#HOW DID WE MOVE ON FROM THIS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kiirotoao · 2 months

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No okay but if my best friend called me the “heart” of anything. If someone makes me feel that loved and important. I’m anything for you. Take me. I’m yours.

#byler is endgame #and THIS IS WHY #THEYRE SO BEAUTIFUL #WILL’S LOVE IS SO BEAUTIFUL WHAT ELSE EVEN MATTERS #byler #Mike is already a canon simp and after this so is Will THEYRE PERFECT #HOW DID WE MOVE ON FROM THIS #lowkey shitpost

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hearvex · 1 year

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i can't believe dream one day went:

only to post these the next day:

#like #literally insane #how did we move on from this #dnf #dreamnotfound #h talks

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sstarrysshit · 1 year

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#desi tumblr #HOW DID WE MOVE ON FROM THIS #just Shakespeare quaking in his grave #play this over my grave please #nobody does romance like us #this account's about to go full on desi and guess who's not complaining

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flythesail · 9 months

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I'm so tired of the way tv is working right now. And it's not working. Seasons are getting shorter, and shows are canceled before they even get a chance to prove themselves. Shows with new concepts often get the worst of it, and it just makes me so sad to think of all the fantastic stories we're losing because of a system that prioritizes profit over the art itself. I want to live with these characters over years. Get to know them and grow with them and not watch as their stories are crammed into six episodes or even worse, go entirely unfinished.

#shows used to be 18+ episodes for 7+ seasons!!!! how did we end up here #with both writers and actors on strike too.. i can only hope they get what they deserve and it's a turning point for the better #audiences want these long run shows #either streaming needs to get on that or go away #disney+ moving to prevent password sharing now too.. like do you want people to watch or not?? i dont get it #this isnt even getting into the way they erase shows from existence either #flythepost

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thepoisonroom · 1 month

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'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body?#it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

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lesbiangracehanson · 1 year

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another day, another j7 scene that makes me feel insane

#insane + turned on at the same time. it's a terrible predicament #olivia watches voyager #j7 #seven of nine #kathryn janeway #star trek voyager #i think janeway Did need to hear this im ngl.....#like the fact that she clearly takes it on board + it affects how she proceeds with the doctor confirms that imo #and seven was making good points!#i'm glad she advocated for the doctor #bc it did feel like the whole crew was regressing a bit in their treatment of him recently idk #voyager's continually grappling with this tension between 'giving' someone their freedom/encouraging them to explore it #and then abruptly retracting that freedom when it's convenient #e.g. obvs the doctor with the memory wiping + the fairly regular 'i'm gonna deactivate ur programme' threats #seven with the 'ur an individual but there's also ever-shifting parameters to ur individuality' etc #also 'ur an individual but we will harvest u for nanoprobes on demand + ur objection will be noted but ignored' lol #but also tom in a recent ep of s5 - janeway bringing up how she freed him from the penal colony #+ also b'elanna in s5 - janeway barely giving her 2 seconds to recover #before ordering her to 'move on' from her anger re: that holo cardassian operating on her #it's like. yes all starfleet ships have their hierarchy + individual freedom exists in tension with that #but bc there's such an amalgamation of characters on voyager #from backgrounds that aren't starfleet/aren't strictly starfleet #and that - by their presence on the ship - have been 'indebted' in some way from the beginning #it all feels even more complicated #anyway why have i just written all these tags lol <3

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good-beanswrites · 4 months

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My thoughts on how the Milgram mv machine works based on the evidence we have:

(I know there’s been discussion about where exactly the interrogations take place, but wherever they are,) the prisoners are made to sit in a specific chair near the wall that houses the machine.

It’s ordinarily hidden, but the wall panels shift aside to reveal it when the mechanical sounds play in the dramas. As well as the walls moving, the chair transforms to restrain the prisoner and attach whatever it takes to access their brain. The fact that none of the more frightened prisoners try to run or break it makes it seem like they physically cannot. This is why Fuuta sounds so panicked, and why Amane is suddenly helpless in front of Es in their T1 vds.

