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blackmissfrizzle · 4 years

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Mate

Summary: Derek reveals the real reason he avoids the reader.

Pairing: Derek Hale x black!reader

Warnings: Mentions of smut & violence

A/N: My Derek fic is finally finished! Now I gotta work on Peter’s

Moving to Beacon Hills wasn’t your choice. Your mom told you she had a dream and that Beacon Hills is where you’ll find your destiny. She was right, well at least you think she was. It’s hard to tell when your destiny refuses to spend time with you.

The first day you got to town you bumped into him. You just walked out of the gas station when you saw a group of familiar hunters harass him and vandalized his car. Immediately, you knew he was a werewolf if the hunters were messing with him, but you weren’t gonna let them treat him like that.

Your family was probably the only group of hunters who didn’t have an immediate distaste for werewolves and thanks to that you were blessed. A long time ago, an ancestor of yours saved a werewolf, who was being framed for murders in his village. Grateful for his compassion, the werewolf’s witch lover casted a spell on your bloodline. It allowed your family to be enhanced: faster, stronger, faster healing, and better sight and smell. Basically, your family was like Buffy the Vampire Slayer for werewolves. Except, most of the time you spent protecting werewolves instead of hunting them. The only time you hunted them were when there was strong evidence that one was killing people, like the Alpha here in Beacon Hills.

So, when you saw hunters messing with him, knowing he couldn’t do anything about without putting himself at risk, you had to do something. Just a flash of your new deputy badge and an utterance of your renowned last name had them scattering. And you what did you get in a return? A gruff thank you and he drove off without giving you his name.

Derek Hale was his name. You learned it the next day, when Chris Argent came to your house. The only Argent you’ve ever met was Kate and you couldn’t stand her, but her brother didn’t seem too bad, just another judgmental hunter. Kate on the other hand seemed certifiable crazy.

He warned you there was an alpha werewolf running loose and killing people, and he would love to have a hunter of your caliber to help him hunt the thing down. You declined his offer in a heartbeat. After working with his sister once you vowed to never to work with an Argent again.

The next time you saw Derek Hale was when him looking half dead and your boss’s son showed up on your doorstep. He been shot by Kate and the poison was working through him.

While Stiles raided your kitchen for snacks, you inspected Derek’s wound. Being that close to him, you got a better smell of his scent and it was intoxicating despite the poison in his blood. As you inspected it, he leaned in closer to you and you could’ve sworn he growled, “Mine,” but you disregarded it.

Unfortunately, you didn’t have what you needed to cure him, so you had to wait for Scott to find it at the Argent’s household. And in true Scott fashion he showed up at the last minute with the cure.

The downfall of Derek Hale is he’s a grumpy and pushes people away. You noticed it when you first met him, you noticed it with his interactions with Stiles, and you noticed it after he got smart right after Scott just saved his life. His disposition didn’t make him the easiest to trust, so you understood why Scott would rather trust the Argents. But both you and Derek knew the truth about them. They were a dangerous group of hunters.

Surprisingly, Derek dragged you along with him to show Scott the truth about the Argents. The three of you, ended up in a hospital room that housed Derek’s injured uncle. After Chris Argent told you about Derek, you looked him up at work and found out about the fire that killed his family. You had no doubt the Argents had a hand in it.

Soon after that, Derek and you spent more time together. Most of the time, you two were trying to figure out who the alpha was, but it was still quality time. He even let you talk him into watching a movie with you once.

With you, Derek wasn’t his usual grumpy self. He was reserved, never really opening up to you, but he could be really kind. The only time he seemed to cop an attitude with you was when you talked about the lawyer, who was always flirting with you.

That’s how you ended up at the Hale house. Last night you got stood up by lawyer bae and when you bumped into him at the grocery store, he scurried off. There’s only one person you know that makes people run off like that and his name is Derek Hale.

The tirade you had planned died out as soon as you saw Derek’s bare back as he was doing pull-ups on the doorframe.

“Well,” he said as his only acknowledgment to you. He didn’t even turn back to look at you, when he jumped down to do some impressive one-armed push-ups.

You didn’t like being ignored, so you sat on his back hoping to mess up his push-ups. Did it work? No. But were you impressed? Hell yeah! You weren’t a light chick; you had a curvier body that most wouldn’t think could keep up in the hunter lifestyle.

