"What about me?"
Husk's ears flicked behind him at the sound of your voice. He didn't turn away from the stock of bottles and booze lining the bar wall as he cleaned up for the morning.
"What about you?" He grumbled. He heard you shift around on the bar stool, the leather seat squeaking with your weight.
"You said you 'know everything' about everyone cause we all bitch at you when drunk...but you didn't complain about me." The cat demon felt his chest tighten at your words. He took a deep breath in through the nose.
'Don't turn around, if you do you'll see those big round eyes and you'll crack old man. Don't turn around.' The patronizing voice in his head hissed.
"Did you want me to air your dirty laundry for everyone?" He asked, peaking over his shoulder. He only caught a glimpse of your arm supporting you on the bar top before forcing his eyes back to the bottle racks infront of him. Bottles that didn't have your smile, or match the color of your eyes...
"Pfft," You scoff in return, "You know I don't, of course! But no one else wanted it either, and you still called 'em all out. So why didn't I get the same treatment?" Your voice was soft by the end of your question. Husk didn't dare let himself hope that you would be understanding. If you knew why...you'd laugh. What other response to his feelings could you have?
'Disgust is a strong possibility...' The voice whispered once more.
"I don't know what you mean doll, Angel just interrupted me with his fake ass flirting before I could get to you, I guess." He has been scrubbing this same bottle clean since you sat down. The label was incomprehensible by now.
"Husk." Your sweet voice has gone firm. The bartender braced himself, putting on his best poker face as he turned to face you.
And what a sight you were. Like always.
You simply raised your eyebrows, giving him a pointed look. He was...relieved? to not see judgement in your eyes. Such pretty eyes...like jewels on a crown...
Embarrassed by his own thoughts he coughed into his fist, hoping his fur would hide his blush. By the way your lovely eyes darted around his face, he could guess it didn't.
"Look, I just...happen to like you as a drinking buddy more than the rest of these chumps, alright? No big deal." His tail swished along the floor in frustration. What kind of stupid ass lie was that-
"Oh, I had been hoping it was a bigger deal..."
He froze, watching as you shifted around again. You stared at the bar top, fidgeting with your hands as you looked anywhere but him. When your eyes did meet, you have him an apologetic smile and a shrug.
"Sorry, I guess I was reading too much into things...looking for something that isn't there. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, b-bud? Eheh..." With an awkward chuckle you stood up, stepping away from the bar.
Away from him.
"I'll uh, leave you to it then. See ya later-"
"What if I lied?" Husk blurted before he could stop himself. The voice in his head was committing full arson on the wiring of his brain for being so stupid.
"H-huh?"
"Just now. What if I was lying? What if-what if you are a bigger deal to me?" He could feel his blood pounding in his veins, his heartbeat making everything sound muffled, like his head was stuffed with cotton.
But you weren't leaving anymore.
"Wh-well...I don't know, really..." You mumbled, arms wrapping around your middle in a hug. "I have some ideas but..." You met his gaze again, a small smile on your lips that definitely didn't make his stomach feel funny, or make the world seem pink and bright.
"Ideas?" The cat demon whispered, finally setting his rag and bottle down onto the counter. He suddenly found himself leaning closer to you over the bar, uncaring of the wood digging into his chest and unwilling to pull away again. Especially not when you got back into your seat, leaning closer to him too.
It felt like the world slowed to a crawl as you smiled at him, one of your hands sliding across the counter to nudge his hand. Gentle. Hesitant.
"Well, dinner always sounds nice yeah? If that was something you'd like to do~" You cooed. He couldn't stop the small smile he gave you even if he wanted to.
"I'd uh, have to agree. On the dinner. Dinner is always good." Fucking god above just have Alastor step in and crush his soul right now, he sounds so fucking idiotic-
"Great!" You perked up immediately. "I know this niche little place a couple blocks from here, they hardly ever get robbed cause no one notices them. They have some pretty good steak and whiskey." You looked at him hopefully, like the promise of meat with some quality whiskey wasn't his absolute dream date.
How did you get more perfect the longer he spoke to you? Wasn't the point of being perfect that you couldn't improve anymore? And yet here you were, somehow proving it was possible with no effort.
"I think I'd like that darlin'." His fingers found their way in-between yours, entwining your hands together.
Yeah, dinner sounded real nice.
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People often claim that Joel is unemotional and cold at the beginning of the series and I disagree. It is a bit more accurate when it comes to game Joel, as he is far more detached and angry kinda character with everyone except for Ellie, but Pedro Joel is always one step from having an emotional breakdown and you cannot convince me otherwise. There is always something brewing just beneath the surface. He`s also very observant and attuned to people around him and it only gets worse (better) once Ellie joins the party.
Even at the very beginning, when he was not even really done beefing with her, he still cared enough to cover her with his own jacket at night, cause she’s a kid goddamn kid and she’s not going to be cold on his watch! And then he just keeps noticing things or thinking ahead and factoring Ellie in, because that`s what he does, he cares about people enough to notice little things.