(My mind conjures very classic sci-fi mad scientist machines with wires, pipes, lights, nodes, needles, etc, but I’d love to hear how other people visualize it.)

In some vds (maybe all? I’d need to check,) you can hear Es take some steps right before their iconic line -- it would make sense that for safety reasons, the power mechanism is placed across the room. Once again it could be anything, but the sound effect makes me think of one of those giant wall-mounted levers you have to pull down.

The voice dramas don’t really provide the type of crime details that an actual interrogation would reveal, and it’s odd that they’re placed before the extraction rather than after Es gets to see the new details. This leads me to believe the machine functions with priming. All Es needs to do is get them talking about their murder, so it’s on their mind.

The video produced is much like a (non-lucid) dream. Even if the prisoners figure out that this is how it works, they can’t control it just by thinking really hard about something else. The murders produce the strongest emotional affect, and that’s what it picks up on. If someone else used the machine, it would default to whatever gave them the strongest emotional reaction in the ~15 minutes beforehand, hence why Es’ video focuses on their daunting task ahead. (The Undercover theory is still a bit loose, though, given the private shots that Es wouldn't have known about). It’s why the videos are usually closely linked to the vd topics/beats. I also like to think that the reason their prisoner colors appear so much is because they’re looking at those colors on their uniform 24/7.

The bell rings to inform Es that it’s the optimal time to use the machine -- the prisoner has been thinking about things for long enough that the video will be about their crime, and if the conversation lasts much longer they’ll start thinking of other things. It’s at a different time for each prisoner because it’s based on the specific conversation. I guess Jackalope is listening in to the interrogation, timing it perfectly. (The only one that kind of messes with this theory is Yonah, because they just keep talking afterwards lol, but it could just show that the interrogation is still in Es’ control.)

Their “Sing your sins” is the final priming nudge to get them to think of their actions as a sin, revealing their guilt.

Once activated, the prisoner enters a sort of trance/sleeping state. It’s very much like REM sleep, with the machine forcibly activating neurons and recording the output. The prisoners have asked Es what they saw, meaning they don’t remember the mvs. I like to think the prisoners do experience the mv in real time, acting as the major version of themself that appears, but can’t remember it afterwards. It’s when you experience a dream, but as soon as you wake up you’re just left with fleeting emotions and memories right on the tip of your tongue.

The video plays immediately upon extraction -- whether on a huge projection or little screen depends on which room it’s in. It simultaneously saves the memory so that Es can rewatch it later (on those old TVs in the jailbreak mix). The machine downloads the song and video together, but requires special parts to retrieve them. The technology is pretty new and fragile, so if one is broken, there might be a delay between when Es can hear the extracted song and see it with the video. (That’s my justification for Kotoko’s delays -- after 9 prisoners the parts wear out, or maybe Mikoto himself overheats it with his complex situation.)

Based on the lack of conversation we get afterwards, I picture Es leaving before the prisoner wakes from the trance. The machine adjusts their brain back to normal before they awaken, restraints freed and able to return to the rest of the prison.

It’s very much like a dream, so it’s not harmful despite the amnesia/head injuries the prisoners have. It does, however, exhaust them. Brain activity alone takes a lot of energy, so forced brain activity with added emotional strain would cause them to feel pretty drained the rest of the day.

#milgram #👍👍#if theres anything contradictory please lmk -- this is how ive been taking the evidence we have so i definitely want to rethink things if #theres a mistake #but also i just wanna hear what people have been picturing 🤔#i mentioned it before but the jailbreak tvs really did shift my brain from sleek tech to clunky old scifi vibes #im also still partial to an idea mentioned a long time ago about the prisoners waking up to catch the last few moments of their mv #and how heartbreaking that can be for some #but i feel like it would make more sense if there was no direct interaction after the extraction since es is overwhelmed with different #reactions (from us) and the prisoners themselves are raw with emotion and fatigue #i like the thought of interrogations occuring in that big courtroom (seen in undercover and now deep cover)#but that room seems way too echo-y for the vds to take place in #and it seems overkill to build every cell with moving panel walls and access to the machine #so the jurys still out on that one #(also hehe im still so excited that my oc fits very nicely into all of this but i kept this post 100% canon compliant)#analysis/thoughts

