#Also he's come out as gay finally bc honestly it fits him
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Heyyy! I have a fic request!
I totally HC that Larissa was in smart-people classes, student council rep, head of academic clubs and probably class valedictorian or something.
Then… there’s this wonderful (gay) song called “little miss perfect”.
I’ve been picturing Larissa discovering she’s gay for the first time, terrified it’ll ruin her reputation but finally she goes for it and kisses her crush!
(At the end of the song there is angst about being scared of what other people think and “falling off my throne” you could include that if you like? Or just pure fluff? Honestly if you like the idea you can literally do whatever you want to it aha.)
Obviously there’s no pressure to do this if you don’t want to :)
Stay safe and happy 🤍
hellooooo!!! i had sooooo much fun writing this -- i took some liberties and made it a larissa/morticia thing bc it seemed fitting! i absolutely love these types of plots i was so excited to write this!!! (also love this song?????? i went feral listening to it dsajfhigbx)
hope you like it!!!!! here's the ao3 link -- don't hesitate to leave a comment if you feel so inclined -- it makes my heart sing :)
tw: internalised homophobia, slight angst (but with a happy ending)
Larissa runs laps alone before cheerleading practice, trying to clear her mind. She feels like throwing up and it’s not because of physical activity.
She can’t believe what she’s done. What has gotten into her? To risk her reputation, everything she’s spent years building, and for what? For a pretty face? A momentary attraction, a lapse in judgement?
Love?
She picks up the pace, even though she already feels the burn in her lungs.
Love is not something she would know about. Love is a feeling, and feelings come and go. She has ambitions, a career to think about — a reputation that goes beyond this school (a school full of people who know her parents, who are all involved in the same social circles, who all know her and who would never look at her the same way again… if they knew).
She forces herself to slow down, not wanting to overexert herself before cheerleading practice. No one can see she is upset. She is never visibly upset in front of people.
Well.
Except for her.
She is the only person who has ever seen her — truly seen her. She has seen her upset, she has seen her happy — she knows things Larissa has never, ever told anyone before, as well as those little things no one has ever bothered to remember. She knows about her parents’ troubled marriage (they would never divorce — they have a reputation to uphold), that her fondest childhood memory is the day her father finally took a day off and took her fishing with him — she had so much fun stepping in mud while he laughed at her (she was so happy that not even her mother’s yelling when she came back home in mud-stained clothes could spoil her mood) — and she knows that Larissa’s favourite snack are terrible, greasy mini-doughnuts with strawberry filling from the little diner just outside their campus. Sometimes she gets them for Larissa unprompted and Larissa pretends to be upset because she really shouldn’t have that much sugar or grease if she wants to maintain her perfect figure — but she eats all of them anyway.
She picks up the pace again — her lungs burn and tears threaten to spill, but she doesn’t let them because what would people say if her eyes were all red and her mascara smudged? They would know she was crying.
She has a reputation to uphold.
Memories from last night play on repeat in her mind. She and Morticia (her best friend, her roommate, her cheerleading co-captain — and her absolute downfall) were sitting on Larissa’s bed. Morticia, always the wild one, managed to persuade her into buying some disgusting, lemon-flavoured beer. They are drinking it together as she braids Larissa’s hair.
***
“Why don’t you ever wear your hair curly, Rissie? It would suit you,” Morticia asks as she braids her hair.
“My hair is naturally a little bit curly,” Larissa says, “I just always blow-dry it straight.”
“Why?”
“I guess I just don’t like it.”
“I like it.”
“Well, you do have a peculiar sense of style,” Larissa teases her and gasps as Morticia swats her arm. “Hey! That hurt,” she laughs, rubbing her arm.
“You deserve it,” Morticia laughs back, showing no remorse. “There, all done,” she says as she finishes the braid. “It looks really pretty — but you’re so pretty that anything looks good on you, so it’s no surprise.
Larissa blushes despite herself. She never blushes when somebody else tells her that — she knows she’s pretty, because she spends so much time perfecting her makeup, taking care of her hair, working out, eating right — of course she looks pretty! — but Morticia is different. She says it to her even when Larissa is makeup-less, in her pajamas, when her hair is a mess, when she hasn’t brushed her teeth in the morning yet and when she is sweaty from cheerleading practice — in fact, it is especially during those times that Morticia makes a point of saying it to her. It makes Larissa’s heart flutter.
“My arm still hurts, you know,” Larissa tries changing the subject. “I will have a bruise and it will look bad in my cheer uniform.”
“Oh, so dramatic! It was just a little slap.” Morticia rolls her eyes and scoots to sit in front of Larissa again, then hands her the beer. Larissa takes a sip.
“Here, give me your arm, I will kiss it better.”
There are butterflies in her stomach as Morticia rolls up her sleeve and plants a gentle kiss on her upper arm. Her lips are impossibly soft and warm.
Morticia looks at Larissa’s eyes, smiling widely. “Better?” she asks.
Larissa stares at her, captivated. She feels the ghost of Morticia’s lips on her skin.
“Rissie?”
Without thinking, Larissa cups Morticia’s face, pulls her closer, and kisses her.
Morticia tastes like sweet citrus beer and peppermint gum. Her lips are warm and soft and wet, and Larissa loves it. She feels fuzzy and warm — not just from the beer— and it’s just… right. Larissa wants to spend the rest of her life kissing Morticia.
They kiss for a while. It’s soft and sweet in the beginning, but then it grows hungrier. Morticia climbs into Larissa’s lap, straddling her, and her hands start to wander.
Larissa feels like she’s in heaven. She briefly opens her eyes, wanting to sneak a glance at Morticia, drink in how pretty she is — but what catches her eye instead is their reflection in the window. She watches herself in the window pane — kissing a girl — and reality hits her.
She pulls away.
“Tish, I…”
“What’s the matter, Rissie? We can slow down if you want to.” Morticia’s voice is soft, and she runs her hand over Larissa’s cheek.
“I just— I— I can’t, Tish. I have to go,” Larissa says. Her heart breaks at the confusion in Morticia’s eyes, but she forces herself to look away.
She bolts out of the room, leaving Morticia sitting on the bed, in shock.
She spends the night at Jessica’s and Tara’s room, telling them Morticia wanted to bring a boy tonight. They don’t question it, because Morticia is known to be a party girl (Morticia did use to bring boys to their room, but she hasn’t in months — not since she and Larissa got closer). Larissa laughs and chats with them for a while before bed, surprising even herself with how good of an actress she is. She only allows herself to shed a single tear once she’s convinced Jessica and Tara are asleep.
She has a reputation to uphold.
***
A voice brings her back to reality.
“Larissa!”
A voice she would recognise anywhere is calling her name. She starts running faster.
“Larissa, wait! Please, let’s talk about this! Larissa!”
She hears the voice getting closer — Morticia must be running after her.
“There is nothing to talk about, Morticia!” Larissa shouts. “Other girls will get here soon, so you should stop screaming my name and making a scene!”
“I will stop screaming your name if you slow down! And the girls will see nothing — they will just see us running laps to warm up before practice.”
Larissa slows down. Her lungs ache — she has overexerted herself. She wants to scream at herself for being so stupid and emotional.
Morticia finally catches up to her, but Larissa doesn’t even spare her a glance, looking at her shoes instead. They walk side by side, breathing heavily.
Finally, Morticia speaks.
“I just want to talk about it, that’s all. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way about me like I do about you.”
Larissa’s heart breaks as she lies without even blinking.
“It was a mistake. I just wanted to try it out, see how it feels. I like boys, sorry. Let’s not mention it again.”
“I don’t buy that for a second, Larissa.”
“Well, it’s the truth.”
“No, it’s bullshit. I know what this is about, and it’s exactly what I feared would happen.”
“You’re delusional, Morticia, there is nothing between us.”
“I might be delusional, but you are a fucking coward!” Morticia’s voice is shaking. Larissa knows she is on the verge of crying. Her heart is breaking…
…but she has a reputation to uphold.
“Stop yelling, people will hear,” Larissa hisses, and finally looks at her.
Morticia is looking at her, big brown eyes full of unshed tears. Larissa wants to hold her, apologise, kiss her tears away — but she doesn’t.
“That’s the only thing you care about, don’t you? What people will say if they find out Larissa Weems — Little Miss Perfect, Little Miss Head Of Student Council, Captain Of Cheerleading Club, a straight A student — has a big lesbian crush on her roommate. You don’t care about me, you only care about your stupid reputation, I am aware — but the least you could do is have the courage to tell me you like me, but you’re too much of a coward to do anything about it! Don’t fucking gaslight me and try to convince me you this means nothing to you!”
“It doesn’t,” Larissa tries to lie, but Morticia is having none of it.
“Coward! Tell me, why did you kiss me? Look me in the eye and tell me I mean nothing to you and I will leave you alone. I will request to change rooms, I will leave your perfect life, and we can be two strangers on the cheer team and never talk again. Just tell me and I swear to God, Larissa, I will do it!”
“God, Morticia, what do you want me to say!? Fine. Fine! ” she shouts, losing her temper. “I kissed you because I wanted to, because I think you’re pretty, because I think you’re smart, because you make me feel alive, and loved and cared for, because you’re the only person who truly knows me! And I have no idea what to do about that!”
She stops walking. She’s fully crying now, crying because everything is a mess, because she overexerted herself before practice, because she ruined her mascara and everyone will know she’s been crying and everyone will see her ugly white eyelashes, and because she let herself lose her composure…
…but most of all, because she is in love with her best friend.
“I kissed you because I love you, Tish,” she cries, “I’m sorry, I’ve been such a bitch to you, I just don’t know what to do.”
Morticia says nothing. Larissa doesn’t know what she’s thinking, because she cannot bear to look at her, cannot bear to see the hurt and the disappointment in her eyes, knowing the she is the cause of her pain. She sobs. She has caused her favourite person in the world pain.
Larissa suddenly feels herself being pulled into a tight hug.
They stay like that for a while. Morticia strokes her hair — it’s slightly curly because of the braid it’s been in. Morticia is surprised Larissa didn't straighten it this morning. She knows it’s silly, but that gives her a tiny bit of hope.
“I don’t know what to do either,” Morticia whispers into Larissa’s shoulder, “but we’ll figure it out. Come on, let’s go. We are not going to practice today.”
Larissa nods. As Morticia holds her hand and drags her over the football field, the only thought in her mind is how soft Morticia’s hands are.
They skip practice that day, Morticia expertly lying to their coach, telling her they both caught a stomach bug. She believes them because they never skip practice and sends them to the infirmary. They don’t go — instead they spend the afternoon drinking slushies and eating mini-doughnuts in that diner near campus. They talk and they talk, and before they are about to go back to campus, Larissa lays a hand on Morticia’s — and leaves it there. Morticia’s eyes widen — the diner is full, anyone could see them. She gives Larissa a questioning look, and Larissa gives her a fearful one — but she doesn’t remove her hand.
It’s a start.
#larissa weems#larissa x morticia#morissa#wednesday 2022#gwendoline christie#i will produce my own garbage and also consume it
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erin hasn’t read jade legacy yet and i have 700 pages worth of Opinions about it and you can’t put stuff under a cut in tweets so i am finally returning to “posting on tumblr”
this book did not fully work for me! and i am really chewing on why. I enjoyed reading it, and it made me cry several times, but it felt structurally disconnected and didn’t really come together for me like, Thematically. the ending was just kind of eh. points for ending on bero and the twice lucky, because i’m a simple woman i love a good bookend, but it feels really weird that the end was basically like “well, we won bc our family likes each other and the mountain all hates each other” guys your family is a nightmare!!!!!!!!
on some level I think I had expectations the book ultimately wasn’t interested in fulfilling so I’m not a super fair judge--my called shot for this book was that niko was going to kill hilo for murdering his mom, or that at least that was going to be a major point of contention between them. at a certain point it became obvious this was not the direction we were going in, which is fine, but eyni’s murder was SUCH a great momentous “oh shit” moment in jade war and I feel like we never fully followed up on it--it makes perfect sense that hilo would see it as necessary and like it was the right thing to do, because he’s a freak and he sucks (affectionate), but we barely get to see niko react to it as an adult. like I really thought we were going to get a moment in jade legacy that was like, hey hilo, turns out you cannot just kill your nephew’s mom and kidnap him as a toddler without consequences, but I guess......you can? i feel like we missed out on sooo much meaty crunchy stuff in this vein.
also this should have been at least two or three books. I was excited about the time skips, because I wanted to see the kids as adults, but a lot of specific moments had to get skimmed over to fit everything in, and the kids kind of got the shaft as far as characterization--we get the most interesting character stuff with niko, and he barely has any POV! I liked what we got of Ru (and his death made me cry like a baby), but jaya was cool but completely flat. my mind palace ideal structure is like. one book still centered on the adults while the kids are growing up, and then one book centered on the adult kids where we actually get to dig deep into their character stuff/their relationships with each other.
anyway, stray thoughts:
making anden and lott narrative foils but then not having them get together honestly kind of a power move. i kind of respect it. my read is that lott is gay but decided he would never be able to be out and be the horn, and stuck to that. which WOULD sure make him feel real weird about anden!
shae/ayt mada real and no one can convince me otherwise. they both tried to kill each other they both saved each other’s lives that is romance baybee
i did really enjoy the continuing bero throughline/his ultimate insignificance, and inability to even MAKE himself significant by confessing to lan’s murder to niko. that scene was so good.
it feels like all the interesting thematic stuff in this book was coming together in the wake of Ru’s death, and then it all had to get dropped bc we were once again at like, “uh oh mountain’s gonna take over”. like no go back i want to talk more about senseless death and about how vital it is to die for a cause as a green bone but ultimately lan’s death was also a senseless accident and hilo HAS ALWAYS KNOWN THAT AND ALWAYS LIED ABOUT IT AND THAT’S THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE WAR!!! CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT!!
