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fluffy-yoongi · 4 years

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Across The Sea

You had been in Souel for about a month now. You had taken a promotion for work that required you to move abroad for a year to project plan a new division. When you took the job, you thought you’d be staying in NYC, but a month before you were set to start, you found out that the job was actually moving you to Souel. You were absolutely terrified, but you figured you were young and unattached, plus is was only for one year.

You were settling in okay. It was difficult adjusting to the time zone and trying to still talk to your friends and family at home, and you were starting to get homesick and lonely. You knew enough Korean to get by, but you definitely weren’t fluent by any means. For work, it wasn’t too bad. Most of what you were doing was graphic designed based, so it was just a mater of making sketches, and adjusting. It was going out and having a social life that was hard. You were the youngest on your team, by around 20 years, and hanging out with 40 and 50 year old men wasn’t really your idea of fun. So during the week you worked, and on the weekends, you silently explored the city.

You set off on Saturday morning to go get a coffee from the cafe down the street from your apartment and sit along the river with your sketch pad. It was about the only way you’d been able to find comfort while half a world away from home. So you woke up around 8, showered and called your mom to talk while you were getting ready. After talking to your mom for about an hour, you said goodbye, packed up a bag with your sketchbook and pencils, then headed to the cafe. You ordered your usual, americano and a blueberry muffin, then put your headphones in, and left the cafe.

As you were heading to one of your favorite spots along the river, your phone dinged. You mom was sending you a picture of your cat cuddling with her dog. They had been fighting since you moved, and this was the first time they were getting along since your mom started taking care of you cat. You felt the tears in your eyes start to well up, completely taking your mind off the fact you were walking down a sidewalk. Suddenly, you can to an abrupt crash, your coffee going all over the front of you and phone crashing to the sidewalk.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry. My mom just sent me a picture of my cat, and I’m sorry. Does you jacket need dry cleaned? Here, let me get some cash.”

The person in front of you began to laugh. “Are you okay?” A deep voice asked in the cutest accent.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Did my coffee get on you?”

“No. I’m fine.”

The strangers face was hidden by a mask as he bent down to pick up your phone. “Uh, your screen.”

You looked at you phone, and the screen was shattered beyond use. “Great, guess there goes my off day.”

The stranger in front of you chucked again. “Let me get you a new phone. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“No, I can’t accept that. I wasn’t even looking up. It’s fine, really. I should have been paying attention. I just live up the street, so I can run home and change and get a phone this afternoon. Really, it’s fine.”

“No, really. I wasn’t paying attention. I was daydreaming and lost in my own world. Now I insist. Let me get you a phone. Plus, now I know you live on this street, I can just sit out here and wait until you let me pay for it.”

“Are you sure? Because it’s really not that big of a deal. I can-“

“You can let me get you a new drink while you go change, then meet me back here so I can buy you a phone.”

“Okay, thank you, stranger.”

“Yoongi.” A hand extended out for a handshake.

“Thank you, Yoongi.” You retuned the handshake, and it lasted a few seconds longer than it needed to as your eyes locked.

“It’s no problem, stranger. Now what do you want to drink?”

“Y/N. My names Y/N. And an iced americano, please.”

“Y/N. I like that. And you’ve got good taste. Now go change, and I’ll meet you back here in a few minutes, coffee in hand.”

You thanked the stranger, who now had a name, once more as you turned to walk back to your apartment. “Yoongi. What a unique name. And his eyes are so deep.” You thought out loud as you frantically shuffled through your closet looking for an equally as comfortable sweater and leggings combo as the one you had changed into. Thankfully, your jacket seemed to avoid the coffee, so you threw it back on, then set off back to the cafe.

You didn’t know if would still be there, so you didn’t get your hopes up, but sure enough, there he was, sitting at the little bistro table outside the cafe.

“That was quick,” He smiled as he stood up to hand you your coffee.

“Thank you. And yeah, I have to wear my business clothes during the week, so the weekends are reserved for the comfiest thing in my closet.” You let out a little nervous laugh, feeling your cheeks flush with color.

“I like your style. I called for a car while you were changing, it should be here soon.” A warm smile broke across his face. The mask he was wearing when you first collided was now tucked under his chin so he could drink his coffee.

“Really, you don’t have to be so kind. I appreciate it, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want you to feel like you owe me this or something for my clumsiness.”

He let out a deep, raspy laugh. “I can see the car coming, so it’s too late to change my mind now.” A few seconds later, a black town car pulled up to the curb, and Yoongi went out to open the door for you.

“Oh, thanks.” You were shocked at how nice this complete stranger was being to you. You’d been living here for nearly a month, and this was the first time you’d talked to someone outside of work for more than a casual greeting.

Yoongi got in the car on the other side and gave the driver the address of a store on the other side of the town. “So, you’re obviously not Korean. What brings you to the other side of the world.”

“I work for a large company doing project planning. There’s a new division opening, and I’m the designer for the new infographics and displays. It was supposed to be in New York, but got changed at the last minute. The project is only for a year, so my mom is keeping my cat, and I’m living in Souel now.”

You could feel yourself instantly regretting everything you just said. You couldn’t read Yoongi’s expression as you studied him for a response.

“So, you do art?”

“Yeah, not as much as I want to. My major in school was fine arts, but not as many companies are looking for painters.” You leg was shaking nervously. Not at anything the person next to you was saying or doing, you just felt weird talking about yourself.

“Let me know if I’m asking too much. I don’t want you to think I’m stalking you or something.” He let out a breathy laugh that made you smile.

“No! You’re fine! I’m promise. I just get nervous talking about myself. I don’t think what I do is that exciting, but it’s still doing art, it pays well and I get to travel a lot.”

“Having a job that allows you to travel is the best. I feel like I’m always going somewhere new for work.”

“What do you do?” He looked almost surprised at your question.

“Uh, well. I’m a musician.”

“That’s amazing. I love music. I always wanted to play an instrument, but that was never my artistic calling.” He laughed at your comment. “What kind of music do you make?”

“Well, a little bit of everything. I’m in a group, so technically pop music, but we definitely go for more of an R&B sound than traditional pop.”

“So you sing?”

“No way. I produce, write and rap. I wish I could sing, but that was not my destiny.”

“Well, next time you guys have a show, you’ll have to tell me.”

“Well, if you want that, I guess you better give me you number.”

You felt you cheeks flush with color. That may have been the smoothest pickup line you’ve ever heard. “I..”

“Here.” The driver stopped outside of the phone storefront cutting your response short.

“Hold that thought.” He quickly ran out of the car to open your door before you could even process everything that just happened.

“Thank you.” You climbed out of the car still flustered by the conversation that had just happened. You tried to relax and walk into the store, but your mind was racing.

“Let’s get you new phone so you can read the next show flyer I send you.” Yoongi walked into the store, and you followed suit.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

“Hi, we need to get a new iPhone. Whatever the newest model is. And plenty of storage for art and music. Thanks.” Yoongi had answered everything before you could even open your mouth.

“Really, you don’t have to do this. I’m fine with just the same one I have. I’ve got my credit card. It’s fine.”

“No, I ran into you. I’m buying you a new phone. End of discussion.” He reached for his wallet out of his pocket, grabbing a black American Express card.

Who is this man? A black card?

“Did we need any cases or screen protectors today?” The sales representative set the phone on the counter.

“We should probably do the screen protector.”

“Yoongi, at least let me buy that.”

“No, my treat. Besides, you think $20 is going make a difference?” You smiled, still feeling guilty about the kindness of the man who you didn’t even know an hour ago.

“Well, I owe you.” You stepped up to the counter to finish setting up your phone. Once you were finished getting everything set up, the two of you walked back out to the car, and headed back to your apartment.

