#I haven't even cried yet! no panic attacks or anything! there have been a few meltdowns but not specifically about this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

atlasscrumpit · 7 months

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Yandere Miguel O'Hara

(MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING, ABUSE)

With a piece of fabric wrapped tightly around your mouth and your hands tied together, Miguel had you thrown over his shoulder.

His claws digging into your back as you screamed and cried, trying to break free. But, the more you fought the more his claws tore into your skin.

You sobbed as Miguel kept quiet, he made it back to his apartment and threw you onto the floor, making you cry in pain.

"You're a clever little girl, I'll give you that. I really didn't think you could escape here after all the measures I went to to keep you here." He said as you looked up at him with tears streaming down your face.

He knelt down and gripped your chin roughly.

"You tried to escape the only person who cares about you, Y/N. Is that how stupid you are? Do you really think anyone else wants this? Wants you?" He asked in a condescending tone as you continued to cry.

"You're a fucking mess, darling. Trying to kill yourself, having breakdowns or panic attacks, using food as a coping mechanism... You think anyone wants that? That's why you're so lucky to have me. Yet, you run away. Like a stupid little bitch." He growled before slapping you hard across the face. You yelped under the gag around your mouth and cried even more.

He untied your hands and the gag around your mouth.

"Stop... Please." You whispered as Miguel chuckled softly.

"Babydoll, I haven't even started and you're ready begging?" He taunted as you cried and looked at him.

"This isn't love, nothing about this is love." You whispered making him chuckle again.

"Who said anything about love? This is just possession, sweetheart. I own you, you're mine and you obey me and this is what happens when you don't listen." He replied before he gripped your chin again.

"God, you're so pathetic. Now, I'm a little angry after everything you've put me through. So, I'm going to punish you and let myself release this tension you caused. And if you're a good girl and don't complain I'll give you some dinner after but if you try to go against me you'll be starved, understood?"He said, his tone was so calming and gentle compared to his words.

"I understand."

You laid on the ground with blood on your face as you tried your best to stay awake.

Miguel looked down at you and wiped your blood from his hands.

"Get your breath back, baby. I'm going to get the first aid and I'll stitch you up." He said as your shakily breathed in and out and watched him leave from where your head was rested on the floor.

You began to cry again as you entire body ached from Miguel's punishment.

He returned a few minutes later and helped you sit on the bed as he began to bring out first aid supplies.

"Those scratches will need stitches, baby." He said as you nodded a little.

He began to stitch up the wounds from his claws in your arms as you cried through the pain.

"Shh, baby. I'm almost done. You're such a good girl, aren't you?" He cooed to you like you were a dog.

"I'm tired." You whispered after a while before Miguel bandaged up your wounds.

"Oh, I know my sweet girl. After this I'm going to feed you then get you into bed, how does that sound?" He asked as you kept your eyes away from him.

He always did this after he hurt you, acted like you were the most precious person in the world.

"I don't like this..." You whispered as he looks at you.

"What do you mean, sweetie? Are the bandages too itchy?" He asked calmly as you looked at him and shook your head.

"No... I don't like you hurting me." You whispered tears still in your eyes as he sighed.

"Baby, we've been over this. If you were good and just listened I wouldn't have to do this. I know you don't understand any of it but it's for your own good. Can you please just trust me with this, baby? You just need to be a good girl for me and you won't get hurt, okay?" He asked as you snuffled and nodded.

"Yes... I'll be good." You replied making him smile and rub your leg.

"Good girl, you're so perfect. You just forget sometimes and that's okay, baby. I just have to show you how to be better, don't I?" He said as you kept your eyes on him and nodded.

"Can we have dinner now?" You asked as he leaned forward and kissed your forehead.

"Of course, my sweet girl. Come on."

#Miguel #Miguel o'hara x reader #Yandere #Miguel o'hara #yandere miguel o'hara

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gayforminatozaki · 5 months

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"so what's your name?"

sana x spiderwoman!reader

summary: SANA gets MUGGED??? SPIDERWOMAN SAVES HER? ?? THEY'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY CUTE TOGETHER??(EMOTIONAL) (NOT CLICKBAIT) 😱😨 (tw: implied r//pe but nothing actually happens)

wc: 1.6k

authors note: please be nice i haven't written anything in 2 years. also y'all like how i decorated this post i put pictures and everything oo i feel so fancy.

(@moonpheus)

it's 10pm, or maybe 11? who knows. all that sana knows is that it's late as fuck and she needed to get home as soon as possible. unfortunately, the only way home from her shift at the bakery was through a shady neighbourhood that she almost always managed to avoid. unfortunately, some pretentious customer came in just before it was time to close and demanded they make two dozen fresh doughnuts for her daughters birthday party. she was a bitch about it, sure, but seeing how stressed she was she caved. though she was beginning to regret it now as she missed her daily drive home from jihyo, and with no taxis around now had to resort to walking through unfamiliar territory.

it's just a 10 minutes away sana thinks, trying to compose herself. what she failed to realise, however, was that there was someone tailing her. no, not just one person. but two. and as she takes another step she's immediately grabbed from behind and a knife is put to her neck.

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

her immediate reaction is to stay as still as possible, but on the inside she's experiencing nothing but sheer panic. multiple "what if"s and "i should've been more careful"s and "fuck you jihyo i'm gonna die"s occupy her head, that it takes a couple more screams from the attacker to snap her back to reality.

"LISTEN TO ME BITCH OR I'LL SLIT YOUR THROAT."

"w-what do you want?" sana says, half crying half babbling.

"your purse. pull out your wallet and show me." he spits. sana complies, slowly pulling out her wallet with shaky hands. "how much?"

"a hundred" she replies, showing him the bills. she didn't want him thinking she was lying, not that he deserved the truth anyway. sana hands the wad of cash over to him and stays silent as he shoves it in his musty washed out jean pocket. after a while of still having a knife to her throat, she musters up the courage to talk to him, though meekly.

"is that it?"

the man stops, and then chuckles.

"is that it?" he says with a smug smile, getting closer to sana and moving his other hand to her pants. wait, is he going to.. oh god. "well, unless you have something else to offer me..."

tears start welling in sana's eyes, but before she could start begging him not to, a spiderweb shoots down from above, pulling the knife out of his hand. a few more go on his face, blocking his vision. a figure leaps down and starts mercilessly beating the everlasting shit out of him. punch after punch, sana's pretty sure she can hear some bones break. groans and cries erupt from behind, but sana doesn't dare look- not yet anyway. by the end of it, the man's laying down with his face bloody and disfigured. as the figure stands up straight, a wad of spit hits her leg.

"fuck you." he sneers, mouth full of blood, "i didn't even do anything yet."

and with that final word, the figure turns around and aggressively steps on his head. a helpless scream leaves his mouth.

"fucking bastard," you say, pulling the money out of his pocket. sana's left speechless. absolutely frozen. you notice and concerned, ask "ma'am, are you okay?"

what you didn't expect was to receive a hard slap to the face.

"s-spiderwoman you..." sana cries, "you s-saw that and you didn't bother to do anything u-until h-he.."

your eyes grow wide, "what? no no that's not what happened!" you say desperately, 'i thought he was only going for the money and didn't want to risk anything with a knife that close to your neck."

"b-but you managed to grab the knife no problem!"

"because he had his focus on something else!" you sigh, "i'm sorry, i should've done something in the first place."

"...thank you." sana say, "i was so scared. thank you so much."

y/n beams. though it sucked seeing people get hurt, it was nice being able to help them.

"it's no problem. i'm just glad i was here to help." sana nods, "it's too late for you to be out here, especially in this place. what are you doing?"

and so sana begins explaining her situation, to which you suggest you swing her back home. after all, you didn't think sana would be in the mood to continue walking after that. though sana was hesitant at first, you assure her it's completely safe.

