Todays beanie of the day is

Enigma the Loch Ness Monster

Birthday- 06/15/2006

The magnificent Lake Champlain is tucked away amid the lush landscapes of Vermont and New York, its northern borders extending into the Canadian province of Quebec. This magnificent body of water, which stretches over a hundred miles in length and is remarkably wide, hides depths that drop to almost 400 feet (120 meters). But the lake’s magnificence isn’t the only thing that draws people in; it’s also thought to be the habitat of a mystery being dubbed “Champ”—Lake Champlain’s own mythical monster, which has a reputation on par with the notorious Nessie of Loch Ness.

Have Scientists Found Evidence That The Loch Ness Monster Actually Exists? #lochness #mystery

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Dive into the depths of Scotland's most mysterious lake with us as we explore the enigma that is the Loch Ness Monster. Often affectionately known as "Nessie," this elusive creature has captivated the world since the 1930s, stirring up a sensational blend of fact, conjecture, and folklore. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, our investigative journey delves into the history, eyewitness accounts, and scientific explorations surrounding this enduring mystery. We decipher infamous sightings and reveal high-profile expeditions that sought to prove Nessie's existence. Are the sightings mere optical illusions, or do they provide substantial evidence of an unknown aquatic creature? Could Nessie be a remaining specimen of an ancient, presumed extinct, marine reptile, or is it all just a well spun tale? From the first reported encounter to the latest sonar scans and photo evidence, we're taking you on an intriguing voyage behind the scenes of the Loch Ness Monster phenomena. Through this journey, we'll shed light on both sides of the debate, drawing on expert opinions, science, and technology. Be prepared, because what you're about to witness might challenge your preconceived notions about the mythical creature that reputedly lurks in the dark waters of Loch Ness. So, join us and submerge in this fascinating exploration of one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of our time. If you enjoy adventures into unexplained phenomena, make sure to like, share, and comment your thoughts below—we'd love to hear your theories! Don't forget to subscribe and hit the bell icon to stay updated on our latest videos. #Lochnessmonsterevidence#legend#legends Watch More of My Videos And Don't forget to "Like & Subscribe" & Also please click on the 🔔 Bell Icon, so you never miss any updates! 💟 ⬇️ 🔹🔹🔹📺 📺 Zombie video for Halloween Party Ambient sounds with Spooky Sound Effects 6 HOURS 👉   • Zombie video for Halloween Party Ambi...   📺Top 5 Unexplained Space Discoveries: Mysteries That Will Blow Your Mind! #space#mysteries 👉   • Top 5 Unexplained Space Discoveries: ...   📺 Youtube: / @mysteriesofthedark. 🎼 Playlist:➤    • Worlds top 5 unsolved mysteries. Why ...   🎼 Playlist:➤ Halloween    • Best Haunted Halloween 🎃 Sounds Spook...   Disclaimer: 👇 Remember, if you enjoyed the video don't forget to hit 'like', share it with your friends, and subscribe to our channel for more interesting videos! We’d appreciate your comments down below to let us know what other spooky sounds you’d love to hear. ► All Rights Reserved. Re-uploading of our work to other channels is strictly prohibited. © ️ All Rights Reserved by Mysteries of the dark

Chapter Five alternate dialogue

"I've spent a great deal of time navigating the city, so I've familiarized myself with the area, for the most part." He mumbled, sinking his hands into his coat pockets. "It's an essential skill back home. Getting lost can be a death sentence."

"Oh, right, in the woods. That makes sense." She looked a bit disappointed and began walking normally again. "You guys lived near the Gruwelbos, though, right? That must'a blown big time."

He assumed that she meant the experience was unpleasant. "What do you mean?" 

"The disappearances. You didn't know about that?"

"I…" Did the colony really kill so many people that it was noticeable? How was he supposed to respond without sounding suspicious? "No, not really. Again, we had very limited contact with the outside world."

"Right." She paused, chewed her straw thoughtfully, the end of which was now mangled and flat. "Was there like, a reason you guys never went outside?" 

"Too many members of our family have been lost to the outside."

"No shit? I've never actually met a person who lost somebody up there. So what, they just left and didn't come back? Or were they found dead?"

"A bit of both. I think our isolation truly began when my grandmother was found dead. After that, people would leave and we wouldn't go looking for them. None returned. My uncle and his daughter are two such individuals who haven't come back." He cleared his throat nervously, hoping it didn't sound terribly suspicious. "Granted, we suspect that my grandmother was killed by my grandfather."

"Nobody bothered to investigate?"

"He was in a position of authority and demanded she be cremated."

"I'm sorry, boss, that's rough." Her voice sounded warm and genuine. How she managed to make him feel safe by her voice alone was an enigma. "But nothing that couldn't be explained. Locals like to say the woods are cursed, as if there's not a billion ways to die and get lost up in the mountains. The only curse here is that the locals all got really poor-ass judgment."

"I've heard much about those woods in the past few days, but I still don't know what the superstition is."

"Grafstad's curse. Some legend from when the place was settled. I think it's just a load'a nonsense somebody made up to smear the Native population, but basically the colonists pissed off some tribe and then every night after that, giant creatures would come from the woods and eat people. Now when you go into those woods, you get killed by Night Giants or spirited away by ghosts." She laughed. "At least nobody's said it was aliens. Yet.:

"That's… absurd."

"Highly. My opinion, the reason people go missing is because almost everybody who goes up there is a conspiracy theorist or cryptozoologist or ghost hunter, and they don't prepare correctly, or go pokin' around the caves and get lost or eaten by bears. No curse needed, just hubris." That was a slightly refreshing perspective, at least, but it was certainly a good indication that he should keep his heritage to himself. Not that he'd intended to tell her, of course, but the possibility had been there. "For the record, I got the same opinion as the search-and-rescue guys and the cops on this one. People can be stupid and nobody wants to admit it, they gotta put the blame on some urban legend."

"You don't believe the creatures exist?"

"Hell no. I don't believe in bigfoot or the Loch Ness monster, either. Give me undeniable proof, then I'll concede." He sighed, both relieved and self-conscious. 

"That's reasonable. What is a Night Giant, if you don't mind my asking?"

"It changes depending on who you ask. Some people think they're shapeshifting Native American witches, and I've also heard they're vengeful ghosts or werewolves. The main thing is, they're like these massive twelve foot tall monsters that are hard to see in the dark and they eat people. People who've allegedly seen them think they look like bats."

"I see." His people didn't have a name for what they were, but humans gave them one. He wasn't sure how to process this information, and her subsequent silence was making him anxious. They'd walked another block before she spoke up again.

"Oh shit, I know where we are now!" Tolly announced abruptly, sounding amazed. "God, we should go to a maze when Halloween comes up, you'd breeze through it in no time at all." And then she hesitated and stuttered an amendment. "Ugh, sorry, I'm gettin' ahead'a myself. You must think I'm completely obnoxious for actin' like we're friends when we just met like, four days ago."

You can read the actual chapter here!

todays beanie is: enigma

Chessie-The Chesapeake Bay Sea Serpent

Let there be no doubt about it: The giant marine serpent is everybody’s favorite not-officially-discovered species. If you harbor any doubts about this, think of the world’s most famous sea creature, Nessie, the Loch Ness monster. The sail three thousand miles west and consider Maryland’s own maritime monster, the Chesapeake Bay creature known as Chessie. 

There have been reports of serpentine creatures in and around the waters of the Chesapeake since at least 1846, when a Captain Lawson reported a small-headed creature between Cape Charles and Cape Henry. But it was only in the following century that Chessie got her name. According to a collection of reports assembled by researcher Dave Elberti in the Maryland Folklore Archive, detailed sightings of Chessie started coming in from the 1930s onward. In 1934, two perch fishermen spotted something coming up for air near Baltimore. In news reports, the shaken fishermen, Francis Klarrman and Edward J. Ward, described what they saw

This thing was about 75 yards away, at right angles from our boat. At first it looked like something floating on the water. It was black and the part of it that was out of the water seemed about 12 feet long.  It has a head about as big as a football and shaped somewhat like a horse’s head. It turned around several times-almost all the way around.

In 1963, another sighting took place, this time from a helicopter pilot named Walter L. Myers. He wrote to Senator George W. Della, claiming he saw Chessie while flying over the lower Bush River area. “I assure you that Chessie exists,” he wrote, “or my eyes were deceiving me.” 

Once the newspapers get on it, people begin actively looking for Chessie, which often leads to imaginary or exaggerated reported, making reliable data harder to pin down. “Big fish” stories are all too common. But in the late 1970s, retired CIA employee Donald Kyker and his neighbors, the Smoot family, spotted four of these creatures about seventy-five yards offshore. The creatures were between twenty-five and forty feet long, about a foot across, oval-headed, and free of any distinguishing marks or limbs. It was not until Memorial Day in 1982 that anybody captured Chessie on film. At around seventy thirty p.m., Robert and Karen Frew were watching a group of swimmers in the bay from their home at Love Point, at the northernmost tip of Kent Island just east of Annapolis. A short distance from the group, they caught side of a dark serpentine form cruising toward the humans. Frew grabbed his video camera and filmed the path of the creature as it dived near the unsuspecting swimmers and reappeared at the other side of them. 

