Ranking Cosmere Dads for Father’s Day

It’s Father’s Day! In honor (?) of this holiday, I’ve put Cosmere dads into a tier list. So who are the best & worst dads in the Cosmere?

[Spoilers for all Cosmere works, including Tress of the Emerald Sea!]

S-Tier: Best Dads in the Cosmere

Lem, Rock

Here we find dads who support and love their kids, no matter what. Lem, Tress’s dad in Emerald Sea, actively helps his daughter sneak off the island to rescue the man she loves, calling in all of the favors he’s built up by being an all around great dude. Rock, from Stormlight Archive, loves his family. Even though he believes very strongly in the jobs-by-birth-order tradition, when his daughter Cord decides to abandon pacifism and join the fight, he supports her. We love dads who help realize their daughters’ dreams, even when those dreams may differ from the dad’s own worldview!

A-Tier: Really Great Dads

Wax, Eventeo

Eventeo, Sarene’s dad in Elantris, and Wax of Wax and Wayne fame, are both excellent dads. Eventeo supports his daughter Sarene as best he can, although he doesn’t always realize how Sarene is really feeling. When Sarene arrives in Arelon to find her fiance “dead,” she’s determined to stay in order to maintain the treaty that her marriage has created--but Eventeo wants her to know that if she wants to come back home, there will always be a place for her. Wax seems to be a great dad to Tindwyl and (sigh) Maxillium, and he flies his kids around! That’s pretty fun.

B-Tier: Pretty Good Dads...Most of the Time

Kelsier, Elhokar, Stormfather 

I’m counting Kelsier as Vin’s dad, for the record! Elhokar from Stormlight Archive has a baby son, and the Stormfather is the father of the Honorspren like Syl. These dads definitely try to do right by their kids. Kelsier is a good dad to Vin, overall. He may not support her love for Elend at first, but when push comes to shove, he does risk his life to save Elend just because Vin loves him. And he loves and supports Vin the whole way through. Elhokar doesn’t really have much to do with his little son, but he does try in the end to rescue him and dies in the process, so that has to count for something, right? The Stormfather has, uh, trouble supporting his kids because he’s so paranoid that the oaths will kill them, but when push comes to shove, he really has no choice to accept their oaths. That’s support! Albeit forced by his nature as a spren, etc. All of these dads do intend the best for their kids, but they’re maybe a tad problematic about how they go about it.

C-Tier: They, uh, Mean Well I guess?

Dalinar, Lirin, Taravangian

Dalinar is tricky because he may be a pretty solid dad now, but hoo boy was he not such a great dad in the beginning. He barely remembered that Renarin existed, and he spent most of his time wantonly slaughtering people. So on average, I put Dalinar at C. I may get in trouble for putting Lirin so low but LISTEN. He called Kaladin a MONSTER. He REFUSES to accept his son as he is! But, like, I know he loves Kaladin and means well, etc. Taravangian may be a villain, but as a father, he does make darn sure his kids & grandkids are outside of his schemes so that they won’t be implicated and he trades the whole world for their safety. Which would be sweeter if not for the “everyone else can die for all I care” angle. 

D-Tier: They Basically Suck As Dads

Charlie’s dad, Iadon, Dedelin, Tevidian, Gavilar

Now we get to dads who are lowkey abusive. Charlie’s dad from Tress of the Emerald Sea tried to force his son into an unwanted marriage, and when that didn’t work and Charlie ended up kidnapped, he just sort of shrugged and replaced Charlie with someone else. Wow. Iadon, Raoden’s father from Elantris, was paranoid and grumpy and his son was actively working to undermine him. Iadon in turn barely batted an eye when he had to throw his son into Elantris. Dedelin, Siri’s and Vivenna’s dad from Warbreaker, so favored his daughter Vivenna that he sent his unprepared and innocent daughter Siri to what he thought was her death. And finally, Tevidian (Vin’s biological father from Mistborn) was Lord Prelan. He goes into D-tier almost by default. We don’t know much yet about Gavilar’s relationship to his children, but he did try to make Jasnah marry AMARAM, and he seemed to feel scorn for Elhokar. That’s not great material for a father’s day card.

F-Tier: Actively Harmful To Their Children 

Edwarn, Lin Davar, Straff

And finally, the dads who are ACTIVELY and SUPREMELY abusive! Edwarn is Wax’s uncle apparently (I thought he was Wax’s dad whoops), but I think he fulfilled the dad role. Anyway, he tried to have Wax KILLED. Lin Davar was an abusive nightmare to all of his kids (and I’m including Shallan) until Shallan had to kill him to save his brother. 

