Watch Dogs Fandom Council... Send help.

I was on my way to write a mf fanfic, and I ended up giving Aiden kids... BIOLOGICAL KIDS.

I MADE OUR FOX DILF A LITERAL DAD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! 😭

I'LL HAVE TO DEVELOP HIM AS A DAD??? AT THEM SAME TIME I LOVE THIS IDEA I FEAR I'LL RUIN HIS CHARACTER-

SEND HELP, I'M-

tiny bg3 au concepts for muses that have clear ideas. 5/??

hel: tief (of maternal goliath descent) grave cleric/bard. potential party member. traveling songstress turns out to be on the run from a nobleman. personal questline involves either hel refusing to stoop to the level of said nobleman who ruined her life and reclaiming the family she lost and potentially counting the pc as part of such... or her losing her family more permanently through player choices/quest outcomes and striking back twice as hard, hardening her character and introducing a villain arc. chronically ill with visible physical deformities, her con stat is a thing of horror. i just think she and ast*rion would be hilarious as buddies given her class vs their overlapping autonomy trauma.

hoid/wit: just a normal human bard. recurring npc. just a silly goofy dude who gets everywhere. royal advisor, court jester, beggar, coachman, he plays every role to perfection, a jack of all trades. roll high enough in perception and you realize he's a big fat liar. knows a little too much about history from an objective perspective than anyone should be comfortable with. may be a legendary figure who killed a god? it's a blur. don't think about it too hard, just let the silly white haired anime man give you an uplifting story that recontextualizes your problems and helps you grow as a person. is working against a vague shadow organization ran by his ex, don't worry about it. he just wants to stop the apocalypse.

evi: wife, mother, drow cleric. npc bc lbr it'd be her eldest son and his squad as recruitable party members. fled the underdark decades ago at great personal risk, bringing with her armor and weapons of great power. was never truly safe until she married a warlord and settled into a... fraught... marriage. has kept her head high and her heart open, however, especially with her two sons in the mix. is key to one potential outcome for the kh*lin fam questline in which you expose that a long history using her as a pretense to go to war was false and she was actually attacked by friendly fire. will heal party no problem and is genuinely a good egg to players, regardless of race, alignment, or class. if one of her sons or their associates are recruited she's trusting you with her baby and them with you so you all get to come back safe🥺

melisande: non-human magic user (exact class tbd) who is traveling with her dragon companion. not much of a fighter, but has a number of neat spells and status effects up her sleeve. first one to cast speak with animals in the wilds. was raised by a master wizard and wants to do him proud. i think rather than the big boy seen in the movie her dragon gorbash is still just a little guy nipping at her heels. a gentle chaotic good type, too beautiful to truly be the human she claims to be. but it's rude to stare and conjecture exactly what her lineage truly is, seeing as how she was happily adopted as a child. i see her as the npc type with gorbash acting as basically a scaly overgrown housecat of precious few braincells.

lena: same general story beats, half-elf bard and rich girl out on her own for the first time. her attempt at a business trip is cut short by current events and she ends up in the party's orbit. will sugar mommy their silly little tasks because i mean. world's fucked. might as well live deliciously with the time we have left, especially if you're one of the intrepid heroes seeking to stop the apocalypse in its tracks.

Alexis Wolf

Basics

Full Name: Alexis Wolf

Nickname(s): Alex, Lex, Wolf (Callsign)

Age: 15 when joining Blackwatch, 20 when Overwatch fell, 30 when Winston recalls Overwatch

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Appearance

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Nationality: American

Skin Tone: Fair

Eye Color: Brown

Hair Color: Brown

Hair Style: She wears her long hair either in a single braid or pigtail ones

Makeup: Only when she has to for undercover mission

Build: Slim but athletic

Height: 5′ 5″

Style: Wears all black, leaning on clothing that helps her hide while comfortably doing all the high athletic feats that she has to do

Personality

General Personality Traits: Righteous, Volatile, Calculating

Strengths: Driven, Protective, Perceptive

Flaws: Stubborn, Hot-Tempered, Married to Her Work

Habits and Mannerisms: She pinches the bridge of her nose and drags a hand over her face when agitated; When she’s angry, she stomps either to her room to throw some pillows at the wall or to the training area to shoot some targets

Secrets: She may harbor a crush on Cole Cassidy but she would rather keep that a secret from herself as well

Regrets: She regrets allowing Blackwatch to become what it became, she unreasonably blames herself; She also regrets leaving Overwatch before it fell, maybe she could have done something 

Skills/Talents: Shooting; Acting; Stealth; Reconnaissance

Likes: Ramen, Training, Cool Night Air

Dislikes: Pompousness, People Taking Advantage of Others, Stupidity

Sense of Humor: Dry, snarky humor

Guilty Pleasure: Whiskey

Defining Moment: Saving Genji Shimada despite everything and everyone telling her not to 

Relationships

Friends: Gabriel Reyes (Pre-Retribution), Ana Amari, Reinhardt Wilhelm, Jack Morrison (Pre-Fall), Cole Cassidy, Genji Shimada, Lena Oxton (Post-Retribution), Fareeha Amari, Briggette Lindholm

Family: Andrew Wolf (Father, deceased), Juliet Wolf (Mother, deceased)

Lovers: Cole Cassidy (eventually)

Relationship Status: Single, married to her work

Reputation: Those who don’t know her are rightfully scared of her. She is one of Blackwatch’s best agents and marksmen, she is scary, you should be scared. Don’t tell her that people say this, many regard her as Commander Reyes’ adoptive daughter

Miscellaneous

Current Residence: New York City, NY (Post-Fall)

Collections: She does keep pictures of those she holds dear, Pre-Fall she keeps pictures of her parents, Post-Fall she keeps pictures of the happier days of Overwatch and Blackwatch

Accent: American, New York

Voice: Light but rough

Signature Quote: “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me...”

Song: Havana - Blue Steel

Backstory

Alexis Wolf and Omnics have a difficult relationship. When the girl was no older than fifteen she found herself orphaned by the Omnic Crisis, stuck living in the wreckage like many other kids her age. The only difference between her and many of the other kids was that she had a talent for protecting and defending others, not to mention a resourcefulness that kept her and others around her alive in that difficult time. So, when Overwatch found her in their campaign of offering aid to the poor souls of the world, they thought they might offer her a job.

After entrance exams, Gabriel Reyes and Blackwatch were more than happy to snatch her up and over the course of the year, nimble and quiet Wolf worked her way up to being one of Blackwatch’s top agents. Armed with a slightly downgraded model of the weaponry used by Strike Commander Morrison, some of Angela Ziegler’s miracle bandages and a chain-like bolas to help her in the field, she was excellent at what she did.

One of her finest missions, in her opinion - do not ask Reyes what he thought about it at the time - was the night she sat vigil at Shimada Castle. The mission had been simple. Reconnaissance. See what the notorious crime family was up to, pose as a tourist and see what you can find out. What she ended up finding that night was an empty house and a half-dead heir on the grounds of their beloved empire. Incapable of letting the young man die, she called in help, bringing the man to Angela. Reyes had yelled up a storm at her for this but Alex stood by her decision. Genji Shimada ended up being a valuable asset to Blackwatch and more than that, a trusted friend. She had done the right thing.

There was also, of course, the Route 66 mission which, on the whole, was a successful mission. The few consequences of it fell heavily on Wolf though. She had been shot by the Deadlock Gang’s notorious leader. ‘Calamity’ Ashe was a crack shot, Wolf had to give the woman that but her arm hurt like hell for several months after. Not to mention the added seemingly unending headache that came in the form of Cole Cassidy. For some reason the young man her age had decided that out of everyone on base, he wanted to bother her, and their ‘will-they-or-won’t-they-though-Alex-screams-all-the-time-that-they-won’t-while-Cole-constantly-states-that-they-will’ relationship began.

Despite everything, Wolf’s arm healed and she learned to deal with the cowboy. But nothing could prepare her for the addition of Moira O’Deorain and the gang’s trip to Venice. After that, her relatively peaceful life and new family began to fall apart. Her boss - and to everyone else, her adoptive father - began to change. He wasn’t the same man she had signed up to work for and the two of them got in to fight after fight, leading to her transfer to Overwatch. She had made friends with the newly blinking operative, Lena Oxton but Alex didn’t stay with the organization long after her transfer. Tensions were far too high and she feared for what could happen if she stayed. She said goodbye to those she cared for, the tearfullest with Genji. (She hadn’t been able to say goodbye to Cole as he had left before she did, without saying goodbye).

