#AND I MEET SOMEONE AND IT'S WORKING OUT
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What if I never get over?
What if I never get closure?
What if I never get back all the wasted words I told ya?
What if it never gets better?
What if this lasts forever and ever and ever?
#rayllum#rayllumedit#my edits#graphics#s4#was a Blessing thank u ma'am#music#pining!callum#arc 2#music: other#rayllum anthem#u bet ur ass i listened to this relentlessly during the hiatus#it feels so good to Finally edit them to it tbh#personal fave#MAYBE MONTHS GO BY. MAYBE Y E A R S FROM NOW#AND I MEET SOMEONE AND IT'S WORKING OUT#BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN THEY CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH#CAUSE WHEN I LOOK AT THEM. ALL I SEE IS Y O U#Delicious
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Kabru has a secret admirer in the castle!
#running from my responsibilities (drawing armour) by imagining post canon Kabru fashion#minor spoilers in the tags!#royal advisor Kabru’s office is probably overflowing with gifts from foreign dignitaries eyeing him up for marriage#and sacks of perfumed letters from Melini citizens#Marcille would be so sick of it#Laios also has his fair share of proposals#Yaad is like … boys spare us all and pick a suitable candidate already#well Yaad there’s a saying that goes two birds one stone#anyway lol#someone might have suggested to Laios ‘hey Kabru works so hard. you should show your appreciation.’#Laios (blushing sweating): uuuh how do i do that#Marcille probably: i hear it’s customary to give your royal advisor flowers the same colour as their beautiful blue eyes#Laios: well if you say so#but he starts having second thoughts bcs what if the gift is too romantic#so then Laios is like oh i know i just won’t sign it (:#fool proof plan Laios good job#totally not taking into account that Kabru can recognize his penmanship at a first glance#so at their next meeting Kabru is like ‘i wonder who my secret admirer in the castle is 😉’#and Laios sweats so hard he falls out of his throne#doesn’t Kabru of Melini have a nice ring to it#better yet …. Kabru Touden#much to consider#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#kabru#kabru of utaya#labru#if you squint#wasabi doodles
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Dp x dc twin au where Danny and Damian were in fact conjoined/siamese twins, but the most dangerous type - one head, two bodies.
Their early removal from talia being because their shape would not have allowed for natural birth, they were written off but talia begged for the chance to send them off in the lazarus pit.
By some bizarre miracle, before she turned to leave, two small bodies bobbed to the surface - identical in every way, except for the eyes. The previous blue eyes now split in two, one left, one right, and the new eyes, pit created, a bright green.
She took her child, her two children, and together, they survived.
Being removed prematurely, their early years were tough, but soon they blossomed into promising heirs for the league. In sync with every step, the closest of brothers, the league was certain the old fairy tale of twins being telepathic had been granted by the pit that separated them, the remnants of being born as one mind, one brain, one skull.
But then Danny had to flee, and leave his other half behind. Stretched by distance for the first time, the bond grew thin and stretched, and Damian grieved his brother as dead. When he started being sent on public missions, he hid his distinctive heterochromia, choosing the green in memory of the pit that had given him and his brother life.
Danny, hiding his pit aura in the ocean's worth that was Amity park, took to blue, the colour that he and Damian were born with.
Damian moves to Gotham, and continues to mourn his brother as dead, right until one day when he is twelve, when he learns what the death of your other half truly feels like.
-
Their reunion is a thing of family legend. Violence runs hot in both bloodlines, ghosts are highly emotional and prone to fighting a the drop of a hat for bonding, playing, testing, every reason under the green sun. Their training and play often consisted of friendly spars, competitive spars, furious spars, venting spars. Both have been exposed to unhealthy amounts of ecto since before their birth.
There is a long, long minute of staring, before they rip themselves away and lunge at each other like wolves.
The bat family are horrified by their brutally efficient youngest suddenly barreling towards a clone (?) and trying to claw his throat open with his bare hands while openly sobbing.
It ends with them wrapped around each other crying into the others shoulder as their minds finally meet again and relax from the painful stretch for the first time in years.
But nobody else has any idea what to do.
