Tumgik
#*head in my hands .png*
carrotkicks · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
this place feels familiar...
991 notes · View notes
imminent-danger-came · 2 months
Text
Like my absolute fear in this scene. I forget how scary it is. I forget
Tumblr media
143 notes · View notes
hychlorions · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media
apollo justice did you try to torch me apollo justice
148 notes · View notes
coffee-bat · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
it's complicated
259 notes · View notes
lilliesthings · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
Gimme Spencer taking Luke's hand in the only words that I'd known, please <3
@derberter thank you for indulging me ❤️
@foggyblues-ralvez psssst
293 notes · View notes
tvheadfalls · 1 year
Text
ANYWAY im sure it can be smth where one day ill just go fuck it and get out of my head and start posting whatever the fuck. i just need 2 vent
16 notes · View notes
castielsparkle · 10 months
Text
oopsies thats why i couldnt find it (was looking for birth certificate when i was supposed to be looking for death certificate)
2 notes · View notes
maggot-baggage · 1 month
Text
Sorry for bein broke on da dash do yall still think im sexy
0 notes
bilolli · 2 months
Text
Just Dance Care AU!
Ok ok so I thought of a story for this Au but it’s nothing really impactful or full of drama and angst like my other au’s, I wanted to leave this au easy and fun to play around, because, let’s say it. Just Dance and drama in the same sentence makes me laugh. 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
story and PNG version under the cut!
(I gave up on Y/n design because I couldn't figure out a general look for them. This is you we are talking about! Draw your own JD fit, I'll draw mine soon XD)
Anyway here’s the story so far: 
Year 2029, videogames industry made a huge step forward and classic consoles and devices were substituted by the new and upgraded VR headsets with full body tracking. It’s something like the NerveGear in Sword Art Online without the kill switch. Some games still require you to actually move your body (like fitness games or sports because yeah, they don’t have a purpose otherwise). 
Y/n wanted to buy the newest VR headset but, while searching for the best offer, they found out FazCo entertainment was hosting a giveaway, the prize? One of their prototypes, a VR meant to be released the next year coinciding with the opening of their first mega pizza plex.
(so the plex doesn’t exist right now). You decide to sign up for the giveaway and after a while you receive an email telling you you won the VR headset and that, to claim it, you need to read and sign a series of NDA policies (understandable, it’s a prototype headset that’s not even in commerce). Some clauses are a little bit concerning but nothing you hadn’t read on other electronics booklets, so you decide to sign. After, like, a day, you have the VR in your hands. 
The box let you know with super saturated and colorful writing, that the VR came with a game pre-installed inside. Uh, that’s why they were giving one away, they wanted a free game tester…but you know what, it’s worth it.
You always liked Just Dance games, they make you think about happy memories of your childhood. This pre-installed game called “Five Dances at Freddy’s” is a close copy of your childhood game with original FazCo songs, characters, environments and also some collaborations with other famous artists. It probably will be the cause of a big copyright infringement report.
There are various ways to play it: story mode, Casual dance, Five Dances, and Just Dance Care.
The first one is similar to the casual dance mode but with little cutscenes between a dance and another to tell a tale, Casual dance is how you can play the collab songs, Five Dances is the multiplayer mode and Just Dance Care is a more uhhhh “hard” way to play the game with all the other modes mixed in it. You stare at the description of the last mode smirking and decide to try it first just to see how far you can get before losing (yes you can lose in hard mode in this Just Dance, but you don’t die, you just have to restart from the beginning). Turns out the FazCo wasn’t kidding when they advertised the new headset as a breakthrough in the world of virtual reality headsets, the thing TRANSPORTED you inside the game itself. 
You almost have a heart attack when you can’t find your VR on your head, but before you can try something you are blocked by two tall individuals who you think are the “tutorial” characters. 
Yadda yadda, tutorial, you can pause the game and exit whenever you need just by opening an hidden menu, you find out your tutorial characters are called Sun and Moon and that you are way worse than you remembered at dancing (damn full body tracking, there is no way you are going to do a cartwheel in the middle of a dance, you still don’t know if your body is inside your home and if you’ll physically feel pain if you fall and you don’t want to find out).
