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kim-ruzek · 3 years

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Messy, chaotic perfection

Summary: Family isn't just who is blood, but who is in your corner, who makes you feel loved and cared for, who is safe and who is home.

Season 8 au, goes off if Kim never miscarried, Burzek are together, and season eight still went somewhat how it did.

Warnings: mentions of canon events (shooting, foster situations).

Word Count: 3.5k

Read on AO3

Notes: This is a Feel Better fic for the amazing, incredible and so, so strong and brave Cíara (@fighterkimburgess ). Cíara I love you, you deserve the world, and you deserve to know that I (and all of us in this fandom) have your back and wish you all the best in your life ♥️

Life can be unpredictable, events that you never expect to happen can occur and feel like that was always meant to happen all along. This is a lesson Kim has learnt over and over throughout her life, but one she’s only finally beginning to fully understand it, that it’s always going to happen in ways you don’t expect.

Like today.

Today, when she woke up, Kim thought she’d have a tiring day at work with all the racists that Kevin, and by extension them since Kevin is their family, is having to deal with but that it would be relatively drama free and she and her boyfriend—which is a word, that no matter how juvenile it sounds, makes her feel all giggly inside at—would come home and have a nice relaxing evening with their daughter.

She didn’t expect Patrol to not show up when they called and she definitely did not expect Adam to get shot. But that is life, as Kim has kept learning recently.

“Careful, let me grab the door.” Kim quickly darts in front of a very impatient and unfussed Adam, moving so she can unlock and open their front door before he can. Adam sighs.

“Kim, I’m not an invalid.” He grumbles and she flashes him a glare before she opens up the door.

“Adam, you were shot.” She holds up her hand. “And no I don’t care if it’s was in the vest. You were shot and you were lying there and I thought you were dead. And now you’ve got a bruise on your chest and Will said that you have to take it easy—it could affect your lungs if you overwork yourself.”

Kim already knows that she’s probably going to spend the next few weeks seeing Adam lying there on the grass whenever she shuts her eyes. Just like she knows that Adam gets why she’s being so fussy, even if he’s being his typical bad patient self.

“I can still open doors. You know I like opening our door for you,” At that, Kim turns away from the door, facing Adam. She closes what little distance they had between them, resting her hands gently on his chest.

“I know, but you’re injured. Let me look after you. And—we’ve only just found our way back together again, I don’t want to loose you, and I don’t want our daughter to loose you.” Adam’s eyes soften and he gently kisses her forehead.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, darlin’. I’m just stubborn.”

If this had happened years ago, this probably would’ve ended up making an even bigger dent in their relationship, and god knows if they’d be able to communicate—and truly understand each other back then. But they’re not those young people now, they’ve grown and learnt so much, and are completely dedicated to making this work.

Especially because they’re parents.

“Hey, Ally!” Adam is immediately greeting their six month old as soon as they enter the flat, Kim not far behind, the two parents cooing over her instantly.

“Can you hold her?” Trudy gives Adam a wary eye, holding the child she, without hesitation, claimed as her granddaughter. Normally they’d have their nanny here, taking care of Ally, but given that Adam was shot and had to be looked over, Trudy had relieved their nanny instead, just in case they arrived home later than usual.

“You’re as bad as Kim, of course I can,” Adam grumbles again, mostly with good humour. Still, Trudy glances at Kim just to double check, who nods and then Trudy is helping to pass the girl to her father. Usually, Adam would scoop the girl out of her arms with ease, but—showing that he is taking Will seriously, or at least their daughter’s safety seriously—he had hesitated, waited for Trudy to help.

“You should sit down, I’ll get dinner on.” Kim tells him. She then looks at Trudy. “Are you staying or going home? You’re welcome, of course.”

“I’ll leave the three of you be. Randall has his shift in the morning.” Trudy kisses her granddaughter good-bye—leaning down to do so, Ally babbling in Adam’s arms on the sofa—and then it’s just the three of them.

If you had told her a year and a half ago that this would be her life, Kim would struggle to belief you. Adam and her felt like history, something that never had the timing it deserved and that they’d only be relegated to friends with benefits.

And being a Mom? That was so far out from the cards Kim was dealt, she didn’t think it would happen for quite a few years, and even then, it felt like a impossible and distant thought.

But she has both. A relationship with Adam that is strong and decent and a proper, communicating relationship and the beautiful daughter who made it possible.

At first, Adam and her were determined to be co parents only. More her than him, if she was honest, but he understood her side.

But then Kim hit her second trimester and with it her renewed sex drive and inability to keep her hands off him and platonic co parents got more and more unbelievable—especially as they moved in together.

The reasons why they decided to just be platonic still hung over their head, however, and so they had to have a serious conversation—several, in fact—about their relationship and what it would look like and be like. They both knew that with a child in the mix, they had to be committed and determined because their baby would be impacted.

Kim did have worries about it, about if they could keep communicating and not fall back on old habits, but by the time Ally came along, their relationship had only grown stronger. The new-born stage is a tough time for parents, and they had their moments, but that only brought them even more closer and Kim now no longer has any of those worries.

Domestic bliss is something she’s always wanted to have, alongside a fulfilling job, and there’s days Kim can’t quite believe that she’s found it.

Her life isn’t perfect, no life is. And there’s tensions at work, and with their best friend going through some horrific stuff, life doesn’t feel easy. But they have each other, and they have Ally, and Kim keeps feeling like she’s reached as close to perfection as she could have.

When she was younger, Kim imagined that having perfection would be calm, would be peaceful. And maybe for others it is, but it’s not for her. There’s always some madness in her life; she’s a cop, after all. And she’s learned to appreciate the short peaceful moments that she gets. But sometimes, sometimes life is just quiet.

It had been a few weeks of quiet that Kim had realised her life hadn’t had any madness in it. Her and Adam were just going about their routine, day in, day out, watching as Ally continued to grow and marvel them and she realised that.

And then she knew instantly that the madness was coming.

It came the next day.

Adam and her had just picked up their morning coffee from a coffee shop. It had been a while since they could, usually having to make do with the district coffee—having a baby means time is precious and money is dear—but they did this morning, the two of them in a good mood and having a ridiculous conversation about boats.

And then there was a lost six year old girl walking through the road.

Everything got a lot more busy after that, as they tracked down her family and worked out what had happened.

Being a Mom has definitely changed Kim, and she had to go into a corner—Adam joining her, wrapping his arms around her—and have a little cry in the locker room. All she could think about her daughter, her Ally, loosing her family like that and it activated the still distantly present hormones leftover from her pregnancy.

And it made her more determined to help the little girl, Makayla, especially when the girl had apparently bonded to her. Kim was told that she was the best person to talk to her, and even though she’s a mother, she had doubted her abilities. There’s a difference between her baby who’s just learning to talk and move about to a traumatized six year old but the doubts were misplaced, Kim managing to get that connection.

Makayla had wanted her to come to the safe house with her, which Kim did. Luckily Adam was by Trudy’s desk and he gave her nod, telling her that Ally and him will be okay. Still, Kim was glad that she’s already had a night away from her daughter so that she could go with Makayla, so that she didn’t have to let down this vulnerable girl who needed her just as much.

The safe house had turned out to not be so safe, and Kim’s mama bear instincts—as Adam has affectionately coined—kicked in and she instantly said she’ll be taking Makayla home, no questions.

Of course, she had glanced at Adam, silently checking with him. Adam had nodded again.

“Ally’s already with her grandparents so yes, Makayla will be staying with us.” Adam had immediately supported her, his voice just as firm and decided. Kim had already worked out Ally was with Trudy and Mouch, as he was there and they are their emergency babysitters but she felt so lucky to have a partner who was willing to not have the night with his daughter for what she wants.

Seeing Adam interact with Makayla that night had made Kim’s insides twist, and she wonders if they might end up accidentally conceiving a second baby soon with how his paternalism stirred feelings inside her.

It left her feeling sadder than Kim would’ve thought to say goodbye to Makayla after everything was sorted, an emptiness in her heart. The girl had made an impact on her and it felt wrong to end the story there.

That night, Kim had hugged Ally close to her, Adam arm wrapped around her as he cuddled up to them.

“I think I want another,” Kim had said, and Adam choked. She had laughed, then, careful not to wake the sleeping baby on her chest.

“Not now or anytime soon. One baby is enough at one time. But in the future. This—us—being a family, it feels right and as perfect as our family is, I want it to be bigger.” She had explained. She’d have been nervous, but this is Adam, possibly the only person she knows whole heartedly that she can be herself, no judgement.

“Darlin’, nothing would make me happier.” He had kissed her temple firmly then, lacing their hands together and Kim got that feeling of perfect domestic bliss again.

“I’d say let’s have another right now but, yeah, one baby is enough. Although we could practice?” He then joked and Kim rolled her eyes at him.

It isn’t that long after that they’re at social services and Kim spots that precious six year old who, if Kim is honest with herself, hadn’t left her thoughts since, every few days Kim wondering if she’s okay, if she’s settling and adjusting and if the cousin Cathy would need to call her.

“Kim!” Makayla immediately runs to her, hugging her and Kim’s heart twists and constricts, warming at the gesture but breaking that she’s here.

They’re in the middle of a turbulent case, a case that plagues Kim, but her mind is still spilt, focused on worrying about Makayla.

“Where were you?” Adam asks her when she gets back from Cathy’s. Kim knows that she should’ve told him before, that going off alone like this when in a relationship and a parent isn’t how she should be behaving but as the couple’s therapist they went to say said, sometimes Kim can have tunnel vision. It’s something she’s working on, but sometimes she reverts back, like when a six year old needs her.

“I went to see Makayla’s Cathy.” Kim then tells him, and she tells him all about it.

“What if I take her in?” The words fall out Kim’s mouth before she can really process them. It’s nothing she should say, not just for the reasons Makayla’s social worker lists. But because Kim isn’t an I anymore. She’s in a relationship and she’s a mother. This isn’t just her life, but she can’t get Makayla—or the bond they have—out of her head.

After the conversation with her social worker, Kim sees Kevin. She wonders if she should ask him about this, about his siblings and that decision, knowing that he’ll have value to add to the conversation, especially as a black man. But she stops herself, knowing that she’s getting that tunnel vision again, that she needs to discuss this with Adam before she spirals too fast.

“I want to foster Makayla.” It isn’t the most tactful conversation, or the best place for it. But Kim’s mind is in overdrive and all she can think about is how she could feel at six, feeling like only Nicole loved her, and about that precious girl, and her own daughter.

“Us. I want us to foster Makayla.” Kim quickly amends, because they’re a team. Everything they do, they do together. They’re entwined and interlinked and the only way to make the relationship successful is by accepting and respecting that.

It’s a long conversation. It’s really not the time or place but that’s something that just doesn’t matter as much as talking. Kim tells Adam all about why she does, and he talks about how he feels. That he gets it, that he would want to give her a home just as much but has she thought this through.

They work out if they want it to only be temporary, how they’ll do it with Ally, if they’re ready and if they’re only doing this because they’re adapting to being parents, parents who often felt unloved as a child.

And they grab Kevin, adding him to the discussion, getting his two cents.

And then they come to a decision—that they should take Makayla home and they’re jumping into action. Kim calling the social worker, Adam arranging for Ally to be at her grandparents for the night as they get Makayla settled.

Everything picks up after that, quiet days rarely a thing even more than before.

They get Makayla into school, sets up their home so it feels more like hers, they get her into therapy and family therapy. They introduce her to Kevin, knowing he will have to play an important role in their foster daughter’s life.

Makayla adores Ally from the first time they meet, treating her with such care and love and Ally immediately bonds to her. It fills Kim with such joy and affection, and makes her heart feel so, so soft.

Kim was worried that them having Ally already would make Makayla feel like an add on, but it has the opposite affect, making her feel more like part of the family—two weeks in, Makayla tells Kim that she always wanted a little sister, and Kim’s happy that she may not have been able to save Makayla’s family, but at least she could do something.

It’s not smooth sailing. It’s tough and it’s work. Nights were hell, Makayla waking up screaming and rousing Ally, but it gets better, especially after they get Makayla trouble dolls. It’s an adjustment, for sure, but it’s fulfilling.

