a therapeutic song just for myself using the simplest chords on the piano. The feeling usually doesn't last and disappears at the first attempt to get back to any kind of organised schedule (that attempt on most days is the simple act of trying to force myself to go to bed). Isn't that ironic? I wanted purpose. I wanted to get it together. And yet... every day is a struggle. I know now, I am the problem. Whether it's a chemical imbalance or another anomaly in my brain or my own fault somehow, it's not my circumstances, it's me. I wanted to be free and to make my life my own, and now I just can't. Every day I worry about running out of time, rapidly approaching death and not being able to say that I have lived. This is why turning 21 fills me with so much panic. I am no longer a child and I'll never be again, although I wouldn't even like to be. I just can't help thinking that I wasted so many opportunities to enjoy myself and to push for my goals. But it's gone now and there's no point regretting how I used to think about life back then. If I look back on my life so far I see a lot of stuff that happened that made half of my brain temporarily happy, but the other half was always filled with anxiety, anticipation to get out or dissatisfaction. It was just never fully right and I keep hoping that there will come a time when it will feel fully right. Before turning 19, I thought independence was going to give me that. Now at 21, I'm not quite sure there's anything that's going to give me that if I don't also start to work through every single one of my issues (although part of me still likes to cling onto the idea that once I'm done with my first and last degree, a lot of underlying stress and guilt will be taken off my shoulders and I'll see everything in a different light). So for a start, I just finally signed up for psychological counselling. I don't know if it will help but it's something and I've done it for myself. I need to do more for myself.

There is so much more I could talk about. Like the pandemic, how I've turned into a hermit, my relationship, struggling to be honest with myself and slowly losing touch with my all time number one passion because of it. I could talk about how I know that society has been deliberately making us (especially women) feel scared of aging and yet I still file it under personal issues, how I've been trying to fix my sleep schedule for a year and a half straight now, the guilt I feel from my family and friends all the time, my inability to concentrate and how I fall into despair concerning the future and present of humanity every time I read the news and people's opinions on social media. I could talk about how I want to cry every time I see a picture of somewhere beautiful in the world - a street in Japan, a lake in the Alps or the trees in the Mediterranean - because I feel a longing that is almost nostalgic for places I've never even visited. There is always so much to still be told to complete the story, but why do I want people I'll never fully know to understand me that well? I need to let go of compulsions like these.

Deep down I just hope that I'm not the only one terrified of growing old.

#21 #happy birthday to me #long story long #welcome to my brain #aging #depression #anxiety #growing up #growing old #young adulthood

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abused-sides · 4 years

Note

First of all, love your writing 💞 Second of all, if you are still taking asks (I saw a post where you mentioned it but idk), can you please write about virgil (I'm sorry he is just,,, so easy to project onto) being abused at home and the other sides find out about and confront him or something? Thanks 💕

Always taking asks and prompts <3 And lmao I literally named myself after Virgil, I’ll never complain about writing him and I’ll always understand being able to project the most onto him

I hope you don’t mind me doing the high school au! If you’d prefer a different setting, feel free to send another ask <3

Also thank you! You’re really sweet <3

Trigger warning: This au follows Virgil dealing with parental abuse.

More tws for: Scratches, bruises, underage drinking, yelling, passive aggression, manipulation from unsympathetic character

Logan:

It was a few months since Logan and Virgil finished their project together. Virgil expected to be slowly phased out of the group since he was no longer useful, but they didn’t seem to have those intentions. In fact, he was invited around more than ever, which... Surprised him, to say the least.

He stared at the sky as they walked. The sun was just barely starting towards the horizon, and a flock of birds flew overhead. His feet urged him to break off from Logan, to head towards his own home, but he ignored it. Roman and Remus had invited everyone over after school. Had invited him over.

“Virgil?”

He brought his gaze to Logan, looking at him questioningly.

“Isn’t it a little hot?” He nodded to Virgil’s thick hoodie. “I know some of the classrooms can be cold, but you’re sweating. I wouldn’t want you to overheat- It’s still a long walk.”

His face heated up and he looked away. “It’s not too bad,” he mumbled.

His wrist still ached from his mom’s hand clamped down as she dragged down the stairs the night before. It had been popping all day, and he knew the bruise had darkened over time.

Logan frowned deeply. “I don’t want to press, but... It’s really not safe.”

Virgil hesitated. Logan would be suspicious anyway if he didn’t, right? Why overheat at the same time?

He kept his gaze stubbornly forward as he shrugged his jacket off and threw it over his arm. Logan’s eyes trailed down the claw marks on his arm, to the purple and black ring around his wrist.

He raised an eyebrow. “Do you have a cat?”

“No. Why?”

Why didn’t you lie?

“It doesn’t look like those have been treated. When we get to the brothers’, do you mind?”

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. “I don’t mind.”

Roman:

Patton fussed over Virgil’s arm when they got to the house, but Logan brushed him away and got Virgil fixed up. Afterwards, Virgil put his jacket back on, and it wasn’t mentioned again.

Close to two a.m., Remus staggered to his feet and flicked the t.v off. “Alright, everyone staying the night, come with me, the rest of you fuck off.”

Roman huffed. “Just because you got yourself drunk and can’t stay awake anymore doesn’t mean the rest of us need to crash early.”

Remus booped Roman’s nose. “You’d regret waking me up.”

He grinned. “If you pass out, I will be drawing on you. I’ve got the Sharpies ready.”

Janus rolled his eyes. “You will not, because if you wake me up-”

Roman smiled. “I’ll stay away.”

Remus pointed at Janus. “Aha! So you will be staying with me!”

He leaned in, but Janus covered Remus’ mouth. “Brush your teeth first.”

“I think I’m going to head out,” Patton giggled. “You know how my parents are.”

“Yeah, I have two tests tomorrow.” Logan downed the rest of his hard lemonade and tossed it in the trash. “Pat, I can walk you home.”

Remus fell into Janus’ lap and whistled. He grunted as Janus shoved him off.

“Virgil?” Roman looked to him. “Staying or going?”

He swallowed. “Uh, I can- I can stay, if that’s alright.”

Roman stood and shooed Janus off the couch. “You can sleep out here, if you want. Assuming Janus has made up his mind.”

Janus pointed at Roman with his free hand as Remus led him into his room. “Keep your fucking Sharpies to yourself.”

“Goodnight, guys!” Patton called as he followed Logan up the basement stairs.

“The couch shouldn’t be too uncomfortable, but if you need anything, you remember where my room is, right? Upstairs, it’s the one closest to the kitchen.”

Virgil nodded. “I remember.”

“Cool. Night, Virgil.”

“Night.”

Roman turned off the basement light as he left, swallowing Virgil in darkness. He settled back, pulled the blankets to his chin, and stared at the ceiling.

There were cracks in the ceiling. Muffled giggling floated through Remus’ closed door, the intro to one of the Saw movies playing quietly. His eyes watered, his chest tight.

What would his parents say when he got back? When would Virgil go home? He jumped at any chance the others gave him to stay the night. Sometimes he went weeks without going home. Sometimes his parents didn’t care, gave him a grunt of a greeting and told him of the leftovers in the fridge. Sometimes they yelled. Sometimes Virgil walked away with more bruises. He’d never be able to predict them.

He woke with a start, eyes wide. He blinked frantically as the room came back into focus. He fumbled for his phone and squinted at the bright light.

4:09 a.m.

