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#(or--lets be real--eating taco bell)
0junemeatcleaver0 · 1 year
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JUST POPPING IN TO SAY I MISS YOU AND YOUR POSTS!!!!
🥹💖💕
I MISS YOU*, TOO. 💖 I haven't been doing much online (other than watching bootlegged Pete & Pete episodes on YouTube) because I've been so busy lately. Hopefully everything will calm down soon but until then, I'm just gonna be a tired ghost very lazily haunting fandom. 💖💖💖
*all of you moots.
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lunarpiscesangel · 1 year
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I have reached a point in my life, especially after the traumatic high stress legal shit I went through this last year at the hands of my own mother, that I do not give a flying fuck anymore about how people perceive me. If you do not respect me, if you try to control me, if you’re fake as fuck, I will literally call you the fuck out and let you have it. I do not have the time or energy anymore. My childhood into my young adult years was spent people pleasing and putting myself in harms way. I’m done. I had so much peace and joy robbed from me this last year. So much. That part of reclaiming my power is not taking shit from people that I know do not genuinely have my best interests at heart. I will let myself be angry, and I will let myself come across as even mean at times. I don’t care. I am protecting my energy and my mental health forever more. No more manipulative and fake and entitlement bullshit. Bye bye !!!! Can’t do it !! My circle of friends that I consider family, is so tiny, it doesn’t even make a circle, but that is alright with me because I know they are folks who meet me with love, compassion, integrity, and accountability. That’s the shit I wanna be surrounded with and the characteristics I hold myself to. And I will hold those around me to that as well.
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solemntitty · 8 months
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why are fast food sites and apps so shit to try and look up anything on. i can't find the subway menu bc it wants to know my location like dude i just want to know your standard menu. there's no way your menu varies that much between locations that you need me to share my location
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s-4pphics · 11 months
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let the rain sing. 4 (a.a)
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wc;cw: 7k, dadsbestfriend!abby, lawstudent!oc, large age gap(oc is 25, abby is mid 40s), abby is bi<3, slight angst yall know the deal, brief mentions of familial death, cigarettes, nasty sloppy sex MDNI, dubcon(they sipped a little), couch action :p, eating out no taco bell(pussy and ass), tribbing, meantop!abby, strength kink, lots of dirty talk, breeding kink😳😳, mult. orgasms, BREEDING STRAP(idk how they work im sowwie if it’s not accurate :/), slight d!p, body fluids(spit, fake and real cum LOL), UNPREPPED ANAL PLS DONT DO THIS, dumbification, degradation kink, pain kink it’s me duh, hair pulling, slapping, slight mirror sex??
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The holiday season passed, and you were standing on Abby’s porch with your tail between your legs and exhaustion weighing you down. 
You’ve never been… nervous to see Abby. Whenever you arrived at her home, you were eager and desperate to be in her presence so she could take care of you, but now you were nauseas at the thought of using her that way. And it was all your fault. 
You haven’t spoken to her since the Christmas party. You didn’t know what to say. How do you approach somebody that you think hates you after an encounter like that? She went from rightfully kicking you out of her home to rubbing your pussy through your pants without care. In front of your entire family despite your mutual rules, and you didn’t even care enough to stop her. It almost felt like you switched places for the night: she was impulsive and irresponsible, and you allowed her to be, just like how she used to when she handled your demanding attitude. You wished she touched you more before she respectfully departed your parents’ home. 
You wanted to speak with Abby properly. You never thought you would be willing to sacrifice your kryptonite once you found it, but she didn’t deserve to be dragged along and solve your problems anymore. Your heart still hurts at the thought of making her cry and leaving her to it. You’re such an idiot. 
You called her before you showed up, but she didn’t answer. You don’t blame her for being distant, but she deserves an in-person explanation as to why you should never see her again. You’re a trainwreck and you need to deal with that alone, no matter how exhausting the journey would be. 
The sun was setting when you finally exited your car knocked on her door, looking down at your scuffed boots that dug into the melting ice on her porch. You wanted to check to see if her key was still in the same spot under her rug, but you refrained. Your heart filled when you noticed her unique little Christmas decorations still dangling from her door and windows. She loved her flowers, for sure.
When the door yanked open, your heart dropped, and your stomach did somersaults. 
Abby was dolled up in a red dress under a black trench coat with matching red nails and shoes, sparkling jewelry, and her hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail that cascaded down the back of her neck. She looked fucking gorgeous, and your throat went dry. She leaned against the frame as she eyed you, shock evident on her face. 
Don’t fold, don’t fold, don’t fold!
You watched her surprise swiftly shift into confusion and… aggravation? Your heart sunk further into the floor, but you held her gaze. 
“What’re you doing here?” 
Her voice made your heart squeeze painfully; You missed it terribly, regardless of how stiff she sounded. 
You took a shuddering breath, “… Hi, Abby.” 
She ignored your greeting, “What are you doing here?” She sounded like she was in a rush, and you wanted to cry. 
You swallowed harshly, “I-I know you’re probably busy, but I’m— “
“Look, I can’t deal with this right now. I have somewhere to be,” she quietly huffed with agitation like someone would hear, adjusting the shining watch on her wrist to check the time. You could feel her pulling away. 
It felt like every cell in your body was dying, your brain fighting on its last legs to conjure up a reply to get her to stay and speak with you. You would’ve dropped down to your knees if it wasn’t freezing. Is this how she felt whenever you would shut her down to fuck? Nausea came in waves. 
“I don’t,” you weren’t shaking from the cold. “I don’t wanna do anything. I just wanna… apologize.” 
She rolled her eyes at you, “Keep it. Are you done? I gotta leave soon.”
You were motionless, your hands squeezed into fists in your coat pockets as tears jerked in your eyes and lips quivered. Don’t fucking cry!
Your brain didn’t fight hard enough because she shook her head when you didn’t comment, reaching for the door to slam it in your face. It forced you into action, shoving your arm between the open space to stop the wood from shutting completely. You couldn’t control the panic you felt at the thought of her hating you. You don’t remember the last time you cried like this. 
“A-Abby, please, I’m so sorry, I can’t,” your heaving picked up as you sobbed to her. “I can’t stop thinking a—bout you and I feel awful and I know you hate me, and you s-should but’m so sorr—y. Please, I can’t— “
Abby seemed unsure through your watery gaze, the tensity in her face dropping slowly as she gauged you. You felt her wrap a light hand around your bicep as you broke down, ushering you inside with soft shushes. 
You listened and followed her guide to the couch, taking a seat as you cried out your apologies to her. Your wails overpowered the volume of her coos; She was too fucking nice. 
She stood over your sitting form, her soft, rose-scented hands holding your chin as she massaged the back of your pounding head. “Shhh, stop crying, stop.”
Your eyes met hers, and your heart burned, “M’sorry— “
She sighed, “We’re gonna… we’re gonna talk, okay?” 
You nodded, sniffing harshly. You didn’t deserve her hospitality, and you felt guilty accepting her courtesy. Had you really been so heartless to such a gentle soul?
She hummed, “Want some water?” 
You didn’t answer. 
She took your silence as approval and made her way to the kitchen. 
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You calmed down. Slightly. Abby was able to remove your coat and boots without fuss; You were too busy blowing your nose with the soft tissues she handed to you. 
Abby sat next to you on the couch, earrings, coat, and heels removed and slung on the floor near the coffee table. She allowed you to take some sips of your water before she spoke, voice as soft as ever. 
“Okay to talk?” 
You nodded, setting your glass down on the decorative table and using your sleeves to wipe your still wet face. 
You took a deep breath. A few deep breaths, and she let you. 
But when you finally opened your mouth to speak, her phone rang. 
Both your eyes darted towards the coffee table; a contact named DON’T ANSWER read across the screen. Your brows furrowed in confusion, eyes gliding between her and her device. You’ve never seen Abby have a negative reaction towards anyone except you; Who did she not want to answer? 
She sighed heavily, reaching towards her phone to mute the ringing. A few moments of silence passed, and the call ended, but the caller popped up again. 
She tsked, reaching for her device with agitation. She answered it, annoyance evident in her tone. 
“I'm not coming. Stop calling me.” 
Your ears perked with intrigue. Was she meant to meet with someone tonight? She sounded so upset. 
Some distant ramblings came through her earpiece before she shot back at the person she was speaking to, “I don’t care. It’s not up to you!” 
The person got louder with her, the voice masculine. You saw Abby roll her eyes as she listened to the shouts. Why was she getting screamed at?
She spat nastily at the man before hanging up. “Fuck you. Don’t call me anymore tonight.”
She turned her phone off and tossed it onto the longue chair near the TV before turning back to you, the flame in her eyes slowly extinguishing. 
“Sorry,” she breathed awkwardly, massaging her temples. 
You shook your head, “Don’t apologize, I’m in your home. You can do what you want.” 
She hummed at you, her expression suddenly distant. She wasn’t looking at you, but at the hand that rested on your knee. Why was that making your body hot?
“I really came at a bad time, huh?” You huffed.
“Mhm,” she answered before backtracking. “I hate talking to him.” 
You spoke before you could think, “Who was it?”
“My ex.”
Your heart frosted over. 
“H-Husband?”
She nodded slowly, like it brought her shame to admit. You don’t know why that made your stomach churn with something red. Something fiery that you never felt. How long were they still in contact? You knew they weren’t on good terms due to Abby’s past dismissal of your questions about their past, but now you were really confused about where they stood. 
“D’you still talk to him?” 
“You interrogating me?” You stiffened at her tone, darkly sarcastic. Fuck, stop fucking up! 
You shook your head incessantly, “Not at all! Just… yeah, I don’t know why I asked that.” 
“What an honest lawyer,” you saw her lips curl upward into a smirk, and you exhaled a sheepish laugh, your hands squeezing into fists on your lap. She’s fucking gorgeous. 
“Not a lawyer yet.” 
She bit playfully, “Gonna be soon.” 
You made a noise in agreement before silence passed between you.
Abby’s voice made you look up. “We don’t see each other often, my ex and I. Not anymore at least.”
“… Oh. What were you guys going to do tonight?”
Abby shrugged, “Get drunk. Fuck probably.” 
You probably looked calm on the outside, but you felt every organ in your body burn like fire at her admission. You were stiff, your nails digging into your palms as grounding. Why are you getting so fucking pissed over them communicating? The fuck?
You couldn’t help yourself, “How come?” 
“It’s winter. We’re lonely and miss our daughter.” 
You felt like you were dunked into a bottomless tub of ice water. Your brain went into overdrive and your throat closed like you were going to cry again. 
She shook her head like nothing mattered, “Not the best coping mechanism, but.” 
“A-Abby— “
She cut you off, tone hushed, “We shouldn’t meet anymore, but he just… gets it. Gets me and what I’m still going through. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully get rid of him no matter how much I hate his guts.” 
You sat there and listened. This is the most personal conversation you’ve had with Abby since the first time you met. You finally met her eyes, waves of emotion flowing through them like ocean waves; You were here, and you wanted to listen to her. I’m sorry for shutting you down in the past. Please talk to me. 
You placed an encouraging hand on her bare shoulder, and she sighed, her eyes fluttering shut as you squeezed. She was so tired; You recognized exhausted stiffness from anywhere. 
“He’s the only… person I have, honestly. It’s really weird,” she huffed a laugh, rubbing her nose. “We had her alone, we raised her alone, I buried her without him, and now we just… drag each other along in our grief. She died such a long time ago and we’ve made no progress, but I can’t… I can’t leave him.” 
You could hear the pain in her voice as she spoke, and it tore you to pieces. You can’t imagine what the two of them went through after such a grave loss; You knew it was your parents’ biggest fear. You had no idea how to talk her through this wave she was experiencing, but both your hands flew down to grab hers in her lap. You rubbed and squeezed them tight, hoping she would accept your presence again. You have me! I’m here, too. I'm sorry I wasn't before, but I am now. 