"don't worry, i have a lot of experience" you say reassuringly, "though i don't always carry a grown woman with me."

sana laughs. you're both now up in the sky, leaping from building to building. she can't lie, it's absolutely terrifying. one wrong move and she'd fall to her death. fearing this, she clings onto you even harder.

"are you okay?" you say, turning red under the mask.

"y-yeah it's just so weird being up here. how fast did you get used to it?"

"didn't take long honestly. i'm not usually focused on what's below me but rather the criminal i'm chasing. though i do like to just swing around for fun sometimes."

"it's terrifying." says sana

"yeah, but thrilling" you smile, holding sana a bit closer. you don't want her feeling unsafe. this doesn't go unnoticed by sana, who now had the courage to peer down for a bit. "by the way," you ask "what bakery do you work at?"

"hm? oh, rosie's bakery. It's by the-"

"rosie's!? I LOVE rosie's. you guys make the best cheesecakes hands down." you say enthusiastically, to which sana can only laugh, "sorry, i didn't mean to cut you off."

"nono it's fine, honestly i didn't know people were such fans of our cheesecakes." she laughs. you smile back. she's so cute.

"oh we just passed by my apartment. it's the one over there." sana says, pointing to one with a chair on the balcony. you leap down onto it, still holding sana. looking in from the balcony, the woman has a pretty nice apartment.

her living room is neat and organised, with a large bookshelf to the side of it filled with books (she's well-read). her plants are seemingly still alive (she's responsible) and organised in a way which encapsulates the feel of her apartment (she's organised and pays attention to detail). she has a kitchen island- wait she has a kitchen island?? in new york city?? she really is your dream girl.

you don't realise you're lost in thought until sana speaks.

"thanks for the.. i want to say swing but that sounds wrong."

you laugh, "it's no problem. i'm glad you came home safe."

you both stand there silently, not knowing what to do next. sana breaks the silence clearing her throat.

"ahem. well, it was nice meeting you. thank you for everything."

she bows and turns to leave. you stand there frozen until you call out to her.

"wait! what's your name?"

sana stops in her tracks and turns around.

"hm? well what's yours?" she says with a hint of smugness.

you scoff, "i can't tell you that. it ruins the whole anonymity thing i have going on."

"then i won't say."

"okok fine just your first name then?"

sana crosses her arms, a grin forming on her face. "why do you want to know my name so much?"

you open your mouth to say something- wait, should you? oh fuck it you're under a mask you can be as cocky as you want.

"well, it's a shame not to know the name of a beautiful woman."

sana goes red.

"honestly," you continue, "you deserve better. i can't even imagine how hard it must be for you to go this long without knowing my name."

sana stops going red, and scoffs.

"maybe if you weren't so adamant on not telling me yours i would've told you mine by now." she says smiling. she doesn't actually think it's that big of a deal, but she liked messing around with you and seeing your reaction.

"i have an actual reason though! it's too personal, it could link to my actual identity. that's the point of the mask." you say, gesturing to it.

"it's too personal for me too." she replies with a shit eating grin.

she's being so difficult you think. you think a bit more, until a lightbulb goes off in your head. if she wanted personal, you'll give her personal.

you take off your mask- no not all of it, you're not crazy- but just enough so that the bottom half of your face is showing. what you're doing right now is probably worse than just sucking it up and giving her a (probably fake) name. you didn't want to lie to her though, not to those eyes.

you start taking slow steps towards sana, who had just let out a small gasp. you get closer and closer until both of your faces are just a few inches from each other.

you hold her face and pull her in for a kiss.

lucky for you, she kisses back. it's short and doesn't escalate much, but the feeling of her soft lips on yours has you losing your mind. when you pull apart you can't help but feel like you've been kissing for a whole century. you look into her eyes, deep brown and unforgettable, which happen to be looking right back at you. her lips are slightly parted, and you have to do everything to stop yourself from going back in.

"sana."

"what?" you say, dumbfounded.

"my name is sana."

you smile. you didn't actually think that would work. you take a few steps back.

"see you soon, sana." you say, swinging off the building. sana stands there dumbfounded, touching her lips.

who knew that being mugged was the best thing to happen to her?

#minatozaki sana #twice sana #sana #sana x reader #sana x fem reader #twice x reader #twice

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a-crumb-of-whump · 1 year

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A New Beginning #14: Adoration

Masterlist | AO3

Content: Vamprie whumpee, recovery, multiple caretakers, human caretaker, PTSD/trauma, meltdown/panic attack, [implied] self harm (for the sake of food), blood (once again, for the sake of food), fear of being alone.

I am exhausted and haven't actually proof read this or anything, but i promised myself i'd post something before i fell asleep LOL.

It was only a few days after the gathering they’d had that Carlos heard from his new friend again. He hadn’t really thought much of it at first - Ryker was often getting calls from his employees and other important people that Carlos had never met, so it came as a surprise when the human called him into the living room and held out the phone to him with a polite smile.

“Hey, man,” he greeted, already beginning to get out of his seat to make room for the vampire to sit down instead. “Charlie’s on the phone. Said he wanted to see how you were going. Would you like to sit down and talk to him while I get your breakfast ready?”

Did he? What kind of question was that?

“Yes please!” he chirped, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as he took the phone from his human’s hand and sat down on the couch Ryker had just been sitting in. It was still warm, and he found himself snuggling further into the seat as he greeted the other human on the phone. “Good morning!”

“Good morning to you, too,” Charlie spoke warmly. He still sounded a little groggy, like he hadn’t been awake for long, but Carlos could still hear the faint smile on his face regardless. “You’re sounding rather chipper. How’ve you been?”

The vampire brought his knees to his chest and began to fiddle with the fabric of his pyjama bottoms as he talked. “I have been well, I think! I’m a little restless today, but Ryker said I just need some mental stimulation. So, he’s gonna set up some stuff for us to do later on.” Then he jumped all of a sudden, feeling as if he’d already forgotten his own manners. “Uhm- and how are you, Charlie?”

“I’m okay, thank you for asking.” The tone in Charlie’s voice hadn’t shifted, instead remaining light and friendly, despite the fact that he clearly wasn’t all that awake just yet. “I have work today, unfortunately, hence why I’m awake so early. Though, I was actually thinking about dropping by for an hour afterwards, if that’s okay with you?”

Carlos found himself mildly confused. Why was he asking for permission from him to come and see Ryker and Adam? Were they even going to be around today? He thought he recalled the two of them informing him that they wouldn’t be around all that much this week. Had they not told Charlie?

“Uhm…” The vampire didn’t even really know how to answer. “Y-yes?”

Thankfully for him, Charlie seemed to catch on to his confusion pretty quickly. “You sound a little unsure? What’s on your mind?”

“...I guess I don’t really understand why you’re asking for my permission to come visit Adam and Ryker?”

He blinked cluelessly at the sound of Charlie’s light laugh. He didn’t think he’d said anything funny. Did Charlie not realise he was being serious? Though his cheeks flushed red at the embarrassment of being laughed at, he chose not to say anything else.

“You sweet thing. I meant I wanted to come see you. They’re both out this afternoon anyway, aren’t they? I think Ryker said their work schedules are pretty similar this week.”

Oh. It made sense now. However… it also didn’t.

“You- you want to see me?” the vampire tilted his head. His fingers clutched the phone a little tighter as his heartbeat picked up a bit. This was so exciting. “Really? I- I’m not very good at talking to other people. People, uhm… they scare me.”

“They scare me, too, buddy. You’re all good. Look, we can give it a miss today if you want? I’m happy to wait until a time where you’re feeling more comfy or one of the guys is around. I totally get it.”

Carlos could have sworn he felt his heart stop for a moment.

“No!” he practically cried, leaning forward in his seat as if it could possibly make his point any clearer. He had a death grip on the phone pressed to his ear while his other shaking hand dug Its nails into the leather that made up the couch. “N-no, please, I’ve only ever had two friends in my life. I love them so- so much b-but I don’t wanna be alone anymore. I want friends s-so much. Please come over? Please? I can make some human food for you if you’d like! I swear, I’ll do whatever you want!”