Nowadays, she lives in New York City, her previous home, trying to continue her life without thinking too much about the past. That is, until a certain scientist decides to call the gang back again... She doesn’t want to go back, but if she remembers why she started, and what she gained because of it, she may be persuaded...

Random Jackbox headcannons that I wanted to share.

(Possible trigger warnings ahead, prosied with caution.)

The first time Cookie hosted You don't know jack, he was terrified and could barely utter a word.

The YDKJ hosts are a squad and they hang out together.

Schmitty takes anger management classes

The Champed up host is Cookies brother and his name is Chip. (Like, chocolate chip cookie.)

Chip is kind of aggressive towards others when it comes to showing affection to Cookie. He will not hesitate to fight anyone who upsets Cookie (even though he's much smaller than Cookie and will most likely loose a fight.)

Cookie is robophobic and he believes in the conspiracy that highly advanced tech will kill us. (He can handle Iphones and smart watches, but not VR headsets and home assistants and especially AI.)

Nate is totally fine with this belief, as he has interviewed people like this on his radio show Truth Talk 23/7 and has heard much stranger.

The Binjpipe lady is an artificial intelligence female robot called the Artificial Binjpipe Intelligence of ABI (I know it's a terrible acronym but I couldn't think of a good one that spelt something similar to Aby.)

The only reason Cookie agreed to collab with Binjpipe is because Donny forged Cookie's signature on a contract behind his back hoping Cookie could face his fear.

It didn't work and Abi gaslighted Cookie in to thinking she resets him and brainwashed him into thinking he's code and that nothing and nobody he knows is real.

This causes him to neglect his own health, not eat, sleep, or take care of himself, and he eventually lost his mind. Abi planned for this to happen and intended for him to die of malnutrition.

Her plan was to collect data from the Jackbox hosts, put it on a chip, kill the hosts, then download a replica of them onto Binjpipe to put their shows on the streaming service. Aside from being morally messes up, this would've totally drained the life and comedy out of the shows and make them bland and boring.

Nate was suspicious of Abi from the beginning and asked people to send him any info on Binjpipe they could find on his show.

Nate, Schmitty, guy, and Buzz had to save Cookie and rush him to the hospital because by the time they where able to stop Abi, he was to week to even stand up and was incredibly mentally incapacitated.

When Cookie was released from the hospital, he was too week to walk, he barely spoke, and he couldn't think straight or remember anyone or anything. (Basically Cookie is not having a good time.) He's mostly better now but now he's kinda traumatized.

In fact, he was so traumatized that he quit trivia for years (At least until a new YDKJ comes out, if it comes out, and if he's the one who hosts it.)

[REDACTED] insisted on helping Schmitty and Raul (I ship Cookie and Raul) nurse Cookie back to physical health, mental health, and his memory when he was released from the hospital because the state Cookie was in reminded him of the state his mother was in before she died.

[REDACTED'S] Mother had Alzheimer's disease and Redacted helped be her caretaker and would sing her a lullaby she used to sing to him before bedtime. That song was the last thing she heard before she died and her death really hurt Redacted.

[REDACTED] doesn't support su***de, it bumes him out and makes him feel bad for wanting to kill the person.

[REDACTED] Is friends with Schmitty and Schmitty forgives him for torturing him, in fact he acts like it never happened. (Nobody understands why.)

Since [REDACTED] isn't allowed to kill the other hosts, he gives them the dolls he made, kills the dolls when they lose, and makes them stay in 'the looser room,' where they watch a projector screen of the rest of the game and eat snacks.

[REDACTED] Was genuinely hurt when he finds out that you aren't his mother because he was really hurt when she died, and really happy when you got the wig since he thought could see her again

The others heard [REDACTED] in the tattoos mini game, but they couldn't see anything. [REDACTED] purposely left them in the dark about it until they played the mini game to mess with them.

The host of the devil's and the details is a demon who changes his form into a human because his true form would most likely drive the others mad. Also his name is Stan

Stan sees humans as simpletons and he looks down on them. The only human he actually likes is [REDACTED.]

There's a cult related to Stan (Who's real name is Y'thogsomore, pronounced Yo-thogs-a-more) and he thinks the cult is pathetic for following him.

It was really awkward for Cookie to find out that one of his old cats is now anthropomorphic and a game show host.

Back when Mayonnaise was a normal cat, he would somehow change the channel on the TV to The Twilight Zone and watch it whenever Cookie fell asleep while watching TV.

Cookie is a cat dad.

Felicia was surprised to find out that none of the hosts were dating each other, so she threw a make out party to try to have set them up, it didn't work and she just made everyone uncomfortable.

She wasn't allowed to do that for a long time. She's now allowed to hold singles mixers, just as long as she doesn't be as pushy as the first time.

Glargan O'Toe is and Alien who wears a space suit while on Earth. He has one eye and he glows in the dark

Glargan O'Toe likes to go to Clubs and parties

Glargan O'Toe is good friends with Felicia, and they share a single brain cell.

Gene sees DODE as an angel since he's always sent to hell and he loves her.

Toby, Lena, The shadow master, and Rachel had to save Gene from a terrible co-worker relationship (I'll spare you the details but let's just say that my version of the survive the internet host is not a nice person.)

The host of Guesspionage (Whom I've taken to call "Andy") is dating the CEO of Binjpipe (who I like to call "Malefica.")

Malefica has a daughter named Petunia who hates Andy, and Any doesn't like her.

Chip always presents himself as a ride and immature little man who holds grudges too easily and will see you as dead to him if you get on his bad side, but he's a nice guy once you get to know him.

When Chip heard that Cookie quit trivia, he was like 'Well it's about time, all that trivia stuff was so lame." When really he was shocked and genuinely upset for Cookie

When Cookie and Chip where kids, they would do this cute thing where they'd dress up as the Snow miser and heat miser and sing their songs (Cookie was always the Snow miser and Chip was always the heat miser.)

I like call son of Mayonnaise and the Mother from monsters seeking monsters (and that's not me shipping something weird, that's actually cannon) is named Mustard.

I'm just gonna go out and assume that they adopted Mustard.

Cookie was not happy at the mother when he learned that she was seeing mayonnaise

Schmitty absolutely hated almost every show on Binjpipe.

Beatboxing and rapping is a hobby that Gene picked up.

Gene always gets nervous and awkward when playing patently stupid, wich is why he makes and presents strange inventions. Toby and Lena try not to judge him, but sometimes they're just too weird

The host of Bidiots is a total hypocrite. He judges and scolds the other hosts for being so weird and sometimes violent, when really he isn't really any better.

Cookie's hair used to be black. One day he dyed his hair brown, but left some spots black to make it look like a chocolate chip cookie.

That all for now. I may come up with more when other Jackbox party packs come out. I'm sorry if anything here triggered anyone.

Can we talk about how Lena was never trully good and piss off my stalkers?

Let’s start with her early life, shit taken from her fabulous Arrowverse Wikia page, written by a hormonal, brainwashed kid with Lena’s panties in a skull:

Aside of the dumb as fuck plot to kill her “Irish” Mother So CW Can Stop Wasting Money On Lena’s Actress Accent Coach, this was said by Lena, Age 20 Something. Where is the problem? Lena,  Age 20 Something is old enough, and so called genius, to understand that her 4 year old ass couldn’t do a shit in that situation (well, she could drown along wiith her mother *stares longingly at the wasted potential*). So, Lena The Age 20 Something tells this traumatasing for everyone’s ears story to make herself look sympathetic. Or she is super fucking dumb, but the writers try to tell us she is a so called genius. Ouch.

Planning a shit for months that in the end RUINS someone’s life and “regrets” it (*Len a sniffs, wipping her tears with a silky handkerchief that is worth 1500$*) is well, a perfect example of a future sociopath. Also, notice how she still remembers how Lilian was proud of her. Aka destroying someone’s life maybe was a bad thing to do, but her adoptive mother was PROUD of her. This is an example of what is the most important thing for Lena - her EGO and constant praise of her HORRIBLE adoptive mother.

