高校の後輩がくれた言葉が、今でも私の助けになってる
Instagramに、就活かなんかの役に立てたいと思って、私という人物はどんな人ですかって質問を募集したんだよね
そのとき、高校のあまり話したことのない後輩が、私のお仕事とか、活躍を誇りに思ってくれてて
その後輩が、「自分に負けなかった人」と書いてくれて
その瞬間、なんだか涙が溢れて
自己肯定感もない、自信もない、そんな自分にできることは単なる努力で、
その努力は、周りからしたらすごいねって言われることだったかもしれないけど
私からしたら単なる現実でしかなかった
何かといつも闘ってて、心がしんどいことにも気づかず過ごしていたからこそ、この言葉が沁みたんだと思う
そっか、何かと闘っていたその「何か」は、自分だったんだ
そう気づかしてくれたのが、本当に感謝でしかなくて。
自分に勝ったという表現じゃなく、負けなかった人っていう表現が
今まで私が何度も折れかけた過去の経験が走馬灯のように浮かんで
最終的に、負けなくて良かったって
そう思った
その闘った過去があるから今の自分がいるのも確かだけど
それで疲れて自分を見失うくらいならって
今はなにとも闘ってません
自分を大事に、
自分を大切にできないのなら、今の自分の目標は諦めちゃおうかなんて思うくらい
自分を大事にしています
みんなにも、自分を大事にしてほしい、
今はそう思います
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Ya girl back with not shutting up about the Dragon Cry movie again.
In a previous post, I spilled my feelings over Dragon Cry’s ending theme What You Are by Polka Dots and its English translation that perfectly captures Natsu and Lucy’s relationship through Lucy’s eyes.
Now I will spill my feelings about THE event that happened through Natsu’s eyes and a little but important detail that I haven’t seen brought up in other analyses:
The interesting detail I stumbled upon is the music that plays during this scene. From the movie’s OST, it is called 走馬灯 or “Revolving Lantern.”
For a refresher, you can watch this segment along with the specific soundtrack playing here.
I looked up the meaning of 走馬灯 because the name caught my eye when I was looking at the tracklist for the movie. Here are some of my findings:
A kind of 2-layered lantern. The inner layer revolves and has images cut into it, such that when it turns, the shapes appear to move around the lantern.
In recent years, this soumatou has become associated with the “life flashing before your eyes” phenomenon that happens before death (走馬灯現象 / 走馬灯体験). (source)
Soumatou (走馬灯) refers to various memories coming back one after another, mainly at the time of death or when one's emotions are shaken.
It is also characterized by the vivid recall of past events and the recollection of large amount of memories, ignoring the flow of time. It is used when the memory is revived as a result of overlapping conditions, rather than being recalled consciously.
It is said that there is a flow in memory, and there are many cases where memories of a lifetime from birth to death come back in an instant, and memorable episodes such as memories with family come to mind. (source)
Soumatou (走馬灯(そうまとう)) is a type of traditional Japanese lighting fixture lantern, and is sometimes written as 走馬燈.
It is also called a "rotating lantern" because the shadow picture inside the lantern is reflected as it rotates.
Because of its shadow pictures, it was mainly used as a summer toy to please children. Nowadays the word soumatou is used to express good memories or memories of the past that are deeply emotional and nostalgic, as the spinning silhouettes seem to represent one's life. (source)
With these explanations in mind, here is what a physical revolving lantern actually looks:
See the resemblance to Natsu’s flashbacks?
I know it is pretty obvious just by watching the scene that Natsu was having “his life flash before his eyes” since he was on the brink of death. I just thought it was a really neat detail for the soundtrack to match it. I also loved the detail of Lucy’s scene having more of the “revolving lantern” feel compared to other guild members’ scenes with how her part was played like an old movie before it faded out to white.
It was the way he remembered her last and in a different setting entirely—outside the guild hall—that showed how he views her differently from other Fairy Tail members, especially when he recalled that specific scene without consciously (duh) thinking it.
Natsu’s VA Kakihara Tetsuya also highlighted the scene in the movie where Natsu asks Lucy what he looks like to her. Although more subjective/opinionated, Tetsuya said he thinks “those words [What do I look like?] are packed with Natsu’s feelings towards his nakama from the guild, whom he has known for 8 years, as well as Lucy, even though [Tetsuya] can’t explain what kind of feelings they are. Those words are packed with various emotions that probably only Natsu knows.”
Another moment of Natsu putting Lucy in a different light compared to others is in the 100 Years Quest sequel (chapter 62):
He said he has "nakama" (仲間) and "people/they" (奴等) who believe in him with the very next panel being a flash to Lucy in the background. The ENTIRE guild was literally around her during this battle but the panel only highlighted Lucy before he yelled he is no one but himself, Fairy Tail’s Natsu Dragneel. I thought this scene was a perfect callback to Dragon Cry.
Going back, I also wondered about the significance of Lucy’s tear dropping in Natsu’s mouth other than being the trigger for flashbacks of his relationships with Fairy Tail members.
Another thing I read about “revolving lantern" is:
"Soumatou (走馬灯) phenomenon" means "a phenomenon that brings back old memories". It is said to occur in situations where emotional fluctuations are heightened, and memories overflow naturally rather than being intentionally recalled. For example, the sentence "The moment I passed through the school gate, memories of three years flowed like a revolving lantern."
The above sentence expresses how the three years of memories have overflowed due to the heightened emotions of "graduation". (source)
Given the above passage, I like to also think her tear is what caused his recollection of her to have more emphasis than the rest of the guild members; her tear (that he basically tasted) being the physical thing that caused his emotions to fluctuate and recall that specific memory of Lucy before he woke up and was given a second wind. This along with Lucy having a significant impact in Natsu’s life other than Happy, said by Zeref himself.
