#'whats the point of trying to get better if it's all doomed anyway? if im so fucked anyway? if I'll kill myself anyway?'
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in conclusion, I have no choice but to try to recover again. or else another two years will pass me by and I'll be so fucking tired
#it's so terrifying and no one gets it unless they've experienced it first hand lol#like it's easy to think that it's just the Vanity Mental Illness but for me. its the perfectionism illness. it's the i need to feel like#everything is not falling apart always illness#and to let go of it is terrifying. but i have to try or else I'll be so stuck#more than i already feel what with depression#one less illness will make things less insufferable in the long term. i keep telling myself that.#it's weird because im so attached to having a restrictive eating disorder. it's like a shadow that follows me everywhere#but i have to get a new shadow or else I'll be burdening myself further. i keep thinking#'whats the point of trying to get better if it's all doomed anyway? if im so fucked anyway? if I'll kill myself anyway?'#and i guess the answer is. the point is WHY NOT (by loona)#kidding no but actually#the answer is why not give it a shot. like just for the sake of it#how do you KNOW it's all fucked#if it really truly is and you cant take it anymore then the eating disorder is there#you can take it back. reunite rekindle the flame whatever#i dont believe anything im typing rn btw like im suffering in real time bc everything feels so utterly pointless#but whatever if i kill myself at least it'd be with one less illness. or something. i dont know#at least it wouldn't be because i was hungry LMFAO#z.post
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out of nothing more then curiosity, thoughts on jinjae?
i would like to preface this with a disclaimer that i do actually, despite what it might seem, have non-shitpost thoughts about jinjae (touched briefly on their respective relationships with personhood & how their evolving partnership reflects that here, not enough imo but id only been reading for a couple of months at that point so i couldn't speak about shj with an appropriate level of confidence and we only have so much time on this forsaken earth anyways). especially since shj exists as a foil of sorts to yoojin (re:self-love vs "externalized" love, learning to love oneself through the "other", so on and so forth), with their character developments complimenting the other's in return, jinjae occupies a uhhh. lot of my brain all the time and i need to scream and possibly cry about them. unfortunately it is funnier to post about gay divorce.
second disclaimer: i am both 100% joking in the following post and, at the same time, so incredibly dead serious.
jinjae is a lot of things to me. first and foremost jinjae is a guy that hates the other guy so bad they made it everyone else's problem. jinjae is also a guy that likes the other guy so bad they made it everyone else's problem. jinjae is ALSO two guys that are so obsessed with each other it should be in the dsm-v somewhere. jinjae is a yaoi (early canon). jinjae is a yuri (late canon). jinjae has at least one scum gong. jinjae is brat4brat. jinjae is also brat tamer4tamer. jinjae is ALSO brat tamer4brat. yes that is how it works. jinjae is two single fathers meeting and falling in love except they have the same child and are actively getting divorced with plans to be married again in the spring. jinjae is that trope of some guy's kid liking a teacher/other adult authority or caretaker figure in their life so much they try to set their single father up with said caretaker figure, except the caretaker figure is the biological parent of the child and also the child hates the single father so much. jinjae is a sun/moon couple except SIKE. NO IT IS NOT. jinjae are married. jinjae have been divorced 7 times. jinjae are soulmates (pink thread of fate). jinjae is a threesome. jinjae are on a date at the aquarium right now. jin is poisoning jae's dinner and jae is kicking his feet giggling and twirling his hair with hearts in his eyes. okay i need to stop referring to them as jin and jae. jinjae are constantly embroiled in psychological warfare except one side thinks losing will mean forfeiting his life and the other side thinks losing will mean that he won't get to pay for lunch. jinjae have shared a bed and neither of them talk about it. jinjae is deeply homoerotic. like 'lighting your cigarettes with the same flame' homoerotic but even more (there were roses involved). jinjae is doomed. they're perpetuating the cycle. they're [REDACTED, SOUND OF CRYING, CAR CRASHING]. jinjae are making each other worse. jinjae are getting better together. and most importantly jinjae are in love.
i could say more but this ask has been sitting in my mailbox long enough im sorry. i don't actually have any thoughts on jinjae because as soon as i try to think about them The Horrors get me. and also The Love.
edit: i didn't even talk about the "you ghosted me so im going to blow up your house". not much more context is required. insane gay people.
#sctir#the s-classes that i raised#han yoojin#sung hyunjae#tsctir#im.. sorry for this one#sctirposting#wei.post
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I love how C!Schlatt's relationships with Connor and Quackity contrast each other. Schlatt and Connor are terrible business partners. Schlatt's intimidation or charm are both undercut by Connor's awkwardness in conversation while Connor's ability to be stealthy and look for details in things is undercut by Schlatt's dramatics. They disagree on everything, from literally selling their company to the most minor aesthetic choices. And I feel like that is kind of the reason they work. They ground each other. They became a team after Connor burned the money from Schlatt's most successful business venture when it went too far into pointless cruelty (restructuring the whole thing to be about scamming Connor, refusing to give people the worthless currency he made up.) Connor keeps Schlatt from falling too far into his addictions or paranoia, Schlatt keeps Connor actually from drifting into isolation. This is better demonstrated when they're split up than when they're together. When they split in Tekkit, Schlatt has all the other members killed to protect his company and begins manufacturing alcohol, while Connor goes off to work on Weed X without speaking to anyone. We all know what happens with Manberg, and while Connor is on the Dream SMP he actively avoids speaking to people (robbing them instead of asking for things) and most of his conversations are caused by a situation he cannot get out of (the home disputes, torture, the prison, and the entire server's imminent destruction.) They actively grind each other's normal lives to a halt, resulting in complete material failure and the most healthy mental states either of them will ever have.
This compared to Schlatt and Quackity's relationship. Both are politcally intelligent, outwardly charismatic people with high ambition. They can work together like clockwork, and they were doomed from the start. Quackity has always wanted respect, whether in the form of appreciation and being listened to or later in the form of fear and awe. Schlatt understood Quackity (he offered unconditional vote pooling compared to Wilbur, he literally spoke to him in his language, and he seems aware of Q's public persona and charisma in the way he refers to him as Quackity in public discussions and Alex in their private talk) but it's unlikely he ever really respected him. He never assigned Quackity a job in Manberg other than "have a fat ass" and he became increasingly hostile about Q's appearance and behavior as they went on. On Quackity's end, (not framing this as a fault but rather why the relationship went up in shambles) he spent the majority of their time together trying to placate Schlatt, starting almost immediately after the election. He thinks in the same way as Schlatt, and when he disagreed he usually handled it indirectly, (breaking Niki out of prison when he wasn't looking, trying to soothe or distract him when he was angry, etc) causing Schlatt to descend a self destructive path with nothing to slow him down. In both of his healthy close relationships before, with Connor as his partner and Ty as a son kind of, there was a point where Schlatt went too far and they forcefully intervened (the diamond burning and the stabbing respectively.) Schlatt didn't have that with Quackity, or anyone on the Dream SMP for that matter.
Anyways all stop now sry for the long ask
YES!!!!!! LITERALLY oh my god dont apologize im so glad to see someone else talk about it
#fave#all time fave#im gonna maintag this bc its so good#dream smp#smplive#jschlatt#connoreatspants#quackity#dsmp analysis
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i've been trying to formulate how i feel about wad and this era of phandom since i finally got the chance to watch wad all the way through with my girlfriend last night and after sobbing violently following the smash mouth credits i think i have some semblance of a train of thought. long ramble incoming after the read more hehe
for context, i've been watching dnp for about 10 years, which for some of you is an extremely long time and for others is piddly. regardless, a decade of my life has been spent in varying amounts watching dan and phil and interacting with the phandom. and part of what i was trying to express to my gf after watching the show was that it really is a sense of pride to see the sad clown poster child for being, well, sad, to open up about his mental health struggles, to coming out, to making we're all doomed. i think this is a very similar reaction to the pride a lot of us feel for dan.
for me too, though, it's been the phandom (hi guys lol). I was really active in the phandom from like 2014ish-2017 (at which point i still watched videos as they were posted but i also just wasn't on tumblr as much and i had ~college~ to focus on), but that time was very formative teenage years for me during which i was going through similar mental health struggles, struggling with sexuality, regular ol' teenage demons, etc. and this sort of phandom revival has been making me feel this ridiculous nostalgia for those teenage years (even tho i was fighting for my life the whole time lol). i can sooo distinctly remember where i was when certain videos were uploaded, the feeling of being curled up in my bed at midnight in the summer with my iphone 5c catching up on the previous years' videos, making subpar edits on my phannie instagram while i was on a plane for my family's summer vacation.
having both the boys and the phandom (more) active again gives me that nostalgic feeling but with the feeling that everything feels So Much Better Now. i get the same excitement and rush watching new videos, sharing around edits and gifs, being insane with you all, but with the knowledge that i am older and i am better now. in a lot of personal ways i'm literally living the life i so desperately wanted when i was a teen and now i get to live it but with the same things that brought me joy when i was a sad 15 year old. despite the nostalgia, i dont think i would choose to go back to that time, but getting to look back on it now, and watch videos where dan and phil are unapologetically gay and happy and soulmate-y, see dan living his theatre kid dreams and is so so proud of his work, and to have this community of you all where we're all old(er) and queer and so proud of our dads (sorry). it's indescribable despite my best efforts to describe it. and yes i know i don't actually talk to a lot of you that's cause im awkward and bad at replying but if you've made it this far this is your open invite to start a convo with me in dms/ask box. anyways. i love you all. i love our boys. im grateful to be here with all of you.