He sighed and flopped back. Another movie played in Remus’ room, but their giggling and talking had stopped.

Exhaustion pulled Virgil’s eyes shut. He fell halfway into sleep before launching upright, scrambling to turn on his phone’s flashlight.

He tried several more times falling asleep, even a few with his flashlight still on, but each time he got close, his body insisted he wasn’t safe. He had resigned himself to staying that way through the night when the basement door opened, the light flicked on, and Roman came downstairs with his phone and a worried frown.

“Virgil?”

His heart hammered. “Shit, did I wake you up? I’m sorry-”

Roman shook his head and sat on the couch as Virgil folded his legs close. “No, I was awake. Remus texted me. What’s wrong, is the couch too uncomfortable?”

“No, I- It’s fine. I’m sorry, I...” He laughed a little, pushing his bangs back. “You didn’t need to come down here. I’m fine.”

Roman stared at him as he thought, eyebrows pinched. After an agonizing minute, he said, “If you can’t fall asleep, you can come with me. I’m just watching YouTube.”

He hesitated. “I don’t want to bother you.”

Roman shrugged. “I’m bored anyway.” He stood and gestured for Virgil to follow. “Come on.”

Virgil scrambled to follow, his footsteps silent. Virgil understood why he didn’t originally invite anyone to crash with him-- His bed was tiny. Still, he patted the spot beside him and allowed Virgil to cram in next to him.

He handed Virgil his T.V. remote. “You like those scary videos, right? The, uh... Like, the ‘real’ ones?”

“Nuke’s Top 10,” Virgil mumbled, thumb hesitating over the buttons. “What do you want to watch?”

“I’m good with whatever. All my usuals are boring right now.”

Virgil’s brain moved sluggishly before he thought ‘fuck it’ and put on one of the newer videos, before settling into bed. Roman pressed in behind him and rested his chin on Virgil’s shoulder.

Virgil fell asleep quickly. Roman’s warmth seeped into his back. He smelled like spices.

He startled awake around 5am.

“Virgil?” Roman grabbed his hips to keep him from falling off the bed, voice heavy with sleep. “Virgil, what’s wrong?”

Virgil gripped Roman’s hands as he fought to catch his breath. “I’m fine,” he panted. “I’m sorry, go back to sleep.”

“Nightmares?” Roman lazily ran a hand up and down Virgil’s arm as he settled down. “We didn’t have to put on those scary videos, you know.”

He shook his head. “That’s not why.”

Roman was silent for a while, to the point Virgil thought he’d fallen back asleep. Then he asked, “Are you safe?”

Virgil blinked. “What?”

“Are you safe?” He squeezed Virgil’s arm, below the scratches. “We’re not going to get an announcement about you during homeroom later this year, right?”

Virgil rolled his eyes and sighed. “Of course not,” he whispered. “I’m fine.”

He paused. “Alright. My parents won’t ever care if you need to stay here for a while. Just so you know.”

“I’m safe.” He pocketed that away for later.

Patton:

Patton gasped as Virgil walked into homeroom. He jumped out of his seat and ran over to take Virgil’s uninjured hand, leading him to their desks.

“What happened?” He stared at Virgil’s cast in horror.

“It’s not a big deal,” Virgil insisted. “It’s just a few fingers, they’ll heal.”

Patton grabbed his shoulders and looked him in the eye. “Virgil. What happened?”

His eyes clouded with panic. He stumbled over his words for a minute before spitting out, “I- I accidentally shut them in the door, it’s fine.”

“Virgil... This isn’t like you. You’re not clumsy, you’re not...” He looked at Virgil with sad eyes. “Are you lying to me?”

Virgil wet his lips. “No. It was just an accident. Please don’t make a big deal out of it? Please?”

Patton rested a hand on the side of his face. Virgil leaned into his touch. “Sweetie, I... I need to make sure you’re okay. How do I know this isn’t just going to happen again?”

“It won’t,” he promised. “It won’t. I already fixed the problem, okay? It won’t happen again.”

Patton hesitated. “Okay.”

Remus and Janus:

“This is a stupid idea,” Janus grumbled as Remus dragged him down the sidewalk.

“Listen, everyone is freaking out, I think it’d calm them down to get some answers.”

“It’s fucking cold,” he complained.

Remus sighed and shrugged off his jacket. He held it out. “Better?”

Janus hid a smile as he pulled it on. “Yeah.”

Feeling a little stupid, Janus followed Remus’ lead and crouched as they got to Virgil’s house. They pressed themselves against the wall under one of the big windows.

“How long are we going to be doing this?” Janus whispered after a few minutes of nothing.

Remus shrugged and pulled a book out of his backpack. Janus gave him a flat look.

“You’re kidding.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “What, you expected something to miraculously happen the second we arrived? We barge down the doors, carry Virgil out fireman style, and live happily ever after?”

“Of course not,” he hissed, “but what about-”

Remus pressed a kiss to his mouth. “Please?”

Janus’ face turned red. He wrapped the jacket tighter around him with a glare towards the road. “Fine.”

They sat in silence for hours. Remus read his book and Janus curled into his side, largely getting in the way but stopping his complaining.

“VIRGIL!”

They jumped, Janus’ heart lodging itself in his throat.

“VIRGIL, WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“Follow me,” Remus whispered.

Janus was too terrified to move, but he was more scared to be left alone, so he scrambled after as Remus circled to the back of the house. They situated themselves under the open kitchen window.

“I’m here,” Virgil said breathlessly. “I’m here.”

“Took you long enough,” a man sighed. “Why isn’t this emptied?”

A pause.

“Sorry, I’ll do that now.” The dishwasher creaked open.

“It should have been done hours ago.” The man’s voice was cheerful, upbeat. Janus’ skin crawled. “What happened to that?”

“It- It wasn’t done when I got home from school. I’m sorry, I forgot.”

“You forgot.” The man chuckled. “And if we just forgot to make dinner for a few nights? To pay our rent a few months? Would that be okay?”

Virgil didn’t answer.

“Of course it wouldn’t!” The man snapped. “We all have shit to do, Virgil, and they have to get done.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Virgil’s voice was quiet, resigned.

“I wouldn’t have to fucking remind you all the time if you knew. What do we have to do to get it through your head? Your mother and I, we work so hard, and you can’t even unload the fucking dishwasher?”

“I’m sorry, I forgot.” Virgil’s voice came out thick, dishes clacking together quietly. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“This house is a fucking mess. Looks like you forgot to sweep, too. Do I even want to look in the bathrooms? What have you been doing?”

“I’m sorry, I was working on homework-”

“DON’T LIE TO ME!”

Virgil sniffled. Remus gripped Janus’ hand hard enough to bruise.

“I’m sorry, I’ll get it all done, I promise.”

“Tonight,” the man snapped. “Before dinner, in fact.”

Janus frowned deeply. It was already close to eight.

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you have a problem with that?”

“Wh- No, no, I-”

“You wanna make that face again? Like a little toddler? When are you going to grow up, Virgil?”

Virgil started to answer, then cried out as something shattered. He gasped, grass crunching under a shoe.

The man’s voice came out low, so close to the window it took everything Janus had not to sprint away. “Clean this up. Don’t get blood on the carpet. Do your chores, and go to bed. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day.”

Janus peeked up at Remus as footsteps stormed away. Remus’ vicious glare only hardened as Virgil’s soft sobs drifted out the window.

xxx

His friends were quiet. It put Virgil on edge.

