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justanotherwinchester69 · 6 years

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Love, Castiel

Request: Nada. I stayed up until midnight writing an outline of this story so I wouldn’t forget it.

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Word Count: 3021

Warnings: Language, thoughts/attempted attempt of suicide

A/N: Lemme just say, I hope you like this and I’m sorry it’s been so looooooong since I wrote!

“Hey Y/N. I’m going out to the store. Want me to pick anything up for you?” Cas said, popping into your shared bedroom.

“Well, maybe those mini Cadbury eggs. The ones I always get around Easter!” You replied, smiling, and completely unsuspecting.

“Alright. I’ll see you in a few. Have Sam and Dean called yet? They were on their way back a few hours ago.”

“No, but I’ll tell you if they do. See you later!” You waved, going back to your book. If only you had known then.

Now, Cas was stumbling into the bunker, trying to avoid you at all costs. Of course, a wounded angel isn’t that hard to see, nor hard to hear. You come running out of the bedroom and over to Cas. “What happened?” You ask, frantically trying to stop the bleeding. Truthfully, there wasn’t that much, but anytime someone other than you got hurt, the amount of blood multiplied by twelve.

“I’m fine, Y/N, really. I just need to clean them up.”

“Cas, they aren’t healing, meaning these had to have been made by an angel blade. What happened?”

“Demons,” He groaned out, you putting some peroxide on a particularly nasty cut.

“You can’t even go to the store without getting attacked,” You curse.

“About that-“ Cas began, but was interrupted.

“Hey Y/N! Cas, looks like those demons really got you!” Dean exclaims. “Maybe you and Y/N need us to come on hunts with you after all!”

“A hunt?” You ask, suddenly extremely angry.

“Y/N, I-“

“You didn’t take Y/N on the hunt?” Sam asks, setting down a bag.

“Take me on it? He didn’t even tell me about it, instead blatantly lying about it,” You growl.

Sam and Dean look at each other before leaving you two alone in the library.

“Y/N, I’m so-“

“What? You’re sorry? You lied to me about this!” You yell, throwing your hands in the air.

“Well, I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t so reckless!” He spits back, glaring.

“You didn’t even tell me you were going on a hunt! You lied and said you were heading out to the store! The store!”

“You would’ve insisted on coming with had I had told you!”

“Obviously you needed it!” You gesture towards his cuts.

“What, so I bring you along to take the hits instead? Because that’s real smart,” He snarls.

“And going alone was?” You growl, flaring your nostrils.

“Well, it’s better than bringing you along just so you can jump right in the way of a knife or a bullet!”

“Fuck you, Cas!” You yell, causing his eyes to widen in surprise, but then narrow in anger. “I can’t even trust you right now! You lied to me about a hunt! What else are you lying about?”

“Like you haven’t lied about where you’ve went,” He spits.

“No, I haven’t. Not to you, Cas. If I said I was going to the store, I went to the god damn store!”

“Yeah, and when you go on a hunt you’re bound to get hurt!”

“I can make my own decisions, Castiel. It’s my fucking life and if I want to go on a hunt, that’s my choice!” You snarl.

“Well, I’m sorry if I’m trying to protect you,” He shouts, kicking a chair.

“Protect me? You lied to me! What if you were to have died? Your lie almost cost you your life Castiel. I’m sorry if I’m reckless, but going on that hunt alone was as well, so stop being a hypocritical ass!”

“Hypocritical? You want to talk about hypocritical? Lies you’ve told Sam and Dean have almost cost you your life!” He growls, shoving his finger in your chest.

“Oh! So we’re going there! That was my fucking choice and you know it! So how about you go to fucking Hell!” You scream, storming off to the bedroom.

“Oh I did, honey! I dragged your ass out of there!” He yells after you. You kick the door, yelling in frustration at the memory of your time in Hell with Dean. And then, that night comes to you. You sit down on your bed, tears flooding your eyes. You see Cas’s trench coat and you grab it, curling up with it as the floodgates open.

“Hey guys! I’m going out. Do you need anything?” You asked, keeping your emotions under control.

“Where are you going?” Dean asked, turning to look at you. You quickly came up with a lie.

“Um, I have a date!” You smiled weakly.

“A date? I thought you were-“ Sam started, but you cut him off.

“I am, but I need to get over him Sammy,” You whispered, more towards yourself than to them.

“Well, have fun on your date!” Dean said, waving. “Should we expect you back tonight?” He asked with a wink.

“If things go right, then no,” You winked back. They had no idea of the meaning behind those words.

You left, walking for miles, until you found it. You sat down, legs dangling over the edge of the cliff, fits clenching and unclenching in your lap. You tossed a rock over the edge and counted how long it took. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, splash! Seven seconds. It really was a long way down. You think back to everything you’ve been feeling. The anger, the sadness, and the overwhelming surge of feeling like a mistake.