#okay to rb / add your own thoughts if you’d like!#dan and phil#phandom#dnp#daniel howell#we’re all doomed#phil lester#amazingphil#mine#phan
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hey sorry if this is invasive but how do you know you have depression? things have been harder to cope with for the past month but i am incredibly ashamed of asking for help or even saying out loud because i feel dramatic, attention seeking etc. even realising how much it is affecting my life. do i really need to get it out to get better?
ive had it since i was a kid and my doctor has been aware of it since i was like 11 so it was just smth i grew up with - when im in a particularly bad episode i can tell because im extremely lethargic, unmotivated, don't look after myself, am prone to severe hopelessness and a sense of impending doom following me everywhere + self destruction, i drink more, i get paranoid, i dissociate and feel disconnected from the world around me and from my own body, im numb/sad most of the time, i have panic attacks and cant get out of bed even for things i would usually want to do, im very disorganised and have a flat affect/tone of voice, i don't interact with people much....honestly the list goes on LOL.
it's important to understand that depression manifests uniquely for everybody and if youve noticed a difference in your own behaviour/thinking patterns that is actively and consistently impacting your life negatively - then that is enough of an indicator that something is going on. it doesn't need to be any worse. if it's already difficult, then it's already difficult, and you deserve support with it. to some extent it's some normal to feel ashamed/afraid of reaching out - we're raised in a world that stigmatises mental illness and we've received that messaging for a long time. which makes it feel like the truth, but doesn't mean that it is actually true. i think the bottom line is that you need to treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend going through something like this. you wouldn't want them to cut themselves off from asking for help because they've bullied themselves into silence over what people might or might not think of them. if we want to live in a world that truly supports people with mental health issues in an effective way, then we need to hold ourselves to that same standard. i know it's incredibly overwhelming, and im not saying it's wrong to be anxious or scared about reaching out. i just think actively trying to frame it from a more objective mindset could help you accept what is happening and what the right next step is for you. if you have the opportunity to talk to someone - a hotline, your doctor, a local support group or therapist, even a friend/family member to begin with - i really encourage it. even write down what you want to say or bullet point what's been going on so you don't feel like you're being put on the spot. im sure you're imagining all sorts of reactions, but in my experience, professionals are very accepting of what you're going through and just want to work with you to see how you can process and cope with your current mindset more healthily. whether it's medication, talking therapies, showing you new coping skills - there's a lot that can be done for someone in your shoes. you're not stuck and they're not going to judge you. even if, in some alternate reality, you just wanted some attention - that's not a crime. i think it's natural to want someone to witness and acknowledge us when we're hurting anyway. sorry to ramble - there are a lot of depression self help and coping pdfs that are free and available to download online which offer a bit of support. maybe that could be a good stepping stone if you're feeling super uncomfortable with the idea of talking to someone. we all work on our own timeline and thats honestly ok. but if you're looking for truly personalised and effective help then i think working towards talking to someone is your best option. it's okay to not be happy about that and still do it, like swallowing a medicine that tastes gross. otherwise the thoughts just rot inside you and you get lost in a spiral of depressive thinking patterns and it weighs you down having to manage it all alone inside your head. you become at risk of losing all objectivity and sense of self, which happens to me often and is fucking horrible. if it's possible, i really hope you eventually bring this up to a loved one or a professional. im really sorry you're going through this and i truly hope better days are ahead. sending a lot of love. X
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Betta Presents...
WIP WEDNESDAY!!
Welcome to my first take on wip wednesday, where yall get a snippet of a current original fic im brewing up! I thought it would be a cool way to give yall content without stressing myself out with needing it to be finished content. (i work slow asf lmao)
Anyways. here is the wip of my upcoming two part fic, titled
"The Death Of A Sorcerer; A Requiem Of A Princess"
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Cedric stared up at the ceiling of his cell, watching the little beads of water that slipped through the cracks in the stone above drip onto the hard brick of the floor below. Rats scurried in and out of the rusted iron jail bars to his left, carrying the untouched food he cast aside earlier back to their dens.
The tiny cell he occupied had no windows of any sort; the only light available to him was the dying embers of the torches mounted in the hallway, leading out of the cell block. The sorcerer shifts uncomfortably on the hard, freezing cold slab fixed to the wall of his prison, feeling the pins and needles wrack his thighs from sitting idly so long.
Cedric shivers, trying to pull his robe tighter against himself. It was a fruitless task, he knew- his stiffened fingers could attest, from clenching the fabric so taut for hours on end.
Though Cedric hasn't moved more than a few inches since his imprisonment the day prior, his exhaustion lingered down to the marrow of his bones. The sorcerer's mind had provided him no rest since being dragged away in chains- although, he was usually accustomed to racing thoughts that took away his sleep.
But not like this.
Cedric was normally used to the usual spiraling thoughts of "what if" when it came to his magic, his reputation, his worth as a person. Followed by the self hatred when he became a self fulfilling prophecy, and those what ifs became reality.
That was why he threw everything, everything he had into his evil dreams, wasn't it? To escape the purgatory that he was forced to call his reality. To force the hand of fate to deal him a better card. It seemed like his own blind faith, alongside his lofty ambitions, (desperation, in disguise, truly) was just another folly, and he was played for a fool.
Although, Cedric would be lying if he hadn't imagined the possibility of his evil dreams being a failure. The dream was born from him, after all- it was already doomed from conception.
At least, that's what Cedric had initially thought.
Shaking his head, he thinks back to the moment he hesitated to take over Enchancia. Sofia's bright blue eyes, pleading. The tip of his wand pointed towards her, the Medusa stone gleaming with every ounce of misguided resentment harbored from his life thus far. None of it which was Sofia's fault.
In fact, his sights were aimed at the little girl who gave him everything- which Cedric realized far, far too late. Only when Cedric had stood on the precipice of no return, did he find what he was truly looking for; not a crown, not a throne, not revenge.
A friend.
Cedric laughs humorlessly, the echo bouncing off the dampened stone walls. He tilted his chin up, the back of his head bumping into the wall as he contemplated.
How ironic. My greatest failure was also one of the best decisions I ever made.
Cedric takes in a shaky breath, feeling panic at his own demise writhe from the pit of his stomach.
"Probably the only good decision I've ever made." Cedric muttered grimly, digging his heels into the floor. Memories come crashing back into his mind, too quickly to rewind. But one instant remained.
Roland's decree was burned into Cedric's head, his authoritative voice cold and final:
"You will face the guillotine by sunrise tomorrow, Cedric. I sincerely hope you will accept your death with a little more grace, and dignity, than what you've shown me today."
The sorcerer slowly lays down on the bench as the words fade from his mind, feeling restless as his panic flared up again. His back meets the cold slab that hungrily leeched more of his body heat, and he winced in discomfort.
Cedric knew there was no chance of him getting any sleep tonight. He was too restless, and the wheels in his mind kept turning with its relentless pace about what led him to the dungeons at all.
But frankly, he was spent from regretting things that cannot be undone nor forgiven for. He was also painfully bored of staring at the same four stone walls, tracing the grout between each rock aimlessly.
Cedric's eyelids flutter shut, his chest feeling heavy.
Tomorrow, I will die.
Cedric huffs out a slow, resigned sigh.
All the better, Cedric thought, feeIing the back of his eyes burn with unshed tears.
I don't think I can live with the weight of my sins any longer.
#wip wednesday#cedricthesorceror#sophia the first#cedric the sorcerer#cedric sofia the first#current wip#my wips#stf fanfic#uhhh oops sorry yall this one is a doozy
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You know, I just finished rereading Part 1 of CSM after about a weak and ohh myyy godddd… how is this level writing achievable. I strive to write something this great and dooming every thing day. Anyway, here is some thoughts about part 1 I had after rereading.
SPOILERS ⚠️ ABOUT THE ENTIRETY OF PART 1 OF CSM (CHAP 1–97)
• I originally didn’t understand the hype about Reze when first read the manga, like I loved her design and personality, but I came to appreciate her a lot more this time around. Especially after realizing that once the fight with Denji/Reze that Reze actually does try to go to the cafe—idk why I interpreted the first time around as she just trying to escape Japan.
• Denji… really does talk like a teenager no matter how depressed he is. I feel like I don’t feel like I see I don’t see that so very often. Especially during his monologue(?) while cooking and eating Makima.
• Being famous KILLS Denji. I’m sure there’s some symbolism im not in the intelligence level to understand.
• Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in Public Safety has always been doomed. Aki was doomed to die the worst fate, Denji was doomed to have all his happiness taken away, Makima was doomed to be a Public Safety dog, Angel was never meant to find solace in others without them dead—I CANT STAND IT.
• I hate Makima, don’t get me wrong. But seeing the scene of Pochita explaining how violently lonely and isolated Makima was because of how she was raised and how her version of love was sick and cruel because she didn’t know how else to tell people was just so… fjdjxjdjf
• Hirofumi Yoshida is a lot sillier than I remember. He has this stupid little :) I think is cute.
• Cosmo is such a fun character. Her whole “Halloween” thing is something I wish I understood more but I will take what I can get.
• I finally understood Quanxi’s whole arc when she shows up to the point she dies.
I’m sure there’s more but I read chapter 97 at 5:30 AM this morning. Anyway, if you were to ask me if I like Part 1 or 2 better, I would definitely say Part 1.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to reread part 2 so this may change but just… Part 1 has such a charm to it.
(Also Power comeback when)
#csm spoilers#yoshida hirofumi#csm#chainsaw man#denji#Part 1 CSM#Makima#quanxi#cosmo csm#doomed by the narrative
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PSYCHONAUTS SPLATOON HEADCANONS PART 3?!?!?!?!?! this one's for the INTERNS!!!
🐙 also im using squid emojis as dividers for an easier viewing experience now
NORMA NATIVIDAD
norma would be an octoling, and she'd main whatever's "meta defining" at the time instead of just picking a weapon she thinks is neat. what's the point if it's not the best!!
she has main character syndrome i think. she's EXTREMELY bossy and takes the game too seriously. she orders around her team (take the left flank!! cover me while i get the rainmaker!! nooo don't go over there i need you over here defending!!!!) and her instructions are almost always geared toward her getting her teammates to clear a path for her to take all the glory...it never quite goes well. she insists it's her genius planning and direction that gets her team to win matches but she couldn't be more wrong. she also probably blames her teammates when stuff goes wrong. you didn't coordinate well enough!! you didn't listen!!
her favorite mode is rainmaker and her locker is actually pretty neat looking. she shows off all her perfect gear in there and would probably have some of the amiibo items too. she's B- rank.
🐙
LIZZIE NATIVIDAD
lizzie is also an octoling causeee sisters! she'd be a skirmisher/slayer and be really good at baiting other players into unsafe situations where she or someone else on her team can splat them easily. SCARY good at getting people to tunnel and commit too hard to trying to fight her and not realize it till they're already respawning. she'd main something aggressive but mobile so she can get away easy, like octobrush. oh my GOD would she be infuriatingly good at sharking. comes out of nowhere and you're dead before you can blink.
i don't think she takes the game very seriously at ALL, polar opposite of norma, so she never really tilts or blames anyone when she loses. it's just a loss. she might be a sore winner though. i can see her being the type to make fun of her opponents like LMAOOO look at this loser on the jet squelchers aiming at the ground 💀 who let this kid play
anyways her fav mode would be tricolor battle. shes built different like that. she's B+ rank and pokes fun at norma about it sometimes.
