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#I have focus and motivation problems
kikizoshi · 3 months
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can we form a coup against asagiri and make you the writer instead? genuinely... I am not taking the Fyodor immortal information well.. please help............................ ( ´,_ゝ` )
Oh, I would absolutely not do BSD well either. I just wish Asagiri had stuck to his roots more. He was a great comedy writer, and the beginning of the story was great for it. It's the action and Death Note stuff he can't seem to get mastery of. But for the immortal part: I'm not entirely sold that Fyodor's immortal, yet. It seems like yet another twists that will twist to reveal oh, shocker, he faked his memories to confuse Sigma/the ADA... or something. Could very well be immortal, but not 100% guaranteed.
#bsd#anon#I still support his right to write his story however he wants#and a lot of people seem to enjoy this sort of shock-value shounen writing he's doing now#I just happen to hate that sort of story#so when BSD pivoted to that I was dragged along into it because of Fyodor and Nikolai#and get salty whenever characters who own a part of my heart and soul are subjected to bad shock writing#and yes I know the version of them that I love the most exist within my own perception#and are a product of the years I've spent working on and developing them for my own stories#but I still love and adore the originals too#and so it's painful and irritating#because the characters are no longer the main focus of the story#it's all about the shock... the next biggest thing#Nikolai's doesn't have a motive to be the ferryman I need to get all the characters in the same place/start the next arc? No problem!#he just wants to kill Fyodor now. problem solved.#how did he use his Ability to get Sigma to France when his Ability only travels 30m at a time?#eh don't worry about it. I made an omake about it so you know I know it's an absolute joke#Nikolai's whole character and Ability practically changed just for convenience... for the story and shock#so as a fan of character-based stories it hurts that sometimes characters just aren't respected at all#with Fyodor I know it's more a case of Asagiri's vision of him seems to have changed as the story progressed#in that realm I'm so happy that BSD is serialised because it means I still have the initial version of Fyodor that I loved with all my hear#when I really can't stand Meursault!Fyodor at all and wish he would just die already so I could be fully free
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kiwisandpearls · 1 month
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I don’t talk about real world issues often but like…
I don’t like tiktok but I still think banning it in the us is a terrible idea. Because it gives the government the power to ban other social media sites that they claim are a “national security threat”. And with how the bill seems to be worded that seems to be exactly what their going to do if this bill does get passed in 9 months.
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my father has friends over and they're in the kitchen and i wish they'd leave so i could make dinner. i hate them. i hope they die. i don't really.
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elegyofthemoon · 5 months
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motivation where have you gone :(
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the-somwthing · 11 days
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I hate when people say “I’m tired of people making the Watchers evil, they should be morally grey” and never explain what tf that means. The only canon information we have to go off of is that they like to watch suffering. Sounds pretty evil, not sure why it’s upsetting that people keep it evil. More importantly tho, cuz I do understand wanting to make it more interesting… WHAT TF IS THE “MORALLY GREY” REASONING FOR THIS. Y’ALL CAN’T SAY “in my headcanons the watchers are morally grey” AND EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS???
Please, if you are one of those morally grey watcher ppl, feel free to dump ur lore onto me. I’m so curious what people mean when they say this. I’m either going to hear a lot of interesting stories I’ve never considered or realize that everyone has different ideas of what “morally grey” means
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arolesbianism · 4 months
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Beginners guide to my Jackie and Olivia universe thoughts except the handwriting might be kinda unreadable so idk figure it out
#keese draws#oxygen not included#olivia broussard#jackie stern#also to be clear everything I have for the rabbit and raccoon universes is completely pulled out of my ass lol#I just wanted to play around with the idea of every universe in oni having the same results despite wild differences#in canon they’re both probably near identical outside of what critters olivia works with#but I find it fun imagining those moments in the logs as the moments that come closest to converging#three olivias who are all wildly different but despite it all still end up in a lab feeding their favorite critters in near perfect sync#three separate jackies with varying amounts of respect for olivia each deciding to rid of olivia’s critters#three separate pairs each holding near identical conversations through text that even then could have varried wildly in tone if heard#two women who have a strained relationship two women who don’t realize how bad things are between them and two women who are on the offense#anyways rabbit universe is my favorite of the other two to think abt because god it’s so fun imagining jackie slowly realize that olivia#may have slowly but surely become like super dangerous to both herself and others and that it was initially to support her but now it’s#gotten Way out of hand and jackie doesn’t know how to try to bring it up because she has things that she deems more important to do#and anytime she does try to push her away from the work she’s been doing to focus on other things she at best does it in secret#the problem with people who consider themselves righteous is that they can become incredibly dangerous if they aren’t#now jackie sort of considers herself righteous but I don’t think that’s her primary motivation in scientific advancement#she is far more motivated by the thrill of progress and as such operates less on is what I’m doing right and more how do