2 black 2 green made me lose it.
anyway i AM staring at my hands like is it just that i’m a slut for tragedy and wanted a worse ending to this book where like five major characters died....am EYE the problem for wanting this family to be irrevocably broken...am i too successionpilled.....
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i blame you for making me think about tommy and carol bc i've never really given them much thought before. they were clearly written to be these obnoxious high school stereotypes and not much more than that, so i love how you're looking through that and making them more dimensional. what do you think they'll grow up to be like? are they gonna leave hawkins after high school, will they stay there forever, will one of them leave while the other stays? will they grow apart after high school, or will they always keep that toxic codependency going? please gimme all your thoughts <3
ANNA! "i blame you for making me think of tommy and carol" are my FAVORITE words to hear sflkjgfdlkg that's like music to my ears. the more people i can get thinking deeper about tommy and carol the better fdkjgfl.
they fully were written to be those obnoxious high school bully stereotypes, but boy oh boy, there is SO much nuance in how the portrayals of these characters actually came across onscreen.
when i think of tommy and carol and their futures, i honestly can see things going a couple different ways - which mostly stems from the fact that there are a lot of little headcanon details about them i like to change up in my head that then directly impacts which route their futures would take (the biggest fluctuating details being their sexualities; how their future plays out will be fundamentally different to me if it's just tommy that's gay, if it's carol that's the lesbian, if they're both some flavor of fruity, or if neither of them are.)
if i sat here and went through each slightly different future i imagine for them we'd be here forever fkdljgfd sooooo for now i will just tell you about my personal favorite.
first, a little backstory because i think it's important to know where they came from to know why they are the way they are because that ultimately drives where they end up:
i personally like to think that tommy hagan comes from a big family - a big family of all girls, too. he's one of five, the middle child, with two older sisters and two younger sisters. i also like to think that his mom is a single mother - and when it comes to his dad, my hc isn't super nailed down for him. i do think he was there when tommy was younger, but his father left, maybe around when tommy was nine? ten? but either, his dad was cheating on his mom and ended up leaving her (and their kids) to be with this other woman (maybe because SHE got pregnant?) OR tommy's dad hit his mom, and that went on for long enough until she finally stood up and kicked him out. out of those two options though, i like to lean towards the first one, beeeeecaaaause it makes tommy's motivations and behaviors THAT much jucier sdlkfds. BECAUSE combine tommy's middle-child-syndrome with this early abandonment and of COURSE he's got issues. OF COURSE he has to find every way to get attention because he doesn't get enough of it at home and OF COURSE he gets upset and lashes out when people he's close to leave him because he's got abandonment issues (so when steve, his friend, his best friend, suddenly drops him and carol, of course tommy gets upset). also, random tidbit that didn't really fit in anywhere else dkfls but i think i mentioned it in my response on that initial post that started all this but i DO think tommy is an angry guy. BUT i do not think that manifests in the same way as it would for a lot of other guys. he's NOT outwardly angry all the time, he's NOT always looking to pick a fight, he's NOT a physically violent guy. i think his anger stems from very specific circumstances - i.e. circumstances where his control is slipping - and while he doesn't resort to physical violence (aside from maybe a shove here or there, because that's the most we ever see onscreen in a moment when he is genuinely upset and angry), he lashes out. verbally. he says MEAN shit - and because he's friends with carol, his tongue has sharpened over the years (and also, growing up with all sisters means he's well accustomed to the ways of female warfare lol - aka the vicious mind games and cruelty of the tongue that is more common than physical violence). SO that means he knows how to go for the jugular with just his words, and that, sometimes, can be even worse than a punch to the nose.
carol, on the other hand, i like to think also comes from a single mother household, but unlike tommy, she is an only child. i like to think that she and her mom moved to hawkins when she was... maybe 12 or 13, so middle school age. she wasn't super popular at her old school, is the thing. i don't think she was necessarily super bullied or anything, but she didn't really have a lot of friends and she probably didn't get a lot of attention either. so when she comes to hawkins, she sees it as a chance to reinvent herself. she doesn't let herself fall into that new girl trap, and she's outspoken from the get go - perhaps a little to her own detriment, because while she does make friends, they ALSO scares a lot of people off because of how cold she seems (which is ENTIRELY a self-preservation thing for her). and then somehow, someway she catches the attention of steve harrington. steve harrington, who, at this point, is already well on his way to being the golden boy King Steve that we see in high school. and she clings to that, because that's her ticket to the top. i think maybe she gets a little crush on steve at first - except it isn't actually a crush. she just likes what he can offer her - the popularity, the attention, the feeling of being needed, and she misreads that as having a crush on him. (and if you subscribe to the carol is a lesbian hc, which i sometimes do! this "crush" would be FULLY because that's what's expected of her; all the other girls like steve, all the other girls think he's hot and awesome and perfect, so that must mean she should to, right? - but that's a different future route that i'm not taking here so. putting this back on the shelf for now lol).
ANYWAYS. yeah so carol gets folded into steve and tommy's mix. she befriends them, she gets close with them, they become a trio. inseparable.
tommy and steve have been friends since grade school. maybe they were sat next to each other because their last names both start with H, maybe even as a small child steve already has lots of friends because he's nice and he shares his toys and he's got kids coming up to him all the time asking him if he wants to play and he always says yes. but then one day it's steve that's toddling up to tommy and asking him if he wants to play. steve chooses tommy. and the rest is history. and as they grow up, steve starts growing into his looks and he gets good at sports and joins all the teams and he excels, so he's got people fawning over him and flocking towards him for any sliver of attention he's willing to give them. but at the end of the day it's tommy that gets steve's full attention. it's tommy that steve tells everything to, it's tommy that knows steve best, it's tommy who steve trusts, it's tommy who is steve's best friend. and tommy REVELS in that. it's that attention he's been craving his whole life. this, naturally, leads to tommy feeling possessive over steve. and he doesn't realize that this possessiveness is a little more deeply rooted than just wanting to keep steve's friendship until steve starts to look at girls.
the first time tommy sees steve with a pretty girl on his arm, he gets this sick, curdled, twisting feeling in his gut. at first he thinks it's because he's jealous of steve. jealous that he has a date and tommy doesn't. but when steve comes back and tells tommy that it didn't work out, tommy gets this relief that floods through tommy. he doesn't really understand it at first, and definitely doesn't examine it too closely either, just sort of shoves it down deep and doesn't worry about it. but then steve finds another girl, and this time things DO go well, and, naturally, as steve's best friend, tommy becomes the person that steve tells everything to. he tells tommy all about the dates, all about the kisses he shares with these girls, all about when things go a little further... tommy listens, because of course he does, but the whole time he's thinking all these horrible thoughts about the girl and that ugly feeling is back knotting up his insides. and omg when steve tells tommy about losing his virginity - OH BOY. he goes into detail, because that's what teenage boys do, and tommy listens but he's sitting there with this whole STORM of emotions swirling through his head - the twisted need to know more, the urge to scream at steve to shut up, disgust because he doesn't want to think about steve with someone else, turned on because its steve talking about having sex, deep shame because hes forced to face the fact that he's wishing it was him with steve instead of that girl. this, perhaps, is even the first time tommy is like. FULLY faced with the true nature of his feelings, the ones he's been shoving away and ignoring this whole time.
i think tommy struggles with it. being gay (which he refuses to consider himself) is obviously not accepted in that time period. and he knows he'd get absolutely pummeled if anyone caught wind that he'd even thought about another boy like that. whiiiich is where carol comes in.
i think at this point tommy is probably already with carol - when steve started showing his interest in girls, tommy didn't want to get left in the dust, so he tried to find himself a girlfriend too, and it just so happened that carol was right there and it was so easy because carol was just so easy (WOMP). i like to think that maybe they started as a hookup. tommy wanted to lose his virginity, and carol was right there, and well, there were rumors about her, and all tommy had to do was ask, and she said yes, and then it sort of snowballs from there because (even though their first time was probably fumbling and not actually the greatest overall, tommy still liked it, and if he liked sex with a girl there's no way he's gay, right?) then he asks her out and she says yes again, and they start this relationship that maybe didn't really stem from any true feelings at first, but like they sort of caught the feelings along the way, like they learned to love each other along the way.
and the thing is - i do genuinely think that tommy and carol loved each other. i do. i don't think that their relationship wasn't real, even if tommy is actually gay. i think they had a lot of fun together, and i think that the feelings were there. they just weren't enough. because despite things going pretty well with carol, tommy was still thinking about steve. he was still actively having those feelings even while with carol. (which - maybe he was just projecting those feelings onto carol.) regardless, though, there is a love that exists between tommy and carol - i just think that over time it morphs into something different than what they both initially thought it was.
NOW. when it comes to their future (WHICH HELLO THIS IS WHAT YOUR ASK WAS ABOUT AND IM ONLY JUST NOW GETTING TO IT SKFJDS S O R R Y AND THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME THROUGH ALL OF ^^^ THAT PREAMBLE SKDJFL)
since we are talking about my favorite potential future for them, it looks a little something like this:
they stay together. all through high school. when steve leaves them, things get a little rocky between tommy and carol, because steve was the glue that held them together, ultimately. but they both sort of realize that they're all each other has left, now that steve's gone, so they temper things. they marry out of high school - or that's when tommy proposes anyways, because tommy's barely three quarters of the way through his first year of community college when there's a pregnancy scare (which - honestly, everyone's surprised that didn't happen earlier) but yeah, carol's late, and when she pees on the stick it's positive. when she tells tommy, tommy proposes - because that's the right thing to do. he's not going to ditch her, he's not going to make her do that on her own. carol says yes, because what other option does she have here? but when they actually go to the doctor about it, they find out that the test was a false positive; carol is not pregnant. they stay engaged though, carol still wore her ring, and tommy stayed with carol, and neither one of them said anything about it. they followed through with it three years later after tommy graduated with a business degree and a cushy job at carol's dad's company.
at this point, they've known each other for almost a decade, and they've been together for most of it. so they know each other pretty well. which means - carol knows about tommy's... interests. she's fully aware. has been since high school, actually. she clocked tommy's crush on steve reeeeal quick, and actually confronted him about it once - which forced tommy into a corner and when he'd tried to deny it she's just scoffed and told him to quit fucking hiding from it. and he did. he'd admitted it to her, which was still difficult for him, but he'd gotten a bit better about admitting it to himself over the years. and in response to it, carol told him she didn't care.
which was really the best god damn way it could've gone. she told tommy that she didn't care that he gets off to guys, that she didn't care that he thinks about them, that he wants them. in fact, she told tommy that she didn't even care if he wanted to fuck around with them on the side. so long as he came back to her in the end, she didn't care.
and so, most nights tommy will slip off his wedding ring, he'll make the drive to whatever innocuous city is far enough away that he wont run into anyone he knows, and he'll seek out the company of other men. and when he's had his fill for the night, when he's satisfied that itch, he'll drive back to hawkins, and he'll try to be quiet as he enters the house and changes into his pajamas, and then he'll slide into bed next to carol and he'll go to sleep.
it's... it sounds like a pretty miserable existence, the two of them trapped in this seemingly unhappy marriage. but it's actually not. not really. it works for them. like i said before, they do love each other. it's just not that same sort of love that was there when they were kids, when they first started out. it's changed, it's morphed, it's turned into something more familial, rather than romantic.
maybe one day they will finally move out of hawkins. maybe that will be the beginning of the end. maybe once they're out from underneath the thumb of the town they grew up in, out from underneath the pressure of playing the expected role for all the people they knew there, they can start to live their own lives. maybe they'll finally get a divorce. maybe tommy will finally outwardly acknowledge his sexuality. maybe carol will finally find something she's good at and thrive with it. maybe maybe maybe.
FIN. skfjgdlkf. omg if you've made it this far THANK YOU for sticking with me and reading through all my rambling headcanons. i really mean it when i say i think about tommy and carol and their lives ALL THE TIME dkfsdlf. and like i said at the beginning, this is just ONE of the many pathways i've thought of for them sklfjsdf.
anyways, THANK YOU for asking and for indulging me in my love for tommy and carol!!! this was truly so much fun to write up and i loved getting to do that.
