#I don’t think of myself as intimidating | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avpd-queer · 11 months

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I feel bad that my former best friend is in a toxic relationship and can’t see it, is throwing away their friends of over a decade for her, but I also can’t stop remembering how, when I shared with them that I had just learned I had been cheated on and gaslighted about it for 6 years, their response was concern about my abuser’s mental health. That conversation didn’t affect their relationship with him in the slightest, they didn’t try to be there for me or show up for me to him, and when I they learned that I was going to get back with that person just a few days later, expecting them to be like, “uh no I don’t think that’s a good idea” (like everyone else had done and like I expected from them, having told them “just don’t let any of your friends date him” when I shared that I was leaving him, thinking they could help me figure out where to sleep and how to adjust), they didn’t protest at all. I was glad to avoid the awkwardness of, “thank you for your concern but I don’t have other options and idk I guess I’m gullible but also I just really want to believe it’ll get better” but also hurt that they didn’t seem concerned for my well-being. Hoping that they just didn’t voice that part because I’m an adult and can make decisions and already know what advice I would give myself. I just had to cling to believing that, and thinking maybe they don’t understand what gaslighting is and that’s why they didn’t seem to care, even as they became less and less my friend and eventually dropped both of us for trying to set a boundary with them about their girlfriend. And the only way they offer for me to be there for them through their relationship is to stuff down all of my needs and feelings, go along with every whim of their girlfriend, and accept that we will never get time with them without her ever again. They kept pretending like everything was okay and they totally understood, when we were face-to-face, and then they’d go home and suddenly we’re horrible and need to apologize to her for…being her friend? Trying to get more time with our best friend? Being honest with our best friend when they ask why we haven’t been able to get closer to their girlfriend? We were trying to be adult and trust in the strength of our friendship, but they fully gave in to their girlfriend’s temper tantrum over her misinterpretation of messages she logged into their discord to read, and they have just fully thrown us away. Ghosted us for pride and haven’t communicated with us in any form since. We had some extra pizza from a canceled event at my partner’s work that I left on their doorstep and had my sister text about, and they responded that they were out of the country, visiting her family. Normally we have two weekly dnd sessions and 1-2 weekly hangout sessions - the first week of dnd was canceled and after that, they just never showed up. This month of nothing is one of the few months we had left before they were going to move to where her family lives in the US, like 10hr drive from here, being fully isolated with her, without a support system, away from the support system they haven’t been away from in like 8 years (when I was in New York - my partner was here during those 2 years, they were roommates).

I’m just so hurt. They meant so much to me, I planned on having them in my life for the rest of it. I knew in the last relationship they were in they let us fall to the side some but she broke up with them and they realized how absorbed they’d been and promised to not let it happen again. Before meeting the current girlfriend, who they immediately got absorbed into. I don’t know what the fuck to do.

#vent #I guess I’ll show this to my therapist #it’s hard to find the words when you’re not in the moment fully feeling the feelings and are talking to a stranger #instead of a blank void #my chest feels like a black hole #I keep thinking of cool people in my past who I was too scared to get to know #how I just got to know the people it was easiest to #because they weren’t intimidating #and this is the result #people tell me I have too high standards but? is this the result of the opposite? I’ve isolated myself as my mental health has gotten worse #and clung to the people who I thought cared about me the people who were easiest to keep in my life #and then those people turned out to not give a shit about me or need to have some kind of epiphany to realize I’m a human #being who they shouldn’t abuse #my adult relationships have just been emulating the treatment I got from my mom and oldest sister growing up #so much of the recurring shit from them has been recurring in my adult life too #never thought I would fall victim to the ‘you seek out the treatment you know’ trope #I guess #btw if there is a person reading this while I don’t always believe it for obvious reasons #I do think my partner just somehow didn’t realize how horrible he was being and is making progress now…he still falls short a lot in those #ways (I mean like not considering how his actions affect me or how I would feel about something and lashing out at me when he’s feeling #defensive not like…dropping a cup or forgetting something)#but it happens less #and he’s quicker to listen to me and understand and apologize #than he used to be #and not so weird and attack-y about his phone and computer and social medias #and he’s usually good about understanding it’ll be a process and the flip side of me being understanding of his growth being slow and non-li #near #is that I can’t get over years of abuse and a rewriting of my brain overnight #my mental health is so much worse after years of gaslighting and that’s going to take work on both of our ends #and he’ll have to create a space of trust and comfort with me not just expect it to be there magically