I most effectively#get this done and as such she’s incredibly strict and shitty to people and is more than willing to cut corners that she rly shouldn’t#the thrill of progress also appeals to olivia deeply but she generally sees herself as a moral person#which even in canon leads to olivia coming off as kind of hypocritical as anything that doesn’t make her actively uncomfortable doesn’t rly#seem to register to her as a problem#her morals are kind of dictated by her personal comforts and as such an olivia who is comfortable with doing questionable experiments is an#olivia who doesn’t see them as questionable at all#now I do imagine rabbit universe olivia is generally nicer to employees than jackie is#but mostly in the sense that she gives them proper breaks and lets them do fun activities and such#she is still mostly invested in optimization she just knows that rested employees are productive employees unlike jackie#like if someone has a breakdown over the work they’re forced to do she’ll send them home early but she will expect them to get back to it#so she’s not actually like. that good to the ppl working under her. she’s just not as bad as jackie
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snekdood · 4 months
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idk who needs to hear this but im giving you a free pass to not give a fuck about anything going on in the world and to unplug from tumblr for a while to focus on yourself and actually take a breath. your problems matter just as much and deserve just as much attention. dont over weigh the worlds problems over your own. you cant even help the world if you dont take a breather. focus on yourself and what you still need to heal or whateva's goin on for you personally.
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Some recent pressed leaves and stuff to add to the collection :0
#LOV giant nasturtium leaves#and they press weirdly thin like when they dry out it's almost like a super super fragile sheet of tracing paper or something#I also just really enjoy collecting textures and patterns and stuff. like it's not really about them looking pretty but more just#something notable. like the cool dotted pattern or the stripey veiny looking one#I have so much I want to get done by the end of the year but have been so unproductive still lol ToT#I've had new costumes and like Actual Stuff To Post for probably 2 months now but they just sit in a folder and I forget about#them and like walk in circles talking to myself all day instead or something hhh#I think it's the classic cycle of like 'I am too stressed to be productive > the fact that i'm not being productive stresses me out > i am#even more stressed and no more productive > being unproductive stresses me out > so on and so forth forever' lol#or the 'I have so many goals in life and so much motivation and so many things I love and want to do > there are too many things to do#at once and it's overwhelming > do none of them instead'  cycle lol#I think my main focuses in the new year though are to finally finish the worldbuilding slideshow. Do more costumes. And do more sculptures#since I haven't done a lot of those in a while. And still work on my games and short stories and stuff that takes place in my worldbuilding#world but those are more difficult longterm tasks so I think they should be like. not the MAIN main focus or else I'll never feel like I do#anything. I think that was the problem for the past while is that the things I had delegated as my Main Focuses That Go Above All Else#are so long and difficult and tedious that you never feel like you're making progress so it's like you're ignoring all the other stuff you#could be doing in favor of a thing that feels like you're not doing anything thus you get a chronic feeling of never finishing anything ever#Whereas like. I can do a sculpture in a day or two. and I can do costumes in a day or less. Having a steadier flow of Small Things i can fee#l like I'm actually accomplishing will maybe help it not just be like 'okay I spent a whole day doing somehting and have nothing tangible to#show for it because it's just text in a word document that probably nothing will ever even come of because it will take me years to finish'#The biggest insurmountable task at the moment is the worldbuilding slideshow but I am chugging through.. slowly lol.. It takes me about#2 hours to read 25 slides (they're not bullet points it's like little paragraphs on each slide). and I have about 800 to go. so thats..#naur.. i shant even calculate it... plus editing one hour of vidoe usually takes about 2 hours so you double it. if I have that much recordi#ng of me reading slides to edit. then turning them all into a final video should take.... i cannot say. i shall not think of it#And I've just had a very stressful few weeks HOWEVER I just always like tp start the new year with stuff cleared like.. all of my messages I#haven't answered in 3+ weeks responded to. all of my emails to my doctors checked. house cleaned and organized. photos cleared and organized#off of the computer. everyting backed up in some sort of physical storage. clear out drafts. rewrite all of my main todo lists. decide prio#rities and yearly/monthly/weekly goals. consider the trajectory of my life and what I need to do. etc. etc. So I feel like I don't have any#time to waste and can't rest. yet.. alas.. It doesn't help that I feel sick out of nowehre like 50% of the time#I know some poeple can work/focus on tasks with body aches and etc. but my brain is just always like 'No. :)' .. grrrbb
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sureuncertainty · 6 months
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hopefully it's just tonight but i haven't written at all in the last couple of days and i tried again tonight and it didn't work AGAIN i just can't get myself to write idk sometimes i really feel like the sequel to silence agenda is literally never ever going to actually get written and there's no point in even trying
