@beatingheart-bride

"I don't think it's silly at all."

It was completely understandable to him, for her to be a touch nervous-even with how confident he felt in their ability to get away with it, there was no denying that it was an incredibly brazen plan. How many people would be so bold as to spend the evening in the company of their secret lovers, right under the nose of so many people, people who would absolutely lose their minds if they knew the truth...

"They do say that sometimes, the best place to hide is in plain sight," Dorian continued, rubbing his chin as he gave it some thought. "And I think that turn of phrase will prove to be very true tonight: As I said, I believe that everyone will mostly be so busy schmoozing and making nice that their eyes will hardly be on us. I'm sure we'll have to come over and shake hands with Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so who will be at the wedding tomorrow, accept the congrats of Mr. and Mrs. What's-the-name, kiss up to the Something-or-others, but I think we can manage that."

As he listened off these imaginary guests, Dorian flashed her a little smile, in the hopes that his playful names would make her laugh, help her relax a little-humor was oftentimes his way of alleviating stress, taking the edge off, and he hoped it would be the same for Emily as he finished confidently, "We'll go around, roll out the proverbial welcome wagon, perhaps answer a few questions here and there, but overall, I'm sure we'll be able to slip away and spend the evening with those we'd most enjoy it with."

Story Time I Guess

The people this is about and the people who will read this are mutually exclusive. So this isn't about you.

I have so much to say, to no real effect. Maybe to make myself feel better, but that's just selfish and does nothing for the collective good.

Whenever I'm in a group of people, that's when I feel the most lonely. At least when I'm in front of a computer screen, the colors and lights keep me company, and the occasional interaction with people I like.

It's so lonely constantly feeling like I'm a third wheel wherever I go, like I'm dragged along because I'm a charity case. Bring this quiet person along so we can feel okay about ourselves for not ignoring them. Maybe ask her a question every now and then so she doesn't feel excluded THAT much. But therein lies the paradox: I'm so lonely and yet I am too scared to wedge myself into conversations and things to make myself known. It's better to not be seen, it's better to not exist, and yet I feel so lonely because of that mentality.

One place I felt like I was not an outsider, I was considered a friend. It was a discord server where some people were in voice chat consistently, and it was during a time I was painting for my 2D Color And Design course. I would join the voice channel and just sit and listen to other people talk. We were all trans. I was invited into the server from the person who made it. I joined a channel and asked if it was okay to just hang out there while I painted, since it was background noise. The people in there said they were okay with it, but they didn't speak much. I think they left after a while.

After trying to join the voice channel again for a different reason, I found out that I couldn't join. The server founder had to remove some restrictions on me that someone else placed, so that I could actually join the voice channels again. I guess someone didn't want me in there, just existing. So since then, I've been avoiding joining voice calls in discord. I assume it's because I'm older than a lot of people I exist with these days, and I can't reasonably assume I'm welcome in those spaces. I can't reasonably assume I'm welcome in any space. I'm trans, but only when it serves other people's interests as a joke, apparently. I'm fun, but only when it makes other people laugh. I'm useful, only if it's something I'm somewhat interested in and won't infodump about because it's not an interest of mine. Kept around when it's convenient, ignored otherwise. So I left that discord, not long after finding out that one of the higher-ups in that server had blocked me here on tumblr.

I'm also very interested in 2 people at the moment, one moreso than the other. Let's say K and T. I've known K for a very long time, and I've developed feelings for them...for at least 2 years at this point. They'll share their interests with me and propose we watch things together, and for the most part, I agree to do it when we have the time to do it. But when they ask if I enjoyed it, I do, but I have a hard time saying that I do, hard time saying that I enjoy any bit of material because, well, that's just how I am. I can truly enjoy something but I can't bring myself to say that I like it. I'll always say that "it's good," or "it's okay," but never truly say anything about liking it. People usually take that to mean that it wasn't actually interesting, so they stop sharing things with me. And I think that's what happened with K's circumstance here. But at the same time, I've dropped a couple hints and I think I got back what I expected - an implied rejection, but not outright because they were just hints and not outright statements of fact. "Hey I like you," isn't something I'm going to say to them. At this point, there's no way I can say it. I've tried to share my interests with them, and I've been met with basically a brick wall. They don't really seem interested in what I have to share, be it music or tv shows or anything that's interesting to me. Of course, they'll share things with me, and I'll take it in wholeheartedly. I see where it fits into how it made them the person they are today, and I appreciate it to see how it can affect me. But every time I try to level it out and share something with them, they don't listen. They don't watch. They'd rather go off and do something with someone else. And I let them go. So I guess that's how it should be. But how do I kill these feelings without just outright confessing to them about it, and having them shut me down like I want, but without making the friendship weird?

And in the case of T. Well, we only recently started talking. I don't know much about her. I could go sleuthing through her twitter, but that's weird and creepy and I don't want to study up on someone like that. She offered to be someone to listen to me when I have problems, but I can't in good conscience do that to someone I just met, and I definitely won't do that to someone I consider a friend, unless I know 100% that they're willing to listen to me complain about my paradoxical problems I've listed and alluded to here. She knows a lot about things that I don't, and I know that she makes far much more money than I do. Well, I just quit my job last thursday, so everyone is pretty much making more money than I am at the moment. I can't say that it's necessarily intimidating, but I feel like I have nothing to offer to her that would make me worthwhile to have around. So maybe I feel intimidated in that sense, that I feel like I cannot actually have anything to contribute to the relationship, be it friendship or anything more.

For fuck's sake. I'm 35. And I haven't had a single relationship last more than a year or something. And all of my relationships have had some really crazy inequalities that either made me the deadweight or I had way too much power so I had to distance myself because I simply felt bad for being in the relationship. And in all of them, I was too scared to end it myself. I'm sorry.

I just want to exist and share a space with someone else.

But there's also the question of physical intimacy. I know in theory, and in my head, I would like that. I know I would like it. But when it comes to actually doing it, I can't make myself even touch the other person without feeling like I'm overstepping boundaries. Am I touching them too much? Do I use my hands? Do I just lean up against them? Am I not touching them enough? Do they want more than I'm doing now? If I ask questions, I'll get answers, but if I ask questions, I'll also sound absolutely clueless. Which I am. I just don't know how to physically interact with other people in any meaningful capacity.

I don't know what to do.

201127 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jungkook

Jung Kook: “I hope this feeling never fades” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.27

I had a chance to interview BTS before, when they debuted. During that interview, Jung Kook had one small habit; when I met him again a while later, he had corrected it. He makes a conscious effort to change himself. And after seven years, I met Jung Kook again.

You directed the music video for “Life Goes On,” BE’s title song. Jung Kook: I was really eager to direct the music video from the outset. My plan was to organize the synopsis, discuss it with the  music video director I was working with, shoot and edit them, but we were short on time. So I worked on it while sharing ideas with the director. Originally there were a lot of scenes with lip synching in them, but we took some of them out and put in more scenes that conveyed the members’ emotions better. It wasn’t easy to combine scenes, but I think now I know more about how much of everything is needed when shooting a music video.

You had shot the Golden Closet Films and uploaded them to the BTS YouTube channel, and now you shot a music video. Jung Kook: Once we were on location, we had directions for everything we needed to shoot prepared in advance, so I took candid shots of the members here and there with a camera during the shoot. We were filming in a beautiful place so when they asked me to take pictures of them as they wanted to be presented, I did.

What kind of pictures did you take of yourself? Jung Kook: I was just, in them. (laughs) I’m not in the shot for the Golden Closet Films either. I kind of take a back seat. The director had to shoot my parts for the music video, since I couldn’t film myself, so I relaxed a bit. I tried to make the other members look really good when I recorded them. Since this was a BTS music video and not my own, I wanted to show what was happening with every member and the team, not just one individual’s thoughts. Each person who watches the video might feel different, but I wanted to show that we feel what other people feel, that we’re in the same situation.

You get your picture taken a lot, but you don’t pay much attention to the ones you’re in. Jung Kook: I never really liked having my picture taken. (laughs) And I’m usually with the others when we’re working, obviously, but it’s hard to take a camera and take selfies. So I take pictures and videos of the other members every chance I get.

Do you still find it difficult to have your picture taken? Jung Kook: I put my best face forward when it’s for something I have to do, like  for photo books, but it’s still not easy. Videos are okay, though. And even though I’m not nervous at all when I sing in front of tens of thousands of people, if I have to sing or talk in front of a small group, I get super nervous. I never feel that way on stage, but maybe I have a hard time doing things that are a little bit awkward for me.

It seems like you draw a distinction between work you enjoy and work you find difficult. Jung Kook: Work related to music, like recording, composing, writing lyrics, filming music videos and things like that, are all fine. But anything outside of that is probably a challenge for me.

On BE, you each explained your feelings about work in the song “Dis-ease.” You must have experienced a cycle of enjoyable and difficult work over seven years, so how did you get through the hard times? Jung Kook: I actually understand my own problems well, so most of the time it’s okay. I can figure things out one at a time through experience instead of just looking for answers. I’m always growing and my personality changes, depending on my environment. I think I’ve learned to do things I used to find difficult by experiencing it little by little.

Speaking of growth, “Skit” was very memorable. You recorded it the day after “Dynamite” reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and you, who talked about what you did before you became trainees in “Skit” in your debut album,talked about being first place on the Billboard Hot 100 this time around. Jung Kook: When I was a trainee, I saw the older members rapping and thought, “Wow, they’re so cool!” But now, after having spent everyday together, I’ve forgotten about all that. (laughs) Sometimes I see the lyrics they wrote, see them dancing and hearing the things they say on stage, and think, “Oh, right. That is the kind of person they are. They’re a lot different now.” You know how you don’t feel it when you live with your family, but if you can’t see them for a long time, you miss them. You might even cry. We’re a real family. Like, legit! (laughs)

Your “legit family” (laughs) each put their own songs on BE and came up with units spontaneously. What was it like making the album that way? Jung Kook: We talked with the company over the outline of the album and organized our ideas together. That was our process for making songs. Then we’d listen to them together, and if we thought they weren’t great, we’d go back and work on them some more. The members would get together and say, “Hey, how about so and so do a unit song this time?” or, “What should it be about?” and share a lot of ideas that way.

How did the others respond to your song, “Stay”? Jung Kook: That song was originally meant to be on my mixtape. We planned to put a different song on the album, but after V heard it, he said, “This song that Jung Kook wrote is really good,” and then the other members all listened, said it was better than the other one, and somehow (laughs) “Stay” made it into the album. The message for the other song was also, “Even though we’re far apart, stay just where you are.” I wrote my song with the same theme so I loved that it was included in BE. At first, I wanted to talk about how we’re always together, using the English word “wherever.” I wanted to express how we’re always together no matter where we are, but Namjoon heard that and said “Stay” might be better. I liked his suggestion, so I changed it. He really helped me to organize my thoughts, since I’m not always good at writing everything I want to express.

One might go as far as to say the lyrics sound heartbreaking, but it’s arranged in EDM. Jung Kook: We imagined we were performing for the fans while we made it, jumping up and down with them.

It sounds like you really miss your fans. Jung Kook: This album really hit us in a different way, with this situation being what it is. Because the world is struggling with COVID-19, we have to keep our heads up and convey our messages to our fans.

What can your fans expect from you when you finally meet again? Jung Kook: There’s nothing specific, but when I watched our old performances, my facial expressions were awkward and my dance moves weren’t always perfect. I keep working to improve myself, so I hope   when the fans see me, they think my performance is amazing and that my aura fills the stage.

Are you happy with how you look in your latest work? Jung Kook: I’m not 100% satisfied, no. When we did performances for “Dynamite” recently I kept seeing my imperfections.

Your acting in the intro to your “Dynamite” performance was really impressive. Even in COVID-19 times, you captured a feeling of liveliness and being cool, as though to explain what the song is all about. Jung Kook: Actually, on the first day of filming the music video, I was supposed to film my parts first, but I was so bad that it had to be pushed to the end of the shoot. So,I was a bit more relaxed when the camera rolled.

So that’s what you get when you’re relaxed! (laughs) Jung Kook: Yes, I relaxed, and something went “pop!” and “boom!” inside me, and then I did it however I wanted. (laughs)

It’s fascinating how someone who performs the way you do during stadium tours can feel nervous while filming and yet still do so well in it. Jung Kook: I can be a shy person. When people used to ask me to sing, I couldn’t always do it—like in front of adults or teachers. And I’m still a bit like that. If I start thinking, “Oh, I can’t do this,” then I really end up not being able to do it. Even when I could have done well.

Why do you think that is? Jung Kook: I feel the same way about my dancing and my singing, and I can’t compose a really amazing melody either. I feel like I’m always somewhere in the middle. But then I also think I have my own colors, so I like to quietly, slowly open up to people, and let them know what kind of person I am. Yeah, something like that. (laughs)

But, when you review your songs and performances objectively, you see all of your changes, don’t you? Jung Kook: There’s a lot of change. My voice has changed a lot; I grew taller and my frame and facial structure have changed, too. I could tell how awkward I looked at the beginning, but after a while, I think, “My gestures look better now, but I feel like my dance is too rigid.” And again after a while, “Now my dance is fine and my gestures are good, but I’m making awkward facial expressions.” And later, I say, “Now I got the facial expressions down, but, hmm, there’s no killer move.” (laughs) That’s how I slowly changed. And then my actions, thoughts, dreams, goals, what I value, what I want to do—all these things will change depending on the situation.

You had some changes in BE, too. Throughout “Life Goes On,” you lightly carry your voice and tone throughout the whole song, like they’re flowing. Jung Kook: Right. I think that’s very important. My general feeling was my voice should be woven into the song, rather than bringing out my individual voice. The lyrics say the world stopped, but I can’t keep on being sad, and life continues and flows on. I wanted to mix a little bit of my own colors into that complex, subtle sadness. I listened to how the other members recorded their parts for the song, and I sang while thinking about how I could do it in a way that it would all blend together well. I kept changing my voice exploring how to make it sound better, cleaner. I kept trying new things while I was recording, performing, and practicing.

