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loveandthings11 · 1 year

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How Deep My Love Goes, Chapter 9

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Kendall looks up at Sophie from the Lego-covered floor on Saturday morning. Iverson is entrenched in building a spaceship and Rava’s reading on a barstool nearby. After the experience at Austerlitz, he’s turned the penthouse into a sort of energetic hideout, alternating between hanging out with the kids, sitting in Rava’s office while she works on her big case, and calling everyone he knows to try to figure out a way to get back into Waystar. He’s taken a couple of calls from Roman to plan teaming up to talk to Sandy about his mysterious plan, and he’s learned to leave the room to avoid Rava’s looks of uncertainty when they start talking about taking over the company again.

“You want to build something here, Soph?” He asks.

Sophie shrugs and spins around in her ballet skirt.

“No, I’m tired of Star Wars. I want to watch the Kardashians.”

“Uh, I don’t think that’s allowed.”

Sophie giggles and sits down on the chair by him.

“One of them’s named Kendall.”

“Uh huh. I had it first, though.” He’s focusing on finding the right piece on the floor.

“You’re both on magazines.” She smiles at him again, endlessly amused. “Maybe you should be friends.”

He calls over to Rava.

“Rav, what do you think? Should I be friends with Kendall Jenner?”

She raises her eyebrows and smiles serenely.

“No.” She returns to the page and he shrugs at Sophie.

“There you go,” he says.

“Maybe you’ll be on Vogue next!” Sophie giggles again.

“Okay. Go read a book or something.”

“Should I read Forbes?” She asks, trying everything to get a reaction.

He finally laughs.

“Yeah, go read Forbes. Let me know what changes you think I should make to our investment portfolio.”

“I don’t know how to do that!”

“Oh, not yet? Maybe you’ll learn if you read it. Or maybe you should do your homework, that sounds fun.”

“No!!!” She shrieks and runs down the hall into her room. He chuckles.

Iverson looks up.

“Mom says Sophie’s funny like you.”

“Oh yeah?” He grins over at Rava.

“Yeah.” He smiles at his dad for a second and keeps building.

Kendall gets up and walks across the room for another cup of coffee, kissing Rava’s head before sitting next to her at the counter. She looks up from her book and takes a sip from her mug as she looks at him expectantly. She can see the wheels are turning in his mind about something as he taps his fingers on the marble.

“So, uh, I guess I have to go to Tom’s party this weekend,” he says a bit hesitantly. She looks apprehensive.

“Really?” She says slowly.

“Well- I mean, I have to do something. I can’t just let this Dad shit stand. Sandy is probably my best bet, and apparently he’s going to be there. I have to act fast.”

She looks dubious.

“I just- is this whole thing the best way to move forward? What about the art thing, with Frank?”

“Well, sure, I mean, me and Frank can team up on anything, though. I’m taking him with me to the top. Obviously. I mean, and maybe I do both, you know? Take it supersonic. CEO and art expert.” He chuckles. “Just watch me next year talking about who-the-fuck-ever at the Met Gala.” He flashes her a look of real excitement and she watches him pump himself up with her chin in her hand and a weakly happy expression. She loves him like this too much to disappoint him, but the party is scaring her.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to stop you from taking it supersonic,” she says wryly. He really is cute when he gets psyched about an idea. She missed his major enthusiasm.

He puts his face right in front of hers.

“You’ll see.” He gives her a kiss and turns to walk away.

.........................

The next Friday, Kendall walks into Rava’s office at 1:45 in the afternoon looking for something. Anything. She knows he’s already worked out, eaten lunch, read a chapter of his book, checked on the markets, called Roman to argue about including Stewy in their plan, talked to Frank, and helped Iverson finish the spaceship before he even left for school. It’s endearing that he’s still buzzing with energy. She can practically feel the need for action emanating from him and she knows he’s going crazy without a job.

“Hey. No lunch break today?” He asks, trying a little too hard to sound relaxed.

She smiles at his hint at missing out on today’s afternoon delight.

“Sorry, baby. I have so much to do here.”

“Right,” he nods, glancing at the tall stacks of paper on her desk. He feels a little useless.

“Uh… can I help?” He asks.

“You want to put my assistant out of a job?”

“How long does she take to file these?” He gestures at a tall stack of papers.

“I don’t know, four hours?” Rava smiles.

