#BP is pain and a half to draw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shmorp-mcdurgen · 1 year

Text

Alternate AU: Fateful Reunion

The BPS gets a call about an abandoned neighborhood, and decide to investigate it. However, they meet a familiar yet malevolent face, and unfortunately, he remembers them as well.

TW: blood, violence, body/face horror, suicide mentions/thoughts/implications, character death

Notes: this. Is the longest fic I’ve posted so far, being nearly 9’000 words long, so. A bit of a long read compared to the others. This is the canon ending to the au’s main storyline, so I hope it’s up to expectations. :)

-----

Sarah was the one who heard the phone ring.

It was one of the very few nights where Sarah was the last one awake, with both Cesar and, surprisingly, Seth asleep in their own rooms. Sarah was wearing a baggy band T-shirt, which she got at a thrift store, along with a pair of black shorts. She was in the middle of drawing a picture of a crow on her sketchpad when she heard the home phone ring from its hook on the wall. Sarah looked up at the phone through her long, chestnut brown hair, lowering her sketchbook before placing it and her pencil on the coffee table. She quickly approached the phone, hoping to answer it before the ringing awoke the others. She took it off of its base and held it up to her ear.

“You’ve reached the Bythorne Paranormal Society, how may I help you?”

Cesar was sprawled out on his bed, asleep in a plain white T-shirt and shorts, barely covered by his covers. His jet black hair was a complete mess, the black hair nearly covering up the grey streak in his bangs. His therapy cat Johnny, a grey English shorthair, was curled up against him, sleeping peacefully along with his owner. They rested on the twin sized bed for a while before Sarah swung open the door, flicking on the light as soon as she entered the room.

“Cesar!”

Cesar awoke, looking up with squinted eyes before shielding them from the light with his arm. He groggily sat up, staring at Sarah as he attempted to gain his bearings. “Hmm? What’s up?” Cesar mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“We have a job to do, get dressed.” Sarah stated.

Cesar stared at Sarah with confusion in his eyes, half asleep but trying to appear awake. “…This late?” Cesar asked. “What time is it…?”

“Uh…almost three?”

Cesar groaned before throwing the blanket off of him, causing Johnny to awake as well and hop off of the bed and onto the ground. “Okay, so…what’s the job?” Cesar asked as he stood up from the bed. However, when he looked back to where Sarah was, he saw that she was gone, instead walking down the hallway. Cesar stood still for a while before shrugging his shoulders. “Okay, cool.”

Sarah approached another one of the doors, which was cracked open slightly. Sarah knocked on the door lightly, waiting outside of the room with an excited smile on her face. She waited for a few moments, tempted to knock again before the door fully opened. Seth came into view, grimacing slightly from the pain in his stiff joints. He was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants as his pajamas, and his straight black hair was partially covering his face. His facial hair seemed especially scraggly, and his eyes were in a half-lidded, tired glare, fixed on the much shorter woman in front of him. “Everything alright?” Seth asked.

“We got a job.” Sarah said with a smile. “In Mandela, no less.”

“…You seem…excited.” Seth stated. “Thought you didn’t like going on investigations anymore.”

“It’s…it’s not about alternates.” Sarah specified. “It’s just some paranormal activity in some abandoned neighborhood. Could just be…your average ghost report.”

“…It’s 3 AM, Sarah. Mandela’s an hour away.”

“So? You’re normally awake at this time anyway,” Sarah said. “Now go get a shirt on, and we’ll get going.”

Sarah left to go get ready, leaving Seth behind as he sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes. It was silly of him to think he could actually get a good night’s sleep for once; at least Sarah seemed to be excited. He turned to his left and saw a pile of clothes on a chair in his room, grabbing a few things off of it before closing the bedroom door.

Sarah stood in front of the couch, holding onto a black backpack as she gently placed gear into it. She was already completely dressed, wearing her black BPS hoodie, dark blue jeans, and black and white sneakers. As she packed, Seth was sitting on a metal chair next to the wall, wrapping braces around his knees and back, over his grey skinny jeans and dark grey tank top. Smoke billowed out of the cigarette in his mouth as he finished wrapping up his joints and putting on fingerless gloves over his scarred hands.

“Do I have to tell you to stop smoking again?” Sarah asked.

Seth paused, glancing over at Sarah before taking the cigarette out of his mouth. “What’s wrong with it?” He asked.

“Nothing, just…don’t do it in the house.” Sarah said. “It makes it smell like shit in here.”

Seth sighed, putting out his cigarette on his thigh, ignoring it leaving a burn mark on his pants. As Seth slipped on his jacket, Cesar entered the living room, Johnny following close behind. He was wearing a white, button up shirt underneath his unzipped BPS hoodie, along with blue jeans and red high-top shoes.

“So uh…what’s the deal? Just…ghosts again?” Cesar asked, turning towards Sarah.

“I think so. It’s what it sounded like.” Sarah responded as she zipped up her backpack and swung it over her back. “Should be a pretty easy job; in and out.”

Cesar glanced at Seth, who was pulling his hair back into a messy bun.

“You have everything together, kid?” Seth asked as he met Cesar’s gaze before standing up from his seat, walking over to the coffee table before picking up a belt with a pistol holster attached to it.

“I guess so, yeah.” Cesar said, holding back the urge to yawn. “Just…wish it was…you know…not now.”

“Yeah,” Seth sighed. “But that’s how it goes.” Seth walked past Cesar, grabbing his trusty shotgun, which was leaning against the wall. He checked to see if it was loaded, and when he saw that it was, he pointed it towards the ground. “I guess we should get going. We have an hour long drive ahead of us.”

“Can I drive?” Sarah asked.

“You were pulled over for speeding last time.” Seth stated. “I’m surprised you weren’t arrested.”

Sarah chuckled slightly, a sly smile forming on her face. “At least my face isn’t plastered on wanted posters.”

Seth let out a not-so-sincere chuckle before sighing. “…Yeah. Whatever, we need to get going.” Seth led the two other members out of the door, closing it behind them after shutting the lights off. Johnny the cat sat in front of the door, meowing before resting his head on his paws, starting the wait for Cesar to get back home.

The streets were nearly completely barren and dark, with the clouds overhead concealing the moon. The headlights of the BPS’s van cut through the darkness as it rolled down the road, leaving town and heading to the neighboring county. Cesar sat in the back of the van, arms crossed as he leaned back in his seat, eyes closed as he attempted to regain some lost sleep. Sarah sat in the front seat next to Seth, who was driving in silence. Sarah also remained quiet, glancing back at Cesar every once in a while, seeing that he was already asleep. It was almost miraculous that he could sleep in an uncomfortable van when he had trouble sleeping in his own bed. Though to be fair, Sarah found Seth crashed on the floor a couple times.

“What exactly did the person want anyway?” Seth asked, breaking the silence.

“They saw some strange activity in a neighborhood that had been blocked off for around a year.” Sarah explained. “The MCPD wouldn’t talk about it, who would’ve figured, so they called us. They just wanted a checkup. They offered around…400$ for the job.”

“Hmm.” Seth stared at the road in front of him. “I’m surprised; Cesar seemed alright, with going back to Mandela, knowing…y’know…”

Sarah nodded slightly, before her eyes widened suddenly and her breath audibly hitched. “Oh…shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I…I didn’t tell him we were going to Mandela.”

Seth froze, sighing slightly before pulling the van over to the side of the road, stopping and turning towards Sarah with furrowed brows. “You…didn’t tell him?” Seth asked, his serious tone making Sarah’s guilt already feel worse. “You didn’t tell him about a job he was going on?”

“I forgot! I was trying to get everything together quickly, i-it just…slipped.” Sarah said, trying to keep her voice quiet.

“Sarah, you know damn well how he feels about this county.” Seth stated.

“I know, I’m…I’m sorry.”

Seth sighed, looking back at Cesar, who was still asleep. “God…damn it.” Seth stared at the ground, his bushy eyebrows furrowed. “…He can stay in the van while we get it done. We’ll…tell him when he wakes up.”

“…A bit of a rude awakening, don’t you think?” Sarah asked.

“Not like we have much of a choice now.” Seth said, shifting the vehicle back into drive before continuing down the road, passing by the wheat field that was to their right. “We’re already here.”

Sarah looked through the windshield, seeing a sign on the left side of the road, reading in faded green letters: “WELCOME TO MANDELA COUNTY.” She slumped back in her seat, crossing her arms and lightly rubbing them. She felt like complete shit. She completely forgot about Cesar’s…experiences with Mandela, and didn’t even warn him about it. He’d go into a fucking frenzy if he knew where they were going. No wonder Seth seemed slightly pissed off; it was an awful mistake to make. Sarah just hoped Cesar wouldn’t be…too upset.

When the van drove into town, it was clear that curfew had been in effect for a while, as there was no movement to be seen. No cars drove around town, and no one was walking on the sidewalks. It felt…surreal to be back in Mandela, for both Sarah and Seth. Sarah had lived in the town they were in, and seeing the vaguely familiar streets and buildings made her feel nostalgic, though unnerved. Seth may not have lived in the same town, though he too lived in Mandela when he was younger, and he didn’t especially appreciate being back. None of the BPS had especially positive memories with the county; hell, they doubted anyone did.

Seth parked the van in front of a street, its headlights beaming through the steel bars of the gate leading into the neighborhood. Brick walls stretched on for a couple blocks, seeming to be hastily put together instead of being neatly placed. Sarah stared at the gate, seeing a few of the vacant homes on the other side of it. She furrowed her brows before looking over to Seth. “I...guess we should wake up Ces.” Sarah said.

“I’ll do it.” Seth stated, taking a couple small objects out of his pocket before handing them to Sarah. “Take these lock-picks and unlock the gate. I’ll take care of Torres.”

“You sure?”

“I can handle it.”

Sarah took the lock picks out of Seth’s hands before unbuckling her seatbelt and opening the door, walking out before slamming it shut. Seth sighed deeply, turning towards Cesar before removing his seatbelt and moving to the back of the van. He sat in front of Cesar, hesitantly and lightly shaking his arm. Cesar awoke eventually, groaning slightly as he regained his bearings and realized how sore his neck was from sleeping weirdly. “Are we there?” He asked.

Seth looked at his feet, breathing deeply through his nose. “Yes.”

“…What’s up?”

“…Cesar, you are free to stay in the van for this job.” Seth stated. “You don’t have to join us.”

“…Okay?” Cesar said, sitting up straight. “…Why are you telling me this?”

Seth thought for a moment, biting his lip slightly. “…You may recognize…where we’re working tonight.” He said, scratching the back of his neck.

“You’re acting weird, dude…”

“…Cesar…” Seth looked up, staring Cesar in the eye. “…We’re currently in Mandela.”

Cesar didn’t seem to respond for a second, instead staring blankly at Seth for a few moments. That was until his eyes seemed to widen and his brows furrowed up, his hands noticeably shaking. “Y-You didn’t tell me that.” Cesar stated.

“I’m aware that—”

“I want to go home,” Cesar said, his tone sounding almost desperate. “I-I want to go home now…”

“Cesar…” Seth said.

“Please, just fucking take me home,” Cesar was trembling, holding his arms close to his stomach as his shoulders appeared to tense up. “I can’t be here, I-I just…I just can’t, I can’t.”

Seth sat next to Cesar, seeing that he was beginning to hyperventilate. “Get me out of here, please, just—I can’t—I don’t want to be here,” Cesar mumbled. “He’ll find me, he’ll—”

“Cesar.” Seth stated, lightly resting a hand on Cesar’s shoulder. Cesar jerked around, looking at Seth with silent tears running down his face. Seth could see the fear in his eyes, making Seth himself feel his heart sink to his feet. He sighed before wrapping his arms around Cesar, letting him cry into his shoulder. Seth’s heart hurt hearing his muffled sobs, but he didn’t pull away. Though he was curious on whom the “He” was that Cesar mentioned, Seth decided not to ask further. Last think Cesar needed was prying questions; if anyone knew how awful it was to be questioned about your past, it was Seth.

When Sarah successfully unlocked the deadbolt, she removed the chains keeping the gate shut and pushed it open; all before jogging back to the van and hopping into the front seat. With that, they were able to pass, and the van drove past the barrier and into the barren neighborhood. The warm glow of the streetlights shone on the damp asphalt, puddles still formed from a recent rainfall. The headlights of the BPS van reflected on the dark windows on the sides of homes, illuminating the sometimes cracked glass. Graffiti was covering the outer walls of some of the homes, though the BPS couldn’t help but notice that the vandalism became rarer as they progressed.

Cesar’s leg bounced rhythmically as he sat in his seat, lightly rubbing his fingers over the faint scar across his right hand. His brown eyes stared at the ground, breathing in and out deeply as he tried to fight the urge to panic. He wouldn’t have gone if he knew where they were going; that was a fact. It didn’t help that a part of him recognized the street, though he wasn’t alone in that thought. Sarah too began to recall things about the neighborhood they were in.

It started with a vaguely familiar tree she saw on the side of the road, or one of the homes having Christmas lights on all year despite no one living there. However, it wasn’t until she saw a line of trees blocking the next house that she figured it out. “Stop the car.” Sarah placed her hand on Seth’s arm, causing him to look at her with confusion. He obliged, parking the vehicle in the middle of the road before turning to look at Sarah.

“What’s wrong?” Seth questioned.

Sarah pointed towards the pale grey house that was barely peeking out from behind the trees. “I know that house.” Sarah said, her voice strangely quiet.

Cesar, almost sensing her concern, sat up, looking at Sarah with pensiveness in his eyes. “Wh-What house?” He asked quietly.

Sarah glanced back at Cesar, then to Seth, then back to the house before abruptly opening the door and running down the road in front of the van. Seth watched her for a second before looking back to Cesar. “Stay here, I’ll be back in a second.” Seth then opened his door, following Sarah until he saw that she was stopped in the middle of the street, staring up at something. “What’s going on, are you alright?” Seth asked, lightly placing a hand on Sarah’s shoulder.

“Oh my God.” Sarah muttered. “…This is Mark’s house.”

Seth looked at the aforementioned home, seeing the absolutely terrible state it was in. The pale grey paint on the outer panels was chipping and peeling away, though it was covered by layers of moss and other plants, making it appear to be a yellowish green. The grass on the lawn was almost completely dead, aside from one spot where a few weeds were growing. There were two windows leading to the second floor, with one of them completely shattered, leading to a dark room. Sarah’s eyes were fixed on that window specifically, as she remembered the room it led to. It was Mark’s bedroom, where he stayed in most of the time.

“Mark?” Seth asked.

“My brother?” Sarah seemed almost offended that the name didn’t ring a bell. “H-He wasn’t seen in eight years; I-I…I just…”

Seth looked back up at the house, feeling a strange pit in his stomach.

“I need to go in.” Sarah started walking towards the home before Seth grabbed the back of her hoodie.

“Wait.” Seth stated. “…get your gear first. I need to get my gun too.”

Cesar watched through the windshield as the two walked back to the van, opening the back doors to grab their things. “What’s going on?” Cesar asked.

“We found a house we’re going to—” Seth started, but was interrupted by Sarah.

“I’m going into Mark’s house.” Sarah stated. “We’re seeing if we can find out anything about his disappearance.”

“Wh-what?!” Cesar’s voice squeaked, and his eyes shown horror. “N-No, no, no you shouldn’t…you can’t…”

“I’m not letting this chance go, Cesar.” Sarah said, her voice stern. “The MCPD isn’t telling me shit about him; I’m going to investigate this myself.”

“Sarah.” Seth didn’t say it out loud, but his tone said “Stop talking,” and Sarah took the hint and became silent. Seth could see Cesar shaking, harder than he was before. He looked like he wanted to say more, but couldn’t get anything past his tight throat. Seth looked back at Sarah before crawling into the van and carefully approaching Cesar.

“We’ll be out in no more than ten minutes, and we can go—”

“We need more than ten minutes for this.” Sarah said.

Seth glared at her for a second before turning back. “We can go home after we’re done.”

“I-I…I.” Cesar couldn’t get his words out, instead trying to hold back his tears.

Seth backed away a second, but when Cesar’s expression seemed to become more panicked by the action, Seth paused. “I’ll be back, don’t worry.” He said in a calm tone. “It won’t take long, I promise. Okay?”

Cesar nodded, and Seth exited the vehicle, closing the doors behind him. “God…damn it.” Seth said, turning back towards Sarah before they both started walking back to the house. “Why…why this job out of all of them?”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

“You know how fucking…sensitive Cesar is to this shit.”

“Seth, I don’t expect you to…understand this kinda stuff,” Sarah said. “But I haven’t learned anything new about Mark in nearly a decade. This is the first chance in forever I’ve had to figure out anything about his disappearance.”

“…What do you mean you don’t expect me to understand?” Seth asked, his brows furrowing as they paused in the house’s driveway.

“W-Well…you were an only child, right?” Sarah asked, though she began to wonder if bringing it up was a bad idea. Seth’s nose twitched slightly as his expression darkened.

“Sure, but I think I can understand wanting to know about a loved one’s disappearance…right?” Seth asked rhetorically. “Just ‘cause I never had a sibling like you doesn’t mean I’m heartless to shit like this.”

“Yeah, I…yeah.” Sarah sighed, avoiding eye contact.

“Whatever, let’s…get this done quickly,” Seth continued. “I don’t want Cesar here any longer than necessary.”

Sarah and Seth approached the front door, though when Seth grabbed the doorknob, he found that it was locked. “Is there another way in?” Seth asked, turning back to Sarah.

“If I remember right, there’s a back door that leads to the kitchen.”

Sarah and Seth then jogged around the home to test their luck with the alternative entrance. Luckily, the door in fact existed, though they couldn’t see inside through the window in the door, as it was covered by a thin curtain. Seth tried his luck with the door again, though it appeared to be locked as well. Sarah sighed in disappointment when she saw that it didn’t open, but was immediately startled by the sound of shattering glass. She looked back up to see that Seth had broken the glass window in the door with the butt of his shotgun.

“What the hell?!” Sarah questioned.

Seth looked back at Sarah, his expression almost like a toddler that got caught stealing snacks from the cabinet. “No one lives here anymore.” He stated.

“That doesn’t mean you can just break shit!”

Seth turned back to the shattered window before reaching through it and unlocking the door from the inside. “…Too late now.”

Cesar sat in the van, his knees pressed against his torso as he thought to himself. He had a pit in his stomach, feeling nothing more than an intense want to go home and get the fuck away from there. He hadn’t been even remotely close to Mark’s old house since nearly a decade before, and Cesar wasn’t necessarily ecstatic to break that record. Nevertheless, there he was; back in the cesspool that was Mandela County, and back in the town he swore to never return to in a million years.

Despite not wanting to move, he hated staying in the van. He was sitting in the cramped van with the extra gear and tech, half of which barely worked. He was alone with the thoughts he desperately wanted to run from, which was almost scarier than being back where he started. Cesar glanced towards the floor, his eye catching something on the ground. It was a spare pistol, resting on the ground next to a box of bullets. Cesar’s watery eyes stared at the firearm before his shaky hand grabbed onto it. If he was going to be in Mandela again, he might as well accept and face it.

The home smelled of mildew and dust, its stagnant air feeling oddly claustrophobic. Seth walked into the living room, his boots pressing down the old shaggy carpet as he looked around, his gun in hand and his guard up. Sarah’s flashlight pointed at the walls, seeing the stained and peeled wallpaper. There were the occasional framed photo on the wall, though most were completely shattered or on the ground somewhere. It felt surreal being in the home again, especially seeing that it was in such disrepair. It felt as if it had an air of sadness and despair, though Sarah wasn’t sure why. Either way, she began to understand why Cesar was so hesitant.

Seth walked towards the couch, his eye catching something resting on its dusty cushions. He leaned over and picked it up, examining it carefully. It was a worn out notebook, its yellow cover torn and dirty. He gently placed his shotgun down on the sofa before opening up the notebook, staring at its contents. It appeared to be a sketchbook, though he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink as he stared at the sketches themselves.