“So, now that your phone is fixed, how about you text me so I have your number. Then, we can call it even.” Yoongi reached over to grab your phone adding his name and number to your contacts. “Just send me your name so I can save it.”

“Are you sure? Really? Can I at least buy you lunch or something?” You began to send a message to him.

“Hmmm, I guess it is getting close to lunch time. Fine, your number and hot pot. Then, we’re even.” His phone buzzed with the message you sent him, and he saved your number as he asked the diver to take you to his favorite hotpot restaurant.

“I’ve been here a month, and I’ve basically been living off ramen, coffee and whatever is in stock at the 7/11 on the corner. I don’t know enough Korean to try anything else. I’m so scared of ordering something I can’t eat.”

“What?” His face was taken over by a completely shocked expression.

“I know. I know. I’m allergic to eggs, and I’m scared of getting sick. I don’t know what I would do if I got sick without my mom. I still make her come take care of me when I have a cold.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “No eggs. I’ll keep that in mind.”

The two of you arrived at the restaurant, and walked in for lunch. You had great conversations about family, pets and favorite artist. Before you knew it 2 hours had gone by. The two of you had finished eating about an hour ago, but you were just having a great time getting to know this new person.

“Oh, is it 1:30? Shoot. I have rehearsal in 30 minutes. Let’s get you home.”

“I can call a cab, it’s fine. Really. You’ve done enough.”

“You don’t even know where you are, I’m not leaving you alone. Besides, I have a car waiting outside.”

The two of you got up and left the restaurant, heading back out to the car.

“Well, did you like it? Better than ramen?”

You nodded you head in a laugh.

“I’ve got to get you out and eating more Korean food. Are you off every weekend?”

“Yeah. I usually spend my Saturday’s drawing by the river, and my Sundays sleeping.”

“A whole day devoted to sleeping. That’s my idea of good time.”

You both laughed, and continued to just get to know each other on for the next few minutes as the car neared your apartment.

The car came to a stop just outside the door up to your apartment.

“Seriously, thank you for everything today. You really didn’t have to, but I truly appreciate it so much. This is the best day I’ve had since I moved.”

“The pleasure was mine. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Okay.” You smiled, got out of the car, and headed toward the door to your building, pausing just before entering to wave goodbye. A soft wave met yours, as the car pulled away.

You walked into your apartment, sat on the couch , turned on the tv and tried process what had just happened over the past few hours. The next thing you knew your phone was buzzing, waking you up.

“New Message from Yoongi 🤴🏻”

“Thanks for hanging out with me this morning. It was nice to step away from life for a few hours.”

“I mean, you didn’t give me much of a choice. You did break my phone. 😉”

“Oh, I see how it is. Much braver now that you’re not with me. 🤔”

“I’m kidding! I really appreciate it so much. Next time coffee is on me. Well... not literally. I don’t need that again.”

“😂 Okay, I’ll hold you to it.”

“Pinky Promise. As long as it’s during the weekend.”

“Well, I have to check my schedule, but I’m sure I’m free the same time next week. This time, we can make it to the river, not the phone store. I can’t afford a new phone ever weekend!”

“😞😖 I’ll try.”

“Hahaha. Listen kid, I’m about to pass out. But seriously, thank you for today. I don’t get my mind off work often, so it was truly refreshing.”

“Well, I’m glad neither of us know how to pay attention when we’re walking. Talk to you soon?”

“That’s not a question, that’s a given. I’ll let you know my schedule next for next weekend soon. Goodnight.”

“Night!”

For the next few weeks, the two of you started to form a genuine friendship. You were surprised at how much the two of you had in common despite growing up on completely opposite sides of the world. Every Saturday morning, you’d meet at the cafe, get coffee and walk along the river. It just felt so good to have someone to talk to that wasn’t the same age as your mom, but your age.

“So, do you have any plans tonight?” Yoongi walked up to you, arm extended with a coffee in his hand.

“Well, I did have some big plans of watching Netflix and making instant ramen.”

“Well, I don’t know if I can top that, but we have a show tonight. If you weren’t busy, I was going to see if you wanted to come. It’s just a small fan fest show. You can come hang out with me and the guys backstage. I know it’s not nearly as exciting as Netflix, but we always have instant noodles.”

“Hmmm. I don’t know. Netflix is pretty exciting, and I have been spending every Saturday night at home for the last 3 months I’ve lived here. I really hate to break that streak...” You let out a laugh as you finished the sentence.

“Well, If you can break up with your couch, I can have a car here at 7?”

“7? Let’s see, it’s 12:30 now. That gives me at least 4 hours to nap. I think I can do that.”

“Really? You’ll come?”

“Don’t act so shocked. We’re friends, or at least I think we are. And I’m getting a little bored with Netflix. I gotta tell you, there’s only so many sitcoms you can watch before they all start to seem the same.”

“I’m just excited for you to meet the guys. They all want to meet you. We usually go get food and drinks after the smaller shows like this, you can join us for that if you want, too.”

“That sounds great. I’m a little nervous about meeting everyone, but I think I need more than one friend.” You laughed as Yoongi rolled his eyes.

The two of you continued on with your Saturday morning walk for another half hour before you made it back to the entrance to your apartment.

“I’ll give the driver your number so he can message you when he’s here?” Yoongi looked at you with pure excitement in his eyes.

“Yeah! That works. 7, right?”

“Yep. And don’t worry, I’m the most intimating one, seriously. The other six are puppies.”

“Okay,” you could let help but giggle. “I’ll see you in a little bit then. Do I need to wear anything fancy?”

“You’re so cute. No, it’s just a small concert. Wear whatever you’re comfortable in.” He chucked at your question.

“I don’t know. You’re draped in mystery. Maybe.. I don’t know.” You laughed together for quick second before Yoongi pulled you in for a hug.

“I have to get to sound check, then get ready. The car will drop you off backstage.”

“Okay. I’ll see you then.” His driver was now staring at the two of you, clearly getting impatient.

“I think you better go, or he may not come pick me up later.”

“You’re probably right. See you later.” And with a soft laugh, he climbed into the car, and took off.

You walked into your apartment tried to process everything that just happened. In the time the two of you had spent together, that was the first time he’d called you cute or hugged you. I mean, it’s not like you mined it, but you also couldn’t help but overthink the situation. You figured a shower and quick nap would help calm you down, so you did just that.

You woke up around 4:30, giving you more than enough time to change. You threw on an oversized sweater and swapped your leggings for some skinny jeans, threw your hair up in a bun, did some soft and natural makeup and topped the outfit off with your favorite doc martens. You still had about 20 minutes to kill, so you walked down to the cafe for a coffee, then sat outside waiting for the car.

7 pm on the dot, a black town car turned the corner. You stood up to start walking down to where he was going to pick you up, but he stopped in-front of the cafe.

You slid into the back of the car, said thank you, and headed off to the venue. You never really talked to the driver much the few times you had met him, plus you didn’t even know if he spoke any english, so you sat in the back reading the book you kept in your bag. It wasn’t long until you were being escorted from the car to the backstage area. Everything was starting to feel like a blur and a rush. Was this really happening? A guy you had known for maybe two months was inviting you to his concert?

You walked in, and suddenly felt underdressed and incredibly nervous. There was a room full of people all just staring at you, and you didn’t know a single face looking back at you.

Suddenly you heard a familiar voice coming up beside you, “Hey, kid.” It was Yoongi, looking completely different than how he did when you last saw him, or really from how you ever saw him. You were used to him in sweats and oversized t-shirt’s, beanies and usually a mask tucked below his chin. This Yoongi was in a suit, hair and makeup done, looking like a casual model.

“Hi. I’m.. Uh.. Sorry I’m not dressed better. I’m used to just, like, small bands and house shows. Like 200-300 people. And you said small show, so I figured, and—“

He cut you off with a hug. You don’t know why he chose to pick up that habit today, but you were complaining. He laughed as he felt you take a deep break into his chest. “Come on, I want you to meet the guys before we have to go out.”