[also i GOTTA throw a little shameless self promo here, if you liked what you read here, this headcanon DOES feature heavily in my tommy-running-into-steddie-at-their-high-school-reunion fic, which you can find here. i ALSO have another stommy fic, which you can find here, which details my headcanon for steve's first kiss (which as i'm sure you've guessed, is with tommy).]
#asks#unclewaynemunson#tommy hagan#carol perkins#tommy x carol#stommy#sort of LOL#stranger things#macks headcanons#mack writes#sort of x2 LOL#THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THIS ASK ANNA!!!! I LOVED IT!!!
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axelle judges bl shows > The Eclipse
/!\ SPOILERS AHEAD
summary: Ayan infiltrates the Suppalo school to try and figure out what happened to his uncle who commited suicide after working there. There he meets Akk, the head of the student prefects who has it in for him, while also hiding a secret of his own.
where to watch: youtube
grade: 8/10
pros:
- the acting was amazing from everyone involved. I’ve been a fan of first & khaotung since their first roles so I didn’t expect anything less from them but they were incredible, there was not one moment where their acting felt off, and it was especially great to see khaotung in such an unexpected role for him that’s actually great for once! another great surprise is also neo, who was finally allowed a more serious role & did great, and also louis whom I had only seen in one role before and had a very solid performance. aj, my underrated fave for years, was also great just like ploy. basically everyone did amazing & I loved this cast :)
- I loved that this show tackled the difficulties linked with figuring out your sexuality & coming out, especially in relation with being lower class, even though I wish it would’ve been made a bit more clear that the reason akk is super closeted & also follows suppalo rules so blindly is bc he’s the only one in his family with a hope of going to university & would get a scholarship from being the head prefect. but in general, it was nice to see a bl show acknowledge sexuality & homophobia. while I do like the escapism of bl shows that pretend like those topics don’t even exist, I also think there is something more touching & heartwrenching to having them get explored. it’s also more realistic while still having a happy, positive queer story in the end so imo there’s only good things to gain from it.
- the overall story’s message was great, and fits well with other high school thai dramas that tackle corruption (which I’ve made video for here.) I also ESPECIALLY liked that the bringers of change are effeminate gay men, bc those kinds of characters have been mocked & ridiculed for far too long in thai dramas. but here they’re brave, iconic, and have otherwise fulfilling lives with a great friend group & also boyfriends. honestly I would have loved to see even more of them but this positive portrayal of effeminate gay men was really important imo, and one of the great aspects of this series which tackled more queer topics in general. but apart from that, I just really liked the message of this series for almost every character, and it worked really well for me.
- the chemistry was really great, which is not surprising since I’ve never seen first & khaotung have bad chemistry with literally ANYONE. as for neo & louis, you can tell they’ve matured as a ship & they feel more grounded and better overall than in futs. the ships were really compelling, especially akkayan who worked fantastic in my opinion!
- this is kinda small & random, but I REALLY appreciated akkayan not breaking up once they got together. literally EVERY OTHER bls (even ones I adore) love breaking up the ship before the final climax of the show to add drama, but here I really loved that even when akk wanted to pull away, ayan never let him. they also took a bit longer than other ships to get together & felt very sturdy thanks to it, which made this high school ship feel more mature & beautiful imo.
cons:
- from the beginning of the show, I’ve felt like the pace was a bit weird & the ending was gonna be unsatisfying, for a good reason: the whole investigation plot & all the drama surrounding suppalo felt very much like it was thrown in there so akkayan could meet (because it WAS!) throughout the show, while the romantic relationship had a good pace imo, the suppalo storyline was barely acknowledged at all & most of it is spent on protest scenes that end up all feeling & looking the same in the end. bc of that, not only are the suppalo-focused moments kinda boring, but it also meant that the show had to settle everything in the two last eps, which is why ep 11 was just plot twist after plot twist & led to plot holes and overall insatisfaction from the viewers. all of that to say that the writing is in big part to blame for that, and I wish it would’ve gone differently bc the show could’ve been even better if it had.
- thua as a character, man. he was one of my favorites & was ruined in ep 11. having a queer character who’s been bullied his whole life for being gay outing others for literally no reason felt worse than other outing scenes in shows by straight characters bc DAMN, how are you gonna betray your own like that ;_; and then having him never apologize but everything goes back to normal the next day?? HELL NO. he should’ve been called out by akk & apologized to him, and akk should’ve had an explanation scene with kan & wat as well. this whole part of the episode just... sucked, and ruined kanthua for me.
- that bl short film concept was wacky af I’m sorry... I already didn’t love certain fanservice scenes towards the beginning of the show but THAT??? didn’t fit in tonally with the show at all & added absolutely nothing to it.
- for a show called the eclipse, there wasn’t a lot of eclipsing. it might sound like I’m nitpicking but???? the eclipse was literally one second long????? and it had no fucking purpose at all????? like how random for being the fucking title of the show though :’) I just wish the eclipse would’ve been incorporated into the show more, for example from the first mock trailer I thought the eclipse was tied to the suppalo curse, so I think they could’ve played into that more.
would I rewatch it: sure :)
This was in the top 5 of the shows I was most excited for this year, and while it wasn’t perfect I really enjoyed it & what it stood for. I still recommend as it’s a nice little show :)
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if i could ask without it being rude. . .
what/when did you realize you were nonbinary?
lately i've been wondering if the gender binary fits for me and i was just hoping you might have some answers or guidance or something
anon this is not rude at all! i am always open to talk about my experiences with gender identity! thank you so much for feeling safe enough to come to me, I do hope my answer sheds some light on things for you.
please excuse any spelling errors bc I am currently typing with one eye open haha. (also under a read more bc i got wordy sorry I hope this helps!! I'm here for you anon!!)
So, I was about 19 when I realized that 'girl' didn't really fit me? Looking back I think it might have always been like this, but I grew up in a small southern town where the only out gay person was bullied so relentlessly that he left town and we never saw him again.
So, 19, I come across this tumblr account that centered heavily on genderfluidity, and for a while that identity felt safe to me? I've always been more masculine leaning in general, from a very young age and at the time (this was 2011) genderfluid seemed right. I would fluidly slip between masc and fem and it all felt comfortable and safe and nothing like I'd ever experienced before. Small town me finding out there was more than just gay, lesbian, bi and trans? (trans here in the sense of transgender like, trans man or trans woman).
So yeah, I think at that point for me though, I just lost my mom, I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I didn't have the bandwidth to look too far into anything beyond something that finally made sense in my brain. So while I do still stand by me ID'ing as genderfluid for a few years, it never actually felt right. And you know? That's okay. It was sort of a stepping stone for me, I think. To look more into other gender identities. Because at that time, beyond genderfluid I only knew of trans men and trans women, in like I guess the binary gender sense?
To preface this, I know that definitions of transgender has changed over the years, this is just my personal experience with all of this, which is why some of it may come off as idk outdated?
Anyway, while I ID'd as genderfluid, I went by a masculine nickname and still used she/her pronouns just because I didn't really consider using anything else. Someone once referred to me using he and that sorta felt okay? But also not...right? At the same time. Like it felt better than she, but in the sense that it was a little off to the left of better. Not a perfect fit, but an okay one.
Honestly I could probably dig deep enough on my blog and maybe find some ramblings from that time if I tried hard enough, though I can't for the life of me figure out what I'd have tagged it haha.
So, I don't exactly remember what finally brought on nonbinary other than once I told someone that I didn't really feel like a person? I felt more like a genderless blob so to speak, and that she/her and he/him didn't really feel right to me.
And that friend was like 'well what about they?'
And then someone referred to me using they and everything sort of clicked into place right after that.
My experiences with gender have been quite turbulent, in the past I've dealt with heavy gender dysphoria because I had this idea in my mind that I needed to look androgynous in order to identify as nonbinary. That I wasn't nonbinary enough if I had tits. I binded for several years and fucked my ribs up with it because I am also fat. So, in I would say 2013 is when I finally started using nonbinary? So internet culture led me to believe I needed to be thin and have a flat chest in order to be the right kind of nonbinary, because otherwise I was just a woman.
I still get called she/her in my real life, other than my husband and our friend who both use they/them when referring to me. But, I've learned these past several years that nonbinary doesn't look a certain way? That I don't have to be more masculine leaning in order to ID that way. It feels right, when people use they/them and when they call me Lee, which is why I typically introduce myself that way, other than doctor's offices, and other official places use my birth name.
It took a lot of growing for me, because I had so many negative ideas about femininity and how I could also navigate that while being nonbinary. I refused to wear makeup for the longest time because I thought that that meant I was just faking it, and being a woman.
I've always wanted to be feminine but in the same way that like, a masculine person can be feminine, I guess? So like, in a 'cis man wears a dress and makeup' sort of way if that makes sense.
And I had this idea that I couldn't do that, otherwise I was just a fake nonbinary person?
What ultimately helped me was in 2016/2017 when I worked for Home Depot, my head cashier actually lead a local lgbt+ group and she immediately latched onto me not being straight or cis. Again, this was the south so there was a little bit of growing pains, we all ended up sitting down and talking about gender identity, I talked with some older people who were nonbinary and it opened my mind to start viewing things in a way that like, helped me, I guess?
Like, yeah, makeup is traditionally worn by a woman, but because I am not a woman, wearing makeup does not make me a woman. Just as wearing traditionally masculine clothing, does not make me a man. It just makes me a person wearing make up or a person wearing clothing.
I think overall, if I would have stayed on the internet and kept listening to those people who say that you have to look/be a certain way in order to be nonbinary, I wouldn't have probably reconciled my own issues with how I perceived myself vs nonbinary.
Overall, I'd say start small, the first thing I did was use neutral pronouns, this isn't to say you can't use neopronouns if those feel right to you, or use something like he/they or she/they bc a lot of nonbinary people do that too.
It's okay to experiment with gender. It's okay to tell your friends that you want to be referred to using only neutral pronouns, or a set neopronouns, or what have you. See how that feels.
Take a step back and look at how you perceive certain things, when I was finally able to let go of the idea that things had to be gendered, and that those gendered things only fit one particular gender, it made things so much easier for me.
I stopped hating my chest. Like I'd said earlier, I binded for a while, and it was so uncomfortable, but I Felt like I had to just because of what I'd heard the uh "gatekeepers of gender" say. But now? finding a bra that fits nicely and accentuates my chest? Euphoric.
None of that makes me a woman. I am just a person, and I like things.
Living in the south, good luck with me trying to ever explain this to people around here. So I'm out, but I'm not explicitly out I guess. If people clock it? Good for them. If not? Oh well. I don't really correct people on my pronouns, just because I've finally reached a point where I'm okay with it. My sister and brother in law still call me by my birth name and that's fine too. Because in my head, my name is Lee and my birth name is just a nickname that they have for me.
And again, all of this came with time. With several years. I started this when I was 19 and I'm 31 now, so it took a decent chunk. It's important that you've got a good support system too. And honestly, I'm here for you anon. If you ever need to talk, or vent or anything, my askbox is open. If you wanna come off anon and dm me? Sure.
I can even give you my discord if you'd prefer that.
Navigating gender can be scary, but, it'll be okay. <3
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SYD HAVE U FINISHED TUA3 YET BC I NEED SOMEONE TO SCREAM ABOUT IT WITH
YES I DID i stayed up all night by accident watching it….. under a cut for spoilers
I WAS NOTTTTTT PLEASED WITH HOW THE DRIVING PLOT OF THIS SEASON WAS 2 STRAIGHT ROMANCES???? NEITHER OF WHICH WAS GOOD????? bro how did we go from 2 gay romances last season that drove character development to LUTHER MEETS AND FUCKS RANDOM GIRL IMMEDIATELY and DIEGO AND LILA ARE BACK ON THEIR BULLSHIT AND ALSO BAD FOR EITHER OTHER …….. anyway.
everyone this season was kind of a stupid asshole? EXCEPT klaus viktor and five of course. god they are such good characters and i love them so much. i was wondering for so long how theyd ~bend reality~ to fit viktor being a dude into the new timeline but he was just like “im…viktor now” and all his siblings were like “k cool whatever” LMAOAOJDLAJSLS it was SOOO funny…. loved that. very real sibling interaction.
also i love klaus soooo much im glad we got to see more of him and his backstory and even some character development… and his powers!!! MY BOY. i also love five and tho aiden gallager is super annoying in real life my GOD does he play that character well. i LOVE five. old man in body of 13yo just never gets old hes sooo good i just wish we got SO MUCH MORE about his plot????? like it was wayyy more interesting than anything else going on??
honestly tho the whole last seasons driving plot being about the Commission and the intricacies and laws of time travel and how it intersects with the umbrella academys stories was SOOO GOOD…. and then this seasons main plot points were. luther wants to bone and then marry the enemy family girl. diegos still doing his weird toxic ass thing with lila who lies to him about having his child???? and allison goes full evil because she thinks her daughter not existing is like the most trauma anyones ever faced :| girl shut the HELL up. i felt rly let down by the plot in this it sucked honestly. and how did we go from 2 amazing moving queer relationships to ZERO while i had to sit through tropey straight bullshit. ugh. did yall forget to run this script by gerard or what lmao
i did generally like the ben plotline tho, like i rly didnt see it coming that he was gonna be a huge asshole??? i kinda wanted more of OUR ben who i loved tho :( but they rly made it work in the latter half of his plotline i think. like i didnt buy his whole deal but they finally gave him motives and emotions by the end and that was GOOD. really liked how that rounded out. the other sparrows were literally nothing tho like bye rip i guess????
overall i did enjoy watching this season and felt pulled in but got the plot was SOOOO lackluster compared to seasons 1 and 2. bleh. viktor klaus and five are my SPECIAL LITTLE BOYSSSS and i love them tho
#sorry i rly have a lot of feelings about this season lol like. lot of feedback id like to give#did yall talk to gerard before you made this season yes or no.#mail time!#tua spoilers#tua season 3
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I’m back with some HCs for NSR AU Suguru bc I want a happy ending (hope this isn’t too long, and I hope you had a great week!)
