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lemonhemlock · 5 months

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Ok so I went through your Helaemond tag a little bit and had complete whiplash because do not cite the deep magic to me etc., I was shipping it when it was me and iskarieot writing unhinged posts about BTS scenes for the Helaemond adult actors before the episode with them even aired. I dipped around the finale or maybe a little before (I have zero recollection) and had NO idea of the fandom furore lmao. I wrote one of the first Helaemond fics in the AO3 tag (💅) and was literally just mainlining the spice melange ok. I was seeing things my terrible purpose

I cannot believe it got this out of control???? All the moralising??? Nobody (all 5 of us) gave a fuck about team Black/team Green and it wasn't intended to discredit either side at all, although I did love the idea of Alicent's children doing the same shit as Rhaenyra - that was more because I love death misery and despair and Alicent/Rhaenyra parental role-model family tumbleweed free-for-all. You made our children like this!!! lesbian parthenogenesis so true so true

Anyway I really enjoyed the dark courtly romance of it all, one of the things which specifically interested me is that Aegonfail sloppy wet wish-I'd-been-born-a-girl-to-marry-Rhaenyra's-kids-aka-my-cousins-nephews is bad at practising Targcest since he's not interested in Helaena in the one scene that started it all, which is like, a Good Thing Perhaps, but Helaemond is also a little bit True Love, and so everything is lovely and fucked up. It made all the characters much more interesting because you get complexity added to three, even four characters in one fell swoop, illegitimate children or nay. Power is a shadow on the wall etc. I didn't actually like, have a dog in this illegal child fighting ring; I am interested in the way these characters interact with, resist, covet the feudal system/positions therein, the way men and women alike negotiate what power is afforded based on sex and arbitrary inheritance, and being in love with the wrong brother who has the Audacity to not want to Practise Incest, and so on and so forth. (This is my extrapolation anyway. I think it's interesting that dragonboy cannot dragonboy but also has the most beautiful dragon ever and is going to be the king styled after the vewy fiwst Aegon. At least one Targ has gotta have a bit of an ick with this whole business and Mummy's Number One Boy who's passed out drunk and doesn't even wunna rule has to be it for me).

I want to end this ask with an apology because I feel partially culpable, for some reason. I'm literally just a tumblrina nobody but at the very least I can say at ground zero (I didn't see your posts back then but also if you were There, you were There as well ofc - I'm sorry I didn't go back that far through your tag or see you mention when you started shipping it, and also Everybody Matters in fandom no matter when you join, and I want us all to hold hands, and I hate when we fight cries) it was never ill-intentioned. We were just crazy

My goodness, what an interesting piece of lore. 😅 You certainly pointed out a few of the themes that make helaemond appealing from a shipping point of view. The fact that you started to ship it just based on the actors' BTS just goes to show how perceiving a random interaction can open up new perspectives.

I personally started posting a few weeks after the season finale, but, like many people, my helaemond eyes opened just watching the dinner table scene (in conjunction with the Driftmark conversation between aegond regarding Helaena it was just a compounded thing).

And, of course, like you said it was never really meant to be anything other than a fun ship to play around with! I had very little clue about the endless moralising that was about to follow - November 2022 me would tell you it's goofy af to be so stuck up about another incest ship in THEE incest show and, honestly, she'd be right.

So, there's absolutely no need to apologise, we were all just trying to vibe within the freak slice of fandom. I don't think anyone started ~peddling this ship as an inside job against team green or to discredit Alicent or whatever the hell other chronically-online interpretation I've heard. :))

Personally, I know I've used this as a pretext to procrastinate from my actual responsibilities and it was definitely.....interesting.....to witness all the varied reactions, some more unhinged than others, but, at this point, all of us need to step back a little and chill, because there's nothing really to debate anymore. It's the time for fan artists and fic writers to shine.

#or for context-imaginers / fic prompters etc 😅#ask #anon #helaemond

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the-nosy-neighbor · 2 months

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The Wally/Home Connection

This is going to be some far out theorizing, but I think it might not be for everyone. The post is about Home/Wally’s relationship. Please don’t read if you think that might spoil your enjoyment of the project at all.

Wally and Home

The relationship between Home and Wally is something heavily debated. The really cool thing about this project is that you can see most of them being a possibility. I think the one thing that is commonly expressed is that they are working together somehow.

You know what I think? Wally is a part of Home’s body. Home made Wally to attract people/neighbors.