He knew he was being downright pathetic. He knew there was a good chance he was actively scaring his potential new friend away with his intensity, and yet he would have thrown himself onto his knees and begged like that if he were in front of him in that moment.

Having heard his frantic voice, Ryker was by his side in an instant; resting a hand on his knee while the other arm held a paper towel to the cut on his arm. He’d clearly been in the middle of draining Carlos’ morning breakfast into a cup, and that only made Carlos feel all the worse.

What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Those same two questions repeated in his head over and over again.

“Carlos, you’re all good, man. It was just a suggestion,” Charlie was quick to reassure him. Nonetheless, Carlos could still feel the weight of his own panic creeping up on him, threatening to slowly push him into suffocation as if something was holding him against the wall by his throat. “It’s okay. I’ll come visit you this afternoon, then, yeah? Just like I suggested before. No one’s leaving y’alone.”

“I’m so-orry,” the vampire quietly hiccupped into his sleeve. “I’m sorry… I’m…” Behaving like a fucking toddler? Yeah, you are.

He silently scowled at the voice in his head. It was so loud and so mean. Why couldn’t it just be nice to him? Why did it have to point out all his flaws and mock him as if he didn’t already know they were there? He was trying so hard to like himself just that little bit more. It was so hard…

Ryker squeezed his leg, seemingly trying to draw his attention away from whatever was bothering him. The vampire immediately glanced down at him distractedly, still holding onto the phone so tight his hands were shaking.

“Sir?” he quietly whimpered. “I’m… I need… need…” He didn’t know what he needed. Didn’t know how to put how he was feeling into words because he’d never had to think about it before. Feelings didn’t matter. Hell, he hardly mattered.

He guessed it was different now, wasn’t it?

“I- I di’nt mean t’pressure you,” the vampire whispered in between more hiccups. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I told you I can’t speak to people…”

He was so grateful that Charlie had stayed on the line with him all throughout his little meltdown. Hearing his voice, knowing that he was still there only caused him to cry even more.

“No, no, you’re doing good, man. I’ve been there before, yeah? I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve struggled to find the right words or lost friends because I’ve said insensitive things without realising. Though, I’ve learnt that the more you do it, the easier it gets. So, what if we practiced together this afternoon?”

“You- you still wanna come over?” The vampire nearly couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He glanced down at Ryker who was still kneeling by his legs, and the human gave him a comforting smile that silently assured him it was real. “You’ll be my friend?”

There was another laugh. “Any friend of Adam and Ryker’s is a friend of mine. Look, I gotta finish my coffee and get ready for work but I’ll message Ryker with a time and you can expect to see me then, alright?”

Carlos sheepishly wiped at his wet eyes, accidentally pricking his bottom lip with his fang as he bit it. “You mean it? You’ll really come?”

“Yeah, man. I promise. See you then?”

“O-okay.” Carlos nodded, somewhat more confidently this time. “Yeah. I will- uhm, see you then?”

Ryker grinned the moment Carlos had hung up the phone. He took the phone from him and placed it down on the floor before taking his hand into both his own to squeeze it reassuringly.

“You did it!” he exclaimed, the loud sound of his excited voice causing Carlos to jump a little. “I’m so proud of you for persisting!”

“Tha-ank you?” He couldn’t tell if the human was being sarcastic or not. “I… I embarrassed myself, didn’t I, sir? I didn’t mean to…”

Reaching up, Ryker affectionately ruffled the vampire’s growing hair with a smile. “Not at all. You’re doing well. I know Charlie very well - he’s one of my oldest friends, and there’s no one I’d trust more with someone I love than him.”

That caused Carlos to look up from his lap. The wording was not lost on him, however clueless he usually found himself being. A small smile curved on his lips despite the wetness in his eyes, and he leaned forward to press his forehead to Ryker’s for just a moment; savouring the closeness between them before Ryker had to leave again. It was the only way he knew how to express his gratitude for him in that moment. Words were hard and he just did not have the strength to speak them anymore.

He could only hope that Ryker understood the meaning behind his simple gesture. Otherwise, he’d be sure to find the words for it later.

He needed Ryker to know how much he loved him, too.

Carlos spent the entire day watching the clock on the wall and cleaning vigorously before his friend arrived. He’d made what Ryker had said earlier in the morning were his favourite sweets - cookies, cupcakes and a few store bought foods as well. Adam was even kind enough to do his makeup again and help him pick out an outfit for what must have been his very first visit from a friend ever. His friend, no less. Someone who was here for him, not his owners or the people around him. He wanted everything to be perfect. Wanted to prove that he could be a good friend to people, not just some dumb pet for them to take their anger out on.

He could do this. He could do this. He could do this.

When Charlie finally arrived at the designated time - right on time, might Carlos add - he had to let himself in, given the sun was looming right outside, threatening to attack the vampire if he so much as stepped an inch into the light.

However, the second he had closed the front door, Carlos was already by Its side with his plate of cupcakes in his hand and a warm, excited smile on his face. “Thank you so much for coming,” he chirped as he held out said plate towards the human. “I made- uhm, your favourite cupcakes! Ryker gave me the recipe and helped me find all the ingredients for it. I hope you like them!”

“He did, did he?” the human grinned as it slipped off Its shoes and placed Its bag down by the shoe rack. It leaned over to examine them before carefully taking one off the plate to bite into. “Boy knows me so well. These are excellent, Carlos.”

Carlos couldn’t help but feel amused at the way he spoke with his mouth stuffed with food. It reminded him so much of Adam.

“Thank you! I worked very hard on them. Uhm, would you like to sit?” he asked, motioning to the living room where all the furniture was. “It’s just you and me this time, so… so you don’t have to sit on the floor. If- if you don’t want to, of course. Sir- I mean, Ryker said you might prefer the floor over the couch? I do sometimes, too.”

The human shrugged. “The floor feels less formal, but I’m happy wherever. You’re looking wonderful today, might I add. Did Adam do your makeup for you?”

“He did!” Carlos nodded, desperately trying to ignore the furious blush on his face as he plonked himself down on the couch and pulled his knees up to his chest for Charlie to sit down as well. As he did so, the human took another cupcake off the plate and began to eat that one, too. He likes them, Carlos realised with a giddy smile. “He purchased a practice makeup kit for me to use when he’s not around, but I’m not very good at it yet. I aim to get better, though.”

“It’s a fun thing to learn. Can’t say I’m all that into it myself, but I see what It’s done for Adam. He loves it.”

It got Carlos wondering. “Well, what sort of things are you into, then? You said we could, uhm… pr-practice talking? So… is that a good start? You didn’t tell me all that much about yourself at the gathering…”

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t, did I?” Charlie offered him another smile as he shifted himself into the same position Carlos was in, but on the opposite side of the couch so they were facing each other. “Like I said, I suck at talking to people, too. I’m awkward and blunt and suck at reading body language and social cues. A lot of people don’t really like that. So… I tend to keep my distance. Keeps me safer, y’know?”

Yes. Carlos knew exactly what it was talking about.

“So… It’s not a vampire thing?” he asked quietly with a small tilt to his head. “That happens to me a lot, but I always thought I was just not smart enough to understand them, or- or that’s just how they treated vampires. Humans treat other humans that way as well?”

He was saddened to see the human nod. “Unfortunately so.”

“That’s so sad.”

Charlie shrugged. “I guess so. I have my little group of people who love and understand me regardless, so I don’t concern myself all that much with what the rest of the world thinks of me.”

Carlos admired that. He cared far too much about what everyone else, particularly humans, thought of him. It was ingrained into his brain that his purpose was to please them, therefore he had to care, right? If there was one thing all the humans he’d lived with agreed on, it was that.

“—but hey, fuck the rest of the world, right? Let’s talk about me.”

It surprised the vampire to hear himself laugh at the human’s rather vulgar language.