#Idk I just really like slightly codependent twins#Talia and ras had to put so much work in to prevent them from developing separation anxiety like dogs from the same litter#Also I like Damian thinking Danny is dead until he very abruptly finds out he is now via soul mate agony. Someone did a fic with that idea#It was really good. Let's dial it up to eleven#Danny and Damian having different eye colour and it being the fault of Damian's extra exposure to the pit is awesome too#But I wanted to see if there was a way they could both have the same eyes. Well. Close enough.#Same eyes + twin telepathy + the birth complications people like to give Danny = siamese twins#Also the portal accident happens two years early so there's that#I can't decide whether I want the first meeting to be alive Danny or dead Phantom#Or whether it be a summoning or something#I just need Damian and Danny to lay eyes on each other and immediately go feral#They still don't want to share a room though#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dcxdp#danny and damian are twins#twins#twin au#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt#dc x dp prompt#dc x dp crossover#It's not like telepathy it's more if one twin has seen it so has the other#It's not conscious on their part. They don't choose to share things usually. It's been that way since they were born.#That's what they think twins are for the longest time until talia realises and explains#Ras genuinely thinks Danny died because of how devastated Damian was and how he stopped knowing things he shouldn't#1k
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I took a piece of art from my journal like, 2 years ago, and re-did it digitally bc it has been feeling ESPECIALLY POIGNANT LATELY.
#ro talks#art#line art#self love#you're here for more than that babes!!#you're not here to be attractive and demure and unobjectionable to others#your main value is not how young you look or how closely you mirror what is on the media#there is fucking more to life than anti aging#than going to work every day just to make ends meet#than constantly fighting your body because you think it should take up less space#take it from someone who had to stare her own mortality in the face#when that time comes#you aren't going to be wishing you were just a little prettier or a little smaller or had paid all your bills#you're going to wish you'd had more time with your loved ones#with your friends#your family#your pets#your hobbies#i know we live in a capitalist hellscape and you can't just#opt out#you have to work to pay bills and all that#but don't let it be your whole world#you're worth so much more than that#take care of you first#fuck the ideal body or face#fuck your boss#(not literally please)#take! care! of! you!!!!!
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not to romanticize my mental issues but sometimes having adhd is very useful because today during a meeting that could have been an email i kept thinking about crabs wearing small tophats and having little dancing parties and how they'd sound in tap shoes.
and when my boss was like "raquel what do you think?"
i was like "well, i think the others have made good points about this, of course, and i'd be happy to circle around later on it, but i'd love to take a moment and resonate with this before offering my own suggestion. i want to hear what others think before anticipating the client's needs."
and then i went back to not listening but this time it was imagining snails that joust.
#me: hehe funny#the hatemail: you should be fired immediately the fact you are scum enough to NOT LISTEN#in a SINGLE MEETING#that was about a project you DONT WORK ON#means that you are EVIL and SUCKING UP TIME#like bro .... idk how to tell u this sometimes people be in meetings they don't need to be in#i only got asked to participate bc there's an element of the project that resembles#a piece i wrote a while back#and i know this element exists bc#we've already had a meeting where i told them what i did how i did it and what i suggest#so there's nothing else for me to add really#also im close with all the coworkers who are working on that element#and they just gchat me their questions#idk how to tell u this but someone zoning out in a single 30 minute meeting where they LITERALLY#don't work on that project ?#that's just fucking anti-capitalism baby#i was being a revolutionary
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"Do you think Philza's okay?"
Fit rolls over to look at Pac, his roommate staring up at the ceiling. He reaches over, cautiously offering his hand. Pac, of course, takes it just as hesitantly.
"Cell's back, maybe after you, and you're worried about Phil?" Okay, so Fit is worried too, but his point is well made. Pac had only told him some of the situation, in whispered tones and terrified whimpers a few hours ago, and he was worrying about someone who was at least safe?
Pac turns his head, and looks Fit dead in the eye. "You're with me. I know you won't let anyone hurt me. But who's with him?"
"He's safe enough," Fit says. "Physically at least."
"He just didn't seem, ah," Pac struggles with his words for a moment. "Well?"
"It's not really my place to say," he replies. "But he's Philza. He'll be fine."
"Will he?" Pac asks, fretting already. "If the Federation is inside his head, making him see things..."
It's a worry Fit has too, one he really doesn't want to think about. He wants to pretend that his old friend is fine, that going and murdering blazes and magma cubes will have fixed everything. He needs to believe it, because the alternative... The alternative is there's nothing he can do.
"Do you really believe him?" Pac asks. "That there was a book there."
