‘but what about the people that will suffer and die because of abortion bans?’

like... they know, dude. they already know.

I'm feeling my emotions pretty hard today (June 14th, 2021), so it might be a good idea to start writing.

Trigger Warning:

This text post mentions suicide, death, abortion, and could be an uneasy read.

About two months ago, I almost died during a routine abortion. The way that sounds, my stomach turns and it makes the tears fall like a monsoon. Nothing about getting an abortion is easy, it is humiliating and it's a huge personal hurdle to deal with - my heart goes out to any woman who has been in that tough position. That being said, I'm not writing this for sympathy nor am I looking for negative comments or death threats, I put myself through that enough already with my own mental.

Starting this attempt to release my emotions is difficult because I'm not even sure what to say to myself. I guess I am also hopeful someone will have the right words through experience or just in general because I'm struggling to find the words within myself.

To begin, I can't have children anymore and that is the worst part; I made a decision that took future decisions, future generations, future plans away from me. So, to anyone who wanted to go in on me at the sight of the word abortion: fate ironically beat you to the punch.

I made a decision that my heart wasn't wholly in and it almost cost me my life and it cost my daughter's life (I don't need scientific fact proving she was just a clump of cells and hadn't begun processing pain or emotion or whatever, doesn't change shit as far as empathy goes, so please shove it).

Her birth name was to be Juniper.

To give some insight, Washington State allows abortions up to 28 weeks. For those who aren't aware of pregnancy cycles/trimesters, 28 weeks is still half way through the pregnancy and the beginning of the second trimester. The fetus during this stage has become more human like and all that science stuff. I had my abortion at 21 weeks, in a clinic and the process shouldn't have gone the way it did.

On the second day of my procedure, I was put under anesthesia and when I woke up I wasn't all there. Before this, I had never experienced being put under anesthesia to my recollection, so what I thought I was feeling was normal. It wasn't until I realized I had been losing conciousness that things started to feel unnatural. I was laid on the floor of the "recovery room" and I started to regain conciousness fast. There was a lot of blood between my legs and mentioning it to them seemed to make the blood pool more. It wasn't long after that the doctor that performed the procedure squated next to me to tell me she needed to put me back under.

For the next bit, I apologize to the squeamish.

There was another woman in the room with me who had just come out of her own anesthesia, she was ironically a CNA, who started to show signs of worry when I wasn't making the anticipated recovery. The doctor had her removed from the room and leaned back in to tell me that they couldn't locate the fetal head and a few limbs. When they attempted to have me walk back to the room, I fainted and was placed back on the floor. The nurses wheeled me into the surgical room and helped me back on to the table, to which I protested them allowing me to see my ride. I'm hesitant to mention the father in this because it is sensitive, so I apologize for how he is mentioned in further comments. It wasn't until I saw him that things started to blur and I started losing conciousness again.

I feel it is also important to explain what I felt, which was extremely cold. My nipples were harder than they had ever been and despite the numerous blankets, warmed and otherwise, that were placed on me, my body didn't feel warmth until the EMTs carted me to the ambulance and the sun touched me; and again when I was placed on the surgical table at the hospital. Mentally, I don't think I was aware of anything bad happening to my body. Even after hearing they lost the fetal head, I don't think I ever reacted. If I had to say, I was mentally blissful - which isn't something I have ever experienced. I literally couldn't care less, everything was a joke (which is also part of my personality when dealing with assumed stressful situations) to me up until I arrived at the ER and they put me under before telling me that they might have to remove my whole uterus. My last words would have been: "oh, this table is so warm!" to the doctor who saved my life. When I woke up 24 hours later, there was a tube in my throat and I was tied to the bed (which Hollywood doesn't show in movies or T.V. so when you are experiencing it, it is really scary and it fucking hurts.) in ICU.

So, what the fuck happened?

Well, my uterus at the time of the abortion was about 2 pounds heavy and 2 feet long; Juniper was about the size of a sweet potato to give you an image. During the abortion, the doctor perforated my uterus, the length of the tear was about a foot long according to my surgeon/aftercare doctor. The abortion itself was supposedly no more than 10 minutes, but I was apparently under for roughly an hour. My ride expected me out in two hours, but after speaking to him, started to worry when I hadn't responded to texts and the elapsed time came to four hours. During the removal of the fetus, after perforation had occurred, I laid there internally bleeding for several hours. The human body can hold minimum 5 litres of blood (or to give you an physical idea, a gallon [US] of milk about) depending on the size of the body and health. A human can die from losing 2 litres of blood, but I survived after losing 4 litres internally, which is probably what saved my life. I vaguely remember being lifted on to the gurney and I vaguely remember the ride to the ER. I was given 7 units of blood, my uterus was stitched in 8 layers and the fetal head had nestled itself behind my kidney, so I had an emergency cesarean, plus a JP drain placed to remove all the blood that pooled in my abdomen.

The hospital experience itself is a different story and makes the whole ordeal just as sad. The only solace I had were two nurses that really didn't judge me, outside of that, everyone there had an opinion and wore it on their face and in their treatment. My last interaction with one of the doctors who helped performed my "miraculous" surgery and was probably the most surprising bit because it included a little racism. My partner is white and he is cisgender. Before his appearance, said doctor largely made fun of my pain tolerance when removing surgical tape from my incision area and inner thighs. If you haven't had a cesarean or don't know exactly what it is, after making the initial incision, the doctors have to literally tear the muscles apart to get to your uterus. In my case, I also had to have my intestines removed to get to my kidneys. Needless to say, my midsection was very sensitive outside of my low pain threshold. During the stint, he very angrily asked me if I wanted to remove the bandage myself while showing his frustration in his whole body and face. At that point, I just said fuck it and let him tear the bandage from my body with a little skin along with it. After a quick look, he stood up and asked if I cared if he left to deliver a baby and he didn't wait for a response, I assume because my face probably said exactly what he wanted. I sat there and cried until my partner got there and when he showed face again, his bedside manner gave me whiplash. He released us after I made a large fuss about my care and I left holding back tears until we were out of sight of the hospital.

The day before I almost died, I sat with the owner of the clinic who also doubles as a nurse there, and cried to her about my fear and the little consolation I had because she was kind. I have had two previous abortions during a previous marriage that I also didn't want to have, but being in an abusive relationship, you give and take a lot, that included. I confided in her that those two experiences, both at Planned Parenthood, were riddled in racist bedside manner and left me uneasy about abortions and clinics in general. Being a woman of color herself, she cried with me and assured me that things would be fine, in fact the woman doing my abortion would also be a woman of color. She called me two days later, I could hear her sadness, but it also left me in such a state of panic that I ended the conversation without saying much.

Women of color do not have great mortality rates when it comes to medical intervention, especially during pregnancies/child birth. However, uterus perforation during an abortion only occurs at a rate of .3%, so I'm part of a medical anomaly (it isn't an anomaly at all, she just fucked up). Beyond that, women of color, specifically black women are more likely to suffer from medical racism during aftercare. One of the biggest glaring problems being that black women are percieved to have a high pain threshold, something a lot of people lack.

Since this experience, which is missing a lot of detail, I've gone in an out of depressive mania. Which, to say the least, I can handle because I've dealt with it for years. What I can't handle are commercials, or even cherub faces in person, or the fact that my step-sister announced her pregnancy to our parents on mother's day. I can't handle the notifications of memories from my pictures that spotlight some of the photos I took during my pregnancy. I can't handle that my neighbors had just moved in and had just given birth right before being released from the hospital. Movie montages about children growing up making lumps swell in my throat. For the first few weeks I would wake up screaming, or crying, or begging whoever not to take my baby from me. I tried to cope with sex that I couldn't realistically have because I was healing. I took up smoking cigarettes again because it is the only thing I could physically feel relax my incision area. My daughter, who is 9 years old, asks me how I'm doing when I don't realize I'm zoned out and crying.