🐙
SAM BOOLE
sam is an inkling, she plays slayer. blaster main. she. is. terrifying. she's the one who averages like 20 kills per game. she's the one picking off anyone who dares to touch the rainmaker or step onto the tower or make a single power clam. she is an unstoppable force. i don't think it comes from a place of Intense Focus And Practice though. she strikes me as the type of player to sorta just zone out and have fun without thinking too hard about it, and everyone keeps asking what strats she uses to be able to pull off all the insane plays she does and she just. shrugs.
i think her and raz as a slayer/skirmisher duo would be a force to be reckoned with, like, you see these two together on the enemy team and you're DOOMED. coach oleander is so proud of sam's natural killing machine talent but also a little bit terrified.
her favorite mode is turf war cause it's nice and straightforward. her locker is one of the less mainstream colors like brown or maybe that dark teal color, and it's thoughtfully decorated with cool stickers and stuff. there's definitely one of those furbies in there. very eclectic decor but she makes it work for suresies. she's rank A+. i think she would play salmon run a LOT as well just cause she thinks the salmonids are neat looking.
🐙
GISU NERUMEN
gisu gives me more inkling vibes even though octoling might fit her hair better. seems like the kinda player who doesn't really care about weapon roles and just goes for whatever feels the most fun to play. i think she'd play reeflux! there's a lot of cool stuff you can do with that weapon and potential for lots of trick shots. she'd be sort of like sam and lizzie in that she's pretty easy-going while playing, but i don't think she'd be immune to tilting, especially not when they're 30 seconds away from winning and the other team pulls some insane play that completely turns the tables. she doesn't hold onto a loss for long though and she's pretty good about getting back on track.
she'd totally be the type of player to post a million clips of her getting wipeouts or narrowly escaping getting splatted or those aformentioned trick shots btw. she lives for those highlight compilation worthy moments.
i think she'd be around rank A+ and her favorite mode might beeee... tower control. her locker would either be super sick or she'd use it to do one of those silly jokes with the moai head.
🐙
MORRIS MARTINEZ
morris strikes me as an inkling type fella. i think he wouldn't really like the stress of the front lines and would rather play an anchor weapon. something swagful like e-liter. he'd be convinced that the song that plays during matches affects his performance. of course we lost, they were playing headhammer. of course i did crazy good that round, they were playing ska-blam!!! (i'm the same actually. i always play well when a yoko and the gold bazookas song is on.) he's a pretty chill player but definitely gets put off by spikes in difficulty and might take long breaks from matches altogether because "the other teams are way too sweaty."
he'd probably range from C+ to A- rank at any given time depending how much he's bothered to play that season. his favorite mode would be splat zones since it's one of the less crazy ones, easier to follow what's going on. while gisu would only maybe probably do a joke locker, morris would TOTALLY do one But. he'd also decorate the outside properly so it's both silly and cool.
🐙
ADAM JOSEPH GETTE
octoling. or frankly... if we want to get devious and break the rules... inktoling?!?!?! like morris he's not so aggressive, but instead of it being because he can't handle the front lines i think it would be that he just has more fun playing support. he'd probably main a few weapons, like n-zap '89, splat roller, and tenta brella. he would spend a loooot of effort putting good abilities on fashionable outfits so he can look just as fresh as he plays. he likes learning so he'd get an advantage in the game by absorbing a TON of information about the best ways to use specials, map strategies, weaknesses of other weapons, all that good stuff. he's the kinda guy that always shows up right when you need someone to cover you, and has probably saved a good amount of games by being on point with his support.
he's S rank so y'know he's kiiiind of a big deal... kind of a big shot... big cheese... top dog... he says this all jokingly but norma always fumes at it. his favorite mode? oohhh don't make him choose...they're all fun for their own reasons!! he'd spend lots of time decorating his locker, using the stickers to make funky designs with heavy consideration for the color scheme. he'd probably incorporate the newspaper-y mixed media style stickers from story mode in there somehow. it would have kind of a vintage feel?
#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#psychonauts headcanons#psychonauts interns#norma natividad#lizzie natividad#sam boole#gisu nerumen#morris martinez#adam joseph gette#splatoon#inkonauts#look at me finally remembering to finish this draft!!! yay!#not sure who to do next frankly. almost out of characters since i dont plan on covering the campers#nothing against em they just don't interest me#maybe i'd come around at some point though
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okay i said before that i didnt have a lot to say about banana fish but i lied. i have thoughts about the ending (spoilers ahead!)
because holy shit. like. ash deciding not to see eiji?? and eiji knowing that hes doing it for his own good, and trying and failing not to get his hopes up, and giving the letter to sing to deliver? and sing yelling at ash to go see eiji and ash still not budging? and then ash reads the letter and THATS what changes his mind, so he gets up and starts running and its all priming you for the dramatic reunion at the airport. something something love can overcome anything, happily ever after, the end, right?
but then ash gets stabbed. by someone who had obviously been tailing him and wasnt particularly skilled. someone who never shouldve been able to sneak up on him. and its such a forceful reminder that eiji is ashs weakness, which we've known from the start, but the danger was supposed to be over! it specifically waits for you to let your guard down, to really slam it home that everyone was RIGHT. that eiji makes ash let his guard down, and that it would one day get him killed.
and like. okay. we know this from very early on. the narrative is perfectly clear that what they have is doomed. that its going to cause a lot of pain for both of them and can never end happily. you want to believe that they can overcome it, that once the fighting is over they can be happy together, but the story keeps telling you over and over that this isnt going to go that way, no matter how much either of them want it. BUT. the point is that it was worth it anyway.
ash lowers his defenses around eiji, and thats a GOOD thing. being together puts them both in danger, but its better than being apart. to love is to be vulnerable, and having someone that you can trust, that you can let your guard down around, is something worth fighting for. worth losing everything for. worth DYING for. ash is CONSTANTLY presented with chances to fix everything if he can just let go of eiji. but he chooses eiji every time and even though it always makes his own life worse, his own burden heavier, he never once regrets it. theres nothing he wouldnt do to keep eiji safe. to keep eiji nearby. he sabotages his own allies to save him. he risks getting caught just to see him one more time. he drops everything for an opportunity at happily ever after and pays the ultimate price for it. but he NEVER EVER REGRETS IT. he dies because of his love for eiji and he does it with a smile on his face. and eiji goes back to his peaceful and happy life with tears in his eyes because hes doing it without ash.
i dunno. maybe im reading into it too much, or maybe this is an extremely surface level analysis and everyone got it the first time but me. but i just remember the first time i watched it, being so shaken by the ending. i thought they deserved a happy ending, and was hoping they would finally get it, but when it didnt happen i didnt feel betrayed or frustrated by it. just shaken. it felt like a really good ending, but i couldnt pinpoint why. because all i could think is that it seems so unfair to rip away their happy ending like that. and it took this second watch through to really figure out why it works.
also side note but. as much as i respect the asheiji shippers (because like. yeah. literally the most resonable ship ever) im really glad that its platonic in the show. they love each other very deeply, and thats what the show is about, but it doesnt HAVE to be romantic to be meaningful. and i like that! i can certainly see the shipping potential, and i can even see how it could be interpreted as queer-coded, but i also just like it as a story about friendship. its really nice. anyway 10/10 i love this show so much
#banana fish#bfish#its not often that i cry the second time watching something. especially if im being a bit more analytical the second time#but this fucking show got me again. god. that ending.......#anyway can you tell i wrote this at 3am and then edited it on 3 hours of sleep. i hope not bc i put a lot of effort into it but anyway
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Okay so this is going to be the revised theory post for this one. I didn't want to edit the original post because I was worried the date would change. And I want to keep the date for record keeping purposes lol:
10.) Luz’s and Hunter’s trip to the past:
It's obvious King is going to be sent to the past. We can make this assumption based on the fact that it's foreshadowed in one of the paintings in The Collectors castle [bottom left corner].
This painting is the same one from Echoes of The Past. But this time, the little titan in the corner is present. This tells me King is going to be forced into the past and he's going to witness his father fighting a titan trapper.
I need to remind people: The Collector really, really doesn't like Luz because he's jealous of her relationship with King. As King only allowed Luz to touch his stuffed animal. The Collector also believes Luz and King are out to stop him for good. He thinks they're going to try giving him some kind of punishment worse than being imprisoned for eternity in a mirror. This frustration is only going to be exacerbated once Luz wins whatever game he forces her to play. Or when King steps up to defend Luz if she completely fumbles the bag during her game with The Collector.
Either way, this child - who's already wracked with jealousy and had his trust broken by his "best friend" - is going to be PISSED with Luz and King. We've already seen what he does to people when he's mad at them - he turns them into dolls. And he keeps doing this to people despite King's protests. This entire situation with Luz and King is the perfect storm for a tantrum - and who knows what kind of power this literal god is going to dish out when he's this angry.
Well... we already know one of these hidden powers is time magic...
Anyways...
Why would Hunter go to the past with Luz you might ask? Well, from a writing standpoint he's needs to see Caleb. All he knows about this guy is that he's Philip's witch-hunting brother and he founded a town with Philip. Oh and he has lured away to his doom by a witch from another world. Seeing Caleb for who he actually was a person and his relationship with Evelyn will help Hunter develop a better view of himself. And he will get answers to questions he had about Caleb, as he did try looking into his life story when he was in the human realm.
The other reason why Hunter would go to the past with Luz? From an in universe standpoint: because Hunter can flash-step. I can see him trying to snatch up Luz like he did with Gus and Willow before she get’s sucked through a portal. But he’s either not fast enough to get out of the portal or something knocks into him - causing him to fall through the portal with Luz.
Sooooo
They’re going to show us Caleb and Evelyn. I have no doubt in my mind now, because not only do they need to show us Caleb and Evelyn in order for the Luz/Hunter and Caleb/Evelyn parallels to make sense -- the portal, out of all the places it could have connected to, connected to Evelyn’s house:
This is Evelyn’s house, because this is the place where Eda found the door when she was a teenager [Keeping up A-fear-ances]. The door was obviously built by Evelyn because the portal door’s fixed location in the human realm was Caleb’s house. And because they chose this setting as the first place we see in the demon realm… they’re going to bring it back again. Don’t even try to convince me that they’re not going to bring it back lol. They literally established Hunter and Luz as Caleb and Evelyn towards the end of TTT… and now at the beginning of FTF they show us Evelyn’s house. Totally not worth noting or anything, im sure...