For Adam too, who’s taken to calling Makayla his lil darlin’ and all three of them his girls. Kim already knew he is a great dad, but seeing him dress up and play with Makayla, and being so calm and loving through her trauma just reaffirms that over and over, making Kim feel so happy that she gave them another chance.

Makayla is family long before the adoption going through.

Mack is one of the first words Ally says, reaching for her sister as she did so. Kim—and Adam, as they discussed it later—will never forget the utterly joyful grin that had spread across Makayla’s face at that.

“Ally said my name!” Makayla had exclaimed to them happily, and proceeded to tell everyone she saw over the next week, her excitement and joy never waning.

Trudy and Mouch immediately accept Makayla as another grandchild and the rest of the family treats Makayla like she belongs. Kim never had any doubts, but it warmed her heart to see how much Makayla clearly loved and was taken by it—and how it made her feel so much more settled, knowing she’s gained so much family even after loosing so much.

Sylvie takes it upon herself to be her honorary godmother and Makayla quickly learns that Sylvie is one of the best to play princesses with. Stella comes with Sylvie one day and Makayla is immediately enamoured by her, and soon Stella decides Makayla needs two godmothers.

The Atwaters are an essential part of their family, as they help Makayla keep that connection to her black culture, helping to make sure her identity doesn’t get lost and that she doesn’t feel like she has to pick sides between her old and new life.

Makayla and Uncle Kev have a day every month, just them, doing whatever they want. It’s not even about doing anything relating to their shared skin tone, but just a routine to establish that Kevin is there for her.

Jordan takes to Makayla quickly, as well, finding her cute and endearing. He tells them that she reminds him of Vinessa at that age, and quickly starts calling her his little cousin—another thing that Kim knows helps makes her feel like part of the family.

Makayla loves her ‘big cousin', Jordan often teaching her age appropriate jokes and helping her play harmless pranks. He also teaches her some dance moves, and laughs with her when she tries to teach Adam them, who fails spectacularly.

Jordan loves Ally as well, having seen Kim as part of his family for years but Kim knows that they’ll never have the bond that Jordan and Makayla have, and it’s something that makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside—that Makayla with have things that’s just hers, that she won’t ever feel like she’s in her little sister’s shadow. It’s important, Kim thinks, and she’s glad of it. Makayla is no less her daughter than Ally and deserves to never feel like she is.

Makayla is family before she is legally, before she’s adopted into a family who barely has any blood in common anyway. But the day the adoption goes through is a joyous day for all of them.

“I love you.” Makayla has said it to them before, and more to Ally. But that day she says it and it’s louder than a shy whisper but firm and sure and Kim can’t help getting teary eyed as they hug her, assuring their daughter that they love her too, so much.

“Thank you for wanting to be my mom and dad.” Makayla says that night, so earnestly and Kim tears up again, Adam too. And nothing has ever felt so right. Kim knows she’ll never replace her mom, and she doesn’t want to, and she knows that Makayla might not ever call them mom and dad but they are and Makayla sees them as that and it feels so right.

“We’ve got two daughters.” Kim giggles against Adam’s chest that night, when everyone is asleep.

“That we do. And we got to skip the baby stage so we could get our two daughters straight away,” Adam replies, referencing their conversation from the night Makayla went home with Cathy. Kim laughs again, cuddling against her fiancé—as of a week ago.

Life is unpredictable. It’s messy and chaotic and full of madness, and Kim’s learnt and accepted that. And life is wonderful and amazing, and not despite of that, but because of that.

Two years ago, Kim would not see herself like this. In bed with Adam, her fiancé, their two daughters sleeping and feeling like she’s got the most perfect life. And it’s all because life is unpredictable.

Kim used to think that perfect meant calmness. And then she thought that can’t be her life, because she’s choose a mad and crazy life, a life not designed to be calm. But as she lies in bed that night, Adam cuddling her, Kim knows that’s wrong.

Life does mean calmness, but not because her life is quiet and calm, but because it’s messy and chaotic. It’s messy and chaotic and it’s hers. She has all what she ever wanted, fulfilled in all areas, and it doesn’t matter if it’s unpredictable because that’s the beauty of it.

There’s such a peace and calmness inside of her, an ease that has been brought on only by the messy, imperfection and unplanned events of her life—and that’s what makes everything feel perfect; perfect within the chaos.

#burzek #chicago pd #kim burgess x adam ruzek #burzek fic #chicago pd fanfiction #ree writes #ree's.writing #Cíara tag

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jonsa101 · 3 years

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Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson: The Well-Meaning, Incredibly Self-Centered Leading Men We’ve Grown to Love.

Hey fam! Like I said, I’ve been writing a ton of meta lately and this is another one that’s just been sitting in my drafts. It’s basically a This Is Us and a New Amsterdam meta which is something I haven’t done before but something I want do more of. In my Game of Thrones days I used to write a lot of meta about shows and characters that had similarities so this is fun for me. I hope y’all enjoy this. ALSO THIS HAS SPOILERS FOR BOTH SHOWS!!!!!!!

Without a doubt the two most popular shows on NBC is This is Us and New Amsterdam. And what’s not to love? They’re both emotionally driven, heartfelt, shows that focus on incredibly deep and complex topics. Though one show focuses on family dynamics and the other focuses on the healthcare system, these shows are very similar in more ways than one. Case in point, Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson. The more I watch these two shows, the more I realize how these two characters are so alike!!! These two men are kind-hearted, well intentioned, individuals who genuinely want to make some sort of positive difference. They are incredibly ambitious and always have “bright ideas” and “goals” they want to accomplish and somehow they’re able to meet those goals without ever having to sacrifice their wants and needs. By every definition these men are the “main characters” or the ultimate “protagonists.” These are the folks that we are supposed to root for. At the same time, though these men have many traits to be admired, when you truly look at it both of them can be incredibly self centered and selfish especially when it pertains to their romantic partners and love interests. No matter how appealing you make these characters out to be these men clearly fall under the Behind Every Great Man trope.

The Behind Every Great Man trope has been used countless of times throughout Cinema and TV History that I’m sure that I don’t even have to explain it to you but for the sake of this meta this is how it’s defined.

“Behind Every Great Man...stands an even greater woman! Or in about a hundred variations is a Stock Phrase referring to how people rarely achieve greatness without support structures that go generally unappreciated, and said support structure is a traditionally female role via being the wife, mother, or sometimes another relation. This trope is specifically about a man who is credited with something important, but owes much of his success to the woman in his life.”

This trope usually has a negative connotation (and rightfully so) because the man who often benefits from this is an asshole and unworthy of this type of support!

For example:

Oliva and Fitz

Cristina Yang and Burke

Cookie and Lucious

Ghost and Tasha

There are countless others but these are a few of the couples that come to mind for me. Randall and Max aren’t comparable to any of these men that are listed above but they are still operating under the same trope. It just looks nicer because Max and Randall are inherently good and inspirational. They are the heroes of the story. I would even argue and say that both men fall under the Chronic Hero Syndrome trope which is defined as

“Chronic Hero Syndrome is an "affliction" of cleaner heroes where for them, every wrong within earshot must be righted, and everyone in need must be helped, preferably by Our Hero themself. While certainly admirable, this may have a few negative side-effects on the hero and those around them. Such heroes could wear themselves out in their attempts to help everyone or become distraught and blame themselves for the one time that they're unable to save the day. Spending so much time and effort saving everyone else can also put a strain on the hero's personal or dating life.”

Just because Max and Randall have these incredibly inspiring aspirations, is it fair that their wives and love interests are always expected to rise to the occasion and support them. Is it ok for their partners to continuously sacrifice their wants and needs because they love these men?

Let’s dive into it.

Truth be told, Beth Pearson, Helen Sharpe and Georgia Goodwin had to endure a GREAT DEAL to emotionally support the dreams and aspirations of these men while sacrificing so much of themselves in the process. In media we often see women sacrificing so much of their wants and needs out of love for these male leads and rarely do men do the same thing for their romantic partners and love interests. All three of these women clearly fall under the Act of True Love trope defined as

“The Act of True Love proves beyond doubt that you are ready to put your loved one's interests before your own, that you are truly loyal and devoted to them. Usually this involves a sacrifice on your part, at the very least a considerable effort and/or a great risk. The action must be motivated, not by morals or principle or expectation of future reward, but by sheer personal affection.When your beloved is in dire need of your help, or in great danger, and you do something, at great expense to yourself, for the sake of their safety, their welfare, or their happiness, thus proving beyond any doubt that you put their interest ahead of yours.”

Over the past few seasons we have seen all three of these women truly live up to this trope without any true consequences or accountability from the men they’re making all these sacrifices for. For example, in Beth and Randall’s marriage, how many times did Randall spring an idea on Beth without truly talking to her or considering her wants first? Everyone thinks these two are an ideal couple but she has endured A LOT for Randall.

Randall has spontaneously quit his job, moved his dying biological dad into their home, bought his biological dad’s old apartment building, fostered and adopted a child and also ran for city councilman outside of his district. In all of these decisions, Randall “consulted” Beth about it but at the same time didn’t really consult her. In a way there has always been this expectation of Beth to just go along for the ride with what Randall wants. Is anyone else exhausted from reading that list?! That’s a lot for partner to endure and lovingly support. But Beth has endured and has been Randall’s rock through it all!!! What worries me is that the one time Beth spoke out about her wants and needs of pursuing dance again, he couldn’t match the same energy she was giving him and eventually it led to world war three between them. Though things are looking up in their relationship and he’s starting to support her more, has Randall nearly given to Beth as much as she’s given to him? Absolutely not!

Similar to Randall, Max also had a wife who was a dancer. in fact, she was a prima ballerina. Unlike Randall and Beth, Max relationship with Georgia was rocky from the start. When we were first introduced to them Max and Georgia were separated and rightfully so. Georgia was never Max’s first priority. The hospital always came first in their relationship. He couldn’t even dedicate a full night to her for their proposal. In order to “save” their marriage they decide to have a baby and they both committed to taking a step back in their careers in order to do so. The problem was Max didn’t keep his side of their commitment and took a job to become the medical director at the biggest public hospital in the U.S. She gave up her career to start a family and he totally and completely betrayed her trust. So throughout season one we see them trying to rebuild their marriage but even in the midst of trying to rebuild a marriage based on trust and mutual respect Max still keeps things from Georgia. For several episodes he didn’t tell her that he had advance stages of throat cancer. He only told her when Georgia asked him to move back home. That’s fucked up! Then throughout their pregnancy he was never fully there for Georgia because he was either to preoccupied with the hospital or himself. At the end of it all, Georgia died tragically at the beginning of season two and really had nothing to show for it in her relationship with Max other than her daughter Luna.

Now let’s bring Helen Sharpe into the fold. While all of this stuff was going on with Max and his wife in season one, Max was developing a deep friendship, borderline emotional affair with Helen. Their relationship started out with Helen being his oncologist. As the new Medical Director of New Amsterdam, he swore Helen to secrecy about his diagnosis so that he could still run the hospital. Through that secrecy they eventually formed a deep bond but as his cancer got worse his secret was let out of the bag. He realistically needed someone to step up and run the hospital when he was going through chemo and though Helen already had commitments she stepped up and became his deputy medical director. Somewhere along the lines Max and Helen started developing feelings for each other. As Helen becomes aware of those feelings, she made a choice and decides to remove herself as Max’s doctor. He BITCHES about it but eventually accepts the boundary she’s clearly trying to set. Mind you, as this is unfolding, like Max, Helen is also in a new relationship with her boyfriend Panthaki. As Max’s cancer seems to be getting worse with his new doctor, she goes back on her boundary and decides to be his doctor again. This pisses her boyfriend off because he could already peep the vibe between them and he breaks up with her. When we get into season two, Max’s wife died and Helen set him up in a clinical trail (with a doctor she previously fired) that’s helping his cancer. Unbeknownst to Max, this doctor ends up holding his life saving treatment plan over Helen’s head and in order for his treatment to continue she gives this doctor half of her department!

Helen has sacrificed a lot for Max and now in season three she’s finally prioritizing her current wants and needs first! Like Randall, Max is starting to turn a page and is starting to support Helen and truly listen to the wants and needs that she has. All of this is good but my question is did any of these women have to sacrifice so much for the men in their lives to get a clue?