Few was trained in wildlife management at the University of Maine, but he didn’t recognize the species, “What we saw is not a run-of-the-mill animal,” Frew claimed. It moved from side to side like a snake and at one point swam in water only four or five feet deep. It appears to be unafraid of people, but not much interested in them either. “It seemingly doesn’t eat people,” he said, “because it swam within fifty feet of them.” 

The footage Frew recorded lasted less than five minutes, with only about two minutes’ worth of the creature, but it has been the subject of much scrutiny. At about the same time, a resident of Reistertown in Baltimore County, Mike Frizzell, was actively investigating Chessie. Mike Frizzell’s Enigma Project got hold of Frew’s tape and showed it to scientists at the Smithsonian Institution’s Museum of Natural History later that summer. The quality of the tape was not good enough for zoologist George Zug and his colleagues to draw a definite conclusions about the creature. “Animate but unidentifiable” was one recorded comment; the scientists were reported as being “basically noncommittal but not skeptical.” 

A laboratory in Laurel, Prince Georges County, offered to enhance the tape. Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Laboratory used graphical computer enhancement to resolve details that were unclear on the original footage. A definite serpentine form emerged from the blurry tape. It’s a brownish, snakelike or eel-like aquatic animal, round as a telephone pole, with humps along its back and a football-shaped head. It seems to spend too long out of the water to have gills and apparently eats bluefish, since it’s mainly spotted between April and the end of summer during the bluefish runs. Soon afterward, the project’s funding ran out and work on the tape ended. For more than twenty-two years, the tape has remained in limbo.

So we’re left with some relatively solid data about the creature and much conjecture. 

What is Chessie? Various reports and artists’ impressions seemed to point in the direction of a prehistoric creature called the Zeuglodon. The Washington Post, when it covered Chessie, touted a mutant eel theory. With a lightheartedness typical of serious newspaper covering these matters, they suggested the comic-book notion that the Calvert Cliffs Nuclear Power Plant may have accelerated mutations on the native species of water snake. 

Another theory sounds a little more solid. The Chessies (remember, they have been spotted in groups) may have descended from giant South American anacondas that escaped from ships abandoned in Baltimore. Some people say that snakes were placed in holds of eighteenth- and nineteenth-century sailing ships to control rats. As the hulls of the decommissioned ships decayed in the shipyards, these slithering pest controllers could have escaped and thrived on the abundant wildlife in the estuaries. But how could equatorial creatures survive the bleak Maryland winters? Some believe that the outfall pipes of the city’s water system could have provided shelter or that a few survived by sheer brute strength, and, due to natural selection, later generations were able to tolerate the cold. 

Whatever the origins or current prospects of the Chesapeake Bay serpent, some people in high places have taken the matter seriously. State senator George W. Della of Baltimore, a member of the Senate Economics and Environmental Affairs Committe, drafted a resolution during the Maryland state legislature session of 1984 to “encourage serious scientific inquiry by the State into Chessie and other unusual animals in the Chesapeake Bay.” Although widely ridiculed for the measure, Della insisted that for more than twenty years he had been receiving letters about Chessie from concerned citizens, ranging from grade schoolers to research directors, which, as far as he was concerned, constituted a significant enough interest to pursue the matter. We’re inclined to agree with the senator. 

Which magical creature would Cadence be?

I imagine Cadence to be a Loch Ness Monster, it that counts as sufficiently ‘magical.’ Mundane in a magical way, but the subject of much confusion physically — hard to spot and find, and possibly shouldn’t exist at all.

He himself is no enigma — after all, he truly ‘exists’ — but his situation draws confusion. And much like the Nessie, answers surrounding him and his situation aren’t all that plentiful. One would be forgiven for thinking him ‘false’ if you already knew his story.

But he’s here, isn’t he?

you may think you’re cool but are you in possession of the uk exclusive enigma the loch ness monster beanie baby

[ text ] Stop trying to figure me out. I don’t know either. // @fxllen-one

(✉️ ➡️ some british club owner?): oh, so you’re saying you’re an enigma? (✉️ ➡️ some british club owner?): because newsflash buddy, everyone /says/ they’re an enigma (✉️ ➡️ some british club owner?): you gotta prove it (✉️ ➡️ some british club owner?): is there a small colony of people in north dakota who think you’re a forest nymph? were you once mistaken as bigfoot on the national news? did you accidentally start a widespread internet conspiracy theory about the loch ness monster’s dick? put in the work. you will see the results

Creature Feature: Igopogo

This long necked, dorsal finned, canine-featured critter is one of the most unusual lake beasts reputed to dwell in North America.

Located in Southern Ontario — just 40-miles north of Toronto — Lake Simcoe is the fourth-largest lake in the province and a remnant of the colossal, prehistoric freshwater sea known as Lake Algonquin. Algonquin’s basin also included Lake Huron, Lake Michigan, Lake Superior, Lake Nipigon and Lake Nipissing. When the ice dam melted at the end of the last ice age it dramatically reduced water levels in the region, leaving behind the lakes we see today.

In the 17th century the lake was known by the Huron natives as “Ouentironk” or “Beautiful Water.” In 1687, the Lahontan people changed it to Lake Taronto, an Iroquoian term meaning gateway or pass. Finally, in 1793, by John Graves Simcoe — the first Lieutenant-Governor of Upper Canada — renamed the lake in memory of his father, Captain John Simcoe.

This relatively small, island riddled, oval shaped body of water, which is approximately 20-miles long and 16-miles wide, is known for its clean water, fantastic fishing and, most notably, the bizarre beast that’s said to lurk within its gloomy, freshwater depths.

This unusual animal was dubbed Igopogo — no doubt, in honor of her famous cousins OGOPOGO of Lake Okanagan and MANIPOGO of Lake Manitoba — by the local fishermen.

That having been stated, there seems to be a bit of a rivalry over the beast’s appellation as, depending on whether or not you hail from Kempenfelt Bay or Beaverton, the monster’s has a few alternate nom de plumes, including “Kempenfelt Kelly,” “Beaverton Bessie” — which is, in and of itself, an homage to Lake Erie’s more notorious BESSIE — and even “Simcoe Kelly.”

It was even suggested by George M. Eberhart in his book “Mysterious Creatures: A Guide to Cryptozoology” that its most famous name, “Igopogo,” comes from Walt Kelly’s seminal comic strip “Pogo,” which featured a cadre of memorable swamp critters, including one who ran a mock presidential campaign utilizing the slogan: “I GO POGO.”

Considered by many cryptozoologists to be unique, even amongst her amazing peers, Igopogo is a rarely seen beast, which has been described as having a neck which resembles a “stove-pipe,” crowned by an unusual canine-like head.

This ostensibly mammalian description — which, it must be admitted, has in no way remained consistent throughout the many years of Igopogo sightings — has led some to speculate that this creature may biologically akin to AQUATIC ENIGMAS such as the notorious “Irish crocodile” the DOBHAR-CHU or even the Australian BUNYIP.

While tales of this cryptid go as far back as aboriginal legends and accounts from the earliest Europeans to settle the area, the first modern report hails from July 22, 1963.

The eyewitnesses involved with this sighting, including one Reverend  L.B. Williams, claimed that they saw not a typically mammalian, but a serpentine creature — not unlike Newfoundland’s eel-like CRESSIE — with multiple dorsal fins, that was anywhere from 30 to 70-feet in length, undulating in the water. It was also described as having a “charcoal covered” epidermis

This creature was allegedly captured on film while two, uncharacteristically calm, children watch from the shore. While there is no written account of when or by whom the obviously aged, black and white image was snapped, it remains an intriguing — if somewhat controversial — piece of potential photographic evidence of Igopogo’s existence.

Over two decades later, on June 13, 1983, William Skrypetz — a sonar operator with Lefroy’s Government Dock and Marina — took sonar reading which revealed a creature with a massive body and long tapering neck that seemed to look very much like the archetypal LAKE MONSTERS such as CHAMP or the LOCH NESS MONSTER.

During the 1980’s — author, cryptozoologist and president of the BCSCC (British Colombia Scientific Cryptozoology Club) — JOHN KIRK III, investigated this phenomenon and came to the conclusion that whatever might have lived in the lake had either migrated or had become deceased.

Kirk’s assessment of the situation was not without merit, as the sightings of this animal — with the notable exception of Skrypetz sonar hit — had dwindled to virtually nothing since the 1970’s. Kirk’s opinion of this creature’s status changed in 1991, however, when he was given a copy of a videotape by former British army officer and fellow cryptozoologist, Don Hepworth.

The video — which was purportedly shot from the shores of Lake Simcoe during that same year — apparently shows a terrifying lake demon rearing its head during a hydroplane race.

According to the unnamed videographer’s account, one of the racers her knew suffered a mechanical breakdown while on the south end of the lake and was forced to halt and make repairs. Just as the racer lifted the engine hatch in order to assess the damage, a large animal suddenly surfaced directly in front of him, stunning the racer as well as the spectators on the shoreline.