Overall, I wish they would have let me die. It isn't like I haven't tried to kill myself before and I always secretly hoped I'd find a way to just go peacefully. Of all my attempts at suicide, the most serious was drinking bleach and all I got from that was minor chemical burn in my esophagus.

Sitting there during my last follow up, knowing damn well I wasn't going to get good news, I asked the doctor who saved my uterus and life if I could safely get pregnant. I was told by another I could have a child, but it would most likely be harrowing because my uterus wouldn't be able to house a full term fetus and they would most like be born premature. There was also another possibility she kept from me, which my doctor with a penchant for being very frank said: "would end up taking my uterus or almost killing me."

Word for word: if I get pregnant, my uterus would rupture at the healed incision.

And what, what am I supposed to think or feel now that my worst fear finally materialized? I'm realistically mad at myself for materializing my greatest fear. I also hate myself for being so upset at something I caused because I know others are in my situation for reasons beyond their control.

I thought writing this would make me feel better, would make it so I wouldn't have to mentally relive it, but I just feel worse. My partner lost his job because he took a leave of absence to take care of me and that's to say nothing of him taking time off at the beginning of the year because he needed brain surgery. The job I had interviewed for earlier in the week kept my position open, but on returning to work found I couldn't keep my anxiety to a minimum and eventually asked for leave of absence. So now, we are struggling financially and I blame myself for that too, which I know I shouldn't.

I can't begin to explain how unsure and confused I feel every day. Some times I find myself pacing or walking around and I don't even know what I'm doing. Hearing or seeing emergency vehicles makes me panic. I've had to force myself to look down during driving because I'm so fucking scared.

Idk, I'm sorry to whoever is reading this. I just needed to vent.

more like the hypocratic oath

Fuck the Hippocratic Oath.

I've always loved to memorize things from a young age. I'm 26, and I still see the same doctor that saw my mother 10 years before my birth. So I've spent a LOT of time in her waiting room, unchanged for decades. She has a weird obsession with lighthouses. Also, a framed text of the Hippocratic Oath on the wall.

Being the only thing to read in the room, over the years, I kind of accidentally memorized it. It's shorter than most people think.

It's never really been useful. Whenever it would come up in conversation I'd sometimes say "did you know that 'First do no harm' isn't actually in the Oath?" but most people didn't believe me. I didn't really care. It never came up, and it was never really important.

But this week alone I've read 6 references to the Oath in the news, had 3 conversations about it, and had to nope out of countless Reddit threads, all along these same lines:

"Why can't we lower the priority of anti-vaxxers who need to be in the ICU?" The Hippocratic Oath, of course! First, do no harm. Second, triage according to whoever needs the most care the most urgently. Third, forget the first two because neither of those things, not even in sentiment, are in the Oath.

There's a LOT of people who seem to have been indoctrinated into following a dogma they don't even know the contents of. They hear "Hippocratic Oath" and instantly think "First, do no harm" and then stop there. Because we think we know the gist. "Don't wield your power of being a doctor to become an evil monster." You should be right, but you're not.

If we're going to argue medical ethics, let's see what this amazing oath is really all about.

It starts out pretty normal. Swearing to Apollo. "[A]nd Asclepius, by Hygieia, by Panacea, and by all the gods and goddesses". Normal stuff. Oh, your doctor doesn't believe in Apollo? Breaking the Oath.

But then we get to the good stuff. Y'know what's so important that the Hippocratic Oath decided to address it directly and by name? Abortion. As in, "I will not give to a woman a pessary to cause abortion". Forget what a pessary is, it's an ancient medical device. So, the entire profession of performing abortions? Breaking the Oath.

But hey, abortion's a touchy subject. What about something as neutral as kidney stones? Well, "I will not use the knife, not even, verily, on sufferers from [kidney]stone[s]". Weird how if I were to walk into an ER with a kidney stone the size of a kidney bean they'd cut it out. With a knife. Verily. Breaking the Oath.

It's not all bad or oddly specific. The last bit basically says "If I walk into your house, I won't abuse you, even if you're a slave." How kind! And lastly, patient confidentiality. The end.

...Except, the Oath was rewritten in 1964. It cut out the abortion and kidney stone bits and comes in the form of modern English. Since it's not too long and wordy like the original, here's the full text of the "modern" Hippocratic Oath: (I'm cutting the first and last lines that just say 'here's the oath' and 'that was the oath', emphasis is mine to talk about after.)

"I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

"I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

"I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

"I will not be ashamed to say "I know not", nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

"I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

"I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

"I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

"I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm."

Let's work backwards. The last line I emphasized because I think it comes closest to being a good argument for why anti-vaxxers should be allowed to clog up our ICUs. Doctors have "special obligations" (which isn't specific enough for me) to all humans, even the "infirm". At a glance it seems like this says "Doctors have to help people who are well as well as those who are ill" but "sound of mind" really jumped out at me. To me, it is not of sound mind to be anti-vaccine. If "infirm" is the opposite of "sound of mind", then anti-vaxxers are entitled, like all humans, to whatever "special obligations" the doctors have. Like I said, I don't find that phrase specific enough for me to accept this as an argument, but it does come close. If we define "special obligations" as "the obligation to provide medical care", then yes, put all anti-vax Covid patients in the ICU. But "special obligations" could just as well mean "the obligation to put the needs of the many over the needs of the few", which is supported by the statement's previous allusion to being a member of society, in which case, kick those fuckers out on the street.

The second point I highlighted just because this was written by and for America, and somehow they remain the only developed nation where one's "economic stability" is absolutely never taken into consideration.

Finally, my big closer. Life and death. "If I manage to save a life, great, cool. But also sometimes I'm allowed to kill people. No, I will not elaborate".

But it has another meaning: "As a doctor, sometimes I will necessarily have to kill people." This is simply one of those times. I'm serious. If not now, when?

I highlighted the very first line because I think it sets the tone for the entire Oath, and because I believe that actively choosing to treat anti-vaxxers instead of people with "lesser" problems, that choosing to allocate ICUs to people who spit on your science is violating the directive to follow the "hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk". I can't imagine a 1940s TB nurse being teleported to present day, informed about Covid, taking a look at our hospitals and saying "well done".

It's a good thing it doesn't actually say "do no harm", because the Oath itself has violated that directive. As Ontario's ICUs continue to rise, doctors continue to harm society because they think triage is part of the Oath. It's not. Stop pretending it's anything more than a contract you sign when you work at fuckin McDonalds and you promise not to make dumb Tik Toks at work. Every job has its moral standards. Doctors have one of the most ethically and morally difficult jobs on the planet, yet we treat medical ethics as a settled matter.

The original was written in 275AD. It was rewritten 60 years ago. Maybe let's not wait another millennium to fix this glaring problem that isn't going to go away. In the meantime, let's try and work from actual facts and not what we think we know. A tall order these days unfortunately.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

Tripe. Bollocks. Absolute tosh. Deliberate distortions?  Anyway, how would they know? Many ES claimed they only watched the first three episodes, then gave up because there wasn’t enough sex..(I mean, intimacy). did these people watch the whole series? Were they paying attention to what was actually going on? 

gaelic-fullmoon-lady

Only at the start…😩 Season 4 she’s soap-opera-equipment

accardi1921

Yeah,where did this character go she's talking about? Not badass in S4 & doesn't always have to be but S4 Claire was Just so unhappy looking.

mylessanchez

Session 4 she’s an after thought.  She had nothing in season 4.  She entertained his admirers and rubbed his shoulders.  Had to have irked Cait to no end

Etcetera etcetera (and ‘liked’ by people who should know better) . What a load of absolute cobblers. So here we go, Claire apparently had NOTHING to do in Season 4. Perhaps they’ve forgotten. Most likely they just blindly followed the reviews of people who were absolutley determined to be negative about the Season, about Outlander  and about Caitriona Balfe, as they  have been since 1st January 2018. I wonder why? 

