Interview on AI / Tech / Poetry / Labor
My writer friend Christopher Soto is interviewing me for a piece on poetry, AI, creative writing, and labor. Most of this is going to be cut, so why not post the first draft here?
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CS: Recently we went on a hike and were talking about the intersection of literary production and artificial intelligence. You described us as part of “the last generation to experience raw human emotion,” can you elaborate on this idea?
JW: Let me clarify that remark. We’ve been cyborgs and pharmacological hybrids for a long time. I don’t think there’s something like an ideal state of authentic humanness, nor do I think that humanness is better than non-humanness. What I’m referring to is the saturation of distractions, which for me reached a crisis point during the pandemic, when my existence was almost entirely mediated by the internet. Just before the pandemic I had ditched my smartphone for almost a year, but got back on it during quarantine since I was always connected anyway. I became palpably aware of how the very rhythm of my being is regulated by technology designed—using behavioral science research—to be addictive by high-jacking the dopamine reward system. I think people dramatically overstate their “will” and “agency” in relation to technology.
Being hyper-connected made me feel my emotional life was becoming increasingly shallow, that I was just being numbly-entertained-toward-death, and pharmacologically adjusted to serenely endure this horrific existential condition while the world literally burns. As a poet, I find it very disturbing. For me, being a poet is not necessarily about the production of poetry, but about the training of a certain kind of consciousness: the dilation of perception and emotional states, the sensitization of one’s antennae, the tuning of one’s soul for a greater awareness of the mystery of existence, its splendors and absurdities.
CS: We have talked about literary production becoming a collaboration with artificial intelligence, so that the writers of tomorrow will essentially be prompt makers and editors, which input prompts into AI and then edit creative works based on the responses provided. What do you think this would mean for the future of literary culture and cultural production?
JW: I think we could soon reach a point where certain types of writing (screenwriting, journalism, newsletters, web content production) and certain para-literary activities (editing, proofreading, researching) could be fully or partially automated. Some say that the new job that will be created as a result of generative AI and Large Language Models (LLMs) like ChatGPT will be “prompt writer.” There may come a day when plot-driven commercial fiction is written by AI with the help of prompt writers.
A lot of writers economically support their literary practice through various forms of commercial writing and editing—some of those jobs might disappear. In recent decades, it’s already gotten so difficult to survive economically as a writer. At the same time, it’s gotten hard to survive in general, given how obscenely high rent is these days. You can’t just scrape by on almost nothing and hope it works out at the end of the month by frantically combing your couch cushions and the pockets of dirty jeans for loose change and cash. You need good credit to even rent a place! On a societal level, art suffers when subsistence costs are high—it becomes more commercially driven, and artists become more “professionalized.”
CS: Do you think that AI will just stay as a mechanism that will help facilitate human writing of poetry but never become “the artist”? I anticipate there will be a shrinking in the distinctions between “the artist” and “the editor.”
JW: I’ve already heard of writers and students using AI to help edit and develop their work, or generate ideas. But I don’t really trust the aesthetic judgment of ChatGPT, ha!
CS: I’m excited to see the mechanics of literary production transform. You are a bit more hesitant, why so? Are there any AI attempts at literature, which you’ve seen already, that feel particularly noteworthy?
JW: Maybe on some deep level I’m a basic bitch who has a sentimental attachment to the way “writing” has been done for nearly 5,500 years. From cuneiform clay tablets to computer keyboards, the writing process has actually changed very little for thousands of years. It was probably ripe for disruption. But I’m ultimately disturbed by the collective effect it will have on language use—the move toward a statistical norm and the treatment of language as purely informational. I had already started to fret about this when Gmail started autocompleting my emails. (ChatGPT is basically a sophisticated auto-complete that convincingly mimics understanding. This is why it “hallucinates” made-up citations and rattles off fake facts.)
Will the weird, jagged, irregular effusions of language gradually be purged as we drift toward the statistical average? I don’t know, maybe I think of it as something akin to language eugenics. Perhaps I’m hopelessly modernist in my view that language is not about transmitting information or even advancing a plot, but the wayward movement of a thought: the sentence as a technology of consciousness, with its serpentine twists and turns, perverse digressions, and rhythmic pulsations.
I’ve seen AI being used in the conceptual writing and art world for a while now. Some of it is cool and novel in a “party trick” kind of way (like the Twitter poetry bots I followed when I used to use Twitter), but I’ve yet to encounter AI work that I’ve been enamored with. I don’t doubt that AI will (very) soon be able to produce really impressive work, and that’s partly because it’s parasitic on past human creativity insofar as it’s trained on vast reams of linguistic data generated by humans.
CS: Can emotion or spontaneity ever be captured by an algorithm? Is there any way in which AI is like the subconscious (making connections between unrelated concepts, juxtaposing words in a way that pleases the ear and mind, using knowledge in unforeseen ways)?
JW: The AI can convincingly mimic emotion. Tell ChatGPT about your problems and you will feel like it really cares, like it’s really listening to you, just like you might feel when you are personally addressed—are interpolated—by the language of advertising written in a voice of concern or understanding.
For nearly a century, artists have used aleatory methods to make connections and generate juxtapositions that get us beyond the limits of human consciousness, whether it’s the surrealist exquisite corpse practice, William S. Burroughs’s cut-up method, or John Cage’s use of the I Ching and other chance methods in his music compositions. AI could certainly be deployed to such ends. Yet LLMs like ChatGPT are designed to be “predictable” in the same way that autocomplete uses probabilities to predict the next word. I think unlocking a weirder side of AI might involve finding ways to break or fuck with it so it doesn’t just generate the mediocrity of the average.
CS: Do you think collaborations between literary artists with artificial intelligence will create a new economy of poetry in the English speaking United States or will it fall into and transform one of the currently existing poetry economies (academia, spoken word, insta poetry)?
JW: How many poets do you know who can support themselves on their poetry alone? I think I know zero. (Maybe Lisa Robertson could count?) Mostly, I know poets who teach in the academy, poets who do astrology, poets who work as editors at publishing houses, poets who have office day jobs, etc. I don’t think AI will change that. Maybe generative AI will create a glut of language that will make poets even more superfluous, ha!
CS: At large, poetry isn’t very lucrative but this doesn’t mean that it doesn’t impact people’s livelihoods still. Why do you think it is important to think specifically about the intersection of poetry and AI?
