awkward moment in freshman year where there were two separate evil plans being orchestrated by faculty that involve the death of the principal and manipulating teenagers to do your bidding

goldenhoard and porter were both aware of each others evil plots but since there was no real overlap they just left each other to their own devices and MAYBE used the other as an alibi

but imagine goldenhoard's surprise when fig clocks porter as a bad guy after seeing him for maybe 2 seconds after the corn cutie fight

happy yearly "do you think they ever explored each other's bodies" to gilear and goldenhoard

why did emergency backup interim principal grix take over the school when aguefort went on vacation, but not when he killed himself? easy, goldenhoard killed him with a hammer

Aguefort: so what's your alignment?

Interviewee: chaotic evil

Aguefort: you're hired

New teacher: you didn't read me resu

Aguefort: you're hired

I HAVE FINISHED SEASON ONE BITCHES (fantasy high ep 16-17)

that was a fuckin' rollercoaster.

also. gorgug "good friends" thistlespring my ass mans is gay for ragh.

Honestly, the way that the cast and the fandom remembers Kalvaxus is really funny to me because... he was not that guy. Kalvaxus was strict but never quite mean. He had a very no nonsense approach to his job, but had to do a lot of the more stable parts of administration considering the other person involved with the day to day running of the school was Arthur Aguefort, a deeply unpredictable hubristic cokehead with all the power in the world.

The Bad Kids - more specifically Adaine - said that she really liked the school and thought he was a really good vice principal - the episode where it was revealed he was evil. When he saw Fabian randomly hit Gorgug, he told Gorgug that he shouldn't apologize for being randomly assaulted. When he handed a ticket to Adaine, he hesitated because Adaine was clearly on the verge of a panic attack. He gave Jawbone a job. He was genuinely trying to help the Bad Kids after Aguefort did some typical Aguefort shit and killed himself in front of them. He absolutely presented himself as a very helpful adult authority figure who maybe wasn't nice but he came off as trustworthy and largely fair.

Is any of that his true "deep down" personality? Obviously not. He's a banker, a libertarian, and an imperialist conqueror. He'll allow a few select students to be influenced onto this path. He can't say he approves of the Harvestmen being at his school but they're a good expendable workforce that he can discard afterwards to prove that despite being fiscally conservative, he is an ally and he is trans inclusive. He takes his little pleasures. Murdering Riz's father. Poisoning Aguefort, making him too stupid to see what his right hand is doing. Conspiring with his horrible capitalist bank that doesn't give out pens or lollipops. Investing in stocks, consorting with gangs of creepy tieflings. And when the mask is off he lets forth a storm of viciousness, hate, malice, verbal cruelty. Which is pretty par for the course for being stuck with teenagers for five hundred years, tbh.

But again, he has been doing this song and dance for five hundred-ish years, playing the role of the helpful authority figure. Dragons - particularly chromatic dragons like Kalvaxus - are infected with an absolutely massive ego, a destructive sense of pride that compels them to dominate, collect, amass, always amass wealth. It's baked into their immortal souls. They go to places, they commit violence on things there, and then they collect their rewards. It's a vicious cycle, and not dissimilar to the violent destructive cycle that adventuring tends to follow.

So when you take his ability to ever conquer, destroy, rule, devour, amass wealth.

Being good. At this stupid fucking JOB. That he HATES. Teaching teenagers. That he HATES. At a school. That he HATES. With only one man who knew what he was really like, the real him, only one man he didn't have to deceive, and it's the INSANE COKE SNORTING MOTHERFUCKER KEEPING HIM HERE.

Okay I put it in the tags of my last rb, but this realization deserves it's own post

I bet Jace and Porter were absolutely planning on making big moves in freshman year, or at least already working towards their plan (their whole vibe definitely gives me extreme Long Con vibes). But they had to postpone a bit, because their first choices of pawns Penelope Everpetal and Dayne Blayde.

Penelope is a sorcerer! She would've been in Jace's class! Dayne was a paladin!!

I bet Jace and Porter had been grooming those two since their freshman year, and then Goldenhoard swooped in to grab them (not even realizing he was thwarting the second set of evil plans happening at that school)

The Rat Grinders were a last minute replacement

If I had a nickel for every time Aguefort hired an actual unhinged cult leader to teach children and then let them run wild…

@everybody-do-the-wenis and @thefrenchrock finally succeeded in getting me to start watching fantasy high

Interim Emergency Backup Principal Grix has the potential to be the 6th faculty/staff member of Augefort to die in connection with the Bad Kids

Wrapped up season 1 yesterday, here's a few screenshots I enjoyed 💜

do you think they ever explored each other's bodies

the original maxi

"fuck dragons? more like FUCK dragons amiright?"

"1) all trans people are hot and fuckable 2) trans/t4t sex is best when it’s hot and messy 3) Pete is trans and messy <3 4) … I could not make my point any clearer"