#AND I WANT TO AT LEAST DECIDE FOR MYSELF IF ALL THEYVE DONE IS AS BAD AS PEOPLE SAY BC IK THEYRE THAT BAD BUT I WANT TO AT LEAST SEE WHERE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

papirouge · 7 months

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Thta anon that sent you the story about the woman defending her husband from a brick, plus all the other stories are confirming to me that men are not our protectors. I mean, i kinda realised already, this is just confirmation to me.

I once saw this video of a man following a woman and harassing her asking her why was she dressed as a prostitute ( i guess cause she was wearing a crop top?) and calling her a whore, while she constantly repeated she was waiting for her boyfriend. There was a lot of people around, and the men did NOTHING. The women at least screamed at him to stop bothering her, and one even threw popcorn at him lol. Suddenly, a woman appears out of nowhere and hits the harassing man on the head with a glass bottle SO hard he fell unconscious. She shouted something at him and left, and everyone else just stood there, doing nothing - not even his fellow men cared about him being knocked out at all. Some women also stood up and simply passed by him without even throwing a glance at him, and I would have done the same cause i don't care about mysogynists.

I also used to watch this show where they put hidden cameras and actors would perform some kind of scene in public and the idea was to witness how people would react to injustices and dangerous situations. I remember episodes like one where a young girl met up with an adult man in a restaurant and he would try to convince her to come back to his place for a modeling shot. Then he would pretend to go to the bathroom, and I remember that pretty much every person that would go up to this girl and warn her of that man or even offer help were women, usually middle aged. Even when it was a couple that was overhearing the conversation between the man and the girl, the woman was always the one to sit with her and have a talk. Many similar episodes to this were the same, having women worrying and looking after other women or girls.

I do remember one episode where they actually had an actor pretend to be a pervert who was oogling and catcalling a woman. They set this on a beer shop so it was pretty much only men and the only woman was the actress. Anyways, they actually had this man talk in a very pervy way about this woman to the other men present, and even catcall her outright while she expressed being unconfortable, and then had him blame her for the way she was dressed. The other men usually didnt engage, ignore it or even agreed with that man that she was sexy. Some even agreed with blaming her clothing for the harassment. I think like one or two told him half-heartedly to stop, but would exit the shop as soon as they bought their alcohol and not help the woman. Finally, they had the actor go one step further and actually grope the actress, and only then one (1) man reacted and tried to retain him... nothing else. It was funny in a way because both the presenter and editors wanted SO badly for it to look like men would step up to protect a woman if she was ever in danger, so they put a lot of focus on the very few men that tried to do something while not paying attention to the majority of men that simply decided to not get involved at all like they do with people who don't interfer in other episodes LMFAO. Like in other situations theyve even gone as far as to ask them directly why they didnt do anything.

I specially remember that episode because I was still under the ilussion that men were our protectors and I even was mingling with the trad scene, so I was left with a sour taste after watching it, because even with all the editing I noticed that most men couldnt care less about a woman being harassed. But hadn't all the tradtards insist and swear that men would naturally want to protect a woman if she was in danger? That's why you submit and let him lead right?! I tried to convince myself that it was because it was a beer shop and quality men usually wouldn't be there, and tried to concentrate on the three men that did try to help kinda. The amounts of copium i was at the time lol. Lmao even.

Ohhh think I see the kind of show you're talking about it. Here in France it was called Cam Clash and I always avoided those bc I thought it was pointless rage bait. I remember one featuring a women wearing a hijab and another actor who was bullying her, to see how people would react 💀

I personally don't expect protection when I'm outside. When someone suspicious comes around me I pray to God to protect me. And guess what, it always worked! Like sometimes there would be a very sketchy guys begging for money in the bus or train and I would pray for God to protect me, and that guy would pass me by as if I was transparent 😳

God is real, amen!

That's why we should always put our trust in him. I don't carry a weapon or anything demonic thing like that. The mighty hand of God>>>>>> any weapon on earth 🩵✝️

#answered

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mack3030 · 2 years

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Simplistic-sims post is actually not bad though?

Dont get me wrong, I dont support everything they've said or done in perpetuity. But their content for the sims is...theirs? They can make the choice to release it or keep it for themselves or only give it to their friends even. Their content, what they create, cannot be held hostage. Because no one is entitled to their work. They could close up shop tomorrow and no one could demand they come back because no one can force them to make content for people. And that isnt a hostage situation.

So them communicating to their community "Hey I can't continue to make this much content (or at all) because I have to be spending at least part of the time I currently use creating to support myself." Isn't wrong or bad. Its just...communication. Its saying if enough people keep donating I can keep going on like I have been. If not then I will be releasing less. That's just the facts of the situation. People need to make money to live. And that sucks. But if the money isnt there anymore then creators may have to move onto something else to support themselves.

At that point it is up to the community if they want content to keep coming out. If they decide to donate to help support a creator. There isnt anything coercive about that. People donate to creators all the time in other contexts/communities to help content keep rolling out. It is the same here.

I really appreciate what you've done up to now for the community, exposing issues within it. Jesus, I'm not even a simblr and I've seen the good you and Sunny have done. But we need to be better than telling people to jump off a bridge. Especially when Simplistic's response was actually one of the better ones I have seen? When others are just willing to keep paywalling and ignoring TOS? It doesnt help the cause to be a bully.

And just to be clear again, I'm not a simblr. I dont know all the nuances of Simplistic's behavior over the years. So I'm not supporting everything theyve done and said. But their original post did not deserve the vitriol you gave it.

I am Sunny. Just FYI. That's why my twitter handle is "Sunny not Mack". ;) I will admit my choice of gif reaction, probably not the best looking back however...you also have to understand that I'm a little suspicious and skeptical especially considering this is someone who was a former paywaller who made money off of taking the copyrighted designs/textures of companies like rifle paper company, and restoration hardware and applied them to maxis match meshes. Because before she even released THAT statement she had another which she deleted because it obviously didn't go over well:

In which she had a gofundme. My concern here would be this: If she treats this similar to a gofundme situation where if she has to receive a certain amount of "donations" to be able to continue making CC....what happens if she barely misses her amount she needs? Is she gonna take her ball and go home? How are people who donated money hoping she'd release content gonna feel? Are they gonna feel taken advantage of? You'd think not, but again, there's that little dangling transational aspect of it that can make some people mad. I just am suspicious because I don't know why someone who so blatently paywalled recolors of maxis' own stuff with copyrighted textures would change their tune and decide to be honest with people. That's all. I appreciate you trying to make sure I'm the best I can be though. Again, probably not the right gif reaction there, but also I'm kinda peeved because when my income (my job) was threatened by paywallers not once, not twice, but FOUR times...people like her were often strangely silent. Doesn't give me the right to take that out on her though. Thanks for being respectful about it. :)

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jimlingss · 4 years

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hellooo this is to say i absolutely love your work and theyve brought me back from an abyss of gloom and helplessness countless times and i just really wanted to express my gratitude! you’re incredible because your writing and the way you bring your characters to life is far too beautiful to be true! if you’re ever feeling down just remember that im sure there are manyyyy people who smiled or laughed or felt warmth even once because of your writing— take care and happy quarantining! wow 2 much !

yamang27 said: alsooo i was wondering - how do you keep yourself accountable and diligent in writin everyday/regularly? as a college student/researcher im still finding it difficult to organize my time so i can save ample room for writing so whats ur guiding principles/habits/routines (if u dont mind sharing)?

Thank you for the sweet message. You also ask a very interesting question!!

First off, I think it’s really important to decide what your priorities are right off the bat. For me, that has always been school. As much as I dislike learning, my future is in my schooling and not in my blog, so therefore every day my school work takes precedence. Whenever I have an upcoming paper or assignment to do or studying that needs to be done, I always tackle that first in my day. And if anything, then I don’t write for that day or ease off on it. Secondly, I utilize my calendar a lot and input all my deadlines and when I need to post stories. Thirdly and most importantly, I make A LOT of to-do lists and that’s how I organize most of my time.

Typically after I wake up and brush my teeth or whatever, I’ll open my laptop and make a list of things I need to get done in that day. I’ll open my calendar and take a look at what deadlines are coming up, what I want to get done, etc. and then I’ll order it in the order that needs to be done. So always my school stuff is at the top and writing is at the bottom.

If it’s an especially busy period, I might make a to-do list for the entire week (one on Monday, Tuesday, etc. etc.), or I might make a to do-list for tomorrow before I go to bed. And then no matter what, I finish my to do list.

I know myself well and I know how much I can handle in a day. Usually my to-do lists have 2 items on it to 5 items. A list might range from finishing a soci paper, studying from poli sci, doing laundry, storyboarding OR complete online quiz then write. No matter what though, I always manage to finish my to-do list. I don’t know if this works for everyone, but it certainly works for me.

By keeping planning my day out like that or even my entire week, it ensures that if I follow through with the plan, then I’ll complete everything that I need to get done and that just eases my mind a lot and keeps me from being stressed out.

If you think about it, there’s a lot of time in the day and I know it’s cliche, but sincerely, if you want to do something, you’ll make time for it. It’s not necessary for there to be ample time set aside for writing. About a three hour window a day more than suffices (for me at least) and if school work takes about three hours too, that’s just six hours total. That leaves you with 18 hours left in the day to sleep, eat, chill, hang out, shower, surf the internet, etc.

