#I hope it can bring some comfort
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i think i have this fear of being seen as a liar i think. like. everyone does it. and as a kid i stole stuff all the time and the way that was dealt with kinda just fucked with my head. do people see my kindness and my compassion as manipulation? am i read as someone trying to tear down the walls so i can get something while ur guard is down?. idk why someone thinking that of me makes me feel so miserable like. what if they were right? ive made mistakes before.. whos to say they arent right about this time? i dont want to stop being kind but it scares me to think about that.
#im so different to all the people ive met. i know afew kindred spirits. 2 is in my cule and im dating the other#but idk. some part of me Long ago decided that i wanted to bring comfort to people. when i see how rough the world gets..#i know thats something i can do to make people feel better. even if its just 1 person.#what else has there been in my life worth living for. aside from the company it brings and the growth i get to be part of.#i never got to be this kind. i never got to be treated this kindly before i transitioned.#idk. i guess this stuff just makes me think im doing something wrong. am i not supposed to try and make other happy if i seem like a trick?#to me this is what being a woman means for me. in so many ways... maybe thats why it being doubted hurts so much.#anyway.. my blood sugar is low. and its 2am. ily reader. i hope its not too much.
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i am very sorry if this ask is off-putting, but I frequently go through a handful of specific blogs when I am feeling very anxious and yours is my favorite. it has a very open hearted and soothing vibe. I wanted to just thank you for that.
dw about it ! this is very sweet of you 🥹 Thank you anon I'm glad you enjoy my blog
#i know i rb some negative things at times i rlly hope u don't mind those . other than that im glad my posts or overall blog helps you!!!#rlly hoping this anon isnt a bot also . but even then i hope i can bring even a little bit of comfort to others
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Papa Emeritus III/Sister(s) of Sin, Papa Emeritus III & Original Female Character(s)
Characters: Papa Emeritus III, Sister(s) of Sin (Ghost Sweden Band), Original Female Character(s)
Additional Tags: Sickfic, Slice of Life, POV First Person, No Smut, Italiano | Italian, Fever, References to Illness, Storytelling
Summary:
I'd succumbed to a feverish sickness, but Papa Terzo was there to comfort and care for me.
#i've been very sick lately so i wrote this to comfort myself#i hope it can bring you some comfort as well if you need it#my writing#the band ghost fan fic#terzo fan fic#ao3 fanfic#sickfic#slice of abbey life
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Okay important and genuine message from me. I'm not much or often a poster on timblr but if I can give a sincere message. It's to have varied interests. Be into multiple things at once. It doesn't have to be the same intensity for all of them or level of interest or whatever. Hell not all of it has to be good. Just have multiple things to look forward to and care about
#poke post#was watching a long ass video essay recently#n it finally mqde smth click for me coz like#one of the most miserable times in my life was when i was in the ds/mp era#because it and associated content creators were all i was into! so when shit was hitting the fan a long long time before i left#i was left in just the worst relationship to what was to be a comfort#and now fast forward a few years and. its like. im reading books. im going outside. im playing games. im drawing things. i curate my time#online very scrupulous because if i dont its easy to end up sad#which for me was starting to happen w/ q/s/mp#and so i was able to leave#because i have friends and shit outside of it and things i can talk about other then it#and its so freeing#which is to say. just. try to carve out time for more then one interest or thing at a time if you can#there are things you can do!! look up top 10 books in a genre!! order them off a library!! log off your socmeds for a while!! fuck!!#its not easy but its so worth it i promise it is.