The landlocked crowd began to panic, fearing the worst for the downed competitor. The racer himself would later claim that this possibly prehistoric apparition would continue to stare at him it slowly lowered its head, finally submerging completely beneath the water.

Apparently, Kirk — upon repeated viewing of the controversial footage — confirmed that this creature was 9 and 12 feet long and had mammalia or, what he believed to be, pinniped (seal- or sea lion-like) features. Unfortunately the quality of the video and proximity of the creature to the camera did not allow for a more thorough investigation of its species.

This video evidence — which is infamously difficult to find — has raised the profile of this creature considerably, yet skeptics continue to insist that what people are seeing is nothing more than normal seals who have slipped into the lake via the rivers that connect it to Lake Huron. Still others think it may be related to the now famous Pacific Ocean dwelling SEA MONSTERS known as CADBOROSAURUS.

While the “seal” theory may debunk some of the unusual sightings, it in no way explains away the strange sonar hit reported in 1983. Even now, a decade into the 21st century, Lake Simcoe remains one of the most under explored cryptid habitats remaining in North America.

A Flame For A Cabbage (Part 3)

Azula returns to her loft feeling delighted and dismal in equal measure. On one hand, she has coin enough for roast duck and pan-fried noodles and then some. On the other, she is down another crop of cabbages. She has no idea how she is going to get the wall sludge off of her stall. She pushes her stall back to its place at the edge of her cabbage field and sighs.

It looks like she is due for a trip to the public bathhouse. She hates the bathhouse, too many wandering eyes and clothing thieves. And that doesn’t even cover the occasional piranha-ray attack. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to replace the koi with those to cut back on spending is a fool.

She makes her way to the springs regardless. She scans the water for the piranha-rays, upon deeming the coast clear, she strips and slips into the water. She is going to have to do some laundry when she gets home. She exhales with the steam of the spring, a feeling like she will never be fully clean again begins to settle in. But she doesn’t have time to dwell upon that.

“Hey.” Speaks a low and raspy voice. And there it is, the other reason she hates the public bathhouse.

Azula groans.

“You owe me three fiddy.”

Azula grumbles and pulls out a few counterfeit coins and slides it to the Loch Ness monster. “Now leave me alone.”

The creature sinks back beneath the surface and swims away. Azula doesn’t put much thought into how little sense it makes for such an enormous creature to soundly occupy such a small space. She quickly shampoos her hair and soaps her body. She is growing hungry and that roast duck is sounding very good right about now.

.oOo.

Sie scowls. “I think we lost” echos in his mind. “Not kidding.” He frowns to himself. Not only did they lose but they are covered in wall juice. It comforts him little that TyLee remains outside building mudmen.

“I made you a mud pie.” She declares.

Sie doesn’t have time for these games. He doesn’t know how, but this is the fault of that cabbage merchant. She must have enchanted the cabbage with performance enhancing drugs. Yes, that is it. That is the only explanation as to how he might have lost. It doesn’t have anything to do with his own actions.

He finds himself a seat and pulls it into the corner. The left corner. That is his plotting corner.

“Hey, you’re going to have to leave now.” General Sung says. “We defeated you three hours ago.”

TyLee sticks out her tongue and spits at him.

“Listen, we can’t have you out here. There’s this secret government agency that is trying to keep the public from knowing about the war and if they see you…”

“What?” Sie asks. “What are they gonna do.”

“They’re gonna be really mad.” Sung says in a sing-song voice, one that lets everyone know why he is named Sung.

“How mad?”

“Seven.”

“Seven?”

“Seven mad.” Sung replies. He stalks off leaving Sie to wonder what exactly that means. Is it a rating scale?  Are they, whoever they are, going to be seven levels of mad? Are they going to be mad for seven reasons? “Mai, TyLee, what does ‘seven mad’ mean?”

.oOo.

Azula makes her way over to the Jasmine Dragon. On a normal day, she would offer the severs some cabbages. Ruefully this is not a normal day, they are going to be very disappointed. Azula finds her usual spot.

“What are you doing here!?” The waiter demands, furiously. He is always so angry, as though every ounce of teenage angst that has ever been put out into the world has come together and flowed into this boy.

“I am getting tea.” Azula replies. “And some roasted duck and pan-fried noodles.”

Through gritted teeth the scarred boy says, “really, what the hell are you doing here?”

What is she doing here? She ponders. What is anyone doing here. She was born, she supposes. By chance a cluster of cells had come together to form her instead of someone else. She wonders if it really is chance at all or if life has some sort of design. A design that intended for her, Azula, the cabbage merchant, to exist and exist as she does currently with the temperament that she currently has. By extension she wonders if any of her choices matter at all; would she still be sitting in the Jasmine Dragon no matter what decision she had chosen or was it already decided by the fates that she would end up here in this location. Perhaps in another life she would not be in the Jasmine Dragon. She might be dwelling in a drill. She might be something more than a cabbage merchant. But then, perhaps, even if she was the Fire Lord, she would still be waiting here, in the Jasmine Dragon, for some roast duck because that is life’s design.

Azula frowns, she hates it when people make her question her existence and the vast enigma of life and the delicate strings and laws of time and space that flow perpetually and primordially, keeping the universe together as it is now.

Having that train of thought so potent in her mind, she considers that maybe today should be the day that she finally asks the big question.

“Why are you here!?” The boy demands again. He hasn’t even asked her what drink she’d like to start with.

Yes, she decides. Today will be the day. “Can I speak to the manager?”

“My manager can’t change that your coupon expired ten years ago.” The boy growls.

“This didn’t even exist ten years ago.” Azula argues.

“It’s not my fault that your coupon exists on an entirely different timeplane!”

“Well you shouldn’t be handing out coupons that existed before your shop.” Azula replies. “I am a merchant myself and I would never give my customers time traveling coupons. I don’t give them coupons at all. Just cabbages. Only. Cabbages.” She pauses. “Anyways, that’s not what I want to speak with him about.”

“Sorry about my cranky nephew.”

“Uncle!” The boy says, “It’s--”

“He is going through a rough time. His father has sent him away, he’s trying to figure out who he is…”

“You’re only paying him minimum wage?” Azula puts in.

“...His date the other night didn’t go well…”

“And you’re horribly understaffed.” Azula notes.

“...And I made him clean out his sock drawer. Did you know that he only has one pair of matching socks and that those socks have pictures of Kpop idols on them?”

Azula tilts her head. “Pictures of what?” Before the man can answer she waves a hand. “I am not hear to discuss your nephew’s angst. I am here to discuss a business partnership.”

The old man blinks.

“I am cabbage merchant, Azula and I believe that we can help each other out. I know that you have just opened your shop about a month ago. I have been doing business here for years. As a well-established seller of cabbage, I know how to bring in clients.”

“Then why do I always see you with a full cart!?” The boy shouts from behind the counter.

Azula grits her teeth. “Because I work very fast. I replace a cabbage as soon as it is sold.”

“How does that work?”

“I simply tear a whole in the air around me, reach into the portal, and pull out a cabbage.” Azula shrugs. “That is how all cabbages are grown.”

“That was the worst lie I’ve ever heard.”

Azula narrows her eyes. She holds up a single pointer and cuts a small rip into the fabric of time and space. She leaves it there just long enough for the boy to see before sealing it up. “Why do you think I keep my nails so long and pointed?”

The boy only blinks at her. She understands his confusion, for he was right, she had been lying. She lifts her pointer again, this time she can’t seem to tear another rift. “Born lucky.” She mutters to herself. “What do you say…”

“Iroh.” The man fills in.

“What do you say Iroh, will you be my business partner? Together we will be the strongest small-town franchise in the world, we will dominate the earth!” Realizing that she might be coming on too strong she adds, more quietly, “or at least the food industry. We can try to weaponize our business in the distant future.”

Iroh strokes his beard as he considers her offer.

“Can we discuss it over pan-fried rice and roast duck?” She asks, realizing that she still hasn’t awarded herself for her hard work.

“Yes, let’s talk business over a fine meal!” Iroh declares. “Zuko, let’s prep a meal!”

Zuko groans. “You can’t partner with the Jasmine Dragon! Tea and cabbage don’t even go together, that’s like the toothpaste and orange juice of food service.”

Azula rolls her eyes. Zuko is such a child. A child and a pessimist. But she...she is a visionary. A conqueror. And she knows very well that the key to dominating the food sales industry is acquiring a formidable alley. Preferably one who has more than just a janky little stall.  

.oOo.

“Are we there yet?” TyLee asks.

Sie pinches the bridge of his nose. The question bothers him for several reasons. The largest reason being that it implies that there is a ‘there’ to get to, even though Sie as given no indication whatsoever that they have any one destination in mind.

“Where are we going, anyways?” Mai questions.

He likes that question even less because it implies that he knows where to go from here. That drill was supposed to have worked. Now he has no plans and no leads. He has nothing but the knowledge that his father is going to light him aflame if he doesn’t figure out something fast.  

“Are we there now?” TyLee speaks.

“Yes!” He throws his hands up in frustration. “We are! We’re exactly where we need to be! Right in the middle of an unfamiliar forest where we can hide from our shame and humiliation.”

Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal! Mai hits a button on her phone. “Sorry, forgot to put it on silent.” She pauses. “But in my defense, I didn’t think we would even get service out here.” Another pause. “Actually, to be honest, I didn’t think that I had one of these. What is this?” She holds up the phone before it fades out of existence and she forgets that she had it at all. To fill the void left by its disappearance, a kumquat is penciled into her hand.

Sie squints, he can’t shake the feeling that something has gone amiss. But what?

“I want to help you. You're hurt. We can help you feel better.” A voice in the distance keeps him from contemplating it for too long. “And we can help you find Aang.”

Sie creeps his way closer and pushes some brambles aside to have a better look. It would seem as if his aimless meandering has led him to a new opportunity. Surely it will end with just as much humiliation as his prior attempt but it is better than going to face his father without doing everything in his power to complete his mission first.

He takes a deep breath and turns to Mai and TyLee, “it’s disguise time ladies.”

.oOo.

Azula drums her fingers on the table. She is growing tired of staring at the graffiti on the table. An etching captioned, ‘my largge peengus by Toph’ had only been funny for a few minutes. She wonders if whoever wrote that had meant to spell the word wrong. She also wonders why the image itself is so squiggly. Moreso, she wonders why she is putting so much thought into such vulgar graffiti.

The more she sits there, the more she considers trying to cover up the vile artwork with something more tea-shop appropriate.

“You!” Booms a voice from the doorway.

Azula looks up. The boy seems to be pointing at her. Azula stands, he must know of her renowned cabbages and is trying to get one for himself. She sighs, “I am truly sorry, but I just recently lost…”

“No, not you.” The boy laughs awkwardly.

“Oh.” She also laughs awkwardly.

So does Ozai, for he has just been caught reading a hentai comic at his own war meeting.

“Yeah.” The boy rubs the back of his head. “I’m looking for a firebender.”

“Oh, yes, that is not me.” Azula replies. “I cannot bend fire.”

The boy nods. “That’s good because I’d have to…” he slashes his hook swords through the air “you too and I don’t want to have to…” another swoosh of his swords “you too.”

Azula nods, “I would not like to be…” she gives him time to make the gesture a third time.

“I think that the guys who run this place are firebenders so I have to get rid of them before they allow the war to get into Ba Sing Se.”

Azula perks up. “You know about the war!?” Finally, someone who isn’t a complete and utter moron. Definitely a moron, but not completely so. She can work with that. Especially since the moron is more charming than the soldier she had met on the wall.

“YOU!” Booms another voice, this one belonging to one of two uniformed men.

She is amazed by her own popularity tonight. “Sorry, my cabbages have been…”

“Not you.” The man clarifies. “Him.” He points to the boy next to her.

The man next to him nudges him and mutters something.

The first man clears his throat. “Actually, you as well.”

Azula grins but only for a moment before she recalls the bitter facts. “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you any cabbages because…”

“Yup, that’s definitely the right one.” Mutters man two.

“Both of you are under arrest.”

“Arrest?” Azula furrows her brows. “Look, I know that I wasn’t supposed to be on the wall but those soldiers enjoyed their cabbages.” A strong set of arms attempt to pin her arms behind her back. She ducks under and sweeps her leg under the man’s. He topples and his companion is on her in seconds. She wishes with more fury that cabbagebending were a thing. The first man to attack her now wrestles with the other boy. They encase his arms in a prison of heavy rock.

“Are you sure that you don’t just want to buy a cabbage?” Azula asks as she ducks under a rock. She wonders why it is taking Iroh and Zuko so long to make her food. She gives the man a swift kick but he catches her foot in a cluster of rocks much like the ones around the boy’s wrists. It throws her balance enough to land her on the ground. “What do you want with me?” She scowls.

“To help you.” The man says.

Azula tilts her head, quizzically. “To help me? You know how to make a profit off of cabbages?”

“Enough with the cabbages!” The man shouts. “No. We’ve heard tell that you and that boy are trying to spark panic via vicious lies and rumors.”  He elaborates, “there is no war in Ba Sing Se and the two of you will soon realize that.”

Two things happen at once; another man walks in. She recognizes him as the first man she had attempted to sell to before trying her luck with the soldiers. He looks truly and unapologetically smug. The weasley little snitch.

At the same time she sees Iroh and Zuko emerge from the kitchen. She can only watch longingly as the uniformed man drags her further and further from her hard-earned pan-fried noodles and roast duck.

“No!” The boy cries. “No! You’re arresting the wrong people! You need to go after them! They’re the firebenders!”

“There is no war in Ba Sing Se.” The two men repeat in unison.

Azula does not quite understand, all she wants to do is sell cabbagges. Why is it so hard to sell a few spiritdamned cabbages!? They pass by the man who ratted her out, “that’ll teach you not to question my spending choices.” He folds his arms over his chest with a humph.

Azula narrows her eyes. Next to her the boy is still thrashing and screaming. But not her. No, she is not a screamer. She is an opportunist. Perhaps she can sell a few cabbages to these men. Surly they will need nutritious sustenance if they are going to try to overthrow their current government.

48 quotes from David Tennant 💜💜

1. “Unlikely things are just as likely to happen as likely things, that’s a scientific fact.”

2. “Things are supposed to go wrong at first. That’s what’s supposed to happen.”

3. “We are capable of amazing feats of goodness and virtue and magnificence and self-sacrifice, and we can be evil, appalling, selfish — and that can be wrapped up in the same person. So the joy of that for me was that we had a demon who really likes being here and likes people a lot more than he would ever admit”

4. “I threw phones… Out the window of a Maserati! I mean, they were plastic phones, and we had cleared the street.”

5. “I was obsessed with the Loch Ness monster. I would read books about it, I always thought I would be the one to see it.“

6. [about Theta Sigma, eldritch horror] “He rarely yells. He rarely screams. He offers you a choice. ‘leave or die’. Those are your options. And sometimes, when the moon is shining and the breeze is right, you leave and he leaves you alone. But most of the time… most of the time you choose wrong and his eyes burn like a thousand dying stars. That is the fury of a Time Lord. He is the man that could end you a second, in the blink of an eye. And chooses not to”

7. “Theatre is more about just telling the story. I understand the way the theatre works.”

8. “I wouldn’t go on if I thought I actually had a concussion.”

9. “Poptarts. They’re multipurpose and indestructible.”

10. “I suppose I should be the poster child for dreams coming true"

11. “What is a s’mores?”

12. “I like to draw faces and boxes. Sometimes faces in boxes. Kind of like the face of Boe. Maybe that’s where I’m headed.“

13. “I’m very delicate.”

14. [Burning his fingers making tea] “But I’m a rebel and I don’t care!”

15. “Don’t check your emails at four in the morning! Don’t do it!”

16. “I kept forgetting [about the rattlesnakes] and they kept having to tell me to get out of the long grass"

17. “Je suis très mignon.”

18. “What’s the opposite of cool? Hot? No, that’s also good. Lukewarm. One day you’re cool the next you’re lukewarm. I’m the sixteenth most lukewarm actor on the planet.”

19. “I’ve been very fortunate to spend a lot of my life playing people that are much suaver, much cooler than myself”

20. “I got greedy, wearing slippers with thick socks, and then I fell down the stairs" 

21. “I suppose the character I relate to the most would be the one with the oldest, nastiest shoes”

22. [about Doctor Who] “Even people that don’t know what it is feel sort of warm and squidgy about it” 

23. “There *is* a Proclaimers musical!”

24. “Myrtle. It’s got a lateral plosion in it… It’s little- No. A diphthong is when there’s two different sounds.”

25. [about a rehearsal exercise he disliked in drama school] “I can’t do the sheet of aluminium, it needs multiple people.”

26. “I could have been Bojangles Macduff!”

27. “Today is all about memes and I don’t really know what they are”

28. “I DON’T KNOW ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA”

29. [on Instagram live] “Here we are, live on MySpace!“

30. [about his wife] “I’m finding I just want to work with people I know and like, such as the person I know and like best in the world”

31. “There’s something terribly appealing about a character that’s been there and done that and yet still has a huge enthusiasm for adventure and derring-do”

31. “I don’t understand. If I were Hamlet I’d just want to curl up and let her pet my hair.”

32. "There are a lot of things in the world to be upset about, things we have to fight, but hopefully there’s always a glimmer of hope that can help you dry your tears and keep going”

33. “History comes alive when you understand the people in it.“

34. “Think about your actions. Think twice.”

35. [about fan questions me, elsinore, in particular] “What hellish research is this?”

36. “I don’t know what’s going on or what the solution is. Which would be fine if I felt like someone else did. It’s like we’re careering down a suicidal path and if you even suggest taking stock or considering other options, people scream “heretic!” and “traitor!”. Foppish clowns who we wouldn’t normally listen to for a second have suddenly become imbued with this extraordinary status and are holding the government to ransom.”

37. “It’s very early, but we got coffee, so…”

38. “Have black coffee! I’ve been much cooler since I started having black coffee.”

39. “Don’t look at me. Just don’t look at me.”