#but yeah my basic habit is to-do lists #and it feels really good when you finish everything on that list #and if you force yourself to adhere to it #you get a loooot done and a lot of stress is taken off your mind #Jimlings #yamang27

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corpsefaking-moved · 4 years

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really cannot wait until i transfer to a real college bc then ill kind of be forced to act like a normal person. and by that i dont mean ill be forced to act like im not mentally ill i mean im going to have to interact with people and go out and do things and figure out how to take care of myself. like i feel like ive missed out on soo much childhood + teenage years because ive literally never gone and hung out with friends with the exception of like two days ago when someone i was friends with from like 3rd to 11th grade decided to get in touch with me before she moves away. but like then i heard her + our other friend talking about like. shit theyve done and its like. wow i have done none of that. all ive done is sit at home in my room on my bed. for like 19 years lmao. and like even when we were friends all my friends would go out and do shit together but i was rarely invited along and when i was i usually made up excuses as to why i couldnt go (though this only happened like. twice) and like the thing is that i want to go out and do things but i also dont and cant see any point in it but like. at least when i start going to an actual college + move out ill have to actually do things and interact with people

#akshgbkahgs sorry this wasnt supposed to be a vent kahsbfkasf #personal

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

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hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing.

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky)

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op)

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?)

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow.

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood’ shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy.

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points)

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro.

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions)

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY.

til next timeeee

#i think readmores are broken? sometimes? anyways i hope thats not the case and if so then im sorry everyone #im gonna schedule this for like 3 am this is just for me to ramble lmao #anyways i need a tag #uhhh #lj watches hxh #hxh #bam there we go

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the-gay-cryptid · 4 years

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Okay, I'm super pissed right now and I dont want to bother my friends with this, theyve got shit of their own, I just need to get the angry out of my system.

I want to shave my head. I want to because it would give me a feeling of control and it's the much safer, less permanent, and less painful of my three options: shave head, get piercing, get tattoo. Since whatever I picked would be self done, I naturally went with shaving my head.

I'm no fucking idiot though, I've done my research. I know that, because of my hair type and my own preferences, I dont want it too short. I would first get a #8 attachment, which it the longest you can get. That's what I would use. I looked up a video of someone comparing the lengths of each attachment when actually used on hair, so I have a better idea of what it would actually look like since I'm not good at visualizing lengths.

I was going to tell my mom all this, show her that this isnt a sudden decision, and that I've actually done research and know what to do/expect. It was still entirely possible she'd say no, but this approach was my best chance to convince her.

I told me dad this morning, "I want to shave my head. I think I'd have to order attachments since your clippers are too short, but its definitely doable." I said it this way because I've never had to prove to my dad that I know what I'm doing, like I'm writing a damn research paper.

He wasnt a fan, because he thinks I'll look like a man. He doesnt want me to look too masculine. That's a problem to revisit at a later time. I pointed out that I already look like a boy when I wear hats, my hair grows out fast, and that how he wants me to look isnt my problem. He conceded to all three points, though he still wasnt a fan. He wouldnt stop me, but we both knew I had to convince mom before I even picked up the clippers.

Mom came in, and we said good morning and so on. Then Dad says "she wants to shave her head." Which was the absolute worst possible way to introduce that to my mother.

To her credit, she handled it well. She said she didnt think it would suit my head shape, but if I wanted to I couldn't but if I did it she wasnt going to pay for my hair appointments anymore, even if I grew my hair out again. I wouldnt really mind paying for my own cuts and colors, it's just that it's kinda expensive and I have 10$ and no income until August assuming we're back on campus next semester. I figured I'd think about it.

I took a shower, did makeup, and finished making some earrings I started last night. Then I went to show my parents, because i was proud and I thought they looked cool.

Dad loved them, mom definitely thought they were tacky, but I'm used to that and she's given up trying to convince me that tacky jewelry is bad.

She was making a face that screamed "not a fan", and I asked her why she was making said face. I expected a comment about how people would judge me, and I was totally emotionally prepared for that and ready to let it roll off. But instead, she says

"This doesn't seem like a good use of your time. I just dont feel like enough work is getting done"

I dont know if any of you know this about me, but I'm very sensitive about my work ethic. I've had problems in the past, but I've worked fucking hard to learn the self discipline and time management I have today. It's not perfect, but I'm better than I was. So when people imply that I'm not doing enough, or I'm lazy, or that I'm wasting my time instead of working, I take it a little harder than most.

I didnt linger, because it wouldnt help anyone. I just left and waited in the kitchen to vent to my dad.

"I just wanted to show her something cool." I said. I kept my voice low, because mom has a habit of walking in when I'm venting about her and then getting overly offended and turning it into me being disrespectful. "And she just ignored it-" at which point my dad cut me off. He doesnt like when I complain about mom. He doesnt like the confrontation that occurs if she over hears, and he doesnt like seeing her upset that her kid is implying shes a bad mom. She isnt, but she's not perfect, and as a grown ass woman who lectures me about the same flaw, she should be able to take criticism.

I'm still a bit pissed, so I just grabbed my laptop and went upstairs to do schoolwork. I dont have much to do, since, contrary to my mother's suggestion, I'm very on top of my work, and even ahead on some of it.

Just now, I went down stairs to take a break and grab my house shoes. I talked to my dad a little bit about some netflix shows. Then, because I thought maybe I could sway him a little, I showed him the video of someone comparing all the attachments and how short they actually cut.

I also pointed out that mom wouldve reacted better if hed let me explain what I wanted. He disagreed, so I told him how I'd present the idea:

"I have something I want to do, and I've done a lot of research, so I understand what to do, what I'd need, and how to do it the way I have in mind. I'd like to shave my head, not super short though. I'd use the longest attachment..." et cetera, et cetera.

Basically I'd just prove to her this wasnt decided on a whim. And then I'd ask her opinion. She'd hate it, but at least she'd probably consider it. Even Dad admitted it might have worked.

I started telling him why I wanted to do it, the whole needing to feel in control thing. But he was putting away clothes and heading his and Moms room, and if mom heard me talking through all this she'd get mad and double down on the "fuck no" stance. So I dropped it for now.

But then my dad thought hed be real fucking funny. I was standing in the bathroom with him, and he turned on his clippers and started to reach for my hair. I grabbed his arm to stop him. I knew he was joking, it was just my knee jerk reaction since his clippers have NO attachment and would actually buzz my head completely.

He then said, very smugly, that that's the reaction of someone who doesn't actually want to shave their head. I told him that wasnt funny, and started to explain that I stopped him because it wouldve been the wrong length.

But mom, being in the bedroom right fucking next to us, got PISSED. She then informed us, mainly me, that I wasnt allowed to shave my head, and that she'd be so furious if I did it. And now i was mad with both of my parents.

Since I couldnt be delicate about it anymore, I told her point blank the whole conversation this morning wouldve gone better if dad hadnt said anything, and that I was going to actually explain myself before telling her I wanted to shave my head.

She listened to my whole explanation. I'll give her that. But when I finished, she just hummed and went back to her work. Which is mom for "fuck no, and this is a stupid idea."

As all conversations with my mother inevitably go, I went to the kitchen to talk to dad. I told him he shouldnt have done any of that, and that now, because of him goofing off, mom wasnt taking anything of said seriously.

He told me he was sorry he did that, but that he didn't want me to do it anyway. I reminded him, in far less polite terms than usual, that I dont care what he thinks and that it's my hair and my choice.

He agreed and apologized again, still just as insincere.

Since I didnt have the patience or calmness to try and talk about it further, I went back upstairs. I heard him calling me a little bit ago, probably to talk again, but I'm still fucking angry.

Because of him not only taking away my ability to bring this up with my mom on my own terms, and then ruining any chances of her taking me seriously, theres no way in hell I'm going to be able to do what I wanted. I know shaving my head isnt that big of a deal, but the amount of bullshit its brought out of them both is infuriating.

If he'd just kept his fucking mouth shut this morning, all this could've gone so much better.

#im just mad #and i dont want to bother my froends #and i cant vent to my parents for obvious reasons #and my brother's at work #so its all fucking pent up with nowhere to go #so im putting it here #my post #ranting #venting

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kiruuuuu · 5 years

Text

Doc/Lion oneshot in which Lion absolutely can’t get enough of Doc. (Rating E, pure filth + fluff, ~4k words) - written for the ever so wonderful 1ce_09 on twitter ♥♥ Everyone who hasn’t already, check them out for beautiful Siege art! Thank you so much for commissioning me, I enjoyed myself :)

If anyone had asked Lion a year – hell, months – ago which part of the day was his least favourite, he would’ve said waking up. Throughout his life, the only consistently good thing staying with him has been how easily he falls asleep and his ability to only wake up once fully rested; he sometimes thinks it’s a genuine blessing he received, a rare show of mercy of which he’s ultimately undeserving. Even when his mind worked overtime, even when there was an oppressive weight on his soul, even when there was no reason to get up in the morning, he drifted off like a lazy, oversized house cat napping in the sun. In rare moments, he idly wonders whether this ability hasn’t saved his life at some point, granted him this little bit of energy he needed to get through the day, gave him enough hope to trudge on and eventually sparked his endeavour to make it up to those he wronged.