The first one he saw was what seemed to be a screaming figure, though it was hastily drawn, and hard to distinguish. It didn’t even appear to be human; more like a half-human, half-animal creature with long and jagged teeth. Seth turned the page, seeing an abstract humanoid figure grabbing its head, also screaming. Every single drawing Seth saw was all but scribbles, just barely conveying whatever it was supposed to convey. He glanced at Sarah, who was staring at a photo on the wall, with her light trained on it. Seth closed the notebook, grabbing his gun with his free hand before walking over to where Sarah was standing.

“What is it?” Seth asked quietly.

“It’s…a picture of Mark and Cesar.” Sarah said, continuing to stare at the photo. Seth also looked at the picture, seeing that it was of Cesar and Mark in Halloween costumes. At least it appeared to be Cesar, though his face appeared to be scratched out. “…It’s been tampered.”

“Yeah?” Seth said, holding up the notebook towards Sarah. “Take a look at this.”

Sarah looked at the notebook, grabbing it from Seth’s hand before opening it. Her face immediately showed concern and confusion as she flipped through the pages. “What the fuck…” She sighed.

“Was…Mark an artist?” Seth asked.

“Well, yeah, but…not…not like this.” Sarah looked at the ground before taking off her back pack and unzipping it, putting the notebook inside. “It just doesn’t make sense…”

Seth looked back towards the photos on the wall, seeing the broken glass and scratched out faces. Though something seemed to connect them all; every photo with Cesar involved was altered. Some with black marker covering him up, and others with an entire half of the picture ripped off. It was bizarre, and only made Seth’s strange feeling of dread become less and less easy to be ignored. However, that could’ve also been the fact that the house felt so…constricting, despite it being decently big. It almost felt like it was trying to choke him.

Cesar stood outside of the van, staring up at the house in front of him, grasping the pistol with his trembling hand. He breathed in and out deeply, preparing himself before finally stepping onto the driveway. As he looked for an entrance, or any sign of where the other two went, he felt a strange dread in his stomach. He pushed it down, trying to ignore it the best he could as he walked around the house. He also forced himself to ignore the feeling of being watched every time he glanced up at the second story window.

Sarah stood in front of the stairway, her light pointed up the steps. She glanced behind her, seeing Seth wandering around the living room, examining certain objects around the house. Sarah then looked back up the stairs, breathing in before walking up the creaky steps. As she made her way upstairs, Seth stared at the mudroom in front of the front door. There was a knocked over table in front of the door, with the shards of a smashed vase next to it. It looked like the signs of a break in, though it was unclear where the point of entry was, as the door was still locked.

Next to the table however was yet another broken picture frame, one that was bigger than the others. Seth crouched down, wincing slightly when his knees cracked before grabbing onto the frame and standing back up, turning it around to see the photo inside. It was a picture of Mark, Sarah, and Cesar all together, though once again Cesar’s face was crossed out. However, words were written on the picture as well, almost covering it entirely:

“I HATE YOU”

Reading over the message made Seth’s heart sink, and not soon after he felt something growing in his stomach. It was an immense feeling of dread; more intense than any similar feeling he had before. It felt like a metaphorical punch in the gut, making him drop the picture entirely.

His breathing quickened as his mind began to connect the dots. The crossed out photos, the eerie drawings, the message written on the photo, even the fact that the neighborhood was blocked off; it all began to make sense. Whoever, or whatever, had been in that house hated Cesar, and not only were Seth and Sarah there, but also the very man the thing living there hated. He just brought his friends, hell, his family to the belly of the beast like a fucking moron. And to make everything worse?

“Seth?”

Shit. Shit. Fuck, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.

Seth swung around, seeing that Cesar was standing in the kitchen, in front of the back door. Seth immediately jogged towards him, nearly hyperventilating. “Get the fuck out of here.”

“Wha—”

“Get back to the van, NOW.” Seth commanded, not even letting Cesar question him.

“But w-what about Sarah?” Cesar asked. The question made Seth visibly freeze before he turned around, seeing that Sarah wasn’t there. How the fuck did he not notice?

Sarah stepped towards the door leading to Mark’s bedroom, noticing the stains on the wooden floor underneath her. She hesitantly reached for the doorknob, her fingers brushing against the ice cold metal, before she began to turn it—

“Sarah!”

She was interrupted by the sound of Seth yelling for her downstairs, causing her to pull her hand away from the door. She glanced at the door, thinking for a second before ultimately deciding to go back downstairs to see what was going on. As she ran down the stairs, she failed to notice the door open behind her.

“What’s going—” She couldn’t even finish her question before she felt Seth grab the back of her hoodie and push her towards the door, his other hand clasped on his shotgun.

“Get back to the van, both of you.” Seth demanded, pushing the two out of the house. As they hurried around the home, Sarah turned around, staring Seth in the eye.

“What the hell is going on?!” She asked. “You’re freaking us out—”

“Listen, we need to get out of here, I…I can feel it.” Seth stated, his voice noticeably shaking. It was the most freaked out Sarah had ever seen him.

“But I still haven’t found anything.” Sarah said.

“M-Maybe he’s right,” Cesar chimed in. “I don’t feel good about this either.”

“No, it’s not just that, it’s…” Seth attempted to get his thoughts in order. “It’s something more than that, like—”

“Seth, please, we can’t do this now,” Sarah interrupted. “I’m so fucking close, I can feel it!”

“I’m trying to keep you safe—”

“You keep saying that!” Sarah bordered on yelling, trying to hold back her tears. “I need this, Seth. I need to know, and this is the only way I can; I need to help Mark!”

“CAN WE FUCKING LEAVE?!” Cesar shouted, startling both Sarah and Seth. They stared at him, seeing that he was crying, but also looking completely pissed off. “I’m tired of this! Mark’s dead! That’s it! There’s no fucking point to being here anymore!”

“Cesar, what the fuck are you—” Sarah started.

“NO!” Cesar glared at her. “Enough arguing, enough searching, enough fucking self-pity; CAN WE JUST GO HOME?!”

Sarah and Seth were stuck in a stunned silence, staring at Cesar, who was beginning to sob to himself. Sarah felt her eyes sting, and seeing Cesar trembling made her feel even worse. She glanced at Seth, who was almost glaring at her, though he didn’t seem necessarily angry; more…concerned.

“I…Ces…” Sarah looked back at Cesar. “I’m…I’m sorry—”

The sound of four bangs coming from the front of the house interrupted her apology, causing the trio to snap their attention towards the noise. Seth glanced back at Sarah and Cesar, gesturing them to follow him as he raised his firearm. Cesar also grasped his pistol tighter as he followed close behind Seth, with Sarah by his side. When they made it back to the van, they could see the culprit of the noise; all four tires had been blown out.

Seth stared at the ruined tires, his gaze intense and his breathing beginning to quicken. Cesar stared at the tires before looking back towards the house, freezing as soon as his eyes caught something.

“Who…why would someone do this?” Sarah asked.

“I don’t know…” Seth stated, trying to keep his breath steady despite the tightness in his chest.

“Should we walk then?”

“It’ll take too long to get back…hitchhiking’s too risky…” As Seth thought aloud, Sarah looked back at Cesar, seeing that he was completely motionless aside from his shaking hands. His wide, watering eyes were fixed on the house, looking up at something.

“…Cesar?” Sarah asked, lightly tapping his shoulder. No response. “Seth, Cesar’s not…” She trailed off when she finally looked at Cesar was focused on. She too became silent, covering her mouth as she couldn’t help but cry. She didn’t even want to believe what she was seeing.

It looked like Mark; but it wasn’t him.

Mark’s nearly white sweatshirt had turned a dingy grey from years of use, covered in blood and grime. There was a hole in the sweatshirt and black undershirt in his shoulder, the hole stained with red. His dull pink sweatpants covered his legs, along with grey socks, both of which having mud and dirt covering them. His messy, long brown hair swayed in the wind, his one, bloodshot eye fixed on Cesar, burning with hate. The entire right side of his face was a cracked hole, leading to a dark void, with only his lower jaw and teeth visible. Blood streamed down the holes in his face, along with his eye, almost like he was eternally crying. It looked only vaguely like the Mark they knew, while also nothing but a husk of his former self; a hollow being desperately hanging on to its past.

As soon as Seth saw Mark, he swung his shotgun up, preparing to fire before Mark snapped his gaze towards him. Seth felt himself be pushed back, slamming against the ground hard with a thud. His gun clattered against the asphalt, sliding to the middle of the street. Sarah was temporarily snapped out of her shock by the sound of Seth grunting from the sudden pain spike in his back. Sarah hastily approached Seth, crouching down quickly before helping him get up.

Seth looked straight past Sarah, his eyes widening before he scrambled to his feet. “CESAR, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” He shouted, seeing that Cesar was still standing still in front of Mark.

The plead didn’t seem to do anything; Cesar was still stuck in place, paralyzed by his own fear. Mark looked to the side, seeing a small piece of rebar resting on the ground next to a tree before he raised his hand towards it. The pole immediately started to hover in the air, Mark staring at Cesar before the post turned directly towards the frozen man, being flung towards him as quick as an arrow. Cesar was barely able to respond before he felt himself being pushed over by something.

“GO!”

Cesar fell to the ground, finally snapping out of his trance. His breathing was heavy as he stared at the dead grass below him. He could hear Sarah crying, along with pained yells behind him. Cesar turned around, his eyes widening when he saw where the noises were coming from. Seth was hunched over, grasping the piece of rebar buried in his shoulder, the blood pouring out from between his fingers. He was bleeding heavily, Sarah staring at him with horror in her eyes. Seth just saved Cesar’s fucking life.

“JUST LET HIM DIE ALREADY!” Mark shouted, his many discordant voices burying themselves in the ears of all that heard it.

Cesar stumbled to his feet, immediately backing away as he regained his bearings. He looked towards Seth before glaring at Mark, swallowing the lump in his throat before he spoke. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” Cesar questioned.

“YOU…You didn’t do anything, didn’t answer any of my cries for help!” Mark yelled, blood pouring down from his “face.” “I thought you were my fucking FRIEND! YOU’RE THE REASON I’M DEAD!”

Cesar pushed back the urge to cry before responding. “I NEVER DID ANYTHING—”

“BULLSHIT!” Mark’s voice almost shook the entirety of Mandela to its core, causing the streetlights to flicker and some to even explode. “YOU NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT ME, DID YOU?!”

“MARK, I DID!” Cesar cried. “I FUCKING CARED ABOUT YOU! I THOUGHT OF YOU LIKE A BROTHER!”

“YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING LIAR!” Mark screamed, not only blood, but actual tears running down his cheeks. “I WAS NOTHING BUT A PROP! I MADE YOU LOOK BETTER! You wanted everyone to see…look! I can befriend even the stupid, lonely, ANGRY, LOSER OF A KID!”

Cesar felt as if the words were stabbing him directly in the heart. He had no way of telling him how much he cared; how much he valued Mark’s friendship ever since middle school. It was too late to reconcile, as the damage had already been done. Cesar just wished that he saw it sooner.

“Mark, listen to yourself!”

Cesar turned to see Sarah staring up at Mark with fury in her eyes. Seth seemed to visibly struggle more when he saw what Sarah was doing, begging with his eyes for her to back down. He tried to grab her jacket, though she was already out of reach, and every movement only made the sharp pain in his shoulder spike.

“We all cared about you!” Sarah claimed, her hands curled into fists. “I loved you! Cesar loved you! We all loved you; why won’t you just listen to us?!”

“You left me to die…you never came for me.” Mark stated. “I was left to DIE, BY EVERYONE IN THIS GOD DAMNED COUNTY! NONE OF YOU HELPED ME WHILE I WAS STUCK IN ONE FUCKING ROOM FOR DAYS! I…I DIED BECAUSE YOU WERE A BUNCH OF FUCKING COWARDS!”

“THAT’S BULLSHIT!” Sarah shouted through the tears, not noticing that Mark was staring at a rock behind her, making it rise into the air. “I LOVED YOU MARK, I JUST WISH YOU ACTUALLY ACTED LIKE HI—”

A loud crack. Seth could barely process the sound before he felt something splatter against his face, bringing his hand up to his face and wiping it off, staring at the small streaks of red on his fingers. Sarah immediately fell to the ground as a now red-stained rock fell to her side. She twitched, convulsing on the front yard in silence, blood pouring from the large gash in the back of her skull.

“S-Sarah…SARAH!” Seth cried, possibly for the first time in a very long time. He took in a few deep breaths before ripping the pole out of his shoulder, yelling in pain before throwing it to the side and covering the wound with his hand. He scrambled to Sarah’s body, turning it over onto her back. Her eyes were cloudy; unresponsive. “Sarah…” Seth sobbed as Cesar quickly fell to his knees by her side. Seth buried his face in her shoulder, grasping her rapidly cooling hand as he cried. “Oh god…Sarah…I’m sorry…”

Cesar grimaced, tears running down his face before he looked back at Mark. He killed her; his own sister was dead, murdered in cold blood. Cesar pushed himself to his feet, swinging his pistol towards Mark, finally feeling unafraid for the first time in forever. It wasn’t the friend he used to know anymore, and as he aimed for the head, Cesar pulled the trigger.

Click.

The gun wasn’t loaded.

Cesar looked back up at Mark with horror, seeing the rage building in his eye. He dropped the pistol before stumbling backwards, feeling dread building in his heart before he turned and ran. Seth watched him run, seeing his shotgun in the middle of the street.

“YOU COWARD!” Mark shouted, following Cesar from the air.

Seth looked down at Sarah’s lifeless body one last time, taking in a deep breath before reluctantly letting her go, ignoring the searing pain in his shoulder as he ran onto the street, grabbing the shotgun as soon as he reached it.

Cesar refused to look back, though he could see the streetlights rapidly flickering and the light bulbs exploding behind him. He could feel his lungs burning from hyperventilating, and his legs hurt like hell, but he couldn’t stop running. Mark was screaming loud enough to make Cesar’s ears ring, his pure rage being heard throughout the entire town. If Cesar stopped moving, he was dead, and Cesar didn’t want to find out what being killed by a former best friend was like.

Cesar glanced to the side, seeing that one of the streetlights was beginning to bend to the side from the middle before falling off of its base. Cesar put his arms over his head, using one burst of energy to sprint out of the way before it slammed against the asphalt, the light shattering and the metal bending in nearly impossible ways. Mark looked over to the side of the road, seeing a rusty stop sign. He raised his hand towards it, ripping it out of the ground while also snapping the sign off of its post. He glared back at Cesar before throwing the post towards him. Cesar leapt to the side, though not soon enough.

The post grazed his leg, leaving a large gash right before his knee. Cesar yelled, falling to the ground on his stomach. He grasped the rapidly bleeding wound in his leg before turning around, laying on his back as he stared at the injury. His entire body screamed out, sore from running and his throat raw from screaming.

Cesar looked up, tears streaming down his face as he attempted to crawl backwards, staring up at Mark as he lowered himself to the ground. Mark walked towards Cesar, ignoring the sharp pain in his legs with every step as he glared at the man in front of him. “You’ve ruined…everything.” Mark stated, his voice almost sounding like the Mark Cesar once knew. “I trusted you…I cared about you, yet you leave me in the dust the second you’re able to.”

“Mark…I…I’m sorry…” Cesar mumbled. “I…I didn’t…mean to.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Mark growled. “It’s over now. It’s all over.” Mark raised his hand towards Cesar, whose wide petrified eyes were fixed on Mark’s missing face. “I’m sorry it had to come to this.” Mark muttered under his breath.

“HEY, SHITHEAD!”

Mark swung around, seeing Seth standing in the middle of the street behind him, gun trained on him. Mark barely had time to react before Seth pulled the trigger, a loud boom echoing as Mark’s arm shattered, the lower half of it breaking off and slamming against the ground. Mark let out a loud, pained screech, staring at the shattered, hollow remains of his left arm and the tattered cloth around it. Seth cocked the gun before shooting once again, this time at Mark’s right leg. His shin exploded into shards as Mark fell to the ground, his skin cracking as blood poured from the holes in his body.

Mark yelled as Seth grew closer, his gun pointed at Mark’s head, silent tears running down his cheeks. Mark looked up at the tall man in front of him, his one bloodshot eye fixed on the stranger.

“…You…you’re too late.” Mark growled, whispers and quiet laughter accompanying his voice. “You brought them here. You’re the reason this happened. You…you didn’t have to be a part of this.”

Seth’s nose twitched, and his eyes widened slightly. He swallowed hard, attempting to keep his breath steady, all before his brows furrowed and he grimaced. “Fuck you.”

Seth pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. He stared at the gun with surprise, trying to fix the sudden jam before he looked back at Mark, whose one eye was squinted and staring at the gun’s barrel. He then floated onto his one remaining foot before flying up into the dark sky, out of view. Seth looked up to where he went, clenching his jaw. “YOU BASTARD!” Seth shouted into the night air.

Seth turned back to Cesar, his expression turning from anger to worry as he dropped his shotgun. He rushed to Cesar’s side, grabbing his hand and helping him sit up. “You’re okay…you’re gonna be alright, can you walk?” Seth questioned.

“I…I can’t…” Cesar exhaled, staring at the large wound in his leg.

“Cesar, don’t look at it,” Seth gestured for Cesar to stare him in the eyes. “Look at me…I’m…I’m gonna get you out of here.” Seth wrapped Cesar’s arm over his shoulders, supporting him with his arm as they stood up. Cesar winced as he put some pressure on his leg, slowly limping by Seth’s side.

“Wh…What about Sarah?”

The question made Seth’s breath hitch, but nevertheless he continued walking. “You’re going to be alright, just…just trust me.” Seth didn’t want to tell Cesar Sarah would be alright, as it was a complete fucking lie. Sarah was dead, and Cesar didn’t need to be reminded of that at that moment. All Seth wanted to do was get Cesar out of that hellhole. Mourning is for later.

As they walked towards the gate, Cesar yelled out, hunching over slightly, causing Seth to turn his head towards him in worry. “Are you alright?” Seth questioned.

“I…I don’t know…” Cesar said with a grimace. “I don’t feel good…I…I feel sick.”

Blood loss, Seth presumed. “Shit…you’re gonna be fine, the hospital isn’t that far away.” Seth assured, covering up his uncertainty. “Y-You’re gonna get help, alright?”

Cesar looked up at Seth’s face. “I…I don’t know what’s—” Cesar’s statement was interrupted by him yelling again, falling to the ground as Seth watched.

“Cesar!” Seth crouched down beside him, seeing that he was staring at the ground, his face partially covered by his hair. “Cesar, what’s going on, are you alright?! I…I can carry you to the hospital if you can’t walk—”

“Mm.”

“What?”

“MMMH.”

Cesar raised his hands towards his face, beginning to shake uncontrollably as his hands began to claw at his face. Suppressed screams were heard from him as he shook and cried, though Seth couldn’t see what was happening. “Cesar, what’s going—”

Cesar looked up, tears running from his eyes as he scratched at the area near his mouth. Seth’s eyes widened as he finally saw what was wrong; Cesar’s mouth was completely missing, healed over like a scar. Thin red lines covered the new skin as Cesar scratched it raw, all in a desperate attempt to be able to speak again.

“…Oh god.” Seth muttered. Cesar held his hands up to Seth, who helped him get up on his feet. Cesar’s trembling hands were clutched on Seth’s bloody hoodie, trying to hold himself closer to him. His muffled screams for help only became worse as his hands began to shake even harder, his fingers turning a charcoal black. His fingers fell apart as he stumbled away from Seth, who was frozen in both confusion and horror. Cesar watched helplessly as the skin and bones in his hands broke apart, leaving nothing but part of his forearm bones visible as he desperately tried to shriek for help.