"Yes."
"Why?"
Fit sighs, and sits up. He turns on the lamp and stretches, looking around his room of missing texture flooring and ugly walls - the safest place he could think to bring Pac when he heard the news.
"It's not the first time," Fit says. "Phil... He swears it was a dream, that he was just sleeping. He wasn't. Tubbo and me? We checked every corner of his house. He wasn't there. Then he takes us to where he thought he was taken and he swears there's nothing weird about it? But it's full of parrots - they shouldn't have spawned there. Tubbo even found an avocado sapling."
"Philza has a lot of avocados," Pac agrees. "You think the Federation took him?"
"I'm not sure, it's not their usual behaviour," Fit frowns. "But I don't know who else it would be?"
"The codes?"
"Maybe." Fit cracks his head to the side. "But I know Phil. Whatever he saw? It terrified him. And anything that scares Philza Minecraft is nothing you ever want to see."
"Should we ask him if we can visit?" Pac has a calculating look on his face. "I can cry scared all over again, I just need to remember why. And his bunker is very safe. They might look for me in your house, but they'd never think of his."
"Why? Is my company not good enough for you?" Fit is mostly teasing.
Mostly.
"No! No, no, no," Pac waves his hands in a desperate attempt to be understood. "I just... I'm worried, you know?"
"Yeah..." Fit sighs. "Yeah, I'm worried too... I'll ask him."
Pac nods, and Fit types.
You whisper to Ph1LzA: Can I bring Pac over? We might need to stay the night.
Ph1LzA whispers to you: sure mate
Ph1LzA whispers to you: is everything okay?
You whisper to Ph1LzA: We'll explain when we get there
That's the end of that; Fit shows his communicator to Pac, who agrees.
"I'm not really faking the tears," Pac promises, already tearing up. "I just don't think about it, and then it isn't real."
Pac's not the only one acting like that, Fit presumes; Philza's constant denials even with evidence in front of him... Whatever the fuck happened in that forest, it's nothing good. Something so terrible believing his memory is at fault is somehow better.
"To Phil and Missa," Fit reminds Pac, not really needing it.
They warp together, and at the same time.
---
Philza is waiting at the top of the hatch when the pair arrive. To most people he would look entirely normal, but Fit can see the way his eyes flitter as he waves. Pac waves back, while Fit gives his traditional "oi!!!"
Philza laughs, and leads them down into the basement.
"What's up?" he asks the two of them. "Need more toast or something? I thought you were both asleep."
"No, um," Fit looks to Pac, realising they didn't quite work out what to say.
"Bagi told me more about the murders," is what Pac says, his voice dropping very quiet as he does. "She thinks... We think someone from my past is on the island."
"Shit," Philza closes his eyes for a moment. "How bad is it?"
"Last time I saw him," Pac's pace picks up; Fit squeezes his shoulder as he sees panic come in. "Last time... He nearly killed me. And the messages..." Pac grabs the hand on his shoulder and squeezes it back. "Some of them might be addressed to me."
Philza doesn't ask questions, he just glances around his children's bedroom, then looks at Fit. Fit meets his eyes.
Philza sighs, and caves.
"Alright," he says. "Do you want to sleep in Chayanne's room? I can adjust the door to just the three of us, Missa, and my eggs for now."
Fit knows it isn't for Pac's sake that Philza is changing the doors, he knows it for sure.
They get their beds set up, tucked behind the chests where a casual observer cannot see. Philza doesn't have a bed, but Fit makes them for him and Pac, placing them tucked away.
"Would you stay with us?" Fit asks, before his old friend can slip away.
Philza looks genuinely surprised by the request, "why, mate? I'll just be in the eggs' room."
"Safety in numbers, right?" Pac asks, glancing between the two. "I would... Feel safer if you were here too."
Fit knows its a manipulation tactic to convince Philza to stay, to make sure the old crow is not alone. It still rings so very true - and so very against everything ingrained within Fit's soul.
It's fine. For a few nights he can manage it, if its what his two closest friends need.
"Alright," Philza hesitates, but comes over and sits on the edge of Pac's bed. He takes off his backpack, and leans his scythe just in reach. Pac and Fit take the opportunity to remove their prosthetics, hastily reattached to travel over here, and stretch.
When Philza stands again, both of them can see how unstable he looks.