You know that one trope in stories with time travel plots where they show us a location in one point in time, but when the character goes to the past or future it looks similar but different? This is what’s going to happen here. They’re showing us what the gate and archway look like because this is an entry point to Evelyn’s house, which Luz and Hunter will end up at later.
They’re going to show us Caleb and Evelyn for two reasons:
1.) They need to turn the audiences assumptions about Caleb and Evelyn’s relationship on it's head.
... I'll emphasize this for the 9348023944th time: it's absolutely essential we meet Caleb and Evelyn in order for the parallels between Luz/Hunter and Evelyn/Caleb to work. We also need to destroy any sort of sympathetic qualities the majority of the audience thinks Philip has. Again, most people do not consume media with a fine tooth comb, so most people aren't going to notice or even CARE to look for the context clues in Hollow Mind. We also need to note that the story of Caleb and Evelyn is told exclusively from humanity's perspective. Humans have consistently portrayed Caleb as a victim of bewitchment, Evelyn as a malicious entity, and Philip as a man who wants justice for having his only kin taken from him. Humanity thinks Philip is a man worthy of sympathy - and this is how most people who watch TOH are going to view him, because they will not be aware of the context clues of Hollow Mind. Their assumptions about Caleb, Evelyn, and Philip need to be completely destroyed. This is why its absolutely integral for them to make an appearance before this series ends.
We also need to see them so Hunter can know who Caleb was as a person. I already talked about this towards the beginning of this post... but basically once Hunter meets Caleb and sees his relationship with Evelyn, he will have a better view of himself and Caleb. All Hunter knows about this dude is that he was a witch-hunter lured away to his doom by a witch, he's Philip's brother, and he supposedly founded the town of Gravesfield with Philip. The first one is obviously a lie and the last one might not even be true because history can be omitted and rewritten to fit certain narratives. But yeah, basically meeting Caleb would improve Hunter's view of himself.
2.) The majority of the audience believe Evelyn murdered Caleb, thanks to her protrayals in Yesterdays Lie and Thanks to Them.
In FTF it was implied Caleb died by a dagger wound, but the majority of the audience don’t know it was Philip who stabbed him. As Philip has never given explicit confirmation he was the one who killed Philip.
They’re also using his design as a teenager to make the audience think Caleb was murdered when he was really young. He wasn’t murdered as a teenager - he died when he was an adult. You won’t know this is a "trick" unless you look at the paintings in Hollow Mind. In the paintings in Hollow Mind, he is portrayed as an adult man with short hair. His hairstyle is a neater version of Hunter’s current hairstyle. When Caleb was a teenager, his hair was longer and in a pony tail.
Adult:
Teenager:
And another thing that confirms for me we are going to see Caleb and Evelyn: FTF made it very clear Belos is experiencing hallucinations. This is why he saw Luz as Evelyn and Hunter as Caleb in TTT [and Hunter as Caleb in King’s Tide after looking at Flapjack]. But despite this, we STILL don’t see Evelyn’s “ghost” appear at all in For The Future. This is another reason why I know we are going to see her in the final episode and that she’s going to look like Luz.
Seriously... what other logical reason is there for them to be so cagey with the way she looks if she didn't look like Luz? Why hide her appearance if shes just going to end up looking like Eda or Willow? If she looked like Eda, they would have shown us her face in Hollow Mind. If she looked like Willow they would have shown us her face in Hollow Mind, because Huntlow is totally going to be endgame right? There's no reason for them to hide her face in Hollow Mind or to not have her "ghost" appear in For the Future UNLESS they're building up for the reveal she looks like Luz.
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Okay, this is the fun part:
So, first of all, you know this image from Sense and Insensitivity - the episode that spoils certain story beats?
I thought they were going to drop this, but still go for a heavily implied Lunter endgame. Because almost every other piece of foreshadowing in this episode has happened [one of the drawing’s on the board is going to happen in the final episode. Consult the other post focused on Sense and Insensitivity to see what I mean]… but now… since time travel is obviously involved in the last episode I’m starting to think they’ll still go here.
Here’s the thing, I just don’t see Luz and Hunter going to Evelyn and Caleb’s time then just… going through a time door to the present right out the gate. That’s really really boring. Here's some possibilities.
1.) Since there is a level of tragedy at play this season with Eda and Raine being slated for death [and I think Eda's palisman is going to get killed by Belos], along with King getting sent to the past - all the way back to when his father died - and aging since then… It’s entirely possible Luz is going to age as well. We still don’t know how time doors work, but if we operate under the assumption they’re random like time pools, then Luz and Hunter might need to wait for the door to open at the correct time. I don’t think this is going to happen because it’s boring and it’s like… opening and closing the door would eat up alot of Titan Blood. While Evelyn did have access to alot of vials of titan blood, it’s still a highly coveted resource since people need to mine for it.
But another issue with this theory is that it would be really, really hard for Camila to explain what happened to Luz when she goes back to the human realm. Like Luz can't just drop out of school and disappear without Child Protective Services getting all up in Camilla's business lmao.
Unless Camila just... forsakes the life she built for herself in the demon realm to live on The Boiling Isles with Luz... but I dont see this happening tbh.
2.) This one is the option I believe they’re going to go with. Evelyn helps Luz and Hunter build a time door, but it has a one time use. It’s a one way ticket to the exact point in time they want - and the exact point in time they pick is a situation where they fight Belos in the future. But instead of going through the door right away, they choose to stay in the past to train under Evelyn until they feel like they’re ready to face Belos. Then once they’re ready, they’ll go through the door to kick his ass.
In this scenario, I don't see both of them aging significantly... they'll probably stay in the past for a few months, since Hunter and Luz are fast learners.
Even though Luz was on TBI's for only a few months, she rediscovered a lost form of magic AND she figured out you could combine glyphs to create spells. Just so you know, it took Philip YEARS to figure out he could combine glyphs, while it only took Luz around what... a month to figure that out. She also studies wild magic, which Evelyn would know since she comes from "The Savage Ages".
As for Hunter - the kid is literally a "teenage prodigy" and spent a great deal of his time studying while he was training to be the next Golden Guard. And he ALSO has an interest in wild magic.
So... the thing is: Evelyn somehow managed to fix her door to one location in the human realm, which was Caleb’s house. The door can be opened anywhere in the demon realm, but has one fixed location in the human realm. We still don’t know how she did this, but she could probably figure out how to fix a hypothetical time door to a specific point in time. Since she figured out the right ingredients to build a door to the human realm and have it be fixed to one location, she could figure out the right ingredients for a time door.
But yeah...
They’re most likely going to go with option 2 as a way to contrast with Luz choosing to stay on The Boiling Isles at the beginning of the series. And since they’ll be spending some time in the past, this will give Luz enough time to move on from Amity.
I honestly don’t think it’ll take her years to move on from Amity, because Luz has been mentally preparing herself to initiate a break-up for months. And narratively speaking, Luz was never going to break it off with Amity, because Amity has been set-up to be the one who ends their relationship. I just want to remind everyone: Luz came to the conclusion breaking it off with everyone was the best option for Amity and their friends. Luz thought about this for months, so the blow of a break-up will hurt less for her than it will for Amity.
Another thing to take note of: Luz was going to spring a break-up on Amity right after she found Eda and King. She even tried doing this to Amity before she found out Amity and their friends discovered a map to Titan blood. She had MONTHS to prepare for a break-up while Amity would have had this sprung onto her without warning. This is why I don’t think Luz is going to be NEARLY as heartbroken as Amity’s going to be when a breakup happens. Luz thinks her secret - wanting to break it off with everyone - is just going to be swept under the rug and never brought up again. However, Luz's secrets always come to the surface. She either throws herself into a situation where she is forced to tell someone her secret or someone else forces it to the surface. [The only exception to this "rule" is Camila accidentally turning on Luz's laptop]. Luz will not tell Amity or her friends her secret unless these two scenarios happen.
The only person who knows Luz wanted to break it off with everyone is Camila. And she's not going to her daughters secret to anyone - she even kept it a secret from Gus and Willow in FTF. So Luz's secret is going to come to the surface through whatever game The Collector is going to play with her. Another thing people need to take note of is that because of King, The Collector knows Eda's and Luz's personalities like the back of his hand. He's going to know about Luz's tendency to keep secrets from the people she loves.
But uuuuuh...
... Speaking of Luz and Hunter staying in the past... Hunter and Luz getting to live with Flapjack for awhile before they go back to the future KNOWING what’s going to happen to him in the future is going to fucking destroy me LOL.
ANYWAYS... back to Luz and Hunter staying in the past:
They’ll have more fighting experience and will have more spells to use during their final fight with Belos. Luz and Hunter are very intelligent and they both have a keen interest in wild magic. So it’s not going to take them long to learn all the spells Evelyn knows. Luz is going to need time to figure out how to fight with a staff and Hunter is going to need time to figure out how to harness Flapjacks magic consistently.
God... like... I really want to see Evelyn give Luz her red witches cloak - which will once AGAIN establish Luz as Evelyn with about as much subtlety as Philip calling Luz "Evelyn". I honestly want Luz and Hunter to get a change of outfit that fully sets them up as Caleb and Evelyn before they fight Philip once last time.
Oh right... another thing: Theres foreshadowing of Luz getting fucking murked by Philip, we are straight up going to have a reversal of what happened with Caleb and Evelyn. Where "Evelyn" is the one who's going to be stabbed by Philip and not "Caleb".
Let me just list the foreshadowing of Luz dying real quick:
1.) Sense and Insensitivity:
Luz: Luzura dies?!
King: I know right? What a twist!
2.) Thanks to Them, during Camila's dream:
Luz: Oh happy dagger, give me death!
3.) Thanks to Them, this comes after point number 2:
4.) Thanks to Them, this comes after point number three:
"Philip set off to save his brother and bring the witch to justice."
The dagger he's holding is the same one he used to kill Caleb with:
This is why a reversal is going to happen - where Luz [Evelyn] is the one who dies and not Hunter [Caleb]. Like, theres no way hes not going to try seeking justice from Luz because he sees her as Evelyn.