She looked down at your locked fingers, shocked at the gesture. She released a shuddered breath and squeezed back, grabbing your hand like you would slip away. 
She continued, her eyes glossy, “We always meet up around this time of year. For anything. For sex, to cry together. We could spend hours yelling and screaming at each other and then walk out of each other’s lives like nothing happened, just to do it all over again. I’m so… fucking tired.”
You shook your head in understanding. She needed comfort, some solace, a distraction just as much as you did, even if it’s only for a second. You wish you knew a better way to appease her emotional needs, but you didn’t. You didn’t know what to say, so you did what you should’ve done a long time ago. 
She confided in you, and you listened to all of it. 
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Abby pulled out an expensive bottle of wine some time ago. You couldn’t stop smiling. 
Abby’s laugh was music to your ears, “I can’t believe I fucking did that!”
You shook your head as you beamed at her, “You don’t know how shook I was! I thought I was hallucinating! I don’t know what my cousin put in that fucking blunt, but I was on my ass the rest of the night.” 
You and Abby were facing each other, knees touching on the couch, in hysterics about the… events at the Christmas party. She tossed her expensive watch somewhere earlier, her posture content as she leaned back against the arm of her couch. You thought your first conversation after your argument would be much more unnerving, but you were both at ease and light. And a little tipsy. 
You weren’t sure how long you’d been at her house, but you didn’t want to leave. You’re so glad you came to see her. 
Her hands flew to cover her face, her face burning red, “I’m sorry. Aghh, I fuckin’ cringe. Jesus.”
You shrugged, “Great memories.” 
She hummed in agreement, her head tilting as her eyes wandered all over your face. Your face warmed, “You look pretty with your hair up.” 
She raised a brow at you, “Oh?”
“Um… yes,” you replied sheepishly. 
“I think that’s the first compliment you’ve given me,” she joked, but that made your heart hurt. 
“You’re really pretty, Abby,” you replied instantly, tone quiet as your heartbeat picked up. Her expression softened when she called out your name. 
You shook your head, eyes dropping to your hands in your lap, “I'm really sorry for yelling at you.” 
Her hand came up to lift your chin, “Hey. I’m not upset anymore. We’re gonna be fine, okay?” 
You nodded, eyes flickering between her mouth and eyes. She whispered your name again, thumb caressing your face. 
“Yes?” 
She whispered, inching forward slightly, “… How much trouble would I get in for kissing you right now?” 
Your tummy instantly swirled, and you grinned, “I dunno. A pretty good amount, I think.” 
She moved closer, tongue rolling over her lips as she eyed your mouth. 
Your breath shuddered, hand coming up to grab her wrist. You whispered as your face burned, “Kiss me?”
She snorted. Her nose brushed against yours, a smirk plastered on her face as she sniffed, “Yeah?”
Your core squeezed in approval. Abby released the hold she had on your face, strong arms wrapping around your waist to pull you closer. You followed, straddling her lap, arms looping around her neck. You could see the skirt of her dress riding up from beneath you when she stretched her legs out. She smelled like roses and Barolo. 
“Hi,” she whispered with a grin. 
You smiled back at her, “Hi.”
Her lips brushed against yours, “Kiss me.” 
You cheesed, mischievously pecking her cheek, and she stared at you blankly. You giggled and pinched her squishy cheeks. 
“Kiss me for real,” she scolded lightly. 
You snorted, poking the space where her dimples are, “Mmm, nah. changed my mind, actually.” 
“Oh yeah? Don’t wanna kiss me?” Her voice lowered. 
Goosebumps rose on your skin, but you shook your head at her anyway. Your defenses weakened when her grip tightened on your hips and head dropped, planting soft kisses down the expanse of your neck. You could feel her nails tickling the sensitive skin on your back as she softly caressed you. Your eyes went glossy. 
She mumbled against your neck, “Missed you.”
Your heart fluttered. You breathed, “Really?” 
“Mhm, couldn’t stop thinkin’ about you. Doesn’t matter how much you get on my fucking nerves,” her hands slowly crawled up your waist. 
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
How does she speak her mind so easily?! “Miss—missed you too.”
“Missed me touching you like this?” 
You nodded quickly, and her tongue swiped up the side of your neck. You breathed heavily in her ear, eager to touch her. You pulled back so you could see her face, friskiness dissipating when you connected your lips. She purred in your mouth, lips molding against yours as you grinded on top of her, her red lipstick transferring onto your mouth. 
You grabbed her soft cheeks in your hands, gasping when her hands slid down to grab your ass through your jeans. Her tongue licked into your mouth, and your toes curled in your socks. You missed kissing her so badly. 
She was kissing you stupid, tugging the hair at the back of your head as she sucked your bottom lip. You shakily brought your hands up to her ponytail to undo the elastic, and her locks fell down her back like liquid. Your arms wrapped around her neck to kiss her deeper, pulling tightly at her soft strands. 
She moaned into your mouth, sucking on your bottom lip, “Need some head?”
You nails dug into her shoulders, “Y-You don’t have t— “
She rolled her eyes, “It’s not for you, it’s for me. I was just tryna be polite.” 
Well.
“But I wan—“ 
Her hand came up to grab your chin. Fuck, you love when she does that. “Don’t care what you want actually. Lay down.”
You scurried off her like she was on fire, lying flat on the couch and ripping your sweater over your head, tossing it into the pile on the floor. Abby stood as you unbuttoned her jeans. You secretly watched as she unzipped her dress and allowed it to fall down her body. She was completely bare underneath. Your eyes followed the thin trail of hair that led down to her wet cunt, and it made you hot… in more ways than one; She was on a mission tonight, for sure. 
You shoved your jealousy down; She didn’t owe you anything, especially loyalty. You stared down at your busy hands.
You kicked your jeans off, a sock clumsily catching in your pant leg before they hit the floor. You were not prepared for spontaneous sex at all; One lonesome weed sock, panties with chocolate bars on them, and a gray lounge bra. 
You awkwardly scratched your ear and waited for Abby to move, but she didn’t. You looked up at her and noticed her just… staring at your torso. Her expression was unreadable as she took your body in, but you were about to die from her searing ogle. Your face was torched, even more so when she brought a gentle hand up, hooked her middle and index finger into the band of your bra. 
Her eyes bore into yours, silently asking for permission, and you nodded. She bit her lip, slowly raising the elastic band up your chest until your breasts dropped out. She played with the two of them, dark red nails digging into the soft skin, pinching at your nipples. You couldn’t stop squirming, watching her hand move on your body. You lifted your bra over your head and laid the bundled fabric over the back of the couch. 
“Turn over, baby. Wanna see something,” she barely whispered, patting your thigh encouragingly. 
You listened, flipping onto your hands and knees as she climbed on the couch behind you. You sighed happily when she massaged your ass in both hands, rubbing and pulling at your covered cheeks. You peered over your shoulder to watch her pull your sticky panties to the side. She was eyeing your pussy like she wanted to swallow you whole before her eyes flickered an inch up. She was staring at… 
Oh. Oh. 
You jokingly snarked at her, “Find whatchu lookin’ for?” 
Her eyes pierced through yours before she slapped the fuck out of your ass. Your body jerked forward at the force, eyes squeezing shut and groaning at the seering sting. Your head dropped on the arm of the couch.
She sneered at you, “I still feel some typa way. Be nice.” 
You gasped out, “M’so— “
“You’re sorry,” She squealed out mockingly. “I know. Be still.” 
She yanked your panties down your thighs, “Put your head down.” 
You dropped your head onto your crossed arms in front of you. Her hand rubbed down your spine to deepen your arch, pulling your hips farther up. 
“Hold it open for me, baby.” 
You whimpered and reached down between your legs, spreading the drippy folds of your cunt to expose your clit. You heard her curse behind you before you felt slow massages on your clit. They were so delicate, almost ticklish, and it made you shiver. 
Your walls squeezed down and you heard her moan behind you. She rubbed a bit faster, the soft, squishy noises from your cunt filling the room. You tried to push back on her fingers, but she harshly dug her nails into your hip to hold you still, pulling her fingers away from you. 
“Abby, please— “
She ignored you, prying your lips apart with her thumbs. Her breath hit your cunt as she slurred, “You trust me?” 
You nodded incessantly, “Yeah, baby, trust you, fuck, I trust you— “
Her lips sucked around your clit, and you bucked back on her face with force. She wasted no time, shoving two of her fingers inside you and curling them. She poked and prodded at your walls as she flicked your throbbing bud and holy fuck, you missed her so fucking bad—
You couldn’t help the noises that left your mouth when she hit your spot dead on, your walls milking her fingers with eagerness. You cried out her name as your orgasm pulled from deep within your gut, your fingers curling into fists into her couch cushions. The sounds your cunt made were becoming louder as your moans crescendo, your hips moving on their own accord to get her deeper inside you. 
Her tongue slowed on your clit, slowly licking up towards your entrance and… passed your entrance. She moved up, up, and her wet muscle swiped over your ass—
A sharp gasp shot through you, your head whipping around to face her. On any other occasion, she would’ve halted everything and checked in on you, but her fingers didn’t stop. Her thrusts were harsh and unrelenting, her eyes cutting through you, “Fuckin’ trust me, right?”
You sobbed when she slapped your still burning cheek, nodding your consent with tears streaming down your face. She didn’t hesitate to lick over your hole, her tongue sliding back and forth over the puckered entrance. 
“Abby, fuckfuckfuck, oh fuck— “
She hummed against your hole and your head dropped on the cushions completely, using your bent elbows as leverage to fuck back onto her face. 
She mumbled nastily against you, “Just needa be slutted out, baby? Yeah?” 
You could only whine and sob in reply before the strong squeezes of your orgasm built and built. You were right fucking there you just needed her to—
Her tongue shoved inside you, and your body seized and tensed under the pressure of your orgasm. It wracked through your body in waves as you wailed into the pillows beneath you, both sets of walls contracting through your pleasure. Your cunt milked her fingers with urgency, your juices dripping out of your entrance and down Abby’s wrist. She tongued you through the aftershocks. 
She slowly brought you back down as your pulses slowed, planting a kiss on the back of your thigh before pulling out. Exhaustion took over your body as she helped you get onto your back, your head propped up on the pillows behind you. You kicked your dangling panties off and allowed her to lift your leg over her shoulder. She climbed on top of you, straddling your resting thigh. You looked up at her and… the large vein in her biceps made you shiver. 
“A-Abby?” 
She grabbed your tit, “Hm.”
You whimpered, “Are you a gym rat?”
She snorted, a grin spreading across her pretty face as she massaged the soft skin. “Errr… yes? When I wanna be. Why do you ask?”
Throw me across the room! You eyed her bulging vein, “Nothin’.” 
She smirked down at you, “Mhm.” 
… Did she just flex her bicep what the fuck—
You didn’t even have a chance to think before her pussy rubbed up against yours, and nearly cried when you saw your sopping cunts connect, sighs of satisfaction leaving your mouths when your clits bumped up against each other, bonded by strings of slick. You grabbed her thigh for support, digging your nails into her soft skin as her grinds increased in pace. 
Your throbbing bud jerked with each pass of her hips. You did everything in your power to keep your eyes open so you could watch her: her head was tossed back with her lip between her teeth, her defined stomach tensing and she fucked you. She looked so desperate to cum, to feel so good that she forgets everything. She kept taking and taking like you never allowed her to, and you never wanted it to end. 
