#HOW do people work 40 hours a week??
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my desire to make more money vs my inability to hold down a steady job vs the countless other things i have to do that interfere with holding down a steady job even if my mental health were 100% fine vs new physical ailment that plagues me every few months that is mysterious and undiaganosible and then doesn't go away
#dot txt#my friend started working for a cleaning company#and it's really casual kind of bc it's a small business#and i'd LOVE to clean houses!!#just once or twice a week#but the stress of adding another job on top of the one i have is too much#despite the fact the one i have is part-time and flexible#it's hard enough#HOW do people work 40 hours a week??#like even if i had zero problems i couldn't do it#because i'd have to keep taking time off to drive my grandma around to things etc#it doesn't sound like a big deal but it's just little things that add up#which is what happens when there is literally nobody else#it's me and her against the world
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Pushing my trans and strawberry blonde Daisy Wells and aspiring nature conservationist Lavinia Temple agenda with a moodboard
How to work on your Davinia fic:
DO spend an hour and a half in pinterest searching shit like wheelbarrow aesthetic
DON'T write barely 1 chapter of it which mostly consists of Daisy Wells experiencing dysphoria in the shower
#HOW DO PEOPLE FIND THE TIME TO WRITE FIC i work over 40 hours a week!!!#mmu#daisy wells#murder most unladylike#lavinia temple#lavinia temple x daisy wells#trans daisy wells
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tumblr not working on my phone on top of everything else has me in such an evil little angy mood!!! i need my posts!!!!!
#i worked a 40+ hour work week idk how americans do it#horrendous#so sick of being around those people (my coworkers with whom i get on pretty well)#and in that place (my workplace. where i do my dream job).#& now i have to spend like 2h tomorrow being a dangerous political radical (union stuff) which is so fulfilling but so exhausting#honestly idk what to do with myself!#I want to be alone! but I want to see friends! but I don't have the energy to communicate with people!#leave me alone! no come back!!#I've been on this website for 12 years its apparently key to my emotional self regulation#embarrassingly.#what i NEED to do is sleep for 12 hours and then go dig a pond
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probably not such a hot take over here but we need to abolish the 40 hour work week and it needs to stop being the norm right now
#im privileged to be able-bodied and mentally well enough to be able to work a job#and i dont even dislike having a job. when i was unemployed for 3 months i was so restless because i had nothing to do with my time#and no money#but i will never be able to work 40 hours a week. consistently. every week of every year.#i was for a short time when i was working in childcare/disability services but i was literally a suicidal zombie#and the fact that most people have to work MORE than this? just to make ends meet? and sometimes they cant even do that?#and a lot of full time/overtime positions STILL offer little to no benefits!!#it's straight up cruel as fuck. cruel and unusual.#and dont even get me started on how america views disabled people who cannot and will never be able to work at all#politics#mj rambles
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So much stuff to do 🥲 Not enough energy 🥲
#Work has me so burnt out#How do people do this for 40 hours a week#I can barely handle 7 hours a week#☁️ shoosiopao thoughts
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#how do not neurotypical people work full time. this is my third week in a row I’ve been over 40 hours and i haven’t wanted to die this badly#since HIGH SCHOOL#i genuinely feel HORRIBLE
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Auguh not to get too Hopless Shell of a Man on you but i'm trying to find a daydream to get lost in to lull myself to sleep but i'm finding I can't.
Cause the kind of daydream that puts me to sleep have always been more aspirational, if grandiose and slightly unrealistic, explorations of like.. what my dream house would look like, hanging my art up in a new-bigger better- apartment, what my table would look like at a con, or my work in a small gallery or art show..
but it's at the point where i can't suspend my disbelief enough anymore to indulge in the Premise of most of these things because Every Ounce of possibility has been squeezed out of these things.
And maybe i'm just really too depressed and there's something i'm not seeing but god it's Really Fucking Bad Out here if My can-imagine-anything-like-it-could-happen-tomorrow-regardless-of-probability Ass can't even daydream myself to sleep because it's... Just not realistic!!!! Like i know we already know that but damn!!!! My mental health is in shambles and almost all of the causes are external and i can't control them!