When you look back after all that change, don’t you feel like you accomplished a lot? Jung Kook: I don’t really pay attention to things that have already happened. I think more about what it is I need right now, so I rarely think, “I got a lot better from how I used to be,” or, “I did a good job.”

You sound insatiable, in a good way. Jung Kook: Yes. This is how I want to keep living, and I hope this feeling never fades.

You’ve found immense success with BTS. What makes you want to keep doing more and keep improving yourself? Jung Kook: I want to show people who I am: how I talk, how I act, how I sing, and so on. And after that, I want to be acknowledged for doing what I like to do, and for people to see what an amazing guy I am. I want to do these things step by step. I want to be appreciated as Jung Kook, as the real me.

What do you think is the source of that energy—the energy to keep proving yourself, even though you’ve already achieved so much with BTS? Jung Kook: I think my heart’s telling me to. BTS was able to climb this high thanks to the group members, the company and our fans. But there’s always the question of whether I could receive that kind of recognition by myself, so I have this feeling of wanting to throw myself at some challenge alone. There’s a lot I want to do, and a lot I want to achieve.

By gradually improving yourself, what kind of person would you ideally want to become? Jung Kook: A person who’s crazy awesome in their field. (laughs) Those kinds of people look cool even when they do something different. I still have a long way to go. I feel like I could be more captivating and draw more out of people by improving any number of things, by trying hard to be confident about my singing, or the way I dance and perform. BTS is way more important and meaningful to me than I am to myself, so I’m not saying I want to do anything alone. But I hope I get to the point where I can perform alone for three or four hours in a venue full of people.

It’s clear that your job, music, is very important to you. Jung Kook: I must never let it go. That’s what I always think. I have to keep it close to me, even if I get bored, or I don’t want to hear it, or it feels like a hassle. I want to keep on making music. It may be a long ways down the road, but I want to prove myself with my music.

You said before that your MBTI is ISFP, so I looked it up. Obviously, MBTI can’t sum up a person perfectly, but it says ISFPs tend to be “curious artists.” Your answer reminds me of that. Jung Kook: That sounds about right. I looked up the personality traits for ISFP too, and it was interesting. (laughs)

Maybe that’s the reason you set your goals so high. You seem like you have high standards and want to keep growing. Jung Kook: It’s like a foggy mountain top. (laughs) I can’t even see it yet.

You’ve been climbing for seven years, staying curious. Is there anything you want to say to the people who have been watching you all this time? Jung Kook: Umm … Well, there are seven of us, and the seven of us keep running ahead. So it’s possible we could get tired, one by one, and drop out, right? But if more people join us, one by one, and run with us, we can support each other and pull each other up if someone falls down. That’s kind of how I feel. There are people who supported us from the beginning who have been watching us the whole time since, and because of them our follower count keeps going up, and they all keep us on track. So the only thing I can say is—thank you. We were nothing special, really (laughs) but they keep on liking us and supporting us, and the best way we can repay them is to give them our all through our music and our performances. They push me to work hard, even on things I find difficult. (laughs) I’m eternally grateful.

Just like in the last line of “Stay.” Jung Kook: “We are together.”

Trans © Weverse

Jimin: “There’s people who’ve been rooting for us throughout this difficult time”

In the “ARMY Corner Store” video posted by BTS on their YouTube channel BANGTANTV to mark the eighth anniversary of their debut, Jimin talked about the leather riding jacket that the older members passed down to him when he was still a trainee. The jacket was first worn by SUGA, handed down to j-hope after SUGA’s debut, then given to Jimin with the words, “This riding jacket is passed down from generation to generation.” Jimin still wears the jacket when it’s cold. Many things change, and, even in times when they must, there are things that do not.

You released three songs in a year: “Dynamite,” “Butter” and, finally, “Permission to Dance,” and BTS grew more popular all the while. How do you feel? Jimin: At some point, it stopped feeling real. The reactions from fans, the cover videos they uploaded and the dance challenges they did—I’m just so thankful for that. It lit up my life. We made those songs with a good purpose in mind, so just hearing people say they enjoyed listening to them was fulfilling. And that was our original goal. “Permission to Dance,” in particular, was the perfect message for right now, so I think I got a lot of comfort from it, too.

How so? Jimin: I think it was both the atmosphere and the actual content. It was comforting right from the title. Thinking about it now, the fact that it made me think, Oh yeah, I might not be able to see ARMY right now, but I will soon, was one good point. I’ve been thinking by myself about how the future’s going to be better, and being more careful, and ended up waiting longer. And meanwhile, we had a fan meeting in the middle of all that. So my thinking changed to be more positive. That was great.

Was there any part you placed particular emphasis on to express such positive emotions in the song? Jimin: I think I just followed my heart. Before, there’d be some kind of concept, and I wanted to show off something about myself in that context, but lately I’ve just been following my heart, following the feeling of conveying the feelings I want to share with others. At first I was worried whether the feelings we were trying to convey in the songs would get across to people since we’d never tried songs in those styles before, but after giving the performances a shot, we found out they’re really fun and easy for us to follow along to, too. So I thought it should be easy enough for people to approach these songs, thankfully.

Even though the three songs—“Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance”—all have something in common, I imagine they were all completely different when it came to figuring them out. You did “Butter” before “Permission to Dance”—how was that? Jimin: They’re totally different. The attitudes I take on are different, the thought process is different, and I think the emotions I feel are all different, too. I think “Butter” was a bit hard for me. It wasn’t a style I was used to, but I thought the actual dance was elegant when I saw the video and it had a lot of footwork, so I thought I’d be good at it, but it was way harder than I thought. During practice I even thought, Why am I so bad at dancing? If you look at our usual choreography, it has very powerful parts with big movements and lots of power, but “Butter” felt really difficult because all the power went in at the same time even though it was loose. So I watched Hoseok dancing a lot, and since every member has their own style of dancing, I watched the way Taehyung loosened up, and the way Jung Kook danced by the book, and I combined all those. So for some of the broadcasts of “Butter” I really loosened up and for others I used a little more strength. I tried all different things.

Maybe that’s why even the style of clothes you’re wearing seems to change the way the dancing feels. It felt like you danced a little differently in a suit than when you were dressed casually. Jimin: I never noticed before but the songs do sound different depending on what I’m wearing. Sometimes I danced all excitedly when I wore casual clothes, but when I wore a suit, something about the song sounded sexy. There’s a different vibe when I dance alone versus when I dance as part of a group, so I visualize how I should dress to make my dancing look cooler every time.

The “Dynamite” performance at the Grammys was very impressive, too. I felt that the music, clothing style and poses where you jumped out were all a perfect match. Jimin: I think it all depends on what kind of outfit I wear, where I am for a given part, and how much I weigh. There’s a pronounced difference to the way a dance looks and feels based on how much I weigh. I think the dance and outfit were a good match in “Dynamite.”

On that note, when you performed “Black Swan” at the end of the year, what pair of shoes could you dance the best in? Looking at the fancam focus video, your dance changes in feeling slightly depending on the design of your shoes. Jimin: For me, it’s barefoot. I think it’s got to be barefoot when I’m doing a classic style dance. It looks sharp and attractive when I wear dress shoes, but it always feels more natural to express myself barefoot. It’s more dynamic, I guess you could say. So I wanted to go barefoot for all my other performances, too. I wanted to be barefoot for when we recorded “ON” at Seoul World Cup Stadium at the end of the year, too, but I gave that up because it could’ve been dangerous.

The performance of “ON” at Mnet 2020 MAMA, right? I was curious about something while watching that video: I wondered how the members of the group could perform with such effort in that big, audienceless stadium, with the new solo performances added into the original choreography and everything. What helped you to find strength even under those circumstances? Jimin: There’s people who’ve been rooting for us throughout this difficult time. I think we have to give them a reason to root for us, then. If we’re going to make them want to see us and make it fun for them to watch us, I wanted to give them a good reason.

Then how did you feel when you performed at the Grammy Awards? Surely it must’ve been meaningful to you in a number of ways. Jimin: I wanted our performance to show what it meant for us to be up on that stage. A group of kids from Korea, each from their own neighborhood, can do this, too, so what’s the big deal about winning an award? That’s one thing I thought. Of course you can’t get it if you’re not capable enough yet, but the important thing is that the people who like us can be proud of us, too. We did the performance in return for all the support they show us.

It must be hard being unable to see your fans since you can’t hold any concerts. It’s hard to tell how well the performance was able to convey that return of their support. Jimin: I learn a lot from going on tour. I combine the audience’s immediate reactions and the parts I wasn’t satisfied with and practice based on that, and ask the other members about it too, but right now there’s no time to review that. So I keep practicing a lot, but it’s hard to tell how the things I’m doing will end up looking, so I keep trying things out on my own but without any feedback.

That must’ve made it harder to get ready for “Dynamite,” “Butter” and “Permission to Dance,” especially since you still have to sing in English and the emotions in the songs are a lot different from your previous ones, and it’s hard to feel the reaction in the concert hall under these circumstances. Jimin: Even the pronunciation is definitely different, and the part of your throat the sound comes from changes depending on the pronunciation. I think that’s why I was a little flustered. On “Butter,” if I had done it the way I always do, it wouldn’t show up. So I studied a lot on how to sound more clean and simple.

It felt like you had to meet all sorts of conditions; you have to keep it breezy and hit high notes, all while maintaining your unique voice. Jimin: I guess you could call it the song that most made me think like I was just starting out again. I think I practiced harder than ever before. I think I’ve worked extremely hard to have my own unique style, but then I hit a wall and had to go back to the beginning to find a new way. And I went over it a lot with Jung Kook. What if I sing it like this? Or what about this way? How should I practice? I asked so many questions like that and practiced a lot, too. But I enjoyed the process. At one point I was like, I can get that kind of voice out of my throat too? Even though it didn’t make it onto the final recording, I tried doing different adlibs while singing other parts and I found my strengths that way.

In previous songs you had fairly strong emotional vocals when you sang high notes, but this time around they’re cooler. How does it feel having different emotions in your vocals? BTS also sought to allow people to feel more positive emotions during the pandemic. Jimin: It was hard to adjust to the changes, but in other ways, since the group saw a greater outpouring of love, I thought we should be featuring emotions and content that’s a little more comprehensive. Personally, it was hard adjusting to a situation where I couldn’t perform. But after “Butter” was out and we moved on to “Permission to Dance,” I saw how lots of people took positively to the way I put so much effort into attempting to change things a bit more with these songs, and I realized that we could find a new side to ourselves in the process.​

I saw on “ARMY Corner Store” that you were drinking with the other members recently and all talking together, which makes me think you’ve had a lot of thoughts since the pandemic started. The world’s changed so much, and the group’s status has changed since “Dynamite” came out, too. Jimin: It wasn’t just the time mentioned in “ARMY Corner Store”—we also talked while going here and there by car, whenever we would get together, and when we were on set. I think it took me a long time to calm my nerves. It took around four or five months, I guess, but after we kept dealing with it and talking with each other, I think that’s when we got used to the new normal and our new selves.

When you performed “Daechwita” at BTS 2021 MUSTER SOWOOZOO, the part you did was, as it happens, “Remember, remember days gone by remember.” Maybe it was a coincidence, but now that BTS, the team who debuted with “No More Dream,” currently sits at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, I’m wondering how you feel about the days gone by. Jimin: I only realized it recently, but I used to be really unstable. I was acting like I was well-grounded when I was around other people, like my family and friends. It meant I had to pretend a lot. I worried about others by saying things like, I’m fine, but how are you? I spoke like I could always take care of anything that came up, but looking back, that wasn’t the case.

What made you think like that? Jimin: I’m still young, and because I’m making a lot of money at a young age, I end up wondering what money and success ultimately mean. Because I’m young, I hear a lot of people talk, and some people can be jealous or envious. But there’s a lot of people I have to repay and a lot of relationships I need to hang onto. I thought I could take care of all these problems, but looking back, that wasn’t the case. It hasn’t been very long since I realized that I was the one to grab on and forced everything to happen.

Was it some sense of responsibility? It reminds me how you called yourself “the kind of person who likes to be loved” in your last interview with Weverse Magazine. So I imagine you probably try your best for the people in your life. Jimin: Yes. I was just being headstrong, you know. Being headstrong. (laughs) It’s the kind of situation where people look at you and they might say, You can’t even take care of yourself. (laughs) But there were still a lot of points where I kept thinking things like that. Now I think I didn’t have to go quite that far, and as times went by, I started to think, Oh, I’m glad I can think about this now so I can let things that I should let go of, go. When I couldn’t let things go, my resentment kept growing. My pain, too. Rather than admit I had those feelings at that time, I’d say there were emotions in different situations that I came to unconsciously accept, and I started to feel like I could see how much of a hard time I was having after some time passed.

You’ve tried so hard. How did you feel after letting go of all those feelings? Jimin: I felt like I was becoming empty sometimes, at first. I felt like I was denying my own thoughts and beliefs. But I talked a lot with my parents, and I said, Did you know I was going through all that? And they said, We didn’t know what you were going through, but we knew it was something. So finally I shared what I was feeling with them, and my mom and dad talked to me like they were my life coaches. After coming out of that whole period, even when I do similar things, I can tell my mind has changed a lot. If I was more focused on my surroundings before, now I’m able to focus on myself as well. My mom told me it means I’m growing up, and that I’m finally becoming an adult. So I said, I don’t wanna be an adult—it’s too hard. (laughs)

It seems like you ended up doing a lot of self-reflection during the pandemic. Jimin: Last year I saw how lots of people were having a rough time and how there was a big social crisis, but as time dragged on I started to feel like I was trapped. But it was mostly okay when I was working.

What would you say work means to you these days? Jimin: I guess it’s hard to separate it from myself. I’m me, and there’s also a separate me who works, but it’s hard to tell the two apart.

© source

GROOVL1n PROFILES AND FACTS

It was founded on June 26th 2019.