“Your pussy feels s’good, shit,” she grinded down on you harder as she gazed at the ceiling. “Gonna make me cum— “
“Cum on me, Abby? Please cum on my pussy?” You whimpered up at her as your eyes grew heavy, and she slumped over the pillows, strong arms holding her up as she used you to fuck herself. She was getting louder, and you were squeezing as your second orgasm approached. Her pussy was hitting you right where you needed, right on your clit and you were about to—
You saw a screen flash out the corner of your eye as your device blared, and the drop of your heart matched the tight grip of your pussy. 
Abby was close, and your dad was calling.
Abby was too deep in her pleasure to notice as she begged you to cum with her, grabbing at your tits and yanking your nipples. Your pleasure kept rising and your phone wouldn’t stop fucking ringing—
“Fuck, baby, oh god, m’cumming!—“
Abby’s scream sent you off, your eyes rolling back, and your core squeezing with all you had to give. She was fucking you so hard through your euphoria, crying your name as you did the same. She was hitting your clit so good, you couldn’t breathe. 
Your ears were ringing so loud that you couldn’t hear the second call coming in, and you didn’t care. Your hips bucked as much as they could to meet hers, helping her ride out her intense orgasm. The harder you pushed up, the more you could feel her pussy pulsating. It sent another wave of pleasure through you. 
The feeling eventually subsided, the contractions in your cunt easing into light jerks. Abby caught her breath before moving off and plopping on top of you as she breathed heavily in your ear. You brought a hand up to rub her scalp, twirling her hair around your index finger as her scent infiltrated your senses. Your phone was finally quiet. 
“Can I fuck your ass?” 
Her heavy exhale made your spine bend. You could feel her smile against your neck. 
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You were about to pass out, and it wasn’t from your insomnia. 
Abby carried you upstairs to her bed, and eventually got your legs over her shoulders while she lubricated her deep blue strap… with a slit at the incredibly fat tip? She never used this one with you before. It was veiny, curved, and thick; How the hell was that going to fit in your ass!
You knew one of her darkest secrets was cumming inside of somebody, but you didn’t know she meant it. You couldn’t stop thinking about all the times she moaned about cumming inside you. Knocking you up. She was really going to—
“Stop staring at my dick, it’s rude,” she said blankly. 
Your eyes flickered up to meet hers, “Sorry.” 
She snickered, “I’m kidding, relax.” 
How could you relax when she was jerking off in front of you! Her hands are so pretty on her dick, and you could cry right now because of it!
You squealed when she slapped it on your clit, the silicone getting drenched in her flavored lube and your slick. Your pussy squeezed in anticipation; She was about to destroy your cunt and you couldn’t think, holy shit, you missed her so badly—
She breathed eagerly, “You know what to do, baby.” 
You nodded, reaching down to hold your pussy open for her. She lined her tip up at your entrance, “Need this dick?”
“Fuck yes— “
She cooed, “Yeah? Want me?”
You looked up at her, your head bobbing up and down like you were entranced. You wanted her so much. Too much. The look of pride in her eyes was going to stay in your memory forever. 
“Fucking say it,” she spat.
“Want you inside me, baby, please fuck me!”
She popped the tip in, and you moaned as pleasurable pain rushed through you. She took her time easing into you, allowing you to feel every ridge of her dick against your walls. The veins in the silicone were catching on your walls and it made you squeeze down tight. 
She paused and kissed your ankle, “Ease up, baby. C’mon.” 
“Can’help it, fuck, splittin’ me open,” your tongue felt so large in your mouth. 
“Fuck, missed wrecking this pussy,” she moaned out, staring down at the way your walls choked her length. 
She pushed an inch deeper, and you nearly shouted. 
She smirked, “Right there?”
You were drooling onto your chest as you craned up to watch how you connected. She was pressed right up against the spot that made you see stars, and you felt the beginnings of your orgasm stirring in your gut. 
She pushed inside until she was fully submerged in your juices, your slick coating the entire toy when she pulled out, only to fuck back into you again. She stretched you out until you were grabbing at her hip, trying to pull her deeper into you. She wrapped her arms around both of your calves and drilled in your guts, only pulling out a few inches before shoving back in. 
The power of her thrusts was causing the flowery headboard to bang up against the wall, the soggy noises of your cunt and squeals of pleasure filling the room. She was battering your pussy completely, and you couldn’t do anything to stop her. 
“Pussy’s pushing me out,” she garbled with a limp tongue. “Feel good, baby? Can’t take it?” 
You couldn’t find the strength to respond, nails digging into her soft blankets as she transported you to another dimension, sparkles and glitter exploding behind your eyelids as your unannounced orgasm shook your spirit, “Can feel you cummin’, shit.” 
Her voice was muffled from the ringing in your ears. You could barely register her pulling out and grabbing her girth, quickly rubbing her wet tip on your clit to rub you through your orgasm. You felt speckles of droplets land on your ass and the covers beneath you, eyes crossed in your skull and the taste of copper in your mouth from biting your lip too hard. 
She didn’t let you recover before she released your legs, pinning them down to your chest by the back of your knees, nearly folding you in half and shoving back into your wetness with a disgusting noise.
She bounced you on her cock like a weightless ragdoll, your body shifting up her bed with force. She hit so deep whenever she fucked like this. Her tip was nudging your cervix whenever she dug in deep, the pain plunging into you like a knife as tears filled your eyes and pleasure sizzled all the way down to your toes.
“Gonna cum in this fuckin’ pussy, oh my god— “
You couldn’t help the babbles that came from you, drooly yesyesyesyess’ coming from you, “Yeah, baby? Need me to fill your pussy up?”
You nearly passed out at the thought of her stuffing you, your orgasm built until it crashed into you, snatching the wind in your body as you let out a quiet scream. Your lashes were fluttering, and spit was sliding down your cheek, completely dumb under her. 
And then you felt a thin stream of liquid shoot inside your pulsing cunt. You swore you flatlined. 
Your orgasm only intensified at the feeling of her creaming inside you, her gross whispers making the hairs on your arms stand, “Gonna knock this slutty cunt up and send you home filthy. Want you drippin’ with it.” 
You nodded brainlessly; You’d do whatever she wanted as long as she kept fucking and filling you. Another harsh stream exploded inside you, and your juices sprayed on her lap. You went limp under her, letting her move and toss you around how she pleased. You were getting so fucking tired, but you didn’t want her to stop. 
She gave one last deep grind, poking your cervix one last time before pulling out, her gaze dropping to watch her seed spill out of your battered cunt. She pushed your legs down even further, knees nearly hitting your head as she lined her dick up at your ass, “Would marry this pussy, swear to god. It takes dick so good.” 
You only released a choked noise in approval; She could have you however she wanted! 
Her pretty brow arched cockily, “You like that? Like when I make this pussy mine?”
You shook your head so fast. It’s yours, baby! It’s all yours!
She barely pushed forward, her tip nudging your other entrance, making you squeal, “Is this mine too?” 
“Fuck yes, s’yours, baby!”
She popped in, and you sobbed. You need this, you need this, you need her—
Tears ran down to your neck as you cried, her gentle shushes caressing your ear drums like symphonies, “Such a good girl, doing so good for me, just a little more, okay?” 
You couldn’t stop moaning at the foreign sensation, “G-Gimme all of it, oh my fuckin’ god—“
“… You sure?”
She paused, only a couple inches inside as she gauged you. The gentle aura you're so used to finally returned as she massaged your thighs comfortingly, and your heart swelled. 
You spoke in one breath, “Fuck my ass, Abby, please. S’gonna make me cum again— “
“Tell me if I’m— “
“Please, baby, s’gonna hurt s-so good, gimme— “
“Okay, baby shhh, I gotchu,” she hushed you, quickly grabbing the discarded bottle of lube at your side and squeezing a messy quantity over your pulsating entrance. She tossed it somewhere and pushed in deeper, the burn sending hot shockwaves to your brain. How were you about to cum there’s no way you’re going to cum—
“A-Abby, fuck me, fuckme— “
She was whimpering with you, still pressing in, “Don’t wanna hurt you baby, shit— “
“Fuck me harder, m’so close!”
Your eyes squeezed shut when she pushed the last few inches in, sitting deep in your ass, and you came so hard. You could hear her moaning with you as she grinded you out. The cum that sat deep in your cunt was pulsing out of you with each clench, dripping down to your filled ass and coating her. You forced your eyes open so you could watch her, eyes burning with lust and her toned body drenched in sweat. 
She brought a hand down to your pussy and shoved two fingers in, curling and hitting your spot at a vigorous pace. The squelches were so loud over your pleased shouts, and you squirted all over her hand, some droplets splattering on your chest and chin. 
She yanked her fingers out to pat and spank your throbbing clit before pushing your legs back up, pulling out slowly before shoving her entire length back into you. 
Abby has never been this aggressive during sex, but she was slapping you, fucking you deep and hard, spitting on your face from where she towered over you, and you took all of it like she was paying you. Your ass was rippling on her cock, trying to make space for her cock so it could suck her in deeper. You couldn’t stop squirting, both your cum dripping out of both your holes. 
Gonna cum so hard in this ass, oh my fuckin’ god, you feel so good.
It’s mine? Say it’s mine.
Look at that dirty fucking pussy. Nasty cumslut. You love being my fucking worthless whore, don’t you? 
Just needa turn that pretty brain off? Yeah? Need me to take care of you? Fuck you stupid? 
You were thrown into one long, constant orgasm and she talked you through it. You clawed at her ass and sheets and your own tits to keep yourself grounded but it wasn’t working. You were getting her so wet, a large puddle forming underneath you as your body jerked away from her. But she held you down, made you take what she gave, made you see god. You felt so fucking good that it almost pained you. 
You could hear her moans increase in volume, not bothering to pull out as she grinded deep inside you. You knew she was close, riding her harness into completion. You used the only strength you had to turn your head to the side, making eye contact with yourself in her large dresser mirror. You looked fucked up, but you watched yourself cum before staring at Abby’s reflection. 
Her eyes were squeezed shut as she bucked into you quickly, her tits and fat on her ass shaking in the mirror. You could hear her whispering makemecummakemecum over and over again, and you shuddered when another spurt of liquid left you. 
Cum in my ass, cum in me filled your brain like a mantra.
You fought to keep your eyes open, watching the muscles in her body tighten up before she yelled out, screaming how hard she was cumming and how good your ass sucked her cum in. A line of spit left her mouth and landed on your thigh as she shuddered through her pleasure, and you felt her jizz fill your ass, the second load much larger than the first. It felt so fucking good. 
Another orgasm rushed through as you both screamed in pleasure. You tried to meet her grinds, pushing down to get her squirting dick even deeper inside. 
Abby dropped your legs and they instantly wrapped around her waist as she fell forward, resting her full weight on you as she rode out her orgasm. Her moans of your name didn’t stop, and it felt like you both were cumming for hours. She filled and filled you like you were milking her dry, draining her completely and it made you cum again. Your arms wrapped around her neck to pull her close, nails digging into the flexing muscles in her back and leaving red trails.
She screamed out a warning of another orgasm right before her body trembled on top of you. Her dick wasn't bursting in you anymore; Why did that make you sad?
Her grinds eventually slowed into twitches as you both came down. She was planting gentle kisses and sucks on your neck, her hands coming down to rub the soreness from your thighs as you massaged her scalp. 
You made sure to keep your eyes open so you wouldn’t drift off into dreamland. 
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After Abby pulled out and cleaned you up, she rummaged through her underwear drawer and pulled out a Marlboro box and lighter. 
… Why were you horny again? 
Her wet, semi-leaking dick was still strapped around her waist, her now scarred backside facing you as she stuck the orange end between her lips and ignited it. You watched her through the mirror, her body instantly relaxing as she puffed silently. You looked like a cat in heat. 
She looked up and stared back at you in the reflection, taking the smoke between her index and middle finger, exhaling around her words. 
“What’re you looking at?”