“Yes!” he agreed, and the both of them eagerly leaned forward with their arms still tucked in their laps as if they were two gossiping school children. “Tell me everything there is to know.”

It turns out, the two had a lot more in common with each other than they thought. Charlie happened to be right into his digital art - something Carlos had no idea even existed until then - along with cooking and movies. He also mentioned that he loved the dark - that there was something calming and peaceful about it in a way that the day just couldn’t bring. He said that he often went on night walks along the beach when he couldn’t sleep, or relaxed under the stars in his backyard with a picnic blanket beneath him.

It all sounded infatuatingly wonderful to Carlos. He didn’t feel safe enough to go outside anymore. Not without another person there to keep him company, but the idea of it made him more than a little giddy. He hoped there would come a time where he could enjoy the stars and the dark again, just like he had as a child.

The human also came to mention that he was a collector of sorts, too. He had a collection of rocks and leaves he found fascinating sitting on his coffee table for people to admire when they came over, along with the more “common” stuff, like Pokemon cards and little figurines. He’d apparently been collecting for years - ever since he was a child, and had plenty to show for it.

Within just a few hours, Carlos had grown to adore this human so much it hurt. It was living, breathing proof that there were other people just like Carlos. That he wasn’t alone, even if many people had tried to convince him otherwise.

—and as the human prepared to leave again rather late in the afternoon, Carlos hugged him tighter than he ever thought he’d be able to grip someone, fingers digging into his back and his head buried against Charlie’s shoulder. He was grateful that it didn’t seem to mind, and instead held him just as tight.

“Please come back sometime,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut out of sheer desperation. “Please. You’re… you’re like me. I like you so much!”

There was, once again, a laugh as Charlie stood with him in the doorway. He could hear and feel Adam and Ryker’s presence behind him, presumably moving things around and giving the place a quick clean after their day at work, but he didn’t care. Not right now.

“I like you so much, too! I’ll be back very soon, man. Promise.”

Carlos couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he hid it against the human's shoulder even more.

It was official.

After ninety years of living on this god forsaken earth, Carlos Emrick had finally made a friend outside of Ryker and Adam.

He cried out of pure joy as he told his humans about his day that evening. It was easily on his list of best days ever, right underneath the day he met Ryker and the night he finally got to move in with him.

@alexkolax @emcscared-whumps @espresso-depresso-system @inkkswhumpandstuff @pigeonwhumps @pumpkin-spice-whump @roblingoblin285 @sacredwrath @stabby-nunchucks @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @trans-writes @whump-blog @whumpsday @whumpshaped @whump-things @whumpycries @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question @thekittyburger @choppedflowermuffinchild

#whump #whump stuff #whump things #whump thoughts #whump scenarios #whump tropes #whump writing #vampire whumpee #recovery whump

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loousir · 3 years

Text

[Satyr} Insecurities

Soft Male Presenting NB Satyr x Male Reader

Dakota

Warnings: Dakota get comforted by you after a sudden breakup and you end up confessing, they realized they like you too, mentions of alcohol (tho not explicitly stated other than beer), two faced boyfriend (now ex)

Masterlist

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Currently, you are on your way to third wheel for your best friend, Dakota. This guy that Dakota was dating was one that you really did not like. He was all sweet and kind around Dakota but the second they turned their back, he was a complete jerk. You knew you should tell Dakota but they just looked so happy being with this guy that you didn't want to ruin this momentary happiness.

Anyhow, both of you were walking down the street to a small yet busy pub that he had asked Dakota to meet. Dakota had asked him if you could come and he said yes but you knew he would have said no if that didn't ruin his "perfect boyfriend" image. You developed feelings for Dakota years ago, long into your friendship with him but you never confessed. You knew they didn't feel the same so you decided to just try to be the very best friend you could be.

Dakota pointed out the place you two were going and you followed them up to the front door. You opened it for them and they almost instantly spot their boyfriend, going over to him and hugging him. You smiled a sad smile and looked at the two before joining them at their table. He had sent Dakota off to get drinks for the three of you. "How have you been (R/n)?" He looks over to you with a not glare for once. "I'm breaking up with him."

Your eyes widened slightly. "What?" He nods. "Yeah I got hit pretty hard in the face with reality after the last time we met." His whole demeanor had changed from what it was before. You tried to say something but Dakota came back with a beer bottle and two glasses. They set one of the glasses down in front of you and handed the bottle to their soon to be ex who's demeanor went back to perfect boyfriend mode.

You smiled at Dakotas smile before taking a drink of what they got you. "Ah, (R/n)! Did you see the new episode yesterday? It was so good!" Dakota said before going on to ramble about bits and pieces. (R/n) smiled and nodded, chatting about said episode with Dakota.

A few minutes had past with the three of you talking before (R/n) decided it was time to bring the bad news. "Dakota." They looked up to (R/n) who looked like he just accidentally kicked a puppy. Dakota noticed and went to grab his hands to ask what's wrong but he pulled away. You looked away out of courtesy but still listened in. "I'm sorry Dakota. I dont think we can be together anymore. Its really me, not you. You've been nothing but good to me and I want you to be happy but it can't be with me."

"Maybe we'll see each other around. Don't worry about paying for drinks, I'll cover it on the way out." He said standing up to leave. Dakota couldn't seem to process what what happening as they watched their now ex-boyfriend walk away. "Kota, let's go." You said standing and grabbing their hand.

They didn't move but instead started to shake slightly. "Dakota, please." You pulled them up and practically dragged them out of the pub and stopped when you were a block away from it. Dakota hadn't said a word but held on tightly to your hand. "Do you wanna go back to your house?" You asked, looking to them. They nodded softly, more hair moving to cover their usually covered eyes.

You squeezed their hand gently as the two of you walked back to Dakotas place. It wasn't too far from the pub so neither of you saw the point in taking the car. After a few minutes of walking, Dakota stopped, making you look back. "Im... S-so sorry... I... I cant..." They tried to say something but ended up almost collapsing, legs shaking like crazy. You caught them before they could and opted to carry them the rest of the way.

Dakota holds onto you and cries into your neck. You gently rub the back of their head and whisper reassuring words into their ears. After a few more minutes of walking, you make it to the house and carefully unlock the door and close it behind you before taking them upstairs to their bedroom. "I'll go grab some water. I'll be right back ok?"

You head back down stairs, lost in thought as you grabbed water from the fridge before heading back up. You didn't expect to see what you did though.

Your body stood ridgid with shock. Standing in front of you, staring back with wild and afraid eyes was your best friend of 5 years. They looked like they were wearing pants but they weren't. Their legs were covered in dark brown fur, same colour as their hair. Your eyes followed the soft digitigrade shape down to the cloven hooves in place of feet. A small tail to match laid tight against their body.

"Dakota..?"

You breathed out hesitantly. They seemed to snap out of whatever trance they were in for a moment and they started to shake. "Hey... Hey whats wrong?" You asked as you very slowly approached them, as if the wrong step could send them sprinting away. They didn't say a word and you eventually got to their side. You very carefully grabbed their hand but they pulled it away faster than you could blink.

They looked at you with such fear that you could barely even tell if it was your sweet Dakota anymore. A tense moment passed as you had seen his eyes for the first time. You gently took their hand again and pressed their palm against your chest. They could feel your heart pounding, theirs was probably just as fast. You and Dakota had this thing where if one of you were panicking, the other would place a hand on the heart of the one whos panicking. It usually ended with a hug but it was really just a comfort thing that Dakota had started with you when they had a panic attack in public. Once they had seemed to realized, some lever must have flipped as they pulled you into a tight hug.

"(Y/n)..."

You hugged them back, gently placing a hand on the back of their head to keep them close. A silent minute had past before you felt your shoulder getting wet again. "I'm so sorry." It was barely a whisper but you heard it. Neither of you said a word after that. Dakota pulled their head out from the crook of your neck and rested their forehead against your chest.