Cesar was sobbing, unable to let out a single anguished yell as he fell into Seth’s arms, shaking as if he was suffering from hypothermia. His nose was barely visible anymore, the nostrils being completely missing and it being nothing but a small bump on his face. His wide, bloodshot eyes stared up at Seth, as if he was pleading for him to do something, ANYTHING to save him from his fate, whether he was able to do so or not. “Cesar…” Seth cried, his mind going too fast to be able to come up with anything he could do. “Cesar, PLEASE…” Seth watched helplessly as even Cesar’s gaze was torn away from him, as his eyes shut, healing over and leaving nothing but blank eye sockets in their place.

Cesar’s screams were unable to be heard, and his entire face was missing. Seth stared at the blank, emotionless face that used to be his closest friend. He was gone; the man Seth dared to get close to was gone. Cesar fell to his knees, holding his arm nubs up to his “face” as he desperately wanted to be able to breathe and see again. There was nothing he could do however, and soon enough, he could no longer hear Seth’s desperate cries for him to stay as even his hearing was taken away from him.

Seth tried to grab Cesar’s shoulder, though as soon as he made contact, Cesar appeared to panic, letting out more horrid muffled screams, slamming his forearm against Seth’s hand to push it away. He sprung up to his feet and ran the opposite direction. He slammed against the gate, stumbling backwards before pushing it open and running down the road, disoriented and stumbling around as if he could barely hold himself up. Seth watched as Cesar disappeared from view, his eyes wide and his expression blank.

Seth took a few steps forward, pushing open the gate and looking down the road, seeing that Cesar was already gone from sight. He continued to step forward, tripping over his own feet before collapsing to his knees, with his head hung low in defeat. He didn’t know what to think anymore. Sarah was gone, and Cesar…oh god, Cesar; left wandering aimlessly, sightless, deaf, mute, and scared for god knows how long. Seth had nothing left. His son was gone…all because of him. Mark was right; he brought them to their death.

Seth stared at the ground, emotionless, feeling like a husk of his former self. His shoulder stung and every joint in his body was sore, but he no longer cared. He was empty without them; nothing more than a stupid man with a criminal record and a lifetime of regret. How dare he think he could make friends? How stupid was he? Sarah and Cesar didn’t deserve this…they didn’t deserve any of it, and the one man that did was the only one alive and human. He should’ve taken their place. He should’ve been the one to die, not them. It was all his fault.

“How…pathetic.”

No.

No, god, please not now.

Seth didn’t even need to see who was talking to recognize the voice, his fears only being confirmed by the sight of slender, fingerless gloved covered hands pressing against the ground next to him, connected to mangled, impossibly long arms.

“How poetic.” Adam stated, leaning down so Seth could see his wide smile from his peripheral vision. “Your story starts with you losing your family…and ends with the same thing.”

Seth didn’t respond or even flinch, only slowly turning away when Adam pushed his face closer. “Well…Mark sure can hold a grudge, huh?” Adam chuckled. “Cesar…doomed to a life of darkness and silence for all eternity, I mean, how petty can you get?”

Seth remained silent.

“…Come on, Seth.” Adam said. “…You don’t have to be so grumpy.”

“Leave.” Seth grumbled.

Adam smiled wider when he heard Seth’s broken tone. “…Hey…I’m your friend you know. And you know what? I have an idea that may help you out.” Adam stated. “And all it takes is one simple step.”

Adam reached for the pistol in Seth’s holster, pulling it out before holding it in front of Seth’s face. “…It’s loaded, isn’t it?” Adam asked.

Seth didn’t respond, his empty eyes staring at the gun in front of him.

“Everything gone…in the blink of an eye.” Adam continued. “Your friends…your family…your sanity. Cesar was like your son. You’re the reason they’re in the state they’re in now…they hate you…but I have the solution.”

Adam held the barrel of the pistol, nudging Seth with the handle. “All it takes…is one bullet.” Adam whispered in Seth’s ear, his smile widening further than what should be possible. “And everything…will fade away.”

Seth’s twitching hand grabbed the gun, staring at it as his fingers ran across the metal. Adam placed one of his hands on Seth’s shoulder, his smile becoming more crazed as Seth gripped the handle and pointed the barrel of the gun up. Seth smiled, his smile lopsided and wide as he stood still. Silence fell for a moment as the barrel was pointed into Seth’s chin, until he jerked it to the side and fired.

Adam’s head flung back as the bullet pierced his jaw and out through the top of his head. Adam screamed before stumbling back and falling to the ground, his hands grasping his head as Seth slowly stood up, ignoring the cracks from his knees. Seth turned towards Adam, seeing that his eyes were wide, his dilated pupils focused on him. Seth swung his gun up, firing into Adam’s head, neck, and chest. The series of shots echoed throughout the street until it ran out of bullets. Seth pulled the trigger multiple times before he processed that it was empty and stopped. He slowly lowered his gun, trembling slightly as he stared at Adam’s unmoving body.

“…If you were smart…” Seth muttered. “You’d stay dead.”

Seth put the gun back into his holster before unzipping his jacket, slipping it off as he looked at the wound in his shoulder. It was bleeding steadily from the hole, and needed to be disinfected as soon as possible. Seth held up his hoodie, seeing the now bloodied letters “BPS” written on the front, which was interrupted by a large tear in the fabric. Seth dropped the now meaningless hoodie, leaving it behind as he limped past Adam’s body and further into town.

He wasn’t sure when or where he’d see Mark again, or when he’d start to feel the mental anguish that was surely going to hit him like a freight train, but at that moment he didn’t care. He didn’t even think of anything; unsure of how he would get home. Though he supposed it wouldn’t matter, as the thought of going home alone and seeing an empty house made him sick. All he could think was what he would do when he saw Mark’s hollow face again.

All he knew is that when he saw that bastard again, he would regret letting Seth walk away alive.

92 notes · View notes

anotherspnfanfic · 3 years

Text

Overloaded

Pairing: Dr Dean x nurse reader

Word count: 1584

Warnings: minor injury

Squares filled: Hospital AU for @spndeanbingo and Doctor AU for @supernatural-jackles Tell Me a Story Bingo

Summary: Working too many hours and being short handed leads to a breaking point.

~~~

Gabe pushed the wheelchair off the elevator into the ED. She bit her lip to muffle her whimper as the small bump jostled her foot. “Sorry,” Gabe murmured as he wheeled her towards the nurses station. “Hey, Charlie, you got an open room? She needs an x-ray.”

Charlie turned to see who Gabe was referring to. “Oh, what happened?” she asked, seeing the pain on her friend’s face.

Before either of them could explain, Dean came out of an exam room and spotted her. “My nurses are not supposed to be in wheelchairs. Especially not my favorite one,” he said as he walked over and squatted down to her level. He noticed her puffy eyes as he carefully pulled up the pant leg on her elevated foot. He echoed Charlie’s question, “What happened, sweetheart?”

She rubbed a hand across her forehead as she glanced at the floor. “I missed a step, or maybe two. I landed wrong on my ankle. I'm pretty sure it’s broken. It hurts a lot.”

Dean raised an eyebrow as he stood and moved to take over Gabe’s position. “Okay, let's get you checked out.”

“Exam 4 is open,” Charlie said.

Dean turned to Gabe as he pushed her toward the room. “Can you go grab the portable x-ray and 25 mcg fentanyl, please?”

Once they were in the exam room, Dean offered his hand to help her stand on her good leg. He leaned over and lifted her carefully and then set her on the bed. She tried not to whine as the movement sent pain shooting up her leg. “Damn it. This sucks,” she said.

He situated the bed so she was laid nearly flat and got her foot elevated on a couple pillows. “1-10—how’s the pain?” Dean asked, as he tossed a blanket over her.

“Uhh, about a 6.”

Dean nodded. “Gabe should be back with the pain meds in a minute. So, you missed a step?” he asked as he started to check her vitals.

“Yeah, I was playing with my phone and I missed it,” she explained. He gave her a skeptical look.

Before he could say anything more, Gabe appeared and handed Dean a syringe. “I figured you’d want that first. I’ll be right back with the x-ray.”

Dean finished recording her temp and BP, then pushed the sleeve of her scrubs up her shoulder and cleaned a spot with an alcohol wipe. “Little pinch,” he warned. “Babe, you can maneuver all the stairs in this building backwards, hands full, and with your eyes closed. You sure you just missed it?” he asked.

She broke eye contact as she contemplated her answer carefully, knowing he could tell when she was lying. “No,” she mumbled. “I might have been a little dizzy, too.”

He reached his index finger under her chin to force her eyes to meet his. “Any guesses why you were dizzy?”

She pulled away enough to drop her gaze back down to the bed and shrugged almost imperceptibly. “Low blood sugar, maybe? Probably,” she mumbled the last word. She fiddled with the corner of the blanket almost nervously, not wanting to see the disappointment and concern on his face.

He hummed. “So you didn’t miss a step. You fainted?”

She sighed in defeat. “Yeah.”

“Have you eaten anything since the granola bar I brought you,” he paused to check his watch, “five hours ago?”

She shook her head and pulled the barely-touched bar from her pocket. “I got busy and then I forgot it was there.”

“What about water? Have you been drinking?” he probed. She simply shook her head, still refusing to make eye contact. “So you’re probably dehydrated, too.”

She shrugged.

He sighed. “You really have got to take better care of yourself. I love how much you care for everyone around you, but you have to come first once in a while. Otherwise, you won’t be able to help anyone.”

“I just get so busy that I forget sometimes.”

He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. “We are going to work on that.”

Before she could add anything, Gabe pushed the x-ray into the room, and within a few minutes, they had all the images they needed of her ankle.

“Definitely very broken,” Dean stated. “Gabe, can you run a CBC and BMP and then start an IV of normal saline while I go page Sammy, please?”

“You got it, boss.”

“Wait!” she yelled before he could disappear out the door. “Why are you paging Sam?”

He turned back to face her. “Did you hit your head, too? You broke your ankle; we need an ortho consult. That would be Sam.”

She let out a frustrated groan as Dean left.

Gabe patted her shoulder before wrapping the tourniquet around her arm. “Maybe try not falling down the stairs next time.”

She rolled her eyes and looked away from what he was doing. “Oh, my god. Why didn’t I think of that?!”

He finished the blood draw and got the IV set up. Next, he carefully fluffed the pillows under her foot to ensure it was elevated enough. “You are all set. Do you need anything else right now?”

“Not unless you have a time machine.”

“A day do-over? Let’s see.” Gabe snapped his fingers and then spun around. “Damn. It was worth a shot.”

She tried to contain her smile as she rolled her eyes at him. “Thanks for trying, I guess.”

Ten minutes later, she was dozing off when Dean returned with Sam close behind. Dean ran a comforting hand over her head to ensure she was awake.

Sam took a few minutes to read over the x-rays. He turned away from the light board and walked over to the foot of the bed. “Unstable bimalleolar fracture,” he stated as he inspected her ankle. “You just bought yourself surgery and a vacation.”

“No way,” she blurted. “I can’t. We’re already short staffed.”

Sam shrugged. “It’s not exactly optional. Good news, though: the swelling isn’t too bad yet, I happen to be free in 45 minutes, and you haven’t eaten anything in hours. So we can do this today.”

Charlie joined them to give Dean her lab results. He turned to address her. “Just like I thought: mild dehydration and your blood sugar is at 58.” Dean flipped through the info again before handing it over to Sam. “Okay. So I’ll add glucose to her IV and get her up to pre-op.”

“Perfect. Make sure you keep her foot elevated.”

Dean rolled his eyes dramatically. “Do you think this is my first day?”

Sam shrugged. “Just making sure, Jerk.”

“Bitch,” Dean grumbled quietly.

Sam turned his attention back to her. “I’ll see you soon, Shortie. I’ll getcha all fixed up. Sound like a plan?”

She gave him a lazy thumbs up. “Thanks, Gigantor.”

“Can you send Gabe back in here on your way past?” Dean requested. Sam simply nodded as he turned to leave.

Dean returned his focus to her. “How’s the pain now?”

She scrunched up her nose as she considered her answer. “Um, about one and a half.” She laughed at herself.

“That’s good. I see you’re loopy, too.”

She scowled at him. “You’re loopy.”

He just shook his head. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.” Gabe returned and Dean gave him the med order and asked him to take her up to the OR.

“You’re not coming up?” She pouted.

He shook his head. “I can’t. I’ll be there when you wake up, though, I promise.” He took her hand and placed a quick kiss to her knuckles.

As if on cue, Charlie leaned into the room. “Dean, trauma incoming. MVA car vs pedestrian. Ambo is two minutes out.”

“Okay, I'll be there in a second.” He gave her hand one more squeeze before he turned to leave. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Roughly three hours later, Sam found Dean in the lounge pouring a cup of coffee. He nodded and offered over the now-full cup.

“Thank you.” Sam took a sip of the dark liquid. “We got her all set up in recovery. She should be awake soon.”

“Okay. I’ll head up there in a minute.” Dean took a sip of his own coffee. “Everything went smoothly?”

“I’d have paged you if it hadn’t.”

Dean rolled his eyes.

Sam nodded. “Yes, it went perfectly. It’ll heal up just fine.”

“Thanks, Sammy.”

Wandering into her room, he couldn’t help but smile at how peaceful she looked. He placed his hand softly against her cheek, sweeping his thumb slowly over the skin. She nuzzled into the touch as she lazily opened her eyes. “Hi, sweetheart.”

She gave him a goofy smile. “I like when you call me that.”

“I know you do.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “How do you feel?”

“Sleepy.” She yawned. “And I’m starving. Can you bring me some fries?”

He chuckled. “Well, I’m glad your appetite is back. You get a little more sleep and I’ll bring you fries.”

“And pizza,” she added. Before he could agree, she gasped. “Ice cream!”

“Tell you what: I will get you fries from the cafeteria for you to munch on on the way home and then we can order pizza.”

She pouted as her eyelids started to droop. “What about ice cream?”

His eyebrows scrunched together as he asked, “When do we ever not have ice cream at home?”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay.” She smiled as she finally let herself drift off once more.

~~~

Tags: @deanwasscaredbyacat @babypieandwhiskey @muchamusedaboutnothing @defenderrosetyler @akshi8278 @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

#tell me a story bingo #spndeanbingo #supernatural #spn fanfic #dean x reader #doctor!dean #doctor!sam #dean one shot #dean winchester #my gif #spn #dean winchester x reader #supernatural fanfiction

243 notes · View notes

cheswirls · 3 years

Text

you won't remember / i won't forget [ 1/2 ]

[this ended up being my creative project october, wholly inspired by dakumes' old art. its 10k each half so be careful if you have a 'read more' extension. rip mobile users ig. thanks again @hoo-kie for letting me ramble abt this one !]

he brings daisies, today.

sabo takes them warily as they’re pushed into his arms, careful of the iv in his right hand. the bouquet is lovely, the white petals fresh, like they had just been picked, and the yellow centers seeming to stare up at him, warm color nice and inviting, bringing a hesitant smile to his face.

after a moment he bends down to sniff them, and closes his eyes at the smell, his mouth falling open to breathe it in. “they’re lovely,” he murmurs, just loud enough for the room’s other occupant to hear.

“they’re your favorite,” is his reply, and sabo’s shoulders tense at the information release.

“o-oh,” he stammers, holding the bouquet at a distance. he works to keep his face neutral, but it’s hard, his former wary smile quickly wanting to morph into a full-blown frown. it’s not that he doesn’t doubt that it’s true -they smell amazing, so it must be to some extent- but more that it was being handed to him as fact, presented as evidence of something he wasn’t ready to believe.

“here, let me take them,” his visitor says, reaching out to grab the flowers. his callused fingers brush against the backs of sabo’s hands and the blond bites down on his lower lip at the contact. “i should’ve brought a vase or somethin’, that was my bad.” he either doesn’t notice sabo’s obvious discomfort or is blatantly ignoring it -both options are equally possible- and he moves to set the bouquet on the windowsill, open now that the blinds had been drawn.

sabo folds his hands in his lap, having nothing better to do with them. he stares at the scars, at the bandaids covering fresh marks, and runs his thumb over one until the motion begins to irritate where his iv was stuck.

his visitor -ugh, he really should stop calling him that. he had a name, it’s just that sabo never bothered to remember it. but when he turns back to take a seat on the edge of sabo’s hospital bed, the early morning light reflects off his visitor nametag, and sabo reads the name again: ace.

“are you feeling any better today?” he asks, and sabo moves his gaze away once again.

“i guess,” he mutters. ace’s face falls at the dismissive attitude, but he doesn’t leave. it bothers sabo, but another, very small part of him feels warm. he does his best to tune it out.

he looks up again to find ace watching him, and lowers his eyes, examining his clothes instead. his window didn’t provide a great view, so this was his only real way to gauge the weather.

if he had to guess, it was cold. ace was in a red coat, scuffed up here and there but otherwise looking rather nice. his boots were honey-tanned, the laces done up loosely so that the tops flopped open. they had more signs of wear than the coat, so if sabo had to guess, he’d probably had them for some time.

sabo reaches a hand up and pushes his fringe out of his face, sighing. the movement causes ace to lean forward.

“have the nurses said anything new?”

what’s it to you? sabo wants to bite out, but he withholds his tongue. “they haven’t been by,” he mutters instead, which was partially true. they hadn’t been by, since ace was last here, that he could tell. but his bandages weren’t frayed anymore, from his constant picking, and his iv was near full. it was odd-colored, too, which would probably explain why he couldn’t feel anything apart from a low thrum from his head. his ankles felt freer, too, brushing against the low-grade cotton of the sheets, which probably meant the wrapping around them had been removed.

he hasn’t looked yet. he’s not sure he wants to.

a low knock on the open door gets his attention, and sabo looks up as one of the nurses wanders in, lowering her hand and raising a clipboard.

“mr. portgas? i’m here to take your vitals, if you’re ready.”

ace blinks, then stands. “do i need to-?”

the nurse glances to him as she takes a seat on a stool at sabo’s bedside. “you can stay,” she tells him, smiling. “as long as it’s okay with sabo.”

they both turn to stare and sabo drops his eyes to the mint green of his hospital shirt. “sure.”

this nurse looks familiar, but they had been rotating his room, so if he was told anything important about her, he’d already forgotten. she’s gentle as she takes his left arm to push on a bp cuff, but with a sort of carelessness that leaves her nails scraping on the bandages. he hardly notices, though, and that’s when he knows for sure he’s on some kind of morphine.

she finishes after a few minutes and sabo leans his head back against the pillows as she scribbles down a set of numbers. he doesn’t care, but she tells him he was normal anyways. the news seems to satisfy ace, if anything.

he glances to the window as she leaves and accidentally meets his eyes. they’re dark when he’s turned away from the light like this, but sabo can still tell they’re grey. he turns away quickly. it really was too early for this.

as if agreeing with him, ace’s stomach grumbles and he places his arms over it in a hurry, cheeks colored. “uh, guess i forgot to eat before coming in,” he mumbles. he straightens after a moment, nodding to the door. “‘m gonna grab something real quick. you want anything?”

by ‘something’, he means whatever he can find from the vending machine at the end of the hall. at most it’ll give sabo a few minutes of respite. he purses his lips. “they have me on a regulated diet,” he reminds ace, like he didn’t already know.

ace grins, moving around the bed and throwing his hands into his coat. it spreads at the edges as he draws his arms taut, resting just below his hip. “you could sneak it. a little wouldn’t do you any harm.” but he shrugs, giving up before sabo could protest. “i’ll be right back.”

sabo grips the sheets hard as ace slides the door shut. a part of him never wants the other to come back; another part of him knows he always does.

sabo takes a risk and curls his legs under the thin sheets. he holds his breath as he slides the blanket down, removing them one by one. the pants he was given were the same bland mint as his shirt, and they cut off at the top of his calves, leaving most of his lower leg exposed. now that the bandages are gone, he can see the obvious rope marks at his ankles, skin still badly discolored but no longer open. he breathes deep at the sight, gasping before he remembers he’d been withheld air, and then closes his eyes and works to steady his breathing.

he folds his legs up more and reaches a hand down to brush against the gnarled skin. even as light as he is, it’s still very sensitive, and he ends up pulling away quicker than he’d like. he frowns at the sight, curving his legs the opposite way to view the other side. it’s the first injury he’s seen, the others always wrapped up. he’d been too anxious to remove the simple bandaids after their presence lingered for a few days, nervous of what he’d find. when he picks at the wrapping on his arms, it’s fixed before he can get anywhere, smoothed down like he hadn’t bothered in the first place.

a quick inhale gains his attention, and sabo looks up to see ace just inside the room, hand still on the doorknob. he pulls a long face and reaches out to drag the blanket over his feet, hiding the marks. then he moves his legs until they’re pressed against his chest. but the pressure ends up causing discomfort, and sabo wonders not for the first time just what his shirt was concealing. he huffs and ends up sliding his legs straight again. they catch the edge of the sheet and push it back, revealing the marks again as his legs lay bare.

ace comes closer, sliding into the chair at sabo’s left, and his eyes swivel from the injury to sabo’s face, watching him closely. “do they hurt?” he asks after a minute.