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salsflore · 1 year

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going to sleep soon ～ let me get some things off my chest here.... my eyes are super itchy again (fell into the trap of snuggling my cat even when i swore i wouldn't do it again)

#cw vent #this is bc i have a math exam tmrw I’M SORRYYY i feel some kind of way about that #this is the first exam where i am near confident i will fail. and its just kinda sucky #my mental maths is really poor and due to the fact i skipped grades (unable to afford Education) i don’t know a lot of things my peers know #my results as they are right now? theyre genuinely ok. not bad. but theres still gaps made by the years of missing out on school #this is one of them #its so embarrassing having my classmate look at me weirdly when i ask her about something that should totally be obvious or #something silly like that. i don’t know. its especially hard for me to be interested in maths because my old maths teacher has #literally fucked me up i’m so intimidated by every math teacher ever and i just hate the feeling of being stupid or whatever #i don’t enjoy being comforted by A+ students bc theyre like cmonn its totally fine!! i relate i got a 39/40 :(#or my friends who make jokes about how stupid i am and its just aghhh #its already been almost a year since ive enrolled in school again but i still feel so out of place #so miserable i could just die #so miserable i think i SHOULD die #and i'm just nervous about getting an absolute 0. failing my first test made me want to literally kill myself #sorry for being dramatic but when you have a sister whos awards and certificates fill your house shelf its kind of like........#aghhhh!!!! maybe i should just accept that i'm good for nothing at all!!!!!!#not that great with numbers or formulas. probably not that great at writing either. nor am i as eloquent as i'd like to be ～#not artistically inclined. science is a bore. not ~ naturally ~ adept with neither languages nor history! psychology! economics! sports!#forgive me for not being able to do anything good at all ... zzz

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pebblezone · 1 year

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🫡🏳️‍⚧️

#talkingcore #‘quarantine didn’t affect people’s mental health’ explain this 🤨🤨🤨#actually nah he was fine then he hadn’t been hit with ace attorney twas just in acnh world #I wonder if someone’s looked at the rate of anti depressants prescribed before the pandemic compared to during #to be fair like all the girlies on my mom’s side are epic like me but I think it’d be interesting to look at #need to put stocks into jellycat they’re like plush calico critters they do something Marvelous to my head #Lottie bunny tartan my beloved it’s so fucking cute they got everything #the fucking dogs with the sweaters…. the snails with the scarves….. I don’t even think I want it for myself I just need to share the wealth #praying my group project goes alright so unless I don’t post this til after I shall hopefully not be Dead or Miserable #me and r have beef I don’t understand you girl and this project is so tedious for no good reason #just let me do my silly little stats and charts and move on #i looooove charts i should find something in hellsing to make useless charts about what is there to tally hmmmmm #calculating screen time seems too complicated… I could do pages that would be easier maybe but then does it count if they’re out of frame #I shall reflect on that. maybe. maybe not. still in the midst of The Beach Boys I got side tracked cause talking about smile is intimidating

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sailforvalinor · 2 years

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Currently questioning everything I’ve said ever in my life

#for reference a friend just told me that someone thinks I don’t like them #and by ‘someone’ I mean ‘the guy playing my love interest in the play’#jfhdjdhjsdhdhdb I thought I was doing so much better!#I’d really thought I was doing better socially for the past few years #but I guess I’m coming off as stand-offish #my mom says I can look really intimidating when I’m not meaning to #I guess autistic and awkward translates to ‘I hate you’ on me #I just struggle with eye contact! and am awkward about romantic scenes because I’ve never been in a relationship before!#uuggghhhh I’m just so frustrated with myself #will probably delete later #just needed to get it out of my system

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bornafter1993 · 1 year

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if one more person says i have and attitude or that i’m intimidating i’m just gonna stop handing out my amazing delicious personality to these ungrateful people bc i’m SICK OF IT

#twiggy speaks #because i don’t have an attitude first of all #and i don’t like to think of myself as intimidating either but that’s beyond my control #i’m sorry that i have a huge personality that happens to be aggressive

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scwheeler · 5 months

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— how to get a girl’s attention

luke castellan x fem!daughter of demeter!reader

warnings: near-drowning experience…

summary: as the daughter of demeter, you’re the first person that everyone turns to when injuries need to be tended too, questions need to be asked, and any type of advice is required, however what’s going to happen when you’re the one in need?