JW: The thing I love about poetry is its uselessness, the way it is, with a few exceptions, superfluous to capital, difficult to commodify, gratuitous in its insistence on avowing that which has been marked valueless by our hyper-commercial culture. When I think of Sapphic lyrics or Homeric epics, I am reminded that poets once occupied a quite prominent social position, as keepers of history or ceremonial performers. In a culture oriented almost exclusively around lucre, there’s not really a place for poetry. At a dinner party recently I tried to explain “what I do” to entrepreneurs and realized I came across as “quaint,” that what I do will always register as doing nothing to those who use money as a metric to measure the value of a particular activity. Yet at the same time, the intense pressure to perform in our brutally competitive society has generated a hunger for poetry—poetry as a space to preserve the incalculable and restore the part of us that has been destroyed by the soul-crushing dictates of capital.
On a conceptual level, it’s interesting that the things that make poetry so “difficult” and inaccessible to some people—it’s ambiguity, lack of clearness of meaning, context dependency, and attention to the non-semantic register of signification—is also what has made language such a tricky problem for AI developers. Language isn’t simply a system of rules, which is why the statistical approach beat the linguistic rules-based approach in the natural language processing wars.
CS: What would you consider the start of collaborations between artificial intelligence and poets? I’m thinking about Rupi Kaurs using instapoetry as a closed form that is responsive to algorithmic metrics. By responding to the algorithms that make her poetry go viral, she is in effect collaborating with AI, right? I’m also thinking of Kien Liam’s book “Extinction Theory” that was written with the help of search engine responses. Maybe this depends on our definition of artificial intelligence?
JW: I suppose we’re always collaborating with technology. Since I’ve written most of my works longhand (my first draft of Carceral Capitalism was written on index cards), I often think about how the technology of the computer actually changes the texture of my thinking. Technology can also shape the “form” of writing—think of the way that the character limit of Twitter encodes a particular form. We’ve certainly reached a point where writers are not simply “responding” to AI, but AI is directly shaping the written work.
CS: Do you think AI will influence some literary genres more than others and why? I’m thinking commercial genres like popular non-fiction might be the first to change.
JW: I think writing that is informational (popular non-fiction) or plot-driven is ripe for automation. I don’t know why, but whenever I ask ChatGPT to write poetry or imitate the style of a writer with an idiosyncratic style (Virginia Woolf, W. G. Sebald), the results are atrocious. I’m sure it will improve quickly, though.
CS: The Writers Guild of America is currently about to strike, in part over how to renegotiate the use of AI in Hollywood. As a scholar of carceral studies, what do you think is an ethical approach to understanding intellectual property and the likeness of an artist, in the era of AI?
JW: Since I’m fundamentally against private property, I’m against intellectual property as well. Yet AI developers use the “fair use” paradigm to claim they are justified in training their systems on copyrighted works. In my ideal world, we would not need to commodify our works in order to eat, but since we live in a market society, we must pay attention to the question of how writers are going to be able to put food on the table. The fact that generative AI is parasitic on the entire archive of human creativity is fundamentally a labor problem. Should AI be allowed to imitate living writers and artists, and will the imitations be commercialized at the expense of living creators? The legal architecture undergirding generative AI hasn’t been worked out yet, but I’m ultimately in favor of enshrining strong labor protections for living creators.
CS: How is AI going to redefine certain concepts, like originality and plagiarism? I think we have already seen some examples of this in the music industry, such as the AI generated songs using the voice of musicians like Drake. In poetry might it look like someone asking AI to create poems in Shakespearean sonnets but with the vernacular of lets say, Maya Angelou?
JW: The voice imitation software trips me out. I started doing research on voice surveillance in early 2019 and tested out some voice mimicking technology then. It was terrible. Now, it can replicate someone’s voice with uncanny accuracy. The technology is evolving so rapidly.
I don’t feel particularly attached to an idea of originality. Mixing, collaging, generating new things by constellating old things—it’s all part of the creative churn. I love it when art circulates and mixes in a way that is wild and free. But the question of how artists will support themselves when technology enables endless, free replicability is a question that needs to be addressed.
CS: This opens up the conversation of racial appropriation (and digital Black face) via AI. The literary world has a history of racial imposters. What might this look like when intersecting with AI?
JW: Since AI is ultimately a mimicry-machine, I think this is certainly a risk. I can imagine an author asking ChatGPT to rewrite a chunk of dialogue in, say, Black Vernacular English. (Although as someone who is opposed to the ownership model of culture and in favor of hybridity, I have complicated views on the idea of cultural appropriation in general.)
CS: How do you think the literary community, specifically the awards part of the community, might react if they discover that a writer has been generating their books in collaboration with AI?
JW: I think if it’s done covertly they will treat it as plagiarism rather than collaboration. Done overtly, it becomes a way to market a book. (Though I think the “AI book” is old-hat at this point.)
CS: In closing, are there any parallels that you see between what is happening now and the industrial revolution? I am thinking about the automation of labor and whether AI can help lead us to universal basic income, a post-work economy, or at least a reduced work week?
JW: There are definitely parallels with the industrial revolution, which put our species on this path of ever-accelerating accumulation (well, some say it all began with the Agricultural Revolution, though David Wengrow and David Graeber critique the agricultural theory of social inequality in The Dawn of Everything). Without a doubt, LLMs and generative AI will profoundly reshape the economy, leading some industries to collapse completely (the education technology company Chegg was the first to crash) while others are transformed—that tendency toward creative destruction is an inherent feature of capitalism. Generative AI will make humans more “efficient” and “productive.” But what is all this efficiency for? Technology has been evolving at breakneck speed since the industrial revolution and we are still working just as long and hard. Efficiency has become our bondage. Once the logic of accumulation enters the bloodstream, it seems hard to stop, partly because accumulation is bottomless (until we hit a hard ecological limit) and feeds on itself. As the Austrian writer Robert Musil wrote in The Man Without Qualities, “We have gained reality and lost dream. No more lounging under a tree and peering at the sky between one’s big and second toes; there’s work to be done. To be efficient, one cannot be hungry and dreamy but must eat steak and keep moving. It is exactly as though the old, inefficient breed of humanity had fallen asleep on an anthill and found, when the new breed awoke, that the ants had crept into its bloodstream, making it move frantically ever since, unable to shake off that rotten feeling of antlike industry.”
I wish writers could just sit around and be dreamy instead of having to eat steak and keep moving. I do hope we one day arrive at a post-work society. It makes me sad to think that we’ve tacitly accepted a system where we spend our lives toiling for the profit generation of the ownership class, squandering our short, precious life on this planet.
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Secondhand Origin Stories, Chapter 12
Here's this week's chapter! Reblogs welcome!