“no,” sabo answers, letting the air settle before replying. he wants to divulge more, say something about his light touch irritating them, but another part of him vehemently doesn’t, and he chooses to trust the logic of the latter.

ace sits quietly for a while, and sabo realizes it’s the first time he’s seen any of his injuries either.

“how?” he speaks up, loud in the silence. he swallows, because that had been impulsive, but ace is looking at him, and he can’t take it back now. “how did i get them?”

ace’s expression becomes pained, and he turns away, looking to the wall. his hands, resting calmly on his thighs, move to entangle, and sabo watches as they restlessly fumble. his eyes narrow.

“do you . . really want to know?”

sabo blinks, caught off-guard by the question, by the hesitance in ace’s tone. after all this time, after revealing little random nothings about the blond, now he was stalling on something he actually-

“tell me,” sabo demands, teeth gritted.

ace’s grey eyes catch in the light as he turns back to look at sabo, alarmed. they grow lax after a moment, and he nods, sullenly glancing to the door before giving sabo his full attention. “restraints.”

sabo blinks at the concise reply, furrowing his brow in irritation. he’s quick to smooth it out, bringing a hand up as the pain hits. he doesn’t know what to think. it was vague, but ace spoke like it was supposed to be significant. “restraints,” he echoes, voice bland.

ace’s hand is reached out, but he drops it as sabo glances back up. “yeah.”

sabo suppresses the shiver in his body. him being succinct suddenly scared sabo more than anything. if he was hesitant to disclose what all had happened, well . .

just how bad was it?

“mr portgas?”

sabo moves his book further down his face to see a nurse at the door. he lets it fall face-down into his lap, giving her his attention as she moves into the room. she looks familiar, with her straight black hair, but sabo can't place her.

“i’m here to take your vitals,” she says. sabo nods and she takes a seat at his bedside, setting a clipboard down on a small table she rolls closer. she picks up a pulse monitor first and places it on sabo’s index finger.

when she's all done she tells him he was normal today, then leaves him to his reading. sabo picks the book back up but his gaze is caught on the stack of progress sheets on his door, and he finds himself wondering what all they said, if they disclosed anything he wasn’t already aware of.

the book is good. he’d acquired it the other day, and after removing the bookmark someone had left in it, he’d worked on it for a long while. he was almost halfway through now.

his mind wanders as he flips the page, wondering if he could ask the staff for another one. he’s not sure who this one belongs to, but he’ll have to return it. he wants to do that much.

“do you like it?”

sabo is startled as his visitor walks into the room. ace, he reads off the nametag. he frowns, realizing he hadn’t processed anything, and flips back a page. “it’s fine,” he mumbles, though he knows his progress spoke for itself.

ace moves to occupy the rolling chair the nurse had just been in. “do you want me to get you another one?”

sabo frowns deeper at this, but doesn’t look up from the pages. “no, that’s okay.” he didn’t want ace to give him anything. though, he thinks, glancing to his right, the flowers were nice. they were in a real vase now, getting light from the open window. they made the room smell good. less like ointment and antiseptic, something that didn’t make his nose burn.

ace doesn’t say anything else. he’s content to sit beside sabo as he reads, as the sun tracks higher and then lower into the sky, and the daisies begin to wilt from lack of light.

ace is lounging on a chair near the window, hands steepled, eyes turned toward the skyline. his legs are extended on the floor, only the backs of his heels touching the tile. he’s wearing the boots again, and the color is faded today, like frost had covered the top and had yet to melt off.

sabo observes him when he’s finished his book, last page still open to give the illusion he was reading. he drops the act when a nurse wanders in, holding up two cups of yogurt. sabo closes the book so it lies backwards on his thighs, then swings the overbed tabletop so it rested at an angle, closer but not exactly over him.

her hair dips over her shoulder when she reaches forward to hand sabo his lunch. he deposits both cups onto the table, then reaches back to take the plastic spoon from her grip. her nails clip one of the bandaids along his finger, and sabo blinks, a stern sense of deja-vu washing over him.

“if you can’t finish both, you can put one in the fridge over there,” she says, pointing to a mini fridge in the corner of the room, squished between the wall and a table of basic medical supplies.

sabo nods, wondering how he’s never noticed it before. she moves from the room after that, her long, dark hair fanning out over the back of her scrubs. the door shuts before sabo moves to open one of the tabs on the yogurt.

“you’re done with the book?” ace asks quietly, while sabo’s mouth is full. it’d been easier to ignore the eyes on his back when he wasn’t talking, but at least now, sabo doesn’t have to verbally respond, nodding instead.

sabo doesn’t trust ace, not yet, but the staff clearly seem to, so when he’s halfway through with the cup he puts it down in favor of the book, holding it out to him. “will you give this back?” he requests.

he doesn’t miss the way ace’s face drops as he reaches out to take it. he’s not sure how to interpret it, so he chooses not to, moving to finish his yogurt. he starts feeling funny at the end, so he sets it aside with a couple bites left, rolling his tongue in his mouth to try and work the feeling away.

ace is still sitting there, neck almost level with the back of the chair. his legs are bent, now, and both feet are firmly on the ground to hold himself in place. sabo doesn’t feel bad. he tells himself this. but, ace had been there all day, refusing to leave for anything. his mood was starting to wear on the blond.

“here,” sabo says, holding the second yogurt cup towards him. “you can have this.”

ace blinks, but stretches out an arm. it lingers there, both of their hands on the cup. “you’re sure?”

sabo shrugs, withdrawing. “i don’t want it.”

ace must know something he doesn’t, because he smiles as he brings the yogurt close. “thanks,” he says, but his smile crooks as he pulls the tab. his eyes wander to sabo’s spoon and the blond follows his gaze there, jerking a hand out to shield it from view.

“no,” he stresses. “get your own.” he jerks his hand to the table against the wall. “use one of those.”

ace’s shoulders are shaking with contained laughter, and he gets up with a jerky bow, too-long arm folding behind his back. “as you wish,” he purrs, and sabo doesn’t know how to feel about that. ace moves over to the table, humming as he looks everything over. his smile hasn’t left his face, but his brows grow pinched as he wonders what to use.

sabo regrets giving him the book, if only because he misses having something to do with his hands. it was good, too. he’d read it again if it was his own, especially because he wasn’t able to pick up on the lead’s motives, for some reason.

ace wanders back over to his chair with a tongue depressor, moving the seat close so that he can rest an elbow on sabo’s table. sabo glances at him again and then leans back into the pillows, staring up at the ceiling.

“i don’t even know you,” he mutters, one hand wandering up to clench his shirt, right where his heart is.

ace stills, food forgotten. “sabo . .” he tries.

“i don’t even know you!” his voice raises, but it’s not a yell, not yet. it’s enough to make ace go quiet, though, and he turns to face him. “why are you even here? why don’t you go somewhere else? i-” he cuts himself off as he feels his eyes water.

“my name is ace.” he sets the yogurt on the table, then pushes it aside to move closer to the bed. “i’ve been coming here every day for-”

“i know,” sabo interrupts. “i remember when you’re here.”

ace’s eyes widen. “that’s . . good. i’m glad.”

sabo fists the blanket tightly in both hands. “i’m not.” his eyes narrow. “you should go.”

ace looks pained, but he stands without argument. “if that’s what you want.”

sabo’s heart hurts as the door closes. he thinks it might hurt more than all his physical injuries, but he just can’t figure out why.

he’s propped up when he first wakes, not nearly as lucid as he should be. his eyes adjust to the room easily enough. it’s partially dark, the blinds half-open to let in the setting sun’s light. he puffs out a breath, face screwing up at the weight on his chest.

when he glances down, he finds himself bound in a blanket. stringy blond hair moves into the edge of his vision. he thinks, for how long it appears, it was weird how short it felt on the back. if he reached behind, he’d find a bald strip barely covered by the longer strands. but before he can, there’s a loud noise to his left, his earlier motion not going unnoticed.

“sabo!” a voice says, and he looks up to see someone in a hospital gown moving quickly to his bedside. “thank god you’re awake,” he says, looking close to tears, and he climbs up on the edge of the bed, one knee buried into the mattress. rough hands move up to cup his face, and he blinks, stunned by the emotion he’s greeted with. he inhales sharp, vision swimming, and leans out of the hold, bringing a hand to his forehead. his fingers bunch around tight bandages.

“sabo?” the voice comes again. “does it hurt? i can get the nurses. here, there should be a button-”

he reaches out and grips the other’s hand before he could press anything, one eye still screwed up. “i’m . . . overwhelmed,” he manages to say, slowly voicing his thoughts, sure he would be able to process them this way. the other settles down, nodding in understanding.

“you had surgery. they said you would-”

“no,” he grounds out. he drops the hand and gestures between them. “this.”

“what do you mean?”

“you know me,” he says, opening both eyes now to see the puzzlement cross the other’s face. “i can see that. but you aren’t-” he breaks off. “i mean i . . .” he trails off, shaking his head, eyes downcast.

“. . don’t.”

they tell him his name is sabo portgas. sabo doesn’t have anything to go off, so he takes what he’s given. he has a visitor, they say, from the room next door. his name is ace. he wanted to see sabo before he was discharged.

“it’s okay,” he hears ace tell the doctor, before he comes in. “i’m not worried. i’ll help him remember.”

“i admire you attitude, but it won’t be that easy,” the doctor warns. ace says something in a voice too low for sabo to hear. the doctor sighs. “remember to take care of yourself, too.”

“gotcha!” ace says, and then he’s pushing the door open. sabo watches him warily.

ace smiles until he shows his teeth and moves until he’s sitting at sabo’s bedside. “hey! feel any better?”

sabo gestures to the morphine drip. “i don’t feel anything, i assure you.”

ace laughs, his lips barely parted. “sorry for scaring you last time. i-”

“last time?” sabo mumbles, face screwing up in concentration.

ace’s morphs into one of disbelief. “you don’t . . remember?”

“i was told ace was coming but.” he shakes his head. “i’ve never met you before.”

ace’s eyes dim. then they glimmer, and he moves closer, setting both hands gently on each of sabo’s shoulders. he thought he could take this slow, but if he was regressing, if would be better to go all out from the beginning. “hey, sabo,” he says, voice so assertive it has blue eyes locked onto his in an instant. “i love you.”

sabo sits there for a while, until the air stings at his wide eyes. he thinks he’s forgotten to breathe in his shock. “you -what?!” his lips purse, affronted by the casual intimacy.

“i love you,” ace says again, leaning back. sabo is even more confused as he says it again. “i have for a long time, and i always will.” his grip tightens, crumpling the thin material of his hospital gown. “if you remember anything from today: remember that.”

and sabo does.

he remembers well into the night, long after ace has left, shooed out once visitor hours had ended. he falls asleep for a bit, and when he wakes, body sore, room dark, he still remembers ace’s determined look as he said that phrase sabo felt was misplaced.

he slams a hand on the call button before he can be sick. it’s a long night.

he shows up again first thing in the morning. sabo has to read the visitor tag for the name, but he remembers the face, and it makes him nervous, wary. ace is being far too assertive for someone in sabo’s position, and he’s unsure if he can trust him. he doesn’t know anything about him, so it’s hard to place his intentions.

sabo supposes he could try and learn, but it’s far easier to close himself off instead, to put some distance between the two of them. he wanted to know more about himself before he got to know the person claiming to be in love with him.

“hey, this green doesn’t look bad on you!” ace says one day, making a frame with his fingers to capture sabo in. he blinks up, distracted, and ace’s grin morphs. “dark blue would look better, though,” he admits. “too bad they don’t have it.” he leans back. “i’d bring you some, but uh, i just can’t afford it right now.” he perks up. “one day, though! before you leave, i swear it.”

“right,” sabo says, frowning. ace catches on, sitting back up straight.

“you okay? head hurt?”

“i like blue?” sabo mumbles, ace straining to hear the words.

he blinks when he does, nodding. “yeah. it matches your eyes,” he admits.

sabo lifts a hand to his face, wincing at the strain it puts on the iv. “my eyes are blue?”

ace jumps to his feet, and sabo shifts, eyeing him oddly. he holds a finger up. “wait here.”

he’s gone before sabo can reply that he’s got nowhere to go.

one of the nurses comes in, ace trailing her. they’re both smiling. “i hadn’t realized you never saw,” she admits, words directed to sabo, though he doesn’t know what she means. she takes out a small pocket mirror and places it in front of sabo, until he’s reached out to hold it in his own hands.

his reflection stares back at him. when he blinks, cerulean eyes blink back. his face is pale, too pale. there’s a bandaid on his cheek. he moves the mirror higher and cards a hand through his hair. it’s definitely seen better days.

he hands the mirror back. “thank you.”

she shakes her head. “thank ace. he’s the one who brought it up.” she waves. “let me know if you need anything else.”

ace waves back, settling again on the edge of the bed as she leaves. “they’re pretty,” he voices, and sabo looks up again.

“my eyes?”

“your eyes,” ace clarifies. “they’ve always been pretty.”

sabo blinks, feeling drawn away from the conversation. he could’ve handled it, but the last part got him, the insinuation that he didn’t know if he could trust.

“you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday,” he blurts out, because ace is still staring at him but he doesn’t want that conversation drawn out.

ace looks down at himself, then lets out a meek laugh. “it’s all i have right now,” he reveals. “but i’m working on it.”

sabo has no idea what he means, but he doesn’t move to question it. he doesn’t care enough yet.

the next time ace comes in, sabo’s bandages are unraveled from his arms. the edges are bloody, and there are red partial fingerprints staining his right arm. he’s still dragging his fingers down his left, unbothered as the stitches come open, blood seeping from the long cut running down his inner arm.

ace drops his package, and it lands on the tile with a loud thunk. “sabo!” he frets, instantly by the blond’s side, forcing him to stop. “you can’t do that! you’re opening them! doesn’t it hurt?”

“i wanted to see,” he murmurs, focused on the feeling of ace’s hand wrapped around his bloody one. “they would never let me see. i’ve been trying, i think.” he shakes his head. “it doesn’t hurt.”

“that doesn’t matter!” ace snaps, and sabo blinks, ripped from his daze. “you can’t hurt yourself like this,” he tells sabo, using his free hand to hit the call button. “it won’t get better if you keep messing with it.”

“what’s-? oh. oh no, sabo.” a nurse comes in and hurries over, turning sabo’s left arm gently in her grasp. “you shouldn’t mess with these. you’ll only make them worse.”

sabo frowns, offended. “i only wanted to see what they looked like.”

“you can do that once they’re all better,” the nurse assures him. she looks across to his other arm, and her gaze softens. “let me get some water and i’ll help you clean up.” she glances to ace. “stay here?” watch him? she doesn’t say, but she doesn’t have to. ace nods, hand clasped tight around sabo’s.

“it doesn’t hurt,” sabo mumbles, after she’s cleaned the blood off and prepped the needle with anesthetic.

“just in case,” she tells him, inserting the needle. ace watches her work as she sews up sabo’s left arm, holding onto his right. they switch as she preps another needle with local anesthetic, and sabo looks very bored as the same process is repeated on his other arm.

ace doesn’t relax until both of sabo’s arms are bandaged back up. sabo is the opposite, growing more taut as his wounds are hidden from him. again.

“where did i get these?” he holds out his arms for emphasis. ace purses his lips, and that drives sabo up the wall. “you know!” he accuses. “you know and you’re not saying anything! you have to know how frustrating that is. do-” he pauses, a thought dawning on him. “was it you?”

ace’s expression changes immediately. “no,” he breathes, and sabo almost feels bad for accusing him, but it makes sense, too.

“you were involved, then,” sabo surmises. “that’s why you’re here -you feel guilty.”

“sabo, listen to me.” ace moves closer, and sabo flinches, forcing him to stop short. “you have the wrong idea.” he leans back again, and his hands go to the hem of his shirt.

sabo watches as he raises it, revealing the bandages wrapped around his ribs. he can see the bruising peeking out from the edges of the white. or, grey, more like. sabo imagined it’s what his own would look like, if the hospital staff wasn’t so vigorous in changing them out. he mellows out, just a bit.

“i was there, but i didn’t -i would never hurt you,” ace stresses. “i was with you. you just ended up with more damage than me.” he bites his lip, hard, his eyes no longer on sabo. “i’m sorry, for that. if i could switch our places, i would, i’d do it in a heartbeat.”

sabo is silent for a long time, mulling this over.

“maybe it’s a trauma bond,” he suggests, and ace blinks rapidly.

“sorry, what?”

“we went through the same experience, and now you’re attached to me.” sabo shrugs. “it happens.”

“wh- no.” ace shakes his head. “sabo, no, that’s not it. i’ve been with you long before that. what happened was unfortunate, but it-”

“then what is it?!” sabo yells. “what are we?” his lower lip trembles, and he forces himself to hold the tears back, even as he feels his eyes burn. “just tell me already,” he says hoarsely, barely containing himself.

ace comes close again, sitting on the bed, grasping for sabo’s hand. he nods, several times, like he’s working himself up. “my name is ace portgas,” he says slowly, voice breaking.

sabo’s world shatters.

ace is out getting food when sabo decides he’s had enough of this small room. he pulls the iv out and presses down on his bandaged wrist until the bleeding has stopped. then he swings both legs over the edge of the bed, back turned from the window. he plucks the handful of electrodes from his skin and gathers himself in the new quiet of the room. he could do this. he could stand-

the door bursts open right as sabo as settled his hands on the mattress to hoist himself up. he looks up, alarmed, as several people rush in and stop short.

“i- uh.” he blanks, caught off guard. “i just . . want to walk around. if that’s okay.” he mumbles the last part, right as he spies ace just inside the door, expression fading to something unreadable.

“oh, sabo,” one of the staff says, voice hushed. they move forward to gather the disconnected electrodes from the ground. “you should ask about things like that. it should be fine . . ?” they turn to the others for confirmation.

another one steps up, nodding. “let me go get the doctor.”

they all slowly disperse until only ace is left, wandering in. ace portgas.

“they’ll get worried if you’re unhooked from the machines,” he says, bending down in front of sabo. sabo searches his face, but he can’t find any resemblance to his own. they weren’t family. they weren’t blood, which meant . .

he tsks, turning his head away. “i wasn’t going to leave,” he mutters. “not like i have anywhere to go.”

ace’s eyes widen, and then relax, as he does his best to put on a brave face. “you will,” he promises. “i’m working on it.”

sabo isn’t sure what he means, but the doctor comes in before he can question.

“portgas!” he says, and the greeting is a sting in the already-burning cut. “heard you wanted to walk around. that should be fine, you’ll just have to take your iv with you. hm? ah, let me hook it back up.”

he’s very patient, not mentioning the earlier incident, or growing disgruntled at the fact his iv was leaking. sabo sits there silently as he places the needle back under his skin, nods in satisfaction, and leans back.