a/n: this one’s quite lengthy guys! i really just got derailed like ten times and love adding details and the ending is kind of basic but whatever; don’t mind me making up random camper names btw lol 👼👼

waking up to the sound of constant bickering was just a normal tuesday morning as your younger half-siblings were already at each other’s throats about some stupid thing. yesterday it was borrowing boots and the day before it was who had to take the trash out.

you groaned, wishing that you could still sleep in peace and quiet but your cabin clearly suggested otherwise. so you gradually got up and put on your little slippers, approaching the main fighters who continued to argue with each other.

“hey hey hey, what’s going on now.” you had to physically get between the two children, separating them with your arms.

“he slipped paint all over my skirt and now it’s ruined!” the young girl cried, holding up her stained skirt to prove it. you took the clothing in your hands and knelt down to face her.

“why don’t i go to the river later today and try to get the stain out myself. it seems washable to me, what do you think?”

with a slight frown, she nodded her head to comply. you were relieved to say the least before turning to the boy, “how about you apologize and come with me to the river after breakfast?”

the boy stayed silent with his arms crossed, trying to avoid your insisting stare. but intimidated enough, he looked to the floor and whispered a small “fine, i’m sorry” with a glare.

you smiled as the situation was deescalated and told the rest of the kids surrounding the pair to hurry and make their beds in order to head to breakfast.

holding hands with the now puffy-faced girl, you tried to tell her about all the fun activities she could do today to forget about the unfortunate morning incident.

before reaching mess hall, the child already had a a bright smile just thinking about the bracelet making and embroidery you promised for the later evening. pleased with your peace-making skills, you sat with the rest of your campers and half-siblings that you were in charge of.

as the eldest sibling and one of the camp counselors, you took on the responsibility of looking after the young ones and caring for almost everyone at camp.

thus, when most of the camp half-blood children had troubles or dilemmas of any sort, they would disregard their own counselors and go straight to you. your kindhearted, yet sociable personality rooted from your mother: demeter.

you were often found laying around in the fruit fields or by the river listening to the water flow through the ground and hit the rocks. like your mother, nature was where you felt at peace, especially with the lack of quiet in your own cabin.

but you still loved your fellow campers and half-siblings, except for one boy who would not leave you alone.

luke castellan.

he liked to push your buttons and see how far he could take you until you’d explode. of course, you always kept your calm until either you just left the conversation or it would be interrupted by a camper in need who was like a knight in shining armor.

it wasn’t that you didn’t like the guy. you liked everyone at camp, including mr. d for gods sake! but something about luke was different. you occasionally saw him with his campers or his friends, he would joke around but never act like he does with you.

when you least expect it, he sneaks up behind you and gets close enough to whisper something in your ear. it could be just a random comment or sentence started but in an alluring voice as if you were friends or even more.

he knows what he’s doing. the moment he finishes, you flinch and get flustered, cheeks heating up and instantly standing up to avoid making eye contact. as you walk away, luke only watches and smiles to himself.

he knows how much power he holds over you, as with just a few words he can make you nervous.

“okay so once everyone’s done, we’ll first go to the archery range and you’ll stay there with counselor clarisse while damien and i go to the river to get that nasty stain out.” you explained and first looked at the boy who begrudgingly agreed to helping you earlier and then winked at the little girl you promised to help.

“counselor clarisse…!” one of the boys exclaimed.

“oh no she’s the mean one!” “yeah, she’s a bully!” your campers all started to agree and mutter remarks about their fear in staying with clarisse.

you couldn’t help but chuckle at their scared little faces, “clarisse? oh gods no! clarisse is not scary, she loves you guys and she’ll take good care of you.”

the children stared at you in disbelief while chowing down their eggs and bacon. “why can’t we just come with you to the river?!” one of the girls begged and began to pout alongside the other ten kids beside her.

you sighed and pursed your lips into a thin line, trying to come up with a compromise but you couldn’t.

“please it’s only for a couple of hours and then i’ll be back for the rock wall and some capture the flag!” you persuaded, trying to lighten up the mood.

but the kids still looked dissatisfied, now poking their breakfast around with their utensils in objection.