You won’t find it on wikia page (wonder why *sarcasm*) that Lena threw a microscope at Jack - her boyfriend, what is hey!, a violent, abusive, toxic behavior!

Aka Lena The Snowflake Queen has NEVER stood behind a man... only behind Lex’s back... as long as he was in the picture...and she became the CEO of LuthorCorp only after... he was out of the picture... because....that’s the easiest shit to do. And she ceased contact with Lilian... because she GOT WHAT SHE WANTED. Earlier she didn’t mind Lilian and Lex’ shady shit and did nothing to stop that, huh? Wonder why. This is called not standing behind men’s back. Brothers are not men, I guess?

Insted of kicking the young mother to her home, to spend time with her daughter, Lena The Slave Driver (too soon? :) and The White Face Of Aggressive Capitalism gives her a blessing. And this article suggests that everything what Sam achived was all to Lena, not her own abilities. Feminism, yay!

Because who cares about people’s privacy when they are not humans but some alien scum, right? You can’t ask for people’s believes or sexuality but can easily check your neighbour origin! Yay! Who cares that alienphobes would buy it for horrible reasons? Because moneeeey, moneeeeey, moneeeeey! 

Btw, remember how Lena was pissed off at Rhea, because she was ALIEN? It was not because the lie, it was because dear Rhea was alien, so hello ALIENPHOBIC Lena :D Also, Lena ignored Rhea lied to her and just followed The Daxamite Queen like a lost puppy only because Rhea praised her ass. Lena was easily manipulated, because oh her mommy and ego issues xD Cheer for the genius!

Btw, remember how big damage the Phorians did to National City BECAUSE of Lena’s exeperiments with the portal? And again, she didn’t face any consequecens. 

Remember how  because of this portal she can stop starvation blah blah blah? Well, nah, it’s all about her ego. And after Daxamite invasion, what she has done about that starvation? NADA :’) She proved her portal works, who cares about the rest.

What happens next? A hostile Daxamite army invades USA THANKS TO LENA and... nothing happens. How many people died? How many buildings were destroyed? Did Snowflake Lena meet any consequences? Did they accuse her of being a TRAITOR? She is not a traitor, her brainwashed minions say. Yeah? Think about Snowden and Assange. And now you can laugh.

Then she spreads lead into atmosphere and yep, nothing happens. Weirdly, no other country is pissed off that some American bitch spread fucking lead all over whole fucking world. Who cares, American capitalism! *Afghanistan, Iraq, South American countries, Vietnam, South Korea stare into the void*

Lena buys CatCo ONLY to keep her name clean and - Money, money money!

Plus, Lena reveals she didn’t talk with Kara for months (friendship goals! pure heart! friendship over work!).

Few things here:

1)during it, Edge’s bodyguard was killed, what means that Lena getting what she wants is more important than random people lives

2)she did that on a gala, full of innocent, not aware of the danger people. She purposely put them in the danger

3)getting that record of Edge’s confession was absolutely illegal and any judge would fucking die hearing how she got it

4)she corrupted Kara to do this shit

5)cried about how ONLY her friends keep her from crossing a line - bitch, you already crossed that and your friends should take your ass to a psychologist, lol

6) did i mention that Edge’s BODYGUARD WAS KILLED?

(And now a short break for a laugh:

My poor Lena’s phone! What have you done to piss Sam so much? :((((( )

Also hey, Lena is a gun lover. 

During this time, Lena was experimenting on Sam. Alone. Not telling anyone. Because you know, EGO issues. She told DEO only when her ass was satrting to burn.

We are glad that Lena’s stans are aware she constantly LIE and loves EXCUSES of her shitty actions. KUDOS, guys!

Also yeaaaah, I reluctantly intend to tell my father I destroyed his fave  set of stamps. Someday. But after 10 years he is still not aware so maybe, not today, yeah.

Also, Lena plays the “innocent victim” when she reveals she produces Kryptonite. That can be used only to kill Kryptonians, but she doesn’t see why Supergirl is so pissed off. It’s not like it’s some 100% deadly weapon for Kara Zor El and her cousin. Calm down your tits, Supergirl, ok? Every day Lena can choke to death eating fucking avocado and she doesn’t throw tantrums about it!

And then Lena basically used Harun-El for her own experiments. Did she tell Alura she stole some of it? Nah. Did she inform anyone about her experiments? Naah. Why when she can play a god?

Remmeber Ben Lockwood? That horribly written bad guy? Who turned evil because Lena The Capitalistic Bitch Who Swims In Money didn’t help his father’s bancrupting factory? Becasue:

When you think about, if Lena wouldn’t have been a white typical American aggressive capitalistic bitch focused on making money and doing illegal experiments, there hadn’t been Agent Liberty. I think it’s hilarious. Lena wants to “help” the world *cough* by polluting it? *cough*  by some fucking useless portals, while all she needs to do is helping people and saving their buisness :D

Then we have some sweet talk including Lena and her so called friends, about powering up humans. And we clearly see that Lena wants to play a god, because of her EGO. Who decides who is good enough to be powered up? Lena. Who holds the power to make humans superpowered? Lena. Who doesn’t say a shit about these experiments and doing it in secret? Lena. 

And here comes our poor young Adam. Adam, who is depressed because of his brother’s death and driven by guilt. And Lena, for some fucking reason, choses him. UHM? And then, even if she KNOWS this experiment is deadly (no SANE scientist allows human trials when the possibility of death is higher than 1% - (you have animal trials for it for fuck’s sake), that is a FACT, in Lena’s case it was about 40%? or even more). But he filled the aplication! Yeah, and this makes it legal, LOL. But Lena wanted to stop it and he FORCED her to keep doing! Yeaaaaaah, depressed, driven by guilt kid forced poor innocent Lena to kill him. Holy crap! Lena! You poor baby!!!!

No shit guys, LENA IS MURDERER. And she doesn’t tell anyone, becasuse she knows it was illegal.

But! But! But! GOVERMENT knows! She works for them!!! Yeah, she works for alienphobic goverment and Ben Lockwood, what can go wrong?! :DDDD

And then, she basically saved a mass murderer and helped him escape.

How the FUCK her ass is not rotting in jail is a mystery, but I guess when you are a white loaded American capitalist you can do whatever shit you want and won’t meet consequecnes of your actions. 

And now cheer for Lena The Snowflake Queen Luthor stans who love her and don’t see a one single thing in her doings - it’s good to be murderer’s apologist, huh? :D

(all caps taken from Lena’s wikia page -> x)

I want to dedicate this post to my stalkers aka KramReceipt crowd from twitter - please, be more butthurt in the future, I have more ideas to expose your Snowflake Queen ;*

Also

The Movie Maestro’s TV Reviews: Game of Thrones, Season 2

Created and Run by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss

Based on A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin

Starring Peter Dinklage, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Michelle Fairley, Lena Headey, Emilia Clarke, Iain Glen, Aiden Gillen, Kit Harrington, Sophie Turner, Maisie Williams, Richard Madden, Allie Alfen, Isaac Hempstead-Wright, Jack Gleeson, Rory McCann, John Bradley, Charles Dance, Stephen Dillane, Carice van Houten, Jerome Flynn

Ned Stark’s head rots in the open air of King’s Landing as the new mad king, Joffrey, gloats over his deed. Back in the day, many a viewer would have been put off by such a downbeat, shocking, and gruesome season finale, especially one that viciously destroyed who was invariably perceived as the most honorable (or even main) character of the show. But such is the power of Game of Thrones; it’s just getting started.

Mainly based on the second book of Martin’s series, A Clash of Kings, Season 2 focuses on the early months of the eponymous War of the Five Kings, itself an interesting allegorical version of the English War of the Roses. In keeping with that storyline, allegiances and alliances begin to shift and vary wildly, threatening to confuse audiences with dizzying levels of complexity. Luckily, Benioff and Weiss manage to hold the production together beautifully, expanding the scope of GoT to include the ominous shores of Dragonstone, where the grave and militaristic Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) plots to take his birthright as king by force with the help of a new addition to the GoT universe: the dark, cult-like religion of the Lord of Light.