RAVI

Real name: Kim WonSik (김원식).

Nicknames: Ambidextrous Rapper, Lava, Lucky Boy.

His stage name Ravi means “charming”.

His favoucolours are black and white.

His hobby is body training.

Among the members of VIXX he sleeps the most.

His most valuable belonging is his lyrics notebook.

He is allergic to dust.

He enjoys drinking coffee at night.

Heloves doing graffiti.

Hehas several tattoos including: “YOLO, You Only Live Once” on his chest; an angel on his left side; “Love attracts love to the wearer”.

He was born on February 15th 1993.

He was born on Jamsil Dong.

He is 183 cm.

His bloodtype is O.

Hehas a younger sister.

He founded his own hiphop label GROOVL1n on June 2019.

He won the 2020Brand of the Year Awards: Idol Variety Star.

He is part of the k-pop group VIXX and part of the sub-unit VIXX LR, were he is a rapper and dancer.

He went to Seoul Jamdomg Elementary School, Jamsil Middle School, Jamsil High School and Howon University with a master in Musicology.

He is a very good MC and is a fairly good freestyler.

Ravi’s ideal type is a pretty and self-conscious woman.

His motto is “You Only Live Once”.

His favourite artists are Kanye West, A$AP Rocky, Chris Brown, Drake, Big Sean and August Alsina. He is also a fan of G-Dragon.

He became part of VIXX because he was one of the winners of the show “Mydol”.

He features on Chad Future’s new music video “Rock the World”.

He wrote the song “What U Waiting For” thinking of the members.

Park MyungSoo offered him to work together when he was impressed after his cover of the song “Fire” on his show “Park Myun Soo’s moving TV”.

He participated in SMTM4 but was eliminated.

He wrote VIXX LR’s “Beautiful Liar”.

In June 2018 he produced a song for the girl group ELRIS.

To promote one of his albums he held a guerrilla concert at Gangnam station.

On April 2nd 2017 he uploaded a picture of a French Bulldog to his Instagram officially introducing “Buttie”, VIXX’s new member. His nickname is “BADA$$”.

He debuted as a soloist on 2017 with his mini album “R.EAL1ZE”.

He is part of the group “Parka Friendship”, including Taemin (SHINee), Kai (EXO) and Timoteo and SungWoon (HOTSHOT). His song “Ravi Da Loca” mentions their name to express his gratitude towards them. He says his best friends are Taemin and Kai.

He appears in Brian Joo’s MV “Let This Die”.

If he were a girl he would go out with N among the VIXX members because he is really nice and reliable and he would probably not be a cheater.

He is the 3rd idol with more songs registered to his name.

He won the golden medal in bowling with Ken on the Idol Star Athletic Championship 2018.

Jellyfish anounced on May 24th that he would be leaving the company but will still promote with VIXX.

He cares a lot for the members of GROOVL1n.

He has a YouTube channel with a mini series were he interviews different artists.

CHILLIN HOMIE

His real name is Jeon WooSung (전우성).

He was born on September 3rd 1999.

He is 178 cm.

He was born in Seoul but lived in Pohang for a long time, which is why he considers Pohang his hometowm.

He started rapping at 18.

He debuted in 2018 with his single “Gang Move”.

He joined GROOVL1n on 19th September 2019.

He is part of NFL crew.

On Februa 1st 2020, he released his first EP album “Saviour from the Hell pt1” with a music video for his title song “WASSUP”.

He rapped for 2 years before applying for SMTM at 20.

He was a contestant on SMTM777, SMTM8 and SMTM9.

He used to play piano when he was young but his fingers didn’t straighten well so he learned to play the piano and the flute.

He got his first tattoo at age 20 on his face which says in kanji “better safe than sorry”; meaning you have nothing to worry about if you are prepared. He also has a chain tattoo on his left arm that has the birthdates of the members if NFL Crew.

In SMTM9 he was a member of team Giriboy&Zion.T with Wonstein, Lilboy and Skyminhyuk.

He made it to the mic slection stage on SMTM9, but decided to drop out due to his panic disorder. Due to this, rapper Skyminhyuk performed a solo stage on his place.

He appeared talking to Ravi, the CEO of his label, about his mental health and Ravi showed lots of interest and preocupationfor his well being.

His career role model is JTONG.

He uses English on his songs because it sounds nice and looks good.

He used to go everywhere, including SMTM recordings using public transportation, but since signing with GROOVL1n he goes on the label’s car. He says this is one of the many benefites of having a label to back you up.

He also said that during the two first times he participated in SMTM he looked rough and grubby, nothing like in SMTM9. He also said that he once asked for new music equipment and the company bought it for him in a short time.

He likes clear weather and dislikes rain and snow.

He loves football and his favouclib is Pohang Steelers from K league and Arsenal from Premier league. He has a friend that play on Pohang FC and his favourite Arsenal player is Hector Bellerin.

In order to learn and understand English he uses the translator and watches translated songs.

He featured on Ravi’s single “ASURA” along with other GROOVL1n members that was released on December 7th 2019.

He’s worked with artists like Mckdaddy, DSEL, Eptend, Wonstein, LilBoi and others.

With his upcoming album he wants to break the strong image that a lot of people get from his rapping.

COLD BAY

His real name is Oh InSeob (오인섭).

Nicknames: Cold Valley, Coldy.

He was born on July 7th 1993.

He was born on Iksan, North Jeolla.

He is 182 cm.

He has 2 older sisters.

His bloodtype is O.

He went to Korea University.

His first music tour was with Ravi.

He debuted on July 22nd 2019 with his single “Ruined”.

He collaborated with Ravi and Xudo on the track “Fashionable (prod. gXXD)”.

XYDO

His real name is Park ChiWoong (박치웅).

Hewas born on January 29th 1994.

He debuted on August 14th 2019.

He is from Seoul.

He collaborated with Ravi and Cold Bay onthe track “Fashionable (prod. GXXD)”.

He was an underground R&B artist.

He collaborated with Ravi on his song “Hoodie”.

He says his name is hard to pronounce in English so you can just call him C.W.Park.

He already completed his military service.

His stage name, Xydo, comes from: “Try” in English is “시도하다” in Korean. The pronunciation “Shido” is similar to Xydo and he wanted a name without preconceptions, so he chose Xydo.

He says music is his best friend and that he can share it wether he is happy or sad.

He isn’t sure of how long he’s been pursuing music.

He likes songs made to express himself.

About his music: he does want his music to be tied up in one place and doesn’t want to categorize it into any genre. However, if he were to do this, he would say R&B and Pop.

He says he wants to be different from other artists and says that he wants to show his own colours.

He likes Jamie Foxx, Miguel, Nao and wants to work with Ruel.

He likes watching movies, specially ScyFy, and if the weather is good he likes to play basketball.

To people that wants to pursue music: finding your true self is the most important and he is still doing that himself.

He says having international fans is awesome and that it suddenly feels like his world is wider and brings a new perspective. He also wants to visit any place were there is a fan of his no matter how far.

One song he recommends: “I like many genres rather than just one thing. From what I’ve listened to lately, I would like to recommend “Remember Me” by Umi.

A song of his that he recommends: “Lee Sang”, because everyone tries to do something they want. I think there were times when it felt like something was getting farther and farther away.

When he feels down and feels about to guve up, he tells himself: “Believe in myself”.

A song he’s proud of is: “Drawing”, because there were a lot of difficulties in making the song but he overcame them.

NAFLA

His real name is Nicholas Choi and his Korean name is Choi SeokBae (최석배).

He was born on February 28th 1992.

He is from Pasadena, California.

He went to University of Southern California.

He was a member of MKIT Rain.

He is a member of 42 crew.

He is 162 cm - 169 cm.

He has an eyebrow piercing.

He likes to die his hair red.

The name Nafla means”Natural Flavour”. A friend of his thouht of this name after drinking something that said “100% Natural Flavor”.

He joined Groovl1n on December 22nd 2020.

He has a tattoo on his left arm.

He has collaborated with artists like Babylon, Dumbfoundead, Dynamic Duo and Woo Taewoon.

He would like to collaborate with Frank Ocean.

He went to Universit with Killagramz. They used to exchange messages through Facebook.

If he wasn’t in MAKIT Rain, he would like to be signed in 1llionaire.

As of 2016 he lived on his studio.

He has been friends with Ravi for a while.

After Show Me The Money he remained good friends with Kid Milli and often jokes around that he is a member of Mkit Rain.

He founded MKIT Rain with Loopy.

Some Mkit Rain members were involved in a marihuana scandal when they were caught smoking it, Nafla was one of them. He later made an Instagram post apologising for his behaviour. However, his charges were dropped since it was the first time he committed an upinfraction regarding this matter.

During his 60 second evalua in SMTM, The Quiett said it was the first time such a good quality rap and performance was shown on national tv.

When he gets dresses, he chooses his hat first and coordinates the outfit to compliment it.

His top favourite rappers (2016) are: #1 Gaeko, #2 Beenzino, #3 E-sens, #4 Lobsta, #5 G-Dragon.

He and Loopy met in a bathroom during a concert in the USA.

The car he won in SMTM777 was given to Loppy as a present to thank him for everything he had done for him.

He won SMTM777 with team Giriboy&Swings.

According to Loopy, Nafla was thinking about leaving MKIT Rain for a while and his leave was officially confirmed through Instagram on early December 2020.

He won Best Mixtape of the Year 2015 with “This & That”.

Nafla has a lot of respect for Just Music, specially Swings and Vasco.

Nafla was involved in a diss with CJamm. Neil, who was in the same crew as him, Young Creation, dissed CJamm and somehow Nafla got involved. It was nothing serious and there weren’t any bad feelings afterwards.

During SMTM777 he was selected as the leader on the group battle and every of his team members said he was really nice and helpful. Regarding this, he said he was happy to have Loopy by his side because he has a lot of experience and helped him a lot.

Source: https://kprofiles.com/chillin-homie-profile-and-facts/; https://kprofiles.com/ravi-vixx-profile-facts/; https://kprofiles.com/cold-bay-profile-facts/; https://kprofiles.com/xydo-profile-facts/; https://kprofiles.com/nafla-profile-facts/

Hello love,

Congratulations for the 800 followers! You absolutely deserve this and so much more! I'm happy to see how your blog grows and that you're still providing all of us with wonderful content. You're one of the first blogs that I've started to follow here on Tumblr and I'm so lucky to have found your blog ♡

As for your celebration event, could I please request a 🍨 vanilla milkshake with a male Peaky Blinders Character?

I'm more on the curvy side (and insecure about it) and I'm ALWAYS wearing black (which I love, no matter what others say or even more if they object). As for my personality, I'm a highly complex, paradox and complicated individium. I'm unbelievable patient, timid, awkward, kind, forgiving, open-minded, compassionate, thruthful, gentle and calm and I've been told that I have a calming effect on others, that I can easily ground anyone and anything, no matter how troubled their mind is. I prefer vintage over modern things. I think rather deep which often leads me to overthinking everything, which in turn leads me to doubting (very much) myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (but I like it this way). I'm always well-meaning, yet often misunderstood (maybe because it's hard for me to articulate myself). I can be incredible lazy, clumsy and forgetful. I've always felt like I don't really belong anywhere, so I've started to distance myself from others a while ago. I'm a outsider, weird, a dork, not normal, a loner and I fucking love it, because I like to be different, I would hate to fit into just one box and to be like everyone else. And I like people who are not ashamed to be their 100% true self, no matter how different that is from the mainstream. I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. That says a lot, because I'm hard to scare away. Sometimes I feel alienated from the people and things surrounding me and I'm sure that I annoy and bore them. I'm very nervous and insecure around others, which is why I try to avoid people and why I'm not talking all that much around them (though, I'm a really good listener). I'm easily overwhelmed by large crowds and much light/noise, that's why I don't like to go outside, I prefer to cozy up at home. I would never intentionally hurt a animal and I'm not eating any meat, which is very important to me. I believe that there isn't a ounce of cruelty inside me. I'm unassuming and understanding, I only believe what I've witnessed on my own and I have endless acceptance for almost everything. Due to my Insomnia, I'm a night owl. I have strong personal values, am very opinionated and I'm really in-touch with myself and even though I'm extremly insecure, I would never reduce or change myself and views/opinions for someone and I neither have a problem to challenge authority and advocating for my beliefs. I'm a perfectionist and sometimes I really hate it. And, as you can see, I'm unable to be brief. My favourite colours are dark green, black, gold and dark purple. My greatest passion is music, even if I can't sing or play an instrument.(I prefer rock/punk/pop/80s/90s) It's the most calming and therapeutic thing when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. And otherwise I love to watch films and series (I like fantasy, horror, psychological thriller, science fiction and psychological drama and almost anything from the 70s, 80s and 90s). I love rainy days and to go outside while it's pouring big, fat drops. What I love the most is to drive around without a destination, while talking and listening to music. And I love to spend time with my cat, if I could, I would have endless animals who live peacefully and loved with me. I enjoy to have deep talks and to be challenged to think. I love to take late-night-strolls, while gazing into the sky and watching the stars/moon. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things.

I really hope that's not too much? But thank you anyway ♡

Have a good day!

thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me to know that I was one of the first blogs you followed ;; here’s your vanilla milkshake - and it’s also my first time writing for peaky blinders, but I hope it’s alright; and I hope finn shelby will find the portrait I paint of him accurate enough...

Birmingham was a drab and disheartening place enough without the war adding to its joylessness; but somehow the streets are even worse to bear deserted than when they’re bustling and fetid. Especially for a ten year old boy who wants nothing but to play with someone, to talk to someone, to see someone.

