#I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope and idk what to do about it with these particular people | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mysteryshoptls · 9 months

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<incorporate more “canon” terms into my translations> what about terms such as "madol", "magical wheel", "magift" and "doodle Suit"? these are all terms changed in official EN but the VA lines stayed the same. so in this case, which one is considered canon? personally, i'd stick to the VA lines but idk 🤔 its kinda confusing because EN makes no sense in these cases ;v;

I feel you! It's taken some time for me to get used to the EN names, especially since, as you've pointed out, we hear the JP terms from the voice actors. So, it may still be a while before I can comfortably use all of the EN terms, but I want to make sure my sentences flow a bit more smoothly. I'll use the words you listed as examples, since I haven't truly thought out each difference yet:

Madol/Thaumark: I've already started incorporating notes on the Thaumark amount whenever I translate something in Madol. I know I still prefer Madol, but Thaumarks differs by 2 orders of magnitude (100 Madol = 1 Thaumark), so I try to comment on both.

Magical Wheel/Blastcycle: To be perfectly honest, I think Blastcycle is a really cool word. I'm still partial to Magical Wheel, but this will probably be one of the easier ones for me to convert to.

Magical Shift (Magift)/Spelldrive: This one is a bit difficult, because I like the term Magical Shift, but I'm not as partial to the shortened form Magift because my brain automatically wants to use a hard g sound. My final decision on this term will probably happen when Leona, Ruggie, and Epel get their Club Wear cards, since the club name is written in English on their pre-groovy card image.

Unique Magic/Signature Spell: Deuce, Trey, Jamil, and Epel all had their Signature Spell name changed from their Unique Magic name. "Bet the Limit" became "Double Down," "Doodle Suit" became "Paint the Roses," "Snake Whisper" became "Snake Charmer," and "Sleep Kiss" became "Crimson Sleep." Trey and Jamil's are actually still accurate to the original kanji. Epel's Signature Spell is a mix of his Unique Magic (Sleep Kiss) and the original kanji (Crimson Fruit). On this one, I know I do want to keep the original Unique Magic name, if only because they DECLARE the spell. It's shouted deliberately and loudly, and I agree, it is odd to read something different from what I can hear, especially when it is the only thing on the screen.

I hope this helps walk through some of my thought process. I want to make sure that both those who play JP and EN get to enjoy the translations, so I'll tread on this tightrope as best as I can. I will also say that my priority changes may be those EN terms that have been confirmed in the JP game (for example when we learned the homelands' names in Chapter 6 because of the map).

#ras replies

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wooyoungisbaby · 2 months

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uhhhh Questions

@halavibe tagged me ty babes <3 i've known you for 2 days but i'd die for you i hope you know this

do you make your bed? - no i live in denmark

what's your favourite number? - 19 but only in spanish. in japanese it's 4 bc im edgy

what is your job? - after school childcare :)) i do like craft and arts stuff with them!

If you could go back to school would you? - i might go to school again at some point but it's def. not my first choice >_<

can you parallel park? - technically yeah but i havent driven in litrally like 7 years. so probably not.

a job you had that would surprise people? - uhhh idk, i did cleaning at a nursing home during the summer one year?

do you think aliens are real? - yes and i need them to fuck me. /gen

can you drive a manual car? - wtf does this mean

what's your guilty pleasure? - i was gonna say i don't feel guilty about things that make me feel good but i do about food sometimes :(( i genuinely don't have any guilt about media, music and stuff like that though.

tattoos? - yee i have a ukiss song lyric on my arm B)

favourite colour? - green and purple together

favourite type of music? - kpop. i genuinely only listen to kpop right now. used to listen to some j-rock too but not really recently

do you like puzzles? - not like jigsaw puzzles no, but games that have lil puzzles in them? hell yea. but if they're hard at all i will give up. i've looked up so many botw/totk shrine guides.

any phobias? - not any actual phobias no. but i'm a little scared of the sound of wind, audio played backwards, and of walking on stairs.

favourite childhood sport? - taekwondo uwu i had the green belt!

do you talk to yourself? - noh i just sing :3

what movie(s) do you adore? - spirited away, road to el dorado, uhhh. i've forgotten literally every other movie i've ever seen. oh!! Departures, a japanese movie from like 2008 that won an oscar.

coffee or tea? - hot cocoa fuck you

first thing you wanted to be growing up - the first thing i remember saying was tightrope walker in a circus. maybe i can still make it......

#ask #well kinda

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dontmindmeimjusthereforthesequel · 9 months

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Ok, wait. Im currently on my third relisten of TMA and I'm at Mag 107 Third Degree. Jon is poking around America following Gertrude's trail and he just found out about Gerry's death and subsequent skin book entry.

And that has always bothered me to a degree.

I just couldn't figure out why Gertrude would do that. It seemed unnecessarily cruel and oddly pointless. At first I thought it was because she needed him for something or just didn't want to lose him, but when Jon interviews him he doesn't seem to have much in the way of information, and Gertrude doesn't strike me as the overly sentimental type; and if she needed him, why would she leave America without his page? She was able to talk herself out of being arrested, and she had plenty of determination and resources as well as a good six months before her own death if she wanted to get the book back, but it just... didn't happen. I just didn't understand why she would go to all that trouble to put him in the skin book and then just... leave him there.

And then... I had a thought.

Did... did Gertrude put Gerry in the skin book to prevent him from coming back as an avatar? Because Gerry died of a serious brain tumor and Trever Herbert had lung cancer when he gave his statement and died in the institute and then just got up and went about his business. And dying is sort of a right of passage into becoming a fully fledged avatar, right? Was Gerry becoming an avatar??? His entire life he was constantly surrounded by fear, (first as a child with Mary and her Leitners, then as an adult with Gertrude at the institute) so there is no way he wasn't affected by all that. The guy had a reputation! He was constantly interacting with people who were marked or in some kind of trouble! even if he wasn't in it to scare people, he was still around them while they were experiencing that terror. There is no way he didn't attract the attention of ONE fear entity that entire time.