And Straff. Straff (Elend’s dad from Mistborn) is the worst dad in the Cosmere. Bad to his son Elend. Bad to everyone his son loves. Bad overall. I can’t even. I’m so glad he got cut in half with a giant sword.

H-Happy Father’s Day, everyone!

The Cosmere as Taylor Swift's songs

just Vivenna's thoughts after Dedelin sent Siri instead of her

Cosmeres most pathetic man round 3!

Super pathetic but got out: Hopefinder, Kindwinds, Sigzil, Sadeas (SO SAD HOW), Toh, Kelsier, Iadon (HOW???), Dedelin, Ruin (dude had one job and he couldn’t even do that right HOW), Mirthgiver, Truthcall, Yesteel, Weatherlove, Susebron, Lifeblesser, Stillmark. Round 2 Losers: Elend, Taravangian, Hoid, Washed up Dalinar (by 5 votes SAD), Lezian (by 3 votes EQUALLY SAD), Arsteel (by 4 votes. Not sad but funny), Lightsong, Denth

Super pathetic but are still in: Elhokar, Zane, Zellion, Straff Venture, Szeth, Hrathen, Roion, Balat.

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Abya Abyzicia Acch Achied Ackned Acteds Acypon Adecous Agrate Ahhote Aibra Aleastran Alle Alsan Amacte Amers Amerus Ames Amesset Amost Amtakle Amutnebmi Anin Ankhans Ankhes Ankhkh Ankhmid Annef Anote Anter Anwes Anzuserus Aratestes Aroblines Arre Asancis Asihabani Asomati Assethery Astenamos Astent Atencid Athor Atons Babya Bakopreas Bamuti Bcenemal Beast Behering Bekere Bocling Bodjka Bodulan Bolius Borra Bourdit Buthote Cainted Calle Canalor Cany Centh Chani Chile Chis Chnefery Clamunt Clic Clicent Clid Comainef Comarye Combefats Comby Comming Conds Conq Cons Conto Contred Cophirold Coted Coughtans Cource Cous Coutain Cranet Cred Cros Daybah Dece Dedelinal Deeikel Defece Defer Deftemhon Deri Diahory Dices Diufatend Dive Djed Djednef Djhuyu Djneb Downeight Dron Eatommy Ebty Ecter Eing Eirs Eitasati Eitores Enehay Ephilos Euse Exan Exer Exhing Exilopor Exisended Exped Exper Expulap Falle Fannynum Feret Feryre Ficartal Finak Firge Flun Folis Fore Fores Fouro Fousemos Funyse Gatiri Gice Ginater Gizer Govest Hades Haps Harch Hated Hathriank Havast Heftegrao Helly Hemre Henal Henhorks Hentepyib Heqa Hern Hetah Hias Himet Hists Honquer Horesh Horis Hute Hyseculla Inammuti Inanat Inced Insares Ints Invan Iplai Iplay Ipsesme Ires Istradjed Ited Ithefs Juseneas Kabya Kagaing Kaing Kakbit Karoe Keries Khaf Khente Khepsupi Khere Khkhetive Khotet Khrucce Khtmu Kisord Kiun Knommed Limre Locce Loter Lown Maced Maics Maing Mamet Mang Mard Maris Matatly Matioraty Maye Mayihut Mayintaes Measte Megre Menal Meness Menkheng Mensumos Ment Merksast Merna Mesed Mesheting Metjeres Mincle Ming Mingits Minnef Moseru Mosts Motefem Mucidef Muni Muth Myrousts Naksoupa Nale Namut Narest Nator Nebaf Neban Nebawy Nebed Nedis Nedor Nefa Nefeanzu Nefer Nefnefer Nefying Nege Neherbase Nehut Neifier Neized Nenutyn Nesek Nesh Neshet Nethory Netral Netrecus Nion Nist Nort Nowa Nowleos Nyot Oastaes Offeric Offiryib Oputmis Orged Overion Overt Paaty Pace Pahanhor Pamef Panild Paptomi Para Parna Pasal Patet Patri Patti Pattivel Pearia Peberkho Penced Pereeigns Pertaodu Perudu Peted Peto Phep Pheqen Phies Pibian Pitkar Platentu Polided Ponture Popsh Posere Pred Pricading Pricess Pries Prin Prion Privismed Prockly Proun Pubheb Qued Quer Quritia Raemary Rankhty Rath Rear Reasands Rector Reited Rend Rentur Reper Reshthet Reskaf Rests Retitis Ricter Samaging Sany Sapres Saset Satinced Sciau Sconnes Sconstaka Scuru Seerus Seit Sele Semb Semn Senatawy Send Seques Serts Serus Seske Sesnefeal Sesonow Sevend Sewader Shep Sheper Sherwawy Shisconds Shnet Shweani Sies Sike Sint Siraller Sist Siun Snebegati Soltiviii Somed Spand Spargoved Sper Spore Stand Stred Strere Stropook Supolly Suppold Surivins Sust Taated Tahorul Takle Tandenekh Tani Tara Tarinfl Tenter Teyer Thaell Thersehon Thethama Thetiance Thir Thord Thoubi Thret Throod Thya Tlemars Tnas Topep Traverul Ttlegess Ture Turnef Tuse Ugshef Unly Upast Upor Vanget Verchawy Vinakene Warde Warerth Warka Warmers Watheps Wenubkhs Werpiqar Werres Weruhong Whatjefer Wher Wiymet Wookly Woor Wose Wost Xily Xivatrary Yous Zamenrewo Zenharget