While fantasy elements were always apparent in the series from the very first scene of the White Walkers’ return, they were always pushed to the periphery, subdued within the Nights Watch and Daenerys subplots. Not the case with Season 2, which introduces the Red Priestess Melisandre (Carice van Houten), a seductive and ruthless leader of the religion of R’hllor; with tempting grace, Houten confidently portrays as delicious a femme fatale of fantasy as there ever has, swallowing poison unscathed and birthing a literal demon from Stannis’ passion to exact terrible justice upon his enemies. But these are not without a practical purpose: while still portrayed as harsh and ruthless in his own right, Stannis was, as Ned said, the true heir to the Iron Throne. Casting him as another villainous rival instead of a protagonist is testament to what a human will accept and do when they fully believe in powers beyond themselves in defiance of basic logic. With the Stannis/Melisandre subplot, GoT addresses the unique and terrifying danger of a leader of men brought to heel by insidious elements from outside, as direct an indictment of religious fundamentalism as I’ve ever seen in western popular culture.

Elsewhere, Renly Baratheon lays his own arrogant and naive claim to the throne, paving the way for fan-favorite characters to finally appear, such as the Tyrells and Brienne of Tarth, played brilliantly by the First Order’s own Phasma, Gwendolyne Christie (who’d have thought she could be so, well, good?) 

That is not to say that the existing storylines are slighted, gods no. The Starks all follow incredible character trajectories of their own, with Robb (Richard Madden) winning my heart as the cool, brave, and modern-thinking King in the North, Sansa (Sophie Turner) sinking deeper into fear and despair within the Red Keep, and Arya (Maisie Williams) forced into her own, depending on only her wits and desire for revenge to keep her alive. Theon (Alfie Allen) is led astray from his adoptive family by his biological one, forcing into a downward spiral that is gut wrenching to watch. And Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) finds himself in two places he’d never thought he would be: in love and in power, forced to defend a family and city that wants him dead--and doing a damned good job of it too.

However, there are hiccups to this season. The Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) and Jaime Lannister(Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) arcs are rather thin, without much development to tell, and this unfortunately extends to Daenerys’ (Emilia Clarke) tale as well. In her case however, the structure was there: having taking agency over herself as a person last season, Daenerys learns to conquer in this year, to take what she feels entitled to, not to simply ask for it. Drogo isn’t around to fight her battles anymore; it’s also too bad that he isn’t there to save the show from descending into Syfy-levels of boring writing and uninspired production design in this subplot.

Season 2 did end with a hell of a bang, though, delivering on the promise of the previous year with a full-scale battle episode in “Blackwater,” which was one of the most riveting pieces of action television I’ve ever enjoyed. If Season 1 was an exlosive birth, Season 2 is where GoT founds its legs, melding Hollywood production values with a new revolution in television storytelling, thereby fulfilling the dream of Alejandro Jodorowsky when he set out to make Dune in the 1970s. Meant to be completed as a serialized, six-hour epic, Jodorowsky correctly predicted that length would one day no longer be a deterrent to continued audience interaction. In fact, now it seems to be a requirement.

Yep, I made another Dune reference in a GoT review. 

(puts on sunglasses)

1, 7, 19

What makes you the most emotional about your muse?

Ah, god. I could write an essay on this guy. Jack makes me emotional about a lot of things. His story line, as little as I know about it- makes me upset because we’re basically given this generic white-bread of a soldier. It gives us leeway to make it as happy or as sad as we want and realistically- with him being born in the corn-belt of all places it could go either way.

What we do know is that he put duty above self. He had a committed relationship that ended because he could not give his partner what he deserved. That he lost a friendship due to internal corruption in Overwatch. That he lost another best friend due to a sniper in Egypt. That loss is an absolute continual theme in Jack’s life starting with Overwatch and hasn’t stopped yet. And yet, despite all of this- despite Ana’s disappearance and reappearance. Despite Gabriel’s “death” and reappearance as “Reaper.” Despite the reformation and Recall of Overwatch and Jack’s personal war.

He’s still going.

That… takes a lot of courage, in the face and wake of your own failures (or what you perceive as them) and in the face of the destruction. That’s… that’s perseverance and determination and honestly?

It makes my heart hurt for him. I didn’t expect this when I went into play the character. I went in thinking he was the easiest to get into role for. I went in thinking I’d play him for a few months and get bored.

… I never thought I’d fall in love with the character.

If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

God, Jack’s tenacity. Well, that his ability to heal from just about any wound. And his metabolism. I’d love to eat food like a trash panda and never gain a damn pound. That’d be lovely as hell. 

If you had to judge your muse and sentence them to a “fair” fate, what would your judgement be? Would you punish them? Reward them? How?

… I’d absolutely give Jack a fuckin’ happy ending. He’d find his husband. Get his goddamned retirement and live on a fuckin’ country house without a war to worry about and have a whole pack of fuckin’ dogs with a farm and a barn full of cats. Adopted a house full of kids.Get on the meds he needs for his PTSD, anxiety and depression. He’d get a better frame of mind, eat right. Be okay.

Oh, and Lena lives there too. 

Kara and Lena for 4 and 5!

Thanks for the prompts! I particularly had fun with #5.

“Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?”

“Why does everything hurt?”

Lena laughs. “Welcome to being human.”

The pout that Kara gives is enough to sober Lena. She knows

her girlfriend isn’t accustomed to feeling so much. Actually, that’s a lie. She

knows Kara is used to feeling a lot, all her senses enhanced, but this is

different, this is something she can’t control and Kara can do nothing but wait

until her powers come back.

“Is it really that bad?”

“My whole body hurts,” Kara almost whines as she stretches

in the DEO bed that Kara is bound to until the sunlamps help her back to her

usual self.

Strictly speaking, Lena isn’t technically meant to be in

here but with some persuasive talk (basically Lena telling Alex she’d look after

Kara) and some pouting from Kara (which got J’onn to break) Lena was allowed

special permission to enter the DEO to be with her.

Lena can tell by the way that Kara moves that her muscles

are stiff and she’s talking before she can really think her words through.

“Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?”

“A massage?”

Lena stills. Is that weird to ask? Is something like that

considered moving fast in a relationship? She’s not sure, she’s not used to

this whole ‘relationship thing’, the only person before Kara was Jack and her

relationship with Kara is new itself, they’re still trying to figure things out

together.

“If you want?”

Kara’s blushing as she nods. She sits up to give Lena easy

access to her shoulders, which Kara has been complaining about the most, so

Lena wastes no time in stepping close to Kara and pressing her hands into the

solid press of muscle over her shoulders.

Kara is much more relaxed by the time Lena is finished, a

sleepy smile on her face as she pulls Lena down onto the bed and Lena makes no

protests as Kara wraps her arms around her and holds her close.

Alex takes one look at them snuggled in bed when she walks

through the door to check on Kara and she turns right back around. She can

check on them later.

—-

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

“What? No. Of course not.” The pout of Kara’s lips tell

another story though.

“You are,” Lena laughs. “Just because he likes me doesn’t

mean he doesn’t like you too.”

Kara looks down at the small bundle of fluff that’s

currently jumping around in Lena’s lap. Why did he choose Lena’s lap over hers?

“Darling, there’s no need to pout. Here.”

Before Kara can protest, Lena lifts the small puppy and

gently deposits him onto Kara’s lap. The dog doesn’t seem to mind the move and

instantly starts bouncing in Kara’s lap instead.

Lena knocks her shoulder gently against Kara’s as her wife

starts to smile as the puppy licks her hand. “What do you think? Do you think

he’s the one?”

They’ve talked about getting a dog for a while, ever since

before they even got married and it had seemed like almost fate when Kara had

rescued him this morning and dropped him off here.

That was this morning and now they’re back this afternoon to

look at adopting the poor thing. This morning he’d been scared, a trembling

little thing after Kara had rescued him, but that doesn’t seem to have dampened

his spirits as Lena reaches over to pat him too and he happily switches to

licking Lena’s hand instead.

“I do,” Kara says, watching the dog in her lap. She looks up

at Lena, puppy eyes to match the ones below. “Can we keep him?”

Lena couldn’t say no to the look even if she wanted to. She

nods as Kara grins and she tilts her hand to scratch under the puppy’s head. “Welcome

to the family little guy.”