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Chapter 12
The next morning, Jamie was pleasantly surprised that she could get Aldis to let her help out around the office. She didn’t ask to go with the trucks, since obviously she’d ruin the “super-movers” image, but at least she could carry flat boxes to and from the ground floor garages for the pack-and-move client they had later that day. Then she inventoried boxes and tape, and headed back to the office. Being productive kept her out of her head and away from her phone. She just wasn’t ready yet.
She was a little surprised to find Aldis at the office desk when she went back upstairs.
“Morning. I--”
Issac poked his head in the office. “I’m headed out to lunch.” He looked at Jamie. “How do I look?”
Jamie regarded him for a second. The suit was fine. Issac, on the other hand... “Kind of sick.” Maybe he shouldn't have joined Yael in eating leftover birthday cake for breakfast.
He fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves, tugging them down. “I didn’t end up sleeping a lot last night.” He held up his wrist, the translation bracelet glimmering inside his sleeve. “Software tweaks. Got a restaurant business meeting. It’s gonna be way worse than the grocery store.”
“Hope you plan to share those tweaks,” Aldis suggested cheerfully.
Issac shrugged. “Sure, why not. There must be a forum or something.”
“Hold on,” Jamie ordered, and ran back down the hall to the VIP suite. Her assisting Aldis had coincidentally kept her out of the apartment long enough for Opal to shower and get dressed.
Jamie found her bags and started rummaging. “I just need to find--” When she looked up, Yael was staring sullenly at the window, still laying on the “bed” they’d made by shoving the couches end to end. Xe was wearing a t-shirt declaring that “every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
“Yael, shouldn’t you have left already? Is that really what you’re wearing?” She realized after she’d said it how much she sounded like her mom. She found what she was looking for in her bag.
Opal leaned over the back of the couch. “You should probably take this kind of seriously. If I had an interview with the head of the APB, I would be trying to look as superheroic as possible. Especially if my brother was skating by on nepotism and a sketchy job to avoid getting arrested.”
Yael looked up at Opal, then sighed. “Fine. For Issac, then.”
Opal rolled her eyes just slightly at Yael’s grudging acceptance, then glanced at Jamie, expecting to find sympathy.
Jamie smiled back, wishing Opal’s smile looked less sad.
“Hey.” Yael lifted xyr phone, tilting xyr head back to look up at Opal. “Ambiguously-superheroic-teen selfie? I won’t post it anywhere.”
Yael was on some kind of kick. Xe’d insisted on taking pictures of Issac with his cake last night, too. Opal raised an eyebrow, but crouched down at the couch and gave Yael’s camera a dubious smile.
Jamie headed back down the hall, where she found Issac standing, talking to Aldis. “Here, Issac, sit down a sec.”
He sat down in an old brown office chair, watching her curiously. She revealed the bottle of concealer she’d brought, just in case. “You’re not usually as pale as me, but today, this might actually work.”
“I look that bad?”
Aldis leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “ ’Fraid so.”
Issac bit his lip. “OK, but only if you’re sure he won’t notice.”
“How old is he?”
“Like, 60ish?”
“Then he won’t notice,” Jamie assured. “Besides, it’ll be lower restaurant lighting.”
She helped him get the concealer on. He was almost as gun-shy about anyone touching the bags under his eyes as he was about the contacts. She hid the bruises lack of sleep had left on him, and brushed the color back onto his face. “There. You don’t look like you’ve been doing anything you’ve actually been doing.”
“You never even wear makeup,” Issac commented, checking his reflection in the mirror of his phone screen.
“Putting on fake health is the only part I know how to do.”
Issac adjusted his tie another dozen times, then headed out towards the stairs in time to run into Yael, who was still in xyr pizza T-shirt. Jamie watched the two of them descend. Opal waved at them through the glass in the door as she followed them. She looked so miserable.
Jamie looked around the office for a marker. Aldis went back to typing, then looked up at her. “I know I’ve said it like ten times, but you really don’t have to do this. I appreciate it and all, but it feels kinda like unpaid child labor.”
Jamie found a Sharpie, but it was purple. Was that OK? “I need something to do. And I’m sixteen.”
“Don’t you have, like, studying to do?”
Jamie shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t have to do it every day, and I’m still on track to finish everything I need way before I’m eighteen. Mom won’t let us go to college offline any younger than that.”
He nodded slowly, taking more from that than Jamie would have thought it contained. “Well, don’t overdo it.”
“You’re not going with the truck?”
He shook his head, settling back into his work. “Today is invoices and email. You’d be amazed how much of my time is that.”
Jamie smirked, trying to believe he was staying for work, not to babysit Jamie. “No I wouldn’t. Mom says she spends half her life emailing. And she’s always talking about company finances.”
“Hah. Guess your mom is an entrepreneur, isn’t she.”
“Yep. Her and Jenna started the company right after graduation. Jenna went to college really young. Mom says that’s why she won’t let us go early. Jenna got picked on a lot.”
“Jenna-- Bion?” he asked.
Jamie nodded. “Is it OK if I use purple Sharpie to relabel the box cubbies? They need it.”
“Sure. Long as it’s readable, I don’t care.”
Jamie nodded, heading back towards the stock room, but stopped at the door. Would it be rude to ask? Aldis seemed nice, laid-back, but it wasn’t like she knew him well. And she really didn’t know if this was a sensitive subject or not.
But he was tall, and given the hauling everyone around here could do, he was strong. Curiosity got the better of her. “Hey, uhm. Can I ask you something a little personal?” His raised eyebrow and chair swivel suggested she may have crossed a line. “I won’t complain if you say no.”
“Well, now I’m curious. Tell you what. You can ask, and then we’ll see if I want to answer.”
Jamie nodded. That was more than fair. “I was just-- you’re taller than Drew, and maybe stronger, since you’re younger. And you help people, so I can tell you care, so-- why aren’t you a superhero? Or any of the rest of your employees? Why move furniture?”
She expected him to tell her about the racial prejudice in the APB, or about the difficulties with networking if you didn’t know someone. Instead, he leaned back in his chair, and gave her an opaque look. “Why do you think I’d want to be a superhero?”
The question was so bizarre she just stared at him for a long moment. “Why wouldn’t you?”
He scratched behind his ear, tilting his head as if he was as confused by her as she was by him. “They get shot a lot. Also electrocuted, burnt, dismembered…”
“But they get to help people!” Somehow, she couldn’t picture Aldis as a coward. He seemed so self-assured and put together. He was an entrepreneur, like Mom. That involved risk and leadership.