The more I spent time thinking about the relationship between Home and Wally, the idea of them being connected entities has always appealed to me more than other theories.

Wally is such an attractive character! He is cute and disarming and a bit slow. He loves everyone.

In the world of the show, where Wally and his friends are real, you could make the argument that Wally is this way because of the needs of the show. The kids need a focal point, something to relate to as their replacement in the world. Wally doesn’t know things, he doesn’t need to. We all learn together.

BUT, while we haven’t seen Wally of the show, we have heard him. He is cute and funny, and everyone enjoys having him around. He participates and asks questions and tells stories. So, he is an active character. In the secret videos, we have Wally as a part of every scene, and we appear to be seeing through his eyes, and he really doesn’t have any reaction while the video goes. He appears to be disassociating, or just turned off.

What if Wally is the representative of home, but in the same way an anglerfish has a lure?

Puppeteer Parasite IRL and in D&D

Puppeteer Parasite. One of the bugs reminded tumblrina of something that is a real bug that is a Puppeteer Parasite, or related anyway.

It is a fungus that makes ants do their bidding, which is a less understood way to describe the fungus affecting the nervous system. In the end, the ants climb to the top of a bush (the night time rattling in the bushes?), bite down and die. Scientists say that the fungus has worked around the jaw muscles at this point.

In DnD, the puppeteer parasite is a brain slug type thing (also on tv tropes)

Can’t see past 60 ft

Telepathy within 30 ft

Doesn’t require air or sleep

Spells are cling/consume life

Has a suggestion bonus action

Rubber amoeba the size of a dinner plate, glossy on top, bone hooks on the bottom

Attaches to wall or ceiling and jumps/falls on victim

Drains energy or uses them for a ride

Likes humanoid thralls as victims

Thralls: people fear, consumes human flesh to reveal lost secrets, doesn’t breathe, has superior vision in the dark, has 2 languages

Using my own illustration here, explaining the concept, plus it was just fun.

It explains the secret videos, if the angler fish isn’t actively using Wally, then he just doesn’t do anything. Home doesn’t have to do anything in these moments, so Wally is off, until the use of Wally’s name shakes the Anglerfish out of passivity into participating.

Wally doesn’t know anything maybe because Home doesn’t know these things either. If he is the equivalent of an anglerfish to a human, then basic information and ways of living would be completely foreign on both parts.

Wally can’t eat.

Wally is attractive and draws people to him. He makes for a pretty good lure. He isn’t challenging in most ways, especially since he can’t even remember small things.

Wally attempts to include Home in all of their activities. Home can’t move around in this universe, so it makes sense that he sees all this happening through Wally. Maybe those moments are Home’s attempt to get people closer to him.

Barnaby is close with Home (and from my Look, I made a dog post, most likely dead) and look what happened to him? As someone who spends a lot of time with Home, and has been the only character portrayed as being inside Home and capable of understanding him. What if this is our puppeteering? Once Barnaby has been incorporated into Home/Wally, then he could also be used to lure unsuspecting people into Home’s trap.

Wally being out of it during Barnaby’s conversation with Home could be Home's attention being divided?

There are a lot of missing people in this neighborhood. We have mentions of Barnaby’s mom, Julie’s siblings, and Eddie’s mom. These all came through descriptive text, and if I remember correctly, none of those characters are mentioned by the characters they are supposed to be related to. Maybe Barnaby mentioned his mom, but then again, he could be absorbed. What if absorbed means you have access to Home’s inner workings?

Axed character Sunny. Maybe Sunny was devoured by Home.

On a related note, all the black stuff /under Home could be part of the entrapment. Black tendrils reaching out.

Someone speculated that Wally’s I see you/I can’t see being on black backgrounds could be a zoom in of wally’s pupil (my eyes are black). But it could be the deep sea like background.

Edit: There is no heart between Wally and Home on the pixel banner with all the neighbors.

Let’s go to an actual fish:

This guy definitely has tendrils reaching out. A lot of this kind of fish also have mouths that almost resemble doors.

Maybe Home just has to get someone in the door, and once Wally gets close enough to ask someone to come in, gotcha.

The puppeteer parasite: The first is the ant, obviously, infected by the parasite. The ant has a protuberance from the head, which also puts me in mind of the black stuff.

The DnD guy is pretty funny. More of a flat slug-like thing that takes people unawares. Replace all those teeth with eyes, and it would be a pretty close analog to several things we see.