You shrugged and smiled like a ditz. She shook her head at you before sticking the butt in her mouth, undoing the adjusts and stepping out of her dick. She picked it up, eyes flickering awkwardly before throwing it in her hamper. You giggled quietly.
She ashed her cig over her small trash can, before looking at you, “Come shower?”
Your heart pounded in your chest like she didn’t just obliterate your pussy and ass. You consented in silence. 
You could hear her laughing as you hobbled to the bathroom, “I coulda carried you, y’know.” 
You flipped her off. 
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After washing, Abby just… held you. 
The water was still beating down on the two of you, her head resting on your shoulder as she rubbed your back. And you did the same. 
You felt so relaxed, and everything was quiet in your head, the lavender scent of her body wash surrounding the two of you. You could’ve fallen asleep right here. 
Her hushed tone surprised you. 
“Are you leaving tonight?” 
Your heart shredded to pieces at her nervous tone. She sighed in relief at your whisper. 
“No, Abby. I’m not.” 
You didn’t know what would happen when you returned home, but for now, you relished in her warm embrace as you nodded off onto her shoulder. 
You didn’t sleep alone. 
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OOHHHHH im ovulating LOL 
anal whores this one’s for y’all😞😞
taggie waggies :3 @ohlawdthebirds @fibrogirlie @unangelic-thoughts @chrry1ovr @uraesthete @gravygranules @digit4lslut @machetegirl109 @letsreadsomesins-shallwe @macaroni676 @sillygooselit @nil-eena @elliesgirlll @hi2647 @fr0thycoffee @mai5mai @sweet-lover-girl
prologue. part one. part two. part three. interlude.
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747 notes · View notes
jokersaciid · 1 year
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I’m new here, can I request miles morales x gn reader who’s very stupid? I’m talking Karen from Mean Girls 😂 (As an example)
Miles and his himbo headcanons.
miles morales x black!gn reader.
warnings .. bad writing bc idk how to write dumb people ☠️
miles didn't know you very well, but from what he's seen he found you very attractive.
he asked you out on a date and you response was " for what? "
after you two started dating he got use to your airhead behavior.
while on dates he forgets you lack common sense ( no shade no shade ) and asks you questions.
" i'm so bored, there has to be something we can do. "
" ... do you wanna go to taco bell? "
...
sure he gets use to it but others dont and tend to make fun of you.
miles is always there to protect you from bullies especially if it's excessive amounts of bullying instead of light teasing from your friends.
" you know, it's like i have spider sense too. "
" really? how? "
" it's like, i can tell something is hot when i see steam coming off of it .. like that cup of coffee, it's super hot right now. "
" you- you're so right, [ name ]. "
he just lets you live your life and he loves you for you.
sometimes he doesn't have the patience for you but he tries his best to keep his temper.
you're smart sometimes but most of the time you're a himbo and lack common sense.
whenever you drive a car he has to be prepared to take over in case you get distracted by your reflection in the mirror.
he is now in charge of all types of transportation and dates, you literally can't be trusted to do anything except sleep, eat and speak.
you forgot how to breathe a few times and he thought you were gonna croak.
he honestly wants to lock you up in your room and never let you leave for the safety of people around you and yourself because you're too clumsy to be a real person.
he swears you're some sorta robot or alien.
in conclusion— ur a little dumb and he loves it <3
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isa-loves-you · 5 months
Text
Scaring The Boys | The Group Chat|
I am so sorry for not updating, i just don't do well with everyday stress as it is and then having three major holidays back-to-back added more stress, so I decided to take a break. I am also very sorry if I had made any grammar mistakes, the first time I write again is the time where y glasses are broken and I'm recovering from pink eye so sorry about that.
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Isaac: Isaac is a tall man which is a blessing but also a curse. One day you went down into the kitchen to grab water, and you saw your boyfriend Isaac trying to find his two-day leftovers that everyone tells him not to eat.
Due to Isaacs stature and the way the kitchen is laid out you couldn't move around him to quickly grab the water; so, you waited until Isaac was done. Even though it took him a couple of minutes for him to find which container was his, Isaac slammed the refrigerator door, and was met by your eyes. Isaac only seeing a figure come from behind the door and not realizing who you actually were scared the living hell out of him.
He jumped almost three feet back and dropped his food so his hand could clutch his chest like an elderly woman grabbing her purls. You couldn't help but also scream when he yelled because you didn't expect this big of a reaction from him, but as soon as he realized who you were, and you both relaxed you let out a chuckle. Isaac didn't laugh because he was the one who was scared for his life and dropping his food in the process. You did buy him more food as a way of saying sorry even though you didn't scare him intentionally.
Nick: The boys were now into hour 8 of the last to leave the vc. Just like all the other videos Isaac had a wheel with numbers on it so everyone can receive a punishment/ task. It was Nick's turn and Isaac had a little trick up his sleeve for his friend.
A couple of weeks ago Nick was flaunting that he doesn't get scared easily, and Isaac kept that in mind for this very moment. As Isaac was explaining to Nick that he had to tell an embarrassing story as a punishment, what no one knew was that Isaac was texting you to sneak into Nick's room and to scare him. You were obviously on board for this and it was easier than you thought it would be since Nick leaves his door open and is too busy talking over everyone so he wouldn't hear you anyways.
You stood up quietly and quickly grabbed Nick's shoulders and shouted, causing Nick to turn quickly in his chair while yelling. The back of his chair hit your side when he tried to turn around and his chair went down, Nick is now on the floor while you and everyone is laughing. After you calmed down you helped Nick backup and into his chair while telling him that you're sorry, you also gave him some words of encouragement so he can win.
Yumi: You were in the living room scrolling on your phone because Yumi was streaming, and you don't want to be in the room while he works. You were getting hungry, and you knew that Blake could always eat so you decided on Taco Bell and ordered your own food. Blake always changes his order, so you went up to his room to see what he wanted.
You opened the door to him yelling at his monitor like normal, but you couldn't see what he was playing. You said his name multiple times and even shouted it, but he still couldn't hear you over himself, so walked up to him and tapped his shoulder so you could pay attention for a split second. Yumi playing a horror game was never good because he gets so immersed that he doesn't realize what's going on in the real world, which makes him have a big reaction when he all of a sudden feel someone tap at his shoulder. Yumi throws his head set forward and his hands back accidentally hitting your nose as a reaction from his jump scare.
You were now holding your nose trying not to cry “oh my god i am so sorry, I'm so sorry” Blake said over and over again while holding your head close to his chest feeling bad for what he just did. The pain in your nose goes away after a second and you finally straighten back up while Blake still has a hand on your back “what do you want from taco bell?”.
Tanner: Your boyfriend wasn't superstitious until he had some “hauntings' ' in the old group house, ever since then every bump in the night Tanner hears he thinks that there is a ghost. While tanner was streaming you got bored, so you decided to scare him for funsies.
You walked up to his door and opened it quietly, so he didn't hear you since he only had one side of his headphones on. You crawled on the floor slowly so chat didn't see you to warn him, you found a spot in between the dresser and bed where the blanket hangs down so no one can see you. Whenever tanner went quiet for a second you would whisper his name or giggle loud enough for him to hear you and to look scan his room for a person. As tanner went on a rant about ghosts and his “hauntings' ' you decided that it was time for your revel.
You sprung up from your hiding spot and wrapped your arms around Tanner and his chair. Tanner immediately started thrashing around trying to escape your arms. He broke out of your clutch and ran towards the hallway while you belly laughed on the floor, he looked back to see you laughing and realized that it was you the whole time. Tanner came back into the room and praised you for your prank on him and allowed you to sit on his stream for a while before he ended it.
Larry: Everyone who knows Larry knows that he has a horrible sleep schedule, you being his partner has to endure it head on. Larry would often stay up for a day and a half or two days only having small naps in the afternoon, he was trying to fix it, but it was hard. Larry usually has his five-minute naps whenever you guys sat down to watch something which was cute but got very annoying when you tried to watch something new with him.
One day while you two sat down to watch something he started dozing off, so you decided to scare him. Once you knew Larry would be fully asleep you brought your face very close to him making sure that they don't touch, you wanted a little while longer until he started to finally wake back up again. Larry opened his eyes a little before turning to where you were sitting, for two seconds Larry didn't realize that it was you who was very close to him, scaring him in the process. You chuckled to yourself a little but then saw how shocked Larry still was, you eased him back to reality by saying you're sorry and letting him lay his head into your lap.
He shortly went back to sleep with a smile on his face knowing that he got you to feel bad and to baby him even though he was okay with being scared. 
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Text
Paintings
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Pairing: Castiel x Winchester!Reader Word count: 1,953
Read on AO3
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Sitting in the room that your brothers had set up for you, you tilted your head as you looked over the canvas in front of you. You were surrounded by some finished pieces, pieces you’d started and were waiting for new inspiration for, and then some pieces you hated and just never threw away. You were wearing a pair of old jeans and a tank top, not caring about the amount of paint that currently covered you. 
There was a knock on the door before it opened. When you looked over your shoulder, you were met with Dean’s face. “Sis, we kill things for a living, so please tell me why you paint like this?” He motioned around as he stepped it. 
“Like what?” You raised an eyebrow at him, looking innocent. 
He played Vanna White at your current piece. “Like you just ripped a guy’s heart out and decided to paint with it?!” He said simply. “It’s weird.” He shuddered. “It’s like the murder room in here.” He explained. 
You blinked. “Huh.” You shrugged. “I never thought of it that way.” You admitted. “Maybe it’s my way of working through things we see? You drink and jack off to Busty Asian Beauties. Sam nerds out. I paint.” That was your best theory. “And spend time with Cas when he can.” You pouted. He’d been somewhat busy lately, leaving you little time with your boyfriend. 
“Hopefully he can take you out soon. Get you away from this.” He motioned to your work again. “Can’t you paint something with life?” He asked. 
“I could try, but it probably wouldn’t be any good.” You told him. 
He rolled his eyes. “You’ve got talent, so stop trying to pretend you don’t. Anyways, dinner is done.” He moved towards the door. “Can you take a break from blood and guts to eat with your older brothers?” He teased you. 
“Give me five minutes to put the covers on my pallets and clean my brushes.” You smiled. “And get me a beer?” You asked him, going to work on cleaning up. “And not one of those alcohol free ones you’re hell bent on me drinking.” 
“You’re my baby sister, so sue me.” 
Stopping what you were doing, you stared at him. “Dean. I turned thirty two months ago .” You laughed. “I’m not a baby!” 
“Shuddup.” He muttered before leaving you alone. 
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“Wash your hands.” Sam told you as he set things out on the table. “I know your hands are covered in paint.” 
You chuckled. “Jokes on you. My hands are clean, Sammy.” You showed him when he looked up at you. “Had to clean my brushes.” You explained. “Need any help?” You offered. 
He smiled. “Nope. We’re good.” He sat down as Dean brought over three beers. “I actually cooked dinner. No takeout tonight.” He said proudly. 
“Oh, impressive. And I was so getting used to the bad Chinese and Taco Bell.” You teased, getting yourself comfortable. “And thank you for the real beer.” You told Dean, lifting it to your lips. 
Cas appeared a moment later. “Oh, you’ve already begun dinner.” He sighed. “I was hoping to take Y/N for a date.” He explained. “Perhaps another night.” He noted, sitting down. 
Dean nudged you. “Go on.” He told you. “Or he’s going to pout like a puppy who lost his bone.” He teased his best friend. It had been weird as hell when you first started dating him, but over time...he was okay with it. “Besides, that ‘another night’ might not happen for weeks for all we know.” He pointed out. 
“You sure?” You looked between the boys. “You cooked.” You reminded Sam. 
He smiled, nodding. “I can easily put the leftovers in the freezer.” He assured you. “Go.” 