And then there are his dreams. They’ve always been vivid, abstract, hard to grasp, but as a child he could always pinpoint at least a location or a person, something concrete which gave him an indication of what was on his mind at the time. After – after Claire, after colourful pills and pieces of paper with cartoon characters on them and a few other things, his nightly visions became even more obscure, swirls of colour, evoking emotions whose vibrancy stays with him in this twilight between waking and sleeping, a half-doze in which he’s disembodied yet conscious. He enjoys their embrace and despised nothing more than the afterimages being violently ripped away from him by a shrill alarm.

These days, he doesn’t mind it so much. The reason for his change of mind is as fortunate as it is unbelievable because of all its facets no one could’ve predicted, especially not him: It’s someone he loves (and he’d given up on this particular idea a while ago). It’s a man (and while he’s fooled around with some of his friends before, it was largely born from spite and the thrill of the forbidden). And of all people, it’s Doc.

It took him months to come to terms with the realisation that his infuriating colleague never really left his thoughts because of a fierce desire to impress him, not because of personal dislike. Doc is revered wherever he treads and when Lion earned his ire, it was much easier to pretend the negativity dictating Lion’s remorseless remarks and actions towards the other man stemmed from disdain and not disappointment in himself, not from a knee-jerk reaction to the realisation that Doc would never see him as an equal now.

It took him even longer to finally act on it too, reach out and attempt to rebuild the bridge Doc had destabilised and which Lion had spitefully burned in response; it required endless conversations with Bertrand as well as the rest of the GIGN, a worrisome amount of self-reflection, and uncomfortable, tough admissions.

But he managed. Looking back, it’s amazing how much he turned his life around, how much he achieved with the help of those around him and indubitably help from above, and he’s humble enough to try and let his gratitude shine through in everything he does these days.

He even learnt to enjoy waking up. Though admittedly it wasn’t difficult, no, not at all, not when he knows he’ll have company, be greeted with a smile and a kiss, a brief update on global events, a cup of coffee just how he likes it. And so instead of hitting the snooze button on his phone several times, tossing and turning, dreading the beginning of yet another day, he wakes with a serenity he never thought he could achieve.

This morning, his heart feels even lighter than normal and it doesn’t take long to figure out why: there’s a warm body next to his. Doc prefers getting up early, always prefers being prepared no matter what and possesses the inhuman ability to sleep without an alarm and be on time anyway – but rarely, on one of their days off, he allows himself to sleep in, much to Lion’s delight.

Smiling to himself, he rolls on his side to dazedly blink at the spectacular view in front of him and really, Doc has no business being this gorgeous this early in the day. He’s stretched out on his stomach – and he’s the only person Lion has met who sleeps this way –, head turned away from Lion, explaining his constant neck pains, and smooth skin illuminated by the rays falling in through the blinds, painting long stripes on his naked back.

Lion doesn’t want to disturb the image yet reaches out regardless, runs his fingertips over shoulder blades jutting out, the dip of his lower back, relaxed muscles, and reaches the blanket covering Doc from the hips downwards. He should let him sleep. Really, he should, but with every centimetre more that’s revealed, Lion’s interest rises. He takes his time, pauses when he hears his lover take a deep breath and proceeds when it evens out again. Slowly, surely, he reveals plump curves and more soft skin, and then his gaze falls on the discoloured spots on the back of Doc’s thighs and the almost languorous desire playfully swaying in the back of his mind suddenly gets shoved to the very forefront, makes his heart skip a beat and his crotch throb.

Memories from the previous evening come flooding back, the end of a tedious work day necessitating some kind of release – they’d started as soon as they set foot into their apartment, Lion crowding his lover against the door and licking every bit of composure off his tongue, then wandering deeper with his hungry mouth and swallowing him whole, something he’s come to love, provided he can watch Doc’s features dissolve into helpless want while sucking on him, hard. He took his time, did so for the rest too, left Doc aching and fingered him open over the couch until he was flushed and flustered and even more beautiful, took him standing up until his legs gave in, relocated to the kitchen table, eventually landed in bed where he finished them both off with merciless snaps of his hips, listening to Doc’s desperate whines and floating on pure ecstasy.

The bruises are remnants, and now he also feels the scratches on his back again which he didn’t let the other man see, angled his body so he wouldn’t notice the damage he’s done – he usually feels bad about leaving marks though Lion can never get enough. It’s one of the many small disagreements about which they half-heartedly argue and neither of them is ready to budge, but more often than not they end with a hand in someone’s hair or quick kisses. There’s more, now that he knows where to look, Doc’s ass cheeks themselves are still tinted red and the lovebites Lion sucked onto his ribs remain perfectly visible as well.

Maybe he should add a few.

Moving carefully, he removes the blanket entirely, admires Doc’s shapely legs for a moment and then kneels between them, intending no more than to touch the sleeping beauty a little, but as soon as his palms come to rest on firm flesh, a different thought makes his cock twitch in anticipation. Doc is perfectly on display like this, the hills and valleys of his body enticing in a way that Lion wants nothing more than mould himself around them, and he decides to appreciate it all by waking Doc with something more… personal than simply covering him in hickeys.

Thumbs pull the cheeks apart a little, exposing a pink hole which looks overwhelmingly inviting to Lion, a hole he abused to his heart’s content the previous evening and so it’s only appropriate for him to make up for the rough treatment, isn’t it? He leans forward and gingerly circles the rim with the tip of his tongue, starting feather-light and increasing the intensity slowly, intersperses it with broad laps and has to suppress a moan when he feels the ring of muscle pulsing in response. He’s felt similar contractions around his shaft so many times before and the association is all he needed for a full, heavy erection – especially when he remembers Doc’s usual, elated expression whenever he climaxes.

The hips beneath his hands shift a little, and a foot lifts, powerless, and when he pushes the tip of his tongue inside, Doc lets out a sleepy groan. “Really?”, he mumbles into the sheets but makes no move to stop Lion. “Didn’t we do enough yesterday?”

He grins and forces himself a little deeper, eliciting a weak moan, before withdrawing for a reply: “Gustave, I can never have enough of you.” And to cut off any smart remark, he wiggles his tongue back inside and turns all of Doc’s protests into small, appreciative noises. Though his lover appears to be the voice of reason more often than not, he allows himself to get swept up by Lion’s passion all the time, mentioning work but riding him with abandon ten minutes later, scolding him for only thinking about one thing but asking him to come on his face the same day. Lion never minds initiating, not when this is the result: an increasingly aroused Doc meeting his mouth with subtle grinding, fisting the sheets and not even fully awake yet.

A curious finger proves Doc to be more than loose enough a few minutes later, and by this point they’re both panting and dizzy – and besides, Lion has always been more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ type, so he wastes no time in grabbing the lube strategically placed on the bedside table to pour a generous amount on his stiff cock, wincing a little at the cool, viscous liquid. A few strokes for good measure coat it sufficiently and the next moment he’s rubbing his tip over the very hole he licked open just now, felt it quiver around his tongue. The touch is electrifying and the fierce need pulsing through him urges him to give in, take what’s his, ensure his own pleasure.

But he waits. Bites his lip in impatience, pushes slightly against the entrance and shivers when he feels it give way a little, squeezes one of the buttcheeks he maltreated in the sweetest way possible last night – but he waits.

And then Doc meets him, lifts his hips to allow the head to slip inside and both of them gasp at the sudden surge of pleasure. Lion accepts this signal for what it is and begins the slow slide, pushes deeper and deeper into deliciously tight heat, feels Doc’s walls contract around his dick and only stops once he’s bottoms out. Since his lover usually requires a moment to adjust, Lion uses this time to not only focus on how fucking good he feels, but also to straddle the other man properly and lean down, cover him with his own body and place a few loving kisses on the top of his head.

“Other people wake their boyfriends with breakfast in bed”, Doc grumbles under him, now less bleary than before, but the hand he places next to Lion’s contradicts his words. He spreads his fingers and Lion interlaces them with his own, holds on tight and makes no move to suppress the smile stretching his lips at the gesture.

“Their boyfriends are definitely not as erotic as mine then”, he purrs into Doc’s hair. His limbs are possessively caging the other man in and even then, it hardly suffices to sate his need to be as close to Doc as possible, feel all of him.

“What you mean to say is they have more than just a shred of self-control.” And oh, he’s going to make Doc eat those words.

Slowly, he begins grinding down, impatient erection twitching eagerly inside and rubbing against all the right places if Doc’s startled gasp is anything to go by. He loves it deep and Lion knows it, rolls his hips against his lover’s perfect ass and makes him feel every centimetre keenly. For good measure, he bows his head to latch onto that spot right below Doc’s ear which he knows drives him wild, tongues at it wetly before sucking and relishes the unrestrained moan he earns for his trouble. Over time, he’s memorised all of Doc’s weakspots and exploits this knowledge now shamelessly, bites at his earlobe and trails his lips over soft skin to the back of Doc’s neck where he nibbles, his lazy motions emphasising his ministrations.

By now, Doc is trembling against him, the deep grind stealing his breath and causing him to jerk his hips up in search of more thorough stimulation than this merciless teasing, trying to fuck himself on Lion’s cock but failing. Frustrated huffs join the quiet panting, his grip involuntarily tightening parallel to him clenching desperately around Lion’s hard shaft and it’s mesmerising to behold how his mock crossness melts away into pure lust.