And if he was becoming an avatar, what entity was he aligned with? I know The Eye seems like the obvious choice, what with his tattoos and working at the institute, but I'm not sold on the idea. Gertrude and Mary (and presumably Gerry as well) were very careful to walk the tightrope between entities, never giving themselves over to just one, and if Gerry was eye aligned I would think that Gertrude would not approve. To me the tattoos seem almost like a preventative measure of some kind? Connecting himself to Beholding to prevent another fear from sinking its claws into him. Personally, I feel it is more likely he was part of The Hunt (tracking down Leitners for Mary and rituals for Gertrude) or The Desolation (destroying things that are precious to other avatars like the Leitners or rituals). Hunt seems more likely in the long run, especially since we find Gerry's page with two avatars of the hunt. Just saying.

Idk. Maybe this has already been discussed at length somewhere in the community, but if it was I certainly missed it, and it has been bothering me for years.

tl;dr - Gertrude put Gerry in the skin book to prevent him being reborn as an avatar

I need to go lie down

#tma brain rot got me bad #I CANT BELIEVE SHE JUST LEFT HIM THERE #trying to keep a straight face at work while this shit keeps popping up in my head #the magnus archives #gerry keay #gertrude robinson #jurgen leitner #that bastard #mary keay #that bitch #the eye #the hunt #tma spoilers #tma

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vypridae · 4 months

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*magically appears from the void*

Okay! Hi, hope your having a good day, all of that jazz. Maybe someone has asked you this before, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on a fyosiglai circus au? Hehe sorry ive been starting to create one and since you like fyosiglai wanted to hear your thoughts!

got on my computer to answer this one because this is GENIUS

i don't really think of circus aus much and i haven't really thought much about like, what? goes on? in a circus? cause i don't know? but this is absolute genius (i'm actually looking shit up as i write this so aHSGJKHASDFJKG) (also this got long so under a cut)

okay. first initial thoughts; decay of angels are the main circus members. fukuchi is the ringmaster + surprise he's also the lion tamer (i could imagine him like, surprising the audience because nikolai "accidentally" lets out a lion or something and fukuchi "tames it" in front of the audience so they get Big Jumpscare cause oh no that wasn't supposed to happen !!! yes it was lmao)

also as a little side note i like to think bram does the sword swallowing and knife throwing (sigma's the target) and he's literally perfect at the knife throwing and no one knows how he's that amazing

sigma i imagine is the most flexible of the remaining three so i can see him doing like, the acrobatics in the air and contortion and stuff (and i like to imagine it flusters the FUCK out of nikolai and fyodor because holy shit? how? he's so pretty. what the fuck?).

you expected this i bet but nikolai is the clown !! obviously. he probably does a lot of the juggling stuff, maybe some "magic", and he really likes the dangerous things so he ends up being the one on the tightrope walk and he pretends to fall and doesn't (i imagine this circus is really bent on "how can we jumpscare the audience"). he has so much fun messing with the audience and most of his acts end up including at least one (1) audience member. maybe he does some fire performances too (he definitely does) (i bet the first time sigma saw nikolai do fire tricks he was terrified and fyodor reassured him it was fine because "he's been doing this since we were children. do not worry")

fyodor i'm really not sure what he might do. trying to think what he might do is kinda stumping me rn, i can't imagine he likes doing stuff in front of other people but i can imagine he might be really good at the object manipulation stuff, i think he'd have a lot more he does behind the scenes though. so like, lighting and special effects and stuff. i don't think he'd like doing any actual acts but he can do some of them and he's good at them, like maybe equilibristics a little bit? i'm really not sure for him, but whatever he does nikolai is super excited about it and sigma thinks he's absolutely amazing at it

i imagine sigma is the newest member of the circus too. fukuchi and bram founded it, and fyodor and nikolai knew each other from childhood so sigma feels really out of place with them at first, but fyodor and nikolai take a liking to him and i imagine they help him in determining his acts and what he might do for the audience and it turns out he's a natural! and honestly it only makes fyodor and nikolai more interested and eventually fall for him whether they want to or not

i also imagine fukuchi is absolutely awful and teases either nikolai or fyodor (fyodor would be funnier) about "ah, those two?" and whoever he's teasing (fyodor is still funnier) is like "shut UP." (he never shuts up)

maybe there's some rival circus or something (immediate thought was either the ADA or the hunting dogs) and they have to get their shit TOGETHER and figure out How Can We Be Better Than These Guys and fyosiglai work together training and practicing and stuff and Shit! Goes! Down! you can decide what that might be idk what happens in circus aus

#i've literally never thought about a circus au in my life i love this tho #genuinely such fun au ideas for REAL #sorry if this isnt what you wanted btw !!! i ve never thought of a circus au ever #xanbox #bsd #bungou stray dogs #decay of angels #fyosiglai #fyodor dostoevsky #sigma bsd #nikolai gogol #ouchi fukuchi #bram stoker #circus au #xanthinks

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stitching-in-time · 2 days

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Voyager rewatch s2 ep20: Investigations

The episode where the spy plot finally comes to a head, this one was full of all kinds of good stuff.

We open with Neelix starting Voyager's version of a cable access show (what I wouldn't give to see all the crew's segments he mentioned lol), and we soon learn that Tom Paris is leaving Voyager for good because he just doesn't feel like he fits in, and never did. While this had been built up for a while, it never made sense or felt sincere, and I honestly don't remember if I had figured out that something was up the first time I watched it or not. With the benefit of hindsight, and knowing that it was all an act set up to help uncover who was sending messages to the Kazon, it's actually quite heartbreaking to watch Tom have to brush off all his friends showing their concern and telling him how much they care about him and don't want him to go. Robbie McNeill does a very good job walking the tightrope of playing a character who's putting on an act that has to be convincing to the other characters, while still letting the audience see little moments where Tom's true emotions want to break through.

Neelix's tribute to Tom on his little show, with shots of the whole crew throughout the ship stopping to watch, was a really nice moment, because yeah, actually, Tom is a really good person and deserves some credit for it! I'm honestly astounded by how many people on tumblr these days don't like Tom- I always liked him, even back when they still gave him a lot of bad writing, he had a lot of those selfless qualities from the very beginning. I have no idea what show people are watching if the many times Tom risked his life for someone, or gave help or advice to his friends, didn't even register. But Neelix made a bunch of darn good points that the Tom detractors should listen to.

After Tom leaves, Neelix investigates to find out who the spy could be. Of course he inadvertantly asks help from the spy himself, and almost gets attacked by him before the Doctor's zoom call interrupts. (How did the Doctor not notice Jonas right behind Neelix pointing a phaser at him?! There's no way even he's that oblivious, but idk!)