They were once again piled together in the brothers’ basement. Janus, instead of how he usually pretended to hate Remus- Something Virgil didn’t understand and didn’t think he ever would -sat curled up in Remus’ lap, ignoring the others stares as Remus ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his back. Patton was more touchy with Virgil than usual, more gentle. Like Virgil was a shattered plate held together with tape.

“Okay.” Roman shut off the T.V. “I can’t do this anymore. Virgil, we need to talk.”

He bristled. They’re sick of you. He pulled his hoodie on and shoved his phone in his pocket. He nodded, ready to leave.

“Remus and Janus overheard something,” Patton said, resting a hand on his knee. “You can’t lie to us and say they aren’t hurting you anymore.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. “Wh- What?”

“Your dad,” Janus mumbled, “last night. With the dishwasher.”

Fear washed over Virgil hard enough for sweat to bead on his forehead, stomach rolling with nausea. “He was having a bad night. It’s fine.”

“Virgil, this should have gotten stitches,” Patton said softly, one hand tapping close to the bandaid on Virgil’s hand.

“And no good dad does that on a ‘bad night,’“ Remus snapped.

“Remus,” Roman sighed. “Not helping.”

Patton’s eyes filled with tears. “We just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“That you survive until graduation,” Logan pointed out.

“You can trust us,” Patton insisted. “Please, you can be honest.”

Virgil’s bottom lip wobbled as he leaned into Patton’s side. Patton guided Virgil’s head to his shoulder and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Roman hurried over to cuddle into his other side.

“We know there’s not much we can do right now,” Janus said quietly, eyes on the ground. Remus kissed the side of his head, “but we can’t do anything if you don’t... Talk to us.”

“I know.” Virgil sniffled and buried his face in Patton’s shoulder. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Yeah,” Roman whispered. “Yeah, we can put on another movie. Or- Logan, can you set up the Xbox? We can play something for a little bit.”

The six of them rotated through multiplayer games on the Xbox. Patton insisted on being Virgil’s partner each time, and when they waited their turn, he kept an arm around Virgil’s waist. He cuddled into Patton’s side, occasionally letting his eyes fall shut and his mind zone out.

Everyone stayed over in the brothers’ basement that night, crammed on the couch and piled on top of each other. The next day, things largely went back to normal, until after school where everyone jumped to invite Virgil over.

He laughed. “I can’t be four places at once.”

“I call him!” Patton kissed Virgil’s cheek and hugged him. “Try again tomorrow.”

Virgil blushed as Remus whined about Patton not being fair, Roman smacking the back of his head.

Virgil followed them all as they headed to Patton’s house, laughing and talking over each other. Virgil was pressed between Patton and Logan.

Virgil peeked at Logan from under his bangs while everyone was distracted. “Thank you.”

Logan smiled. “My pleasure.”

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soltheinferno · 3 years

Text

May as all introduce myself, I'm Sol. That's about it, I like video games and I like writing so I made a TBOI fanfic as a joke then I got invested. Heres CH.1. It has cussing so mind that and also mind the typos I fype really fast. Theres 6 other chapters lol. Also it's a college AU.

Chapter One

"Misery Loves company

Just not you"

It was a nice peaceful day in the year, around August. The start of many school years. Elementary schools, middle schools, high school, and College.

One college specifically, Natural Unification Teaching. Or NUT for short. Most of the people who went to this school were oddballs, misfits, and those who just wanted to make friends because the school's entire goal was to… well… let people unite via natural means. As the name would suggest.

In a van approaching the school were two men, brothers. Jacob and Esau, or as they liked to call each other, Bitch and Side-bitch. They had never gotten along, and they technically weren't even brothers. They were adopted, both at the same time by the same person. Though their caretakers were long dead, it's not like they had any other options but to look after one another.

In the back of the van, the inside banged and clanked with boxes was the red skinned brother, Esau (aka Side-bitch), and in the driver's seat was Jacob (Aka, bitch)? Esau made a loud groaning noise that could be heard even over the noisy sounds of the rowdy items and the blasting radio. Then they spoke, "Jacob you motherfucker, let me sit in the passenger's seat!" An apathetic and honestly tired looking white male just stared forward at the road. Their eyelids drooped with lack of sleep combined with exhaustion. Even the loud music that shook the van didn't seem to phase them, they let out a long sigh before saying "No, Easu, for the last time you cannot sit in the front. I was the one who packed all the stuff in the van while you went off and fucked a random girl or some shit."

Esau groaned in annoyance as he said "you a bitch you know that?" Jacob nodded before he said "Yes esau you've told me this several times along the way here. Speaking of which." The care came to a sudden standstill, causing Esau's face to slam into a box "Ow! Jacob you motherfucker! Could've given me some warning!" Jacob let a small smile creep across his face before he said "Heh, not my fault there's no seatbelts back there. Anyways, we're here, prepare to move some shit because you're helping this time." Esau let out a small laugh before he said "why should I?" Jacob simply looked over the shoulder rove this seat before saying "because then I'll leave your stuff behind, I specifically labeled which boxes are ours for this exact reason. Now get your ass moving." Esau crossed his arms and sighed before he said "fine DAD."

Jacob turned the key to the car and shut the engine off. He pocketed the key in his black khaki pants before dusting off his shirt and patting his hair. He opened the car door and stretched a good bit "Ah, finally, some fresh air. Now" he closed the car door "to get unloading, hey esau! You start unloading things, I'll get our room key!" Jacob said before he rubbed his eyes and walked off. All he could hear as he walked away was a this and then a groan of pain "ow fuck… fine! Stupid bitch…"

Esau stood up from the concrete ground before arching and pulling at his muscles. He was sore all over from sitting and sleeping in an uncomfortable position. They had driven 18 hours to this place, in the middle of California. Where, funnily enough, where all their childhood classmates ended up going. Esau tugged at his baggy Jeans and sighed before he said "god damn it jacob… fucking nerd, god damn piece of shit." He grumbled and muttered to himself as he began lifting and setting down the heavy boxes from the van. They had a good 50/50 split of trinkets and doo-dads between the two, because if one had more than the other the other got salty and complained. Which leads them to their happy medium. Esau was stronger than Jacob but he had always been the more casual and freestyle of the two, often earning money through rap battles and underground fighting rings. While Jacob, well he worked an actual job.

Both of them had taken out loans for their student tuition, well at least Esau did. Jacob wouldn't tell him if he had taken out a loan or yet but given Jacob worked double jobs, both of them not eating that much, he assumed he'd taken out a loan. Esau sighed as he moved out mostly all the boxes now and he heard footsteps approaching him "Took ya long enough!" Low and behold as Esau spoke those words and turned around Jacob was standing there with crossed arms "This place is hard to navigate okay? Now get a box and I'll show you the way." Jacob put the key in his other pocket that didn't hold the car keys, that way he wouldn't get them mixed up. He walked next to Esau who was hefting two boxes and picked up a box of his own "You're gonna fall like that." Esau simply smirked at Jacob's words and said "Heh like hell I will." Jacob shrugged and said "Suit yourself" before he began walking off.