“Well what?” You asked, getting tired of only hearing his grunts, which by the way gave you some very naughty thoughts but that’s beside the point.

“You gonna cuss me out or what? I can smell your anger,” he held his push-up as he thought if he should finish his sentence, “…and other things.”

“What other things?” Your voice went up an octave.

Abruptly, Derek stopped his push-ups, jumped to his feet, and caught you before you could tumble to the ground. For balance you had to wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist.

This was the closest to his face you’ve ever been to his face. Derek was even more beautiful up close. Unconsciously, you ran your nose along the length of his neck, and he smelled amazing, but there was something underneath his natural scent. Taking another sniff, you knew what you were smelling. It was arousal. Derek was aroused and you think you had a hand in it.

Smiling down at you, he asked. “Like what you’re smelling?” Derek Hale should smile more because it was dazzling.

“No! You stink!” You tried to unwrap yourself from him, but he gripped you tighter and put you against the wall. There was no guessing if he was aroused, because you could feel it between your legs and boy was it big.

“Aren’t you tired of this little dance?” Derek’s face was getting dangerously close to yours and if he got any closer you wouldn’t be responsible for what you did next.

“What dance,” you asked, entranced by his lips.

Gripping your chin, so your eyes met his, Derek replied, “The one where we pretend, we’re not attracted to each other.”

Since, he was so closed off, you tried to ignore your feelings for him, but never in a million years did you think Derek felt the same. “When did you-,” abruptly Derek covered your mouth to silence you. It was a little faint to you, but to Derek you knew the sound of 3 hunters were crisp to him.

Quickly, he bounded up the stairs and stuffed you in a closet. “Stay here.”

Apparently, your face said that you weren’t gonna listen, because Derek had to repeat himself with his blue eyes glowing.

From what you heard, Derek took down the first two hunters with ease, but the third caught him off guard. Focusing your hearing, the hunter’s voice became clear. It was fucking Kate Argent. Now there was no way you were staying put.

“Put it down,” you ordered while drawing your gun.

“Wow, you really are here. I thought Chris was lying when he said you moved to town and working as a deputy. What a waste of talent. We could really use your help tracking down the Alpha.” The thing about Kate that irked you the most was that she always had that stupid smug smirk on her face and right now, you wanted to knock it off.

Ignoring her, you looked over her shoulder to Derek, “You ok?”

“I thought I told you to stay in the closet.” Derek’s ungrateful ass growled at you. That’s why you can never do him a favor.

Kate looked between you two. “Oh, am I interrupting a lover’s quarrel?”

At the same time, both of you said, “We’re not dating.”

Kate turned to you, ignoring the gun you had in your hand. “Just between us girls, me and him dated once.” Her little revelation left you stunned to the point where you didn’t notice her pull out the machine gun.

Derek threw you over his shoulder and ran to the woods. Once, he felt there was enough distance he stopped and set you down. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” you answered, but it didn’t matter. Derek was inspecting your body making sure there were no wounds. Eventually, he was satisfied, and he hugged you like he never wanted to let go.

“I can’t believe I thought this could work,” Derek whispered to himself, letting you go.

His pacing made you feel bad. There was only one emotion you were truly used to see Derek have, which was anger. But to see him nervous made you nervous.

To qualm his and your nerves, you tried to hug him, but he shrugged out of it. “That can’t happen. We can’t happen!”

“Why not?” You shouted. This was the first time you acknowledged to Derek that you were indeed attracted to him.

“Because everything good in my life ends up dead! Most of my family, my sister, and if you keep hanging around me, it’ll be you too eventually. I can’t let my mate die because of me.”

Mate? A werewolf having a soulmate was just a myth. Derek had to be confused. “Excuse me, did you just say mate?”

Derek looked up at you from his spot on the ground. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re my mate.”

“Derek that’s impossible. There hasn’t been a mated bond in centuries and its only between two werewolves, not one,” you tried to reason with him.

Hopping to his feet, Derek stalked towards you until your back hit the tree and he trapped you. “When did you meet me?”

The heat coming off of him was too much, you had to look down at your feet to be comfortable to answer. “The first day I moved here.”