"I didn't want you to find out like this..." Their voice was small as they spoke, hands gripping tightly to the back of your shirt. You carefully set a hand on their cheek, coaxing them to look up to you. Their eyes were red and slightly puffy from crying. The bright green, almost yellow irises stood out against their pink-ish scleras. "Your eyes are so beautiful." You mumbled out without thinking.

Dakota blushed and looked away. "I know you probably don't wanna talk so let's sit down and I'll go first." You lead them over to the bed and both of you sat down. "Judging by your reaction you didn't want me knowing about the whole... Lower half thing." You paused to look at Dakota who nodded. "Sorry." You said, still processing everything. Dakota shook their head. "N-no... I..."

"I don't know what to say..." Dakota said with a heavy sigh. "It's ok. You don't have to say anything-" They cut you off before you could continue. "(Y/n) I've lied to you for 5 years about it! Of course I have to say something!" You looked away from them and sighed. "I would be lying if I said it didn't upset me that you never told me what you were." Without hesitation, you grabbed Dakotas hand again, staring at it as they let you intertwine your fingers. "But I always had a feeling you weren't exactly human anyways... Of course I wanted to know but I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me."

Dakota looked to your eyes, tears welling up in theirs again. You could see that they wanted to apologize for not saying anything but you just shook your head. "Kota, I could care less that your a Satyr. If anything I like you even more." You mumbled the last part but they still heard it anyway, signaled by the blush that rose to their cheeks yet again. Dakota placed their free hand on your cheek and made you look back to them.

"I love you so fucking much Kota. You don't even know. I'm sorry. This is probably a lot on top of me finding out about probably your biggest secret and the... Y'know." Dakota shook their head. "Its all been so overwhelming. I'm honestly surprised I haven't passed out yet." You let a small huff of a laugh pass as they pulled your face closer to theirs. "You seemed to have calmed down a lot." You mumbled out.

Dakota nodded. "Yeah. I guess I'm... Relieved... I've known you long enough that I know you when you aren't feigning truths." They pause for a moment. You took this moment to observe their tear stained face. "(Y/n). I dont ever want you to leave me." Their voice had been shaky since you found out about them being a Satyr but it was even worse when they said that. "I couldn't truly live if you weren't in my life Kota."

They looked at you with wide eyes. "Sorry, said something weird didnt-" You were cut off by a pair of soft lips against yours. You carefully kissed back, tangling your hand in their soft, fuffy hair. The second both of you pulled away, Dakota smiled and pulled you into a tight hug. "Kota-" "I think him breaking up with me was the best decision ever." You furrowed your brows, really confused.

"What? Why? I though you two were happy together." Dakota nodded. "I was happy. But I also saw how unhappy you were. A-and it made me realize... Just how much I wanted to make you happy because you make me happy." You couldn't say anything but just looked at them with surprise. "Can I... Can I kiss you?" You asked quietly. Dakota laughed and nodded, pulling you into a kiss.

Your hands decided to test the waters a bit and you gently ran a hand through the soft fur that coat their leg. They shivered and gripped onto your shirt, leaning into the kiss more. You pulled away and let your hand linger on their thigh. "Did... Did you really mean it when you said that you liked me more knowing I was a Satyr?" You blushed and laughed awkwardly while looking away. "Yeah... I didn't realize I said that out loud."

Dakota let out a gentle laugh and pulled you into a tight hug. "Let's take a nap, I'm tired after crying so much..." You nodded and kissed their neck softly as the two of you laid down.

"Please stay by my side."

I originally started this one shot at the paragraph that starts at "Your body stood ridgid with shock." so sorry if everything above it seemed weird-

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1890

#male reader #monster x male reader #male monster x reader #x male reader #monster male x male reader #monster male #m4m #mxm #satyr x male reader

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alovesthis · 3 years

Text

Safe (Sam Winchester x Reader)

Summary: You go missing one night after leaving the bunker for some errands, and the boys try their best to find you. After being held by demons for a few days, you find your way out and suddenly you show up back at the bunker safe and sound. The boys arrive back and they find you. This makes Sam realize that he can't hide his feelings forever.

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Little Angst, Friends To Lovers, Fluff

There wasn't many things you hated in this world, you never hated anyone or anything because that wasn't who you were. Even as a hunter you tried your best not to let hatred consume you but those damn demons were something else.

Two nights ago you were out grabbing things for the bunker for yourself and the guys. Normally Sam would join you, his way to get some alone time with you and maybe try to admit his growing feelings he's been feeling for you for quite some time now. But you told him you needed alone time for the day, explaining that when you get back the two of you could find something to do. You were out all day and Sam started to get anxious until Dean tried to tell him you were probably just driving around taking some time off.

You held on that night you escaped and killed some of the demons the best you could considering all the damage they caused. Bruises almost everywhere from the fights, cuts from their knives on your face and neck everything hurt. The words they said to you hit right home and the thought of them finding the boys -- hurting Sam? You couldn't stomach having Sam being torn away from you. It made you angry that you didn't let Sam come with you that day because maybe if he did you wouldn't be in this mess.

But Dean was totally wrong. You ran into some trouble with two demons which at first you thought you could handle, but that was until till a dozen had attacked you. They did awful things to you to try and get to the Winchesters but you wouldn't budge, they were your family now and nothing could ever make you risk their safety. You did and said this confidently as you knew that they would do anything for you, Sam would do anything and everything to keep you safe.

After running far enough from wherever you were, you found a car and stole it - thanks to Sam teaching you how to hot wire one. Figuring out where you last were you then made it back to the bunker, but once you walked down those steel steps you called out for Sam but no one answered. No Dean and no Cas either.

For those two days that felt never ending to Sam, he never stopped looking and neither did Dean. His fear was slowly becoming real and to lose you meant that he would never get the chance to tell you he's in love with you. To lose you meant he'd never be okay with himself knowing he couldn't save you. This weight he was carrying now wasn't doing him good and Dean had to try and console him and get his head back right and focus on finding you safe.

You hated the fact that they were probably doing everything they could to try and save you during a time where so much was going on. Before you were taken that night, the boys and you were trying to solve yet another major issues along with going on hunts. Dealing with Metaron, the fall of Angels and helping Cas all while making sure Sam was okay after his death and being possessed by Gadreel.

The issues you and the boys encountered the last five years together was endless, but the thing you noticed is that no one was ever alone and you all tried your best to keep each other safe.

Between you and Sam there were constant promises and reassurances that went further than just friends -- it meant something deeper to the both of you, but telling yourselves that and trying to communicate those feelings with actual words were hard.

There was nothing, thanks to the demons who cleaned and cover their tracks, to be able to track you down. Cas answered Sam, but his strength was not good lately considering he didn't have much grace in him. Dean convinced Sam to get back to the bunker for the night and get his head together before going back out to find you, but when they returned Sam was relieved.

The night you came back after escaping the demons your strength was at a low for the first time in a while. It was exhausting being a hunter, but now practically being a Winchester it meant no sleep especially dealing with the Angels hunting Cas down after they fell.

You tried to walk to one of the chairs in the library but failed and ended up falling into a wall and sliding down, sitting restlessly against it trying to hold yourself up. After what felt like hours of antagonizing pain and going in and out, the bunker door opens and heavy footsteps come down the steel steps.

You hear Sam call out your name and you slowly lift your head, eyes still clenched close in pain as you tried to call out for him but instead let out a wincing groan filled with your cries.

"Hey, hey what happened?" Dean voice echos through the bunker in a panic as he follows Sam in the library.

"Dean go get the first aid, I got her."

Sam falls the ground and carefully engulfs you into his arms as he places a hand on your face, tears beginning to from in his eyes. He observes your body to check for any life threatening wounds, but only finds the bruises and cuts. His hand slides up your face gently as it stops by your jawline, his thumb softly rubbing a part of your cheek that doesn't have a cut.

"We were looking everywhere for you, we were trying our best."

"It's okay," you speak softly. "I'm here now and I'm so damn exhuasted."