The plot thickens when Tom is kidnapped by the Kazon, but lo and behold, the Captain was hoping for just that! Tom's insubordinate behavior was a plan to entrap the Kazon and find out who the spy is! Gasp! (More of a relief than a surprise for the audience, but I love how Chakotay was so mad about being left out of the loop. Lol he's not part of Janeway and Tuvok's inner circle of space besties just yet.)

Meanwhile, on the Kazon ship, Seska questions Tom, then very stupidly leaves him alone with access to a computer, which he uses to find out who the spy is. The Kazon realize this, and come in guns blazing, but Tom gets an action hero moment as he fights off three armed Kazon singlehandedly, and escapes in one of their shuttles.

Anyway, while Tom is escaping, the warp core is going to breach back on Voyager, because apparently they can't go a day without a warp core breach on that ship (do starships come with manufacturer's warranties?? Because it seems like they should!) and while Neelix is in engineering trying to investigate the missing communication logs, Jonas realizes he's getting close to being uncovered as the spy. Jonas locks out weapons and transporters to aid the Kazon as they chase Tom back to Voyager, and Neelix realizes what he's doing. Neelix gets his own action hero moment as he wrestles with Jonas to try to stop him. A weird plasma fire suddenly appears in engineering, and as they struggle on the catwalk above it, Neelix pushes Jonas over the railing into the plasma fire below, which kills him. Weapons and transporters ate restored, and they rescue Tom before the Kazon destroy his shuttle. There's an incredibly bizarre moment where they ask Neelix what happened in engineering, and he makes some silly comment and then laughs and smiles about it- even though like, dude, you just killed a guy! You literally watched your coworker be incinerated before your eyes a few moments ago, and you're joking and laughing?? What?! Sure, he was a spy, he was a bad guy, he made very bad choices, but like, you didn't know that till a few minutes ago, and he was your shipmate for almost a year! Idk, I feel like a normal response would be sadness of some kind, some sense of loss or betrayal, not, like, a silly little chuckle, but ok then I guess!

Also, what was with that plasma fire?? It appeared out of nowhere just in time for Jonas to fall in and die, and then it magically disappeared! And there was no hole in the floor with an exposed plasma conduit, not even a burn mark on the carpet! What the heck?? I guess it was a magical plasma fire that pops up to mete out doom to Starfleet officers who are deemed impure of heart, lmao. I suppose the writers kind of had to kill him to avoid having to deal with what they were gonna do with him, since they already had Suder confined to quarters forever to deal with, but still, that was pretty lazy to kill him off so perfunctorily and have everyone just be like, cool, he's dead, great! And I think having them figure out how to deal with a spy would have been way more interesting, and had way more they could have done plot-wise with the overall arc, rather than wasting more time on crazy serial killer Suder, but they missed that boat, so we're stuck with what we got.

Tom's scene at the end where he apologizes to the crew on Neelix's show is really great. He clearly feels bad about having to lie to people as part of the mission, and the first thing he does is take responsibility for whoever's feelings he hurt, no 'I was just following orders' buck passing for him. We have our good guy Tom back at last, and I'm always a fan of seeing a man deliver a sincere apology. 10/10, no notes.

The intel Tom brings back from the Kazon ship also details more of Seska's plan to hijack Voyager, which sets up storylines for future episodes.

Tl;dr: A twisty-turny spy thriller that keeps up the suspense and entertainment value throughout, while also giving Tom Paris some particularly good scenes.

#star trek: voyager #voyager rewatch #rewatching star trek #star trek voyager #tom paris #star trek

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craacked-splatters · 2 years

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OKOKOK I JUST FINISHED DHMIS AND IM GOING INSANE HOLY SHIT

tumblr is the only place where my hyperfixations and ramblings won't make me seem like I've been trapped in a basement never seeing the light of day as I piece together a century long conspiracy. Apologies 4 the person I'm about 2 become . I'm gonna full theorist mode but I only have time to point out the puzzle pieces in d first ep for now cuz I got work in like 6 hrs :(( ill come bak n do rhe rest ltr feel free 2 add if u want

Ok so i was rewatching the eps again on my phone & collecting screenshots for my conspiracy board when I found this symbol in the intro 2 d first ep

And I was like wait a min that kinda looks like d ones from the book so i went to see if was true and yep

I don't know if there's anymore symbols scattered around in the other eps or if it was just forshadowing either way its making my brain vibrate. Has anyone else noticed this before? It's so cool

The other things in d intro that seemed a bit weird 2 me was the pics n letters on the fridge, the fact that our 3 guys r coming out of a clock house, and fuking roy looking into d house thru a hole in the wall. The symbolism and metaphors r there guys. I know it but Im putting a pin on unraveling that for ltr cuz I don't have time rn :((

I kept my eyes peeled 4 anything else n then I saw the similarities between the breifcase n his older bro and yellowguy and his imaginary older bro

Both of them were like stuck in the shadow of their younger sibs u know kinda left behind, like the smol suitcase felt inferior n could only watch as his younger was running around being bigger n better, the yellows fake bro was always stuck in the background while yellow took the spotlight,

and they both like lost their shit and injured themselves. The suitcase bro punched a wall n the fake bro literally comitted suicide. Maybe I'm looking to much into this but that kinda intrigued me a bit. Again I'll dissect to that ltr cuz I don't have d time 😔

So the 1st EP was about work & jobs right?

Noticed how like each guy had the same positions in each job?

Duck: (The judge, cryptocurrency, General, astronaut)

At 1st duck's jobs are more centered on power,on bieng a higher authority figure, someone who is respected, admired and successful. He views himself above the rest, he said one needed aggression to get ahead in workplace, (u know w/ the attention freaks part lmao),he narssistic, hes selfish, and is always strivings for better positions, better everything (the vending machine, wanting a better job etc)

He doesn't like this job, he failed at his work tasks, and no one is taking him seriously.

When the screen lady starts singing about stress n shit I was like hold up

First we see, him on the beach with a crab offering him pills. Relaxation=drugs?? An escape from reality perhaps 🤨

Then him walking on a tightrope with a bunch of red things under him (portraying his struggles with his inner demons maybe?? Showing that he is or was barely keeping himself from falling to them??)