“So do we. And, since I got the choice, I’d rather help people without having to hurt anybody else.” Jamie bristled, and he saw it. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we’ve got superheroes. But if I can run the rest of my life without violence, I’m going to.”
“But what about ‘with great power--’”
He laughed, but it wasn’t mean, just surprised. “A superhero can defend the world from supervillains, but somebody’s still got to haul around furniture, create decent jobs, and look out for people in a bad situation trying to start over. There’re more problems superheroes can’t handle than ones they can.”
“Aren’t you proud of Opal, though?”
“Yeah, I’m proud of her! We all are. She’s got a fire in her, and she’s working for it. But her life is hers, and mine is mine. Honestly, though, I’ve got as much respect for her second-guessing it now. She refuses to be part of the problem. That’s character. I hope it works out for her, but I’m glad she’s gonna do it on her terms. And I can’t pretend we wouldn’t all sleep a little easier at night if she took a safer job.”
Jamie’s heart sank. “She’s really thinking of quitting, just because of my dad?”
“Personally, I think there’s more she’s not telling me.” Sure, like Jenna’s arms and legs and absence, maybe. She didn’t know what exactly Opal had told him. Like Opal, he probably filled in the gaps with whatever made sense to him. “But taking a kill order from someone you can’t trust isn’t a little thing.” He looked at her, carefully. “Do you think she should trust him?”
The question caught her off-guard. She had to think about it. She didn’t like her own conclusion. “No,” she quietly answered, finally. “I’m not scared of him. He didn’t hurt me, and I still don’t think he would’ve. But he loves me, and he doesn’t love Opal, and there’s something…wrong with him. Right now. He’s not himself.”
“Probably shouldn’t be a superhero, then.”
The idea of Dad not being a superhero didn’t fit into her head. He was ageless. He’d been a superhero long before Jamie, and it’d always seemed like he’d just keep on being a superhero even after Jamie was gone. She’d realized years ago that someday he’d look like her son, not her father. He was the constant the rest of life changed around.
Except that he had changed.
She looked at Aldis blankly for so long, he started to look at her funny. “I should go label the cubbyholes,” Jamie said.
He nodded, seeing through her, but letting it go. He interrupted her retreat. “Hey. You’ve got pretty impressive power, too.” Jamie turned around, baffled. “You can talk to any superhero you want, I bet.”
Jamie nodded, not sure where this was going. “Any of the US ones, anyway.”
“Plus, your mom. Who seems like a heavyweight in politics and bioengineering.”
“I hope I can talk to her.”
He gave her a sympathetic look. “I’ve been there. Opal was light on details, but I hope it works out for you.”
“It’s. I don’t think it’s as bad as it looks.”
“You’re still here, though.”
She shrugged. “Issac needed me to be.”
The VIP suite was different when she was by herself. Bigger, more echoing. It smelled like sausage, frosting, cardboard, dust, and what had to be some shower product of Opal’s. Jamie was sure neither Yael or Issac owned fake-strawberry-scented body wash. Home never had this many smells going on in one space; the air was too aggressively filtered.
She meandered over to the threadbare couches. This might be the most alone she’d ever been. Aldis was down the hall, but there wasn’t any SI-- no system with cameras, here. No family around. She leaned over the back of the couch, looking around for something to do. Yael had washed the dishes. Jamie wasn’t sure she could even get into her school files. There was only one thing in the world she was supposed to be doing, and she still didn’t feel ready to call home.
The need to accomplish something started to itch in the back of her mind. She dug her guitar out from where she’d subtly stashed it. Issac hadn’t commented on her bringing it. She started tuning it.
Too many thoughts went spinning through her mind. Nobody here would tell her what to do or not do. She finally had freedom to act, but had no idea what to do with it.
What had she wanted more freedom for?
The windows here were low to the ground, and not as clear as the ones at home. But there was some sky visible. No cityscape, though. She was in the city now, not above it. What had she wanted to do, out here?
Out of the blue, she remembered her carnival narwhal, left on the floor at home. Of Dad flying her up to “save” it. The feeling of flying, of helping.
“Martin, can you hear me?”
No answer. They’d meant it, about the privacy, then. She picked up her phone. Their number had been added to her contacts, and she called it. Martin picked up before it even rang. “Jamie! Hello! May I use the video function? Did you get my email this morning?”
Jamie smiled awkwardly, and arranged her phone so Martin could see her, sitting on the concrete floor. “Sure. And no, I haven’t checked my email yet.” She went back to tuning. “You email?”
“I email a lot, actually. I’m on a lot of forums, too.”
Jamie wasn’t allowed on forums outside of schoolwork. Security issues. Nobody to stop her, now. “What did you email about?”
“It’s very long…sort of everything I’ve collected that I wanted to show you for about the last three years. Nothing important.”
Her tuning stopped. Martin had waited all this time, wanting to talk to Jamie. They hadn’t trusted Jamie enough to actually talk to her, though. Just like how Jamie was struggling to trust the generation above her. “Well, I don’t have much to do today. I’ll read it.”
She started to let her fingers run through tunes aimlessly. “How is everybody?”
“My privacy protocols are still in place. I can’t tell you about the others.”
Jamie slouched against the side of the bed. “Right.” She stared out the window again. “I’m going to call home. I’ll figure out some way to make sure you stay safe.” She was sure of that much. She just didn’t have any idea how.
Really, she knew what she’d wanted freedom for. She knew what she’d wanted to do, out in the real world. She wanted to protect her city. Her home, and her family, and all the strangers who went about their lives around her every day.
She rested her forehead on the headstock of her guitar, growling in frustration. She could do whatever she wanted, out here. The only one who could stop her was her own body. It wasn’t even that bad of a body. It worked the majority of the time. But it wasn’t super. It wasn’t ever going to let her to anything extraordinary. “I’m lying. I can’t make you safe.”
“I don’t feel especially unsafe right now.”
“Me either,” she answered. “But it’s possible we’re both in denial.”
* * *
Physical labor didn’t require very much of Opal’s mind. Usually, that was a good thing. Her body could be hauling a couch, while her mind was working away at her future plans and dreams.
Today, not so much. She’d never give up just because someone told her “no,” but she’d never, in all her years of planning, studying and preparing, considered that she might not be able to trust the Sentinels enough to work with them. She’d always focused on the changes she wanted to carry out with the APB. She’d never considered that the Sentinels were really, at their base, just an APB branch. Why would they be any more trustworthy?
“Hey!” Miguel's shout shook her back into the present. She’d almost run him over with an armchair.
“Sorry!”
“You’re at work. Wake up.”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Hey, give her a break. She might have to fight LodeStar tomorrow or something,” Jayvon put in.