Episode 1 Claire rescues Bonnett from hanging. Badass Claire  Claire sets off with her husband into a new land where they have only one relative, aunt Jocasta  Claire loses her wedding ring; has presence of mind to swallow one. Badass Claire.

Episode 2 Claire encourages Jamie to reject Aunt Jocasta’s inheritance; a life of ease and luxury, because she can’t own slaves. She faces down the lynch mob; patches up Rufus, then has the courage to give him a poison to spare him from a lynching, thus breaking her hypocratic oath - first, do no harm. Badass Claire much.

Episode 3 Claire sets of with her husband into the wilderness. She can ride a horse, confront ghosts, load and fire an eighteenth century rifle. Claire is badass Claire

Episode 4 Dr Claire fixes up Myers and , husband wounded after confrontation with the man bear: makes friends with wise woman from  potentially hostile indigenous people, the Cherokee. Does Claire run screaming back to civilisation? No, Claire is badass Claire. 

Episode 5. Dr Claire brings baby into world. No epidurals, no midwife....Dr Claire is badass doctor.  Dr Claire stops Mueller from starting war with cherokees by interposing herself between them. Badass Claire. ‘Vulture’ recap:  “Claire gathers her gun, Rollo, and some decent beef jerky, and hunkers down in the cabin. She’s terrified, but in a very badass way. Mueller finally arrives, but not to kill Claire — he wants to make sure she’s okay. He also wants to give her a gift. In a horrifying reveal, Claire opens the package to find Adawehi’s scalp. I’m sorry, but the fact that Claire hasn’t had some type of breakdown yet after suffering through an unreal amount of atrocities just seems ridiculous at this point. But she soldiers on. She throws Mueller out, gives Adawehi a proper (as proper as she can) send off, and still, the carnage continues”

Episode 6  Dr Claire saves Lord Johyn from the measles, survives having her husband’s would-be gay lover and Jamie’s by-blow son drop in on them, exchanges some brutal truths with Lord John. Badass Claire

Episode 7 Yeah, okay, Claire wasn’t in THIS ONE frigging episode. Oh My God! Her badass daughter is instead. 

Episode 8. Dr Claire works with her husband to save Murtagh from arrest, performs operation on local corrupt official . As Vulture says:

“There is chaos! There is commotion! Claire says he needs surgery immediately or he will die! Even in the midst of this, men are like, “But you have a vagina, how can you wield a scalpel!?” Honestly, Claire should just let Fanning suffer, but she’s a professional, so she orders everyone INTO THE LOBBY to get set up for emergency surgery. Meanwhile, she gets the low-down from Jamie, who needs her to distract Tryon as he runs off to warn Murtagh of the trap; Tryon can’t know Jamie’s gone.

Jamie uses George and Martha Washington as a sort of Colonial Lyft to get to Fergus and Marsali’s (they had a boy, BTW), and has Fergus find Murtagh while Jamie tries to slip back into the theater unnoticed. Don’t worry guys, it all works out! Although, it’s a little unsettling that Tryon knows exactly who Murtagh is. Keep an eye on our guy, Jamie!

And sure, saving Murtagh is exciting and all, but the most exhilarating part of the entire excursion to the theater is Claire, back in her element, crushing some impromptu surgery. Before you know it, she’s three knuckles deep in that dude’s abdomen and not even breaking a sweat. Governor Tryon is impressed, Fanning’s dummy doctors are impressed, we’re all impressed. You also must remember that while Claire is successfully performing surgery under less-than-desirable circumstances, she is also successfully saving her husband’s ass by distracting Tryon. She manages both tense tasks with a cool composure. Never forget that Claire’s the true hero of this show. If only the entire episode had just been Claire, Jamie, and George Washington”

Episode 9. The reunion. Claire is bowle4 over by her badass daughter travliing back through time to warn her mom about the fire. Claire , badass Claire, says nonchalently: we’ll just go have a holiday every year on that day. 

Vulture recap again:

“Brianna is pregnant and Claire figures it out. After a hilarious fight about why Brianna didn’t pack condoms for her trip to the 1700s (moms are moms no matter the century), Bree confesses that it might not be Roger’s baby, and the truth (without naming Bonnet) comes spilling out. This is definitely Sam Heughan’s episode, but can we give it up for how incredible Caitriona Balfe is in this scene as Claire processes a whole slew of emotions at once? “

Episode 10 No much badassery, to be sure . Here’s Vulutre again to remind us:

“As important as that Jamie-Bree conversation is, and as nice as their shared moment commenting on how at peace Claire seems in the wilderness is, the parent-child moments in this episode that moved me the most belonged to Claire and Bree. The ladies talking about what they missed back in their time — cheeseburgers, Led Zeppelin, and toilets that flush, to name a few things — was a rare lighter scene on Outlander, and brought me so much joy! Claire compassionately and tactfully discussing abortion as an option for Bree was a great reminder of both how Claire is a woman ahead of her time literally and figuratively and of the strength of this mother-daughter relationship. It’s all pretty great.

and Badass Claire takes the side of her daughter against the man she loves, like a real mom! And rides into the wilderness to find and rescue roger from that seriously badass tribe, the Mohawk, just a 700 mile ride away in upper NY state. Badass? 

Episode 11 Vulture again; my memory’s not what it was

Regardless of their scant airtime (in this episode) , Jamie and Claire get the best scene of the episode — maybe the best of the season.Things between Claire and Jamie are still very icy since separating from Bree, and no amount of ignoring it to focus on Claire’s fabulous headband will change that. Even Ian is begging Mom and Dad to make up. Finally, Claire gets to a point where she just can’t watch Jamie in so much pain over what he’s done to Brianna.She (Claire) he goes to him in his tent one night and explains that she’s not mad at him — she’s mad at the world. She explains that after Frank died, she and Brianna shared secrets and they belonged to them — so she’s sorry she didn’t tell Jamie about Bonnet as soon as she found out, and she blames herself for this entire mess. She explains that their marriage is different now because they’re parents. Listen, you guys, two people talking about the difficulties of balancing being a parent with being in a marriage is typically a snoozefest, but Balfe and Heughan are just so freaking good together (what’s new, I know) and imbue such vulnerability and honesty in this moment (I’m still sobbing over Jamie admitting that he’s worried both Bree and Claire think Frank was the better man), that I’ll be thinking about this scene for days. Sure, after Claire assures Jamie that Bree didn’t mean what she said and knows that Jamie for sure didn’t mean what he said and they both say “I’m sorry” and they both wipe away tears from their gorgeous faces, they have sex in that tent

Episode 12 OMG this episode didn’t feature Claire. Shock, horror

Episode 13 Badass Claire and her husband try to rescue Roger from the Mohawks. it all goes wrong. There’s a fight. Badass Claire is wearing the stone from the future! How badass do you have to be as a woman to go, outnumbered, under armed, into the wilderness, to rescue your daughter’s husband from a people whose track record is um.er...(how can one put this in non-judgemental terms?)..to use extreme methods when putting people to death. 

So there you have it: ‘not badass’ in Season 4? In Season 4 as an afterthought? Soap opera equipment ? She had ‘nothing’ in Season 4? I’ve gone on about how Cait-Haters have misused pictures of Claire holding her arms (which she does in EVERY season) as proof she is unhappy. Well, lots of unhappy things happen in Season 4, to Claire, to her friends, to her daughter. It would have been odd if she’s looked happy the whole time, wouldn’t it. I know I’d have been terrified, most of the time, in her position. Here’s some pix of Claire looking sad in Season 4.  

#Badass Dr. Claire Beauchamp

Red Queen Fan Fiction - Red Huntress Chapter 3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Epilogue

Find this on Wattpad and on AO3

Left alone with the equine beast, Diana expected it to bolt, if not to attack her. For now, it seemed peaceful enough as she stroked its head, didn’t it? Yet she readied herself – whether to grab the horse’s halter or to dodge, she wasn’t sure.

Instead, it were steps behind her that made Diana flinch. They came from the manor. Diana froze, unable to decide whether to duck in a poor attempt of hiding, or to stay unperturbed like she belonged in this place.