#+ also moreover please always remember my friends you are never obligated to engage in things if they make you unhappy. its always okay#to check and see if something brings you more joy then discomfort#take care everyone take care of yourselves#no one else can do it for you#anyway i will now go back to. my book :3 ive been reading the g/olden compass. havent finished yet so no spoilers#feel free to ask me about it ill probably get to it tmrw#also some things im looking forward to:#more on/e piece more wi/tch hat a/tieler ram the next stream of this small streamer ive been into#the next novel by this mid author i liked as a kid-#the next ep of du/nmeshi anime#and more and more#and sometimes i forget to have a thing to look forward to#and must find something new again again#its worth it#also yea no this is incoherent hope someone gets smth out of it tho
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Respect to the song writers for putting out the "ABCDEF– GO!" Real. Lovely lyrics (genuine)
#I'm looking at this line. yknow how faust in strive now speaks like short sentences. few words. and it croaks outta his throat.#maybe he's having troubles on what words to use. what words mean. thats why he comes up with little to say because.#He put his energy to say. really. he's struggling hard.#so this line. is like. him even reciting the alphabet is hard.#He can manage some thoughts but it comes out awkward and messy.#grips onto him. no wonder the f.uture di.ary wiki said that beloved yomotsu might've been inspired by Faust.#Silly depressed man putting up a mask to still bring smiles. and he goes back to being 💥💥 Grahh. Of course though.#he's still trying his best. *the idles*... his wilting flower... the way he moves his fingers like he's trying to entertain a kid....#ohhh what a guy!!!#I need to shake him.. need to comfort him..#FUCKING GUY !!!! 💙💙💙💙#ohh i hope he can get better... i hope his will persists on despite the high mountains he is climbing....#i. need to see his story mode. soon.#anyway. erm. fuck zato. 😊 i don't have much grudge. kinda personal but I'm not actually angry but he is. an ass.#i dunno look if faust wants him dead I salute and i will fuckin. kill.#whatever tagging. why not.#guilty gear#faust gg#faust guilty gear#ah rambling
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Today my mom asked me about my writing and drawing processes. I said I don't really have a technique I can teach others, I kinda just go by feel.
Her: "UGH you're just like my mom!! I ask her for a recipe and she doesn't even give me measurements, she tells me to just DO IT!!"
Asian grandma art process, apparently...
I seriously feel this though, I draw and write the way my grandma cooks. Eyeball the major portions and then adjust meticulously by taste.
My poor mother is wedged between two generations of "add enough salt and cook until done." Sorry Ma...
#my mom says i draw just like my aunts and that always brings me immense comfort#i hope some day i can see their drawings in person#neesee speaks
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remember when jin puts a blanket over jk because he was shivering? you're that jin to me! remember when tae tripped on red carped and get on his knees and jin followed him just to be supportive? you're that jin to me! remember when j-hope had a sore throat and jin gives rj to comfort him? you're that jin to me! I won't even mentioned wearing the same clothes as jimin... bc you're definitely that jin to me!
Is it crazy of me thinking this way? I think that all my love and caring for seokjin it's been passed to you bc you know, jin = you 🥹
I'm sorry. I'm just emocional. Just wanted to let you know how grateful I am to have someone like you around here 💜
y’all are making me so weepy today omg pat this ask is SO nice, i can’t believe you would compare me to such comforting moments 😭
i’m only happy i make you feel somewhat comforted by my presence on here 🥺 i am so grateful to have you here too, you know?? 🤍🤍🤍🤍
#asks#pat!#this ask honestly means a lot to me bc i do find myself trying to always make the people around me as comfortable as i can#I’m one of the oldest of my friends too so i do always want to care for others#life can be so cruel the best thing we can do is care for each other and try to make things easier and make people smile#and enjoy what brings us any form happiness completely <3#love you bby i hope you are being smothered in love today and always#okay I’m going to go make some gifs now while i watch the ocean out the window 🥰🥰
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i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?