Today we remember the passing of Chris Squire who Died: June 27, 2015 in Phoenix, Arizona

Christopher Russell Edward Squire (4 March 1948 – 27 June 2015) was an English musician, singer and songwriter best known as the bassist, backing vocalist and a founding member of the progressive rock band Yes. He was the longest-serving original member, having remained in the band until his death and appearing on every studio album released from 1969 to 2014. In 2017, he was posthumously inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a member of Yes.

Squire was widely regarded as the dominant bassist among the English progressive rock bands, influencing peers and later generations of bassists with his incisive sound and elaborately contoured, melodic bass lines. His name was associated with his trademark instrument, the Rickenbacker 4001. From 1991 to 2000, Rickenbacker produced a limited edition signature model bass in his name, the 4001CS.

Squire was born on March 4, 1948 in the north west London suburb of Kingsbury, to Peter and Joanne Squire. He grew up there and in the nearby Queensbury and Wembley areas. His father was a cab driver and his mother a secretary for an estate agent. As a youngster Squire took a liking to Lena Horne and Ella Fitzgerald records belonging to his father, though his main interest was church music. At age six, he joined the church choir at St. Andrew's in Kingsbury as a treble with Andrew Pryce Jackman, a friend of his who lived nearby. The choir got to perform at St. Paul's cathedral. Their choirmaster, Barry Rose, was an early influence on Squire. "He made me realise that working at it was the way to become best at something". Squire also sang in the choir at his next school, Haberdashers' Aske's Boys' School, then located in Hampstead. He played the harmonica on his way home from school.

Squire did not consider a music career until the age of sixteen when the emergence of the Beatles and the Beat music boom in the early 1960s inspired him to "be in a group that don't use music stands". A school friend recommended that Squire take up the bass after pointing out his tall frame and large hands, thinking they were ideal for playing the instrument. Squire then purchased his first bass, a Futurama, which he described as "very cheap, but good enough to learn on." In 1964, on the last day before the summer holidays, Squire's headmaster suspended him and a friend for having their hair too long and they were given two shillings and sixpence to have it cut. Instead, they went home and never returned. After his mother took him to a recruitment agency and enquired for work related to music, Squire landed work selling guitars at a Boosey & Hawkes shop in Regent Street. He used the staff discount offer to purchase a new bass, a Rickenbacker 4001, in 1965

In September 1967, Squire joined Mabel Greer's Toyshop, a psychedelic group that included Peter Banks, singer Clive Bayley and drummer Bob Hagger. They played at the Marquee club where Jack Barrie, owner of the La Chasse drinking club a few doors down, saw them perform. "The musicianship ... was very good but it was obvious they weren't going anywhere", he recalled. One evening at La Chasse, Barrie introduced Squire to Jon Anderson, a worker at the bar who had not found success as the lead singer of The Gun or as a solo artist. The two found they shared common musical interests including Simon & Garfunkel, The Association and vocal harmonies. In the following days they developed "Sweetness", a track later recorded for the first Yes album.

As the band developed, Anderson and Squire brought in drummer Bill Bruford, keyboardist Tony Kaye and Banks for rehearsals. The five agreed to drop the name Mabel Greer's Toyshop; they settled on the name Yes, originally Banks's idea. The band played their first show as Yes at a youth camp in East Mersea, Essex on August 4, 1968. Squire spoke about the band's formation: "I couldn't get session work because most musicians hated my style. They wanted me to play something a lot more basic. We started Yes as a vehicle to develop everyone's individual styles." Squire developed a bass solo named "A Bass Odyssey".

In August 1969, Yes released their self-titled debut album. Martyn Adelman, who had played drums with Squire's first group, did the album photos. Squire received writing credits on four of the album's eight tracks—"Beyond & Before", "Looking Around", "Harold Land", and "Sweetness".

After Bruford left the band and was replaced by Alan White in July 1972, Squire altered his playing to suit the change in the band's rhythm section. He felt he was "playing too much, though I was never really sure. With Bill, the things that I did felt right ... With Alan, I found that I was able to play a bit less than before and still get my playing across".

Squire described his playing on "The Remembering (High the Memory)" from Tales from Topographic Oceans (1973) as "one of the nicest things I think I've ever played".

Squire was the only member to play on each of their 21 studio albums released from 1969 to 2014. He was seen as one of the main forces behind the band's music, as well as being "perhaps the most enigmatic" group member. Heaven & Earth was his final studio album.

While most of the band's lyrics were written by Anderson, Squire co-wrote much of their music with guitarist Steve Howe (with Anderson occasionally contributing). In addition, Squire and Howe would supply backing vocals in harmony with Anderson on songs such as "South Side of the Sky" and "Close to the Edge".

During the band's formative years Squire was frequently known for his lateness, a habit that Bruford often complained about. Because of this, Squire would frequently drive at unsafe speeds to get to gigs on time, once causing an accident on the way to a gig in West Germany after he fell asleep at the wheel, although nobody was injured. A posthumous commemorative brown plaque was titled in such a way as to make reference to his habitual lateness, namely " 'The Late' Chris Squire ".

As Squire, along with Alan White and Steve Howe, co-owned the "Yes" name at the time, the 1989 ABWH line-up without him (which contained Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman and Howe) could not record under that name.

Following Squire's death on June 27, 2015, the band's show on August 7 of the same year marked the first Yes concert ever performed without him. Former member Billy Sherwood replaced Squire during their 2015 North American tour with Toto from August to September 2015, as well as their performances in November 2015, as announced when the band first revealed Squire's disease in May 2015

On May 19, 2015, Yes announced that Squire had been diagnosed with acute erythroid leukemia, and would take a break from performing while receiving treatment.

In the late evening of June 27, 2015, Squire died from the illness at age 67 while still receiving treatment in his adopted hometown of Phoenix, Arizona. Yes' official Facebook page confirmed the news the next day. Tributes were paid by fellow musicians Brian May, Geezer Butler, Gene Simmons and Tom Morello, as well as bandmates Geoff Downes and Bill Bruford.

Squire's death was central to the song "Fragile" from the 2016 collaborative debut album between Jesu and Sun Kil Moon. In the song, Mark Kozelek recounts his experiences as a Yes fan, particularly in light of the death of a friend, also named Christopher. Squire was given a writing credit due to lyrics from his Yes composition "Onward" being quoted through backing vocals.

In April 2016 asteroid 2002 XR80 received an official permanent name from the International Astronomical Union in honour of Squire. Asteroid (90125) Chrissquire was discovered December 11, 2002 and is a main-belt asteroid with an orbital period of 4.08 years.