Her hesitation took the decision from her, yet she was relieved when no one called out to her. So she turned – carefully, in chime with the horse’s movements – to see who was passing.

To her surprise, she found a girl barely older than her, striding along the manor’s parkway. Her proud gait alone, with assistance from her rich attire, revealed the girl to be Silver. She would’ve looked strange without either, with her hair so light it was more white than yellow like Diana’s own; and skin so pale it had almost a translucent violet sheen.

Diana hadn’t met many Silvers in her life, but she knew how they were, what they expected Reds to think of them. And yet, in that moment Diana didn’t see how different from her this Silver girl was. She was like her, Diana, a sulking teenager, and so pretty Diana felt the same kind of shudder as when the sight of Giselle took her breath away.

The girl stopped in the middle of the yard, raised her arms and waved them. Out of nothing, a gust breezed over the yard and onto the paddock and after a minute, clouds arrived from nowhere to cover the burning sun.

“It’s so hot!” the Silver girl cried out, turning on her heel to another person leaving the manor. Another Silver, an older boy with short dark hair and ochre skin.

“Hey!” Diana stood straighter in shock, because this was called into her direction. The Silver girl was staring at her.

Her heartbeat accelerated, sweat beaded on her skin. She couldn’t say anything. Maybe it was better not to say anything.

“Stable girl, don’t stand around like that,” the Silver told her. The boy reached his companion and grinned over her shoulder. “Don’t you have something to do?” the girl went on. “Feed the horses.”

Diana was still unable to act, too stunned the Silvers didn’t even consider she wasn’t supposed to be here. And why should they? They believed Reds were neither clever nor bold enough to sneak in somewhere, or to truly oppose Silvers. Diana’s people were roustabouts invisible to Silvers unless their skills came in handy.

So the boy and the girl didn’t spare Diana another glance, not caring if she did feed the horses or not. Thus, she concluded, they had to be guests needing to boss around although they had no idea how this manor or its workers operated. That should’ve incensed her, but in her panic, she realized that also made them unlikely to report her to anyone. To be sure, she ducked to get out of sight.

The Silvers crossed the rest of the parkway, reaching some transports waiting at a gate that seemed more like decoration than protection, if it came to it. The Silver girl sighed. “Lord Isère was a nice host.”

“ ‘Nice’ as in the little sister of shitty?” The boy chuckled.

The girl shrugged. “He looked away as we take some days off before … what was its name? Aerzen?”

The boy thought for a moment before he shrugged. “Probably, but let the others go there. Isère told me about a cliff at the lake here I’d like to see …”

Diana stopped listening. Aerzen was another village in the area, though in another county. Diana believed it was the next stop of the corvee. Thus, the two Silvers had to be here for the greeny corvee? The girl had looked like she was controlling the weather, like Silver storms could.

That meant the Silvers of the corvee were here but they didn’t bother to do their work.

Diana swallowed, and only moved when a horse whinnied. Then she picked up her mother’s rifle and ran. There couldn’t be merely two Silvers, the rest would still be around, or planned to arrive at the fields after all – although the boy as good as denied that. Either way, she had to warn her mother.

She didn’t have to search long; actually, she almost stumbled into her mother next to the stable. “The corvee Silvers are here!” Diana hissed, and her mother shifted into a sprint in an instant, pulling Diana along. Ducking, her mother urged her away from the pathway to the fastest way into the forest, where they ducked and stayed close to the brushwood.

Her mother continued to avoid the pathway, leading them farther into the underwood, unafraid of twigs and thorns but seemingly sure of the direction. Diana wasn’t as well-orientated but had no trouble to follow. Firstly, the brushwood wasn’t as much of a hindrance as expected, like her mother knew the animal paths, or had created some herself. And secondly because Mama’s pace began to slow quite soon.

Her mother’s backpack was filled to bulging now, and she could guess its heaviness from the sight alone. Was that it? Mama was broad and strong, but even she couldn’t run fast with such a weight to carry. Not for long. Yet they didn’t stop, not before they passed several kilometres and were closer to home than the manor.

Finally, Mama stopped at a fallen tree, slowing to a walk before she sat down on the log. Diana took the place opposite her, on the ground. Assessing her mother’s exhaustion, she offered her a bottle of water.

“What is in that bag?” she asked as Mama drank and sighed deeply.

Her mother took a few more breaths, and another sip.

“And what about the greenies? They’re supposed to do their part! How can they get away with this?”

Her mother shook her head and returned the bottle to Diana. As she drank, Mama smiled pitifully and turned her face upward. The sky was still coloured a bright blue, although the sunlight barely reached down into the woods where they hunkered. “It wasn’t extreme like this before,” Mama said. “Sometimes the greenies and their companions left early, or the storms and nymphs didn’t appear. Or,” she looked back to her daughter, “they grew more crop than was asked for. Do you understand, Diana?”

Diana nodded, her mind racing. “They … did this before, and ... had to make up for cutting work in other places.” She felt her anger rise. The quota for the corvee was unfair to begin with, but to give nothing to some villages and have others work harder, just because of Silver whims?

“I don’t believe they can always make up for their breaks,” Mama said. “But what should happen – to them? Were they young Silvers again?”

Diana nodded.

“The corvee is always performed by some youths with nothing better to do,” Mama went on, “folks with parents who’ll easily pay fines or make generous gifts to placate the crown with compensations.” Another of those joyless smiles. “And in the end, they can still claim the Reds had been too lazy, can’t they?”

“No,” Diana muttered.

“Indeed,” Mama agreed, and cleared her throat. “So, as the crown can’t rely on moody teenagers, the seeds are sent beforehand.

“And I took all of the seeds I could carry.”

Pride surged through Diana. “Really?”

Mama frowned. “It hardly matters. 30 kilos are all I can manage, and these seeds are customized for greeny abilities. I just wanted …” She shrugged. “Pure luck if more than half of it will bear fruit.”

“Mama. We left a large part of our field lying fallow …”

“And most of Sieverling didn’t save seeds for these lands? True. There’re few options left now, nor will everyone have money to spare for new seeds which are expensive this late in the year.”

“So can’t we do more?” Diana exclaimed. “Tell some neighbours to go to the manor, too – ”

“To steal, Diana. I’ve stolen these seeds, and if Isère notices, I am done for. How could I ask others? Whether they help me or not, they’d be guilty just for not reporting me.”

“But …” Diana didn’t understand. Mama’s words were clear, yet she felt a kind of challenge in them. “That can’t be all.”

“No?” Mama smiled sadly. “If this little will mean a couple more meals, someone or other in Sieverling might not die of starvation. Isn’t that enough?”

Diana didn’t reply because her mother was right. Every little thing counted, she knew. Just like Diana had to take care of her sister when she’d been a little child herself so her parents could work day or night. Like last winter, when Mama returned to hunting and the butcher just the day after she’d miscarried because they could neither afford the child nor a missed day of work. Not when she also had to make up for the day and money spent on purchasing the abortive drug.

“Simon offered I take over the shop,” Mama said without preamble.

Diana blinked. Simon was the young black master butcher who employed Diana’s mother. He was in bad health. His father had died last year, his mother much earlier. Conscripted for the war against Norta, she’d returned without her hands and died only weeks later of an infection in the stumps.

Diana swallowed. “Oh, I heard rumors about this. Congratulations, Mama.” She smiled for her sake.

Mama looked into the distance. “Simon will still own the shop and do the organizing and papers, but I’ll be in charge of the physical work, as the master butcher. Yet even this agreement, his father would’ve never accepted. He’d always hoped Simon’s health would improve, or that he married someone to share ownership with. When neither happened, he just ignored that Simon didn’t want to be the master butcher.” Diana nodded, although she didn’t grasp where this was going.