He grabbed your hand and drug you over to a side of the room you didn’t notice when you walked in. There, sitting across 3 separate couches, were 4 other guys, all dressed similar to Yoongi, and all looking like they, too, were part time models.

Before you could even introduce yourself, a warm voice greeted you, “So you must be the famous y/n our hyung won’t shut up about. I’m Jimin.” A sweet hand reached out to greet you.

“Uh, yeah, I guess that’s me.” You nervously smiled as you felt color rush to your face. What did he tell them about you? How clumsy you were? How he felt bad you didn’t have any friends?

You thought was cut short. “Come sit down, we have around a half hour before we need to go out. We’ll see if your all you’re cracked up to be.” The comment was immediately followed by a laugh and a slap on the knee.

Yoongi leaned in to whisper in your ear, “Please don’t take Jin seriously. He thinks he’s funny.” His warm breath and deep voice sent chills down your spine. You were still in shock, so you just smiled, nodded and sat down.

“I have to say, I’ve known Yoongi for 5 years now. I’ve never seen him want to bring someone around us other than his family. You must be pretty special.”

“And that’s Namjoon. You’d think with an IQ of 148, he’d be a little smarter.” You could tell Yoongi was nervous, and you kind of liked seeing this side of him. He always seems so cool and collected on your walks, it was nice to know he was still a human under his cool exterior.

“Hi, uh. I’m y/n.” You waved for some reason, and instantly regretted it. You must have looked so dumb, here you are, clearly out of place and from the other side of the world, waving to people in the same room as you introduced yourself. You could feel your cheeks start to turn red. Suddenly you felt a hand caress your back, and you looked over to see Yoongi raise his eyebrows and mouth “You good?” You nodded.

“Okay, guys. I didn’t bring her here for an interrogation. She’s new to Korea, and if I weren’t such a klutz, she’d still be alone in Korea.” You could hear him hold back his laugh at the bad joke he just made. “Now, let’s show her an actual good time, and not make her more nervous?” His hand still resting on your back, not low enough to make you uncomfortable but not high enough to be just friendly. Maybe you were just over reading the situation. Maybe he was just trying to make you comfortable. You mind was racing trying to process everything that had happened over the course of the last 12 hours.

Thankfully, another voice broke your racing mind. “Well any friend of Suga-hyung is a friend of me.” You couldn’t help but smile at the sweet smile from the man sitting across from you, before turning to Yoongi for clarification on who the hell Suga was.

“Suga?”

“Wait, you didn’t tell her that?” The same sweet smiling face from earlier, no rounded in surprise.

“Yeah, I guess it never came up. I don’t really introduce myself as Suga when I’m alone. Not all of us have the same name on and off the stage.”

“I do. I’m Jungkook!”

You smiled and said hi, then realized there were still two people sitting in chairs getting their hair finished. “Wait, how many are in the band?”

“Seven. Tae and Hobi are still getting their hair done, so you may not meet them until after. They only look intermediating, they’re actually big softies.”

“I think I’m noticing a trend.”

“Boys, it’s time to go.” Namjoon quickly gathered everyone up.

“If you go over there, the stylist will take you to the side stage. They’re all super sweet, and I told them you were coming. Don’t believe any of the stories they tell you.” Yoongi smiled before removing his hand from your back and standing up to go off with the group and get ready for stage.

You walked over to a group of 3 women, obviously nervous, but as Yoongi promised, they were all super sweet. You all introduced yourself before walking over to an area labeled “staff”. There you were giving a giant sticker that said “VISITOR” before being allowed into the area. What you were told was a small show, was actually a small theater of about 800 people. “This is a small show?” You turned to the stylist.

“Yeah, they usually do arenas.”

Your mind was back to that racing place, and this time you felt your stomach drop. Who was your new friend? Everything had been so casual and just fun. You never even fathomed that he was an actual celebrity. Was that why he always had on a mask and hat? Was that why he came over to the cafe on your side of town? Because it was mostly older people and business people? You tried not to panic, but your mind was racing. You wanted to get out your phone and google “Suga” but you also didn’t want to get caught by the stylist. You tried to enjoy the show, but you were visibly shaken.

“He didn’t tell you about any of this?” His stylist leaned over during a break in the show without music.

You shook your head no.

“That’s so typical of him.” She laughed, easing your worry slightly. “They’re a lot bigger here in Korea than they are over seas, so any of the guys have trouble meeting people who don’t gawk over them. When you came in, and I saw you were foreign, I figured you didn’t know.”

“Yeah, he told me a show, I figured like a small band. That’s what I’m used to seeing in New York. A couple hundred people, max.” You we’re still nervous, but somehow calmed by the stylist words.

“They tend to be pretty tight knit, Yoongi is probably the most closed off to the outside out of all of them. Honestly, he’s the last one I would have figured for a plus one. But you got to know Yoongi, not Suga, so don’t let all of this cloud that for you.”

“No, definitely not. I mean, it’s a shock for sure. But The man on that stage is like watching a different person from the one I’ve been spending time with over the last few weeks. It’s nice to know he’s a real person outside of all of this, and know that side of him first.”

“He really is one of the best people I know. All seven of them are, truly, but Yoongi just has this calming attitude about him. I’ve been with them since pretty much the beginning, before they even had a show or an album, and you’re one the first people outside of family or pre-fame friends they’ve let into this world. He must see something pretty special in you.”

Before you could respond, there was a loud base thump, and the show started back up. There were only a few more song, and you were relieved because your stomach was growling. As the boys all lined up for the final bow, you followed the rest of the staff back to the backstage area and waited for the boys.

“Hey! Just let me shower off and change, then we’ll go get some food. Just go back over to the couches, I’m sure Hobi and Jimin will be over there soon. They always like they sit for minute and cool before that change.”

You nodded your head and went back over the the couches, still kind of shaken by everything that just happened. You sat down, and before you could get your book out of you back, a hand reached out to shake yours.

“Hi. I’m Hoseok, but Yoongi probably called me J Hope or Hobi.”

You reached out to shake the hand, and look up to see one of the nicest and sweetest smiles you had ever seen in your life. “Hi, I’m y/n”

“I know. Suga has been talking about you for the last few weeks now.”

“Oh, I—“

“Don’t worry! It’s all good. He said you make really good art and tell funny jokes without trying. And you bought him hot pot.”

“He... He talked about that? I figured it was all embarrassing things.”

“Suga? Never. The only people he ever makes fun of are Jin and Jimin.”

“Oh.” You felt a smile taking over your face, completely out of your control. “I’ve really had a great time getting to know him, so I’m glad to hear he hasn’t been spending time with me just because he feels sorry for me.”

Hobi laughed and the two of you had light conversation for the next few minutes until Yoongi emerged back in the typical uniform you were used to seeing him in.

“You ready?”

“Yeah. Do we need to wait for the rest of the guys?” You remembered he said they usually all would go out after shows like this.

“No, I think it’s just the two of us tonight. Unless you’re too tired, I can take you home.”

“No! Not at all I’m starving!”

“Good, me too. Let’s go. My car is on the other side.”

“You drive?” You we’re shocked, all this time you’d only seen him with a driver.

“Yeah, I don’t like to that often, but I gave Hank the night off”

“Wait Hank. Your drivers name is Hank? I feel so bad! I didn’t say anything earlier, I just read my book on the way here. I didn't know if he spoke english, and I just...”

Yoongi could tell you were worried you’d upset the driver, and couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t worry. Hank doesn’t talk much. He was probably so relieved when you pulled out your book.”

“Okay. Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He couldn’t help but smile at you. “You’re so caring. It’s so cute.”