Why is it that this is a trope we see in media time and time and time again? Even if these men are good, why don’t we still keep these male characters accountable when they put their significant others in these situations that are clearly not fair? I’ve watched countless tv shows and I’ve seen a lot of tv couples but I think I have only come across one couple where the male counterpart has selflessly loved his significant other and has always put her needs above his own.

That character my friend is none other than PACEY WITTER

I might be mistaken but I think Joey and Pacey are the most popular ship in tv history and honestly, rightfully so! This is only example I can think of where the male in the relationship so willingly puts the wants and needs of his partner first. It is a completely selfless and sacrificial love. He never wants to hold her back and he never asks her to compromise her wants or needs for him. That’s why I think so many women love Pacey because in a sea of TV relationships, Pacey Witter is a fucking unicorn.

So to wrap this up does this mean that I hate Randall Pearson or Max Goodwin? No! I adore them. I love both of their characters so much. I just think that when we see the media continuously play out the sacrificial wife/love interest for the sake of their male counterparts, it should be called out. I’m all about sacrificial and selfless love but it should come from both sides.❤️❤️❤️

Anyway I hope y’all enjoy this! As always my DMs are opening here or on Twitter @oyindaodewale

#new amsterdam #sharpwin #This Is US #max goodwin #helen sharpe #randall pearson #beth pearson #georgia goodwin #pacey witter #joey x pacey #new amsterdam meta

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takaraphoenix · 3 years

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I finally got to watch This is Us season 4. Because I am watching this show in the German dub. And this show dubs hella slowly.

I think it’s really weird that we’re now getting glimpses into... non-Pearson family members? Unless they actually become family members, which is my theory so far.

Malik’s been set up as a love interest for Deja from day one and he is hella charming and sweet and amazing so it’s not that far a reach to assume that maybe he will become Deja’s endgame and thus, a Pearson.

I’m still of the opinion that Cassidy is going to be Kevin’s endgame, because genuinely what other reason was there to give opening flashbacks to this random character. I really expected them to end up together already when Kevin said he wants a wife and children and then there is this woman we spend so much time on who already comes with a kid with whom Kevin gets along great. I don’t buy Kevin/Madison for a second, I know they’ll get engaged but... that’s only because of the kids, this is never going to work out.

This really is the only explanation I can come up with for the flashbacks, because genuinely why else. I would much rather get flashbacks for Miguel, Toby and Beth - especially Beth, with how much of her own life was teased in this season - who are already part of the Pearson family through marriage than getting flashbacks on random newly introduced characters. Like that doctor in the season finale. Just why.

This show is already getting confusing enough with the now three different timelines it is balancing, no need to make it more confusing by giving every rando new secondary character an episode’s worth of introduction...

I love that Toby and Kate are going to adopt a second kid, because the first one was already dramatic enough and taxing enough in conception and birth. But I am also really nervous about the fact that neither Toby nor Kate were at the birth of their granddaughter. I don’t want them to die before they get to hold their grandkid?

I loved Kevin’s storyline this season, getting his life sorted out, his bonding with Nicky and journey into recovery and how much more involved he got with his mom and Kate’s life.

I also really enjoyed Kate’s story, but in a different way, because it was one of ups and downs. Her and Toby struggled - with each other and with parenthood - but they came out of it together and that was beautiful. Also to see her and Rebecca grow closer again is wonderful.

And I adore that the girls are getting storylines too now! Deja and Malik are genuinely so freaking cute and I loved how it was also about Deja standing up for herself, her wanting to reconnect with her mother and past. Tess’ storyline was shorter, but it still felt so great to see her struggle with coming out, that it’s not that easy (and I live for the Kevin-Tess dynamic! Uncle Kevin for the win!), I do hope next season has an actual girlfriend in store for Tess though, I am rooting for her to find happiness and fully embrace who she is.

What I absolutely hated was Randall this season. Holy shit, why did the writers turn him into such a horrid asshole?? He’s always been troubled, needing to be in control of everything and he always had that savior complex, sure. But now his savior complex comes with total ignorance to literally everybody else involved? It’s really just about him saving, at whatever cost, disregarding the feelings and comfort of anyone else involved?

And the way he treated his mother! The way he infantilized her all of this season was so uncomfortable and disturbing to watch, honestly. Not just about her sickness, but... about everything. Pretending that he is the only one watching out for her when Kate, Kevin and Miguel have been there this whole time too - sure, Kevin went away to become a movie star, but he never lost touch with the family and Randall is now the one who moved away so where does he get off pretending like Keving somehow severed ties to the family because he moved? He really acts like Miguel doesn’t exist essentially too, because no one has been there for Rebecca aside from Randall. And even in the flashbacks, in the bar when they visted New York when he’s trying to change the order for his mom, a whole grown ass woman who can speak up for herself. It is so incredibly uncomfortable to watch, the way he continuously infantilizes this adult woman who is his mother and acts like she can’t make decisions for herself and needs someone to constantly protect and “save” her.

The way he’s treating Kevin about it is just the cherry on top and I honestly understand why Kevin stopped talking to Randall after everything Randall said in the season finale and it nearly has me tempted enough to just binge-watch season 5 in English just to see how this mess will continue to unfold.

#This is Us #Season 4 #Phoe's Random Show Rants

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general-mahamatra · 4 years

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hiya!! is it okay to send you hc questions for the order? i wasn't sure if you were only doing a few or them in general but i figured it wouldn't hurt to ask. and if u do take em, hcs for who's most protective out of the pack? or how they express their affection and care to eachother in generalness?

Yes I do order headcanons!!!! I could never NOT do them!!

Most protective? Hamish. That seems like a given but like,,, I can't explain it. I know Lilith is MWAH Angy lady but like,, Hamish has been there for 8 years, he cares about his pack. He would do anything for them to make sure they're safe! He knows how much their small bond means to every one of them and he would do anything to ensure it stayed together.

Affection expression!!

Jack: quality time. Jack loves to spend time with those he cared about, always finding a way to divvy his time and find ways to include his friends in his ventures. He finds the memories he makes with people the most important, enjoying sitting around and having quality time, as well as going on some crazy task that ends up with them bloodied and bruised. It's the memories that mean the most to him.

Randall: physical touch! Randall is so touchy when he shares his affection (platonic and romantic!). He loves to get up close and personal with whoever it is and get all up in their space. Shoulder slaps, high fives, hugs, holding, everything. He will touch and touch and touch because it's what grounds him. Feeling those around him is what keeps him with reality. Its what lets him know he's loved.

Lilith: also physical touch! She's not as open with it, but she loves her hugs and cuddling. Though she's not too open about it with friends, she will curl up with her significant other every night just for the shared warmth of their bodies. The feeling of someone against her makes her feel welcome. It makes her feel comfortable. It makes her feel safe.

Hamish: words of affirmation. While Hamish doesn't do much touching, he is very open about his praise of his packmates but also some tough love. A lot of his serious moments are more him slapping his loved ones in the face with reality, especially when they're the kind to take to tough love. As a psychology guy, he knows the ins and outs of how people work and handle situations and is able to adjust how he speaks and acts to better get across that he cared about them.

#the order #jack morton #hamish duke #randall carpio #lilith bathory #heelys gang

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madsdefencesquad · 4 years

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Pleaseee make a list of the foreshadowing that the baby mama is Madison! I'm so interested in finding all the hints because I have a feeling they've been hinting for quite some time 🤯

HIIII yes, okay this is a complete info dump so bear with me here. I tried my best to make sure that the evidence talks about her becoming the baby mama or them being endgame because that it also HUGE. Like huge. Even more than the baby mama, to be honest. So, without further ado:

Season 4:

Strangers Part Two - obvious pregnancy and minor details like Rebecca’s deathbed and that decoration hanging above her bed like Madison has at her house (could be red herring but it’s such an odd choice of decoration for these days and only Madison had that shown). Also, Madison confirmed as Kevin’s “stranger” is the most telling here.

Clouds - Madison telling Kate why she slept with Kevin in the first place because he saw her for who she is without needing to be “perky or appealing”. Also note that Kevin pretty much slept with her for the same reasons because he was just allowed to be sad and not judged for it; just listened to and consoled. Madison wanting the intimacy of marriage that Kate and Toby has and the most telling: preparing for marriage by listening to lots of relationships of podcasts hoping “she’ll need them someday”. Well, yo girl’s gonna be the fiancée so she’ll definitely need them sooner than she thinks.

Cabin/HOAW:Part 2 - showing that it’s not just Kevin who gets “annoyed” with her, she also gets annoyed with him too when she opened the door and she saw it was him. But then she invites him over for tea and that being referenced in the 40th birthday flash-forward as a way to alleviate her morning sickness. Coffee was a thing with Zoe (teaching him how to brew) and Sophie (inviting her for coffee) but now it’s tea with Madison. Also, both of them migrating to Madison’s house and spending pretty much the rest of the day/night together means that there was a connection there even if they didn’t know it yet. Also, the dismissal of them “falling in love” or whatever is obviously the writers trying to make us think they’re never ever going to, so that just makes it even more compelling that they are.

The Pool: Part Two - As per the gif, when Kevin gets a call about doing a movie in Chicago and then resumes to go and fill up the clipboard for their activity but he got distracted when he heard baby Jack cooing in his crib and he goes in and it cuts straight to Madison listing the things she put on her clipboard. Was it necessary? Nope, but now we know it’s a clue. Apart from the s2 finale when Kevin returned to L.A. and held Jack, this is the first time Kevin and Kate bonded with baby Jack and Kate saw how good he was with him. And now he’s going to be a dad with damn fudging Madison. Also, this may be reaching but if you watch closely when Madison first arrives and Kate opens the door, Kevin briefly looks at her at the door. It may, of course, be because the scene needs to move forward with Kate and Madison’s talk but LITTLE.THINGS.

Light and Shadows - Kevin in the middle of his “finding his great love” phase just before he met Sophia Bush’s character at the coffee shop: who comes in just before the grand gesture happened? Madison with the pineapple string lights and his look is telling enough that he still finds her cute and amusing but he’s like nope, definitely not this girl right in front of me who’s been here the whole time. My love story is going to be grand like my parents, etc. Yeah, whatever Kevo. Also, isn’t it cute that Kate and Toby found out that Jack can “see” shapes and lights because of the very pineapple string lights? It’s adorable and shows the subtlety of Madison’s significance to the family without her (or them) consciously knowing it.

Earlier Seasons:

Brothers - Madison finally became “part of the family” as Kate’s best friend when, lo and behold, she found out Kate was PREGNANT. This makes even more sense for Madison to react so joyously even just after they were screaming at each other because, as we realise in s4, she couldn’t get pregnant. So, knowing someone is, made her so elated and supportive to the point that it can be misconstrued as craziness but now we understand why.

Vegas: at the Bachelor/Bachelorette parties, they showed Kevin entering Toby’s suite then Madison straight after and then lingering on her, cutting between her and Kevin as they both talk to Kate and Randall respectively. Why do they keep making a parallel between her and Kevin and lingering on her if she was really just going to be a minor character in Kate’s life?! Also, reaching, but Kevin loved the “Ptero-Jack-tyl” joke that Toby made and who was the first person who made those name puns? Madison. In fact, Toby hated it when Madison called him “Tobe-lerone” but loved it when she called him “Toby Bryant”. He obviously learned from the best.

The Wedding: obvious sexual attraction and the first time they met each other properly. She enters the cabin just as soon as Kate leaves and Rebecca and Randall look at her like “Who is this?” and Kevin acknowledges her with obvious attraction and amusement at her antics. Kevin singling her out when the bridesmaids were getting ready. Like, the “supermodels” comment? Yeah, Kev, that was all for Madison, we get it. Also, he wanted her to come on their search to find Kate but Randall says no. More lingering stares and flirtation. Most telling: “Don’t let me sleep with her” because he knows that’s not a good idea given that she’s Kate’s good friend. Also, last shot of them with Madison grabbing him and pulling him on to the dance floor and yet he ends up with Zoe in the end because if they did end up sleeping together afterwards, then Madison would just be another girl in Kevin’s long list of has-beens. But obviously, she’s more than that and will be more significant in his life. AKA BABY MAMA/FIANCEE/WIFE

Clooney - When she got dizzy and hurt herself revealing that she has Bulimia and needs genuine help, we realise she’s not just some ditzy weirdo who goes to ED group for laughs. She genuinely needs it to get better. Now, she’s actually pregnant and the “fiancée” has “morning sickness at all hours of the day” which ties in with her bulimia and a story to tell there with the pregnancy and how she’s gonna cope.