You pass an embarrassingly long time trying to win your first dance battle just to discover it was still the tutorial. 
You try to go on with the story but you fail at the first real battle with a bear character named Freddy. 
And guess what? You have to start again from the tutorial! Y/n is gonna spend A LOT of time with Sun and Moon if this goes on.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
515 notes · View notes
chiriwritesstuff · 4 months
Text
The Girl in IT - Chapter 5 - Pony - Sneak Peek!
Tumblr media
Oops??! What happens when our favorite technology-inept CEO accidentally posts a 🍆 pic to the wrong Slack channel...
Chapter 5 out this weekend!
Sneek Peek under the cut!
Connie leans in, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper as you stroll into the office. Her hand cups her mouth as she shares the latest gossip with Jesse in Engineering.
"Have you heard? Apparently, Joel is getting cozy with someone in the company," she discloses, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Did you catch that Slack message? Wow, what a lucky girl—"
"Or lucky guy," Jesse interjects with a smirk. "'Baby' could be anyone."
Connie turns her attention to you, a playful grin on her face. "Hey Sugar, what's your take? I'm thinking Joel is packing an 8-incher—"
Your eyes widen, and you interrupt in a huff, trying to hide your embarrassment. "What are you even talking about?"
"The Slack message! The admin channel is blowing up!" Connie exclaims. "Don't tell me you missed it on your phone? I haven't seen this many replies since Tommy accidentally sent a dick pic last year. Didn't think Joel had it in him—"
Panic sets in as you pull out your phone, unlocking it to find hundreds of Slack notifications. Your eyes widen in shock. "OH MY GOD!"
#MCG ADMIN 50 members Joel Hi baby, someone's missing you today ;P 0003.png - image sent to Miller Construction Group Chat He's been waiting for your sweet pie, why don't you head on over here and warm him up... Baby? Playing coy with me now  Don't be shy... Tommy JOEL?   WRONG CHANNEL WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Connie (Reception) OH. MR. MILLER YOU DOG YOU 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆 Frank (Interior Design) Well.   Ain't that something. Huh. Wow. WOW. 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆 Bill (Civil) FRANK! Eugene (Electrical) Well. Thats some fine 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆 you have there! Sarah (HR) DAD?? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? THANK GOD ELLIE IS NOT ON THIS CHANNEL... Could you please do yourself a favor and delete that? I'm just going to keep messaging  Guys, please disregard Joel's messages. I would like to remind you that sending images of this nature is prohibited and NOT acceptable. Please do not use this channel for any inappropriate behavior. Oh my GOD. Tommy Sugar? can you please delete these messages? SUGAR? WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU GIRL?? Tess Shit. I sent her on-site. FUCK. Anyone have her key to her office? SARAH?
115 notes · View notes
melinoelliones · 2 days
Text
Jax NSFW Alphabet
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I don't even know how I managed to forget to do his NSFW Alphabet... So anyways here it isss
Jax - Heat Part 2 is coming btw!!! It's almost done. Click here to read Jax Heat Part 1 if you haven't read already!
What I think he would do may not align with what YOU think he would do! I have tried to make this mostly gender neutral but I fear I slipped a bit of x Fem Reader is there. Also sorry for the ugly banner, his png's aren't great lmao.
My writing skills have fallen off since I've been off for like what 2 months, but I am working on getting better!!
Tumblr media
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Jax is the type to talk over what you guys just did in bed, maybe mock you a bit but it always follows up with him smothering you in kisses and ass grabs. His large grin shows as he pulls you closer knowing you get embarrassed when he mocks you. 
“?!&% ?!&% ?!&%, feels so good” he moans out, mocking your previous words as you hide your head into his chest in hopes that you’ll disappear from this world. “I’m just kidding babe, you’re so hot when you do it. Lets me know i’m doing it right yanno” he jested, slapping his hand against your ass before pulling you tighter into his chest.
B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Jax likes his hands the most. Them in contrast to your body drives him crazy, and seeing his fingers in you is insane.