Finally, there is a very telling picture from Clown’s ko-fi. Not going to share that, as I haven’t seen it anywhere else, but Clown’s work is often taking something happy and celebratory, and turning it into a monster, or at least as something threatening. This sculpture is not that, specifically, but the sculpture was photographed next to Home, which is very telling indeed.

Home the devouring entity has Wally to speak for them, and now Wally is speaking to us, trying to draw us into his world or trying to break through to ours.

"Hold my gaze and follow me."

#welcome home #welcome home theories #wally darling #welcome home arg #welcome home wally

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faithfromanewperspective · 7 months

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bipolar thoughts i guess

listened to some pretty wild podcast episodes of This Is Bipolar today and can i say my mind is still reeling like the stuff on there is insane (latest 2 episodes as of 18/10/2023 if anyone wants to find them) and so i'm gonna try summarise some thoughts cause i need to unclog my head desperately. starting to get confident i know how to make sense, so here you go <3

anyway i went into it like i do often being just like 'do i have bipolar' like i'm pre sure i've got cyclothymia but it's not diagnosed and like. i gotta trust you an awful lot to share Most Difficult Workings Of My Brain with you anyway, and i'm not sure i ever have really properly with any doctor as I like to honour my nervous system and my felt sense of safety when seeking mental health support (it's taken me a while to feel like i'm somewhat in control of utilising that service in my life, but i'm feeling empowered for the most part, and like i do know what i'm doing). hence why i'm sharing it with all of you here online, right? spoilers for how brains work under the cut, and the answer i came to to this question. apologies for grammar i'm in peak tumblrina 2010s teen mode. it gets (a lot) better under the cut.

I won't go into exact details now, but for Quite A While whenever I periodically do quizzes and that out of Curiosity I've found myself more often than not meeting the criteria for both depression and hypomania--this year especially with the completion of my thesis and the work I had to push through to get there, it doesn't surprise me. (And yet I've been feeling like I'm spiralling less than in the past, living in the present more (and feeling things sure) but I'm also starting to realise what that says.) And I'm a seasoned researcher who knows a lot about psychology for an environmental scientist: I know that mixed episodes and rapid cycling are a thing. I can feel the heaviness on my chest, disconnect and grief and dysphoria I've lost the end of the strings leading to them of, and the cluttering of exciting exciting ideas that I feel hopeless more often than not about ever getting out of my head into the world. I know how easy I can tip over into Idea Buzzing Mode. I know how it robs me of sleep when I need it the most, I know how I feel when I'm sleep deprived, that I walk around like a ghost and cross the road without looking.

In my life I've found a lot of people I relate to in different ways, but very few in whom I see a mirror for the extent of the energy that gets unearthed when there's an idea I'm passionate about, how fast my thoughts go and the way I notice everything and come up with solutions like some sort of machine designed to explore every option and how everything in me drives me towards all the ideas I'm having and how difficult it is to sit still and go at someone else's timeline when I just have all this stuff I have to get out of my head or i might scream and hit something and just--it's very unpleasant. People recognise my creativity and even relate to it when I do get the ideas out but do they see how easily it becomes hopelessness, a rift between me and the world, if I don't get to do that exactly how I want to, if everyone around me doesn't listen and play along and make room for me to make systemic changes? I know they don't. And it makes sense in a way: depression is common. My other neurodivergences are fairly common too, as is burnout from them and from the demands of modern life. But so few tend towards hypomania more often than not the way that I do.

And in bipolar communities, which I'm drawn to for it's the best most fitting description I can think of, a lot of the time it tends to be much the same. Not quite. It's almost there. But people's hypomania varies so much: both between the different bipolar diagnoses and within them. It's also often a scary thing. Something they try very hard not to become, when (as is still the dominant narrative) they cycle between debilitating depression and deceptively debilitating (hypo) mania that seems appealing during the lows: I don't have that. I have boom and bust cycles I honour: ADHD and PDA honestly disable me more than depression (like yes it exacerbates them but that whole mashup is something I've been working on dealing with for years) and the older I get the more I realise I think I'm not all that emotionally led as a person. Like whatever I'm feeling exists and is a thing, but whatever needs to be done also exists and so does making space for the feelings of others and it's easy to use the latter things as a distraction from the former, just long enough to get through whatever it is I need to. This works until the idea overload. That stacks on top of the demand overload and constriction and burnout and the effort to mask my ADHD. My brain is too loud, demanding things of me, and maybe it is the fact that I know how to fight it just a little even though it comes at a massive cost to my wellbeing that make it so unbearable but also cryptic. I've had to learn to express it. To feel it, to listen to it, to proactively find productive or neutral outlets that allow the wave to pass without prompting the construction of a lot more waves that are similar. That ground me at the end when I do inevitably burn myself out, like yes, my energy will be depleted afterward, it would be no matter what I did, but bit by bit I leave the rush feeling satisfied, by progress, no matter how small. And so there's no need for guilt and disappointment to accompany me in the resulting sadness. Only weary compassion.