#monster noises#gotta get a new set of fantasies...#maybe just get wild with it and imagine what it would be like to be a Dog#that's impossible in a fun non-depressing way#and to address the art stuff there#i think i'm maybe just in a Bad Place but it really feels like i'm never gunna get there at this point#like the internet infrastructure that let artists survive in the way i would want to has/is collapsing#and what hasn't collapsed isn't worth the emotional pain of having a fanbase#and there are art jobs you don't really need to be online for but i don't.... i don't want those#i'm not built to be a freelance illustrator doing other peoples book covers n' stuff#i'm built to write comics and do my own thing#but i don't know if i can navigate trad publishing#largely because i'm too stubborn#so i'm kinda stuck#and this is to say Nothing of how hard it is to make Anything working 40 hours a week and living alone#like all that other career pondering means nothing anyway in the face of like#i have no energy left to be creative anymore ever#it's like i've turned some stuff off to conserve power and a big part of my imagination has gone dark#i can think about my stuff and Be Creative but i can't like.. occupy a fictional space the same way#where i can really dig in and feel the world and create in it#i'm just... to tired on too deep a level#i don't have enough In Me to do that and also everything else i need to think about and do to survive#so it really doesn't look like i'll have catelouge nor opportunity to make things like tabelling worth it#or entertain the idea of doing a book signing#or having a book at all#and there's nothing i can really do to Fix That#so#i'm just Here#Kinda#and i have to keep doing the same stuff as if i don't realize it's pointless
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I am so fucking overstimulated and overwhelmed and after Saturday I work nine out of the next ten days and my brain is imploding and I'm. Kill me
#How the fuck do people who work 40 hours a week do it#I mean next week I'm working almost FIFTY#Which I shouldn't even complain about bc both my parents work 50-60 hours BUT LIKE#IM FUCKING#HELL.HELL HELL HELL#I stg I'm gonna burn out so bad#Oh plus my roommate is being horrible and I want to move so fucking bad but there's like nothing available rn in our price range
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i might be getting slightly fed up of mean-spirited posts about authors, idk if you could tell
#roughly 80% of my friends are authors at this point due to the circles i move in#and i've worked as a secondary school librarian and as a childrens+teens bookseller#so i have a particular knowledge of YA as a category#which is why i also get tired of seeing all the thoughtful creative work being done in that category#swept aside and denigrated by people who've read like two bestsellers and no other recent YA#just. fuck off#okay? please. people are working their asses off to get good books in the hands of teens#AND YES there are bad books and yes there are annoying trends and all of that#but that is not the fault of the category#(genuinely: it's in all categories#trends just move faster in YA because the audience ages out so things cycle more than they do in adult)#also when all your friends are authors you see first hand how broke they are#working 40 hours a week to make 10k/yr#and then people online call them greedy for wanting to be paid
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I think it's frankly outrageous and cruel and just bad teaching practice for college professors to ask students to spend more than an hour a week on homework per class.
#like if a normal class with lab is 6 hours a week#then a full course load would be 24 hours of class time. plus 4 hours of homework is 28#and most college students work part time and if we estimated that at 15-20 hours#that puts you at over 40 hours already#but so many professors I've had have expected like. 2 hours per class period of homework#if you do the math it's just absurd#how can you ask that of people
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had my first day of work earlier today and i’m fucking exhausted
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missing my close friendships and how I used to have the energy to maintain them while also reminding myself that part of the reason I don’t have that energy anymore/right now is because that very energy was actively exploited by my “best friend” of Several Years for their own benefit
:pensive:
#lol#not to mention that said ''best friend's'' girlfriend didn't have the emotional maturity to own up to her mistakes#and neither gave enough of a fuck to actively do better#like hm why dont i have the energy to maintain my remaining friendships and attempt to become closer to others lol. right. that#your best friend only ever paying attention to you to treat you like a chauffer and otherwise literally avoiding you after you've realized-#-that they're you're FP (bpd stuff) and literally explicitly told them that will do that. lol#then. lol. a half assed apology ''I'm sorry I wasn't there for you'' when i FINALLY get the courage to cut them off. WOW. THANKS SO MUCH.#THAT REALLY HELPS *NOW* AFTER WE ALREADY HAD THE CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW YOU WERE TREATING ME LIKE SHIT *MONTHS AGO*#not to mention that their girlfriend was too much of a fucking coward to face me in person so i could properly cut her off instead of a text#''sorry our schedules didn't line up =( genuinely wish you the best''#YEAH OKAY#bullshit on bullshit#if you fucking wished me the best you wouldn't have INTENTIONALLY crossed MULTIPLE boundaries#in one case. lol. LITERAL SECONDS AFTER I TOLD YOU I NEEDED SPACE BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO SCREAM AT YOU#WHEN YOU HAVE TOLD ME AND I KNOW DAMN WELL PEOPLE YELLING AT YOU IS A TRIGGER FOR YOU.#THAT'S YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME INTO THE BAD GUY DIPSHIT. ''mike I would never do that to you'' YOU ARE LITERALLY ACTIVELY TRYING TO DO THAT RN#and yknow the other reason is that i literally work 12 hour shifts and ~40 hour work weeks so#3/4ths of my time on this planet is spent working or sleeping. like yeah no shit i have no energy#im not only physically drained i'm also mentally and emotionally drained lol#anyway sorry for the pity party i'm just. so fucking tired of avoiding talking about this publicly#mud rambles#like i know i mentioned it before but i havent really gone into any depth so. i deserve to talk about it more
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I know I don't shut up about this but frankly not enough people are angry about the 5-day/40 hour workweek (and I am AWARE a lot of people work even more than that). I feel like a lot more people should be absolutely furious that we only really have two days a week and some occasional hours in the evening to socialise, run errands, do chores, or relax.