His favourite part of you would be your stomach or thighs for sure. He’s a thighs guy, what can I say. When you and the guys are hanging out, he is 100% sitting with his head on your thighs or just between your legs like its nothing.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Anywhere and everywhere. He loves to cover you in it, your perfect body being defiled by his cum is everything to him. Only he gets to do that to you, you’re his property and he can do whatever he wants with it.
He also just likes filling you with it, after rounds and rounds he gets to watch it slowly try and seep out of your precious holes.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He enjoys watching you get off, he could sit and watch like it was a tv show. Bonus points if he can guide you through it, making you edge yourself until you ignore his commands and he has to come over and punish you.
His oral fixation comes in waves, having your tits in his mouth is like heaven. He will never tell a single soul that, even you, but we all know it. 
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
A part of me wants to say that in the outside world he’s a raging virgin, now he’s in the circus so he can just go crazy.
But another part of me wants to say he’s super experienced, but he’s never been with someone like you. Not even in a stereotypical way, but he’s just not usually into you as a type.
F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)
Mutual masterbation where ya’ll are side by side. From time to time he’ll just slide his free hand over to your body and play with it too.
Doggy but he’s so unserious with it. He’ll put his foot up by your head to make sure to get as deep as he can into you.
Cowgirl/riding and reverse cowgirl for sure. His hands are so large that they can carry your body with ease, so being in these positions means when he wants me he can just place them above your hips and slam you into him. Then he gets to watch your stomach bulge out with each stroke and your face contort.
“?!&%, well would you look at that” Jax hissed, skimming his fingertips across your stretched skin as he took in the sight of the bulge protruding from your stomach. 
Jax let out a small chuckle before grabbing your hand and placing it over the hump, “you feel that doll? You feel how full you are hmm?”. Your glossy eyes glanced into his as he began to thrust into you, your palm rising and falling with each one.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
He can be humorous but most times I don’t even think it’s intentional.
Like if he was to say “woahhh, easy there tiger. If you go that fast you’ll cum before me, and you know that's not allowed”. I’d probably laugh but he’s dead serious.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Canonically… probably none.
To ME, he wouldn’t care to keep himself trimmed up nice. It’s a bit crazy down there but I don’t care.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
He can be both super romantic and just zoned in.
“?!&% babe keep going, my cock feels so good in that pretty throat of yours”
“Oh you poor thing, are you tired? But I’m not finished with you yet, so looks like we have a little bit longer to go”
“You’re mine, my personal fuck toy remember? So come over here, let me use your body for a bit”
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Why would he get off himself when he has you? You can fulfill every need and more at any given time.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Dacryphilia for sure, he mocks you for crying but he want more always
“Are you crying?” he cooed, grinning as he looked down at your sweet face, your tears mixing with your saliva at the corners of your lips.
“Awww you poor thing, bit off more than you can chew did we? Better finish off what you started, you’re doing so well, I’ll make sure to paint that pretty little throat of yours white” Jax growled, caressing your damp lower face with his hand and sliding his cock deeper down your throat, your gargles slowly inching him closer and closer to ecstasy. That and the fact he could see you rubbing your thighs together for your own enjoyment.
Overstimulation and edging for sure, he’s the ultimate tease. There are days he will make you edge yourself over and over again until you can’t any longer, just to then take over and overstimulate you till your body is a mess.
Free use and CNC 100% You guys have nothing but spare time, so having you at his disposal at all times is perfect. He doesn’t care the location, who’s around or who could come around. If he wants it, he’ll have it, and everyone else will have to deal with it.
“B~But Gangle is looking for us J~Jax”, “So? Why the hell do I care? That crybaby won’t say a word regardless. I want to fill you up right here and now n no one will stop me from doing so” he vowed, unbuckling his overalls with one hand and leaning you over the railing with the other.
L = Location (favourite places to do they do)
Anywhere, he legit does not care where. He does enjoy public places though as he enjoys watching your nervous face when you hear the others roaming around, and he gets to feel you clench around him as they get closer due to fear.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
You being a brat, he likes to fuck the brat out of you. 
Also just when you’re super needy, your body listens well when it wants something.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)
Toys on himself, he really isn’t into it.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Is it bad if I say his preference is receiving? Not saying he doesn’t give, but he prefers to get head.