“don’t push yourself. you can use the iv stand as balance, but if you need a wheelchair, i’ll issue that, too.” his lips quirk up. “walking around will be good for you, though. it’s a little early, but i suppose you’ve been here long enough.” he stands back up. “i’ll get someone to bring in slippers. just sit tight until then.” he winks, and sabo nods, trying not to feel guilty.

the slippers are the same mint green as the rest of his hospital garb. sabo feels a stab of disappointment, but he’s not sure what color he wishes they were instead. they slide on easily enough, and after wheeling the iv stand around -and under surveillance- he grabs onto it to slowly come to a stand.

his legs shake. it’s not too bad, the nurse tells him. he takes a step forward, and another, the iv stand rolling along with him. she tells him he’s good enough to go, and sabo nods, concentrating, gaze trained on his feet.

“ace can take you around, make sure you’re doing okay,” she says, and sabo’s stomach drops. he suddenly doesn’t feel like going, but he forces himself to move anyway.

“fine,” he grunts, already at the door.

“if he can’t make it back, please don’t try to carry him,” the nurse tells ace quietly. “we don’t want to upset your ribs, and we have plenty of wheelchairs.”

ace frowns. “but that’s more romantic!”

“it’s not if you both end up collapsed,” she chides, and ace relents.

sabo’s not very far away from the room when ace catches up, hovering on his free side. “anywhere specific you wanna go?”

“take me to the vending machine you like so much,” is sabo’s reply.

ace looks taken aback. “well i’m not in love with it or anything.”

no, just me, he thinks, then slams down on that thought and stuffs it somewhere he doesn’t have to think about it.

it’s at the end of the hall, illuminated in a dark corner. sabo looks at the rows, but nothing catches his eye.

“you want anything?” ace asks, leaning back against the wall.

sabo shrugs. “i don’t know what i would like.”

ace grins, fishing a dollar bill from his pocket. “i gotcha,” he says, head thrown over his shoulder as he steps forward to insert the money into the machine. he presses a couple buttons and sabo watches as a red package falls.

ace pops it out and rips it open, gesturing for sabo to follow. they move until they’re sat on a bench, a large window covering most of the wall next to it. sabo sighs in relief as he releases his hands from their deathgrip on the cold steel. he would never admit it, but he was getting tired.

when he turns to glance at ace, smiling cheekily, he finds he doesn’t need to, which irritates him. ace resists laughing and nudges his shoulder, getting him to hold his hand out. he pours some of the candy into his palm, and sabo frowns down at it as the fruity smell assaults his nose.

“i probably can’t have this.”

“no one has to know,” ace says, shrugging. he pours some straight from the bag down into his mouth, and sabo shrugs, copying him, while he presses a purple one to his lips.

his eyes pop. it was startlingly good. he immediately throws another in, this time green. “these are good,” he voices, and ace laughs from beside him.

“too bad they don’t have the blue skittles.” ace grins when sabo stares up at him, questioning. “they’d match your eyes.”

sabo strangely feels like he’s heard something similar. he can’t place the conversation, though, and his interest dies. “these are good enough,” he insists, lifting his hand to pour them all into his mouth. he chews slowly, the fruit combination strange but not unpleasant. “thanks,” he mumbles, almost too low to hear, when he’s done.

unfortunately, ace’s hearing is extremely good, almost unreasonably so. “no problem,” he says, shoulders relaxing.

they stay there until the sun starts sinking. ace has to ward sabo off from climbing the stairs to a new floor, convincing him to leave that for another day. they make it back to the room with little issue, though sabo is loath to admit he’s a little out of breath.

“your blood pressure is a little high,” one of the nurses notes later on that night. “must’ve been a good walk.”

sabo bites down on his tongue, just hard enough to keep from saying anything. his mind wanders back to the candy he’d indulged in, and he resists rolling his eyes. he knew there would be consequences.

he strangely finds himself not caring as much as he should.

sabo’s attention, much to ace’s despair, is stolen by another book. he’d gotten this one from ace himself. reading it is good -it puts him at ease. even better now that he can read it over time, no longer forced to finish it in one sitting. it had been a shocking discovery, but a good one, when the nurse had wandered in to see sabo starting from where he’d placed the bookmark. he was beginning to retain things better, the doctor said. it was a sign of progress.

it was a welcome one.

ace is fiddling with his phone by the window. he’d started to come in with it more lately, no longer worried about having the blond’s sole attention. sabo could admit he was growing more comfortable in ace’s presence, though it had more to do with the way ace was acting around him, and less so with what he was supposed to be with sabo in the past.

ace’s phone rings and sabo glances up. ace frowns down at it, meets his eyes briefly, and then looks to the door. he sighs after a moment, accepting the call, and moves over to the far corner of the room, not quite leaving, but close. he talks low, and sabo turns his attention back to his book instead of struggling to overhear.

“i don’t sell anymore,” ace says, a little louder, and sabo blinks, finding he hadn’t processed any of what he’d read. he gives up, staring blankly at the pages, and drops the book entirely when ace ends the call.

“what was that about?”

ace has the decency to look contrite, slumping over as he takes a seat in the chair. he waves sabo off, though, not wanting to divulge this -especially with their location.

“you’ll remember eventually,” he mutters.

sabo crosses his arms. “i’d like to remember now.”

ace turns to look up at him, expression pleading. “sabo, you really don’t need to know right now,” he insists. “i’ll tell you some other time, okay?”

sabo huffs. he picks his book back up, and he doesn’t speak to ace for the rest of the night.

ace doesn’t come in one morning.

sabo waits, then chides himself for thinking like that and spends the morning reading.

“no ace yet?” his nurse questions, as she takes his vitals. he shakes his head.

it’s not until sunlight is flooding into his room that sabo realizes he was still expecting the raven to waltz in. he was on the edge of his seat, literally, and he finds himself unable to concentrate on anything the longer he’s left alone.

he goes on a walk instead, pacing one side of the hall several times. he pauses near the middle as he catches wind of a conversation, pressing himself into the shadow of a doorway.

“it’s a shame, really. he’s getting better, it’s obvious to see.”

“i know, right? even though he’s been here a while, it’s not like he’s fully recovered. such a shame they won’t cover the bills anymore.”

“gotta had some for other patients, i guess. the year’s not over yet. and accidents happen all the time in the snow.”

“did you hear what was happening next?”

“i think social services will pick it up, though i’m not sure. it’s complicated, since he’s not alone.”

“it’s not like he has a place to go, either. those two are so young. they’re not even twenty!”

“it really is awful. i just hope something changes for the better. they don’t deserve to end up back on the streets.”

sabo moves further down the hall, no longer willing to listen. he had a pretty good idea of who they were talking about. it stung, but he got it. he’d gathered enough hints over time, he just hadn’t wanted to form that particular conclusion.

he stands in front of the tall window at the end of the hall until his legs ache. then he trudges back to his room, not stopping for anything, even when one of the nurses calls out to him.

“oh, sabo, there you are! you have a visitor.”

he braces himself before entering the room. no doubt it was the social worker coming to take over his case.

he’s only pleasantly surprised to find ace waiting for him. just ace.

“you came,” he says, slightly elated.

ace turns on his rolling chair, smiling wide. “sabo! i was wondering where you were.”

“where i was?” sabo scoffs, though it’s mostly in jest. ace’s attitude is infectious, he finds, moving closer.

ace laughs. “right, sorry. i had some things to take care of today. but you’ll never believe it!” sabo’s close enough now that ace rolling to meet him catches him off-guard, which makes it easier to get knocked off his feet, landing on ace’s legs instead. he grips the pole of the iv stand tight.

his breath is caught as ace wraps his arms around his middle, pulling him closer. “the most amazing thing happened today,” he insists, either unaware of sabo’s growing flustered state or choosing to ignore it. “and i got us a place to stay after you get out!”

the words ground sabo, more than anything. he calms down enough to process it, but instead of being overjoyed, he grows somber. “so it’s true. w-” he bites his lip, unable to continue to speak, and switches words. “i was homeless.” he frowns. “am homeless.”

ace’s arms tense, then loosen, around him. he breathes soft, tickling sabo’s neck. “not exactly,” he murmurs.

“tell me,” sabo pleas.

and he does.

he tells sabo how they spent nights with friends, and then at shelters, when they moved. how ace picked up money here and there, and sabo found odd jobs he could get without a permanent address. how they moved around, until their car broke down here and they’d abandoned it. how things had been tough, but after a bit, they always managed to have a little cash to spare. how they had a place, a really small one, until they got caught up in the accident. and then after that, there hadn’t been anywhere to go back to.

“until now,” ace finishes, pulling sabo closer. “if you want to,” he adds, and this close sabo can detect the waver.

“i have to get better first.”

“i know that. i meant, like . . after.” ace finishes in a mumble. sabo snorts, shoulders shaking from laughter, and he releases his hand from the pole to grab at ace.

“yeah. i would like that,” he admits.

ace looks up, stars in his eyes. “really?”

“you didn’t think i’d say yes?”

“i was worried you wouldn’t,” ace confesses. “i mean, you still don’t . . . remember everything. anything,” he amends.

sabo thinks on that for a long time before answering. “i missed you, today,” he starts. “i tried to tell myself it didn’t matter, but it did. you’re right: i don’t remember anything. but i can tell i meant a lot to you. and, uh.” he ducks his head. “you mean a lot to me, now. and not because i knew you before. it’s because . . . well. because of all the things you’ve done for me, since i woke up.”

ace’s lips are clamped, his eyes glassy. it takes him a minute to regain the composure to speak. “even if you don’t remember-” he looks away, unable to hold sabo’s gaze, but he finds it again, before finishing. “it’ll be okay. promise.”

sabo blinks, finding he knew exactly how much that took ace to admit. he starts nodding his head, but finds he doesn’t like the mood, anymore. he smirks down at ace instead. “you sure? what if i end up-”

“nah.” ace shakes his head, laughing again. “you’re stuck with me, now.”

sabo finds, just a little bit unsurprisingly, that he’s okay with that.

“ace?”

sabo covers his mouth as he turns to see the nurse in the doorway. ace looks up with an easy grin, laughter dying down. “yeah?”

“the doctor is ready for you, if you’d like your checkup now.”

ace nods. “that would be great. just give me a minute and i’ll be right out.”

the nurse hums in response, sliding the door shut.

ace comes to a stand in a hurry, snaking a hand under sabo’s blanket to leave the half-empty skittles bag hidden there, top twisted shut. sabo snorts, dropping the hand from his mouth, and finally swallows the last of the blue ones.

“i’ll come back when i’m done!” ace promises, moving to the door. sabo rolls his eyes.

“visitor hours will be over by then.”

“it’ll be quick! or i’ll sneak back in.” he winks. “but you didn’t hear the last part.”

“go,” sabo hums. ace waves on his way out, and sabo rolls his eyes again, but ends up doing the same.

he takes the skittles bag out and begins to unwrap the top, then decides against it and stuffs it under his pillows, instead. the sun is pretty low in the sky, now.

he hadn’t asked ace, he realizes. what the checkup was about. he could garner the basics, but it would be nice to know more.

he puts a hand to his chest, where he can feel the bandages through his shirt. they’d let him see it, the other day, while they were changing it out. even after all this time, it was still mottled with bruises, all in varying shades of colors. some had recurred, from what he’d gathered, but most of them were well on their way to healing.

he wonders if his injury is reflected on ace, or if it would be worse.

before he can vow to ask, he ends up falling asleep. he wakes up and the sun isn’t out, anymore. the light is dim, but it’s artificial. the lamp in the corner, he realizes.

there’s a hand carding through his hair. sabo makes a noise, turns his face up, and it stops.

“hey,” ace says, softly. “i didn’t mean to wake you.”

“you’re back,” sabo murmurs.

“i told you i would be.”

“you did.” sabo blinks, trying to shake off sleep as he works to sit up, eventually settling on his elbows. “how did it go?”

“pretty good.” ace waves him off. “no issues.”

“what is it?”

ace wants to clam up, but he feigns ignorance instead, knowing sabo would catch it. “what’s what?”

sabo sits up further. “your injury. you said it was better than mine, but . .”

“oh. uh.” ace turns away, tilts his head back. “are you sure-”

“i’m sure,” sabo says, sat up all the way, now. he crosses his legs, leans closer. “if i can’t know about mine . . i’d like to know about yours.”

“yeah,” ace breathes. “okay.”

he shrugs his coat off, then tugs his shirt up, off, and over his shoulders. he no longer has the wrap on, so the damage is laid clear before sabo’s eyes. ace moves a hand over everything, explaining.

“i was stabbed in the lung.” he shrugs off sabo’s incredulous expression, pointing to a thick scar. “it wasn’t serious or anything. sounds a whole lot worse than it was. most of the damage came from a few ribs i cracked -that certainly made breathing a bitch. the rest is just bruising, though it’s mostly lower on my ribcage.”

sabo’s lips downturn. “how were you literally stabbed and i had it worse?”

ace reaches up to tap the side of his own head. sabo blinks.

“oh.”

“really, sab, i’m fine. i’m just glad you’re fine. i’m glad you’re alive.” he shrugs, working his shirt back on. “at least those guys aren’t.”

“they’re dead?” sabo utters, expression open.

“yeah. some gang managed to break in, wanted revenge for something, i didn’t catch it all. anyway, we obviously weren’t with them, so we were left alone.” ace huffs out a hollow laugh. “though, that also meant they didn’t call for medical help. had to do that myself.” he drapes the coat over his back and tugs his arms through the sleeves. “anyway, it’s all over now. you don’t have to worry about any of it.”

sabo wonders, not for the first time, how ace manages to imply so much without actually revealing anything. he’s ripped from that thought as ace stands back up, eyeing the height of the moon through the window before moving to close the blinds.

“gotta go,” he says, waving to the door. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“yeah.” sabo leans back, only now aware of how tired he is. “see you.”

a man comes in with ace one day. he introduces himself, but sabo doesn’t bother to commit the name to memory. he’s a social worker, says he’s helping ace find a job. a real job, he specifies, and sabo isn’t sure if there’s an implication he’s supposed to get. ace looks disgruntled by the jab, but he doesn’t argue it.

“well, sabo, it appears you’ve entered a peculiar period in your recovery.” he folds his hands in his lap. “in short, the hospital is no longer willing to pay your expenses. they’ve passed the bill over to us.” he gestures to himself only as he says this, but sabo is still nervous. until his next words, that is. “you don’t need to worry about paying anything back. we’ll take it from here until you’ve recovered. all i ask is that you give your very best effort to the things i tell you to try. that sound good?”

“yeah. sounds good.” sabo hesitates for a moment, then adds on “thank you.”

“you’re welcome.” he smiles. “there’s no need to thank me, though. this is my job.”

sabo shrugs. “still.”

“well, i appreciate the sentiment. ace has told me about your amnesia. the surgery you underwent was a tricky one, it seems. according to the staff, you seem to have almost healed up, physically. you haven’t appeared to regress any, on that account. and your anterograde amnesia is pretty much nonexistent. if you’re willing to progress, there are some options for you.”

sabo isn’t sure how to reply. he must sense that, because he offers something else.

“on that note, have you thought about undergoing any exercises to help recall your memory?”

“i guess i hadn’t thought that was an option.”

“it most certainly is on the table, if you would like to try it,” he offers.

sabo doesn’t even have to think about it. “that sounds great.”

“glad to hear it.”

sabo gets the bandages around both arms removed early one week. it’s weird at first, having the skin so exposed to the air. the scars aren’t pretty, either, despite how well the tissue had healed in light of his constant picking at them. he grows self-conscious about it before too long, and takes to draping the loose blanket over his shoulders whenever he’s in the room, pulling it down so it hung over both arms and left his hands free to do tasks.

the first day ace writes it off, but the second he chalks it up to temperature and shrugs off his jacket to throw it around sabo’s shoulders instead, pulling the blanket down to his lap.

sabo blinks a few times, startled into silence by the gesture. it’s not until ace moves back to his chair that he reaches up to pull the jacket closer, basking in the comfort it offered.

“thank you,” he says, pulling his arms through the soft sleeves. the cuffs came down to his fingers, but they were stretchy, so he didn’t mind.

ace shrugs, glancing out the window. “it’s getting colder, now that the new year has passed,” he notes. “snowing more, too. if you get cold, you should tell someone. they’ll do something about it.”

“oh.” sabo bites down on his lip to keep from huffing out a laugh. “yeah, sure. i’ll remember that.” he tugs the cuffs further over his hands, then fusses with the blanket thrown over his legs. even if ace did misunderstand, the intention was nice.

he takes the jacket back before he leaves, ushered out by the staff after visitor hours had ended for the night. sabo wraps himself in the blanket and pulls the sheets over his legs. his fingers dig into his arms, press against the raised scar tissue.

ace comes back early the next morning and throws his jacket around sabo before doing anything else. he leans close to adjust it, and for once, sabo sits calmly and lets him do it. it’s not until he’s pulling on sabo’s arm, skin pressed into the space around his scar, that sabo reacts. it’s entirely unintentional, but his heart stutters and his chest stops moving and ace notices, of course he does, pausing to loosen his grip.

and then, as if it clicks, he slides his hand around until his thumb traces the scar line. sabo sucks in a breath and ace puts one leg on the bed to slide closer, grabbing both of sabo’s arms, now.

“you’re okay,” he murmurs, face close but eyes on sabo’s injuries. sabo lifts his own from where ace is smoothing his skin to gaze into clear grey. the nearness doesn’t escape him.

ace glances up, just an instant, just enough to catch sabo staring. he sucks in a deep breath, stills his hands to grip just a little harder, and leans forward to press his forehead to sabo’s. his eyes are trained on the blond’s mint gown. “you don’t like seeing them,” he voices.

“no,” sabo replies, after a moment. his pitch is unsteady.

“i’m sorry i-”

“it’s okay,” sabo tells him, barely above a whisper. “you helped. thank you.”

ace pulls back, and then he’s slowly pulling sabo’s arms through the sleeves of his jacket, until the whole thing hung loose on his thin frame. ace bites on his lip, tries not to think about how much weight sabo had lost here, tries not to think about how he can’t solve the problem, because there’s no clear solution to scars, and no right answer to give to reminders of pain.

it’s snowing when ace has to leave. sabo tugs the jacket off and gives it back, unwilling to let him go without it on underneath his coat. he pulls the blanket around him and tries not to think about how nice it would be to hold onto it.

ace doesn’t know what to think. sabo hadn’t shied away from the rope burns on his ankles, or the thick cuts on his hands, or the gash on his cheek from the last bandaid to have come off. he’d seen the bruising on his chest without giving rise to panic, and made peace with the welt above his collarbone. so what is it about this one that had him so worked up?

ace stops short as the elevator dings and doesn’t move to exit when the doors open. was it that he was associating subconscious feelings with the scars? maybe he couldn’t recall the event, but were the emotions from that day slowly starting to come back?

the doors close and ace jerks a hand out to catch them, digging his phone out as he passes through.

“here!”

sabo’s face scrunches as he inspects the simple package thrust at him. his forehead creases, and it’s visible, for once. it no longer hurts, either, which is why his headwrap was finally removed.

“okay,” he mutters, letting the package fall into his hands. he flexes his fingers to push the jacket cuffs to his wrists, then pushes the box open. inside is a mass of dark blue fabric.

sabo blinks, the creases leaving his face, and looks up at ace. “what’s this for?” he reaches in to bury his fingers into the plush knit, pulling it out and unfurling it as ace replies.

“well, your head is better. at least, the front part is, so i thought we could celebrate.” ace chews on his lip as sabo lifts the scarf. “here, let me.” he climbs onto the edge of the bed and takes the scarf from sabo’s hands, not sure why he’s nervous but feeling this incredible need to do the task himself. he loops the scarf and moves it over sabo’s head, careful to avoid the back of his skull as he pulls it down, loops it again, and ties it at the back. he’d been half right: the front part of sabo’s skull, where his brain had impacted, was completely healed. but he’d suffered a major injury on the back, and it was still sensitive there, from what he’d gathered. ace is very careful as he ties the scarf off, then sinks back on his knees, stomach settling when he takes the view in.

sabo is looking down at the scarf, one hand reached up to rub the knit between his fingerpads. “that was quick notice,” he mutters.

