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notursundae · 3 months

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You are unique

So hi my name is Jeralyn an 18 years old girl who is a born in the province and lived in the city, but before that please click and subscribe hahaha MSA yorn, but actually I don't really like my name because for me it's too common but my lolo and lola decides it, so I have nothing to do with it. And when I was born my mother wants to named me Jae-ann Rose but sadly that name was given my youngest sister:(.

When I was young I realized and knew a lot, just like household chores, and when I was 6 years old, I knew how to cook rice and cook vegetables, because usually the dishes in the province are usually vegetables like literal provincial dishes, we only sometimes eat meat when we really don't have any think about cooking it just like when there's really no food we'll just catch chicken in our yard because it's really ours, and that's what we'll cook. We have many farm animals such as chickens, pigs, goats, and cows, and even buffalo, we also have crops such as corn, and vegetables and various kinds of fruits. I was used to that way of life back then because I grew up content with the life I had and I also come from a broken family so even though I was young I knew a lot of things, as they say, when you came in a broken family you learned and realized a lot of things.

So actually I'm a shy type person huyy hahahaha bitaw,but actually when I was young I'm scared of people who I don't really know and even in school I'm shy to raised my hand. But even my personality is like that I have my what I called other world where I feel happy and free, when I started sketch or draw gowns and dresses( but now I don't know how to do it na ) and started writing cuz when I was 8? I have a lot of pocket book like a lot jd cuz my tita buy's me everytime when she's going home from the city, and that's the reason why I love writing (ay weh) but yeah I love I'm not saying I like:).

And there's a time in our school's that our teachers are looking for the journalist and I was 5th grade that time and I build my courage to join because it's a opportunity, and it wasteful if I refuse it so in the end I joined and luckily I selected as one of journalist of our campus but before I become a journalist I was a athlete before when I was in a 3rd grade until I was in a 6th grade,so even I'm a shy person I encourage my self to overcome it through entering into different activities in our schools, and with that I experience being a winner in different contest such as sayaw sa buwan ng wika and even spelling bee just don't join the math bee hahahaha and when I was joining journalist I one of the writer who luckily entering into the top 3, and then I was athlete that time and luckily also got a chance to play in the unit meet. And then I discovered that in that early age of mine I already know what talent and skills I have and what skills or talent that I need to improve.

So fast-forward now that I grow up, I used those kinds of talents of mine such as writing, and I already know how hard the life is when you don't have a father in your side, I saw my mother suffering and struggling, and I realized how hard she suffer for us. When I was 13 we moved here in lapu-lapu city where it's a city na not just like before that we lived in tha province and life in there is hard cuz we lived far away in the city and not get easily buy the needs that we need every single day, but by the way we came from Negros Oriental province of Bais City. So continue that now that I grow up I already overcome the things that I am scared of before and overcome my shyness,and already continue the things I used to like writing. And looking forward to enhance my skills, because I know one day this skills of mine is one of the reason to lift up my family situation right now,to prove my mother that this daughter of her have a special talent that her two daughters haven't, because if you don't know I'm different from my two sisters, cuz they both have a good voice, such a beautiful face and even skin hahaha,and here this me I'm different because I know how to sing but not just like them na angelic voice kaayu but me nvm, and not so pretty face hahaha and morena?. Because one time the 3 of us bonding outside people thoughts that I'm not their sisters gosh🥲 cuz I'm different jd,the way I talk the way my actions are different from them the face and looks so I realized that I am a different daughter of my mother, I have a very special skills and talents that they never know,cuz my older sister is her talent is just singing and you know she is a academic achievers since day one of school, our younger sister naman is she is also an good singer and me (hindi sapag mamayabang) I have a talents that I can but they can't,like drawing and painting a slightly bit of sketches and writing so,I am greatful that even I look different from them but at least I'm special:(

And now that I already in a legal age I already planned the things eich are good to my future such as I was planning right now that after one year I continue my college in Hawaii,and it's a good opportunity to grab for, and I'm grateful of the things that I achieve, the life that I leaving right now even though we are in a hard situation but still we thank that we are happy and are in a good health.

It's not matter that even the situation is hard you stop fighting cuz I learned from my mother when my father left us she still going,she still fighting because she look upon our future as her son and daughters and,that's the reason why I didn't stop my dreams because even the world left me but still I have my mother to hold on.

So that's all thank you!

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best-underrated-anime · 5 months

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Best Underrated Anime Group I Round 2: #I7 vs #I3

#I7: Older brother plays catch-up with his younger sibling

#I3: Girls get magic from a hamster to have any career they want

Details and poll under the cut!

#I7: Space Brothers (Uchuu Kyoudai)

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Summary:

On a fateful summer night in 2006, Mutta Nanba and his younger brother Hibito witness what they believe to be a UFO flying toward the Moon. This impressing and unusual phenomenon leads both siblings vowing to become astronauts, with Hibito aiming for the Moon and Mutta, convinced that the eldest brother has to be one step ahead, for Mars.

Now an adult, life hasn't turned out how Mutta had pictured it: he is diligently working in an automotive company, whereas Hibito is on his way to be the very first Japanese man to step on the Moon. However, after losing his job, Mutta is presented with an unexpected opportunity to catch up to his younger brother when the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency, commonly known as JAXA, accepts his application to participate in the next astronaut selection. Despite self-doubts about his prospects, Mutta is unwilling to waste this chance of a lifetime, and thus embarks on an ambitious journey to fulfill the promise made 19 years ago.

Propaganda:

Have you ever wanted to see adults pursue their dreams in anime, even those they abandoned along the way? Do you enjoy space or the arduous process to become an astronaut? Do you like characters being so well-rounded while still being positive even if they fail? Well, this series is exactly that, but with a touch more wholesomeness. Ranging from comedic moments to heartfelt revelations, this series feels so grounded in reality while still having that air of positivity around it, it just motivates you to follow any dream you might currently have. It is a long journey, almost 100 episodes, but it uses it well to flesh out not only the main pair, but many of the side characters, each coming from different backgrounds. A very character driven story that sometimes doesn’t shy in mentioning the risks of space exploration, but also presents us with the marvel and importance of it.

Trigger Warnings: Discussion of possible death. It’s not in depth, but there were moments where they did discuss the possibility of death since it has a high risk of happening in space.

#I3: Flowering Heart

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Summary:

It’s the first day of the new school year. 5th grader Ari and her best friends, Suha and Min, have started an after-school activity called the Problem Solving Club. However, no one seems to have any problems that need to be solved. Disappointed, Ari ends up discovering an unconscious hamster on the road. Amazingly…the hamster begins to speak. “I must find the magic ring…”

Propaganda:

I first watched this show back when I was in middle school, so it has some nostalgic value for me. Though, looking back on it now, it was a little odd. I think the concept is pretty cool, as they are girls who can magically transform into adults and have the skill set for that particular career (like Barbie, I guess). The reason they started doing this was to help other people, so the show does have a nice message to it. Overall, it’s a pretty standard magical girl type anime, so if you just want something that’s not too overwhelming, I think this would be a good watch.

Trigger Warnings:

Animal Cruelty – one of the antagonists almost gets this girl’s dog killed. It’s nothing graphic, but the dog might’ve died.

Flashing lights – there are magical girl transformations which are very bright

Pedophilia – the 3 girls are all in 5th grade (so around 11), and there is one guy who has a crush on one of the girls (he’s 18) (idk if they end up together as I can’t find a decent translation for the 2nd season)

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how it’s presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form, where you can submit revisions for taglines, propaganda, trigger warnings, and/or video.

#anime #korean anime #aeni #best underrated anime #polls #poll tournament #tournament #anime tournament #animation #group stage #group stage round 2 #tournament polls #space brothers #uchuu kyoudai #flowering heart #group i

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lunarmote · 2 years

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ADHD Diaries: pt. 2

Primary school memories.

The second in a series of processing my life in an attempt to come to terms with my ADHD diagnosis. You can read part 1 here.

Elementary school

I was a "gifted" kid. In order to be placed into the gifted class I had to take an IQ test and I scored in the 98th percentile.

The tests were fun but I hated being in the gifted class. I felt like I was surrounded by outgoing and competitive kids who were always "on;" always demonstrating their smarts, commanding attention. By comparison I was selectively mute, shy, obedient, self-blaming to a fault. Also dreamily inquisitive.

My pencil pouch was always a mess, filled with torn fragments of notes, Ticonderoga pencils without tips, crayons with unraveled wrappers. My desk was always a mess; I'd store half-read library books in there and forget about them. Although never a kid who got detention, I was that kid who the teacher would take aside during silent reading time to lecture about my "messy desk."