It's no wonder so many people are profoundly lonely and disconnected from their communities when maintaining a social life in what little free time we have is incredibly difficult. If you have kids, a second job, a very long commute, or other responsibilities, it's nearly impossible.
We literally aren't meant to live like this and I'll never stop being shocked how many people just take it as the natural state of things and don't want to throw a brick through a billionaire's window every time they think of it.
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god i feel so fucking stuck. it doesn't sound like i'm getting that job i really wanted after all, which means my only real option forward is to take the supervisor role being created in my office.
they want me for this role. everyone at office level who advocated for its creation had me in mind. it's not really a career path i'm interested in, but it's something.
only problem is my patience and tolerance for Nightmare Coworker is getting shorter by the day. she blew a gasket again today when some r&d folks—whose arrival had only been mentioned to me offhand—showed up. because she wasn't told by the manager herself. she stormed away to go on a walk, came back, and stormed away again to have a long chat with the manager. manager is apparently only doing what the previous one instructed her to: rely on the two point people in the clinics. which, yanno, makes sense.
(fuck. maybe i should take the managerial track. so i can be there for my team like my managers in this job haven't been, and fire the fucking toxic mold spore before she infects the clinic.) (and honestly, because no one has left over her yet, that's likely why nothing has happened. but where the fuck am i supposed to go? back to the fucking donut shop???)
Nightmare Coworker is in absolute denial that she is not The Best, in denial that people with some modicum of power in our office want me promoted, and in denial that it could ever fucking happen. the only thing she has convinced herself of is that i'm going to "get promoted and leave" which. i fucking WISH.
but here we are. no offer in sight for the thing i want most right now. no exit signs for hundreds, if not thousands of miles from here.
i want to take that damn supervisor promotion, but i can't even message my own manager without Nightmare Coworker reading slack over my shoulder and then having a meltdown about it. how am i supposed to go talk privately to my manager, have an interview with her? Nightmare Coworker's going to fucking flip her shit when the reality of an internal promotion with my name on it comes to light. and i DON'T have the energy to cope with it. the only outcome that might not break me is if she has a massive meltdown and quits on the spot. no notice. and i don't know how realistic that is to expect.
myself and others at this office are surprised and demoralized that Nightmare Coworker was not fired months ago. and honestly in hindsight i think Old Manager was far too soft. he was supportive, but too supportive, to the fault that accommodating everyone means accommodating no one. and current manager is spread paper thin, which is why she needs an office supervisor. but the window to get this person fired without invoking catastrophe has long since passed.
i wish i could turn my cold, frozen fear into spite or vengeance. to internally be grinning from the sidelines as i light the match and toss it into the massive pile of kindling and firewood that Nightmare Coworker has dug herself into, and set her ablaze. i wish i could feel anything other than fear.
#personal#i'm going to wait until next week when i can talk to my manager in person#i don't feel like it's okay to tell her that i think Nightmare Coworker will *quit* over me getting promoted#but i can and probably should say everything but that#'Nightmare Coworker has expressed on multiple occasions how distraught she would be if i was promoted over her'#and 'considering her volatile outbursts every time something crosses my desk that she expects should also cross hers i am deeply concerned#about what will happen if i pursue this promotion'#i'm kicking myself now for not documenting every. single. outburst BUT that shouldn't be FUCKING REQUIRED.#i'm constantly in the fucking CROSSFIRE#last time she went off on a patient i was cleaning it up for a WEEK#the Early Shift Mailman didn't come in today because she is always so rude to him for Daring To Come Early#i had to entertain a whole fucking team of engineers for over an hour by myself while she dealt with her meltdown#because manager only mentioned in a throwaway comment to me that they were coming#(back when i was new and wasn't directly told these things by management#was i mad? fuck no! it's not my fucking problem unless management makes it my problem!!)#and it's not like manager did more than say that people were showing up at x time. didn't say wht they wanted. how long they'd stay.#nothing fucking *helpful*. so it's not like i'm getting this fucking red carpet treatment. i'm not. i'm just a fucking grunt too#we're all spread thin and frankly the lady who can't even keep up with her basic workload is NOT suited for more complex responsibilities#as soon as she came in this morning she started bitching about how much work i left her. work that was only left because *she*#went home early on friday. and takes 4x as long to do even the simplest of tasks#in the time it took her to file 30? 40? pages in between looking at her phone? i filed close to *200*#and she complains that she has too much to do#she can't even put down her phone while talking with patients who are standing right in front of her. her phone's too important#it's fucking disgusting and frankly i miss the setup at my old job where the manager sat right. fucking. next. to. us.#and breathed down our necks all day. THAT's why we went through 7 front desk people in the 2yrs i was there. because behavior was SEEN.#i'm so fucking done with this. i'm so fucking tired. i just want OUT