This whole thing. The line segments with the relaxing never being an easy straight line,(gotta go thru hell 1st b4 ur happy type of thinking??) And also the colors on the diagram. It's our 3 main guys. Red duck and yellow. (I'll dissect this ltr too no time rn😔)

And this. The coins, (cryptocurrency?? financial issues??) The screw(shitty work jobs maybe) the crab(drugs) the red snake(inner demons?) And the green thing...idk what that is it has scissors n looks like its shushing(untold secrets/issues?) Maybe ita part of himself he doesn't like or harms him

Duck is forced to like his job. He tries to go along with this whole bs, but he can't and snaps causing the hand accident. Is that what happened from before he was dead? Did he cause the death of someone? We know they all died at the same time different places.Then we see ltr that his jobs aren't as powerful as before, he is a mailman, hes a struggling artist, those jobs usually arent seen as impressive as say a CEO. Is this lore👀 could it be a bit of backstory for duck👀

Next we have Red: (Doctor, Barber, boss 2 whole company, horseshoe maker) His jobs are more concentrated on responsibility and expectations. A lot of ppl rely on doctors to help them out, a lot of pressure is laid on their shoulders especially with serious situations. With barbers you want them to give you exactly what u asked for, or at least something acceptable if u cant think of anything. Bosses are bosses. They're literally in charge of a shit ton of things. They keep everything running smoothly cuz 1 wrong move and everything starts going haywire. And horses need shoes to walk I guess

Notice how red is kinda... negligent? I wouldn't say lazy hes not. But remember how he would always want to do something else besides what they were doing? Or be anywhere else besides in the now? He didn't want to do anything at all in the 1st ep deciding to just chill. He didn't want to acknowledge yellows sadness in the Death EP, I guess he didn't want to deal with it? He wanted to meet a real fam, saying that the 3 of them weren't it. The whole road trip breakdown and "Im not going back to that house"?? Very interesting 👀

Yellow: (lumberjack, icecream man, fisherman, assembly worker, therapy patient??)

Yellows jobs r more centered on labor. They're average jobs regular ppl like u and me could get whenever. They usually don't ask for degrees or sumthn just experience perhaps. They might be easy, but there is a form of danger to them Lumberjack? You chop up wood dude, you could easily lose a limb or die. Ice cream man? Well you could always run over someone and uh, stranger danger? Fisherman? Fall out and drown or get lost at sea Assembly line worker? You saw what happened the same as the lumberjack (Trust me I work at a GE and ppl r always getting hurt)I got nothing 4 patient 😔

Besides the assembly one(I'm not counting it it was a lesson), the other jobs could be viewed as experiences.

Lumberjack- helping build the shack with his dad (Roy was there)

Icecream man- its icecream. lot of us go after that car. Especially children.

Fisherman- going fishing for fun, could be a bonding experience idk

Therapy patient- c'mon

There's a lot of shit I didn't cover but it's fine. Everything is so cool and fascinating I'm losing sleep to this whole thing. I'll talk more about it later I'm tired n it's 5am I've got 2 hrs to sleep.

Edit: yo I'm literally at work rn but I realized something. Yellows jobs are repetitive too. A cycle of things that are done a sort of loop. Lumber jacks, assembly line workers, etc etc usually focus on doing one task only, over and over whether it's screwing in bolts, chopping wood, serving food doesn't matter. It's repetitive, meaning you don't have to worry about changes bcuz there aren't supposed to be. You become accustomed to it, it's reliable.

This might've been a bit forshadowing about the way our 3 characters have to start the same routine in the same house again and again, a seemingly endless loop.

Did y'all notice how yellow was extremely against the road trip idea? And the death episode? He didn't want the routine to change. he didn't like it was confusing to him. And just when he's getting used to a change it all collapses on him. Man :(( this show is so cool fr I'll continue dissecting ltr gotta go now

#don't hug me i'm scared #dhmis spoilers #dhmis #splatter rambles #like a madman #god im tonna regret this #its 5am #ajd i have work in 2 hours #o well lol #this show has me by the throat #its so good #i care them sm man

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loumauve · 14 days

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thanks for tagging me, @novastellaris

Were you named after anyone? accidentally, not on purpose. very much to the dismay of my mum. (my dad forgot that his mother's middle name is the same as the name they picked for me)

When was the last time you cried? earlier today, or maybe late last night? been crying a lot lately, ever sínce my other grandma passed away. I'm always glad when I end up crying over a moving scene in a fic, or some lyrics in a song instead, ngl

Do you have kids? not unless my plant children count? I have quite a few, not as many as I used to, but still plenty. (I think current count is 55, though it used to be over double that at some point)

What sports have you played/do you play? I played soccer in kindergarten/elementary school (still salty over being the only one dressed in pink) but that was nothing serious, and then my asthma got worse and was no longer able to run for long periods of time, plus the hip issues I was born with flaring up a little every now and then. spent ten years in the circus though, which is kind of like sports? poi and juggling, dancing (mostly hip hop, swing, tap), mini trampoline stuff (where I nearly broke my nose and made a bloody mess of my friend's math homework), a lot of balancing (walking/doing tricks on the ball, unicycling, some tightrope walking.. incidentally the same tightrope I smashed my face into during my over-enthusiastic front flip off the trampoline), trapeze.. all kinds of stuff, really. loved it, still remember that time so very fondly even if it left my body a little too wrecked for comfort (my wrists are a mess and my ankles still roll every so often, my ribs still feel bruised whenever I gain too much muscle around the bottom of them, lol) also have dabbled in climbing, mostly indoor bouldering, which I really should get back to, these days the social anxiety gets the better of me though. inline skating which I love and my hips and knees hate, sadly enough.

tldr: I love all kinds of being active and moving around, it's just that my body doesn't agree with most of it.