I zoned out frequently, leading me to be cold-called and stared at by the other kids. Somehow there is no shame attached to these memories; they have a featherweight quality to them, almost like I wasn't really embodied during those times, like I was floating above the classroom and just watching.

Middle school

At the end of 5th grade we had a math placement and despite scoring among the highest in the class, the teacher placed me in the lower math class. From what I can gather from my mom, this was due to organizational issues and the belief that I "wouldn't be able to keep up." It probably had something to do with not turning my homework in or being late.

I wish I'd gone back to demand an explanation, to request behavioral accommodations, because at the time I was not aware of the cumulative ramifications of poor executive functioning. I wish the teacher could have foreseen that I'd have problems in high school. But the teachers didn’t interfere except for that one placement, and it sent me the message that I could do the math and somehow end up in a “bad” class. The only explanation had to be that I was bad... can you see the beginnings of learned helplessness?

Being placed in lower math sucked. It came so easy to me and I didn't study, which exacerbated my habit of relying on IQ and leaving things till last minute. My friends would always ask me for help. I learned nothing in the class, yet when my dad demanded to see administration he was told that I was "where I belonged."

Pretty soon my dad got really sick, and my parents stopped being aware of my academics.

I'm only feeling the anger now, seeing an old journal entry of mine in which I wrote that my favorite subject was math and I wanted to be a math teacher. But back then I was kind of detached, obedient, didn't have a competitive spirit - I thought mistakenly that teachers knew best and I was making A's in the class, so why should it be any different...

High school

End of 8th grade (Algebra I), another math placement. Again, I was placed into the lower class. In 7th grade I had been a teacher's pet, but now I was in the lower class, still breezing through the material, being bored. In 8th I had been the tutor of my table group who always got nominated to do problems on the white board, but now I was in the lower class again.

I didn’t understand why I kept getting placed into classes where I was excelling but couldn’t make progress because I was trapped by teachers telling me I was where I belonged.

9th grade Geometry was a requirement at my school. It was full of sophomores and juniors who had flunked multiple times and were there for a passing grade. Once they figured out I was the "smart" one, they bullied me into tutoring them (aka offering a play-by-play) of all the proofs.

I got so tired of the compounded stress that I dropped out of Math. I associated it with a feeling of low self-esteem and futility. Why would I try to demonstrate my knowledge, knowing that placement depended on some magical variable which was never in my favor?

Depression hit. I was doing well in Chem, but the emphasis on protocol and random binder checks made me anxious. I was pulling my weight in English, mostly. History was filled with... again more binder checks, self-directed projects, and an ungenerous TA. It was all procedure, procedure to me - things I couldn’t keep up with. Even my “normal” friends had trouble, but they got through with it.

Chem at our school was a notoriously ... hostile department. We had two teachers who were pedants about protocol, openly shamed shy students for not participating, and expected unqualified memorization of the periodic table. I didn't really like the class and went to my guidance counselor about it and was told "your problems are all in your head. I'll set you up so you can speak to your teacher one-on-one."

You may think I'm just exaggerating with all this, or that the obvious solution was to grow a thicker skin. In reality, high school really is a terrible period for many people. But my point of only mentioning academics here, is to draw attention to the fact that NONE of my problems with school were due to bad grades, not understanding the material, defiance to authority, tardiness, or picking fights with other students - and that if ANY teacher had suspected my “zoning out” and “disorganization” were the symptoms of a deeper root cause, I wouldn’t have taken the detour that was the next 4 years of my life.

It's hard for me to type this. Within two years I'd gone from an imaginative and optimistic (albeit timid) adolescent to someone who was barely staying afloat. I didn’t feel like I had any agency. Every day, I was shuffled from class to class in a state of helplessness. At home, I spent all my time drawing in my room and chatting with people on tumblr.

Knowing what I do now, what are some interventions that teachers/TA’s/my parents could’ve taken?

Do not shame shy students. Esp. because when they try, they are more likely to stutter or make social blips. Forging an associative link between messing up and being ridiculed is one of the most traumatizing things you can do to your shy students.

(In particular, some of the worst classroom policies I've encountered: keeping a student on the end of interrogation when they get the question wrong. You know it's fucking awkward when even the class clown stays quiet and the classroom is vibrating with vicarious embarrassment)

Be able to distinguish shyness from disinterest. What the fuck. I'm still bewildered that for all my classroom status, high test scores, and correct answers when called on and punctuality, I was labeled as someone who didn't care about school.

Find some way to support the struggling students that does not drag the "gifted" ones down - I'm insistent that the reason why nobody gave a crap about my struggles was that they didn't see my needs as important.

Being that middle/high school are still hand-holdy, be more attentive to the reasons why an ordinarily good student may be failing. Instigate binder checks and keep protocol, whatever, but don’t fail a student ON THE BASIS OF A BINDER CHECK. At the very least, not before talking to them about it, and telling them why organization will help them.

Part 3 will probably be on ADHD in women and girls.

#adhd #diary #personal

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 4 years

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if one of your proudest accomplishments growing up was being deemed ‘the youngest to ever do x' then congratulations! you’re now a burned out adult with mental health issues and low self-esteem

#mental health #depression #burnout #self-esteem #a theory that just occurred to me now as i remembered how i became the band librarian in middle school #because as an autistic kid who back then still thought i would BE a librarian my brain was ideal for it #but the instructor (who taught me flute from 5th to 12th grade) had a rule about not letting anyone be librarian until they were #in at least 10th grade so they could also be his TA #but i had hours of free time after school every day and would spend it in his library if he let me anyway #so he broke his own rule to appoint me to the position #(and this probably sounds very silly but at my small town high school the only thing that won impressive awards and went cool places #was the band--it was regionally a Big Deal)#and so remembering just how honored i was and how special i felt when i was still so little...to be Band Librarian...#all i can think now is yikes you poor kid you have no idea what's coming #and i wish somebody had been looking out for you instead of selectively focusing on your skills and assuming they'd be enough

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365days365movies · 3 years

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January 22, 2021: The Secret Garden (1993)

I KNOW that I’ve read this book. Right?

You know that book that you were supposed to read in middle school, and supposedly did read, but then don’t remember...AT ALL? Like, 5th, 6th grade, especially. Let’s see, there’s Island of the Blue Dolphins (vaguely remember that one), Where the Red Fern Grows (ugh, dog books. They all end the same), From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler (kind of remember that one), Anne of Green Gables (nope, completely gone), The Phantom Tollbooth (inhabits my head rent-free 24-7; RIP Norton Juster, he signed a collector’s edition for me once), A Wrinkle in Time (ditto), Bridge to Terabithia (which I read when I was 8, so...yikes), The Indian and the Cupboard, so on and so forth.

The Secret Garden is totally one of those, right?

Gonna be honest with you guys, I remember NOTHING about this story. But, it’s a fantasy movie, it’s a British classic, it’s been made into a few films...I feel like I owe it to me child self to try and remember this thing. And hey, maybe this movie’ll jog those memories a little, right?

Well, let’s do it! Let’s just jump in! I’m in the mood for some gardening! Hell, it’s the perfect day for it, given that it’s the first day of spring! So, let’s go! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We start in an unexpected place: a desert. Apparently (and much to my surprise), this is India, the birthplace of Mary Lennox (Kate Maberly).

Mary is a 10-year-old English girl, unhappy with her life in India. Her father is always away, and her mother has parties, to which she’s never invited, and has never truly experienced love from them. She’s always angry, but can never cry, as she’s never learned how. But as unhappy as she is, she’s still greatly affected when a massive earthquake topples her home, and kills her parents. And with that, the orphaned Mary is set to England, where nobody is there to pick her up.

Until, of course, the late arrival of Mrs. Medlock (Maggie Smith), the head housekeeper of Mary’s uncle, Lord Craven. Mrs. Medlock is a harsh woman in her own right, and basically insults Mary RIGHT in front of her, and not even to her face. Jesus, this is a charming family, huh? They make their way to the expansive manor, where Mary also learns that her maternal aunt (and her mother’s twin sister) has died, leaving Craven bereft and broken.

The next morning, Mary gets a harsh awakening when she finds that she’s not going to get the pampering she’s been accustomed to for her entire life, nor is she likely to even meet her uncle at any point. It’s a massive change from India, that’s for sure. This is intensified by her exploration of the house, which she describes as dead, as if a spell was cast on it. And this place is indeed pretty spooky. Vast and expansive, yet empty and unused.

She stumbles upon her aunt’s room, identical to that of her late mother, and continues where wandering through the mansion. She hears someone crying, only to run into Mrs. Medlock, who tries to tell her that it’s only dogs that she heard, and hurriedly rushes her back to her room. Shortly afterwards, she meets Martha Sowerby (Laura Corssley), the kind young servant of Mrs. Medlock, and now the attendant for Mary herself.