You felt a warm rush back to your cheeks again. There was that word again. I mean, this time he wasn’t directly calling you cute, but still. This was a whole different side than you’d been seeing. You didn’t mind it, it wasn’t like he wasn’t an attractive man, you just didn’t know if it was just how he talked or if you should read more into it. You tried to not let the thought consume you as you walked to his car with him. He opened the door for you before he walked over and got in the drivers seat.

“So, what sounds good?”

“I really liked the hotpot restaurant you took me when we first met. If you want that-“

“Say no more. I’m always in the mood for hotpot.”

You laughed at his eager response as he shifted the car into reverse to pull out of the parking garage.

“So, did you like the show?”

“Yeah, It was amazing. I guess I just wasn’t expecting something that big. You’re, like, really popular. And you’re all so talented.”

“Sorry I didn’t tell you about that sooner. I just didn’t want you to freak out and not come or something.”

“No! Don’t apologize. I had a really good talk with your stylist during the break.”

You could see his hand tighten on the gear shift, obviously nervous at what you may say next. “Hopefully all good?”

“Better than good.” You rested your hand on his on the gear shift. You figured you might as well shoot your shot. Try and figure out if he was flirting or just flirty. You tried not to smile when you saw him visibly gulp out of the corner of your eye.

“Since it’s Saturday night, they’re probably busy. Don’t worry, we can go in the back. I know the owner, and he always has a few private rooms ready upstairs.”

You nodded your head and he turned into an ally, pulling up to the back of what you assumed was a restaurant. “You’re lucky I trust you, or I would be a lot more suspicious about where we are right now.” Although it was dark, you could see his stoic face break into a warm smile.

“You don’t know, maybe I have a third name, and that one is a criminal.”

You both laughed out loud at the suggestion, and he shifted the car into park. You both got out of the car, and Yoongi draped an arm around your shoulders. “I would have opened your door, you know.”

“Maybe I wanted to get out and open yours this time.”

He smiled down at you before the two of you walked in through the back entrance of the restaurant into a storage room.

“Are you sure-“

Suddenly an older man greeted Yoongi with a warm embrace speaking only in Korean. The two of them exchanged a few words, of which you understood hello and table, then the two of you were lead upstairs to a much more intimate setting than the main dinning room you knew. You sat down in room clearly meant to seat no more than 7 or 8 people, as the older man bowed and left the room.

“That’s the owner. I’ve been coming here since I first moved to Souel. It’s the best hotpot in the city, seriously. I’ve tried them all.”

You smiled looking at the clean face you were more familiar with and smiled. You could tell he was nervous, but you weren’t sure what to say to make him relax.

“So that’s a small show, huh?” You instantly regretted it, but It was honestly just the first thing that came out of your mouth.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I just didn’t want you to get nervous or think something different of me. A lot of people who meet me, well any of us, tend to treat us different. I didn’t want you to look me up or not come after you found out what I really did. It was just...”

“It’s fine! Yoongi. I don’t care.” You reached out and grabbed his hand. This time, he took your hand between both of his, softly caressing the top of your hand with his thumb. “Your stylist explained a little bit, and after going to the show, I see why you didn’t want to tell me. I probably wouldn’t have come if i knew Suga or BTS before. I would have been so terrified. I’m glad I know Yoongi.”

You could see his body relaxing as you talked. “You’re the first person I’ve met in the last two years who only knew me as Yoongi. It was just nice to have that again. No pressure to live up to a certain image.”He was still holding you hand, his eyes focused on his thumb making small circles on the top of it.

“Yoongi, the person I know, the person who I bumped into, the person who bought me a phone, the person who has talked about anything and everything with me, never been more than second late on Saturday mornings, that’s the person I’ve grown fond of. That’s the person I look forward to seeing every weekend, and that the person I came to support tonight.”

His eyes met yours with a soft gaze. “I have a confession.” You could feel your heart start to pound. What was he going to say? Was this Yoongi thing all an act? We he done spending time with me? “The guys all wanted to come tonight, but I told them the couldn’t.”

“Wh-what? Why?”

“I don’t... I haven’t... I...” You could tell he was struggling for the words, something you’d never see him do. He was usually so calm and collected. “I just needed to tell you something, and I didn’t think all the guys should be here. I mean they know, and they know why I wanted to bring you here. I just... I just haven’t done this since I was a kid.” He took a deep breath, and you could feel heart pounding so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of your chest. “I like you. Genuinely, 100%, haven’t felt this way about a person since I was kid type of feelings. After we started getting famous, I didn’t think I would ever be able to form just a genuine bond with someone like this again. And these last few weeks, between the coffee and the walks and the messages, I feel like I’m in school again. I just, I’m sorry to spring this all on you, I know it’s a lot. And if you don’t feel the same...”

You cut off his words by leaning over to give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

“How could I not share those feeling with you? In the short time we’ve known each other, you’ve treated me better than most of my friends, let alone any boyfriend I’ve ever had. I just didn’t want to say something, and have you think I was over reading your kindness. But the conversations we’ve had, we can talk about anything. It feels like I’ve known you for years.”

“Really?” His face lit up, leaning in for a more passionate peck this time. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

Your moment was cut short by the food coming in.

“You remembered I cant have eggs.” You smiled as everything was sat down and there wasn’t even a smaller dish with eggs for him.

“Of corse. I can’t have you sick on our first date.”

“D-Date?” The word ignited a warmth in your stomach.

“Sorry, was that too forward? I know it’s not a proper date, and a little weird, but I just though...”

“No. I like it. Our first date.” You couldn’t help but smile. The rest of the meal was just the same conversation you’d always had, hobbies, family, favorite tv shows, everything. Nothing ever felt forced in conversation, the two of you just genuinely liked learning more about the other.

You finished up dinner, the stood up to leave. Before you left, Yoongi looked down at you and smiled.

“Do I have something on my face?” You started to lift you hand up to wipe your face when he let out a soft laugh.

“No, I’m just happy I can finally just study every part of your face without you thinking I’m weird.”

Your cheeks filled with color, as he smiled, grabbed your hand and led you back out to his car. He went to open the door for you, stopped to steal on more kiss before he did. “Seriously, You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to do that.” He smiled as his face lingered in front of yours for a minute before he finally opened the door for you. You’re whole body was taken over with a warm glow, and you stomach filled with butterflies. Everything was starting to feel like a movie.

Once you got back out to the road, he started to head back to your apartment. You laced your fingers with his, and he pulled you hand up for a kiss before placing your laced fingers gently to rest on you lap. You just stared at him, watching the way his eyes lowered as he drove, the way they slightly squinted when he read a road sign.

“Do I have something on my face?” He asked with a smile, his eyes not leaving the road.

“No, I’m just happy I can finally just study every part of your face without you thinking I’m weird.”

“Ah, stealing my line, huh?” He smiled as his eyes still focused on the road.

“Maybe.” You both let out a soft laugh as the car turned on the your street. “You, if you want to I mean, You can come up for a glass of wine.”

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.” He parked the car along the street, before turning it off and leaning in for one more soft kiss before you both got out of the car and walked up to your front door.

You entered you apartment and immediately felt the urge to apologize for its lack luster appearance. “Sorry, it’s small and kind of plain. I really just have some pictures of my mom and my cat.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s perfect.”

You felt you cheeks begin to flush with color again. “Um, you can go sit on the couch, I’ll get the wine. Red or white?”

“Red. Unless you want white.”

“Red it is.”

You watched Yoongi walk over to the couch, and nervously rub his hands up and down his thighs. It was cute and also comforting to know you both were nervous as hell about this night that was turning into your first date.

You walked over with a bottle of wine and two wine glasses, setting them in the coffee table. “I’m going to go take off my makeup real quick. You can put on a movie or something.”