“Not funny, Jayvon,” Opal grumbled.
“I’m not kidding. You wont give us details, but his kids are suddenly living in the suite? Something bad went down. And if he’s not here helping, it doesn’t look good.”
“You better not have told anyone that they’re here.”
They both gave her unimpressed looks. “We’ve worked here longer than you. We’d never tell about somebody in the VIP suite.”
And it really didn’t seem like they had. Otherwise, the office would be inundated with news vans, or at least camera drones, and so far, she hadn’t seen anything. Jayvon gently took the armchair from her. “Go take a break. Get your head clear, and come back.”
Miguel nodded. “We’re ahead of schedule, anyways. Just don’t take forever with it.”
Opal slunk out of the fancy manor house, thankful and feeling guilty for it. She ducked behind the van, hoping the home’s owners wouldn’t come out to chastise her for slacking. She leaned her head back against it, enjoying the sun on her face for a long couple minutes. But the world wasn’t going to stop for her crisis of conscience. Last night was as close as she was going to get.
She’d said she was giving up. Quitting this and finding a new dream just made sense. No matter what cute old baby photos Jamie came up with, Opal had to deal with the present.
But the very idea of it felt like cutting off part of herself and throwing it in the trash. She wasn’t sure how to make herself do it.
And even if she wasn’t a superhero, she was still herself. Even if she didn’t want APB endorsement, she still wanted to help. To protect. And those three weirdos were under her hospitality, now. Maybe Jayvon was right-- maybe she should be worried about how Mr. Voss would react to her helping his kids practically run away from home. She might be running low on hope, but there was still work for her to do.
She thought of Capricorn’s hand on Mr. Voss’s arm in the clinic, of his watchful eyes. Of the way he rooted for Opal and said she had grit. If anyone could get her more information, it’d be him.
She glanced around the van, but nobody was paying attention to her.
Opal texted Martin quickly. Is there any reason I shouldn’t talk to Capricorn about what happened yesterday?
The answer was instant. MARTIN: None whatsoever, as far as I can tell.
She answered Guess I will then. Then yelped, as Martin took that as an instruction and put the call through. She put the phone to her ear, not wanting a visual call when she felt so shaken.
Capricorn sounded surprised, but pleased to hear from her. “Hi!”
“Hi,” Opal answered.
“Everything OK?”
No. Not at all. “Nobody’s hurt or anything.”
She heard a sigh of relief on the other end. “Then what can I help you with?”
Words tried to burst out of her, but she bit them back and tried to arrange them into tidy, polite lines. No matter how nice Capricorn had been to her so far, she couldn’t afford to offend him, now. Her voice shook, but only a little bit, and she honestly couldn’t tell if it was nerves or anger. “I want-- I need to know what’s wrong with Mr. Voss. Jamie says he didn’t used to be like this. But there is something wrong with him, and he’s freaking me out, and he scared Yael. Every time I see him, he looks about two seconds away from killing somebody.” Opal didn’t want to be that somebody, and she didn’t think she could stop him if he chose somebody else.
Silence on the other end of the line. She worried for a second that he might try and deny it. That would be worse, wouldn’t it? If the Neil Voss Jamie remembered and Opal had idolized had never existed in the first place? Opal heard a very quietly muttered “Shit.” Another pause. “This really isn’t my place--”
“I need to know. I’m sorry, sir, but they’re living with me now and I don’t even know what the situation exactly is. I need to know if he’s something I need to worry about.”
“No. God, no. He’s not--” A pause so long, she checked to see he hadn’t hung up.
“OK.” He was quiet when he spoke. “That’s fair. You deserve to know. You’re right that he’s…struggling. The thing with this job is, it takes a toll on you.” He sounded tired. Sad. “And me, Neil, and Solomon, we can survive it. And we can heal. We heal fast, even. So can you. But fast isn’t always good. Neil’s been fighting since 2002, continuously. He’s broken and healed every bone so many times, his x-rays look like a city map. Seams everywhere. Soft tissue scarring-- if we heal before we get medical attention, things haven’t always been stitched or set back into place. Neil should’ve been retired years ago. He’s in constant, 24/7 pain. And he’s no lightweight about pain, believe me. I’ve seen what he can take, but for him, it never lets up. Some days, it’s more than he can take. But if he leaves, we’re a team of two, and they send a stranger into the house to live with us. To live with his kids. Or, he and the kids have to leave. He’s been trying to hold on long enough to train in Yael. He knows he’s a mess. He just can’t fix it.”
“But, that doesn’t…”
“The other part-- the reason you probably think he’s a drunk-- is that when you hurt all the time, eventually you have to do something about it. And it’s not like he can take an asprin and call it a day. Even if he wasn’t altered, that wouldn’t even touch what he’s dealing with. So…the thing is, he’s pretty dosed up. All the time, now. And since he caught Issac mid-fall, that was kind of the last straw for like seven of his joints. So he’s even more of a wreck, and on an even higher dose, than he has been. I don’t even know how he’s staying up.”
Opal could only connect the dots because she’d heard her mom talk about work. Chronic, severe pain. “Are you telling me that LodeStar has been high on narcotics for literally years?” There was a long, very not-comforting pause. “But then he shouldn’t be--”
“I know.”
“That’s completely--”
“Yeah.”
“And everybody’s just going along with this?”
“I tried to get him to retire. Melissa’s tried. Even Solomon’s tried. But we just-- none of us have it in us to make him. He’s my best friend. He has been for a long damn time. And he’s going to, just...he needs a little while longer.”
“So you all take orders from him like that?”
“No. Look, he’s messed up, but he knows he’s messed up. We haven’t taken orders from him in years. And I swear to you-- my hand to God-- in the field, he listens to me.” Opal thought back to the rumors that Capricorn was crushing on LodeStar. To the way he always had his eyes on him in interviews. It wasn’t a crush. He was keeping an eye on LodeStar because he knew he was compromised.
Opal leaned her head against the van. This was so messed up. This was not comforting at all. “But still though--”
“I know.” He sighed again, his voice even quieter. “I know. I know I’m on the wrong side in this. But this is the only family I have. I just can’t get myself to force it on him. I didn’t realize until yesterday how bad he’d gotten. But you might notice, we haven’t exactly been in the field since this went down. I can tell you that’s not an accident.”
Opal closed her eyes, trying not to groan out loud.
“Look, I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother you. How are the kids?”
“They’re fine, I guess?”
“Think they’d be up for visitors?”
“As far as I know, nobody’s mad at you. But I’m gonna tell them what you told me.”