Doc’s other hand reaches back and digs into Lion’s ass, tries to get him to move more, faster, anything, but when that fails as well, he pleads: “Come on, just fuck me, Olivier.”

He knows how this goes. Grinning to himself, Lion tenses his muscles to make his dick throb inside additionally to the tantalising motions and decides to have even more fun. “You look so pretty, impaled on my cock”, he whispers and throws Doc a bone, withdraws all the way and slowly slides back in, keeps this torturous pace and sighs contentedly every time Doc’s hole allows him back in, stretches around him. He meant his words – he really can never get enough of this.

Uneven breaths have turned into whines now. “Olivier, please -”

“I could fuck you, pump you full of come and then leave you, dripping and begging for it”, he continues and concentrates on the steady build of pleasure – a slow climb but oh so satisfying. Doc feels wonderful around him. “Could do that the entire day. Every time you suck me until I’m hard again, I shoot inside but you’re not allowed to come. You can ride my cock all day, Gustave.” The thought is dazzling and he probably never fantasised about someone while being balls deep inside that very person, yet he can’t help but picture Doc all powerless, frenzied, obeying him fully. He knows Doc is too proud to actually agree to anything like it, though the throaty moan Doc lets out in response tells Lion unambiguously that he’s imagining it – and actually enjoys the thought. Still, Lion’s thumb strokes reassuringly over the hand he’s still holding.

“Please, I want you, go faster -” Doc’s impatience has reached its peak now, he shoves himself onto Lion’s member in one go and pushes against him, whimpers when Lion gnaws at his neck in retaliation and rises nonetheless, lifting his lover’s body with him. The teasing has left him frantic and exactly how Lion likes it, cheeks red and gaze almost defiant when he glares at the larger man over his shoulder. Lion could spend all day marvelling at the state of him.

Instead, he relents, guides Doc onto his hands and knees and grabs his hips to steady him, fingers brushing over the bruises on Doc’s thigh, the faint purplish tinge an expression of his devotion. “You want it hard?”, he asks and is almost surprised at how breathy his own voice is. Unbridled want is pulsing through him, vicious and blinding, making his digits itch and cock ache.

Doc nods wordlessly and it’s probably good he can’t see the pure joy on Lion’s face over the admission. Even now, even with how familiar they are with each other, every confirmation of the passion, respect and love they share sparks delight.

A sharp snap of Lion’s hips later and his focus is elsewhere again. Now he’s getting serious, drives into Doc at a fast tempo, watches as his entire erection disappears inside him and tries his best not to come on the spot. The abrupt stimulation is almost too much but he keeps going through the discomfort paired with blunt need until he hears himself moan loudly in pleasure, dig his fingertips into Doc’s flesh. He’s not going to last long, that much is clear, but he’s going to make it good regardless.

A few pointed thrusts elicit more dazed whimpering from his lover, a picturesque arch of his back to allow Lion to penetrate him all the way and even another, decidedly more heated glance back at him. They’re both equally into it, tensing and moving against each other amid the sound of skin slapping against skin, the rustling of sheets as Doc desperately seeks support, leverage, anything to hold on to – and Lion shares the sentiment of feeling wholly lost yet not wanting to be found. Ruthlessly, he slams into his lover, chasing his pleasure, helping Doc pursue his own, and makes no effort to hide his enjoyment.

A sudden spike almost pushes him over the edge when Doc’s arms give in, accompanied by something that sounds suspiciously like a keen, and now he’s really pounding him into the mattress, showing him just how deep his desire runs, how comprehensive his attraction is. He can’t even pinpoint which part it is exactly about Doc that drives him this wild, fills him with the urge to claim, mark, embrace and never let go; and he revels in the knowledge of being able to make this otherwise so poised, dignified and professional man fall apart, provoke emotions from him he displays for no one else.

“Come for me”, Lion gasps in between the creaking of the bed, “do it. Come on, amour, Gustave, I want to feel it.” And the sounds he wrenches from Doc’s throat with every thrust get impossibly louder when his lover reaches for his dick, probably not able to keep up with the merciless rhythm with which Lion is driving into him but still good enough. He gets tighter, even more so when Lion’s breath hitches, followed by a growl. He’s getting closer by the second, Doc’s noises and velvety heat making up the perfect catalyst -

And then Doc orgasms, surprisingly quickly for how little he stroked himself, he must’ve been primed, possibly dreamt of Lion and this thought is a whole other turn-on he shelves away for later. Right now, he watches, utterly transfixed, as Doc spasms under him, hips rolling futilely to either increase the intensity or shy away from it as he shoots his sperm in short bursts in between the hard thrusts. Lion fucks him through it, runs one of his palms over the dancing muscles of Doc’s back and shudders at the violent contractions around his throbbing cock; fucks him through the aftershocks, too, tiny jolts which speak of a very satisfying climax. Lion isn’t there yet, however, not fully, teetering on the edge, carefully controlling himself so he can take all of Doc in and -

“Finish inside, Olivier”, Doc demands, voice shaky, and he’s gone.

His abs tense with a delicious kind of pain at the first wave of blissful release washing through him. He buries himself deep inside his lover and moans in disbelief over how abruptly pleasure explodes behind his eyelids and nearly folds in half at the intensity, gasping for air as his cock twitches and probably adding a few bruises to the existing ones. Momentary blindness allows him to be wholly aware of Doc moving against him to milk him for every drop, of overwhelming relief encompassing his entire being as he orgasms, surrounded by scorching heat and momentarily losing all sense of reality.

Coming down is a slow, gradual affair, both of them slumping a little and Lion bending so he can rest his forehead on Doc’s shoulder blade as they both catch their breath, bask in the afterglow and enjoy the feel of shared body heat, companionship and sweet exhaustion. Lion peppers his boyfriend’s shoulder with kisses once he can see straight again, withdraws tentatively and sits up to examine the masterpiece he just fucked into existence in all its glory: shiny skin, reddened cheeks, a gaping hole, dark marks and lovebites, and, after a few seconds, a thin stream of white leaking out.

Lion is definitely unable to get hard immediately after a climax this exquisite but his dick gives a feeble jump at the sight nonetheless. He reaches out and catches the droplets with a fingertip, pushes them back to where they came from, pushes them back inside and earns a quiet moan. Adding another digit, he tries to finger the semen as deep as he can and only pauses when Doc kicks him lightly.

“I’m sore enough as it is”, he complains and rolls to the side when Lion withdraws mournfully, yet there’s a bright smile adorning his face when their eyes meet.

With weak knees, Lion stalks back and forth to get them cleaned up (and is actually amazed Doc doesn’t mention the scratches he himself inflicted) but insists on doing one thing by himself: once he’s taken his rightful place by Doc’s side, entangled their legs and exchanged a few loving kisses, he catches Doc’s wrist to lift it to his face and starts to lick his palm clean.

“You’re like a dog”, his lover murmurs fondly and readily spreads his fingers to allow for better access. “They should’ve called you Husky, not Lion – they’re just as noisy and stubborn.”

Lion shoots him a good-natured grin. “Then you should be called Bunny. What was that about self-control?”

“Oh please, you’re the eternally horny one, mon amour.”

“And yet you never say no.” Their lips meet once more in a long, thorough kiss, with Doc climbing on top of Lion halfway through, ending up straddling him and stroking his face affectionately until Lion mouths at his palm while keeping eye contact.

“You really love my hands”, Doc points out quietly.

It’s true, he does – he loves how steady they are on the job, never making a mistake, never causing harm; loves how they’re calloused and scarred, lots of specks and lines lighter in colour telling tales of hard work; loves how they worship him, how gently they treat him, how warm they are when they touch him.

“I also really love you”, Lion says instead of the million other things he could say instead which would amount to the same thing. He’s learnt his lesson about being honest with himself and others and can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed when his admissions make Doc’s face light up like a Christmas tree. “And your hands do good. They’re your most important tools and I’m thankful every time I feel them.” There’s so much more for which he’s grateful that making a list would take him several days, so he tries to convey all which he’s not divulging explicitly with a heartfelt: “Thank you, Gustave.”

Doc’s features soften and he accepts the notion with one last kiss before getting up. “I’m going to brew us some coffee”, he announces, yet pauses by the bedroom door to catch Lion’s gaze and add, softly: “I love you too, Olivier.”

And while Lion remains in bed for a minute longer, stretched out and encased in soothing warmth coming from within, a distracted smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and most of his body tingling pleasantly, he thinks back to his life no more than a year ago. How unthinkable it was that waking up would become his favourite part of the day. But sometimes, the unthinkable happens all the same.

#rainbow six siege #doc #lion #doc/lion #fanfic #commissions #thank you!!#I couldn't even fit everything in #well at least doc could #HA

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chesh1r3 · 5 years

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there was a mouse in my house and my cat is an idiot

so i heard my cat, ez, in the other room running arnd and i assumed he got zoomies and started tossing around a hair tie as he is want to do and he was like running around and stopping like he was hunting something on the run which is HOW HE ACTS when he gets hair ties and hes excited (he likes to throw them around and then chase them as though they were alive and he didnt literally just throw them under the couch his damn self)and he was like looking under pillows and picking up the yoga mat. ALL THINGS HE DOES when playing with hair ties then i see him run into the room im in and reaching under a dresser, but rather than giving up bc he cant reach like he does with hair ties, he keeps reaching and SNIFFS (he DOES NOT do this with hair ties)so im like ok. ok what did u find.