Martha seems like a nice girl, but her first interaction with the stuck-up Mary goes poorly at first, with Martha’s very talkative mannerisms rubbing Mary the wrong way. But, after an argument, Mary acquiesces a bit, and Mary learns that her uncle will eventually want to speak with her. But when is...unknown.

One day, after learning about Martha’s younger brother Dickon, Mary is allowed to go outside to explore the grounds, and to find the garden. There, she finds a walled-in garden of ivy, which belonged to her late aunt that died 10 years prior. She learns this information from Ben Weatherstaff (Walter Sparrow), the gardener, who states that the only thing that gets in the garden now is a European robin (Erithacus rubecula). Which we had those here, but I still like American robins (Turdus migratorius).

As Mary tries to get information from the robin, a young man spies her talking to him, and runs away to a white horse. The next day, Martha gives Mary a jump rope, which she actually appreciates, once she learns how to use it. She goes out to the garden, where she meets the gardener and the robin again, and the robin has apparently decided to be friends with Mary, And so, I name this robin Christopher (a European robin), BECAUSE I CAN, DON’T @ ME

She again asks Christopher how to get into the Hundred-Acre Garden, and he takes her through the wall of the garden. However, she still cannot get past the gates, as there’s a lock needed. However, Mary goes back to the house and grabs it, as she’d previously discovered the key’s location. And so, she makes it into the garden.

Said garden is sadly mostly dead, but you can see the former splendor of the garden despite that. She makes her way through the dried plants, and finds a MASSIVE complex there. It was clearly quite the place ten years ago, and Mary agrees She even finds plants growing there again, as she and Christopher walk around. Also, are European robins not migratory? Because it seems like this is fall, and Christopher should’ve moved on by now. Just looked it up, and they’re apparently resident in England and Ireland. Go figure!

Mary keeps going back to the secret garden (ROLL CREDITS), and she one day meets Dickon (Andrew Knott), the younger brother of Martha, and a keeper on animals on the property. Upon seeing him speak with Robin, she reluctantly invites him to see the Secret Garden, as he claims that he can determine whether or not it’s alive. He can, and he does, and the two form a friendship in the garden.

We also learn from Dickon that Mary’s aunt died by accident, falling off of a swing in the garden, which we previously saw surrounded by dead leaves. Some good direction, that was.

That night, Mary has a dream about her mother, beckoning her into the garden when she’s only a baby. She wakes up from the dream, and hears the mysterious crying person from earlier, cascading down the hallways. About as curious as I am about this, she wanders around, and finds the source of the crying: Mary’s cousin, Colin Craven (Heydon Prowse).

Colin is the son of Lord Craven and Mary’s aunt, and a very melancholy young man. He can’t get any sleep, and when Mary has the idea to fetch Mrs. Medlock to help, he asks her not to, as she will not let the two talk, and he’s terrifically lonely. They share things about their mother, and about themselves. Colin’s a very troubled young man, who’s spent his whole life in bed. He’s also been told that his mother died in childbirth. Curious.

The next day, Mary and Dickon are again attending to the garden, and Mary shares that she’s met Colin, which very few people can claim. She continues to spend more time with Colin, who is convinced that he’s fated to die, and has never even learned to walk. Just like Mary, Colin has been spoiled all his life as well, and has been told how fragile he is all of his life. Medlock also insists that people wear masks whenever they’re...near him. Well. That’s terrifyingly relevant, innit?

Mary is nearly caught spending time with Colin, which is forbidden to all but a select few, and Martha discovers her instead. Both of them ask her to leave, so she can avoid being caught. Soon afterwards, Lord Craven returns to the estate, after having been away for a very long time. And FINALLY, Mary gets to meet Lord Archibald Craven (John Lynch), a deeply unhappy man who is extraordinarily melancholy as well. However, his spirits are slightly lifted when he meets Mary, who’s the spitting image of her mother and aunt.

During their somewhat awkward meeting, Mary manages to get the Lord to unknowingly give her the garden to plant her garden in. He states that he’ll again be leaving for the winter, and the excited Mary immediately goes to tell Dickon that they’ll be allowed to plant in the garden. Nature appears to comply, as it begins to rain to help the garden grow.

Mary continues to bond with both the down-to-earth Dickon, and the spoiled-rotten Colin. In the case of Colin, he’s also quite unhappy because his father never comes to see him. Mary learns that this is because his father is afraid to fall in love with him, and afraid to lose him like he lost his wife. But he actually regularly visits him, while Colin is asleep.

He leaves that night, and as soon as the spring is set to arrive. And arrive it does, and the garden grows even greater. Mary, at this point, has also mostly abandoned her previously spoiled and ill-tempered ways. But not her stubbornness, as seen when she gets Dickon to help rip off the boards from Colin’s windows, exposing him to the sun and opening the windows.

Mary goes to help Dickon, but Colin FREAKS THE FUCK OUT, throwing a massive fit that nobody can seem to stop. But Mary is DONE with his goddamn bullshit, and finally snaps him out of it. Just then, Medlock sees this and blames Martha for letting Mary in, slapping her in the face! Goddamn, Medlock! But Colin’s seemingly also had enough, and sends Mrs. Medlock out! She complies, although she fears that this will be the death of him.

Colin now realizes that he probably isn’t dying after al, and Mary now tells him about his mother’s garden. These stories invigorate Colin, and with the help of Mary and Dickon, he goes outside for the first time, and they take him to the The Secret Garden.

Also, can I just say, there are a FUCKTON of animals on this property, and I have no idea why. They’re DIckon’s animals, apparently, but there are a lot of animals there, just saying.

After quite a bit of hard work, Dickon and Mary have made the The Secret Garden something...well, frankly, kind of magical. It’s beautiful, especially now that spring has arrived, and it makes me want to go outside. Unfortunately, it’s fuckin’ 43 °F right now, and I have work in, like, an hour, so I’ll have to wait for a warm weekend.

Colin is as in love with the garden as I am, and wants to come back the next day. But their reverie is somewhat interrupted by the arrival of the gardener, who is surprised to see Colin out of the house, as he’d heard that he was completely unable to walk. And Colin disproves this by standing up in his chair, for possibly the first time. And from there, the group invites the gardener in the maintain the garden as well. Also, Colin starts to think that the garden is magic, and also sort of proposes to his cousin, which is weird (and Mary points this out), but whatever, moving on (for now).

They visit the garden over and over, and Colin eventually teaches himself to walk. He wants to show his father, but they don’t quite know how to find him. In snooping about for an address where they could find him, they find photographs of him and Colin’s mother, which then makes me realize...when does this movie take place? The original book by Frances Hodgson Burnett was written in 1911, and takes place at that time. And knowing that now, the fashions are pretty Edwardian England. Hadn’t really thought about it, but yeah, that seems about right.

They actually find an old camera and take pictures of each other. Also, there’s totally a scene where Mary and Dickon look at each other a liiiiiiittle too long, and Colin gets jealous, but WE’RE GONNA IGNORE THAT (FOR NOW) AND MOVE ON. Mrs. Medlock still believes that Colin’s sick, despite his insistence to the contrary, and forbids him to go to the garden. Mrs. Medlock is basically going through Munchhausen’s by Proxy at this point, and blooms into a full-fledged villain here.

Not that it matters too much, as the three kids eventually a way to escape. And they decide to try and summon Colin’s dad with...well, with a magic ritual. OK. They go to the garden, set a fire, and chant around it, with the intent to bring Lord Craven back to the manor via mystic means, so that Colin can show him his progress. But that’s not going to work...right?

Actualy...it might. Because Craven ends up having a dream of Lilias Craven (Irène Jacob), his late wife and Colin’s mother, whose name I only know NOW because of subtitles. In the dream, she is calling to him from the garden, and when Craven wakes up, he leaves without hesitation and heads back to the manor immediately, to the surprise of EVERYBODY.

Freaking the absolute fuck OUT, he goes to Mrs. Medlock to find his son, only to find that he’s no longer in his bed. Mrs. Medlock insists that Mary is killing Colin with her wild ways, and has no regard for his fragile state of being. He asks to be taken to her, and they discover that she’s also gone, having somehow escaped a locked room. And that is when Martha suggests that they’re in the garden.

Medlock insists that she’s done her absolute best, but Craven angrily rebukes her. She resigns on the spot, and breaks down on the stairs as Craven goes to find his son. Martha, even faithful and ever kind, comforts Mrs. Medlock, who really was trying her best, despite her rough ways of doing so. Meanwhile, Craven makes his way to the garden, where he finds his son walking and happily playing. He’s overjoyed by the sight of his totally fine son, and Colin is excited back. The father and son are FINALLY united.