“If you want. I was hoping Neil would get his act together enough to own it in front of them, but he’s down for the count with that broken collar bone.”
“Right,” she agreed miserably.
“I warned you it was a shit job,” he added, sounding sorry.
“Yeah, you did.” She straightened. “So I guess I’d better get back to my day job, then.”
“Tell the kids I said ‘hi,’ OK?”
“Sure.”
They hung up.
Well, she’d known better than to expect Capricorn to pull some magic answer out of a hat and make everything OK again. At least he’d respected her enough to give her a clear answer. That was the only reason she was willing to trust everything else he claimed.
Opal wanted to punch something. It wasn’t an urge she got a lot, but she felt it often enough to be used to shoving it down. What was she gonna punch-- the van? Denting Aldis’s van wasn’t gonna help anything.
Her phone sighed, and she jumped. The screen said she was connected to Martin. “I’m so glad this is finally out in the open. It’s not as if not saying anything takes willpower-- I can’t break privacy protocols even when I want to-- but watching the fallout of people not talking has been very painful for me. I’m glad you’re going to tell the others.”
Opal leaned against the van. Martin’s sad little voice took some of the fight out of her. “Your family is a mess, pen pal.”
“Oh, I know,” Martin said. “Believe me, I know.” And Martin didn’t have an out like Opal did.
“I’d fix it if I could,” she told them.
“I still have hope. I think things could still turn out all right.” Hope. That was what Opal missed. Hope had given her strength. “Opal, if you go back to Detroit and decide not to be a superhero, will you still be my pen pal?”
Poor kid. “Sure. I’d like that.”
“I like being able to really talk to people directly, like this. This is so much easier.”
“Does that mean you’re going to tell the rest of your family about you?”
“I…maybe I’ll see how all of this ends up going, first.” Even the sweet robot kid didn’t trust these guys. “But since I can suggest things directly now, can I suggest you call someone to make you feel better? I don’t know you well enough to know who that would be, but you sound upset, and I think that would make you feel better. It makes me feel better!”
“Heh. That’s a really good idea. Thanks, Martin.”
“Happy to help!”
She pulled up her mom’s number. She had to get back inside soon-- if this was her only job, she’d better pay attention to it-- but a little Mom time might help clear her head. Plus, she had some questions to ask a nurse.
* * *
Issac peered into the window of the darkened restaurant, tucking his translation bracelet up into his sleeve. It was so ludicrously sensitive, a couple layers of fabric wouldn’t pose any problem at all. Lasansky knew it was there, obviously, since he’d been the one to put it on Issac. But the point of these damn things was to be discreet. He checked his reflection…though if his concealer was showing, he wouldn’t be able to make it out in a window reflection.
He was a brilliant engineer, years ahead of his time, with cool android eyes. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Lasansky probably wouldn’t be able to see the text on his eyes, anyway. He wondered if other people could. He should have checked the bathroom mirror last night.
God, his eyes itched.
He braced himself, and walked in, chin up, shoulders back. Looking nervous or unsure in a place like this would only draw more attention. Virtually everyone here was in a suit or some other business attire. He already stuck out by being young and bruised. He approached the maître d’, realizing with a little smile that his tweaks were working. He got a bit of errant text across his eyes, but he’d set it to a 1.5m radius of the bracelet, with additional alerts for a few key words, like his name. The maître d’ looked at him expectantly, and Issac choked for a second. Would he have to give his name? There were people right behind him. They’d hear. He leaned in a little, trying to be quiet. “I’m meeting Mr Lasansky.”
Martin said that nobody had reported on yesterday’s little exodus from the Plaza yet, but eventually, someone would notice that the kids of the Sentinels were out and comparatively unprotected. Issac was not going to rush that.
Looked like Lasansky hadn’t wanted to give out Issac’s name, either. The maître d’ showed Issac to a private room. That would have been the only thing even partially saving Issac, if Issac hadn’t gotten through those tweaks last night. Lasansky was sitting, leaned back comfortably in his chair, thumb moving over his phone screen. He didn’t look up until Issac sat across from him. Then he gave him that big, bleached-to-hell smile of his. Here’s the latest member of the Lasansky Securities family! Welcome to your first day at the new job.
Issac forced a smile. Family. Sure. He’d just functionally lost his parents, and he didn’t know this guy or anyone else who worked for him, but OK. If Lasansky wanted to call Issac family, Issac could bite his tongue and put up with it. At least in this “family” the criteria he’d be judged on would be concrete, knowable, and accompanied by paperwork he could see ahead of time. And he was deaf before he joined, before he’d been accepted.
Issac couldn’t deny that the circumstances were weird and, OK, a little suspicious. OK, maybe more than a little. But Lasansky just really wanted Issac’s tech. Issac's skills. He valued what Issac had to offer. Better than back home.
Lasansky sat back, and seemed to study Issac himself for the first time. He smiled, shaking his head ruefully. Y’know, I feel for you. I really do.
Noooo. Issac just wanted to talk about work. “Uhm…? I’m OK.”
He waved Issac’s baffled reassurance off. Oh, of course. Of course. I just keep thinking about that family of yours. That can’t have been easy to grow up with. Them having so little faith in you.
Was that what had happened? Definitely not with Jamie and Yael. They’d believed in him. They’d been wrong, but they had believed.
“It wasn’t really like that. Mom got me all the tech I needed and everything--”
Ah. Lasansky answered with a sad, knowing expression. So it was only after-- He tapped his own ear.
Stay neutral. Don’t flinch. Don’t look down. Tight smile. “Something like that.”
Lasansky nodded. Drummed his fingers on the table, creating unnecessary text noise. Y’know, it really is amazing how quickly people can turn on you, as soon as you show weakness. Right when you need them the most.
Issac looked away. What the hell was this? Issac couldn’t imagine Lasansky wanted Issac to have an emotional breakdown at a business lunch, so what the hell was with all this prodding? “You never did tell me why you were interested in me? I mean, in my work? You own prisons. Why get into medicine, now?”
Sterling nodded, gravely. Glad you’re paying attention. The fact is, Mr. Tillman, your technology could revolutionize the criminal justice industry. Eighty-three percent of our inmates report at least one event likely to result in brain injury. Think about that. I know you’ve seen the effects of a brain injury firsthand. Impulsivity, sudden nonsensical rages, paranoia, inability to think through their actions-- every one of these is likely to lead to dangerous criminal behavior. And as it stands, we can’t, in good conscience, let these people back out into the community. Imagine the kind of rehabilitation we could provide if we could treat these sorts of injuries. It’s this kind of forward-thinking, cutting-edge work that keeps us the APB’s only licensed prison provider.