(more story under cut)

then this tiny ass mouse fucking BOLTS from under the dresser to its next hiding space, behind out little indoor firewood pileand im like ah. shite so ez follows him but can reach bc he only has tiny cat arms and the mouse is smart and decided to hide under the ash shovel and im sitting like. my legs are folded under me in a v with the wide part facing the firewood and ive put a log down on the non-cat side on the pile so theres a log, a wall, a cat, and a human on the 4 sides.

then i reach in with my superior human arms, pick up the shovel, and sure enough underneath is this thimble sized mouse who looks like hes starring in the hot new production of IT. this pint sized danger mouse looking motherfucker is terrified but tbh hes doing better than most mice that tread into my felines' dread domain considering he hasnt passed out in fear and shock from his little heart beating too fast then i try to grab him, but i dont get him, bc im not about to pinch him and risk becoming guilty of third degree rodent murder.

he runs in the non wall, non wood, non cat direction (the human direction, its me) but, as mentioned before, im sitting with my legs under me and the tops of my feet are on the ground and ive seated my whole ass on the bottoms of my feet. and first i reach behind me and sure enough, there is no space between my butt and my feet where he could have escaped and so i realize this bitch is hiding, under my ass, in front of my feet, nestled on my pant legs

but its not like i can get UP to go GET a bag to put him in because my legs are his prison. theyre the witness protection hes using as a guard against my darling domesticated beast

so i reach under myself to snatch him, but he runs OVER my hand, sprints a marathon out from under me, squeezes through the gap between the wood block and my knee, and runs under the old wooden sided speaker my dad got for 20 bucks at a garage sale. the gap the legs lift it to provides the mouse a perfect safe haven. but not from my fucking cat. not keep in mind this bit of my house is like, L shaped, and im in the shorter side of the L, and ez came from the bigger one and in the corner of this L is our cat tree where ivan, my second cat, has been sitting this whole time, flicking his tail, watching me and ez flail around after this mouse while by all rights the benny hill theme should be playing and once the mouse runs into the living room, the shorter side of the l, with one way in and one way out, this regal lion of a boy deigns to hop down gracefully from his perch and join the hunt so im like FUCK because at this point im outclassed and this mouse is dead to rights.

but at least the mouse is safe for now, so i run to the kitchen and grab an empty paper grocery bag so i can slam dunk the mouse inside like a rectangular and harshly uncomfortable pokeball once ive attained him. the speaker is in the corner- so walls on two sides, a feral cat ready to fucking chow down on one, another cat sitting in the center of the room and carefully surveying like some sort of battle general tactician waiting for the perfect moment and angle at which to strike, and me with my unweildy grocery bag. and this is like, a big speaker. its 1.5 by 1.5 by 3 feet, the 3 being height. so i hunch over like an elderly and weak gargoyle to tip the speaker side to side. but im a very weak gargoyle and this is a very heavy speaker. and unfortunately, ez isnt preoccupied moving a speaker so he can slap at the mouse. so like any good mother, i call him a ferocious bastard and put the speaker back so the mouse can hide. then i hear the bag shuffle from its place at my side against the wall. its been moved. the mouse has escaped. rodent!harry houdini has fucking done it.

but ez, my darling idiot, doesnt notice this. hes an apex predator but hes too busy sniffing for mouse trails under the speaker to notice the mouse has moved rooms entirely and now i cant find the mouse. i have no idea where he is. ivan didnt bother to follow it because he isnt a fucking savage and eats proper food that DOESNT have an active heartbeat and then 2 minutes later theyve both forgotten about it entirely and gone back to their previous activities

farewell mouse houdini. godspeed. i hope u escaped my house and they dont just slay u while im not looking

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kcookendrick · 6 years

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Hurt That I’m Hurting You

Who: Anna Kendrick and Adam Levine @hfamelevine

When: June 15th, 2018

Summary: A few days before his accident, Anna and Adam get into yet another big fight about things that almost lead them to an actual break up

Other Mentions: James Valentine {{not tagged}}

Adam: “I really have nothing to say to you.” He says back now, shaking his head. “To be honest, I don’t even know why I’m calling. Obviously that’s a habit that I need to learn how to break.”

Anna: Anna looked at him through the little square on her phone and her eyes widened "Are you fucking kidding me?" She snapped

Adam: “What!” He says, throwing his free hand up in the air for a moment in defense. “You can’t handle me being blunt now?”

Anna: "I was just trying to fucking help you last night, I don't get why you're so pissed off at me." Anna said

Adam: “You do this every time I want to go out!” He snaps again, not bothering to make himself comfortable on the bed except for laying back against the headboard of the bed itself, still staring at her through the phone. “You /knew/ I was going to that party, and /you/ decided not to go with me. Don’t /fucking/ tell me that I shouldn’t drink when you have no problem doing it yourself all the time!”

Anna: When he snaps at her, she just lets him because at this point Anna knew this was going to be yet another bad fight. "I decided not to fucking go with you, because your mom just fucking fired out that I might not be able to have kids!" It was her turn to snap, she took a breath and got all choked up "I don't dot it /all/ the time Adam, fuck off."

Anna: figured*

Adam: “So you’re gonna sit in the house all the time now instead of coming face to face with shit? You’re just gonna let it eat away at you? Pretty funny, considering you told me that same shit when it came to me being upset about Christina’s anniversary, and I ask you to come out with me to try and have fun for a night and you do t want to. Right. Sorry.” His attitude doesn’t waver, and when he hears her last words, his expression hardens. “Fuck you, Anna.”

Adam: don’t*

Anna: "Do you know how fucking hard this is for me?" Anna questioned, and then swallowed deep "Right now, Im not in the mood to go out and have fun. Right now, I just want to say home as much as a I can and relax before my schedule gets fucking intense." She said, feeling the fresh water form in her eyes "Wow, second time you told me to go fuck myself, that's nice."

Adam: “It’s hard for me /too!” He’s yelling now, and as he runs his hand through his hair, over his head, he’s surprised that no one had come in to the back room to make sure everything was okay. However, he wouldn’t count that out, knowing his band mates. As he stays quiet again, a smirk that’s one of discontent is moving across his lips as he shakes his head. “Break up with me then. Just fucking end it.”

Anna: "I don't know how to fucking terms with this yet, so yeah I drink about it sometimes. I don't know how to accept the fact that I might not be able to fucking have kids with you." Taking a breath now, she closes her eyes to stop the fresh water from forming. Shaking her head at Adam's words, she gets all choked up again "Can you just fucking stop, please. Fucking stop. Im not going to fucking brake up with you."

Anna: come to terms with this yet*

Adam: “So you just decide to take it out on me whenever I drink while you get to be a hypocrite and do it yourself. Right, there’s where that word makes sense.” He feigns his thoughts like he’s pondering over the previous night, at least on what he can remember from his completely drunk and delirious state. “You should.”

Anna: "I'm not taking it out on you." Anna said, sighing "I get worried when you drink because I don't want a phone call telling me you wrapped your car around a fucking pole!" She snapped, and chewed her lips "Stop." Anna said firmly, and looked t him through the little square

Adam: “I don’t /fucking/...” His anger is bubbling at her words, appalled almost to think that he would be stupid enough to get behind the wheel of a car when he was drunk. He never had, he never would, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to start to. “I don’t /fucking/ get into /any/ cars when I’m drunk. I’m not a fucking idiot!” He snaps back again. “I have a fucking daughter, who I love with my entire being, and /you/! Do you really think i’m that fucking stupid!” He continues to yell, staring back at her through the phone as he’s breathing somewhat angrily from how upset he had now been turning. “No.” He says back.

Anna: Maybe she shouldn't of said that, and the actress never thought he was stupid. One bad move with alcohol, and you never know and that was what Anna was worried about the most when it came to him and drinking. When he couldn't even open up the fridge that one night, Anna was worried. "I never implied that you were stupid enough to do that Adam, one bad move with alcohol in your system and you never know, and that worries me." Taking a breath, she could feel the tears falling down her face now and realized this /was/ the second worst fight theyve had, and to be honest Anna couldn't even remember what they were fighting about "Do /you/ want me to fucking brake up with you? Is that what you want?" Anna questioned, now upset and looked at him "Do you want fucking space?" She asked "Cause if we need to get back on the topic where you need space from me, then just...." Stopping herself, Anna turned away for a few moments to control the tears and then looked back at him "I'm sorry that I'm fucking worried about you, alright, won't happen again."

Adam: He loved her--he had fallen so far in love with her over the last couple of months that he had become so happy with the fact that she had walked into his life despite the circumstances that came with how they fell in love with one another. However, this implications were what made him angry, and while she had every right to do so and be this way, he hated that it couldn't be the same way if and when it ever came to her when she was drinking too. He hated that out of all things, /this/ is what they were fighting about. "I'm sorry, but apparently you think I'm stupid enough to put my life in danger and leave my almost two year old daughter without a /father/ by getting behind the wheel of a car wasted. Did I leave when I got drunk like that a few weeks ago? Did I tell you I was gonna go and do something stupid? /No/, I stayed there and went to bed. Yeah, it can be a bad mood, but I would /never/ do that, drunk or not. If I remember correctly, /you're/ the one who got drunk and then drove over to my house while my fucking daughter was asleep upstairs. I would /never/ do that. I even /told/ you that you shouldn't have done it, and you didn't listen to me." As he looks away, it's her asking about breaking up and space that sends him over the edge. His expression is still hardened, and he's looking back at her now. "Really?" His mouth is opening to continue speaking, but he's launched out his thought process when he hears the curtain to the back room being pulled, and he turns his head. "Everything okay, man?" James asked, and Adam cleared his throat slightly, letting out a small breath. "Yeah...yeah, everything's fine. I was just about to get off the phone."