But Mary is...less happy. As she sees Colin happily reunite with his father, she runs off, with Dickon in hot pursuit. She believes that nobody wants her, and that she’s now destined to be abandoned again. However, she’s eventually followed by Colin and Craven, and Craven asks why she’s so upset.

She believes that the garden will be closed again, now that Craven’s discovered it, and that she will be cast to the wayside. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth, as Craven welcomes both the garden and Mary into their family to stay. Which is...lovely. It’s quite frankly a lovely turn of events. Together, they head back to the manor, where Medlock gets to see Colin walking, which she actually didn’t believe was possible. The entire household is brought out of their melancholy, Medlock included. And the garden is now open permanently. And Mary closes us out with this line:

If you look the right way, the whole world is a garden.

...I’m not crying. I’m not. My eyes are a little misty, but I’m not crying. But, uh...I’m gonna go outside. That was The Secret Garden! See you in the Review.

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adenei · 3 years

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Day 17: January Word Challenge

Summary: Ron meets with Professor McGonagall for his 5th year Career Advice Meeting. No pairing, but I won’t deny that Romione is 100% implied.

Positivity

“Good afternoon, Mr. Weasley. Please have a seat,” Professor McGonagall said as Ron entered the room.

He wasn’t sure what to expect. The twins weren’t entirely helpful when they saw the bulletin for the career advice meetings, and each student was scheduled sporadically. His was consequently one of the first. So much for relying on alphabetical order, he thought as he took a seat.

“Now as you know, we hold these meetings before students take their O.W.L. exams to give them an idea of what courses they’ll need to achieve high marks in to pursue their career of choice. Have you given any thought to what may interest you after you complete your Hogwarts education?” Minerva asked.

Ron felt his ears grow hot at the professor’s question. He knew what he wanted to say, but hesitated, doubting she’d react positively. His grades were mediocre, and he wasn’t exceptional in any particular subject, but he was consistent in his classes across the spectrum.

“Well, Mr. Weasley? I don’t mean to rush you, but we don’t have a lot of time,” Professor McGonagall pressed.

“I, er–I’ve given a bit of thought to being an Auror,” Ron admitted finally.

He stared at the biscuit tin on his Head of House’s desk in an attempt to avoid seeing her reaction. After a few seconds had passed, he glanced up at McGonagall briefly to see what was taking her so long to answer. She was watching him with her piercing gaze, no doubt thinking of a way to let him down gently. Somehow, he knew his aspirations were too good to be true.

Eventually, he saw her nod ever so briefly as she picked up a pile of brochures. She pulled one out and opened it. Her eyes flitted quickly across the tri-fold. “To pursue a career as an Auror will take significant effort. You will need top grades in all of your classes. Entering the training program alone requires five N.E.W.T.’s, and nothing under ‘Exceeds Expectations’ will permit you into the training program.”

“What are the courses?” Ron asked, finally looking up.

He was surprised that Professor McGonagall was explaining the material. Of course the Aurors wouldn’t be an easy option, but there wasn’t anything else that Ron could see himself doing. If he was being honest, all these years at Harry’s side as he fought off Voldemort had given him an interest in keeping the magical world safe. Especially now that he knew Voldemort was back.

“Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, and Herbology. I will have you know that I do not accept anyone into my N.E.W.T. courses with marks less than “Exceeds Expectations,’ on their Transfiguration O.W.L.’s. And Professor Snape only accepts those who receive ‘Outstanding’ on their Potions O.W.L.

“Maybe I should find something else, then,” Ron said as he immediately slumped in his chair.

If he studied twice as hard, he could probably achieve the appropriate Transfiguration marks. But Potions? There was no way he’d be able to achieve an Outstanding!

“Mr. Weasley, do not count yourself out so quickly,” Professor McGonagall said, surprising him. “According to Professors Flitwick and Sprout, your Charms and Herbology marks are ‘Acceptable’ and ‘Exceeds Expectations,’ and your Defense Against the Dark Arts marks are also satisfactory. If you put in the extra revisions, you will surely be able to follow this path.”

Ron looked up surprisingly at her words, but still didn’t believe them to be true. “There’s no way I’ll be able to achieve an O in Potions, though” he said, eyeing the other pamphlets on her desk as he began having second thoughts about his choice.

“Mr. Weasley, if I may—” Professor McGonagall started, “you are highly capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. All of the professors have noted your promise, and it is my personal opinion that the only thing lacking is a bit of self confidence and positivity. You’ve been named Prefect of your year, as well as Keeper on the Quidditch team, and despite the extra responsibilities, you are still able to keep up on your schoolwork. Managing all that you are involved in is not an easy task.”

He was surprised to hear her mention his extracurriculars. He always assumed being named Prefect was a mistake, and therefore didn’t take much stock in the badge and his duties. “Er, right, about that. Why did you choose me for Prefect, anyways?” The question slipped out before he could stop it.

McGonagall looked a bit taken aback. “Why would I not choose you?” she asked rhetorically. “You are dependable, your grades are up to snuff, and you have a strong moral compass when it comes to right and wrong with a level head on your shoulders. Might I add you do well to help keep Ms. Granger grounded.” She paused for a moment. “It also does not hurt that you are the only person in your class that is not afraid to go toe-to-toe when it is necessary. Mind you that is not the reason for which you were chosen, but simply an added bonus,” McGonagall finished with a knowing look.

Ron gave her a weak smile. So it wasn’t a fluke after all. He had been chosen for Prefect purposely. He was beginning to think that maybe he could be an Auror. It wasn’t like McGonagall laughed at his career suggestion. Plus, she was still going over the qualifications. Surely, that had to mean something!

“Now, back to the matter at hand. The Aurors are incredibly selective in who they choose to take on in the program. There have not been any new recruits in recent years. Not only that, but the training requires three more years following your time at Hogwarts, so your commitment to the program will be of utmost importance.”

Ron nodded at her words. Yeah, it was going to prove a lot of work, but the more she talked, the more Ron felt that this was meant to be his calling. He could do this, or at least he could try.

Once his meeting concluded, he thanked Professor McGonagall, and left with a renewed sense of not feeling as hopeless of a Hogwarts student and wizard. Sure, he wasn’t brilliant like Hermione, but maybe he did have his own strengths after all. He certainly felt better now that he had a direction to take his studies, and perhaps he could write off History of Magic and Divination once and for all. No more Binns or Trelawney after this year! Ron thought as made his way back to the Gryffindor common room.

#Ron Weasley #minerva mcgonagall #hp ootp #implied romione #mcgonagall totally ships them #31 days of January Word Challenge

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samuel-de-champagne-problems · 3 years

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XIII: worst book you've read?

My lovely book club friend!! Let’s talk more about books. I don’t like to hate on books too often but some are truly awful.

hi!! I love talking about books and a tumblr book club just up my alley :)

Again, I talk too much....

Also, in research for this, I came across THIS. AND BOY IT'S JUST GOLD. It's the script for the tv pilot that was supposed to air the CW. Please, read it everyone who sees this. It's just terrible in the worst (and best) way possible.

I don't like hating on book because it's someone's "baby", but books are able and should be critiqued. Suffice to say, I've read a lot of books. I read really bad ones and good ones. Frankly, it's all subjective. But the one book that I hate is The Selection Series. Honestly, this is just the first one that popped in my mind, so I'm sure if I thought it through there would be worse ones. So for those of you that weren't reading YA dystopia in middle school (can we ignore my tragic obsession with combat boots and green army jackets), The Selection is about this future America that has been destroyed by a war and re-established as a monarchy. A new social class, called the caste system, distinguishes everything from jobs, marriages, to wealth. Our protagonist, America Singer is in the 5th caste and is well, you guessed it, a singer (yes really). And America is the worst combo of girlboss / I'm not like other girls, you've ever seen. So basically she's put into the Bachelor?? And she gets to marry a prince. She saves the day by making the government slightly less tyrannical??

So I re-read this book out of boredom during the earliest part of US COVID, so March-April 2020. I hadn't read it since 6th grade (age 11/12) and let me tell you this book is just god awful. The worldbuilding SUCKS and it tries to be this political dystopia, but just utterly fails-- big time. And it's sexist. Like I get a dystopia being sexist to show that "oh this world is trash" but it's done more effectively if "real world" scenarios are taken and expanded on (ie Handmaid's Tale). But this book just handled it awfully....

Unfortunately, this book is being made into a Netflix series.....and I will 100% be watching purely from a place of self sabotage and the thrill of screaming at the TV.

#book talk #friends 💛#also ayn rand sucks #and her capitalist fanboys are just the scum

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rkrispyt · 3 years

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I am EMOTIONAL.