In canon, let’s just say Suguru… doesn’t like non sorcerers. (seeing sorcerers treated like shit by non sorcerers around him broke him) However, I can see this AU version of them realizing that both powered and non powered individuals can be shit (Liv and Miguel as good examples)
he’s very protective of those he trusts ie the rest of the JJK gang/arachnikids
Suguru still has no idea if they are gay or bi. Maybe they never find out.
One reason why I HC Suguru in this AU as nonbinary is because he uses “私” when referring to himself in canon. (Basically “I” in Japanese) 私 is very formal, gender neutral but often used by women. (Kento uses that too, but for him, I think it’s him just always sounding super formal.)
Satoru and Suguru both have trouble sleeping alone. The arachnikids have seen both of them snuggling in a small bed together more than a few times.
Suguru decided to befriend Shoko and Satoru because they saw how shitty these two’s home lives were, and felt pity for them. (Shoko and Satoru never realized how fucked their whole marriage ordeal was until then. Then Satoru came up with the idea for scamming people…)
Satoru and Shoko both saw their lives/existences as assets or tools until they met Suguru.
Satoru loves to make Suguru laugh, and Suguru loves Satoru’s goofiness.
Welcome back! And this seems like a good length post! :3
-Non sorcerers: Would this au also have Suguru disliking powered individuals a little bit then since he comes from a non-powered family (kinda mixing in familial generational trauma along with self hatred stemming from his family up bringing)? It was only after befriending Satoru and Shoko that powers aren't inherently bad, and after dealing with Nueva York that they realize anyone can be a shitlord.
-Trust: Yeah, I can see that. He probably didn't have a lot of friends for a bit so finally getting a good friend group (especially after hearing Satoru's family story) would make Suguru pretty protective of friends.
-Queer-curious: And that's perfectly fine. He doesn't need a label pinpointing the exact thing that he is. Maybe he finds a label that fits him well enough but doesn't want to use it, or people say he fits a certain label but he isn't vibing with it.
Kinda like the idea that he gets overwhelmed with like Peni, Gwen, and Yu trying to find the right label for him. Showing him a bunch of stuff and people, resources and things that just make him more and more unsure, just for Hobie to step in and tell him he doesn't even need a label. Just be yourself and act however makes you happy.
-Formal Nonbinary: Language is so cool to learn. That makes on why you would make that kind of headcanon and I love hearing people read really deeply into things like that! Makes me think of how a lot of the fandom (me included) decided that Mayday saying "they've been playing the same thing everyday for years" or something like that to say that DJSS was nonbinary (instead of what was most likely intended as a plural "they," not a singular one).
-Trouble sleeping: Time to get body pillows /j
I have this funny image in my head of Satoru and Suguru making a sleep pile on each other while Shoko is explaining something really intensely. It looks back and sees the two sleeping and just walks over, puts a blanket on them, then puts a pillow on them and leans against that and takes a nap with them (neither can move when they wake up because of this lol)
-Befriending: I was gonna ask how Suguru would have gotten that information before befriending them, but honestly, the two just casually saying what is going on like it was nothing (because they are desensitized to it) just makes a lot of sense to me.
-Tools: Yup. My vision of them being desensitized is just confirmed with this point. Definitely how Suguru found out.
-Laugh: Shoko just being the third wheel at this little comedy club they got going on lol.
But it's honestly really nice to see that they love each other's sides that make them happy. Like complimentary sides that help enhance the other (I don't like using the "they complete eachother" line because you don't need someone to complete you, so them thinking they complete each other only to one day realize they enhance each other is just a nice idea to me. Like they don't need each other, but they want each other. The two are strong alone but they become stronger together).
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Kurt Glee Rewatch: Wheels
Yay, finally a Kurt heavy ep! I’ll try to restrain my Schuester-rants this time.... no promises...
Oops, already annoyed at Will.
I do love how they always bring up a number for competition bc relevant to plot of ep, and then none of the songs are ever used in competition loll.
And ughh I’m so sick of Will. He just hands the solo to Rachel... no discussion... no auditions. Mercedes only gets to sing sometimes bc she fights for it. Everyone else just sits in the background like omg Will, the point of a teacher is to help all the kids, build them all up. If one isn’t as strong a singer, then freaking teach them ugh.
I literally never see Will actually teach these kids, honestly. He teaches Finn dance? but that’s it.
You can also see a trend, where Will supports Finn and Rachel, then Artie in this ep... later Sam when he joins? But he ignores the students like Mercedes, Santana, and Kurt... who are more likely to talk back/call him out on his bs.
This outfit kills me. Wouldn’t mind the jacket with something else? But otherwise... wow.
I do love how hype everyone is when he says he wants to audition, they all want to choose him over Rachel lol.
The fact that Will doesn’t know Kurt can hit a high F is a sure sign he hasn’t done vocal training with most of these kids.
If he actually cared about being a music teacher, wouldn’t he love the chance to work with a countertenor, use that range and help Kurt hone his skill??
And as we go on, there will be more rants about how Kurt basically never gets a solo in competition with ND. Just.....oh boy, I will rant.
Another amazing Kurt and Burt scene.... Now I can gush yay.
First of all, Kurt has become such a caretaker for his dad.
Then Burt immediately knows something’s up bc even while distant, he still knows Kurt the best.
And after the coming out, Burt still isn’t perfect. He is not ready to deal with Kurt liking a guy. When Kurt makes the pregnancy joke, Burt loses his appetite. He’s clearly still a bit uncomfortable with that part of being gay.
But, when it comes to the solo, Burt is there. He’s in immediate dad mode because if anyone pushes his son around, he is ready to throw hands.
And he’s serious about it. He doesn’t stop at getting the tryout, he asks who’s going to judge because he wants to make sure Kurt gets his chance, fair and square.
Ugh, I love Burt. He still has room to grow here, but he is the best dad ever.
I mean, we all know that if he hit that note everyone would vote for him bc of popularity lol.
Also omg Rachel. An audition is ruining her life? Do you expect to be given every role and never have to audition?? Do you not understand how performing arts work???
I wonder how painful this was for Chris bc he’s actually a ninja and would never drop the baton loll
I love Kurt’s spotting while he practices, treating it the same as a pirouette.
Another great scene. Just, the tremble in Burt’s voice bc it’s not that he disapproves of Kurt singing. He truly is scared bc he doesn’t want his son to get hurt. There this dangerous line of he wants Kurt to get to be who he is, but too much and things could go very badly.
And I love the little mentions of the mom we get as show goes on. Do wish we learned more tho? But you can def get that Kurt is a lot like his mother. But also like his dad omg, with the stubborn and the talking back to every bully etc. And the burying of emotions...
Aww, they’re all there for Kurt. And Mike’s giving support! This friendship is so background, we get zero actual convo
Then the performance (with amazing spider brooch).
I will say, the autotune here is a bit much. Also, Kurt doesn’t have his confidence yet so there’s the hand on hip that doesn’t really fit the tone? Then he has this little leg bounce that makes him seem uncomfortable. It is his first real solo so makes sense.
They do a close up on Santana sending Rachel a Look as Kurt sings which is great. We know who she was going to vote for.
And Kurt also gives Schue a look at ‘I’m through accepting limits, ‘cuz someone said they’re so’ like oof, the Shade.
I like how you can see the emotions on Kurt’s face as he sings, as he’s planning to throw the note.
Lowkey, even though Kurt’s singing here isn’t as strong as later, I still like him better. Partly is me just personally not being a fan of Lea’s singing (I think Glee made me burnout on her solos, and she has this certain squeak to her singing idk if it’s stylistic or what, also in this song you can hear her breaths much more than Kurt’s)..
Would’ve been nice if after this, Kurt got a different solo? Like if Will could still acknowledge that Finchel aren’t the only singers in the glee club.
Every Kurt and Burt scene is the best.
I love how they use language. How Kurt ‘auditions’ for kicker and then Burt is mad that Kurt ‘threw the game’. And Burt has such faith in his son that when Kurt announces he lost, he immediately thinks the competition was rigged.
“I love you more than I love being a star” Excuse while I sob.
Even when at their rockiest, Kurt still loves his dad more than anyone else and the way they only had each other for so long I just. Even while they’re still working out how to connect with each other, their issues are never a lack of love or wanting to protect each other. And it’s written so well.
And then Kurt mentions his coveralls to help his dad work on a car.... and we don’t see it. We never get to see mechanic!Kurt.... and I’ll forever be salty about it
Lowkey Kurt is always so hidden during these end-of-ep group numbers.
You know what would’ve been a nice teacher moment? If after Kurt lost the competition, Will said hey, you’re still a good singer, and gave Kurt a couple of lines in the group number.
As sweet as the moment between Kurt and Burt was, it angers me that Will learned nothing from the whole situation and will carry on ignoring Kurt (and others).
uggghhhhhhhhhhh. But otherwise, great Kurt ep
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Laurent, 22, North Florida
"I honestly use it as a way to connect with people via music , i love to see what sort of art people make of songs and themes and tour fits , i love reading people break down lyrics incredibly beautifully , i love seeing people’s edits and videos and pictures from shows and i really just love all the genuine creativity and passion that most everyone brings to the community !!! it feels like seeing someone you’ve walked a long road with and we’re finally getting to share this beautiful and incredible experience together despite how hard it’s been and making something we can share and enjoy together !!!! idk im rambling haha i love mcr fans"
Fast Facts:
How long have you been a fan?: 9+ years
Did you get to see MCR live before this tour?: No, this tour was my first time seeing MCR
How many shows on this tour did you attend in total?: 1
Favorite album: I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love
Show experience out of 10: 10
Did you cry at your show?: I'm still crying right now
Which date of the tour did you attend?
09/18/22, Ameris Bank Amphitheatre, Alpharetta
When did you get your tickets for your show? Was it a struggle, or were they easy to grab?
So i originally had tickets to the Midtown Atlanta tickets and they had been completely refunded bc the show was cancelled and i ended up putting my money into rent for the month … i had NO clue they rescheduled until someone told me at work and i bought my tickets the next pay day LITERALLY two days before the show lmao
Did you attend with anyone else?
yes , she’s my bestie and my roommate and i got her into my chem earlier this year :D
If you camped out, how was that experience? Was it worth it?
i didn’t but i DID drive eight hours there and eight hours back in one day/night !!!!
What did you wear?
i wore a cropped my chem shirt with roses that said “on second thought let’s all be friends” and mesh under it with all of my heavy jewelry on and big spiky eyeliner .. i opted out on wearing platforms but i wore my huge combat boots and my slutty concert pants i wear lmao
Where were your seats?
we were in a stadium so i was up in the seats but sect 102 and i would say we were decently centered maybe leaning more towards ray’s side
What was your favorite song(s) from the setlist they played at your show?
Vampires Will Never Hurt You, Bury Me in Black, Boy Division, Cemetery Drive, and Give ‘Em Hell, Kid UGHGGHHGH
What song were you most hoping to hear? Did you get to hear it?
i got to hear most of them!!! i was hoping for Vampire Money and manifesting Demolion Lovers (ik it was a stretch) as well as This Is How I Disappear but !!! overall very very happy , i'm blessed to have at least gotten Vampires and Skylines :’)
What was your favorite moment from the show?
i actually have two 1) when Gerard was talking abt how “alpharetta” was a funny name then trailed into an “alpha dog” bit and we started barking 2) THERE WAS THIS CAMERA ANGLE ON GERARD DURING THE “LA LA LA LAA” THAT WAS JUST FUCKING FERAL INSANE
What was the most unexpected moment from the show?
it’s gonna sound so basic i think but before they played helena he started hyping up the crowd with these different “woah’s” and we would woah back at him until it eventually went into Helena and it just made me gasp like “:0 :D !”
Did you snag any merch? What pieces?