Firmly gripping your chin, Derek forced you to look at him. “And since that day, has there been a day you haven’t thought about me? Because I can tell you, I’ve thought about you every single fucking day since that day at the gas station. Do you know how much restraint it took me not to kill Dale? What kind of name is Dale and who would even name their kid that?” Derek rambled on.

Was Derek actually jealous? To test your theory, you decided to test his buttons. “I don’t know. I think Dale is a cute name and it fits him so perfectly. Like have you seen him smile? It’s a work of art. I’m really upset that I didn’t go on that date with him.”

Derek was sporting his signature scowl and you had to stop yourself from laughing. It was too easy to rile him up. “Mines,” he growled and this time there was no tricking yourself that you misheard him this time.

Your mom did tell you your destiny was in Beacon Hills and you believed it was Derek, but you didn’t think it would mean him being your mate. When you found out about Derek, you thought you were to help him find the Alpha that killed his sister and maybe break him out of that hard shell of his, but being his mate was something that never crossed your mind.

The mate bond hasn’t happened in so long most thought it was a myth. And it certainly didn’t occur between a werewolf and a human. The closest connection between a werewolf and a human was for the human to be an anchor.

The mate bond is just a much stronger version of an anchor. A werewolf could share a telepathic bond with their mate, but more importantly it made each wolf physically stronger. It had to do something about the two wolves becoming one and complimenting each other strengths and weaknesses.

Logically, it made no sense for you and Derek to be mates. What strengths did you have that he already didn’t?

“You make me a better person,” Derek interrupted your thoughts.

“Excuse me?”

“There’s no doubt I can be asshole, but you straighten me out. You mellow me out. I’m a lot more sympathetic than I used to be. It doesn’t matter if I can break a door down, you are by far the strongest of us two.”

Derek had you shook. How did he know what you were thinking? “Did you uh- did you um, read my mind?”

“Yeah, um, sorry. I didn’t mean to. Our connection can be so strong at times and it lets us share a telepathic bond.”

“So, you mean to tell me that we’re not even properly mated yet, but we’re already sharing the telepathic bond!? And you still want to keep me away!?” You shrieked. You were in disbelief because a telepathic bond between mates only occurred after they’re formally mated, and it happens only to the strongest of mates. Thus, Derek Hale was royally fucking up.

Gripping your chin tightly, Derek made you look at him. “It’s for your own good. Even being friends with me is risky and I don’t think I’ll survive if something happens.”

Pissed that Derek thought you were some fragile little being, you decided to give him no choice but to be with you. “I guess I’ll just have to call Dale and screw his brains out. At least he’ll appreciate me.”

Barely five steps to your car and Derek tackled you to the ground. He hovered over you fully wolfed out.

“Aww, is the big bad wolf mad,” you mocked him, making him wrap his hand around your throat and lifting you up to him. “Last time I’ll tell you this: you’re mines.”

Five simple five words sparked something in him. “Then prove it to me.” Derek flipped you over on your knees and pulled you flushed against him.

He trailed kisses down your neck until he abruptly stopped. “If I wasn’t so picky about our first time, I’d fuck you right here and show you who you belong to.” Derek claimed before lifting you to your feet.

Once he heard the hunters leave, he walked you back to your car silently. “How about this Friday we go to an early dinner and then go to Scott’s game?” Derek offered once you got back to your car.

You smiled up at him, happy he was finally coming to his senses. “And Stiles’,” you corrected him.

Immediately Derek’s face went sour at the mention of the goofy teen. “Admit it, you love him.”

“He’s annoying.”

“He’s cute.”

“He’s a pain in my ass.”

“You’re a pain in my ass.”

Derek’s forehead crinkled at the insult. “Fine. We’ll go to dinner then to Scott’s and Stiles’ game.”

“Great and you’ll be nicer to both of the boys,” you negotiated.

“We’re not even together and you’re already bossing me around.” Derek groaned, rubbing his temple.

Punching him in the shoulder, you scoffed, “I’ve been bossing you around, I just had to be more manipulative before.”

“True.” Derek leaned down and kissed you. “Well, as part of my demands, you can’t talk to Dale anymore.”