It was bright and early in the afternoon. Kids wandered down the halls of the place, most of them Jacob recognized as did Esau, but they decided not to engage. Esau shot a winks to people every now and again but that was just how he was. Jacob hummed a song in his head as he approached the dormitory and looked along the walls for theirs. Esau was staring off to the side while walking lopsided. Then bumped into jacob when he stopped, which jacob gingerly ignored "Here it is, dorm C-17." Leaned down and set his box on the floor to which Esau kicked his left leg and made him fall forward on the box "Agh, you asshole." Esau laughed in response before Jacob stood up and rubbed his chest. He pulled out the dorm key and unlocked it as he pushed the door open "Ladies first" esau rolled his eyes as he walked in and set down the boxes next to the door as jacob retrieved his set it on top of the others. Esau stared around the room and smiled, "Heh, pretty good." Jacob nodded before he said "At least we can agree on that."

After an hour or two of moving shit in the two settled down in their dorm and took a moment to drink in the details. There were two rooms parallel to each other, bedrooms. A kitchen to the right of the door, a bathroom between the two bedrooms, and they were currently standing in the living room which had a tan leather couch, a glass coffee table, and a TV along with two desks parallel in the left and right corners of the room to the left of the couch which had a window separating them. Esau jumped over the back of the couch and landed on the cushions laying down as he put his hands behind his head "ah feels like home already! I call dibs on the right bedroom!" Jacob chuckled a bit "hey, okay. Guess I'll get the right one. Remember to set your alarm, we have class tomorrow. Today was purely for moving in. Now I'm going to get some sleep." Esau smirked as he said "Well then, fuck you." Jacob smiled before he said "fuck you to." And walked off to his room. He closed the door behind him before opening it again and saying "Also, take a shower. I'm sure there's soap, and you smell like beer." Esau rolled his eyes once more before saying "Fine." Jacob's door closed once more and a thud was heard from within his room.

Thus the two grown men were settled in their new home, what high-jinks will ensue? Find out next time on Roommate, from, HELL!

#tboi #fanfic #Jacob #Esau #AU

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astxlphe-fics · 3 years

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let me live (let me die)

In which Noé wanders off and meets someone new. Meanwhile, Astolfo faces Jean Ténèbre

Chapter 4/?

< Chapter 3 || Chapter 5 >

Content warning : mentioned character death, violence

Of course, Noé wanders off — he wouldn’t be Noé Archiviste if he doesn't wander off. He’s curious and restless, and no matter how long he tries, he just can’t stand there and wait.

So, when he’s kicked out of the room, Noé starts wandering off.

This Antonio doesn’t seem willing to just give out the information they need, so maybe Noé can find it himself. In the past few years, he learned that sometimes, the best way to get information is to avoid asking, but sneak around and find out by yourself.

Better apologize later than ask for permission and being told “no”.

Murr in tow, he goes to explore.

He, somehow, manages to find the archives they passed a few minutes earlier. It’s quiet, and he takes the opportunity to look quickly through the shelves, hoping to find something on the vampire they are looking for.

There are records about him, but nothing recent enough. All he finds are reports upon reports, spanning decades , of a former Chevalier gone rogue with his brother, a thief and conman with a taste for blood, human and vampire alike, who was last seen 6 months ago near the coast, though the operation targeting him failed due to “outside intervention”.

“This is what Antonio referred to earlier, right?” he asks Murr, who sends him flat look, and Noé's eyebrows knit themselves together in worry. The file with the details is missing, along with several others, leaving several empty spots on the shelf, so he can’t be sure, but this is definitely something Astolfo would do.

“Anyone here?” someone calls out from deeper into the archives. Noé winces. He didn’t think anyone would be here, but now that someone is calling out to him, he realizes that archives should have an archivist.

He puts the files back where they belong and, accidentally knocking a chair down on the way, sneaks out of the room, turns at the nearest corner and finds himself into another.

This one seems to be the guardroom. It’s empty and, not for the first time, he wonders where all the chasseurs have gone. They are, though, several pieces of spare equipment in the closet, some which are small enough to fit in his pockets. He takes several, just in case.

He breathes in deeply. Everything is okay, he hasn’t been—

A yelp catches him by surprise.

— caught.

He turns on his heels, hands raised. “Wait, I—”

Another order given in Italian, which he is sure means “ don’t move”, or at least something along those lines.

He stares at the young woman in front of him, her skin a warm brown and dark hair shaved short, a file tucked under her elbow. She stares back at him, black eyes narrowed, then she swiftly slips something out of the sleeve of her white coat and points it at him, still speaking to him in Italian.

Something about not moving, again.

“I’m not an intruder— I mean, yes I am, but I came with Astolfo and I— uh — got lost?”

She narrows her eyes at him suspiciously, lowering the blade — a scalpel, Noé notices. “Astolfo? Astolfo Granatum?” When he nods, she lowers her makeshift weapon. She raises her free hand to about ear level, and changes language to French. “Are you sure?”

Is he sure he is with Astolfo? What kind of question is that? “He’s about this tall,” he says, hand raising up just a little under his shoulder. “With pink hair?”

“God, I can’t believe Astolfo is back.” She nods, tense, and her weapon disappears back in her sleeve. Then, she shakes her head from side to side. “Although I’m terribly sorry for the rudeness, if I had known...” She shakes her head again, pinching her lips. “In my defense, I’ve never seen you here before, and who would except him to bring a friend —”

“We’re not,” Noé corrects and when she glances at him with a raised eyebrow, he explains: “We’re not friends, I don’t even like him, we are simply travelling together for a while. He’s meeting with someone called Antonio.” He smiles at her, reassuring. “So, don’t worry about the rudeness, mademoiselle. I wasn’t very polite myself, intruding into your headquarters with no warning. I’m sorry.”

“He’s meeting with Antonio?” she repeats, all offense forgotten, her lips pulling down into a concerned frown. “This can’t go well. They haven’t been getting along, lately.”

“It wasn’t going well when I was kicked out.” Noé sighs. “He told me they were friends, but it doesn’t look like it.”

“They used to be close, but not anymore, not since—” She grimaces, and her shoulders slump. “Astolfo has changed a lot since he went to Paris, in good and bad, and when he came back a few months ago—” She trails off, and goes quiet.

“What happened when he came back?” Noé asks. The woman doesn’t seem willing to elaborate, and she looks at him again with renewed suspicions.

“Why do you want to know?”

“We’re working together.” It doesn’t sound like enough of an explanation. “He’s looking for the Chevalier Ténèbre, and I want to help.”

Hearing those words, she makes a face. “Oh no. I—” She grabs the files she keeps under her elbow. “Since they’ll be moving out against him soon, I’ve been studying those to prepare for the next round of injuries. I’m Isabella, by the way, I’m the doctor here.” She draws out her hand, and Noé shakes it, hesitant. As if she senses his unease, she goes on: “Don’t worry, I'm a regular doctor, I don't do experiments.” Her eyes take on a determined gleam. “I think you will understand better if I show you.”

Taking the file as she hands it out to him, he flips it open. It’s a report, stamped with a bright red “archives copy”, and the medical report attached has Astolfo’s name on it – a word is scratched out with black marker where his first name should be, an “Astolfo” written by hand in a big, looping handwriting just above it. It’s probably the files missing from the archives’ shelves, and Noé can’t believe his luck.

It’s curiosity that pushes him to look through it. Another page confirms his suspicions with heavy injuries and near death and descriptions of bloody wounds and torn flesh and an infection.

“That idiot ,” he mutters, the worry quickly shifting to frustration, and Isabella hums in agreement.