With his brothers off fighting somewhere in France and his aunt too busy with her businesses (adult stuff that Finn has absolutey no interest in attempting to understand), the youngest Shelby has been fighting off an affliction worse than consumption and measles, because much more insidious for a boy his age; boredom

and he’s so sad, so irrevocably sad, with no one to bruise his knees with and throw mud at, that he just aimlessly wanders the empty streets whenever aunt Polly isn’t looking, to find a semblance of stimulation

(he used to enjoy the solitude, it gave him time to imagine delirious stories in fantastical worlds and read the most enthralling of novels, but not anymore. four years of reclusion is an awfully long time for a little boy.)

and it’s during one of his escapades that he first meets you

you’re a little girl his age, dressed in a pretty dress, wearing pretty booties and holding a pretty little woven basket, but your face is stuck on the most grouchy frown he’s ever seen on a little girl, and you don’t walk, you stomp down the wet pavement like a wrathful titan

And it’s probably the first time in four years that he’s been this close to making a new friend, so he walks up to you, despite how rusty his communication skills have become

“Girls don’t frown. It’s unbecoming.”

(Yes, pretty rusty indeed; but in his defense, he’s ten, he’s bored, he’s lonely, and he’s only ever heard Ada say it, and Ada is the most level-headed of his siblings, so anything she says must be true, right?)

“Shut up.”

(Well, if it was unbecoming of you to frown, it’s even more to rebuff someone so rudely. You don’t even spare a glance and continue walking; he has to hurry to catch up to you.)

“You can’t say that. It’s a bad word.”

“How do you know that?”

“My family says it all the time, but they told me I can’t say it.”

“Well, my family is not your family. And I hate my family!”

You’ve yelled the last words at the sky, so loud that the crows on the neighboring roofs have taken off in a startled flight.

“They want to wear this stupid dress to go to the stupid market to buy stupid meat. I don’t even want to eat meat, that’s cruel! And I don’t even want to wear a frilly dress! I want to wear black!”

And in saying so you tugged at the pink and white ribbons that encircled your waist.

And Finn couldn’t help being extremely intrigued at this little girl who said bad words and refused to eat meet and wanted to wear black. It was the most exciting thing to ever happen in all the duration of the war.

“You want to wear a black dress?”

“Yes, but my mama won’t let me. She says it’s too sad because of the war. But black isn’t sad! Black is beautiful!”

“Maybe I could find you a black dress. I’m sure my sister must have one. Where do you live?”

And, loyal to his promise, the following morning he had run to your doorstep and snuck into your house - a proper Shelby talent, to be able to go unnoticed or make a ruckus depending on the occasion - with an old, crinkled mourning dress of Ada’s, that had probably belonged to his mother and had been mended several times

And it was obviously five sizes too big for you and you looked more like a ghost from one of Finn’s horror novels, your arms floating in the sleeves and the hem of the skirt pooling at your feet, but your smile was the brightest light he’d ever seen in this whole damn town.

“Do you like it?”

(He didn’t really know why he sounds so nervous. Maybe it was having a friend, a real friend, and doing something personal for them... or maybe it had to do with how fast his heart beat, watching you in that gigantic, shapeless dress)

“I love it! Thank you so much, Finn!”

From then on started one of the most wonderful friendships Finn would ever have, and what would bring a ray of light to the grim existence of a little boy in the midst of a global war

Despite the ration cards, despite the loneliness, despite the worry that tugged at his stoic aunt’s eyes for her son and nephews across the Channel... he found an unspeakable solace in your friendship

And one day, without a trace, you were gone

He knocked on your door; gone. He asked all the neighbors what had happened to the family that lived there; gone. He wrote you letters and sent them to the confines of England; gone. He got scolded by Polly for marking numbers at random on Tommy’s state-of-the-art telephone; gone.

Suddenly he was back to the bleak existence he had battled with before meeting you, and the hollow inside his chest only grew wider as the days went on, because he had no explanation as to what had happened to you, and worried every single day

Thankfully, the war ended not long after, and his brothers came back home, all alive and unscathed - well, for the most part

Fast forward more or less ten years, and much has changed in Finn Shelby’s life and in old Birmingham, but the memory of you still stugs at his heartstrings

One evening, he’s tasked by Arthur to run some errands, send a few messages, scout a few places; the most dangerous thing his older brothers will ever let him do

His task leads him to a bar in the center of town, one that pours its joyous light and music into the street outside; he’s there to meet with a client, arrange a meeting; nothing he’s hasn’t done already

But the evening takes a turn for the unexpected when he recognizes the girl sat alone at a table, enjoying the musicians’ jazz with an air of pure bliss on her face

It’s been ten years, of course, but... it’s unmistakable. That face, that silhouette, and the black ensemble from head to toe... and he’s always had a knack for remembering faces, especially those that mark him deeply

Suddenly he’s frozen on the spot, and he has forgotten why he came to the bar in the first place, what his target looks like - all he knows is you, and how beautiful you look in the dim light of the bar, and the undisclosed and unknown feelings he had for you at the time come flooding back.

Except this time, he understands, and he fears them, because he doesn’t have time for any of this, and it’s way too dangerous for you and him

But he can’t just pass you by and not say a word?

He swallows, hard.

And walks up to you.

“Y/N?”

You open your eyes, and your face flashes with recognition, and a little bit of pain as well. Even if you fled without a word, and left him hanging all these years, he’s incapable of rancor

“Finn... wow, you’ve changed so much.”

“You haven’t.”

He gestures at your face, your clothes, how you savor the music like the finest drink in the world, and you laugh and blush, sending his heart into overdrive

“Where were you all this time?”

“I’m so sorry, Finn... my brother died in the war, and... my mom sent me to live with my grandparents in Scotland. We were all destroyed by grief... I needed to get away.”

“Without explanation? Not even a word?”

“I wanted to write to you, so bad, but... I couldn’t remember your address. I couldn’t remember anything about Birmingham at all...”

He nods, slowly, in understanding.

The war opens wounds that never heal, even after all the most beautiful friendships and love stories in the world.

“But I’m really glad I found you.”

His heart is pounding in his throat. Maybe it’s a sign of destiny that he found you here, tonight, alone, and ready to welcome him back. Maybe it’s a word from fate, that you can never truly be apart.

So he takes the seat in front of you, and you smile, that shy but bright smile of yours, and he forgets all about his mission, his client, and his brothers.

They’ll have to understand.

800 follower sleepover

Hello, Phoebe. I’m back :)

How are you doing? Just put whatever you feel like here! This ask is the Phoebe Show; make it yours!

Lyssa, it is always a pleasure to see you in my notifs, but especially in my ask box! Thank you for filling it with kind words, awesome prompts, and fun questions for me to play around with.

This blog is the closest I imagine I'll ever come to having the Phoebe Delia Show, and since you have given me free rein with this ask, I shall endeavor to make it count.

I've gotten some incredible asks about my interests, but I'm going to answer a question that has been asked by exactly no one and rank Taylor Swift's albums.

This will be in order of my favorites; this isn't necessarily a reflection of what I think the rank would be in terms of objective quality; instead, this is based on my own personal enjoyment of the albums.

As always, I will provide a little explanation as to my reasoning, because I am nothing if not indulgent.

I actually really surprised myself with this ranking; as I looked through the albums I evaluated each by counting the number of songs I liked off of each one, and the ranking I thought I had has now changed. (I will explain in my comments!).

So! With that said. The Phoebe Delia Show Presents: Ranking Taylor Swift Albums.

1. Speak Now--To me, there is only one skip on this entire album; it is bop after bop. (If you're wondering, I think "Innocent" is the skip). Every song is just fun! I should also point out that this is also my favorite in part because Taylor said it was inspired by theater/Broadway.

2. 1989--I'm gonna be honest and say that I'm ashamed to have sort of slept on this album for so long. Don't get me wrong--I listened to and enjoyed it a lot when it came out, but I always sort of automatically pushed it further down on my list in favor of my 3rd choice because I liked the songs on my 3rd choice more. But now that I'm older and my music taste has somewhat evolved, I think I can say that 1989 is my 2nd favorite. There are truly no skips on this album. Yes, I know I said SN has a skip, but that album holds a special place in my heart so it gets number 1. I was thinking it over today, and while Taylor has always been amazing, I think this is the album that launched her into superstardom. We, her fans, knew she could do anything, but she still shocked us all by making the transition to an entirely pop album. Remember the "Blank Space" and "Bad Blood" music videos? I still think those are two fo my favorite of her mvs, though LWYMMD is a close second.

3. Red--Oh, my beloved. This album is wonderful. I have a lot of memories associated with this one, particularly watching the WANGBT music video and the IKYWT parody with the fucking goat that makes me laugh so hard even to this day. I am SO pumped for TV in November!! And while, yes, "All Too Well" is my favorite song on the album (and my fave TS song overall), "Holy Ground" is slept on and amazing.

4. folklore--This album is probably the most meaningful to me of them all just because of when it came out. We as an entire global community were struggling, and I know I had immense privilege to have been healthy and safe during that time. Still, like everyone else, I was depressed, lonely, and felt trapped inside my home and inside my mind. I will never forget listening to this album in my room and gasping when I heard TIMT. Not long after this album came out, I also lost my family dog, and this album was essential in helping me grieve. This album saved my sanity and gave me a cathartic outlet. I will be forever grateful to Taylor for writing it.

5. Reputation--This is another one for which I have a lot of memories. I will never forget when the LWYMMD music video came out and the world lost its entire mind. Taylor said there are still easter eggs we missed and I want someone to find them please and thank you. There are a few songs on this album that I'm not obsessed with, but the storytelling is so cohesive and creative. On the surface, one might think Taylor was being petty or whiny, but if you look closer--and remember the utter hell she was going through at the time--I think there are deeper meanings than her just getting back at Kim and Kanye.

6. Fearless--Oh, this album. It has some of her most iconic songs: YBWM, "White Horse," "Love Story"," "Forever and Always," etc. I truly wish I could tie this one with Rep, but I think Rep edges this one out *just* barely with songwriting/lyrical quality. I also don't know if I'll ever fully get over the fact that she kept "Mr. Perfectly Fine" from us for so long, but I suppose I can consider the 10 min "All Too Well" on Red TV to be proper repayment. ;)

7. evermore--I could not believe my eyes when she announced this album. How can this woman write this fast and this well!! I will never forget listening to "champagne problems," "no body, no crime," and "tolerate it" in particular. I ranked this after reputation just bc I think I enjoy listening to Rep more, but some of the songwriting on this album is *chefs kiss.*

8. Lover--I know, I know, I'm sorry. I don't want to put this one so low on the list but I just kind of can't put it any higher? I really love some of the songs on this album, but SYGB is too sad for me, "London Boy" kinda annoys me I'm sorry, and I just never really got into INTHAF or "Afterglow." But, that said, every other song on the album is a bop, even ME!, although I listen to the live version over the studio recording. It's a great album though.

9. Taylor Swift (Debut album)--I feel a little bad ranking this so low but I cannot honestly tell you that this album is better than her others, and something has to be last on the list. There are also some great, classic songs on this album. So, instead of being critical, I'm instead going to say that I remember vividly seeing a snippet of "Teardrops On My Guitar" advertised on Disney Channel for Radio Disney. It makes me smile to think of how far she's come since then.

And that concludes this episode of The Phoebe Delia Show! Tune in next time where I post some other self-indulgent opinion about one of my interests and hope it reaches people who care to read it :)

Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

Favorite Voice Actors

For those of you that know me, you know that my number one special interest is cartoons and the people that voice my favorite characters. Studying my heroes and watching them in interviews became a favorite pass time of mine. A lot of my friends thought that it was really weird and they stopped talking to me because of it. For a long time before I got diagnosed as having aspergers I talked forever about it. I think that both bored and confused people. For me, I love voice acting because anybody can be anything. You can watch a show and years later be like I know that voice it’s insert name here if you’re like me. True, certain actors have something that is brought to every character (I can think of one prime example later on down the list) but it is always about the heart that they put into their characters. 

10. Charlie Adler: I’ll admit that I am mostly a fan of him due to the amount of work that he has done and the quantity. This man was the voice of Cow, Chicken and Big Red guy in Cow and Chicken. True, this show was past my time (and if it wasn’t I feel like it would get the Fairly OddParents treatment where my parents would forbid me to watch it.) When I listened to his episode of Talkin’ Toons I found his story’s really interesting and compelling. I can only imagine how much work and effort went into all of his characters in that show. To develop one character is one thing but to be able to switch between them like a deck of cards is a completely different thing. I did however watch a lot of Brandy and Mr. Whiskers when I was younger!! Growing up with that show and hearing him play Mr. Whiskers brought me a lot of joy when I was sick at home and for that I will always be a huge fan of his voice and his work. 

9. Jim Cummings. If I were to say that one voice actor had a ton of versatility it would probably be him. I was a major Tigger fan when I was growing up. Not just that but I loved Raymond when Princess and The Frog came out. He is actually my mom’s favorite voice actor. But I also loved CatDog when I would see that on reruns, I grew to love Darkwing Duck and countless other shows that he leant his voice to. Studying voice acting and the people that do it has led to me finding some things out that I would rather not. Especially when I found that he wasn’t actually the nicest person in real life. But, to me that doesn’t matter when it comes to this list. He is here because so many of his characters made my childhood just a little bit happier. When I was thinking about favorite voice actors I considered two things, personality and character content. This one is here just for character content. 

8. Bob Bergen: I reblogged a post a long time ago with this man at the helm. What he can do every time I see him do it blows my mind. Bob has been the voice of Porky Pig since pretty much Tiny Toons back in the early 90′s. He has stated that there have been some others but when I think Porky this is the name that comes along with it. Watching him do his thing is something that continually blows my mind. Listening to his life story on Rob Paulsen’s podcast Talkin’ Toons is something that inspired me more than anything. It’s this story of persistence and resilience from a young age. He is one of the few voice actors that actually got to talk with Mel Blanc when he was fourteen. I love his genuine heart and the ability that he has to jump into his character full force. Porky was a big portion of my childhood and I grew up laughing at his “silly” stutter. It wasn’t until I got older and learned that the stutter is an actual art form that I learned something entirely different. 

