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killawayfanboys · 1 year

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Owo what's this? A small taste of a fic I'm working on? Totally! Just an excerpt from the later half...

Swirling colors swam behind the darkness of his closes eyes, angry red hues that bombarded Lucian's skull violently. Pounding hard against his temples, making even his teeth hurt, as it rebounds back into him. Each breath he let's out is shaking and heavy, as if he had just gotten done running, a long sprint he didn't know he had been preforming. He leaned his body back against the wall, every fiber in him tense.

"Lucian?" The voice that calls him is terrifyingly quiet and soft. Ever so slightly he tilts his head in its direction to show he's listen, the voice a welcome distraction from the current panic stammering against his ugly mind. "May I ask you something? Something I've been, avoiding asking for a while now."

And that makes Lucian shudder, his hands clenching at his sides... There could only be so much he wants to ask, right now... Hesitantly, Lucian nods his head at Aemond Targaryen, his eyes opening half lidded to give him his full attention, tears still threatening to fall. But, the look of pure and utter concern on Aemond's face makes his breath hitch. He has to glance away, it's too much, that dark oceanic eye so full of genuineness, such a look of deathly devotion. It makes his body freeze, jaw clenching in pure terror from how unworthy he feels to be looked at in that exact way.

"Am I a good man?"

The question is absurd, and for him to ask it now of all times... Hesitantly, Lucian takes a deep inhale, his fingers stretching out across his legs. He claws at his skin in an attempt to soothe his nerves, trying desperately not to let his emotions become him. Exhaling, his voice is a whisper, barely audible against the rough waves that crash against the ship's walls around them. He watches the lantern light sway as he speaks.

"No. Not at all..." With a pause he collects his thoughts, voice still a stutter, brows furrowed. "A good man doesn't reject his birthright, the ultimate prize anyone would kill for, over... Over a another man. A good man," he laughs a little, the words flowing out inelegantly, "wouldn't let his emotions dictate his decisions. A good man, wouldn't bed with his own nephew."

He let's the weight of his words sink in for a moment, still terrified to even glance at Aemond as he speaks, too scared to see a look of hatred and resentment, or even a look of smug affection. Either way it's too much... Too much...

His words fade away slowly as he speaks, voice trailing off for a moment. Then he smiles, eyes glinting in the light that casts dark shadows around them.

"No Aemond... You're not a good man. You commit the gravest of sins on a whim, letting your desires consume your rationality." Lucian let's out a low sound as he chokes back a tiny sob, shaking his head he blinks away his remaining tears before continuing with some level of composure in him still. "You're selfish, making decisions based on pride and ego, and desires without a second thought about how it would affect others. Any who appose you, even just insult your short temper, you rain down a hellish wrath..."

"And I love you for it..." Voice catching, he chuckles, a little bewildered. Because he does, truly love Aemond, more than he could have ever imagined. In a way his younger self could have never expected, he had always known what he had fallen for. Who exactly Aemond is, with barely little than a single encounter enough to spark that flame that still rages hot and smoldering in his throat.

"I don't want you to be a good man Aemond. Because a good man would have never fallen in love with me. I adore the endless attention, the almost at times madding devotion. You'll be the death of me I know it. Each situation we place ourselves in more dangerous than the next, the risks of execution we face for just indulging our darkest and strongest emotions..."

He finally looks at Aemond then. And he's frozen by the look he is receiving. It's a narrowed eyed glare, but behind the surface something else lingers deeper within. Lucian can't tell what it is, nor can he read the emotion in his expressionless gaze. But, he keeps going, he needs to say this. Swallowing hard, his voice quivers.

"I live for that danger. It makes me feel alive. The self destruction is thrilling in a way nothing else ever has been..."

He grows quiet, struggling to maintain eye contact with Aemond who just stares for several hard long moments. Then, his lips slowly curl into a wicked smile, one of self satisfaction and pride. Without a single word uttered, Aemond lifts a hand to Lucian's face, the tips of his fingers curling around the back of his neck. The tug itself is gentle, but the kiss he lands is visceral and aggressive. Their teeth knock together making Lucian gasp and when he does Aemond takes advantage, his tongue moving to explore. They stay locked in their embrace for a moment, before Aemond backs off, eye fluttering open with an anger in his dark gaze.

"Don't you dare ever think you aren't enough for me again..." Daggers fill his words as Aemond tugs at Lucian's hair tightly, his other hand gripping the man's face hard, "You are the one who makes by blood burn, my heart ache for more. You are not nothing, you are everything. You are why I have any reason to care. What I was before you was a living corpse catering to the petty squabblings of men. Day after day a living nightmare of endless limitations decided by other people. They're irrelevant... Everything is irrelevant but you."

Lucian's eyes go wide in shock and awe, a fear growing in his stomach. Unshed tears form in his eyes, the pain of Aemond's rough touch and the distraught in his mind. Flinching he carefully pries Aemond hands off of him, wincing at a searing burn in his scalp.