He smiled and nodded at you as he reached for the wine bottle and began to pour wine in both glasses.

You came back out, and he looked at you, taking in every inch of you before you sat down on the couch. “You wear glasses?”

“Oh, yeah. I, uh, I usually wear contacts, but my eyes were hurting so I took them out.”

“I like the glasses. They’re cute.”

Your face once again flushed with color, Yoongi was good at making you blush. You sat down on the couch next to him, and he pulled you in closer with his arm wrapped over your shoulder.

“Oh, I forgot I was watching this earlier. We don’t have to watch it.” You we’re suddenly embarrassed at your favorite movie, Terminator 2, playing on the tv.

“Nope, I love this movie. I was shocked to see it paused when I turned in the TV. I didn’t take you for the action movie type.”

“Yeah, I pretty much only watch action and horror movies. This is my favorite movie.” You instantly regret the words you just said, feeling like a total nerd.

Yoongi smiled, placed a kissed on you head then rested his head on yours, softly combing his fingers through your hair. “I love it.”

You must have been more tired than you realized because suddenly you felt the sun peaking through your window onto your face. Your eyes fluttered open to realize that you and Yoongi had both fallen asleep watching the movie. You looked up and smiled at his sleeping face, then bushed his hair off his face, leading to a low hum from the chest you laying on.

“Good morning, beautiful.” His low and soft morning voice sounded so warm in your ears.

“Good morning, handsome. I hope you don’t get the wrong idea about me.” You let out small giggle as Yoongi’s hand rubbed you back softly. “I’ve never had a boy spend the night that wasn’t my boyfriend.”

“Hmmm. Boyfriend. Are you asking me to make things official” His sleep voice vibrated in his chest below your ear.

“I just mean... I’m not...” He cut you off with a laugh and a soft kiss on the top of your head.

“No, I like the sound of it. You being my girlfriend, no one else’s.” His hand still rubbing your back. “I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I really don’t want to loose you to someone else. So, do you want to make this official? Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

—————————

“I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I really don’t want to loose you to someone else. So, do you want to make this official? Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

It’d been over five years since you said yes to that question, and you’d been happy you did everyday. By no means was it easy, and there were times you wanted to just give up, but Yoongi was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

Over the last few years BTS had exploded, and they couldn’t go anywhere without being noticed by people. Every year the comeback grew bigger, so the tours grew bigger and the time apart became longer and longer. You loved and respected your boyfriends work ethic, but it was also making it harder to spend time together.

The two of you had certainly survived more than most relationships. When your contract in Seoul was over, you moved back to New York, and the long distance was so hard. long distance in the same country is hard enough, but you were on opposite sides of the world? Miserable. Trying to find time to talk between you both working constantly was hard, but you made it work. The boys also came to New York a few times for different events, and you took 2 trips to Korea during the year.

Around a year and half after you started dating, while you were in Korea for the new year, Yoongi suggested you moved in with him while laying in bed.

“I know it’s so far away for you, but I can’t keep doing this. It kills me not being able to kiss you or hold you when I want to. I love you so much, it’s killing me only seeing you for a week or two at a time.”

“Yoongi, what about work? I don’t have a job lined up here. There’s nothing more I want than to spend the rest of my life with you, but it’s just so sudden.”

“You don’t need a job, let me take care of you. You can stay home and do your art. Make the guest room into an art studio. Please, I don’t need anything from you other than you.” He was getting emotional at the idea of you leaving in two days back to New York.

“Yoongi... I ca—“

“Don’t say you can’t because you know I can support you and take care of you. Make art on your own terms and sell it on your own terms. You don’t need to depend on your art to survive, and you don’t need to make art you don’t love ever again. I love you. I love you more than I thought I could ever love someone. Please, just think about it. Please.”

You pulled your boyfriend to your chest in a tight hug as he tried to hold back tears. It wouldn’t be hard to move to Korea, really. You’d lived away from your family since you were in college, only seeing them on holidays for the last 6 years. You had more friends in Korea at this point than in New York. But it wasn’t that idea that scared you. You’d love nothing more than spending everyday like this, melted into one person with your boyfriend. But the idea of not working and just becoming dependent on someone, regardless of how minor it was for him, it wasn’t something you were used to. You’d lived alone and supported yourself since you were 18. That was the last 8 years of your life. And now you have this man wanting to give you the world, and you were considering saying no?

You must have contemplated the decision longer than you thought because you went to tell him you wanted to move, and he was asleep on your chest. In a weird way, you were happy he was asleep and you couldn’t tell him. This moment just confirmed that he was your person, and this was where you were supposed to be.

The morning after he suggested you move to Korea, you woke up to an empty bed. You were slightly confused, you didn’t remember him saying he had to go to the studio, but you also wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot.

You walked out to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and there he was, making you breakfast. He’d even gotten vegan eggs for you.

“So, are you going to make me breakfast every morning when I move in, or is this just you trying to butter me up?

He turned around to tell you good morning, but then he suddenly realized what you had just said. “Wait... are you serious?”

“Yeah. I wanted to tell you last night, but you were already asleep. I hurts too much to leave, I can’t keep doing it. You’re my now and my future. It’s going to take some adjustments, but like you said, I can make art and sell it. That’s what I’ve want to do since i was a kid. So to not only have the love of my life want me to spend everyday with him, but to have him support me and encourage me to do what I love? You’re almost too good to be true sometimes.”

He left the food on the oven, and wrapped you up in a tight embrace. “I just wanted to make you breakfast because it was your last morning with me. But if you want breakfast in bed every morning, I will make you breakfast until I can’t stand up anymore. What ever you want, for the rest of your life, I will give it to you.” He covered your face with soft kisses.

“All I want forever is you.” You leaned into a kiss, this time feeling a little sweeter than usual. “I’ll start figuring everything out once I get back to New York.”

“Are you sure? Because I know this is what I want. I would have asked you to move in before you even moved back to New York when we started dating if I didn’t think it would have freaked you out.”

You laughed at the idea. “Yeah, you’re right. I definitely would have freaked out. But there’s nothing more I want in life now.”

He continued to kiss you, your cheeks, your forehead, your neck, your fingers, you hands, just showering you in the sweetest and softest moments of pure joy. “I think I can move somethings around and come back with you to the city. Help you pack, get documents, tell your boss you quit. Whatever.”

“I don’t think I can get this handled in just a week. The visa process alone can be like 90 days.”

“Well, at least turn in your resignation when you get back. So you can start moving things until your visa gets approved. I’ll get you added on my bank account and credit cards before you leave. You can use them to pay for everything.”

“Are you sure? I have money. I have enough in my saving to live for six months without working.”

“Then keep it there. Or invest it. Please, this was my idea, you’re moving half way around the world for me. Let me take care of everything.” His face was so soft and sweet, you couldn’t believe this was the man that was in love with you. That wanted to be with you. That would do anything for you.

It took 6 months to get everything finalized for the move. And man, did those six months feel like forever. By some weird twist of fate, the paper work came through and the everything was finished on your two year anniversary. Yoongi was in New York with you for a few days to celebrate.

You’d spent weeks trying to find the perfect gift, and somehow, fate led to it falling into your lap. So that morning, you snuck out while he was still sleeping to go get a card and print off the email to put inside. When you got home, he was just starting to stir in bed.

“Come back.” His morning voice always made you smile.

“Give me 2 minutes. I’ve got something for you.”

“Mmm. I don’t need anything but you. Come back, I’m cold.”

“Trust me, you’ll want this.” You quickly folded up the printed email, signed the card and stuffed everything into the envelope, before crawling back into your boyfriends arms. “Here.”

He rubbed his eyes, before taking the card and giving you a nearly missed sleepy kiss. “What’s this?”

“Just open it.”