40. “It’s all connected isn’t it? That sense that you’re not worthy and therefore have to prove your worth, and not get above your station. I’m always worried that my good fortune won’t last”

41. “Except when I’d finished the bowl Georgia then said ‘you know that yogurt’s two weeks out of date?’”

42. “I quite like the coolness of cats. I like the ‘sod you’ quality that a cat has - you can shower it in love and it’ll just wander off. Dogs are transparent; I suppose that’s what makes them lovable. But I like the enigma of cats.”

43. “I think I experience the normal range of human emotion.”

44. “Acting is about walking in another’s shoes, that’s why it continues to appeal to me as a way of getting through life. I simply hope that whenever I spend some time in a character’s shoes that his good points will rub off on me.”

45. “You’re also trying to take off the layers of wallpaper and trying to find its connection to you which is when you hope it will interest the audience.“

46. “Let’s have more pizza?”

47. “There’s no such thing as a Scrooge McDuck convention”

48. “It’s about us — our flaws, that trust and belief in humanity. It’s probably what brings us here”

Team Angry-Stupid-Loudmouth

#squad:  who's friends with who? what are the squad dynamics like?

Elrick: E’s friendly with the older crowd. He’s good mates with Wallace and Fredrik, they go to the gym together. He’s also good mates with Lucius and drags the poor old sod out for camping trips.

Luke: Luke can be friends with anyone, its up to the other person to tolerate him. It goes without saying that Colin is his ride or die for life. He also gets on well with Wallace and Fredrik, and has a “working relationship” with Lucius.

Kash: Kash is another individual who could get on with anyone, you just have to be the right sort of person to enjoy his company. Bishop will be his best mate for life, though in any AU in which he comes into contact with people he and Lukan have a good relationship.

microscope:  zoom in -- describe the little, insignificant details about an OC.

Elrick: Dude actually has really nice eyes, proper green in good lighting, like sunlight through ferns. He also has fairly soft hair.

Luke: Luke has the ghost of freckles on his nose, though his complexion makes them hard to see. He’s got early laugh lines creeping in at the corner of his eyes and just the faintest tinge of red in his curls.

Kash: Green eyes touched with gold at the center, cat-like and curved. Thin lips that fork into a grin. Wild, fire-colored hair that never seems to be under his control.

fragrance:  what do your OCs smell like?

Elrick: Tobacco, Old Spice, hair product, cedar-scented cologne

Luke: cloves, marijuana, shea butter, warm earth, sunlight warmed clothing

Kash: Rain, sage, oleander, fire-smoke, sea-salted ocean air

photo album:  describe one of your OCs' favorite memories.

Elrick: The first night that Logan came to stay, when he couldn’t stand his parents any longer. They ordered pizza and played nintendo in the loft and they shared that first, clumsy kiss.

Luke: Luke would count any warm, summery memory as a good one. He particularly enjoys the memory of the first summer he spent as Colin’s friend, sitting on a beach in Hastings smoking bowls as the sun set and telling stories over dinner of fish and chips.

Kash: I feel Kash’s life is too long to pick out particular memories, though I feel the time he convinced Bishop to become highway men for a while was probably worth a couple of good laughs, especially given their supernatural capabilities.

wardrobe:  what's your OC(s) style like? 

Elrick: E’s a t-shirts and jeans kind of guy. Every now and then he spices things up with a jacket, but really he can’t be fucked about fashion, and tends to wear what’s most convenient.

Luke: Luke likes a plaid top, coupled with hiking boots, graphic t’s and a beanie. Whatever’s comfiest for an impromptu hike, as he tends to enjoy random walks. He’s less a fan of dodging through underbrush to avoid the cops but in those situations his gear is idyllic as well.

Kash: Kash likes a lot of black. Black jeans/trousers, boots, shirts, and a leather jacket when the weather calls for it. He’ll wear other colours as well, but he’s truly adopted the goth aesthetic, or well - he adopted it about four hundred years ago and never gave it up.

lightning:  who's the most impulsive character? and who is their impulse control?

Elrick: E’s not impulsive unless it comes to jokes. Sometimes he can’t help himself and says something a little risque.

Luke: Luke can be impulsive, often due to his ADD.

Kash: Kash’s middle name is Impulsive, or Brash, or sometimes Just-plain-stupid. He loves to take unnecessary risks for the hell of it, just because he can and because the mayhem is usually worth it. Usually.

ufo:  identity! what are some key identifying qualities or traits of your OC(s)? how to they identify in regards to gender/sexuality? 

Elrick: Arrogant - Funny - Hangry - Fuck-knows-Sexuality

Luke: Kind - Excitable - Addict - Asexual

Kash: Rash - Funny - Annoying - Bisexual

love note:  who likes who? crushes? relationships? are they mutual or unrequited?

Elrick: E’s had only a few crushes in his life. He liked Annie, but that fell through when he fell for his boy.

Luke: Luke likes people, but couldn’t be fucked for sex or a relationship, really. He likes a cuddle, and he’d marry Colin for the marital benefits if Colin wanted to, but really he’s just here to have fun.

Kash: Kash’ll fuck anyone he finds interesting, though when it comes to love, well, there’s only one person who he’s ever truly loved, and he has a hard time admitting it.

poison:  vices/bad habits? what are they? how do they affect your OC?

Elrick: Elrick has a substance abuse problem, whether it be alcohol or harder chemicals, he’s always struggled. At the very least, he’s always going to have a slight drinking problem. He also bites his nails.

Luke: Luke doesn’t think it’s possible to be addicted to marijuana - luke is incorrect.

Kash: Kash thrives on mischief and mayhem, and will always go to irritating lengths to make things difficult for other people as well as himself. He’s also a chronic liar and incredibly vain.

compass:  who's the moral compass? in general: what are your OCs' morality like? do they have high morals, or not? are their morals self imposed, or do they base their morals on religion/family/influence of others?

Elrick: E’s generally a nice guy though every once in a while he can experience a moment of anger or aggression, though these are usually righteously-based. His mum taught him to be a good bloke, his brothers and sisters kept him humble.

Luke: Luke is, by society’s standards, technically a criminal. By his own and anyone who knows him he’s a generally stand up guy who goes out of his way to help people.

Kash: Kash can be as sweet as honey when he wants to be, or as cruel and vindictive as possible if it suits him. Being an ancient supernatural creature, perhaps his scale for morals is a tad different from ours, or perhaps not.

track & field:  which (if any) of your OCs are athletic? what sports to they play? which of your OCs would go HARD in P.E.?

Elrick: E’s the kid playing dodgeball to maim. He really enjoyed gym and was always fairly good at it, though he never tried out for teams or made any effort if he wasn’t particularly interested.

Luke: Luke, when he actually attended school, did not really enjoy gym.

Kash: Kash did not, nor has he ever attended a school. He doesn’t know what sports are.

conspiracy theory:  what are your OC's beliefs? are they skeptics or do they believe easily? who acts on blind faith? who needs to see to believe?

Elrick: E will always be a skeptic, he takes after his father in that respect. He’d need to see something in order to believe it real.

Luke: Luke loves a good ghost/ufo/cryptid story. He fully believes in all of them, and absorbs conspiracy media like water

Kash: Kash, who hails from a land of fae-folk, monsters, and supernatural beings, does not believe in aliens but feels ghosts deserve more representation.

spellbook:  are any of your OC(s) supernatural? if so, what are they/what are their abilities?

Elrick: E has been every creature variant under the sun, but never as anything other than a one-off AU. Sorry E, you’re just human.

Luke: Though seperate entities, Luke did spawn from my Hell-spawn Azelgore, a multi-limbed salamander creature from the third circle of hell. He’s also, on occasion, the same looking creature but actually the Loch Ness Monster, so there’s that.

Kash: Kash is the Cat Sìth, a Scottish creature of Myth said to haunt the Highlands. His abilities include taking human form, charming people, foresight by augury, and shared astral projection. He’s also a witch capable of various old world spells and potions.

contact:  how does your OC(s) feel about touch/physical contact? are they affectionate? if so, how do they display affection to others?

Elrick: E’s actually very into physical affection. He enjoys a cuddle, a fuck, whatever. He’s not too touchy with mates, but Logan gets the brunt of his P.D.A.’S

Luke: Luke loves a hug, and doesn’t mind a cuddle every once in a while.

Kash: Kash is very selective about the people he touches. He wouldn’t enjoy just anyone coming in for a cuddle, but loves a touchy romp with Bargheist.

interiors:   describe your OC(s) bedroom/home/or a place they consider "theirs". what's in it? do certain items have a special significance to your OC?

Elrick: Oh man, this boy doesn’t do interior design. Their bedroom is tan, he’s got a mirror, a bed, a dresser, and a tv. He’s got a well worn but comfortable green couch out in the livingroom that he’s particularly fond of. Logan thinks it’s gross.

Luke: Luke’s whole house is his safe space. He’s maxed it out with plants and art. If there’s a free space on the wall it’s only because he’s not bought a frame yet. Or he’s broken one and needs to replace it. It’s a weird, yet beautiful little boho space. He’s also got a hammock indoors so..