"But you know what I am. What I've done, what I will do. Does that not scare you? The constant threat of physical harm for my own sadistic curiosity? You already wear evidence of my violence on your skin."

Pressing two light fingers to Aemond's lips, he traces the slow healing cut on them, still red from where blood pooled to scab the wound. He wants to run in that moment, to disappear from the world, the truth of Aemond's answer a horrifying prospect. It takes every ounce in Lucian to stay, his body twitching anxiously, hands shaking as he anticipates Aemond's answer.

"Why would I be scared? You could very well peirce a dagger in my remaining eye, and it would not matter. If utter madness is what it takes to love you, then I would rather lose myself to madness and live than be dead sane. And I would not want it any other way."

A laughter erupts from Lucian, waves of relief and affection washing over him. His panic fading and replaced by an entirely different kind of emotion... Love. Wandering upward, his hand rests on Aemond's face, holding him. His thumb caresses the flesh underneath Aemond's remaining eye. He inspects it a moment, taking in its beauty, the dark color, the way his pupil expands, the tiny jumping flicks it makes as it too watches back. His voice is a whisper.

"It would be shame to lose your other eye..."

But his voice doesn't match his expression. A dark thought crashing into his mind, a very dark thought. One of cruelty and violence. Of complete and utter submission by force. Lucian glances his head down when Aemond's brow raises in a silent question. He breaks his stare, his heart now beating for an entirely different reason, hard against his chest, demanding. His fingers twitch against Aemond's flesh, nails pressing ever so slightly into his skin. A muttering of calculated words leaves his lips, voice low and predatory.

"But... To see you, utterly dependent upon me. Blinded, following behind obediently... No way to view the world other that what I would allow you to experience..."

He can feel Aemond tense up underneath him, he can hear as his mouth opens slightly in sudden gape. He moves to pull away, but is stopped. Snapping his eyes back to Aemond, he watches in surprise as Aemond presses his hand back against his face, nuzzling slightly into his palm before pressing a gentle kiss to his index finger.

"How would you do it?" Aemond's voice is deep, a low rasp of sudden lust. His eye flicks to watch Lucian's reaction and a smirk teases his lips. Kissing Lucian's hand once more. "Would you carve it out with a blade? Make the agony last for as long as possible? Or..." He leans in closer, "would you rip it from it's socket with your own delicate fingers?"

A shudder runs down along Lucian's spine. His mouth opens to respond, but only a small groan emerges. He's shaking again, but this time it's out of a desperation, an animalistic impulse to harm and tear and rip flesh from bone. A reaction that sends a heat to Aemond's flushed face. Sucking his tongue, Lucian stays deadly still, before whispering.

"Stop... stop speaking before I lose myself in the idea."

It's a plea and a warning. For only the Gods could know just how much he truly wanted to violently make such a temptation real.

"Oh?" Aemond chuckles dangerously, "Would you mute me too? Tear my tongue out with your teeth?"

In an instant Lucian's hands are at Aemond's throat, digging into the skin hard, his eyes wild like dragonflame. A gasp of air spills from Aemond's lips, his smirk now gone, replaced with a smugness. His eyes roll back a little, and even though he struggles for a breath, he manages to speak, strained and hoarse.

"What, if I said I wanted it?"

With rapid breathing Lucian squeezes ever so tighter with each sound that emerges from Aemond. Thumping beats so loud, Lucian is sure Aemond could hear his heart. His eyes are alive, something feral. This wasn't about wanting anything anymore, this was something simple, something of a basic animal impulse. The same look a direwolf gives to a rabbit, the need to feed...

"Does the idea not tempt you the same?" Aemond asks, leaning forward to brush his lips over Lucian's forehead, no care in the fact he was currently being strangled, "It would be a wonderful experience, an experiment in pleasure..."

Lucian's hands relax, sliding up from Aemond's neck to hold his face. Aemond's smile only grows. For a few moments they just sit there, then Lucian tugs Aemond closer. His tongue darts out and licks eagerly at the scar on Aemond's face. Exploring each patch of raised and rough skin, the parts the dip into the flesh, and when he nears the edge of the empty socket, the torn hole that entices him, he stops. Pulling away he sighs.

"I could not in good faith be allowed to blind you..." And Lucian knew he was right. To carve out what remains of Aemond's ability to have his own agency, it would be so easy, but he would live each day with regret and remorse for what he had done. With a light smile, he runs a hand through Aemond's hair, scratching softly. "Perhaps a blindfold would suffice?"

No... No it wouldn't, it would not be the same, it could never be the same. But, that was a moral line that Lucian was not yet comfortable stepping over.

Aemond hums, the look in his eye softening, it's clear he understands, regardless of the disappointment in his tone.

"Yes, I can live with that. Until you are ready for something more permanent. I would do anything for you."

Lucian swallows.

"I know... And that terrifies me."

Well, I hope you all enjoyed that. And now, I get the fun task of tagging this... Hopefully the soon the first chapter of this story will be out.

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