Her mother’s gaze on her was unwavering. “My family was so glad when I married Papa, you know. A spouse who’d take me in, and who had work for me, with him at first, and later at the butcher, after he’d used his connections. The other way round …” She bent forward and caressed Diana’s cheek. “We couldn’t have afforded a family. Not all three of us siblings. Not at the farm. Oh, there’s always need for another farm hand. But not enough crop to provide for all of them.

“Do you see, Diana? We’re lucky. You and Madeline, you can choose. Be a butcher, a hunter, or go to my family’s farm. You won’t have to worry if you have a job that feeds you.

“Isn’t that more?”

Diana almost choked. On her mother’s sadness, and also her own. She had to think of Giselle and her family who had lost their home after their village burned down in a fire. Their lord wouldn’t rebuilt or relocate them and so they’d had to search for another settlement to take them in. They’d been living in Sieverling only for a few months. They didn’t have their own lands here, and had to rely on other villagers to employ and pay them day after pay.

And yet. Diana felt awful for Giselle who wouldn’t let her fears and uncertainty show – because she had to, if she wanted to go on and enjoy the only life she had. What Mama said, that wasn’t more, not really. Rather more of the same, and Diana felt tears rising along with her ire. She swallowed a sob, though she couldn’t fool her mother. She cupped Diana’s face in her hands and Diana was certain that despite Mama’s arguments, they shared an opinion.

“What do you want, Diana?”

Diana closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “More,�� she repeated quietly, knowing that wasn’t a real answer. Or was it? She was just a child, what did she know? The rest of the world was a mystery to her, as she was caged in endless fields she couldn’t escape. She wanted to scream as she suffocated under the illusion of a peaceful life. The Red serfs were supposed to feel at home, to be happy on ‘their’  farms and glad the Silver lords left them mostly alone.

But nothing of that was true, when at any time, the same lords could take everything from you, make you lose your home because it was never really yours to own. Not even your life was, when you were forced into conscription as the peace in the north was also a lie.

Her tears did fall and she did nothing to stop them, just waiting for the feeling of helplessness to pass. So did her mother who continued to caress her cheeks.

“When Papa comes back,” Mama said, “not this fall, but for good, next year, he can teach you.”

“What?” Diana whispered.

Mama’s small shrug couldn’t hide her smile. It looked genuine now, exuding hope – and pride?

“What you want,” Mama said. “To fight, for example.”

 As the sun started to set, they arrived back at the fields. No Silver joined them until nightfall, when the last of the Reds left.

A/N: This is the conclusion of the events of this day - the next chapter will be about Farley as a teenager.

@elliemarchetti @lilyharvord @mareshmallow @mvaen @wessanade @scxrletguardsdawn @maudthebookeater @marecalrandomstuff @sxfik @neyrriz @misslucyhutton @shadykittentraveler @gamer670 @screams-internallly @vampsbeforetramps @almostconstantlyawkward @olivegreenolives @avid-author-activist @abbyboul @yjlover @ifyouholdmebackimightexplode @sparrow-ceol @choosemarecal @alicialichter @gisabarrovv @inopinion @redqueenfandom

And in the distance there echoes a cry, “free baby market!”

Reading Ancap literature is utterly tiresome. Just imagine take after take of the worst takes you’ve ever heard.

YOU’VE

EVER

HEARD

I was specifically looking for a quote from Murray Rothbard for someone, and had the misfortune of first stumbling across this. “Libertarians for Life.” Oh, this oughta be good.

[beneath the cut because long; emphasis mine]

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Dr. Rothbard holds that parents have the right to abandon their children at any time, regardless of the consequences. So also, he insists that abortion is a right. The difference between Dr. Rothbard and some other "pro-choicers" is that he is quite willing to concede (if only for the purpose of discussion) that the preborn are persons. He makes it quite clear that his arguments apply equally well to the preborn, infants, and all children.

The chain of reasons by which Dr. Rothbard arrives at his conclusions is relatively simple. We are necessarily self-owners. Our will is absolutely inalienable. You could not sell yourself into slavery, for instance, because    being a slave would entail the surrender of your will. So also even in more customary contract situations, you can not agree to do something in the future because what if you changed your mind and didn't want to do it any longer? To be compelled to perform the service would be an alienation of your will -- and, as such, an intolerable injustice. So parents have the right to abandon children because we all have the right to abandon anything that requires our continued labor.

Dr. Rothbard agrees that we can owe money or property. Such things can be alienated from us. But labor, services, the exercise of will, no. Dr. Rothbard's position on abandonment, then is an unavoidable conclusion of his most fundamental premises. Abortion is merely a case of abandonment: "eviction." If the child's death results, that is immaterial.

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Ain’t no lad wew enough.

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It  is far more comfortable and popular to provide a window-dressing justification and ignore the question of inconvenient little facts in the real world.

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lol, but wait, there’s more.

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           Dr. Rothbard's way out of this dilemma (which he never seems to confront openly) is to assume that if you don't own yourself, then the only alternative is that it must be at least possible for someone else to own you.That's impossible, though. So you must own yourself. His assumption dodges the fundamental question, however: are persons the sort of thing that can be owned? By anyone? Are they accessible to becoming property? Are you your property or are you just you?

The answer of traditional philosophy (which elsewhere Dr. Rothbard can discuss very well) is that it is sheer nonsense to apply the    notion of "property" to persons. "Ownership" doesn't apply to persons -- it presupposes them.

He may be reluctant to take such a stand, however, because all the foregoing to the contrary notwithstanding, he insists there are persons who can be owned. They're children.

"A new-born baby cannot be an existent    self-owner in any sense. Therefore, either the mother or some other party may be the    baby's owner...." He does state, though that this "parental ownership is not    absolute but of a 'trustee' or guardianship kind"; it's limited in time and in kind,  so that parents couldn't own their children forever, and couldn't murder or torture them. But trusteeship isn't ownership and guardianship isn't ownership in any sense of the word.  How this notion of "ownership" squares with the words we have to use in ordinary conversation, Dr. Rothbard does not address.

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   But he is absolutely correct in one element that he regards as crucial: that we can not alienate our wills, our selves. Even if we sell ourselves into slavery and do all our master asks, we do it because we will it. We are stuck with being choosing beings; and ultimately only death can free us from that state. (That, in fact, is why the idea of ownership can't apply to persons.)

But the fact that we can not alienate our selves does not mean that we cannot "alienate" our individual decisions. We do it every day. We do things we don't want to, whether we have obligations to do so or not.   

---

I can’t imagine what this is supposed to mean. Apparently, one cannot alienate their self in any regard. Even if we’re slaves, we’re slaves because we want to be. Presumably this means that if we didn’t really enjoy slavery very much, we either could or should just decide to escape. Alright, fine. But in the very next breath we find that “our individual decisions” may be alienated. That however contradicts our established rule that a person cannot be alienated from their “selves” or “wills.”

If we imagine such an ancap figure, he is possessed of himself, and acts on whatever he decides he wants to do. Even if he were a slave, he would decide whether or not to obey, and if so then whether to do a good job or a bad one, etc. What else is this but themselves acting in accordance with their will by making a series of individual decisions? This is just nonsense.

Next I read some of the the man himself, Murray Rothbard’s “work.” It’s a treat.

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Even from birth, the parental ownership is not absolute but of a "trustee" or guardianship kind. In short, every baby as soon as it is born and is therefore no longer contained within his mother's body possesses the right of self-ownership by virtue of being a separate entity and a potential adult. It must therefore be illegal and a violation of the child's rights for a parent to aggress against his person by mutilating, torturing, murdering him, etc. On the other hand, the very concept of "rights" is a "negative" one, demarcating the areas of a person's action that no man may properly interfere with. No man can therefore have a "right" to compel someone to do a positive act, for in that case the compulsion violates the right of person or property of the individual being coerced. Thus, we may say that a man has a right to his property (i.e., a right not to have his property invaded), but we cannot say that anyone has a "right" to a "living wage," for that would mean that someone would be coerced into providing him with such a wage, and that would violate the property rights of the people being coerced. As a corollary this means that, in the free society, no man may be saddled with the legal obligation to do anything for another, since that would invade the former's rights; the only legal obligation one man has to another is to respect the other man's rights.