YES my lovely bestie bought 90% of it for me but i got the gay pornstar shirt and the castle shirt , a set of buttons with the decay theme (?) , a swarm tour poster , and the white swarm tapestry :3 we also got some reusable shakers from the bar but they were just clear
Many fans describe seeing MCR live as feeling like coming home. Did you experience anything like that at your show?
i wouldn’t say coming home but more of like “oh my fucking god i made it this far , i never thought i would get to live to see this and i’m finally doing it and seeing this band that makes music that has saved me” anyways i cried basically the whole concert BUT seeing all the flashlights and hearing us all scream our lungs raw and chant MCR before they come on …. it’s very unifying and very comforting i would say
If you could change one thing about your show experience, what would it be?
there was this 6’4” guy built like a football player directly in front of us who stood the whole show
Has your perspective or opinion about the band changed since seeing them on this tour? If so, in what way?
honestly i feel way more passionately about mcr than i have in years .. my show was mid september and it’s been a month now and i can like ONLY listen to them , i still think of my concert when i hear songs from the set list … if anything i saw that the guys were genuinely doing something they enjoy in a comfortable way again (?) where they can have fun and be silly and express themselves and that just makes me so happy for them , i hope they had a really fun time bc i know they made sure we did :)
What advice would you give to people seeing My Chemical Romance in the future?
idk if it’s relevant but the venue i went to ONLY accepted card which was something i’ve never experienced at a venue before lmao ? anyways buy your tickets a little earlier in advance than me maybe
Thanks, Laurent! His Tumblr handle is @vmpirefkcr.
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Despite all the suffering we're still here
#traditional art#my ocs#AR#Shadow oc#watercolor illustration#Watercolor art#Colored pencils#colored pencil#Finger trauma#(just in case)#This.. The awful dad™#Reworked his design after all the suffering I put him through. I think he's complete now#Mostly#I like how he looks#And how different but still the same#Also he's come out as gay finally bc honestly it fits him#Call that awful representation I guess but I have better gay characters too it's fine#He could be bi too but just generally likes men actually
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For the ask meme: traphawk and hawkbeej?
Brutally honestly, I think Trapper/Hawkeye is the better relationship for Hawkeye, and I ship it more in an endgame sense than BJ/Hawkeye, but at the same time I'm nooooot super interested in it. They're fun to watch, I love their chemistry, I think they'd be happy together and the logistics work better since they live close by and Trapper isn't obsessed with his marriage, it fits better into my own thematic read on the show... but there's not much strife there, yk? There's the one fraught 'why no note' talk they can have, but otherwise they're just a solid good relationship, which is nice, but it doesn't engage me a whole lot.
If I was gonna be into eg a Hawkeye/Trapper longfic then it'd be because I'm into the Hawkeye character study aspect with the ship as a fun bonus, rather than really being invested in the relationship itself, yk? It's good but it's not enough of a draw on its own.
BJ/Hawkeye on the other hand is an absolute trainwreck in my eyes. I don't think they'd ultimately be happy together, and in many ways I think they're actively pretty bad for each other and exacerbate each others' issues. I’m biased because I find their relationship most interesting when the flaws are on display (like Period of Adjustment is one of my favourite episodes of the show solely for this) and so that’s what I focus on and think about more than the times they’re in sync and on the same side, but yeah basically I see them crashing and burning if they get together, and I’m into that.
I think BJ often, inadvertantly and on purpose, tears Hawkeye down. Sometimes it’s in a protective way (why can't you just shut up and put up with hardship like me instead of taking risks trying to change things you can't change), sometimes it’s part of his literally canonical 'taking his feelings out on other people' coping mechanism, sometimes it’s because Hawkeye’s emotional intensity makes him uncomfortable imo, and sometimes I think it’s to try to keep himself at an emotional distance (eg I think that explains a lot of his behaviour in the finale), but yeah, it happens a lot.
Hawkeye, for his part, sometimes gets weird and petty when he’s not the centre of attention (Potter laughing at BJ’s joke more in the OR in Dear Uncle Abdul eg), sometimes doesn’t take BJ’s feelings seriously enough, and sometimes gets overly upset and snaps over small slights. But yeah mostly the issues here are on BJ’s side imo, which is good bc they’re the most interesting part of his character to me lol.
I do think they genuinely love each other and care about each other and like each other as people, but due to their circumstances (meeting in a war that is severely fucking them both up) and clashing personalities it's codependent and sometimes bitter and not very healthy.
I'm also into the idea that BJ is closeted and gay and that's part of what makes him act out, but I don't think coming out will fix him and make him capable of a healthy relationship with Hawkeye, because it's also the deep seated anger over the war, the separation from his family, etc, and he's always gonna have shitty coping mechanisms for his emotions no matter how gay he is unless he addresses it, and lbr he lives in the 50s and knows one decent psychiatrist that he refuses to talk to.
(and also bc I’m just not interested in that lol. if hawkeye/bj was a good mutually healthy happy relationship i’d be bored. I don’t read much of the fic for that reason.)
And I would absolutely love to see the more fucked up side of their relationship explored. I think I could get very invested in a more toxic take on their potential relationship, especially if it ends badly, and I think it's a shame that so few people are into ships like that lol so if I want to see it I'm probably gonna have to write it myself for an audience of me.
Like I swear this isn't BJ bashing or whatever lol, this is genuinely the kind of shit I looooove to read about and if BJ wasn't fucked up I wouldn't have any interest in him at all, like, I'm genuinely more emotionally invested in Hawk/BJ than Hawk/Trapper bc of this.
Basically my ideal Mash fic is like 75k of hawk/bj in a lowkey (emphasis on lowkey, I like subtlety) fucked up relationship that highlights their flaws before they break up and Hawkeye gets back together with Trapper. Absolutely no one else would want to read this because it would piss off most hawk/bj fans and wouldn't satisfy or interest hawk/trap fans but man, it would make me happy.
#i would not write that fic however bc it's too self indulgent lol if i wrote hawk/bj it would just be miserable and end with them alone#but i'd love to read it#also worth noting in this hypothetical ideal fic both bj and hawkeye would be sympathetic lol tho mb not in quite the same way#ty for asking!#marley on mash#this is too brutally honest i'm not putting it in the mash tag rn#mash#bj mash#trapper mash#ship hb#ship ht#ask meme
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Hi!! It’s me again asking about the new chapter. Literally every other page had me like 😳 from either the gayness or just the plot points like wtf. I complained last time about being confused from lack of info and now I’m confused from too much info but very excited to see where this goes lmaoo
I think the illusion part was a fun lil twist. Sometimes it can be annoying when a high stakes situation turns out to be fake all along, but the way it was done sorta short kept things interesting and added to Rigr’s sly behavior. Also just Rigr bantering with Urd by being oddly sweet and saying how he was planning to come back and work together was such an intriguing 180 flip. Urd already considering the offer & being on the same page with the hostages was kinda gold. I feel like he’s already sorta accepting his fate, I’d honestly be surprised if he doesn’t decide to team up with Rigr next chp.
And then on top of all ~that~ the stuff about all versions of Yu being made for Mika?! We get it, they’ve been destined to each other for thousands of years, they’re soulmates, it’s gay 🙄 I haven’t been super onboard with Mika becoming Yu’s demon bc I want him to stay himself & have a role on his own, but now I’m more excited for how that works/messes with the First’s plan.
Oh, and I enjoyed seeing Byakkomaru + Raimeiki despite being worried for Shinya + Kureto. I feel like all the demons/progenitors relationships to the First get more complicated each chapter and I would really like a better breakdown on where loyalties lie at this point lol
Hello once again anon! I was wondering if you'd crop up!
Ho boy. This chapter. A lot happened. I can see why you're confused. While this chapter did give us quite a bit of information, we can still only speculate as to how everything fits together. There's really no right or wrong right now. I have a feeling that starting next chapter, we'll finally be able to start fitting things together. If not then we'll at least be getting back into some action I imagine. It'll be nice after the last handful of chapters.
In that same vein, I agree with what you said about the illusion. It was fun to get some action even if it did end up being fake, but not only did this serve as some fun, it developed Ky Luc and Lest Karr as well as what you said about Rigr. While we've seen Ky Luc fight before, we didn't really see him with his back against the wall. As Guren and Shinya put it:
(They tied as Guren said shortly before this but this is funnier)
It was nice to see how Ky Luc fights in a tough situation. It speaks to his character quite a bit. On top of that, there's Rigr's comment about Ky Luc being strong enough to kill a 3rd Progenitor. I'm sure that will be relevant later, possibly even explained, but likely not for a while. Not only that, but, and correct me if I'm wrong, we haven't seen Lest Karr fight before. This was a cool insight into what his battle presence is like. I imagine that both of these things will come into play sometime later. Plus! It's like Rigr said:
At the very least it tells us Ky and Lest will side with whoever Urd does.
I ish made a post addressing Urd and Rigr, but god, yeah. These bitches gay, Rigr especially. Good for them. It makes me think that Rigr always intended to return to Urd's side (in a gay way or not). After all, as he said, this is all according to plan apparently.
It's interesting to think about, but I think Urd is as much a pawn in this game as the likes of Guren. He has his own view/side to things, but he's going to get swept up in other people's messes/plans whether he wants to or not. Given his history with Rigr and it being unlikely (at the moment) that Rigr will betray him again, I imagine Urd and Rigr will be on the same side going forward? Allegiances change like the weather though so who knows. This is just the feeling I get at this point in time, and you alluded to it too.
I'm left a little unsure about how to feel about the whole Yu and Mika situation. None of what was shown really comes as a surprise. The eye being a doorway to the past was something I didn't expect, neither was The First being able to affect that vision, but pretty much everything else was. We'd already been basically told that Yus were somehow grown/created, so now we just finally get to see what the exact method is. Can't say I understand how that works, but there you go. It wasn't much of an explanation, but it's something I guess.
Mika becoming Yu's demon/weapon also doesn't come as a large surprise. Ever since he "died" back in chapter 90 (91?), this is pretty much what I expected. I'm not even that surprised that it was something that Mika ultimately chose. It's not quite something I would have speculated back when Mika first died, but after we started getting chapters that showed off demon Mika, it was something I suspected might happen. And maybe it's just me, but I don't think Mika will become any less important now that he's Yu's weapon. I wouldn't be surprised if he took a role similar to Mahiru going forward. Mahiru is one of Guren's demons, but she's still her own character and can sorta do her own thing. I don't see why Mika couldn't be the same, even if their situations are a bit different.
SHINYA!!! I, like many others, have been waiting for this moment. Never would have guessed that he ended up getting captured, but what surprises me more is that Kureto was also captured. Last we saw he was directing troops. It seemed like things were going well for him. I wonder what happened that resulted in both of them getting captured. Is the rest of Guren squad okay? Who's running the Imperial Demon army now? I hope it's not Seishiro. Hey, maybe that's what happened to Narumi. He's running the army now :) In all seriousness though, if Guren squad is okay, I could actually see them running the army, but again I digress.
I made a post talking about what I think will happen to Shinya and Kureto (and by extension, Byakkomaru and Reimeiki) here. While I too am worried about them, I think that they'll be okay. If Rigr or Urd wanted to kill them, they probably would have done it by now. That's not to say that they couldn't be harmed though. I'm just hopeful that being hostages means that they'll stay alive.
Maybe it's a weird thing to say, but because of Guren's attachment to Shinya, I'd actually say that it's likely that Shinya has some thick plot armor in this instance. I'm confident that Shinya will remain alive at least until Guren is around him again. As for Kureto... well. I don't think there's as much plot armor for him. Again I think he'll be okay? He's the representative of normal humanity in all this and there's no good replacement for him (there's lit no other character that cares about humanity as a whole), so I think he'll stay alive for at least a little while longer.
And that pretty much sums up my thoughts! Sorry this got long, but as I said at the start, a lot happened. There was a lot to analyze and process. Thanks again for the ask! I hope you enjoyed hearing my thoughts.
#Owari no Seraph#Owari no Seraph spoilers#OnS 106 spoilers#Rigr Stafford#Lest Karr#Ky Luc#Urd Geales#Yuichiro Hyakuya#Mikaela Hyakuya#Shinya Hiragi#Kureto Hiragi#My posts#Asks#anonymous asks#Anonysis asks
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Yeahhhh that panel really is so good, because not only does Bruce say he was planning to come out as Batman to Harvey (phrasing is intentional ofc) but iirc he also said that he thinks if he had done it earlier , if he had bared himself and revealed his secrets to Harvey just a bit earlier then maybe Harvey would've felt safe enough to tell him about his own secret and struggles, too, and they could've found help for him together and TwoFace might have never happened, because he would've known that Bruce trusts him and that he can trust Bruce...but even despite never finding out that Bruce was ready to trust him with his deepest secret, and was ready to take off his mask for him - not just the literal one but the metaphorical one that's hiding the deepest parts of his self (I really have to write down that mask meta..) , even despite not entirely knowing that he could've finally been able to take off his own mask, too, and finally show the true man behind the golden boy to someone without the fear of being scrutinized - even though he never found out, and after everything else, Harvey still cares so much about Bruce that he (iirc) says he was the only person that he thinks ever truly did care about him and not just his persona? And that's just so tragic...not only because of what could've been, but because it shows that there clearly still is a good man in him, even after he's become a villain..ough..!