A knot undid itself in Issac's spine, and he grinned. “That completely makes sense. That would be huge.”
OK, so Opal and Jamie didn’t like Lasansky. Opal missed her dad. Issac couldn’t fault her for that. And Jamie said they were over-incarcerating people, but that was the APB’s fault, really. And here was Lasansky, trying to help people in prison and reduce the prison population at the same time. That was hardly supervillainy. This was exactly the kind of work Issac wanted for his nanites. To help people be who they were supposed to be. Now he could prevent crime at the same time! Ha! He might even end up stopping more altered-specific crime than the team, over the course of decades.
How many altereds became violent because an injury had robbed them of their self-control? How many of them weren’t who they were supposed to be? Issac knew not every brain injury was as severe or caused as huge of an effect as Jenna's, but he had no reason to think she was the only altered who’d been through that.
Lasansky seemed genuinely pleased by Issac's agreement. Exactly. You’re a big-picture guy, I can tell. Just the person we need to complete this team.
“Team?”
Sure! You didn’t think we’d make you do this all alone, did you? We’ve been tinkering with similar projects for quite a while now, and when your essay went out into the world, I thought, “Boy, what a shame he’s going to be busy for God knows how long with school, when he could be learning on the job!” But it looks like everything’s worked out, huh?
It actually did look like that. Issac smiled, much more genuinely. He wasn’t hearing, but maybe he was bouncing back, after all. Not being on Mount Olympus didn’t mean he couldn’t have a decent life. And if Lasansky could reach out to help people be better versions of themselves, so could Issac.
We’re just going to need the data from your original trial. We couldn’t have dreamed someone would be so bold that they’d test this on themselves. That took real stones. That’s gonna move this project up by years. Do you know how hard it is to get a permit to test on human subjects? Ha! Of course you do. But now, since you paved that golden road for us, it’ll be worlds easier. It’s already been shown to be nonfatal, even under a malfunction!
Wait, what?
Lasansky reached across the table, put a hand on Issac's shoulder, and looked him in the eye. For once, he was completely earnest. I know you must hate walking around with such an obvious weakness, but the failure of that trial has helped get your work into the hands of people with the resources to make your dream real. And that failure, that’s only going to make it faster.
Issac felt exposed. Obvious.
But vindicated. Nothing he’d been through would matter, if he could just get these nanites working and to the people that needed them.
* * *
Yael plopped down on the designated park bench, stretching xyr arms along the back of it, xyr legs out in front of xyr. God above, xe did not want to be here. Xe wasn’t even a little ready to deal with Nodiah’s ability to throw xyr off balance. Everything in xyr life was already such a mess. Xe didn’t know what xe might end up saying to him-- or asking him. Papa’d said they’d talk about it. Xe didn’t need to hear it from Nodiah.
The park was nice, at least, aside from being searingly hot. Xe fiddled with xyr phone, reading an almost endless email Martin had sent overnight. Its tone was chipper, but nervous. Completely endearing. Martin’s memory was way better than Yael's.
Yael's smile died on xyr lips. A secret artificial-- no, now Issac’s insistence on the term “synthetic intelligence” made sense, of course he wouldn’t want Martin to be called artificial-- a secret synthetic intelligence, then, in the plaza itself, watching an unsuspecting superhero team, and befriending an alienated bioengineer. Xe groaned, leaning further back on the bench.
Yael couldn’t picture a good ending to this story.
To most teens, the concept of supervillainy probably seemed abstract. Cackling evil madmen twirling their mustaches and building death rays. Papa hardly ever talked about the family he came from, but xe was pretty sure none of them had done much cackling or mustache-twirling.
Martin had sent Yael health statistics on xyr hamsters and, like, 12 apologies that they hadn’t found Skittles for xyr. Martin was sweet. They were trying. They were family.
Nodiah was prompt, of course, and too soon, xe could make out the imposing shape of xyr uncle walking from the parking lot towards the bench. Did he even own any jeans? Or anything other than suit pants? It was Saturday. Even Melissa didn’t wear suits on Saturdays.
Did he think of Papa as his brother? Did he even see Yael as family?
Xe wondered for the millionth time what sort of family Miriam and Ezekiel had been to Papa. Not for the first time, xe wondered if Ezekiel and Miriam had ever even seen the others as family. They’d had Yael. That didn’t suggest a sibling-type relationship. Maybe it was just Papa who saw his line as a family.
Yael hated how the membership on Yael’s mental list of who was “family” kept shifting around. Family was supposed to be forever, not change from day to day.
Xe couldn’t imagine Nodiah affectionately hoarding hamster videos for anybody. Or even leaving little piles of hamster bait around.
From a distance, surrounded by regular people, he seemed huge.
When he stopped a few feet from the bench, looking down at xyr with pinched lips and a considering gaze, xe met his eyes. He didn’t say anything, so Yael didn’t say anything. Xe watched him with open suspicion that matched his frank assessment. He sat next to xyr without a word, gazing over the park. Gradually, Yael let xyrself relax. The air felt like the whole city was submerged in stale bathwater, but xe was dressed for it, and watching the people was nice.
Nodiah’s voice was as sober as his suit. “This is what I protect. This is the mission of your father, and every other superhero team in this country.”
Yael couldn’t object to that. The whole human life cycle was stretched out in front of them. There was a couple having a picnic on the grass, with their baby crawling around next to them. Over there, some little kids playing tag. Some other kids about Yael's age were playing basketball. A little ways away, two old women laughed loudly on another bench.
Yael nodded. Wanting to protect a scene like this should be easy for anyone.
“For you,” he continued, “It’ll be harder. You’ll need to be be on your guard at all times to establish your character, to prove yourself trustworthy to the American people.”
“You came all this way to tell me that? I thought you’d be back in DC by now.”
“I came here to cover a duty your father’s obviously ignored.” Maybe he really was just looking for someone to talk to. “I’ve followed you, Yael. For as long as I have been able, I have watched you from a distance. Medical records, school reports, even the construction contracts from when you used to destroy walls in a tantrum. The records from when you broke Dr. Tillman's leg.”
“I never--” Yael objected.
“You were two years old. I’m not surprised they hid it from you.” Was that possible? Could Yael have hurt xyr family that long ago?
“How did you get it all?”
He looked at xyr out of the corner of his eye. “From Solomon, mainly. When it was outside my technical jurisdiction. That was his gift to me, and I accepted it.”
“But if you were so worried about me, then why haven’t we ever met?”