“i told you i would bring you something blue before you left the hospital.”

“i’m not leaving toda-” sabo pauses, mouth open. “you did?”

“you probably don’t remember,” ace offers with a sigh.

sabo’s lips tremble. “i’m so-”

“no, please don’t!” ace insists. “it was- i mean, i told you while you still had short-term memory. it was my fault.” he shrugs. “it was more like a vow to myself, if anything.”

“okay,” sabo says, moving over the syllables slowly. “it’s nice.” he drops his hand. “thank you.”

“is the color okay? i tried to get one dark enough-”

“it’s fine,” sabo interrupts, eyes lidding. “seriously. thank you.”

ace opens his mouth again, but no words come out as he walks himself through the facts. sabo waits patiently, setting the empty box aside. he leans back against the pillows, tugging the knot to the side so that it didn’t rest right on his neck. ace works through everything and comes to a slow realization.

“your favorite color was navy,” he says. “before . .” he doesn’t finish. “it’s not anymore.”

sabo turns his eyes away, down to his lap, where he’s unconsciously brushing a thumb over the jacket cuff. he moves away from the dark red to the bright, saturated ruddy of ace’s coat. “no, it’s not.”

ace really doesn’t know how to feel, and sabo interrupts his inner turmoil with a question before he can get sucked too far into it.

“is that okay?” he does his best to smile when ace’s eyes turn on him. “if i change . . will that be okay?”

ace snaps himself out of it the instant he realizes how fragile sabo’s expression has become. he doesn’t know what compels him to do it, but he’s suddenly leaning close to sabo, both hands gentle on the sides of his face. sabo’s eyes are wide, and then ace is kissing him.

he makes a noise and ace jerks back, hands falling away. “sorry!” he apologizes. “i- sorry, god, i’m sorry, i don’t know what-”

“it’s okay.” sabo’s voice is quiet. ace drops his arms from when he’d been scrubbing his face, hair now a mess. sabo isn’t looking at him. “it’s okay, really,” he says again, but the tension hasn’t left his shoulders, and ace needs a distraction before he screws up more.

he raises his fingers to form a frame, sabo’s head in the middle. “you still look the best in blue,” he says, willing to ignore the waver in his voice. “way better than the green they stuck you in.”

sabo snorts, and slowly, the earlier mood begins to unravel. he forces himself to relax. “i’ll take your word for it.”

“do. it’s fact.”

“because everything you say is always true.”

ace sobers at this. “it is.” he waits until sabo is focused on him. “with you. ever since you woke up.”

sabo has to swallow before he can answer. there’s still a bob in his throat, just like there’s still a phantom feeling of chapped lips on his own. he manages to speak through them. “i know. it’s why i decided to start trusting you.” he reaches forward and ace reads his intention, catches his hands in his own. “you’ve been here,” he almost breathes, voice very quiet. “even when i didn’t want you to be.” he pauses when his voice cracks, taking a moment to collect himself. “you never left, and you never lied, and you never let me forget you were supporting me.” he squeezes, and ace squeezes back. “and i’m sorry, that my memory went away. but i’m here, right here, and i care about you now. and i won’t let anything change that.” he smiles, his next inhale shaky. “and i know you won’t, either.”

ace can’t help when the tears run down his cheeks. he doesn’t move to stop them, only sniffling, and bringing their joined hands to his chest, and then bending forward again, gathering courage.

sabo moves his head off the pillows to meet him.

sabo’s assigned social worker interrupts ace’s excited rambling to politely ask him to leave the room. sabo’s smile falls when it becomes just the two of them. he’d never been able to read this one, though that might have more to do with him being the first outsider sabo had met. his social circle had been restricted to the hospital staff that attended to him, and ace. even if sabo had been proficient at reading people in the past, his limited interaction had taken some sort of toll.

“sorry, he didn’t do anything wrong,” his caseworker assures him, sensing the animosity. “he’s been very assertive, though, and i haven’t had the chance to ask your opinion.” he leans forward in his seat. “do you want to go with ace? there are other options, if you decide you’d be better off apart.”

sabo takes a minute to process this. he knows it’s only being asked out of concern, but his first intention is to take it the wrong way. he works to settle himself, and then figure out a rational response.

“i think,” he begins, “that. even if i can’t be sure ace isn’t fabricating the whole thing, it feels wrong to assume that, now. and it feels right to be with him. i only have his word to go off of, yes. but i can tell we’re meant to be together.” he shrugs. “i- i know that doesn’t sound very convincing, and maybe i’m not fully convinced myself, but i’ve been having these feelings, and the doctor said that even if the memory associated with it doesn’t return, the emotions that surface are still real.” sabo stops before he can ramble too much in that direction, looking back up. “i do want to go with him.”

“you’ve convinced me,” he hums. “even if you haven’t fully convinced yourself.” he leans back. “one more question.”

“okay?”

“are you sure you still want to remember?”

again, sabo takes some time to organize his thoughts. he comes to a conclusion that is startlingly succinct. “whatever happened before, i promised i wouldn’t stop caring about him. i’m not willing to hold myself back on that regard.”

his caseworker smiles. “works for me. how about we start psychotherapy monday?”

part 2 | notes

#writing #ywr/iwf #op #saboace #amnesia au but Not Like That

20 notes · View notes

porchwood · 5 years

Text

Hey friends,

I’ve been struggling to come up with a sufficient thank-you for all your help with the GoFundMe, but it seems every time I sit down to try to write a response, some new awful thing arises. And this past week was the worst yet (maybe the worst ever).

When last I spoke to you, I was getting over a bad cold and preparing to ease back into work after my injury. The PT office finally called me back and I went in for one session to make sure I was at a recovery point where it was okay for me to do massage again; the therapist did a quick assessment - no exercises demonstrated or recommended - kinesiotaped the knee and charged $100 that I had to pay then and there. (So a waste, and an expensive one, but I guess it could have been worse?) The next day I started back at work VERY part-time (one 60-90 min client a day) and it absolutely killed me. I was no longer wearing the brace and my knee actually did okay with the work (bending/crouching notwithstanding), but the rest of my body (esp core muscles) were just drop-kicked by the work. I went home exhausted and shaky every day and finally tried substantially increasing my protein intake, which felt a little ridiculous (we’re talking a 24g shake + an 11g bar for breakfast or two entrees at lunchtime), but it’s done a world of good, and that’s all thanks to you guys. (Protein of any kind isn’t cheap and your incredible donations made it possible for me to buy good food to rebuild my muscles.)

The end of my first week back at work, I fell hard on the ice outside my house. Miraculously, my left knee never even hit the ground, but I fell flat on my back and my left wrist - without any lasting injury, thankfully, but I was absolutely worthless for the next 24 hours and had several days (crucial returning-to-massage days) of varying degrees of pain in that wrist. In the meantime, I made a couple of other adjustments (raising my massage table to take the strain off my lower body, getting back on an ibuprofen schedule instead of just taking it after the fact, when I was hurting badly), all of which helped, but I’m still only about 85% back. My knee still hurts every morning when I wake up and gets stiff and sore whenever I have it bent for any length of time. My workplace has been surprisingly good about letting me work a slower schedule as I build back up (ex. 3 clients a day instead of 5), and last Friday I finally got a paycheck for the first time in over a month (!).

Then, two weeks ago, I was wakened at 3am to Lucky (my little rat terrier) falling off the bed. This has happened before and is usually comical after the fact, but when I picked her up, she emptied her bladder all over me, and when I tried to set her down to check on her, her back legs had gone limp and wouldn’t support her. Terrified (I’ve heard enough end-of-life dog stories to know this isn’t good), I was about to take her to the emergency vet when she sat up like nothing had happened and began licking herself. I took her outside and she walked around a bit, completely sound on her feet, and pottied again - business as usual. Worried and mystified, I messaged my (LPN) mother who thought the urination sounded like a shock reaction to the fall, so I gave Lucky a bath and spent most of the day just cuddling with her.

For about two seconds, life seemed like it might finally be getting a little better. I was able to pick up two massages at a local inn (which pay substantially better than massages at the spa and provide some very helpful extra money). And then on Thursday, I came home to a slightly anxious Lucky (howling quietly on my bed), and when she got up to greet me, her back legs wouldn’t support her. I scooped her up immediately and her entire body went limp (seemingly lifeless), her head and neck lolling over my arm. As I ran through the house with her, her bladder emptied down the front of me and - still lifelessly limp - she gave the most horrifying howl I’ve ever heard. I was convinced she was dying in my arms.

As we tore down the road to the vet’s (thankfully, about a 5-minute drive from home), she sat up on my lap and by the time we’d reached the office, she was acting downright normal again. I was able to get us in with one of the vets about 10 mins later (a tech checked her out right away to triage her and make sure she was stable), and he wanted to get some data on her heart. She’s had a heart murmur for almost her entire life and, while I’ve asked repeatedly what we could do for that, the only advice I was ever given was hawthorn and ginkgo supplements (which she takes on a more or less daily basis), and at one point we tried a canine cardiac formula for a few months with no notable changes.

She had an EKG, chest x-rays, and a blood draw ($516, including the office call) and then that info was sent to a veterinary cardiologist in Portland. All they could tell me in the meantime was that her heart is enlarged and to just have her take it easy for the rest of the day; they would call me first thing the next morning with the cardiologist’s report. Lucky was sleepy but normal for the rest of the day and I passed an awful night of bad dreams (including one about rabid dogs) and waking every hour or so to make sure she was okay.

I was scheduled for my typical split on Friday but had only one client at the end of the day and was an emotional wreck, so I asked if I could just go home to be with Lucks and I found another therapist to cover my client. I still hadn’t heard from the vet by 10am, so I called to check in. He gave me a brief summary over the phone and asked if we could come in for some more tests, which was another hour and a half and $236. (I was able to put these two visits on my CareCredit card but for some reason the vet only gives a 6 month promotional period instead of the 12-18 months that other places do. If you’re not familiar, CareCredit is a great option IF you can pay off everything quickly. If you can’t, you’re clobbered with obscene interest on the entire sum at the end of the promotional period, even if you’ve paid off almost all of the principal.)

I’m still making sense of the cardiologist’s report because it’s quite in-depth and my knowledge of the heart isn’t quite that high, but here’s what I’ve been able to glean:

- “severely enlarged” heart - borderline tachycardia and occasional arrhythmia (her collapse was considered a syncopal episode, if that helps anyone) - some degree of mitral valve issue - at risk of developing congestive heart failure

She was put on two heart meds, pimobendan/Vetmedin (which is supposed to be very effective and is also very expensive) and enalapril (an ACE-inhibitor), and she has a kidney check-up in about a week to make sure she’s doing well on them and adjust the doses if necessary. The vet seemed to think the prognosis was pretty good (considering that at this point we’re talking about staving off heart failure :/) - he said small dogs with mitral valve issues tend to do well on these meds - and other than this insanity with her heart, Lucky seems to be in pretty good shape. Before Thursday she was extremely active and happy; there’s no sign of neurological issues, and her BP, thyroid, kidneys, etc are all looking good. So I’m trying to stay hopeful.

She’s been a little extra sleepy (understandably) the past few days, but this afternoon she seemed unusually “off,” so I’m trying to figure out whether it’s her tiny body adjusting to the meds (which she needs to stay on for the rest of her life) or if her heart is suddenly starting to get tired and this is the new normal. :( I called my mother earlier (a mistake) and got a lot of pessimism-in-the-guise-of-sympathy that left me feeling like Lucky is on hospice and I should start making end-of-life arrangements now.

I’ve been crying for the better part of the last four days, and I don’t think I can articulate how painful this is for me. I didn’t think it was possible to donate a human heart to a canine but I looked it up just in case, because I would give her mine without hesitation. Lucky is my whole life - my soul running around in a little black-and-white body, and five years ago when my life systematically fell apart, she was the only thing misfortune didn’t touch - and I knew this, and I was waiting. Since then she developed sleeping bladder leaks (which, while frightening, were easily and effectively treated with estrogen), then severe separation anxiety (which I’ve been struggling to treat since 2016, and yes, I blame myself for the anxiety making her heart worse, even though I’ve done absolutely everything to help her overcome it). Lucky is absolutely the reason I didn’t try to end my life at various junctures over the past five years, and I don’t want to think about what will happen to me if she’s not here anymore.

And as ridiculous as this will sound: I was supposed to be married by now. When I got Lucks as a puppy, I knew the inevitable would one day come (unless Jesus comes back before then so Lucky and I can just go to heaven together, which I haven’t given up on), but I knew my life would be much different by then. I would have a home and a husband to help shoulder the financial and emotional burden. I was not supposed to be alone, sterile, and struggling just to make ends meet. I love my roommate dearly, but it’s not the same as having a spouse, nor should it be. She can give me hugs and listen to me cry, but at the end of the day it’s me in that dr’s office, holding my hurting baby and promising to pay for whatever they have to do, and me that has to hold everything together and keep going when the worst happens.

Incidentally, last Sunday was my birthday. I’ve mentioned before that my birthday has some kind of perverse curse, and if this year didn’t prove it, I don’t know what will.

My father (living in Nebraska, and with whom I’ve had a strained relationship since my hysterectomy) has congestive heart failure, and my mother called me shortly before all of the Lucky stuff to tell me that he’s failing and to try to talk me into moving back to Nebraska to help keep an eye on him. Which is a subject for another time entirely, but over the past few days I’ve been wondering if I should think about going back (temporarily), if only to be around family myself. It would be a complicated situation (I’d still be on the Maine lease and paying for half of everything, Lord knows if I’d be able to keep my Maine job when I came back and I’d end up back at Massage Envy in Nebraska, not to mention I’d be scrambling to pay down my medical bills and Lucky’s), but maybe it’s something I should consider.

Anyway: that’s where I’ve been. :( And I’m sure I look like an ingrate for not saying thank you about the funds sooner, but between the fatigue and the heartbreak, it’s been hard to manage much of anything lately.

#personal #lucky bloom #did i mention we got kicked out of our house four months ago?#and that i'm still recovering from an acute knee injury?#i almost can't even process this #and i know i'm quietly ignoring the parts i can't handle

51 notes · View notes

hausofgucci-blog · 6 years

Text

Fuck Thy Neighbor

I would like to preface this by saying that this is as whipped as it gets for me. I started this blog as a 5sos blog then it became a makeup/fashion blog up until I saw Black Panther. All I did was look up the BP tag on here but I fell into a rabbit hole that I’m all too happy to be stuck in. So yeah, here I am a few weeks later writing again. I deadass haven’t written anything in mf years but a bitch is inspired and horny so here y'all go. This 2.5K word mess is dedicated to @sweettea-and-honeybutter!!!

Erik Killmonger x WOC!Reader

Tags:SMUt (with plot), Power play, dub con, daddy kink, choking

The hot Oakland sun somehow found a way to beat down on you even though you were in your car. Being the broke college student you are you resorted to buying a mini fan for your car after the AC decided to quit its job. Unlike its job description, the fan didn’t create cool air to blow in your face instead it redistributed the hot air around you all over your face. Like a gift from the gods, you spotted a 7/11 roughly half a mile down the road, ‘if I’m going to die of heatstroke might as well do it with with a blue tongue,’ you thought to yourself. You’re nearly shaking with excitement as you pull some money out of your wallet and head to the store.

It doesn’t take long for you to mull over your choices before finally picking blue raspberry. With barely contained glee you hand money over to the cashier in exchange for the large Slurpee. It sounds exaggerated but you’d swear that after a few sips your life got better. The cold drink definitely made the 15-minute drive to the beauty supply store way more enjoyable. At last, you reach the grey building, you reach into the back seat for the bag of products you’d intended to return but you only find air. Realization dawns on you as remember that you’d set the bag down as you took a call from your mother earlier that morning. After contemplating for few moments you decide you’d be damned if you don’t your money back, you worked hard for that $21.58. With a switch shift in gears, you back out of the empty parking lot mentally cursing yourself for being forgetful and wasting your time.

Half an hour later you pull into your parking space with an exasperated sigh. You dash out of the car, slam the door and race to your front door which you find very conveniently locked. You instinctively pat your pockets even though you know full well that you put nothing in them but who’s to stop you from imagining the impossible. It then dawns on you that you’ve locked your phone and keys in your car. Unwilling to give up you jiggle the knob and bang and kick the door as if it’ll magically swing open or someone will open it up for you. This continues for several minutes until you hear a door open, you’re quick to assume your methods worked until you realize the door still hasn’t budged and your neighbor is looking at you from his doorway.

You wave at him and offer what you hope is a friendly smile, “Hi I’m your neighbor, I’m in a bit of trouble do you mind if I use your phone?”

He looks you up and down for a moment or two before replying “fuck I look like? Mother Teresa? I ain’t got favors to give out.”

You take a few steps toward him, trying to keep a friendly demeanor “I’m really sorry to bother you but I really need help, I locked my keys and phone in my car and I really need to get into my house.” A few seconds pass and his eyes are fixed on yours, void of all emotion. ‘Alright y/n time to turn on the waterworks ‘ you think to yourself, your lip trembles a bit and within seconds you allow fake tears to pool and fall from your eyes.

“Aye stop crying okay? Just come inside.” You can barely contain your joy as he opens the door wider and you step through the threshold.

The place is pretty bare, there are no pictures of anyone in sight but you stop yourself from making further observations. “So,” you draw out the ‘O’ awkwardly, “what about that phone call mm?”

That’s when he rolls his eyes, “I thought we already discussed this, I ain’t no Mother Teresa. If you want something from me you gotta do something for me first.”

The look on his face is a bit too menacing on his face to suggest that he wanted you to just vacuum or something. “Uh, I think I’ll just go,” you say hastily.

“Aight suit yourself,” he replies with a nonchalant shrug. A few seconds later you’re outside again stuck with nowhere to go. You resume your futile attempts to open a locked door with the will of a desperate woman. When that doesn’t work you try your luck on the car, that too has the same results as the door. There’s only one option left for you so you suck up your pride, march to his door and knock softly. You’re pretty sure he heard you even though he leaves you waiting for a minute or two. Finally, the door swings open and you step inside.

“Okay I take it back, I'll do anything! Please!"

He chuckles sizing you up, "good girl, what did you have in mind?" You stare right back at him as you take in his appearance. He wore a loose black long sleeve V-neck and some grey sweatpants that left little to the imagination. What did you have in mind? You'd kinda just hoped he was kidding and he'd let you make a phone call.

"Uh um ya know" you trailed off trying to ignore how stupid you must've sounded. You focus every cell in your body on being sexy as you step closer to him, “why don’t I just show you what I had in mind.” You keep your eyes locked on his while lightly grazing your hand on his bicep then gradually escalating to running it down his torso before stroking him through the thin fabric. You get on your knees in front of him and waste no time freeing his semi-hard cock from its restraints.

“What a fucking slut,” he says sounding amused. You ignore him and keep your attention on his dick. Taking your sweet time you lick the underside slowly and work your way to sucking just the tip. Before you knew it his palm smacked your cheek, leaving behind a stinging pain. “You’re going to have to do better than that ma.” Mouth still full of his cock you look up at him and nod.

This time you put much more focus and energy into pleasing him. You bob your head enthusiastically while stroking whatever you can’t fit into your mouth. “You look so good on your knees shawty. Sucking me off like your life depends on it.” You preen at the praise feeling yourself getting moist in your panties. His moans and grunts do nothing but egg you on as you take him farther and farther down your throat until your eyes water. That’s when he grabs your hair and starts facefucking you, “you like that baby? You like when daddy shoves his cock down your throat?” You nod furiously, “good girl. Let me see those titties.”

Without warning, he rips your shirt in half exposing your bra which he wastes no time undoing. He fondles your breasts and plays with your hard nipples while you suck his balls. His actions cause you to moan deeply around him which in turn create sensual vibrations on his cock. You can tell you’re doing a good job by his firmer grip on your hair. His speech is littered with softly spoken expletives which soon turn into moans and grunts. “You -oh fuck- you want daddy to come in your mouth?”