“He really is. It didn’t look pretty. I’m— I’m the one who took care of him, it took days before he was well enough to get out of bed and he left before I discharged him.” She glares hard at the words printed on the papers. “I hadn’t seen him in at least six years. Can you imagine? Your friend leaves for over six years, doesn’t even send a letter, and then – when they brought him in, I thought he was dead ." Her voice breaks slightly on the last word. "I had never seen Antonio look so scared, either.”

Of course, Astolfo didn’t tell him. He has no obligation to do so, Noé knows, but he can’t help but feel the slightest resentment and frustration at the memories of Astolfo’s claims of being able to handle himself when there is definite proof that he can’t .

But no, he’s Astolfo Granatum and doesn’t need anyone for anything. He is just going to keep walking straight to his death until he actually dies.

“Antonio?” he asks. “I didn’t think he would be so worried for Astolfo.”

“Are you kidding me?” She snorts. “Don’t let his attitude make you think Antonio doesn’t care; he seems to believe that the harsher he is, the further away from here and the Chevalier Astolfo will stay. It doesn't work, obviously." No, it doesn't look like it does, it just seems to make Astolfo more persistent. "Additionally, he has just been so angry since Marco died.” She pauses, looking at him quizzically. “Have you heard about Marco?”

“I’ve met him a few times.” He didn’t know him well, but he seemed kind, at least kind enough to somewhat temperate the explosive Astolfo.

She frowns. “Wait, how long have you known Astolfo?” Her question about Marco, Noé figures, lets her appraise how close he is to Astolfo, but his answer isn't what she expected, so she must have assumed they met in the past six months. Noé admitting to knowing Marco though, gives her a different time scale and more questions about their potential relationship.

“Three years.” When her eyebrows raise in disbelief, he elaborates, running a hand through his hair and smiling sheepishly. “We hated each other at first. We still don’t get along, but I think we’re past the attempted murders and limb cutting phase.” He wiggles the fingers of his left hand, and the joints click and clack with the movement.

“The what now?” she groans. “I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but it’s always strange to hear about what he got up to in France.”

A door slams shut in the distance, cutting him off before he can answer, and he skims through the rest of the file, trying to find anything useful on the Chevalier before he regroups with Astolfo.

“You said they were going to move out again soon?” he asks, trying to get them back on track.

Isabella nods. “Uhm — yes— it’s supposed to be tonight. In a few hours. Hopefully, Antonio will get Astolfo out of the city before it starts.” She looks up to Noé with severe eyes. “You two need to leave.”

She’s the second person who isn’t so happy to see Astolfo back, but it’s the gravity of her tone that makes it click. “He is in Florence, isn’t he?”

The Chevalier Ténèbre has last been seen in this very city. In Florence. All the chasseurs on duty are patrolling the area before he makes more victims here, which explains the headquarters’ persistent silence.

He is way closer than they thought.

Noé needs to find Astolfo, and fast.

He grabs both of Isabella’s hands in his own. “I’m very sorry, but I need to go now. Thank you so much for your help!”

“You’re going to help him, right?” He nods, so she continues: “He won’t listen to us, but maybe you will: I know he says he’ll be okay, but he can’t fight the Chevalier on his own.” She looks straight at him with gravity. “He will die.”

“He won’t. Not on my watch. I promise!”

And she bites her lower lips, unsure. “I hope you’re right. Do you need help finding your way back to Antonio’s office?”

Noé stops right at the door, hesitant, and Isabella laughs. “Come on, I’ll guide you.”

“Thank you!” He turns to Murr. “Let’s go.”

The cat looks up at him in exasperation.

“Sorry,” Noé tells him with an apologetic smile, though he can feel the worry building up inside him. “But we need to find Astolfo, before he runs into the Chevalier Ténèbre on his own.”

Knowing Astolfo, he could very well stumble upon him by accident.

“It won’t go well if he faces him alone.”

This seems to decide Murr, who sniffs disdainfully and starts walking.

-------------------------

Without Louisette, or more generally speaking, a spear, and the enhancement drug the chasseurs usually have, Astolfo can’t fight as well as he used too. He’s always been smaller than the average boy, both in terms of height and weight. He made up of for it, back then, by choosing a long-range weapon and relying on speed, dexterity and high mobility. With it, he could make his size an advantage, even though it also allowed his enemies to throw him around with more ease if they grabbed him.

The spear allowed him to hit his target while staying away. Now, all he has is his own natural speed and a short weapon which requires him to get in his enemy’s arm reach.

The dagger rips through the Chevalier’s clothes and nicks at his skin, but the vampire grabs him by the collar, pulling him off his feet, and throws him away. His back hits a wall with a thud and, as he falls, he sees stars, the pain spreading through his body in short waves.

He pushes himself back on his feet and picks his weapon. He grins, the rush of the fight coming back to him, warming him up. His focus is solely on Jean Ténèbre, and the humans running away, the chasseurs he is sure are on their way, Noé Archiviste’s departure — all of this is nothing but background noise. None of it matters .

Jean Ténèbre here stands in front of him and this time, nothing will stop Astolfo from taking his life.

Adjusting his grip on his weapon, he lunges, intentionally leaving his side open. The Chevalier takes the bait and Astolfo dodges, slipping under his arm and aiming his ribs. The vampire stumbles when Astolfo’s blade lodges itself right between two of them and he swings his arm, elbow hitting the side of his head.

Astolfo manages to roll away, once again out of range. He breathes hard already, but he can’t stop smiling, face flushed, his weapon bloodied.

“I failed to end you once,” he tells him, laughter bubbling at the back of his throat. “I will not fail again tonight.”

He remembers that night very clearly — every detail of it etched in his mind forever. The night this vampire and his companions slaughtered his family and laughed.

Just as Astolfo prepares to attack again, something catches on his leg, making him tumble down on his knee. He pulls, hard, but his foot is rooted on ground, something dark swirling around his ankle. He tries to pull it off, but it’s immaterial.

“You don’t learn, do you?” The Chevalier’s eyes seem to glower in the darkness, pupils shifting to strange, eerie spirals.

He cannot touch it and no matter how much he tries; it paralyses his ankle. He stands again, trying to force his leg to move, to wrench it off the ground, but it only spreads, keeping him from bending his knee until he’s immobilized all the way up his waist.

Around the Chevalier, shadows twirl and swell, growing more solid, more textured under his power.

All vampires have the ability to alter the very nature of this world, the formula. Some of them learn how to control this power, and some of them specialize. The Chevalier Ténèbre, staying true to his name, decided on darkness .

It wraps around him, taking a hold of his arm, squeezing his wrist until it cuts the skin and makes him drop his weapon. The dagger clatters uselessly on the ground.

“You come to me, in the middle of the night, when I am at my strongest, and you can barely put up a decent fight.” He sighs, sounding disappointed, standing just in front of him. He pats his cheek with a barely there smile that Astolfo wants to rip off his face with his bare hands. “To think my beloved brother lost to that. ”

The touch would make Astolfo shiver if he could move at all and he grits his teeth. He hasn’t changed at all. He is still, without the chasseurs, a weak and helpless child.

Once again, he realizes, Antonio was right. He keeps overestimating himself, trying to make himself believe that he’s still strong enough to take the Chevalier like he took his brother years ago.

Move , he tells himself as the Chevalier’s shadow creep up. Move , as he tries to push it aside. If he doesn't, Astolfo will be hacked to pieces by disgustingly solid shadows, and he can’t even move . Like six months ago, and like when he was eleven and pinned down by those same shadows as fangs dug into his skin.

The thought is what finally kicks him into action.