CARL’S BLOG: ARKANSAS HILLBILLY 1-26-21, Lena’s Pregnancy I found challenges in Nashville that I hadn’t had in McNeil and Emerson. Nashville High School was in fairly good shape, as far as looks and functional aspects of classroom use go, but the junior high school was awful. We were using the old high school downtown as a junior high school. It was outdated and had asbestos problems, along with several other weaknesses in the physical plant. We were faced with getting our school patrons to support a bond issue to build a new junior high school, a new agriculture building, and make some needed repairs to the elementary schools. This was my first experience selling a bond issue to the community. I found myself hosting community meetings and speaking at events at the local Rotary Club, Lions Club, and basically, anywhere I could find a captive audience. I didn’t do it by myself, I had a good local mileage committee who dedicated themselves to helping sell the community on a tax increase. On September 18, 1979, we were at the Howard County Courthouse waiting for the results. When the county clerk announced the numbers, we were elated to learn that we had won by a two to one margin. Needless to say, it was a glorious night in the town of Nashville, Arkansas. The passing of the mileage increase presented a new experience for me. I was now faced with learning to work with the bonding company we had retained, as well as the school architect. While I was working on my school-administration degree, I had the privilege of taking several courses under Dr. Glen Cochran from the University of Arkansas. One such course was School Plant Planning, a course which thoroughly taught me the proper procedures to use when going into a new building program. Because of Dr. Cochran’s teachings, I was able to lead my school board in the right direction in making decisions about our building program, which was a good experience for me. What I learned in Nashville would help me in future building programs in school systems where I would serve. The beginning of the 1979-80 school year brought another huge change to our family. With both children in school, Lena felt it was time for her to go back to work. When the high school librarian’s position opened at Nashville High School she applied for and got the job. Going back to work after being at home for eight years was a big adjustment for Lena—and for me as well. To make things easier for her, I took on some housework chores. I became an exceptionally good hand with the vacuum cleaner if I do say so, myself. In late October, Lena was suffering from extreme fatigue. I thought it might have been brought on by her unhappiness with a job outside the home. One day in early November, she became dizzy and lay down in the teacher’s lounge where Kathy Ellis, the secretary, found her. When Lena told Kathy about her fatigue and dizzy spells, Kathy said, “Lena, have you ever considered that you might be pregnant?” Lena said, “No, but since I’m thirty-five, it may be menopause.” Lena decided to go home. She needed to lie down for a while. Bill Dawson, our high school principal, agreed and told her to go home. He would get someone to fill in for her at the library. The more Lena thought about what Kathy said to her, the more she got excited. On her way home she went by the local drug store and bought a pregnancy test kit. The next day, she still was not feeling well and decided to stay home and rest. After we all left the house; Lena performed the pregnancy test. That morning, I had been at the new junior high site with the school’s architect, and then had gone to the local Rotary Club meeting. When Lena’s pregnancy test showed positive, she called Jo Jo Reed, my secretary. She called several times to see if I had come back from Rotary. When I returned to my office, Jo Jo said, “Mr. Barger, Lena is trying to get in touch with you. She told me to tell you to come straight home and not to stop anywhere along the way.” That message really alarmed me. What could be wrong? I thought? I jumped into my Vega and off I went, speeding to my house to check on Lena. If there had been a policeman on my route, I am sure I would have been delayed by having to sign a speeding ticket. When I rushed into the living room of our home, I saw Lena sitting on the couch in her robe. “Honey, what’s wrong?” I said. “Carl, come over here and sit down by me.” She was smiling from ear to ear. Those beautiful brown eyes were beaming out at me like they had never done before. When I sat down next to her, she looked at me with the sweetest smile on her face and said, “Carl, what if I told you I was pregnant?” I jumped to my feet and said, “What?” Surely, she was joking! She said, “Yes, come with me.” She took me by the hand and pulled me to the bathroom and showed me the test. It showed a blue plus sign. “What does this mean?” I asked. “Look at the picture on the box. If it looks like this picture, I’m pregnant,” she said with an excitement I’d never seen in her. I looked at the picture, and then I looked at the pregnancy test. They looked the same. “Honey, it looks like you are pregnant!” I shouted. “I do believe I am,” she very calmly said. I hugged her and said, “This is just too good to be true!” “I agree, but I think it’s true,” she said. “You must go to the doctor right away and get this confirmed,” I said. We called Dr. Peebles, our local family doctor in Nashville, and shared with him the positive results of the pregnancy test. He said, “Lena, I want to be up front with you. I make it a practice to refer women who are having their first baby at your age to Dr. Jack McCubbin in Texarkana. He is the best doctor I can refer you to.” A few days later, we went to Texarkana, Texas, to see Dr. Jack McCubbin, who was to become not only Lena’s doctor but also, a good friend. Lena’s pregnancy was confirmed by Dr. McCubbin on the Monday before Thanksgiving in 1979. The projected due date was June 28, 1980. On Thanksgiving Day, Lena’s mother and all her sisters came to Nashville to celebrate Thanksgiving Day with us. We had not yet told any of them the good news. This would-be a total surprise for all of them. Lena’s youngest sister, Patsy Fife, was pregnant and expecting in February. After we sat down to eat our Thanksgiving meal and before the blessing were said, I told everyone we had an announcement. After getting everyone’s attention, I said, “Y’all, Lena and I have some sweet news to share with you. I’m going to let her tell you what it is.” Almost immediately everyone turned their attention on Lena. “Carl and I have just found out that I’m pregnant.” No sooner had Lena got the words out of her mouth when her mother said, “I knew it would happen someday. I just knew it!” Everyone was clapping and paying congratulations from all directions. They were all so happy for us. That day would go down in history as one of our fondest memories. After reading Dr. McCubbin’s full medical report, Earlene, Lena’s younger sister, laid the paper down and said, “I wonder why it took fifteen years for this to happen!” Lena replied, “I know why. God intended for us to adopt Carla and Jeff, and if this had happened when we first got married, someone else would have them.” God’s timetable and plans are so much better than ours.

That’s Highly Offensive: 2018 Golden Globes

Y’all know I only wear all black all the time, so I find the fact that Hollywood is "uniting" against whatever tonight by wearing all black to be kind of a stupid way to pussy foot around the issue, but who asked me? This should have been a night when the carpet looked the way I think it should at all times, but honestly, a lot of stuff looked makeshift and cheap to me. And WHAT was with all the skirts-over-pants nonsense?? I thought that was over. Also, forgive the overuse of the funeral garb schtick but what choice did I have?

Wow. It's rare that the first look I see ends up being the worst dressed of the night, but Debra Messing has just taken the cake, eaten it, made another cake, eaten that, made another one, and took that too. I know it's cliché but MESSing says it all. #thefacesofmeth That emerald eyeshadow and those Elvira for Family Dollar false lashes!!  And WHAT is that dent in her forehead?? I’ll tell you what it is… bad Botox. Or Juvaderm. Or whatever expired baby bunny cartilage her dermo found in Karen Walker’s dumpster. Oh and also, she’s wearing the dress version of Liza’s putty kkk hood shoes and it’s  all HIGHLY offensive.

Kelly Clarkson- "From Justin to King Midas" if King Midas was a lizard...

Kristin Cavallari went as 1999 Oscars Angelina Jolie but with a ballerina's bun and I'm not ok with it.

I honestly have nothing bad to say about Tracee Ellis Ross’s outfit. The phrase ‘Charmin Noir’ comes to mind, but let’s not bc you know how much I love a turban/wrap!

Meryl Streep: You bore me to tears. I like your glasses.

It seems to be literally KILLING Giuliana Rancid that she can’t ask “Who are you wearing?” bc she is incapable of NOT pointing out the fact that she’s not asking that question to every person she's interviewed. And as always, she looks like the Queen from Antz but this year her skin is a particularly orange shade of Oscar Meyer all beef frank. She also has one of the most bulbous horse hair dino ponytails I’ve ever seen. She's like the anorexic version of Starla from Napoleon Dynamite. AND HER TAN LINES! I didn't know you got those from bottled self tanner...

Catherine Zeta Jones: I am still obsessed with CZJ even after recently rewatching Ocean’s Twelve for the first time since Cat and I fell asleep in the theater. Her face, her body, her dress, her earrings, her love for her thousand year old father in law… I am fully behind all of it!

Penelope Cruz: See above. #stunning

I don't know who this woman from Outlander is but I do know she better be on her way to audition at Tweetsie Railroad.

Connie Britton: NO.

Jessica Biel and J. Tim- don’t NO ONE CARE. I don’t know one person who watched ‘The Sinner’ (most people didn’t even know what I was talking about when I asked if they’d heard of it), so the fact that she is nominated is a testament to that Sexy Back money and nothing more. Just her talking about being a producer of the show is like… We get it…you’re the only one who would pay you to be an actress anymore. PS, your arms are fabulous.

Mandy Candy Moore: Olé!

Holy shit Diane Kruger looks amazing.

Unfortunately, Sarah Paulson is one of those I feel looks like she's in something cheap. Really cheap. Like she stole a leotard from the Xanadu Mourning collection and wrapped a table cloth around herself. And I can't say I love the choppiness of her bob.

Michele Williams- I’m still not over how ridiculous you looked on Dawson’s Creek, but your pixie has grown on me over the last few years but OHMYGOD what is that shelf in the back? Lloyd Christmas called…

Seth Myers looks like the singing sword and a foot had a baby and named it Cheremy.

Jamie Chung- First of all, why are you here? Secondly, you look like the winner of a ‘Grunge Bride’ themed stripper contest sponsored by Hefty in 2002. Those shoes….

Alexis Bledel- Let’s get this out of the way: I can’t stand you. You’re a mumbler with creepy Kewpie doll eyes and mouth. But as for what you’re wearing, GASP you’re not wearing solid black so you obviously don’t care about women!! But also, you must not care about yourself either because you look like one of Ariel’s sisters and Dionysus had a baby and it came out haunted.