So yeah, agreed, Nolan literally had the perfect material to create a great tragic friendship story and he just...didn't care...and not only that, he just completely changed the character dynamic and took away all the emotional depth and potential just because he wanted there to be a love triangle (and also because he didn't care about the source material and doesn't even really like comic books so. There's that too) . Ugh....I really hope that Reeves actually lets Harvey and Bruce have that tragic friendship in the new movie universe... (or pspspsps maybe even have it be romantic tinged at least on Harvey's part?...which, apparently he wrote riddler in this movie intentionally as having some kind of romantic feelings for Batman (Reeves said from Riddler's perspective it's "almost a love story") so y'know if that guy can have feelings for Batman then why not let Harvey have feelings for Bruce, too? It would fit so well, wouldn't it? With their characters and dynamic? Hm??)
(But yeah! I missed writing to you, too, and honestly maybe if we talk like this a bit more I might actually manage to work up the courage to come off anon, but for now...mystery and intrigue it is, I guess ahhdjdjs... Hope you're doing well!)
PHRASING IS INTENTIONAL OF COURSE!!! like really i do love it when they make bruce feel INTENSELY guilty that he didn't get to harvey in time because. well. he has his own shit going on but he didn't! it's not his like job or whatever but it's really fun for me personally that he literally didn't because they just weren't that close anymore <3 the tragedy is delicious! like. i am not blaming bruce. objectively it isn't his fault. but on a personal level harvey was DROWNING god.... but ur so right like even though they have such a complicated history with things that could have been but never were, it's so interesting and compelling how they still love and care about each other. even though they're basically irreconcilable if things continue as they are, they still care!! they're still important to each other and they don't give up on each other it's truly the dynamic of all time ever. devastating. (i say irreconcilable bc of the shit with robin and also the fact that harvey knowing bruce is batman has to give him SOME mixed feelings. even though he'll be on bruce's side at the end of the day)
mr reeves PLEASE give harvey fans everything they want and make him gay in the film. coded or otherwise PLEASE god i need it after nolan did That
(omg omg omg yesss that's so exciting. take ur time obvs but also that's soooo fun my and my harvey friends are so impressed and fascinated by you)
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lust sans belongs in the bad gays group and here's three reasons why (with evidence) ((NOT CLICKBAIT))
ok i lied about the evidence but listen. i have thoughts and feelings about this and you all get to be dragged along. this is a long post.
DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE HEADCANONS. i do base many of my headcanons off of their canons, but i am not proclaiming anything to be canon or not since none of these characters belong to me; i am just having fun with them.
1.) lust is an outcast among the multiverse sanses - this is due to a cultural underlust thing, NOT a "sexual purity" thing because we do Not stan that here
the story of underlust is one of underpopulation and a continuous aphrodisiac heat curse. due to this, i'd bet MONEY that the underlust culture is wildly different than any of the other AUs. we're talking more solitary lives (less people around; more people alone, leads to loneliness and the NEED to be around someone, not even counting the heat curse), we're talking frequent hookups on the spot being considered normal, we're talking people who probably have very different ways to interpret social cues - aka, interpreting implied consent (which is a real thing and a huge problem in some places).
and i bet u that because of this, lust ACCIDENTALLY comes onto a lot of his alternate selves without realizing because his culture is so so different than theirs.
he's avoided because of this. he's an outcast. he makes them uncomfortable, even though he doesn't try to. he knows they're uncomfortable around him, but he doesn't know how to fix it.
this is where nightmare comes in.
2.) nightmare takes in those who are shunned (like he was), and lust is no exception.
for fucks sake y'all, his freaking NAME is "lust". i bet you he didn't even pick it out - could you imagine being named after something so normal in your culture, something you had no control over, just because it's not like that in other cultures? that'd be like naming horror "cannibalism".
imo, him getting named "lust" was literally just another way to shun and isolate him from the other multiversal sanses.
and nightmare knows what it's like to be shunned by everyone around you for something you can't control. big headcanon is that that's the reason why he takes in so many of the "bad" sanses in the first place.
3.) he would 100% fit right in
"how the fuck would sexy man fit in with the murderers??" well i will tell you one thing they have nothing to do with each other so you can put your poor little sexual purity mindset to rest and also get it out of here bc again we do not vibe with that
let me lay it out for you
horror comes from an AU where resources are dwindling. food is scarce, people are succumbing to cannibalism madness, it's messy and horrible and the culture of horrortale is a lot different than any other AU. horror would definitely understand lust's situation the most - he's shunned for similar reasons.
cross comes from an AU where he's one of many royal guards. im sure u all keep up with xtale and underverse, but lets say that in this, the events of underverse never happened after X. he's not so much culturally different as he is traumatized - he just lost his whole family and his entire AU, he's forcibly joined to a vengeance seeking spirit who he thinks is power-hungry and insane (xchara), and after X and before meeting Ink, he's practically hopeless. a perfect magnet for nightmare to find him. nightmare offers him safety and peace, and cross, tired of it all, agrees. the x-event never comes to pass. ((i'm laying all this out because i often see cross included in the bad squad with no explanation @ underverse, so this is how i figure it goes - underverse just never happens in these timelines))
ANYWAYS cross is traumatized, and though i think he and lust would be rocky at first, they'd eventually get along and understand each other; they'd just need some time to do that.
dust is from a timeline where chara commits genocide run after genocide run, and dust is driven to kill everyone in an attempt to beat chara - this leaves him in an empty world with a guilt formed hallucination of his brother. he is Also traumatized. i feel like he and lust would get along; the lack of feeling like there was any other choice is probably a huge thing that helps them connect.
killer is from a timeline similar to dust's, except instead of fighting against chara, killer joins chara after what are probably years of them resetting and asking him to join them. killer is traumatized, he's a bit not right in the head, but with chara out of the way and him with nightmare, i feel like he's pretty chill, a lot like his old self. i feel like he'd see lust and they'd honestly be best friends - they both have the same sort of laid back attitude. they'd fit like puzzle pieces.
error is a quirky, stupid little man baby with way too much power. nightmare didn't take him in; error just showed up one day and the bad gays simply got used to him showing up - i bet there was at least one point where error showed up, killer proclaimed that cross had gotten error "some of that chocolate shit he likes" and error immediately bolted to cross and held out his hands (and yeah, cross did get extra just for the next time error showed up). i think error and lust would honestly clash the most, what with lust's culture being "overly touchy" and error's blatant fear of touch. once lust realizes he can't do that kinda stuff with error though, they'd definitely be able to get along. lust probably bribes error with gifts and shit.
and finally, nightmare. i feel like they'd get along from the start; lust has a penchant for dramatics and nightmare's open to new ideas. lust and nightmare bonding over being absolute queens is something i will never let go of.
im saying that because they're all outcasts, they all figure they better stick together, and lust would fit right in with them.
then they help lust pick out a different name for himself and they all decide on "hearts" for him and then they all Kiss
#bad gays poly#sanscest#utmv#lust sans#nightmare sans#horror sans#cross sans#dust sans#killer sans#error sans#fae's headcanons#listen im just saying. hearts deserves it.
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Take Me to Church
Here it is: my religious!Hotch fic turned Bisexual!Hotch fic. I hope you enjoy my hard work, tears, and disaster bi-thoughts
Warning: language, sex, homosexuality **there’s no real need for a warning for that but I’d just like to market this to my fellow gays**, religious trauma, Catholic guilt, child abuse, smoking, mention of AIDS in passing but no one has it, character death(s) **not anyone major**, Aaron Hotchner’s mega big boy grande sized guilt complex, ooc bc Aaron Hotchner has the proper emotions, and just general all around intense feelings
The only Heaven I'll be sent to, Is when I'm alone with you, I was born sick, but I love it, Command me to be well
Word count: 5,794
Praying never made much sense to Aaron Hotchner.
As a child, he’d prayed with crimson teeth and a bleeding tongue for his mother to be spared in his father’s rampant beatings. The priest always said that prayer shouldn’t be selfish. As he sat on his bruised knees and whispered between sobs, he hadn’t been thinking about himself. He’d been thinking about the little brother in his mother’s womb. About the pregnancy that wouldn’t survive if his father didn’t stop hitting on her. About his poor mother who looked sicker each day.
He must have done something wrong because when God had answered his prayers...
“Come on now son. Don’t be difficult,” the priest’s heavy hands pull him away from his mother’s grave. His suit hadn’t fit well that morning but logged with the rain pouring overhead, it now hangs from his bones. They make their way back home. Back to his miserable son of a bitch father.
That night, the priest had tucked him into bed and Aaron rolls over in his bed to put his back to the man. As the old man turned to cut the lights, Aaron finally speaks for the first time all day. He’d found his voice deep within his chest and laced it with his father’s unhinged anger. “I killed her,” he whispers, hot tears running down his cheeks.
The priest shakes his head. “No.” And, the old man could never know this, but what he said next would stay with Aaron for the rest of his life. “It was her time, son.”
God had killed her.
That day was the first time Aaron had ever seen his father cry. He’d stood in the hallway and watched his father sob on his knees, cursing God and swearing up a storm. At seven-years-old, he wondered if God had a sense of humor. He must, after all, to leave Aaron all alone.
Ten-years later he stood in the same spot his father had kneeled in. He’d looked up at the ceiling and prayed again. He’d begged for his father’s life to be spared. “Just this once, okay, just this once---” but his father had never been a good man. A shitty excuse for a dad but Sean thinks he’s a good man. That’s what mattered: Sean. That’s the only thing that had ever mattered. “For Sean, please? He’s never done anything wrong.”
His father died two days later. A heart attack. The doctor’s called it mercy. For who? The man who beat him senseless for fifteen years before he just sold Aaron off to a boarding school. Calling Aaron’s inability to make friends and emotional outbursts the product of the devil and not his senseless beating. The same man who called Aaron writing with his left hand the simplest proof that his mother had been a whore. She had to have cheated to have created a bastard like Aaron.
Mercy? Is that really what he’d deserved?
He has bible scriptures carved into his back. Thin white lines left by his father’s heavy hand and the black belt he wore to court each Tuesday. The only mercy he’s ever known is the black surrounder right before he falls asleep. That twisted hope that maybe his dad hit him too hard. That he won’t wake up this time.
It felt like communion-- Eucharist, standing to receive his bread and wine.
The body of Christ.
“Daddy please-” he makes no sound as the belt comes down over his shoulder. Any noise is a symbol of greater guilt, a better reason to keep hitting. He doesn’t cry, he doesn’t move.
Amen.
Remember, God is always watching. No bullshitting, he knows.
Aaron cums with a cry. A sob really.
Sam lifts his head from where he’s buried it in Aaron’s neck, leaving the hickey he’d been sucking to die on its own. He sits up, his arousal forgotten as his heart pounds in his chest with fear. “Are you alright,” he asks, pulling them apart with a quick jerk. His hands are traveling down but he stops when Aaron’s hand grabs his wrist. “Baby, if I hurt you---”
Aaron shakes his head but the tears streaming down his face says otherwise. “I’m sorry,” he gasps. He buries his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as he can’t stop the tears. Sam moves out of the way of his legs, giving Aaron the space necessary to curl into himself.
Sam still has no idea what’s wrong. It had been fine. Things were fine.
It occurs to him a moment too late.
“Fuck,” he curses, seething. Not at Aaron or the mood now officially lost--- but for the boy that Aaron never got to be. To the God that Aaron believes so feverishly and unwavering in. “It’s alright,” he soothes, moving along the bed to where Aaron is. He pulls his boyfriend into his lap, holding Aaron to his chest. “Nothing is going to happen, Aaron. It’s going to be okay.”
Sam has never been religious. It wasn’t something his parents had considered important. Standing at over 6’5 and two hundred pounds of just muscle, no one even suspects he’s anything but straight. People who do know… no one’s going to say anything to a guy like him. The same thing goes for Aaron. He may be a little on the scrawny side but he’s 6’2 and no one blinks an eye at the two of them spending so much time together.
It’s not people they have to worry about.
They can be cruel and unaccepting but AIDS is still rampant through-out not only the college’s campus but through-out the gay community.
But Aaron’s a little too preoccupied with God.
Sam’s not even sure if there’s such a thing.
“Aaron!” Picking him up by his shoulders, he pulls Aaron upright. They’ve passed sobbing and moved to a panic attack. “Alright,” Sam fails to soothe. He pulls Aaron off the bed, holding him close when his legs shake beneath him. “Easy,” he mumbles, his heartbreaking--- Aaron can’t walk. It takes a great bit of work on Sam’s part but with a grunt, he lifts Aaron off his feet.
Stumbling in the direction of the bathroom, he carries Aaron. “It’s gonna be alright,” Sam promises. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Sam would like to think he’s a good boyfriend (he is). He did as much research as he could. So that he would know how to help Aaron the next time one of these events started happening.
Into the freezing shower they go.