“I bet I’ll be done in half that.”

She shakes her head and chuckles.

“Okay. They’d better be in the right order.”

He gestures to himself and smirks.

“Taking over a multi-billion dollar empire.”

“Sure,” she nods with a smile. “Okay. File away.”

She looks back at her screen and continues reading, and in her absorption it seems like it’s only been minutes when he comes back in with everything done.

“All right,” he says. How long was that?”

She glances at the clock and smiles as she looks up at him from the desk.

“Two and a half hours.”

“That’s pretty good, yeah?”

“Yeah!” She nods in an overly-encouraging way. He gives her an annoyed smile and nods along to her good-natured condescension.

“Okay. Yeah.” They both laugh a little. She turns back to her laptop and lets out a big sigh.

“What?” He asks.

“I don’t know if-“ She glances at him. “Well, there’s some stuff in here that I’ve never dealt with before. It’s, um, sort of business-related, but- bad. I don’t know, we have a consultant but I…” she trails off and looks back at his face.

“You…”

“I kind of need some advice from someone who’s worked with this stuff before a lot.”

“Fuckin’ bad business stuff?”

“Uh… yeah, you could say that. It’s a bit dark. So I guess, someone who has maybe seen some questionable business tactics at work?” She looks at him and he furrows his brow.

“Me?” His eyes widen in surprise for a moment. “Questionable business tactics.” A flicker of amusement crosses his face. “Sure. I might have seen those. But, uh, what about your whole ‘good rule-following lawyer’ thing?”

“I think I’m in over my head,” she says quietly.

“Okay, I’m all yours.” He looks at her like she might be losing her mind. “But, you know that’s illegal, right?” He sort of smiles at her completely out-of-character request. He’s practically kicked out whenever she takes a client phone call. She gives him a really worried look and he sees the seriousness. “Okay, let’s hear it.” She takes a breath.

“Well, you know my client Tony Trume?”

“The- yeah, the one I got the judge-“

She squeezes her eyes shut in guilt as she cuts him off.

“-Yeah.” She sighs. “Well, I don’t know if you’ve dealt with this specifically, but he worked at a resort. And his low-level bosses would gather up the employees at the end of their shifts and collect ‘taxes,’ which, obviously…”

“…were not taxes,” he finishes.

“Right. And some of them were not exactly legally allowed to be working in the country, so they couldn’t do anything about it without being deported.” Kendall sighs. He can see where this is going. “So, I guess one of the guys stood up to the boss one night and refused to give him the money and said he would call the police if he did it again tomorrow. Um, but the next day that guy was gone. And Tony has a work visa so he wanted to do something. So this is- well…” She takes a nervous breath. “…Maybe they killed someone, you know?” She looks freaked out. “And it’s on me to help. I mean, maybe they didn’t kill him. Maybe he’s stuck somewhere, maybe…”

“Fuck,” Kendall says, rubbing his temple.

“Yeah. So, any suggestions? On dealing with resorts, or hospitality, or, you know, kidnapping, murder?”

“Uh… wow. Well, you know, Waystar hasn’t had resorts for like, ten years or something, but there was always some fucked-up shit happening at cruises, so I mean, I can tell you they probably all have NDAs, but if there’s a domino effect the company probably won’t go after everyone. But as for that guy- probably just deported him. Killing him would be kind of hard to cover up.”

A flicker of shock flames in her eyes as she looks at him for a second before she extinguishes it. He doesn’t miss it.

“I- I mean, I haven’t seen that, obviously. But who knows what Mo and those fuckin’ creeps did?”

“You don’t?”

“No!” He scoffs. “Come on, I don’t, we were in college when all that was happening. I didn’t even work there yet.” He’s taken aback by the assumption. “I’m just saying it’s probably good news for Tony’s coworker. He’s probably fine.” She backs off as she realizes the timeline is accurate.

“Yeah. You’re right, okay. Then why hasn’t he called?”

“I mean- would you call if you were him?” He shrugs. “He probably wants nothing to do with them ever again.”

“Yeah.”

“Just, uh, look into NDAs and talk to immigration first. I bet you’ll find him. And he can talk and you’ll get what you need. You’re gonna kill this. You got it. If you need anything, you know, I’m like, five feet away at all times,” he laughs a little. She nods and smiles and reaches for his hand for a minute.

“Thank you.”