#purrs#i know being by myself is not aloneness. but like seriously are you actually serious that there is no one coming to save me? that I have to#walk around with this giant gaping wound forever and no one will be able yo close it? i need total nurturance and comfort badly and to have#any less than total is.. well i don’t want to say it’s as bad as having none at all because obviously it’s not true. but it’s still bad. it#makes it harder to ask for more when you already have some and have reached the limit of what you can ask for. i just feel bottomlessly#lonely. i know things will get better. but what i really need is a long hug and a good cry in someone’s arms. not isolating myself in a#cabin for a week (though i know i desperately need that too). like we’re human beings and we can do that for each other so why don’t we? why#can’t we fix each other? why can’t we be nurturing like that and fill the voids for people who have them. and i know it’s rich coming from m#me bc iam skittish like a horse around emotions and also that it’s pitifully expected from me bc i am reading too much into normal experien#nces most people have. but how am i supposed to just accept that i didn’t get the love i needed (even if im romanticizing m*therlove lmao) a#and then move on as if that’s fine? how can i just snap my fingers and be an autonomous adult when ive spent years accruing psychological#damage with the most limited kind of cushioning? when every second brings with it a potential jab to my River of Pain nerve? idk.#i was deeply violently depressed abt this stuff earlier this week but tonight im just quietly sad. i want the stability and certainty of#(unconditional) love. i want my whole future safe and warm and now or at least the ability to trust it will exist which is also called hope.#i don’t want to be alone and wretched anymore.
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Orange Cat AKA Sunshine Update
After he crawled into my lap a few weeks back I had a moment where I was sure he was ready to be picked up. Hoisted him up onto my lap while I was sitting in a chair and he was totally fine.
He’s a lap cat now and he CANNOT GET ENOUGH pets and affection. 🥹
Yesterday we began Adventures in Brushing & Grooming.
Here is a big orange tuft as well as video of Mr. Baby Man discovering his own face on camera:
#i will take any advice on grooming a longhaired cat#he has some huge established mats where his chest meets his underside#i don’t know what i’m doing & his behavior isn’t predictable enough to feel comfortable coming that close to his whiskers with clippers#he’s still not in a place where i could bring a professional groomer to him#am hoping i can just pick the mats out slowly over time with the flea & tick comb?#street cat saga continues#cats#orange cat#sunshine#long haired cats
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O o o f should not have showed the folks everything everywhere all at once
#One of those classic 'puts piece of media that basically represents my heart and soul and innermost feelings in someone's hands' things#I did think that they wouldn't be a fan of how Much it is but they loved swiss army man and I thought they'd appreciate the sentiment#But mum stopped paying attention immediately bc I'm pretty sure she's got sight issues she won't address and her eyes glanced off the subs#And dad enjoyed it a bit more but still had sort of a mildly disapproving face on for a lot of it#And idk ten years ago mum and I would've discussed a movie like that all night#Even if she didn't care for how it was done we would've chatted about the themes for hours#But she just.... Didn't really care#Or get it#Bc she doesn't have the memory/attention to absorb something with so much going on anymore#And always misinterprets if you try and bring up something that's on your mind#And just hums whatever music's in her head no matter what else is going on#And I'm fucking sad and angry that this fucking movie came out too late for the phase in my life when anyone might've given a shit#And at some point my bro is gonna watch it and I hope he'll find it comforting but lbr he's gonna be on the joy Wang nihilism train#And idk I feel a bit like lil waymond getting perpetually divorced and yelled at here bc I'm trying to connect and just not connecting#Looking on the brightside and finding moments of joy and connection is basically my only weapon too and it just#Feels like the people in my family are resisting at every turn#And it's not always their fault!!! Mental health and shit isn't anyone's fault#But even the most neurotyoical of us just isn't interested really in any attempt I make at reaching out#Guys I'm fucking here I'm here for the long haul bc I feel like if I turn my back you're gonna lose the rest of your marbles and disappear#Can we stop!!! Acting!!! Like strangers!!! Sharing a house!!!!!#*screams into pillow*#OK tag over share over#Delete later maybe idk#mr. bees speaks
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my mom is making me cry but for once I don't mind it haha