I could also just be reaching lmao but that’s the fun of analyzing.
Fun fact: While this segment wasn’t in the original storyboard manga Mashima drew for the movie, he still drew it and only of Lucy as far we were publicly given. It was shown in the movie’s pamphlet which also had his illustration of Lucy embracing Natsu that I briefly mentioned in my other post:
真島自らが描いた、ナツの回想の中ルーシィ Natsu’s recollection of Lucy, drawn by Mashima himself
While the movie was nicely animated (though I still have a huge problem on how ridiculous the boobs looked, specifically when Lucy was climbing a tree...), I just love the fact Mashima himself included the flashback scene with how super involved he was in the production of the movie. Little things like that gives me hope for them.
And there you go. I do LOVE the theory some people have where that date-like scene didn't actually happen but is what Natsu's mind conjured up for Lucy. However, there are a few things to note:
Flashback (フラッシュバック) IS a synonym for soumatou (走馬灯) since it brings back old memories. However, "flashback" is slightly different than "soumatou" because it can refer to recalling both good and bad memories. Negative experiences/trauma are not depicted in soumatou at all though, only the unconscious action of remembering or recalling. (source)
Natsu's recollection of Lucy (ナツの回想の中ルーシィ) is from the movie pamphlet caption under Mashima's drawing of the scene. Reminiscence/recollection (回想) is another synonym for flashback (フラッシュバック). "Reminiscence" is to look back and remember the past. A scene that depicts the past of a character is called a "recollection scene". It is called a flashback scene not only in video works, but also in manga and novels. (source)
With that being said, I personally believe it actually happened. Which means?? We were ROBBED?? Of a NaLu date-like scene that happened OFF-SCREEN???? I can't BELIEVE the amount of blue-balling teasing Mashima gives for this ship I swear to god. Regardless, people can believe whatever they want to believe and have their own theories. Taking account above points, I genuinely love both sides. The thought of Natsu unconsciously picturing Lucy and himself on a date is *clenches fist* but that boy also consciously puts Lucy in a special spot, different from his nakama.
Natsu from the very beginning had never (officially) formed a team with anyone other than Happy until Lucy came along. Then Plue made a… gesture for it that Natsu understood and agreed to. It wasn’t a quick and thoughtless agreement either as he verbally reflected the Mt. Hakobe trip to find Macao. He acknowledged Lucy and said that despite her being a weirdo, she’s a trustworthy and good person.
(Upsetting Natsu understanding Plue was never explored since then but anyway…)
Sure he tricked her to come along with the Everlue mission (lmao) and Lucy herself called him out on it a second time, but Natsu also confirmed for a second time that “yeah it could’ve been anyone but we chose you, Lucy, because you’re such a nice person!”
… and WAY later we find out it was also her scent, for whatever reason unbeknownst to him until the VERY end, that always made him feel relaxed around her. I like to believe the mention of similar smell between her and Anna other than being blood-related was another factor in his quick attachment to Lucy in the beginning due to unconscious familiarity (Igneel’s scarf which he treasures so much was knitted by Anna after all) and this theory summed it well for me. Regardless, every time Anna gets mentioned to him his first thought is always “Lucy.”
In conclusion, I have some gripe when it comes to the overall plot and pacing of the Dragon Cry movie but when it comes down to all of its Natsu/Lucy scenes, it is absolutely perfect. I have two more scenes in the movie I’d like to write another analysis of so hope you look forward to more of my gross sobbing!!
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■Song: プラネテス / Planetes
■Music/Lyrics: seiza
■Arrangement: sasanomaly
■Vocals: Hatsune Miku (original) / Azusagawa (cover)
君を幸せにできる魔法があればよかった
触れる肩が少し震えた気がした
If only there were a miracle that could make you happy
I could feel your shoulder slightly trembling under my touch
禁じられた果物をふたりで食べてしまった
与えられたこの星にはもういられない
Having consumed the forbidden fruit,
we can no longer remain on the star that was given to us
何光年離れても寂しくないよ
きっとふたりは同じ星座だ
だから最期の走馬灯に同じものを観よう
I won't be sad, no matter how many light years may separate us
for we belong in the same constellation
So let us witness the same thing as life flashes before our eyes
たとえ過ちを産んだような出逢いだとしても
君のいない正解を選ぶなら間違いでいい
こんな永遠なんて僅かな時間は跨いで
さあ 誰も知らないふたりだけの世界へいこう
Even if mistakes were born from our having met,
if I had to make the right choice of not being with you, I'd rather be wrong
Let us stride across the limited time they call eternity
and venture into a completely unknown world that belongs to only us
どんな正義の味方にも見捨てられてしまうけど
許しを乞うくらいなら罰を受けよう
I've been forsaken by all champions of justice
but if I had to beg for forgiveness, I'd accept the punishment
君と手を取り合い星間飛行へ
逆さの空 ふたつの迷い星
二度と明けない夜が全て攫っていく
Hand in hand, we fly into space
Two stray stars amid a sky turned upside-down
The never-ending night takes everything away
たとえ過ちを産んだような出逢いだとしても
君のいない正解を選ぶなら間違いでいい
こんな運命なんて馬鹿げた鎖は解いて
さあ 誰も知らないふたりだけの世界へいこう
Even if mistakes were born from our having met,
if I had to make the right choice of not being with you, I'd rather be wrong
Let's undo the ridiculous chains that they call fate
and venture into a completely unknown world that belongs to only us
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