I just got home and checked my mail.

I got selected for an ACLU survey about white supremacy extremism, systemic racism, and more - and I can't wait to take it.

I got the 'we're not really strangers' self reflection pack I ordered after watching Josh and Mark's conversation on love and fear. I cannot wait to start it.

But the REAL gems are:

I got my Duke sweatshirt. I completely forgot I'd ordered it. It sat in my cart for weeks. I'm more of a minimalist fan of things and usually won't wear merchandise that directly labels the show etc. but something that's more of a nod is my jam. I believe I'd said if I wasn't crushed by the finale I'd order it finally. I must have done it in the wee hours of the night on Friday. I just opened it and screamed. lol. What is the matter with me?

One of my 2021 seniors who's been a student since 5th grade sent me the most beautiful card thanking me for everything the past 7 years and I am now bawling in my apartment, trying to get it together to go on this bike ride.

Sometimes things can be so hard and you can feel so unseen, and you care so so much about the students you work with, as invested as you are in your own talent, future, and happiness, so any time it feels like maybe you had an impact or it meant something it's just a lot, in the best way possible. I'm so touched right now by this gesture...

Also I need to stop crying! Imagine what I'm gonna look like on a bike sobbing my face off. Ugh!

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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6, 14, 21, 26, 66, 69 (nice), 86

hehe Nice & Thank You

6) describe your personality in 3 words or less

i’m implicitly including the fact i can’t be Concise / to the point by cheating & using a lot more than 3 words in this answer to frame my answer. talking way a lot or not at all with no inbetween sure is part of the All or Nothing but also Both quality i could describe here. lmfao where’s that post like “im a dumbass but also a genius but not, i contain multitudes but also i don’t” etc....anyways even though maybe i’m supposed to List Adjectives i’m still good with the 3 Word “A Bit Much” summation of my own personality. not particularly meant to be self-critical but re: the idea i’d be tldr Describing my personality for someone else lol

14) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

that’s a great question b/c i’ve never had cause to seriously consider it & i haven’t exactly gone to that many places. once i was like “would i want to give the west coast a shot (which i have never been to)” & now i’m like “no not really.” sticking to the east coast i suppose. ig i have an “and if i had to pick a specific city to jump to” idea but that hasn’t yet become Relevant

21) sandals or sneakers?

i appreciate both but i like sandals better, easier to put on / doesn’t require the whole extra layer of socks, i like warm weather better than cold...

26) how many pillows do you sleep with?

just the one but i’ve never experimented much w/ My Ideal Sleeping Conditions pillow-wise. i’ll just Have some pillow & be using it.

66) have you ever won a spelling bee?

the only time i ever participated in anything even attached to a spelling bee was once in middle school where we just did this Elimination selection to pick a few ppl to then actually enter whatever spelling bee was going on. i won but i was involved in a Show my ballet studio had going on which like, a rehearsal was scheduled for whatever saturday the next round of spelling bee stuff was going to happen, so i didn’t go. so No lol

69) do you play an instrument?

we had a piano at home growing up & when my sister was 6 or 7 or w/e our mom who was fairly Piano Proficient was teaching her, & b/c i was 3 years younger & clueless & had the “whatever you’re doing seems cool can i try that too” 4-year-old sensibility i started to learn at 5 or 6 or w/e as well. this would eventually involve Having to practice for half an hour every (week?)day, which was a lot, so it was pretty quickly a huge chore & i hated it but on principle it took like 4-5 years before i stopped being Obligated to keep at it. i never Got that Good that i would say i can Play The Piano to the extent it’d be at all useful to anyone, but i know How & i knew How to read sheet music for it & also when in 4th or 5th grade we did a like monthlong Piano unit in music class i breezed though it. once i had access to an accordion & picked up a v simple song from the like, disintegrated Sears-provided music book in its case, kind of funny but v unwieldy instrument. that’s all, my sister & brother both were in orchestra playing violin but i’d learned from the piano debacle & just did the non-music, non-language electives in middle school. pretty fun

86) what is your phone background?

it’s this picture of like 80s miss piggy from idk where

i saw it like “haha epic” & am one of those theatre / ppl / gays who is big on the muppets & i also just never change wallpapers / lockscreens or anything lmao

#nothingunrealistic1

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ambitionsource · 4 years

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Front Nine “Life Playlists,” or 10 Songs That Define Them ♪

Each track on a Life Playlist represents a song that left a major impact on your life, whether it’s a visceral memory, an important event, or something that connected you to someone or something else. For the F9, songs featured are up through the canon timeline, so through the summer before senior year.

Lucas James Friar (born September 3, 2001) ♫ Playlist

1. “Desperado” by The Eagles || The earliest song Lucas can remember, because it's one of Grace's favorites. She's a fan of the Eagles and would play this album pretty often, especially when Kenneth was away. Lucas has a really distinct sensory memory from when he was like 4 or 5, where this song was playing in the living room on this shitty speaker. It was spring and the windows were all open (which they rarely are) and so the room was way brighter than normal. It smelled like spring and fresh air and his mom was singing along in the kitchen, and it was the only time he really heard her sing. He doesn't listen to it much now because it makes him emotional (and we know how he hates that), but in the future he'll come back around to it and it will become one of his favorite songs too. Maybe someday, his kids (should he have them) will develop a similar sensory memory, only it'll be their stable suburban home and it'll be their dad singing to himself in the kitchen when they've never heard dad sing before. Mom, sure, but dad? And the cycle will continue...

2. “Car Windows” by The Main Drag || This album, Yours As Fast As Mine by The Main Drag, is to this day the only album Lucas has listened to in full. When he was like in third grade he was playing Rock Band 2 with some friends (classic), and they played the song "Jagged Gorgeous Winter" from this album. Lucas really liked it and even asked about it when they were done playing. While the other kids didn't really know much about it, the mom of the friend (who knew all about Lucas's home life and was semi-friends with Grace until they moved away) explained that she actually had the original album on CD and gave it to Lucas to borrow. Lucas took it home and listened to the entire thing, and he still has the CD to this day as he never gave it back (although the mom figured she probably wouldn’t have it returned when she handed it over). Over time, “Car Windows” became his favorite song, and it (along with the album) is something he would go on to share only with Riley as music that's actually important to him.

3. “Down With the Sickness” by Disturbed || Pretty self-explanatory, but this song was somewhat of a meme in the late 2000s in a lot of like popular Youtube videos and stuff at the time. Lucas tangentially heard about it that way while at school in like 5th - 6th grade (when his anger and behavior was starting to get bad), and considering the song is pretty heavily representative of having an abusive parent (the chilling bridge being indicative of that), Lucas immediately latched onto it. It's basically his go-to track on his "shut up shut up shut up" playlist, when he needs to tune out the world. But depressing. Very depressing.

4. “My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark” by Fall Out Boy || Lucas's introduction to Fall Out Boy, and the rest is history. He first heard the song in a post-detention hang-out when he was in 7th grade, tailing around some reckless 8th graders who agreed that he was cool enough to kick it with them considering the reason he had detention (vandalism of school property and for flipping off a teacher), and he was basically the same age as them anyway. One of them was playing the recent FOB album on their phone, starting with this song, and while Lucas also tried weed for the first time afternoon and wasn't a fan, he was a pretty quick disciple of Fall Out Boy.

5. “Gives You Hell” by All-American Rejects || Also featured on Asher's playlist, this track bonded Dylucasher the most while they were building their new friendship. This is the song they would play while shit-talking performers in the booth, what they'd blast through Dylan's car speaker while setting off bottle rockets, what they shout-sing while dicking around the skate park, etc. Gave Lucas a sense of empowerment when everything else felt out of control, and watching Asher and Dylan sing along full-throttle with him also made him feel like they might actually be friends who were there to stay. Also convinced him that Asher was way more crazy than his perfect polished exterior let on...

6. “Misery Business” by Paramore || Lucas and Isadora's favorite song in freshman year. While Lucas didn't hold many opinions about music and thus basically begrudgingly listened to whatever Isadora wanted to when they hung out, this is the song that both of them agreed was a hardcore bop. Although neither of them were singing along from experience, both of them learned all the words in no time and there were plenty of booth afternoons spent talk-singing along to the angry Paramore hit. As Isadora puts it in Cruel Summer, “Lucas and I would just sit around and listen to it on repeat to the point that we both knew the all the words—and that’s a big deal when it comes to him, because he doesn’t know like any music.”