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god. why does no one care about me in this damned house
#two days of hanging out with childhood friends having the best fun I’ve had all holidays just to be ruined by my brother#my god#firstly you have a complete fucking meltdown right before we’re supposed to leave despite you having a full 6 hours to prepare while im#in a rush to get in the car 10 mins after waking up because my mum didn’t wake me up#then you make us call you because you were feeling left out despite you specifically saying you didn’t want to hang out with these people#then the next day you agree to go and immediately start insulting me for laughs and then hitting me with hard plastic when I respond#you continue to do things to the rest of us and then complain when we do the same#eventually going to mum and conveniently ignoring any part where he hit me#then you act moody the rest of the damn day watching youtube and then say all that time watching YouTube was stressing you out#then I get home after a 40 min drive of josh crying over some unexplained problem with all the “stress” on his face leaving immediately#my mum asks me why I wasn’t feeling the best and I explain all the shit that josh did to me#and then she has the nerve to stay “why have you stayed so mad about this” as if josh doesn’t constantly pull this shit#apparently she thought all the times we didn’t fight were just normal?? as if I don’t have to constantly walk on eggshells around josh#and I had to explain how I constantly had to comprise for him and how I just for once wanted to have fun with my friends#and even then we constantly invited him to play with us#and then refused to#the two hour later I decide for once in my life to be vulnerable with my dad and get on the verge of tears explaining how I’m treated by jo#and how despite doing the actual limit to what I can mentally handle to appease josh he still treats me like dogshit#and he decides to make this about him and his brother and how their relationship worked#and then told me basically that my brother will never leave my life and I have to stay with him forever#I love my mother#My father and my brother not so much#but when it’s not about josh getting a pinprick and having to cancel a 2 week holiday#it’s about mum and dad and how they are going through a rough patch and constantly have to let us know#the only time it feels like I’m paid any attention to at all is when I’m with my sisters or I get a grade back#ughhhhhhhhhhhh#vent
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I'm gonna be so open and honest with you guys right now i fucking rly dont want to go to work tomorrow .
#im violently nauseous rn and ik its judt bc ive been in a straining position and also i ate like 20 slimjins but like km only gonna get 5#hours of sleep maximum im gonna have a headache im so tired of everything i wanna have a day off but i cant. Its only tuesday and im#already liek Please can we be done please no more this week all done all done#im so fucking sick of working i dont want to have to work for the next 40 years Minimum. i hate everythingbon earth#i dont understand how ppl work fulltime and have a life i only get 2 live At all on weekends#and even then its only 1 day saturday bc sunday is my Doing all my chores and stuff day#so i do all my laundry i tidy up the room Et cetera. i dont udnerstand how people can just do this forever#it genuinely feels like. bc i leave 4 work at 6am. i get home around 5pm. im supposed to go to bed. well technically i should go 2 bed at#9 to get a full 9 hours but look man . that would give me 4 hours a day to be a person#so my bedtime is officially 10 but usually i go to bed at 12 which means i dont get enough sleep which means as soon as i getnoff work the#next day im even less willing to do anything#+ doing anything fun fucking costs money if not the thing itself the travel expenses. and if i spend money i just have to work to make that#money back i fucking hate it. and im doing this for what. so that in 40 years i can retire and then 10 years after that oh no unforeseen#expenses or something suddenly my retirement isnt cutting it i have to go work at fucking walmart or something as a 70 year old judt to#make ends meet. god. And when the fuck am i supposed to have kids i want kids very badly one day but how the fuck am i supposed to have#kids if id only be able to spend Maximum 6 hours a day with them. thats if my work is like Doectly next door.#how. how. how. less than 6 hours even bc theyd go to bed before i did so rly like 3 hours a day with my theoretical kids Im an awful#theoretical parent and maybe my theoretical spouse works less hours so they can be home with the kids but they resent me for always being#at fucking work 9 hours a fucking day and they resent me for not being there for our theoretical kids Im sorry theoretical partner i want#to fucking be there but SOMEBODY has to put money into our theoretical savings account. UGH!!!#i hate work i hate it i hate it#i dont even hate my job i just hate that its my entire fucking life#i hate that i essentially get half a day every week thats truly mine that i get to do whatever i want. and in my current situation i barely#even fucking get that idk.
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