Why is Dave Franco wearing so much rouge????

Alison Brie- Ok, you can channel Audrey Hepburn, I guess. Although her dress does resemble my senior prom dress from Cache. Oh wait- there’s a pants leg. You’re trash.

William H. Macy: Did Grubby die? That’s the only reason I can think of for Teddy Ruxpin to show up to the Golden Globes in all black…

Gal Gadot is clearly going to an audition for "A Chorus Line" after the Globes. Why else would she steal a maitre'd's jacket and cut it in half?

Saoirse Ronan looks perfect all around. I need all of it immediately, even though I’d look more like Bruce Villanche dressed in drag doing a David Bowie tribute than her svelte awesomeness…

Eva Longoria looks like a pregnant Sharpie.

It took me a solid 3 seconds & a glance at the caption to figure out I was looking at Halle Berry and not some mixed berry bag of Skittles from a prom themed episode of the CW’s Gossip Girl revival. And her bangs look gross and ridiculous. #whywontsheage??

I take it back: Reese Witherspoon looks like the pregnant Sharpie. Or maybe her daughter has decided to become a fashion designer and this was her first foray into an origami—inspired collection? #blacktobasics

Nicole Kidman (or Nicky Kickin it in the Moulin Rouge, as Jack McFarland calls her) looks flawless, as always. The one negative thing I will say is that I find flutter fly cap sleeves to be among the most offensive things in adult female fashion (mainly because the only humans that can pull them off are pre-teens, anorexics and Kate Moss (not that she’d ever wear them).

Viola Davis wins everything. Omg that hair and makeup and jewelry and dress. ⚰️⚰️⚰️

Did Zac-without-a-K Efron want people to mistake him for Milo Ventimiglia? Is that the reason for the mustache? Why is he even there? GASP! Are they already remaking High School Musical (because you know that’s in the works…) with him starring as Troy again?!? #prayerhands

Why exactly is Naomi Campbell at the Golden Globes, must less in a piece from the never-to-be-seen sketches Vivienne Westwood did for Guy Richie’s new pandering remake starring Madonna as Herlock Holmes?

Lily James- You are gorgeous perfection and I mean that because anyone that stars in a live action Disney remake is automatically on my shit list (I’m looking at you, Emmas Stone and Watson…) but what the actual hell are you wearing? You look like a Project Runway contestant’s submission on the theme “Maleficent’s entrance to the party.”

Octavia Spencer looks like the teacher who got to play Glinda’s role in a #metoo fundraising, high school production of Wicked after the lead was stricken with mono.

Greta Gerwig- I’m tempted to allow it, but only if you’re intentionally channeling Marchesa Luisa Casati.

Angelina Jolie- oh. my. god. I know I’m biased (as one of her long lost, adopted children she’s never acknowledged or heard of) but I cannot say one bad thing about this, especially since I’ve been in 100% Bombshell  Manual mode lately and anything with feathers or frills or femininity is giving me LIFE. #bestdressed

Elizabeth Moss: from Polly to Pollyana. Anyone that gets that is my lifelong friend and anyone that doesn’t please never talk to me again. But seriously honey, that waistline is not your friend.

Jessica Chastain- I think I love everything about this but am i crazy or does it make her look a little bulky? Tell me I’m crazy. I’m crazy. (Narrator: She was definitely crazy.)

omg Maggie Gyllenhaal is wearing the same Castle Greyskull, droopy-sleeve of wizard-vagine garment as Debra Messing! Is this a thing?? Gross. And those earrings are stupid too but I don’t know why.

Emilia Clarke is perfection (minus the bow but moving on) and I don’t even love GOT.

Geena Davis stole one of CZJ’S costumes from Chicago and i can’t say that I’m angry. I will say that I’m angry that the head designer at LOFT got hold of it and added a few of those filthy lace panels before she walked the red carpet, but since she still looks pretty flawless…I’LL ALLOW IT.

As always, Lena Headey looks like the drunk, badass aunt who was a groupie before falling into acting so I love her even more than when she gets drunk and sets people on fire on tv. The dress does look like something a goth would make to wear to a Renaissance fair, but who cares when she looks that cool in it?

I love Margot Robbie more than almost anyone in Hollywood today (even though she stole my life’s dream of playing Tonya Harding. Seriously, I’d started writing a short right before they announced that movie and I’m not even kidding), but I can’t say i know exactly what she was going for with this look… an Elsa-possessed mistletoe over her womb to subtly announce she’s expecting? A tribute to the portion of Fantasia where fairies ice skate to ‘Waltz of the Flowers’ as a nod to the ice goddess she plays in ‘I, Tonya?’ I’ve been staring at it for a few minutes now and can honestly say I have no clue.

Gwendolyn Christie- I have no idea what you are wearing but I do know that I am obsessed with your GOT character so you have my permission to do whatever you please.

Kerry Washington unfortunately looks like some anorexic basic at her junior prom. And those floral net booties are what a leprechaun wears to a funeral. wtf. Oh but her hair is on point.

Kate Hudson- Je refuse.

Chris Hemsworth can do no wrong even in a suit made from a brocade table cloth and VELVETEEN shoes so don’t even worry about it, honey.

Michelle Pfeiffer- omg i am heartbroken over how matronly you look!! As anyone who knows me knows, my mother could pass as your identical twin, so I take it kind of personally when you show up on the red carpet dressed as Marian the librarian’s widowed sister, Ovarian.

Zoe Kravtiz- Sweetie, it’s already been done and its name was Natalie Portman. A chunky, funky  emerald earring does make you look like Audrey Hepburn's edgy cousin though. Whatever- you still look gorgeous and I love you.

Kendall Jenner- There are so many things wrong with your look, much less your existence, but I’ll just sum it up with this: T. STRAPPED. POINTY. TOED. SHOES. Also, lay off the brow botox before you look like Debra Messing, or worse, Kylie Jenner. #gasp

Sarah Jessica Parker literally went as her character from Hocus Pocus attending a funeral.

Isabelle Huppert wins the night! Nope, spoke too soon. Her dress has those damned flutter sleeves on it too! What IS that? It’s trash, is what it is…

Roseanne Barr forgot to put a dress over her Spanx…

Ok, that's all I got. I barely watched any of the actual show bc I can't with most of those self important a-holes, so I can't comment on anything "exciting" or "interesting" that might have happened. Let me know if I missed anything highly offensive🥂

overwatch band au

overband? bandwatch? i love reaper so much and i wanted a reason to put him into a crop top watch?

ok so im not good at this stuf but guys dudes.

mk so basically ana, gabe, and jack made a band out of their garage, and it got rlly popular when they were just 17-19. it blew up completely making all these guys famous at a rlly vulnerable age

the band was called “three” and their fans called themselves 3′s, which was rlly cute

ana was the singer/pianist, jack was the lead guitarist, gabe was the drummer/bassist/pianist

eventually they realized that they couldnt keep that all up, so they got some friends to help them

the friends were torb, rein, amelia, and angela.

they called themselves “four” and were half their own band/half three

torb did the sound setups, he was basically their tech guy and he just constantly did that. he became the best in the business bc he always set things up perfectly for each band

rein played bass or drums, he was also partially their hype man cause everyones so emo 

amelia was a backup singer and bassist, she also added an extra dark horse in the band

angela was a backup singer and a pianist. she liked the concept of adding older elements to their music

about halfway through their career, a scandal pops up that ana is pregnant and unmarried, everyones losing their minds cause they over react

jack and gabe immediately come to her defense. the other members either get ignored or dont speak out about it

gabe adopts jessie and genji; his two trans teens. 

gabe basically just puts up a middle finger and says “fuck the media” and wont do any more interviews. ana draws back slightly as well.

fareeha gets born and mccree, genji, and fareeha go on a photoshoot as soon as fareeha is old enough (at the request of jessie)

something goes wrong and gabe leaves the band and it just sorta crumbles.

 radio silence from gabe, ana and jack 

four basically broke up after.