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bleaksqueak · 2 months

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While i work I've been listening to an LP of the Telltale Walking Dead Games (the ones with clementine, I do not care about the others lmao). Ages ago when I played these I was well aware/amused that part of season 2 takes place in Parker's Crossroads/Parker's Run because I grew up right next to it and the detail stood out to me. But I never caught the line of "We'll head to parker's run. It's just up the road from here" until just right now. So I had a sort of "wait, where the fuck are they supposed to be right now?" (search)

ARE YOU SHITTING ME LMAO So by process of elimination, since it's the only city with anything even remotely resembling a large home supply store, that would mean they're in my literal hometown. My tiny hometown in the middle of nowhere that's never in anything that barely anyone knows of. How in the fuck lmao

#shut up pu #random stuff #I guess Howe's would be our Co-Op #I moved away forever ago but my brain often still returns to that tiny town. the biggest city in henderson county. lmaoo #Did they just randomly pick a place on the map for the location... parker's crossroads/run surprised me but it's at least more of a thing #i'm upset with myself for never picking up on that before #sorry telltale but we never had a comic book store you have to go all the way over to the next county for that #also your geography's wrong it's east tennessee that has mountains #west tennessee is all hills #i'm being nitpicky but it's out of amusement #of all the places to end up in a zamboni apocalypse #my poor girl clem lucky she made it out at all #lmao I strongly dislike this series all BUT these games with clementine #and I love her so much #goes to show what a good likable character can do #anyway I'm upset that you don't get to go raid the dairyqueen in season 2 #maybe this is an odd thing to post about but I literally come from a #“the nearest starbucks is 40 minutes away” level of tiny nowhere town #and playing this game when it first came out only to realize this detail about a decade later made me spit my drink out

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thaliagrayce · 1 year

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y'know what we don't talk about enough? Hazel died. We talk about how she grew up in the 30's and 40's and we talk about how out of place she feels in the modern world, but! She died! She was dead! She has spent more time dead than alive, and not by a close margin!

How does that effect a person??? We got some of it in the flashbacks, but once those caught up with her present timeline and she shared them, they just kind of... disappeared. And she was a regular girl with some weird past experiences. That's one way of doing it, sure!

I think it would have been a lot cooler if she was just a touch creepier. If she felt a little bit Wrong. Yeah, in general she's more approachable than her brother, she's more sociable and less closed off, but. If you actually spend any time with her, it can be difficult to tell which child of the underworld is actually more unsettling.

Hazel is bright of personality and has a dazzling smile, but sometimes she'll just... shut down. She'll go completely blank for like half an hour and nobody knows what to do with it. Sometimes she forgets she's alive. Sometimes she'll spout the grimmest shit you've ever heard like it's nothing, she won't even notice it's weird until the room goes quiet. She spent decades in Asphodel, which is designed to make people forget about themselves and wander around for eternity, only she didn't have the luxury of forgetting! Wild! After she comes back to life, sometimes she forgets that she's allowed to Do Stuff now. She can spend so long sitting and staring at nothing. Sometimes she'll start crying on cloudless days because it hits her again that she can actually feel the warmth of the sun on her skin and she can hear birdsong. Every little mundane experience is a blessing and she will make you remember that in the most foreboding way possible.