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Right, Right okay soooo I've been thinking about how this time travel situation is going to play out. I think it's going to go like this:
Luz and Hunter go back in time to meet Caleb and Evelyn - but it's not on the day Caleb dies - its some time before he dies. Luz and Hunter get to bond with Flapjack, Caleb, and Evelyn for a few months. They part ways with Flapjack, Caleb, and Evelyn, which is going to be bittersweet because Hunter and Luz know they'll never see Caleb and Evelyn again. They also know whats going to happen to Flapjack in the future. Hunter and Luz leave thinking Caleb and Evelyn are going to live long and happy lives together: and this is when Philip shows up to ruin everything.
We get to see the fight leading up to Caleb's death. Not only has the nature of Evelyn's and Caleb's relationship been completely flipped on its head - we also get explicit confirmation Philip murdered Caleb and not Evelyn.
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You might be thinking, oh but there’s not enough time for TWO time plots. I’d say, yeah there is.
Okay so, first of all, whatever game Luz and The Collector are going to play isn't going to be that long. This games only purpose is to force Luz's secret to the surface. Luz's secrets are always forced to the surface and it happens in two ways: The first way is Luz throws herself into a dangerous situation to distract herself from her emotional turmoil, which inevitably spirals so out of control she is forced to tell her secret to the person she's hiding it from. The second way is someone just straight up exposes Luz's secret to everyone - like what Philip did in Thanks to Them. The only exception to this pattern is Camila accidentally turning on Luzs laptop. But the point is is that the story has always made sure Luz couldnt keep a secret from her loved ones.
This game shes going to play with TC isn't supposed to be interesting or take up alot of time. It's going to be "anticlimatic" because again, its only purpose is to expose Luz's secret. And ya know... The Collector isn't the final villain of the story, so Luz and him aren't going to be in conflict for a huge chunk of the episode.
King isn’t going to get alot of time dedicated to him because he’s not the protagonist. Most of the time is going to go to Luz. We are only going to see King's father in his final moments and we're going to see King accepting the reality that he's trapped in the past - millions of years before the present day. Maybe we even see him carve the mural from Echoes of The Past. That's literally it.
We'll see someone - most likely Amity as she has been established to be great with kids in The Collectors age group - talk The Collector down from his tantrum. I don't see Camila doing this because I feel like the writers are going to have Camila meet up with Eda before her confrontation with Philip. I also think King [the future version of King] is going to help Amity calm him down. Because again, we have no idea what kind of power The Collector is going to dish out while throwing a tantrum.
Eda, Lilith and Camila fighting Belos [as he's possessing Raine] isn't going to take up alot of time either. Because the purpose of this fight is to kill Eda - this isn't some grand final battle - it exists specifically to emotionally compromise Luz and to highlight the tragedy at play in this season. This fight is also important for upping the stakes for Luz's final battle with Philip.
Philip is going to need to consume a palisman so he doesn't get one-shot by Luz in their final confrontation. Swapping bodies is going to put him at a disadvantage and his monster form is literally falling apart. He will continue to deteriorate if he doesn't regain his human form - which he can only do if he consumes a palisman.
Having Belos regain his human form and mental clarity will make the final fight much more tense than if he entered this fight as a deteriorating mass of goo. Because when Philip is in top form - Luz can't beat him. She can't beat him because this dude has CENTURIES worth of battle experience and magical knowledge he learned from The Collector. Luz couldn't even beat him when he switched to his monster form in King's Tide WITH EVERYONES HELP. This is how dangerous he is. This is also why I don't see the final battle ending with Philip dying. Luz and anyone else who comes with her into the final fight isn't going to be able to kill him. King still has the mirror The Collector was in, so Philip is set-up for a fate worse than death by eternal imprisonment.
I mean, maybe Philip will just die? It's kind of weird, because here's the thing about the mirror: It belonged to King's father AND you need an incredible amount of power to take someone out of it. So you MIGHT need an incredible amount of power to put someone IN it. I have no fucking idea - it's 50/50. Truthfully I don't want King to be remotely close to this fight with Belos, as he could turn this final fight into an anti-climatic shitstorm with his deity-like powers. While I do PREFER Philip to be given a fate worse than death - I don't want it if King or The collector are going to be involved in it. I would rather have Luz and Hunter kill this little idiot than have the literal god beings come in to completely undercut the tension of the fight.
...AHEM...
So... yeah... There's are only two things that are going to take up alot of time: Luz and Hunter meeting Caleb and Evelyn and the final fight between Philip, Luz and Hunter.
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We are not going to get any other characters joining in for the confrontation with The Collector or the Final Fight between Luz, Hunter and Philip. Do you know why they dedicated a good chunk of time in the second episode to the teen characters and Kikimora, despite the fact they could have just written them out of the episode entirely? It’s because you are never going to see these characters again.
You might see them at the very end of the third episode. But they’re not going to leech from the screen-time of the third episode. First of all, the confrontation between Luz and The Collector isn't going to be this grand thing spanning over most of the episode. To reiterate: It's only purpose is to force Luz's secret to the surface. The Collector isn't the villain of the story, so it makes absolutely no fucking sense to dedicate most of the episode to their confrontation. Nobody is going to show up to help Luz if she fumbles the bag with The Collector. The only character in the cast who has the courage to put himself in-between The Collector [a literal god] and Luz is King.
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See... I’m not here to argue whether or not Hunter and Luz getting together by the end of the story would be “bad” from a storytelling perspective. Because I’d say “no” lol.
First of all, Luz has been mentally preparing herself for a break-up for months. She was ready to break it off with everyone before she even knew her friends and girlfriend found a map leading to Titan blood.
By the way, the fall out between her and Amity is entirely Luz's fault. She's the one who continuously hides information from Amity, despite Amity making it clear time and time again she loves Luz and is willing to help her - but she cant help her unless Luz tells her whats bothering her. Despite being told this AND receiving unconditional love from Amity, she still hides stuff from her. This is an issue that's present in every single episode focusing on their relationship. This issue was also established in the very first episode focusing on them as a couple. And to think the writers will let Luz get away with attempting to spring a break-up on Amity - despite her unconditional love and support for Luz - is laughable. Because this show has never let Luz get away with keeping secrets from those around her. AND to think Amity wouldn't be heartbroken when she finds out Luz wanted to break-up with her is also laughable.
Anyways...
Hunter would obviously develop feelings for Luz because… she’s Luz… Shes incredibly intelligent and has an amazing personality - and if it wasn’t for her he’d be another body in a Golden Guard “graveyard”. She’s the only reason why he has anything good in his life. She’s also the only reason why he gave Flapjack a chance. I have to remind people that without Flapjack, he would have never gone back to save Willow and Gus in Any Sport in A Storm. The only reason why he went to help them is because he knew Belos was going to kill their palismen. Because of Flapjack, he was able to form a friendship with Willow and Gus - without Flapjack he would have never been able to bond with Gus and Willow through a flyer derby game. Hunter's friendship with Gus and Willow would have never came to be if Luz didn't show him wild magic wasn't dangerous. So to think Hunter wouldn't fall head over heels with Luz, especially when he's going to be spending some one on one time with her is just... hard to believe lol.
#lunter#huge theory post lmao#that ends abruptly because I am so fucking tired my dudes lol I aint getting paid to write consistently
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Hello op tis me again!! Apologies for taking [checks notes] 84 years to get back to you I have had A Week. However!!! Cayn and Ysabel continue to live rent free <3 like I'm just so obsessed with how gothic they are which is like. My favorite thing tbh. Part of me is gratified bc everything you said I kept nodding and going yeah I thought so, because your art was so *clear* the vibes were just. So easy to read (in the best way). I THOUGHT the ring was a match with Aegon's and also rip the rat tail long live the rat tail. I have to say Ysabel haunts me but Cayn scratches an Itch. Like. U feel me? Cayn belongs squarely in Hannibal NBC with his palatable person suit that is doing very little to distract *him* from the fact that he's about to eat someone whole and raw and it's probably going to be someone he loves before he moves on to someone he hates. Maybe it'll even be the same person. Who knows!! There's this tragedy to them both but Cayn is almost trying to tell himself he can Change it and Control the way the tragedy will fall (and getting humbled bad lmao) while Ysabel is like. Carrion carted away by the waves. Never stood a chance and at some point she stopped fighting very hard. Also I feel like. There's this Deep Intimacy yet Huge Emotional Distance between Aemond and Ysabel where neither knows how to communicate or really Approach someone so instead they have to consume maim kill leave a mark. I cannot touch you except to hurt you ect. And her obsession with him is in and of itself so haunted bc it's like she wants to Eat Him but she Doesn't but that way she can Control It but. And we stay at that but. While with Aegon and Cayn it's like yes I do like you. I fear writing the stronger word. Instead I will eat you whole and you will remember me by the imprint of my teeth on your side and I will remember you by the way I bloat with desire for you and choke on your blood <3 and it's like wooow. Wooow. Love it. Obsessed with it. As you can tell I do not like them normal. Do u know what happens to them at the end of the war? I can't imagine Ysabel ending up any better than Helaena. But also. I gotta say. Big fan of tragic siblings I am—I have So Many Feelings about these two relating to each other qnd hoe The Love Was Apparently There and it Didn't Change Anything. Too many feelings to put it too words. After all that word vomit (thank u if you read the whole way through) I wish to tell you that u have inspired me to make my Bolton oc more weird and unsettling and haunted. My disgraced Lenora and her legion of skinned animals and skulls <3 My Shadowskin Lady. I want her to be such a Freak while also being so tragic and doomed to being nothing but a third wife <3 but anyway!! I have stolen enough of your time and wish you good luck with your commissions!! Thank uu for replying to me and I look forward to future works on these doomed suckers 😌
under the cut because this got long ..