He shifted his weight to sit up a little more, and opened the card. He chuckled at the stupid little card you got him. The two of you had a history of getting the dumbest cards you could find, and this was no different. But it wasn’t about the card, it was about that piece of paper in the card. He unfolded it, and as he read it, his eyes tripled in size. “Wait, is this... Is this real? Everything is done? You can move?”

You nodded your head as Yoongi buried his face into you neck and began to cry. “Why are you crying? I thought you would be happy?”

“These last six months have been the hardest. From all the struggles and the long distance, and just waiting for you to come be with me. And now it’s happening. This gets to be my everyday. Forever.”

You felt the tears starting to swell in your eyes as you listened to his words. It had been hard being apart for so long, but to know it would soon be over, that was the best feeling in the world. You combed your fingers through your boyfriends hair, and the tears slowly turned to kisses.

“So this is real? We’re really doing this?” You knew it’s would make Yoongi laugh, and he quickly flipped you over, pouncing like a cat pounces on its prey.

“You’re stuck with me now, kid.” That morning quickly became afternoon, and you missed your dinner reservations that night.

So, now, here you were. Dating a member of the most popular Boy Group in the world. You’d been living together for nearly 3 years now, and the bliss never seemed to end.

Everyone told you the honeymoon phase would end, or how hard it would be dating someone with his job, but it just worked for the two of you. You had a mutual understanding of each other’s limits and needs, and he truly was your best friend and your boyfriend.

You both were so comfortable with each other, you could just sit in the same room and say nothing, but be happy. And you did that a lot. He’d watch you paint, and you’d watch him mix music. You’d lay on the couch together and read books the other picked out. Even just laying in bed together, scrolling through your phones together, it was all just comfortable and felt right.

So now, you laid in bed with your boyfriend of over 5 years, just paying with his hair as he lay asleep beside you. You loved these little moments with him more than anything. Life had become so hectic over the last few years, but moments like this reminded you why you feel in love with him. Whenever he started to stir awake, he would always pull you in closer to his body, and today was no acceptation.

“Mmmmm.” Am arm reached out and wrapped around your waist, pulling you in closer to his chest.

You let out a soft giggle as you rested your head on his chest. “We can’t stay here forever, kid.”

“Shhhh. Just five more minutes.” He nestled his head on top of yours.

“But it’s Saturday. You know what that means.” Somehow, through all the chaos and the fame, the two of you always took a Saturday morning walk. No matter the city, no matter the schedule, even if it was walking to the hotel lobby to get a coffee and walk back to the room, the only time you’d missed a Saturday was when you lived apart.

“The side walk will still be there in fine minutes. I just want this for five more minutes.” His hands softly rubbing your back as you drew shapes on his stomach with you finger.

“Fine. But any longer, and you’re buying coffee this week.”

“I’ll buy the coffee shop if that means we can stay here forever.” He somehow hugged you even tighter, still sending that same rush through your body that you got the first time he kissed you.

Five minutes came and past, but you’d both managed to fall back asleep for another hour. This time, you were woken up by a cold nose pressing your face.

“Okay, the kids need to go out. It’s time to get up.” You sat up and gave the two dogs laying beside you good morning kisses. When you moved to Korea, you brought your cat, Yoongi already had Holly, and after months of torture, the two of you adopted a second dog. Of course, that led to a second cat about 6 months later because your cat couldn’t be without a friend, and your bed now being occupied by 4 pets you both referred to as your children.

“Fine, Fine. Let’s go. But walk, then coffee today? I’ll make it.” Yoongi sat up, hair a mess and eyes still closed, but still just as perfect as ever.

“Okay, I’ll get the kids ready for their walk, you get the water?” You leaned over to kiss his cheek, leading to a soft hum and eyes slightly opened.

“One more?” You kissed his other cheek, opening his eyes a little more. “Okay, now one more?” You gave him one more kiss as you laughed, then stood up.

“Okay, kid. Let’s go. We can stay right here, just go around the building a few times. Then you’re making coffee.” You walked out to then entry room to get harnesses and leashes on the dogs, put on your shoes and wait for your boyfriend to get his. “Yoongs? You moving?”

“I’m here, I’m here. I had to get water.” He shuffled into the entry, eyes still half closed and water bottles in both hands. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

“Slip on some shoes, or you're making coffee and cleaning up the accident.”

He let out a groan that made you laugh out loud, slipped on some sandals, and followed behind you as you led the dogs out the door.

You’re walks weren’t nearly as talkative as the used to be, but you still loved them just as much. It usually consisted of going to the dog park outside your building, you chasing the dogs for 30 minutes and him laughing and recording it. Today, even the dogs seems extra sleepy, so you just took a little longer of a walk, then all headed back home.

You walked back in, and while Yoongi made coffee and a light breakfast, you got breakfast ready for your babies.

“So you know what today is?” Yoongi sat down a coffee and bowl of oatmeal in front of you.

“Hmmmm. Saturday?” You pretended like you didn’t know what today way, but you were fully aware. It was 2000 days since he asked you out. You’d managed to hide a card in the front pocket of your hoodie, and had it waiting for him when he sat down.

“And here I thought you forgot. You always amaze me, kid.” He opened the card and laughed at the stupid joke the bear on the front made. Inside was a picture of a painting you’d been working on of the two of you. “How’d you keep this hidden from me?” He studied the image before leaning in to a deep kiss.

“I have my ways. And Kookie is also a hopeless romantic with a half empty apartment, so he let me steal a room for a few weeks. We can go over and get it when ever you want.”

He leaned in for one more sweet kiss, “It’s so beautiful. I know just the place for it in my studio. Thank you. You’re amazing.” He kissed you one more time before he stood up. “Now wait here. I have something for you.”

He walked down the hallway and turned into the guest room. You had no idea what he was hiding or planning. Suddenly, he reappeared, holding what looked like a dvd case in wrapping paper. “Here.”

“You took the gift and unwrapped it to reveal it was a Terminator Two dvd. You couldn’t help but laugh. “We don’t even have a dvd player, plus we have it downloaded to the tv.”

“Just open it.”

“What?”

“Open it.”

You looked at your boyfriend confused, but followed his instructions. There, inside the case in place of a dvd, was a ring. Not just any ring, it was an absolutely beautiful opal ring, set by two diamonds on either side.

“Well, kid? Let’s make it official.” You looked up from the ring to see your boyfriend now kneeling in front of you on one knee.

The tears were filling your eyes, and you couldn’t even get any words out. You just nodded your head. He then slipped the ring on you finger, stood up and pulled you into the tightest huh you’d ever shared. You could feel him start to cry on you shoulder as the two of you just stood there, holding each other so tight you may just become one person.

After a few minutes, you both got two a point of where you could talk same, and the first thing he did was ask you if you were sure.

“Are you sure? Because I don’t want you to feel any pressure or anything. I know we’ve both said were fine with not getting married, and this doe-“

You cut him off with a kiss that made him melt into you. “Have you ever known me to mix words?” You took his face in you hand, “Do you think I would move to the other side of the world, bring my child, adopt two more babies with you and put up with your schedule if I didn’t want this? If I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with you? I always told you I just wanted you. That’s it, for the rest of my life. This is just the perfect reminder of that. But I want you. Everything could end tomorrow, we could go back to working 9-5 jobs, and I’d still want nothing but you.”

He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you in for a deep and long kiss. He then just studied your face for a minute before he said anything. “You know, I’ve spent 2000 studying this face, and Instill find things to love. I’ve spent 2000 days with your heart and your mind and your soul, and I never run out of things to love about you. From the freckles on your forehead, to the scar on your pinky. The mole on your shoulder, the way your knees turn in when you stand. The scar on your knee from falling in first grade, the way your left pinky is crooked from breaking it when you were 6. The way your hair curls when it rains, the color your eyes turn during golden hour. The way you know the constellations and drag me out of the city to see meteor showers. I even love when you crack you toes. The way you hum as you’re falling asleep, and you ears raise when you smile. How one dimple is deeper than the other, I know you think you only have one, but the second one just hides until you have a full body laugh. When you’re painting, you always forget you have paint on you hands and fix your hair, getting paint on your face and in your hair. I could fill encyclopedias about the things I love about you. I want to spend this life, and every other life with you.”