Astolfo snaps his head, catching, between his teeth, the fragile skin between the Chevalier’s thumb and index finger, and bites down. His teeth sink in. Blood pours out, staining his lips and chin.

The Chevalier yelps, his focus shifts, and his control snaps. Astolfo pushes him back, throwing his balance off. He dives to the ground to grab his weapon and drives it down into the vampire’s foot, before putting distance between them.

His chest rises and falls with his heartbeat, fast and uneven, and he wipes his face with his sleeve, spitting out the blood on the ground.

Then, snarling, the Chevalier comes for him again, faster, and Astolfo won’t have time to move out of the way — but before anything can happen something grabs him around the waist, pulling him off his feet and out of the way.

“Are you alright?”

And he finds himself carried like a sack of potatoes over Noé Archiviste’s shoulder as he turns several street corners, until they lose sight of the Chevalier.

“What—”

“I learned the Chevalier Ténèbre was here so I came looking for you. But you found him without my help, it seems.”

“I—” Astolfo lets out a strangled sound of surprise, before he truly realizes what position he is in and kicks his feet in the air. “Let me down!”

“Oh, right.” He puts him back on his feet. “There.”

Now back on the ground, Astolfo regains his bearings and huffs. “What took you so long?” he demands as if he hasn’t been scared out of his mind, in a difficult position just a minute ago. “Did you wander off again?”

“What do you mean, again ?” the Archiviste protests. “I even brought something that could be useful.”

He rummages through his pockets and takes out several pouches, which Astolfo easily recognizes. “Are those chasseurs belt pouches?”

“I found them in the guardroom in the headquarters. I figured you could find some use for it, since you don’t have access to those anymore.” He looks back over his shoulder, making sure the Chevalier Ténèbre isn’t catching up yet. “You can’t fight him on your own, Astolfo. At least not without some extra weapons.”

The "you’re a regular human now" hangs between them, unsaid.

“Look—”

“Mademoiselle Isabella showed me what he did to you last time.”

There is something in his tone and in his eyes looking too much like a mixture of fear and worry that make Astolfo want to give up arguing.

It's not like he’s up for an argument anyway. He’s tired, from the last year’s search, from his previous encounters with the Chevalier, from the argument with Antonio, and from the fight, so he just takes the pouches without a word. He doesn’t ask how he even knows Isa, and opens them. They all contain Aegis flash grenades, brand new and polished, warm under his fingers.

All in all, they have four of those.

“This is what you disappeared for?”

“Well, it wasn’t what I was looking for but—” He rubs the back of his head. “Sometimes you take what you have on hands.” He points at the cat still sitting across his shoulders. “Murr helped too.”

“I—” he gulps. “I was under the impression you—”

I thought you left for good .

“You thought what?” the vampire asks, confused.

“Nothing.” He looks away, face pink in embarrassment, recalling his rather childish outburst.

“Are you sure?”

He nods, and focuses back on the equipment Noé brought back. He picks one of the grenades, weighting it in his palm. “This will be useful. The Chevalier Ténèbre can control shadows,” he explains.

“We will be able to counter it with those, then.”

Astolfo blinks, taken aback. He always imagined himself facing the Chevalier alone, fighting alone until who or whatever is in front of him kills him. “We?”

"Yes, we." Noé takes off his coat and hat, which he neatly places on a windowsill, before he sets Murr next to them. His sharp fangs glint in the moonlight as he grins, flexing his fingers, and Astolfo is suddenly reminded that, under his sweet exterior, the vampire is as much as a fighter as any chasseur. “I’m your shield now. You can count on me.”

#vnc #vanitas no carte #astonoé #astolfoé #noé archiviste #astolfo granatum #writing #story: let me live (let me die)

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fxkthatdairy · 4 years

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The Principal’s Office: Part Two ~Grayson Dolan

Overview: (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N) was the new 5th grade history teacher at The Dolan’s Private academy in New Jersey. She moved from across the country to teach at the school. On the first day, an unexpected visitor stops by her classroom to check in on her. What happened when they fall head over heels for each other? Check out to see.

Warnings: None in this chapter

(Y/N)’s alarm began to ring at 5:30 in the morning. She rolled out of her bed and turned her alarm off. She stretched out before walking into her bathroom. Today was her first day teaching and she was excited and nervous at the same time. This was her first job as a teacher and she didn’t know how the kids would like her. Then she realized that Grayson would be there and her heart started racing. She snapped herself out of it realizing he would never be with her. Reason one was the fact that he was technically her boss and reason number two was the fact rarely did the hot guys fall for the history nerd who’s never even had a boyfriend before. She sighed and stripped from her pajamas and stepped in the shower. She took a quick shower and got out and dried off. She did her normal morning routine, curled her hair and slipped into her first day outfit which was a pair of dark green jeans with a white button down and gray sweater on top of that, a pair of nude flats and her purse(visual below).

She grabbed everything that she was going to need including all of her lesson plans for the week, her laptop, her phone cord, her good pens that she specifically bought for grading, and a few little decors to make her room unique. She moved all her stuff to her car and began heading to work. The school was about 20 minutes away from her house and she used those 20 minutes to mentally prepare herself for this day. When she arrived at the school she parked in the teachers parking lot and grabbed all of her things and made sure to throw her lanyard with her ID on it so that she was able to get into the school. She scanned her badge and quickly looked to see what hall she was on and what her room number was: 319. She walked down the long hallway until she reached the 300 hall and walked down in finding room 319. She room was larger than the rooms that she remembered from her fifth grade classes but then again she attended a public school. The room had rows of desks, a large white board, a projector screen, plenty of closet space, a beautiful white desk with a fairly comfortable leather chair, and a huge computer monitor. She placed her bag down beside her desk. It was now around 7:15 and she had an hour and 15 minutes until school started. She began pulling out the stuff she had brought to decorate her classroom and desk. She placed her pictures in her desk that included the pictures from her graduation, her family pictures, a picture of her and her mom, and many of her at historic sites. She plugged in her essential oil machine and put in a slight bit of peppermint oil in. She began hanging her history posters and maps from every topic in the semester and wrote her name on the white board in cursive. She also set up the calendar that she had bought and arranged the desks how she liked them.

“You’re here fairly early. I thought I was the only one here this early.” A voice said from the door way. That voice belonged to the one and only Grayson Dolan; the principal of the school.

“Yeah, I wanted to make some personal touches and make sure I was prepared for the day. I hope you don’t mind.” She said as she noticed he was looking around.

“These photos are beautiful. You seem very passionate about History and your family. I find that very admirable Ms (Y/L/N).” He said. Her heart fluttered almost out of her chest.

“Thank you sir. My mom has always been there for me. History has been apart of my life since as long as I can remember.” She said and made sure everything was in order before she walked back over to her desk.

“Well I’ll swing by later to check on you and see how you are doing. Maybe I can bring you lunch around lunch time. Have a fantastic day (Y/N).” He said and with that he was gone. The one thing (Y/N) didn’t know was that Grayson Dolan was absolutely in love with her. He felt a connection with her that he’s never felt before.

It was now 8:15 and she had 15 minutes until her first class of the day would arrive. She sat down in her leather chair and turned the projector on and pulled up her welcoming PowerPoint that she spent a good three hours making. Her plan for today was to introduce herself to the class and get to know some of her students. She then went and stood in front of her door to welcome the children into the classroom. The school bell rang indicating that school had begun and she had five minutes before all her kids needed to be in her classroom. As all of her students filled her room she welcomed them with a warm smile and handshake. The tardy bell rang and she shut her door making sure that it locked in compliance of school rules.