So when they make it Bill`s place and he sees that sad-looking pot plant, all dry and withered, he knows immediately that something is wrong. You can see it in his eyes. He`s been there many times and he knows Bill and Frank well enough to notice immediately that something is out of place.
And this is the part that breaks my heart every time, cause after the initial 3 year time skip Bill and Frank argue, because Frank wants to keep the place nice and Bill is all about the essential. But fast forward another 10 years and Frank has all the art supplies in abundance and Bill is taking care of the space around them, because Frank is too sick to do it himself.
And that`s how those flowers should look like btw
But there is no one to take care of them anymore.
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I have been considering narratives again...
There's an interesting progression in "Wherever You Go," from the scene of Stede at the pub to the scene between Ed and Izzy, as both Ed and Stede become increasingly trapped in stories that have the potential to destroy them, by men who don't understand them.
In the scene at the pub, Stede begins by asking for attention, but almost immediately balks when he receives it, thinking it is going to be used to harm him. He speaks to a man he hasn't spoken to since he was a child, and receives, for a moment, the accolades from other men that he's craved in the past. But almost immediately, he's drawn into telling a story, one that becomes increasingly detached from reality and that ultimately sends him into a spiral.
When Stede responds to a question about Blackbeard with "he's absolutely lovely," the men are disappointed. And Stede, desperate for attention, goes on: "...oh, and of course, a bloodthirsty killer, born of the devil. But I don't really like talking about him..."
Stede doesn't trust what he might say if he talks more about "Blackbeard," but he's already done damage to himself by narrating Ed back into the caricature that Ed so soundly rejected.
The statement is quickly followed by another man asking if he's ever killed anyone, and then doubting that he has. The story breaks. Stede's voice even changes, shifting from a bombastic, over-Anglicized accent to his regular voice, as though he were coming back to himself. And he doesn’t lie or tell a story:
"I've seen death. I've been the cause of death. It changes you. Forever."
Where he began the show wanting to change piracy from a "culture of abuse," the men of his own culture admire him for having been steeped in death. They want to know if Blackbeard is truly a monster, and are disappointed if he's not. They want Stede to be a killer, and mock him if he isn't.
Stede's drunkenness melts into self-loathing. He's been bought drinks for being a killer and for telling a story about Ed's violence, turning Ed, whom he last saw running off to find a boat to begin their new life together, into the monstrous caricature again. He knows the power that stories have over people and he’s now participating in transforming a man that he knows is kind and gentle and loving, who probably gave him his first truly loving kiss, back into an inhuman murderer.
The scene transitions into Izzy's attack on Ed, from Ed attempting to clean up the cabin and chat, to the caricature of Blackbeard, and finally the echoes of the crew, Stede's crew, calling for Edward. Izzy is a more explicit version of the underlying violence in the pub scene - the pressure on Ed to perform as Blackbeard, because "Edward better watch his fucking step."
The Blackbeard caricature itself works in tandem with Stede's description of Ed - from "he's absolutely lovely," a man in a dressing gown, grieving the loss of the man he loves, to "a bloodthirsty killer, born of the devil." Izzy is forcing Ed back into the caricature with threats and psychological abuse; Stede himself has narrated Ed into Blackbeard as he seeks the approval of men he barely knows. He has lied about who Ed is in order to better fit the story others want him to tell.
Both men are pushed into a spiral by vicious remarks that hit at the cores of their fears and insecurities. Both are threatened, or perceive that they're threatened, with physical violence - Izzy by getting into Ed's face, an act which we've seen produces a snap defensiveness, and Stede later when Doug grabs his shoulder.
I've written before how the potential of Stede's "Kraken" version of himself is shown and then shifted away from, when he's able to talk to Mary. But his descent is characterized by the lies he tells about Ed and the visceral memory of what real violence and death is. He’s trapped in the story of an aristocratic man who became a violent pirate, fought Izzy Hands, and knew Blackbeard, the bloodthirsty killer. And he knows that’s not his story at all. What he can tell Mary later is a story about love—a man whose name is Ed. He steps back into the right narrative.
Ed does not have a Mary. His descent only deepens, as he transforms himself into the caricature Izzy shoved in his face, trying (and ultimately failing) to shear away all the soft and gentle parts of himself to better fit the narrative, just as Stede does briefly in the pub and then at the gallery. The one thing he cannot destroy is his love for Stede.
Both Stede and Ed have been entrapped by the narratives around them—the gentleman pirate, the bloodthirsty killer. It’s when Stede gains control of his own story again that he becomes honest and sees himself, and is able to go back to sea to continue his authentic narrative, released from the stories with which others attempted to entrap him.
Ed still has to take over his own narrative. He can no longer see beyond the Kraken that he's been told is the only way he can exist, even as his love and his grief speak against it. The softness of his emotions are incompatible with the story he has to live. Unable to fit himself into that narrative, he decides to die instead, and solidify the story of the bloodthirsty killer. But his death allows him to face himself, and hear the stories he tells himself, and decide which of those stories he wants to manifest. Part of Stede’s role in season 2 is not to free Ed, but to help him free himself, to assure him that he’s loved for all that he is, and is not the story that others, including Stede himself, tell about him.
(gif by @llokilaufeyson)
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