“Yes, daddy please cum in my whore mouth.” You genuinely meant it, unbeknownst to him being treated like a fucktoy was your biggest fantasy.

He slaps you again, “did I say you could stop sucking? You know what take all your clothes off, I wanna see you on that couch with your face down and ass up. Do not move until I get back.” He exits with a brisk walk before you obediently follow the instructions given to you. Your mind is so hazy you can’t even process what exactly you’re getting yourself into, all you need is his dick in you as soon as possible.

The position you were in made it a bit hard to hear what was going on, the silence was killing you not to mention how good the cool leather felt against your warm skin. Your need for sexual release grows with every passing second till you can’t stop yourself from reaching down and touching yourself. The action sends waves of pleasure so strong through your body that you have to bite your lip to contain your moans. Your few seconds of pleasure comes to a screeching halt when his menacing voice comes from behind you, “when I tell you to do something I mean that shit.” The unmistakable ripping sound of a foil packet follows his words before he nudges you with his knee, “legs wide bitch.”

You obey without a second thought, nothing mattered more to you than getting dicked down that second. He thrusts into you so fast and deep that your walls struggle to stretch to accommodate his impressive size. You’re a mess of moans and whimpers as you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, to speed up the process you bring your hand to your clit rubbing furiously. You get noticeably louder and you feel your body approaching ecstasy but it seems your neighbor has different plans. “You wouldn’t think about cumming without asking daddy first would you?” He enunciated each word with a spank, “put your hands behind your back now!” You’re happy to oblige by locking both arms behind you so that each hand is wrapped around the opposite wrist. He takes your joint wrists together into one of his massive hands and proceeds to use it as leverage to fuck you deeper. With his free hand, he rubs your clit till you’re almost tipping over the edge of ecstasy. “Please, daddy can I cum? Please, please, please let me cum,” getting the words out is a struggle amid your moans but he still understands what you mean.

“Come all over my cock babygirl,” a wave of pleasure washes over you as you succumb to the primal need that’d been building inside you. Even as you ride your orgasm his fingers don’t stop working on your clit even though his thrusts slow down and get sloppier. The room is filled with the lewd unfiltered sounds of sex: your incoherent blubbering and his grunts of pleasure mixed with the sounds of his hips hitting yours. He stops to let you catch your breath but doesn’t pull out, instead opting to hold your hip as he lets his breathing return to normal as well.

He finally pulls out and commands you to flip over, you comply and get yourself into a position where you’re laying on the couch facing him while your legs hang off the arm of the couch. that is when you get a better look at him. The first thing you notice are the peculiar bumps scattered across his torso, intrigued you open your mouth to ask about them but he beats you to it. “You’ve been such a good girl, you think you deserve a reward?”

All questions about his chest fly out of your mind, “yes daddy.”

“I like the way you think babygirl,” he gets on his knees in front of you and you instinctively open your legs. “You’re so wet for me,” he states as he runs his middle finger down your pussy collecting your juices before offering it to you. “Taste yourself,” you greedily accept his finger into your mouth sucking it like its the only thing keeping you alive. He takes his finger from your mouth and wraps his hand around your neck without putting too much pressure. “Let daddy taste your sweet pussy,” with that he attaches his full lips to your inner thighs kissing and sucking them while still keeping his hand latched around your throat. His hand moves to grope your breast while he teases your slit with his tongue. The soft caresses of his tongue against your cunt coupled with his persistent fingers around your nipple causing you to lie back and cry out in bliss. He speeds up the pace of his licks alternating between doing that and teasing your entrance with the tip of his tongue. Your hands find their way to his hair to pull him closer as a second orgasm builds deep in your belly meanwhile he wraps his arms around your thighs spreading you wider. You feel one of his fingers teasing your entrance before slipping it in with ease. The combination of his tongue on your clit and his finger fucking you has you screaming daddy and begging for release in no time. “Cum all over daddy’s fingers you dirty slut” he commands before adding another finger to fuck you with. His words turn you on even more, so much so that you’re basically doing all the work for him by bucking and rolling your hips to meet his fingers. It doesn't take long for the metaphorical floodgates to burst as a powerful orgasm rips through you. Your breaths come out rough and ragged and he continues to fuck you through your orgasm till the only word you can form is ‘daddy’. He silently watches you come down from your high waiting for your breath to return to normal before ordering you to get dressed. Although your eyes are shut you hear can still his footsteps as he walks away from you. With shaky legs, you pull yourself off the couch to locate the small pile of your unscathed clothing and hastily put them back on. You’re clipping your bra when his approaching footsteps meet your ears causing you to tense up a bit.

“You gotta go,” he states with a threatening tone.

You turn around to face him, confusion written all over your features, “wh-what about our deal?”

“I changed my mind, now go,” he replies unlocking the door. You plant yourself down, he wasn't going to get you out that easy. Anger flashes in his eyes, he gets up close to you to say in your ear “go right now before I do something you and I will regret.” The cold, unwavering quality of his voice trumps all reservations you had about going outside in just a bra and shorts. You nod fearfully and scamper out the door, just as you hear the sound of something small hitting the ground and turn around to see what it is. “If you got any street smarts you’ll know how to use that,” he declares with a smirk before slamming the door leaving you looking at a small plastic card in confusion.

#erik killmonger #black panther fic #woc reader #erik smut #erik killmonger smut #woc smut #black panther smut

242 notes · View notes

tisfan · 7 years

Text

Medical Stuff (and how it might affect the fics you love)

If you missed it, I ended up in the Emergency Room yesterday with severe anaphylactic shock.

Short Short Form: Some of the fics that I write by myself might be late posting. (this includes nothing that @27dragons and I post together, like Sandbridge or Communal Kitchen)

All American Road Trip will decidedly be late. I probably won’t post it for at least another two weeks; I’m recovering from illness this week, and I’ll be on vacation next week.

It is possible the Fruit of Our Labors (September’s Holiday Spending) might be a week late. I’m about halfway done writing it, and I KNOW it’s a cliffhanger. I’m really sorry. This month has been crazy.

Everything else should be posting on time.

below the cut for deets on my medical stuff, if you’re interested. I’m tagging people who sent me condolence messages last night, just do you know what’s going on. if I forgot someone or didn’t tag you, sorry about that.

@justalurkr @damej @avidreader6 @riren1827 @novarain01 @lilragekitten

@celtic7irish @katland08 @quarra @marvelingjules @whatisluniana @bastlynn

@downwarddnaspiral @thudworm @chiyume @mythaeological @petronellarose @zerokrox-blog @echosiriusrumme @lola381pce @cr3v

@crystallized-iron @dreamcatchersdaughter @nikexiphos @miss-kitty-fantastico @ajanamyth @wrenchirps @feelingsinwinter @bluetag222 @menatiera @micheca @readingfanficsblog @summerpipedream

Thanks to all of you; I was reading your messages last night while I was in the ER and bored (and in pain, like... how does that work? you’d think being in pain would be more interesting or something.)

It’s possible that the anaphylactic shock was caused by the medication I took, but as I’ve taken it before without reaction, they think that’s not likely. My husband thinks it make have been a cross-contamination with the drink fountain and the Burger King, since they carry Hi-C fruit punch, which contains Concentrated Pineapple juice. If that got in my cup (and I was drinking it when I took the pills) that’s probably what caused the reaction.

I started with the hives and made that first post yesterday. Went downstairs to sleep it off after taking 2 benedryls, but it just kept getting worse. My lips swelled up so badly that I have cuts inside my mouth from where my teeth were forced into the inside of my lips. (that’s very painful, just do you know.)

My face swelled, making me dizzy and hard for me to see, the way my eyes were squinted. I have 2 black eyes today from the swelling.

I asked my husband to take me to the doctor, got up to go pee before we left and ended up vomiting for about ten minutes straight.

We went to the nearby urgent care, who was getting my information when I started having breathing trouble and passed out. I do not remember anything until about 10 minutes later when I was throwing up again. I have bruises under my arms where the orderly kept me from falling on my face and breaking my nose.

The urgent care jabbed me with an epi pen. (bruise on left thigh. also, because I have a million little red freckles, she couldn’t tell where the injection site was and put the bandaid in the wrong spot. I discovered that this morning when I pulled off the bandaid and the sticky bit was over the scab, which promptly ripped off and started bleeding all over the bed.

They started an IV, gave me some solumedrol and 100mgs of benedryl.

So I’m now on the WTAF drugs all at once. Solumedrol has the side effect of speeding up your brain, epinephrin speeds up your heart, and benedryl knocks you out.

Added to all this: the Doctor tells me “your blood pressure is terrible. it’s 80.”

Me: “That’s normal for me, about 110/80.” (I’ve been told this is a little low)

Doctor: No, your blood pressure is 80 over fuck you. We can’t get a read on it. You’re going into serious shock here. We’re going to send you over to the Emergency Room in an ambulance.

In the ride over to the ER (all of .2 miles. seriously, the Er is right across the FUCKING street and I’m going to end up with a $700 ambulance bill for that...) my IV site got shot to shit, so I have solumedrol and saline solution filling up the space between my muscles and my skin, making my upper arm look like a little goddamn balloon and hurts like all FUCK. This spot; STILL REALLY FUCKING HURTS and is very firm. Which probably means there’s still medication in there leaking into my system very slowly. (when I first saw it yesterday, I desperately wanted a seam ripper to stab myself in the arm so it would all come out. No one listens to me about things like that.)

Also, the whole inside of that elbow is sore and purply-black.

So, they had to put an IV in the OTHER arm. After fussing for almost 20 minutes about my crap veins, they ended up using a 22 pedo needle to get the second shunt started. Which they couldn’t draw any blood out of. They were debating opening a third site in my thigh to do the blood drain, but my thighs were so welted up with hives that they didn’t want to risk it.

They gave me another epi injection (right thigh, also now has a bruise, but at least that nurse put the bandaid in the right place.)

More drugs. At some point, i got fenegren to help with the dry-heaving and bile vomiting that I was still doing. Note: my throat is all torn up from so much vomiting. My voice sounds weird, talking is a little painful, and I’m so thirsty... omg, I drank like a half gallon of water last night.

Which was awkward when I had to go pee, because I couldn’t stand up. Let’s add to the fun and games: I have my period AND bad menstrual cramps and the “gush” whenever I stand up.

Let’s just say there was more than one reason my husband brought me a change of clothes before I left.

By 11pm, I’m admitted to Step Down (Step down from ICU).

I can hardly move. Holding my phone and texting was horrifically painful. (you know that 1-10 scale for pain? I was on the “my pain is so bad I can hardly move”) If I was absolutely perfectly still, it was about a 7.

Because we weren’t SURE what caused the allergic reaction, the hospital refuses to (probably smart) give me any pain medication.

They tried to put a blood pressure cuff on my right arm. I might have had a screaming fit about that. It’s not MUCH better on the left, because it keeps squeezing the IV site. I have a ring bruise on my upper left bicep because the automatic blood pressure cuff takes my BP every 15 minutes. Given the amount of drugs in my system that should have been raising my BP, the fact that it never went over about 139/90 and most of the time stayed very firmly at 97/52 is a little worrisome. ADD to this that my pulse was over 120 most of the night and refused to GO DOWN to anything lower than 90 unless I was ASLEEP...

I sent my husband home around 2 to get some sleep and called him back in around 7am, when they first started talking about getting me home.

I did not actually get home until around 1:30 this afternoon.

I am feeling a LOT better. I can breathe, I can walk, and I’m relatively coherent.

I will say last night was probably one of the most uncomfortable nights of my life and I’d like to point out that I have broken my leg in 5 fucking places at one time and the ER doctor SET IT WRONG.

Just so you know, I have a basis for comparison on This Fucking Hurts.

38 notes · View notes

book-o-scams · 7 years

Text

Double Dee Weekend Analysis Challenge

This weekend, for Double Dee Appreciation Month, a bunch of EEnE blogs have been asked by @eene-fangirl to analyze the climactic swamp scene from Ed, Edd n Eddy’s Big Picture Show. In this scene, Eddy tricks Edd into believing Edd has allowed Ed and Eddy to drown in quicksand. This leaves Edd alone with the audience for about a minute, attempting to rescue them and then sobbing over survivor’s guilt. If you’re ready to deal with that, keep reading!

If you’re interested in how my opinion of this scene has evolved, here’s another analysis of it from a few years ago. Hopefully I don’t repeat myself too much, I only gave myself a moment to gloss over it before I started this: http://book-o-scams.tumblr.com/post/128634520423/do-you-think-you-could-do-a-review-about-the

What if the last time you saw your best friends safe and happy before their tragic deaths, one of them was pretending to be an alligator-skin bag and the other was running away from him in half naked mock-terror? This is Edd’s lot in life.

To be serious, I want to take a moment to say this swamp is beautifully designed. The water is so much more detailed and colorful than the flat colors on the animated water we usually see, and the silhouette trees exist in a really surreal season 1-inspired style that I can’t put into words. What are those stripes on the trees meant to be? Just weird lighting? Fumes?

“WAIT!” Love this little hand gesture.

I always wonder if Eddy was already planning the prank when he led Ed away. It IMMEDIATELY upsets Edd that Eddy is out of view. Eddy’s prank seems like it could be a response to the argument Edd and Eddy were having prior to this scene about why Edd ISN’T on this road trip (”to impress your brother”).

Graceful Swamp Nymph Edd over here....

Whoa

How did he land that jump!?

This whole shot is great.

As much as I would love to watch close-ups of Edd slipping all over these platforms, the crane shot communicates the loneliness of the moment, the distance between Edd and his friends, the dread that makes Ed n Eddy’s deaths seem like a possibility, and all while giving us a moment to appreciate the background art.

The decaying stagnant location could probably be taken as a metaphor for the state of the Eds’ friendship...

The small drawings are a little sloppy, but kinda charming. They remind me of the EEnE comics that weren’t drawn by AKA artists.

This moment of isolation also feels like a parallel to shots from the previous prank in the movie....

I love the subtle extra detail in Eddy’s hand, and the grime is good and creepy.

Maybe it’s just because lately I’ve been listening to the music I listened to backwhen BPS came out in 2009, but I feel like there’s a metaphor for Edd’s friendship with Eddy and Ed behind this whole “quicksand” visual hook. I’ll let you psychoanalyze that yourselves, but here’s a song about quicksand to help you think:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo50Wv2A4uk

Gotta love that escalation from whispering to panicking! In my previous analysis of this scene, I believe I considered the possibility that Eddy fell in this muck by accident and just ran with Edd’s suggestion that it was quicksand. On the other hand, it’s pretty suspicious that Eddy ran off shirtless and then got dressed before jumping in here... I think Eddy really does just know how to fake his own ignorance and predict Edd’s phobias.

I mean look at Ed in the very next shot! He’s not even trying to make this convincing. Very good dramatic touch on Eddy’s part to reach out for Edd, though.

I know I’m supposed to be analyzing Edd but I’m always taken by Eddy’s acting during these pranks. In the Gag Factory, he just goes for horror movie shock value, but here it becomes clear that Eddy has thought through the dramatic potential of his own death. Look at this pageantry!

Ed’s comments, “In Manure” vs “Immature” and “to all the girls I’ve loved before,” also suggest the scriptedness of this prank.

But at least Ed’s choking here sounds genuine enough to make his other banter more believably sad that he’s going out with jokes.

More staging focused on isolating Edd from his friends.

Ed and Eddy dragging each other to their deaths, their voices fading out in the background, while Edd frantically races in the foreground to do what’s best for them. Eddy really could not have set up a prank that conveyed the cracks in their friendship more VISUALLY, could he?

Suffocating close-ups. This anxiety is drowning Edd more than Ed and Eddy are drowning themselves!

Like tightening a noose, right, Edd?

BTW, don’t forget the significance of nooses to Bro, and by extension, Eddy!

So, seriously, what’s causing the bubbles here? Are Ed and Eddy waiting out this prank with no oxygen or are they back in the bushes or something?

I’d like to mention how much I appreciate the subtle gritty spraypainty detail on the coloring of the quicksand, it definitely helps create the illusion that this may be more threatening than the show’s usual grimy environments.

Today on Ed, Edd n Eddy, Double Dee processes the existential horror of accidental death!

“No.” Edd clutches his heart and attempts to restrain himself.

OOOH, good expression matching between shots!!!

“No!”

This is such a goddamn sweaty movie.

“NO!!!!”

The very first frame of the next shot is Edd already digging and slathered in mud. The urgency with which he throws away his germ phobia to save his friends makes his leap into the quicksand so fast it cannot be caught on film.

I love that the movie does not overstate Edd’s germ phobia and instead lets the grotesque thickness of this mud’s animation speak for itself. Nobody would want to start wading in anything this gloppy, but Edd does it with so much energy, he is not kidding about how much he does not want Ed or Eddy to die no matter how they’ve mistreated each other in the past year.

OOH THEY FORGOT TO LINE SOME TEETH!!!

ah there they are

The first frame of Edd crying in this scene and the tears are already down his cheeks! He’s sprung a leak now.

Edd demands to know where Ed and Eddy are.

AND WE’VE STRUCK GOLD WITH THIS FRAME-BY-FRAME ANALYSIS

to be clear I am skipping some frames. sorry there isn’t more commentary but i think this glorious ugly-crying speaks for itself.

Edd begs them not to give up on him, the survivor’s guilt coming out full force.

“ANSWER ME!”

Edd whimpering after “...please...” is the part of this scene that breaks my heart the most. That quiet acceptance that death is real, even in the Eds’ static world, definitely hits on the pain of losing someone close to you for the first time, a note that’s really important to land when this is so obviously (to the audience) a prank.

The tear animation on this particular expression is REALLY smooth. Some of the dripping loops are kinda choppy but this one looks great, I love the touch with the darker eyelid skin being colored differently through the tears. It’s a perfect capper to a shot full of really incredible Edd drawings.

Again I’d like to point out that Edd’s perspective keeps switching between claustrophobic close-ups and devastating isolation.

I love how he SCREAMS and stomps around in a circle!

A little foreshadowing of the physical violence he’s going to bestow upon Eddy when they fight after the prank is revealed...

“WHY OH WHY DIDN’T YOU LISTEN TO ME!?”

I love that I can’t tell if Edd is referring to these swamp antics or the entire show. It feels a little underhanded for Edd to say this stuff out loud at what he believes to be the scene of their deaths, but that sort of darkness is necessary to justify this scene after the prank is revealed. Ed and Eddy don’t exactly deserve a better requiem, at this point they’ve brought almost nothing but despair to all the people they wanted love from, even if that’s not what they intended.

In an ask earlier tonight, I interpreted a line Edd says after this scene that informs why he reacts to their “deaths” this way. I just want to underline that: Ed and Eddy are officially more important to Edd than any member of his family, any acquaintance, anyone he’s ever met. And this is the way they treat him after ruining what little bit of a life he had accumulated through all his mistakes. His reaction to their death and his reaction to them being alive but lying to him have a similar fury behind the expressions, fueled by how much Edd has lost over both the last year and the last 24 hours.

Edd finally faceplants in the mud, to punish himself for failing to steer Ed and Eddy away from their doomed quest, for failing to save their lives, and for insulting them at their graves.

This is the beginning of the last shot of the “Ed and Eddy are dead” sequence, but I want to savor it.

This is the moment where their “death” has finally lingered long enough to feel like the new reality, to Edd as well as the audience. A moment sooner would have rendered it meaningless, and possibly made Ed and Eddy seem nicer or at least more concerned with Edd’s heartbreak, while leaving our thoughts on Edd’s slight about Ed and Eddy ignoring him. Keep the death going too long and it would DEFINITELY feel like a waste. This feels like Ed, Edd n Eddy tugging at heartstrings with the exact balance of sweet and mean that defines the show.

“This is all my fault!”

“I should have never let you leave the cul-de-sac!”