You thought back to your last hunt when you had been the cause of the witch’s escape. You thought back to the time before that when you accidently shot Dean in the shoulder. And the time before that when Sam had to carry you out of the warehouse because you got knocked out trying to stop a demon from hurting Castiel. You thought back to every hunt and all you saw was you messing up and letting the people you cared about get hurt. You let the tears stream down your face as the thoughts to jump off urged you to stand up and just… go.

You went to scoot of the edge when you heard his voice. “I knew I could find you hear.”

You turned around, looking at the angel you loved so much. “Cas,” You whispered.

“I remember you telling me how much you loved the place,” He said, sitting down next to you. You watched in silence as he grabbed your hand in his, and looked up. “You said how relaxing it was, especially during the night, when you could see all the stars. You then went on to tell me how much the stars meant to you.” He looked at you, and wiped the tears off your cheeks. “Have I ever told you about the creation of the creation of the stars?”

“No,” You whispered, looking up to the sky, upset that you let him see you cry.

“Gabriel and I made them. I felt really special, you know? My big brother and I doing something so important. He told me that he chose me to help him because I was different, my point of view was. He told me that our Father recommended my help, because the stars would mean something more to me one day, something more than just stars. I didn’t know what he meant, until not too long ago.”

“Why do they mean so much to you now?” You asked, smiling softly at his recollection.

“Because they mean something to someone very important to me,” He whispered, wrapping his free arm around your waist, pulling you into his side. “I love you, Y/N. I know I haven’t showed it, but I’m scared of my emotions. As an angel, they hit me hard, and my fear of losing you hit harder.”

More tears began to fall, and he pulled you tighter to him. “How’d you know?” You asked, voice breaking. He held up the note you sat on your bed, knowing the boys would check there in the morning. “Oh,” You whispered, looking down.

“I went to tell you everything and instead of seeing you on your bed, I saw this. I asked the boys where you went and when they said you went on a date…” He trailed off. “Please come back with me. You may not think so, but we would miss you, I would miss you, more than words can express.” You looked up, seeing tears forming in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” You cried, looking down. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I just-. I can barely even wake up in the morning, Cas. I don’t feel like I can do anything anymore. What if I mess up again and it costs someone their life? I just couldn’t live with that. I can’t live with that.”

“You won’t have to, not alone at least. Please just come back. Please?” He begged. “I’m not sure I could live with myself if you didn’t.” He lifted your chin and looked into your eyes. “Please, Y/N?”

“Okay,” You whispered. He pulled you into a hug, and for once, you felt everything go away. All the pain, all the hurt. Everything.

You wouldn’t tell him, but the only thing you want at the moment is him to be there, not his coat. You look over at the alarm clock. 5:32 pm. You sigh, realizing you have been crying for over an hour. You sit up when you hear paper rustling from by the door. Looking over, you saw a folded note sticking out from underneath the door. You walk over and pick it up, sitting on your bed to read it.

My dearest Y/N,

You probably want to be left alone, so I won’t go in there. I asked Dean and Sam how to apologize and Sam came up with the idea to write these letters to you. I don’t know if you’ll like them, but I wanted to do something. I hate it when you’re upset, and I hate it even more when I’m the cause.

I am so very sorry, Y/N. I know I shouldn’t have lied to you nor yelled at you like I did. You have every right to be upset, but I wish you weren’t and I wish I could take it all back. You mean the world to me. I shouldn’t have said the things I did, nor brought up the things in the past. It was so very wrong of me. Please forgive me. I love you Y/N.

Love,

Castiel.

You sit there, tears welling up in your eyes. You smile, sadly, loving his handwriting. You want so badly to forgive him but you couldn’t let it go, no matter how bad you wanted him to be right next to you. Instead of running to find him, you lay back down, curling up with his trench coat. About twenty minutes later, you hear the same rustling sound, and turn to see another letter. You go grab it and sit down to read it.

My Dearest Y/N,

I wanted to let you know that I made dinner. I don’t know if it tastes good or not, all I can taste are the molecules, but if it doesn’t I can make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I remember those as highly satisfactory. We are the only ones in the bunker. You don’t have to come get anything if you don’t want to, but it’s there if you want. Now, for the more important part.

Y/N, I love you so much. You might not believe me currently, but I do. The way your h/l, h/c hair flows so perfectly, and even after you wake up. I love the way your eyes light up when you see a child, and the way those children love you. Your smile when around them is beautiful. I love the way you sing in the shower when you think nobody is there.