7. Richard Horvitz: Most of you that know me might be surprised at this rather seemingly low placement for somebody that I greatly admire. I mean he was Invader Zim and Billy from Billy and Mandy for crying out loud!! I just bought a print for the man but really when I thought about it, he hasn’t really inspired me as much as my top six have. I love his sense of humor and his love of musical theater but he hasn’t taught me anything life altering. I think that he is hands down the funniest voice actor in Hollywood. I could listen to him make jokes forever and just talk in his voice but at the same time he is so other worldly and knows so much about the craft that it inspired me that way. He is as most of his fans joke “the dad voice actor” complete with dad jokes. I love Invader Zim so much, the show has helped me through a lot of loneliness and emotional moments in my life reminding me to keep laughing at life’s craziness. I also love Moxxie from Helluva Boss. All in all Richard is a fabulous man and actor. He has helped me figure out the kind of person that I wanted to be and I owe him a lot of laughter hours. 

6. Greg Cipes: Can I talk about probably my OG hero for voice acting? When I was six I spent a lot of time in front of the television watching the original Teen Titans. My favorite character was Beast Boy his character that he played. When I say that BB changed the way that I think about my life that is not an exaggeration. He was one of the first characters that made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt. Growing up I had to fight people for his validation. It seemed like nobody loved him as much as I did. Cut to me in middle school I’m a bit more grownup and I start channel flipping. I wind up on Nickelodeon and see the reboot of Ninja Turtles. I figure I’ll watch it and see what all the hype is about. I hear Mikey open his mouth and instantly I get this rush of my childhood coming back. It was one of the first times that I made the connection between voice actor and character. Greg taught me so much vicariously through his character. He taught me about fun and laughter, about the importance of feeling lonely doesn’t mean that you’re alone in the world and even if you’re the goofball that doesn’t mean that’s all you have to be. The fact that he is such a relaxed and genuine person only adds to the admiration of this vegan beach bum. 

5. Corey Burton: This is a very personal hero of mine. It’s one that I hold very close to me because of one thing. As far as I know, there have been very few voice actors on the autism spectrum. Corey is the only one that I have ever found. He’s the man that actually surpassed every expectation and said screw live performing it makes me anxious I’m going to get my experience through something that I know I’m good at radio. So he does radio and becomes really good at that. Then he goes to cartoons. He does Dale in Chip And Dale Rescue Rangers with a certain feminine icon of mine. He gets Ludwig Von Drake and has been that voice actor since the original DuckTales. Then he hits the peak, he was Mole in Atlantis Lost Empire a big budget Disney movie. I am so often inspired by my top six favorite voice actors. They are the ones that took me by the figurative hand and told me hey you can do get through whatever it is that you are struggling with. It just takes a little bit of laughter through the bad times, and an optimistic attitude that things will slowly but surely get better. Corey was the one that actually got himself to the top of the mountain and got to say that he did it. I admire that about him so much because for a while I thought to myself “Hey, he did it so can I”. 

4. J Michael Tatum: In terms of anime voice actors, even though I love a great many, only one has ever remained of legend status. It comes yet again with a rather personal story. I was 17, lost and a little bit confused. I knew that I was ace but I had no idea how to tell my parents. It was around this time when I was getting back into anime due to Yuri On Ice, Space Dandy and Princess Jellyfish. I decide what the hell I’m going to watch some panels of my favorite voice actors for anime haven’t done that since I was thirteen. I had always loved Tatum as Kyoya Ootori in Ouran High School Host Club and France in Hetalia but other than that I didn’t know very much about him. I looked up panels for him and came across one for Florida Anime Con filmed that year. In it, he talked about being gay a lot. It implanted a seed that would inspire me. If he could be out and proud then why was I stoping myself? It might sound silly or stupid to some but to me it changed everything. From that moment on I loved everything Tatum. It led me to discover my love for Rei in Free, Okabe in Stein’s Gate and many other countless roles of his. 

3. Tom Kenny: This man right here, he is the OG voice actor special interest of mine. He is the first name that I remember hearing because he did so much for Nickelodeon showing children how he did his most iconic voice. Who is that iconic voice you may ask yourself? Well it’s Spongebob flipping patties Squarepants. If that alone doesn’t put him at this spot then I don’t know what does. Like so many children in the early 200s I spent a good chunk of my childhood with me and my parents on the couch and this show on the television screen. You want to talk about legacy? This man voiced his way into the hearts of millions of children across the united states. I remember the first time I saw his actual face. I was flipping through channels and I saw this man on Nickelodeon. He had a goofy smile on his face and I figured what the hell I’ll give this a watch even though it’s not a cartoon. Then he started talking he introduced himself as Tom Kenny. Then he starts doing Spongebob. My five year old mind was blown. I never forgot his name ever since. Every time I would watch Teen Titans and Mambo would be on that episode I would be like “Oh that’s Spongebob’s voice actor”. It was that moment that changed everything for me. I have never looked back from my main special interest ever since. He has helped me through so much. Whether he be my favorite exorbitant yellow sponge, or Dog on CatDog, or Lazlo on Camp Lazlo part of me will always be with Tom Kenny. Keep making children happy Tom you’ve been doing a great job so far. 

2. Tress MacNeille: Hoo boy this is a big one for me. For those of you that haven’t ever been around here before and don’t know the name of my character on my icon her name is Dot Warner (the Warner sister) and this is her voice actress. I hope that she changes your life and inspires you as much as she has mine. When I was nine I had an incredible fourth grade teacher. She showed us Yakko’s Nations Of The World for geography class. She also encouraged us to watch the rest of the show because it was full of educational songs and humor. I went home that day with on thought in mind. I wanted to watch the rest of that series. I go home and I make one distinction, hey that Warner sister I can kind of talk like her a little bit if I try hard enough. It was a little bit harder back in those days and I talk a lot more like her now with the reboot out in the world. This is the first and only impression I can do. I can do Dot and that’s it. And to me that was what mattered I didn’t need to be able to do anybody else. There aren’t a whole lot of woman voice actress’s that can keep working. All we have is Tara Strong, Cree Summer and the one and only goddess Tress MacNeille. Tress has helped me out so much in my life. I have never been the most confident person alive but from a young age hearing her absolutely smack down the actors of her brother’s in the show (Rob Paulsen and Jess Harnell) something about that inspired me. It was around this point in my life that I learned I can speak my mind and just not give a hoot if anybody feels the same way that I do. I can make my opinions known to other people. I was sixteen when I made that discovery and Tress was there for me all the way cheering me on in her Dot voice.  I owe a lot to her and I wish that she was more active on social media so that I could have the opportunity to thank her for everything that she has done vicariously for me. 

1. Rob Paulsen: If you were surprised by this, we probably haven’t talked before. At least not extensively because my dog do I love this man!! He has inspired me more than any other and he is not just my favorite voice actor but I consider him my ultimate hero in life. Where do I even start with him? There have been so many moments where I’ve fallen in love with one of his characters. I suppose one should start at the beginning. As I mentioned with Tress, my introduction through Animaniacs was Yakko’s Nations Of The World. This moment it changed everything for me because this was the first time that I could actually remember seeing Rob do a role. Yakko was the first cartoon character to actually make an impact on me. It was the first time that I ever loved a character that deeply. It was also the first time I ever made my own character to pair up with a canon character not even knowing that I was doing it. Ever since then a part of me has known okay that’s what Rob talks like. Now thanks to Tom Kenny I can recognize him in other places. And recognize him I did. From there I found that he was Carl on Jimmy Neutron, Mark Chang my favorite character on Fairly OddParents and countless other roles that we could be here all day for. As I mentioned, I was in middle school when the 2012 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were originally airing. When I watched that first episode, Donatello sounded really familiar to me. So I waited to the end credits only to find out that holy hell that was Rob!! The same person that played my favorite fast talking older brother. I found out about his fight with cancer a few years after it happened. This is when he went from favorite voice actor to hero legend status. He fought his way out of hell so that he could continue to sing “United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Heidi, Jamaica, Peru” until the end of his days. Reading his book changed my life forever as it gave me insight to not just the man who made me laugh, cry and cry laughing listening to his podcast but that same man had a whole ass heart and soul that he put into every character that he did. I find it really hard to explain what he means to me. He’s my hero, the one that made me laugh when I was a sad and lonely elementary schooler and the one that continues to bring me back to my childhood every time I see him in a show. I don’t feel the compulsion to give strangers hugs very often but if I ever met Rob I don’t think that I would be able to stop myself from giving a hug and just telling him thank you. Thank you for making my childhood and the childhoods of countless others much better than they would have been without you. 

And that’s it folks!! Whew that’s a lot of me rambling but I feel a bit better now. Finals preparation week has officially started for me and I just wanted to give myself this big ol’ boost of serotonin before I went into it.     

seth you’ve mentioned being rly into music. how would one get to know music. i feel i’ve not so far, idk, explored what’s out there. like i’ve listened to throbbing gristle and townes van zandt and the smashing pumpkins but so has everybody. not turning music into like a scoring thing just asking. i don’t want to go on /mu/ bc that’s a 4chan thing. i don’t have any musical training. sorry if this is rude

When I was first getting to know music - and tbh I would say I am kind of a picky listener, and not necessarily in a good way [1] - I mined through Wikipedia and AllMusic for artists to listen to, and made a big list to work through, because I am a lunatic. (I have maintained this list since like 8th grade and have never whittled it down to less than a couple pages, lol.) Often this was guided by genre. So like, for example, one Christmas I got the “Encyclopedia of Punk,” and I spent ages pouring through that, looking up the bands they talked about on Wikipedia and AllMusic to see what was well-received critically or by fans, finding those albums on YouTube, hunting for torrents, etc. I did the same thing when I was getting into hip-hop and metal.

So I think, at the very least, picking either a genre you’re interested in hearing more about, or a band/artist that you like, and just digging through the Internet for what comes up is a good strategy. 

Asking people what they have been listening to lately is also usually an interesting conversational topic ime (though sometimes it ends up being a podcast convo, which is also fine). A lot of my friends through high school and college were very into similar music as myself, but of course had their own experiences and interests, which gave me access to new stuff I hadn’t heard before. [2]

As I got older and more attentive to music that was currently being released, I got more reliant on the “review” format to introduce me to things to listen to - I frequented music sites, primarily SputnikMusic, or watched music YouTubers. On that latter front, Fantano is reliable at least for recommendations or things to pay attention to, but I would also recommend the channel “deep cuts,” which explores a lot of artist’s discographies in great detail.

Sputnik is cool because they have all these charts of like the best rated albums of X year, and you can narrow that by genre too. Also each artist’s page has a little “Similar Artists” feature, so like you can essentially go on a Wiki Walk from artist to artist to form all the connections. Just don’t participate in the forums/comments cause they suck lol, it’s a little /mu/-lite. Alternatively BestEverAlbums is pretty cool and has a similar “chart” feature of well-respected records, though it’s unfortunate that they don’t have a genre filter! [3]

Hope all this helps! Feel free to message me more if you wanna, but I will say that I don’t think you should feel bad for listening to those artists, not only because nobody should feel bad for what music they like (except Skrewdriver fans, and I guess Ariel Pink fans now), but also because I feel like you may be overestimating how many people listen to Throbbing Gristle and Townes van Zandt.

[1] I don’t really listen to classical, post-rock, ambient, or most instrumental music; there’s a comparatively narrow slice of metal that I actually like; I only really listen to a few key artists from genres like reggae (I prefer ska) or folk. Like you said, it’s good not to treat expanding your music tastes as a “scoring” thing, so much as a way to expand your palette, think about why you like the things you like, enjoy new emotional and intellectual experiences, etc.

[2] It should be noted that now that I’m in law school, nobody has good taste.

[3] I know a lot of people have used RateYourMusic but I never did, so I cannot speak to that.

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Survey #426

“insatiable furnace, burning up our surplus  /  watching all essential life become another servant”