“Fine. It was your fault I was talking to him anyway. If you would’ve told me sooner, then I wouldn’t have to worry about him.”

“Fair point,” Derek ushered you into your car. “Call me when you get home and if you see Kate in public please don’t say anything to her.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll just beat her ass instead.”

Derek smacked his forehead at your stubbornness. “Y/N,” he growled. “Aren’t we teaching Scott how to control himself?”

“Yeah, what’s that gotta do with me?” Your upper lip snarled like you smelled a dead animal.

“Then shouldn’t you be a good example by showing control?”

Nodding your head side to side, you thought about your answer. “Yeah, I’ll show control by not beating her ass in front of Scott and her niece. How about that?”

Giving up on the conversation, Derek gave you a kiss on the cheek through your window. “Remember to call me. I don’t trust them not to attack you since they know you’re on my side.”

“I will.” You secured yourself with the seatbelt and stared at Derek, pondering if you really wanted to say what was on your tongue. Making your decision, you went for it as you put your car in drive. “Bye, mate.”

Derek’s eyes flashed blue and he returned the same departing words with a smile. “Bye, mate.”

Tags: @twistedcharismaaa @titty-teetee @chaneajoyyy @chasingsunlight @black-is-beautiful18 @princessshanae14 @pananegra @missdforever

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deeperthanloveff · 7 years

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Chapter 40

Karrueche

“Um come in” I heard Robin say from behind the door.

I knew she was in there with someone I could hear her telling them to go into the bathroom for a minute. I figured it was Odell seeing as they were just kissing a little while ago. When I pushed the door he was pecking her lips before turning to leave.

“Kae bae! Wassup” he said hugging me.

I smiled “oh nothing just pregnant and getting fat, the usual.”

He laughed “you look pretty stop it, but let me get back before the guys think I went to rob a bank or something.”

He pulled in the door behind me and I couldn’t help but notice Robin being annoyed by our exchange. Understanding seeing as I’m marrying her dream guy I wouldn’t want my new one talking to her either.

“What do you wanna talk about?” She asked raising an eyebrow.

“Well it’s been four years and shit, this is long overdue. I think you have all these misconceptions about me. Most of them my fault because of how I treated you and most of them because of Chris and how shit played out. I just think as women we need to have an understanding” I said a smirk popping up on her face.

“I understand you fucked my husband and got pregnant and we divorced because your a whore. Is there something I’m missing?” She asked.

I held my barely there bump needing comfort because I could feel this getting ugly in a second “Robin that’s not even what happened. I didn’t plan this shit! You think I wanted to get pregnant when I did knowing that he was just gonna be my baby daddy? I never meant or wanted this for any of us, but here we are? You gonna hate me forever?”

Robin sighed “Karrueche please ok. You opened your legs point blank fucking period. While you’re both the cause for my pain nothing is excusing the fact you crossed a heavy ass line. Then what makes it worse is he just settled for you instead of fighting for his family and life back.”

I shook my head “no he spent a year fighting for you back and you continued your relationship with Odell, just because you had to make him feel the way he made you feel. You think the sun rises and sets on your ass.”

“Regardless to what if you like me or not I’m not in here pleading for that. I can careless, I just need to know where you stand with him. I’m not stupid I know you want him back now. I see it in your eyes. You’re me 6 years ago when he told me he wanted you instead.”

She smiled and came closer bringing her face closer to mine. There was I time I’d back away, but I wasn’t scared of her “oh, you see that huh? That thing you notice is just the love he still has deep down. He knows you’re a weak excuse of a woman and you’d never leave no matter what he did so he’s marrying you. The easy choice, but baby girl he lived and breathes all that I am and you’ll never have him the way I did or do. What you got his kids so you think that’s what will make him stay? If I wanted him to be in my bed it’s really that easy. You haven’t won shit remember I left him, for all it’s worth if I put myself out there enough I could get him back.”

I scrunched my face pushing her back “you’re such a bitter bitch, you think you can just snap your fingers and get what you want!” I screamed.

Robin laughed “ohhhh she raises her voice, bitch puhhhhlease! You know what he told me the other night. He’s with you because he’s scared I’ll leave him again so he won’t leave. You really think you doing something?”