To me, that still sounds like bipolar. The way I have to express myself regularly so it doesn't build up too much pressure and make it burst out in a bad way. How I have to get the energy out and then wind down in really specific ways so I can sleep. Sleep before the crushing loneliness, the glass wall between me and the world kicks in, and most times I still don't. Chase that elusive satisfaction, for i've got so much value-driven energy that overlaps with my other neurodivergences, to let out, and I know I'll feel trapped and helpless and hopeless if I don't. Energy lies dormant when all I feel is weariness, a string of irritations I can't name can trigger it at any time, I'm working on being aware of what these things are. More honest. Express things before they build up. And weariness lies on the other side of the razorblade of passion-led energy for all of my ideas, my fragile ideas, that I feel hopeless about executing and don't most of the time have real energy, real spoons, to properly sit down and plan for, not when my mind is racing so fast. It could be the result of passion and autodidactic motivation that won't die no matter how much the world tries to make me something I'm not: it comes out in waves, wrestling constantly with the behaviour I should exhibit, whatever pleases people the most and makes me feel dead inside.

But why look for more complex answers when the evidence is all there? Sure this could exacerbate symptoms up from dormancy. But why would this be my reaction, and others react differently? I will always have ideas, far more ideas than the average person. I will always feel injustice, even when it's not specifically happening to me. I will always grieve it. Even if there's a world where I was lucky enough to never experience the slightly less than optimal conditions that squeezed me in a way that made the ideas seem more urgent than they otherwise would be, and had my emotional needs fully met at all times, these things will always be a part of me. My body will always be a bit too sensitive to stimulants, especially for someone with ADHD, and feel a bit too empty, a bit unable to do anything productive and boring, when excitement isn't right in front of me.

I'm so lucky I never tried antidepressants actually. I have no idea what they'd do to me, but I'm pretty sure I'm already hypomanic most of the time even when I'm also depressed. Maybe something good came of that attitude I carry in my veins from my home city, passed down in DNA and modelling by generations of people who had it hard, who learned to go on despite whatever was going on, who felt its impacts in their lack of emotional presence with their children or the inability to open up to actually trust someone with all that we carry inside our heads. Because let's face it, mental health services are biased towards white upper/upper middle class people who are socialised to be able to talk about their feelings and not have to choose between letting those feelings out and safety, security, and food on the table. I am privileged in so many ways, growing up in a family determined to make sure I was loved and protected. But some things, some ancestral things, are stronger than one generation of tertiary-educated, middle class wannabe (and not even all that emotionally present, just idealistic) parenting. Some things you pick up, and where I'm from you suffer like it's expected for you to. You do what it takes to survive, and for me learning about all the Brain Things is one such thing. No one is going to help you, and actually having the autonomy over our own solutions, the innovation to create them and find ways to finance them, is a source of pride that sometimes is the only thing that keeps me going. I tried so hard to apply it to myself, I knew I needed to, when the mainstream messages about getting help for your mental health arrived in the middle class outer Brisbane locality I lived in at the time and never quite fit into. But it painted a picture of surrender, a loss of autonomy dressed as humility and bravery. I could do it right up until I made a new person and my instincts kicked in: you be polite, you focus on them in the conversation, not yourself. Turns out it makes your problems seem smaller, even nonexistent to them. But I don't know any other way. I'm glad though in some ways: both so that I can find solidarity with those who share my culture, and the fact that I never tried antidepressants.

I've got a post coming on the Western Sydney Work Ethic as I call it (which encompasses a lot of things, being hardworking and polite among them but also the fact that I know a small handful of people, it took me far too long to realise it includes me, who can be actively suicidal and just go 'oh but none of us get what we want so I'll appease the people around me who might get upset by living just a little longer' and go back to work. literally. and all of them are either from sydney or were raised by someone who was). But for now I want to provide some background to the antidepressants phenomenon: basically, they can cause hypomania if you have a pre-disposition to bipolar, and if you're already hypomanic they can cause full-blown mania and start a pattern that then occurs on its own after the first time. They're not the only substance that can trigger this (stimulants are too, no wonder I didn't sleep for nearly 2 days the first time I tried a low dose of ADHD meds and now have a quarter of even that dose) but you can see how logical it is: someone comes in for depression, doesn't realise it's not the full picture of what's going on, gets prescribed antidepressants, voila, time to change your diagnosis.