Adam: move*

Anna: She was scared, she was scared that /this/ would be the fight that ended them and Anna didn't want that. Maybe she should've kept her mouth shut, or maybe she should've gone to Chris's party with him. Ever since Anna found out she might not be able to have kids, the actress really wasn't able to think straight but then again the women never thinks before she speaks. Taking a breath, Anna wanted nothing more than to just rewind a few nights ago and go to Chris's party with him. "I know," She said, and felt herself get choked up "I'm sorry" There she goes again, apologizing and Anna knew this time she actually was supposed to. Shaking her head now, Anna became upset and she could feel the tears rolling down her face again "I did that once, and I wasn't even that wasted Adam." She said holding in a breath, and then letting it out. "I don't know Adam, we were doing good with the whole not fighting thing and here we are jumping down each other's throats again." Swallowing hard, Anna looked at him when she realized James had walked in, and she turned away for a few moments while crying silently to herself and then looked back up "I love you Adam, I'm so in love with you but when you drink I get so fucking worried that I drive myself crazy and I'm sorry."

Adam: "You sure? Heard the yellin' and wanted to make sure you were alright." He says, and while Adam is still looking away, he's fighting the fact that he's on the verge of tears himself. Putting the phone down on the bed beside him, he clears his throat once more to try and rid of the feeling of crying. "Yeah, yeah. No worries, man. I'm good. Thanks though. I'll be back out front in a minute, let's play NBA2K or something." James throws Adam a smile at the thought and then nods as he lets go of the curtain and heads back up front. Sighing, Adam picks up the phone and looks back at Anna, letting her talk. Shaking his head, he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I have to go," He says, suddenly. "I need to call Behati. She came to the show with Dusty and I need to make sure they got on their plane safe."

Anna: When he puts the phone down, the little square went to black and Anna still had tears falling down her face while she heard Adam and James talking to one another. Once he picks it back up, Anna looked at him and then chewed her lips when he mentioned that Behati went to the show. She couldn't even say anything, she was all choked up and a complete mess. With her lips quivering, Anna looked at him with tears in her eyes

Adam: He didn't know what to do, didn't know if he should have said anything, or even if he should have told Anna not to cry. Instead, all he does in that moment after he finishes talking is just look at her. He stares at her, breath still somewhat heavy from the fact that he had been angry and upset over this call in it's entirety. "...Bye Anna," He says, quietly.

#&*para's #&*hurt that i'm hurting you #&*adam levine #{cause i got issues;you got em too}#{fucked around and got attached to you}

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jaeyooniverse · 3 years

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Fantasy friend here ❤️ hope you're doing alright!

I was working on a personal project 😊 I like to write stories and I've been trying to get some creative work done every day (or at least most days sfdhsjgfshsg)

Ah I'm '98 line! Foiled by the progression of time 😔 but thank you, you seem like a really fun person too and I bet being your sibling would be super cool 💖

I'll definitely keep your recommendations in mind when I'm next choosing what album to listen through! Usually I start considering myself "a fan" of a group once I've seen all their music videos and listened to enough b-sides to make sure I like their music beyond just the title tracks, and have also gotten kind of familiar with the members' personalities - I feel like in k-pop there tends to be so much emphasis placed on knowing about the members that that aspect seems almost as important as the music/performance side of things, which is an interesting phenomenon, but I do think the music is the main draw of a group.

Tbh every Fantasy I know is just constantly 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 when it comes to Youngbin 😂 there's just something so endearing about him... all the members seem like super cool people though, they all have their own special charms! And yeah I think Chani would be really fun to hang out with - there are some idols who I look at and go "I want to be their friend" and at least half of SF9 is on that list lmao

Yeah with less songs I guess you have to stick with a theme, at least to a certain degree. A lot of it depends on the length of the album I think, like with 7 songs you have room for more variety than you would with 4 - that's one reason I like longer albums, there's just more space to include different types of tracks 😌 (except rpm because that album is so well put together!!! there's no need to add on to something that's already perfect)

That's fair lol, I like a wide variety of concepts as well - I love when there are some rock/punk elements added into the music so if they experimented with that I think it would be really cool, and I'd like to see them try a softer concept because I feel like they're versatile enough to pull it off, but I'm not going to nitpick if they decide to just keep doing what they're doing 😄

What would you say your favorite friendship in SF9 is? Are there any members you would like to see work together on a side-project song?

hiii ^^

oh nice! and that sounds like a nice little goal to have everyday. what do you like writing about?

aww man 😭 but hey that means you can have an big sis now 😁😁

that makes sense! i don't think there's any group i stan that i havent seen all the mvs for at least lol but yeah honestly depending on how much music a group has out it could take a while before you listen to everything, and it's not like you have to hear everything to be able to say you like someones music. I dont really get people who say they stan a group but then don't like most of the groups music?? how does that work skhsksh but yeah i think that bridge between casual listening & stanning is getting to know the members. it is an interesting thing, how much the kpop stanning experience revolves around the members being relatable, entertaining, and accessible in some way. maybe thats how it is stanning other music artists too I wouldn't really know since I've only really stanned kpop groups 😅

youngbin is sooo endearing and you see it in pretty much all his interactions with the members and ugh the way he'll smile at them I just 🥺🥺🥺🥺

lolll same I would pretty much hang out with all of them! tho i feel like some members i would be really awkward with if it was just the two of us? 💀💀 unsurprisingly i think the member i'd wanna hang out with the most is jaeyoon skgsksh and youngbin :D

yes exactly my thoughts! like if you have such a short album and the songs don't fit some sort of concept/theme/vibe it just feels like you took a bunch of songs and threw them together, which i dont think is how albums should be.

oohh yes that would be cool to hear! i hope they explore those genres, then! oooh I am curious to see how sf9 would do a soft concept. i feel like the softest thing theyve done was probably for the so beautiful mv and that was so long ago 😂

oohh favorite friendship theres so many 😭 my first thought was youngbin & jaeyoon skgsksh i love them 🥺 but also hwiyoung & chani, hwiyoung & jaeyoon, and inseong & dawon ! oh and taeyang & hwi, taeyang & jaeyoon... there's so many pairings whose interactions i love it's hard to choose lolll do you have a favorite?

i was actually just thinking about this last night! jaeyoon and zuho have already blessed us several times but I kinda want zuho to make a track with dawon 😁😁 what about you?

also i meant to ask, what time zone are you in? i'm in EST 😙

#asks #fantasy friend 💙

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survivormetaverse · 3 years

Text

Episode 2 - "Fuck I’m on the cursed tribe" ~Moth

a lil sad to see my girl, Bri, go, but that just makes us one person closer to the goal >:3

dennis is very sneaky. we all had a tribe call and he said he'd come later but he was actually doing the hunt challenge. like that's totally fair, it's just even afterward he acted as if he was not really focusing on it either. im going to play the game assuming he has something, just in case.

GAME AND GAME SHOW ARE DIFFERENT DSJKLFHASJDJFH no but this was hella fun pls let's do it again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX3Fs7lDDQk&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn

Dhsjdjsjskksks. First tribal done. We just finished the taboo challenge ... A good bonding experience with my tribe. However, I have a feeling we lost. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 The fact that I was the guesser. Rip.

I filmed confessionals but my internet got disconnected hahaha so that's neat. Hopefully there will be youtube videos here soon, but new update Jodi and I are in alliances with Dennis and brayden separately which I think would be hilarious if they were also in am alliance together. And it will be funny it my internet is still out for the challenge tomorrow since I'm the guesser 😆 whoops

So this is the beginning of round 2 and here are my thoughts. Might purposely not be helpful in the taboo challenge lol but i have to do it in a way that doesn't show im throwing it? tbh i say this now but when i start playing the urge to win comes in ugh but i just wanna vote one of these people out. I also took a stroll through the wiki page for this org and i love that some of these people (esp brayden and amy) have played before and their stats are there like yassss give me ammunition yassss!!!! anywho i dont care if we win or lose tomorrow i think i set myself up nicely within the tribe and i still really dont think any of these people won the hunt challenge on my tribe but again who knowssss. if we lose the logic would probably be go for josh or ginny aka the least active people buttt i dont think so like i don't wanna go the boring route. i need to keep josh close to get to merge with him we have friends on the other tribeeeeeee so i need them to survive and i need him and i to survive till we swap or merge to link up. im also trying to win a hunt challenge but my god y'all have me fucked up!!!!!!!!! i guess we shall see what happens tomorrowwwwww

It was nice sitting the challenge out, I'm busy tomorrow and the fact that they could complete it is good for me. Also, if we lose, nobody can blame me for the loss. Only drawback is it appears to me some people can be getting close by bonding over funny things in a game. I have to go back and see who may be close, I don't think I'm next on the chopping block, but I'm definitely not in control. To me, I do not need to be number one on this tribe, I just need to survive the next tribal and hopefully make it to the swap at 14 or 15.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm_dmPuwzzI&list=PLrsCGcojtF16jvLW49C4855pUlLWI9pnn&index=2 anotha one dj khaled