“You ever think he tells your insecure ass what you need to hear cause you beg him to come “home” so much?“ I asked raising my voice.

I didn’t come in here with the intent to yell or be petty but she’s taking me there. I just wanted us to agree we’d get along for the sake of the kids, but lord this woman can try your patience.

"Kaeeee!” I heard Chris calling me, but instead of answering Robin proceeded to taunt me.

“Oh, is someone worried that he’ll actually not come back? You know the night you called him crying he’d just finished getting the ride of his life from this little pussy right here? Bitch do yourself a huge favor and bounce!”

Chris walked past the door and heard us so he back tracked “What the hell is going on? Why are y'all yelling at each other? You’re pregnant baby come on now!” He asked pushing open the door.

I ignored him “Chris do you love her more than me? Are you settling is that true?”

He looked at her and I felt like I disappeared for a moment. He came in the guest room and closed the door. I was getting annoyed because he wasn’t saying anything and it was really bothering me. Chris loved to play and I wasn’t playing with his ass. “What’s going on? I can hear Robin yelling from upstairs and why are you yelling at my girl?” He asked flipping his hat backwards.

“Hell no, answer me motherfucker!” I snapped.

“Yeah it’s time we put the truth out there don’t you think? Tell her the truth. Tell her how you agreed to work shit out, tell you how you said you miss us, tell her how you got our children believe daddy is coming back home, tell her that you love me. I’m tired of the lies Chris!” She snapped looking at him.

He sighed and rubbed his hands down his face “look man I don’t think this is the time or place to discuss this. Y'all really wilding in here and Robin why you even arguing with her she’s pregnant she can’t be stressed out” he said looking at Robin with irritation in his eyes.

I chuckled “you love to talk in circles you know that. Chris I will walk out of here and never look back if you don’t admit the truth.”

He tried to grab my hand but I snatched it away. I was tired of this back and forth shit. If it killed me this motherfucker was going to make a final decision period. I’m not letting him slide on maybe anymore.

“Baby no, I just think this is pointless we’re getting married and it’s you I love. I don’t think there’s shit else to say” he said stroking my cheek softly.

Robin laughed “so you proposed and that means you love her more? Is that what you’re saying because if that’s what your saying then shit pork chops you got it!”

Chris looked at her again and licked his lips. She flipped her straight hair to the side and raised an eyebrow. It’s like they had this silent conversation and once again I was gone from the room. “Nope hell no. She has a hold on you. You look at her like she’s the only girl that exists Christopher. I’m so tired of this” I said turning to sit on the bed in the room.

I was taking deep breaths trying to remain calm. I had to be careful. The doctor was still monitoring me during my pregnancy since I lost one baby. Stress wasn’t an option.

He stuffed in his hands in his pockets and looked between the two of us before opening his mouth again “you know what fuck it!”

“How long has it been since our divorce has been final?” He asked Robin directly.

“Four years, 2 months Chris.”

“Ok and before I signed the papers at the desk what did I say to you?”

She smiled and looked away “You said, ‘Melody I’m doing this because you want this, but I’ll never be ok with this. If you know you love me like I love you we don’t have to do this and we can try again. You’ll always be my fire and desire.”

“Alright, but what did you do?”

She sighed “I signed the papers.”

“So tell me Robin, what changed please. What be fits you in here yelling at my fiancé like she stole something from you that has always been yours, but you didn’t want?” He asked her and I was eager to hear.

He looked at me but kept his distance. His gaze the entire time reading that he was sorry. He knew better than to mess with me at the moment.

“Chris, I was weak. Shit, I couldn’t take half of what I could now. But fuck that lets flip it. If you know that you love me like I love you than we can try again” she said making him laugh.

I kept staring at the beautiful canary yellow diamond Chris put my on finger and all I kept thinking about was how 20 years from now I’d be fighting with this girl for his love. A love that he’ll never give me as selflessly as he does her. Tears started to roll down my face and I slid the ring off of my finger. I got up and walked toward him and he said nothing but he knew it was done.

I grabbed his hand and placed the ring in his hand before kissing his cheek “you love her more right?”

He sighed and nodded his head “always have.”

“Stop trying to do the right thing for everyone but yourself, you hurt people involved. Congratulations Robin you were right, he’s all yours” I said before walking out.