"What happened," he stutters, "who did this?"

You stare up at him and notice his face scrunched up, eyebrows furrowed in and a tear trailing down his cheek.

"Those," you begin to tremble, "those fucking demons. They knew everything about you and Dean and somehow me too. The things they said and did to try and get me to turn on you, I wouldn't let them come here."

"You should've told them-"

"And then what? Get you and your brother killed?"

"They could've tried." Sam sadly chuckles. "You're hurt and this is because-"

"Don't you dare say because of you. That's the oldest excuse in the book."

"I know but if I lost you, I don't know what I'd do with myself. I can't imagine you not being here anymore."

"If you did, you'd have to let me go. That's how are life is, that's what happens."

"Stop."

Sam leans forward and lets his lips linger on your forehead for what felt like forever. You crack a smile as you begin to think how worried he was for you, how he was sorry that he wasn't there for you that day. His hand rests on the side of your neck and he sighs.

"Sam, I'm not dying." You grip his hand and squeeze. "Just a little hurt. Nothing can stop me as you can tell."

You try to lighten the mood even though you were in pain both physically and mentally. His lips lift up in a smile but quickly turns into a frown as he pulls you more into his arms, not wanting to let you go just yet. He stares into your eye then flashes to all the wounds you had got from the last two days. Out of all the cases you've been on this was different. He'd seen you hurt before and vice versa, but this time it wasn't on a case and this was the first time you'd ever been taken by someone -- by demons.

"Everything just hurts." You look into his eyes. "I want to kill them all for what they did to me, what they tried to do."

"It's okay you're back home now." Sam whispers. "You're here with me, you're safe. We'll get you fixed up then Dean and I will find them."

You reach out to stop him from moving as you move your hand on top of his to reach up to his face. For a moment your glossy eyes focus on each others as if you both wanted to say something more after a life threatening moment you had. But the words you wanted to say didn't come out as you were struck with nerves running through your stomach. Sam tilts his head in wonder as your thumb swipes from his cheek and just runs over the corners of his lip.

"Not yet," you reply. "Can we just stay here like this for a little longer?"

Sam lets out a laugh as he furrows his brows, "I gotta get you fixed up."

"Just... hold me for a sec."

"Yeah," Sam says.

Sam adjusts himself so that his back leans against the wall with you in his lap, the two of you resting together as Dean is off getting the medical supplies and other things for him and Sam to take care of you. You were beginning to think that maybe Dean had been purposely taking time to get the medical supplies to leave the two of you alone, but you shrugged it off with thinking that Dean (and even Sam) had no clue about your feelings for Sam.

"Yeah," he repeats, "we can stay here for a sec." He leans down and kisses your forehead that is currently pounding with a headache and you close tour eyes at the warmth that begins to spread in your body.

Two days had gone by and the boys had left you to rest as they checked in on you from time to time. Cas had came by to apologize for you and offered to help find those damn demons and hunt them down. Dean had popped in now and then to make sure you were alright, and to let you know that Sam was too. But you noticed, in just the two days, he started coming to your room less and less. And today, you hadn't seen him at all.

“Dean?”

"You alright?"

"Where's Sam?" You furrow your brows as you sit up in your bed. "I haven't seen him since yesterday...please don't tell me he went to hunt down-"

"No, no," dean shakes his head, "he's here. I think he just blames himself for what happened to you. He cares a whole damn lot for you."

"He does?"

"Have you not noticed the way he stares at you every time you walk in a room? All the time you two nerds hang out together with a pile of books?"

You start to blush and think back to all the times Sam and you would be alone in the bunker. Obviously the moment since you met these boys, there was something about Sam that made you feel all giddy inside with butterflies fluttering throughout your stomach and your mind going a mile a minute with thinking about him.

You didn't realize that Sam could possibly have those feelings for you, but you also didn't think that Sam could blame himself for things that can go wrong with things he has no control over. But here you were listening to Dean tell you things that should be obvious to you about Sam.

"Where is he?"

Dean raises his brows and smirks, "Ah so you're gonna be the one to tell him how you feel?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," you try to hide your smile as you stand up from your bed. "I'm going to tell him that none of this is his fault and he should't be hiding from me."

Dean just laughs and leans against your wall in your room.

"So, are you going to tell me where he is?"

"His room, kid."

"Thank you, ass."

You roll your eyes and chuckle as you leave your room with Dean following behind, then telling you he'd be drinking away and stuffing his pie hole with some food. As you walk to Sam's room you stop for a moment and breathe through some of the pain you feel along with the butterflies that spark within your body. Raising your hand to his door you knock lightly a few times and walk in slowly.

Sam sits on his bed with his laptop on his legs, squinting at the screen in front of him before he lifts his head up and straightening out his back once he notices you're the one who knocked.

"Hey," you enter his room after knocking, "can I come sit?"

He nods his head and moves his legs off his bed to make room for you.

"How are you feeling?"

"The painkillers Dean gave me worked like magic, but I think they're wearing off. Still feeling eh."

Sam looks glances away from you and to the floor trying to avoid your eyes.

"Sam, it's not your fault what happened to me." You grab his hand and hold it, making sure he knows you're being serious. "This life we live, shit like this is bound to happen. And don't you go ahead and start saying it's because of you being a Winchester. I live here with you guys, I feel like I'm practically one."

Sam's head tilts in your direction and smiles with empathy as he nods.

"I know you're telling me it's not my fault but please believe me when I say I do everything I can to keep you safe because I really do care about you."

"I know Sam, I care about you and Dean too. Caring isn't a crime."

"No, no more than what you think." He stutters as he looks away again like he's nervous. His hand pulls away from yours and you start to think you over stepped despite what he just said. It stays quiet between you and him as you wait patiently for Sam to sort out his thoughts. His eyebrows are pulled as if he's struggling with something.

"Sam?"

"I've been trying...I've just," Sam continues to stutter over his words and you realize he's not focusing on what he's trying to talk to you, his nerves are starting to get the best of him.

Before he continues to talk, you reach over to his hand again and hold it as your other hand gently glides back and forth the other side of his hand.

"It's okay." You reassure him. "Are you...okay?"

He takes a deep breath and still keeps his eyes on the floor, "for a long time now every time you walk in a room, my heart stops at how beautiful you are...my friend. And that scares me so much to feel the way I do about someone I care a lot for and those feelings could easily mess everything we have all up."

You heart begins to thump harder against your chest as you listen.

Sam lets out a breath, "and to have lost you the other day, I thought I might've lost you forever. I thought I'd never get the chance to tell you how much I want to keep you safe. How much- how much I..."

He pauses and suddenly turns his body so that it's almost completely facing you on his bed, trying to muster the courage to tell you everything he feels for you.

"Look," he whispers your name and takes a gulp of air, "I thought you were gone forever and I thought about how I never got the chance to tell you how I much I love you."

"Oh..." You stare in awe as he looks up at you, trying to take his hand away from you as he starts to think this was a mistake. Flickering your eyes down at Sam trying to pull away, you pull on them and make him look at you.

"I can't believe you're telling me this." You admit.

"It's okay if you don't-"

"And what if I do?" You question as your left hand raises to rest on the side of his face as he closes his eyes and lets a hopeful smile form. "Sam, I've fallen in love with you a long time ago."

His ears perk up as he moves closer to you again as his thigh sits dangerously close to yours, his arm awkwardly wrapping around your waist. He lets out a scoff as he pulls his arm away from you, not sure how this was going to go. After all, he was so damn nervous even if you did just tell him you felt the same way. In this life, neither of you were lucky or fortunate enough to really go for it -- for love.

"You do?"

"Yeah I do, I love you Sam."

You watch him move his arm around you then quickly retracts as he rests it back into his lap, making you smile at his awkwardness. He just made a move on you with telling you how he felt and now he tried to make another, but his nerves got the best of him. So you decided to make the move for him, it was the least you could do despite being just as nervous as him.