HEY SO KIND OF A LOT OF DEVELOPMENTS TO MY GAME we didn't lose first challenge!! thats great. whatever. no tribal. I've been trying to connect with fellow tribemates but overall we're all pretty quiet. I did have a small 30 minute call with Jay where we kinda connected on somewhat of a game level. I kinda get the vibe that he may not fully trust me or he might see my as a threat, but I want to work with him. I also really like Anastasia and Elle, I think I can connect with them more on a more genuine level. Perfect scenario for me would be setting up a trio alliance of Me + Elle + Anastasia, and then having Jay on the side as my actual #1. idk if I can pull that off, but that was my plan heading into round 2 BUT. AS ROUND 2 STARTED, MY GAY ASS WON THE HUNT CHALLENGE. AMAZING. idk HOW I managed it because like?? I finished and found the hidden link within like 20 minutes? Statistically very unlikely BUT I'm so glad I did it. I WON A SAFETY WITHOUT POWER. It's kinda like a hidden immunity idol, except slightly worse because I can't actually partake in tribal at all. we went ahead and competed in the Taboo challenge last night and boy it was kinda rough. We lost a LOTTA points because we kept accidentally saying forbidden words (I lost us 2 points, woops). But we ended up with a semi decent score. Elle did an amazing job guessing. I really hope we can pull this out. SO YEAH SORRY THATS KIND OF A LOT. OVERALL I FEEL LIKE IM IN A DECENT POSITION, WAY BETTER NOW THAT I HAVE A SWP. I wanna further my position in the game with some allies now. That's my next biggest goal. toodles!!!

So I've figured out that Amy is a comp beast based on us discussing our old seasons and how she did in those: she always talks down her abilities because she's worried she's being painted as a big challenge threat, but I don't think she realizes that doesn't matter to me at all. Ultimately, I think she needed to be at tonight's challenge more than me, so I decided it's ok to sit out since I'm sitting out only because somebody has to, not because I don't want to play. In tribal challenges, it means she'll help keep us winning tribal immunity, and further down the line, if anything, I'll be using her as my "Ken" and if she wins everything, it'll keep immunity away from people I want out.

I think I did much better in Taboo than I did in endurance, so I'm happy about that. Hopefully my performance this round can help me redeem myself with my tribemates.

Today in the fools tribe: no one is talking

Holy crap we won yet again this is such a great feeling just like last season :)

Fuck I’m on the cursed tribe this round This time I think I’m on the majority alliance, which is a great place to be. So hopefully everything goes as planned tomorrow

https://youtu.be/fszNKUHjB_8

So! We did the Taboo challenge and got second place, probs wouldve got first if we didnt get deductions but also we did so good so whatever 😂. I definitely kinda pushed for us to do the challenge last night bc it's Dylan's birthday and I didn't want to have to like, be anywhere specifically today 😅. But yeah we did super good and now I'm gonna go talk to ppl bc I've been gone all day lol

Bye I hate it here.

SO. Here’s the rundown: We lost. Again. Pushing for Shaad to go. Moth, Jared, and Danny all agree with him going. So far I’m getting good vibes with everyone. Danny says he gets along with Jared well and doesn’t talk to Moth that much. Plus, Jared, Moth and I have that little alliance. Jared and I also get along well. Worried for Moth as she doesn’t seem to message a lot. This tribal... I’m feeling safe. I might even make an alliance with Jared, Danny and I. Worst case scenario for next challenge we lose and Moth goes.

Yay we won again! Anyways, Dennis messaged me tonight talking about how everybody else knows each other from playing Stings games before. He said he checked the series wiki and got freaked out and told me that we're two newbies amongst vets. While he's telling the truth, I'm actually not too panicked because 1) I actually checked out the wiki before he told me about it and 2) I have pretty decent relationship with Amy to incentivize her to keep me around. I worked tightly with Amy for the specific reason that I knew she'll have others to work with, and for her to keep me as a loyal number. I also know that she was runner up of another series and she already recognizes the target on her, so I doubt she wants to risk me putting a bigger one. WOW FOR ONCE I'M NOT THE FLAMING TARGET I LIKE THIS

Round 1 updates: https://youtu.be/5nhSsLNcnZ0 https://youtu.be/S5-0Yw93wc0

Round two rambles: https://youtu.be/CuwgF9IVmUM

So, tbh I've done some research about some previous seasons and I noticed Moth and Jessica have played together before. Moth still has not talked to me but Jessica has been overly friendly. I know they have a group message with Jared and I know he can be the split vote between what happens in our tribal tomorrow. Jared claims he has voted for Moth but we will truly see tomorrow. But honestly, if he chooses us, then Jessica is next unless the tribe swap or merge has happened.

Also with that research, I've peeped there's other connections in other tribes from previous games so this is gonna be interesting.

I chose Jared to work with mostly because I see he can play strategy.

Fools tribe is bad at playing games. And its perfect for me because I am safe but i am wishing for drama bcs its fun. rn we are doing small talk and being so nice to each other. I think we will form an alliance officially soon but i am too awkward or like i dont know how to say it or bring it up.

WHY! DOES! MY! TRIBE! KEEP! WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am trying to go the fuck to tribal council but noooo we have to beast all the other tribes yet again. Like a swap is probably coming soon and with my fuckin luck I am gonna get swap screwed like they are gonna look at me from the phantoms and be like yeahhhh theyve been winning lets get his ass out. i would love to lose this next one so the sees look stronger. if phantoms go to tribal I know I''m safe (anything can happen but I set myself up well), and thats all I care about. Jodi and I started to really talk about the vets who are playing this season, and we just realized that we're the only newbies on our tribe. like wow. The fantasy would be to get to merge and have a numbers advantage of newbies against these vets, or make the vets eat their own idk. Lots of thinkin lots of thinkinnnnn. I have been strolling through the wiki page some more and mapping out potential connections from previous seasons. The casting directors work hard but i work harder

https://youtu.be/gsDJIiGiqHE

https://youtu.be/V1ku4_-w0SY

Roses are red We’re on day six Fools tribe worse at challenges than a bag of dead bricks

That im one of the strongest competitors on my tribe, Dennis feels like he is on the outs, but that connects us so i can pull him in as an ally.

It’s been a tricky round

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: Jodi remains at the top of the tribe for much of the same reason as last round. Now, she is even in two alliances with no one wanting to come for her nor do they see her as playing both alliances. Hopefully Jodi’s quick alliance making and constant worrying will help strengthen her defenses in the later rounds to come when people will be looking at her more closely.

Amy: Amy is still playing that stellar UTR game. No one seems to register her as a threat despite their access to the wiki and her performance in the challenge. Her social game is just too strong. Additionally, her greater willingness to work with Dennis than Jodi’s willingness to work with him may provide some good allies for Amy if she ever wants to distance herself from Jodi.

Brayden: Brayden rises in the rankings from last round as he has become more closely aligned with Amy and Jodi. The trio seem to see themselves as the only “active” ones on their tribe and are very quick to bond. Additionally, unlike Dennis, Brayden is not viewed with suspicion by either Jodi or Amy. They definitely feel more like a core alliance than they did with Dennis. Furthermore, Brayden is poised to get the people he wants gone out of this game. He is targeting Josh and Dennis which are good targets, especially the latter. All it takes is for Brayden to push a little for Dennis and I am sure the two girls will take the bait. Finally, Brayden’s connection with Ginnifer is very beneficial since he seems to be the only one willing to work with her at the moment. This gives him a very easy ally and Ginnifer doesn’t have much of a choice besides working closely with him. It is certainly an easy number for Brayden if he ever wanted to backstab Jodi or Amy in the future.

Josh: What lands Josh here is that he performed well in the challenge and is easy to like. Interacting with Josh on calls is always a pleasure. However, by not being part of that main trio, he is in danger of being voted out on a whim. Despite that, he seems to be, in my eyes, the least likely out of the bottom 3 to be voted out. Additionally, there is paranoia around people’s “experience” with ORGs surrounding these bottom 3 from others (despite the fact that the top 3 is composed of 2 people with ORG experience). Josh gets this heat the least.

Dennis: Dennis is in real danger if this tribe goes to tribal council. If Brayden pushes hard enough, Jodi can be easily swayed into turning on Dennis. He needs to back off with the strategy talk and just be more social. What saves him from last is that he is in that alliance with Jodi and Amy. This might make Jodi hesitant about targeting Dennis so soon as she may see him as a number. Additionally, Amy does seem keen on keeping Dennis around for a little while which would help his longevity. Hopefully Dennis can realize people’s perceptions of him before it is too late considering that he gives great confessionals and is one of my favorite players this season.

Ginnifer: Ginnifer may be on the bottom, but she definitely has a chance at avoiding being voted out. Most talk around Ginny is about how she is hard to socialize with, but I am sure, when the strategic game starts becoming more important, she can navigate out of this position. After all, she does have Brayden advocating for her which can definitely help. She would need to push for Dennis if she wants to survive until the swap at this point.