Kash: Kash’s abode is a little octagon out on the Cornwall coast. The ceiling is hung with dozens upon dozens of bottles, wind chimes, and assorted peculiarities. He also has a fair collection of bones, antique books, and pretty seashells that he leaves out on display. His reputation as a ‘witch’ in the local town sends him a good bit of business during the summer months, where he hawks his augury skills to unsuspecting humans.

hobby:  what do they love? what captivates them? what are their passions?

Elrick: E loves simple moments, beer shared around a campfire, the breathlessness upon reaching the top of a mountain climb, BBQ’s in the summer, an exhausted cuddle at the end of a long day, shared grins, hard fucks, and falling asleep against one another

Luke: Luke’s passions are laughter, good food, and plants. He loves the smell that comes off of a hundred sun-drenched plants after he waters them, and loves the bloom of flowers that accompanies happy cacti. He loves the bursts of laughter that accompany a smoke-up, and he loves the sleepy giggles of a come-down.

Kash: Kash will always be an enigma, even to himself. His wants and desires are always far more complicated than they seem, and he never makes things easy. He loves starlit walks and abandoned places. He loves sushi and hard spirits, forbidden knowledge and chasing the impossible, magic, and forgotten things.

psyche:  what's their head space like? do they have any mental illnesses? how do they process difficult or emotional situations? what are their coping mechanisms?

Elrick: E’s coping mechanism has always been a good, quiet drink alone. He broods best that way. He gets through difficult situations by being bullheaded and stubborn.

Luke: Luke laughs himself through shit. He copes by either falling through it, or by having a mental breakdown and then realizing it wasn’t that bad afterwards. If all else fails he’ll have a smoke-up and try to ignore the situation.

Kash: Kash will use every bit of magic at his disposal to get around issues, and if that doesn’t work, he’ll pack up and move away for a while. He’s good at running from his problems, and does it fairly often.

chess board:  who is the most logical? or the schemer/planner?

Elrick: E’s not ... he’s stubborn and pessimistic but he’s a natural follower, happy to let someone come up with the plan if he can enforce it. He’s the bodyguard type.

Luke: Luke isn’t so much a schemer as he is just one bad idea away from prison. He’s impulsive sometimes and tends to think of the pros before ever thinking about the cons, and sometimes this gets him in trouble.

Kash: Kash is a bona fide schemer and a dreamer, but not much of a planner. He’ll come up with an idea fair enough, but he never seems to have a back up if shit goes tits up, and it usually seems to.

shooting star:  if your OC(s) could have one wish what would it be?

Elrick: He’d wish himself free of the three years they spent apart, and wish himself clean.

Luke: Luke would wish natural intoxicants were legal the world over, or like, for world peace.

Kash: Honestly? He’d wish himself more powerful tbh.

So, my best friend @gayjackkelly 's birthday is on May 24th, and they would love a super fluffy jackcrutchie prompt with lots of cuddling, tickling, and nose boops. I want him to be super surprised, so don't tell him I told you

I may not have technically included all of those things, but this is definitely one of the fluffiest things I have ever written, so there is that. Anyway, happy birthday @jackhasdreams !!!

Jack awoke to the smell of smoke. He lay in bed, his nose crinkling in surprise at the sudden scent, trying to figure out what would be causing the smoke. Jack only had the opportunity to ponder that particular enigma for a few brief seconds, before the fire alarm went off. “Shit,” Jack muttered, jerking up into a sitting position. “Crutch,” he began, reaching over to wake up his boyfriend, but the other half of the bed was empty, much to Jack’s surprise. “Crutchie?” Jack asked, pushing the blankets aside, and forcing himself out of bed.

“Crutchie?” Jack repeated, as he made his way out of the bedroom and into the living room. His feet padded quietly against the cold tile, the soft sound all but completely drowned out by the alarm. The fire alarm continued to beep frantically. Across the living room, Jack could make out Crutchie waving an oven mitt over the oven, where black smoke billowed into the air. “Uh, Crutchie, what’s going on?”

“It was going to be a surprise,” Crutchie admitted. “And then, I got distracted and now they’re all burnt.”

“What?” Jack asked, coming up behind Crutchie and resting his hands at Crutchie’s hips. He peered over Crutchie’s shoulder, observing the blackened remains on a pancake griddle.

Crutchie scraped the spatula against the griddle, collecting the burned batter and dumping it into the trash. “I was going to make pancakes,” he explained. “Then we could have breakfast in bed and it would be the start of a wonderfully relaxing Saturday together. But, the stupid alarm woke you up and – you can SHUT UP NOW!” Crutchie shouted at the continually beeping fire alarm. “It won’t shut up, stupid alarm,” he muttered.

Jack reached up, removing the batteries from the fire alarm. “There you go. All fixed.” He returned to Crutchie’s side, nestling his face into the crook of Crutchie’s neck. “Breakfast in bed sounds nice,” he whispered, his lips moving gently against Crutchie’s soft skin.

“I know, it would’ve been. This is the first day that we’ve both had off in over a week. But, now you’re awake. And the pancakes are burnt.”

“We can make new pancakes,” Jack reassured his boyfriend, bringing his arms to wrap around Crutchie’s waist. “And, if you want, we can even get back in bed to eat them. Both problems can be easily fixed.”

Crutchie shrugged. “I know, but it’s not going to be a surprise anymore.”

“I can close my eyes, if you want,” Jack suggested, grinning as he rested his chin on Crutchie’s shoulder.

“Whatever, smartass,” Crutchie muttered, jabbing Jack in the stomach with his elbow. “You can head back to bed, if you’d like. I’m just gonna make some pancakes quickly.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Jack said, gently kissing Crutchie’s neck. “I don’t mind staying out here with you.”

“Okay, but you’re severely limiting my range of motion and if I burn another pancake again, you’re eating it,” Crutchie warned.

“Fair enough,” Jack agreed. He watched as Crutchie drizzled the pancake batter onto the griddle, creating a thick squiggle. As the pancake began to bubble, Crutchie flipped it open, somehow managing to maintain its strange form. “Is that a worm?” Jack asked.

Crutchie scoffed. “A worm? Jack, this is clearly the Loch Ness Monster.”

“I guess, it’s a good thing I’m the artist of the group,” Jack commented.

“Oh. My. Gosh,” Crutchie said, breaking out of Jack’s arms. “You do not get a single pancake.”

“C’mon, Crutch,” Jack whined, trying to wrap his arms back around Crutchie’s waist. Crutchie gently pushed him back. “It was a joke,” Jack tried. “It’s the best goddamn Loch Ness Monster I’ve ever seen.”

“I don’t believe you. You’re just saying that,” Crutchie said, removing his pancake creation and pouring more batter onto the griddle, this time in the shape of a distorted triangle.

Jack pointed at the new pancake. “What’s this one?”

“That’s an Egyptian pyramid,” Crutchie explained.

“I should’ve guessed.” Jack nuzzled Crutchie’s neck again. “I guess I’ve got competition in the artistic department, huh?”

“You stick to paints, and I’ll stick to pancakes,” Crutchie suggested, flipping over the pyramid pancake over.

Jack idly watched Crutchie make a couple more pancakes, all various shapes and designs. Some were obvious: a heart, a flower, a rainbow–not a smiley face because that would require eyes, Jack, as Crutchie had indignantly explained. As Crutchie poured a squiggle onto the griddle, Jack smiled. “Do we get matching Loch Ness Monsters?”

“This isn’t a Loch Ness Monster. I’m offended you would even think that.”

“But–” Jack frowned. “What is it? A worm?”

“No.”

“Snake?”

“No.”

“River.”

“Jack.” Crutchie turned around, hitting him lightly in the shoulder with the spatula. “This is clearly a caterpillar.”

Jack leaned forward, inspecting the supposed caterpillar. “No,” he finally announced. “That is most definitely the Loch Ness Monster.”

“There’s only one Loch Ness Monster, so clearly,” Crutchie pointed out, “this cannot be a second Loch Ness Monster.”

“Says who?” Jack challenged.

“Says me. And the scientific community.”

“I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure the scientific community says that there is no Loch Ness Monster.”

“Their bad,” Crutchie murmured, flipping the pancake onto the plate with all the others and turning off the griddle. He handed the plate to Jack, instructing him to take it back to bed, while he grabbed a second plate and the syrup.

Once they had returned to their bed and Crutchie had split the pancakes between the pair, Jack leaned his head against Crutchie’s shoulder. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” Crutchie replied, kissing Jack. He grinned at the taste of syrup on Jack’s lips. “You taste good,” he whispered, his lips moving softly against Jack’s.

“Not as good as your Loch Ness Monster,” Jack said.

Crutchie smiled. “Nothing can compare to my Loch Ness Monster. But, you are a close second.”

Jack carefully set his plate to the side, before laying down and dragging Crutchie down with him. “Let’s go back to sleep. And maybe this time the fire alarm won’t wake us up.”