#my mom said some really nice things that I realized I needed to hear and im just#emotional and cringe about it all. I'm having feelings i think#she's more like herself#she's more like the loving and accepting mom who took me out shopping in the men's section#and made sure the hairdresser gave me the haircut i wanted#after i came out that first time. I don't think she's the kind of person that can naturally be bigoted if you get me?#she is caring and accepting at her core so yeah.#the views she's sort of forced to have due to the cult goes against everything i know she really and truly is and yeah#i saw that mom again tonight and it made me feel like I'm not fucking up everything all the time#it was really nice. I'm too jaded at this point to have a lot of hope for the future when it comes to getting my family out and safe#that's just not going to happen and there's nothing i can do#but knowing that my mom still can give me more acceptance than she's allowed to? that really does bring me some comfort#it's like she's still in there under all that conditioning
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#hhhhh vent :3#I have psyched myself out and now I don’t feel safe in my house anymore :3#just had to lock my door and window cuz psyched myself out#I saw his dad too close to where I live#my safety zone </3#I hate both of them I hope they both die in a fiery crash#I’m so fucking tired of this 😌#i would like to be out on a leash sonindontbhave to think#delete tomorrow prob#idk idk what I’m saying I need to journal but I’m to tired to write my hands hurt#idk I’m in a flare plus he was too close#tired of not feeling safe no matter what#idk I want to rip my brain out and put it in the dishwasher#they say after 7 years just about every body in your cell has been replaced by a new one or whatever I’m butchering it but#I’m almost at 7 years I can’t wait u til I can tell myself he has never touched me as I currently exist#silly? maybe. I’m trying not to just the small amount of comfort it’s bringing me.#idk. I just need to fucking vomit some thoughts out of my head#I’m FINE. I’m like.. not okay <3#but I am fine
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OH MY GOD your barbatos fic gave me butterflies I love that mean so much and you did him justice thank you 🥺🥺
!! thank you so much, im so glad that you enjoyed it ^^ barbatos is one of my favourites too so to hear that you liked my characterisation of him makes me melt <3
#its suchhh a self indulgent fic since exam stress is kicking me down rn i honestly didnt know whether to post it or not#but it makes me so happy that you like it! this whole ask makes me so happy#it was so nice to wake up to this ><#i hope the fic can bring you some comfort too~~#incoming call#caller id: error
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Why is the qs/mp tag such shit at the moment
Oh right twitter died
I am so annoyed.
I blocking everyone but still it is such garbage
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Edit:
So I accidentally queued this but I am allowing it to be posted cause
???
What happened that made me so upset
I mean I was really into it for months and I think this js a month into me loving it
Present me is kinda??? Like I haven't touched it in months
I think I still like it
This just became off topic
Just what happened me???
I don't remember the qsmp tag being too bad
Like sometimes it was bad but dude it normally takes awhile for me to get upset
Like I clearly planned to post this at somepoint as the first tag js queued???
Also I have bad memory when it comes to order of events and things.
When I retell things I have to keep hoping around
Point is I am fascinated by past me and this is actually bringing me some joy???
#queued#7/4/2023#like please just shut up#there is valid criticism in the garbage but oh my lord#I dont want to read your posts if you are assholes about it#rant#vent#this post is literally nothing#tags from after april 2024#i need to focus more#also I hope future me if I at somepoint come reread this blog like 5 years in the future thaf I can find joy#like most posts are me in a bad space but I just hope future me is in a better space and cam just go#It is fine. you will be fine. the world isn't that bad and you will make it#i looked at pictures of past me and none were sad or anything and I still when aww past me#i feel the need to soothe past me??? so i hope it is the same in the future#it brings comfort and joy. it helps i guess.#right now everything feels too fresh even though some posts are almost 2 years old i believe#it was about work i think and well I could go back and add that it didnt suck and you dont hate it... most of yhe time#maybe i will do that. comfort myself and make me feel better
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despicable
updates as of 22 oct
Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.
“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.
“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”
“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.
“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”
As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.
“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.
“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”
It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.
“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.
“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.
“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”
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