Proponents of bipolar-should-be-managed-by-neurology-rather-than-psychiatry argue a predisposition for it that exists, apparently something to do with the way the brain processes (or doesn't) glucose for energy, something to do with amino acids (apparently taurine can cause hypomania I'm still a little sus about that) and neurotransmitters our body makes out of these things such as GABA, acetylcholine, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and more. I know a little about these, more than the average person, and one day I'll apply my basic biochemistry knowledge and update all of you on what I find. For now, that makes perfect sense. We know the relationship between ADHD and dopamine, between GABA and sleep/melatonin, we know too much dopamine causes psychosis, we know how well bipolar responds to medications that target any one of these. Apparently the fats and amino acids you ingest can also help oil the chemical processes that for some of us come out not working and easily get broken. Apparently if you do it well it's got potential to be just as effective (not a supplement for, but maybe in addition to) medication. All I know is an awful lot about how to meet your nutritional needs as a vegan, and the fact that something in me works, has me not completely forgetting feelings of hope at any time, has me still having some semblance of self-control (it sounds like a flex, i'm sorry, I really don't intend to shame anyone for anything or say anything along the lines of 'i can do this so so can you' or in any way insinuate it isn't hard for me, it is, just a kind of hard that's unique to my set of circumstances) when I am hypomanic and I have forgotten what a normal person level of energy is and all the people around me can see that I'm coming undone (but not professionals. Never professionals. I forget everything I'm feeling the moment I'm in anyone else's office).

Backtracking, the first memory I have of what is clearly in hindsight a hypomanic episode happened when I was 16, a year before I went vegan. Depression is harder to pick as it tends to come in hand in hand with burnout, I definitely felt I wasn't worth gifts and special treatment and anything good in general from a young age but kept myself busy with exciting things that kept me feeling a sense of autonomy and kept me afloat until I realised I couldn't do it anymore. I still remember the day everything changed and I hit that wall, three days before my 17th birthday. I was still an omnivore, fed mostly by my health-conscious (in a way that you have to be when doctors in 2001 says your baby who is allergic to dairy will never get her nutritional needs met without it, so not diet cultury psuedoscience in any way) mother. We had a lot of healthy fats and a good mix of amino acids in her ADHD-friendly meals and I was in the process of using science to make vegan versions of them that included everything good and necessary, but hadn't made the leap yet and wouldn't properly for a few more months. Since I went vegan, the nervous system burnout has hit again and again because of toxic environments, but I've maintained my energy to study and work even though I feel tired and buzzing with unexpressed ideas all the time. Barely, but I sometimes wonder how: is it passion that drives me? Am I just lucky? Am I not as unwell as I seem to keep discovering only in hindsight when others got concerned about me breaking down randomly and not remembering it that I brushed off and said i was slowly dealing with among all my other occupations?

I don't know why I've rattled on about food for so long. Truly, it seems irrelevant, maybe it is, there's definitely a lot of pseudoscience around the gut brain connection (it's false btw, the serotonin produced in the gut can't get to the brain, don't let them convince you), maybe this is just another wave of this that a few scientists have fallen for. Stick to this assumption unless proven otherwise. But I also think I've been in a mixed episode phasing in and out in intensity depending on whatever's going on around me and stressors of all kinds and fallout for them, for the last five years. It's been exhausting. I did a whole uni degree in that time. Barely. Invested in my hobbies, had a real job, jobs, both in my field and other fields important to me, taken care of people and pets and suffered a lot but somehow managed (though I do wonder if I ever really had a chance not to, without completely coming undone and losing my autonomy even more in a way that even my most successful strategies of dealing with the suicidal and reckless thoughts couldn't withstand). I've been a shell of a person this whole time, yes, but I've been stressed and I'm dealing with that now and feeling things again and I've never felt peace in my entire life but I do see glimpses of it now. Like all this can be happening inside my head but I can manage it and make progress with what I can, but maybe befriend the rest, sit with it, accept it, it isn't scary it's just an experience I can love myself more because of. It isn't all zen, but I can treat others like they're worthy of that and I can do so with myself too. Oh, and I've been vegan that whole time. Though it probably doesn't make any difference, that's just a random fact that's probably irrelevant. Enough about food.

