#I don’t know why I’m rambling today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

borderlinereminders · 8 months

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I post a lot about self-soothing and working on needing reassurance. And while it’s important to do, it doesn’t mean that’s how it always has to be.

I try self soothing first. Sometimes with my best friend, I know my feelings at her aren’t her fault. It’s something small that’s triggered insecurity even though I know it’s not rational. And I try to deal with the feelings myself first. But sometimes I can’t. And it’s okay.

In these cases, I usually go to her. I’ll tell her “I know it’s not rational and it’s not your fault. But I’m having feelings about x, y and z”. If possible, I’ll tell her what I’m looking for (like reassurance).

She’s always very happy to offer me that reassurance. She knows that I’ve come so far and worked hard and if she can reassure me, she’s often happy to in order to make it easier for me.

I’m going to share my most recent example under the read more for a real life example of how I applied this.

But my overall point is that it is absolutely okay to ask for reassurance and sometimes you need to. It’s just important to do it in a healthy way.

A few weeks ago, she was overwhelmed and busy. I offered to watch her dog for her while she was working. I didn’t get a response back because she was thinking about it.

And then I found out someone else was watching her dog.

I felt a lot of confusing emotions. I felt angry. I also felt insecure, like she didn’t trust me. I was frustrated at her and the person now watching her dog. I felt jealous.

I used skills to try and cope with these feelings. I didn’t lash out at her. I tried using logic to suggest alternatives to myself. Perhaps it wasn’t personal that she picked someone else. Maybe it was for logistical reasons. It was probably just easier for her.

I tried to sleep on it, but the feelings were growing. No matter what coping skills I used. Sometimes, the coping skills don’t work to self soothe or talk myself through it.

I was feeling annoyed for small things and I knew that it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t done something wrong. But I decided to talk to her about it. I didn’t want the feelings growing and causing issues and they weren’t going to sort themselves out.

Here are copy and pastes from our actual conversation :

Me: My explanation for feeling hurt is that **** told me she was taking Storm and I felt hurt because I offered twice and you didn’t respond at all to it. It made me feel like I did something wrong to break your trust. I am really emotionally sensitive right now and I know I’m having an *extremely* heightened emotional reaction to it but I can’t seem to let go of the bad feelings. And I know it’s not your fault. But also it just feels bad and I feel like I need to tell you about these feelings because I can’t let them go on my own. I could really use some reassurance.

Her: That’s so valid.

If context helps you feel less BPD, I was actually trying to figure whether to leave Storm at home or bring her to you but I needed to know my new start time at work with the new schedule before I’d know if I could make the timing work to drop her off with you after the ferry.

Then *** was sad about the breakup with *** and I offered to lend her Storm as an emotional support animal. I know she really struggles with being alone when she is sad. And I decided I could do without my dog temporarily. I can see how it would’ve seemed like I preferred having **** watch Storm.

But your BPD is very valid, I probably would’ve felt the same way under the circumstances. I hope you have a great day and I hope you know I love you. Also that I think you’re great with dogs and would have 100% wanted you to watch Storm this week.

-

( The name of the person watching her dog are blacked out for privacy reasons.) While she didn’t need to share the context, she chose to do that so she could better offer reassurance. I also want to point out that she validated my feelings. My emotional reaction was heightened but she still validated me. She also then offered reassurance for my specific concern (that I wasn’t trusted). She was patient and understanding. I was valid to need reassurance but her reaction to it was super valid and why it felt so safe to seek reassurance from her.