“well—” before you could plead another case why clarisse is a perfectly reasonable and responsible counselor and guardian, you were cut off by the one and only.

“aw don’t worry guys, you should listen to your counselor. plus i’ll be there too so if counselor clarisse gets even just a little too scary, you can come and hang with awesome counselor luke!” a voice announced from behind you.

you nearly choked on your food, startled in the surprise voice cutting you off. but the campers were overjoyed to see their second favorite counselor appear. there were an overwhelming amount of comments from the once so silent children, mostly regarding “luke!” and “yay!”

you whipped your head around to face the boy, standing right behind you with nothing but a smug grin on his face. then he leaned in just as he always does and whispered a quick, “you’re welcome” and turned to leave just as fast as he came.

“can we please hang out with counselor luke instead of clarisse?!” all the campers plead with their hands put together and lower lip puckered. left with no other choice by that damn castellan again, you inhaled deeply and slightly nodded which was shortly followed by an array of cheers and excitement.

after dropping off all of the campers in the hands of luke, you put a hand on damien’s back and led him to the river. but before leaving, you had to make sure luke would actually clock in as a responsible counselor.

“so i can count on you to keep them safe for the next couple of hours?”

“wow you sound like you doubt me!” luke said and took a step back with his hands up in fake surrender.

“enough with the games, castellan. are you going to make sure they don’t kill each other and stay unharmed until i return?” you asked again, ignoring his previous comment.

luke tried to hold back his smile after you called him by his last name. most of the time, his sparring partners or other counselors would use his last name rather his first. however, when the way you let the ‘n’ slightly my drag after saying it sent chills throughout his entire body.

to hide his delight, he lightly scoffed and crossed his arms at your hesitation. “i assure you that i will protect them with my life. i mean i am the best swordsman at camp,” he added as the corners of his lips just couldn’t help themselves to lift a little.

you rolled your eyes at his self-confidence and how he kept complimenting himself. luke only did it to impress you though, something that hasn’t been very successful.

“okay well alissa has a nut allergy, georgie has a bee allergy, and please keep thomas and will away from the poison ivy. i do not want to spend another summer knee deep in tomato juice.”

luke could only watch and admire as you kept expressing your deep concern for all the kids. he loved how much you cared. but a few more seconds and you would be driving yourself crazy over all the possibilities of something going wrong.

that’s when luke stepped in and softly grabbed your right arm.

“hey, it’s fine. go do whatever you have to do and i’ll come running down to the river if anything goes wrong but i doubt it, i’m pretty responsible y’know.” he reassured and stared straight into your eyes, indicating his sincerity. his smile wasn’t conceited or to drive his ego but rather held a tender emotion.

you looked up into his hazel eyes and suddenly the worries stopped and your nerves were calmed, other than the ones beginning to stir in your stomach. but this was far from the regard about the kids.

this feeling was something else. something new.

“are we going to go already?” the young boy you almost forgot about, whined and rugged on your orange camp t-shirt.

snapping out of your trance and back to reality you answered, “o-oh yeah, i think counselor luke’s got it from here.”

with that you turned away from luke and immediately headed for the river alongside damien but the paint-stained skirt was farthest from your mind now. you tried to shake the new feelings and thoughts out of your body and replace them with your past ones of the kids.

until, “is that guy your boyfriend?”

you quickly looked down to the boy asking the question, with such seriousness in his eyes.

“counselor luke? gods no! i wouldn’t even call him a friend!” you answered swiftly, picking up your pace and hurrying damien in front of you.

“geez…i was just asking!”

as soon as you two got to the river, settling on a few rocks by the edge, you started rubbing the blue-stained skirt with the clear water. damien sat next to you, fiddling his thumbs and staring at the water’s constant movement.

“so are you going to tell me why you did this or not?” you began, keeping your eyes on the skirt.

“i just wanted to.”

“damien.” you urged and this time, you stared directly at him with your eyebrows raised.

he sighed in defeat and gave up on lying to you.

“okay…well i just didn’t know how else to get clara’s attention,” the boy admitted and refused to look at you.

his response warned your heart and prompted your to smile to yourself.

“so you did this, just to get clara’s attention?”

you held up the now drenched skirt and demanded damien to look at you. for a moment, he did and nodded quickly before instantly going back to staring at the rock he was sitting on.

you stifled your laughter at how adorable the young boy you were with was being.