You’re eyes filled with tears again listening to everything he said. He truly knew you better than you knew yourself. “You’re so amazing and perfect. How’d I get so lucky?” You snuck in about her kiss before sitting back down to study your ring.

“Well, thankfully, you’re a pretty clumsy person.” He sat back down talking your left hand with both of his, studying the ring on our finger. “But I want to tell you about the ring. Because this has been a few months in the making.”

“What?” You looked up at him with rounded eyes, confused by the statement.

“Well, I wasn’t about to let you wear a ring someone else my have. Everything about this is custom. Even the stones. Remember when I took that trip to LA for recording?”

You nodded your head, still confused about what he was talking about.

“Well, I went to the US, but I didn’t go to California. I went to Ohio. The diamonds are from your Grandma’s original wedding ring. And the chrysoprase, I know you’re not into diamond, so I wasn’t about to get you a big Diamond. But your mom said you loved it and she said it was your dad’s grandmothers necklace. That it was the only piece of jewelry she had when the immigrated during the war.”

Your eyes filled with tears all over again, you knew the ring and necklace he was talking about. Your mom had them in her safe at her house along with some other small things that had been passed down to you. “You really did all of this for me?”

“I know i could have bought you a ring, or even made some big fancy ring with a jeweler, but I know that’s not you. I started talking to you mom about it a year ago, asking what she thought, and she told me there was some old family jewelry if I wanted to look thought it. I saw the necklace, and I knew it was perfect. She suggested the diamonds from your grandmas ring, that you loved that ring. She also told me if you were going to wear it everyday, it couldn’t be too big, or you’d go crazy. I wanted to do some big date, or some special vacation, but that’s not us. I’ve had the ring for a few months, just trying to figure out what to do and last night it hit me. I couldn’t just keep it forever. I watched you sleep, with all of the kids down at our feet, and this is the family and the life I want for the rest of my life. Then I thought I would do it at dinner tonight, or I could sneak out and get flowers, or I’d take you on some romantic moon lit walk, but watching you kiss the dogs. Then seeing that painting. I think if I waiting any longer, I would explode. Sorry it wasn’t some big grand gesture, but I didn’t want a box. And I knew the movie would throw you off.” You could tell he was getting emotional talking about everything, so you cut him off.

“I love you so much it should be illegal.” Your eyes still filled with tears, over flowing on to your cheeks. “Now let’s call my mom and tell her.”

“Hold on. One last thing.” He stood up and took your hand, leading you over to the couch. “Let’s just enjoy this one little moment, just us.” He sat down, pulling you on to his lap. He studied your face for a minute before saying anything again. “I just want to study the face of my fiancé.”

#yoongi #suga #min yoongi #min suga #yoongi fluff #yoongi imagine #min yoongi fluff #min yoongi imagine #suga fluff #suga imagine #bts fluff #bts imagines #boyfriend yoongi #boyfriend suga

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dinomight · 5 years

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all the stars in all the skies: a playlist for Home and a Half by @echodrops

the chain - fleetwood mac // sorrow - the national // nothing’s gonna hurt you baby - cigarettes after sex // child i will hurt you - crystal castles // constant craving - the cat and owl // run boy run - woodkid // female robbery - the neighbourhood // sleepsong - bastille // small things - ben howard // iron - woodkid // greens of june - neko case // mars - sleeping at last // iscariot - walk the moon // human - daughter // body - mother mother // i come with knives - iamx // all these things that i’ve done - the killers // an angry blade - iron & wine // all the stars - the wailin’ jennys // i’ll be good - jaymes young // slow wake up sunday morning - mountain man // someone to stay - vancouver sleep clinic // it’s alright - mother mother // this is home - cavetown

Song explanations under the cut!

First I’d like to clarify: I’m not insane. I’m just a huge ass dork for this fic. (For a lot of things, really, but irrelevant.) HaaH is one of my favorite written works ever, fanfiction or not, so I really, truly should not have been surprised that this playlist ended up being so much longer than I meant for it to be, and it probably could’ve been even longer if I’d let myself keep going. In my defense, I can’t art, so this is one of my only ways to show my appreciation.

Anyways, I’m not gonna wax poetics about how much I love this story because we would be here all day and this post is too long as it is, so down to business: this playlist is very loosely structured. It’s hard to give the songs a significant order when only a few correspond to specific moments or lines; most of them I chose to focus more on bigger picture themes and concepts from the story. So the order isn’t that important, I just organized them so they’d transition relatively smoothly sound-wise and tried to keep similar concepts together. Additionally, I did use both quotes from the fic and the songs in some of my explanations, so fic quotes are bolded and song lyrics are in italics. Some of these are short, some are a bit longer, some are just the quotes because I didn’t feel the need to explain further, but hopefully all of them give a good idea of why I chose the song. I thought about just posting the playlist by itself, but I felt weird not explaining the thinking behind it, so uh, here it is I guess?

1) The Chain - Fleetwood Mac: The best song in existence. Objectively speaking, of course. The first time I heard this while thinking of HaaH though, it just fit so well, and I haven’t really been able to un-associate the two since. (Not that I want to lol) It just has such a desert vibe to it that matches with the story, and I think it represents Keith’s desperation to avoid rejection from the team so well. It’s like...if I were to picture a trailer for HaaH, this is the song I would hear in the background, y’know?

2) Sorrow - The National: This one’s a bit of a weird one because I can’t quite put into words why this is on here. Like, I added it back when I was just throwing some songs together for background atmosphere while reading HaaH, but when I was working to make this into something more thought out, I couldn’t bring myself to take this song off. So here it is, I guess.

3) Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby - Cigarettes After Sex: This one is here more for its sound and atmosphere, not really the lyrics. It just sounds like...nostalgia, I guess. Like it’s supposed to be reminiscing about something comforting, but it’s not quite there because the pain of the present is keeping you rooted. The way I hear it, it’s like Keith is thinking about his mom and her love and comfort, but it’s tainted by the loss of all of that. (I might be slightly insane. I’ve come to terms with that.)

4) Child I Will Hurt You - Crystal Castles: I don’t know how else to phrase this so I’m just gonna say it: this song gives me the heebie jeebies, just like Keith’s flashbacks to his earlier times with the Garrison. I swear, every time he says replacement mother or father it gives me chills. Or makes me want to cry a bit. It just feels so wrong, and that’s why I picked this song, ‘cause it gives me the same feeling. The music is so soft, like it was supposed to be a lullaby, but the lyrics and the feeling underneath is...disturbing. Plus, “Hide all that you could / Done for the greater good / It’s later understood” reminds me all too well of the Garrison scientists and what they did to Keith.

5) Constant Craving - The Cat and Owl: So while I was searching for songs to add, it suddenly occurred to me that despite the fact that one of Keith’s major problems is that he can’t put his thoughts and feelings into words properly, every single song I’d added did exactly that. And so began my search for some instrumental songs that unfortunately only turned up this one, mostly because I realized this playlist was getting far too long lol. Though now that I’ve thought about it, an all instrumental HaaH playlist would be an interesting challenge. Hm. I already knew I wanted to add Constant Craving as a sort of representation for Keith’s own craving for love, acceptance, and family, but when I heard this version I knew it was right. Keith knows he desperately needs all these things, but he can’t put it into words, can’t communicate it right. It’s made even better by how well known the original song is, because you can feel the familiarity in it, feel what’s missing and what should be there, but it’s different at the same time, like that absence has created something strange, something off-kilter from what it should have been. Plus it’s sorta a lullaby version, which I like since Keith’s childhood is an often reoccurring topic.