Reaching out to him your hand lands on his jaw and the other on his neck, pulling him forward eagerly. The two of you stare at each other, Sam is surprised by your movements but follows along as you place your lips right on his, forcing both of your eyes shut. He moves into the kiss as he finally uses his arm to wrap around your waist and pulls you closer to him, wanting to kiss you longer as he becomes infatuated by the invisible sparks going off.

Kissing him had made it feel like the things around you were starting to blur into oblivion, and that the only things that were existing in the moment were you and Sam. Your hand on his face leaves to join the one that's wrapped around his neck as you kiss him deeper, your tongue swiping across his bottom lip to make another move.

You hear a low moan coming from Sam as he practically pulls you into him on his lap but not quite, as his mouth opens and now his tongue is the one to swipe across your lip. In sync both of your mouths open and your tongues begin to dance with and against each other.

Before it would go any further you pull your tongue away and he follows and you move away off his lips, still lingering just centimeters away. Your eyes open and you stare at each other for a few seconds until you kiss him once more.

You pull away and breathlessly chuckle, "well damn, if this is how I knew you felt I would've let demons take me much sooner."

You try and joke until Sam's arms wrap around your waist and practically pulls you onto his lap. His forehead rests on yours and he bites his lip.

"Don't joke like that." You hear him say.

"I'm sorry." You breathlessly laugh. "I'm here now, safe. It's all going to be fine as long as I'm here with you."

Sam pulls you into him as he leans back embracing you into his side as you both fall onto his bed cuddling into each other.

“I thought you were gone for good," Sam begins to speak. "I know this life isn't easy and we can't protect everyone, but I would do anything for you because I love you."

“You know I'd do anything for you too." You lean up and kiss him on his cheek right on the corner of his mouth. "Now come on big guy, let's get going. We've got a lot of work do."

You try and get up but his arms pull you back into him and you let out a laugh. He looks at you lovingly as his hand reaches down to the side of your face and smiles.

"Can we just stay here like this for a little longer?" He repeats your words from a few days ago, making your heart swell up and blush as your cheeks heat up.

"Yeah," you nod and kiss his lips gently then resting your head on his chest, "yeah we can."

There is not enough sam love in the world of fanfics and I'm a Dean girl LOL hope you enjoyed 🥺

my works like this one can be found on:

AO3- womanwhowritesformany

Wattpad- A-TWDSPN-Love

and this tumblr!

#supernatural #SPN #SPN 9 #supernatural season 9 #one shot #SPN oneshot #SPN one shot #Sam winchester #Sam #sam oneshot #Sam winchester one shot #Sam x reader #Sam winchester x reader #reader #fanfic

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aria-laughs · 3 years

Text

Real talk..(needed to vent, feel free to not read this if you don't like long rants)

When i was 11 years old i had already been through my fair share of crap. Coming from a "broken" home with little money, a depressed mother and an absent father. At that time i remember being bullied as a biproduct of my sister stoping one of her classmates (a 13 year old girl) from traveling half accross the contry to meet her 19 year old boyfriend who she'd met online for the first time.. under the pretence that she was traveling to visit my dad with my big sister. This all ended with the police stoping the train and picking the girl up before she reached her destination and everyone didn't have to suffer through the ordeal with a minor being raped or worse by a yound adult in a strange city..anyway. when the summer ended and we (me and my two siblings) gor back home, all these rumors spread about us and school became tricky. I got used to it tho, i had my friends and i quickly learned to keep close to teachers whenever i was alone. At the home front my mom became sick and the kids got a lot of grown up responsibilities. It was okay too.. kids get used to a lot, and today im a wizz in the kitchen and i clean with the best of them.

My mother had a temper, and would hit us when we did something wrong. I remember trying to cover for my siblings as much as possible, trying to shield them from the worst of it. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE my mother. She's been through hell and her sroty is worse than anything i've ever heard of. I understand what happened when i grew up and i love her because she allways did her best.. but i haven't forgiven her for making my home unsafe. At 11 years old one of my teachets notised that i had a hard time with my schoolwork. They couldn't get me to focus on my work and i was distracted by anything. I remember the letters mixing up as i read, and it became impossible to do my homework because no one could see the letters moving like i could. The teached contacted my mom and my stepfather and told them he'd talk to a specialist about me maybe having ADHD. The next week my mom dropped me off at the specialist and i got tested in every subject known to man. As usuall i exelled at language, history and music. But everything else was a bit off, i remember hearing him telling my mom that it couldn't be HDHD because my memory was too good. But refered her to a doctor for more tests. The ordeal took another week before my mother came to pick me up at lunch one day and told me we had to go to the hospital.

I had a thyroid condition that firsly was almost non-exsistent, and secoundly was unheard of in someone my age. They took blood, and sent me to get an MR and CT. When all the tests came back, we got the good news that i wouldn't die if they treated it quickly. But since i was still waiting for normal bodyparts to arrive, and hadn't gone through puberty yet.. he had no idea where to start. I don't remember the name of the medication, but i remember taking 15 a day. 5 in the morning, 5 when i got home from school and 5 before bed. I took them and 39 minutes later i was sprinting to the bathroom puking my guts out. This obviously didn't work in the long run and by the end of it i was so skinny you could see my teeth through my cheeks. They changed my meds and i stopped with the hurling. Instead i gained about 30 kg in the first 6 months and looked like a beach ball on legs. And as a kid being bullied, this wasn't that fun. Let me remind you that this had been going on for a while and tho my mom did what she could.. the was depressed and didn't see how bad it got for me and all the responsibilities i had at home made me dissapear in the day-to-day of it all. Alone and scared as the bullying became physical I panicked and stoped taking my meds, and all my symptoms came back. I would sleep for 14 hours and wake up exhausted. I'd go full days without getting hungry and i'd get moodswings and get real clumsy. My family got used to this and the symptoms stoped being symptoms and started being "just me".

So now i'd wake up and have to care for my siblings, go to school without lunch for myself because i had to make it for my siblings, or forgetting to shower because i had to remind my brother to do it. I get off the buss and get my ass kicked on my way to the classroom. Some days i'd get through it and come home to start dinner for my family, and other times the bullying sent me to the ER to get stitched up (i didn't have to make dinner on those days). This happened often enough that the doctor knew me by my first name, and instead of "how did you hurt yourself?) I'd get "Again!? When the nurses came to get me. One day i slept for 16 hours and my mother confronted me about my weightloss and asked if i'd been taking my meds. I came clean and a few hours at the doctors office and one frustrating car ride later. I'd promissed to take my pills again, but by that point i had ruined my body enough to never get better. So at 15 years old the doctors decided that they'd treat my thyroid with radioactive iodine. This worked great and killed the thyroid gland, making me dependend on meds for the rest of my life.

For anyone who don't know, the thyroid gland is responsible for your bodys metabolism. This means everything... your metabolism is a part of every funktion of every organ in your entire body, tho we usually think about how fast you burn fat because this is what we see on the outside.

We did our best, and we got through it. I had a safe place with my best friend and his family. And i'd escape there as often as i could. His mother would remind me to take my meds, she'd let me shower at their place and when she realised that i never ate at school she started packing lunch for me to send with her son every day.

I don't think i'd survive and be the person i am today without them. I remember the day i finally told them what was going on at home when i grew up, at this point i had grown up and moved away from home. I had started opening up to people i trusted and understood the power of talking about my problems. i never ment it as a "why didn't you see".. im thankful for my life, even the bad pars, but i needed them to know how much they saved me. To understand how much i love them all. I'll keep their reactions to myself, but i'll tell you that i have never felt more treasured in my life.

I was 22 years old the first time someone told me that I never deserved the abuse at home. I was 25 years old when i told my mother i forgave her for the physical stuff, but that i couldn't forgive her for stealing my feeling of home and safety. And i was today years old when i wrote it down for anyone to see.