He loves the feeling of her wanting his advice. It feels like the old days. He turns to head out of the office, but he wants to clear up the earlier weirdness. He reluctantly turns back around before he gets to the door.

“You know, when it’s me in the top job, I won’t cover for them. If our new plan works, you know, things are going to change at the firm.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” She gives him a bit of a forced smile and he doesn’t like it much. But she’ll see. He dreads the idea of going back into the living room to do nothing and decides to charm his way back into his favorite distraction.

“So you’re making me your new consultant now, right?” He looks at her intensely with only a flicker of humor.

She looks up and gives him a smile.

“Oh, sure, welcome to the exciting world of thousand-page documents!”

“I destroy thousand-page documents.”

“Of course you do,” she nods.

“You gonna be my boss?” He asks, eyebrows raised. She laughs at the floor. His efforts to lure her into a new game are beyond charming.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” She asks, meeting his eyes again.

He shakes his head.

“Absolutely not. I can be your boss, though. I’d like to see you in my office, actually.”

“Well, we’re in my office right now,” she returns smoothly and gestures to the papers. “And I think you could have filed these faster.” She makes a jokingly doubtful face. “You’re supposed to take over a media company or something?”

“That’s it,” he says, striding over to her and scooping her up from the chair by her waist. “You’re in so much trouble,” he whispers in her ear.

“No! I remember it now. Something ‘star.’” She pretends to try to get away as he nods sarcastically. “I don’t know, I was distracted by my hot new consultant.”

“Oh, right. Well, your hot new consultant is about to make moves.” He kisses her until she starts grabbing at him and then pulls back and walks out the door. She gasps playfully.

“What are you doing??” She asks. He smiles.

“Getting dressed for the party. Wait til you see what Jess got me yesterday.” Her stomach drops a bit at the reality that he’s really going to a party that will inevitably be filled with everything he shouldn’t be near. It makes her want to stick close to him. She follows him into their room and sits on the bed while he puts on his new outfit. He opens his arms to show off.

She looks amused at his t-shirt and blazer.

“That’s what you’re wearing?”

“Oh, what- you’re judging?” He smiles to cover the slight insecurity. “This is fucking awesome.”

She tries not to laugh.

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” He shakes his head and chuckles a little. “You know, not all of us want to wear cardigans all the time.”

“Wow, I like my cardigans.”

“Oh, I know,” he teases. “At night I just think about unbuttoning all those sexy sweaters you have.” His glances down her body and thinks that sounds good right now. The only good thing about their time apart was the fanning of the flame between them.

“Okay, BYE. You can leave now,” she laughs and his mind wanders.

“Remember that little green thing you wore to the club in Prague that one time that we-“

“Almost got arrested?” She crosses her arms and can’t help smiling a little bit. “Yes, I do.”

“Do you still have it?”

“Bye, Ken!”

She playfully pushes him out the bedroom door and she walks back inside.

“Will you wear it when I get home?” She hears through the door.

She sticks her head out the door.

“Maybe.”

.........................

The creepy dark and wet entryway is enough to make him want to turn around again. It makes him uneasy and he doesn’t even know why. It just feels wrong. Everything does here. He walks slowly with Roman into the party, but once he’s in, he only glances around for a second before searching for Sandy with a tunnel vision he’s been planning. He doesn’t even want to see the endless variety of what’s in everyone’s pockets here.

“Ken.” He turns around with dread at hearing Stewy’s voice behind him. Sandy stands talking to a few people nearby. Kendall keeps it cold when he speaks.

“I’m not here to talk to you.”

“Ohh, who told you not to, your therapist?” Kendall crosses his arms. “Tell her I say hi,” Stewy smiles. “Is she hot? I bet you got the hottest therapist in the city.”

Kendall scoffs.

“Fuck off, man, seriously. I have my life together and things cooking, despite your best efforts.”

Stewy looks slightly pained.

“Come on. I don’t want it to be like that. I told you in my many messages, I had-“

“-to follow the money,” they say in unison. Kendall rolls his eyes.

“Well, I hope it was worth it,” he says bitterly.

“Ken. Come on, talk to me about this. The vote’s in the past. And yes, I should have told you about Sandy. But maybe there’s an opportunity here. Ro Ro tell you what we have on the table?”

“Sure. Except I can’t trust you.”