Demons from Hyperspace and The Mechanisms of Magick

By Brian Allan Authors note: The spelling of magic is deliberate and designed to separate it from the stage illusion and trickery employed by illusionists. Forward 'The devil and his demons can, according to the literature, manifest themselves in almost any form and can physically imitate anything from angels to horrifying monsters with glowing eyes. Strange objects and entities materialise and dematerialise in these stories, just as the UFO's and their splendid occupants appear and disappear, walk through walls and other supernatural feats' [John Keel, 'UFO's, Operation Trojan Horse', p.192]. At first sight the title of this article reads like an example of bad science fiction cinema from the 1950's, but the reality is perhaps closer to the truth than one might imagine. Some of the concepts are not easy to embrace and this is not surprising because in order to do so, the reader must be prepared to accept possibilities that might conflict with their personal world view. However, there is one thing that might make the paradigm shift easier. If the reader already unquestioningly accepts the existence of a God and therefore Jesus Christ, and accepts that the acts and miracles of God, Christ and the saints are in essence magick, then what follows is little different. From the outset we should be prepared to accept that both UFO's and their occupants do not necessarily originate from other star systems or galaxies, or at least, not in the accepted sense of vehicles traversing the gulfs of interstellar space. Likewise we should also be prepared to accept that these 'machines' if that is what they are, and the 'beings' they contain, might not be real in any meaningful sense. In fact the entire enigma may hinge on how we interpret reality, for there may be more than one reality and each one may be slightly different depending on how one perceives it.