“damien…there are a lot of different and more efficient ways to get clara’s attention. may a suggest one that doesn’t destroy her belongings and ends up with her being angry?” you insisted and squeezed the excess water out of the skirt.

he looked up and nodded again but this time he continued.

“what should i do?”

“why don’t you make her a bracelet when we go back and sincerely apologize.” you suggested while laying out the wet skirt on the rock to dry.

he smiled at your suggestion as you went to sit closer by him. before speaking again, he pulled out a small daisy from his pant pocket and presented it to you.

your eyes focused on the blooming flower that lost a few of its petals due to being stuck in the boy’s pocket for a while now. but the remaining petals still standing were enough to maintain the flower’s beauty.

“when did you become such a gentlemen?” you nudged his shoulder and took the flower from his hands.

“oh, i’ve been giving him some lessons.”

alarmed, you turned to see the familiar face that had been surprising you all day.

“what are you doing here?! how about the kids—who’s watching them?!” you immediately stood up and marched towards the too calm figure standing amongst the trees. but he caught you with both arms, preventing you with ease.

“woah woah, take a breather, they’re with clarisse.” he said and stopped you before you ran back to the mess hall.

reading your expression, luke could tell you were not convinced nor pleased so he had to fix his answer.

“—and annabeth and chris.”

with that you stopped fighting against his grasp and stepped back, finally exhaling.

“you haven’t answered my first question.”

“oh! i just uh wanted to um come and tell you that they’re asking for damien back at camp. they were practically begging me to come over here and get him!”

you narrowed your eyes after he finished, easily indicating the lie.

“okay…you can go damien but remember what i said,” you smiled and patted his shoulder before sending him off back to camp.

the young boy ran off without a care and ready to make that bracelet with a formal apology. luke stood there, quite surprised that his lie that chris helped him think of in fact worked.

“soooo do you need help with whatever that is?” luke pointed at the skirt laid out on the rock.

“no.” you shortly responded and walked back to your rock but luke followed like a lost puppy.

“are you sure? i mean as head counselor for cabin 11, i can cook up a mean batch of laundry,” he insisted and trailed behind you.

unbeknownst to him, you rolled your eyes and cringed at his wording.

“your words don’t even make sense.”

caught in a lie, luke decided actions spoke louder than words and walked past you to the skirt. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as he picked it up and crouched down near the water before dunking it back into the water.

shocked and a little annoyed, you hurriedly ran to him.

“what the hell are you doing?! i just washed that! i’m waiting for it to dry dumbass!”

“oh she curses!” he exclaimed, finally getting a real response from you.

you reached for it until luke raised it a little higher, just out of your reach. using his height as an advantage, he held out the clothing as far as he could and to the river.

fed up and exhausted, you went on your tippy-toes and lunged for the skirt. swiftly, luke pulled it close to his body just as you reached leading you to accidentally lean too far.

with a splash, you fell straight into the freezing cold water, unknown to how deep the river was. luke’s eyes widened, he thought you falling in would be funny but once you hadn’t resurfaced within a few seconds he became worried.

without a second thought, he dropped the skirt, pulled off his camp shirt, and dove into the biting waves. as soon as he saw your bright orange t-shirt in contrast to the clear water, he put his arm around your waist and swim towards the surface.

pulling you out to the rocks and laying your body on the ground, he waited for you to gain consciousness. luckily, you started to gasp for air and spit out gulps of water as you sat up.

luke sighed in relief at once. you wiped your face of water and blinked repeatedly until your sight returned to normal. then your eyes were fixated on something else, rather someone. his bare chest stood directly in front of your face, it wasn’t like you were trying to stare!

“i’m sorry, y/n. I’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to do that and i’m really sorry.” luke recited.

“i-it’s okay.” you stuttered, the cold water chilling your body.

“here take off the wet one and take mine.”

luke grabbed his discarded camp shirt and handed it to you. if you weren’t on the verge of frostbite you would’ve refused, but without another word you agreed and luke turned to face the trees as you pulled the wet shirt over your head and put on luke’s.

“thanks. for saving me and the shirt.”

luke turned back to face you and smiled, “i mean i was the one to make you fall into the water in the first place, it’s the least i can do.”

“aren’t you cold?” you signaled to his bare chest.