When I got outside the door the girls were out there and I knew they heard everything. We were all basically yelling. I didn’t feel like talking and I didn’t want to cry, so I grabbed my purse from off the table by the front door and left immediately. I just wanted to be with my family at the moment. I’d been doing this with Chris for to long now. I just need a breather I need to be alone. I got to let it go.

Chris

“Ughhhhhhh fuck!” I screamed looking at the ring.

I just couldn’t lie to myself anymore. It killed me every single time Robin asked me to be hers and I had to do right by Kae. I messed up so fucking bad before I just wanted to make the relationship work.

“Chris, I’m sorry” Robin said walking towards me.

“It’s cool, I couldn’t keep lying to everyone and my damn self anyway.”

She closed the door and then proceeded to stand in front of me rubbing my temples. Something she always used to do when I was having a sucky day. I looked at her and she smiled “so what does this mean?”

I shrugged “tell me what you want Robin. It’s not my call anymore.”

“All I want is you in every single way possible. Like all the shit before this moment I’m willing to let it go for us” She said taking my hands and placing them on the small of her back.

I was feeling conflicted, not about my feelings just about Karrueche. I don’t want her to think I wasn’t going to be waiting for her at the end of that aisle because I was. I was ready to move on with my life because going back and forth solved nothing.

“Chris?” Robin called out to me.

“Huh?!” I asked my mind drifting in and out.

“Did you hear me?” She asked moving her head to meet my eyes.

“I said all I want is you baby” she said standing on her tippy toes to kiss my nose.

“Robin "this” if it’s even a “this” has to be taken as slow as humanly possible. Like I gotta, I really can’t just jump ship from Kae to you like this. I know it’s no games when I say I love you deep, but this shit is deeper than that. We need counseling before we can even be half of what we were. Like understand what I’m saying here” I said looping my fingers in her belt loops on her shorts.

She nodded “ok we can get counseling. We can do whatever you need to do. Just tell me will be together?”

I couldn’t lie “I don’t know Mel, all I can do is try.”

Her eyes got glassy like she was going to cry and I put space between us immediately “nope you not doing this crying shit. You see this ring you got what you wanted which is me single don’t cry now!”

“Chris I’m sorry I didn’t mean for this shit to go down like this. Especially today. Karrueche came in here wanting to talk to me and it went left. I wasn’t in here for that” she said which made me get upset.

“You tell your nigga that y'all ain’t together cause I’m sure that’s who that’s who you were in here with. You know it kills me you so pressed about who I’m with when you still running and sitting on O dick every chance you can get. You really something else you know that?

All I ever wanted was for you, just you to be the leading lady in my life. Then I fucked up, I totally fuck up and you bounce. I decide I’m just gonna give it up move on make a life with my baby momma, but nah you ain’t having that shit. Robin must get her man back.

Now I’m here with my fiancé’s engagement ring in my hand cause believe me I lost her that’s it and you just fifteen minutes ago in here fucking Odell, now you begging me to be with you and I’m really here like a fool considering it. I swear you selfish but it don’t matter right cause I cheated and then decided to be with her because she unlike fucking you ain’t selfish!” I belted out to her just irritated.

Robin always made some shit about her. Like with her it was always I, I, and more fucking I. Don’t get me wrong I can consider her, but she fucking deadass wrong and I’m sick of her shit!

“That’s not fair, you were marrying her. Was I not supposed to try to move on to?”

I scoffed “Robin fuck out of here! Move on or lead on? My point is that you gotta change your ways. Own your shit and fix it like I can. You fucking frustrating as hell, but I love you so fucking much. I feen to be in your damn space so much I use my own kids as excuse to be where you are. Unbelievable how you saw that all this time and fought for it, but you played a huge role in why it’s not just you and them and you know that. When I needed you, you neglected me. I don’t care how wrong I was you were missing in action.

You were my damn wife and you just fell back on the title. So shit I stepped out period. Ain’t no excuse for fucking her and I ain’t making one up either, but don’t act like it’s all my fault and she’s the reason for our problems. We been drifting apart for damn near a year before I got her pregnant we just played it like it didn’t matter. Kae was just the perfect thing to come up for you to leave me cause you didn’t want to deal with the shit we had going on outside of her. You got everyone thinking I’m just this cheater and I had a mistress when you know that shit ain’t the truth.”