"Let's push our beds together," Fit says. "If we put Pac between us, there isn't an angle they can get him from."
Philza looks at Fit, and knows exactly what he's doing. Still, Philza crafts up a third bed, and squishes it between the two.
He nearly falls as he walks around to do it; Fit catches him, helps him steady, but is brushed off before he can say a word.
"Alright," Philza says. "Pac in the middle then. You won't get too warm, will you?"
"I'm Brazilian," Pac says. "It's always too cold here now Mike is gone."
They both see how heavily Philza drops to the bed, curling himself back to Pac and defensively ready. Fit, on his side, curls close to Pac - his one arm over him.
It's not really a surprise how quickly Pac falls asleep, with the sheer trauma and strain of the day on his back. He quickly falls into dreams, and Fit can only hope they are kind.
"Phil," he asks, once he knows Pac is asleep. "Won't you sleep?"
"You needed a guard," Philza says.
"You know we don't. You and I? We'll wake if anything so much as tests the hatch."
It's true, and they both know it.
Philza, however, doesn't speak.
At least, not for a long time; Fit considers conversation a lost cause and is about to give up and call this good enough when he hears Philza again, voice broken just like it was in the garden.
"If I sleep, will I wake?" is what Philza asks, whispered almost silently. "How will I know when the world is real again? What will I see this time?"
"I'll make sure you wake up," Fit promises, because he can. "And I'll do something to make you absolutely certain its really me."
"Promise?"
Philza sounds so weak, so small like this. Fit... Fit cannot stand it, not at all. He reaches a little further, and manages to put his hand on Phil's shoulder.
Philza's own hand reaches over, clinging to it.
"I promise," Fit says. "We'll wake you if we leave. We won't let anything weird happen, its just sleep."
Philza turns, and his eyes do not seem to trust Fit. But they are also exhausted, and desperate, and terrified.
"Go to sleep, Phil. I won't until you do."
"I'm sorry," Philza whispers, sounding absolutely broken. "Thank you. Both of you. I know... I'm sorry."
Fit squeezes his shoulder again.
"It'll be alright," Fit replies. "I've got you. I've got both of you. It's going to be okay."
Nothing else is said before they eventually fall asleep.
#qsmp fanfic#qsmp philza#qsmp fit#qsmp pac#this is what I actually wanted to write today but working out the stuff with Bagi as well was hard#coping mechanism: worry about someone else instead of yourself#none of them are okay and they all need a hug#they got one in canon!#this is some more#and now my hands are completely dead#fuck three minifics in a day ow#brain really is just on nyoom today#it will not shut up#ao3 might take a bit see hand complaints#i'd like to get it up before bed but we'll see if I can handle the mouse#else it'll be... sometime tomorrow I have meetings
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#gif#why do I have to spend every christmas and every birthday alone#for what am I being punished#I am a good person#and I don’t think this suffering has any sense#it’s just that in life the happy people have good things coming their way#and the sad people always just get more trauma#I know I could have a relationship if I didn’t have such a traumatic childhood#my trauma lets me reject the good guys and waste my time with the aholes#but i don’t know what to do about it#every nice guy I met absolutely wasn’t attractive to me#and we also didn’t have anything in common#so I’m not even regretting rejecting them cause it wouldn’t have worked out#and they deserve someone who actually fancies them#i just wonder why I never met a nice guy that I have common interests with#or who matched my preferences lookwise#it really feels like I’m simply not allowed to ever meet the right person#and gotten to the point where I swipe for hours have a lot of matches and then ghost everyone#as I just know it either will be someone nice but not attractive to me or an ahole#I just don’t have any energy left anymore#I just want to experience love so bad but can’t do these dates anymore#I’m so so tired
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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I want to make a longer post about this someday but: I think Arya's TWOW arc is going to include her coming to terms with her identity as a Lady. This has been an ongoing conflict with her since her first chapter and I think her flowering in winds is going to mark a turning point. The theory of her having an apprenticeship with the courtesans holds a lot of weight and the idea of Arya going through puberty among a group of unconventional women she's fostered a positive relationship with is just too perfect. It would really have an impact on Arya reconciling her personal idea of what a Lady should be. There's also a lot that she could learn from them in terms of courtesies, communication, appearances, body-language, etc. that would elevate her current skill-set and ways her relationship with them could push the plot.