“no, i’m okay don’t worry. but your jeans are still wet so let’s head back to camp.” he reassured and helped you get up.

you nodded and let him take the lead. with your wet shirt and skirt in one hand and the other grabbing onto luke’s arm, you two finally made it back to camp. before dropping you off at your cabin, you had to ask.

“why did you come to the river anyway?”

luke awkwardly put his hand on the back of his neck and looked away.

“oh. i just uh wanted to spend time with you.” he admitted, ultimately facing you.

you stopped attending to your dripping pants and looked up at him. he had a genuine smile, now with both hands shoved into his pockets.

how was it that you had never noticed the golden flecks in his deep brown eyes? or the way the orange hues of the sunset highlighted the amber shade his eyes would turn?

“y’know, there are a lot of other ways to get my attention in the first place, that doesn’t involve us falling into freezing cold water.”

luke laughed at your comment which eased the awkward air.

“i had this almost exact same conversation with a little boy of about seven years, and gave him some valuable advice.”

“what was the advice..?” he carefully asked.

“to make her a bracelet and apologize, one of…you’ve already done profusely.” you raised your eyebrow to imply his previous attempt in apologizing nonstop.

“ah, a bracelet you say, okay got it,” luke said and nodded his head.

with that, he bid you a good day and you asked to meet him later at the campfire to return his shirt.

“alright you two sit there, i don’t want to see anymore fighting over the dinosaurs, you can sit here with him, and you three over there—” guiding the campers for the campfire that was just about to begin, you made your way to an empty bench.

smiling to yourself, you watched as your campers finally calmed down and enjoyed the music, giving up on fighting and arguing with one another. someone jumped over the bench and leaned back to sit right next to you, and you had a feeling who it may be.

“luke?”

“yes ma’am.” he replied with a tilt towards you and two fingers from his head.

the campfire lit up his face and highlighted his sharp features that you had somehow missed until this moment. his charming smile urging his dimples alongside his dark curls freshly washed with a new scented shampoo was enough to make you realize you were hooked. damn.

“oh i have a little something for you, give me your arm and close your eyes,” he spoke up and put his hand in his pocket.

raised eyebrow, you reluctantly closed your eyes and gave him your right arm. suddenly in fear of some bug or scary animal on your hand, you slowly retracted it back to yourself until he gently got a hold of it.

he pulled your arm towards him slightly and slipped something on around your wrist. waiting for his approval, you sat questioning what the mystery item could be.

“okay, open.” luke did a little ‘ta-da’ motion once you flickered your eyes open, adjusting to the dark yet orangish lit surrounding.

you looked down at the intricate, handsome bracelet that appeared on your wrist. it was similar to the camp necklaces but the beads were translucent with flowers imbedded into them. except for one bead that was painted a heavenly green, your favorite color.

astonished and at a loss for words, you observed the bracelet, moving around the small beads on the string.

“i’m sorry.”

snapping out of your trance, you instantly stared up at luke after his words in confusion.

“what?”

“you said earlier, ‘there are a lot of other ways to spend time with you that don’t involve us falling into freezing cold water, for starters make a bracelet and apologize.’” he repeated your words from back by your cabin. he remembered.

“so you made me a bracelet and apologize just like i said?” double-checking, you glanced once at the bracelet and back to the dashing boy who looked as if he had stars in his eyes, waiting for your reaction.

“not only for you, i also helped damien make one for that girl he’s got a crush on,” he continued and looked over to the little boy doing the exact same hold-out-your-arm-and-close-your-eyes trick on the girl sobbing about her stained skirt earlier.

she opened her eyes to a freshly washed skirt and matching bracelet, along with a smiling boy who was apologizing and waiting for her reaction. she leapt into his arms with a bunch of ‘thank yous.’ the boy then briefly peered at luke who proceeded to wink and give an approving nod.

happily surprised, you sat gaping at the boy you thought was so infuriating just a couple of hours before. luke knew exactly what he was doing. he knew how much you cared for the campers and your half-siblings, how you would always chose their safety and happiness at the expense of your very own.

it was one of the traits he admired the most about you. even when in a bad mood or not feeling your best, you would put on a brave face and make sure to put their needs in front of you own.

he witnessed it first-hand last week when your campers wanted to go rock climbing but there were dozens of poison ivy already there. thus, to not disappoint the kids, you stayed up all night removing the dangerous plant and relocating them to another area deep in the forest for them to grow.