The Waiting Room - Madison saying herself that she’s not part of the family and who calls her out? Kevin, which is ironic now that she’s going to be permanently part of the family. Most telling: Miguel and Madison chat. Was the chat for Miguel? Nope, it was for Madison, but we were distracted because Kevin was still with Zoe. Also, first person she sees to come out of the lift? Kevin, looking a little remorseful that he hurt her feelings by telling her to go away, but she was like “nope”. We think it’s the end for them. But NOPE.

The Graduates - At Kate’s “graduation” party, Madison comes in and offers Kate and Kevin a non-alcoholic drink. Most telling: her knowing he was on the “sober” trail (even though he actually wasn’t at that time) and when she left, Kevin’s gaze lingers on her briefly, almost taken aback that she offered him a non-alcoholic drink. Why did they include this scene? It could’ve easily been omitted and just left it with Kate and Kevin chatting but NOPE. They just had to show Madison’s significance in Kevin’s life as someone who knows at least the important parts of him even if everything else is “strange” and “unknown”.

And that’s pretty much most of the per-episode ones but there are HEAPS more, I’m sure so feel free to add some more there especially from @the–big–three (loving your analyses and pointers too). I’ve got another draft of why Kevin and Madison are so so good for each other so I’ll post that later. Hope this helped in some way and illuminates the incredible foreshadowing to Madison as the baby mama/fiancée/wife.

#this is us #kevin pearson #kevin and madison #this is us madison #the fact that I can write this much about these two means so much yo #team madison #no h8 for my girl

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ambitionsource · 4 years

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wait i actually have more weirdly specific questions (if ur up to it) - how do the kids feel about poetry? do they follow any sports? what childhood tv shows were their favs? do they have celebrity crushes? fav coming of age movie? how are they doing in quarantine? what time in history were they obsessed w as a kid? have they ever been to summer camp? what type of candles do they like? what song do they cry to? how do they drink their coffee/tea sorry if u’ve answered already/too many questions

wooooo thank you for your patience iz!! we’re gonna go point by point

poetry?

charlie loves it genuinely and will read it for fun. riley likes it enough but doesn’t go out of her way to read it. farkle loves coming up with insane explanations for the metaphors and is smug about interpreting it in class. zay doesn’t care for it, neither does lucas. asher appreciates it but finds it boring; dylan likes it for the same reason farkle does, only not to look smart but to come up with something completely crackheaded to combat farkle’s interpretation (which he can’t then say isn’t correct, bc its poetry, so all interpretations are valid!). isa doesn’t like it because she doesn’t get the metaphors on paper the same way she can pick them up in film. maya hates it even though multiple people have pointed out that song lyrics are basically poetry -- she will tune you out.

sports?

sports aren’t Big at aaa (aside from dance), but there are remnants here and there. riley follows basketball of course -- even tho as demonstrated in 110, she cannot play it to save herself -- and she tried out for cheer in 9th grade at her old school but was rejected from the squad (another bad mark on a terrible year). farkle prefers wii sports over any actual sport, but will sometimes watch golf with stuart because it’s quality time with his very busy father. charlie did soccer when he was younger before it got phased out by dance and semi keeps up with it. dylan also “played” soccer, but this meant the other little league teammates getting pissed at him bc he never paid attention to the game and was just like “hey! hey, dennis, look at this!” and did like 3 cartwheels across the field. it was a smart move when randall pulled him from the team bc those intense soccer moms were gonna like beat them up fDJSKG. so now dylan is just an unofficial gymnast instead.

isa doesn’t like sports but played them a lot with foster siblings, and even though she sucks she gets very competitive. lucas liked baseball and was good at track in middle school, but he never thought about doing a sport for real because he knew he was going to quincy eventually where his dad is a coach... yeah. no. but he’s great at running fast from the police!

maya hates sports (aside from the art of dance). waste of time, waste of energy. asher has never done a sport nor ever contemplated a sport. the most Sport he’s endured is going with jade to support dave at his swim meets (where nigel also does swim) and suffice to say, asher wasn’t there to look at the swimming.

childhood tv?

dylan to this day is a spongebob squarepants STAN. legend, icon, scholar, best television show ever made, in his opinion. he also was well-versed in pokemon, adventure time, gravity falls, and phineas and ferb. asher and lucas both didn’t watch lots of tv growing up (if at all), so dylan considers it his job to give asher a thorough education in the quality tv he missed as a kid.

maya was all over hannah montana (miley is still a role model to this day for her), and she, zay, and charlie all remember the fever dream that was shake it up. zay especially loved it bc he was (is) obsessed with zendaya. zay and maya both also watched victorious. charlie was sharing a tv with four siblings so he just ended up watching whatever the dominant sister that day wanted to watch. riley was a disney channel girl, and farkle was a pbs scholar (arthur, cyber chase, fetch! with ruff ruff man... classics).

celebrity crushes?

zay = zendaya (as previously mentioned). charlie = harry styles to a major degree, although his Cover Story would be zendaya if you asked (ironically). maya = britney spears (but in a I Want To Be Her way, major idolization rather than attraction) and technically the same for valerie de la cruz but like... rip to that lmao. isa = loki, yes we know, but sometimes it be that way (altho that does extend a little bit towards tom hiddleston in general). asher = logan lerman, aka the main valid white boy who dresses nice, is polite and soft-spoken, and minds his own business (not to mention he is the Same Type as dylan). dylan = had crushes more on like... personalities so like ash ketchum and percy jackson, and now its irrelevant bc he met asher and became obsessed and its like every other potential crush just flew out the window of his brain. it’s full asher territory in there nowadays.

riley doesn’t have a specific one, she thinks lots of people are Pretty but no one particularly strongly. farkle doesn’t have one because he’s insane and doesn’t have the mental capacity. lucas doesn’t have one because he’s demi and also hates most celebrities as people.

coming-of-age movie?

maya’s is mean girls. farkle’s is ladybird. zay’s is easy a. riley’s is bend it like beckham. isadora’s is eighth grade. charlie’s is dead poet’s society. asher’s is perks of being a wallflower. dylan’s is spiderman: into the spiderverse. lucas doesn’t know movies.

quarantine?

we’ve somewhat discussed this before, but ultimately es and i elected to let aaa remain in a nice, calm universe where they don’t have to endure covid. lucky them. blow a kiss to the ether for us, buds,

fave time in history?

riley is huge on ancient greece and greek mythology. maya loves the theatricality and Drama of the roaring 20s (a baby flapper at heart). zay vibes hard with the 80s. charlie likes the fashion and romanticism and music and art of the 70s (that sort of flowery positivity clashing with the rebelliousness of the movements of the 60s... yeah. that hits something in him). farkle’s is the great depression not only bc he’s an emo but also all the raw and desperate art that came out of it. isadora was a egyptian mythology kid. i know lucas sounds lame (he is), but i don’t think he cares about history -- but if pushed he’d probably say the 90s bc he dresses like he’s straight out of there, everyone was angry rocking, and he wasn’t born. asher likes the victorian era bc of the sheer elegance and Aesthetic to everything. dylan doesn’t have a favorite time period because due to being the subconscious multiverse conduit (i.e. the being that is somewhat connected to every other version of himself) sometimes he wakes up and for a minute he doesn’t even know what year it is 🤪anyway...

summer camp?

charlie has been to many a christian youth summer camp. zay went to the kossal program, but that was basically it. lucas no although he probably wished he could be anywhere else during the summer sometimes including a camp he would hate. riley went for a few years in elementary school. isa has gone to a couple of “foster kid” summer camp bonding things that she despised. farkle went to jewish summer camp One time and was like that was HORRIBLE, never make me spend a whole summer outside AGAIN. asher was more of a Enrichment courses at the rec center during the summer kid than a camper. dylan no because the orlandos couldn’t afford something like that. same for maya.

candles?

riley has a small variety of scented ones that are like... warm scents, like cinnamon and stuff. asher a couple that smell like clean linen but his fear of accidental fires keeps him from ever lighting them. maya has one and it smells like “star power,” a gift from her mom one christmas. isadora can’t have any because many of her foster homes don’t allow them. lucas legally shouldn’t be allowed anything that catches on fire. dylan doesn’t have one but similarly should not be given one. the minki have a whole collection for different things so farkle can just pluck one at any time if he needs one like for a super fancy bath or whatever the fuck rich people do.

mental breakdown song?

charlie’s are “falling” and “from the dining table” by harry styles.

riley’s is “manhattan” by sara bareilles and “rainbow” by kacey musgraves.

zay’s are “imagine” by ariana and “dear life” from the step up soundtrack (post zc breakup).

farkle’s are “vienna” by billy joel and “get it right” from glee.

asher’s is “don’t cry” by ruel.

isa’s is “you are my sunshine” because valerie used to sing it to her a lot when she was really little, so it will always make her a little emotional.

dylan’s (although rare) are “soon you’ll get better” by ts and “make you feel my love” by adele. the second one is because his mom loved adele when she was just starting out bc 19 was released the same year that she passed away so there’s a lot of like subconscious association there even if he doesn’t realize it.

maya doesn’t have one, and lucas also doesn’t have one because in the rare moments he does cry its in his closet in the dark silence alone bc he literally can’t stand the sentience of knowing he’s crying so. sensory blackout.

coffee / tea?

riley will add at least 3 sugars to anything, but she’s ultimately an iced tea gal. lucas drinks it black but only because it never occurred to him to add anything to it and so it’s a big wake up call when he realizes you can drink it and have it NOT be bitter and horrible and demoralizing ( “i thought we were all just suffering for the caffeine fix??” ). isa is a tea girl mostly, although she wishes she could drink black coffee for the aesthetic (and hates that lucas can... it’s like... he didn’t even Earn that aestheticism, smh). asher doesn’t drink caffeine bc it makes him Jittery (and he’s already jittery) so he’s like... the lemonade bitch at coffee shops which kin, and then dylan definitely drinks caffeine but not thru coffee, he’s more likely to get like a hot chocolate.

farkle lives on coffee but he can only drink it from home because they’re rich and can have like fresh ground good imported whatever the heck etc etc so he’s like spoiled about coffee. zay will hit up a starbucks now and then and will order coffee at a diner, but he’s not too attached either way. maya is a fun n free starbucks gal with her frappes and lattes and lots of cream (whipped or otherwise). charlie doesn’t drink coffee or tea bc hes hyper aware of his body and health (he doesn’t really have soda either) and it was frowned upon in his house.

#this was a HEARTY helping of questions. lots to unpack there #thanks izzy!! fun for me and es to go thru #ambition quarantine 2020 #aaa friday #you didnt technicalyl send this on friday but im counting it #front nine #thebestofabaddeal #answered

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hvproductions · 5 years

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DEVIL WITHIN [THE ORDER]

Belgrave University was supposed to be Rebecca’s fresh start. It was supposed to be her chance to escape her controlling parents, her lying ex-boyfriend, her extremely eventful past. The promised fresh start turned quickly into a nightmare as she learns that not everything is as it seems in Belgrave. the order [season 1 -?] hamish duke x oc

CHAPTER 1: NEW START

If there was one thing I knew as a fact, it was that Belgrave University was my fresh start. It was my chance to do everything better, to make the wrong right. It was a chance for me to escape my controlling parents, my lying ex-boyfriend, but most of all, my extremely eventful past.

The news of acceptance came as a shock to me, mostly due to the reason that my academic career had not been the best. You know those wrong crowds of people, those popular students who couldn’t be bothered to open a text book? That was me in high school. I hardly went to school, and spent most of my time partying and hooking up with every acceptable guy. It wasn’t until the last class of high school I decided to turn things around, managing to get my grades high enough to even consider going to college. The response of my attendance couldn’t have come at a better time. My now ex-boyfriend was caught having a rendezvous with one of my closest friends, and even though my feelings for him had not been the strongest, the hurt hit me like a brick. It was mostly the hurt of knowing I could be replaced so easily, but there is something positive in every negative thing. I walked into the doors of the university with a promise to myself – no boys, no parties, only studying.