#like i go thru phases where i'm all excited about it and they never last and i NEVER fucking finish anything with it#like literally ever#i have started to write this novel literally like 4 or 5 times now at this point?#and i can't get it done ever#since 2020 i've been working on it for almost three years#i've been making steady progress on tmtou i literally rewrite silence agenda like every fucking year#and yet i fucking can't get this story written#and idk how much of the problem is me how much of the problem is US and how much of the problem is my motivation levels and stuff#idk idk i think i'm just In It tonight and i'll probably feel differently later#it goes in these cycles#but idk man for awhile i was REALLY CONVINCED that this was gonna be the Time that i actually got this book written#i have the story! i have it! i just need to make it! and idk how!!!#i try and then a week later i can't#and my brain is hyperfixating on other things (idk why i decided to reread aftg) so i just Can't#and i do wanna get silence agenda published soon so i wanna focus on that#but i feel like i can't deliver on this sequel i feel like i can't even write it#idk i've never spent THIS LONG and gotten THIS MANY DRAFTS out of a book without being even like. close to the halfway point#i should finish it! i want to! i want to want to! but i fucking CAN'T#part of it is me part of it is the fact that it's hard to write when kat's not around and she hasn't been lately#idk i really thought i was gonna be able to do it this time. but apparently not#idk when i'll learn#that i can't write this fucking book#win rambles
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katyahina · 2 years
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Rom is like a Disney princess, but with bugs instead of animals
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suckmybussy · 1 year
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i would make a studyblr, maybe even call it like StudyMyAss to keep up with anal or something, but it would require me to like, learn
which i do approve off, but cant bring myself to practice
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leatherbookmark · 2 years
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hm. i know i’ve said i’m Bad at chaptered fics, but what if i... actually... divided the post-corpsening into three chapters... what if i did that
edit: specifically, the chapters would be (hopefully.) post-corpsening, sex pollen*/fuck or die, post-sex pollen*/fuck or die?
*placeholder, as it is autumn
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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nah fuck
#delete later#when i said i was okay i genuinely was fine save for the physical pain but#how quick words that were once truths turn into lies huh?#ah fuck i want to block out the whole world. i want to destroy it all. it's all so fucking worthless#maybe hormones r just fucking me up rn n i'm just emotional but#no bcs i was doing emotionally decent earlier but i just rmbered smth n i feel like crying again#i want to disappear i want to hide i want to say goodnight#stupid mood swings . n i rmber again abt all the things i have to do rn & i want to focus on myself n my work but#it's september rn right?#two years ago i think i was in a similar predicament where i was drifting from both reality and fiction. from my life in general#distancing myself from others. stuck in that oblivion#i don't know why i've been more keenly remembering 2 years ago recently.#nah actually it's probably bcs they were the friend grp i had back then that i cld really share n be myself freely#but they knew the good n bad of me. ultimately decided to let me go in one of the darkest times of my life#which damaged me for a while bcs i struggled believing i was deserving of better but i ultimately became my own best friend#but that time in general was. a time where i was alone. deep in my passions. idling my time#a bit empty a bit lost. not exactly sure what i was doing in my life but i was content being alone before i realized how nice it was to#share yourself. if i wasn't alone then i'd love that again but in times where i'm tired n drained i just make even more failures#n i'm not sure how to face the ppl i care for when i'm dealing w the guilt of not doing more of what i could be capable of in a moment#from cringe tumblr stuff to irl problems. they supported my writing in a time where it was hard for me to have consistent inspo/motiv#nah every year i swear i meet new people n the story repeats. different ppl different chapters but same trope#last year with ffxiv. mostly the only ppl i talked w for the year ever since joining that fc in june. n to october i barely talked w others#this year i've been more attuned to my reality but i think i've been slowly losing sight of a part of myself that was strong#when i was alone. but i'm afraid that i'll experience that emptiness again from late 2020 to early 2021#video games in general & ffxiv specifically helped fill that emptiness. it healed me.#i don't rmber much in those months other than ffxiv bcs i was still numb from smth unexpected that happened in earlier months#april i was stuck in the free trial n though i was enjoying myself i rmber feeling so lost n falling behind. finally buying on sale saved m#i'm too tired to think abt the present or future rn but that feels like a failure on my behalf n i can't rest#but then it also just still hurts. the same things. my friends are closer with others. when have i ever been the first choice?#everyone's special though. i'll keep on being myself then surely what is meant to happen will fall in time
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seilon · 2 years
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i really wish i could just intern in a writers room full time or something instead of going to my stupid competitive college doing things i dont care about with a completely sadistic workload for an insane amount of money just slowly killing myself over time for no god damn reason. that would be so much simpler and perhaps, maybe, possibly, enjoyable even. but i guess this is my life for the next one and a half to two years. haha. and for fucking what. to go into an industry where i'll be even more overworked and with higher stakes and where i'll just waste time rotting away for the foreseeable future for the sake of some dead eyed company or whatever else. really bleak existence if i do say so myself
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scarletanpan · 6 months
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It's wild that I can want to be interested in and engage with a subject I actively think is cool so bad but then when I see it in any sort of educational format I freeze up and it turns into a thing of dread
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kawluv · 2 months
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What should you learn from your Sun's house? [1-12] Для ру.астро пабликов: указывайте мой тгк @cherrishyoutarot при использовании поста.