Clutched, naked body to naked body, they rock until Aaron’s broken sobs die down. Until Sam can feel Aaron’s breathing steady out, hot exhales washing over his goosebump riddled flesh.
Against the bare skin of Sam’s shoulder, Aaron whispers Hail Mary to himself. His long fingers tapping against his thumb like counting rosary beads, “---of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now---” It’s the only coping mechanism he’s ever learned.
Sam presses a kiss to his temple. Aaron hates that he turns his head for more. Turns his head until Sam’s hands are tangled in his hair and holding him tightly. Sam kisses him softly, full of love. He doesn’t deserve that.
“Sodomy is a sin,” he whispers, against Sam’s lips.
Sam smiles, shaking his head. He doesn’t care. “Did you like it,” Sam asks, voice husky. He wraps himself back around Aaron, shaking from the cold of the water still pouring down over them. Fingers moving up Aaron’s back, he tangles them in his hair.
Aaron… knows the answer. He also knows that sin is often appealing. Sam is the sin that Aaron can never walk away from. What he always comes back for. “Yes,” he answers, honestly. He had liked it. He’d liked it a lot. Sex with Sam is gentle and overwhelming and--- sin. It’s still sin.
“That’s all that matters,” Sam presses kisses back to Aaron’s neck. Smiling against his skin when Aaron arches into the touch.
Aaron can never make Sam understand that this principle isn’t that simple. It’s a black and white morality. Heaven or hell.
But, maybe…
Sam reaches around behind him and cuts the water off, Aaron shivers against his chest leaning closer to the touches that are trailing down his body. Sam pulls him closer so that Aaron’s in his lap. With a grunt, Aaron allows Sam to push into him and mouth open in a silent cry of pleasure he falls into Sam’s shoulder.
“Jesus,” Sam curses, pulling Aaron closer. “You---” he moans, tilting his head back. This time, Aaron’s sets the pace. Slow and steady. It hurts but it’s an ache he’s familiar with. The lube from earlier mostly washed away but he’s prepped and anything is better than thinking about Hell.
His doomed eternity.
“You’re so good, baby boy.” Sam holds him close, his fingers digging into Aaron’s hips. “Fu-Fuck---”
Why is it that the only thing that has ever made sense to him a sin?
Sam dies in the middle of first semester their Junior year. Though it’s never stated, it’s Aaron’s fault. Sam wouldn’t have been on the road that if Aaron just prayed harder or been a better man. Panic attacks are a product of a shaky relationship with God and Aaron wouldn’t have had one, he wouldn’t have called Sam freaking out, if he’d just… believed harder.
Aaron knows it’s his fault. He never gets over that guilt.
He marries Haley at the end of Senior year and they invite Sam’s parents to the wedding. No one knows the true extent of Aaron and Sam’s relationship but Haley knows something was going on between the two. They’d been high school sweethearts, separated by his years spent away at college. Separated by Aaron’s love for a man.
He comes home different but she loves him. She also knows that her mother approves of Aaron’s God-fearing ways. Religion is good in a man like him, her mother had warned, you can see the darkness in him. She bites her tongue and moves on.
Until she sees the darkness too.
The divorce breaks him.
He starts having panic attacks again, worse than the ones in college. No one notices. He knows they just write him off as a dick. He’s just a robot to them. Emotionless and he can work with that. So, he is a robot. Just marching through life and flying by the seat of his pants, hoping that it all goes well.
But he knows… each night as the panic bubbles in his chest and has him falling to his knees that hell is the only place he’s going. It’s going to take more than prayers to save a sinner like him.
“Hotch?” He jumps at the sudden intrusion. Looking to his left, none other than Emily Prentiss is standing on the balcony. She’s grinning from ear to ear and shaking her head. “What are you doing up so late?”
The cigarette trapped between his lips should answer that well enough.
The thing is, he’s not as slick as he thinks he is. She’s noticed him pulling away. Dave has noticed--- hell, everyone has noticed something is wrong. So, when Emily Prentiss had been tossing and turning in her own bed and smelled the wafting, faint scent of cigarette smoke she’d gotten curious. She certainly hadn’t expected to find him.
“Mind some company?”
And with those three simple words she’d pulled him from the edge.
That night they burned through four cigarettes. Sin, that night, had been just as he remembered it once being. For a moment, as he stood--- her leaning against him and him leaning against her--- he had managed a smile. With a cigarette between his teeth, he’d taken his first real breath in years.
Foyet attacks him in his apartment and as he lies bleeding he hopes this is it. That the world will flicker out, he’s just a candle drowning it’s wax. Will there be a light or…
He wakes up in the hospital and he’s never been this cold in his life.
It’s Emily’s voice that pulls him from the white walls and the pain. She’s saying something about cigarettes and the seasons changing. He smiles, drugged and submissive, when she proposes the team go to Dave’s and get drunk. He doesn't’ even think about God, about the sin and the eternity in hell waiting for him. He just thinks about his team and the only family he’s ever really been a part of.
He wakes up thrashing--- a broken sob on his lips. There’s so much pain and he can’t think about anything other than death. Death and Hell and sin and the pain, oh fuck the pain.
Thin fingers wrap around his, squeezing and he looks up and finds JJ softly soothing him. Her fingers are ghosting along his forearms, rubbing circles into his pale skin. “Just breathe,” she instructs and he’s reminded of Sam and that freezing shower and the---
“Aaron!” she calls and the fortitude, the conviction in her eyes sobers him. “You have to stop,” she tells him, her touch turning hard and that he can focus on. That pulls him back down. “Breathe,” and slowly he relaxes again. She’s softened and he watches the tears pool in her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that,” she chides, softly.
He manages to squeeze her hand.
“We almost lost you,” she whispers and that hadn’t occurred to him. His death happens to other people. It’ll just be… nothing. He must be very high or maybe broken because he thinks of nothing. The nothingness that happens after death and not raging, flaming pits of hell.
JJ presses a kiss to his temple and he closes his eyes. It’s a tender love he… he’s forgotten. “Don’t ever scare me like that again,” she says, her thumb rubbing against his hand. “I don’t like job hunting.”
He doesn’t know how to tell her that the team wouldn’t fall apart if Foyet had chosen to kill him.
She doesn’t know how to tell him that isn’t true.
Foyet does kill Haley and for a long time, it’s like he’s killed Hotch too.
“Hotch!”
The last he’d seen of Emily, she was displeased with his decision to decline his invitation to girl’s night. First, of all, he’s not that dumb. He knew damn well that they wanted him to tag along because Emily had told them about his date with the cute blonde at the coffee shop had gone tits up. Of course, she’d chosen to leave out that his date had failed because she’d entered the shop and wolf-whistled at the sight of him.
But, she has chosen to blame the entire thing on him because he should have told her.
Ah, silly him.
Now, he’s waiting on his front porch for Will to drop her off at his place. Does she have an apartment of her own? Yes. But she’s a clingy drunk and it’s custom for her to come to sleep in his bed. Besides, who else is going to hold her hair up while she pukes?
He smiles when he sees her. God… leave it to him to pick Emily Prentiss, of all people, to be his best friend. Well, he’s not really sure he chose or picked her so much as ended up within her mercy. “Emily,” he greets softly, smiling when she walks right up to him and headbutts his chest. She just falls straight into him.
He shuffles to accommodate her weight but they do this little dance frequently. With one hand on the back of her head, he raises the other to wave to Will that he’s free to go. The detective nods and pulls the car into reverse, JJ and Garcia in the back shouting their own goodbyes.
“Alright,” Hotch rubs her shoulders, shivering from the night’s chill. “Pigging back ride?”
She nods and it’s only with practiced ease that they manage this so easily.
As he stands, he gives her a second to adjust herself before he starts walking back towards his porch. This is the exact reason he does squats at the gym, so his thighs don’t shake as he carries her up the stairs.
“Oh,” Emily whines into his back, where her face is buried. “I hope I didn’t wake Jack.”
He’s overly careful to make sure he doesn’t hit her legs as he steps into the door. Stopping to shut the door behind them he tells her, “he’s not here.” He scowls with concentration as he moves down the hall. “He’s spending the weekend with his cousins.” He’d told her this earlier, too many times. It is one of the smaller reasons she’d invited him to girls night: so he wouldn’t have to be alone in his house.
They share many secrets. He’d been the first person on the team to know she’s gay. He still remains one of the few who know. JJ and Garcia know-- tequila always makes her lose her grip. He also knows that she wants to have a family and about her giant crush on JJ.
Just like she knows that sitting in his empty house stresses him out. He turns into the empty walls and all he can think about is being completely alone while Foyet was trying to hunt down his son and Haley. She knows this and… she’d left him here all by himself.
“Emily,” he whispers, feeling her hot tears soak into the back of his shirt. He’s not mad or even frustrated, he’s just sad. He can’t do anything about it just yet. So, he takes her back to his room. He helps her out of her blouse, replacing it with his George-town hoodie so she can curl her legs into.
Only once she’s situated, his back turned so she can hiccup and dry her tears while she slips into a pair of her own shorts he kneels down in front of her. “Emily.” He shakes his head, she’s still inconsolable, so he pulls her to his chest. “Emily, I’m a grown man.” He rubs her back, “I can handle being in my own home.”
She only cries harder and it hurts him because whatever it is that’s really bothering her he can’t fix.
“Would you love me more if I wasn’t a lesbian,” she asks, sobbing into his shoulder.
Well… he blanks. What is he even supposed to say to that? Now she’s really crying and he’s-- he can’t think of a single thing to say. “Emily…” he shakes his head. “I--I don’t care that you’re a lesbian.” And why would he? How many times have they had the ‘it would be like kissing my brother/sister’ conversation? Or the ‘even if I were straight…’? He doesn’t feel sexually attracted to her.
He just… he loves her because she’s his family.
“You don’t,” she asks, sniffling. She pushes his shoulders away from her so that she can see his eyes. So she can see if he’s lying. “You don’t hate me?” Because she’s certain that he does sometimes. Like he can stand the thought of her.
He shakes his head. “It would be very hypocritical of me to hate you for being gay,” he says, without really thinking about what that means. At what he’s admitting.
Though she doesn’t say anything, the admission sobers her. With tender care he tucks her into bed. Smiling softly when she pulls him down beside her.
They fall asleep on their sides, facing one another. He falls asleep first. Too exhausted to wait her out. Between them, she gently reaches over and brushes her thumb over his cheek bone. Trialing it along the facial hair he’s let grow over the course of their long weekend off.
He breaks her heart.
“So, are we just not going to talk about it?”
They’re watching a basketball game from earlier in the week because it’s Tuesday and she gets to pick what they watch on Tuesdays. Granted, it’s sports and he hates sports which means that he gets to pick whether or not they sit close. She knows something is wrong because he puts the entire couch between them. They’re not even sharing a blanket and he always lets her have some of his blankets.
She gets cold easily.
“Talk about what, Emily?” The way he says her name… it’s not right. He always says Emily kindly, loving. He says her name and it makes her proud to be Emily but this time it’s a reprimand and she sees it for exactly what it is—- an attempt to push her away. To make her feel afraid to push on.
But she’s been gay for so long, openly gay. It takes more than a little bit of attitude to scare her off. “You,” she says, softly. “You’re gay, Aaron, and—-“
He flinches at the word gay. Recoiling. “Emily,” his tone shifts to pleading.
“You—-“ she shifts too. She turns her body to face her, no longer relaxed. “Aaron, there’s nothing wrong with being gay.”
Sodomy, Aaron thinks. First and for most, there’s sodomy and it’s a sin to love a man. A sin to love men in a way he could never love Haley. Which Emily would understand if he told her about his sex life with Haley. Rather, his nonexistent sex life with Haley. He loved Haley so much but he could never love her the right way. The way God had intended.
By the time he manages to raise his eyes to hers, there are tears streaming down his face. He’s so helplessly broken and he can’t even hide it.
“Oh, Aaron.” Emily pulls him against her chest, rubbing up and down his back as he sobs. “I…” she doesn’t know what to say. She knows it’s the Catholisim here at play but her youth was so very different from his. Matthew had saved her from the fate Aaron had succumbed to. Matthew had shown her the churches many faults and…
Aaron had no one.
No one but the Bible and a God who never answered back.
“There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” she whispers, rocking their bodies gently. “There’s nothing wrong with you Aaron.”
He sobs even harder. He wishes he could believe that. He does. He wishes he could but…
They agree to never talk about it. Meaning, Emily begrudgingly lets it go.
The universe isn’t ready for Hotch to shove it under the rug though.
There’s this barista at the coffee shop downtown--- more than a barista, he’s the owner, actually. He’s a giant. He almost makes Hotch feel small in comparison. In college, he’d been a football player but he’d messed his knee up pretty bad Junior year. He became dependent on the painkillers he’d received after surgery. He’d dropped out of college a few months later.
Hotch learns all of this only after two coffees.
One that he has Monday with the man’s phone-number and name scribbled onto the side of his cup. His cheeks had turned a furious shade of pink when Morgan had asked who Charlie is and if she was pretty. For some reason, despite coaching himself over and over in the mirror that he’d never go back--- Hotch goes back to the coffee shop Thursday.