“Okay. That’s fair.” Kendall’s done with this and shakes his head, starting to turn away. “And what if I told you there’s a shape for this bear hug in which you end up where you want to be?”

Kendall furrows his brow and gives him an uncertain look.

“As in…”

Stewy tilts his head and savors the words he says.

“C-E-O.”

He can feel Kendall’s surge of energy from the possibility those three syllables have.

“Yeah, well, that’s- that’s not real. If the market doesn’t think-“

Stewy shrugs casually.

“We’ll sell it. It’ll work.”

He looks at Stewy suspiciously but Stewy knows there’s no way he’s walking away now.

“Well, obviously that’s bullshit. That’s not what you said last month. I want to hear it from Sandy.”

Stewy rolls his eyes.

“Sandy!” He calls. He lowers his voice. “He’s not going to appreciate you interrupting his freak time, Ken.” Kendall doesn’t smile. Sandy walks over and shakes Kendall’s hand.

“Our new business partner,” Sandy greets him. That slightly phony smile never changes, Kendall thinks.

“Sandy, good to see you.”

“I see Stewy must have been filling you in. We all have our hands full tonight, so I’ll just get to the point. We’d like to have you in charge.” Stewy gives Kendall a look.

“Uh huh. And, uh, if I can ask, why this sudden decision?”

“Well,” Sandy smiles wider. “I think we all have at least one common goal here.”

He doesn’t need to say it for Kendall to realize that his father’s biggest rival would love nothing more than simply to make Logan fly off the handle. Kendall looks away for a second. Of course that’s why they want him to lead. It was supposed to make his dad proud to see him take over. He forces a smile and tries to focus on the memory of the morning last month when he walked in the office before everyone else as interim CEO. Just for a moment, he’d felt like he was right where he was supposed to be.

“Yes, we do have one thing in common.”

“Good, good. Glad that’s settled.”

“Sure, but you should know that I know this shit inside out. I’m not looking to be a figurehead.”

“No, no, of course not. And as a non-figurehead, you do understand, then, that there may or may not be a place for your brother.”

Kendall freezes for a moment.

“Well- right, but, uh, we’ll find him something.” Sandy raises his eyebrows and it’s not beyond Kendall that this is a test. “I mean- someone must need an assistant, right?” He fake-smiles and Sandy gives him a long look of assessment.

“Right. Or not, we’ll see. Nice to see you, Kendall. Enjoy the night.” Sandy gives a conspiratorial nod and heads back toward his group.

Stewy looks at Kendall and waits for him to say something. Kendall crosses his arms again.

“So, what, I’m supposed to be happy to be a pawn in Sandy’s fucking revenge plot against my dad?”

“Don’t think of it like that. Think of it like, I get fuckin’ rich, Sandy gets his revenge, and you get the title you want so much.” Stewy says it with just enough sarcasm not to sell it.

“I want the actual role, Stewy.”

“You’ll have it!”

Kendall searches his eyes to see if it’s true. Unreadable.

Stewy’s face softens for a moment.

"Come on, you and me, bro. Let’s do this. Finally.” He opens his arms.

Kendall’s half-reluctant as he gives in and lets Stewy give him a big hug. He stares across the room and wonders if he should have told him to fuck off again instead. Stewy’s relieved and pats Kendall’s back as he lets go. He checks his phone and smiles.

“Okay. Good. So we’re set. And I have to go, I’m in high demand tonight. But hey. We’re doing this.”

“Right.”

“Like we always planned!” Stewy calls as he points at Kendall and walks into the throng of people.

Kendall walks away from Stewy and sighs. He hates that he always forgives everyone so easily. He grimaces at the idea of Roman and Stewy plotting how to puppet-master him together. Are they high-fiving now? How does he know that they aren’t planning to oust him after using him to make the deal with Sandy? The whole ousting-Roman thing could have been fake, conceived by Roman himself. He can’t believe he let them back in like it was nothing and gets angry at himself for always doing that. This is why he gets stepped on, he thinks, it’s why Rava knew he’d stick around for three years. Everyone takes advantage. Roman voted against him, Stewy’s only supporting him for the potential payout, Rava knew he’d come back whenever she wanted. Even Dad is probably just waiting for him to come crawling back. It makes him want to throw something at the wall. He just wants to stop feeling like this and he looks around for something, anything, to get him out of his head.