I love how your e/c eyes sparkle when Sam and Dean make up from a fight. I love how you help them make up. I love how you seem to lighten up any room you are in. I love how you try your hardest in everything you do. I love how you try to atone for your mistakes. I love how you admit when you’re wrong. I love how you’ll stand up for yourself. I love how stubborn you are, even if it’s against me.

I love how you care about everyone close to you. I love how you go out of your way to make someone’s day, even if that means you skip your turn on movie night. I love the way your eyes and nose crinkle when you laugh. I love the blush that colors your cheeks when I complement you, like they probably are now.

I love you.

Love,

Castiel.

You sat there, blush still coloring your cheeks, which only caused you to blush more, knowing that Castiel knew you so well. You felt like you should go to the kitchen, go hug Cas, tell him you were sorry for everything, that you overreacted, and so much more. Maybe it was sheer stubbornness, or maybe it was trepidation, but you just curl back into a ball and cry some more.

You pull out your phone, trying to sooth yourself with some music. Hoping Dean isn’t around, you play your recording of him singing Lynard Skynard’s “Simple Man”. You smile, remembering how long it took you to convince him to teach you how to play it on guitar, especially hearing him play it. He’s the one playing on the recording, but at the time, you were watching, learning.

You almost jump when you hear another letter come through. You smile to yourself, realizing how much you wanted another letter. You stand up, wiping a stray tear, and pick up the letter. Sitting down on the bed, you begin to read the letter, tears continuing to fall. Is it even humanly possible to cry this much?

My dearest Y/N,

I don’t know if you’ve read the first or second letter I wrote, and if you didn’t, this one won’t be read either. If you are reading this, I want to continue saying how sorry I am. I know I shouldn’t have lied to you and I am so sorry. I just love you so much.

If you’re cuddling my trench coat, like you usually do when I forget my coat in there, then look in my pocket. The first two things should be pictures I had Sam print for me. There should be the one of us by the lake we went to on the anniversary of our first year of dating. The other is a picture I took when you weren’t paying attention. You were so beautiful that I couldn’t resist.

The third thing should be my cell phone. If you turn it on, the first thing you should be is my background. It’s the picture you sent me when I told you how much I wished I could be there to kiss you goodnight and hold you all night long. I keep it there for whenever I’m away.

Y/N, I love you more than any words could ever express. I’m sorry that I hurt you, and I know I was being hypocritical, but I just can’t bare seeing you in danger. Yes, I know being a Hunter means you’ll always be in danger, but sometimes the dangers you are in are unnecessary. I love you too much to lose you, Y/N.

Love,

Castiel

You sit there, stunned. You look at the pictures again, smiling at the one of you two by the lake. You can almost hear the laughter from Cas as you jumped off the dock, dragging him with you. You can almost feel him dragging you under the water as payback for splashing water in his face. You can almost see the smile on his face when you laid on his chest, staring at the stars. You jump up, running to the door. You’re shocked to see Cas standing there, fist raised to knock on the door.

“Cas, I’m sorry!” You blurt out, wrapping you’re arms around him. You smile, feeling his arms wrap around you too.

“Why would you be sorry?”

“I’m sorry that I put myself in danger that you deem unnecessary. But to me? It’s more than necessary. Cas, it’s vital!” He goes to interrupt you, but you put your hand up. “Let me finish. You can ask the boys. I’m not always so reckless. Most of the time I have to stitch them up. But when you come around? I lose every thought. When you hunt with us, I have to protect you Cas.

“And I know. I know you can protect yourself, but every time I see a blade come towards you, instinct kicks in. I have to stop that blade, even if it means I get hurt. I can’t let something hurt you, I just can’t. I can’t lose you Cas,” You whisper. “If I did, I don’t know what I would do.

“I would be nothing without you Cas. Sure, the boys are always there for me, but you were the one who found me, teetering on the edge of an abyss, my demons trying to lure me over the edge. You were the one thing that gave me light. Gave me hope and the will to live. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let something take that –you- away from me, even if it costs me my whole life, because Cas? You are my whole life,” You finish, finally letting the tears stream down.

“Why do you think I hate you throwing yourself into danger?” Cas whispers, kissing your head.

“I’m sorry,” You whisper again.

“It’s okay Y/N, its okay,” He smiles, hugging you tighter.

“I love you, angel.”

“I love you too, my little human,” Cas smirks. You both burst out laughing, remembering the first time you called him angel, and Cas, unversed in the art of pet-names, called you human in confusion.

And every once in a while, Cas would write you another letter.

#Love Castiel #Castiel x Reader #Supernatural x Reader

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magenta-fantasies · 5 years

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Two Season 8s: Game of Thrones and Winx Club

Game of Thrones and Winx Club couldn’t be more opposite, but they share one vital similarity: both have a Season 8 that premiered in April 2019, and I was psyched for both.