She said nothing for a minute and looked at me “alright Chris alright. You’re absolutely right. I used her as an out at the time. I guess after we got married I felt trapped. With Kevin it was like I had no way out. He beat me, he raped me, he sold me for a buck. I met you and never dealt with all that baggage from before, but you were my out and I took it. While my feelings were always genuine, after we got married I started to feel like I was stuck again so I pushed you away, and when that didn’t work I neglected you.

You telling me you got that girl pregnant was all I needed to leave. Once you let me go I realized I didn’t want to be without you, but it was to late you moved on so I fell back and I just got tired Chris. I turn on tv and she’s there, blogs, interviews you talked about her like she was this Goddess. I wanted you back, I wanted you to hold me at night like you did and tell me that I was the most beautiful girl you had ever met and you loved me to the moon and back. I own it, I’m fucking sorry!” She screamed crying her eyes out.

I enclosed the space between us and held her. I hated when she cried so much. I also hated that this was us. Like we ain’t have to be divided. I could’ve always been where I needed to be.

“Is that why you divorced me? You thought I was keeping you prisoner? Robin that’s crazy you know I’d never treat you the way he did, he was a poor excuse of a man. Look if you gonna be with me you gotta trust me because lack thereof is what got us here?” I said shaking my head.

“Chris what about Karrueche?” She asked me and I ran my hands down my face.

“I don’t know. I mean this is fucked up. I was marrying her, I wanted to marry her, she’s pregnant again. I just need time. We need time. I can’t just be with you if that’s what you’re hoping for” I said looking at her seriously.

“I already told you that I-” she started but I cut her off.

“This ain’t about you and your hang ups. This is about a girl that I had an entire life with and all of a sudden it’s over. Like we live together and contrary to odd belief I’m in love with her like it ain’t no fake shit. I can’t lie to you no more. Yes Robin I love you, I love you more than any woman I’ve ever been with and I want nothing more than for us to work it out, but we can’t work it out if she and I still have dealings” I said hoping she’d understand.

“Ok I get it Chris. Go talk to her and figure it out. We can take it slow as slow as you need it to be.”

I looked at my watch and realized we’d been in here over an hour going back and forth. I’m sure by now everyone has probably found out and shit is about to get real. I reached in my pocket to pull out my phone, but Trey busted in the room like a bat out of hell.

“Nigga, we gotta go Kae got into a bad accident they rushing her to Cedars Sinai now!” He said and I just blanked.

I was the cause for this shit and now everything is a stake. Seems like everything I touch turns to shit and fast!

Robin

It’s been three days and Chris has literally come home to shower, change, and head back to the hospital. A drunk driver ran a light and nearly killed Karrueche. She’s been in critical condition ever since. On top of that she lost the baby in surgery and Chris is just a mess. He feels like this is his fault. Had he of went after her and not let her leave she wouldn’t be in here fighting for her life.

“Chris here, you’ve got to eat. It’s been three days and you’ve barely had an entire meal. Karrueche would want you to take care of yourself”'I said handing him a container of some house special fried rice.

He looked up at me from the chair he was sitting in annoyed “Karrueche wouldn’t want you here stop acting like you know her.”

I turned to walk off but he silently cursed and grabbed me “I’m sorry. Look, did you at least get me some duck sauce?”

I turned and nodded my head handing to him. He kissed my cheek and took “thank you really I am hungry Rob.”

I said nothing to him and turned picking up Kyia who was pulling at my pants to pick her up. She laid her head on my chest and sighed. “Mel I’m sorry I didn’t mean to snap at you love alright. I’m on edge is all.”

We were currently at Cedar’s Sinai and I came to make sure he was ok. The last thing I wanted was to not be here for him to give him a reason to say I’m not around. I also feel terrible that she got hurt. I didn’t like her, but I don’t want her physically hurt.

“I get it your on edge, but watch yourself” I said not here for his bullshit.

He soft pulled me close and held me gently “I’m really sorry, I’ll make it up to you later.”