But the minute he comes back to his senses, he wishes he hadn’t.

The drinks are everywhere. Lines on the table, smoke in the air, pills in every palm. He can’t look in any direction without seeing something he would have grabbed and ingested just a few years ago. Emotional crisis or not, he needs to hear her voice, needs her to tell him what he knows he should do.

Rava picks up on the first ring. She stayed awake just in case. She always has.

“Hey. You okay? How’s everything?” She’s trying not to sound stressed. She hates the loud music in the background. It reminds of her of past phone calls she’d rather not remember.

“Hey. Everything’s fine, I just, uh, this probably isn’t the best place for me.”

She puts her book down and sits up taller in bed. She knew the bachelor party was a bad idea.

“Okay. Yeah, Ken, you should walk out of there, okay? Even if no one comes with you.”

“Yeah.”

She’s leaning onto her hand with her eyes closed.

“Okay, are you walking out?”

Tom walks by with a tall blonde carrying drinks. Kendall’s eyes follow the ice cubes.

“Ken.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m walking out.”

She’s desperate to hear the music stop. Her entire life depends on hearing it stop.

“Okay, like, now? You’re leaving now?”

“Uh huh. I’m… yeah. I’m gonna leave. But I don’t know, I should talk to Sandy again maybe. Yeah? I kind of think he and Stewy might be planning-“

He looks at the bar and wonders if they have any non-alcoholic beer. Her heart is pounding.

“No. No, you shouldn’t talk to Sandy again, you can call him tomorrow. Just, you have to just walk out the door and everything will be fine. Are you walking?”

He’s standing.

He’s not answering.

“Hey. You’re actually really scaring me right now, what are you doing?”

He watches Tom laughing at Greg over a powder-covered table.

He wants to clean off the entire thing himself.

“I- nothing, I’m leaving. Yeah.” He turns away from it slowly. He’s so tired of being so tightly wound all the time. Tired of being taken advantage of. He just wants to erase it all.

“I fucking forgot what it looked like to relax,” he says to her. She might have a heart attack imagining what he’s looking at.

“That is not relaxing. That is hell.” She’s thinking of texting Roman to get him out of there and trying to keep her voice even. “Is Roman with you?”

“He’s somewhere… yeah. Following me around. He’s always like that. Can’t come up with anything himself, it’s like we’re fifteen.”

“Can you go to him?” She asks, the tension killing her.

“I don’t know.. yeah. Why, you think my kid brother needs to babysit me?” She doesn’t like the edge in his voice. “He can’t be trusted. This whole thing could be a test.”

“Come on, it’s not me. You called me to tell me you shouldn’t be there. You’re right. Come home. I’m here, the kids are here… Call the driver there and come home.”

He sighs and puts serious effort into focusing on the image of the kids on the couch in the family room and Rava in his sweater in their favorite armchair.

“Yeah. Okay. Yeah.” He tries to remember the coping skills he learned in rehab, but all he feels is a desperate need for every substance around him even as it’s all threatening to destroy his life. He pictures sitting on the floor alone in his old place, sees her tears in his mind, hears her broken voice telling him to go because she can’t do this anymore and neither can the kids. His worst memories combined with his worst fears. He closes his eyes and tries as hard as he possibly can to take steps toward the door. “I’m going.”

He looks at the exit sign and focuses all his energy on taking one step at a time toward it. He sends a text to the local driver as he gets closer. He’s almost starting to feel like he’s going to make it out when Roman runs up behind him.

“Uh- hold on, Roman’s here,” he says to Rava. Her nails are digging into her skin.

“Are you leaving?” Roman asks.

“Yeah. I can’t be here.”

“Good for you.. I mean, yeah, just wanted to make sure you’re all, like, good and shit.”

He pats his little brother on the back. At least he can tell this is real.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“Okay, good, so… we’ll talk more about this deal, right? Because I kind of think Sandy might be forgetting about me-”

“Yeah.” Kendall turns to go. He just has to get out of here, he’ll deal with Roman later.

“Hey, who are you talking to?” Roman asks suspiciously.

“Rava.”

“Are you really talking to Rava, or are you maybe talking to Nick the candy man?”

“You want to talk to her?” Kendall glares at him and hands the phone over. He’s not in the mood to argue and just wants to leave. Roman feels bad but he takes the phone anyway.