Are you a brunette? Yep. It is way past due time that I get it dyed... What is your favorite channel on TV? I don't really watch TV, but if I did, I'm pretty sure it'd probably be Discovery. Have you ever been to Chicago, IL? Yes!! It's my only experience with a truly BIG city, and though I'm not a city person, the experience was pretty magical. It was something I wasn't even remotely used to. Just so much life and business and energy to feel there. Who was your first friend? Brianna. She was the sister of my older sister's best friend. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. :') Do you regret your last kiss? Nope. Have you ever taken a karate class? No. Who was the last person to tell you ‘I love you’? My mom. Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? No. Do you live on your own? Noooo. I don't think I ever could. I would have to stay VERY busy, or else the loneliness would kill me. Hell, even if I was very active in stuff, I still don't know if I could. With how bad my depression is capable of being, it doesn't sound smart at all for me to move out unless it was with somebody. Are your the oldest child? No, I'm the middle kid. How many X-rays have you had in the last 2 years? Two, maybe? One for my legs and the other for my teeth. Are you on good terms with your last ex? Yeah, we're best friends. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? Nah. Do you freak out if a bee/wasp flies near you? ... yes lol. What subjects in history interest you most? The Holocaust. It's just so... shocking and extreme that it's oddly fascinating, but of course horribly sad. Are you superstitious in any way? Nah. How do you get rid of anxiety? Do what? Are there any items of jewelry you never/rarely take off? Yeah, my two rings, my lip piercing, and tragus piercing. Has a song ever made you cry before? There are many. ^If so, what about it brought you to tears? Again, I said "many," so this would be a horribly long list. There are four though - "Eternally Yours" and "Another Life" by Motionless in White, "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, and "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides - that I really, really try to avoid, because I WILL cry. They're all associated with Jason for one reason or another. "Stairway to Heaven," especially, is absolutely forbidden for me to listen to. Would you consider yourself open-minded? Very, honestly. Have you ever met someone online that you wanted to meet in real life? I've met Sara! :') There are a handful of others I'd love to meet, too. Tell me about the last thing that made you laugh until it hurt. Wow, I have no idea. I don't remember the last time I laughed THAT hard. When you graduate, what color will your gown be? Ugh, it was this insufferable red. We got to vote on it, and I really wanted navy instead, as it looks more formal and not as obnoxious to me, but red won. Do you own a gun? No. My household legally can't because of my suicidal history. What color of shirt are you wearing? It's a black tank top. Do you use any acne medication? Nah, I don't really get acne anymore. Are you emotional or very stoic? I'm emotional as shit. Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? A few. There's Fullmetal Alchemist (as well as the Brotherhood expansion), Deadman Wonderland, and Ginga Densetsu Weed. I've seen bits of others. Which baby animal is your favorite? MEERKATS!!!!!! :') Once they reach three/four weeks, they're fucking precious. I also really like kittens. Do you like jam on your toast and biscuits? Sometimes. Have you ever reread a book? It is very, VERY rare I do this. The only cases I remember are for Because of Winn-Dixie and Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Do you have any religious symbols in your home? I think Mom has some religious quotes on the walls? What religion do you identify with, if any? None. What is you favorite flavor of pudding and/or yogurt? I love chocolate pudding, but I'm not very big on yogurt because of the sourness. I can sometimes eat a cookies 'n cream one, but occasionally I'm like "ew." We’re going to the best amusement park ever, first ride you choose is? One of those water rides where you go down a big slope. Did you have intense night terrors as a child? No. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? No. That'd be dope. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? Ugh, yes. Worst was the first time I got my tongue pierced. It was early into infection though, thank God; I ended up having to take it out and get it re-pierced later. Have you ever shoplifted? No. Do you hate when people say, "Everything’s going to be fine,“ when it’s not? Sometimes. It can feel kinda dismissive of your extreme situation, and sometimes, things simply won't be okay. Like, you can't tell that to someone on their death bed. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? No, oops. Are you a shorts-wearing kind of person? Absolutely not. Nobody wants to see my legs, not even me. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? My grandma's sure as hell was. She was very old-fashioned and "proper" and took cleanliness and manners very seriously. Do you know how to jumpstart a car? Nope. Would you date someone 8 years older than you? Probably. What did you do today? I WENT TO THE GYM AND DID A FULL HOUR OF EXERCISE!!!!! :') For once I am SO fucking proud of myself. I left drenched in sweat, but I also left with a feeling of great accomplishment. I'm going to be going twice a week now with a personal trainer. (: Who was the last person you fell asleep with? Sara. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. People doing that shit terrifies me. Have you ever felt replaced? Sure have. Have you ever kissed someone who was high? No. If you caught your significant other cheating on you what would you do? I don't have a partner, but hypothetically, leave their ass in a blink. I don't fuck with those kind of people. Do you know who Jeffree Star is? Well, yes. I watch him on YT sometimes and (astonishingly) love his music, and I find his work ethic extremely inspiring. That man knows how to hustle. What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage? Probably sangrias. When was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? "The" ex, it's been years. I've removed all pictures I have of him, irl and digitally, because it's triggering for me. How many push-ups can you do? Probably zero. Do you play any games on your phone? There's Pokemon GO, DragonVale, and Dragons of Atlantis that I play semi-regularly. Have you ever received a compliment from a stranger? Yes. Have you ever shaved your face? Just my upper lip to avoid the lady stache, ha ha. What colour is your front door? It’s white. Do you take the stairs or the elevator? If an elevator is available, I will ALWAYS use that. I have an extreeeemely hard time getting up stairs because of having just about no leg muscle. Do you get motion sickness? No. When was the last time you went to your favourite restaurant? Oh man, it's been forever. :/ Olive Garden sounds soooo good right now. Do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings? No. Well, Mom has her earlobes pierced once, but that's it. Are you desperate for anyone’s approval, in particular? It's funny, even though he hasn't been a part of my life for years, I still desperately crave what I think would make Jason proud. There have been many times where my mind has wondered to what he would think of me now... and I know it's not good. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Reading. When was the last time you felt hopeful, and why? Today, after finishing my workout at the gym. I think, finally, that I may be taking another stride forward in life. Do you find yourself asking for the same things for your birthdays and for holidays? Ha, yup: a new tattoo, 100%. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? Girt's recommended some music to me before. He loves sharing songs he likes with me. Of course I didn't tell him it sucked, ha ha. What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? She is very passionate about animals, reptiles in particular, and is simply amazing with them. If you had a child, would you rather have a girl or a boy? A girl for sure. Has anybody ever accused you of doing drugs? No. Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Honestly, do you think that you will wanna settle down in the same town you’re currently residing in? HELL no. I hate this place. Does anyone call you darling? If so who? Sara does sometimes. Are you close to any of your cousins? No. Are you a romantic person? I think I am. What’s the coolest thing you’ve seen out the window of an airplane? Mountains. Have you ever been in the mountains when the moon and stars were up? NO BUT FUCK I WANT THAT. Just lay in a grassy spot with some s'mores or something and just ~vibe~. Do people like your hair? I get complimented on it a bit. Have you ever held birdseed and a bird came and ate out of your hand? Yeah, at a bird sanctuary. Could you ever live in Alaska? Hell yeah, I'd enjoy that. On the main page on YouTube, what’re the three recommended videos? There's one by a WoW gold maker, a song by 3TEETH, and a video of bullsnakes hatching. Do you really care how many friends you or anyone else has on Myspace/Facebook? Couldn't care less. I only "friend" people I know and care about. Does your significant other have any piercings? I'm single. Do you ever get bored of yourself? Oh, all the time. I feel like I'm extremely dull and plain and, well, boring. How many band shirts do you own? Which? Oh goodness, I have no idea. I own a lot. Do you go to shows mostly for the music, the moshing, or the merchandise? I go for the music. It's nice to buy merch, but it's SO expensive that it's dumb. Moshing, I think is just stupid. Have you ever had anything pierced that you don’t have now? Many places, actually. So many holes closed because piercings had to be taken out when I was in the psych hospital. I was so annoyed. Who were you with the first time you watched the last movie you watched? I was alone. Do you have any twins/multiples in your family? Are they identical or fraternal? No. What is the highest number of jobs you’ve had at one time? One. Is your mom a good mom? She is the actual best. Last thing you threw in the garbage? The crust of some leftover pizza I had this morning. I generally eat the crust, but this time it was WAY too hard.

Is your hair long enough to pull over your face like a moustache? :3 No, it’s way too short. Do you ever find yourself making up survey questions throughout the day? Ha, sometimes. Who is your favourite online friend? You guys. (: What was the last thing you tried for the first time? This Ben & Jerry’s dairy-free ice cream made with sunflower milk. The last thing you said outloud: How loud were you speaking? I wasn’t speaking loudly; I used my “indoor voice.” Probably quieter than that.

What is your favourite nail polish colour to wear or see on others? Black was my go-to.  What was the last thing you learned? About some new businesses that are coming to my city soon. How warm do you like your showers / baths to be? I like to take hot showers. The song you're listening to right now: What lyrics did they just sing? I’m not listening to music. Are there any advertisments / commercials you actually like? Which? Ones with catchy songs, I suppose. Which holidays do you decorate your house for, if any? Just Christmas, really. How often do you visit your relatives? I don’t see extended family often to be honest. I used to all the time growing up, but over the years it lessened as everyone got older or became busy doing their own thing. Plus, due to health related reasons I’ve missed some family get togethers these past few years. In your opinion, what is the scariest natural disaster? All of them. What design is on your bed sheets? There’s blue seashells and starfish all over. If your house was a hotel, what would it's star rating be? We have wifi, food, coffee, comfy beds, TVs in the bedrooms with tons of channels and streaming services... I’d say a 4-star, ha. We’re just missing a swimming pool and hot tub. What is your favourite brand of fizzy juice / soda? Coke, Pepsi, and Dr. Pepper. As a kid, did you use toothpaste that wasn't minty? (Like orange, etc) I liked bubblegum flavored toothpaste. What is your favourite vegetable? Spinach. Do you any other countries' timezones saved to your computer / mobilephone? No. What was the last musical you watched? I don’t remember. Which meal of the day is your favourite to eat out for? Breakfast. Is your username the same for every website? No. Do you enjoy taking photographs? What do you usually take them of? I have a lot photos of my doggo. What do you have in your bookmarks? (Online) The main websites I visit. Do you have a lucky number? Why is it so lucky? No, I don’t believe in luck. I have a favorite number, though, which is 8. Do you set your browser to remember passwords? No. Describe the perfect burger: I’m a simple gal, just cheese, ketchup, mustard, mayo, and pickles. What was the last thing you made yourself to eat? Ramen. What is something most people find ugly that you find cute? Hm. I don’t know. Have you ever stood on a sea creature while at the beach? D: I don’t think so?

What's worse: Speaking in all caps or all lowercase? I don’t like either one. What's your favourite place to go to for fast food? I mainly just go to Jack in the Box or Chick-Fil-A. How many fillings do you have? A few. 

Do you prefer having cold or warm hands? Warm. Have you ever had a mud fight? No. When you see people in love is your first reaction, "Ew" or "Cute"? xP I don’t think it’s “ew” at all.  Good for them. Have you ever woken up from a dream and thought it had actually happened? Yes. Are you obsessed with a certain countries culture? (Not your own) No. Do you know anyone who closely resembles someone else? (With no relations) Not that I can think of at the moment. When your sunburn peels, do you leave it or pull at it? I can’t help myself, I have to peel it. :X What type of food do you find yourself craving most? (Sweet, meat, etc) Salty, savory. Why did you last go to the doctors? I see one every 1-2 weeks for one of the health related things I have. Are you good at Name That Tune? I kinda think so; I know a lot of different songs across genres and decades. I like those types of games. Name something that frightened you as a kid that you like now: Scary movies. I love ‘em now. Do you prefer pictures or videos? Both. The people who pop in your "Who you might know" list:Do you ever know them? I get a lot of suggestions for people I don’t know for some reason. Do you ever highlight excerpts of books that you particularly enjoy? If I’m reading through the Kindle app I might, but I don’t like marking up actual books. How easy is it for you to recognise what quote / lyric something is from? I’m a lot better with lyrics than quotes. On a scale of one to ten, how tired are you currently? 10 and yet here I am doing this.

V: “I have a desire to perfect one cool thing about myself”

As he’s being interviewed, V speaks his mind at a relaxed pace. But there was one moment where he kept on speaking without taking a breath. Look for that moment in the interview below. You listen to a lot of old music on vinyl. Has any particular artist’s music excited you since your last interview with Weverse Magazine? V: I was listening to Louis Armstrong’s music again. And I picked up some albums with a pretty jacket that’s also got a lot of really good hits on it.

How do you feel when you’re listening to those classics? V: I feel like I’m beginning to relax a bit. If I listen to a song when I’m feeling depressed and then really get thinking, the things that are frustrating me disappear, and I can feel myself becoming more peaceful. And it makes me picture things in my head. For example, some songs might make me think of seeing something in front of me while walking down the road somewhere at night when I listen to them. I think setting the mood for listeners is the most important thing. The mood will presumably be different for everyone, but for me, those songs are the ones that are good at setting a really beautiful mood in the moment.

You said that you got inspiration from artists of the past like Sammy Davis Jr. for your performance in “Dynamite.” Was there any artist who inspired you for “Butter”? V: Well, there was Billy Joel. When I shoot a music video, I think of a movie more than any one artist. And when I perform on stage, for some songs I think of the way movies like Reservoir Dogs look. For “Butter,” I watched a lot of teen movies. And musicals. After that I randomly ended up seeing a video on YouTube of some scenes from an old teen movie Johnny Depp did [which turned out to be the movie Cry-Baby]. The image I got from that was really intense. That’s the look I used in “Butter.”

“Butter” felt like a teen musical to me and now I know why. V: I did it like a teen musical, just like you say. When we shot the “Butter” music video, I really, really tried to shoot the part in the elevator so it would feel like a teen movie. Although a lot of takes were edited, so not all of it’s there. (laughs)

What kind of feeling do you get from that kind of teen movie that you find so charming? V: For me, teen movies show a youthfulness that’s appropriate for the age. I think there’s an appropriate mix of emotion, energy, and a completely different and peculiar mood that everyone necessarily experiences at that age. If you watch teen movies, they’re overflowing with energy and full of sunny emotion, but behind it all they’re not as bright as they seem. They are really bright, but the color itself almost feels like some kind of filter. They feel like they have a different filter than other movies, so I tried thinking of teen movies when we shot the music video and put on performances.

That teen movie feeling seems to be divided in two between “Butter” and “Permission to Dance.” By the looks of the thumbnails for the fancam focus videos uploaded to the BANGTANTV YouTube channel, “Butter” seems to showcase a really cool character, while “Permission to Dance” is more teenagers smiling brightly for children. V: The teen movie vibe in “Butter” and “Permission to Dance” are different from one another. We showed the sunny image people usually think of when they think of teen movies in “Permission to Dance.”

Do you think that going with the teen movie vibe influenced your vocals to be the new style that you used? In “Butter,” you still had your signature vocals but without the deep notes, giving them a new feeling. V: That’s because, when we’re given a concept, we have to come up with vocals that fit with the concept. I think my singing style matched up with the concept, so I feel relatively satisfied. There was nothing majorly difficult about actually changing the style itself, since unlike changing your voice, you only have to change your vocal technique. Having said that, even though the notes in “Butter” were high for me, I still hit them! (laughs)

I guess hitting the high notes was your assignment this time around as a vocalist. V: I’ve been working a long time to make up for my weak points. For example, I thought I was weak when it comes to high notes because I sing low parts a lot and I tend to sing in a flowing way. But I had trouble when we were recording “Dynamite” and I had to sing the high notes during the chorus. I got so mad (laughs) so I practiced a lot.

How does it feel to see the results you’re seeing with “Butter” now after all that effort? V: I’m just trying not to rest on my laurels. Like instead of savoring the feeling, I feel like I should go to bed early for everything I have to do the next day? Getting back in tiptop shape quickly is what’s important, so I haven’t really had time to bask in the joy very much. I’m just working hard at the work I had like I always do.In your 

New Year’s greeting on YouTube, you said you regretted not being able to put on the show for ARMY you wanted, and that your 2021 resolution is to “follow my own pace and pattern” when you work on music. Do you think your personal pace and your professional pace are in step this year? V: No. [My professional pace is] fast, so fast. (laughs) We have a lot we have to get ready for since we’re always promoting. It can be challenging sometimes, but in a way, I think it’s also given me a good opportunity to become a little stronger.