Applying our theory to parents and children, this means that a parent does not have the right to aggress against his children, but also that the parent should not have a legal obligation to feed, clothe, or educate his children, since such obligations would entail positive acts coerced upon the parent and depriving the parent of his rights. The parent therefore may not murder or mutilate his child, and the law properly outlaws a parent from doing so. But the parent should have the legal right not to feed the child, i.e., to allow it to die.2 The law, therefore, may not properly compel the parent to feed a child or to keep it alive.3 (Again, whether or not a parent has a moral rather than a legally enforceable obligation to keep his child alive is a completely separate question.) This rule allows us to solve such vexing questions as: should a parent have the right to allow a deformed baby to die (e.g., by not feeding it)?4 The answer is of course yes, following a fortiori from the larger right to allow any baby, whether deformed or not, to die. (Though, as we shall see below, in a libertarian society the existence of a free baby market will bring such "neglect" down to a minimum.)

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But hold on, it gets better.

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Our theory also enables us to examine the question of Dr. Kenneth Edelin, of Boston City Hospital, who was convicted in 1975 of manslaughter for allowing a fetus to die (at the wish, of course, of the mother) after performing an abortion. If parents have the legal right to allow a baby to die, then a fortiori they have the same right for extra-uterine fetuses. Similarly, in a future world where babies may be born in extra-uterine devices ("test tubes"), again the parents would have the legal right to "pull the plug" on the fetuses or, rather, to refuse to pay to continue the plug in place.

---

Murray should have fired his editor. First we’re told that a baby, as soon as it is separated from its mother, is “a separate entity and potential adult,” and it must necessarily be illegal for the parent to violate the NAP. Sure, let them starve, just don’t kill them yourself. It’s completely arbitrary to say, well, no, a baby possesses self-ownership, and that it’s against the law to aggress against it, but a fetus (one which I presume was advanced enough to have been able to save) is fair game.

I mean, the whole thing’s a treat. Give it a read, it’s wild.

Kevin Cage of Spotlight Saga presents... A Rewind Review of the final episode of Quarry on Cinemax whose cancellation was just announced yesterday. As you'll see in the language of this article, I personally hold the show in high regard, even including it the Top 5 #BestOf2016 series we ran. Cinemax, who is owned by HBO claims they are revamping the network that is just now gaining a good wave of steam and building a respectable library. The Knick was also a groundbreaking series that recently received the axe from the same network, yet Strike Back that last ran in 2015 is already getting a reboot. What say you, Cinemax? We are incredibly disappointed by your decision to cancel this incredibly thought provoking Crime Drama set in a very real to life 1972 Memphis. Michael D Fuller, executive producer and co-creator of the show (along with (Graham Gordy) is a huge inspiration for me and for 'Spotlight Saga', inspiring me to include a more honest approach to political standpoints, something at the time I was very afraid to use in my writing. The following article was written shorty after the end of Quarry's Legendary 8-Episode run. Going forward, as much as I am frustrated with Cinemax, I think it's important to focus on the positives here and follow & support both Fuller & Gordy in any future projects or endeavors they may have. Thank you, Fuller. Thank you, Gordy. You have earned more than a few lifetime fans. Kevin Cage of Spotlight Saga reviews... Quarry (S01E08) Nuoc Cha Da Mon Airdate: October 28, 2016 (Cinemax) Ratings: Premium Cable/Streaming - Nielsen is Guessing! Score: 10/10 (An Extremely Rare Perfect Score) **************SPOILERS BELOW*************** *Poltical Views do NOT represent Spotlight Saga* Well, I asked for it... Basically begged for it, I even considered taking a day off work to just sit at home and watch it. Now, I've finally watched it, and I feel...changed. 'The Vietnam Scene' let's us peak into the PTSD origins and Mac's time at war, as well as providing a provocative theory on just what we might have been doing over there in the first place... Losing lives on both sides, our veterans returning home to a chorus of boos, met with thick walls of human disdain, and stop signs in every direction they turned. Single Camera, long take shots can be risky. Just look at Daredevil, a show that successfully used them in S1, then overused the same hallmark shots in S2. They simply cannot be your whole show, because one continuous 'sequence shot', particularly those that surround an upsetting action or disturbing sequence linger with the viewer, like the shots themselves linger on the situation at hand. In this case, a raid in Vietnam 🇻🇳 on a village with mainly fisherman, women, and children... Innocent lives lost in a war that in the end meant nothing but death, heartache, and terror. Of course that asshole of a captain commended Mac (Logan Marshall Green) and praised him to The Broker (Peter Mullan) at the end, 'He's a good soldier.' Yup, cuz he does what he's told without hesitation... Like firing the first shot without thinking, snowballing a cascade of death and chaos, topping off the whole experience by throwing a grenade into a covered pit that contained a toddler... A toddler who we are shown blown right out of the pit into fucking pieces. That's one thing that Quarry never does, shies away from violence, from the money shot... And it never feels exploitative, it just feels like that's the reality, a reality that the viewers should not be protected from. And so it goes... The Broker is no vigilante, tho he does give the people that he employs the benefit of small 'in-between' jobs that make them feel like they are doing good in the world. It's a game of chess, and he is Bobby Fischer in his prime, and a patriarch of the 70's... A king of a dirty unferbelly ruled by the almighty dollar and poppy fields as far as the eye can see. The day I wanted to take off work, just so happened to have three or four people at the bar discussing Vietnam. Of course, right? I immediately throw Quarry in the mix and of course, none of them had heard of it... Unsurprising, considering how hard it is just to obtain Cinemax, thank god for Amazon Video now! We discussed the length at which protesters treated the returning war veterans; Picketing, spitting, throwing objects, screaming and shoving homemade signs in their face... As if the soldiers ever had a choice in the matter. You enlist, You're drafted, you're trapped, you're owned, and just like Mac... If you are a good soldier you do what you're told like a goddamn robot, a machine without empathy, and then when you return home you have nothing. PTSD? In '72? Here's a pamphlet. 'Be glad the man has his legs and his arms,' the man at the VA tells Joni (#JodiBalfour) when she desperately seeks help for a man she cannot save herself. So there you have the people in control of our government, sending our brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers over to fight a pointless war. Then you have the rich men, the patriarchs, who are able to come through and buy a slice of the action... A poppy field... A goldmine just waiting to make the rich man richer. And then you have protesters, mainly uninformed Regular Joes who only see the picture that's painted before them, like the SJW's today that picket and march through our major cities furthering the divide they claim they are trying to stop. Oh yes, that's the truth of the matter, a truth that blind rage and ignorance stop people from seeing. There is something inherently terrifying about the parallels of Vietnam 🇻🇳 to the wars and thousands deployed in countries like Iraq 🇮🇶 Iran 🇮🇷 Afghanistan 🇦🇫 Pakistan 🇵🇰 Kuwait 🇰🇼 Bahrain 🇧🇭 Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 Syria 🇸🇾 Yemen 🇾🇪 And I could go on and on and on, places we have no business being, places that our country backwardly depends on for oil, or countries that have militias and terrorist organizations just sitting on oil fields holding them captive to prevent the chaos countries like ours and others have caused attempting to police the world and secure access to natural resources, while they themselves use the guns we have directly armed them with to oppress their people and then line the pockets of people like Hillary Clinton's with hundreds of thousands of dollars. No, I am no sympathizer, both sides make me sick. The whole thing makes me sick. Mostly, the human race makes me sick. A long time ago while living in San Francisco, I realized that the most beautiful and pure people are mostly at the bottom sleeping in the street or struggling at a minimum wage job, while the ugliest and ruthless people are at the top inviting a lucky few up to share in a night of debauchery, caressing their insecurities with thoughts of becoming their protégés or possible arm candy while their young and their beauty is still intact. Just last week, less than a month to go in his final term, Obama abolished the 'Wet Foot, Dry Foot' policy, a policy that helped save thousands of Cuban 🇨🇺 lives and helped build the great city of Miami that I call home... This done in the spirit to 'normalize relations with our one-time foe.' While abolishing this policy *COULD* indeed do just that, hidden behind that very controversial and well known policy; Another policy, The Cuban Medical Professional Parole Program, was also nixed. That lesser known policy allowed the opportunity for Cuban Medical Professionals to come to the US through other countries to earn residency, citizenship, and jobs. A sneaky move, one disguised as a way to strengthen the relations between The USA 🇺🇸 & Cuba 🇨🇺. Just one of many examples that not everything in the painting is portrayed as it should be or relaid to the public highlighting the big picture as a whole. This is a man who promised us CHANGE, but the majority of these promises of change were broken. Under the Obama Administration more Whistleblowers were jailed under the Espionage Act of 1917, imprisoned, or forced to seek asylum, like Snowden in Russia 🇷🇺 and of course famous Wikileaks founder, Julian Assange, who is literally living in an Ecuadorian 🇪🇨 Embassy in London 🇬🇧. Then today Obama grants clemency to Transgender Whistleblower Chelsea Manning, shortening her 35 year sentence to end 3 decades early in May of this year, 2017. Why, Obama? A PR move to distract from other last minute changes and to surge an approval rating on the way out? Something to think about, especially when he was so adamant about putting those that expose our government's truths, lies, and nasty cover-ups behind bars or strand them in foreign countries that don't exactly provide the same freedoms. Meanwhile last year was the first year that I was forced to pay taxes, and not just because I'm penalized for seeking affordable medical treatment for cash, and not pumping money into the Insurance Industry, the failure of Obamacare. All of this happening, and a rich white New York female actress named Lena Dunham tells the world that she's never had an abortion, but she wishes she had. WHY?! Meryl Streep uses an acceptance speech to rile up SJW's. And to add insult to injury, she says an art form and sport older than her 50x over, MMA and Combat Arts are not really arts. WHY?! God bless some of Meryl Streep's performances, they are truly cinematic gold, but that doesn't automatically make her the High Queen of all Art, deciding what earns that prestigious label and what does not. I try and promise myself that I will not get political in my reviews, but honestly when I write emotional parallels I seem to get the most responses. And because of great television series like 'Quarry' that most definitely gets my stamp for my list of #BestOf2016 TV Series), they inspire me to put my ideas out there, my life stories, my origins, my secrets, my heartaches, my tales of happiness and tragedy... Because of series like 'Quarry' I am more honest with you than I am with anyone else in my life. It's scary to put these very personal, private, and passionate views and experiences out there. Like I said, the one rule I try to set for myself is try to keep politics (or at least pick and choose my crusades and battles) out of it, and to treat those with opposing opinions with respect and class... But here we have a moving, haunting portrait of political injustice, and it's inspiring. It's hard to stay quiet when there is so much injustice surrounding us, so much ignorance. I have literally seen people I love with all my heart throw away meaningful, lifelong friendships over this sham of an election on both sides. I am not a conservative. I am not a liberal. I am a man who is happy with very little... I have a slice of paradise in a city where I am very much the minority. I'm happy living life one day at a time, living a quiet life and practicing different forms of artistic expression, over the years learning that my gift is worth a bit of money, but still getting the hang of making it the center of my universe. I'm no hired hitman, but I've abused this body with serving, bartending, and even go-go dancing... At one point I was literally working day shifts serving tables in Miami, getting off at 4 or 5pm, then driving to Ft Lauderdale, dancing without my clothes at night until the early morning, trying to catch a few low-paying DJ gigs in between. Like Mac, we all have our demons, demons that many of us will never quite shake. We can defeat them, learn to live as harmoniously as possible with them, or let them destroy us slowly. Quarry is a vivid and honest tale of political injustice, racial divides, struggling human beings just trying to survive in a world where the odds are stacked up against them, a tale of broken men and women, the moments that make us feel alive, the moments that haunt us, a tale of a human being struggling with their sexual identity in a brutally violent and unaccepting world, one that is engraved and hardwired into them, broken egos, and a tale of how people can easily be turned into puppets with the almighty dollar and a simple plant growing from God's green earth. I found it very fitting that before the last sequence of scenes Mac goes to cast his presidential vote. Unfortunately it always comes down to the lesser of two evils... Republicans or Democrats, but both are evil and wicked in their own individual ways. To #VoteLibertarian or Green is unheard of (though this idea is changing and becoming more of a reality now, thank god) and for many years I considered the act 'throwing away' my vote, but with the candidates becoming increasingly hard to differentiate the pros and cons... Maybe it's time that everyone starts voting Libertarian, Green, some sort of other growing Independent Party... Or like Mac, just write in the late, great Otis Redding. My Step-Father has taken to the practice, and he's right... If you can't beat em', don't join 'em, vote for somebody else, ANYONE. Ive been told this is a problem in all countries, so on a worldwide scale I'm not sure if even Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump was even the hardest decision a voter has had to face... We had it easy, The Philippines 🇵🇭 had to settle for Rodrigo Duterte, a MADMAN who encouraged the people of his country to hunt down and murder people suffering from the disease of addiction. Somethings gotta give, the division I see in our world today frightens me, but most of all it saddens me. For now, here in the US, what's done is done. We must allow things to play out as if the world 🌎 was our television series. Stop the division. Stop the hate, on BOTH sides... And let's take things as I have learned to live, one day at a time. Being unified if things go wrong will be a lot better than being a nation torn apart. Maybe the future will surprise you, maybe it won't... Just hold on to your empathy and everything will be alright. It's the only thing we have left. We have to do better.