Not to mention she will undoubtedly reclaim her identity as Arya Stark, and her being a Lady is inseparable from that. Arya Stark is a Lady Stark and being a Lady is a social position, not a measure of how well someone preforms feminine tasks. She shouldn't have to relinquish her position because she doesn't fit patriarchal standards. That's not to say that she's ever going to be the perfect example of a traditional Lady but what I think will happen is that she becomes capable of playing the part. She plays several identities throughout the series but she's always been Arya underneath, so I think it's appropriate that she learns to adopt a "persona" that's part of her. Her remembering Ned putting on his "Lord's face" (+ the various examples of other characters being separate from their ruling persona) makes me think that Arya will be donning her "Lady's face" when she makes a return to Westeros.
#arya stark#asoiaf#twow speculations#Arya has been through so much traumatic shit and I think her flowering is going to bring up a lot of her self-esteem issues#I just really need her surrounded by kind older women when that happens so she can have some comfort#George saying her arc in braavos could be the plot of a YA novel?? definitely makes me think she's going to grow up a lot there#she's already one of the most mature characters so I think part of it's going to be her accepting her duty as a Stark Lady#she wants to help and protect people and the best way she can do that is if she has political power#She could learn that first hand in TWOW#possibly through her finding out about her marriage??? and meeting Jeyne in Braavos??#and before someone says it courtesans are so much more then sex work so I don't want to hear it#they are such a big part of Braavosi high life...they're cultured and connected with very important people#I just have so many thoughts on the subject cause I think her apprenticeship with them will serve multiple purposes#the faceless men and their plans...the iron bank...the sealord...It's all connected and I think her apprenticeship with them will kick off#the braavos plot and could mark the beginning of the end of her time with the faceless men and in braavosi#half a boy half a wolf pup -> half a lady half a wolf#I think her current skillset fits well and it's likely she'll learn even more in TWOW#Arya defining her own role as a Lady and becoming comfortable means so much to me
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@esper-aroon has enabled me, so here let me scream at y'all about The Imperial Uncle.
Okay, so I recently read The Imperial Uncle (Huang Shu) by Da Feng Gua Guo from Peach Flower House and I really loved it??? It's first person pov, mlm, about the Emperor's uncle Jing Chengjun, who is mistrusted by everyone simply because of who his parents were and his position, and so he's basically given up on trying to convince people that he's actually a nice, decent person without ulterior motives. He's super trapped by his position, and there's so much he can't say and do, and he's also a hopeless romantic, like, from his own mouth all he really wants is to sleep beside and wake up next to someone who actually gives a shit about him, and even that is basically out of reach in his life. Like, the book starts with his wife (who he has never once had sex with) storming into a meeting he's having and announcing he's a cuckold and she's pregnant.
But also, this poor bastard really thinks he knows what's going on and his very smart. Very unreliable narrator. He's actually kinda a hilarious, impulsive himbo. But the TL:DR is that his loneliness and isolation and the extent to which he's politically trapped routinely lead him to make absolutely terrible decisions.
E. Danglar's translation is absolutely gorgeous, too, and... idk, if you love political plots, melodramatic idiot main characters, a dose of pining, and a slow burn that eventually pays off, come take a look??? (some people think it's a love triangle??? idk, I never really got that vibe, I never felt it was really in doubt which of the two potential dudes he'd end up with, but maybe I only feel that way because I got it right, lmao).
Anyway, I can't stop thinking about how these two idiots end up finally finding each other and getting together, and I have an entire AU in my head (a modern corporate one) and part of another (canon divergent from like a decade before the book starts), and I just want people to love this book as much as I did and scream with me about it.