You got up, moving to hug each of your brothers. “You’re the best. Love you. I promise I’ll work on that ‘life’ painting tomorrow, Dean!” You kissed his cheek, making him chuckle and shake his head. You got to Cas and held out your hand. “All yours!” 
Cas’s face lit up as he stood. “I am looking forward to our date. I’ve missed you.” He said sweetly before he kissed you. 
Dean made a face. “Dude.” He said jokingly. 
“Going!” You laughed, tugging Cas out of the room. “Let me change and then we can go. Did you have someplace in mind?” You asked as you neared your room. “So I know how to dress.” 
“You are fine in what you are wearing.” He chuckled. “Although, I would suggest shoes.” He pointed out. “I find I enjoy when you are covered in paint. Means you had a good day in your ‘studio’, which I know makes you happy.” His blue eyes traveled over your body as he spoke. 
You blushed and looked at him. “Can I show you my latest work?” You asked shyly, wanting to see if he thought the same thing as Dean. 
He beamed. “Of course.” He nodded, letting you tug him in the direction of your little studio. “I always enjoy seeing it.” He had simply watched you work for hours on end before, observing you. It was beautiful. 
Opening the door, you let him in and shut it behind him. “Dean doesn’t get my work.” You told him. “Says it looks like I took a guy’s heart and painted with it or something.” You traced your fingers gently over the outside of your new canvas. “Asked me to paint something with ‘life’.” You sighed. 
“What is more full of life than blood?” Cas asked. When you looked at him, eyebrow raised, he smiled at you. “Blood truly is life.” He pointed out. “Without it, humans would die, animals would parish.” 
You nodded at that. “That is a very good point.” You agreed. “Dean calls it the murder room.” You shrugged. “I dunno, just wanted your opinion. I never noticed it until he said that. I like my work. It speaks to me. Except for those.” You pointed to the corner. “Those are my disowned works.” 
He chuckled lightly. “Why do you keep them?” He asked, curious. 
“Inspiration to do better?” You guessed, chewing on your lip as you looked around. Slowly, you smiled at him. “I have an idea…” You moved to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “And I need the help of a certain angel.” You flirted. 
His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close. “And how may I help you?” He asked, voice low. 
Pecking his lips, you grinned. “Strip.” You patted his chest. 
“Strip? As in, remove my clothing?” He asked, wanting to clarify things.You nodded as you slowly pulled away, taking off your tank top. 
Both of you stripped, eyes never leaving each other as you did so. “Now, pick some paint.” You pointed to where there was a bunch of new bottles. “No more than say six. Don’t want it to get muddy.” You moved things out of the way as he looked over his options, wanting them to be perfect. Once there was enough room, you set up as many canvases as you could fit in the area. 
“Are these okay?” He asked, turning with two bottles in each hand- teal, dark blue, emerald green, and a color that reminded you of his eyes. 
“Perfect.” You nodded, excited. “Give me two.” You reached out, getting dark blue and emerald green. “Now shoot streaks all over the place. On these canvases.” You told him. 
“And this will create ‘life art’?” He asked as he opened his two bottles. 
You did the same. “It’s the start.” You explained. “Move around to get some all over.” You told him, not staying put. Once you felt there was enough, you stopped. “That’s good. Can you put these over there?” You handed him your bottles and motioned to the ones that were opened. 
Castiel nodded, taking them. “Of course.” He agreed. “Now...what?” He was curious as you walked across the canvases towards him. 
“Now, you’re going to lay me down on these and we’re going to enjoy each other.” You ran your hand over his chest. “We’re going to make a painting with our bodies.” Kissing him softly, you smiled. 
His hands gripped your hips. “I will not object to that.” He told you, kissing you lovingly as the pair of you moved to lay down. 
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Dean was walking by your room when he heard you laughing and paused. He furrowed his brows, moving towards it. “Sis?” He called out before opening the door. “Oh, come on .” He instantly left. 
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Walking into the kitchen, your hair was wet and you were wearing your bathrobe. Cas wasn’t that far behind, a smile on his face. He was dressed in his own clothes, but his hair was also wet. “Please erase that image from my mind.” Dean down the last of his beer. 
“Hey, you asked me to create a life painting.” You smirked. 
“I didn’t say ‘make babies in paint’!” He countered, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I want to forget that sight.” He groaned. 
Cas furrowed his brows. “We were not ‘making babies’.” He told Dean. “I have no wish to lose her to childbirth.” 
You giggled as Dean put his head on the table. “I think you’re breaking him.” You told your boyfriend. “Let’s just get my ice cream and go watch a movie.” You said as you got a bowl. “I’m sure it’ll pass, Dean.” You told your older brother. “You’ll be okay.” 
He shook his head, not moving it from the table. “I regret telling you to make ‘life paintings’. Please, stick to your murder work.” He turned his head to look at you. 
“I might. Depends on if these sell.” You shrugged. 
That made him sit up. “Sell?” He asked, curiosity piqued. “What are you talking about? You’ve never mentioned selling your work before.” 
You nodded, finishing getting your ice cream and putting it away. “It was Cas’s idea. Said that my talent should be shared, and it might be a good way for us to make some spare cash.” You turned to lean against the counter, bowl in hand. “So, I’m going to ask Sam to help me figure out how to sell some stuff online.” You explained. 
Dean smiled at that. “See, told you that you have talent.” He said proudly. “You got a ton of work in there you can sell.” 
“Except I requested she keep one of our pieces.” Cas noted. 
“Please never mention your ‘pieces’ again.” Dean said over his shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find something to take my mind off...that.” He moved to the fridge to grab another beer before leaving the two of them alone. 
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Running through the bunker when you heard Dean get home from a supply run. “Dean!” You were nearly jumping with excitement. “Guess what?!” You squealed. 
“What?” He laughed, loving seeing you like this. 
“Everything. Sold.” You told him. “In just the time that you were gone.” You gushed. “Cas and Sam and helping me get everything wrapped up. The buyer is in the city.” You explained. “All. One. Buyer.” 
His eyebrows went up. “One?!” He grinned. “That’s amazing. You sure it’s legit?” He didn’t want you getting screwed over. 
You nodded. “He’s sent half the money already.” You told him. “We meet him about dinner time. And, then after, I’d like to take my big brothers out to celebrate.” 
“What about Cas?” He asked. 
“We’re going away for a few days, leaving Friday.” You told him happily. “Going to Greece. Saving on airfare, thankfully.” 
Dean hugged you, happy for you. “You’ll be in a museum one day.” He beamed.
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ladylooch · 11 months
Note
Your requests may be closed, and I most definitely respect that, but this is me begging for just a crumb of protective Nico because I need it more than I need oxygen. 🥺
A/N: I almost died eating a cheesy roll up from Taco Bell while writing this… And I came back from near death because I had to finish this for you 😘 No I am not dramatic at all, why do you ask?
You had gone to bed before Nico. He was out in the living room, watching a late west coast game between the Rangers and Kings. He had slept in late and took two naps, so sleep wasn’t coming for him anytime soon. Fine with you. You didn’t mind an empty bed when you knew he was in the other room. 
You fall asleep quickly, taking a bit of cold medicine to help you sleep after having a sinus infection earlier in the week. The medicine helps you slumber deep, but it also brings a very vivid dream that takes place in your bedroom, seemingly tonight. A man is in the corner. He’s lurking, waiting for you to shut the door so he can grab you. You try to yell to Nico, but the hand over your mouth muffles any attempt. 
“Make a sound and your boyfriend dies.” The man says as he throws you down on the bed and pulls out a knife. 
You jolt awake, sitting up and sucking in a gasping breath. You clutch your chest, trying to get your bearings straight. Everything still feels so real. You look around the room, cringing at all the shadows that cast out in oblong shapes to you. You close your eyes, trying to talk yourself down from your panic. When you open them, you swear there is movement to your left. You look fast, seeing the curtains blowing in the breeze from the ceiling fan. Everything in your body is screaming fight or flight.
The weak light from the TV barely reaches the end of the hall as you open the door. You tip toe down, wondering if maybe Nico had fallen asleep on the couch. When you round the corner, his brown eyes immediately find you. He lays on his back, feet crossed at the ankles, with his hands behind his head. You cling to the wall nervously.
“I’m scared.” You admit to him. He perks up to a sitting position, opening his arms to you.
“What’s up, sweets?”
“I had a bad dream.” You mutter into his neck, attaching to him like a baby sloth.
“Oh no.” He rubs his hands up and down your back to comfort you. “Wanna talk about it?”
“There was a guy here.” Your voice shakes. Nico pulls you tighter at the observance. 
“No one is here. Just me and you, baby.” He soothes immediately. 
“He was in the bedroom and he grabbed me. He said he was going to kill you if I made any noise.” You squeeze your eyes shut, fingerprints pressing deeper into his body. Nico sighs, bringing his face close to your hair to press kisses along your head.
“You’re okay.” He reminds you. “You’re safe here in my arms. Nothing is going to get to you through me.” His words are perfect. Nico always knows what to say. You pause right where you are for a moment, not speaking, only feeling the solidness of him beneath and around you. Nico notices your grip on him slacken a bit and pulls away so he can see your face. “Better?”
“Yeah.” You nod, taking a measured breath. “How much longer are you going to be up?”
“I can come to bed now if you want.”
“Yes, please.” He nods, clicking the TV off and helping you to your feet. You let him walk first into the bedroom. He immediately flips the light on and does his due diligence to look around the room, even behind the curtains that scared you when you first woke up. “Just me and you.” He reiterates. “Get under the covers.” He waits for you to do so, then turns the light off.
He climbs into bed and pulls you into his body so you are spooning. You fit together like interconnecting parts. With Nico’s protection, you fall back to sleep relatively easy. This time, you dream of you and him on a sandy, white beach, sipping margaritas and getting interesting tan lines.
149 notes · View notes
zoeyslament · 3 months
Text
Stubbornly Sick - Nischa
I KNOW I SAID I WASN’T GONNA DO NISCHA ANYMORE BUT I CANT GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD SORRY
A oneshot in which Mischa is sick and refuses to admit it. Noel takes matters into his own hands.
Mischa rolled over on his thin-as-paper mattress, feeling his sweat seep into his pillowcase. He groaned, staring at the cement wall beside his lousy excuse for a bed. His whole body felt hot, and not in the way that meant people swoon over you. Beads of sweat rolled down from his hairline, his skin blotchy and red. His stomach growled, but he didn’t even want to get up and eat.
He fished his phone out from the comforter beside him, flipping it over to check the time: 9:30. He’d slept in later than ever, as if his body knew it needed rest. However, it was Sunday, meaning the choir was getting together for their weekly outing. 
Ever since the 6 of them had miraculously survived a roller coaster accident together, Ocean had been taking initiative to get the group together. Some weeks it was shopping and walking around downtown at whatever little shops remained, some weeks it was the mall, but today they’d planned a little hiking expedition. 
Mischa was almost never the biggest fan of these get togethers. First of all, it meant being stuck in the same vicinity as Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg for at least three hours. Secondly, it meant listening to Ocean for at least three hours. And lastly and probably worst, it meant not complaining about the little ginger scumbag for the entire time, or all hell would break loose. 
The real reason Mischa went at all was to spend time with his boyfriend, Noel. The two of them had grown close as they recovered from their accident, and Noel had been there for every step of Mischa’s growing musical career. Most of the time, Noel’s work schedule made it difficult for the boys to spend time together. Taco Bell execs didn’t really take “need time to make out with my boyfriend” as a valid excuse for missing shifts. However, “mandated outdoor socialization” was acceptable, apparently, so choir outings were fair game. 
Mischa ran his hands through his greasy, matted hair, yawning. His eyelids felt like they were made of steel, weighing him down and just wanting to close, keel over, and sleep. Even the way he carried himself, usually with his chest puffed out like a lion on the hunt, was different; slouched over and painful to even move. 