He pursed his lips. Yael studied him. His face wasn’t any more like Yael’s than Papa’s was. In his less-familiar face, it was more obvious that they looked almost the same age. Or they would have, if it weren’t for his suit. “Because I couldn’t afford to know you publicly. Your very existence is a threat to the safety of every altered in the US. To accept a family connection to you would be to fail to reject Ezekiel and Miriam, which the Secretary of the Altered Persons Bureau can not afford.”
One question answered, then. He’d already decided that they weren’t family. “Go, then.”
“Don’t be brash, Yael. You’re too big for it. Solomon gave me a gift, so I am repaying it by giving a gift to you. I’ve come to give you the warning that Solomon, your parents, and I never got, and that Solomon’s failed to give you. I know you’ve been raised on a steady diet of superhero and science fiction tripe. Cartoons and comic books and all that colorful propaganda. I’ve subsidized enough of the garbage, I know exactly what goes into those things. But I hope in all that, you were exposed to the older works-- novels, especially.”
Where was this going? “I mean, I read, if that’s what you mean.”
“But what have you read? We are the science fiction of former decades. They wrote about us long before we existed. When I came into the outside world, I knew enough to find out how they saw us. Dating back before our founders were born, I could find us in stories. Always the same. Gods, or monstrosities. We are Superman, or we are Frankenstein’s monster. And half the time, even if we would be Superman, we end up monsters anyway.”
“I’m not--”
“Of course you’re not,” he spat. “No one is. The wretched truth is that there are no angels or demons on this Earth. Just billions upon billions of humans. I have my own thoughts about what comes after this world, but I’ve seen too much of humanity to think anything but human instinct and the primal forces of nature rule here.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He turned, facing xyr fully. “Yael, I fought for my job for one reason and one reason only. To fend off peasants with pitchforks. This world doesn’t need us. We are made useful only because we are already here, and some of us need to be fought. The public tolerates superheroes because it knows there are supervillains. But those are the only two roles available. Who you are doesn’t matter, compared to who they judge you to be. No matter how strong we are, people will rise up and fight if they see a monster. And eventually, they will win. The presence of a scant few of us in colorful costumes convinces them we can handle it amongst ourselves. That military force isn’t needed. Your parents, Solomon, and I were built to conquer the world. And if we had, you would have been murdered in your cradle.”
The truth was too familiar to resist. Two roles. The one xe’d striven for all xyr life, and the one that stole xyr birth parents’ names out of Papa’s vocabulary.
“I told you the truth in that basement. I won’t tell you anything but the truth. If you can’t make yourself into someone the public can trust, then I can’t condone any act of violence you perpetrate. No matter how just I may think it is.”
“What do you expect me to do? Change my hair? My face?”
Nodiah shook his head. “I can’t go on covering for you. Hopkins was bad enough. The other morning, on the lawn. And now this, with Voss. Don’t think for a moment we don’t know whose hands took LodeStar down. Your bloodline will be known, eventually. If you try to hide it, you’ll be a traitor, no matter how we try to spin it.”
“Then this is you telling me to give up.”
“This is me warning you to scrub yourself of anything that will taint your image further. No more disregarding the natural order by flip-flopping genders whenever you please. It is ridiculous and offensive. The ‘bisexuality’ is more than bad enough, but there is at least some precedence. No living in illegal tenements owned by shady ‘entrepreneurs’--”
“Aldis isn’t shady, he’s--”
“He flaunts his powers to make a buck. He keeps his nose clean in public, or I’d’ve had him locked up by now. But so far, at least, he keeps his goons in order, so I’ve let him be.”
“He helps--”
“Go home, Yael. Go back where you belong. Solomon’s done well atoning for his early mistakes. And Neil Voss may be a walking disaster with a very limited future, but his reputation is good. Capricorn can’t be helped, but at least he interviews well. His scandals are all decades old, now. He stays quiet. Keeps his head down between missions.
"Most importantly, Yael. You have to deal with the Tillman-Voss boy. I know you see him as a brother. He is on the wrong side of an oncoming fight, which is exactly where he flung himself. Put him on the right side, before it’s too late.”
“I don’t control him.”
“Try. Protect your family, Yael. Keep your own house clean. Solomon and I can barely stand to see each other for our shared shame. He can’t even bear to admit to you that he only has you because we failed your parents. They died, taking hundreds with them, because we fled instead of confronting them directly. Do not make the last generation’s mistakes. Stop him before it is too late. I am investigating Lasansky now. Once that is done, I will come for him. Make sure your brother is at a safe distance when that happens. This is your warning, Yael. Given only because you are who you are. You want to be a hero? Then prevent this altering technology from ending up in Lasansky’s hands. Be the person you need to be for the public to accept you in the role you want.”
“Investigating him for what? What do you want me to do?”
“Is Mr. Tillman-Voss a decent person?”
“Yes!”
“Then consider what a good person would give to make sure that technology that can reprogram the mind doesn’t get into the hands of a traitor. That is your yardstick.”
“Traitor?”
He stood, his voice gentling. “I believe in you, Yael. No matter how many walls you’ve wrecked, I think you’re more angel than devil, but you have to show them that. Be a hero. This is your chance, an opportunity to make yourself known for the right reasons. A chance to do what your father and I couldn’t do-- save your brother. If the Tillman-Voss boy is who you think he is, then protect him. By making sure he doesn’t get more blood on his hands than he can ever make up for. If he’s a good person, he would give his life rather than let that happen.”
Nodiah was 100% as upsetting as Yael expected. His life? Issac’s life? Who was Nodiah to demand or even hint at a sacrifice like that?
Yael could never let Issac die. No matter what he did. Xe could never watch him fall again.
Xe was just like Papa after all.
Xe searched Nodiah’s face, fighting down xyr silver. “This is a test.”
He shocked xyr by taking xyr hand. He held it tight-- xe thought he meant it supportively. “This is a chance. I pray it’s the only one you need, because it’s the only one I can give you. Do the right thing.”
Xe watched, dumbstruck, as he let go of xyr, turned, and walked back to his car without a backwards glance.
Xe sat there a long moment. Yael pulled out xyr phone. To call Papa, or…Jamie, maybe.
No Signal.
Yael blinked at the phone. Even in the sub-basement bunker, xe had a signal. Why on Earth would it fail xyr now? Xe looked up, just in time to see Nodiah getting back into an expensive but not ostentatious black car. Papa might say it was a sign that xe should take some time for contemplation. Reflection.
The phone beeped. Xe looked down. Xyr service was back.
Xe needed to get back to the others.
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