Basically I'm still a little confused and doubting what's basically a self diagnosis at this stage because of this attitude I have. Maybe for good reason. Maybe because there aren't all that many people out there feeding into both psychiatry and communities where we share our voices, and I shouldn't found my doubts on a lack of representation when I can instead be that representation. I'm pretty sure I meet criteria for bipolar something or another. If so how is it possible to be for the most part chill with it? Is it because I'm sheltered and don't have to worry about a lot, not for me personally (tbh I never cared about myself all that much) even though I do worry for and pour my life into caring for, others, the disadvantaged and vulnerable for whom I yearn for the feeling of empowerment. Or is it because I've seen so much that nothing can faze me. That I've empathised with people suffering similarly without the supports or without the resources I have in any way and part of me was like, we can all do this, and it's exactly because of what I do go through and how strongly I relate that I am able to prove this. It's probably a nice mix of both. Showing we're more than we put out on the surface, we're more than labels and there's diversity within them and richness and capacity for love in areas we'd never think of.

This topic knocks me around a lot emotionally, but in a good way I think. Unlocks the gates for grief to flow through but with it, the connection I long for. The ability to express my ideas rather than the numbness I so often feel. I feel it when I think about my favourite parabatai pair (even which one this is makes sense) and some headcanons about both them not many people are as invested in as I am. It's actually painful to think about (but in a good way, the kind that opens your eyes, who doesn't want that, and in it helps you see that yes this is as bad as it looks but we can get through this). It distracts me more than ADHD ever did. But allows me to channel my true self into my work, with everything that has shaped me, even if part of it is an illness (which absolutely I don't have to identify with, especially as my experience of it is sheltered, is mild in many ways) it brings with it truth, words to describe phenomena. And maybe that was all I ever needed. Validation is power.

the podcast episodes i was talking about @ibrushmyteeth-donttellanyone

and you might be interested @tleeaves

#personal mental health tag #bipolar #bipolar awareness #neurodivergence #burnout #tw suicide mention

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youreverycolor · 4 years

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A little rant.

So. One of my dear writer friends, @thatesqcrush, received a rather ugly message from a user who created their account specifically to target her. And this user has kept themselves from being searchable or taggable, so I doubt it will reach them, but I’m gonna rant anyway, because I don’t like it when people make my friends upset.

The message she received was as follows, in response to a Nevada story she posted today with dub/con warnings:

“This is what happens when old horny Tumblrinas write about the sex they wish they had in their sad suburban lives. Rape is gross. Isn’t it a bit worrying that she can’t remember anything? If you’ve drunk that much, you can’t really consent. Not that Nevada would care but I’d be more than a little freaked out.”

I’m gonna start off with a summary of my response: go fuck yourself.

Here’s the longer version:

Let’s start with how pathetic it is that someone made an account specifically to troll my friend about her writing. Talk about sad suburban lives! What are you doing with your morning that you have the time to read the story, then write a nasty criticism about not just the story but my friend personally? Maybe get a job and do something worthwhile with your life. I’d love to know if that person would have the balls to say all this to my friend’s face rather than through the faceless comment system. My guess is no.

Second, why would you waste your time commenting on something you didn’t like? If you didn’t want to read non/con or dub/con, then... perhaps don’t read it? Scroll on by? Read it and roll your eyes privately and move on? What good did this comment do, other than upset my friend? What was going through this person’s mind that they thought, “Hey, let’s start our Tuesday by sending a cruel message to a writer who I don’t even know about her sex life! That seems like a good use of my time!”

Fanfiction writers do what they do for many reasons. Some of us (myself included) use it as therapy for stuff going on in our lives, whether to work through it or distract from it. Some of us like adding to stories that have been told, or changing things we didn’t like about them, or even creating new characters and worlds out of an existing one. It doesn’t matter why you write so much as how much emotion you put into it. So when someone sends this kind of nasty comment, it pierces us not just as writers but as people. It’s hurtful to throw your heart into something only to have it torn down by one thoughtless, cruel comment. We could get ten thousand nice comments but the one hurtful one is going to be what sticks.