#hazel levesque #hoo #mj talks #like. i am fascinated with characters who die and come back different and it JUST hit me that there was so much potential for hazel there #the idea of how death lingers was not explored At All in heroes of olympus #of course there's the obvious part in that there were what. 3 named character deaths total? 4 if you count leo #which i very much don't because it didn't stick! there were no consequences to this gigantic war!#the first series did well with that because we had plenty of named characters who died #even though some of them were introduced only to die like six chapters later. we still knew them on some level #and more importantly percy knew them. he felt their loss in a way that made consequences seem real #heroes of olympus didn't have any of that. hazel could have been a great way to talk about it a little more!#also i just love characters who have obviously gone through death. that has to change a person! tell me how it changed you!#anyway. i think i'll make hazel creepier from now on in my writing #she deserves it <3 #nico is creepy in an obvious way. he's got power over death and that clings to him like a second skin. he can't hide it #and he's learned that he doesn't have to. there is power in being othered #hazel seems lovely when you first meet her! none of the death power all of the glitter and gold and riches #and then she'll look you dead in the eye and say 'you really don't know how lucky you are to be able to breathe until you can't anymore'#and move on like it's nothing! what!#underworld siblings

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oatbugs · 3 months

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my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you

#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot #of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality #friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers #more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso #he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her.#and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap #the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth #bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel #how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter #how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do #very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly #and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips #(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner #about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a #knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more.#he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you.#the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her.#red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends #we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said #jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes #i wish i had met you years ago.#crushposting

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july-19th-club · 8 months

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i think the funniest neal relationship is when he's dating sara because 90% of it is 'we both like to be dressed to the nines at all hours of the day and night, we should fuck about it' and the instant they have any disagreement whatsoever they're like oh right our expensive and impractical taste in clothing is the only thing we have in common

#she was like oh i want adventure so i will date a conman...wait not this much! babe stop doing art crime and just be theoretically bad!#hes like oh i have absolutely 100% moved on from the late great One Real Relationship ive ever had in my life i'm fine we're fine it's fine #sara doesn't think lunch counts as a date and he never thinks to plan real dates because he more or less counts all time spent together #and their relationship STARTS while El is telling sara how much better her and peter's lives are for having neal in them #and sara's like 'well what if i don't trust him' and El's like 'git gud i guess. i trust him with my life'#and the parallel conversation is peter gushing about how lucky in love he's been and neal going :( i dont think that's me :(#and peter going oh you just have to give it time :) you just need the right people :) you got this :)#like sara's cool but the two of them were doomed from the start as any sort of romantic partners #we did get some great leyendecker-esque scenes out of them posing in clothes though. so that was cool #white collar #q

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vasiliquemort · 13 days

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My gentle dome, my aching tone of string

By someone's worry it could be - long-partied absence that went sudden o/////o By that it went of such - our city we've been settled upon since previous year (as, some may also yet remember - of passed year, when things went into worry and all-ache and loss, we've moved from outskirts of city - then towards, to able be to live and dwell and work upon), Kharkiv, went into raids that shuttered variety of parties within our infrastructure, over the times, again and more - now till it's toll unspeakable, unsoothed out, and hard to bite.

By lack within an electricity - of planned (by nature of a replenishing, within provides of small supply and yet unwavering demand) or rabid-toned (as a results of gotten heavier shellings, that never satiated since day first), along there was a lack of a connection outwards (by major our providers worked for some hours by powers of supplies that own, then - not), and such went days, sometimes within a weeks onward, and such were toll - kind of a dwell and ache and worry that planned no ease, or way to out.

By that went straying, worried and hard - within my tarnished yet dispositions, went dragged down, and without nature of your tenderness - that is to me a rapture, ache of all, - and help, those days - and months, and years of life would be unspeakable by dark, unshed by kind of toll that is by heart. There is no tears enough, and not enough of thank-you's - for patience and gentleness and tender hand onward.

Without you - there couldn't be such way now out, the one that spoken went within the passed month. We've moved, struggled onward to settle outre of city's mound - now on a land, and now by lone, sufficed and replenished and worked by strength of household's that's own. My hopes, my ache of heart - is that the future year, onward, shall be more gentle, mellowed out by passed harsh, and that by it - my yet adore, my gratefulness and worry could come to rapture, into fruit, into a tone of something new, and offered with love, and taken by it.