The grounds of the university were huge, and it came as a surprise even to me when I didn’t get lost. It might have been mostly due to the fact that I had managed to score myself a map from a fellow college student, but I could still take pride in my navigation skills. I barely managed to stop getting run over when someone ran past me so quickly that I couldn’t even spare to glance at him. Luckily, my room wasn’t far away as I walked inside, my confidence faltering when I saw one side of the room already occupied. I had arrived quite early simply for the reason to be present to greet my future roommate, but I guess that she had the same idea in mind. She, however, was not present as I took it as a chance to glance around at her side of the room. Everything had already been settled in – white bedsheets were covering the bed, a red duvet placed neatly on top of it. Two huge bags had been thrown on top of the duvet, one of them partly open. A black laptop could be seen from inside the bag along with something that seemed to be a sketch book.

With a headshake I walked over to my bed, throwing my bag on top of it. As I was about to open it, the door to the room flew open, and a blonde girl walked inside with a huge smile on her face.

“Hi!” She said, her smile not leaving her face as she walked closer to me, her hand stretched out for a handshake. “I’m Cassie Waldgrave, your future best friend.” She continued as I shook her hand with a chuckle escaping my lips.

“I really hope so.” I replied, my smile matching hers. “Rebecca England.” I introduced myself before letting go of her hand. She seemed to be a really nice girl, and I couldn’t have been happier that I had been paired up with someone like her.

“So,” She started, jumping onto the only unoccupied corner on her bed, “what are you planning on studying?” Cassie questioned, interest written into her face. For a second I thought she was simply asking for the purpose of small talk, but the girl genuinely seemed interested in my choice of study.

“Uh, history.” I simply replied, not bothering to specify that I was mostly interested in archeology. “What about you?” I questioned, throwing her a glance as I opened my bag, ready to settle in into the room I would spend the next four years in.

“Psychology, with a minor in technology.” Cassie proudly replied. Right as she was about to open her mouth to question me more her phone rang. She instantly grabbed it, jumping up from the bed, her eyes focused on me.

“I totally forgot about the tour!” She exclaimed, grabbing a varsity jacket from her bag and throwing it on. “You want to come with me?”

I simply nodded with a smile, deciding that I had all the time in the world to unpack. Besides, I was sure that if I wouldn’t go to the tour I would get lost almost instantly. Cassie already had walked out of the door while I stayed for a second to grab my phone. After that, I practically ran after her for a chance to catch up with her.

||| ||| ||| ||| |||

When the two of us arrived at the spot the tour would start, a fight had already broken out. I simply rolled my eyes at the immaturity of the two boys – it was the first day and people were already fighting each other. Fortunately, the two of them stopped when a blonde girl – who I could only assume was the tour guide – appeared, commenting on the two boys fighting.

“Told off by a girl. God really is a woman.” Cassie remarked, and I couldn’t help but to let out a chuckle. I could only make out of the conversation between the blondie and one of the boys that he’s name is Jack. Other than that, I really couldn’t be bothered to care about their conversation. I was there only for the tour, nothing more. Jack, however, decided to take his place next to me, and for some reason deemed it important to introduce himself to me.

“My name’s Jack.” He said, his hand stretched towards me. I took it, managing a small smile onto my face. “I’m Rebecca, and this is my roommate Cassie.” I motioned towards the blonde girl next to me. She gave a wave to him as he nodded in response. My attention was turned towards the tour guide, especially when she actually started to give us a tour. It was quickly high jacked by Jack though, and I had to admit that he made a far better tour guide than the girl named Alyssa did. For some reason he knew extremely much about the school, starting from its history and ending with the location of everything a student could need.

What caught my interest the most was the Belgrave’s secret society Jack mentioned – the Hermetic Order of the Blue Rose. Even though the name didn’t make it seem much, it caught my interest. Cassie caught my eye and I could see from her eyes that she was interested about it just as much as I was. I made a mental note to ask Jack about The Order more when I had the chance – for now I tried my best to memorize everything Jack was talking about.

||| ||| ||| ||| |||

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you were such a rebel in high school!” Cassie exclaimed, laughing as she sipped on her glass of beer. After the tour we had decided to go to a bar for a couple of drinks and a chance to bond. We were now having our second glasses of beer, and if I said I wasn’t tipsy I would have lied. Not having an alcoholic beverage for over two years had done its job.

For the last half an hour – at least – we had been talking about our high school adventures. It didn’t come as a shock to me that Cassie hadn’t done such crazy shit like I had through high school. Just as I was taking a sip of my drink I saw Jack enter the pub with another guy after him.

“Jack! Over here!” I yelled, motioning for him to come over to the table me and Cassie were sitting at. My blonde roommate turned herself towards Jack, scooting over so that he could take a seat next to her.

“Randall, this is Rebecca. And her roommate Cassie.” Jack introduced the boy next to him who had a bright smile on his face, me and Cassie matching his smile. Jack pulled himself a stool from the table next to ours as Randall took a seat next to Cassie, but not before walking over to the bar to order some beer for him as well as to Jack.

“Girls, you missed a sight of the century. Jack here got rejected by Alyssa.” Randall commented as Jack rolled his eyes, letting out a small groan in response.

“Our tour guide?” I questioned, not sure whether her name had been Alyssa or not. Guess my mind hadn’t deemed it important enough to remember. Jack didn’t reply, but simply nodded as he took a gulp of his beer.

“I’m not interested in her.” Jack added, turning around to look at a group of people at the bar. We all followed his gaze, meeting the eyes of the boys in the group. They glared at Jack, but when their eyes met mine and Cassie’s they managed a smile onto their faces, one of them even winking at Cassie.

“What do you know about the Hermetic Order of the Blue Rose?”

READ NEXT CHAPTERS HERE: CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6

#hvproductions #hopevainproductions #the order #the order netflix #hamish duke #hamish duke x oc #devil within #rebecca england #allaboutocs #original story #original stories #ocappreciation

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fuckyeahjamieandclaire · 6 years

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It’s hard to imagine Starz’s “Outlander” ending an episode on even more of a downer than Frank Randall’s death, but tonight’s installment, “Of Lost Things,” managed to do just that.

Four episodes into the third season, it felt like we just might be getting closer to the Claire and Jamie reunion that’s been teased since last year’s finale. For one thing, Claire’s story line is no longer taking place in flashback: “Of Lost Things” saw the Boston surgeon, along with daughter Brianna and new historian pal Roger Wakefield, still in 1968 Scotland and painstakingly researching Jamie’s post-1746 whereabouts.

But “Outlander” had a bit more conflict to throw our way before Claire can contemplate another trip to Craigh na Dun, which is why I’m arguing that the conclusion of tonight’s episode was far sadder than the show’s farewell to Frank. As sobering as Professor Randall’s death was, that development at least allowed last week’s episode to end on a note of hope: With Frank out of the picture, the door was finally open for Claire and Jamie to find their way back to each other (what’s 200 years between lovers?).

However, with Claire, Bree and Roger having hit a wall in their research – they can’t find any documentation of Jamie’s existence after he was moved from Ardsmuir Prison in 1755 – it appears Dr. Randall’s time-travel plans have been indefinitely postponed. The episode concluded with a dejected Claire and Bree on a plane back to Boston, their carefully coiffed heads hung in defeat.

Though that’s still not even the most depressing moment from the “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall”-soundtracked montage that closed out “Of Lost Things.” No, that prize goes to Jamie riding away from the Helwater estate while his son, Willie, screams for him to come back, in a scene that echoes the final shot from the 1953 Western “Shane.”

That’s right, big doings for Jamie this episode: He became a daddy! But don’t start pouring any celebratory whiskeys just yet, because since Willie was illegitimate, Jamie had to conceal his paternity in the six years he spent with the boy.

Suffice to say, whether it’s Claire in 1968 or Jamie in 1764, both Frasers are feeling pretty despondent about their prospects. But “Of Lost Things” drove home a truth that should still give viewers a strong sense of optimism going forward: By becoming parents, Claire, and especially now Jamie, have the fortitude that they will need to not just reunite, but rebuild their relationship.

Claire’s newfound inner strength was already established by the end of the season three premiere, following Brianna’s birth. Having Bree made it far easier for Claire to move on with her life – though maybe not with Frank – because she had a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. But for Jamie, things have been far more wretched: He spent six years living in a cave, then another three in Ardsmuir Prison, only to be forced into service at an English estate by his new friend and savior, Major John William Grey. Jamie also reminded viewers through a poignant line of dialogue in tonight’s episode that he has suffered the loss of two children: the stillborn Faith and, for all intents and purposes, Brianna.

Over the past four episodes, Jamie has continued to draw breath, but those eyes that once twinkled with all the possibilities of life have remained dark since he sent Claire back through the stones. A caring, albeit sexually charged (on one side) friendship with Lord Grey cannot make up for the fact that the Scotsman is still quite alone in the world, living out the years 1756 through 1764 as a glorified stable boy for the aristocratic Dunsany family.

That all changes after the conniving daughter of the estate, Lady Geneva Dunsany, blackmails Jamie into deflowering her before her wedding to an elderly earl. Their tryst results in a son, who is then brought up at Helwater under the care of his grandparents and the watchful eye of his biological dad, erm, groom.

And because this is “Outlander,” none of this took place without just a wee nip of drama: After Geneva dies in childbirth, her geezer of a husband, furious that his wife bore him a bastard, tries to murder the baby. Jamie then single-handedly saves his child by shooting the wrathful nobleman dead.

Disturbing as this incident was to watch – who wants to see a newborn baby with a knife held to its neck? – it wound up serving a greater purpose: It revived Jamie’s heroic side, something that has laid dormant since Culloden (though it was briefly resurrected in the second episode when Jamie performed emergency triage on Fergus’ amputated hand). Because, honestly, who else was going to rescue Willie and take out his assailant? The hand-wringing Lord and Lady Dunsany? Not likely. Once a warrior, always a warrior.

Drama aside, the birth of Willie – a positive omen for Jamie, because that’s also the name of his deceased older brother – is the best thing to happen to the Highlander in more than a decade. His life finally has purpose again, so much so that when Lady Dunsany offers him the chance of a full pardon and a return to Lallybroch, Jamie refuses, preferring to stay by Willie’s side (at a distance) for as long as possible. It’s a satisfying set of scenes, because as lonely as Claire has been back in the 20th century, at least she – and by extension, Frank – has felt the indelible joy of being a parent. This is something Jamie was robbed of the second he insisted Claire return to the 1940s. True, Jamie still doesn’t get the full parental experience, what with having to hide the truth from pretty much everyone, including the boy himself, but after spending so many years alone and in drudgery, he deserves this little taste of paternal bliss.

But it’s a short-lived bliss, because this is still 1760s England and Jamie is still a lowly Scottish servant (Laird Broch Tuarach? Might as well be Lord of the Moon to these Jacobite haters) and, to quote Willie, a “stinkin’ Papist.” By the time Willie is six years old, too many people are noticing his stark resemblance to the groomsman he calls “Mac” (at Helwater, Jamie is known as “Alex MacKenzie”), which motivates Jamie to reluctantly take his leave of the estate.

Speaking of which, the relationship between Jamie and Lord Grey remains a complicated one. Although Jamie personally asked Grey to be Willie’s father, he did so by offering his body as payment for Grey’s sacrifice, as he no longer has anything to his name – no money, no land and no title. Grey refuses out of respect for his friend, but the fact that Jamie felt the need to present himself as a sexual object just goes to show that there are still deep, lingering scars from Black Jack Randall’s torment.

The Highlander may not have been allowed to directly raise his son, but Jamie still found ways to create everlasting bonds with Willie, such as the touching scene where he stages a secret baptism ceremony. After Willie expresses his desire to be a “stinkin’ Papist” like his best pal “Mac,” Jamie gives the boy his own name, rechristening him “William James.” As if that weren’t enough to turn on the waterworks, Jamie also bestows Willie with his own hand-carved wooden snake – just like the one Jamie’s brother Willie once made for him – complete with the boy’s name etched on the side.