His phone vibrated in the back pocket of his sweatpants, evidence of a text message coming through. 
Noel: babe where r u! u said u would pick me up @ 9:15
He winced. Shit…
Noel set his phone down on his desk, turning back to the mirror to look at his makeup: on point as usual. Slumping back in his chair, he wondered where Mischa was. 
It’s not super unlike him to sleep through his alarm…he can sleep through my snoring after all. Maybe he stayed up late? Which is weird, because usually when he stays up late it’s because he and I are texting or something…Is he ignoring me? Shit, am I gonna have to ask Ocean for a ride? Damn it…
He picked up the phone again and dialed Mischa’s number, and to Noel’s delight and relief, Mischa picked up. 
“Hey babe…You alright?”
Mischa, at that moment, let out just about the loudest cough Noel had ever heard, hacking into the phone. 
“Sorry, I slept through my-” he paused to yawn, “-alarm. I will be there in ten minutes, Poet.” 
Noel’s heart absolutely melted at the sound of his partner’s voice. He sounded hoarse and just all around awful.
“Sweetheart, no offense, but you sound like shit. Are you feeling okay?”
“Fine. Just fine, honey. You wait and I’ll- ACHOO”
The sneeze just about made Noel have a heart attack with the sheer volume of it. He wasn’t so sure he loved the idea of Mischa even leaving the house in this condition, but he also knew how much of a stubborn asshole his boyfriend could be. Talking Mischa into staying home was not going to be easy in the slightest.
“Mischa…are you sure it’s the best idea for you to come get me? I can ask Ocean for a ride if you’re sick, you need rest…” Initially, he was going to scold Mischa, but his ‘loving boyfriend’ mode took over in a heartbeat. “I don’t even have to go today! Just get back to bed, drink lots of-”
“No, no.” Mischa waved him off. “I am going to go get dressed, and then I will come get my special boy, okay? I love you, Noel.”
“I love you too, which is why I want you to-”
He hung up. He fucking hung up. 
This was gonna be a long day.
Mischa had taken driver’s education. He knew that driving while sick could lead to accidents, because being sick made you drowsy, right? But Mischa wasn’t sick, he couldn’t be. Mischa didn’t get sick, at least that’s what he’d gaslit himself into believing. He got into the driver’s seat, rearing on the gas and speeding out of the driveway, almost slamming into his foster parents’ mailbox on his way out. 
Noel’s house wasn’t too far away from his, nowhere in Uranium City was very far away from any other place, to be honest. That was just how small towns worked. He turned onto Noel’s street and pulled up in front of the house. He parked, slightly crooked in the driveway, and trudged to the front step. 
“Noel!” He croaked out, his voice cracking. He rang the doorbell. 
The shorter male opened the door and looked Mischa up and down with a satisfied smirk on his face. “As expected, you look like someone pushed you out of a car window and then ran you over with a pickup truck. Bed, now.” 
“What? No! We have the hike-”
“I already texted Ocean and let her know that you’re sick and thus will not be attending. Now please go lay down, you know where my room is.”
“But…that just means I am going to get you sick! “So what? You’re the love of my life, I think I can handle your cooties.”
For once, it was Noel being the stubborn one. It was clear he wasn’t going to hear another word about it. Mischa allowed himself to be escorted (read: dragged by the collar of his shirt) upstairs to Noel’s bedroom. 
“Get your ass under the covers.” Noel demanded playfully. “Mom’s working another late shift, but I don’t have to work again until Monday afternoon. We could spend all day and night right here if it would make you feel better.” 
Mischa yawned and plopped down on Noel’s bed, having made the decision to be cooperative for once. “And do what? Talk about how shitty I feel? Because I feel like…big…bleh.”
“I know you do, darling.” Noel kissed his boyfriend’s forehead, giggling. “If you would lay down like I told you to and rest up, you might feel a little bit less bleh. Have you eaten today?”
“No.” He admitted. “I was not hungry.”
Noel sighed. “I’ll go get you some toast or something. You really gotta start taking care of yourself when you’re sick.”
“I am not sick.” Mischa protested. “Just a little tired.”
“Either way, you need rest.” Noel pressed his boyfriend down, hand splayed out over his chest. “Lay down, Mischa. Spare me my sanity.”
Mischa rolled his eyes. “I do not need to lay down, poet. Sleep is for the weak.”
“No, dumbfuck, sleep is for the idiot boyfriend who won’t admit that he feels like he was hit point blank with a sack of bricks!”
Mischa pondered Noel’s innate ability to know exactly how he felt, because the sack of bricks thing was fairly accurate. He felt like he was going to topple over onto the floor, but would his cocky ass admit that? When pigs fly.
“Sleep is for the weak.” He repeated instead, sitting back up. If he was going to get in bed he was not going to lay down and he was also going to make it everyone’s problem. 
“Whatever you say, dickwad,” Noel sighed. He was ever so creative with the pet names. “Sit still and don’t, I don’t know, set the house on fire. What do you want to eat?”
“I told you I am not hun—” he started, but he knew there was no winning this argument. “I guess…toast?”
Noel went downstairs and fished a loaf of bread and the toaster out, tossed a slice in, and promised himself he would not scream when the toast popped up. 
He broke the promise.
Anyway, he took out the golden brown bread and slathered it in butter, taking it back upstairs to Mischa. 
In the time it took Noel to make a piece of toast, Mischa had flopped over and fallen asleep. Noel made a soft tsk tsk sound, setting the plate of toast on the nightstand. He gently climbed into the bed, pulling the covers over both Mischa and himself. Rolling onto his side, he came face to face with a peacefully dozing Mischa and a pool of drool already staining the pillow (not that Noel really minded). He brushed Mischa’s chestnut curls out of his eyes, giggling softly.
“Yeah, rest easy, tough guy.” He whispered. “My fucking idiot.” He snuck a quick kiss onto Mischa’s forehead. “I love you.
53 notes · View notes
Text
TWEEK: Okay
TWEEK: You
TWEEK: Mister
TWEEK: Tinfoil
TWEEK: Hat
TWEEK: Guy
KENNY: Stan
TWEEK:  What
KENNY: His names Stan
TWEEK: Okay
TWEEK: Cool
TWEEK: I'm not gonna remember that
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TWEEK: You said you had
TWEEK: Like
TWEEK: A bunker
TWEEK: Right?
STAN: Yeah
CRAIG: Dog shit covered ahhh barn 💀
TWEEK: Why is he saying Skull emoji out loud
TOLKIEN: Not even WE know at this point
KYLE: We gotta get him to stop that
KYLE: It's more annoying than KYLE: ….Whatever….. Stan's got going on
CRAIG: Omg not you slandering me 💀
CRAIG: Don't even rn you look like the Goodwill shat you out
KYLE: Fuck you
KYLE: You know that Supreme hoodie isn't even real Supreme, right?
CRAIG: Lmao what
CRAIG: Me when I lie
KYLE: Nonononono
KYLE: Look look look
KYLE: It says “Souprem”
KYLE: It's fake merch dude
KYLE: Its as fake as those fucking yeezys
CRAIG: ….
KYLE: …Dude?
CRAIG: No that's my other hoodie
KYLE: Are you fucking serious
KYLE: You aren't even rich stop acting like you are
CRAIG: Nuh uh
KYLE: FUCK YOU MEAN NUH UH????
TOLKIEN: Kyle, just give it up
TOLKIEN: Trying to convince Craig he isn't rich is like trying to convince a toddler to wipe their own ass
TOLKIEN: It's not worth it
CLYDE: …. CLYDE: Why do I feel like that was directed towards me?
TOLKIEN: Because It was, Clyde
CLYDE: OH COME ON I WASH MY OWN ASS
TOLKIEN: NO THE FUCK YOU DO NOT YOU SMELL LIKE A TACO BELL CLYDE: FUCK YOU CLYDE: AT LEAST TWEEK LIKES ME TOLKIEN: OH SURE SURE SURE TOLKIEN: TWEEK DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU TOLKIEN: THERE'S NO WAY SOMEONE LIKE TWEEK WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GO AFTER YOU, YOU FUCKING TESTOSTERONE FUELED SHITSTAN
CLYDE: THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING I'M TRANS BUT FUCK YOU FOR INSULTING ME
TOLKIEN: YOU’RE VERY WELCOME, FUCK YOU TOO
CLYDE: YOU KNOW WHAT?? I BET YOU 30 BUCKS I CAN PULL IN TWEEK WITH MY MANLY AWESOMENESS
TOLKIEN: I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS YOU CAN'T
CLYDE: FINE
TOLKIEN: FINE
CLYDE: LETS FUCKING GO
CLYDE: I'LL ASK OUT TWEEK AND IT'LL BE THE MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER
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STAN: Hmmm
STAN: At my barn we could like
STAN: Use my dad and my sister
STAN: As like
STAN: Food
KYLE: Dude no
KYLE: I am not resorting to cannibalism
CARTMAN: Kahl, you’ve eaten animals, that's basically like eating people
KYLE: Okay mr “forty big macs in one day”
CARTMAN: Uhm, actually they're vegan chicken patties KYLE
CARTMAN: ALSO did you just ASSUME my GENDER????
CARTMAN: YOU ARE GETTING C A N C E L L E D
CARTMAN: I WANT A TEAR RIDDEN UKELELE FILLED APOLOGY RIGHT NOW
KYLE: Oh my GODDDDD
KENNY: Actually studies show that most human meat is similar taste wise to chicken
CRAIG: I thought it was pork
CRAIG: Like
CRAIG: Deadass
CRAIG: Like pigs
CRAIG: Like deadass pigs
KENNY: We know what pork is CRAIG 
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STAN: Yeah
STAN: So we’re fucking set
CARTMAN: Uhhh no thanks, i’d rather be one with the animals and eat dirt and hay
STAN: We don't even have animals
CARTMAN: I’ll just eat the weed then
STAN: What
KENNY: What
KYLE: What
CRAIG: LMAOOOOOOO IM DEADDDDDDD 💀 💀 💀 
CARTMAN: What???
CARTMAN: It's like eating catnip
CARTMAN: Besides its environmentally friendly
STAN: What's your source
CARTMAN: Wikipedia
STAN: Ooooof course it is
STAN: The internets lying to you, you know
CARTMAN: Fuck off, Stan, Queermo
STAN: IM TELLING THE TRUTH HERE
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TWEEK: HhhhuGiyhvfdeiohjd
TWEEK: OKay
TWEEK: Cool
TWEEK: We’re set on a TOTALLY ANONYMOUS LOCATION
TWEEK: Awesome
TWEEK: Great
TWEEK: Dandy even!
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TWEEK: Everyone
TWEEK: Lets hold hands
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CRAIG: I am not touching Clydes fucking shitstained hands
TWEEK: Fine
TWEEK: I’ll hold Clyde's hand
TOLKIEN: Why do you wanna touch Clydes hands thats fucking nasty
CRAIG: For real
CRAIG: Preach 🙏🙏🙏
TWEEK: I don't care
TWEEK: It's just for a bit TWEEK: I can wash my own hands afterwards
CRAIG: EWWWW FAGS
CLYDE: Aww… really?? :D
TWEEK: Fine
TWEEK: Sure
TWEEK: Whatever
CLYDE: Nobody other than Tolkien has wanted to hold my hand before! :DD
TOLKIEN: Was that before or after I figured out you don't wash your hands
TWEEK: Who else is fine with
TWEEK: Touching Clyde
CRAIG: Stop making me have gay thoughts, Playboi Carti
TWEEK: What
TWEEK: I don't
TWEEK: I'm not
TWEEK: Just
TWEEK: Hold hands
TWEEK: You all have socks on
TWEEK: I think
TWEEK: So it's not gay
CARTMAN: Uhm erm erm erm
CARTMAN: Actually
CARTMAN: That's a homophobic statement
TWEEK: CRAIG SAID A FUCKING SLUR?????????