#unforth rambles#da feng gua guo#the imperial uncle#huang shu#the first au is jing chengjun and li ransi meet and have a fling during a vacation#and then find out that they work for the same company#hijinks ensue#the other is an au that starts with what if jing chengjun's father had actually been accused and convicted of treason#whether he was guilty or not#and his family was sentenced to death#but because jing chengjun is a youth he is instead made into a eunuch and forced into servitude to the imperial family#i know it's a stretch that someone of his stature would be treated that way instead of killed or sold off as a slave#i just don't care#anyway he's given awful jobs at first and they leave him weak and sickly but eventually it because clear he really isn't a threat#and he's allowed to help raise the princes in the next generation including the crown prince#and he also gets to know the other young people around the palace but as a subservient slightly older person#instead of as their elder of higher rank#and then liu tongyi is like okay so everyone thinks you're useless do you want to be a spy for me and help me uncover treason#and he's like FUCK YEAH#and love unfolds from there ofc
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Yeah, I'm a lazy feeder and a bit of a brat, but your heavy, round belly boasts that you're more than up to the challenge. Your size is proof for all to see what a skilled dom you are: you obviously keep me on a tight leash - have me at your beck and call to fulfill your every need and more. How else could you have gotten so massively soft with a sub like me, who isn't even any good at being obedient? Yet here I am, catering to your every whim with cooked meals and snacks all day, and at the end of every night, letting you lord the results over me: throwing your weight around and making sure I know who it was that got me to put all those pounds on you.
#Found this in my drafts and uh 😵💫😳 if I do say so myself...#I can't stop thinking about someone meeting me and my hypothetical feedee and within a minute be like#'there's no way this is a dom feeder/sub feedee dynamic - that feeder is obviously kind of spacy and useless'#but like. Affectionately...#I just wanna be a useless brat whose dom takes them under their wing & somehow bends me to their will anyway bc they know it's what I need#Need to therapeutically work out real life feeling of uselessness because of ADHD but make it kink✌️
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to be loved
is to be changed
#the picture that made me fall in love with him#I saw him and knew I needed to adopt him#I contacted his foster parent immediately only to find out someone else had set up a meeting with him#but they bailed the day of so the foster parent told me they took him back to the shelter#and to go there if I wanted to see him#so I booked it to Charlotte and got there right as they closed#and as soon as they opened his kennel he jumped into my arms#I left that night with paper work filled out and brought him home the next day#I’m SOBBING I just love my little boy so much#we came into each others lives when we needed each other most it seems#and I can’t get over it#I just love my guy#my little wizard 🖤#little baby man#Essek#if you read this novel in the tags I’m kissing your forehead
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lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...
it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy
also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]
gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.
anyway.
there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.
imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.
a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.
the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?
but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.
#asks#Anonymous#sagau#tsaritsa#like. am i explaining this coherently?? first meetings r GOOD and i could go on a tangent of like. first meetings w zl and make it work#but first meetings w the tsaritsa is like. you just cooked a 5 course meal. took one bite. called it a day.#so much of my characterization lies in the “after” of the first meeting#because her first meetings are generally the same. she's apathetic at best!! she does not gaf abt the creator in the SLIGHTEST#but show that you are more then the creator? that you do not cling to the title like a shield? that you do not rely on it?#youve got the worst person youve ever known ready to kill a man for you.#tsaritsa is very like. EXTREMELY hard to earn the trust of but when you do she will kill someone for you no hesitation no question#which is why she works SO WELL in villain au and imposter au!!!!!!!!!#esp if theres a fake “creator” calling you the imposter. she hates their ass and was .5 seconds from dethroning them anyway#you just made it 10x easier#also cant do just first meetings bc i am incapable of not shoving themes of love into every fic w her SORRY#tsaritsa going on a full multiple month long mental breakdown bc she is not in love with you but she would destroy everything for u..#(shes in denial)#tsaritsa and complex themes of love and what it means for the god of love to be incapable of feeling it + what it means when reader shows u#LIKE UGHHHHHH okay. i guess ill write another tsaritsa fic and put it in my vault#aka my drafts#i hold so many fics hostage there its crazy#this answered like 0 of ur questions sorry i see tsaritsa and black out and this happens#i just think first meetings dont let her character really come thru but my response got out of hand so uhhhhh everyone look away. please#putting tape over my mouth now so i shut up before this gets worse#basically tsaritsa gravitates more towards outcast reader rather then one who has already become accustomed to the adoration of the acolyte#does that make sense........#i havent slept in forever and im running on nothing but spite and dreams atp dont expect coherency when it comes 2 the tsaritsa from me#head in hands someone please stop me i keep rambling abt the tsaritsa it makes me go NUTS#lays down. explodes
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forever amazed and confused at how often transformers franchise just straight up depicts suicide attempts. like not even considering the superhero trope of "i have to save everyone!!! by choosing to die!!!!!" thing. like. non-allow-yourself-to-die-to-stop-a-thing-from-killing-everyone-immediately type situations. which tbh i wish more ppl talked about but not the point here
like. sure mtmte, a comic abt mentall illness and war, i expected it to be aware of the concept. but its not handled well and mostly used for shock value or "im better now i swear! i have a husband and everything" BUT ITS IN THE KIDS SHOWS TOO??? MY BESTIE G1 RODIMUS?? BEAST WARS DINOBOT???