Sun in the 1st house: You have to learn how to work in a team. Individualism and independence are wonderful, but do not forget that you are a part of society and interaction with people is inevitable. You need to learn how to listen and hear those around you. Don't resist working in pairs or in a team, it's okay to ask someone for help.
Sun in the 2nd house: You need to learn not to get hung up on finances, to switch attention from the material aspect of life to the lively emotional aspect. Be generous, share resources (but in moderation). Look deep down, not at the surface.
Sun in the 3rd house: The lesson here is that you do not carry information through yourself lightly, but seriously comprehend it and accept it. You should learn to slow down, slow down your mental processes and be more in the moment. When you are in your head a lot and thoughts are constantly spinning thoughtlessly in your head, you need to learn how to stop it and be in the moment.
Sun in the 4th house: People in this position may have a strong attachment to the family, so strong that it can stop their own development. Maybe it's not just a tie to the family, but specifically to comfort and safety. You need to learn not to be afraid to leave your comfort zone, not to get attached to your family so much that you forget about your own growth. Trust the world, the comfort zone may be wider than it is now, the main thing is to go beyond it and get used to a wider range of new things.
Sun in the 5th house: You need to learn how to express your creativity to other people, inspire them and motivate them. Appreciate not only yourself, but also those around you, whether they are friends or like-minded people. Be generous with the people around you and don't judge people for their personalities.
Sun in the 6th house: It may be important for the Sun in the 6th house to let go of control, to understand that people, just like you, are not perfect and this is normal. You need to learn to relax, not to take responsibility for something that is not your problem. Be more patient with other people, do not condemn their flaws and inconsistency with your standards. It's okay to make mistakes.
Sun in the 7th house: As the owner of this placement too, I realized an important thing for myself. You and I need to learn not to lose ourselves in relationships with other people. Attachment is not bad, but you should not focus on your partner / friend and put them at the center of your life. Learn to be alone, do not be afraid of loneliness, but accept it. Enjoy the time spent alone with yourself when you can take care of yourself or just relax. Find your favorite business, hobby and put yourself and your interests at the center of your life.
Sun in the 8th house: You need to take life changes easier. Rethink the situations in your head less, instead accept and let them go. Don't get hung up on getting revenge on someone, just let them go. Letting go and accepting is the way to harmony within. With them comes ease in life. Forgive other people and yourself.
Sun in the 9th house: In this house, the lesson will be tied to being in the state of a "student", not a "teacher". You should accept that you may not know everything in the world and your opinion may also be wrong and that's okay. Learn to listen more, accept more, absorb more. Do not teach people, do not think that you know how it will be better for another person. This is not your responsibility. People have different opinions, worldviews, and your truth may not be the truth for others. Don't impose your point of view.
Sun in the 10th house: Your lesson is not to give yourself completely to work, but to devote time to family, friends, and your hobbies. Learn to relax, remember about regular quality rest. Remember that you don't have to meet someone's expectations and exhaust yourself in order to be valued and loved. Patience and perseverance, of course, surmount every difficulty, but have you tried a long and high-quality sleep? Sun in the 11th house: It is necessary for you to learn to be flexible in communicating with people, to be able to share your feelings, and not to close yourself off from them. Accept that it is possible that you will not always do what you want and will not always be as individual as you would like. We live in a society, we are all connected and similar to each other.
Sun in the 12th house: Dear 12-housers, I understand that it can be hard for you to be down to earth, but you need to do it. Do not drown in your mind, get out of your stagnation and ascetism. Take a look at the world, communicate more with people, trust people. Don't miss the chance to have more joyful moments and experiences! Look beyond the usual, look wider.
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