7. “That Would Be Enough” from Hamilton || Riley's performance at the Jacob's Gala was impactful enough on Lucas that he proceeded to listen to the track the entire weekend after the event. Even though he abruptly stopped listening after the massacre that occurred on Monday when he tried to wipe everything about Riley from his memory, he would still find it stuck in his head at random times. It's the only song to stick with him so pointedly in such a short amount of exposure, and to this day he might occasionally ask Riley to sing it -- only if no one else is around, naturally.

8. “Quiet” by Rachael Yamagata || A selection from the playlist Riley made Lucas in sophomore year that essentially became Lucas's mental breakdown track. Any time he found himself burnt out of anger (which is what he predominantly used throughout junior year to numb the overwhelming emotion of everything else), he would end up either crashed in his nook in the booth, on his pathetic bed, or hidden away in his closet if he was really crashing and burning and without fail he would turn to this song. Just searching for quiet... some actual peace and quiet...

9. “Alive” by Pearl Jam || In the midst of junior year, Jack and Lucas had many conversations. One of those ended up being about music, as Jack wanted to know if Lucas really hated every single performance his classmates put on, or if that was all part of the defense mechanism. Jack shared some of his favorite artists from when he was his age to today, including Pearl Jam, which he claimed got him through some of the toughest parts of his life. Lucas absorbed the information but didn't do much with it until the later part of junior year, after everything went to hell, and he decided to look up what the big deal with Pearl Jam was anyway. Hearing about two minutes of Alive was all it took to stick with him, and he continued to listen to it as the rest of the chaos year unfolded. And yeah, maybe it makes him feel more connected to Jack... so what. Who asked you? Whatever. Who cares. I'm still alive, oh yeah, I'm still alive...

10. “As Lovers Go” by Dashboard Confessional || One of the songs Riley consistently plays when they're hanging out and driving around together during the summer of love, and so it instantly becomes associated with her in Lucas's mind. Not only is it like, a good song that he also actually likes, but it's like every single note of it is infused with Riley and memories of her. Might be likely that a lot of songs are going to start feeling that way...

#lucas james friar #life playlists #edit #by maggie #i'm slowly pickin away at these... figuring out how to format it was hard lol #but hopefully this is insightful and enjoyable!!#also the baby pic........ he is babie its true....

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sambarvadai · 4 years

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#7: ooh la la spill the drama sis

posted on 30 nov 2019

hi, long time no see. it’s been a hectic week. we had our drama club’s end-year-production, and i started on my internship. this post will be about my somewhat complicated relationship with theatre so buckle in for the ride! this is going to be a really long post sorry i have a lot of feelings about this

(in case you haven’t already realised this is an EXTREMELY self-indulgent blog haha)

so! four years ago (god has it been that long) when i joined drama club, i was so excited. i nearly wasn’t going to get in because i had missed the audition date, so i cried late into the night, texted my senior about it, and got the reply that no worries, audition dates had been extended due to the overwhelming response. phew. i auditioned, i said the monologue too fast that the panel was left blinking, i tried to make friends in the audition room (i don’t remember any of them). i got through. i was so happy. it was the best best experience.

my new batchmates were… interesting. they were cool. we all liked to sing at the most random times. we were so extra. now that i think about it, i haven’t actively recalled these memories in so long. i can’t remember half of them, but they must’ve been good times because i remember waking up on mondays and thursdays – drama club practice days – pumped and ready to go. the seniors were a big part of this. every practice session, they’d come in, full of energy, and dazzle us with how much they could show with one movement on stage. they taught us the basics of vocal projection (I SHAT A BABY/I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE), spatial awareness, ensemble awareness, and teamwork. they made sure to get to know us properly, learn our names, be our seniors. they were amazing.

i remember the productions we did that year. we ran around under the stairs before production, writing notes on bags and karaoke-ing, sleeping and eating. we told stories of the girl who had been crushed by the stairs, now a benevolent spirit who blessed us before every performance. we wore our shirts inside out, tags sticking out, because a senior told us our shirts had to be ALL BLACK. NO PRINT. (we later found out this was not meant seriously, but oh well.) once, we traipsed down one of the most affluent parts of town wearing our shirts like that, on the hunt for some ice to cool the drinks. my fingers froze by the time we got back to school (because there was no bag big enough to carry the ice) and i had to dunk them in running water to thaw them out. we were backstage, having the time of our lives, peeking through the hole in the curtain, mouthing alone to the lines said on stage that we had heard countless times in rehearsals. we cheered when the audience laughed. we bit our tongue so we wouldn’t curse when someone inevitably put the block down too loudly or got caught in the light. our batch was the only batch of first-years who cried when our fourth-years (the graduating batch) left, because they had made such an impact on us. it really looked like we were going to be one of the better batches.

it really looked like joining drama club – and theatre – was going to be one of the best decisions of my life, because of how much fun i had. i learnt about the processes that went behind-the-scenes, which made me appreciate every theatre show i went to after that even more. i

year 2 came, and with it, a competition that would suck out my life. for the purposes of this post, let’s call it abc. abc was a really prestigious competition – it was difficult to get into, and it was difficult to survive it. survive, meaning go through it with your sanity intact. it meant long, long hours cooped up in a corridor high up, inhaling spray paint fumes and sprawling on the dusty floor. it meant hashing and rehashing ideas and thrashing out team squabbles and pain and suffering. i mean, it was a great, character-building experience, but i’m told that i became so much of a dick during that time simply because of the stress. abc also took up much of my free time, so i couldn’t meet up with my other friends during breaks because i would always be busy.

the toil was not without its rewards, though. we got regional champs and placed 5th worldwide and won a really prestigious award for creativity, one of the few teams to ever win it in our division. but during that time, i felt nothing except passiveness (is this a word). i felt a sense of distance, that it wasn’t me who had won it. and it was partly true. toward the end of it, my enthusiasm for the competition had died down from a raging bonfire to a tiny matchstick flame snuffed out by an errant gust of wind. i just… gave up. i didn’t contribute as much. i should’ve felt guilty, but i couldn’t muster up anything.

what does this competition have to do with drama? well, because i was involved in abc, i couldn’t contribute as much to my drama club’s mid-year recital-thing. i was relegated to the props and sets team, where i met my favourite senior ever. we spent a lot of time in there, and it felt great. although all we did was just talk and do jackshit, it was fun to be in that tiny space, trying out makeup and talking about sherlock.

abc did affect my relationship with my batchmates, though. the rest of the teams in abc had my team-mates who somehow bonded with their team and loved their team, but i was the odd one out. i couldn’t connect to them at all.

fast forward to the end-of-year production, where i was in props and sets again. this time, it was slightly different because a teacher tagged along with us for every excursion we did to gather supplies and draw inspiration. that production was set in a bookshop, so we hopped around singapore looking for cool bookshops. it was fun, and i got to know that teacher a lot better. i’m still relatively close to her now. my batchmate, though, fell out with that teacher. i’m not entirely sure what happened, but it was weird.

year 3 was such a big mess, and it was wholly my fault. i was given the position of being in charge of props and sets, and i did a colossal screw-up. none of the sets were ready, none of the props were procured in time, the full-dress rehearsal was just accusations after accusations. i remember being backstage in the toilet washing up all the makeup brushes after full-dress rehearsal, and i could hear the seniors really really talking shit about me. it was cathartic, in a way, to hear everything i knew but hadn’t fully internalised. it was similar to abc, in that i had fully given up even before fighting. my rep was pretty damaged after that.

the end of year production was when things fully fell apart. i didn’t know anyone in my batch anymore (except maybe for one person?). another person whom i had been quite close to also drifted away. it was really, really shitty – there’s not much to say about it at all.

bUT. not all hope was lost. what i didn’t get in drama club at school, i found through something else. around march, i saw an online flyer for a youth-created theatre show. i auditioned. i got a part in the ensemble. and it was, hands down, one of the best decisions i made in my life. see, this online flyer was from a senior in drama club whom i had never met before, but was somehow following on instagram. so in a way, drama club was responsible for my so-called rebirth into drama.

that experience really taught me a lot. for starters, the way they handled everything was so professional. the props and sets team started work three months before the production and handpainted sets and built actual moving platforms out of wood. the publicity team actually got one of their photographer friends to take high quality photos and videos. the songs. oh, where do i start. the songs were full, a-grade broadway musical material, with motifs for each of the characters and fully realized emotional arcs. every single person working on the production was so wired and energetic and passionate. backstage felt like year 1 – all the excitement of cheering when something great happened on stage.

maybe it was god telling me to not give up on theatre so easily, to give it a second chance. maybe it was god telling me that i hadn’t lost my love for working hard to put up something on stage. maybe it was a sign that all i needed was a change of people. at any rate, i made so many new friends and learned so much about performance. it really changed me.