IM JUST GLAD TO BE TALKING ABOUT THEM !
it did make me sit and stare and giggle a little bit because its true you were very on the mark with them . i do think part of the charm with the boltons Is their inability to be anything but very un-subtly gothic and weird and strange . you look at them and you can immediately clock what's going on here .
and its very true… ill be so real and genuine i STILL havent watched hannibal the whole way through but ive absorbed the vibe enough through many years of being a gay person online to where yeah definitely this guy has some hannibal in him . that bit of restraint in really really trying to put yourself in a square that slowly but surely begins to crack under the weight of at the core needing to feed the urge to hurt something . believes himself to be strong enough to keep it away but ultimately the same fate waits each time …… similarly to ysabel . they both end up in the same place of hurt inflicted on others and in turn on themselves but while cayn fights against it and tries to rise above it ysabel leans into it and accepts it regardless of how much it scares her because she's always been taught to lay down and take whatever comes her way as a polite nice lady that doesn't fight and doesn't say no .
i do like to spin their relationships around in my mind . both separately and between each other . with ysabel i feel like her most intimate moments Are when she gets to be a little unhinged ie biting and chewing on someone etc because its very raw . so entirely separate from anything she knows and anything that's expected of her and so desperate and pleading that it gets very real . whereas cayn for a long time sees that violence as a failure to himself and in turn prefers to sit down and have a polite conversation and only thinks of how it would be to reach across the table and strangle a man .
ultimately though that violence is inherent to him i like to think he wants to feel in control of it . wants to have the upper hand no matter what and doesnt like when it becomes an urge that just drives you without thought or reason . ysabel starving animal who cant help it vs cayn predator on a calculated hunt etc
in the end theyre both very much formed by being raised by a dad who was so much worse . united in misery and a root of violence and hate and death that was planted in them from the moment they were born . they both have it and they will never escape it because there was never a point where it wasnt there.
as for endings ….
i'm a little conflicted on them both partially because i still need to iron out some war details etc but as a general frame of reference it ends aaaalmost the same as in canon beyond the fact that the greens win a little more vividly . well . as much as you can 'win' a terrible tragic war with your own family . in the end jaehaera + aegon + alicent + cayn + ysabel and her kids are alive . aegon iii and viserys ii hang around too like in canon . i imagine errhhmmmm… (taps my noggin) aegon remarries . ive been fond of cassandra baratheon stepmom to jaehaera lately . well.. king's landing politics ensue . everyone is sort of miserable . i swear that i'll get to figuring it all out one day . i swear!!!!
most relevant to court i guess would be ysabel since i imagine she remains in the red keep for most of the war and after it . mentioned somewhere i think but she has two kids - a daughter (aelora) and a son (baelor) both of which make it through the war - but baelor is weak and sickly kind of partially because ysabel is basically left half-bedbound after her second pregnancy that probably shouldn't have happened in the first place . … he dies of illness pretty young which sends ysabel spiraling even worse than she already was post war . girls who have their bodies irreversibly ruined and torn apart to where they can barely function anymore in the hopes of having a son - giving a little boy to a husband who is bound to die at war and having your son follow closely behind and having it all be for nothing . i think she grows to resent her daughter silently for being a girl (westerosi misogyny so deeply seated even in its women) and i don't think they ever really grow all that close . sits and rots in her chambers or in the gardens and dreams about her dead son and her dead husband instead of looking to the family she has that are still there .
i think she's kind of disconnected from court just based on the fact she's entirely too hurt physically and mentally to really even be able to contribute much . she's allowed to sit in her misery because she's family to the targs atp but it's a little rough . in a little twist of weird connections i think she would get along with aegon iii pretty well in the sense that they're both horrendously miserable and she projects some sort of son onto him. sits and reads with him and talks about whatever kids talk about and acts like nothing is wrong for a few hours
i played with the idea of her eventually joining the silent sisters as a sort of final frontier of guilt and shame and horror at what her life becomes but i don't think she would even have the drive to do that much at the end of the war LOL
and cayn …
this one is trickier because he's …. … ……..? i dont know. i think its tough to find a real direction for him in my mind and i cant figure out why . but i think i got it.. more context first > their dad dies during the war, i imagine somewhere around rook's rest after the north is openly split apart or a bit later on when they actually try to go against the starks directly, and in my mind it kind of leaves cayn in (similarly to ysabel) in a state of being trapped in the past in a place he can never return to . their dad represents everything cayn believes he should be and all he should live up to and all his house and family stand for and seeing him die really does get to him . not to mention he also gets hurt pretty bad - just that chunk of harm that comes with war and what it'll do to a man. forever stuck on some field of battle far away and the world keeps spinning but you never quite spin along with it . dons his dad's armor and now suddenly he's saddled with the weight of responsibility and duty and all their family's pain both literally and metaphorically . kind of resembles the bolton skinchanging theories if you really get insane about it ie you take on a man's skin (his weird flesh armor) and now you're just as much him as you are yourself etc
i imagine he returns to king's landing for a while after they've duked it out with the starks for a bit and the north cools off a little . comes back and he's hurt and aegon is hurt and barely conscious half the time and his facade probably drops pretty harshly . spends some time taking care of aegon and doing what he's told and dreams about the fact that there has to be a purpose and a meaning to fighting a war . goes against what he used to want (restraint) and drives himself to violence and hate because if he doesn't then he'll sit down and think and realize that his dad died for nothing and theyve been fighting stupid battles for a cause that he doesn't really care about . rabid guard dog off the leash with no true goal he wants for and no true cause he believes in .
by the time the war ends and aegon remarries i imagine he leaves court because admittedly he would actually seethe a little bit seeing aegon married again . with helaena it was okay because i think he recognizes neither of them chose that and neither of them (from my perspective) really love the other in any romantic sense but when it's an active choice he gets really really upset . silently of course . <3 the gay yearning catches up with him and he faces the fact aegon is barely a person anymore and he has no place at court in turn .
goes home to the north and with the greens sort-of-winning he's given winterfell and titles and they settle into some kind of peace for a little while. he marries a karstark girl because it's what his father had intended for him and they're about as unhappy as you can get in a relationship. maybe they have a son in time but more than likely not. i think while everything kind of holds up for a while there are a lot of issues here that don't seem to ever really get resolved properly - lots of unhappy lords and lots of bastard siblings who think they know better and lots of rumors and disagreements and a steady swirling pot of disaster boiling under the surface. i can imagine he goes off to fight off some rebellion after a good few years and ends up dead . maybe for the best .
i dont know if ysabel even really processes it . i think if she wasnt already so unresponsive she WOULD just step out a window
in another reality that im going to manifest in my mind space cayn stays in king's landing after the war and has someone else manage the north . sticks around and tries to ignore the fact that he's jealous and angry and feels no satisfaction or ease even when they've won and the war is over . sticks around and has a toxic evil homosexual relationship with the king that grows strained when he has a new wife and a kingdom to run properly this time and they settle into a horribly tense unbearable distance that's broken only when cayn steps up and poisons him or just chokes him out or something and proceeds to kill himself ala your first gay situationship where dying feels like a good alternative to having to process the fact that you cant really be together . hope you understand . either way the boltons (well . the ones that are relevant in this case there are always cousins and second cousins etc in asoiaf to pick up the slack) fizzle out and end up miserable or dead even after the promise of power and status is fulfilled . don't aim too high or you'll have that much further to fall if you will
a whole lot of nonsense being put out here but i hope you enjoy whatever's cooking …. really really appreciate the interest and im glad to provide whatever u might be wondering about + more ramblings… would LOVE to see more freakish bolton ocs also . there is nothing like a horrible house that raises horrible people who reek of tragedy and terror and a doomed narrative and SO many chances to make something so fun please tell me more !
#txt#asks#oc tag#taps my noggin. subject to change .#i was going to do some doodles for this one but i got hit with the commission panic beam so itll have to be for another time .#skipping and giggling and playing etc
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I love your posts about Denethor and Faramir. I'm always glad to see someone who loves both him and Faramir and gets that Denethor being this hugely impressive tragic figure makes Faramir so much better and more interesting. The relationship between them is so complex and I love it so much. The film versions make me angry as well.
oh man thank you so much...i find it kinda crazy that you're saying this to me bc im pretty sure i have a bunch of posts from your denethor tag sitting around in my drafts so i can look back at them later. many days i feel very much like an Amateur Denethor Enjoyer but i am thrilled that me just kind of being unhinged on the dash has brought you joy. and get ready bc here i go again LOL
yeah exactly what you said...denethor's tragedy informs and is informed by faramir so so so much and it's just kind of wild to me that on the tragedy enjoyers website so many people refuse to see it. on the second-best enjoyers website...the guilt-and-despair enjoyers website...the "the unimaginable has happened and i AM going to kill people and then myself" enjoyers website...i could go on! he is literally doomed by the narrative and just goes well ok fuck you i WILL die at the end but it will NOT be in the way the narrative wants me to.
it is truly the relationship of all time. faramir does love his father and yet because of the strength of his principles he is genuinely incapable of showing it in a way that denethor can understand. and denethor loves him too but after a certain point just cannot show it anymore because duty has to take precedence. he's not allowed to give faramir any quarter even in private. and YES that includes anything that would resemble a normal emotion. ngl i wouldn't be surprised if that's the only way faramir is like. LETTING him communicate with him. like i feel like the final assault on osgiliath is not the first time faramir's taken the "if you want to get me to do something you ARE going to have to order me to do it" stance. and yet denethor tries. at the end he takes trying to an unhinged level. idk it often feels like even in the general fandom insistance on one-dimensionally dickish denethor there's somehow also a lack of understanding that it IS a toxic expression of love but that doesn't make it not love. like He's Not Winning Dad Of The Year that is not what we're saying at all. we're saying is "it was born of love. it was a terrible thing yet born of love." thats all! that's why it's so tragic because it's all about love!!! augh...
ok i don't typically put quotations from my own writing in like real posts but also ive been thinking about the faramir goes to rivendell au 24/7 and i just. HAVE to pull this line bc it kind of captures exactly how i feel about the denethor-and-faramir mutual Character Honing.