“Good Morning and welcome back to school. I hope each and every one of you had a fantastic weekend and let me be the first to welcome you to fifth grade History. My name is Ms. (Y/L/N) and I’m so ready for this year with you guys. Now it’s time for role.” (Y/N) spoke and everyone was present so she sent in attendance and then grabbed the remote to change the slides as she stood to introduce herself to the class.

“So I thought instead of giving you guys work on the first day, that we would take this time to get to know each other starting with myself. If you can not tell, this is my first year here and by my accent you can tell I am not from around here. I actually moved here from Oklahoma and this is my first year teaching actually. I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma with my mom and sister and brother, I’m 25 years old and I went to school at Oklahoma University on a full scholarship ride. I’ve been to almost every historical monument in the United States and have met several past presidents. I also am a very hands on teacher and I’ll try and start bringing some historical artifacts that I’ve collected over the years next week but it depends on if I can get them out of my moving boxes. Now does anyone want to share anything about themselves.” (Y/N) spoke. About 10 kids hands shot up. She called on the first kid she saw. He was sitting in the front row and looked like an athletic kid.

“My name is Thomas and I played football and baseball all summer and I made the All Regional Leauge in town. Also why history?” He asked.

“Well I was never good at math so I knew that would not be an option. I liked English but I didn’t want to grade a lot of essays. The only science I ever really got into was medical science and I’m terrified of blood and needles so I fell in love with history. Plus everything has history, your family, your town, even your pets have history. History is all around us and it shapes the world today.” She said and a few more kids shared their stories and soon there was only five minutes left of class. She grabbed the packet of information to send home to their parents about the class and passed them out.

“Please get these signed and returned between tomorrow and Friday. Have a fantastic rest of the day and I can’t wait to see you guys tomorrow.” She said as the bell rang. The next three classes went that way and now it was time for lunch. She sat down at her desk and rubbed her sore feet from standing. There was a knock on her door and then the door opened revealing Grayson.

“I brought lunch. I hope you don’t mind. I brought some chicken salads.” He said with a smile as he handed her a salad.

“Thank you so much.” She said with a smile on her face.

“So how’s your first day been so far?” He said as he pulled up a chair to your desk so that he can eat.

“It’s been wonderful. The students have been so respectful and amazing. This job means a lot to me and it’s perfect. I’ve had no problems at all today except the pain in my feet from standing but I can get over that soon.” She said with a laugh.

Grayson laughed as well with one of his gorgeous smiles, “Well that’s good. I’m glad you’re enjoying this. Sometimes the students are a little too much to handle when you get into the higher grades especially. Apparently I’m almost every 8th grade girls crush and it’s honestly kind of creepy some days. I’m 30 for Christ sakes.” He said with a laugh.

(Y/N) laughed remembering her awkward phase in 8th grade when she thought she was going to marry Tom Cruise. “It’s just something they go through during that awkward transition in life. I went through it, my sister went through it, I’m pretty sure my mother went through it. That’s why I picked fifth grade, they have no clue or really no interests in relationships.”

“That’s true. Well lunch is almost over and I would love to get to know you more other than helping you move in. I would like to take you out to dinner this Saturday. I’ll give you time to think about it and no hard feelings if you say no. I’ll text you the details later. Have a great rest of the day (Y/N).” He said as he put his chair back where he got it and left the room. Her heart and mind were spinning. He has just asked her on a dinner date. Her BOSS just asked her on a dinner date. The man who stole her heart with a smile asked her on a dinner date. She couldn’t even fully function. She quickly shook out of it as the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. She finished off the rest of her classes before 4:30 came and she was finally able to go home. She grabbed all of her belongings and made sure everything was off before heading home. She stopped and grabbed her something to eat before heading back to her house due to the fact that she has no groceries at home. When she got home she processed long and hard about her current situation. She went to bed that night replaying every possible outcome in her head whether she said yes or no. As she was laying down her phone buzzed: One New message from Grayson Dolan.

Hey (Y/N), it’s Grayson. I would love to take you to Juliane’s Seafood and Steakhouse this Saturday night at 7:30 to get to know you more. I really hope you come, I really enjoy hearing your stories and you intrigue me. Once again no harsh feelings if you don’t want to go. It’s only if you feel comfortable. I hope you enjoyed the rest of your night. Anyways have a good night and see you tomorrow 🙂

(Y/N) thought long and hard with her decision and finally responded....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was part two! Sorry for the cliffhanger but hey it builds suspense ☺️ I’m really enjoying how this story is turning out and I hope you guys are too 😊 part three will be out in the next few days.

Tags: @pineappledols @frickin-bats @graysavant

#grayson dolan imagines #grayson dolan au #grayson dolan fic #dolan twins imagine #dolan twins #ethan dolan #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan smut #au #fanfic #Grayson Dolan imagines #Grayson Dolan

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1257

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Oh for sure. We had to watch It’s A Beautiful Life and I know I cried every single time I watched that movie, whether for school or on my own time.

What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? I don’t really get this question. I feel like it would make more sense if it asked how early I’m willing to wake up in the morning...? Anyway, I don’t pay attention to the time I sleep at night. Sometimes I’ll pass out as early as midnight, and sometimes I’ll be up until 3; it doesn’t matter to me.

What is you favorite type of lunch meat? I’m not into those in general.

What time of the year do you dislike the most? The heat in April and May is just brutal and uncalled for. It gets so hot and disgustingly humid and most times the aircon can’t even do much to quell it.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? Yeah, banana ketchup since that’s what we usually have a bottle of. Generally, I have banana ketchup with most of my breakfast dishes too.

What is your favorite color to wear? I don’t really have a favorite to wear those days mostly because I barely go out anyway and there’s been little need to update my closet.

Are you an overachiever? Seems like the type of question you should be asking my parents, not me haha. Personally, though, I’m fairly proud of what I’ve accomplished.

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Maybe longer legs and smaller teeth, but I’m not exactly insecure about mine.

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry? Did you just raise the possibility of marrying a deer? Anyway...since I mentioned Two for the Road in the last survey, I’ll go with Mark from that movie. Seems like my type of partner.

How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? With legs...around 2-3 weeks. Armpits, maybe about a week or so. Never more than a month for either.

What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else? For the most part I’ve always been cautious of what I say; writing, on the other hand...I’ve written stuff on my diary wherein I let out all my frustrations against my mom. I know they were mean because she cried over them – but that also entailed snooping through my stuff, so I’ve never felt bad about it. I meant those things as I wrote them because it was my safe space, and she violated that. That’s on her.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? I did, but I instantly realized it was bad so I stopped as soon as I began.

What is your favorite thing about your life? How everything seems to have fallen in its place these days. There’s really little to complain about and I’m grateful for that.

Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire? Animals.

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? No.

How many real bfs/gfs have you had? One.

Did you enjoy your past relationships? I did.

Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. << I love this choice, let’s just go with this one lol.

Could you wait until marriage for sex? Sure.

What’s the best Nirvana song? I don’t listen to them. I know a couple of songs but I don’t like them enough to be my favorites.

What was the last thing that impressed you? The new Butter remix with Megan Thee Stallion.

When was the last time you were in a pet store? Years, years ago.

What nationality is your last name? Spanish or Portuguese, I’m not super sure.