as i went into year 4, my final year, my feelings were mixed. i didn’t feel like a senior. i didn’t feel like i had any of the expertise or weight my seniors held when they were in our position. moreover, our drama club had merged with the chinese drama club, meaning that we had to adopt an entirely new set of practices and traditions. i kicked my year off by auditioning for the chinese new year skit. guess what? i got a main role – a chinese-speaking role.

i learn chinese as a third language, so it was really quite interesting to figure out how to perform chinese rather than just say it. all my co-actors were younger than me – a nice turn from everyone being older than me in the external theatre prod in year 3 – and it was a wonderful opportunity to get to know my juniors. sometimes, i didn’t want to go to rehearsal so much that i cried. but when i got to rehearsal, suddenly all the reservations i had went away and i fully immersed myself in the craft. being around the kids and hugging them when they felt down and cheering them up made me feel like i was properly slipping into my role as a senior. it was really a turn of fate.

of course, around end-feb, i performed for my youth theatre thing again. it still felt as good as it did the first time, and was a space for me to grow beyond just a skit performed in the school hall.

around april was our biannual mid-year recital thing, same as year 2. this time, though, i was selected for the main role (again!). i’m ashamed to say that i didn’t try quite as hard as i could have; didn’t allow myself to properly connect to my character. see, my character was a father trying to grapple with the loss of his mother, and the play was about how this affected his relationship with his daughter. it was a difficult role, mainly because he didn’t respond the way i would have if (touchwood) something happened. i didn’t allow myself to actually consider what i would do, i didn’t go down that line far enough to examine my own emotional responses and relate them to my character, because i was scared of what i’d find. anyway, the process was really rushed. we didn’t explore any of the characters’ backstories during rehearsals, which made it even harder to play them. we changed stage directions and cues barely a day before performance. the props and sets team were all super stressed. it was a mess, as usual, but we somehow pulled together in the end.

i should say, i’m really quite grateful that my batchmates (who were the directors) gave me the opportunity to be in such a big role. they trusted me to carry it off and to perform it well. i don’t know if i lived up to their expectations, but i hope i wasn’t too much of a burden on them.

next! the end of year for year 4. it was finally our turn to write, direct, produce, and act in our own play. we started the process around august, and we did shit out a script, but the script was rejected and we had to come up with an entirely new plot nine days before the performance. i was supposed to be one of the script-writers, and i did do my part in writing the first script, but the writing of the second script coincided with my chinese exam (see previous post) so i couldn’t help out much with that. i didn’t really feel an attachment toward the play, and honestly thought it wouldn’t even happen.

on the day itself, as we were rehearsing, something strange happened. i felt a bit of that wonder as we lounged backstage waiting for our scene. i felt a bit of that thrill as we gossipped about boys, same as we did in year 1. i was talking to people i literally hadn’t properly talked to in two years, and it was strangely comforting. of course, things went wrong as they always did – the transformer broke in the middle of rehearsal and we were left wondering if we would even have proper spotlights and stagelights to perform with, but it got fixed in the end. a prop was torn, but they taped it up and made it look laminated.

in the end, as we performed our play to a huge crowd who screamed, gasped and cheered for us, i felt like my journey in drama club had come to a good end. not a great end, where our batch sorted out our differences and actually hugged and was one big happy family, but an ending that we all worked for. i got notes and hugs from juniors, telling me i was a great senior, and all i could think was, ‘thank you, i don’t know what i did to deserve this.’ maybe i had grown up even without realising it.

so you’ve sat through 2.3k worth of word vomit, and you’re wondering what’s the endgame. i think the point i want to make here is this: drama was my one constant throughout the four years of my time in this school. it had seen me at my best and my worst, in all its various forms. it exposed me to an entirely new way of performing art. and for all the flaws in how i experienced it, it taught me so much, and was my safe space.

in these four years i’ve gained and lost in unequal measure. maybe i’ve lost more than i have gained, maybe i wasn’t the greatest person to be around. but in the end, i’m struggling to remember every single tiny perfect imperfection. i can’t recall so many memories, but i remember the feelings i felt. yeah, my batch wasn’t the most bonded, but on stage, we made it work. we pulled up our socks and showed the world that hey, it is possible to put something together in nine days. yeah, i wasn’t the best senior, but i was a good senior, and hopefully some people will miss me. yeah, sometimes i hated going for drama club, but that doesn’t negate all the good times i had. yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best choice of extra-school club, but it was only because of it that i was able to go for that external theatre thing that changed my life.

i’ve been learning to take my bad experiences with a grain of salt. i might’ve had shitty encounters, but they’ve led me to amazing places and great discoveries. i think that’s what i want to say – that one john lennon quote that goes: everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. and it did turn out okay, even if it was in a relative sense. i don’t know if i’ve articulated my feelings or experiences properly here, but i tried my best. i’ve ended my journey here, made my peace with the fact that i may not be on best terms with my batchmates, but at least we put aside our differences to work together. i had an experience, and that’s all it is.

and i’d do it all over again.

thanks for reading! anbudan, noon xoxo this post was brought to u by the 2.7k word club B))

#drama #introspection #character growth #word #c'est la fucking vie #mine #noonwords

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faruangeldiary · 5 years

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My Journey of Never Give Up

I was born on 27th July 1989 with Cerebral Palsy disease; a neurological disorder which affected my right side of body including speech. I had experienced verbal bully and child abuse (of every kind). I attempted suicide many times. My first suicide attempt was in 5th grade of primary school. I hurt myself many times. I didnt accept the way i was born.In 2009, I had a motorbike accident due to which i am facing consequences till now. After one month, I had my first epilepsy attack in home. I fainted for almost 30 minutes. Later, It was diagnosed that i have epilepsy disease by my family psychiatrist. I started my treatment. In 2010, I discovered Kpop during my treatment process which changed my whole life. I started smiling again. It changed my perception about myself and my diseases. I accepted my myself the way i am. In just two years, I left all medication. I got free of epilepsy.

In 2012, I got recognition for my promotional documentary from Korean rookie artist “JJUN” and Korean news portal like Herald and Naver. I was the first Pakistani fan whom received signed poster and albums from singer himself. Unfortunately, he is not active these days.It seems he left music.

In 2014, I went into depression after my university graduation. In 18th of December i undergone into abdomen surgery which is still a nightmare to me. My struggle with depression continued after my surgery too. I started working to get busy myself. I spent most of time watching Korean dramas and movies. If I wasn't a hallyu fan i would have died at that time.

Before Surgery

After Surgery

In 2016, my life took a new turn when i won the preliminary round of KBS Quiz on Korea 2016 and went to sponsored South Korea trip to represent Pakistan in final round. The 7 days were the happiest day of my life and still it is. I met myself there. I interacted with participants from different countries and explored their cultures. I met my Korean friends for the first time. I attended KBS Music Bank. I met Monsta X, Lee Hwi Jae and Sistar’s Bora.

I am with Monsta X

I am with Lee Hwi Jae (famous Korean MC)

After returning back from Korea, i felt i was thrown into cage again. My brother left home to marry his girlfriend. I ended up in hospital. I was suffering from panic disorders and epilepsy again.(after 5 years). I faced domestic violence when my brother left home.It wont be wrong to say that 2017 and 2018 were worst years of my domestic violence. Due to this, I tried three times to go back Korea for studies but failed. In 2018, my mental health started deteriorating day by day. I committed suicides by taking sleeping spills. I deleted my previous Facebook page of over 1k followers. I deleted all my previous YouTube videos too. Then i decided to go somewhere else to safe myself. I applied in Malaysian University, Limkoking University of Creative Technology. and got admission there. Now my mental health is stable though sometimes i get stress out but i know how to take out myself from it. I am studying the course which i was passionate about so many years. That is Master in Digital Film and TV.In Malaysia, I am free to live my life without any fears. Chinese and Malaysians are very friendly and cooperative with me. I am sure I will go back to Korea one day and get chance to work with Korean filmmakers. Fighting

^_^

[UPDATE] I took the challenge by directing hearing-impaired boy in my debut film "Love Yourself". The inspiration of this film came from my personal experience in life working with hearing-impaired students. I have written the script and produced my film as well. It got selected in UK based film festival "First Time Filmmaker Session 2019" organized by Lift-Off Global Network. It gives the platform to independent film-makers to showcase their films at Pinewood Studios, Raleigh Studios, Hollywood. I got into Top 5 with public voting on online screening at Vimeo, out of 100 short films in my category. I won the free Intermediate Membership with Lift-Off Global Network for one year. With this achievement, I would like to break the glass ceiling attach with physically challenged people in Film industry. I would like to be a source of inspiration for the unheard people. It was not that easy task for me when I initiated this project. I started this project with the strong self determination and aim to fulfill my career goals in life.