Yet he [Faramir] cannot deny that each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other, and it is a debt he loathes to owe and yet cannot hope to repay.
i mean.......like are you picking up what im putting down! like! AAA! both in-narrative and out of it they are always ALWAYS making each other better (or worse. but worse in a More Interesting Way) but AT WHAT COST!!! he loves his father he would not be the man he is today without his father both in a good and bad way he HATES that these two things are true. faramir and denethor are not foils they're parallels they build each other's characters up when you put them next to each other!! faramir is who denethor wouldve couldve been without the war!! hey hang on a second is denethor who faramir would've become if he were the lord steward during the war of the ring? (this is a little reductive i think faramir's susceptibility to despair is quite different to his father's. and i wonder how long his gentleness would've prevailed / worked side by side with his duty instead of being diametrically opposed to it. but anyway. well i'll be thinking about THAT for the rest of the night. i cannot start another au i cannot i cannot i cannot). anyway you can't get one of them without getting the other and that is all...
man i always say like oh don't get me started on movie faramir and denethor and then the don't think of an elephant effect GETS me and it gets me started. last night i genuinely said like "well i won't get into it" and then three hours later it was 2am and it was so very clear that i had Gotten Into It. i had to tell our other roommate like "tell me when ur going to bed i am talking about denethor and i will be yelling." my roommate just came home and i told her about this post and then i had to explain a detail and she SET ME A THREE MINUTE TIMER bc she was like i have to go study. and that's fair
anyway i hope you are having a good night/day/whatever time it is for you. thank you for this ask it is always fun to see you pop up in my notifs whenever im denethorposting lol
#from the inbox#bretwalda-lamnguin#i always get so bitchy when im talking about the popular interpretation LOL#i had to like take some deep breaths and remove The Tone from this post. if its still there thats on me#i feel like you get it#Another 800+ Word Denethor Post From Yours Truly. when u become a denethor girl (gnc) there is truly no going back...#denethorposting
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I really hate how trauma effected my art. Ive seen many trauma survivors make beautiful art about survival and growth and other really beautiful stuff while i can only make really gross stuff about destruction and hopelessness. I dont like it. Every time i tried to make lighthearted things it didnt feel sincere.
I saw a movie about a disabled person who had an accepting environment and parents who loved him and everyone who heart him learnt from it and became kind to him and he grew up happily. It was around the time my story was really shapping up and i was even starting to be proud of it. But after watching that movie i felt so gross. That story actually gave hope to people but the only thing people will get from my stories is a small echo of my trauma. My brain is too clpuded by pain in order to create anything else. It makes me feel like a bad person. Did you ever go trough something like this?
heyo dear <3 yea i really do get what youre saying. my best friend some weeks ago was saying i need to put my art and writing and ideas out there and it send me down this same spiral, and its still something im struggling w tbh.. it makes me feel like maybe ive got nothing to add but my hopelessness, dispair, endless entrapment and contemplation of pain and sadness and doomfullness and trauma to this world... at least, most of it seems to be that, or it seems at best a fixation on trying to find some sort of grim, melancholic beauty in the rot. and whats the point, when theres already so much of that in the world..? and its made me feel like a bad person too, bc it just further reminds me im not that "ideal" trauma survivor
but. ive been trying to look at it other ways too. i think theres value in your writing and art if it comes from sincerity, and i think theres value in art which is depressing and doomful if its real and from the soul about it
i think it can provide a comfort for people who are much like you and i, at least, i always found that sort of art did.... if anything, while everyonce in awhile i appreciate a movie like the one youre speaking of, theres also many (most times) when even if i find it sweet, i find it.... harder to connect to, harder to resonate with, harder to care about. its nice and all, but i guess i tend to gravitate twoards art which makes my pain feel understood, seen, like someone else out there gets it, feels it too... and i think there really is just as much importance in that sort of art being out there as there is in that more positive side of it i guess ....... kinda like how i find comfort in even you sending this message, you know? you didnt write me some sort of hopeful thing, and yet, its both nice and sad just knowing someone has had these same thoughts and feelings running through their head and struggles w this too
... and.. maybe it doesnt seem like it to you at times, but i think in the first place writing a story, working on it putting it out there is in and of itself able to give ppl hope. bc its making something out of your pain and trauma, using it in some way, channeling it; hell, managing to get stuff out there despite feeling bad and traumatized - thats something
... and really on top of that, havent so many of the great pieces of literature of this world Been that anyway? doom, melancholy, lements, depression feeling haunted trauma endless problems endless tragedy with seeminly no resolution a general feeling of doom and dispair, clearly heavily influenced by these authors own shit.... and yet, they are read by so many people so many times, for both their artistic quality sure, but their relatabilty and realness too, their rawness, so that we can sit with something which understands. if you feel like your story and your writing is all doom and dispair you wouldn't be the first one for sure; plenty of great writers kept that going for decades
...
you cant and shouldnt force art, it should come from the soul. if right now this is how it is bc youre not feelijg or doing better, then it is how it is and it still has value.... and maybe one day, and i really hope so and wish so for you, you'll be better, yea? you will feel more healed, more hopeful, more at peace, in less pain, less tired deep down. and maybe then, your art will change and reflect what you will be feeling inside moreso, you will be making more of that art which feels more hopeful abt things... but until then, i rly think its still worthwhile and meaningful to keep working on what you've been working on <3 its what ive been trying to tell myself too
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1 ,17,18
you didn't specify a ship for them, so i'm just gonna do yuniesky/a-z
NOTE: the character names, in canon, are conditional yuniesky and chester abu-zaid. in my lore, conditional yuniesky is comprised of a supercomputer monolith (named conditional) and its caretaker/friend (yuniesky). chester abu-zaid is comprised of a guy who got isekaied from a children's anime to blaseball land (nadeem abu-zaid) and his cyborg service dog, chester. so although the name is technically chester abu-zaid, im referring to the human as nadeem.
this kinda got long so it's under a read more now
1. Describe their first date.
their first official date, they just make dinner and watch a movie at nadeem's apartment. but there were a couple of non-official dates where they were like "is this a date??? are we dating???"
17. How well do they communicate? Are they open with their feelings/thoughts or more reserved? Why?
ok. so. this one requires backstory.
yunie's whole thing is that he is trying so hard to never feel emotions. they're literally that post that's like "the best ship is goofy guy x guy with catholic guilt." also sorry for introducing catholicism to the blaseball universe. anyway, he had a sort of front he put up for different social circles. although, the spies are kind of his only social circle. yuniesky put a concerning amount of effort into his act. like the same type of inner dialogue Light has with himself in death note. except instead of "would kira do this?" it was "would the specific version of myself that i have crafted in order to keep my coworkers friendly but at arms-length do this?" and then, inevitably, everyone Found Out and they were fucking pissed at him for lying to them (except for nanci, who was just impressed and intrigued). everyone was like "what did we do to be so untrustworthy?" and yunie's like "im going to get such a good grade in being a spy." it wasn't until rosa died that he was like "oh! i might be with these people when i die. these might be the last people i ever see." and slowly, he started letting down his walls. it was the first time that it occurred to him that he was doomed and, yet, not alone. and at some point, he gets closer to a-z specifically, and tbh i forgot the question. um. communication. yuniesky TRIES to communicate now. he's still not very good at it, but there's much more of an attempt now. nadeem, on the other hand, is a good communicator. so them and yunie have come up with non-verbal ways to communicate what's going on (and ways that don't involve words at all). nadeem sort of wears their heart on their sleeve, and they're generally really good at just taking whatever's thrown at them with some amount of grace. yuniesky has never had an emotion he didn't overanalyze to hell and back and then suppressed. he's much more reserved about everything in his life, but at some point becomes open enough to at least keep people updated.
18. How do they care for each other when one of them is wounded/sick?
for sickness: yunie makes food and brings it to them, does chores for them, makes sure they're comfortable, etc., but stays a healthy distance away. nadeem, however, is not as careful, and will 100% just give him a kiss and then get sick the next day.
for injuries: they both scold each other for being an idiot whilst patching the other up. yunie has a lot more knowledge about how to deal with wounds (mostly hiding them) but nadeem is better at actually being careful when dealing wounds and not just, like, poking it to see if it hurts like yunie does.
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22.12.22
im so lost about what to do with B. so far my tactic has been not messaging him first and, if he messages me, i reply. but im not gonna initiate any kind of interaction myself. it's just weird how we've been texting back and forth every day for a month and he insisted on seeing me and then poof radio silence. im confused but i do admit that i have been feeling a lot better ever since he stopped messaging me.
i saw my bestie before she left to the airport and we talked about boys and gossiped and omg her ex left to live on a farm like that's so funny to me. and i brought up B and she said i should message him on the 1st of january like "new year, new me. let's leave our relationship in 2022 and start 2023 without old baggage". and idk, it did sound tempting at first bc i am a dramatic bitch and plus i think now id be able to write a better and more heartfelt letter than last time. but... what's the point? that's just gonna lead him on even more. id much rather just keep my distance and not interact with him unless there's a real necessity. sure, there's a lot to say about this whole situation and maybe it would be good for me to write this letter just for myself and my own self reflection, but is that really useful? it's just gonna make things worse and hurt B even more.
anyway, as ive said before, i haven't really had the time to unpack everything that's happened. i feel like i need to analyse our relationship/breakup to be able to move forward. bc it's been at the back of my mind for such a long time and i need my conscience to be fully clear to be able to move on. so yesterday before bed i thought about B and reread my old diary entries on here.
and it's just so... sad how bad our relationship was. i was unhappy for five long years and for what. there was not one moment with him when i felt content and satisfied. five long years of unhappiness and frustration. and even the few fun moments that we had together were always under the shadow of this inescapable doom. it's so tragic. it's so tragic how something you believed was a pillar of your existence and your reason to live and such an integral part of you life was just... a bad relationship. not like in an abusive sense or like he was a bad person. no. it was just a mediocre relationship between two incompatible individuals. and all those dreams and hopes and tears and frustrations were just... a bad relationship.
so many years it felt like it was my destiny. i believed that B was the only one for me, that the planets had aligned when we first met. that this was it, he was going to be there forever bc he was meant to be with me. that everything in our lives had synchronised in such a perfect way and the possibility of us not being together was non existent. i believed that if we hadn't met that one night at a club in january of 2017, it would've happened either way. we would've met another time, at another club or at a park or in another country or a different year. but we would've found each other regardless bc we were meant to be together. and this belief kept me going. it kept me hoping that i just have to wait a little bit and it will all be perfect one day bc it was supposed to. but in the end, it was just a bad relationship. nothing more, nothing less. there was no magic or destiny or synchronicity. we were just in love and then it didn't work out. and that's it.
and then i thought about B's proposition of getting back together and actively working on trying to make it work, now that we both realised that our relationship was a bad one. and i actually believe that he's capable of change, despite what everyone says. (whether i want to get back together with him is a different question. and for now the answer is a definite no. but im just saying that in theory i know that he can put a lot of effort into things and change.) and i thought about some happy moments that we had together. not like extraordinary moments, but just little things that i enjoyed and wish we could've done more.
i remembered that one time when we were chilling in bed together and he went on instagram that he never used back in the day. and we looked at funny pictures of alpacas together and it made me laugh a lot. this moment lasted for maybe like 10 minutes. but if i ask myself the question "what does a perfect relationship look like" i think it's full of moments like this. just goofing around, laughing together, chilling and not thinking about anything else. and we barely had any moments like this with B, that's why that memory of us looking at alpacas on instagram stands out to me so much. i thought about how, if we do get back together, we'd make sure to have many moments like this. just cuddling in bed together and laughing. and then we'd kiss through the laughter and id feel his smile on my lips and we'd have sex and feel warm and in love. i thought about this scenario and started to touch myself. but then i remembered that ive had this fantasy scenario for years but... it never happened. this basic bare minimum scenario of cuddling with your boyfriend and smiling and having sex while being a happy and carefree couple never happened. it never happened.
it made me cry so much bc how many of what i believed were happy relationship moments were ever real? was our "insane sexual chemistry" that he'd always bring up ever real? throughout the five years of our relationship i had never ever initiated sex bc i felt so awkward about it. and so many times i just wanted it to end. i reread the stuff i posted on here throughout the years and it's just "im insecure in the bedroom", "my bf wants sex but i don't" over and over and over again.
so what does that mean? we had that one sweet moment while looking at alpacas on instagram, we went one that one cute walk in summer of 2021 that i really loved, we had a great trip to sarajevo in 2019, that at the moment was overshadowed by him trying to start a business... and that's it. that's literally it. that's the complete list of all fulfilling moments of our 5 year relationship. and yet i believed that it was written in the stars and that he was oh so perfect for me. like what was this all for? it's so astronomically absurd! all this frustration and suffering and all this never-ending hope, like what the hell was that? like it's astonishing how unhappy i was and yet it lasted for so long.
anyway, this whole thing is bothering me so much. nothing is clear, im very confused. and i just want it to be over.