6) Run Boy Run - Woodkid: Seems to me like there’s a lot of shit Keith’s been running from. (also...running makes me think of “escaped from the Garrison”. Escaped. Escaped. ESCAPED.)

7) Female Robbery - The Neighbourhood: There’s some really fucked up stuff in Keith’s past in addition to the whole Galra thing, and he really does not want the team to find out any of it. This song makes me think a lot about that.

8) Sleepsong - Bastille: “You go to sleep on your own / And you wake each day with your thoughts / And it scares you being alone, it's a last resort” & “All you want is someone onto whom you can cling / Your mother warned of strangers and the dangers they may bring / Your dreams and memories are blurring into one / The scenes which hold the waking world slowly come undone.” ...yeah.

9) Small Things - Ben Howard: Another song that’s on here more for the sound than the lyrics, though the lyrics could possibly fit. I just love the dreamy, suspended feeling that this song exudes and how well it fits with the feeling that Keith’s flashbacks and memories give me.

10) Iron - Woodkid: “But Keith was gone—every reflex retuned for battle, every nerve sparking under his skin, and all there was fight, win, refuse to be killed.“ - “I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest / I'm ready for the fight, and fate” So the lyrics don’t *exactly* match up, but the underlying themes are there, I think, and the atmosphere of this one was more important to me anyways. The intensity of it just screams fighting and death and red to me.

11) Greens of June - Neko Case, k.d. lang, Laura Veirs: “Just in the moment / Everything's changed / My dark disposition / Has been rearranged” The arrival of the kids is certainly not a very happy time considering the circumstances, but it brought a change that Keith desperately needed, one that will hopefully help him actually be happy. (My other reason for choosing this song is, for whatever reason, it also gives me desert vibes.)

12) Mars - Sleeping at Last: “We let the end goal blind us to the means. We’ll have to re-evaluate before we take on any more missions. If violence is our go-to method of beating the enemy, we’re no better than the empire ourselves.” - "Lay your weapons down! / They're calling off the war / On account of losing track / Of what we're fighting for." The team has taken up an immense and necessary duty to protect the universe, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get caught up in the grey areas of war, and it doesn’t mean they get to come home without scars.

13) Iscariot - WALK THE MOON: Broganes, anyone? For real though, this song is about betrayal between two people who are essentially brothers (specifically Jesus and Judas but I didn’t pick it for the religious references). While I don’t think Shiro is gonna see Keith being Galra and hiding it as a personal betrayal, Keith clearly does. “How long did he have left before…Before Lance said he’d known all along there was something wrong with Keith, before Pidge threw his hypocrisy back in his face: no secrets between paladins, huh? Before Allura turned her back on him. Before Shiro couldn’t, and Keith had to meet his eyes, watch betrayal dawn white-star bright and burning.” Ah. That sweet, terrible angst.

14) Human - Daughter: “Underneath the skin there's a human / Buried deep within there's a human / And despite everything I'm still human / But I think I'm dying here.” I think this song works on two levels. One, you can take “human” to be quite literal and interpret it as Keith’s desperation to hide his Galra heritage and keep pretending that he’s entirely human, even though it clearly has awful emotional repercussions for him. Two, you can look at “human” with a metaphorical lens to talk about how even though Keith seems like a cold tough guy on the surface, underneath that is a complicated mess of emotions and trauma, and not being able to properly deal with all of that is killing him.

15) Body - Mother Mother: One of the things about HaaH that I find most interesting is Keith’s relationship with his body. Between the whole Galra form vs human form, the fact that his human form is not how he was born, and everything that the Garrison did to him...it’s a goddamn mess. Hence, this song. can I please give this boy a hug

16) I Come With Knives - IAMX: First and foremost, I had to include this song for the irony, because Keith did, in fact, come with a knife. However, I also included it because I really like how on the surface, it can be written off as just another angsty emo song, but if you take the time to really listen to it, it’s filled with genuine emotion and hurt. (Almost like a certain knife-wielding alien boy I know...)

17) All These Things That I’ve Done - The Killers: I have a few different reasons for why this song is here, but the main one is pretty much “I got soul, but I’m not a soldier”. I mean...yeah. That screams Keith to me. He’s driven and angry and passionate and willing to fight so hard to protect the people he loves, but...that doesn’t mean he’s emotionally okay with being a soldier, even if the rest of the team seems to think otherwise.

18) An Angry Blade - Iron & Wine: Another one that immediately earned points for Keith irony in the title. Seriously though, I love the tone of this song for Keith. It’s got desert vibes to it, and maybe it’s just because my hearing isn’t fantastic, but I like that the lyrics are a bit hard to make out. You really have to listen. (Again, almost like...hmm...) Plus: “You’re an angry blade and you’re brave / But you’re all alone”

19) All the Stars - The Wailin’ Jennys: I swear I didn’t just pick this for the title. It was a little bit for the title though, sue me. Nope, it was more for “So open wide your wounded heart / Feel yourself be blown apart” because for the love of god, Keith, please open up a bit more to the people around you. On a more serious note, I was also struck by “You don’t know me / You know one side of a story” because it’s true for both Keith and his mother. The Keith part is obvious--the team, with the exception of Shiro, only really sees the Keith that’s on the surface. But it’s kinda true for Keith and his mom too, right? He’s missing so much information because of his spotty memories. Up until the kids arrived, it seems like he didn’t even consider the idea that she might be, y’know, not evil. So...yeah. Also “All the stars in the sky / Say goodbye say goodbye” because I didn’t need my heart, it’s fine, it’s okay, I’m not crying over a fictional character and the death of his alien mother, there’s just dirt in my eyes--

20) I’ll Be Good - Jaymes Young: “But if there was a way to stop the blood flowing down his glove, the sound a sword made when it struck bone, the way her breath came in pieces between the shocks her sobs, then he definitely would have... “ - “I've been cold, I've been merciless / But the blood on my hands scares me to death / Maybe I'm waking up today”

21) Slow Wake Up Sunday Morning - Mountain Man: “It's lucid dreaming; he knew it wasn't real, not anymore, but still he couldn't focus his eyes, couldn't see past the fall of her hair in the pale morning light...” - “The light / It moves / Across this room / Like it could reach us, honey” & “We are already there, it seems / (I know I can't stay in this place)” I don’t quite know how to explain why I connected this song with this moment beyond the whole early morning thing but...this moment was an especially emotional one for me. It felt like something Keith wanted to hold on to, wanted to go back to, but just like the sun continues rising, the world keeps moving, regardless of whether we want it to or not.

22) Someone to Stay - Vancouver Sleep Clinic: “You were alone left out in the cold / Clinging to the ruin of your broken home / Too lost and hurting to carry your load / We all need someone to hold” I just...yeah. There’s not much I need to say about this one. Just Keith and the kids, man.

23) It’s Alright - Mother Mother: Whenever I listen to this song, I feel like I’m getting a hug. Since I cannot project myself into fictional stories and hug the characters myself, I instead gift this song to Keith. Please, someone give this boy more hugs. Please.

24) This is Home - Cavetown: “Get a load of this monster / He doesn't know how to communicate / His mind is in a different place / Will everybody please give him a little bit of space / Get a load of this trainwreck / His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet / But little do we know the stars welcome him with open arms / Oh / Time is / Slowly / Tracing his face / But strangely he feels at home in this place.” <3

This got way too long, so to anyone who actually made it through all of that, I sincerely apologize. >.<

#echodrops #home and a half #haah #not using fandom tags cause ha no way am i getting involved in that mess again #anyways imma just...leave this here #and go have my anxiety in the corner so bye

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