 angela paired up w like covergirl or dove or smthg

amelia became a fashion model as well as a gothic novel writer

rein became mayor of his home town

torb just continued in the music industry

so like... 20 years later this band named “bop” or some shit gets rlly big

its made up of hana, lucio, lena, as well as fareeha.

fareeha is the lead guitarist and singer, she also has a solo career going under the name “pharah” everybody is so confused on what happened to her and her mom

hana plays the drums and does vocals as well

lena is the guitarist, she cant sing for shit rsdxfcgv

lucio takes care of everything else, he adds remixes and electronic beats. he also does vocals

this underground band named twitch gets rlly popular as well. its a sorta communist, electro, vertual reality thing. its made up of aleksandra, satya, and somebody named sombra 

jessie has been releasing country albums for years. hes the king of country and no one questioned it????

jessie does a combo w twitch and nobody knew that country cound sound that good

hanzos just a rich violinist, idk how that happened But It Did

genji went through a rlly heavy metal phase, he didnt make music but he wrote some songs for some ppl

genji comes out ten years after his heavy metal phase w zenyatta, singing hozier stuff and its rlly good but???? he went from 0-100

zenyattas just this happy guy who loves his bf and singing

bastion was the creater of dubstep but now he just likes to listen to twitch

sombra has released one statement Ever saying “i wuv u bastion uwu”

effie and orisa won americas got talent (or another show) and became rlly rlly famous

akande sings punk rock and i love him for it.

jamison and mako are folk singers w an edge. jamison sings and he has an awful but inticing voice. they are only famous in australia, but mako and rein are friends

mei is this rlly sweet pop artist who gets too much hate. 

i wuv pop idol mei

suddenly a magazine comes out w old gabe, old jack, and old ana; wearing the same clothes from their famous photoshoot -dark blue slacks w a matching trench coat. jack wore his coat over his shoulders, ana had it on but it was falling off her shoulders, gabe had it on but it was open, w a different type of white top. jack wore a see through white tinted dress shirt, ana wore a turtleneck crop top, and gabe wore a v neck crop top that showed he titty- w a caption saying smthg like, “we arent dead” and the press goes  W I L D

thanks for uhhhhhh reading, welcome to my ted talk

gabriels extended family according to my headcanons;

direct children: genji and jesse (self explanatory)

indirect children: hanzo and zenyatta. hanzo either way because hes genjis brother and therefore gabes kid but also mchanzo. he gets dragged in. and then genyatta and this is very funny to me. zenyatta: “hello father” reaper: “.................................hi.”

even more indirect children: lena and therefore emily. because he is married to jack and jack kinda sorta mentors lena. definitely not to the extent gabe adopts people. hana might also fall into this but we havent seen much with her so. tbd.

i mean really at some point ideally basically everyone in overwatch who is not original overwatch is just. “yes. gabriel. my father.”

EDIT: OH SHIT, SOMBRA, OF COURSE

Lots of cute McHanzo shit below the cut I’ve been thinking about since I saw this post about adopted kids and normalizing the idea of adopting

Imagine its either a modern AU where they’re married or they’ve just managed to find the downtime in canon to be able to care for a kid, so they adopt, and they adopt a nonbinary emo/goth 14-year-old who looks like they’re going to be a royal pain in the ass but is instead just kind of a really laidback kid that just wants a decent schedule and to be accepted by who they live with.

Their name is Xanthe btw, super edgy, but they prefer it over their birth name, Mary.

They do all the chores that Jesse and Hanzo tell them to do, usually do them before they’re told (brownie points with Hanzo, who initially expects them to be lazy and disagreeable), and even though they’re creeped out by Uncle Cyborg, they like to hang out with Genji when he comes by too

Jesse only lets Gabe babysit Xan once. When he calls to check in, Gabe’s at ‘work’ and took Xan with him, so Jesse and Hanzo are basically freaking the fuck out because their child is hanging out with the super edgy emo dad (even though Gabe and Xan get along great and like to talk about cults and joke about demon summonings)

Then he tries letting Jack babysit. Works about as well. Gabe calls and wants to do something and when Jesse asks why when he said explicitly that Xan was staying with him because Gabe didn’t work out, Jack just says ‘Hey, when the husband says we gotta go, we gotta go.’

Literally a week in, after Xan pops the whole ‘I prefer to not be called he or she, just they is fine’ they jokingly say ‘so which one of you is the wife?’ It makes Hanzo snort and laugh a little.

Jesse laughs too, until Xan goes further ‘I’m serious, every time you guys get in bed together I have to check under the door to make sure Otosan (since that’s how they distinguish each other instead of just using derivitives of ‘dad’) isn’t cheating with Ms Lacroix.’

Hanzo has to be picked up off the floor

then Xan casually mentions ‘im pretty sure ive seen both your dicks three times now’ Jesse laughs. Hanzo just runs to the bedroom and contemplates ending his life (not really)

eventually Xan just gets left home by themself when Hanzo and Jesse have to work (there’s always a gun within ten feet of the kid no matter where they’re at in the house and Jesse taught them how to use em how bad could it be) but people still come by anyway. Lena comes by to help with the already-done chores and instead just starts talking girls with Xan.

Hana comes by to play video games and eventually starts inviting them to her streams because DAMN they are good and actually has a 40-60 win-loss percentage against her

Genji loves the kid because even though Xan loves their otosan, they doesnt mind lightly joking about how serious he acts/looks all the time

the first big block party for Xanthe to meet everyone, Jesse and Hanzo are bewildered because so far this kid has been quiet and reserved and responsible but as soon as the party starts they’re pouring everyone vodka and pulling their phone out

the next morning, everyone’s got notifications and texts

lots of pictures of Jack and Gabe making out (sloppy and drunk), similar pictures of Sombra and Amelie, some really cute and innocent ones of Ana and Reinhardt and Torbjorn and Bastion and Orisa

directly underneath those are selfies with Junkrat drawn all over with magic marker

directly underneath those are really cute family photos of Hanzo and Jesse and Xan (the two dads have no clue when they were taken)

and then underneath those is one big family picture with half the ‘family’ fucking drunk off their asses, barely able to stand up, some of them half-naked, with Hana, Xan, Lucio, and Efi in the foreground taking the picture with writing down in the bottom

it says, in really light, happy handwriting, ‘Never Leaving These Dirtbags’ with a bunch of hearts and stickers around it

We are family.

by Yellowbirdbluetoo

When he was a kid,Jack Morrison never imagined he'd have a wife and seven kids each of them adopted. But then he never was good at predicting things. She

Words: 368, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Overwatch (Video Game)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M

Characters: Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison, Angela "Mercy" Ziegler, Lena "Tracer" Oxton, Lucio, Roadhog | Mako Rutledge, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes, Widowmaker | Amélie Lacroix, Hana "D.Va" Song, Jesse McCree, Hanzo Shimada

Relationships: Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler, Widowmaker | Amélie Lacroix/Lena "Tracer" Oxton, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes/Roadhog | Mako Rutledge(implied), Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada

Additional Tags: Basically their a big family, Dad 76, Mom Mercy, family au, adoptive, In-family dating but not incest, I choose to bher live D.Va and Hanzo are close, Tracer junkrat and McCree are partners in crime, headcanon come to life

from AO3 works tagged 'Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada' http://ift.tt/2nPztbU via IFTTT

We are family.

Read it on AO3 at http://ift.tt/2nPztbU

by Yellowbirdbluetoo

When he was a kid,Jack Morrison never imagined he'd have a wife and seven kids each of them adopted. But then he never was good at predicting things. She

Words: 368, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Overwatch (Video Game)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M

Characters: Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison, Angela "Mercy" Ziegler, Lena "Tracer" Oxton, Lucio, Roadhog | Mako Rutledge, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes, Widowmaker | Amélie Lacroix, Hana "D.Va" Song, Jesse McCree, Hanzo Shimada

Relationships: Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler, Widowmaker | Amélie Lacroix/Lena "Tracer" Oxton, Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes/Roadhog | Mako Rutledge(implied), Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada

Additional Tags: Basically their a big family, Dad 76, Mom Mercy, family au, adoptive, In-family dating but not incest, I choose to bher live D.Va and Hanzo are close, Tracer junkrat and McCree are partners in crime, headcanon come to life

Read it on AO3 at http://ift.tt/2nPztbU