TWEEK: WHAT???????
TWEEK: IM TWEEK: HUH TWEEK: WHAT TWEEK: OKAY
TWEEK: JUST TWEEK: JUST HOLD HANDS TWEEK: STOP MAKING THIS HARDER FOR ME
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CLYDE: Wow
CLYDE: I forgot CLYDE: What holding hands felt like
KYLE: Woah
KYLE: This reminds me of the first episode of My Little Pony
KYLE: Where
KYLE: Twilight and her friends
KYLE: Find the friendship trinkets or whatever
KYLE: And they reverse the curse on them that turns them into stone
KYLE: And they used them to like
KYLE: Defeat Nightmare Moon
KYLE: Turning her back into Princess Luna
KENNY: That was so fucking gay
KENNY: I feel like I'm gonna vomit rainbows because of you
CARTMAN: Kenny stop being homophobic
CARTMAN: I will cancel you again
KENNY: Fuck off I know that blue hair you wear online is a wig
CARTMAN: BITCH-
TWEEK: SHUT UP
TWEEK: ALL OF YOU TWEEK: MY SATAN
TWEEK: CAN YOU ALL GO LIKE TWEEK: TWO MINUTES WITHOUT FIGHTING AND OR DEGRADING EACH OTHER
KENNY: ….
CARTMAN: …. KYLE: …..
LITERALLY EVERYONE: …..
CRAIG: Slllaaa-
TOLKIEN: Dont
TOLKIEN: Just
TOLKIEN: Do not
TOLKIEN: Actually, you’ve lost speaking privileges
CRAIG: 😡
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TWEEK: Alright
TWEEK: Is
TWEEK: Is everyone holding hands
CRAIG: yeah its like Kumbaya frfr
TOLKIEN: Stop talking
TWEEK: Okay
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TWEEK: Alakazam
TWEEK: Alakazane
TWEEK: Im sending you off this mortal plane
KYLE: Wait wha-
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CRAIG: Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe!
KENNY: Yoooo
CRAIG: Like and Share! Like and Share! Like and Share!
TOLKIEN: Haaaaa
TOLKIEN: What
TOLKIEN: Was that
TWEEK: Magic Trick
TOLKIEN: What
TWEEK: Hey you have a lot of free time when you live in a dumpster
CRAIG: Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link!
TOLKIEN: Whatever, please for the sake of our brain cells, never do that again
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KENNY: I dunno
KENNY: I thought that was pretty cool
CRAIG: Kombucha? I LLLOOOVVVEEE KOMBUCHA! Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA
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TWEEK: Alright
TWEEK: Humans
TWEEK: Freaks
TWEEK: Whatever your names are
TWEEK: Get in the fucking barn
TWEEK: Now, quoting the safety psas from Estella,
TWEEK: Don't open the door for strangers, Don’t investigate any random noises, don't take any offers from strange men in white vans, don't help anyone, if anyone says they're friends of your parents do not trust them
TWEEK: And for goodness sake,
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TWEEK: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM
CRAIG: I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis!
STAN: One, what are we, five?
STAN: Second
STAN: It's a backup bunker, not  a barn
TWEEK: WHATEVER! JUST- GET IN
TWEEK: DO YOU WANNA LIVE OR NOT????
STAN: No
TWEEK: …
STAN: …
TWEEK: ….
STAN: ….
TWEEK: ….
TWEEK: O….
TWEEK: Kay…..
TWEEK: Just…..
TWEEK: Get in the barn
STAN: Fineeeee
STAN: Whatever
STAN: Fuck you
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CRAIG: [ Gotta sleep in fucking pig shit this sucks fuck this ]
CLYDE: Hey
CLYDE: Hey CLYDE: Hey Tweek
TWEEK: Arrrghhh…What….
CLYDE: Do
CLYDE: Do you
CLYDE: Do you think
CLYDE: Do you think we CLYDE: Do you
CLYDE: Do you think we could
CLYDE: Maybe
CLYDE: Like
CLYDE: Go to like
CLYDE: Dennys
CLYDE: After this???
TWEEK: Whats
TWEEK: What's Dennys?
CLYDE: Oh
CLYDE: Uh
CLYDE: Maybe we could like
CLYDE: Go to Olive Garden then?
TWEEK: What
TWEEK: What's an olive?
TWEEK: And
TWEEK: And what's a Garden?
CLYDE: …
CLYDE: Oh you poor
CLYDE: Sweet
CLYDE: Summer child
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CLYDE: You know what
CLYDE: I'm gonna take you to the Olive Garden
CLYDE: And you're gonna have the time of your fucking life
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TWEEK: Uh
TWEEK: O
TWEEK: OKAY?????
CLYDE: Alright
CLYDE: I’ll see you there babe
TWEEK: Uh
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TWEEK: UHHH
TWEEK: WHAT
TWEEK: DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABE TWEEK: WHAT???
TOLKIEN: Don’t fall for that shit
TOLKIEN: He doesn't wash his hands
TOLKIEN: Or his ass
TWEEK: Why's that relevant?
TOLKIEN: IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING?????
TWEEK: CHILL OUT IT'S NOT THAT BAD
TOLKIEN: YES IT IS??????
TWEEK: …Whatevs
TOLKIEN: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????
(edits made by @pissblanket)
51 notes · View notes
pokechampash · 8 months
Text
Silent But Deadly
“Maybe eating all that ramen before bed wasn't a good idea” Izuku thought as he groaned, his stomach rumbling loudly. It was morning and Izuku Midoriya had just gotten to his first class of the day but unfortunately for him his midnight snack from the previous night was coming back to bite him in the ass.
“The hell’s wrong with you nerd? You usually have that annoying smile on your face this early in the morning” Bakugo said in his usual low growl like voice, Izuku blushed and tried to his discomfort.
“Oh no thanks Kacchan! Just thinking about slot assignments I gotta catch up on” Izuku nervously chuckled, a low growling sound came from his stomach.
“You gotta take a dump or something nerd?” Bakugo asked in a mocking tone, luckily for Izuku the bell rung and the class slowly started to arrive so he didn't have to answer Bakugo’s embarrassing question.
“Today we'll be learning about the history of pro heros, this will be on your upcoming exam so you can't miss this, therefore no bathroom breaks until we finish” Shota Aiwaza announced to the class, Izuku was mortified as he felt gas bubbling up in his stomach and he knew he'd have to fart soon or he might pop!
“Maybe if I position myself right no one will hear it” Izuku thought as he slightly lifted his muscular ass up and slowly released a huge fart, luckily his plan had worked and no one heard it. The smell was definitely there however. Izuku wasn't too worried as he was seated around Kirishima, Kaminari, Ojiro, and Sero who were all fairly laid back and probably wouldn't be the type of person to announce to the whole class he was letting out fart bombs.
“Okay I'll just keep this up until my stomach calms down, I hope they can't smell them that much” Izuku thought while sweating as we pushed out another silent but deadly, this one had been building up for a while so it really stunk and this time someone said something.
“Damn, it almost smells as bad as your toilet after we had taco bell that one time bro” Kirishima whispered to Sero who was holding back a chuckle, this made Izuku nervous but it didn't seem like they caught on to the fact that he was the source of the smell.
For the rest of the class Izuku’s stomach continued to ache forcing him to rip out more farts, they were always silent, but the constant farting causes the smell to build, leading to multiple reactions from Izuku’s peers.
“Wouldn't be surprised if it was Aizawa” Denki said playfully.
“God it smells like Denki’s room before laundry day” Ojiro coughed.
“Can we open a window or something?” Sero mumbled to himself, fanning the air.
“Whoever’s farting so much is such a wimp, a real man would hold it in til they can release it alone” Bakugo scoffed.
Thankfully Izuku’s prayers were answered and the lunch bell rung and everyone started leaving, he tried making a beeline for the toilet but ended up running right into Kirishima gigantic pecs, he pulled his head out of them and apologized while secretly clenching his huge ass cheeks.
“It's no problem Midoriya accidents happen! Say, wanna have lunch with me and Iida on the roof?” Kirishima asked, sporting his usual smile.
“Erm sorry but I actually have something important to do! Maybe next time?” Izuku said shuffling a little
“Nonsense bro, what's more important than a manly lunch between homies! Please?” Kirishima said flexing his muscles, Izuku couldn't find it in himself to say no so he blushed and slowly shook his hand. They joined Iida and the rooftop and had lunch with Izuku having to hold in all his bubbly farts while he tried to act natural in front of his friends.
“So who do you guys think was farting and causing that rancid smell in class today?” Kirishima asked taking a bite of his cupcake, Izuku was mortified.
“Erm maybe the person just had a stomach ache and couldn't help it” Izuku added in shifting his ass as he felt a huge gas bubble building up in his stomach.
“Even if that was the case they should have excused themselves and apologized for the smell” Iida claimed
Kirishima chuckled at this and made a few jokes which in response made Iida and him have a full blown conversation about the situation, Izuku tuned them out and held his stomach as it growled violently, he moaned as he let out a huge booming fart that rivaled the sound of a train whistle
PLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT!!!!
Kirishima and Iida's eyes widen and they both turned to look at him, gagging as the smell was worse than ever now.
“I-I think All Might needs me for some last minute training before our next class starts!” Izuku blurted out the first excuse that came to mind and rushed away from the two boys completely embarrassed.
“Gotta admit, all thought his farts stink, it's pretty manly he can fart so big and loud!” Kirishima said grinning while Iida facepalmed.
Izuku tried rushing to the bathroom multiple times throughout the rest of the school day but something always seemed to get in the way.
“Sorry this bathroom is closed because someone clogged the toilet. My bets on Kaminari, I saw him drink milk this morning and I know he's lactose intolerant!”
“Hey can I please go first man! I think I'll explode if I don't get in there in the next five seconds!”
“Cmon nerd it's time for some sparring, don't grab my butt in an accident like you did last time!”
Soon enough school was over and Izuku was rushing over to the train hoping to get home fast. As Deku runs, there is a lot of people that are walking very slowly. He starts sweating more, clenching his huge ass cheeks even more and politely rushing past people so he can make the train. While rushing past the crowd, he lets out some nasty farts that get wetter and wetter, staining his All Might boxers.
Before he reaches the train, which was about another minute away, a loud rumble in his stomach caused him to stop and clench with all his might (haha) but clenching does nothing as he feels like he is definitely going to explode in three seconds. Deku rushes and hides somewhere away from people...barely in time before he feels his anal muscles give out. "Damn it! No, please! Just…a little…longer" but it was too late. The diarrhea shoots out violently and leaks through his underwear and down his legs. "AAAH!" His underwear and pants sags from the amount of shit he produces.
He moans as he relieves himself, but he starts crying three seconds later as the realization kicks in. He just shit his pants. He is devastated by the fact that he has pooped his pants, he now has to waddle home past many people to change, and now has to throw away his All Might boxers that he shit in. "Kacchan's never gonna let me live this down if he finds out" Deku whimpers in a defeated tone.
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30 notes · View notes
swagrum76 · 2 months
Text
Some days I just wanna sneeze, And then on other days, I drink Febreeze, Of course these talking squirrels in my head won't let me leave my house, I am stuck here, even if I see the droppings of a mouse, I don't know what is real anymore, I don't know if I even locked my front door, Please let me leave this hell, I cannot ever eat at Taco Bell
11 notes · View notes
bradandchris · 3 months
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Brad knew he was pretty. No news there.
…but was he AI pretty?
He didn’t feel real real. While there, Brad didn’t know how to feel real real in the first place. Did anyone know?