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? I never dip my chips; I just have them as is.

Who was the last boy that you saw cry? Idk...maybe one of my cousins from one of our family reunions last year. I don’t get to be around a lot of boys or guys.

Does your mom know you do surveys? No. I’ve never had to raise it and I can’t see a situation where I would have to.

Have you ever had a serious injury? Yeah, I got a big wound from when I went snorkeling around a decade ago. I wasn’t provided flippers so when I was kicking to stay afloat I managed to hit the coral reefs underneath repeatedly, which majorly scraped and gashed my left foot until it was an open, bleeding mess. It was infected for weeks and I’m surprised it didn’t leave any kind of mark or scar.

What was the last thing you achieved? Handling a campaign for a major client successfully and getting good coverage and results for it.

Would you enjoy being famous? Probably, but I wish I had some sort of talent or skill that would propel me to popularity in the first place hahaha.

What’s under your bed? Some things I collected from past hobbies and interests, like all my old wrestling magazines.

Do you enjoy travelling? Love it.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? I mean I joined an org in college, which technically makes me a member for life. I’m not name-dropping but it’s one of the two journalism organizations in my alma mater.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? I can’t recall. I don’t drink strawberry milk.

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? I never collected those.

Do you have a clock in your room? Nope.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? I honestly can’t remember. I only had like three sessions with different instructors for each, and the one instructor I remember having was extremely cranky and impatient.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Hold It Against Me is pretty fun.

Does mind over matter work for you? Sure.

Are you paranoid? Oh yeah. Overthinker is pretty much my middle name.

What is the best thing about winter? I wouldn’t know but considering the things associated with it, I’ve always believed it would be my favorite season.

Have you ever been truly in love? Hmm. I think so, yeah. I’d give myself that.

Are you currently planning a trip? Nah. Nothing set in stone, but Angela, Reena, and I have been talking about flying to South Korea next year. We’ll see.

How many plants are in your home? Several. My mom is a bit of a fan, but it’s nothing obsessive.

What is your favorite possession? I treasure my BTS merch, I guess haha. Nobody is allowed to touch them or move them around without my permission. As often as my mom likes to barge in my room and touch my stuff, she seems to understand and doesn’t lay a finger on any of the merch either.

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? Sure. But it's never really mattered to me; it just feels nice to be nice and do nice things for people. It does feel nice to be thanked, but I don’t necessarily do it for the recognition.

What movies have tripped you out? I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Midsommar, Anomalisa, Under the Skin, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and The Killing of A Sacred Deer are a few of them.

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? Yesssss, I even had a pair as a kid. I got into it because I loved to ice skate, but it turned out I wasn’t as good as gliding on the ground so I ultimately preferred ice skating. Anyway, no, I haven’t done rollerblading in years.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? I did. I stayed because it’s where I felt safe and I didn’t know where else to go or what else to do outside of it.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? Sure.

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? Nope. I find them more distracting than anything else, and they actually keep me from sleeping.

What summertime treats do you love? I don’t have any.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. < Yeah, this sounds about right.

What do you hate most about moving? The last time we moved was in 2008...and I don’t really remember disliking any part of it. I was actually excited for us to have a home all to ourselves after living with extended family in a cramped house all my life.

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? Depends where. Sometimes it can be exciting, sometimes it can be inconvenient but you kinda do it out of desperation lol.

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? No, I’m scared of how it would affect my body so I’ve never tried.

Has anyone ever whistled at you? Countless random men.

Do you like scarves? They can be comfy if I’m traveling somewhere cold...but I don’t really get to do that often, so.

Is your father homophobic? I haven’t seen any signs from him. My mom is much more likely to exhibit internalized homophobia – she just did the other night.

Do you take gummy vitamins? No, only when I was a teenager.

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? I don’t think so, nothing I can recall.

Who would you like to meet before you die? I don’t have any goal person in mind.

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? Hmm, probably not. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The Avril Lavigne doppelganger one is extremely hilarious and I read up so many thread about it on Twitter just so I can see how far people can stretch it.

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die? I don’t care.

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? Either of my best friends.

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? The weather.

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? My mom.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? Yeah the soundtracks are actually fucking great. The person who took this survey before me named Supermassive Black Hole by Muse, and that’s one of my favorites from all the soundtracks. The song Slow Life in New Moon is nice, too. How old was the first person you kissed? She was 17, going on 18.

Will you be a strict parent one day? I’d have some rules set but I wouldn’t suffocate my kids.

Last person to stand up for you? Heck if I know. I can do that for myself.

Have you been to a baby shower? No.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My ex.

What’s your favorite high school memory? Hiding a same-sex relationship from my conservative, homophobic Catholic teachers.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? I like being single these days.

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? Trying out the Nevis Swing in New Zealand.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate? I saw no point in studying chemistry.

Italian food or Chinese food? Chinese. I like Italian cuisine, but sometimes I find it a tad bit salty for my taste.

Do you like to make flash cards when you study? Not flash cards but sometimes I’ll write my notes down in several index cards because for some reason I retain information better that way.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? No.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? No. I never saw the appeal of most of them, honestly.

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. Gabie.

What do you think about Marilyn Manson? I have nothing to say about him tbh.

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Nothing beyond getting into an argument with this kid in 2nd grade and getting sent to the counselor’s office for it.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? I used to, until I handed it down to my sister...and until she let it smash onto the ground because she didn’t place it on her tripod properly when she was filming one time. I still don’t get why she’s so defensive about it; I wish she’d just admit she majorly fucked up on that. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? It makes me silently judge the parents more so than letting myself be bothered by a child.

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? We’re not offered the chance to get yearbooks unless we’re in graduating years.

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No.

Jalapeños: yay or nay? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Did you ever play Minecraft? No. I can’t care less.

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I didn’t.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Me, sometimes. Hahahaha.

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? The way I was broken up with, like what the person who last took this said. I’m not tortured by it and her anymore, but I don’t think I deserved to intensely mull over about what I could have possibly done to be broken up with the way she did.

What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. < This pretty much hits the nail on the head on how my ex is, so I’ll just go ahead and agree.

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? I’d get braces again and...that’s it, really.

What are your feelings on feminism? I support it and I support how it advocates equality.

Describe your first relationship? I’ve only had one relationship so I’ll just answer the following question.

Describe your last relationship? Internally toxic; uhhh healthy at some points I guess, when she wasn’t being a selfish prick; a disaster towards the end.

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? I honestly don’t know what constitutes ‘safe sex’ in a same-sex relationship, sooooo idk if I have.

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? It’s a realistic take on love and I appreciate that it took its sweet time to highlight the ugly sides of love and marriage. Also, Audrey Hepburn taking her acting chops to the next level was just beautiful to watch. She was always a fantastic actress in all her movies, but I could tell her acting in Two for the Road had just a little bit more depth to it.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I’m nice and approachable.

Do you feel protective over someone? My friends.

What perfume/cologne do you wear? Heat Rush.

Where did your vehicle come from? My parents got it for me as a high school grad gift.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007, and back then I was designated as a flower girl lol. I’ve never been to a wedding where I was chosen to be a bridesmaid.

What is your favorite way to eat chicken? CHICKEN SANDWICH. Also chicken wings.

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: Oreo cheesecake topped with 24 macarons.

What do you wear to bed? Something thin and airy.

What were you doing at 8pm last night? I was watching Bon Voyage.

#survey #surveys

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