Do you use sarcasm? a lot of the time, more so when fed up and grumpy or defensive

First thing you notice about people? clothes, maybe? hair, perhaps. faces, but also not in a way where I really remember them? I'm not sure, actually. but the first two are the things I tend to remember the most even long after I've last seen someone

What is your eye color? blue-grey, depending on the lighting it can be either near completely blue or really grey. idk

Scary movies or happy endings? both, preferably together. though, I'm not a fan of artificially happy endings, sometimes bittersweet and a little sad is the best you can get and that's fine with me. more true to real life that way anyhow

Any talents? hm. maybe it's finding all kinds of wonderful knick-knacks and integrating them into my flat to make it wonderfully chaotic and cluttered, but welcoming? (it prevokes either extreme joy or utter despair in visitors who come to my place lol) not sure that counts as a talent though.. I guess I'm real good at getting back up every time life does its best to crush me into a smudge on the sidewalk? can you call that a talent? it's either stubbornness or just straight up spite, definitely not a pretty sight but I make it work, somehow

Where were you born? Dresden, home sweet home. (home of old-ass architecture, the beloved Frauenkirche and Zwinger, eternally indebted and cursed by the river Elbe, sadly haunted by right wing politics) born and raised here, only lived elsewhere for a year and a half, or so. missed it terribly while I was gone, a blessing and a curse, really, but I don't think I'd ever want to move away again, no matter how haunted some places are for me now. I'd miss the river and the Elbsandsteingebirge too much.

What are your hobbies? a little bit of everything. collecting hobbies is another talent of mine. most hobbies last me a few weeks at most before they rest in limbo until I pick them up again, but here's a few: book binding, sewing, painting, video games, board games, reading, dissociating to the perfect (at the moment) song on loop for hours/days straight, sometimes (very rarely these days) writing - fic and poetry, dreaming (a fave, ngl. wouldn't mind if my life was nothing but), finding the most amazing terrible horror films to watch, collecting dice and rolling them until they all show the same numbers, collecting and looking at Magic: The Gathering cards and building decks that I then never end up playing with because I have nobody to play with (rip), making DnD characters that I will never play but have entire backstories for nonetheless, taking care of (and multiplying) my various plant children

Do you have any pets? not at the moment, I used to keep garden snails for a bit, but then I felt bad for them never experiencing the outdoors so I released the latest batch of them to where I found the parents originally. I hope they're alright out there. I'd love to have pets again, but I'm allergic to most furry beings, and my flat isn't a good place to keep non-furry animals either because it gets really cold and draughty in winter and far too hot and stuffy in summer, and I'd rather not subject any critters to that. plus, most of everything in here vibrates whenever I used the washing machine since I live in what used to be an attic space with wooden beams all around, so anything that needs structural integrity (like an aquarium etc) is out as well. I guess at the moment I do have a few visitors though, two tiny spiders that live in my bedroom and bathroom respectively, tucked away in corners where they don't bother me and I try not to bother them, and I regularly get bird visitors outside my bedroom window since I'm still putting out bird food that's left over from me feeding them over the winter, so I have a flock of 8 or so pigeons, a few crows and a few more magpies. not pets, but daily companions nonetheless.

How tall are you? 164 cm, which according to google is around 5'4''

Favorite subject in school? English (as a second language), Art, and maybe Biology? used to be German but then German became all about remembering boring dates and I lost interest

Dream job? no idea, I go where the winds of life blow me. I mean, in an ideal world (where my knees don't suck) I supposed I would have loved to be a graveyard gardener for the rest of my life. that was my favourite time at work ever. OR if we lived in a different time, maybe a lighthouse keeper. sometimes I still dream of that, or of roaming some deep dark woods and I feel so very at peace

#tag meme thingie #I hope that was the correct tag. it's been a while #novastellaris #about this gal #a day in the life of..#I forgot crochet as a hobby gdi

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ramblingdisaster73 · 1 year

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hi! i'm curious - what are your thoughts on some ppl (maybe mostly in the minority?) have made comparisons of the carlos & iris rescue scene in 4x03 being parallel to that of tk/carlos in the iconic Push, and how they've said it kind of undermines the emotional weight in Push?

personally, i'm trying not to put too much weight on it, bc i think it's probably not as deep as they're making it out to be, and it makes logical sense for carlos to tell her to breathe as she was near hyperventilating at the time (if my memory serves me well, i'm not planning to rewatch it so pls do correct me if im wrong) – but the more cynical part of me can see where they're coming from as well (e.g. with the framing), and it's starting to get to me a little

my heart really does hurt for tk in that moment tho :( it certainly didn't help that carlos was being a jerk during that scene - this will def always be a skip for me. there's angst and then there's being a jerk for no reason bc he's what, mad? i can't imagine what/how tk must be feeling at the time

also, idk. there's not much to work with here, a part of me wondered (if it was intentional) if carlos was that spiteful enough to purposely do all of that to get a reaction out of tk (i doubt this. it's fucked up, but it's whatever, he's already walking a tightrope between being petty and also being an a*hole. i honestly wouldn't be surprised if the writers are trying to play this up for dramatic purposes), or if they'd just wanted to be sprinkle in the additional ✨ angst ✨ to get a reaction out of the audience instead, if it was completely unintentional, or it really isn't as deep as that.

ig we'll never know atp, but i thought i could come to u and see what you think! i'm really liking the discussions we've all had in between the eps haha, i hope that's okay!

This got a bit longer than I intended.

The “Breathe, breathe” scene in Push was a huge moment for them (& us) after their breakup – but I don’t really think the writers intended to have Carlos tell Iris the same thing to cheapen the scene in Push.

I totally get the people who had that gut reaction of “what the fuck, why would they have him say that like that?” and feel like it took away from the Tarlos scene – I do. The first time I watched the ep (I have had it on repeat pretty much anytime I am home alone while I am writing.),

I had a similar thought process – when I watched it again the 2nd time though, it made more sense to me narratively & like you said she was hyperventilating & in a decent amount of distress – telling her to breathe was pretty much the only thing he could say here. Saying something like “calm down” doesn’t always help when you are not in a position to think clearly – simple direction is much easier to follow (I say this as someone who has frequent panic attacks & telling me to calm down is not at all helpful) so, if someone was telling me to breathe – I would be able to follow that direction – telling me to calm down would only make me panic more – because I have to think about HOW to calm down.

I really do think that they are making Carlos’ less than perfect sides more obvious this season, that is why what we saw last year as a little bit of pettiness (3x13) now feels almost cruel at times. I understand why there are fans that just can’t get into this storyline – why they are struggling so much.

I have said since at least last season, the writers did a real disservice to Carlos by making his appear so perfect on the surface for so long. By finding ways to put the blame for any issues between them on TK, or just glossing over his need to keep everything in boxes & his control issues – made it so some fans didn’t need to look deeper at the character – they saw this absolutely gorgeous man, saw the ways he supported TK – thought he was the perfect boyfriend/fiancé, the cop with a good heart.