In the spirit of keeping it real Brad’s boyfriend Chris answered with a stark “No.” Chris then went on to explain not a single soul had a clue as to why we were all on this tiny planet hurtling through interstellar space at ungodly speeds.
After three seconds of pouted silence, Brad demanded to know once again if he was not pretty but AI pretty.
Chris said Brad was ‘as plastic as they come’ not after pointing out plastic was as real as anything else. “You want to get real real Brad? Just look at our oceans. Even sea salt was loaded with microplastics now. Nothing out of the ocean was safe. It was pink Himalayan or bust.”
Before Chris could go any further, Brad announced that he decided he’d ask their friend Becky when she got back from the taco stand. She was straight so could hypothetically give a straight answer. It wasn’t ideal but his boyfriend’s roundabout just wasn’t cutting it.
Brad then paused to look around. “Where was Becky anyway?
Chris replied, “Really Brad? Really?!?”
That’s when Becky sauntered up from behind Chris with a basket of fresh steamy tacos. She asked the boys for the last time if they were really down for eating all this given they were both out.
It was quite a spread and the meat had the same consistency as cottage cheese but it wasn’t Taco Bell nor its knock off Taco Bueno. It was some local man from Pennsylvania who made them. His name was Hanz Bergenstein. That stuck out to Becky for some reason.
Brand and Chris were very quick to respond. They were not up or down with the taco scene. Becky thought this might be the case.
Pulling her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose so she could make eye contact with Brad and Chris, Becky mentioned it was a good thing it was a Saturday. There was no way they’d be sitting next to a group of stuntmen from the Monster Truck Show tomorrow. It was one night only and always on a Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
No one knew why the day of the show needed to be repeated three times when it actually occurred in the evening but that’s what presented itself. The Monster Truck Show never started before 5-5:30pm so the organizers wouldn’t be inclined to extend the truck rally and inadvertently cause a mass suffocation in an unsuspecting domed stadium.
As it was, everyone would get light headed just one hour in. The show of course was without a story line and absolutely terrible, but the fumes more than made up for it. Mix in the local beer, busty girls as well as some good ol’ fashioned Red Bull, and let’s be honest. It really didn’t matter what was going on. That’s a good time despite any controversy!
To that, Becky asked Brad and Chris if 5pm was technically still daytime. Brad pointed out it was a slightly delicate yes and no situation that included the whole daylight savings mess. That seemed like a lot to him for a casual day at the pool.
Chris agreed and then threw in a memo stating that spring forward/fall back thing just needed to die already. Becky said it was one of many horrifying things that would die naturally with the Boomers as they finally made their way out to which Brad and Chris replied a nearly automated “Here. Here.”
With that, the controversy tabled itself for another time. Becky then announced she needed to take advantage of the situation so she could get the stuntmen to take advantage of her. Flipping her hair in a tizzy Becky then spun a perfect 180 to showcase her taco basket to the heterosexuals. The three men let out a faint gasp.
Becky was real real real and felt real real real too. Before fully launching herself gaily forward into the world of straights, she paused to give Brad an answer to a question he had yet to ask of her.
“Brad, you’re not AI pretty. You’re REAL pretty! P.S. you’re REAL pretty too Chris.”
Awe! Becky was the real real deal!!!
And just like that, Becky was off like like her swimsuit in 45 minutes. It would take Brad and Chris a good ten to get theirs off mostly because both felt slightly bloated from smelling the tacos. It took four of those minutes just to realize the taco stand was only ten feet away. Madonna saved the world in that amount of time.
Obviously, tacos were evil.
What Brad and Chris needed was a tall cool glass or two of cucumber water. To Brad and Chris’ delight they gulped down three that day. Why don’t we say it was a vurrrry hot afternoon to every degree and leave it at that.
Mmmmm… cucumber.
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gwacha · 6 months
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Clip it, Baby! SNS Streamer!AU Chapter 14 (Final one/epilogue!) SNIPPET/Up tomorrow!
The epilogue of Clip it, Baby! is going up tomorrow around noon, as usual. I'm so sorry for the wait - I didn't want to let it go. Thank you all for the support, and the rest of my words are there <3 About 6k words.
here's a snippet!
“Hello,” Itachi says, holding out a hand. His face is unreadable.
Naruto greets him with a fervent shake of the offered hand, trying not to fall forwards when Itachi reciprocates. “It’s nice to talk to you! In, uh, a non-awkward context,” he offers, smiling crookedly. “Sasuke told me you don’t mind Taco Bell! You should let me treat you some time — I’m glad you can appreciate good food.”
“Fucking disgusting,” A voice that is obviously Sasuke’s barks from the kitchen, spilling over with vitriol. “You’re disgusting, and that place is even worse. It’s not real Mexican food!”
“Language, little brother,” Itachi calls back, completely enveloped in the role of a stern older sibling figure. He turns to Naruto again, giving a sage nod. “Yes. I enjoy their, ah, Crunchwrap Supreme, I believe it’s called.”
Another distant groan of pure agony rings from Sasuke. “You grew up eating freshly cooked soba and hand caught mackerel, Itachi! Where did it go wrong?” The sounds of a wooden spatula hitting the edges of a frying pan multiply in volume and frustration as Sasuke smolders with fury deeper inside of the traditional Japanese house.
“Ignore him,” Itachi deadpans. “He’s yet to understand the joys of a crunchy taco shell.”
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dr-jem-nutcase · 1 year
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MvA: The M Files, take-a-peek pt. 3
For starters, thanks to all the likes, shares, & comments. I hope you've been enjoying this
Chapter 3
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fake foods from Counterfeit Chemicals: a lot of fast food joints & every other generic food product in America. At least it tastes good...a lot of times. Like, Taco Bell is in no way authentic Mexican food but I LUV it 🌮
This place was Old Man Carl's in the movie and the same company that later brought BOB that ill-fated hotdog stand in San Francisco
That chart lol
Root beer flavored spinach. Sounds gross. I'd also be deathly afraid to try it. Reminds me of the late 1990s/early 2000s when Heinz made purple ketchup, which was NOT a success. But nowadays, different flavored snacks & desserts (particularly ice cream) can be hits every now and then. fake foods (or Old Man Carl's) could've been on the brink of creating a new trend! Okay, moving on
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In case anyone has a hard time reading some of the text in the second panel, it says, "it doesn't taste any different from a real tomato". Sorry for the kerfuffle
Designed or created?
Btw, there IS actually a limited edition ranch flavored ice cream
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Ranch-flavored tomato. Sounds great with a salad or some types of pizzas
Red 7 lol
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This would be. mildly. terrifying. Wth was even in either one of those foods?
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Runs away & claims BOB is homicidal. So judgmental & assuming! *fake shocked face*
How'd he grow an eye out of all this?
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BOB's quite eloquent for being a "newborn"
Ooh! Monger's a sergeant now!
Eating the building isn't too different from both Blob movies but a much lighter tone than eating people alive. I never saw the newer one but I watched the OG one years ago. A guy walks into a doctor's office agonizing in pain and fear because his arm's covered in this goo that's eating up his arm and in a few minutes the guy is gone before the doctor could amputate the arm. Very G rated
Welp, so much for eating a police car (movie) or a city block (video game)
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The third soldier's mouth is missing
Evidently they eat lead. Sorry, wrong story!
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So BOB's eye is just part of his anatomy? Not some specially made artificial eyeball?
Like Link's chapter, this is a total jump away from the origin story in the movie. It's a good explanation for the genetically altered tomato & chemically altered dessert topping but a slightly censored telling of BOB's origin. That explosion on the two scientists was a bit satisfying. Again, kids' book *sigh*
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Monger's hands are black
So...BOB named himself?
Big lips Monger isn't real. Big lips Monger can't scare you
"Lots of people don't have brains...a politician..." DW, is that supposed to be a burn? Hot dang! Let's get out some aloe vera, cold water, and maybe a trip to the burn unit at the nearest hospital
Some day, son. Some day, you will contribute to society. Just not today
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I'm kinda surprised that this building hasn't toppled on top of anyone. Istg, Monger isn't afraid of anything
Now where's BOB gonna go? Also, is Link still on dry ice? Will BOB be on dry ice too? At the end of the OG Blob movie, the blob is frozen/encapsulated in ice and dropped off in the artic/antarctic. Did Monger go in this direction? Capture a monster and then freeze it like Han Solo? Hopefully that monster prison will be in the making soon. Like, REALLY soon. You can only freeze and store so many monsters! Btw, can you imagine trying to freeze the Invisible Man?
Again, this piece of work isn't mine. It all belongs to you know who. See you soon!
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pastafossa · 1 year
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PASTA'S BURRITO CASSEROLE, ADAPTED FROM A RECIPE I FOUND LIKE 10 YEARS AGO.
You need:
(Optional) One pound fake ground meat or real ground meat if you are an omnivore
2 cans worth refried beans - I use black beans that I turn into refried beans cause it's cheaper, easy to do, and healthier. If you aren't using meat, add 2 more cans (and if you're MAKING refried, invest in some Better Than Bouillon garlic jars, you're welcome) or maybe rice, did that once, not bad
1/2 cup DICED FUCKING WHITE ONIONS OF DELICIOUSNESS, OR USE HOWEVER MUCH MORE YOU LIKE
1/2 cup CORN, I use frozen cause I am LAZY but also like having the exact amount I need
Little 2 oz can of either green chilis or jalapenos depending on what spice level you like
TOOOOOOORTILLAS
1/2 cup SOUR CREAM
1 can of Cream of Whatever. I use cream of mushroom or cream or cheddar, but meat eaters might choose cream of bird
Packet of taco seasoning or equivalent amount in spoonfuls, once again you can measure by taste until your heart sings
SHREDDEEEED CHEEEEEEEESE, TACO CHEEEEEESE
Optional: BELL PEPPERS, SALSA
Instructions:
HEAT YOUR OVEN - I use 400-425*f but temps have varied based on my oven
Throw your meat, onions, corn, and optional bell peppers into a big pan. Cook on medium high till meat is done, OR if meat is absent, add a little oil and cook until onions are see through. I gave you an amount of onions but I measure that shit by heart, the heart knows when you have enough onions
Add your CHOSEN PEPPER OF SPICINESS to the mix and turn down heat to idk low or med low, let the flavors mingle a little
MEANWHILE, mix your sour cream and Cream Of Whatever in a bowl, it will look disgusting but its soul is good
Turn off your heat, mix your REFRIED BEANS into your onion mixture, along with your TACO SEASONING and if you do not ADD SEASONING I will SENSE IT AND COME STARE SILENTLY THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, MY PALE SIBLINGS IN CHRIST SEASON YOUR FOOD, ALSO YOU CAN JUST ADD SEASONING UNTIL IT TASTES NICE
Get a 9×13 pan. Slop half that sour cream mixture in and spread it all pretty
TEAR UP TORTILLAS INTO BITE SIZED PIECES, TASTE TEST THEM GOD I LOVE TORTILLAS and then LAYER your little tortilla bits to cover the slop
Throw in half your ONION MIXTURE, spread all nice
Much like onions, CHEESE IS MEASURED BY HEART, LISTEN TO THE VOICE INSIDE AS YOU SPREAD THE SHREDDED CHEESE, FOR IT WILL TELL YOU WHEN YOU ARE DONE
If you want, throw the salsa in here
REPEAT until the CHEESE LAYER
Lick spoon cause you're done with spoon then eat another tortilla Put in the oven UNCOVERED and cook 20-30 mins until cheese is golden brown
Sit 5 mins
Done, I get like 8 servings of this and it freezes nicely for leftovers
Make whatever changes you want, you can try RICE or add TOMATOES or maybe ENCHILADA SAUCE ON TOP, the possibilities are ENDLESS*
*as long as you season, that is non-negotiable
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