I've been taking my meds for about 17 years now, but I have yet to actually get a normal metabolism. My last stunt was that i suddenly didn't need that much medicine so my metabolism speed up to lifethreatening speed and i had to endure panic attacks, dizziness, lack of consentration and shaking so bad that i almost quit school and almost sent me into a brainfailure (yes thats a thing) over the summer. My doctors paniced and reduced my meds so much that i didn't get nearly enough. This ended with me loosing weight, not eating, shaking, being sick and passing out all over the place, and almost sent me into a life threatening coma as my body overcompensated for the loss of thyroid hormones. My dad said something i've never heard my family say before. We were eating dinner last weekend and i was having a bad day when he told me "its painful to watch you struggle like this". And i almost cried, this was the first time in forever that a parent told me that they see me. And now i'm finally starting to get back to where im used to.

I have skipped a lot of stuff that happened. Some things i don't think i'll ever talk about, and some things that are too personal or too painful or too stupid to write down. But i needed to work through the new stuff, to reflecr back and to realise how close i came to loosing my life again this year. How lucky i am that i not only held on for dear life, but that with all the crap i felt. All the sickness and panic and everything. I managed to finish this semester at school. I managed to survive again, and im 6 months away from reaching my goal of allways being able to help when im needed. I am so proud of myself for getting to where i am today. And im so thankful!!

#my story #its a long one #im strong #i smile #student #nurselife #im okay

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saturn-space-squid · 5 years

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Whumptober Prompt #1: shaky hands

A/N: so I've never posted any writing on here, but I loveeeee whump so I wanted to participate in Whumptober this year. This fic is for miraculous ladybug and takes place right after Miracle queen so if you haven't seen it prepare for spoilers. I might make a second part to this if you guys want it, but for now please enjoy!

Chloe looks between her parents, their smiles and the look of love in their eyes is something she wanted her whole childhood, yet now that it was happening it made her enraged. She yelled in frustration before storming past them and up to her room. None of this was fair, she could've had what she wanted this whole time, but now things weren't going how she wanted.

She begins to pick up different objects and throw them around her room, continuously yelling out curses and her frustrations. Why couldn't anything she planned go her way? Even when her plans were arranged the way she wanted they never felt genuine, she just wanted people to love her for who she was, but she also didn't want to get hurt anymore.

Chloe paused as she spotted the homemade Queen Bee costume on the floor, the one her and Sabrina use while playing. She stomped over, picking up the stretchy fabric and attempted to rip it. When the fabric refused to tear she grabbed a pair of scissors and started cutting and tearing until there were scraps of yellow and black fabric all over the floor. Her eyes began to sting as she sunk to the floor, picking up some of the pieces.

She needed to talk to Ladybug, she didn't really mean what she said, she was just so frustrated and no one had ever taught her how to deal with frustration or really with any of her emotions. She picked up her phone and looked at her contacts, noticing how few she actually had when it came to real friends. She considered calling Sabrina, but decided against that when another name caught her eye.

She let out a small whimper as she clicked on the call button. It had been a while since they talked and she began to wonder if they were even friends anymore.

"Chloe?" Chloe chuckled shakily, relieved he had even picked up his phone. "Chloe, are you okay?"

"Adrien…" Chloe let out another small sob before putting the phone down, breathing deeply to control herself. After a few seconds she put the device back to her ear. "Chloe, are you still there?"

"Yeah, sorry about that. Adrien I need…I need to talk with Ladybug…" She felt ashamed for talking about this, Adrien must have seen the news, he must hate her, he has to know what she did, there's no way he doesn't know.

"Chloe, are you sure you're okay?" Adrien asks after a moment of silence. Chloe can feel herself losing control again, she needs to be quick.

"I'm fine, can you just ask that Alya girl if she has a way to contact Ladybug?" She says a little too sharply. She sighs again. "Please?"

"Sure, Chloe. You know, if you aren't okay you can talk to me about it right?" Chloe laughs lightly.

"Thanks, Adrien." She hung up before he could even say goodbye.

Chloe was on her way to class before Alya approached her in the locker room and stopped her, a glare piercing through Chloe.

"Adrien said you wanted to talk to Ladybug. What I want to know is why you think you even have the right to ever speak to Ladybug again?" Alya crosses her arms, the glare still there.

Chloe felt anger boiling up even though she knew Alya was right. "It's none of your business why I want to talk to her. Just tell her to meet me at the Eiffel tower tomorrow." Alya looks both angry and amused.

"No, Chloe. I'm not going to tell Ladybug anything. I don't know if you remember this, but I was there when you attacked Ladybug. I saw the aftermath and I saw the news recording of the part of the fight I don't remember. You betrayed Ladybug, you betrayed Paris. I'm not going to let you hurt her again or anyone again, so I'm saying no, you won't be seeing Ladybug." Chloe could feel despair crushing her as she stared at Alya.

Alya scoffed before she walked out of the locker room, leaving Chloe all by herself. Chloe could feel a sudden chill spread through her body as it trembled. No, she can't break down at school, that's unacceptable. She walked towards the back of the room and sat on the floor against the lockers as she felt herself suffocating.

She couldn't breathe, her vision went fuzzy and blurry with tears. This was ridiculous, she had thought all of this before, why was she freaking out? She felt like she was out of her body, unable to control herself she kept hyperventilating and shaking. She stared at her hands and how they quivered, before clenching them into fists, feeling the frustration boost her anxiety.

Suddenly a door opened loudly and there was a sound of running and muttering about being late. Chloe tried to cover her mouth so she couldn't be heard by the passing girl, but it was too late.

Marinette peeked around the corner with worry etched on her face until she saw Chloe, the worry turning to confusion. Chloe put her face in her hands, hoping Marinette would just leave her alone and pretend this didn't happen, and at first it seemed like Marinette considered that option, before she slowly approached Chloe.

"Chloe?" Chloe tried curling in on herself tighter, her numb hands holding her legs to her chest. Chloe can feel Marinette sit next to her and she flinches.

"Chloe, you need to breathe…" Marinette says in a hushed voice as she reaches out and puts a hand on her arm. Chloe nearly cries at the physical affection, even if it's from someone she doesn't really like. Marinette softly rubs Chloe's arm as she continues talking, but Chloe can't focus on that, because she's too focused on the comforting feeling she gets from Marinette.

Chloe eventually pulls her face from her hands as she looks at Marinette, suddenly extremely embarrassed as she realizes how sweaty her hands are and how puffy her eyes probably look. Marinette still looks unsure, but she offers a small smile.

"Are you okay now? I didn't know you had anxiety." Marinette says in a normal voice, a hint of guilt in her voice. Chloe nods, trying to find her voice, her body still shaking slightly.

"I know you don't like me that much, if at all." Marinette starts. "But if you need someone to talk to about this stuff, you can talk to me. I have panic attacks too." Chloe's eyes widen.

"You do? You always seem pretty put together, didn't think you'd have much to be anxious about." Chloe pauses as she realised she just confessed her inner thoughts, Marinette looks at her, surprised.

"I have a lot of stress, I like doing a lot of things at once and sometimes I'm not able to handle it all. I also have a lot of responsibilities that can be really stressful." Marinette smiles at Chloe.

"Do you want to talk about what's making you so anxious?" Chloe looks down and nods.

"I want to talk to Ladybug. I need to tell her how I really feel, that I didn't mean some of the things I said." Chloe looks at Marinette, scared she'll start judging her like everyone else.

Marinette nods and stands up, offering her hand to Chloe. "I can contact her for you. I trust you have good intentions with this so I'm sure she'll agree to see you." Chloe takes Marinette's hand and stands, smiling genuinely.

"Thank you…" Chloe takes out a piece of paper and scribbles something down, before handing it to Marinette. "Give her this when you see her...please." Marinette looks surprised, before nodding and smiling.

"I'm glad we got to talk like this, Chloe."

"I am too…"

#whumptober2019 #no.1 #miraculous ladybug #writing #miracle queen #chloe bourgeois #marinette dupain cheng #fanfic #fanfiction #story #anxiety #whump

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