Now, all of a sudden, they are being confronted with the fact that Carlos has a past, one that some just can’t fathom. They are being forced to acknowledge that Officer Reyes is not perfect and they really don’t know how to handle it.

If we had any in canon hints (other than deleted scenes we won’t ever see) of the actual closeness of Iris & Carlos – some of the people that are struggling with this arc – may have been able to believe that this person was so important to Carlos (NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN TK, BUT STILL IMPORTANT), but – we didn’t. So now, they have to build that now – and Rafa & Lyndsy are doing a fantastic job of showing a real emotional (platonic) relationship.

The writers had to do something that would SHOW us their closeness – not just tell us, like some of the other parts of the storyline – and this was actually (imo) a beautiful way to do it. I don’t really think it was to be petty or dickish to TK, just to show us the emotional connection the characters share. The fact that Rafa & Lyndsy have pretty great chemistry helps this as well.

Carlos was definitely walking the very fine line between petty & dickish, but I think the writers need him to do that for this part – the 3rd act. In a lot of media – the 3rd act is the hard part – either emotionally or mentally – they needed to set up the angst and tension for when Carlos got shoveled to kick off the 4th act.

Would we lose our shit if Carlos went missing while things were perfect for Carlos & TK? absolutely – we love them. BUT – to have it happen when things aren’t as stable, when they are both too much in their feelings/heads to see clearly – that is where the real pay off comes from.

We know that Carlos & TK love each other deeply, we understand why TK went to talk to Iris, we know that it didn’t trigger anything for her. Carlos – doesn’t right now. He is a man that thinks rationally (because he tosses his problems in a box & throws away the key) – but right now rational thought isn’t something he is capable of.

The man had like 15 seconds of not being noticeably stressed the fuck out on screen before that “dream” venue called him – he has been riding on pure emotion and avoidance ever since.

It is easier to lash out (or treat not so great) the people that you KNOW love you. You know that they will be there when you realize what you did/said. We all do it in little ways all the time, (we have a bad day at work, then go home – and every little thing builds up until you blow up – typically not at the people/thing that originally caused your irritation). In this case – I think that Carlos blames himself for all of it – and he can’t shove it in a box – he has to face it, especially in this 4th act.

Carlos KNOWS that TK loves him. But this man is TERRIFIED of his actions hurting Iris, that he seems as though he is ignoring TK, or at least dismissing him. I go back and forth between thinking that Carlos was more defensive to TK in the bunkroom than trying to explain it – but that is an emotional response from me. When I take my emotions out – I can see the way his anxiety is tearing him apart, he is scared to hurting TK, of TK leaving – not because of something TK did – but because Carlos hurt him emotionally. He is scared of jeopardizing Iris’ health and wellbeing.

He also can’t see that these two people, the ones he loves most (in very different ways), are stronger than he can see – especially in this particular situation.

*We have NEVER seen Carlos be the one to fall apart. He is used to being the one putting the pieces back together, for the most part – keeping a clearer head, & connecting the dots. Right now – he isn’t able to do that – but he also won’t let TK or Iris really help him – which leads to the shoveling.

I know that Tim and Ronen keep hyping up Rafa’s acting in 4x04 – but I am also really looking forward to Ronen’s as well. Both of these men have been doing such an amazing job of making us feel all these annoying feelings.

I think another reason people are struggling to see Carlos being more standoffish to TK in 4x03 is that we have watched TK handle this situation so well. Carlos tells him that he has been legally married to someone during their whole relationship, TK listens to him, listens to his reasons on why. We have watched TK handle it with grace – but are now being shown Carlos not doing the same. And it does hurt. It hurts because we know how much they love each other, how much they truly need and want each other. So, to see real friction between them (probably the most we have seen – especially since they broke up off screen) hurts. Going into those scenes knowing that the shoveling was coming hurt more.

The hurt is intentional from the storytelling perspective– but I am hoping & optimistic about a pretty good pay off. I have a feeling that a lot of this elevated pettiness will be gone like the ‘lasting ramifications of hypothermia for TK’ last season, so I am not worried about that continuing either. Once he is rescued, we will get the super tactile, loving, beautiful Tarlos – one that has become stronger through their ordeals – both separate & together.

When in doubt: Just remember Tarlos is endgame & all roads lead to the wedding.

I love the discussions that this show brings up & my husband loves that I have people other than him to talk to about this show.

#anon #911 lone star season 4 #911 lone star spoilers #911 lone star speculation #tarlos #carlos reyes #tk strand

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purplalien8 · 5 months

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🎭 ♾️MIRRORBALL by Taylor Swift is about Autistic masking, struggling to keep up with expectations, kissing up to the neurotypicals and it’s AUTISTIIIIIIC 🙌🏻♾️✨ - warning I fell into a very chaotic mood brace yourself

I will order my evidence from most to least evidence (sort of):

🎵I can change everything about me to fit in - Masking

🎵 I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try - MASKING

🎵 I'm still on that trapeze - OMG masking HAAARD

🎵 I'm still tryin' everything to keep you looking at me - MASKING YOUR BUTT OFF FOR SOCIAL APPROVAL u don’t need it Taaay😭

🎵 (For background, don’t @ me) - And they called off the circus, burned the disco down - Disabled people in general were taken to circuses as “freaks” and people would laugh at them. But then they also burned disco, idk maybe they’re just so normal they hate fun😤

🎵When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns - YES GO AWAY

🎵I'm still on that tightrope - Nooooo Tay😭😭 She’s still buying into the idea that autistics deserve ridicule because we’re “too dumb” & that we should also try so hard it feels like we’re doing acrobatics in order to MAAAASK

🎵You are not like the regulars - “Wait you’re not ‘normal’ either”??