My gentlest thank-you's, the gratefulness of rabid - for you, as is, for every that previous and what's onward! I'll hope to come, along, with spring-renewed heart and mind, my aching coils and binds, turned to slim and round and toned complex and right!<ззззз

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multifandomdevil · 20 days

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i’m having thoughts…

#i would let him do unspeakable things to me #LIKE HE WAS COMPLETELY NAKED #AND HE LOOKED LIKE A RENAISSANCE PAINTING #CASUALLY #oscar isaac #dune part one #dune #leto atreides #how did we move on from this so fast #mdni #angelsaysshit

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puppyeared · 2 months

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Atla live action 😐

#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid #like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat #or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already #good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive #to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil #i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better #but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because #it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak #and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but #come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and #makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality #i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was #IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall #AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think #plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS #a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason #im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your #audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small #thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small #its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers #i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang #anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and #rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz #netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub #no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same #ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me #i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing #yapping

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distortedmoondisc · 10 months

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I think we as a fandom don't talk enough about Aira being Hiiro's fan—y'know, as an idol.

It might be because most people don't read the main story, or because it's not blatantly stated in there like other things, but it's something I think is a very unique facet about their relationship.

As we know, Aira separates his professional life and his personal life a lot. He will wait in line to shake hands with Hiyori Tomoe and buy a dozen CDs just to have a couple of extra minutes just talk to him, even though he can do this at any time since they're both idols living in the ES dorms and friends from the same circle.

And while this is admittedly silly from Aira's part, he truly sees this something serious and actually, he's kind of justified in thinking this way? He takes pride in being an idol otaku, and he wants to play as fair as possible with fellow fans, he doesn't want to take advantage of the fact that he's living and working alongside these super stars, and in my eyes that just shows how pure-hearted and honest he is.

With that in mind, it would be obvious to conclude that Aira would be a fan of his unitmates. He's definitely a fan of Tatsumi and Mayoi, but it's explicitly said in the MS that Aira is a fan of Hiiro.

This is from episode 89, "Grace"

(this episode may or may have not changed my brain chemistry forever lol)

Here, Aira makes the statement that he wants to protect Hiiro as an idol.

Hiiro is new to this world; he's a rookie, he's unpolished, far from perfect, but he's brimming with potential and he shines brightly on stage regardless of his imperfections — especially to Aira's eyes, and Aira wants to protect that, he wants to keep Hiiro's shine, and to help him grow and become the great idol Aira sees in him.

And I just can't express how much this means to me??? To their relationship??? This is why I can't understand people who say Aira doesn't care about Hiiro (these are opinions I've read way too often on twitter...), when Aira more than anyone wants to protect him not only as a person (like when he comforts him, cheers him up and motivates him after Rinne disowns him), but also as an idol. Aira trusts in Hiiro the idol. He sees his potential and he admires him deeply — not only as a fellow idol or as a friend, but as a fan.

And what gets me is the wording Aira uses here. He talks about wanting to protect Hiiro, to defend him. This is stated in another chapter and I don't remember exactly where (I believe it's one of the last episodes of the MS, but please correct me if I'm mistaken), but Aira states that he wants to protect Hiiro's purity — and this can be interpreted many ways, be it in that he wants to protect Hiiro's innocence as in his personality trait (his endearing naivety, his trusting and friendly nature, his endless curiosity, his earnestness and sincerity), or his purity as an idol, in the sense that because Hiiro is an idol, he has an appearance to keep, he has to be shining and to be pure and beautiful all the time (because that's the image idols give to the world, to their fans; the image that gives countless of people like Aira hope); this can include protecting Hiiro from the darker sides of the industry, such as toxic fans, unhealthy relationships with fame, corrupted producers or people from the industry, among other things. Aira seems to be aware of these issues (as he mentions in the second chapter of the main story, see below), so it makes sense that he wants to shield Hiiro, who knows absolutely nothing about this industry or the city, from those things.