I like that Edd’s thoughts would return to “the cul-de-sac” at their death. Even with the traumas we witnessed in Peach Creek, “the cul-de-sac” still sounds like a safe nostalgic place, the natural habitat of the Eds.

Is that a miscolored sleeve?

This shot was important it because it allowed Edd to show remorse and get more to the heart of what he meant with that slight.

And I think Ed and Eddy quietly offering Edd a tissue is a really good beat to end the death sequence on as well. Mean as they are and as rightfully angry as Edd is, we are still given the sense that they heard what Edd said, and want to return with a semi-caring gesture with a little of Ed’s personality mixed in to help restore normalcy. It’s almost like they are saying “let us laugh right now and we won’t blame you at all for thinking so little of us at our deathbeds.” It is specific and in character. But it doesn’t make up for their actions as much as they think it does.

Edd initially complaining about Ed’s gross handkerchief and then drooping as the dots connect that this was a prank is also a pretty well-timed gag.

These shit-eating grins, Eddy looks like Norbert Beaver right now with that little beak.

Hmm, Ed’s face doesn’t match between these shots... I wonder if a line got cut out for time here.

Ridiculing Edd for caring, which probably reflects how little care Ed and Eddy receive from their families and peers.

Just like old times, huh Double Dee?

...Maybe too similar to old times...

Thousand yard stare while tears stream down his cheeks...

“This muck’s only ankle deep, can’t sink in it!”

Edd untethers himself. Symbolism.

Ed starts making some stupid free-associative response to Eddy’s line.

And Edd spins around and stomps away with stifled anger.

In light of how deeply he just felt about these two, he cannot bring himself to give them the fight they deserve without Eddy dragging it out of him. But Edd can sure as hell walk away.

And with that Edd silently quits and Eddy makes a series of strange faces.

Also in this shot, tiny Eddy’s animation does not sync up with the dialogue at ALL, so I really want to know what line he was animated to...

Anyway, that’s it for this challenge. I hope you enjoyed this mini-analysis grande-screenshot-gallery and have been enjoying these character appreciation months as much as I have! Have a good night.

#Double Dee Weekend Analysis Challenge #double dee appreciation month #ed edd n eddy #ed edd n eddy's big picture show #Big Picture Show #movie #the movie #analysis #double dee #edd #double d

58 notes · View notes

jenniesmall · 7 years

Text

4/6/17

Luckily, I ended up with a wonderful nurse this night who planned our night so that I could get some sleep. She planned to wake me up around 3 am for pain meds and to take my BP. I ended up waking at exactly 3 am on my own, so I pressed my call button and she came to take care of things. The OB who did my c-section stopped in at the end of her shift around 5 am to check on me. I think hematology came around 6 am. I was able to get my first shower that morning.

The hematologist ordered a phlebotomy (drawing a pint of blood) to hopefully help with my blood pressure and to lower my blood count. With most pregnant women, doctors have to worry about losing too much blood. I lost about a pint and a half during my c-section, and here they are taking another pint a day later. They also ordered a phlebotomy for the next day! The good news: it helped with the massive headache that wasn’t getting any relief from the Oxycodone that they were giving me. It was still there, but not as excruciating.

I got to visit my babies for the first time this afternoon! I made a trip right after lunch and was able to spend about 4 hours until I had to return for pain meds. I had dinner and returned to see them for a few more hours. My mom came to visit and spent the night. Dawn also made it over to visit this evening and was able to visit the babies with us. They were able to put a PICC line in on Alexandra today. It’s like a more permanent IV line. IV lines only last a day or 2 on preemies because their veins are so small. The PICC will probably be in for a few weeks. I went back to General for the night.

I spoke with my mom briefly before going to bed and told her about the high hemoglobin issue that I was having. She told me that she remembered my father having some sort of issue that involved hemoglobin. My headache had kicked info high gear again, and I didn’t have it in me to talk, so Phillip called my dad and got more info. I’m sure I had been told about this previously, but it sure didn’t stick in my memory. It is called polycythemia, and it causes high hemoglobin levels. My father, uncle, and grandmother all had it.

1 note · View note

spxce-bound · 7 years

Text

My top surgery story

My journey to Bangkok’s famous plastic surgery hospital began on 26 Dec 2016. My appointment was set for 8am with Dr. Sukit. When I reached the hospital I went straight to the international counter and was told to wait for my co-ordinator/translator upstairs in the Plastic Surgery department. Good lord she was 3 hours late.

So the nurses checked my BP, weight, height etc then I waited another hour for Dr. Sukit to come and the first thing he asked me to do was to take my top off to examine my chest. He then asked me what procedure I’d like to do, I told him inverted t. He then told me that due to my large breasts size, he’d have to do nipple grafts, and since my nipples are quite large as compared to cismen’s, he will make my nipples smaller so I don’t have to come back to do nipple reconstruction. So he told me my scheduled surgery was set for 27 Dec 2017 at 11am Bangkok time. Then later I had to wait another hour or so to see 2 thai psychiatrists. This time my translator came just in time to see the 1st psychiatrist, Jesus I thought she wasn’t ever gonna come. The first psychiatrist couldn’t speak english so my translator literally had to translate what i said to her. She asked about my childhood and how long have I seen myself as male etc. I didn’t really say much but my mom was like “HE’S BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE 8 YEARS OLD”. And then the convo shifted to talking to my mom about whether or not she supports me doing this which she obviously says yes. She then clears me to go for surgery but I still had one more psychiatrist to see.

This time I waited about 30 mins or so because there was another patient inside. While waiting, the nurses handed me some GID form asking about my background and why I want to transition into a man, and at the back I had to draw a boy, a girl, a tree and a house. I later asked the psychiatrist what’s the purpose of it and she said to see if i’m mentally stable, because apparently people who aren’t will manipulate the drawings? LOL anyway, this psychiatrist could speak good english and she was very warm and jokes alot. She also ask some questions regarding my GID and stuff, similar to what the other psychiatrist asked. She then gave me the all clear to get my surgery done.

By the time everything was done, I was escorted to a private room of my own, my poor mom had to sleep on the couch in the room for 3 nights. I couldn’t sleep at all because my anxiety was rocking sky high and I couldn’t take my anti-anxiety meds cuz I didn’t declare them. So I just tossed and turned, watched shitty movies on my mac until 3 in the morning I forced myself to sleep.

27 Dec 2016

At about 7am, a bunch of nurses came in to prep me which includes shoving a fucking painful IV drip into me and the GA doctor came to explain that I’ll be sound asleep with no feelings during surgery. At about 1030am, they wheeled me outside of the OR then at about 11am they transferred me over to the operating table. I was already so tired from not sleeping properly the previous night that I couldn’t even remember seeing the GA doctor come in to give me the anesthesia. So i basically dozed off even before the GA doc came.

I woke up at the recovery room and my mind was a blur, I didn’t even know where the hell am I. I couldn’t feel my chest because it was so tightly compressed with the surgical binder that I looked constipated. At about 3pm they wheeled me back into my private room and I felt so happy. The GA doc came in again and this time he asked if I wanted morphine to ease my pain, well obviously I said yes because I expected the pain to be excruciating. Half the time I was sleeping my day away because the morphine made me so sleepy. Every 3-4 hours about 2-3 nurses would pop in, one to give me my antibiotics, one to check my drains and the other one checked my blood pressure. I slept pretty well that night except that I couldn’t move my arms much because of the strains.

28 Dec 2016

I was supposed to be discharged but Dr. Sukit came in at 8am and he pressed my chest and said “I need to monitor you for one more day”. I was like cool I can spend another day here with all the nurses looking after me and I get to press more morphine. So I extended my stay till the following day. He then scheduled me to see him on the 4th Jan 2017 to take off my drains and stitches. I still couldn’t have a proper shower so the nurses gave me a sponge bath somehow. I slept well that night and I checked out the following day.

4th Jan 2017 (8 Days post-op)

I went back to the hospital to get my drains and stitches off. Good lord I was so scared and tense but at the same time I was so excited to see my chest of the first time. I waited for about 30 mins before I was ushered into the treatment room to wait for Dr. Sukit. 15 mins later a nurse came in and she took off the bandages and I saw my chest for the very first time. Then Dr. Sukit came and he examined my chest and he said that it’s healing very well but my left nipple still needed more time to heal. So he scheduled another appointment for me which was 8 Jan 2017 to take off the stitches on my left nipple. I was so happy but at the same time I was scared shitless about taking out my drains. So the nurse told me to breathe in and out and go with her rhythm. When she pulled out the left side it wasn’t that pain, it was more of uncomfortable. But the moment she pulled out my right side, I shouted like a crazy person because it hurt like fuck and i literally had a mini panic attack. She then proceeds to take off my stitches on my chest, I could feel some pain but it was tolerable. She then goes to take off the stitches on my right nipple, which I couldn’t even feel anything at all, considering I just had nipple grafts.

8 Jan 2017 (12 Days post-op)

Went back to the hospital again to take off my left nipple stitches. Dr Sukit gave me some ointment to apply on my chest and he said I can have a shower once my last bandages are off which the nurse told me to leave it there for 5 days. My nipples currently look disgusting but Dr Sukit said it’s normal for my nipples to look black because the skin is healing and the old skin will shed. Well at least my nipples are smaller now so I don’t have to go back to do nipple reconstruction. Thank god I opted for nipple graft or I’ll prolly have big nipples.

#ftm #ftm transgender #transition #top surgery #transgender #trans man #trans guy #lgbt

0 notes

richmegavideo · 5 years

Text

Dart Adams presents The Top 50 Hip Hop Albums, EP’s & Mixtapes Of 2009 (The Final Top 200)

This is a list of what I consider to be the Top 200 Hip Hop LP’s, EP’s & mixtapes from this year so far. Please keep in mind that in order for me to even narrow this list to 200 I had to exclude all instrumental albums with the exception of Exile’s “Radio” (as it could’ve easily been Album Of The Year) otherwise it would’ve just been ridiculous and impossible to narrow to just 200 Hip Hop albums. This is the final time I do this, after three years I’m sure you all get the point I’m trying to make by now.

Also keep in mind that I’ve heard slightly less than 700 different projects this calendar year (my gmail account was bananas). I’m sure that my Bloggerhouse brethren Eric & Travis have quite a few projects in mind that I missed. That should give you all an idea as to just how deep 2009 was with quality material that you probably never even heard of.

In the comments section feel free to gripe, bitch and/or moan about Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Wale, Fabolous, Busta Rhymes or “insert wack rapper’s name here” lackluster ass album not being in my top 200. Also feel free to add albums, EP’s & mixtapes I missed (like Pill’s). I head mad albums that are still in my rotation that missed this cut (Moka Only made so many albums I stopped him at one so “Summer Notations”, “Carrots & Eggs” & Ron Contour’s”Hot Dog” aren’t on this list).

I’m sure listened to WAY more Hip Hop than you this year (and I probably suffered irreparable damage because of it). All you gotta do to check every Friday of 2009 (both the reviews & Late Passes (For Doz Dat Slept) sections) on this blog for proof. Enjoy (or don’t) my final Poisonous Paragraphs list:

5 O’ Clock Shadowboxers- The Slow Twilight Aarophat & Illastrate-Black Noise Apathy-Wanna Snuggle? Big Tone-The Art Of Ink Blame One-Days Chasing Days

Braille & Symbolyc One-Cloudnineteen

Brother Ali-Us/The Truth Is Here EP

Che Grand-Everything’s Good Ugly Chief-Collabo Collection

D.Black-Ali’yah Danny!-Where Is Danny?

Diamond District-In The Ruff

Diz Gibran-Soon You’ll Understand DJ Spinna-Sonic Smash DOOM-Born Like This

Drake-So Far Gone Elzhi-The Leftovers: The Unmixedtape

Exile-Radio Fashawn-Boy Meets World

Finale-A Pipe Dream And A Promise Freddie Gibbs-Midwestgangstaboxframecadillacmuzik Illogic & Ill Poetic-Diabolical Fun J Dilla- Jay Stay Paid

JR & Ph7 present The Standard Keelay And Zaire-Ridin’ High Kev Brown presents Random Joints MAGr-No News Is Good News Marco Polo & Torae-Double Barrel

Moka Only-Lowdown Suite 2: The Box

M.O.P.-Foundation Mos Def-The Ecstatic Obie Trice & MoSS-Special Reserve Oddisee-Mental Liberation Pac Div-Church League Champs Paten Locke-Super Ramen Rocketship Raekwon-Only Built 4 Cuban Linx 2

Rapper Big Pooh-The Delightful Bars (North American Pie & Candy Apple Version) Reks-More Grey Hairs

Royce Da 5’9″-Street Hop

Sene & Blu Are…A Day Late & A Dollar Short Slum Village-Villa Manifesto EP Skyzoo-The Salvation Slaughterhouse-S/T Strong Arm Steady & Madlib-In Search Of Stoney Jackson Tanya Morgan-Brooklynati

Thaione Davis-Still Hear

TiRon & DJ LowKey-Ketchup Tiye Phoenix-Half Woman Half Amazin’ yU-Before Taxes

Next 150 (Honorable Mentions):

45-The Revenge Of Soul 50 Cent-Before I Self Destruct 6 Fingers-Who Has Lots Of Fingers? Abstract Rude-Rejuvenation Ace & Edo (Masta Ace & Ed O.G)-Arts & Entertainment/Extra Entertainment A Disturbing New Trend-Year Of The Carnivore Alchemist-Chemical Warfare Ancient Tongue-Time Tells Tales ARES-A Red Eye Smokin’ Atmosphere-Leak At Will AZ-Legendary Big Quarters-From The Home Of Brown Babies With White Mothers Blackroc-S/T Black Sunn-Godsound Blaq Poet- The Blaqprint Blue Scholars-OOF! EP Blu-HerFavoriteColo(u)r Boycott Blues-Irony BP & Odds-The Medium Brokn. English-The Drawing Board Brown Bag All Stars-The Brown Tape Buff1-It’s A 1derful Life BK-One with Benzilla-Radio Do Canibal

Camp Lo-Stone And Rob: Caught On Tape/Another Heist

Cesar Comanche-Die In Your Lap Classified-Self Explanatory The Clipse-Til The Casket Drops

Common Market-The Winter’s End EP Cook Classics-The New Classics The Cool Kids & Don Cannon-Gone Fishing Cormega-Born & Raised Cradle Orchestra-Velvet Ballads Crooked I-Mr. Pig Face Weapon Waist Crown Nation-Slut Bag Edition

CunninLynguists-Strange Journey Volume Two

Currensy-This Is Not A Mixtape/The Jet Files Deep Rooted-D.E.E.P.R.O.O.T.E.D. De La Soul-Are You In?+ Nike Original Run Def Jux All Stars-Def Jux Presents 4 Del Tha Funke Homosapien & Tame One-Parallel Uni-Verse Dillon & Paten Locke-Studies In Hunger DJ JS-1-Ground Original 2: No Sell Out DJ MK presents Skandal-Hunger Pains DJ Quik & Kurupt-BlaQkout Donny Goines-The Breakfast Club DOOM presents Unexpected Guests Dumhi-Indian Summer EP Dylan Thomas & Haz Solo-All Jokes Aside Dynas-The Apartment E-Flash (NBS)-Know The Ledge Earatik Statik-The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Earth Crew-Grassroots: From The Ground Up Educated Consumers-Hello Big Mama Elucid-The Sub Bass Diet Emilio Rojas-Recession Proof/The Natural Eminem-Relapse Eternia-Get Caught Up Fabio Musta-Passport Fatgums x Bambu-A Peaceful Riot Felt (Slug & Murs)-Felt 3: A Tribute To Rosie Perez Film Skool Rejekts-Midnight Movies Fresh Daily-The Gorgeous Killer In: Crimes Of Passion Georgia Anne Muldrow presents Ms. One & The Gang Ghostface Killah-Ghostdini: The Wizard Of Poetry In Emerald City Grand Puba-RetroActive The Grouch & Eligh-Say G&E! Horseshoe G.A.N.G.-Gangsta MC Ilyas-I-El: The Prelude J. Cole-The Warm Up J. Nolan-Resilience J. Period & Q-Tip-The Abstract Best J-Scrilla-Culture Of Honor JC Poppe-Sleep Therapy Jazz Liberatorz-Fruit Of The Past/Clin D’ Oeil Jern Eye-Vision J.J. Brown-Connect The Dots

Joe Budden-Padded Room/Escape Route K-Os-Yes! Kam Moye-Splitting Image Kenn Starr-It’s Still Real Kid Cudi-Man On The Moon: The End Of The Day

Kid Hum & Rock The Dub-Offshore Drilling Kidz In The Hall-The Professional Leisure Tour Krumbsnatcha-Hidden Scriptures KRS One & Buckshot-Survival Skills La Coka Nostra-A Brand You Can Trust L.E.G.A.C.Y-Suicide Music LMNO & Yann Kesz-Devilish Dandruff With Holy Shampoo Marv Won-The Way Of The Won MarQ Spekt X Lex Boogie-Guilty Party Method Man & Redman-Blackout! 2 Mr. J. Medeiros & Boonie Mayfield-The Art Of Broken Glass EP/Friends Enemies Apples Apples Mr. SOS-How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb Myka 9-1969 Naledge-Chicago Picasso Nametag-Classic Cadence Vol. 2 Nico The Beast-Dinner Is Served Mixtape Notes To Self-A Shot In The Dark OC & AG-Oasis Outasight-Further People Under The Stairs-Carried Away Poorly Drawn People-Motion, Not Emotion Psuedo Slang-We’ll Keep Looking

Print-Comic Books: Unlimited Quelle-Blue Mondays Qwel & Maker-So Be It Rashid Hadee & Pugz Atomz-Stormy Raydar Eliis & Quite Nyce-Champs Vs. The League

Red Giants-Chain Reaction EP Reservoir Dogs-Reservoir Dogs Mixtape Rhymefest & Scram Jones-The Manual Ro Spit-The Oh Shit! Project Rob Viktum f/Donwill & Friends-A’ight New Drink Roc C & IMAKEMADBEATS-The Transcontinental

Saigon & Statik Selektah-All In A Day’s Work

Sandpeople-Long Story Short EP Sareem Poems-Black And Read All Over Sean Price-Kimbo Price Sene-Maltas & Music Sha Stimuli-My Soul To Keep Slakah The Beatchild-Soul Movement Vol. 1 Sleep-Hesitation Wounds Sojourn-Sojournalism Souls Of Mischief-Montezuma’s Revenge St. Mic-Honest Music Statik Selektah-The Pre-Game EP Stoupe The Enemy Of Mankind-Decalouge Strange Fruit Project-Making Art Sound Kool Substantial/Burns- Sacrifice Superstar Quamallah-The Invisible Man Tame One & Parallel Thought-Acid Tab Vocab Termanology-Heaven Was A Mile Away/Hood Politics VI: Time Machine Tha Connection-Love Royale Toki Wright-A Different Mirror U-N-I & Ro Blvd-A Love Supreme Wale-Back To The Feature William Cooper-Beware Of The Pale Horse Wu Tang Clan-Wu Tang Chamber Music X.O.-Monumental/Realmatic yU presents The Charlie Ross Project

One

The post Dart Adams presents The Top 50 Hip Hop Albums, EP’s & Mixtapes Of 2009 (The Final Top 200) appeared first on .

from WordPress http://www.richmegavideo.com/dart-adams-presents-the-top-50-hip-hop-albums-eps-mixtapes-of-2009-the-final-top-200-9/

#Hip Hop

0 notes

ouraidengray4 · 6 years

Text

Is the Body-Positivity Movement Going Too Far?

In 2010, Linda Bacon, Ph.D., published Health at Every Size, which promoted the idea that everyone should have respect regardless of their weight. Bacon also started a group of the same name to give people resources to stop dieting and find professionals that agree with the idea that fat doesn’t always mean unhealthy. From there, the body-positivity—or fat-positivity—movement grew and began to reduce the stigma of being heavy. People are finally hearing the message that everyone should love their body, no matter what the media or diet industry might say.