Fools

Jared: He takes the number 1 spot on this tribe as he is working with both “sides.” He is serving as the perfect double agent for Danny and Shaad. Additionally, he is making the smart move of getting rid of an obvious duo wherein he was the third wheel of that alliance. He has a great strategic mind on his shoulders, but is it too early for him to show that off? Regardless, he has earned this top spot by avoiding the target cleanly and betraying his allies perfectly. Jared is definitely a contender for the winner spot as he has shown some excellent gameplay these past two rounds.

Danny: Danny has done well in avoiding the target this round as well. He seems to be more sociable and active than Shaad which is the main reason that he is not the one getting Jessica’s and Moth’s vote. Additionally, he was the one that brought Jessica’s and Moth’s pre-existing relationship to Jared’s attention which caused this flip to happen in the first place. Finally, Danny made an excellent move by pairing himself with Jared as this duo could be something fearsome to go up against in the future. The cards are being laid out for a force to be reckoned with and I am excited to see what Danny will do in the future.

Shaad: It is hard to tell if Shaad did anything himself to avoid being voted out, but, regardless, he did something right by aligning with Danny and Jared instead of ratting to Jessica and Moth. In fact, even if he does rat, he will still land himself at number 3. He is not going to get voted out here, and has an established alliance moving forward. And now that he is putting more focus on the game, I am happily anticipating what he can accomplish now.

Jessica: Jessica is being blindsided tonight. However, at the very least, she is not the one going. Her performance in challenges have helped her avoid the target for the time being. Here we can see that the boys weren’t inactive, they were just inactive with her which spells doom for Jessica if this tribe goes to tribal council again. Unfortunately, the boys found out about her prior connection with Moth. The only thing Jessica could have done was to distance herself from Moth at the beginning of the game, but that seemed unlikely since people were inactive with her. I hope Jessica is able to survive until a swap because it would be devastating to see her go so early.

Moth: There is nothing Moth did that landed them here. It was just an unfortunate circumstance wherein they are targeted because of a prior connection. Additionally, I doubt Moth is going to see this coming.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: With an advantage in his hands and him being the most popular bachelor on his tribe, Colin is quick to make allies and his allies like it that way. It feels as if everyone wants to ally with Colin. His activity in the earlier stages of the game have definitely born fruit.

Elle: Similar to Colin, everyone wants to work with Elle. Her social game is just that strong. Nothing much else to say besides what I said before, but the challenge definitely helped raise Elle’s standings in the tribe.

Anastasia: Similar to last round. Nothing much to say.

Jay: He is keeping out of the spotlight which is good.

Babs: No developments. Still viewed in the same way though has noticeably been less unhinged in the tribe chat.

Jennifer: Still the same as last time: seemingly inactive and might be targeted for it.

#episode #episodes

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syaheeroar · 6 years

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8.4.2018

It has been such a long time since I last wrote anything at all. Far too many things I want to hide away from. So many things I’m scared of and options that I don’t seems to have at all. I thought people would at least understand but then humans dont work that way. Nobody eventually listens to anybody at all. I have mixed feelings in trying to be brand new. Or even try living this life. The time limit I gave myself doesn’t want to expand pass what I expect it to be. I wouldn’t be surprise if I’m doing as I planned to do.

There are so many helps floating around in this world now because of how many people have had battle the same thing as I am and most of them finally gets to be free from the monster in their heads. I on the other hand don’t know just what I’m waiting for. I don’t know what I’m fighting anymore. It doesnt get any better. I get more and more tired every single day and it drives me crazy.

The months pass by and I feel more alone in this world than I actually am. I have so many people around me but I keep all inside in me. I don’t have anyone I can actually tells everything to and sometimes it gets so lonely and the only thing I can hear is my silent sob in quiet earie night. I want to tell about so many things, my dying choice, my never ending missing of my dead father, my other casualty, my happiness but I feel like nobody actually is listening and I’ve been a listener for as long as I can to know if someone else is actually listening to you or not at all.

My sisters has been telling me to patch things up with other siblings that I have and I honestly feel like I’ve given everyone enough chance to do so but nobody did. The scars they leave behind arent just mild scars. They hurt so much that everyday I relive it and cry and I still wonder why I didn’t just die out of heartbreak. But of course to everyone it looks like it is a small scrap, as if my hurt is equalivent to falling down and had my knees bleed. They don’t get how seriously hurt I get from every single word they throw at me: it feels like one sharp knife stabbing me over and over again and I was tied up on a pole naked and vulnerable.

I don’t think I needed time to heal. It doesn’t work that way. I have all the time in the world. Its just that it doesn’t feel right anymore. I don’t feel like myself anymore. Everyone doesn’t feel like them anymore. I stay in the house and I realized that they’re all the people I barely even know. I feel so out of sort. Everyone have gone out of their way to hate me so why should I patch things up with people who clearly can’t even stand to stay in a room with me, to breathe in the same air as me. I wasn’t the one being rude. I wasn’t the one who caused all this. Things don’t happen one sided. There has been caused and problem and I wasn’t the one. I’m only protecting myself... It has been so hard on me.

I always have my feelings up and open for them to know that I do somehow need them to realized that I was more hurt to hurt them then they were to hurt me and I would go my lifetime to be this way if this is what they want from me. I wasn’t the smartest in that area but I never wanted anything like this to happen either. It doesn’t feel right to me. But if it feels right for everyone I would just go and dissappear if that is ever what they always wanted. Leaving forever.

I wish not one person have to go through and grow up the same way I did. I hope not one single soul have to sit in one sitting with thousand of spits and curse over them. I wish no one has to go through the fact that all the things theyve done wasn’t actually their mistakes. I just hope theres no other like me in this world who has been hurt over and over again and the one I trust the most in this world turn her back. I just hope whatever I decide with my life, I don’t leave behind anything that unsatiesfying for them anymore. I hope when I ended, this ends too.

#uploads #personal

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iam90sgirl · 4 years

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Free write:

Influencers and Brands Silence SPEAK VOLUMES

Influencers and Brands Silence SPEAK VOLUMES!

So ive been very vocal on media pages im active on despite a strong notion that a completely strategic and mobilized fight needs to be had instead of the same old posting, praying, protesting but idk the people around me dont seem to see that however I cant stay quiet inspite of myself and I recently unfollowed a ton of people on my public page that havent said anything becase silence dosent save us in these situations. People are vocal about everything else and want you to follow them and their business and like all their posts and support their product but wont show any love back or recognition and then when things actually matter, radio silence. So no they had to go. I understand that many need a push but if you read a newspaper picked up a good book you should know what is what. And what is right and what is simply wrong. So my tolerance for it all is very low right now. If you are an influencer or brand even a black owned brand and especially a black influencer and you are silent right now, do better, people look to you and frequent you and you owe it to your followers to be on the right side of history and to at least TRY to make a difference.

I know some people work behind the scenes and do more that way but people respond to what they see or inturn dont see. It just is that way now with all this technology and such, the perception is your lack of words is a lack of conciousness. Which we know isnt always true but I've seen the most brand locked in pages acknowledging these injustices. I understand that its alot of peoples meal tickets however you gotta stand for something or your so called brand and branding is probably whack anyway. And then some, if any brand decides not to work with me or give me a shot based on this or my vocalness that black life should not be degraded to sensless meaningless death then that's their loss. I will stand for truth and justice and I think its better to know those representing a brand or service have real values so you know that theyll represent you with actual heart and what theyve got. Its too many fluff people and pieces out there anyway. Wheres the substance? Dont just be out here for money, have purpose, vision, morales and character. Whoo that can go into a whole 'nother post so let me digress.

Some of my personal frustration with words in the fight against injustice is that ive been saying them every time and nothing happens. I dont have the platform yet or influence to make huge strides with my impactful words, it seems. and I never thought words alone save us when these things happen. Growing up i was always a hard fan of King but for longer than five years I'd say Malcolm knew what was up. We protested and had Civil Rights but that didnt do much. And i fear a hundred years could go by before people do what needs to be done if the earth is still sustaining all our consumerist behinds by then.

In closing cuz honestly everything im saying is stuff ive been saying for what seems like centuries and i dont care to speak mountains and be met with valleys. words are the least people can do and they arent doing that so why would i think our words will change anything. Its gonna take a hella lot more than words and protesting but words and protesting are the least any of us can do so we of all colors oughta be doing that anyway.

Oh PS so the first and only brand i saw aknowledge this and other injustices was actually Curls (curly hair brand founder and CEO Mahisha Dellinger) I am proud of large brands taking a stand, as they should, to stand against injustice. And then I saw tgin, Shea Moisture and Eden BodyWorks and Target finally say something however they can still do more and other brands and influencers. Recently saw Netflix has taken a stand, and Beyonce, Drake so now others are following as well. Time will tell. Again them saying something dosent solve the issue but it encourages other brands to follow suit which I guess is something still.

Notice, some brands and influencers rather than take a public stance offer public empathy towards the injustices which on one hand is not the same and is a bit of a side eye because it isnt always in care for your mental health, its just playing it safe, however it can be nice to know that people get it and it is heavy on their hearts as well so in terms of keeping investors happy and such its smart bussiness wise but a public stance does more to encourage peopleto do what needs to be done is how im putting it which is simply more. More support from, as Nicole Walters puts, our lighter brighter counterparts on this earth we share as home and more action by all that back up the strong words we say.

5/30/2020

#blacklivesmatter #georgefloyd #regiskorchinskipaquet #regispaquet #tonymcdade #Breonnataylor #AhmaudArbery #walmart #target

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