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pairing: bokuto, iwaizumi, kageyama, kuroo, miya twins, and ushijima x shorter manager male reader
req: yes | cw: suggestive | 16+
alex: MOST OF THE TALL THIGH GUYS IN HAIKYUU SIMP FOR THE SHORTER MALE MANAGER AFTER THEY FOUND OUT HE LIKES BIG THIGHS(and tits and all that) WHILE THEY TRY TO MAKE THEIRS LOOK BIG AND JUICY????
hcs of tall boys simping for a shorter manager because they like thicc body parts
a/n: i didn’t mention this because i did want to write it, but alex, reqs were closed. unless you suggested this for 1.5k, in which case, just why?
Introduction
A volleyball training camp consisting of some of Japan’s most prominent high schools. Chaotic, right?
Well, many schools came: Aoba Johsai, Fukurodani, Nekoma, Inarizaki, Itachiyama, and Shiratorizawa.
These training camps often led to the teams’ managers getting to know each other better and bonding. And as Itachiyama’s manager, even if most of them were girls, you were no exception.
Which meant, while all the managers collectively did their manager duties like refilling water bottles, you talked.
And, for some reason, the topic of boys came along and what ‘type’ of boy they liked.
You see, the girls were nice. They looked for personalities, rather than body parts - most of them anyway.
You on the other hand, well, you loved thick boys.
Prominent man boobs, thick thighs, fat asses.
“Is that… why you became a manager?”
“Is that why you don’t hand out towels?”
Unbeknownst to you, and the girls, a few people were eavesdropping on you.
Bokuto
“I’d say that fits your description, right Bokuto?” Konoha playfully elbowed him on the chest, but the ace wasn’t paying attention. “Eh, Bokutooo? You there?”
He was not, in fact, there.
He really had no plan to charm you at all. If he already had these traits, surely your eyes would drift off to him, right?
But obviously, he subconsciously starts showing off more when you’re watching his match.
He starts glancing at you every time he scores a point. Slowly, glances turn into looks that ask for praise, like a puppy; and then looks turn into verbal “Did you see that (y/n)?!”
You don’t know when or why he started fixating on you, but you certainly weren’t complaining.
Thanks to your praise, Bokuto slowly starts getting more comfortable around you. Then, one day after he scores the game winning point, he runs over to you.
Before you know it, he’s pulled you into a hug.
“WOO (Y/N), DID YOU SEE THAT?!”
But you don’t reply, because 1) you can’t with your face smushed against man boobies, and 2) this is heaven.
Bokuto’s confused, of course, until he realizes your hands on his thighs.
He only laughs it off, until Komori comes. Behind the libero is a possessive looking Sakusa and a scary Iizuna. Komori’s about to spew some protective comment like, “hands of our manager” but you stop him.
The will to stay in this bear hug is stronger than the boobies giving you an inability to speak. “Let me have this, Komori.”
“Ah, right, you like this kind of stuff.” The libero laughs, slowly nudging Sakusa and Iizuna away.
“What’s this kind of stuff?”
“You, hot stuff.”
Iwaizumi
“Iwa-chan, you’re not gonna leave me for him, righ-?”
“Shut up, Oikawa.”
It starts off subtle, wiping off sweat from his face with the bottom of his shirt and making sure to expose his pecs. Though such a thing works when there’s no other thicc boy in the room.
Then he starts stretching more often, particularly his legs.
Sometimes, on particularly hot days, he rolls his shorts even higher up his thigh.
Slowly, as you start to talk more often, he does the same things while you’re hanging out relatively alone.
“Hajime.”
“Hm?” He stops his stretching, looking at you curiously. You lick your lips, your gaze looking at his thighs.
“Keep stretching.”
He obeys. His thighs flex and stiffen, the stretching starts getting painful, but he doesn’t stop because he knows you like it. When you press a hand against his thigh, he lets out a low groan.
“Fuck, Hajime.”
Finally, he knows you’re absolutely enamoured with his body.
Kageyama
“None of us fit that description.”
“Shut up, boke.”
“I mean...you fit that description?”
Each time he knows his gaze is on you, as he’s in the back line ready to receive a serve, he sticks out his ass just that little bit more. Along with tensing his thighs.
Sometimes he drags Hinata to receive his serves somewhere within your vicinity. When Hinata receives it and sends it back to him, he doesn’t catch it. Instead, he lets it fall so that you can watch him bend over to grab it.
He might even shake his ass a little.
One time, when something accidentally falls out of his hands, you confront him.
“Tobio, you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”
“Doing what?” He looks at you through his lashes - up for once, booty out and still bending over. Then he has the audacity to shake his bubble butt.
He smiles when you let out a frustrated groan. “That.”
“I still don’t know what you’re referring to.”
Kuroo
“Ha, that sorta fits Kuroo. Wait, Kuroo, are you-?”
“Yes, absolutely, yes.”
You know that extremely flexible receive? Yeah? Expect to see that a lot.
It shows off his ass and thighs and just- umph im such a simp
Unlike most others, he’s much more forward about it than others. He won’t outright say it, granted, but he’ll be more touchy with you.
One second, his arm is wrapped around your shoulder. The next, he’s pulled the back of your head to one of his pecs.
When your team spots this, they rush over to get him to stop. At the forefront of the group is Iizuna. “Hands off our manager.”
Before you can say anything, Kuroo speaks up, “Last time I checked, (y/n)’s his own person. Besides, he enjoy this, right?”
“Yeah.” You don’t defend yourself from Iizuna, because hell, the captain banter is entertainment.
The two captains glare at each other with their competitive yet polite looks. Eventually, Iizuna falters. He can’t argue with you saying you like it, nor does he have the comebacks in him to talk to the ‘provocative expert’.
Atsumu Miya
The twins stare at each other, glaring as they usually do. “Dibs.” Atsumu says, and Osamu can’t deny that. It seems he’s missed out on you.
Just like Kuroo, Atsumu is forward.
He is also impatient, so if you don’t catch on the first few times, he’s just going to blur it out.
And that is exactly what happens.
Each time he tries to get your attention, he fails. A subtle wink sent your way, a flex of his bicep, bending and holding on to his knees after a loss penalty, none of them seem to alert you. They don’t, because he’s dumb and doesn’t think to show off the qualities that you like as much as the qualities that he’s confident in.
Which is why he’s here, in front of you while you take a break on the bleachers.
“Miya-san? Don’t you have a game?” You glance down at the court, seeing the rest of Inarizaki playing. They certainly aren’t at their best without their genius setter.
“I like you.”
Your raised eyebrow only taunts him, “And what brought this upon-”
“I know you like me.” He sits next to you, slinging his thighs over your lap. “Don’t you like these thighs?”
“I guess I do, ‘Tsumu.”
Osamu Miya
The twins stare at each other, glaring as they usually do. “Dibs.” Osamu calls. Even if Atsumu grumbles and kicks at the ground because he’s missed the opportunity, he can’t deny the power of dibs.
He’s much better at this than Atsumu is. He’s more patient and has no problem with playing the long game.
However, he doesn’t; because unlike Atsumu, he accentuates his qualities that you like.
He pulls up the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face, rolls up his shorts quite high, and generally does things that always have your eyes on his thighs, pecs, or ass.
He’s taunting you, silently telling you to come to him, so that’s what you do.
The next time you find him panting from a run, ass out and bent over, you confront him. Conveniently enough, he’s away from other people.
You make your presence known by putting a hand half on his ass, half on his thigh.
“Oh, heeey, (y/n).” He gives you an all-knowing look, paired with lazy half lidded eyes.
“You know why I’m here, don’t you, ‘Samu?”
“Obviously.”
Ushijima Wakatoshi
“I like thick men, the ones with prominent pecs, thick thighs, and bubble butts.”
Sure, he heard it. Sure, he processed it. But did he think about it afterwards? No. Did he connect the dots? No.
In fact, you’re the one attracted to him.
Ushijima is that one oblivious yet extremely suggestive individual. He does squats after practice, thigh-accentuating stretches, bends over without a single thought, this man is blatantly sexy.
You have to keep yourself from doing anything indecent.
So, it’s quite obvious you like him. Anytime he’s in the room, you’re staring at him. As such, Sakusa takes notice, and boy is he disgusted.
“(y/n), please don’t like him.”
Why? He didn’t want to let you date him, it’d turn you into a reminder of one of his most formidable opponents.
“Sakusa, I can’t help it.”
Welp, he’s doomed.
“(y/n), hey.” You’d never really interacted before you approached him. He noticed that you always looked at him, but he didn’t really think about it, nor did he think about why you did it. There were more important things to focus on.
“I like you.”
“Huh?”
He’s so dense, so oblivious, gosh. Good luck with him.
#bokuto x reader#kuroo x reader#iwaizumi x reader#ushijima x reader#miya osamu x reader#miya atsumu x reader#miya x reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x male reader#kageyama x reader
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