Reality Bites Our standard perception of reality is that it exists in the form of a tangible object or thing, like, for example, a steel ingot, which has mass, is solid and therefore 'real'. The material forming the ingot, which is of course energy, exists at a specific frequency and we exist at the same frequency therefore we perceive it as solid and not as the swirling mass of sub-atomic particles that it actually is. However, under the influence of hallucinogenic substances or perception altering techniques, that same reality may be viewed in a different, non-physical manner and the same may be true of our perception of what we call 'the supernatural'. Likewise, what we actually see with our eyes and recognise as a solid object (e.g. our ubiquitous steel ingot) does not exist in this manner once it is in memory. Rather, its shape and mass is reduced to a collection of stored electrical signals with which we create our internal world model. Perhaps this is one of the great ironies of our materialist world, a 'solid' object that consists of energy, once observed, is both stored and retrieved as energy, and as we have seen this is the nature of reality. If this is true, and what we see, smell, touch and feel is achieved through a series of electrical analogues that can vary with the individual, then it may indeed be possible to re-arrange and alter the physical world by the application of will. Perhaps the best method of understanding the flimsiness of reality and how fluid it is comes from an observation made by the late philosopher and author Alan Watts (1915-1973), who said, 'Reality is a Rorschach ink blot'. Although he encapsulated the entire concept in six words, as we have seen, the possibilities are endless and bounded only by the imagination. I make no apology for dwelling on this subject because it is absolutely fundamental to appreciating what magick is and how it functions. The Method For millennia we have apparently been visited by entities that have no natural home here on this plane, they are the demons and devils of old. Those that did not come here, for whatever reason, by themselves, have been deliberately invoked by people who breached the thin, invisible curtain separating the dimensions without fully understanding how they achieved it, nor in many cases fully appreciating the consequences of their actions. An early account of contact with beings produced by rituals and for want of a better word, 'magick', comes from the chronicles of the Elizabethan alchemist and magician, Dr. John Dee. According to these records, Dee along with his 'scryer' or clairvoyant Edward Kelley, encountered 'little men' who travelled around in 'A little fiery cloud'. The contact allegedly achieved by Dee was attributed to the use of 'Enochian'; a cabalistic language that he created and claimed was the language used by angels. It should be understood that the use of the term, angels, is misleading, since the beings encountered by Dee and Kelley were almost certainly not angels in any conventional sense and definitely not emissaries of God. The actual contact with these beings allegedly came through the efforts of Kelley and not Dee, they were first seen by Kelley while 'scrying' using a multi faceted, crystal 'trapezohedron' rather than a traditional, spherical, crystal ball. The reference to angels might also be a misunderstanding and may actually mean 'angles' and the entities they encountered may originate from alternate dimensions made visible using the odd refractive and reflective geometric properties of Kelley's artefact. In addition, the use of the term 'angels' to describe what they encountered was probably due to their lack of the concept of alternate realities and dimensions other than the biblical heaven and hell. Those who, like Dee and Kelley, achieved this feat were convinced that they had unlocked the very gates of Hades and cowered within pentagrams of protection while their 'visitors' were present. Having said that, it should be understood that given the alleged magickal abilities displayed by the beings they produced, they might as well have emerged from hell. Quoting freely from an observation made by the astronomer, author and visionary Arthur C Clarke, the effects of the technology used by such entities is indistinguishable from magick. However, in spite of the perceived risks, the potential rewards and kudos offered by using the powers and abilities of the entities far outweigh any danger. Given the sketchy information, whether the experiments of Dee and Kelley actually succeeded in opening a doorway into another dimension is open to question, but at the turn of the nineteenth century, one of the few places where this may actually have been successfully achieved was at Boleskine Lodge on the shores of Loch Ness in Scotland. It was here that another self-proclaimed magickian, Aleister Crowley, operated the ancient 'Abra Melin' ritual and allegedly opened a portal in the fabric of space-time and brought through a host of entities into this continuum. The claimed 'reward' for the successful operation of this ritual, the purpose of which was to turn a number of demonic entities to God, was the appearance of the celebrant's guardian angel. The story goes that during the ceremonies Crowley sprinkled fine sand on the terrace overlooking the loch to determine whether the entities were present or not. He reasoned that although they were invisible, he would be able to see their movements in the sand as they moved around the terrace. Existing accounts report that even on the calmest of days both Crowley and his assistants frequently saw the sand shuffle around under the steps of invisible beings. It is also said that during the ritual, which incidentally lasted around six months, the lights within the house were permanently left on even during the daylight hours because of the unnatural darkness permeating the building. Whether all this was entirely effective is open to debate, but it is certain that Crowley was absolutely sure of his own abilities as a magickian and from existing accounts he may indeed have been successful in his endeavours. There are still persistent rumours of frightening, half seen 'things' in the woods and hills surrounding Boleskine House and Loch Ness that just might be some of the entities that escaped from his thrall. Crowley is also credited with undertaking the 'Amalantrah Working' during which he contacted an inter-dimensional entity called 'Lam'. He later made a drawing of this being and it shows what is clearly a 'grey' alien, which, if accurate, appears to corroborate current thinking on the origin of both supernatural entities and extraterrestrials, but we shall return to this later. During the ritual, Crowley made use of Dee's Enochian language, and in fact called the beings he encountered during this ritual 'Enochian entities'. It is probably significant that during this particular ceremony Crowley used a variety of substances including cannabis and mescaline to produce the desired effects. This parallels the type of natural psychoactive chemicals used by shamans to take them on spiritual quests to consult with the entities dwelling in these altered states of being and awareness. Jack Parsons, another latter day magickian who was one of the founders of the JPL (Jet Propulsion Laboratory) in Pasadena California, while working with L. Ron Hubbard the founder of Scientology, performed the so called 'Babalon Working', (which incidentally was also designed by Crowley,) and deliberately introduced more 'entities' into this world. In this instance, entities known as the 'Old Ones' were brought through a dimensional gateway that had been sealed in antiquity to prevent them accessing our space/time continuum. The legends surrounding these beings strongly suggest that aeons ago, when they were here, they wrought horrific destruction but were eventually overcome and banished by other forces less inimical to humanity. However, another school of thought suggests that these entities may not have deliberately sought to harm mankind and any suffering was entirely incidental to their designs. Indeed, they might even consider our planet as their own and humanity as vermin to be removed with no more thought than we would give to mice. While once again the veracity or otherwise of these claims is almost impossible to determine but if they, like Crowley, (whom incidentally they both knew) did actually succeed, then it is of great importance to discover the mechanics of how it was achieved. Perhaps one method was discovered quite recently (during the 1990's) and appears to come from work carried out by the Britain based Scole Group, who were told via a series of séances that humanity as a species is constantly threatened by encroaching entities inhabiting continuums existing alongside our own. Once again it is vital to realise that movement between dimensions is not at all straightforward and although they are all quite distinct they are guarded by various states of energy existing a different frequencies. Although the barriers are both invisible and intangible, because of their nature they might as well be made of Ferro-concrete ten miles thick. The revelations of the Scole researchers also indicate that we are surrounded by these normally inaccessible dimensions, some are relatively benign and some are not and it is to one of these realms that we travel when we eventually die. While our consciousness journeys there naturally, the method used to pass through the dimensional barriers at will requires technology, not magick, not a spell hidden in some dusty, cobwebbed grimoire, but technology. The Mechanism To do this we must strip away the theatricality associated with traditional ceremonial magick and instead examine the words and intent of those conducting the ceremony. The clothing and accoutrements have no effect whatsoever on the efficacy of a spell and serve another purpose, the end result lies entirely in the skill of the magickian, who, as we will see is actually more akin to a scientist that a mystic. What we must do is look at the possibility that magick per se and some of the props used in the rituals might actually serve as focal points for consciousness and will. It is also likely that the chants and incantations used in spells are effective, again not because of the content, but instead because of the sounds themselves. The use of potions in magickal ceremonies may have some herbal or medicinal value, but more importantly, as with shamans, provide a means of producing altered states of consciousness. Except for one or two items, the variety of bits and pieces added to traditional magickal brews, aside from putting the person swallowing the stuff at risk from poisoning, were largely valueless. It is only on examination that one can determine the active ingredients, e.g. the bark of certain trees like the Willow contains one of the precursors for the common drug aspirin and the addition of certain fungi would produce hallucinogenic effects, as would the skin of a species of toad. In addition, rhythmic chanting is also an adjunct to achieving altered states, and once the celebrant had achieved the desired state (and the consequent release of consciousness) then he (or she) could begin the process of making magick. The wording and intonation of the spells and incantations is a slightly different matter, and may directly interface with the fundamental truths of frequency and resonance. Once again, if we can accept that all reality, whether subjective or not, is constructed within the electromagnetic spectrum and is therefore frequency, then the frequencies generated by the words might actually interact directly with and alter reality at the subatomic level. Before leaving this we should consider one thing, the reason behind the attempts made by Dee, Crowley, Parsons, Hubbard and all the rest was not mere curiosity, but almost certainly a quest for knowledge and power. It is certain that there is little altruism behind attempts to conjure extra-dimensional beings, but instead there are usually three possibilities; knowledge, money and power in any combination. Perhaps it might also be fair to reduce these three points to one; knowledge, for as most people realise, knowledge is power. This is regrettable but understandable, for rather than acting in the spirit of pure research these practitioners showed their only too fallible humanity, which was of course their ultimate undoing. It is from accounts like these that one might reasonably conclude that there is a pattern in magick, ritual or otherwise, connecting sorcery to UFO's and their occupants. Careful research reveals that not only do the majority of those who regularly encounter both UFO's and ET entities also have a history of psychic occurrences, but the ability tends to run in families. This is best illustrated by the gift of the 'second sight' (clairvoyance) traditionally passed on from mother to daughter. In fact it might be reasonable to go further and suggest that modern day Ufologists and experiencers might have studied Demonology and alchemy had they lived in earlier times. Is Chaos Magick the Key? While the process of ritual magick is traditional and ordered, modern day thinking on the effectiveness of the magickal process has embraced another technique, 'Chaos Magick', and it is this particular style of magick that may even have real, scientific credibility. One of the chief axioms of chaos magick is 'Fake it till you make it', in other words absolute belief in something that does not exist or has not yet happened can and will make it occur. Belief is a tool that will sculpt reality into whatever you want it to be, the rather alarming problem here is the possibility that nothing is true because nothing is static. This is demonstrated in the famous 'butterfly analogy' which suggests that the flapping of a butterfly's wings in China could cause minute atmospheric changes which over a period of time could effect weather patterns in New York and it is from this base that chaos magick allegedly functions. One magickian of the 20th century who had considerable influence of the traditions of chaos magick was the late Austin Osman Spare who introduced the use of 'sigils' into the process. The sigil is, in effect, a condensed spell or expression of intent which is produced by writing down the desired effect or wish as a sentence on a piece of paper then gradually whittling it down. After concentrating and meditating on the words, the magickian then re-writes it with the vowels removed, then with any repeating letter deleted. The remaining letters may then be formed either into an anagram or perhaps into a design, which is finally condensed further into another figure containing the essence of the original. It short, the purpose of the exercise is the creation of a figure of potency representing the desire. Finally, the magickian deliberately invokes an altered state of awareness, but there is no set method to achieve it, drumming, chanting, hyperventilating, continuous rhythmic movement, or even hallucinogens are all effective. It the case of Austin Osman Spare, he literally danced himself to exhaustion then adopted a physical stance bordering on an extreme yoga posture until the desired state was reached. In fact it does not matter what method is used, but as with all attempts to alter perception it is the end result that is important, not the method, although for purists the use of chemicals is frowned upon. During the process of entering the altered state of consciousness, the magickian concentrates on the sigil and not on the wish, for effectively the two are now one. He should make the sigil stand out like an incandescent beacon burned into the screen of his minds eye and enter the altered state in this fashion. The rationale behind the technique is to banish the memory of the desire from his conscious mind and allow his unconscious to relay it into the invisible world that surrounds us. It is vital to the success of the fulfilment of the spell that the magickian should have no conscious memory of it. As we shall see, it is the partitioning off and release of the spell and it's eventual consignment to the void that touches on particle physics and contains the greatest element of risk. Another analogy is the often-quoted proposition that any serious investigation or demonstration of paranormal phenomena can be completely sabotaged by the negative presence of a debunker. Because of their own prejudices, at heart debunkers do not want positive demonstrations to succeed; therefore they will inadvertently prevent it. In other words, the tiniest change in the all-pervasive energy field that surrounds us can have an effect, both positive and negative, on reality. The debunker is therefore inadvertently operating his own brand of chaos magick. This seems to suggest that prayers might work in exactly the same manner, since it has been observed that when someone is prayed for, usually in the case of illness, that person has a greater likelihood of recovery in a shorter time that someone with the same condition who is not prayed for. This is particularly impressive when the person who has been prayed for has no prior knowledge of it but gets better anyway. The faithful will attribute this to the intercession of an Almighty God, but instead it is achieved by will alone, by changing the balance of probability. Not surprisingly, the more people who pray, the greater the chance of success, does this imply that prayer is a form of Chaos Magick? As I suggested earlier there is already one branch of science that appears to corroborate some of the claims of magickians and that is Quantum Theory. This discipline demonstrates that at a subatomic level it is possible for a human being to directly affect the behaviour of particles, and furthermore, the very presence of an observer can affect the outcome of an experiment depending whether he actually watches it happen or not. This then is how Chaos Magick functions and depending on the practitioner and their ability the results can be spectacular. However, as with the unforeseen consequences of the butterfly's wing beats, once the magickian has released the spell into his subconscious he loses all control over it, which demonstrates the latent danger inherent in the practise of these arts. Sympathy for the Devil? Yet another branch of sorcery is 'Sympathetic Magick' which in effect attempts to blend (or impose) the characteristics of one object with another and it could be argued that this is another form of Chaos Magick. This is demonstrated in a number of ways viz. by 'poppetry' and 'transference'. In the case of transference, the traditional method was to tie a ribbon or small piece of cloth to a 'holy tree', usually located beside a 'healing well'. The ribbon or cloth was assumed to have taken the medical condition of the sufferer into its substance and the magickal properties in the tree or well would effect a cure that would be transferred to the person. On the other hand, poppetry was the construction of a small doll or figure, sometimes containing something from the person it was intended to represent, this was usually a lock of hair or perhaps a fingernail. With the aid of a suitable incantation, the doll would take the illness away from the person afflicted. In a more sinister guise, sticking with pins or burning to deliberately harm the figure would transfer the damage to the intended victim in the same manner, as with prayer, the person was frequently affected whether they were aware of the spell or not. Even today in the secular world it is still considered bad luck or inappropriate to burn photographs of people in case the destruction of the image causes the person misfortune. Dwellers in the Dark If the barriers are as intangible as we think and if a suitable method can be found to allow passage between them and what might actually live there? It has been suggested that what we now define as extraterrestrials (ET's) are the creatures that terrified our forbears as demons and devils. It is fair to comment that the descriptions of the demons, imps and angels of antiquity are totally interchangeable with modern ET's; the only difference between our ancestors and us is a relatively greater degree of acceptance about what these things are. Although we should know better, sadly, there is still a marked degree of superstition enmeshed with the superficial gloss of sophistication and it seems that there is also a culture of denial relating to anything that smacks of the paranormal or the supernatural. The culture of denial stems from the traditional manner in which science approaches the subject, in fact, science appears to be set against itself in internecine warfare. There are the 'traditional' scientists whose training leaves them no choice other than outright rejection of concepts that appear to deny their Newtonian principles and this includes quantum physics. On the other hand, the majority of quantum physicists whose chosen discipline points the way to understanding the enigmas of paranormal research, by inclination refuse to accept the implications of their own conclusions. On one hand they can accept the near impossibility of time travel, (Albert Einstein's theorems demonstrate as much) yet they cannot accept that we are surrounded by invisible entities and beings that inhabit the dimensions their equations tell them are there. If the hints that particle physics provide are to be believed, these may ultimately be the ultimate key, the true 'Seal of Solomon' required to open the barriers between dimensions and allow 'magick' to function. Conclusion If one thing becomes clear from this, it is the fact that we and everything around us interact at the most basic and fundamental level of all and it should be no surprise that we are affected by the moods and whims of both people and the environment. The teachings of Eastern religion have recognised this from the beginning and the Buddhist concept that 'all is one' rings particularly true. Another truth that becomes apparent the more one studies the phenomenon is the ultimate similarity between all the diverse methods of magick. Like religion, (which, in spite of clerical refutation is magick by any other name) individual magickal processes each proclaim themselves to be the ultimate method and guarantee of success, when in fact they are all basically they same. They all work to a greater or lesser degree and for the same reason, the only difference, as with religion, is in the packaging. However, at the end of the day, perhaps it is we who are the real 'Dwellers in the Dark', throwbacks to the savages who hid in caves from thunder and lighting, and it is the entities that surround us that are the enlightened ones.