Between the elegiac “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall” cover and Jamie’s anguished expression as he resists the urge to look back at Willie, there was more than enough to smash our collective hearts into a million pieces in that final scene. But, while Jamie’s future remains unknown, we’re given enough reason to believe that this will not be the end of the Scotsman’s relationship with his son. Willie has been left in the hands of one of the few people Jamie still trusts in this world: John Grey, who has agreed to marry Geneva’s sister, Lady Isobel Dunsany, despite his admitted lack of interest in women.

Jamie may not be able to live by Willie’s side anymore, but what’s important about this episode is that his future is brighter now than it has been in 18 years. Fatherhood has still given him the fresh start he so desperately needed in order to move forward. Now, not only is he no longer a prisoner, but he’s no longer a broken shell of his former self.

Don’t give up on him yet, Claire.

#outlander #outlander starz #jamie fraser #john grey #of lost things #3x04 #tv news #review #tv series #tv: s3 #character: jamie fraser #faith #brianna #queue

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somefantasticplace · 3 years

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LIVING WITH MY WIFE AND HER FEMALE LOVER

His wife Sarah left him first for a builder and then for another woman. So what did funny man Vic Reeves do? He forgave her and now spends most of his time with her and her gay lover. The comedian tells Rebecca Hardy why he feels this unconventional set-up is bet for his children.

Vic Reeves' two-and-a-half year old son Louis is passionate about the children's cartoon character Bob The Builder. He watches the videos and knows the song: "Bob The Builder can we fix it? Bob The Builder yes we can." Vic sings in a different version: "Bob the Builder can we fix it? Bob The Builder can we ever."

Vic's wife Sarah ran off with a builder called Keith Burke four years ago. Vic hurt - a lot. When the affair foundered (she said it was a 'dreadful mistake'), he welcomed her back with open arms. Louis was the product of their reconciliation. They hoped a baby would help to cement things. Sadly, though, it didn't fix anything much.

Today, Sarah lives with her gay lover Julia Jones and Vic's two children - they also have a six year old daughter, Alice - in a sprawling house in Folkestone, Kent. Vic sleeps in the spare room. He has his own home in nearby Rye, East Sussex, but more often than not stays with Sarah and the children. He says he misses the children dreadfully when he's not with them. He continues to call Sarah 'my wife'.

"Some people might think it's weird but I like being there. I like being with them," he says. "Sarah and I split up at the start of last year. We'd got to a stage where we weren't getting on very well. I don't know if it was anything to do with Sarah's sexuality - it probably was. It's also very hard living with someone who's in the public eye the whole time. It's difficult to accept that your partner is constantly noticed. You might be in a pub and people say, 'oh look, it's you.' They home in on you and ignore whoever you're with.

"It was difficult for Sarah to find her own way. I think she wanted something else. She always likes to be doing something. We decided to separate and it was probably about six months later that she got involved with Julia. She was a friend before all this and she's still a friend. She's a really nice girl. It's great to be in this situation with someone you know rather than somebody you don't know.

"The children completely accept everything. Just because you have an unconventional life it doesn't mean the children are going to suffer. They are very, very happy children. I don't think they're aware of the sexual side. They're too young. It's not something we'll have to consider until later.

"Ideally it would be very nice just to have a family unit - mummy, daddy, kids. But when things get taken away, you can't just say, 'oh, that's it,' and walk away. You discuss it, talk about it and at some stage you have to accept the situation. It's like if you lose a leg, you fall over. There's only one solution, you have to get used to a prosthetic leg. If I'd said, 'right, I'm not having anything to do with this,' I wouldn't have been happy because I wouldn't have been involved.

"Now we just all much in together. I'm there all the time seeing the children. I get on fantastically well with Sarah and I've got two fantastic kids. I still put them to bed and take Alice to school."

Vic rarely reveals much about his private self. He is a comedian, a funnyman, a great British clown. With his partner, Bob Mortimer, he makes us laugh; side-splitting, stomach-knotting laughter that helps us forget our woes. Vic's woes are not part of the act. When his marriage fell apart, Vic kept his problems to himself. "I tended to deal with it on my own. I didn't want to get other people involved in a situation they might not want to talk about. I didn't want to bother or pester anyone. I get upset. I get as screwed up as anyone, but I'm not the sort of person who allows it to defeat me."

We meet in a London studio to discuss the BBC1 drama Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased), which co-stars Vic and Bob. This, a remake of the cult late-Sixties series in which Vic plays the ghost of detective Hopkirk, who returns to haunt his former partner Randall, is their first attempt at television drama. The action turns on a sixpence from comedy to melancholy, for the absurd to the sad, and is, quite truthfully, absolutely brilliant.

Vic is a genuinely funny man. He is also decent, kind, unfeigned; the sort of bloke who often gets dumped on. During the filming of Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased), and following the breakdown of his marriage, Vic, 41, fell in love with actress Emilia Fox, 25, the daughter of Edward Fox. She played his fiancee in the series and soon they were engaged in real life, intending to marry this year.

On the face of it, it was a thoroughly modern, happy affair that suited everyone. Emilia was wonderful with Vic, and wonderful with the children. She didn't seem to bat an eyelid over the fact that his soon-to-be-ex-wife was now gay. They even went on holiday with Sarah, Julia and the children and planned to spend Christmas and the Millennium together. But the relationship had ended before the Christmas tree was decorated.

"You work really closely with somebody and get on with them really well and things occur. After a marriage ends you start to look, not necessarily for a replacement, but for someone else. Perhaps it's something you shouldn't do," says Vic. "In the end, I decided that I wanted to be on my own. I don't want to be unfair to Millie. We were in love with each other and it was very good. But there is this bond with the kids which is hard to explain. It's difficult especially if you've got young children who want and shall have constant attention. Even though another person can love your children, it's still a barrier. You're the one who's closest to them and I love my children more than anything else on earth."

Vic is speaking with unusual candour. It unsettles him. "I wouldn't like to make this a habit," he says. "I am very private and families should be private things." Vic was a happy child. He was born Jim Moir, sharing the name with his father and grandfather and, rather uncannily, a January 24th birthday. "Precision grinding, as someone one said". His father was a Linotype operator who practiced funny walks and worked nights, so he could spend the day with Vic and his sister Lois. His mother was a stitcher.

"We're very close still,' he says. "We were always out walking and looking at things. We were encouraged to be interested in things and it was fun. I'd think, 'I can't wait to go to the library tonight.' All my friends would go off to the ABC film club on a Saturday morning and we'd go off to visit come castle or climb a mountain."

His mother also held seances on a Sunday evening. "I believe in ghosts somewhere along the line," he says. "I'd like to think you're guarded by a dead relative or something. I think my grandad may be keeping an eye on me because wherever I've lived, I've always felt a presence, as if somebody in the room is looking at me, or I've heard footsteps. I can't believe that everywhere I've ever lived has had a ghost in it."

Vic was particularly fond of his grandfather. He was an eccentric who wore a deerstalker hat, made fly-fishing hooks and put them in, but never fly-fished. "We used to go on holiday together," says Vic. "He did things that would probably be considered quite politically incorrect now. He'd dress me up as an Arab boy and send me off begging.

"He'd also pick a word out of the dictionary and say, 'when you come back next week you've got to have put that word into context in a conversation.' I was ten at the time and he'd pick really hard words like conglomeration. It's good to make up games and involve yourself with your children.

"I quite often get dressed up as a pirate with Alice and tell a story to her and her friends - the sort of thing my mum would do with us. Children have an innocence and imagination that isn't hampered by pride. Then, when you go to big school you get it slowly beaten out of you. I wouldn't allow it to be beaten out of me. I didn't want to lose the fun I was having. I could see there were children around me who were starting to become more adult and more afraid of saying and doing something stupid. Alice has a lot of fun, but she's also got a very old head on her shoulders. We'll have a good laugh together and be stupid but she's also very wordly. We're very honest with each other. Alice wouldn't hide anything from me."

Vic dotes upon his daughter and son. "Love for your child is unconditional. It's not even considered," he says. Alice was born in May 1993, four months after Vic married Sarah at Woolwich register office. They'd been seeing one another for two-and-a-half years and Vic truly believed the marriage would last for life. "I tried to use my parents as a role model," he says. "They're the closest, most loving couple I've ever come across."

Sadly though, within three years Sarah had embarked upon an affair with the builder employed to renovate their home. She knew Vic would have tried forever to make their marriage work, but was having none of it. She blamed Vic's career, his close friendship with comedy partner Bob Mortimer, his relationship with Shooting Stars colleague Ulrika Jonsson. "We didn't have an affair," he says. "But we were very, very good friends. It's odd this job. You'll be working with somebody and see them the whole time, then you won't see them for three years. I've been meaning to give her a ring, but I lost her phone number. In fact, I've lost everybody's phone number because I lost my book.

"I've got a few good friends - five or six. The older you get the less you have to have. Bob's a good friend. When you work with someone that long and you get on with them, you become almost psychic. When we're doing live stuff I can predict what he's going to say and vice versa.

"We've never argued but we don't see each other all the time. We'll go for five weeks not seeing each other and then we'll spend a long period together. It's to do with timing and leaving space. There's a very good bond between us. He wouldn't be the first person I'd call in a crisis, though. Bob's not very good in a crisis. If I had some very exciting news I'd probably ring Bob, otherwise I'd talk to Sarah, my first wife

Vic didn't like Keith the builder. He particularly didn't like the thought of him being around his daughter. "Sarah didn't have Alice," he says of that time. "She stayed with me." He was overjoyed when Sarah tired of her affair and returned to the family home. "I think anyone would want their family to survive," he says. It was a difficult reconciliation. Friends found they could not forgive Sarah, but Vic stood by her. "She's my wife, and if you don't like her than I want nothing to do with you," he's say. Then, Louis was conceived so very quickly.

"It's an odd thing with boys," says Vic. "I wouldn't give Louis a gun or an Action Man but that's the way boys naturally go. His current fascination is with cars crashing, so it's "crash, fire". We were on a plane going to my dad's and it was really turbulent. I don't mind turbulence on a plane but there were a lot of very nervous people. Louis was sitting there saying, "plane, crash, fire." It was so funny I didn't want to say, "no, don't say that."

Vic patently adores being a father. I suggest perhaps he is so accepting of his wife's gay lover because she doesn't threaten his role as dad. "Yes, there is that," he says. "It is a lot easier." He is certainly not jealous, nor does he find the relationship an attack on his masculinity. "I would imagine some men probably would," he says. "I don't really think like that. I've never really done that beer-drinking, football crowd thing."

Is he concerned, though, that just as he tried to ape his parents' loving marriage, his children might use their mother and Julia as role models? "I'd probably hope Louis would be heterosexual from the point that I'd have grandchildren," he says. "If he was gay I'd want to help him. I'd want him to talk to me. He wouldn't have to hide it away. But it would make life easier if he was heterosexual."

Again, he starts to list Julia's merits. I'm sure he's right, that she is a lovely person. I also suspect kind, decent, dumped on Vic is trying to make the best of a mess. "There was something on Radio 4 the other day," he says. Ian McEwan was talking about his father. He said he was a brilliant character and that it was great when he saw him at the weekend. That he'd burst in smoking these fags and filling the room because he was a sergeant major and he bellowed. It made me think. There are parents at Alice's school who are working fathers and rarely see their children. I just muck in with my kids and see them as much as I can.

WEEKEND MAGAZINE, MARCH 2000

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theamberfang · 5 years

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Journal 213: Going Out

Taking An Opportunity

Last night, I had assumed Iris, Melissa, and their children, Kensington and Kaysley (I misremembered her name last night), would just be spending the day at our house. It turns out that they were planning to go out to a nearby tourist trap for some, well, touring. They came by for lunch and to drop off Kaysley—to split the caretaking duties between themselves and my parents.

(It’s a bit embarrassing to admit my priorities, but they arrived during the latest American airing of My Little Pony, and I opted to finish the episode before joining them.)