even with your plant manipulation abilities, with the large amount of the poisonous plant, it took you quite a while. afterwards, you went as far to replace them with lovely daisies you summoned from the gardens in front of your cabin.

during the move from the rock climbing course to the forest, luke had spotted you while some late-night sword practicing because he couldn’t sleep due to apollo cabin next door.

he debated approaching you and settled on only admiring you from afar after you almost finished anyway. he didn’t want to disturb you or aggravate you further than you already were. but leaving you here in the forest during midnight would be wrong.

what if a monster were to come? how were you to defend yourself if you were distracted! therefore, it was just common sense that luke had to keep watch, i mean he even had his sword with him after all.

but once the sun peeped from the tall mountains, he came to a realization that he had just sat and watched you for more than a couple hours. so in order to not get caught, he ran off back to his cabin before anyone would wake up.

only a little after luke headed to bed, morning arrived and you were the first one to break the happy news to your campers that today would be the day for rock climbing. greatly proud and feeling accomplished, you even invited other cabins to join and have a spin at it. including luke’s.

now he was the one to show you how much he cared for the campers as well, focusing on a feature you had great respects for. your shocked expression softened and now leapt into his arms.

“thank you, castellan. really.”

blood rushed to his cheeks and he tried to hide his excitement, but you felt his genuine smile on your shoulder. before pulling away, he stopped by your ear and whispered.

“do i have permission to kiss you, counselor?”

you could’ve giggled at his words and how close his lips were to your ear. without wasting another breath, you pulled his face closer to you and put your lips on his.

feeling the warmth of his breath, you could taste the sweet taste of strawberries he must’ve eaten earlier. only centimeters away, your bodies were attracted to each other almost pressing. the kiss wasn’t long but not short either, somewhat leaving a lasting impression on the other.

yet again you felt a small grin of his lips during the kiss, making you pull away for air. but your eyes were still glued to his, moments away from repeating the act but you both realized where you were and how irresponsible it would look as counselors. so instead he grabbed your hand, now giving you the absolute cutest puppy dog eyes before asking.

“do i have your attention now?”

#luke castellan x y/n #luke castellan x you #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan #pjo x reader #pjo tv show #pjo series #percy jackson #lc #castellan

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screampied · 5 months

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saying the safe word with sukuna? 🥹

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ SUKUNA RYŌMEN.

⤷ tags. fem!reader, fluff + smut, safe word usage, praise, mentions of size difference. petnames: princess, little one, brat.

instantaneously, the moment you muttered your safe word in a sweet broken, “…kuna, r-red,” and with a soft squeeze against his arm — that was the exact point where he stopped. sukuna stopped, pulling out gently to not hurt you anymore before he raises his eyebrows in pure startlement.

“red? what…uh, what happened? are you—okay?”

you could tell by his sudden change of body language, the delay in his voice, he was concerned.

you’ve never uttered out your safe word in bed before. sukuna hovers over you, and he’s maintaining eye contact, awaiting for your response.

“nono, i’m okay,” you reassured him with a awkward smile, brushing a thumb against his arm. you stared at him, taking a deep moment to think of what to say—you were embarrassed, having to stop right in the middle, but you had to. “it was good, it’s just that,” and you took your time to speak, gently rubbing your fingers against his arm. he noticed you’d always do that whenever you were anxious or nervous. “it started to hurt a little.”

sukuna grows quiet before he rasps out a low, “….princess,” and the way his tone instantly softened. as well with his eyes, he leaned in close to you—your forehead was met with a cute, awkward kiss on the forehead by him. something he doesn’t really do. “forgive me, my sweet. i’m sorry. ya know you could have told me sooner, right? i wouldn’t have gotten mad at you. you’re my baby.”

the moment his soft warm lips tapped against your forehead, you felt your heart swoon and pick up. sukuna was never one to be soft, yet with you, the ultimate exception.

“really?” you whisper out, for a strange reason, you felt tears swell up near the very crevices of your eyes—annoying, you hated how overly sensitive you could be at times. “i-i thought you’d get mad and call me weak or something.”

“absolutely not,” he huffs out, and he brings a single thumb to stroke your cheek—bright eyes going down to stare at your adorable pout. “i’d never say that.”