#personal #Gorlfriend the biked #I don’t know why I’m rambling today #but here we are

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skyward-floored · 1 year

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Get you a man who can do all three

#SORRY I KEEP TALKING ABOUT DINK #he’s been in my brain lately #I don’t know why #lu dark link #linkeduniverse #linked universe #rambles from the floor #mild body horror #I think #anyways #ask to tag #oogh those allergies are hittingf #or the medicine I’m hinestly not sure which one #but wheeeeee I’m foggy today

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lesbiansanemi · 11 days

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The fact that I’ve found someone to sublease over a week ago and contacted the landlords OVER A WEEK AGO about needing the application forms and they still haven’t given them to us… please they want to move in on June 1st and I also want that so I don’t have to pay rent by myself I hate landlords I hate them so much

#I emailed them asking for the forms since we ALL have to fill them out #and it took them THREE DAYS to answer with ‘oh just give us the subleaser’s info we’ll email it to her :)’#and I was like um. okay. don’t know why you won’t just send them to me but whatever #so I reply with their info #and they STILL have not contacted her and it’s been nearly a full week since that #I’m going to fucking scream #you have to send us one damn email #I already TALKED to them about this in person and they were like ‘oh yeah once you have a subleaser just tell us and we’ll email the forms’#BITCH THEN WHY ARENT YOU #and they’re fucking office hours are 10-5. I work 10-6:30….#and I’ve been having weekends off recently so I don’t have a day off to go talk to them about this again #AAAGGGHHHHH #I guess I’m gonna try calling them on one of my breaks today and just hope it goes quickly cuz idk what else to do #like bro your job is to sit on your ass and collect other people’s money #I know y’all are not so swamped you can’t answer a simple fucking email #I fucking hate landlords #this is so stressful #and I feel bad for the other person because like! this is not a good sign for somewhere you’re trying to move 😭😭😭😭#esp cuz I was like ‘oh they’re usually good at responding quickly’#because they HAVE been but fuck me I guess when it ACTUALLY matters its fucking crickets #kaz rambles

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supernovaa-remnant · 6 months

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#I missed the last weekly quiz for this class #I could’ve sworn I did it 😭#oh no it dropped my grade further than I was hoping #it’s too late now </3 #okay I have the exam today I can (hopefully) recover from this #stella rambles #personal #negative #<- I actually don’t think it is I’m just stressing 😭#it’s so stupid too because we got multiple emails reminding us to do it #and I was like I always do it before the weekend #nothing to worry about #wait no I know exactly why I forgot it #I’m so stupid 😭#rip my gpa this quarter </3 #if I had been able to keep this class at an A I might’ve been able to drag up my gpa #even with my horrendous calc grade #as long as I finish the quarter with above a 3.0 🫠#oh my high school gpa feels like such a distinct memory </3

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shmorp-mcdurgen · 1 year

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Still thinking about that one idea of the BPS going to a pride parade-

Like. I imagine Seth doesn’t know the terminology or the specifics on sexuality, even if he’s very supportive of it. Spent a long period of his life questioning if he was supposed to feel connections with people or if there was something wrong with him. Only to find out that it’s perfectly normal and that there’s an actual term for it

Being around supportive people who know exactly what it’s like

#ramblings :)#tmc alternate au #Seth even tried dating a couple times. wondered why he never fully made a connection even though he considered them friends #Sarah probably found out about her own sexuality pretty early. denying it at first before just going. eh whatever I like girls now #she’s confident in who she is. good for her.#and Cesar is straight but is definitely an ally #I know it’s quite a few months away from pride month but. shush #also I don’t know how many terms used today were used in 2000. but I’m sacrificing accuracy just because. it’s a nice idea and I like it

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your-local-granny · 2 months

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Being critical of art is all fun and games until you are the art that is being critiqued :(

#God I was feeling so good today but duuuude I’m so scared abt the opera from purely a technical standpoint #like I’m not even stressed about fucking anything up anymore it just hit me that like. I invited people to see this and it might be bad :(#due to variables outside of my control!!!! I hate not being able to fix things #I would be less stressed if my mother wasn’t seeing it but tragically I’m proud of what /i/ am achieving so I really want her to be there!!#but I know it’s going to be SUCH a fucking let down after the other shows she’s seen at my school like #the productions she saw were SO GOOD on a technical standpoint and both of the productions this year were so bad :((((#like even conveptually I don’t even know if I’m fully convinced and I’m in the show!!!#And idk. It’s hard when you don’t have an extended family (or like much of a family at all)#so the only people coming to your show are like. Broadway technicians #the closest thing I have to an uncle is a lighting designer and a stage manager my mother knows #very fun sometimes. Other times I want to throw myself onto a pyre #Why do the stakes have to be so high why can’t they just be happy to support me :)) I shall never be the center of her world. Ah well #But also we would not be as close as we are without our shared love of theater production so. Catch-22 #And at the end of the day I’m more sad that I can’t be proud of the show #it’s not anyone’s fault it just is and I need to be okay with it #I worked really hard and it matters that I’m doing this #GOD SORRY!!!#vent #portal of rambling