Anyway, after some chit chat, they offered for me to come with them. After a few moments of hesitation, consideration, and deliberation, I went ahead and said “yes.” Last night I deemed them family by choice, not by mere blood and vow, so I wanted to honor that—in addition to consciously rewiring my brain to say “yes” to social engagements instead of declining, whether outright denial or with my absence.

Too Tired For Completion

Between pushing my social anxiety, physically walking around in the heat, and eating more carbs than I’ve been used to lately, I’m really not feeling up to writing up a complete summary of the day. I’ll just have to make do with some achronological highlights.

Though I said we were going to a nearby area, it was still over a thirty minute drive. On the way out, I shared a bit about my experience with being transgender and mental illness; they actually did notice how my father deadnames and misgenders me. Generally, they encouraged me and provided a positive outlook on things. I also learned that Iris’s brother, Randall, my other half-brother, came out as gay in the past year.

Throughout the trip, and especially in the car, I bonded with Kensington. It was the most time I had ever spent trying to engage with a toddler. In my youth, it was something I obstinately avoided because liking children wasn’t a “boy thing” and I was busy being caught up in “trying to be a man” because that’s what my father wanted. As an adult, and especially after recognizing my trans-ness, I warmed up to the idea of being around children, at least in theory; it’s not so much that I think I should be prepared to take care of kids “because I’m a woman,” and more that the option is open. What I did stick to is a fundamental belief that children are smart, and all it takes to see it is to earnestly try to engage with them. I did my best to listen to and communicate with Kensington, and I must say she is a smart little girl. Also, it turns out that putting in that sort of earnest engagement is really tiring.

Our actual activities for the day included: a tasting tour of a chocolate factory, a wine tasting tour, a visit to a historical site, and a walk down a street packed with local business and flavor. I ended up eating more candy than I have for awhile (simply through samples, and it says more about how little candy I’ve been eating than how many samples there were) and drinking more wine than I ever have. For that latter one, I tried to employ the techniques that a wine expert described on an Epicurious video: smelling the wine and making sure to suck some air in with your sips. Due to my lack of wine tasting experience, I can’t really speak to how “good” the wine even was, but I feel like it improved my appreciation for the drinks regardless.

Once we were back home, my mom had a dinner of spaghetti with meatballs and meat lumpia, Filipino eggrolls. Though I tried to go light on the noodles, they were still a pretty big load of carbs compared to what I’ve been used to lately. I shortly felt tired, and combined with the rest of the day, I felt pretty justified to hang out in my room for awhile—I also preferred to avoid my father, who spent much of the evening with our guests. A bit of a surprise was that my father mowed the lawn while we were out, so I don’t have to do that tomorrow morning—he said it was because it might rain tomorrow.

I did manage to greet our guests goodbye and good night when they were leaving, but they’ll be back tomorrow. If I recall correctly, the plan was to swap the children tomorrow, so Kensington will stay with my parents while Kalsey comes with us—to a mall. And indeed, I did agree to go out with them again.

Tomorrow’s Tasks

Dance for exercise; 1000

KA: US History; ASAP

Spend more time with family

Journal; whenever that’s over for the day

#daily journal #personal

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nellie-elizabeth · 7 years

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Outlander: Surrender (3x02)

Fergus!!!! My darling!!!

Cons:

Honestly, this episode was pretty close to perfect. The one thing I have in the "cons" column is more a question about how they've chosen to pace this season. In the books, the time with Claire would be spent with her in her late forties with adult Brianna in Scotland, like how last season ended. By going back and focusing chronologically on Claire's life, we're not going to get as much build over time of Claire's decision to go back and find Jamie again (I know, shocking spoiler, right?). This also means probably less screen-time with Brianna and Roger before the fateful moment of separation between Claire and Brianna. In last season's finale, I found Brianna a little one-note, and I was looking forward to getting some more time with her to flesh out the character a bit. She's really important moving forward, and I don't want the TV show to skimp on Brianna Randall just in the interests of focusing more on Claire and Jamie, as much as I like them.

Pros:

Literally, though, this episode was great. To start with Claire and Frank, they finally rekindle their sex life, but it seems pretty clear that Claire is thinking of Jamie whenever she's with Frank, and he eventually calls her on it. They go back to having a sexless marriage, although they are still amiable and still both love their daughter greatly. We also see Claire make the decision to go to medical school. As she sits down in her first class, she is ostracized by her fellow students, and the professor seems intent on ignoring her existence. She is approached by Joe Abernathy, a black medical student. The two share a brief moment of bonding over their shared isolation.

I'm tempted to point out here that the stuff in 18th century Scotland is more interesting than what's going on in 20th century America. Because, yeah, duh. But that doesn't discount any of the lovely character work that's being done in these scenes. Frank is a lot more easy to hate in the books. Here, you can kind of feel for his situation. It's not that he feels he deserves sex from his wife whenever he wants it... it's more like he signed up for a certain life, and even when that certain life was thrown completely out the window, he agreed to be patient and loving with the expectation that some sort of equilibrium could be reached. On the other hand you have Claire, who loves her daughter deeply and is doing her best to integrate into her life, but she can't magically forget the past or give Frank whatever he wants. Frank is going to have to accept the fact that Claire is giving as much of herself as she is capable of giving. It's a hard pill to swallow, and I like that I feel real sympathy for Frank in this situation. I mean I don't feel too devastated, but still. He's not some monster.

There's this wonderful theme going on in this episode that ties together Claire's plot and Jamie's, and that's the idea of moving on after losing a loved one. I feel like so few romances really deal with the subject of life after love. Jamie and Claire are both scarred and irreparably changed by losing each other, but that does not mean their lives are over. Claire has her daughter, and is making choices to improve her life and be a part of something bigger than herself by going to medical school. And Jamie...

Well, let's just say Jamie takes Claire's loss a little harder. At least, on the surface. And you can't really blame him, can you? Claire returned to a relatively cushy life with a man who cares for her and wants to protect her, and she has Bree to remind her of Jamie and give her a piece of him. Jamie, meanwhile, is living in a cave on his family's property because he's still a wanted Jacobite fugitive. He's basically cut himself off from all of society, only poking in occasionally to see Jenny, Ian, Fergus, and the rest of the kids. However, a horrible incident occurs and changes Jamie's mindset. A group of Redcoats come dangerously close to Jamie's hideout, and Fergus leads them away by taunting them. They hold him down and cut off his hand in punishment, while Jamie looks on, horrified. Jamie is able to rush him to the house after the Redcoats leave, and Fergus lives, although he is now an amputee. Jamie decides he cannot keep putting his family in danger. He arranges with an unwilling Jenny that she should turn him in, thus getting Jamie arrested while Ian and Jenny will be safe from retribution for harboring a fugitive, and will actually get the reward money for his capture. The episode ends with Jamie being taken away.

Oh man. So much to discuss.

So, like I said, the common theme here is moving on with your life after the loss of a loved one. Jamie is not so good at that, letting himself grow wild and un-groomed, barely speaking with anybody on the rare occasions he actually emerges from the cave, and brushing off Fergus and Jenny when they attempt to reach out to him. He's an utter mess. However, in a very touching moment towards the end of the episode, we see how the experience with Fergus has woken him to the fact that he still has people he loves in this world. He allows Mary MacNab to come visit him in his cave right before he is set to be "sold out" by Jenny and taken to prison. She shaves him and cuts his hair, returning him in outward appearance to the Jamie we've known for most of the show. And then Mary and Jamie have sex. We get a very chaste fade-away, actually, which I thought was an interesting contrast to the somewhat prolonged sex scenes between Claire and Frank. But it makes a lot of sense - Frank and Claire are not connecting on an emotional level, as badly as Frank might want them to be. Jamie and Mary, on the other hand, are both going in to this encounter with no false pretense. Mary wants to offer something to Jamie that she also needs herself, being a widow. A moment of connection that, while less than what they both had with their lost spouses, is still something new, and precious in its own way.

Jenny is one of my favorites. Great acting from Laura Donnelly in this episode, especially at the end. Jamie and Jenny have to act out a scene wherein Jamie is coming home and they're seeing each other for the first time, and then Jamie is shocked and hurt at Jenny's betrayal, and Jenny says that he brought this on himself. Donnelly plays this moment with all the pain and rage Jenny must surely be feeling, even as she's acting for the sake of the ruse. When she says she'll never forgive him, we're left wondering if there's any truth to that line.

And now to Fergus. Oh my God I love him so much. It's so sad to think that this is probably the last we'll see of young Fergus, as he's been recast for the older version of the character. But here, he's at his finest. Jamie spends several years in the cave, so in this episode we have a teenaged Fergus instead of a little boy of twelve. Speaking of talented acting, Romann Berrux does an amazing job with a slightly older Fergus who has been living in Scotland as he grows to adulthood. His accent is still mostly French, but he's adjusted it to add some Scots sounds as well. Very impressive. And he manages to keep that wide-eyed trickster vibe while being realistically an older and more brash kid.

But let's get to the thing that I really want to talk about, which is Fergus leading the soldiers away from Jamie, losing his hand, and then being an adorable sweetheart about it. Everything about this sequence was lifted from the book, and I was so happy to see all of my favorite elements being included. It's heartbreaking to see Jamie's reaction, of course, but this moment of terror is what snaps him out of it and gets him back to the present day. He jumps into survival mode, and once he hears Fergus will live, he drops to his knees in a potent mixture of grief and relief. And then he tells Fergus that he reminds him that he has someone to live for. The scene from the book that I really hoped they would include (and they did!) is where Fergus reminds Jamie that in Paris, Jamie promised that should Fergus die while in Jamie's service, Jamie would pray for him... but if Fergus lost an ear or a hand, Jamie would care for him forever. In one fell swoop, as Fergus says, he has become a "man of leisure." Oh man just kill me now this was so adorable.

As a book reader, I have a fair idea of what's coming up in the next episode. So even though I'm sad to be saying goodbye to young Fergus, I'm beyond excited to start being properly acquainted with another favorite of mine - Lord John Grey!

9/10

#review #outlander #outlander review

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jannasilvane · 5 years

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name/title: Janna Silvane, Queen of the Kingdom of the Mountains age: 23 fc: Sophie Turner

family background:

paternal:

HOUSE SILVANE is an old noble house of the Kingdom of the Mountains. Their sigil bears a triple pile inverted, silver on blue. Their house motto is UNYIELDING. House Silvane calls the northern region of the Kingdom of the Mountains home, and rule their land from a stronghold buried within a rocky range of peaks known as CLOUD’S CREST. Their fiefdom consists of protective mountains and lands made fertile by lakes and rivers. The lore of their ancestors paints the Silvanes as mountain-dwelling warriors, who often violently skirmished with the people of the nearby Wetlands over issues of land. When the region fell into civil war during SOREN’S REBELLION, LORD CARSEN SILVANE called on his bannermen to fight for DONTIN SOREN’S claim. Lord Carsen had served as both page and squire with Dontin Sorren when they were boys, and intermarriage between the houses had led to them considering one another to be kin.

Following the successful ascension of HOUSE SOREN to the throne, and the exile of the remaining members of *HOUSE ROWAN to the KINGDOM OF THE NOBLE ISLANDS, the Silvane’s gained significant lands and titles, making them especially powerful within the region. Among the titles afforded to Lord Carsen included the role of principal advisor to the newly-named KING DONTIN. Although the role was not intended to be a hereditary one, Carsen Silvane’s son SAMUEL SILVANE held the position as a second Soren King, NICLAS, was sat. The Silvanes and Sorens kept faith with one another after a brief war, known as *ROWAN UPRISING saw the Sorens unseated, and the Silvanes retained their power in court as WYLLAM SOREN rose to power, with ARTHUR SILVANE at his side. Throughout their rule -- considered in a historical context to have been something of a joint rule -- King Wyllam and Lord Silvane beat back several insurrections for the cause to restore House Rowan to the throne. Although the family was once painted to be bloody combatants, it is said that Silvanes have lost their way with swords and fight only with their tongues. Despite earning some envy amongst other nobles within the land, they are respected amongst the ruling class. They are liked enough amongst the smallfolk and credited with establishing some stability in the region.

maternal:

HOUSE VORGROVE is a similarly old and noble house native to the region, noted for their wealth and resiliency. Their sigil bears three orange-yellow flames on a black pale on a field paly of black and white. Their house motto is NEVER IN DARKNESS. They rule their land from their keep, LUCIDUS STRONGHOLD. With lands in the fertile southeastern tip of the region, the Vorgroves generate plentiful foodstuff for the province and also operate a thriving port known as EASTPOINT. Contrary to House Silvane, under the leadership of LORD MAVROCK VORGROVE, the House and their bannerman were staunch loyalists of *HOUSE ROWAN during the civil skirmishes for the throne. Indeed, a daughter of House Vorgrove was promised to the Rowan claimant in return for their men at arms.