“Ugh fine, stop with the frowning already and come over here before I change my mind” Jax huffed, rolling his eyes as he gestured for you to go to him. Sometimes he would act as if he didn’t want it, but he thoroughly enjoyed having you on his face, your thighs encasing his face as he got to play with you. 
“Remember dollface, I’m the one in control here, so I’ll have you here until all you can focus on is my tongue against you”
He enjoys head, so much so that he just has to fuck you after every time.
“?!&% you did so good, so ?!&%ing good baby” he breathlessly huffed, tangling a large portion of your hair into his hand and sliding you off of his dripping cock, a mixture of spit and cum still connecting you to it as he yanked you up. 
Before you could even really comprehend what was going on, your lips met his, resulting in the neediest of kisses. You hadn’t even had a chance to take a breath before, both of your hands now roughly exploring eachothers bodies, you both wanted nothing more than to be one.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Both. Sometimes he just needs to be balls deep in you, crashing into you with no remorse. Other times he likes to take it slow and and make sure you feel every touch.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Daily. Not much else to do is there.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
All the time, again, y'all have endless time so why not?
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
He can go like 4-5 rounds back to back, others just 2 but a load of oral in between.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
On you he loves them, especially the vibes. Making you have one on you while you guys are with the others is like entertainment for him. Having to watch you squirm in silence while the others stare, oblivious as to why you're so antsy. 
“Are you okay? You’re acting like Pomni right now?”, “They’re fineeee, aren’t you? Go on, tell them” Jax jested, turning up the vibe as you went to open your mouth, knowing full well you wouldn’t be able to form a straight sentence with it that high.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
To the point that it could drive one insane.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
He isn’t too loud but he likes to dirty talk, he knows it turns you on.
“Does my cock feel that good? You’re drooling”
“Go on, cum on this cock. Make sure everyone knows it’s yours”
“You think Caine can see us right now hmm? Lets put on one hell of a show for him, I know he probably has one hell of a filthy mind. If he didn’t, wouldn’t he have stopped up by now?”
“You’re so ?!&%ing lucky I can’t breed you in this place”
“Do you want the others to hear you? Because you aren’t too good at holding your tongue”
“I’m gonna fill you up nice and good, only I can violate this, it’s mine”
“Stop covering your mouth, I need to hear how well I fuck you”
W = Wild card (a random dirty headcanon for the character)
He wants to watch you fuck someone else, just so he can see how pathetic they are at making you feel good. Only he can make you cum, only he knew your sweet spots and what you liked. You’re practically molded to him, you are his and no one will compare, but he wants to watch someone try.
Jax watched as one of the NPC’s he had snuck in frantically fucking you, your fake moans only making him sigh heavily in the chair at the end of the bed. He was almost getting annoyed at the fact that this NPC was barely even trying, he was just using your body at this point. 
“Don’t worry baby, I’ll make sure you actually cum” Jax reassured, caressing your cheek before making his way to your legs, “A* for effort but you’re done” he scowled, shoving the NPC aside before he could even consider defiling your body any further.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Its girthy and long. It took you a long time to get use to, but now nothing else can satisfy you.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
It can go from wanting it everyday to just tired of it.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)
It can be pretty instant after the aftercare, but even while asleep his body still pulls you into him for security.
128 notes · View notes
lukall705 · 3 months
Note
Hey, how are you? I would like to request tachihara x f!reader shy (or gn)!! I was enchanted by your headcanons about chuuya, thank you very much for writing 🩷🩷
Hi!! i'm doing well thank you for asking:) I'm happy to hear that you liked my chuuya headcanons:D
This might be oocT_T
TW: horrible smut
I wasn't sure if you wanted Nsfw or just normal so i made both:) hope you like it!! also i made the reader Afab gender neutral
Tachihara x Shy!GN!Reader
______________________________________________________________
Normal:
Yall are completely opposite from each other
Like hes loud and cheerful guy, while you are a quiet girl
He reminds me sm of this meme https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/853/850/20b
He probably is the type of boyfriend to freak out if they got your order wrong
"baby its okay i'll just eat i-" "NU UH"
Anyways if you hide behind him when meeting new people his heart will melt cuz he thinks you're cute
He's always trying to act tough around ypu, but the seacond you hold his hand, he'll melt into a puddle
Since hes in the mafia AND the hunting dogs, he gets paid a lot of money (another rich mf)
Loves to spoil you>_<
Buys you dresses and other clothes just to see you're flustered face when you wear them for him
I headcanon that he's a bit shy so you might be able to make him blush if you give him sudden kisses
"babe" "yes love?" *smashes lips against his* "woah(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)"
you guys just stand there looking away from each other
Cuddle bug, loves to cuddle you
loves to lay his head on your chest and stare into your eyes to see if you try to hide your face (this seems so ooc wtf)
NSFW:
Hes probably a bit shy during sex too!