I imagine it’s meaningful to do the work for your own songs, because you can slip into your own world. You also made “Blue & Grey” when you were having a hard time, and it consequently became a song that allowed you to empathize with many people and vice versa. Looking back now, what kind of song do you think “Blue & Grey” will be remembered as? V: I think with “Blue & Grey” I just wanted the song to let people know how I was feeling, and how we were feeling, at that time a little better. Obviously everyone was having a hard time, but I think I wanted to share those emotions with ARMY as-is, including the pains we went through in our growth process. And, to put it another way, I think I just felt like making it obvious. (laughs) I thought it was okay to be that obvious, seeing as I couldn’t put those feelings into words. I just hope people could understand how I was feeling; it’s okay if it becomes forgotten later on.

In the “BE-hind Story” interview on YouTube, you talked about the first line of “Blue & Grey”: “Where is my angel?” You explained how, when you have any kind of issue, you close your eyes and wish for your angel to come and think. Are there times when it seems like your angel understands your feelings, as you just mentioned? V: I get a ton of answers by doing it. I’m not religious, but whenever I have some kind of issue, I close my eyes and think about it. Is this right, the way I’m thinking about this, or not? They’re just yes or no questions, like, Does my outfit look good today? Instead of just worrying about what you should do, if you tackle it in the form of a question, you  get a response with the answer.

I guess it could work when you’re looking for inspiration in your life, but what about for your music? In your previous Weverse Magazine interview, you said you make a note whenever you feel something. V: I write in my diary in hopes that it’ll help with writing lyrics and so I don’t forget those feelings. I do it constantly—I open up my diary whenever something comes up. I copy melodies that pop up in my mind, lyrics, and other things from my diary to my notes app temporarily, and when I’m taking a break or I get the urge to work, I open my notes and say, Let’s try this out today, and run over to the studio.

You released “Snow Flower,” featuring Peakboy by V, on Christmas Day. Is that another song you ran to the studio to work on after the feeling came to you? V: For that song, when I was drinking with some older musicians, we were talking about doing a song together, and then we were like, Well, do you think we’ll have time to do that? So we decided to do it right then since everyone was available. My mixtape was delayed, so I at least wanted to play a different song for ARMY, and I thought, since I’m a bit tipsy (laughs) I thought I should try writing something. So I made the song really quickly. In maybe three hours.

Even though you made it quickly, the composition is somewhat complex and it has the same unique atmosphere that “Blue & Grey” did. V: There’s times when I’m, like, in the zone (laughs) and can make a song all in one sitting, but when I’m not feeling it, I end up revising it more and more. And I don’t want the composition to be too obvious, so I try to change up the way the melody flows. With that kind of sharp image coming to you almost immediately, what were you imagining for that song? V: You might think “Snow Flower” is about a type of snowflake, but I was actually thinking about snow and flowers separately. I started hoping that flowers wouldn’t wither away and just keep on blooming on snowy days. But in reality, when it snowed, all the flowers were crushed, the world became blanketed in snow, and I felt like the flower buds turned into snow flowers. I wrote that song about how I felt after watching that happen.

It must be important to feel things intuitively when you’re trying to express yourself through song. V: If it sounds pretty to me: approved. (laughs)

On the other hand, as a member of BTS, you have a job where you have to deal with a packed schedule and keep various situations in mind. How does that make you feel? When you celebrated your Billboard Hot 100 win on V LIVE and the topic of your clothes came up, you joked that you wore them to give off an idol vibe. V: It’s fun. It’s fun, but I could also say it’s hard. The performances are fun. I think idols should shine in a way that’s suitable for their age, and it’s important to do lots of things for fans like ARMY. Not just performances, but also posting pictures, having conversations on social media, making content. We’re artists and idols, so we think each and every one of those things is important. That sentiment won’t change just because we’ve achieved so much success.

You recently held an impromptu event on Weverse for ARMY. V: I’m sure there’s lots of ARMY out there who are tired of not being able to see us in person. But since the only thing we can do for them is to be on stage and stuff, I was worried that we’re not doing enough for them. And I love being able to talk with ARMY so much that now it’s like a habit that I read their posts. I have a thing today. I have a test today. I’m moving today. Somehow I feel better when I hear their stories. When I end up reading things like about how ARMY are living or what kind of lives ARMY have, I can’t help but write a response, and because of that ARMY respond, so I try to become friendlier in a more fun way, too. I want us to be more than the Billboard number one Bangtanies—I want to be ARMY’s partner, their best friend, the friend who’s always by their side when we’re not on stage. It feels like business when I talk about communicating with ARMY. (laughs) I just want to talk with a close friend. I wanna talk with a close friend—that’s exactly how I feel. It’s been a long time since I could see my friend, ARMY. Usually when friends can’t see each other they keep in touch all the time. I can talk about all kinds of things like that with ARMY thanks to the Weverse platform, and because I can hear all about their lives, I think I was able to go on Weverse and hold that kind of event.

You’ve been talking about ARMY nonstop for a few minutes. I was going to ask you how you feel about ARMY, but I think you already answered the question. (laughs) V: They’re just, well, friends I would hate to lose. Friends who seriously give me strength whenever they’re around. Sometimes you find friends like that in life. It’s like that with the other members, and I have other friends who I can share my feelings with. And I have ARMY. So I can’t help but do whatever I can do to make those people smile and make them feel happy.

Well then, is there a song you’ve heard that you want to let ARMY know about? A song that shares your feelings. V: Umm, recently … “No. 1 Party Anthem” by Arctic Monkeys. When I hear that song … I get emotional, somehow. I don’t usually listen to a lot of rock music, but I can instantly feel the band’s emotions with that song. I seriously get goosebumps listening to it, and emotional, and just all kinds of feelings. It’s to the point that, as soon as I hear that song, I think about how I really want to live well.

That song really means a lot to you. V: Actually, I don’t really know what’s up with that song. I don’t even know the lyrics, but I’m quite clear on what sort of emotions the melody and the band’s performance give me.

Don’t you feel like that’s an emotion you want to express to people, as an artist? Like you don’t have to explain your messages in detail? V: I don’t know. I just want to exchange the good, and be the one to embrace the bad. So I have a desire to perfect one cool thing about myself.

So how close do you think you are right now to becoming an artist who has perfected something cool? V: I’ll say 2%. It’ll go up someday later. (laughs)

© source

[Stand My Heroes] 聖夜を奏でる♪ Symphonic numbers (Performing the Holy Night ♪ Symphonic numbers) Yui Kotaro SR Event Drop Card Story 【Using the Baton to cast a Spell】 Translations

*Sutamai Master-list *MC name is retained as my usual. Requested by Anon! *Part 2′s Story title is: [ラブを歌に乗せて Putting love into a song], and is voiced. *Scenario Writer: @benihara_k (紅原香さん)

Part 1 / Part 2

(His voice is as stunning as ever; he’s way too good at this...)

I was currently at the Karaoke together with Kotaro. Because…

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

Yui: A class reunion?

Ran: It’s not anything that big, but we were talking about how it’d be great for all our friends to gather together again since it’s been a long time and all.

Ran: And for some reason or another, we decided that we’d all be going to a Karaoke place.

Yui: That’s great, isn’t it? Is there something bad about this idea?

Ran: Rather than it being bad, well… I haven’t exactly been to a Karaoke recently.

Ran: I’m out of the loop when it comes to recent hits. And I’m also worried about whether I can sing properly or not…

Yui: Then it might be better if you clocked in some practice before the reunion.

Ran: Yup. And that is why; will you go to the Karaoke with me on our next day off, Kotaro-san?

Yui: Sure, of course. Karaoke is indoors anyway, so it doesn’t have anything to do with the sun shining outside.

Ran: The reason why you gave your OK is just like you…

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

...And that was how I managed to get Kotaro to join me for a practice Karaoke session.

(I knew that he was good at this, but he’s still way too good at this no matter how many times I listen to him...)

I unconsciously found myself clapping once he’d finished singing.

Yui: I feel as if I’ve been the only one singing since just now. Are you not going to sing?

Yui: You came here to practice singing for your class reunion, right?

Ran: Yes, but I’m a little at a loss as to which song I should pick.

Ran: And honestly speaking, I guess I don’t mind hearing you sing as many songs as you’d like.

(But it’s just like he says, I came here to practice so there’d be no meaning to coming here if I don’t fulfil what I originally came here for.)

Ran: Hmm, but I don’t know much about any of these newest songs they have here.

Yui: Same here. I have not the slightest idea about any new trending songs.

Ran: I used to watch music channels quite a lot back in the past, but I’ve been so busy recently that I couldn’t really find the time…

Ran: I’ll think over it a little, so feel free to go on ahead.

Yui: This makes it the 3rd song in a row.

The PV of the newest songs they had to offer would run whenever I chose a track, but they were all songs that I hadn’t the slightest clue about.

(I wonder how everyone fares in this department. Have they got all the newest songs down to pat?)

(But I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if I sang the older songs, right?)

The song that Kotaro had chosen started playing the very same moment I finally decided on one.

I felt as if I was being needled at how he managed to bag even an English ballad without even so much as a hitch.

(How cool… The gap between this and his normal weirdo personality is amazing...) (I don’t have to sing, just let me hear you go on forever.)

He didn’t seem to have noticed that I had unconsciously fallen head over heels for his voice at all.

As he continued singing, he angled his body towards me and pressed his lips to my cheek.

Ran: !?

Yui: Something wrong?

Ran: S-Something!? You just…

Yui: But that's just the sort of song it is, isn’t it?

Ran: That’s just the sort of song!?

(Oh, come to think of it, he WAS just singing a love song...) (No, not just the last song. Even the ones before that were all the same!)

I felt my cheeks heat up the moment the realization struck that they were all songs directed at me.

Ran: ...You’re really unfair, Kotaro-san.

Yui: Oh?

Ran: You’re way too cool, and I’m not just talking about Karaoke!

Yui: I don’t know about that, personally, but I’m glad that you like it.

Yui: Besides, it feels great when I see your eyes turn into hearts.

Ran: Hearts!?

Yui: Were you not aware of it yourself?

(What!? My eyes… Hearts!?) (But things like that only happen in manga… No, wait.)

Just remembering his singing voice made my chest tighten, and the corners of my lips fell in realization.

(I see, so they did turn into hearts...)

─────────────────────────⋅…⋆⋅☆

When faced with that singing voice of his, such a manga-like development might actually have happened.

Convincing myself that that was the case, I replied him with a traditional Japanese love song.

───⋅𝕿𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖓𝖊𝖝𝖙 𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖊…⋆⋅☆

hey, so i thought maybe you could tell us a little what you're currently interested in? ♥ like, what have you been doing during quarantine, are there any new shows you watched that you enjoyed a lot, did you maybe take up a new hobby or something? :)

Hello!! I did not forget this lovely message, I was just in no state to answer (who’d have thought that recovery from surgery is, y’know, taxing) BUT I’M BACK NOW and ohhhh do you know what you’ve unlocked by asking me this question...?? I cannot give you a comprehensive list but I can tell you a couple of the things that I got into during quarantine, and the things I am currently super passionate about! My memory is, uh, not great but thankfully I do journal and write down things so I am confident I can answer this for you :D (plus I do always love recommending things so - aaa??? Thank you for this ask????)

Putting things under a cut because I physically cannot chill but if tl;dr I want you to take away one thing from this it’s that everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Thoughts below.

(Also. I would love to go off about my interests more on here but am not sure what... shape that should ideally take? Text posts? IDK pls give me suggestions, help me out?? dfhasjkldf)

Movies

I have not seen many, but I can and will scream about The Old Guard over and over because... it was everything I never knew I needed in an action movie?? I don’t reblog many things about it anymore but I love love LOVED it!!

Also, upon recommendation by one of my friends from India, I have been delving into the world of Bollywood movies and WOW Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara was so fucking good??? idk if it’s on Netflix in every country but it is in mine and I highly recommend it. It’s thoughtful, honest, emotional and shot absolutely gorgeously, and it also has that cheesiness that is just... so good... sometimes you just need the cheese y’know???

(Side note, 2020 was the year I saw Pride and Prejudice (2005) for the first time and I am a changed woman. It is now my ultimate comfort movie. Please see it if you have not, I cannot believe it took me this long. I saw it for the first time on an airplane (in january... a lifetime ago) and have seen it many, many times since.)

TV Shows

So, to everyone’s shock but especially my own, I have not really been into TV lately? I watched The Boys because my brother recommended it (it’s good, but gorey and pulls no punches, the R rating is deserved), and recently started watching Jujutsu Kaisen because my sister recommended it (I haven’t watched a new anime in like a year which is kinda wild to me? But I am enjoying this one - the opening SLAPS and what I’ve seen so far has been fun! Plus I’m watching it with my sister and I like sending her reactions xD),,, and that’s pretty much it for this category?? I am aware there is a LOT of good shit out there I just.. .don’t seem to have the attention span for multiple episodes of a Thing these days. Meh. I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually ^^

Musical Theater

One of the main reasons I think I haven’t been big into TV is because my Musical Passion is in FULL SWING (haha get it). Probably because the only thing that has remained for me during this quarantine is my singing lessons (and lemme tell you... over skype, that shit is ROUGH but still better than not singing at all) and I have been obsessing over learning new songs and finding shows through recommendations and compilation videos on youtube... So.

Shows I listen to a lot these days include Starry, Anastasia, The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals, Come From Away (I made a post recently specifically about musicals, you should be able to find it under #French speaks) - specific songs in my range that I am currently learning and obsessing over include “Bring on the men” from Jekyll and Hyde, “The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland, “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 (I liked it ok I DID), and “Go Tonight” from The Mad Ones (this one makes me cry... I’m making my sister duet it with me bc I can’t stop thinking about it).