After the war was lost and House Soren was sat on the throne, House Vorgrove swore fealty to KING DONTIN and were permitted to retain their lands and titles. After the death of DONTIN SOREN, the Vorgroves led by AUSTER VORGROVE were instrumental in leading a SECOND WAR to reclaim the throne for *HOUSE ROWAN. Although the newly-coronated NICLAS SOREN was briefly unseated for favor of the *ROWAN KING, the Sorens were ultimately returned to power and the Rowans beat back from the region. As a result, nearly the whole of the house was executed, save for the youngest boy ASCER VORGROVE. Ascer Vorgrove went on to be a ward of the King, and as such his land and wealth became effectively controlled by castellans appointed by House Soren. Ascer married LYLA SOREN, a younger sister of the King as a display of loyalty, and upon this marriage was permitted to return to his family home. Though House Vorgrove has publicly sworn their fealty to House Soren, they are largely considered to still be *ROWAN LOYALISTS. As their history has weakened their prestige within the Soren-ruled region, House Vorgrove relies on the relationship it fosters with its smallfolk and those who utilize their trading port.

At the behest of the King, a son of ARTHUR SILVANE (named JON) and a daughter of ASCER VORGROVE (named TWYLA) were married in an attempt to control the issue of House Vorgrove’s loyalties. Although Lord Silvane abided by the King’s order, he had been insulted by the match. The Silvanes thus retreated from their position in court to their home at CLOUD’S CREST. The union of Jon and Twyla produced three children: ALISTER, RANDALL, AND JANNA. To repay House Silvane for their loyalty -- and perhaps fearing losing a primary ally whilst *Rowans still had loyalists in the region -- King Soren brokered a marriage between Janna and his heir, OWAYNE SOREN.

character background:

Although the youngest child of three and the only girl, Janna Silvane was reared to be keenly aware of her importance and role. It was the intention of Jon Silvane, who lacked the wounded pride of his father, to return his House to the level of power behind the throne that they had maintained for years prior. After discussions with King Soren were made to arrange a marriage between Janna and Owayne, it was Jon’s goal to have his daughter be the bridge to welcome the family back into the capital. It was his intention that her eldest brother Alister reclaim the title that three Silvanes had held before them. She (along with her brother) was schooled rigorously in politics and courtly intrigue under the orders of her father, who was adamant that she be able to understand and negotiate the law as was necessary. Her mother -- having dealt with the stain of her family’s past -- fostered Janna in the importance of exuding charm and innocence. Never let them know what you are thinking, her mother had schooled, and always wear a smile.

Both House Silvane and House Vorgrove recognized the importance of currying favor with the smallfolk, and thus the Silvane children were frequently seen amongst the people and paid alms regularly. The people in the lands surrounding Cloud’s Crest nicknamed the daughter of House Silvane LADY RED, so-called for the auburn tresses common to the people of her family.

Janna was brought to the capital, *DRIFTPEAKE, when she was eleven years of age along with her brother Alister and her father. At the capital she continued in her lessons, and worked to endear herself to the common people in the surrounding city as well as the noblemen occupying the castle. She additionally worked to endear herself to her betrothed, but found it difficult to get on with Owayne. The prince was weak-willed, spoiled, easily made angry, and cared nothing for politics. She did find a friend and mentor in QUEEN CELESSA VALLIE, who was a beloved figure by the common people. Though Celessa was kind, she was ignorant to her son’s short-comings and could offer Janna little support in the manner.

Janna bled at age thirteen, at which point she was considered to be marriageable. She and Owayne were married, and after the wedding her father returned to his home. The young couple had limited power while Owayne’s father still reigned. Though Owayne Soren appeared to have a basic interest in his wife and future queen, his attention strayed easily to other girls and passions such as horseback riding and sparring. While Janna continued to endeavor for her husband’s affections, the Silvanes set their major task to forging bonds amongst the high and lowborn alike.

At fifteen, an illness spread through parts of the country, and came to be known as THE MAD PLAGUE – called such for its tendency to cause delirium in victims. This sickness claimed royal lives, including several of Owayne’s siblings and the King himself. Owayne had become ill for a time, but managed to recover physically. Janna and Owayne were thus coronated just before she turned sixteen. It was said by some that the loss of several of his family members, combined with nearly facing death himself, led to a strain on Owayne’s mental fortitude. While this made him prone to fits of high emotions, in more docile states he was easily swayed by those around him. Janna was swift to convince the young King to place Alister Silvane in the role of advisor.

The weak-willed Owayne was reported to maintain his lusts if not his senses, and he was rumored to spend two nights with a whore for every night he spent with his wife. Despite these tales of his supposed virility, Janna remained childless, as did the women who Owayne bedded. Without a strong King or an heir, and with the knowledge of remaining *Rowan descendants protected in the Noble Islands, the Silvanes feared a reprisal of civil skirmishes. They cautioned their King to build up their fleets and guards along the eastern border. Thoughts of potential warfare seemed to excite Owayne into a sort of mania, and he grew beyond the control of the Silvane siblings as he demanded warfare to eradicate the *Rowan threat.

personality traits:

+: adaptable, charming, compassionate, disciplined, graceful +/-: intelligent, willful, confidential, glamorous, ambitious -: cunning, secretive, possessive, occasionally complacent, deceitful

strengths: perseverance, love-of-learning, creativity, social intelligence, leadership. weaknesses: envy, desire for control, judgemental, self-righteousness, spiteful.

#bio

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mibasiamille · 7 years

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Aside from Claire and Jamie, which relationships do you like in the books? Romantic or non romantic

At first glance, I thought you meant in books other than Outlander and I was like “oh no, now I have to remember every book I’ve ever read”, which I tried to do, and I realize that this is the first series of books I’ve ever read that’s for adults. Kinda sad to think about as I am almost nineteen…

But anyway, thanks for such a great question, anon!

In Outlander, I really like the relationship between Claire and Geillis. Although Claire is skeptical of her from time to time, their girly bond is wonderful to read about. Plus I have a soft spot for Geillis (especially in the show; Lotte Verbeek does a really great job portraying her character).

In Dragonfly in Amber, I love Mary and Claire’s relationship. I see Claire kind of like Mary’s mentor in a way, and it makes me really happy. I also love the Mary x Alex romantic subplot, too. Although Alex is a Randall, I wish he could’ve lived and he that he could’ve made Mary happy.

Also in Dragonfly, I really love the Bonnie Prince Charlie x Jamie relationship. I feel like he has a total crush on him and it’s hilarious. Cheré James. (Never forget the ghostly voice coming from the roof: Jaaaaaaaames!)

Here’s a compiled list of all of my relationships, sort-of ranked, based on all that I’ve read so far (Outlander to Ch. 27 of Voyager):

1. Claire x Jamie: duh

2. Murtagh x Jamie: I cannot articulate into words how much their relationship means to me. It hurt me when Murtagh didn’t survive Culloden. He was like Jamie’s guardian angel, and I guess still is in a way. Also, he was the biggest Claire x Jamie shipper there was and there is no way you can convince me otherwise.

3. Fergus x Claire x Jamie: I love the dynamic between the three of them, more so in the show than in the book, but nevertheless I love their bond as a trio. I think it comes more to fruition in Voyager, but I will always have a soft spot for baby Fergus.

4. Roger x Claire: I really fucking love Roger, guys. Like… so much. And I truly enjoy reading about Claire from his perspective, because most of Voyager is either from Claire’s POV or Jamie thinking about how great Claire is. I just love how he describes her.

“It was Roger who found her in the morning, curled up on the study sofa under the hearthrug, papers scattered carelessly over the floor where they had spilled from one of the folders.The light from the floor-length windows streamed in, flooding the study, but the high back of the sofa had shaded Claire’s face and prevented the dawn from waking her. The light was just now pouring over the curve of dusty velvet to flicker among the strands of her hair.A glass face in more ways than one, Roger thought, looking at her. Her skin was so fair that the blue veins showed through at temple and throat, and the sharp, clear bones were so close beneath that she might have been carved of ivory.The rug had slipped half off, exposing her shoulders. One arm lay relaxed across her chest, trapping a single, crumpled sheet of paper against her body. Roger lifted her arm carefully, to pull the paper loose without waking her. She was limp with sleep, her flesh surprisingly warm and smooth in his grasp.His eyes found the name at once; he had known she must have found it.“James MacKenzie Fraser,” he murmured. He looked up from the paper to the sleeping woman on the sofa. The light had just touched the curve of her ear; she stirred briefly and turned her head, then her face lapsed back into somnolence.“I don’t know who you were, mate,” he whispered to the unseen Scot, “but you must have been something, to deserve her.

5. Frank x Claire (pre-stones): I really love the first couple of chapters of Outlander. I re-read them a little bit ago between chapters of Dragonfly where I couldn’t stand to read what was going on, and the whole experience was super bitter-sweet. They were so adorable together before, and the way their relationship changes later on makes the first chapters even more sad.

5. Ian x Jamie: there’s a quote from Dragonfly that made me cry after reading it. I don’t know why, but it did. I’ll leave it here, and that will describe in its entirety why I love their friendship:

“He’s only a year older than me. When I was growing, he was always there. Until I was fourteen, there wasna a day went by when I didna see Ian. And even later, after I’d gone to foster wi’ Dougal, and to Leoch, and then later still to Paris, to university–when I’d come back, I’d walk round a corner and there he would be, and it would be like I’d never left. He’d just smile when he saw me, like he always did, and then we’d be walkin’ away together, side by side, ower the fields and the streams, talkin’ of everything.” He sighed deeply, and rubbed a hand through his hair. “Ian … he’s the part of me that belongs here, that never left,” he said, struggling to explain. “I thought … I must tell him; I didna want to feel … apart. From Ian. From here.”

6. Jenny x Jamie: Damn those stubborn Frasers. I love their sibling bond, it’s so great.

7. Brianna x Roger: The early stages of their budding romance makes me smile, they’re so cute together. (Although his infatuation with Claire makes this relationship seem a bit weird to me, but it’s fine.)

8. Master Raymond x Claire: All the scenes in Dragonfly with Master Raymond are hands down my favorite (hence why I added one in my own fanfic). The healing scene is probably my favorite in all of DiA. Plus, their auras are blue, and so is mine (!!!), so that makes me feel connected to them somehow.

9. God x Claire: Ok, so hear me out for this last one.There are two different times Claire talks to God in the series so far: the first is in the Abbey in France, and the second is the chapel in Boston. Both times, she is thinking about Jamie and faith and how all of that ties together. The time she spends with Anslem in Outlander is my favorite in the whole book. I had to include this as a relationship in this list because it really had a lasting effect on me. Plus, I feel it ties in with some themes of the series so far: faith and mercy (applicable to all of the books, but mostly Dragonfly).

“At last, as usually happened here, I ceased to think. Whether it was the stoppage of time in the presence of eternity, or only the overtaking of a bone-deep fatigue, I didn’t know. But the guilt over Frank eased, the wrenching grief for Jamie lessened, and even the constant tug of motherhood upon my emotions receded to the level of background noise, no louder than the slow beating of my own heart, regular and comforting in the dark peace of the chapel. “O Lord,” I whispered, “I commend to Your mercy the soul of Your servant James.” And mine, I added silently. And mine.”

Of course, there are more, but these are the only ones I can really think of right now. What relationships are your favorites? Share your thoughts! ✨

#replies #thank you for such a lovely question anon!!#book thoughts

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dinafbrownil · 5 years

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They Enrolled in Medical School To Practice Rural Medicine. What Happened?