On top of that, we do it for free. We take time out of our busy lives to produce art -- and yes, fanfiction is art -- for no compensation other than the joy we get out of it or the happiness we bring to others (although nice comments are always appreciated too!). Let me just tell you that when I was taking the bar exam, I worked during my day (and I’m self-employed so if I’m not actively working, I’m not making money), and then studied at night, and then I would stay up for a couple more hours writing An Unlikely Love, just because I like making people happy with a new chapter. There was a therapeutic benefit to it as well, but by and large, it was to bring joy to someone else. I’m glad to have been able to do that, but it wasn’t easy all the time, and I certainly wasn’t doing it for pay. All I ask -- all most authors ask -- is that we are respected and treated with kindness.

Fanfiction authors owe you nothing. They don’t owe you a story you like. They don’t owe you any story. They don’t need to write what you in particular want to read. They don’t have to make you comfortable. They should post trigger warnings if there’s reason to, but that’s about it. That’s all you, as a reader, are owed. And in return for the time and effort we put in to provide you with free entertainment, all we really ask is that you refrain from sending us nasty messages and move along if you don’t like what we’re posting. Some of us want constructive criticism, but some of us just want to be left alone to write -- neither of those things are wrong, but (and I have also learned this the hard way), not everyone wants your help, and if they don’t ask for it, shut ya mouth.

In sum: if you hurt my friends, I will come after you with a verbal baseball bat. No one will be offended if you don’t like what we write, but you don’t need to tell us you don’t like it. Just blacklist us and move the hell along.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#fanfiction #kindly fuck off #gtfo of here #writing #i have no patience for people who hurt my friends #i will cut a bitch

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positivewhiteculture · 5 years

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10 tips to defend yourself against bullying, harrassment, and antiwhiteness from SJWs in the workplace or at school

Small disclaimer that this post is for white people who are unfairly assumed to be racists because of their skin color and/or bad interpersonal relationships, I am not trying to give tips to people to get away with actual racism. I am giving tips to people so they can defend themselves. If this post isn’t aimed at you, it won’t especially benefit you to interact with it, in my opinion. That said, do what you will.

So let’s go ! How to defend yourself ? Prepare yourself, it’ll be a long post !

1. Spot coworkers who are tumblrinas/SJWs

First thing first. This one should be pretty easy in some cases, but they’re not always obvious. Look for multiples references to white people in an ostracizing way. That may also happen on facebook and social media, if you follow them. Look for targeted passive aggressive behaviour against you or your white coworkers. That way, you know when and from whom you may need to protect yourself from in the future. It might not always happen, but at least you know what to expect.

2. Flawless behaviour

Especially in emails and anything with a written record. But you need to be careful the rest of the time too. When I say flawless, I don’t mean you should lick the boots of your non-white coworkers or anything of the sort (of course stand up for yourself when you need to), just try not to say and do stuff that could be interpreted as racist. Unfortunately, in cases of harrassment/bullying, anything can be interpreted that way for the sake of discrediting your character. I’ve seen it. But having shown a good behaviour will be way easier for you later when you make your case.

3. Record. Record everything.

If you’re bullied and harrassed, record. Gather written evidence if there is any (emails, etc). In case of extreme harrassment and bullying, you can actually record spoken words with a recording pen (yes, those exist), but overall you can take note with date, hour, context, of every sentence and action said or done to discredit you and harrass you. Even if this is done by multiple people. This will also help you at school. Gather your evidence. If they say stuff on tumblr or twitter or elsewhere shit like “kill all whites”, etc, you may want to include that.

(there’s a lot more under the cut !)

4. Know where your boss / school principal stands

If you can, try to know if the person you’re going to complain to will have a bias against you because of your race. When you’re going to bring up the issue you’re a victim of, you need to know whether you can talk about racism against whites or anti-whiteness. I’ve talked with someone whose boss said things like “there isn’t such a thing”, and she got in trouble even though she was the target of jokes, bullying, silencing, was belittled everyday to the point it was taking a toll on her mental health. You need to know where your boss stands, and if you don’t (or if they don’t think antiwhiteness is a thing), play it safe and don’t be the one who brings up race. If your evidence shows antiwhiteness, it’s going to be self-explanatory anyway. But if you know it may not be recieved well, only talk about the harrassment and bullying, it’s already obviously bad.