Game of Thrones ended a couple weeks ago (incidentally on the same day as Kids Con—more about that here.) I was astounded by the amount of controversy, ambivalence and outright bile online, to the point that nearly a million people signed a petition to redo Season 8 (like that will ever happen.)

Perhaps I don’t feel the negativity because I haven’t read A Song of Ice and Fire (though I plan to now that Game of Thrones is over.) I’ve met several book readers who enjoyed Season 8, so it’s hard to say. All I know is that people will be talking about Game of Thrones for a long, long, looooooong time. It will go down in history as a classic, like I Love Lucy, Star Trek, The Sopranos or The Dukes of Hazzard.

It’s not my favorite season, nor is it my least favorite season. Overall, I enjoyed Season 8, though I recognize its faults. The plot was rushed because there were only six episodes (I expected eight.) The first two episodes are slow. Though I enjoyed the plot twist where Daenerys snaps and becomes a villain as she torches King’s Landing, it feels unearned and needed more build up to be believable. She didn’t just jump the slippery slope into villainy; she triple somersaulted off the high dive over it. Even though I like her as a character, I enjoyed her death scene and couldn’t have envisioned a better end for her. On the topic of endings, I found the final episode to be anticlimactic and completely implausible. How in the world was Jon spared after killing Daenerys? It’s hard to believe her armies would allow everyone else to meet peacefully, and that Jon’s men would tolerate having their leader/former leader taken prisoner.

Season 8 also had many strengths. The production values are off the charts (honestly, movie quality if not better). I wouldn’t be surprised if the budgets for The Long Night and The Bells broke TV records. There were many dramatic and well-executed character deaths. The death scene with Cersei and Jaime was one of my favorite death scenes in the show. Like with Daenerys, I couldn’t have envisioned a better way for them to die. I really hoped that Jaime wouldn’t be the one to kill her (rumors about this floated around the fandom for years) and I don’t think they could have had a more emotionally compelling death. I cried when Cersei and Jaime died, one of the few Game of Thrones death scenes where I did so.

And onto that other Season 8…

As I said here, I was psyched for Winx Club Season 8, more because there was a Season 8 after a three-year hiatus with almost no news than because of the actual trailer. Actually, I had reservations about Season 8 based on the trailers, and some of these held true.

From the impression I had from the trailer, I didn’t think this would be one of the better seasons. However, even the “worst” Winx Club seasons (Seasons 2 and 5 are my least favorites) are still very enjoyable, so that doesn’t matter much. Granted, my opinion of Season 8 is skewed by the fact that I’m watching it in Italian and I don’t speak the language. The plot is easier to follow than I expected and I understand what’s occurring about 80% of the time.

Like with Game of Thrones, I’ve seen considerable ambivalence, controversy and hostility directed at Winx Club Season 8. Most of this is directed towards the new visual style. While I will never like the new visual style as much as the previous seasons (Seasons 5-7 in particular), it grew on me more than I expected. It aggravates me that the main characters were regressed in age, but at least the new art style is tolerable. The characters look less doll-like in animation than they did in the promotional images. I’m displeased with Valtor’s portrayal this season. He lost almost all of his menace and charisma from Season 3 that made him the most popular Winx Club villain aside from the Trix. Also, he no longer marks characters who ally with him.

Winx Club Season 8 has several positive qualities. The theme song is fantastic. I liked it from the moment I heard it. It has an extremely catchy tune, like Season 7’s theme, but the lyrics aren’t as childish. At least, that assessment is based off a snippet in English I heard on the official Winx Instagram. The animation is spectacular, as expected for Winx Club. Riven returns after he left at the end of Season 6, and his and Musa’s passive-aggressive behavior towards each other is amusing. I also enjoy the building tension between Bloom and Sky.

The new character Orion is great so far. He’s charming yet weaselly and overall fun to watch, as well as being handsome. He may have unscrupulous ways of solving problems, but from what I can infer from the animation, his intentions are ultimately good. It appears that he wants to revive his planet, and he doesn’t seem to know that Valtor is evil when he allies with the wizard. Twinkly and the Lumens are more endearing than most of the “cute mascot species” introduced in past seasons. They appear to hide great power, and I’m curious to see what direction this takes the plot in. Even the villainous purple blobs (I’m not sure what they are called in English) are oddly endearing. Obscuro is a somewhat entertaining “comic relief sidekick villain”, although he can be annoying. In those times it is satisfying to see Valtor sock it to him, usually by warping him into painful places, for example making him fall into a patch of deceptively cute spike creatures.

I’m not going to let internet reactions get me down over two Season 8s I’ve been looking forward to for a very long time.

#Game of Thrones #Winx Club #Season 8 #wall of text #essay #long post

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