This time as Hotch is handing the other man a five dollar bill he adds his own phone-number and name attached with a simple sticky-note.
He’s not even out the door yet when his phone vibrates.
“I thought I’d scared you off, mysterious FBI man.”
It makes him stop in his tracks. A smile tugs at his lips and there isn’t a single thought in his head about church or God or his father just this impossibly good feeling in his chest. It’s been so long since he’s done the flirting thing but he replies: “As good as mysterious FBI man sounds, I typically go by Aaron. Besides, it takes a little bit more than a phone-number to scare me off”
The texts keep coming and Hotch doesn’t mind.
Charlie tells him about college and Hotch tells him about the team. It’s out of character for him to be so open but it’s just coffee and flirting and a really hot barista.
The feeling is very mutual.
“Kiss me, g-man.”
Hotch shakes his head, chuckling when Charlie throws his hips over Hotch’s waist. “You’d better---” whatever threat he’s making half-heartedly turns into a groan when Charlie starts planting open mouth kisses along his collar. Sucking a hickey under his ear where it will be painfully obvious to the team.
When Hotch lets out a grunt, his hand grabbing at Charlie’s shirt and the other going to his hair Charlie laughs. He buries his face in Hotch’s neck, his hand traveling down to the front of his pants. “Is that your gun?” he pulls back with a smirk.
Lightly, he pushes Aaron back on the bed. Charlie’s nimble fingers wrap around his jeans, pulling the tight fabric off of his ass.
“I don’t remember asking for this,” Hotch grunts, fist clenched tightly in the bedsheets. It’s the only way he can assure that he won’t go bucking into Charlie’s palm the minute he starts touching again. He’s not going to cave like that.
To his credit, Charlie stops. He plants his hands on both sides of Hotch’s hips, his mouth sending a dangerous gust of warm air over Hotch’s straining cock. He lifts an eyebrow, “say the word, Aaron.” Say the word and it stops. They don’t dance along fancy lines like that. Charlie wouldn’t do that.
Sitting up, Aaron wraps his legs around Charlie’s hips. He runs his fingers up through Charlie’s hair, kissing him. With a smile he pulls away and whispers, “fuck me, Charlie.”
And he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do just that.
Sodomy is way better than Aaron remembers.
They’re about three months into this when Charlie learns that Hotch hasn’t told a soul about him. At least, not really. Not past the point of passing in conversation. Hell, he hasn’t even told them that Charlie isn’t some bombshell blonde woman but a 6’4 black man who owns the coffee shop.
“Fine,” Hotch caves despite the anxiety leaving him so unnerved he’s shaking. “Do you want to come with me to Dave’s this weekend?” He’s got an edge to his tone. He’s hoping Charlie takes the bait and rolls his eyes. He almost hopes for a fight.
Charlie nods his head, “I would like to, actually.”
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
It’s not okay. It’s far from it.
He sits on edge for the rest of the week. Begging for a case. None come.
If Charlie has anything to say about Hotch letting go of his hand when they step out of the car, he doesn’t say anything. He does offer him a supportive smile, reaching between them to squeeze Aaron’s bicep.
“Dave,” Hotch breathes the other man’s voice and Charlie can hear the panic seeping into his deep tone. But then he just blanks.
Charlie stretches his hand out, “I’m Charlie.”
Dave gets over his momentary shock very quickly. “Charlie,” Dave shakes his head with a smile. He avoids the hand being offered and pulls the younger man in for a hug. “I have heard so much about you! I was just a little shocked. I was expecting--”
Charlie laughs, “a woman.”
Dave claps him on the back. “Well, yes, I was.” He smiles at Hotch next, pulling him in for a hug too. Dave can feel just how unnerved Hotch is but he doesn’t comment. He just squeezes him a little tighter. “More so,” Dave says, “I was expecting a blonde. He really likes blondes.”
Charlie glances back at Aaron, keeping his smile in place even when Aaron can’t look up from his intense battle with the floor.
“Well, come on in! I’ve got enough bourbon and food in here to feed a small army!”
Charlie steps inside first, Aaron hot on his heels.
Charlie turns around, to look back at Aaron. Calling the other man’s name for attention. “Aaron,” he calls softly, grabbing his hand. “Show me to the bathroom.”
Hotch nods his head, eyes vacant as he moves on through the room. Ghosting. “It’s, ugh,” Hotch points lamely to the door.
Charlie pulls him into the small room. Aaron making a small grunt of protest. “Look at me,” says, stern but not overbearing. “Aaron, please.”
It takes a moment but Aaron pulls his eyes off the floor. He grimaces when a tear falls down his cheek, ashamed of this display of emotion. This vulnerability.
With a sad smile, Charlie wipes it away with the pad of his thumb. “They didn’t know did they?”
Leaning forward, Hotch buried his face in Charlie’s blue t-shirt. It’s old and soft and it does nothing to slow his tears. He shakes his head. “They didn’t.”
Fuck. Charlie wraps his arms around Hotch, pulling him close. “Why didn’t you just say so?”
What other options are there? If Charlie hadn’t forced his hand Hotch would have happily died in the blissful lie he’d created. He could have died alone. No need to come out. Hell, if he’d just found another blonde woman he could have married her and died “straight”.
Anything is better than this in-between.
“Aaron,” Charlie breathes his name sadly. He doesn’t know what to say. His family had disowned him. So, he can’t just reassure Aaron it’ll be okay but Dave took it so well. “Have you even given them a chance?”
Well… Dave did take it very well and Emily already knows.
“No,” he answers honestly.
Charlie presses a kiss to his temple, asking, “maybe you should give them the benefit of the doubt?”
A knock at the door makes them both jump.
“Hotch,” Reid whines from the other side. “I really have to go.”
Hotch smiles and that makes Charlie smile. “Good?” he asks.
Hotch nods, “good.”
The pair step out of the bathroom.
Reid blushes and slides past.
“You don’t think he thinks we were…”
Hotch nods, “more than likely.”
Heading back down the hall, Charlie leans into Hotch’s side. “Which one was that?”
“Reid.”
Charlie hums his understanding. Cuter than he’d imagined. Aaron had said tall and thin but it really did the genius no justice. He’s an attractive young man. “You didn’t tell me he was cute.”
Wrapping his arm around Charlie’s waist he pulls the other man closer. His heart is beating hard in his chest but he kisses the other man, closing his eyes and enjoying this moment. Separating just enough to say, “I think he said he plays for your team. If you’re interested.”
“My team,” Charlie repeats. He runs a finger along Aaron’s brow, sweeping his hair back. “My team is you,” Charlie rolls his eyes. “Doofus.”
Hotch’s jaw drops. “Doofus?”
Charlie smiles, “my doofus.”
Emily stops at the mouth of the hall, having heard the dee rumbling sound of voices “That’s fucking adorable.”
Hotch groans, pushing his face into Charlie’s chest.
“Don’t groan at me,” she says. “You’re the bastard that came out to me. Ghosted me. Then went and got a boyfriend.”
Hotch grimaces, “Emily…”
She waves him, turning her attention to Charlie. “You,” she sticks her hand out and they share a handshake. “You got yourself a good one. He can be an ass though.”
Charlie chuckles at that, “he really can be. Also, insufferable.”
Emily opens her mouth in happy shock. “Right? What about him being a know-it-all?”
Charlie nods, “don’t forget being a tight ass.”
Hotch feels a comment about their sex lives attempting to roll of his tongue. Something along the lines of Charlie saying he’d liked his ass last night— instead he just grunts. “Enough about me,” he grumbles.
Emily smiles at both of them. She really is happy. Hotch deserves to be happy. With a smirk she motions for them to follow her. “Come on, drinks?”
Somehow, despite everything Hotch had convinced himself, everything is fine.
Charlie ends up wondering off with Morgan. The two deep into a conversation about a beam Morgan’s building around. Hotch had watched Charlie gag down Garcia’s awful shots and listen to Reid talk about thermodynamics.
And when Hotch’s anxiety started getting bad again, Charlie was right there. Hotch hadn’t said anything, he didn’t even close himself off. Emily had just excused herself to go yell about something with JJ, leaving him leaning against the bar in the kitchen. But Charlie had come up and squeezed his hand. Winking for good measure. Hotch’s anxiety, like his heart, melted into a puddle around his feet.
“Goodbye,” Emily wishes them a farewell. She kisses both their cheeks and holds on to Hotch a moment longer than she normally would. “So, does this mean we’re back on for movie nights?”
Hotch nods. He’s missed their movie nights. He’s missed hanging out with her.
In the end, it’s the two of them and Dave.
Hotch’s anxiety rears it’s ugly head. Another painful reminder of the childhood he’ll never escape. Of God and sin and hell. The Catholic Church is solid force in Dave’s life and he’s askin Dave to choose. And Aaron knows he’s not going to be chosen.
“You boys good to drive home?” Dave hands Charlie a Tupperware container of leftovers.
Charlie nods, “we’re okay.”
Well, Charlie is. Hotch is little tipsy and one wrong word away from throwing up on the porch.
“Be safe,” Dave says, pulling Charlie in for a hug first. He pats his back, lowering his head to whisper. “Take care of my boy, you here?”
It makes Charlie smile. They’d briefly discussed Aaron’s real father but Charlie can see exactly what Aaron had meant when he said Dave had been the man that raised him. He’s gentle and firm and Charlie is glad Aaron was able to find a father. “Of course,” Charlie responds. “Someone has to.”
That makes Dave chuckle. Damn right.
“Come here, son.” Aaron’s always been bigger than Dave, not that he minds. He pulls him down into his arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Lowering his voice he whispers, “I’m glad you brought Charlie. He’s a good man. I’m proud of you.”
Hotch feels the dam break. He wraps his arms tighter around Dave, all of his youth and sexuality and feelings finally making sense. He doesn’t have to chose. He can be himself and be happy, it’s allowed.
Aaron Hotchner didn’t kill his mother or his mother. He’s always done his best and that’s all he can do.
“You’re a good man,” Dave whispers, rubbing his back.
And… Aaron might just be starting to believe him.
#criminal minds#tw child abuse#out of character#criminal minds fanfiction#aaron hotchner#sean hotchner#emily prentiss#david rossi#haley hotchner#derek morgan#spencer reid#penelope garcia#jennifer jareau#tw cigarettes#lesbian emily prenitss#george foyet
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Hey darling, just read your theory and found it really well connected! Lets hope for some caos! But you never said anything about my policeman and I believe that it is an important point in all this, due to the topic and interviews that we are probably getting with it. How do you think it fits there?
Thanks! and honestly, I'm not sure.
I think it will definitely have a lot to do with Harry's coming out, might even be the way he does it.
I can picture two things happening:
He “casually” comes out as not straight (kinda like Joshua Bassett did), not using a label, saying something like “being a part of this movie was really important for me because as a queer person myself I understand how important it is to talk more about all the things us queer people have had and still have to go through” or something like that. OR
Everyone has said he did amazing in the movie so assuming he wins some important award for it like a golden globe or something like that, he could use the opportunity and more seriously talk about, obviously not mentioning the fact that all his girlfriends have been fake but still not denying or confirming anything other than the fact that he is not straight.
Another option is, through his music.
There is still at least one music video we haven't seen, “duvet” and there were those rumors that said that there would be a Harry music video with a male love interest. I am still not very sure of if it's true but idk.
If he does this then it could also align with my policeman.
From what we know, the movie is almost ready bc the screenings were I think about a month ago and the reviews in general were really good.
So let's say they release a first teaser soon, idk maybe June bc it's pride month, and then that's when harry releases that music video with a male love interest.
That way the queer community won't be mad bc they think he is straight and queer roles should be played by queer actors.
Also, if this happens he would come out while still being with Cockburn which is better than doing it single, that way it will be like “don't worry everyone, he is not straight but he is still dating a woman so he is not fully gay either!” yk what i mean?
He could also pull a Lil Naz by releasing medicine as a single, he could do a music video with people from all genders but finally kissing a guy, scandalizing everyone and making it an insanely popular song, it would be a great pr move bc it would definitely top the charts so...
Like I said, he will not label himself, and he will not talk about all his fake girlfriends or anything like that.
Louis won't have to do much with this whole thing though I do see him throwing slight shade to O and absolutely praising My policeman.
Edit: i just realized I didn't say anything about Eros so, i think that if asked about H's acting career Louis will focus more on this roll than any of the others bc he is a big marvel fan, they could even use the narrative that even though they weren't super close friends Harry called Louis and Liam to tell them that he was going to be a part of the MCU.
So Louis would be all “oh yeah, my policeman is amazing, the story and the directing are incredible and harry did great, don't worry darling is also really good the acting was great. i still can't believe he is a part of the MCU now though [and then procedes to rant about his love for marvel and how cool it is that Harry is a part of it now]”
But yeah, those are my thoughts!
Thanks so much for the question! I'm going to link it to the post to clear up all this.
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