Episode 24, "Suspicious"

And personally, I think Aira means both. He wants to protect Hiiro's purity as a person: he wants to protect the cheerful and positive Hiiro he knows and loves and admires (Aira himself states this. Multiple times. So much so that Aira often comments about how uncomfortable he feels when Hiiro is gloomy or troubled, that he is always the first to ask what is wrong or if something is bothering him.... but talking about Aira's high perceptiveness for Hiiro's emotions is a topic for another day) — but he also wants to protect Hiiro as an idol, wants to protect the immaculate image he gives to the world and to his fans, because Aira loves him, the same way he loves an idol from a fan standpoint. And he hopes that by protecting this purity, Hiiro will grow to be the talented and shining idol Aira knows he can be.

And what gets me is that after thinking of Hiiro this way, Aira snaps out of his self-deprecating thoughts and decides to give his best in the Ullambana (episode 89). Aira literally overcame his insecurities because of Hiiro. Thinking of having to do his best and keep working hard in order to keep up with him and with Alkaloid gave him the strength he needed to stop spiraling down his own insecurities and focus his efforts into something that was worth it: in keeping Alkaloid alive, and keeping Hiiro The Idol alive, because Aira believes he will become an idol that will soothe, delight and captivate hearts of many like Aira in the future — and Aira has to become an accomplished idol and a strong person if he is to be next to him on stage to protect him and to help him grow.

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I say a lot, mostly jokingly between my friends, that Aira is the biggest HiiroP... but after writing this whole post, I realize I'm not so far off from this assumption. Aira loves Hiiro as a friend, we all know and understand that, but what is often overlooked is that Aira—who divides his professional and personal life so strictly—recognizes the rookie, unpolished, but talented Hiiro as an idol, and he wants to see him grow and succeed not only as his friend and unitmate, but also as a fan. Hiiro is so shining and wonderful on stage that it awakens the idol-ota instinct on Aira, it brings him back to his roots where he watched and admired idols from afar and inspired and soothed his lonely heart. And honestly? I think this is terribly wholesome, if not incredibly beautiful, and I'm getting emotional over hiiai once again, so I'm going to finish the essay here. Thanks for reading ahdjfk

#we also don't talk about aira being the one protecting hiiro enough...#we usually think of hiiro since he's physically stronger and there's been scenes where he acts very protective of aira #like the famous “let go of aira!” scene w rinne #but we as a fandom often forget that aira does protect hiiro #albeit in a more subtle way #but honestly to me that's what makes it even more noble and admirable.#aira is tiny and weak but he's still one of the most determined and hardworking characters in enstars #and if he has as one of his goals to protect Hiiro's purity #then he will #idk man im just very moved by kanojo-kun trying his best to protect hiiro and his smile #and how he wants to nurture his potential as an idol bc he knows hiiro is capable of giving other people hope #the same way idols in the past did for aira #ueueueue #sorry for the long ramble #this was kinda copypasted from a chat w a friend on discord #but i tried changing it a bit so it makes more sense all together #hope it made sense lol #ensemble stars #enstars #enstars alkaloid #alkaloid #aira shiratori #hiiro amagi #hiiai #my post

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andavs · 2 days

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I’m so fucking curious about Shannon’s life in LA.

She probably had a job, unless she got some amount of money from her mom after she died (but living on that while knowing how tight things were back home is uh…not great). She was charming and fun so I would assume she had friends, or at least friendly coworkers. Did they know she had a husband and son back in Texas? Neither of them were wearing their wedding rings by the time they reconnected. Eddie took his off when he moved to LA, so when did she stop wearing hers? Were they this huge secret she kept from everyone around her? Did she have anyone around her who knew and was like "Hey, so what’s the deal with your husband and son back in Texas?" There’s so many gaping holes in her side of things and I’m so curious.

#like did she basically move on without them or was she also stuck and lonely and just farther away?#did she have friends and family who came to her funeral in la?#was she originally from la and moved to texas?#was her dad dead? not in the picture? in the military so they moved around and he was also deployed? (this makes me so sad)#i feel like we should know more about her with how prominently she's loomed over eddie's life

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