Dedelin: People accuse me of having a favourite child, but it's simply untrue.

Dedelin: I love Vivenna, Ridger, Fafen, and..... and... Seaweed? equally.

i don't think there's a single character in warbreaker who appears in more than one chapter who i dislike theyre just people being people like jnderstand everyone's motives and shit also the fact that characters have the same arc of getting over naïvety but also are going through the exact opposite also denth is a fucking stier character ive read this book so many times and still wanna get sucked in

Bluefingers's carriage pulls up next to King Dedelin

Bluefingers: If you care about your daughter, you'll stop walking and get in.

Dedelin: Which daughter?

Bluefingers: Siri.

*Dedelin walks faster*

Hi, yes, excuse me. So I just started Warbreaker. Just finished the first chapter in fact. I know I just met Siri but I would protect that child with my life. Now. WHAT KIND OF TRASH EXCUSE FOR A FATHER

Dedelin with Vivenna:

Dedelin with Siri:

King Dedelin be like

Source: r/cremposting

Dedelin: I love all my children equally

*later*

Dedelin: I've never cared for Siri

My best friend is reading Warbreaker and is on chapter 3. He's already refused to call Dedelin by name. I think I converted another one, guys

There’s no “Warbreaker as Vines” and that’s a shame

so I’m collecting submissions for Vines that I’ll hopefully get around to make into a Compilation.

- “Judas!” Vine, obviously.

- disappointed Dad with Siri and Dedelin

- not sure what to do with it, but the “I can’t believe you’ve done this is breath-related, so... Denth and Vasher?

- I shaved my Eyebrows - Vivenna

- The girl hitting the vape and the dude going “wow” but it’s Lightsong and Blushweaver.

- Nightblood, did you eat my Tater tots?

- I love you, bitch with Siri and Susebron, I just don’t know who’s who

- Power of God and Anime - Lightsong

- Merry Chrysler - Also Lightsong.

- Hot Tub - Denth and either Tonk Fah or Vasher.

- Boom Bitch get out the way - Definitely Denth and Vasher. Or Lightsong and Llarimar. Lightsong has the pillow

- Vasher back at it again at Krispy Kreme (alternatively, it’s his squirrel)

- Tonk Fah “look at all those chickens” :(

- Lightsong “Oh my god they were roommates” - is it Llarimar saying that? Or Blushweaver?

Cosmeres most pathetic man Round 4

Pathetic losers who got out: Round 1: Hopefinder, Kindwinds, Sigzil, Sadeas (SO SAD HOW), Toh, Kelsier, Iadon (HOW???), Dedelin, Ruin (dude had one job and he couldn’t even do that right HOW), Mirthgiver, Truthcall, Yesteel, Weatherlove, Susebron, Lifeblesser, Stillmark. Round 2 Losers: Elend, Taravangian, Hoid, Washed up Dalinar (by 5 votes SAD), Lezian (by 3 votes EQUALLY SAD), Arsteel (by 4 votes. Not sad but funny), Lightsong, Denth. Round 3 Losers: Zane, Straff Venture, Hrathen and Roion.

Pathetic losers who are still in: Elhokar, Zellion, Szeth and Balat.

Additionally: I included a who’s more pathetic father vs son challenge with Zane and Straff because they would’ve gone head to head if they both won their respective polls and I’m curious who you think is more pathetic.

She's 17! She's very likely to die. Not suited to this task at all. She will also be traumatized and probably won't act the same if you ever see her again. This is why I hate the trope of forced marriage. At least Vienna was prepared for it. Damn stupid king.