5. Try not to cry

I know this one is especially unfair, because crying is only human, especially in times of crisis, and usually I’d be the last person to advise you to avoid crying. Except, there is a trend going on of accusing white people, especially white women, to weaponize their emotions. This is absolutely going to be one of their attacks. So try not to cry. That said, forgive yourself if you did. Again, crying is human, we all do it, white or not. But if you can, try not to cry at least in front of them, when they can attack you about it. If you have anxiety, hypersensibility, or whatever mental health issue that might enable the tears, I know it’s unfair to tell you this but, let everyone know. Try to let people on your workplace KNOW about this, preferably before you ever accidentally cry in front of them or in front of your bullies. Anticipation is everything. That way, you will sound less defensive when explaining why your emotions showed, and that you weren’t weaponizing them.

and,going hand-in-hand with this one :

6. It’s not about emotions

When bringing up the issues with your boss, or school principal, you already know your feelings won’t be taken much into account. However, what you CAN say : “This behaviour has been slowing down other people”, “This behaviour has been in the way of efficient group work”, “My ability to work on this project/the global efficiency has been impaired by this person’s behaviour towards others”. If you’ve been seeing a therapist about the bullying you’re facing, you can show the evidence. Because they’re definitely going to try to make it about feelings being hurt, and you’ll need to present it as being a problem bigger than feelings. (also, DON’T GET ME WRONG, feelings very much matter. Defintely, feelings ARE a concrete thing. But people who bully you won’t give you that privilege.)

7. Do not, IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, play in their narrative. EVER.

This is the most important point. If you need to remember one of them, it should be this one. Their narrative will be : there is a grand scheme of things in which all whites are oppressing all non-whites EVER, in which white people’s ancestors were all genocidal without a single exception, and everyone else was an angel - and everything we ever do or say is reflecting that, so white people need to be punished. DO NOT EVER PLAY IN THIS NARRATIVE.

We all know Global History has been a lot more complicated than that, and that the modern world is also a lot more complicated than that, but don’t enter that debate. AT ALL. If they try to make the issue bigger than it is, re-center the discussion.

“Look, I know it would be fascinating to have a conversation about everyone’s ancestry here, but I suggest we go back to the issue at hand for now”.

If you’re falsely accused of racism, make it clear that the issue at hand is a bad interpersonal relationship. Especially since it’s hypocritical, because they may not have a problem with being racist with you !

“We’re not talking about politics, we’re talking about bullying”.

That’s where my tip #2 (flawless behaviour) will be useful to you, and also tip #3 (record everything). The problem is interpersonal, not systemic, don’t let them play that card. Don’t try to pull out a list of your ancestors that were all clean. That may be true, but they won’t care, and you need to NOT indulge in this narrative, not even a little.

8. Find your allies

BE LIKEABLE IN YOUR WORKPLACE. In times of bullying, it’s always life-saving. You need to have allies. Don’t rant right away, just, be a kind person in general (this should go wthout saying) but make extra affort at work/at school because you DO definitely need people to like you and enjoy your company so they can enventually be allies. You won’t be able to do anything without them, for several reasons :

A coworker who’s a friend or at least an ally can back you up on what you’re saying, so anyone accusing you of lying will struggle a lot more than intended ;

Their mere presence can discourage your bullies from bullying you, because they will want to be liked too (that goes especially for an environment like school) ;

And they will benefit your mental health a lot. Following a strategy to stop being bullied, walking on eggshells around your abusers at work or school, this takes a MASSIVE toll on mental health - having allies around is a must.

9. Communicate about your successes

This one may seem weird, but you need to communicate about your successes, you need to make it clear you’re a good element to the company, a good element to the group project at school, a good element to the team. It goes hand in hand with personal successes ! If you’re doing actions against racism, if you’re doing stuff in your personal life that makes it clear you’re a good person, communicate about it. That said, do not overdo it in a way that is too obvious. At all. You don’t want to be seen as someone who brags. You just want to casually drop stuff in conversations and then immediately go to something else. You want to put hints here and there without a word. You need to communicate your good results to your boss too.

I know this one seems ridiculous and uncomfortable but you will need it if there is a campaign against your character going on in your workplace. Preferably before anything happens if you spotted a potential enemy following tip #1.

10. Know your rights

You have actual rights in your workplace, and at school. Don’t wait for a bad situation to get very nasty before researching in the rules of school or the company anything that can defend yourself, and anything that you should at any cost avoid doing. You need to make it know you know your right, and that you take bullying very seriously. Let everyone know you can and will defend yourself - even if you don’t actually have enough energy or enough money to do so.

~ ~ ~

Conclusion : there are ways to defend yourself against these situations, don’t get discouraged ! Remember, you’re not alone.

Above all, stay safe and take care !

#anti sjw #sjw #anti whiteness #racism against whites #self care #tips #self defense at work #white positivity #it's okay to be white #text posts #advice

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