🎵The masquerade revelers - Love interest is not like the bastard NTs who’d rather see autistics mask💕💕

🎵Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten - Either the mask slips (you accidentally don’t mask something) or she’s just hurt from something & it shows because we can’t lieeeee

🎵I'm still tryin' everything to get you laughing at me - MASKIIING to get love interest’s attention BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERENT LIKE THE MASQUERATE REVELEEERS🥺

🎵And I'm still a believer, but I don't know why - She’s thinking a) Maybe I can’t keep up masking, it doesn’t always works, & I might burn out and/or b) What if I don’t need to mask and I was lied to?🤔

I want you to know

🎵I'm a mirrorball - She masks by MIRRORING PEOPLE, ITS A THING & Discloses her autism like “You know that Normie personality you thought I had? Nope it’s just a conglomeration of everyone I’ve ever seen. I’m not like that at all😤😤”

🎵Hush, when no one is around, my dear - Anxiety over people finding out :( Aw Taaay

🎵 Hush, I know they said the end is near - Neurotypicals saying we can’t ever keep a relationship

🎵 You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes - WALKING ON TIPTOE IS A SIGN OF AUTISM

🎵I'll show you every version of yourself tonight - mirroring/imitating as a coping mechanism for masking

🎵I'll get you out on the floor - aka work my brain so hard to get the social & timing right enough for you to actually follow me even though I’ll get an ACTUAL headache

🎵Shimmering beautiful - masking as a Grill (girl)

🎵And when I break, it's in a million pieces - hypersensitivity & emotional regulation, meltdowns

🎵Hush, I know they said the end is near - people thinking YoU cAn NeVeR kEeP a ReLaTiOnShIp

🎵But I'm still on my tallest tiptoes - unmasking bc she’s being vulnerable??

🎵 Shinin' just for you - NO U DERSERVE IT TOO

🎵 Hush, when no one is around, my dear

🎵 You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes - TIPTOOOOE

🎵 Shinin' just for you - NO TAY, LIVE FOR YOURSELF NOT JUST FOR THEEEEM

🎵 Hush, I know they said the end is near - MAYBE ITS NOT

🎵 But I'm still on my tallest tiptoes - YES GIRL YES

🎵 Spinnin' in my highest heels, love - DO IIIIIT

🎵 Shinin' just for you - N O🔥 you were literally almost there Tay!

🎵 Because I'm a mirrorball - BECAUSE I MASK

🎵 I'm a mirrorball - I MAAAAAAASK

🎵 And I'll show you every version of yourself tonight - I MIRROR IN ORDER TO MASK

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 *yippeeeeeee*

#actually autistic #autistic community #autistic not weird #autistic culture #autistic pride #autism things #autism thoughts #being autistic #autism acceptance

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mermaidsirennikita · 3 years

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Glad I'm not the only one getting odd vibes from the production. I mean idk a lot about tv shows but isn't the showrunner the one in charge? So him saying that he fought for a malina kiss and was stopped, despite that happening in the book...Like baby girl who is stopping you!? Who is that darklina stan on the production that vetoed you? I kid but the show is definitely putting a lot of emphasis on darklina being a romantic relationship and less the Darkling doing a big manipulation.

I know this, based on what has been said and what I know (which isn’t a lot) about production:

a) they almost definitely blew a good bit of money on getting ben. he’s way more experienced than most of the cast (the guy playing Matthias had only been in a short before this, so he probably got paid next to nothing) he’d well-known, he’s had significant roles in major shows and movies before. he’s not like this massive A-lister but he’s a known entity and while I’m sure he “argued for the part” with the the tumblr manips of him as the darkling, he was reached out to first, he did not reach out about the show first, and I would bet that the role was his without him auditioning. like, if ben barnes wanted the role, his age was not a big issue for them. he was a priority, and therefore the darkling was a priority.

b) in contrast, and this is NO SHADE to archie, who seems super nice (no comment on his acting skills because I haven’t seen him in much; he was fine as Mal, I just don’t think anyone save like..... someone high caliber could’ve saved that role) but I’m fairly certain that archie got the role in part because he and Ben had played antagonistically against one another in Gold Digger. he might’ve even had a good word put in for him? (he played a guy who was mad bc ben barnes was absolutely destroying his mom’s pussy, by the way.). they seem to really get along well. but if that’s the case, that tells you the level of thought put into casting mal. like they say it just took them foreeeeever to find their mal like he was some kind of scarlett o’hara, but i just. don’t. buy. it. especially not when he already had ties to ben.

c) the comments the showrunner made about “fighting for a kiss” are bullshit lmao i’m sorry. like eric seems like a nice dude, but it’s his show, the kiss was in the books. the only reason why i can think that they didn’t want to put in a kiss is that if she kissed mal before she kissed the darkling it would look like she was cheating on mal and mal was getting cucked; and if she kissed mal soon after she kissed the darkling everyone would be comparing the malina kiss to the darklina kiss and like..... we know what the darklina kiss came off as.

d) it’s entirely possible that they were surprised by exactly hoooooow intense jessie and ben’s chemistry ended up being while filming? as well?

e) i do think they want to please leigh because life is just easier if the original creator likes what you do and isn’t shit-talking it. and leigh doesn’t like darklina. which is fine, that’s her prerogative... but as she herself has said, the show is not the books. the showrunner has to have the freedom to do what he wants and both he and netflix have to have the ability to please their audience and attract and retain viewers.

f) the latter of which, I PROMISE, was a part of why ben was cast. tons of people are more intrigued by this show because he’s in it, not just because he’s Generational Crush Bin Bons, but because he’s like a Legit Actor and has a vibe that steers the show away from simple YA.

g) so eric (the showrunner) is probably walking a tightrope of not looking like he’s going tooooo off-book and pleasing leigh while at the same time building his own creation and entity. it’s obvious that production is into darklina based off the soft edit the show gave the darkling and the discussion of it in promo, but they also feel like the best way to fix The Mal Problem is to make mal more likable versus changing canon, because then everyone will be happy. except mal is a very fucking hard character to make likable, and attempting to do it by beating us over the head with him and meadow scenes didn’t work.

h) they’re between a rock and a hard place. because they’re selling this series as so solid because it’s based on a very successful book series, but that book series......... had a FAMOUSLY disliked ending. i wasn’t even into it and i couldn’t get through my dash without running into discussion about how much everyone hated that ending after the final book came out. darklina shippers were made, nikolina shippers were made, alina independent stans were mad--very few people liked mal. so how do you deal with an ending that so many people liked without insulting the original author or showing a lack of confidence in your original material?

FASCINATING.

#Anonymous

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im-the-punk-who · 3 years

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Idk if ur the right person to send this to so feel free to ignore if you aren't but I'm beginning to realize that I might be a trans guy after years of thinking I'm enby and I'm really struggling with that? I've received a lot of the messages over the years about how men are bad and violent and I've also experienced a lot of gender based violence before I was out. I know intellectually that there's nothing wrong with manhood and yet I'm still really struggling. Idk do you have any thoughts on learning to accept your own manhood

Okay! Sorry this took a few days to answer but this is...definitely still a complicated thing for me, too.