“Rava?”

“Yes. Hi. Can you make sure he actually walks out the door?”

Roman tries to turn away from Kendall but he hears his reply anyway.

“Yeah, I will. Just wanted to make sure it was actually-“

“I know. I appreciate it.”

“Okay. I’m gonna give you back to that idiot you married. I still think you’re too good for him, by the way.”

Kendall grabs the phone out of his hand.

“Fuck off. I’m leaving.”

“Bye, asshole. Call me,” Roman says.

Kendall rolls his eyes as Roman turns to walk back into the party.

“Okay,” he says back into the phone. “I’m going.” He finally walks through the door and the frantic rhythm of the music finally fades along with the thumping of her heart.

“Oh, my god,” she whispers with a sigh. "Wow, I really want to see you right now,” she says softly.

“Me too.”

"I wish you were home. I’m already in bed… you must be so tired.”

He glances at his watch. 2:25 AM.

“Yeah, I’m kind of.. dying, actually. Wish I was already getting in bed with you.”

She wraps her arms around her pillow.

“Me too.”

He leans against the car door in exhaustion.

"I'll be there soon.”

“How many hours?” She asks. He smiles.

“One. I love you.”

“I love you so much.” She’s relieved and missing him like crazy. “I’ll see you soon.”

The call ends and she scoots down to tuck herself into bed. It seems too big and empty tonight. She closes her eyes and counts the minutes til she can fall asleep to the sound of him breathing next to her.

An hour later, she’s sleeping but restless. Even after all that time apart, she still finds that she doesn’t really get any good sleep when he isn’t there. The sound of the elevator door opening wakes her and she’s never been so pleased to hear it. She listens to his footsteps across the marble floor. He opens the door just a crack and slips into the dark room, looking at the bed to try to see if he woke her up and whether she’s actually going to be happy to see him.

“Hey,” she whispers. The relief at actually having him in the room after that phone call is coming in waves. “I’m so glad you’re home. Come here.” She wants him to feel good about calling for support. He should know there are no punishments for that.

He wonders if he smells like booze and smoke from the party as he shrugs his jacket off and pulls off his new sneakers and jeans, walking over to kiss her. She reaches up and tugs him down toward her.

“You, uh, don’t think I should wash the party off me first?”

“No, I don’t care,” she says softly as he leans over her. “Come here, I need you to be here.”

He feels the weight lifted off his shoulders as he lets her pull him into her arms and under the covers.

She cuddles up to him as she breathes him in and smiles.

“You smell like college,” she says. He chuckles as she pulls off his t-shirt and he pulls the blanket up.

“I told you,” he whispers.

The scent brings a memory right back.

“It smells like the time you left that huge party after your finals and you came over late at night because I was so stressed about my tests the next day. You gave me a massage and told me everything would be okay even though you had just been at Sig Chi’s end-of-the-year party.”

He blinks.

“You remember that?”

“Mmhmm, you came over just to be there.” She runs her fingers through his hair.

“Kind of thought I was the only one who thinks about that stuff,” he says. “It was such a long time ago.” She shakes her head.

“Not so long.” She revels in how warm he feels and how grateful she is that he’s okay after tonight. Her voice comes out just above a whisper. “You’re still the same, you know. You’ve always been so good.”

He’s almost overwhelmed. He’s so glad he came home. He smiles and looks down for a second.

“Those are some really nice words to say to a guy who just left a pretty disgusting bachelor party.”

“Yeah. You left,” she smiles, looking up at him in the dark. He gazes back at her.

“I had a pretty amazing reason to get home.”

She gives him a little kiss. She missed his romantic moments and wants him to say more cute things.

“I did leave,” he says, more to himself than to her, and she can’t remember the last time she saw him look this genuinely proud of himself. “I hope- I didn’t mean to scare you tonight.”

“No, you didn’t… I mean, a little, but I always want you to call.” She kisses him again and he keeps it going as he tries to think of anything to say that expresses how he feels hearing that even after all they’ve been through. There’s a moment of quiet.

“So,” she starts apprehensively. She takes a breath. “Look, after all of this, I just don’t know that you should go back into Waystar.”

“What? I have to.” The answer is immediate.

“Do you?"