A lot of shit about what went down in Argentina. REALLY IT’S A LOT.

Yesterday I didn’t go to the protest because I couldn’t but I followed the debate as much as possible and didn’t go to sleep until I saw the voting. Here are some atrocious things not only I but everyone in Argentina had to cope with, stuff that was said by our REPRESENTATIVES (I can’t stress that enough):

“(...) They talk about solving the abortion issue with a legalised and sure (meaning safe) abortion, yeah surely a kid dies, I have no doubts of that. And we are possibly risking the mother’s life. Free? There’s nothing free in this world, Mr. President. Are we going to ask the Fund (meaning the International Monetary Fund) to lend us money to pay for those abortions? I’m here asking for a graveyard for those kids who weren’t able to be born, victims of abortions. In every church, catholic, jew, whatever, in none of those, I think, it says that it’s allowed to kill your child to be born. I respect women’s freedom, not a single woman missing/dead (referring to NI UNA MENOS a movement to fight for women who die due to different type violence, like domestic violence for instance), and surely in every abortion either a boy or a girl dies. A girl too! Aren’t feminists supposed to protect other women? Don’t forget about the father, because curiously when you need the money you remember the father, but when you want to kill the baby you forget about him. (...) (yeah, a representative SAID THAT. Also, this same man was interviewed saying that if he was elected president he would make capital punishment a law. So apparently, not all lives matter to this pro-life people, interesting.)