First off I wanna say that whether you end up identifying as a binary trans man or somewhere in between that and nonbinary, that is very cool and valid and all of this can apply no matter where on the spectrum of masculinity you ultimately end up falling.

I saw a post which explains the basic thesis of what I'm gonna say, which is that your gender does not equal your morality.

Tumblr in particular really likes to go hard on the misandry and it can be really hard not to internalize that. Especially when it comes in the form of so many jokes, and especially especially when some of it does line up with experiences you’ve had. The biggest thing to realize, is that just *being a man* doesn't make you inherently violent or toxic or bad. All of the things that Tumblr and feminism in general tends to equate to “being a man = bad” are things that are learned or encouraged over time, no matter how much terfs like to insist they are traits inherent in being born with a y chromosome.

(And yes, these misandry arguments ALL have their basis in gender essentialism and in arguing why trans people can’t exist.)

As this relates to trans men, it becomes akin to walking a tightrope our entire lives. In both society at large and LGBT spaces we're made to fit as close as possible into gender norms to avoid violence or oppression(or the insistence we’re really just lesbians or self-hating cishets). But we also have first hand experience of the ways in which men are *socialized* to behave being harmful and don’t want to perpetuate them and be labeled a ‘bad person’. So we have to constantly walk this line of, I suppose trying to act manly enough while also trying not to cause waves (And, AS A NOTE, does that sound eerily similar to the argument most feminists say is purely a feminine experience? Is it almost like the very system that seeks to free cis women through hatred of men perpetrates those exact same systems onto other marginalized communities?)

And I will say, this is something I still struggle with. A lot. It's not going to be something you can take a magic pill for and never have to worry about again. I started transitioning almost a decade ago and I'm still trying to find the balance. Cis men can spend their *whole lives* trying to find that balance. I know quite a few - in case it feels like this is a purely trans experience. Reckoning with the way that male privilege has socialized men to harm at the same time radical feminism has socialized everyone it can that all men intentionally cause harm is a universal experience among men who are aware of it.

It's not easy, and I guess just...if you feel like you're struggling on that front as you continue your gender journey(Laynie i hate you i hate you i hate you) try to remind yourself that you're not alone. And that what you’re fighting against is a systemic socialization, not something inherent in yourself. You’re going to screw up - that doesn't make you a bad person or a bad man.

I listen a lot to Brene Brown.

I know people are probably sick of hearing me talk about her, but she is a shame researcher who honestly helped me a LOT in realizing why I was feeling so bad about parts of my personality or my gender expression. She’s excellent. If you find you’re having a lot of trouble reckoning with being this thing you have perceived as bad for a very long time, I highly recommend listening to some of her ted talks and other speeches. Most of them are on youtube.

For a long time I was trying to base my gender off of what I thought people would love. I went over the top, dressed in popular styles, was WAY more feminine than I actually feel, and tried to make myself as unassuming as possible - in part because of childhood trauma but also because I was genuinely ashamed to be a man(particularly a gay man) because I had internalized the idea that men - especially gay men - were woman-haters. (And, because I hated *myself* as a woman, I thought that I also hated women, and I thought that I must be one of those Bad Gays.)

But once I stopped trying to do that? Once I was like ‘no I’m actually a gay-up man’ and stopped berating myself for not liking my feminie body and hating the parts of myself that I didn’t identify with but felt forced to perform? Once I started looking at what made *me* happy and not other people? It became so much easier to not feel those things.

SO I guess, what I’m saying is that the best way to deal with internalized misandry is to try to forgive yourself, and recognize that the things that men perpetrated against you and that people say are ‘toxic male traits’ are not *inherent* to being a man. They are things that are taught to men(both cis and trans) by society. And also that like, these are also things that are not just inherent to men. Any toxic trait that a man exhibits a woman can too - and yeah there’s a discussion about how the general power imbalance between men and women makes it less likely a woman would cause as much damage but honestly? If you’re on tumblr you’re most likely in female dominated spaces where arguably that isn’t true, especially with the number of fucking TERFS on this website.

Also....you do not inherit cismale privilege just by identifying as a man. No matter how far you take your transition, you are *always* going to be at a different level of privilege from a cisman. Even if you transition as far as you are able to right now and live and pass as a cisman for the rest of your life, you are not a cisman and that is going to affect how you move through the world.

(That doesn’t mean you are not a *man* because you are not cis, btw. Just that there are things that cismen don’t have to worry about that are going to affect your life - things like ovarian cancer, breast cancer, hormonal dependence, corrective abuse, medical shortages, physical differences that out transpeople - there are a hundred things that trans men have to experience throughout their lives that cismen are never, ever going to deal with. And yes, this goes for transwomen / cis women as well.)

Something that helped me become comfortable living as a man was to look at specific traits of the men in my life. Why did I feel comfortable around this man, but not others, what red flags physically or emotionally did this behavior set off in me? And then focusing on those specific *behaviors* rather than the men themselves. If you can separate the individual traits from an overarching idea of 'manhood' that might be helpful in feeling like you can inhabit manhood without being toxic.

Basically, my best advice is to tell yourself that what makes you a man does not make you inherently toxic. In fact what makes *all* men, men, does not make them inherently toxic. Men are not trash just because they’re men, and the fight against misandry *is* a fight for marginalized people. It hurts transmasculine people in exactly the ways you are hurting. No matter what TERFs say - no matter what male-critical or whatever they’re calling themselves to not have to call themselves TERFs say - men are not born evil, or bad, or trash.

Toxic masculinity is a learned behavior. It is not something you are given the day you start identifying as a man, and it is not something you have to perpetuate.

Calling it anything else does a disservice to everyone who identifies as masculine of center but especially trans men, who have to reckon with this exact knowledge that in affirming who they are, certain people are going to hate them and call them monsters and tell them they are trash and unworthy of loving without hurting.

And that shit just isn’t true. It isn’t fucking true! Men are not toxic just because they are men, and you are not a bad person just because you are a transman. That’s, I suppose, the best advice I can offer you. I hope it helps, and I also just want to reiterate that I hope you find affirmation in whatever you end up deciding. <3 <3 <3

#milo answers #gender #queer tag #transmasc #anon i hope you see this i know its a few days since you sent it #anon #Anonymous #long post

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