hes scared of hurting you
He gets super turned on by the way you hold onto him, moan his name and grip his hair
He has a tongue piercing and he likes to tease your clit with it ٩(◕‿◕)۶
Asked if you wanted to get matching piercings once (a dick and clit piercing)
he teases your nippleas by pulling and biting them>_<
His fave position is this one https://sexpositions.club/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/7_7_2.png in front of a mirror
He holds your legs with one arm and uses the other one to make you look at yourself
"..look how pretty you are baby..~"
if you two shower together it'll most likelly end up with you two having shower sex
If you're sore after sex he'll feel bad and massage you<3
______________________________________________________________
I suck at writing smut what the hell
Anyways i hope you liked this!>_<
(please comment, it gives me motivation to write more T_T)
109 notes · View notes
imminent-danger-came · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media
Just my kids laying down together with their weapons inherited from dead men
123 notes · View notes
majimassqueaktoy · 6 months
Text
yakuza fans will have any mfers fucking, 1 million random ships with any random fuckin characters fuckin AND I RESPECT IT- SMASH THOSE PNGS TOGETHER BABY I SUPPORT YOU but then comes little Baba Shigeki with his snatched ass waist, nastygal.com black ribbed for his pleasure turtle neck big sparkly anime girl eyes and hes a femme fatale??? TRAPPED ON A MOUNTAIN TOP SNOWY SNOWY COLD WITH BIG STRONG WARM SAEJIMA?? AND HES OH SO EVIL he's got his scheme and its working Oh saejima youre so naive... I played you for a fool and you fell for it ALL you believed me.... but now you know... you have to die....... So only one of us can leave here alive then? STOP HESITIATIN BABA-CHAN PULL THE TRIGGER I DONT CARE IF YOUR A LITTLE LYING DECEIVER I WONT BE THE ONE TO KILL YOU BABA-CHAN so go on then- shoot me. I will shoot you... But why did you come back for me when I was lost in that blizzard. you should have ABANDONED ME you put your life at risk just for me.... WHY?????? I CALLED YOU ANIKI BC I LOOKED UP TO YOU !!!!!! you're my kyodai of course I went back for you. the bond we got? it's there even if we dont make it official with some dusty old ritual- YOURE MY KYODAI NO MATTER WHETHER YA LIKE IT OR NOT BABA-CHAN! STOP CALLING ME THAT IM GONNA SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FUCKIN HEAD IF YOU KEEP CALLING ME THAT. NO THE FUCK YOU ARENT, BABA-CHAN. I will beat your ass into the ground but then I'm gonna offer you my big ol calloused hand and we will share a cigarette and we WILL MEET AGAIN and you cunts saw all that and almost no one has shit to say??? ALMOST NO ONE IS FROTHIN AT THE MOUTH? MATE. mate. UNFATHOMABLE TO ME. Anyway.
143 notes · View notes
astarionposting · 5 months
Text
I’m at work right now, but I feel like doing gifs/portraits of tavs tonight once I get home… if anyone wants to allow me to borrow their tav/oc to make some gifs and portraits, send me a dm and/or ask into my inbox!! <3
I’ll need all the info for their mods and all the customization stuff so I can apply it into my game. Also an idea of what kind of scene/theme you would like + colour palette (since some may want it different from what I usually do)
If you play on console and maybe are missing out on mods (but have an idea of what your modded tav would look like), I’m happy to do so as well ! 😊
EDIT: forgot to add, the photos will be 4K and I can email the original PNG files to you as well for higher quality downloading. The gifs quality aren’t guaranteed to be suuuper amazing because it honestly depends on the length/colour complexity of the gif, but I can also export a higher quality (over 10mb) gif and send it by email if you wish.