“What do you- I mean, this is what I’m doing. It’s- it’s CEO. This is what I’ve been waiting for.” He looks almost confused at her lack of reaction. “And… look, tonight was hard. I don’t have to tell you because you know, but like- If I don’t have this, I just-“ There’s a pause full of history and dread. “I need it.”

“Well, I do get that. I do. I know.” She wishes she could make it easy for him, that he didn’t have to struggle so hard just to stay afloat and be himself.

She knows she’s right about one thing. Waystar might be the thing to keep him on the right path, but Logan isn’t.

“Well, if you do this, really- you have to take out your dad. We both want you to stay in this good place.” He nods, but he’s getting tired of feeling like a project. “And Logan has proven he isn’t going to help with that. So, if you do this…” She takes another breath. “I can only get behind it if you honestly think this is going to work and he’s going to be out. Is this going to work?”

“Yeah. He’s going out. We’re winning this. It’s my time.” He tries to get though to her so she’ll feel the excitement he’s been feeling all week at the prospect of getting it all back somehow. He’s trying not to let it drop just because he feels like Sandy and Stewy are using him. “I mean, come on, this is- this is the plan. I-” He pauses and realizes she really might not be behind his life plan at all. “I want this.”

He tries to stay levitated and lifts his head, looking at her expectantly. She takes too long to exhale.

“Yeah. Okay. Good. If it’s going to work, then good. Sure,” she says. He looks so disappointed and breaks eye contact as he blinks down and lays his head back down slowly. It makes her sad to feel his positive energy dissolve. She’d almost forgotten how sensitive he is when he tells her about a big idea and she worries about the assumptions he’s probably making.

“Hey, I do believe in you.” She waits for him to look back at her but he keeps his eyes down. She tilts her head to look at him more closely and playfully jostles him. “Come back. I only want what’s going to make you happy.”

“Well, I’m doing this- this is the plan,” he tells her half-heartedly. He tries to focus on imagining everyone’s impressed faces when he’s killing it. “You, Stewy, Sandy, Roman, you’ll see when it works.”

“Ouch. I am not grouped with them!” She says as lightly as she can. He shrugs.

“I mean-“ he gestures at her. She used to joke about them being Waystar royalty someday. He remembers the time she put a paper crown on his head in his home office and called him “your highness” all afternoon. He’d laughed and shaken his head, but he hadn’t taken it off. He wants that back. He mentally adds getting her faith back to his to-do list.

“No- I know you can do this,” she assures him. “I do. As long as you can- handle it all, and it’s really what you want.”

“I can. And it is.” She takes it in for a second and silently sighs.

“Okay. Then I’m with you.”

He looks at her and she nods, holding his gaze for a moment so he’ll know she means it. And so she can look a little longer.

She brushes her hand over the stubble on his cheek and he feels a bit better.

“You know, this is sexy,” she says as she moves him down so she can feel it brushing her neck. He smiles a little into her skin.

“Yeah? You like the unemployed look?”

She laughs.

“Never working, that’s always been your problem.”

“Uh huh.”

“Hey, you know what you can do when you don’t have to go to work?”

He thinks.

“Honestly, no. What?”

“Spend the whole… day… in bed.”

“Mmm,” she feels him smile again and he pulls her closer against him.

“The kids have playdates tomorrow, and you might be glad to know I found that green thing, so…”

He pulls back just to look at her and she sees his eyes flash in the dark.

“Seriously?”

He’s so easy to rile up.

“Yeah. I’m not as boring as you think.” He chuckles.

“You could never be boring. It’s actually good you don’t wear stuff like that around the house or I’d never go to work. Or- uh, out. But to be clear, you’re definitely wearing it tomorrow, right?”

She gives him a flirty smile.

“Yes.” She puts her forehead on his and sees the little spark coming back into his eyes.

He moves back down to his usual sleeping spot and kisses her shoulder. She’s so glad he’s coming back to being himself this week. The energy has returned. He has a mission. She hopes he knows he has support.

“I missed you. I’m glad you’re back,” she says as she hugs him.

“Me too.”

Chapter 10 💗

#Enjoy 1x08 Prague but mostly fixed #THANK YOU to everyone reading this for your patience <3 #sending sooo much love to you ❤️#also this took forever because Living+ inspired me and I had to add a bunch #kendall roy #rava roy #how deep my love goes #kendall x rava #kenrava #kenrava fic #kendall roy fic #succession #succession fic #succession writing

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