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whimsycore · 3 months

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Identifying the white people you know are going to a problem before they can start shit is pivotal when you’re a black woman

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laceybun · 3 months

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College is wild why was this 30 year old man w a full time job in the medical field flirting w me 🤨 BRO??

#asked about my sh scars too like 💀 ‘you cut?’#and I’m like. yeah. 🙂.#and also about ‘why do you need a cane’#I do not know u bru #and some other guy asked for my number and I panicked and gave it to him #guys I dressed like a little boy today like leave me alone #sorry rambling I just wanna spray people repellent on myself #I don’t care if I ‘have beautiful eyes’ I just wanna eat my snack…… :(#IM MARRIED 💥💥💥‼️‼️🤬🤬RTAAGGSGGGHH #laceyspeak

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yellobb · 7 months

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Kinda want to disappear from everything and everyone in my life and just not exist. Delete all my social media, break my phone, torch my house, and just fucking get hit by a car or something

#m rambles #tw suicide #tw suicidal thoughts #what missing my medication for a week does to a mfer #Jesus fucking Christ #I don’t feel real #I was supposed to work today and I didn’t #I’m going to run out of PTO and I’m going to get fired and I’m going to deserve it #because I’m a shit employee and a shitty fucking person #my dishes have been sitting in my sink fermenting for a week #I haven’t texted anyone in days and if I don’t get that shit together soon my mom is going to call the cops to check up on me #it’s a miracle I even ate today #my psychiatrist is going to have a field day with me if I make it to my appointment on Tuesday #‘yeah so you know how I said I’ve been good about taking my meds and that I’ve felt great lately?’#‘that’s all gone now lol so you get to help my dumb ass figure her shit out’#because at this point I swear I’m beyond helping #nothing ever fucking works #I’m happy for maybe a couple months MAX #then all my progress gets dramatically shoved into a trash compactor #I don’t Know why i thought I would ever manage to hold down a job #I don’t Know why i thought I would be allowed to be happy #but fuck me for thinking for just a little bit that I could function like a normal fucking person #god damn it

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flippedorbit · 7 months

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all of.my bones hurt

#Rasp Rambles #i don’t know why but they all decided to suddenly start hurting and i’m not very happy about it #like cmon guys its not even 2:30. save the pain for later today when i wish i hadn’t stayed up so late

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robyn-goodfellowe · 1 year

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anyways ominous posts aside how are we feeling tumblr how are the vibes

#i’ve actually just been really on edge all day but my friend and i finally got scheduled together which was awesome #probably gonna go home and smoke and sleep or something i don’t know why i’m so freaked out today haha #rambling

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ghoul--doodle · 2 years

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I wish I could not have to speak verbally ever

I don’t like talking to people. I wanna just. Text. Or write.

Fuck talking out loud

#leif talks #having anxiety thoughts today- moreso critical ones than panicked ones #I wish there wasn’t pressure to have to talk to people you don’t know or. if you do want to get to know someone it’d be considered normal-#to figure out the most comfortable way to communicate until you get to know them if that makes sense #I can talk perfectly fine around a few people- and around people I’m close with I’ve been known to be loud #(volume control my beloved <33) but. talking to people I’m unfamiliar with. I can’t do it.#it’s very… illogical and irrational. I know it’s the anxiety part of my brain going off the wall but it doesn’t make tackling actually-#speaking much easier even if I take the time to rationalise my thoughts #i’m much more confident in my ability to communicate over text because I can take the time to think things through and word things how I’d-#like to! it’s generally just a nicer experience for me #and just. I get why verbal communication is such a huge part of communication. but does it have to be such a big part y’know???#anyway I’m rambling!#i’ve been sick with a nasty cold so I’ve not been up to much outside of class work but I’m in recovery now so hopefully I’ll catch up soon!#i have 3/4 art trades left to finish and a commission #you may rb but please leave my tags out of it JHDHFKSH #this post isn’t really a vent. more just me thinking out loud.