#i met monsta x #I met lee hwi jae #i met bora #Quiz on Korea 2016 #KBS Quiz on Korea #KBS #South Korea #malaysia #limkokwing university #Cerebral Palsy #Epilepsy #Lift off Global Network #First Time Film Session 2019 #Love Yourself

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holiday-truehart · 5 years

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TASK 010 // CHARACTER Q&A

Does your character have a birthmark or any scars? How did they get them? Holiday has a birthmark on the back of her right shoulder. It very vaguely resembles a raspberry.

Where does your character go when they’re angry? When she’s angry, she just likes to be alone. She doesn’t like to think that she might accidentally lash out at someone and upset them.

What is in your character’s refrigerator in their home? Holiday is still adjusting to life on her own, without her parents or their avoxes. There are a lot of pasta meals, an assortment of posh cheeses, and a punnet of berries at any given time- you know, the essentials. There’s also usually a glass bottle of rose-water in the door. This is not for eating, but it keeps better in the fridge than it would in her bathroom cabinet.

When your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it? Holiday didn’t spend much time in her childhood kitchen, although when she did it was usually to sneak snacks. The avoxes were quite sympathetic towards her, as her mother kept her on a very strict, health-based diet that left out many of the foods Capitol children prefer. She was permitted small cookies with raisins in, and it’s the smell of these baking that she remembers.

What does your character do on Saturday mornings? Sleep in, if she can. Much to her annoyance she’s something of an early-bird, and will usually be awake by 8am. In which case she will read a book for a few hours. She refuses to leave her bed on a Saturday before midday unless given a very good reason.

Do they cry in front of others? She does, although she finds it incredibly embarrassing.

When did they last make a promise? Holiday makes promises all over the place. “It’ll be okay, I promise.” “I promise you look fine.” etc.

Do they believe in love at first sight? She would say no if asked, but part of her adores the idea of it.

Do they have any phobias? It’s not so much a phobia, but she is afraid of lions. She caught part of Glitter Rosseau’s games when she was younger than her parents would have liked her to be before exposing her to that kind of violence, and she had nightmares for months. She still does occasionally when she’s very stressed.

What is their favourite colour? Why? Red. It’s bold, it’s chic, it’s classy. Closely followed by hot-pink. Because everything looks good in hot-pink.

What is their motto? “Chin up. Shoulders back. Smile.”

What ridiculous grudges do they hold? (ie: that time someone never gave their favorite pen back, their 5th grade teacher making fun of them, something a friend said when they were in middle school) Holiday tries very hard not to hold grudges, partly because she believes she was insufferable when she was younger. If everyone who had reason to held a grudge against her, she’d never be able to go out anywhere.

What three words would others use to describe them? “ditzy”, “bubbly”, “conceited”

If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? “Remember me in the red dress with the diamonds.”

Game night with their family or movie night with their friends? Movie night with friends. Definitely.

Your character’s favourite song just came on the radio, but they’re in public! Do they contain themselves or do they rock out without a second thought? (Extra Q: What would their favourite song today be?) It very much depends who she is with. She will want to dance around and sing along, but she won’t unless she’s with a few select friends. Her favourite song would be Summertime Sadness by Lana del Rey.

Sassy or classy? Classy all the way.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Ambition. She grew up surrounded by some of the Capitol’s most ambitious film-makers. She knows how hard it is to get anywhere in the world without drive.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? She will accept it. She might cry, but she will accept it gracefully, and ask for pointers on how to improve.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? Those three words do not come easily to Holiday. She’s starred in rom-coms, she knows how important they are. But she grew up with two parents who were much more likely to tell her she “did a good job” than that they loved her.

When faced with a bug in their home does your character let them go outside? Do they squash them? Do they burn the house to the ground? Or do they ignore them? Depends what it is, but most kinds she will probably SCREAM and leave the room. Maybe return with someone else to make deal with it.

What boosts your character’s confidence the most? Red lipstick, and some killer eyeliner.

Does your character snore? A little.

Does your character like storms? She’s not a huge fan of thunder, but she does like to sit by the window, dramatically looking out at the rain like she’s in a music video.

What is a specific headcanon you have for your character? Growing up, Holiday’s parents viewed her as something of an investment. She was kept on a strict diet lest she fall into ‘bad habits’, with sugary treats restricted to Sundays only- and even then a limited amount. Since moving out, Holiday has indulged herself. She adores cake. Her favourite is battenberg, but she’s also partial to a good lemon cake. And there’s no-one to tell her she can’t now, so after a rough day she will absolutely have cake for dinner.

#ttwtask #hc #hc; holiday #tw: child abuse #or more.... extremely strict parenting...?#idk I never know how to tag Holiday's parents

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tothewaterhq · 5 years

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TASK 010 // CHARACTER Q&A

Below the cut are a selection of twenty-five questions to help both you and your fellow players get to know your character a little better. All characters may make a separate post and answer these for $100 in sponsor funds.

Most questions taken/adapted from here and here and here.

Does your character have a birthmark or any scars? How did they get them?

Where does your character go when they’re angry?

What is in your character’s refrigerator in their home?

When your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it?

What does your character do on Saturday mornings?

Do they cry in front of others?

When did they last make a promise?

Do they believe in love at first sight?

Do they have any phobias?

What is their favourite colour? Why?

What is their motto?

What ridiculous grudges do they hold? (ie: that time someone never gave their favorite pen back, their 5th grade teacher making fun of them, something a friend said when they were in middle school)

What three words would others use to describe them?

If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?

Game night with their family or movie night with their friends?

Sassy or classy?

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

When faced with a bug in their home does your character let them go outside? Do they squash them? Do they burn the house to the ground? Or do they ignore them?

What boosts your character’s confidence the most?

Does your character snore?

Does your character like storms?

What is a specific headcanon you have for your character?

#78.task #ttwtask #78

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hbarron98-blog · 5 years

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Hannah Barron

February 26, 2019

Gambrell (2011), “7 Rules of Engagement: What’s Most Important to Know About Motivation to Read”

Big Take-away: Students over time are becoming less and less motivated to read and engage with texts. Teachers can modify their practices and approaches in the classroom to promote engagement and enjoyment of reading

Nugget: The authors suggested having students keep a reading diary during their self selected reading tome to reflect on connections and reactions. I absolutely love this idea! Getting students engaged in their reading is important and by taking reading to a meta level I think that students could really benefit and flourish. All of the classroom tips were great!

Tompkins (2017), “Chapeter 10: Organizing for Instruction”

Big Take-away: There are many different methods and practices for teaching literacy, as well as many topics and umbrellas to teach under. A balance literacy approach takes a little bit from many methods to create an instructional program that is well rounded and supportive of students.

Nugget: An important thing that I found was that, basal readers pose many problems, including level of text, authenticity, many workbook assignments, and mostly whole group instruction. This is something I have seen recently in my field placement, as the majority of instruction throughout the entire day happens through publisher created texts. I have heard and seen the teacher’s frustration, however, it also has proven to be very difficult for her to develop activities and lessons outside of these, though she has the freedom to do so. This illustrates to me how difficult it really is to create a balance literacy classroom. Readerly Exploration: I chose to explore relationships with other people through reading by using texts as a shared experience with another person/other people or to gain insight into the perspective of another person, by calling my mom and talking about basal readers, literature circles, and motivation/engagement. Before I called my mom I planned out a few key points from the reading I wanted us to talk about: literacy circles, basal readers, and motivation with reading. Then I called her and started up a conversation, asking some beginning questions and asking for elaboration. After we hung up I took some time to reflect on what we talked about. She talked about how when she was teaching she did not enjoy using basal readers because she felt they were too scripted and could lead to boredom really quickly. We concluded that a teacher… (shocker) should take a balanced approach in literacy using a variety of texts and modes. We then talked about literacy circles, which my mom had actually never used in her classrooms, however, we talked about how instructions and expectations should be well laid out and that interesting books might make a literature circle run more smoothly. Finally, we talked about motivation, which my mom agreed is lacking in student-readers. However, she said that is why she liked when she was teaching to tie all subject areas into a theme, to make connections and make learning interesting and relatable. She mentioned that right now at her school the 5th grade teacher is tying social studies and ela together through read aloud and instruction, engaging the students in a better way. Engaging in this exploration was easy because my mom and I talk regularly about anything and everything professional and personal. Through talking to her I was able to gather some tangible evidence of the practices I read about. In formulating questions and listening to responses I was able to evaluate my own stance and take multiple perspectives and considerations.

Multimedia:

This is a picture of me and my mom face-timing about the reading. She was a classroom teacher 20 years ago and now works part time in an Elementary school, and has some valuable insight.

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