Also, if you’re interested in hearing me sing things, head over to my instagram where I post covers (and also art)!!

(Musical people, I am curious to hear opinions about Great Comet, and also The Count of Monte Cristo - two shows I’ve been meaning to check out!)

Video Games

Listen. Animal Crossing New Horizons is awesome and I’m glad I have it (...give me Brewster back, Nintendo, or I WILL RIOT), but I have been branching out into other games for the Switch (might as well make this purchase worth it amirite) - current faves include Celeste (which is SO HARD but also SO FUCKING FUN) and Spiritfarer which I specifically bought to play at the hospital bc I knew I was going to be there for a few days, and let me tell you - best decision of 2020. Please watch the trailer if you haven’t heard of it, it’s GORGEOUS and beautiful and emotional and I loved every second of it. Both of these can also be purchased for PC and I think they are definitely worth the investment!!

In other news I’m back on my Stardew Valley bullshit. It’s just so calming.I revisit it a lot lmao

Books

So... I have been reading. A LOT. I read over 70 books this year, which for me is... average tbh? I have had some less productive reading months but overall I have torn through stuff and BOY do I have recommendations if you want them?? For the sake of brevity I will only mention a few here:

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space”. That is all. This was my first five star fiction book of the year and I will never be done screaming about it. There is a dedicated but smallish fandom here on tumblr and it deserves SO MUCH MORE. Please, please please. Everyone should read this damn book. It’s confusing in the beginning but I promise it’s worth it IT’S SO GOOD!! And also the sequel is out and it’s also confusing and SO GOOD!!!

Educated by Tara Westover. This is an autobiography and it’s one of those books that like. Stick in your mind for months after you’ve read it. It’s about how this woman escaped an abusive household that was religiously oppressive and also like... survivalist (prepping for the apocalypse) and avidly believed in conspiracy theories - by educating herself, working her way up to going to Harvard. Nothing I say could do the emotional impact of this book justice - and also just, the perspective this book gave me?? Incredible. Education is the most powerful tool and this woman grabbed it by the hair and did not let go and I was FLOORED. Everyone should read this. I don’t even usually read biographies but DAMN.

The Winternight trilogy by Katherine Arden.(Book 1 is called The Bear and the Nightingale). This is a bit of a slow burn type deal - it’s a retelling of a Russian fairy tale (I think?? Or like a folk... story? Something like that) and it is just. So magical. It’s not fast paced but it works up to FANTASTIC moments, the focus is on family and magic and change and “making your own way” and all three of these books were wonderful. It reminded me of Naomi Novic’s Uprooted and Spinning Silver (both of which I also loved back in 2019 and would highly recommend) and they are PERFECT winter reads if you’re looking for something to get cozy with. I liked book 1 well enough but books 2 and 3 knocked it out of the park. Fantastic. Loved them.

I have many more recs but this will do for now hahah

Music

Gonna keep this brief too - my music taste is all over the place, but here are some songs I have been obsessed with recently!! Beware of genre whiplash though because these are Very Different from one another (and different from the musical theater stuff above)

Factories - Autoheart (that bridge gets me every time, idk why. This is one I could have on repeat for hours and not get tired of it either. Something about it just gets me!!)

History Read - The Altogether (The lyrics!! Tbh the entire Silo album is GREAT, but this one is my fave. Their music is so... mellow, in the best way??)

Weather Man - Valley of Wolves (ok this one is just a banger. I’m a sucker for a good sing-along-able hook (that’s not a word. you get me though right) and this fucking DELIVERS. I also just think “I make these dark skies blue, I make these mountains move, let the rain come down, I’m pushing through.... [pause] ... ‘cause I’m the weather man” is such good execution of a concept?? That PAUSE GETS ME it’s just SO FUN?!?! idk man I like a good upbeat banger and this is that.)

I believe (get over yourself) - Nico Vega (this one is just a callout at myself tbh?? “you’re a fool” I AM and I needed to hear it?? It’s also SO FUN to sing!!! We love a banger.)

Kiss me you animal - Burn the Ballroom (mentioning this mainly because it reminded me, lyrically, of Gideon the Ninth and I need someone to confirm this for me before I go insane?? “everybody knows that home is where your teeth sink, love” - I mean c’mon??? Also it’s a banger. I do like some rock from time to time... and this also has a killer driving bassline. This is super fun to drive to, too!!)

((If we have overlap and anyone wants to exchange playlists with me - I am SO here for it. Always looking for new music!!! I mean it!!))

Youtube

Last and certainly not least... meet my newest hyperfixation!!! I have always loved watching video essays, and booktube videos, and arttube videos - and my current niche of favorite creators is the Polygon video team!! They made videos about video games and board games and anything gaming-related and I just. I’m only peripherally a “gamer(TM)” but I love anything and everything they create. (Also you don’t have to know much about video games to enjoy all of their content!! A lot of it is still accessible to Non-Gamers(TM) or casual gamers!) BDG is my new favorite creator, the Unraveled series he does on the channel is a work of genius - but I have also started watching their streams and older series and I am enjoying myself SO MUCH! I love boardgames so their series on them, Overboard, is so fun and entertaining (and I already know a bunch of games I want to buy based on seeing the gameplay), and it also made me invested in the other creators - particularly Simone, I would die for Simone?? And Pat? And Jenna? They each have their niche and they work really well together too and their videos are my Main Serotonin Machine in these trying times(TM), thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Also. If you’re already following me here and you are familiar with Polygon things I BEG YOU TO COME AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM because I am like, bursting, but I also don’t want to flood my dash with stuff that 99% of my followers are unfamiliar with y’know??

...I think I’m going to leave it at this - it’s already a lot!

But thank you once again for asking and for letting me Go Off about things I am interested in!! I just... I very often wish I could do this more, but I’m not sure how to go about it? Should I just do text posts about things?? Would that be interesting to anyone?? Or is that like, annoying? Should I start a review blog or something? dhfajkldhf I just want to talk about things that excite me, but whenever I’m here I often just stick to reblogging other people’s stuff... help?? What do y’all want to see??

It’s wonderful how you love reading people’s words about almost anything and attend to their words, being able to sense their feelings behind it. And I agree, it’s so lovely when you can sense a person’s joy through their words, as you said! Here I am once again, feeling special, thanks to you 💛 You’re a darling! And I’ll try my best to send long asks whenever possible!! (1/11)

Ahh, it’s going to be a while before I actually feel comfortable doing chart readings! But you know what? I would be happy to read your astrology chart for free, if you want! It would be great practice for me and it would give me a chance to grow my confidence. Though only if you want, let me know! ☺️ I’m so happy to know you’re learning and grasping everything perfectly! The way you believe in me astrology-wise makes my heart all warm 💓 (2/11)

I’m sorry your summer courses got cancelled btw, especially since you were on track to graduate. Hopefully, this gives you time for yourself though. I wish I can say I enjoy being active too, but it’s not something I do often tbh. Though I do love walking, as well as dancing (but it’s been a while). I need to find more activities that can get me moving 😔 Ah I see, what solo activities do you like doing to stay active? (I fall on the introverted side, I tend to favor being alone too) (3/11)

I’m on the same boat as you + your family. I haven’t been outside since mid-March and being at home until now has made me a bit antsy. It probably added to the weird headspace I was in too. Though that’s gone now, I’m feeling much better + less stressed thankfully. The semester is still in session for me, I’ve got about until mid-May until it’s over. Though I’m glad that school will be over before my birthday, so that’s a blessing I’m super thankful for! I can enjoy my day in peace, aha. (4/11)

Manipulation can be associated with a few other signs too actually, but Scorpio is definitely up there in the top three! And it is definitely true that that as you get older, you can either grow more into your sign’s archetype or some traits lessen over time. Rather than it being some traits disappearing, it’s more likely due to other planetary energies in certain signs coming into play and becoming more prominent. (5/11)

There’s also this point in everyone’s chart, the midheaven. It’s been said that whatever sign a person’s midheaven is in, that person shows more of that energy as they get older. Which brings me to how you got the impression that I’m a Libra! My midheaven is in Libra, which is probably why you felt that more than Taurus. It’s fascinating, especially since we’re just interacting through messages. Didn’t know my Libra energy was showing that strongly but it’s nice being aware of that now! (‪6/11‬)

I will definitely let you know if any of my guesses change when I do a rewatch of the whole series! (P.S. did you hear the announcement that A:TLA will be on Netflix ‪on May 15th‬?!) And to make it more fun, I’ll assess the other characters as well and share what signs I believe they could possibly be! I’ll consider it my mini summer project 😋 But oh my gosh, soft Zuko in the comics? 🤧 Maybe I should read the comics too then, since it might give me more material to work with. (‪7/11‬)

Your questions made sense, it’s all good! I think the best thing to refer to and see how Yue’s Venus energy influences Zuko’s Cancer side is that conversation in chapter 22 of Limerence, where Zuko told Yue that if having a family meant having a family with her, then that’s all he could ever want. Of course, he loves her, so there’s no doubt about them having a family together eventually. (‪8/11‬)

Though this is highlighted more with Yue’s Venus + Zuko’s Cancer energy because those energies meshing creates a soft/tender vibe, which makes coming together and creating a family highly ideal. Because Venus carries this loving energy which reinforces Cancer’s love for being domestic. As for the dynamic of Yue’s Libra and Zuko’s Aries, I feel that it’s one of the things that sets the overall tone for their relationship. (‪9/11‬)  

With Aries/Libra, it’s kind of a classic case of Venus & Mars, so Yue being the affectionate/gentle one while Zuko being the intense/bold one, that paints the picture of their Aries/Libra dynamic. All that Libra/Scorpio energy in your sister’s family though, wow!! There are some common patterns in astrology that can occur with family, and one of those patterns can manifest as a certain sign or two being strong in the family. I guess that’s completely true for your sister! (‪10/11‬)

I’ll wrap all of this up by saying that chapter 33 of Limerence is completely enthralling! With every single chapter, I’m just in love with your storytelling. You’re such a fantastic writer! And also, it’s very enjoyable talking to you every time! Thank you for showing such warm energy always, it’s refreshing 💜 -  🌻 (‪11/11‬)

AHHHH – my lovely 🌻-anon~! 🥰🥰🥰

How long have you been studying astrology, and how long does it usually take for one to gain the confidence and skills to provide a service? I’m just so curious – but I never had anyone to ask these questions and learn. I’m sorry if these queries sound silly 😅

BUT BABE.

I would love a reading – but I’ll have to give you something. I refuse to not pay or give something back (even if small!). Plus, I need to say thank you for indulging me and letting me bother you non-stop with my questions 😂 But, seriously – you should be confident. You have literally not only captured my interest but a lot of others too!

Honestly, as sucky as it is to not graduate, I’m doing exactly that – taking the time for myself. I’ve been going for walks as of late while listening to some tunes! I live near conservation, so I’m lucky that I have a huge forest with lakes and a beach to unwind. But before I got hurt, I used to do cross-country, high-jump, and shotput (I miss those days 😭).

But, if you enjoy dancing – I encourage Zumba💃

I know it seems random, but it’s something super fun to do by yourself (or with someone else, I usually do it with my mom) and it just gets you moving. I’ve been doing Zumba almost every day because sitting on the couch is starting to get to me. It’s totally random – but it’s a fun way to get active in the comforts of your home, and you got some fun music to listen to. I’m glad to hear you’ve gotten out of that weird headspace though – I relate a lot to you in that aspect. It can take a while to get out of it, but the important part is that you did it! And I wish you the best with school, you’re almost done.

Also, happy Taurus season, babe~! 😘😘

Ouu, so what other signs associate with manipulation? I always hear Scorpio, so you’ve piqued my interest. And, I’m going to be honest, I’m still in shock that you’re a Taurus LOOL. I don’t know why, but the way you write reminds me of some of my friends/family who are Libras. You just have this diplomacy when you write? Do I sound crazy – probably 😂😂. I’ve never heard about the midheaven, but now that you told me that, it does make a lot of sense. Like you know how Zuko screams Mars? You scream Libra for me😋

YES I DID HEAR. Okay, so I’m from Canada, so ATLA is already here for us to watch – but my best friend (he lives in the States) literally called me screaming in excitement. We’re planning binge-watching dates for us to video chat and watch together. So I think I can safely assume you shall be binge-watching ATLA starting May 15 😉😉

Soft Zuko.

I swear, I fangirled soooooooo damn hard.

My heart – gone.

Soul – snatched.

Zuko is just such a cutie, like a teddy bear – with that smile of his and I just ajsdksadjksjdkasdksd My body can’t handle this level of cuteness. Like he has his kick-ass moments, but getting to see that other side of him was beautiful. My favourite moment was he gives Kiyi a piggy-back ride and tucks her into bed. If you end up reading the comics – you gotta let me know. I’m dying to know what you think of it!

It was also neat seeing Katara’s and Aang’s relationship develop in the comics (and Toph). Like the comics captured the essence of an awkward teenage romance (Katara and Aang) blooming into a long-lasting relationship. Like my friends said they cringed so hard during some ‘romantic’ moments between them, and they’re like it made us cringe not because it was bad, but because that was us when we were teenagers with our partners.

Oh wow – thank you for the examples! Honestly, it makes sense now about the domestic aspects with Zuko’s Cancer and Yue’s Venus. I just needed to make sure I was understanding it, I need to know these facts👏👏 But I swear – I feel like their whole relationship is the definition of chaotic neutral 😂😂

Is there a reason why certain signs have a strong presence in certain families (like you mentioned how you have a lot of ‘me’s’ in yours lol). Or is just random?

But I’m glad you enjoyed chapter 33, love! It feels so nice to get back into a writing routine – I was going nuts, not able to write consistently. I need to channel my chaotic energy into my stories LOOL

But I hope you’re taking care of yourself (family and friends included) in these times! It’s nice engaging in these long chats, it makes so happy (can you tell 😂).

I can’t wait till I hear from you again🌻~! 💜💜💜