“but-”

“shh, i’m trying to be a good boyfriend and comfort you,” he murmurs, and he brings a kiss near the side of your mouth. “anyways, princess,” he says, pulling you from your back to sit up. “are you sure you’re okay? i’m glad you told me to stop… i know with the…the uh, size difference between us and everything, i could get a bit carried away.”

and sukuna’s so cute. just the way, he’s suddenly all timid and careful with his words — bringing an arm to scratch near the nape of his neck, awkwardly. “i feel like an idiot. you can slap me if you want. feel free to-”

“why would i slap you?” you furrow your eyebrows, and he’s taken aback once you drag him into your chest, pulling him into a big hug. “i’m fine, it was just a little sting.”

“oi, woman. not so—tight,” he croaks, being dramatic and fake choking as if you were actually suffocating him.

“sorry,” you giggle, this time you’re the one to plant a kiss on the curse’s cheek. sukuna tenses and freezes up again, cute. to think only you could make him like this made you smile. “but ‘kuna, you are a good boyfriend. the best, actually.”

his eyes linger towards you, and his gaze was still intimidating—despite the way it looks like he’s staring right into your soul.

“…think so?” and his voice softens yet again, he genuinely sounds seriously ponderous. “you don’t have to save just say that to spare my feelings, y’know. i’d never forgive myself if i hurt you, so—”

“sukuna, i’m okay.” you muttered, leaning in to give him a sneak kiss on his lips—you fluster him heavily, it’s frustrating. frustratingly endearing.

he ponders for a moment before letting off a deep relaxed sigh.

“good. good,” and you’re surprised yourself one he pulls you back into his chest, a big bear hug. his arms wrapped around you. whilst pulling you close, the two of you are just quiet for a good twenty seconds before he speaks again. “i love you, woman. ya know? and…i’m proud of you.”

“what for?” you reply, your chin softly resting against his shoulder, taking in his sweet scent.

“for using your safe word, silly,” he utters in an low, playful tone. “you’ve never used it before. ‘n i’m glad ya did.”

now you’re the one flustered, you swallow a thick lump in your throat and he’s caressing your back with a big hand, it’s soothing. “o-oh,” and then it dawned on you. “but sukuna, you—you didn’t get to finish.”

“you’re too cute for your own good,” he faces you now, teasingly and lightly bonking your forehead with the tip of his pointer finger. “don’t worry about me. i’ll live.”

“okay.” you say hesitantly. then you look up at sukuna, and he raises a brow—you look like you want to ask him something, he can read your simplistic facial expressions like a novel.

he mumbles. “spit it out, princess. what is it that you want? a massage? a head pat? a—”

“um, just a kiss.”

he chuckles. “hmpf. i figured, get over here, girl.”

you gently lean in, softly pressing your lips against sukuna, and he’s very tender with his touch—you always treasured how sukuna would treat you like a porcelain doll, whenever it came to sweet gestures as kissing.

he tilts your chin slightly upward, the simple feeling of his lips…so soft, warm and a bit hot colliding against yours.

just a bit of tongue, each lips of yours and his were parting amongst each other lightly and you let off a soft whine into his mouth. you feel the coy smirk tug against his thin lips, heavy pants of breathing mashing against each other by each individual second. the more he kisses you, the more your heart raced—you felt loved more than you ever did.

with your tongue, you map out his mouth, long lashes fluttering as he held you close, and he then cups your face.

the sweetened filled kiss last for about half a minute before you pull away, and sukuna’s all awkward again—you were the only girl in the word to take his breath away. a fact he perhaps wasn’t ready to come to terms with.

“thank you kuku,” you hum, lightly shoving him on the bed so you could rest your head against his chest.

he tenses his jaw. “kuku?”

“it’s your new nickname, so deal with it, princess.” you smile, playfully kissing near his tummy.

“oh, little one. you have some nerve,” he utters, suddenly not flustered and perturbed as he once was. the audacity for you to say his nickname he used for you. such sass, he wraps a hefty arm over you, making sure you won’t go anywhere. “now, let’s…whatever you call it, ah—”

“um, cuddle?”

“cuddle, yeah, that.”

“i love you too kuku.”

“rest, brat,” he utters in a gruff tone. it only takes you a good few minutes before you drift off to sleep and once he hears you start to snore against his chest loudly, he sighs. “i—love you more.”

#★vegasbaby.#sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #sukuna x you #jjk smut #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #sukuna fluff #ryomen sukuna x reader #jjk fluff

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