“(...) The only thing sure (meaning safe) about abortions is that they don’t exist, they are an overreaction like marketing, they don’t happen.(...) (Yeah, I mean if you think about it there are no statistics measuring the amount of women who die in clandestine abortions but that’s why THEY ARE FUCKING CLANDESTINE YOU CANNOT MEASURE THAT)

“(...) Because I want poor kids to continue to be born. I want kids with dysabilities to continue to be born. (...)” (Apparently, this woman thinks abortions are done to prevent poor kids/dysabled kids from being born, not because of rapes or undesired pregnancies even after you took all the precautions)

“(...) I don’t know if you know how marsupials live and are born. They finish their growth outside their mother’s belly. They crawl and suck on their mother’s breasts for months until they are done with their growth. So I wonder, if we had the same system, and babies were to finish their development outside the belly, if they were 10 to 15 cm while sucking on the mother’s breasts when time for the abortion comes, I wonder would it be that easy to take them from there and throw them to a garbage can as some of you people here want to do? (...)” (Again comparing us with animals, don’t these people know there’s something called empathy and that’s the real difference between us humans and animals, THE EMPATHY TO DISAGREE WITH ABORTION AS AN ACT BUT VOTING IN FAVOUR OF THE LAW KNOWING THAT GIRLS WHO WANT TO DO IT WILL DO IT NONETHELESS, SO EVEN IF YOU DISAGREE THINK ABOUT THEM WHO DON’T WANT TO BE FORCED INTO MOTHERHOOD)

PERSONAL FAVOURITE: “(...) What happens when our little dog gets pregnant? We don’t go to a vet to get an abortion. We may regret what happened, oh such a problem, but we immediately go out to search for people to gift those puppies to, right? Check animals, see how they behave with their cubs, because even the worst predators love their cubs. If we were a little more like animals, then we wouldn’t kill our subs (I don’t even know where to begin with this one jfc) (...)”

“(...) They are asking for fourteen weeks (because the law draws the limit to fourteen weeks, before that you can get an abortion) and by then the kid already has eyes, nails, it sleeps with the mother. It has nails! It has genetic identity! Fourteen weeks in and the baby already moves! It drinks liquid from their mother’s uterus, it sleeps with the mother! It’s a child, it’s a human being! So the lack of a public health system leaves us without the woman, which I lament, but it also leaves us without that new possibility of life that just goes away in a waste bag! (...)” (so apparently a fetus has more right to decide over my body than myself because it has nails by the time fourteen weeks hit, interesting again)

“(...) A child that was conceived to be born, has to be born. When you want to replace an old plant, you take another one, a younger one and one it is done and it has grown enough next to the older one, you cut the older one (clearly referring to the mother and the “child”, since they literally said more than once that if one is to die, then so be it that the mother dies, they say they are pro-life, remember that) (...)” 

“(...) Children are like stars, there is no such thing as too many of them. (...)” (I swear to God, you have to listen to the speeches pro-abortion people made and then compare them with this cheap, out of a fortune cookie kind of bullshit -no disrespect to fortune cookies, I love them)

“(...) According to statistics, more women die due to automobile accidents, not abortions, (...)” (So it doesn’t matter, the lives of women who die in clandestine abortions don’t count because more women die in accidents, so I think some lives are more important than others to this pro-life people, interesting part 3)

“(...) This new law will allow women to have an abortion in whichever moment she wants, even 9 months later (LIE, the law only says fourteen weeks tops) This law will not only kill babies that are twelve weeks old, it will kill babies that are 9 months old. (...)” (Honey, babies, like real babies, were the ones the church helped the militars stole from their missing/tortured/murdered parents during the second dictatorship in Argentina, those were babies. Babies that were robbed of their identities by the same church you agree with and use as an excuse here, because this one is a catholic, she said it)

“(...) I wonder, how can we eliminate the first human type of organism when we try to save other species and plants, we invest a lot of money and study hours and energy. Trying to take care of the endangered species, and we are able to do it, we forget about ourselves. (...)” (what’s even your point like ??)

“(...) An international company very well known in USA called Planeta Parenthood,a doctor (she says the name but I won’t) admits that there they are very good at performing abortions while not touching any organs so they can get the liver, lungs or heart (of the fucking fetus, yes I know wtf). This is because they sell that and a fetus’ brain can be up to a hundred dollars, people pay for fetuses’ parts. This also happens in the UK, France -more particularly brain traffic happens there (I know right? fucking French people trafficking fetuses’ brains)- and it’s been brought to the law I have the documents here, I’ll show it later (needless to say, she never fucking did that). In Spain, Australia, so I wonder, what will be the fate of those fetuses? (...) (fucking europeans and americans, fucking with the fetuses and making money)

“(...) I can see many green handckerchiefs and I want to tell all of you that if your mother’s had had an abortion then some of the people sitting here wouldn’t have become representatives (...)” (this felt like the situation’s equivalent of a ‘yo momma’ joke, just saying)

Keep reading for my two cents here.

So, all in all, the law wasn’t approved and my wish for all this pro-life people is for them to succeed in their promises, promises they made yesterday while defending and justifying themselves. I wish for them to eliminate clandestine abortions completely, I wish for them to move their asses and to start a witch hunt. I wish for them to start hunting down clandestine places and penalising those doctors who make money practising illegal abortions with all the strength of the current law. I wish for them to volunteer themselves to work with the poor, people who have no resources or sex ed, people who don’t know of consent and people who suffer and end up dying because AGAIN the girl who has enough money, she does and lives, the most vulnerable parts of society, the ones who don’t, still do it anyway while knowing they are risking their lives. And most of them die because illegality never saved a single life. I want THE FUCKING CHURCH to help there as well, and I want them to apologise for years and years of covering paedophiles and for having blessed the guns with which militars killed thousands of Argentinian people during the dictatorship. I want them to correct themselves, I want them to stop being fucking hypocrites and admit that all lives were never the same to them. Because this same people later agree with capital punishment.

I want them to present another project with another law to erradicate abortions as a whole, a law that LIKE THE ONE THEY DISAGREED WITH includes three parts (because the law has three parts in which abortion is the last one). First one being “sex ed to decide” what to do with your body, when you decide to share it and with who; the other “contraceptives not to abort” so that you don’t get to actually go through an abortion, an experience both traumatic and undesirable; last one “legal abortion not to die” so that if it comes to the point you have to, then you can do it in a facility that allows you to do it safely and without risking your life.

But they won’t, they’ll forget while girls are still dying. However, I’m optimistic, I think the law will be approved eventually. Not yesterday, but it will happen. My thoughts though are others, I won’t forget. I won’t forget those representatives who justified themselves with beliefs that aren’t correct with reality, beliefs that make us go back a hundred years as a society. And my wish for society as a whole is for us not to forget as well, abortion exists, it’s a thing, it’s a terrible reality but that’s the worst thing about reality, whether you like it or not, it happens. We are left with a 1921 law that doesn’t penalise you in case of rape or risk (mental and physical), so if your contraceptives failed? OH FUCK YOU FOR BEING A WHORE AND A SLUT AND HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE, because that’s what they say, that’s their opinion. They don’t want women to have rights over their own bodies because a fetus has more rights over my body than I do. I personally don’t want people like that to represent me and have a voice about the future of my country, a voice over my future, everyone’s future.

 “(...) Mr, President I don’t want to be part of a state that continues to ignore our women. I don’t want to look away. The law won’t force you to have an abortion, it will save the woman who decides to interrupt her pregnancy. If sexual education isn’t enough, if family planning isn’t enough, if free contraceptives isn’t enough, then I want us to have another option, I want that woman to have another option, the option to rely on the system without shame or guilt or social stigmatization. I want to help her, be next to her, listen to her, inform her about all the options she has. I want to explain to her the consequences of her decisions, I even want the chance to make her consider not to have an abortion. Today as everything is I don’t have that chance. Like I’ve said before, but I want to repeat it because I want my dreams to be known, my dreams for every woman in this country and for my daughters. From my heart, I mean it, I want for every woman in this country the same things I want for my daughters. I want them to fall in love, I want them to decide to create a family just like I decided to have my children, I want them to never have to make that choice (have an abortion). I honestly dream of that. This months have been very hard for me because I gave myself the oportunity to think and rethink and I say this from my heart, I sincerely do not wish for them to have to make that horrible decision of interrupting a pregnancy. But if they have to I want them to do it safely, accompained and helped in that horrible moment. I want them to live a life with no violence, a life without being discriminated, a life in equality, a life in which they can enjoy all their rights, and that’s why I’m here taking responsibility. I want to do my part. I don’t want to look away. I want to take resposibility here and now saying not one (woman) less. (...)”

Because motherhood will be desired, or it will not be.