ANOTHER EDIT: A lot of people are concerned about if there are a limited number of slots. I have no limit as of right now and will be taking every request that is sent to me until I impose a limit (which I probably won’t). If I receive a lot, it will just be first come, first serve and MAY take like 2-3 days MAX. I pretty much do nothing with my life except play games, sleep and go to work lol.
Thought i'd do a template to make it easier if you aren't sure what I need to know:
Picture of your tav/oc
DETAILS
Name: Race: Head: Body type: Skintone: Scar: Skin details: Eyes: Body art: Piercings: Makeup: Eyes- Lips- Hairstyle: Haircolour:
CLOTHING LIST
head: neck: body: hands: shoes:
MOD LIST
(links to your mods)
THEME
(what kind of scene/theme did you have in mind?)
COLOUR PALETTE
(a general colour palette, e.g. cool tones, focus on blue hues, dark and gloomy or warm tones, focusing on orange/yellow tones, bright and cozy)
63 notes · View notes
fireflylitsky · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Okay, Akatsuki cooking Headcanons, are they good in the kitchen??? Itachi- What he’s learned to cook, he does so very well, but only knows a few simple recipes his mother taught him. He's a perfectionist and would rather master the egg flip than have an arsenal of ‘okay’ meals under his belt. 
Kisame- An absolute grill master. If you want rare, you get rare. Medium rare? No problem. All he needs to do is poke it with a finger and he knows just when to pull it off the grill. Ask him for well done and he’ll shame you the entire time it takes to cook, but yeah, he can do that too. He knows fancy spatula/tong flipping tricks and will show off even if no one’s looking. Hidan got him an apron that says “Fuck the cook” and Kisame wears it every chance he gets, and if he’s drunk enough, with nothing underneath.
Sasori- Food is for the weak.
Deidara- He definitely thinks he’s a good cook. The others refuse to eat his creations on the assertion that if he has mouths on his hands, it’s unsanitary, but really he just goes crazy with spices and hot sauce.
Hidan- Is Hidan good in the kitchen? Of course he is. The counter is the perfect height. When it comes to cooking though, he’s impatient and always cranks the heat, then whines when it tastes burnt. That doesn’t stop him from eating it, and it definitely doesn’t stop him from burning it next time either.
Kakuzu- No one has any clue if Kakuzu is a good cook because he won’t do it for anyone but himself. He buys the food he wants in the exact quantities required. None is ever wasted. He is a meal prep king and reserves a spot in the fridge for all his perfectly portioned leftovers. Anyone to touch them dies.
Konan- She knows the basics, but she’s a woman with a lot of shit to deal with, so she turns to instant ramen a lot. Whenever one of the guys teases her for not being a better cook, because apparently that’s expected of her, she will make them something purposefully disgusting and forces them to finish it. No one really says anything disparaging about her cooking anymore.
Nagato- Lol just no. The man knows nothing of cooking, but Konan ensures he eats.
Pein- As a corpse being piloted by an unhinged trauma-ridden friend, no. No, he is not much of a cook.
Zetsu- Doesn’t believe in cooking. 
Tobi/Obito- Tobi would not be a good cook. Obito knows this and loses a piece of his soul every time he has to purposely fuck up a meal just to stay in character, because Obito is actually quite a good cook. The man just wants to make beautiful, braised meats and savory soups and instead he’s stuck pretending to not know the difference between soy sauce and maple syrup. He pretends to enjoy sugar-filled, rainbow colored treats because that is what Tobi would like.
Orochimaru- This motherfucker is so extra. His cooking is gourmet. He fully intends on enjoying his immortal life and that means each meal should be a treat. Of course he gets busy and doesn’t always have time, in which case he opts for something quick and efficient—he has a whole ass recipe book for smoothies alone with all his favorites dog-eared and he tells Kabuto they taste better when he makes them.
(Thanks to @mooshi-png for the Kisame in that fucking apron hc lmao, it lives in my head permamently)
597 notes · View notes