#my pupils dilating so wide when that one beast wars episode opened on dinobot reciting shakespeare and then pointing a sword at his chest#also im mean i think only beast wars was successful at trying to be like 'but you Have to Live.'#i love them both dearly but g1 does not love me and mtmte does not love me. do u understand#mtmte being like 'you just have to meet someone to live for!!!' -> doesnt work even in canon ->#-> 'nono im still right you just have to meet someone to live for!!!'#but im fond of g1 just showing a guy whos told to die go 'yknow what yeah ok'. and then gets revived but god thats so fucking funny#psychological drama where rodimus doesnt get found on time and now the autobots have lost two leaders and my girl haunts the narrative#suicide tw#suicide ment#dummy posts#srry im still thinking abt mtmte. cd being like. i dont want to kill myself bc of my spouse. my spouse is dead but#i dont want to kill myself. ok my spouse is back time to kill myself so he can be happy with someone else.#ok no killing myself my spouse said no.#everyday tho im upset abt my babygirl red alert. mental illness woman used for jokes shock value rodimus angst then tossed tf out only to#come back 'better' but then BAM 'evil influence mind control by evil villain'. but shes polygamous now i guess thats going for her#sorry um. red alert isnt canonically a woman im just weird abt her. shes a mentally ill butch woman to me i need to hang out with#her so bad we could spiral together
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like. . .are any other Polin fans out there that do not give a singular flying fuck about Debling? we should form a club lol because from the very bottom of my heart and with my whole chest: I could not care less about him. Not sorry, I'm tuning into S3 for Pen and Colin and Pen and Colin alone
#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#like. . .i keep seeing all these theories about debling and i'm going '. . .and?'#someone: what if debling-#me: don't care. when is colin back on screen? i miss my boy#because really. . .who gives a fuck? he's a random oc who's gonna be gone by ep 3?#frankly i don't give a shit about him in any capacity#and tbh. . .like it's not even a contest for me. colin is SO much more attractive and appealing than debling#no shade to the actor i'm sure he's lovely but guys. . .luke newton is SO fucking fine#tired: colin gets jealous of debling because he's courting penelope and thus disapproves of them#wired: colin distrusts debling because he's a vegetarian and colin the foodie cannot trust a man who cuts out an entire food group#inspired: colin is friendly to debling and can always hype pen up around him but debling isn't listening because he's queer and likes him#y'all just 'care' about debling because he has no traits rn and you can turn him into your perfect male oc prize for penelope#'i ship pen with options' and i ship pen with colin. . .you know. . .like a polin shipper. . .crazy how that's. . .how it works#anywhoozle i am first and foremost a hater#fellow haters come join me we meet up on tuesdays and we have snacks
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Jason x a daughter of apollo is the only thing on my mind omg
I LOVEEEEE THIS COMBO SM ANON STOPP 😭😭😭 golden boy x golden girl my beloveds 😣 both children of weather related gods 😣 jason can’t help but gravitate towards her and as a joke one time she goes “ur so obsessed w me” and he looks her dead in the eyes n spouts some stuff ab how the world revolves around the sun so how can’t he ?!????? they write poems to each other and he could listen to her talk for an eternity ab lit everything fr
#˖◛⁺⑅♡ luvletters#anonymous ೀ#the legacy of apollo in me jumped out here#jason x apollo girl my beloveds#i feel like they’d be a secret admirer type trope#he knows which days she works in the infirmary so he leaves little love poems in places he knows she’ll find#eventually she starts to reply w her own poems#then she’s talking to someone ab this and they’re like ??? we need to find this man helloooo that’s ur soulmate#so they go and make everyone write smth down to see who can match the handwriting#except jason can write in both cursive and print so when they ask him he writes in the handwriting he didn’t use for the notes#and then she loses hope n is like damn i’ll never meet the loml 🙁#then one day she comes to a shift earlier than usual cz one of her siblings couldn’t make it and she catches jason writing her a poem#😭😭😭😭😭#yapped a little much here#graceland🪽#sparkshine 🌦️♡
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