“It’s fine, just let’s see if she’s up yet. It’s been three days now something has got to give.” I said truly concerned that she hasn’t budged one bit yet.

We walked toward her room and once we got outside I of course didn’t enter. Chris looked at me and I nodded signaling for him to go on in. I stood at the threshold though in case I needed to call a nurse. I watched him stroke her cheek and talk to her. I can’t lie and say it didn’t hurt my heart to see him love her like this. Like there was a time when you had to even beg Chris to look at her when she spoke to him. I guess I have myself to blame for it. I knew what was mine and I dropped the ball on it.

I guess whatever he was saying in her ear softly was working because she was squeezing his hand. Soon after that “Rue?!” I heard him saying excitement taking over his voice.

“Nurseeee! She’s up!” I screamed getting his attention.

A whole team rushed in the room and I walked in this time because I was curious as to if she’d be ok. The doctor removed the breathing tube from her throat and Chris held a cup of water for her to pull from the straw. She held his hand so tight and he kept telling her “it’s ok I’m here” trying to calm her down. She couldn’t speak I guess because her throat was swollen so the doctor gave her a pen and paper.

Chris took it and said “the baby, she-she wants to know if the baby is alright.”

Dr. Anderson who had been with her from the beginning took a moment but he finally proceeded to tell her the truth “Mrs. Brown” he said sending daggers through my chest. Chris glanced at me and I looked down. This was becoming a lot. I knew they weren’t married but he was letting people refer to her as his wife, this was a lot.

“The baby wasn’t able to withstand the surgery you had and unfortunately didn’t make it despite our efforts to try and save him. I’m sorry for your loss.” He said sincerely.

She began to cry and Chris held her “I know I’m sorry, this is my fault. I shouldn’t of let you leave.”

I couldn’t take watching this scene anymore so I quietly stepped out. I pulled out my phone to call Ashley and she answered immediately “what’s the verdict?”

“She just woke up, the baby was a boy. The son he wanted. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this shit Ash. I feel like she wins everything” I said frustration all over my tone.

“Girl you doing better than I expected because you’re still there, so you mean what you say when you say you’re staying with him. The fact that Chris finally admitted to still being in love with you that’s a start. It’s like with me and Michael we’re still not married girl because we have a lot to work towards as do you and Chris” she said calming me down.

“Yeah I just think I could’ve avoided this shit years ago. I should’ve forgave him. He was sorry, but then I got all caught up with Odell and the get back. I don’t know why I allowed myself to become this person, this isn’t me you know” I said defeated.

“Girl you were hurt, you might’ve went a little extreme but you were hurt. Then you thought you could fall in love with the perfect man Odell was and you tried, but he ain’t baby daddy” she said making me laugh.

I looked up and saw Chris walking towards me and Kyia who I set down in the chair next to me took off towards him “girl I gotta go he’s coming.”

“Ok and be nice to him” she said before hanging up.

“Hey, is she ok?” I asked him as he approached me.

He looked tired and stressed. His eyes bloodshot, his skin pale, and he was so sluggish from lack of rest. I planned on taking care of him tonight if he let me, but first I had to see where his head was at.

“Yeah she fell back to sleep. They’re going to keep her a few more days to make sure she’s ok, but she’ll recover doc says” he said clearing his throat as usual.

“Ok, we’ll do you want to stay with me and the kids tonight? Let me take care of you Chris” I said stroking his cheek.

He looked at me and I felt like he was denying me or something it was crazy, but I didn’t complain or try to. I knew he hated being alone so if he said no he wasn’t leaving this hospital.

“Robin, I’m not sure if I should you know? You can handle all this?” He asked grabbing my hand that was holding his cheek as he balanced Ky on his hip.

“Chris I’m here and I haven’t left have some faith in me. I’m trying here” I said never tearing my eyes from him.

“Want daddy to stay over?” He asked Kyia and she nodded yes hugging him tight.

“Alright, whatever my princess wants. Come on” he said walking in front of me.

I followed behind smiling inside that he’s finally letting me do something for him. I knew when Kae left the hospital he would be juggling trying to be there with me and make sure she was ok. There was a time when I’d be so pressed about them being together, but I got a feeling this time around Chris has woken the fuck up. Let’s just hope I’m as right as I feel.

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