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inkykeiji · 9 months

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i keep reading that lil story u shared and that’s just so heartbreakingly cute(?) idk,, i’m sending him good vibes

aw anon!!! 🥺🥺🥺 this is really sweet :(( i understand what you mean! it’s stuck with me for years, especially the way he said it like the ‘i can’t—i can’t take you out just yet’ was so,,, honestly i don’t even have a word to describe it. really earnest, maybe? not desperate or begging but a genuine hey, i’m getting out of here soon and i’d really love to take you on a date the moment i can. i dunno, it was really endearing! i really do wanna write something inspired by it 🥺 i sincerely hope he’s doing wonderful <3

#i literally said ‘i have a boyfriend; i’m really sorry’ because he was so aaah i dunno yeah it really is that like risking it to just catch #up to me for a moment and talk to me #i think it was also just that hopeful note in his voice #like almost proud that he’d be leaving soon—which he should be!!!#that’s awesome #it takes a lot of bravery to be there and go through their programs etc #my dad could never make himself go through rehab so i have a lot of respect and admiration for the people who were brave enough to do it #people don’t understand how terrifying it is to do that and the strength you need to stick with it #so really hope this guy is absolutely flourishing now #sending him tons of love #probably would’ve said yes to him had i been single tbh #anyway anon!!! i’m glad this story touched you! i don’t know why it was on my mind today but i wanted to share it #because it has touya vibes #dabi was out presumably homeless on the streets from ages 16-24 so #i’m rambling i shall stop now #i hope thursday has been treating u well!! <3 #stay safe n drink water bb <3 #inky.bb #clari gets mail

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skyward-floored · 1 year

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Eating leftover red lobster biscuits for lunch mmmmhmhmh

#when my brother in law said he was going to work there part time again my siblings all cheered #mostly because we knew he’d bring us leftover red lobster biscuits again :D #sorry I’m chatty today I don’t know why #rambles from the Floor

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slf-nights · 1 year

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#was very bad at masking today and ended up being hella awkward #and now i’m apologizing to everyone too much #realizing my self worth is in the toilet rn #and i don’t even know why #😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫#nights rambles

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yuribalisms · 1 year

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And like !!!! The thing is with the gender stuff…. If I’m this wary about ever medically transitioning, even if I did come to the conclusion I’m a guy, I’m not sure I’d ever do it. It makes life hard, and if I’m not a hundred percent like “yes I want this it will make me happy” then I’m probably not gonna do it. It would also mean cutting off my mom’s side of the family for good (and while I don’t rlly mind never talking to my mom specifically again, there are quite a few ppl it would upset me to lose that way, all things considered). So Like…. What would be the point in “being out” as a trans guy? Sure my friends would listen but like the world in general? No!!! I might as well just keep saying I’m a lesbian and like ugh. Ugh. I like being a lesbian and I just don’t understand any of this but also am I just clinging so hard to lesbianism because it’s “safer” to me? Like what is the point in any of this my thoughts are just going in circles

#and like the thing is I don’t think it should really matter #I think I SHOULD just be able to say “’I’m a lesbian with a fucked up and complicated relationship with gender’#but so many ppl don’t like that and I don’t wanna fight to be taken seriously #and maybe I am just gender-fluid but then I have to accept there are ALWAYS gonna be times I am viscerally uncomfortable with my gender no #matter what I do which also just fucking sucks #and I just…. ugh. I don’t know what to do.#and like ik a lot of the ppl would not care if every few days I was like hey they/them pls #and then ‘oh he/him today pls :)’#or ‘hey feminine stuff today pls but also they/them’#like they would listen and they would not care but *I* care I want to *know*#and I just…. don’t…. and I’m so tired of it…. and just saying I’m a lesbian is the easiest option so why don’t I just keep doing that…..#kaz rambles

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